Film

Robot robbery

Chappie

There are some good ideas at play in Chappie, the latest from District 9 director Neill Blomkamp. The problem is many of those ideas are unabashedly lifted from other movies. There’s nothing seriously original in this strange and goofy story of a sentient robot that loves his drug dealer parents. Deon Wilson (Dev Patel, star of Slumdog Millionaire, possibly the most overrated film of the new century) is sick of his cubicle job working for a company creating police robots in Australia. He wants to take things to the next level and create the world’s first “human” robot, a robot with a consciousness. So we get a bunch of sequences with him vigorously typing (aided by prominently placed Red Bull) only to be left with the screen saying “UNSUCCESSFUL.” Eventually, the screen says “SUCCESSFUL” and the program to make an emotional robot has become reality. Against the wishes of his superior (Sigourney Weaver), Deon steals a damaged police robot with the intent of loading his program into the sucker and making it metal with feelings. Right at the same time, some drug dealers kidnap Deon and discover his plans. They force him to upload the program into the damaged robot, and insist that he leave the robot with them for reasons involving a big heist. So while Deon is off doing whatever, Chappie the robot learns the ways of the street and starts speaking slang. Chappie is voiced by Blomkamp mainstay Sharlto Copley, who also provides a decent motion-capture performance. Because Chappie is basically portrayed as a baby robot learning rapidly, Copley has to go with a very childlike performance. It’s endearing at times, but nothing he’s going to want on his resume reel. Chappie’s drug dealer parents are Yolandi and Ninja, played by Yo-Landi Visser and, yep, some guy named Ninja. They teach

Chappie in the ways of swearing and shooting things, and even get him to steal cars. Blomkamp’s screenplay seeks to give these characters redemptive qualities toward the film’s end, but fails to really pull off such a feat. They are scumbag drug dealers, after all. If this sounds stupid, that’s because it mostly is, which is shocking considering by Bob Grimm it’s from the mind of the usually reliable Blomkamp. Yes, his Elysium starring a bald Matt Damon as a partial robot of sorts was a step down from the very good District 9, but 1 it still had its merits. Chappie, on the other hand, is misguided flop from the start. A year after we got a RoboCop remake, we get a film where police robots have the same voices and basically say the same things as Peter Weller’s original half-man, half-robot. There’s even a bigger robot called “The Moose” that is much like the ED-209 championed by Ronny Cox’s bad guy in the original. This time out, the villain is in the form of Hugh Jackman, Deon’s mullet-wearing coworker who wants The Moose to go into mass production. It’s the same damned plot! Somebody’s ass should get sued. And what were they thinking with that Jackman haircut? While the movie most notably being ripped off is RoboCop, there are noticeable traces of I, Robot, Run Lola Run, WALL-E, Terminator, District 9, Elysium, E.T. and others. The film never takes off as its own entity, and feels like a hodgepodge of every robot ever made. Well, every robot movie ever made with perhaps 10 percent originality thrown in, and the original part is lame. So now I’m concerned, because Blomkamp just got the green light from Fox to make Alien 5, possibly with Sigourney Weaver and Michael Biehn. Now that Chappie is dead on arrival, and shows proof that Blomkamp isn’t bowling strikes at the moment, is the Alien project in jeopardy? If so, everybody run out and see this piece of shit so we get our Alien movie. Chappie needs a big return and, as film geeks, we must make sacrifices sometimes. Ω

"Klaatu ... barada ... nikto!"

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3American Sniper While Clint Eastwood’s film has plenty of problems, Bradley Cooper rises above the patchy melodrama and overly slick segments with his portrayal of Navy SEAL Chris Kyle. Kyle holds the American sniper record of 160 confirmed kills, and was killed by a veteran he was trying to mentor on a shooting range. The film works best when depicting Kyle at work in Iraq, constructing some very tense battle scenes and sequences as seen through Kyle’s riflescope. There’s a subplot involving an enemy sniper named Mustafa (Sammy Sheik) that feels like an entirely different movie. For some reason, Eastwood employs a showier style in the scenes involving Mustafa, which feel a bit false and artificial alongside the movie’s grittier moments. Saddled with the film’s worst dialogue, Sienna Miller battles hard in trying to make Kyle’s wife, Taya, an intriguing movie character. Cooper, who physically transformed himself for the role, does an excellent job of conveying the difficulties and stress that Kyle’s job entailed. He’s an actor forever taking risks and challenging himself, and he’s a big reason to see this movie. 1 Fifty Shades of Grey Subbing for her sick roommate, mousy college student with a porn name Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), who is so innocent she doesn’t know what a butt plug is, goes to Seattle to interview billionaire business guy douchebag Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). After the interview, Grey starts stalking Anastasia at the hardware store where she works, but that’s OK because he has billions of dollars and looks like the result of a night of passionate loveGift certificates to local merchants for up to 50% off making between Ryan Phillippe and Eric Bana. His psychotic courtship eventually winds up with Anastasia becoming his prospective bondage slave. He offers her a formal contract that, if she signs, will allow him to be the dominant and her the submissive in a kinky sex relationship that will involve spanking, humiliation, nipple clips and eating toast in bed. The sex scenes eventually happen and, if anything, they provide some good, hearty laughs. While the screenplay doesn’t explain much, Grey’s sexual proclivities and needs to abuse his mate have something to do with his being a crack baby. So I guess we’re supposed to feel sorry for him when he’s torturing his girlfriend because his mom was a stupid crack whore. Fair enough. When people aren’t having sex in this movie, which is quite often as things turn out, they talk in a somber, slow, irritatingly elongated manner. Everybody in this movie is a mopey, sodden sop. I love Seattle, but watching how residents behave and communicate in this movie makes me never want to visit the city again, even if the Mariners make the playoffs.

