Film

Gross yearnings

Movie 43

I didn’t like Movie 43, a new millennium attempt at something akin to Kentucky Fried Movie. Many critics across our great nation dislike this film. I guess I have to join the fray and say this movie doesn’t work as a whole. But I won’t be trashing it because it’s terribly offensive and often screamingly disgusting. I’m a little demented when it comes to comedy, so I say bring on the farts, excessive curse words and scrotum necks. However, if you’re going to do a gross sketch comedy, you had better do gross well. Your jokes better have the proper punch lines and kickers, and your sketches have to end strong. Many of the sketches in Movie 43 end like a bad Saturday Night Live sketch, one of those misfires where you can see the players just sort of standing around looking confused. And a good chunk of the sketches, which are directed by multiple directors, just aren’t funny. Many of them land with a thud. First, I’ll talk about the good stuff. I must give props to real-life couple Naomi Watts—a current Oscar nominee—and Liev Schreiber for their very funny turn as a couple proudly homeschooling their son. They want their kid to get the full high school experience, so they humiliate him, alienate him, nail him with dodge balls, and ultimately try to make out with him. Yes, I laughed hard at this. Simply stated, Movie 43 would’ve been better if it had been 90 minutes with these nuts. I must also praise Terrence Howard as a black basketball coach who gets fed up with his youngsters being afraid of a bullying white team. Yes, this joke has been done to death, but

Howard sells it big time. This is one of the sketches that ends badly, but not before Howard had me laughing out loud. Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott kidnap a foul-mouthed leprechaun (Gerard Butler) and excessive violence and obscenity ensues. Real-life couple Anna Faris and Chris Pratt deal with one of them wanting the other to poop on them but make it romantic, and Jason Sudeikis gives us a commentary onby Bob Grimm Supergirl’s (Kristen Bell) bush. Believe it or not, there are some laughs to be had in these bgrimm@ uneven segments.newsreview.com Hugh Jackman, another current Oscar nominee, shows up for a blind date with Kate Winslet sporting testicles on his neck. This 2 would be the first time in movie history where an Oscar nominee, mere weeks away from hearing if he has won the golden boy or not, appears on screen with hairy balls protruding from his neck. I’m thinking that this little moment in movie history will cost Mr. Jackman a few votes. It’s also not funny. Another sketch, directed by Elizabeth Banks, features Chloe Moretz and her Kick-Ass costar Christopher MintzPlasse. Not surprisingly, it has a menstruation theme. Moretz gets her first period after her first kiss, and two brothers spazz out until their dad (Patrick Warburton) comes home and doesn’t help the situation. Another dud. Even worse would be Elizabeth Banks starring in a post credits segment that has her getting peed on by a masturbating/animated cat. And even worse than that would be a “truth or dare” sketch where Oscar winner Halle Berry makes guacamole with surgery enhanced breasts and gets a dick tattooed on somebody’s face. Far worse than that would be a skit where Emma Stone and Keiran Culkin talk dirty at a supermarket, unwittingly broadcasting their dirty talk over the PAsystem. Worst of all would be Richard Gere as an executive confused at the notion that young boys are trying to have sex with the I Babe, an MP3 player that looks like a supermodel but has a nasty, member mangling exhaust fan in its nether region. The bad far outweighs the good, and that’s what makes Movie 43 a loser in the end. But I dare Hugh Jackman to wear his scrotum neck on the Oscar red carpet. Ω

“Holy goiter, Batman! Look at Wolverine’s neck!”

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3A Haunted House I hate the Paranormal Activity sequels. Maybe that’s why this Marlon Wayans spoof of PAsequels, and other found-footage horror movies, had me laughing hard at times. Perhaps I’m in the target audience ready to laugh at the stupidity of found-footage horror. Perhaps it’s because I think farts are funny. Either way, I’d be lying if I told you this didn’t have me laughing. Wayans plays a guy who has his girlfriend (Essence Atkins) moving in, so he buys a camera and gets security cams installed as well. The girl brings a demon with her, and that demon likes to get high and sleep with both of them while the cameras are rolling. This movie works because Wayans is fully committed to the lunacy, as is Atkins. It’s no comedy classic, but it scores enough raunchy laughs to qualify it as a keeper.

3Django Unchained Man, it bugs me that Quentin Tarantino’s latest is only passably entertaining. I have loved his past films. This is the first one I’m not in love with. Jamie Foxx plays Django, a slave purchased by a bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) two years before the Civil War. Django is purchased because he has seen some targets the bounty hunter is pursuing. Django is promised his freedom after they find those targets. When those targets are gotten, they pursue Django’s wife (Kerry Washington) on a plantation owned by the repellent Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio). This one follows some of the same blueprints as Tarantino’s own Inglourious Basterds. It feels as if he is repeating himself a bit. There are some great performances, especially from Waltz and DiCaprio. It just doesn’t have the heft of past Tarantino efforts. Perhaps this has something to do with this being the first Tarantino movie edited by someone other than the late Sally Menke.

