
9 minute read
filM
from Feb. 14, 2019
Mind numbing
Cold Pursuit sees Liam Neeson in another tired revenge formula film, this time set in the snowy Rocky Mountains. It allows for some impressive scenery. That’s about the best thing I can say for this one.
Advertisement
It’s not a good thing when the best part of a murder mystery is shots of a snow plow cutting through large quantities of white stuff. That, oddly enough, is a beautiful thing to watch and had me wishing this was a documentary about a guy trying to keep a mountain pass clear in the winter rather than another Fargo rip-off.
Neeson plays Nels Coxman and, yes, the film contains plenty of jokes about that last name. Nels has just won citizen of the year for keeping the roads clear, just in time for his son Kyle (Michael Richardson) to be killed by a criminally forced heroin overdose. Turns out Kyle interfered in some drug dealings with a major dealer nicknamed Viking (Tom Bateman) and got put in a fatal predicament made to look like an addict’s accident.
Nels knows better and seeks out answers. When he starts getting them, he kills off those responsible, one by one, until the path leads to Viking. When he gets there, the plan involves Viking’s young son (“You took my son’s life. You have a son. He’s going to be taken!”)
This is a remake of the 2014 Norwegian film In Order of Disappearance, which had Stellan Skarsgard in the Neeson role and also had the same director, Hans Petter Moland. Moland straight up repeats much of what happened in his original film, shooting many of the scenarios identically. There’s little to no reason for this remake to exist, other than cashing in on the Neeson name.
By the way, Skarsgard’s last name in the original was Dickman. Get it? Dickman becomes a Coxman? Give me a break.
In the original, the drug lord’s misinterpretation of what’s going on leads to a turf war between Norwegians and Serbians. This time out, the misbegotten turf war is between a mix of typical American assholes and guys from a nearby Native American reservation. Oh, hey, I just figured out that the character named Viking is an ode to the original Norwegian film. There you have it—another lame change posing as clever.
Laura Dern shows up as Nels’ wife and mom to Kyle, but—clearly—her paycheck wasn’t all that sizeable, so she bolts from the film fairly early on. Emmy Rossum is given the role of the only police officer on the force trying to make a go at solving what’s going on. That, mixed with the frozen tundra and attempts at dark humor, is what gives the film that feeling of Fargo rip-off.
As for Neeson, this is a role he’s played many times before. He’s picking his roles slightly better than, say, the also aging Bruce Willis, but he’s definitely allowed himself to get typecast at this point. His small role in last year’s The Ballad of Buster Scruggs was his best work since his other frozen tundra action flick, The Grey. Actually, if you have a hankering for Neeson running around in the snow and have never seen The Grey, get on it. That one is a classic.
If there’s a stand-out performance in Cold Pursuit, it’s probably Bateman. He’s the only one in the movie who seems to get that it’s supposed to be a little funny and outlandish. His compulsive tweaking of his son’s diet and strange take on bullying make him a nightmare dad but a pretty funny bad guy. He deserved a better movie.
If you must see a movie about a snow plow driver killing a bunch of people Charles Bronsonstyle, watch the original (Hey, Bruno Ganz is in it!) As far as movies about snow plow driving killers go, Cold Pursuit is a boring ride. Ω
“Give up my reputation as a hard-boiled action star? Snow way.”
Cold Pursuit 12345
1Aquaman The latest DC effort, Aquaman, is middling fun for about 20 minutes before it becomes one of the worst films of 2018. It’s the typical DC garbage can of a film and proof that Warner Brothers has learned next to nothing when it comes to making a good comic book movie since Christian Bale took off the cowl (Yes, Wonder Woman was good—the lone exception.) Jason Momoa returns as big, tattooed, beefy Arthur, the dreamy son of a Lost City of Atlantis queen (Nicole Kidman) and Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison), a lowly lighthouse keeper. Fett finds the queen washed up on the rocks and takes her home, where she promptly eats his goldfish. (What a laugh riot! She ate his pet fish!) She gives birth to Arthur, and the origin story part of the movie is well on its way. We see a few more moments in the fish man’s young life. Momoa eventually shows up in full party mode, and it looks like we could be on our way to some goofy fun. Alas, like Zack Snyder before him, director James Wan doesn’t know how to keep a leash on his epic, and this things goes bonkers in a bad way. The undeniable charms—and admittedly glorious hair—of Momoa can only go so far in this unholy mess.