3Focus This is a relatively small movie for the Will Smith mega machine, a semi-standard conman movie that allows Smith to use his wisecracker persona. It does a good job making him likeable again after crap like After Earth, even if he’s playing a lying scumbag. Nicky (Smith) is enjoying a fine meal at his hotel one night when Jess (Margot Robbie, who must be the hottest girl on God’s green Earth—and all of the arctic and desert parts, too) sits at his table. This starts a movie-long relationship between the conman and the conwoman wannabe. Nicky co-runs a thievery ring that specializes in a lot of little scams and robberies, claiming that the smaller stuff all adds up. Jess, his trainee with a perfect touch when it comes to lifting watches, craves the “big sting.” Nicky wants nothing to do with that. Or does he? The first half of the movie is actually quite good, as we see Nicky showing Jess the ropes and battling with an urge to gamble. The second half of the film goes a little off course as Nicky goes to work for racecar mogul Garriga (Rodrigo Santoro) involving some sort of speed-reducing scheme. Gerald McRaney shows up as a grouchy bodyguard during this portion of the film, and he helps to elevate it over the material. As a conman movie, this one falls way short of films like The Sting, but is much better than crap like Now You See Me. For Will Smith films, it also falls somewhere in the middle. As for Robbie, well, just see it for the watch-robbing Robbie. She steals the movie, lifting that sucker right off of Will Smith’s unsuspecting wrist.

2Hot Tub Time Machine 2 The primary charm of Hot Tub Time Machine was seeing John Cusack running around in the ‘80s again. That was the main reason for the film existing, and the main reason it was funny. The secondary charm was the antics of Rob Corddry as Lou, the suicidal heavy metal fan who had to deal with his bullied past. The film was the first to really highlight Corddry’s talents, and he kicked some ass. Now comes this dreck, sans Cusack, with Corddry taking the lead. The movie sort of stinks, but I’m not putting all of the blame on Corddry. Movie sequels often prove to be unnecessary, and this one would be a king of the unnecessary sequels. First off, without Cusack, we’re missing the main reason for the franchise’s existence, the glue that held it all together. Cusack provided a nice anchor for the madness going on around him. Corddry and his cohorts (Craig Robinson as Nick, and Clark Duke as Jacob) just seem to be running around like mad in this movie, with no sense of purpose. The plot involves the boys jumping the tub and traveling to the future, where they mine just a few laughs. In truth, this film has no business being on the big screen. If you don’t have the dough to bring a major star back, but you still want to do a mediocre cash-in sequel, go ahead and make it with the secondary stars, but send the results straight to Netflix.

3The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water Things go bad for the sea creatures of Bikini Bottom when the hallowed secret formula for the Krabby Patty goes missing. The undersea home falls into a deep apocalypse with everybody wearing leather, and it’s up to SpongeBob and some of his cohorts to go above water and get the recipe back. The film is typical zany SpongeBob when it’s underwater, rendered in traditional animation (albeit 3-D). When they go above water, it’s a different story. Live action and CGI mix in a way that’s visually fun, but a little spastic at times. Still, there’s a spirit to the movie that’s always alive, and some great random humor (Bubbles the Future Dolphin is definitely a highlight). Antonio Banderas has some fun as a goofy pirate looking to start his own food truck using his pirate ship. SpongeBob fans won’t be disappointed, although they will probably enjoy the underwater scenes more than the flashier live action sequences.

4Still Alice Early-onset Alzheimer’s disease steals the mind of a very smart woman in this heartbreaking film. Julianne Moore plays Alice, a professor at Columbia University who leads a very organized and regimented life of lectures, dinner parties and runs in the park. Alice starts forgetting words here and there, and then proceeds to lose her place in lectures. When she loses her way during a routine jog and can’t find her way home, she begins to realize that these aren’t normal memory loss problems for a 50-year-old woman. At first, Alice thinks she has a brain tumor. But some memory tests suggest to her neurologist (Stephen Kunken) that something else could be causing her difficulties. After a series of brain scans, the conclusion is made: Alice has Alzheimer’s. Moore gives us a deep, fully realized, multi-dimensional performance that never overdoes the sentiment or feels trite. Alice is a woman who prides herself on her encyclopedic knowledge for teaching, and exhibits nothing but grace as that knowledge is rapidly stripped away. Credit Moore for making every step of Alice’s tribulations seem honest and credible. A great supporting cast includes Alec Baldwin, Kristen Stewart and Kate Bosworth.

3These Final Hours Writer-director Zak Hilditch makes a movie reminiscent of 1988’s Miracle Mile, that weird indie film that had Anthony Edwards racing to find Mare Winningham before the Earth went kablooey in a nuclear holocaust. Hilditch sets his film in Australia, where that part of the globe awaits a wall of fire resulting from some sort of asteroid strike (the true cause is never fully explained). James (Nathan Phillips), with his wife’s permission, makes the decision to leave her and join his mistress at an apocalypse party. On the way to the mayhem, he rescues a young girl (Angourie Rice) from a fate worse than death, and begins to attain a sense of responsibility and compassion in the last hours of his life. Phillips puts forth a strong, frantic performance while Rice provides a nice, serene balance. The party itself is madness personified, with James coming to the rescue of Rose, and he reaches a true turning point. Some of the film drags a bit, but it’s quite good for most of its run. I especially liked the ending, which wraps things up nicely. (Available for rent on iTunes, Amazon.com and On Demand during its limited theatrical run.)