FILM

Fast times

When Sonic the Hedgehogcomes out of the gate, it has the makings of what could wind up being an early frontrunner for year’s worst. It’s irritating, it’s unoriginal, and it features multiple jokes about cops eating donuts, as if we haven’t heard those before.

Then Jim Carrey shows up as the villain, and almost saves the whole damn thing. Almost.

Sonic, the videogame character so beloved that his fanbase rallied to have his likeness corrected after an abysmal look in the original trailer, is voiced by Ben Schwartz. While this incarnation definitely looks better than that first mess Paramount Pictures tried to get past the masses, he’s still a grating presence. Sorry, Mr. Schwartz, but your voice is nails on a chalkboard.

A brief prelude shows Sonic being sent to Earth by a heroic owl, left alone in his cave with a bag of gold rings that provide gateways to other worlds. After an encounter with Tom Wachowski the small-town policeman (James Marsden), Sonic’s gold rings are accidentally transported to San Francisco. He must join with Tom, who he calls the Doughnut Lord because, as I stated before, this movie’s script is screamingly unoriginal, and they go on a road trip.

In pursuit of the pair is Dr. Robotnik, played by a totally game Jim Carrey, who hasn’t been this manically fun in years. Whatever stupid crap the movie has him doing doesn’t really matter. What matters is director Jeff Fowler gives the comedian permission to go off, and Carrey not only riffs away, but gets behind the character with his trademark physical acting. He gets legitimate laughs that are surprisingly offbeat considering his kiddie movie surroundings. (I especially liked his musings regarding Charlotte’s Web.)

Alas, Carrey’s role is a supporting one, and he doesn’t get nearly enough screen time to save this from being a relatively rote affair.

We are mostly left with Marsden trading one liners with Sonic, and, of course, the requisite fart jokes. If you were to guess where Tom and Sonic wind up on the road to San Francisco as a detour for strained laughs, I’m guessing a biker bar would be high on your probability list. And in that biker bar, you’d probably guess that there would be jokes involving mechanical bulls, line dancing, buffalo wings and bar fights. And you would’ve guessed right.

There are a couple of scenes in the flick where Sonic pulls a Quicksilver, the character in X-Men who was so fast that he could rearrange people in a fight in between blows. I have to think there’s an X-Men screenwriter somewhere who will be mighty pissed with some of the sequences in this movie.

Thankfully, Sonic does actually look like his video game self now, and not some horrid concoction featuring small eyes and human teeth. This film’s script, plus the way Sonic looked in that original trailer, would’ve ensured box office death. As things stand, the movie looks decent which makes the dopey screenplay semi-tolerable.

So, perhaps some good things will come out of this. Perhaps the movie will give the talented Carrey the jumpstart his movie career needs after the ill-advised Dumb and Dumber To and the miserable dramatic turn Dark Crimes, which nobody on the planet saw. Time to greenlight another Ace Ventura or a sequel to The Mask. Why the hell not? That’d be a better use of his talent than having him chasing lame-assed Sonic around.

The coda leaves things open ended for a sequel, a sequel that will probably happen. With the distraction of an initially horrendous-looking Sonic out of the way, maybe a unified look from the start could lead to a stronger picture. I’m sensing a sequel to this movie will result in something better. There’s plenty of room for improvement. Ω

“Sonic, if you’re not enjoying the ride, you can always get out and, you know, run.”

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3Bad Boys for Life Twenty-five years have passed since detectives Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) and Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) first suited up for Captain Michael Bay in Bad Boys, and 17 years have passed since they joined him again for Bad Boys II. For this third helping, the directing team of Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah does a sufficient job of continuing the mayhem, easily topping Bay’s lame original and providing a chapter that is as good, and sometimes better, than chapter two. Burnett is eying retirement, while Lowrey is dealing with the psychological and physical ramifications of aging. (He’s dyeing his goatee, so it’s all good.) A crazy witch lady gangster Isabel (Kate del Castillo) has escaped from prison and has put out a hit list for her son Armando (Jacob Scipio) to work his way through. Isabel has some vengeance in mind. The targets are former associates, and they have connections to Lowrey. Lowrey himself is on that list, and he takes a couple of bullets early in the film. I’m not giving too much away here in telling you that Lowrey doesn’t die. There’s no movie if Lowrey dies. So, a brief healing time later, Lowrey and a very reluctant Burnett are back in action, wisecracking and shooting people in slow motion. Some familiar faces return, including Theresa Randle as Burnett’s long suffering wife. She’s good in a subplot that has Burnett becoming a grandad while getting more house time in attempted retirement. House retirement doesn’t go well. Bad things happen with ceiling fan repair. Joe Pantoliano makes a welcomed return as Pepto-Bismol-swigging Captain Howard, a still capable riff on all of those screaming captains from Beverly Hills Cop movies.

