10 minute read
Film
from July 5, 2012
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Bear naked
Ted
Family Guycreator and Peter Brady-lookalike Seth MacFarlane makes a competent feature film directorial debut with Ted, the story of a man, his teddy bear, and that bear’s propensity for smoking weed, banging hookers and various profane utterances. MacFarlane lends his voice to Ted, a standard-looking teddy bear blessed with the ability to speak and screw after his owner, John (played as an adult by Mark Wahlberg), wishes he could talk and be his best friend. While most adults tend to put their playthings in the closet or give them to goodwill come adulthood, John simply grows up with Ted, and the two become pot buddies and lifelong slackers, much to the chagrin of John’s girlfriend, Mila Kunis. One of the great things about the film is that Ted’s existence, after the initial and very funny shock expressed by John’s parents, is accepted around the world as no big deal. After a brief brush with stardom, his fame fades, and he’s treated like any other guy, with nobody stopping on the street and screaming, “Holy shit! Atalking bear!” When he proves to be a really bad influence on John, who keeps skipping work to share bong hits with the bear, Ted is forced to go into the real world by himself where he must get an apartment and a job. MacFarlane gives this element of the movie a consistent, absurdist feel that really works. Mark Wahlberg plays straight man in goofy comedies with the best of them. Anybody who saw him with Will Ferrell in The Other Guys
knows that Wahlberg has masterful comic timing, and MacFarlane puts it to great use. He trades lines with an imaginary bear with the best of them. As for MacFarlane, he’s created something very memorable and very funny with Ted. Something that will probably be taken for granted is that Ted, besides doing and saying hilarious things, is a wondrous special effect. He’s an example of flawless CGI, a computer by generated character that integrates seamlesslyBob Grimm into the action. If the Oscars were held today, bgrimm@ I would submit Ted in the special effects comnewsreview.com petition. I’ve never been a big watcher of The Family Guy. I don’t have anything against it, I4 think Stewie is funny, and the Star Wars stuff is awesome. It’s just one of those shows I never seem to have time for. Still, I’ve recognized MacFarlane’s talents in the past, and believed going into Ted that I had a good chance of laughing. What I didn’t expect is how sweet the movie is. MacFarlane takes the human elements of the story seriously, and they wind up being quite charming. It’s a major directorial feat when a first timer creates an animated teddy bear character that’s more wellrounded than most actual human characters in movies today. For those of you simply looking for good, raunchy, super Rrated comedy, Ted has got the goods. There’s a scene with a roomful of hookers that will certainly go down as one of the year’s most memorable—and joyously disgusting—and the things Ted says during a job interview would curl a few clergymen’s toes. Asubplot involving a deranged Giovanni Ribisi—is there any other kind of Ribisi?— and his sicko kid stalking Ted gets some great laughs, especially when Ribisi busts out some dance moves while watching TV. I won’t spoil the tune to which he dances. Given its box office success, I suspect this isn’t the last we’ll hear of Ted. The little bastard has franchise written all over him. I just did a search to see if there are any Ted teddy bears ready to purchase. Nope, somebody has dropped the ball on that one. There should be a talking Ted bear ready for me to by at Spencer’s Gift, right this instant! Ω
“Say ‘hi’ to your mother for me.”
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POOR
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FAIR
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GOOD
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VERY GOOD
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EXCELLENT
2Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Honestly, this was one of the movies I was most excited about this year. Abraham Lincoln killing vampires—how could they go wrong? Director Timur Bekmambetov has most certainly found a way, turning in a boring, redundant and humorless film that blows it in most categories. Benjamin Walker is given little to do as Lincoln. He walks around looking glum and occasionally swings an axe at very unconvincing vampires. The movie speculates that the Confederacy was full of vampires during the Civil War, and it has absolutely no fun with this idea. I was hoping for something that I could file alongside the likes of Evil Dead 2with this one—good, sick fun with a dash of camp humor. Instead, we get a movie that’s as tedious and bland as the Underworld films. It will surely stand as one of the year’s biggest cinematic letdowns.
4Brave After the severe misstep that was Cars 2, Pixar gets back to goodness with this, the tale of Merida (voice of Kelly Macdonald). Merida is a princess who doesn’t want to conform to tradition, shooting arrows better than any of the boys in or around her kingdom, and not really too keen about marrying any of them under arranged circumstances. When a spell is cast on family members, she must search for a way to restore normalcy, while convincing her mom (Emma Thompson) that she has the right to choose her own destiny. Merida is a fun character, and Macdonald is the perfect voice for her. As for the look of this movie, it is beautiful for its entire running time. While I’ve liked many Pixar films more than this one, that is not a dig on this movie. It might not be one of the best the studio has offered, but it is still a highly entertaining piece of work.
3Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted The third in this franchise winds up being the best, and a decent comeback after a bland second installment. The zoo animals, still kicking it in Africa, wind up on a European tour with a circus, which gives writers Eric Darnell and Noah Baumbach the opportunity to introduce some fun new characters. These include a hoop-jumping tiger (voiced by Bryan Cranston), an evil animal control officer (Frances McDormand) and, most winningly, a dopey seal named Stefano voiced wonderfully by Martin Short. This one is a bit touched in the head, as evidenced by the “Circus Afro” sequence featured in the advertising campaign. Darnell and Baumbach write good jokes that will keep both the adults and children laughing. Stars the voices of Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer and Jada Pinkett Smith.
5Moonrise Kingdom Writer-director Wes Anderson’s return to live action after his animated gem Fantastic Mr. Foxis probably the most “Wes Anderson” Wes Anderson movie yet, and that’s a good thing if you love the guy (I do!). The story here is set in 1965, where Sam the Khaki Scout (newcomer Jared Gilman) has flown the coop during a camping expedition, much to the worry of Scout Master Ward, (Edward Norton, in his funniest performance yet). Sam runs away with Suzy (Kara Hayward, also a newcomer), and they have themselves a romantic couple of days while parents and authority figures frantically search for them. The adolescent puppy love story is treated with the sort of storybook grace one would expect from Anderson. Every shot is a thing of beauty. Bruce Willis, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand and Jason Schwartzman all contribute wonderfully in what stands, and will stand, as one of the year’s best films. 4Prometheus In this prequel to his own Alien, director Ridley Scott explores all new angles in his monster universe via eye-popping 3-D visuals and intense storytelling. When scientists discover cave drawings that appear to be superior alien intelligence inviting us for a visit, an exploratory space mission travels to a distant galaxy in search of our origins. What they find involves tentacles, slime, gnarly self-administered operations and general despair. Noomi Rapace takes on the female heroine role, with Charlize Theron along for the ride as a mysterious mission commander. Best of all is Michael Fassbender as David, a strange android who models himself after Peter O’Toole. With this, Scott proves that he is still a master of the sci-fi genre, a genre he hasn’t visited since his 1982 Blade Runner—he’s rumored to be working on a sequel to that classic, as well. The ending of this one, hopefully, paves the way for another chapter—a chapter I sincerely hope Scott is involved in.
3Rock of Ages The hit Broadway play featuring ’80s hair rock comes to the big screen courtesy of director Adam Shankman (Hairspray) and the results are a mixed bag. But one of the things in that bag would be Tom Cruise as jaded rock star Stacee Jaxx, a role that affords Mr. Cruise the opportunity to sing, and sing well. He belts out songs like “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and “Wanted Dead or Alive” with such authority, it’s a wonder we haven’t heard this guy singing sooner. Julianne Hough is so-so in your typical “girl moves to the big city to make it big” role. Other members of the cast, including Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand and Catherine ZetaJones all have some fun singing crap songs. The movie is overlong, and not too bright, yet enjoyable whenever Cruise takes over. It’s sort of worth seeing for him.
3Snow White and the Huntsman The 347th Snow Whitemovie this year is actually a fairly decent one, with Kristen Stewart doing a fine job as the title character and Chris Hemsworth contributing nicely as the ax-wielding Hunstman. Best of all the cast is Charlize Theron as Ravenna, a loony queen hell-bent on staying young and eating Snow’s heart. Director Rupert Sanders puts together a swell visual movie, especially in the way he creates dwarves out of actors like Nick Frost, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins and Toby Jones. The movie is quite good when it features Snow White running around in various enchanted forests, though not so much in the final act, where it becomes a weird Joan of Arc movie. The last act feels tacked on, like it belongs on another film. Still, Stewart is quite winning here and Theron is a bona fide scene-stealer.
2That’s My Boy I’ve been hating—vehemently hating— Adam Sandler’s broad comedies of late. Jack and Jill, Grown Ups, Just Go with Itand Bedtime Storiesall blew. Funny Peoplewas great, but that wasn’t a Sandler vehicle. It worked because Judd Apatow was at the helm. Watching Sandler’s latest, in which he plays a former child star who got his teacher pregnant, I found myself almost liking it. It’s bad, but it’s almost good-bad in a Billy Madison sort of way. I’ve really been longing for the days when I could go to a Sandler film, shut my brain off, and revel in how creatively and comically stupid it could be. Andy Samberg stars as Sandler’s son, and jokes about whacking off to grandmas, pants shitting and incest ensue. There are some solid laughs, but a lot of duds. Will Sandler ever get his dumb comedy mojo back? He’s currently working on Grown Ups 2, so the future is bleak.
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