Feature

One of these things is not like the other.

Politic’s three-headed monster.

There are times when we simply can’t help ourselves: The List Issue, No. 3

Readers must surely appreciate that things can get a little serious, a little overwrought, here at the Reno News & Review. Sure we like to bite off a meaty chunk of thumbsucking issue every once in a while, spend some time tugging our forelocks, as much as the next pundits, but—jeez. Gluten intolerance? Newt, Mitt, Santorum? Caucuses and Fascism?

Sometimes we just need to chill.

Foods I can no longer enjoy primarily due to RN&R influence

Carbohydrates Elmer’s Glue-All Processed carbs Processed meats Dairy products Feedlot beef and swine Factory chickens Prepared packaged foods Human fetuses Anything from McDonald’s

Websites on which I spend too much time arguing with people

Reddit Facebook TreeHugger ArsTechnica Gizmodo

The first apps I removed from my Droid 2 Global when I rooted it

Amazon Blockbuster City ID Skype VZ Navigator My Verizon 3G Hotspot

Things I hate about politics

The faux issue of the day The faux solution of the day Politicians The two-party system Reported victories for the people that are actually victories for the banks Closed caucuses Wind-testing bloviators People who vote against their self-interest War Lies and liars Voter apathy

Countdown of my 10 most enjoyable meals of 2012 so far

10. Dinner at Great Basin Brewing Co. 9. Lunch at Mi Ranchito 8. Lunch at Citrus Club Noodle House in San Francisco 7. Birthday dinner for my brother, Cameron, at Palais de Jade 6. Lunch at Michael’s Deli 5. Dinner of my wife’s homemade kale-and-lentil winter soup 4. Lunch at Kokopelli’s Sushi 3. Birthday dinner for my friend Michelle at

Campo 2. Breakfast at La Torta Gorda in

San Francisco 1. Dinner at 168 Café Chinese Food

Five Brad Bynum doppelgooglers

A dentist in Valdosta, Ga. The chief financial officer of an oil company in Houston, Tex. A proud parent in Charlotte, N.C. A martial arts enthusiast in Spring, Tex. A minister, and eponymous uncle, in Destin, Fla.

Things to think about when doing cardio on the elliptical trainer 15 most played songs on my iPod

1. “Play with Fire,” The Rolling Stones 2. “Congratulations,” The Rolling Stones 3. “Shadowboxin’,” GZA 4. “15 Steps,” Radiohead 5. “Heart of Stone,” The Rolling Stones 6. “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg,” The Temptations 7. “Alone Again Or,” Love 8. “Summer Babe (Winter Version),” Pavement 9. “Reckoner,” Radiohead 10. “White Rune,” Iceage 11. “Shame on a Nigga,” Wu-Tang Clan 12. “4th Chamber,” GZA 13. “Time is on my Side,” The Rolling Stones 14. “Bo Diddley,” Bo Diddley 15. “Nude,” Radiohead

12 available band names

Fat Jaywalkers Them Elves A Special Kind of Hug Smoking Hot Wives Dry Nurse The Ultra Maroons The Steve Miller Band U.K. The Bung Hunglers Handsome Children Google (band) Brad Bynum’s Sexy Massage Parlour and Rock ’n’ Roll Emporium You People

People in the market for tattoo removal

Dawn Gibbons (“Big Jim”) Dick Gammick (“Tokers rule”) Geno Martini (“Who needs sales taxes?”) Guy Rocha (“Mark Twain slept at the Ormsby

House”) Jim Gibbons (“Pandering is my God”)

Amazon.com’s recommendations based on my past purchases

Duct tape The Herbal Alchemist’s Handbook Gas mask Gator machete Best Practices in Environmental Journalism Potassium iodine tablets Preacher Vol. 1 Emergency thermal blankets Fedora for Beginners Gaming headset Star Trek cufflinks The ABCs of Erotica – A is for Anal

Google Trends Hot Searches, Feb. 10, 2012, 3 p.m.

1. kevin youkilis 2. cpac 3. kim jong un 4. tesla model x 5. jeremy lin 6. safe house 7. the vow 8. jenny mccarthy 9. woolly mammoth 10. chocolate covered strawberries 11. droid 4 12. westminster dog show 13. josh powell 14. pebble beach 15. luol deng 16. attwireless 17. wheres my refund 18. channing tatum 19. george washington carver 20. chicago weather

Majors I declared in college before switching to English

Atmospheric science Chemistry Theatre Information systems Women’s studies

“LIST BE NOT PROUD”

continued on page 14

Youkilis, you’re killin’ me.

“LIST BE NOT PROUD” continued from page 13

22 anagrams of Washoe, none of which mean much of anything:

A HE SOW A WHOSE A SHE OW A HEW SO A SEW HO A SEW OH SAW HOE SHEA OW SEA HOW SEA WHO AH WE SO HA WE SO HAS WOE OSHA WE HAS OWE ASH OWE ASH WOE AS HE OW AS HOWE AS WE HO AS WE OH WAS HOE

Five weapons I’d want to have during an apocalypse

Pocket knife Bow Crowbar AKM Rocket launcher (depending on the apocalypse)

Strokes of genius

Selling off the county hospital to a private company to improve service Lowering the railroad tracks to usher in a new era of casino prosperity Shifting state government from reliance on the property tax to the sales tax for some reason no one can now remember

List Issues

Feb. 1, 2007, “The List Issue” Oct. 29, 2009, “The Return of the List”

If I were king

Baseball caps are outlawed Driving in the passing lane while not passing is a capital crime The word that is stricken from the

English language Restaurants in desert states may not serve water unless asked (unprompted) by customers Republican leaders may no longer be drawn from the cast of the Rocky

Horror Picture Show. Democratic leaders may no longer be drawn from the ranks of the On-theother-hand Club. Reporters who produce stories speculating on how long the Legislature will be in session will be disemboweled PBS cannot run one program on British royalty until it first runs ten programs on the British workers who must pay for the royals. The semicolon is abolished. Ω

The baseball cap is the least of this guy’s worries.