1Glass Following one bomb after another during a 15-year stretch, in 2017, M. Night Shyamalan showed us he was still capable of good cinematic things with Split—a showcase for James McAvoy’s multi-persona performance and a creepy little thriller thanks to Shyamalan’s surprisingly deft direction. An after-credits scene showed us Bruce Willis as David Dunn, his superhumanly strong Unbreakable character, and the possibilities became very intriguing. The director announced his intention to make Glass and that Split was, in fact, the second part of what would be a trilogy. Glass would bring back the brittle-boned character of that name played by Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable, along with Willis and the newly introduced McAvoy character(s). OK, sounds good. Let’s go! Well … shit. 2019 has its first legitimate clunker. Shyamalan is up to his old tricks again—the kind of loopy, half-assed filmmaking that made the world scratch its collective head with The Happening, The Village, The Last Airbender, After Earth and Lady in the Water—all wretched stink bombs. He has a remarkable ability to employ both lazy and overambitious writing simultaneously. He puts a lot in play with Glass but doesn’t seem to have a distinct idea of where to take it. Plot holes abound like wolf spider offspring jumping from their momma’s back when you slam a shoe down on her. There are so many, it’s hard to keep track of them.
2The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part Taking some cues from Mad Max, the Book of Revelations and, yes, Radiohead, The Second Part is another healthy dose of family-friendly fun where both sides of the age spectrum should laugh heartily. One of my favorite moviegoing things is to hear an adult blast out laughing, and then their kid follow suit. Either the kid is, indeed, in on the joke, or he/she just wants to be like the parent. Either way, it’s just a lot of fun and really cute when a movie produces these kinds of reactions for its entire running time. Cut to five years after the end of the first movie, and our hero Emmet (Chris Pratt) is happily buying coffee in Apocalypseburg, a devastated Lego land of sullen tones and broken dreams. Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks) has taken to dramatic narrating at all times, things are getting knocked down as soon as they are built up, and invading aliens called Duplos are mostly to blame—invading forces that are at once undeniably adorable and unabashedly destructive. It’s a crazed world where Batman (Will Arnett) winds up engaged to Queen Waterva Wa-Nabi (Tiffany Haddish), leader of the Duplo, and Emmet winds up running with a Kurt Russell-type antihero who is suspiciously like him. The reasons for all of the craziness will not be revealed here. Take the kids, and find out for yourself.
1The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot The title of this one implies some campy fun, right? The fact it stars Sam Elliot has you thinking tongue-in-cheek, cult classic adventure in the making, perhaps? I’m all for a movie deviating from expectations—bring it on—but this one has no idea what it is trying to accomplish. Elliot plays an old soldier drinking his life away. Through flashbacks, we see that he was part of some covert operation to kill Hitler. That part of the movie’s title is handled in a couple of quick, unimaginative scenes. Then, his character is approached by the government to go and kill Bigfoot because he’s spreading a disease in Canada that could wipe out the entire planet. Again, this part of the film’s title is handled in a couple of flimsy scenes, one including Bigfoot vomiting all over Elliot. The movie actually takes itself seriously, trying to depict a sincere look at a mercenary defeated by lost love and looking for one last chance, replete with a sappy soundtrack and real attempts at emoting. Come on? This could’ve been goofy fun, and moments like Bigfoot spouting vomit all over the place show that there may have been loony cult aspirations with this one. Instead, it’s a real drama with a cult title meant to fool geek chumps like me into plunking down the dough for a viewing. Avoid this. It’s terrible. (Available for download during a limited theatrical release.)
2Velvet Buzzsaw The reliable combo of writer-director Dan Gilroy and Jake Gyllenhaal (they partnered up on Nightcrawler) takes a creative step backward with this art world satire/horror effort. Gyllenhaal plays Morf Vandewalt, an art critic losing his lust for the profession. His love affair with Josephina (Zawe Ashton), an art house employee, gets confusing in many ways when she comes across paintings by a dead man in her apartment building. The paintings, which the artist had literally put his blood into, have deadly consequences for those who gaze upon them. Gyllenhaal is his usual sharp self in the role, creating something funny without obviously going for laughs. Rene Russo is equally good as a ruthless art dealer, willing to cut down anybody who gets in her way. The supporting cast includes Toni Collette, John Malkovich and Billy Magnusson, which lends to the feeling that the film should be more than what it is. It’s sharp satire for its first half, then a sloppy horror film for its second. It’s not scary by any means, and it tries a little too hard to be. Gilroy takes his eye off the ball, loses focus and wastes a promising premise and solid performances. (Streaming on Netflix during a limited theatrical release.)