2Birds of Prey After being the only thing worth your time in Suicide Squad, Harley Quinn gets her own show in Birds of Prey, a marked improvement over the film that housed Margot Robbie’s first go at the role. Sadly, in this case, improved doesn’t necessarily mean good. There’s something very askew plot-wise in this movie, in that it doesn’t really have one, and the shards of a plot it does have are presented in especially sloppy fashion. The movie hops around time like a tweaker on a pogo stick. Also, while I love Robbie, her Harley Quinn shtick can get a little grating at times. Harley Quinn is joined by the Birds of Prey this time out, and the likes of Black Canary (Jurnee Smollett-Bell), the Huntress (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Renee Montoya (Rosie Perez) all get high marks for what they bring to the party. The basic plot involves bad guy Roman Sionis, a.k.a. Black Mask (Ewan McGregor), trying to get a big diamond from a young pickpocket (Ella Jay Basco). That’s about it for story. Much of the film is spent talking about the Joker, which is a bit strange because this movie is supposed to be proof that the Birds of Prey don’t need the stupid Joker in their movie. OK, Harley broke up with the Joker so, mercifully, we don’t have to endure Jared Leto’s take on the character again. Get that plot element out of the way, and then move on. Instead, the film contains near constant references to the fact that Joker is not in this movie. Director Cathy Yan and screenwriter Christina Hodson seem afraid to let go of the Clown Prince of Crime as a plot presence. Newsflash … nobody cares about the Suicide Squad incarnation of Joker.

2Come to Daddy A troubled artist (Elijah Wood) answers a letter from his long last dad (Stephen McHattie) and goes to visit him at his ocean front property. What starts out as a sweet get together quickly devolves into a hellish experience where dad proves himself to be a lousier father than even first thought. Rather than being a supportive pop, he drinks a lot and declares his long lost son full of shit. He’s also got a few things going on in the basement. Director Ant Timpson throws in twists aplenty, and Wood delivers good work, but the film ultimately doesn’t come together. It flirts with dark comedy early on, and seems to be on its way to being a terrific nasty laugher, but it loses its way as it goes the cheap thriller route. It also opts to be depressing in its second half rather than outlandish, and the writing doesn’t back up that leap. Too bad. I legit laughed a few times during the first half, and this one gave me high hopes with its setup. In the end, it’s a tonal mess and a blown opportunity for a memorable genre effort. (Available for home rental during a limited theatrical release.)

3The Gentlemen There are many reasons to happily hop to your local cinema for a showing of Guy Ritchie’s return to gangster comedy, The Gentlemen. Chief reason is the cast, led by Matthew McConaughey and an extremely amusing Hugh Grant. Throw in Colin Farrell, Charlie Hunnam, Michelle Dockery and Eddie Marsen, all in top form, and you’re talking about what’ll probably be one of the best casts of the 2020—and it’s only January. Also, if you’re a big fan of weed, this movie might be your bag. The film, directed and co-written by Ritchie, isn’t an amazing piece of screenwriting. It feels like the other films Ritchie contributed to the gangster comedy drama (Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels), in that it has zippy dialogue and a fairly routine mystery at its core. But it’s also a lot of fun, from start to finish, and you will forgive it its familiarities and foibles. McConaughey is at his best as Mickey Pearson, a pot gangster who has built a large illegal weed empire as that particular plant seems headed for legalization. He’s toying with getting out, offering his empire to Matthew (Jeremy Strong) for a tidy, yet semi-reasonable sum. Wife Rosalind (Dockery), a shrewd businessperson, is fine with him retiring, as long as it doesn’t mean he will always be hanging around, bothering her while she’s trying to get stuff done. Bodies start piling up. Mickey’s farms are getting raided, and somebody in the cast is responsible. Again, it’s fun stuff on a relatively mediocre scale.

2Gretel & Hansel Director Robert Eggers is two films into his career, and people are already trying to rip off his style. Coming off like a low-rate The Witch, Gretel & Hansel shoots for the slow-burn, deliberately paced, lushly photographed style that Eggers employed in his 2015 masterpiece. While director Osgood Perkins has put together a movie that looks OK, the script by Rob Hayes provides little to nothing in the way of chills. The movie is all atmosphere with little substance. On the verge of starvation centuries ago, Gretel (Sophia Lillis) is kicked out of her home with little brother Hansel (Sammy Leakey) in tow. They head into the forest where the only meal they have is hallucinogenic mushrooms—yes, they trip out—until they come upon a house inhabited by a strange old lady named Holda (Alice Krige). Holda is all by herself without a supermarket in sight, yet her table is full of freshly baked and roasted goodies. Hansel and Gretel, just like the fairytale, settle in for some good country cooking. Little do they know that the obviously totally evil Holda—I mean, look at her, she’s definitely a witch—has nefarious plans that involve a different kind of mealtime. As the kids mull about the house and stuff their faces, Holda seems to have some sort of witch training future in store for Gretel. Gretel has “visions” that suggest she could have witchcraft in her blood, so Holda encourages her witchy woman side while Hansel moves closer to the roasting oven. Will Gretel get ahold of herself before Hansel achieves an uncomfortable alliance with parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme? Trust me, you’ll be so bored you won’t give two shits. You won’t be scared, either.