1Gangster Squad An impressive cast is assembled to play one lousy game of cops and robbers. Sean Penn mugs and squawks through the role of Mickey Cohen, real life L.A. gangster who didn’t really do anything depicted in this moronic movie. This is about a late ’40s, mostly fictional effort to dethrone Cohen led by a gutsy cop (Josh Brolin). His squad includes Ryan Gosling (in his worst performance yet) and Giovanni Ribisi (pretty much doing his Giovanni Ribisi thing), and they “leave their badges home” to take down the monster. And a monster he is, badly acted by Penn who can just be the worst man in his trade when he tries. Gosling uses a soft and high-pitched gangster voice that renders him silly. Emma Stone is on hand in what is a rather unlikeable role, yet we are supposed to like her. (She sleeps with Cohen, then two-times him, so she’s stupid and unfaithful.) Sure to stand as one of the year’s worst films.

2Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters This seriously had the makings of the worst, dumbest movie ever made. Hansel and Gretel, the famed gingerbread house eaters, survive their ordeal to become worldclass witch hunters. The result is bad, but it’s one of those so-bad-it’s-almost-good endeavors. Jeremy Renner somehow got talked into this thing, and he gives it his best shot, as does Gemma Arterton as his sister, Gretel. Famke Janssen is on hand as a mean witch who plans to take the blood of a bunch of children and do something or other with it. I wasn’t really following, or caring. The 3-D is bad, so go ahead and opt for 2-D. It’s got Peter “Where is Pancakes House?” Stormare in it too, which is usually the mark of a bad film unless it’s Fargo. Lots of blood and curse words get this one an R-rating. Director Tommy Wirkola seems as if he’s playing it for camp at times, and that would’ve been the better move for the whole film. It really slows down when it takes itself too seriously. 2The Last Stand Arnold Schwarzenegger is back and nobody gives a damn, apparently. He plays a sheriff on a border town who finds himself squaring off with a drug cartel baddie and his cronies. Johnny Knoxville shows up as the kooky sidekick, and Luis Guzman shows up and does his Luis Guzman thing. Arnie is in good form; it’s the film that feels stale. It feels like 12 movies you’ve seen before cobbled together as a warm-up for a guy who has been out of the game for a few years. It’s too bad. Arnie should’ve made his comeback vehicle something where he was fighting aliens or trading quips with Danny DeVito. This mediocre rip-off of Assault on Precinct 13 doesn’t do him justice. Oscar-winner Forest Whitaker plays an FBI agent who spends most of the film yelling into telephones and staring at computer screens. I seriously doubt there’s going to be a sequel to this thing, and judging by its poor reception, I’m wondering if big studios are going to get behind Schwarzenegger again. He’s talking about more Terminator movies, a new Conan, etc. It might not be a good idea to bank on him at this point.

3Mama This genuinely chilling haunted fairytale comes from producer Guillermo del Toro and writer/director Andrés Muschietti, and is based on Mushcietti’s original short film. Two little girls are abandoned by their demented father in the forest. They are discovered years later and adopted by their uncle (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and his girlfriend (Jessica Chastain). The little girls have taken on the characteristics of feral beasts and are convinced they are being watched over by a force they call “Mama.” As it turns out, Mama is very real, and a decent CGI creation that is both scary and just the right touch of funny. The film works well not just because Muschietti knows how to construct a good scare, but also because he does a great job getting you to care for the little girls and the Chastain character. Chastain, looking rather gothic in this one, delivers another good performance, even though she isn’t very convincing as a bass player in a punk band. I was scared throughout much of this movie.

4Silver Linings Playbook Bradley Cooper is on fire as Pat, a troubled man recently out of a mental institution and obsessed with his ex-wife. He’s so obsessed that he can’t see the value in Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), a recently widowed neighbor trying to befriend him. Directed by David O. Russell, the movie is a funny, slick treatment of people with real problems that works because Russell and his performers find the right balance. Robert De Niro does his best work in years as Pat’s obsessive father, and Chris Tucker gets big laughs as Pat’s former mental institution buddy. Cooper and Lawrence make for one of the year’s most interesting screen couples. They are certainly unique. Russell is establishing himself as one of the industry’s most reliable and innovative directors.

5Zero Dark Thirty Director Kathryn Bigelow getting snubbed by Oscar for this taut, scary, intelligent movie about the war on terror and hunt for Bin Laden is a travesty. Well, it’s a travesty when it comes to movies and stuff, not so much in the grand scheme of things. Still, Bigelow deserves praise for putting together a movie that is both exciting political thriller and terrific action movie. Golden Globe winner and Oscar nominee Jessica Chastain is deserving of the accolades as Maya, a composite character of CIA agents who managed to find Bin Laden in Pakistan and end his life. The film contains scenes of torture, but it doesn’t feel “pro-torture” by any means. It’s a great movie that will only get greater with time, and yet another reason to call Bigelow one of the best in the business.

Reno

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