Film

Point and shoot

Bruce Willis sleepwalks through Death Wish, a listless remake of the Charles Bronson vigilante movie that made a bunch of dollars back in 1974, the year before Jaws was released. (I measure most things in the ’70s by the year Jaws was released. It’s a thing.)

Remaking the film with Eli Roth at the helm and Willis in the Bronson role actually seemed like potential nasty fun. Sylvester Stallone gave the remake possibility some steam years ago, but subsequently chickened out. John McClane himself stepped into the role, and the remake started to take shape as a worthwhile endeavor for those of us who like our movies crazy.

Sadly, Willis is phoning it in here, and too many horribly acted scenes reveal that Willis and Roth probably weren’t gelling as an actor/director combo. Willis often seems tone deaf in some of the movie’s more dramatic scenes, and just plain bored for the remainder. When Willis gives a shit about the movie he’s making, it shows. When he doesn’t care, and that seems quite often in many of his recent projects, he is zombie-like.

The original Death Wish (1974) is a hard watch these days. Apart from its racist depictions of criminals and extremely dated Herbie Hancock soundtrack, it’s also poorly acted by Bronson. It is, however, worth seeing for cameos by Christopher Guest as a police officer and, most horrifically, Jeff Goldblum as Freak No. 1.

It was Goldblum’s acting debut, in which he took part in the infamous scene where architect Paul Kersey’s (Bronson) daughter and wife are attacked. It’s a terrible scene, and almost comedic over 40 years later. For the remake, that attack scene is mellowed out a bit (nobody gets their ass spraypainted), with Elisabeth Shue as Mrs. Kersey and Camila Morrone as their daughter. As in the original, one of them doesn’t survive the attack, and Paul gets a taste for weaponry and vigilante justice in the aftermath.

Unlike the original, many of Kersey’s crimes are not random. This time he’s out for revenge, playing a detective of sorts as he seeks out and eliminates his family’s attackers, while slipping in the occasional drug dealer execution. Bronson’s Kersey was an architect living in Manhattan, while Willis’s Kersey is an ER doctor in Chicago. No actor has ever looked sillier in scrubs than Willis.

Roth, of course, is a horror director (Cabin Fever, Hostel), and that shows in a couple of the “kills,” including one where a thug is crushed by a car and his guts squirt out. The scene when this happens, with Kersey doing a meticulously planned torture act on a bad guy, feels utterly ridiculous. The whole point of Death Wish is a real guy taking action with real consequences. This scene is outrageous torture porn, like an outtake from Roth’s lousy Hostel: Part II.

Roth makes a good-looking movie, and his films—when on point—have a good, sinister humor streak to go with the carnage. That doesn’t happen this time. The attempts at dark humor fall flat, and only Vincent D’Onofrio as Frank, Paul’s sad brother, hits the right notes with his performance. D’Onofrio, unlike Willis, seems to be giving it his all while Willis acts like somebody with true contempt for his director and really swell dinner reservations.

Dean Norris (Hank from Breaking Bad) shows up alongside Kimberly Elise as the investigators on Kersey’s trail. They try to get a couple of laughs, but they can’t rise above the mirth. Shue and Morrone are OK in their smallish roles, but don’t have enough screen time to really register.

There is one moment in this movie that works: the final shot where Willis recreates Bronson’s point-andshoot moment from the original. Willis actually looks like he’s got the vibe of the project right, and actually looks interested in the shot. It’s the few seconds in this movie where he properly earned his payday. He should’ve grown a pencil mustache for this one. Ω

“They want us to remake a film that never should have been made in the first place?”

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5Annihilation This new Natalie Portman film from director Alex Garland bills itself as science fiction and fantasy. It’s both of these without question. On top of that, it’s one of the scariest films you will see this year. This alien invasion movie, loosely based on Jeff VanderMeer’s novel, explores themes of self-identity and love—as did Garland’s 2014 directorial debut Ex Machina—while mixing in environmental terror involving nightmarish creatures and transforming landscapes. It also features a startlingly brutal take on the ravages of infidelity. Did I mention that it’s freaking scary? There’s a lot going on in this movie, yet Garland and company balance it all out to make it a stunning piece of brainy entertainment. Portman plays a member of an all-female crew who enters a zone called the Shimmer, a bizarre environmental occurrence that’s the result of an alien meteor. In the Shimmer, things get crazy and very scary. While he’s only two movies in as a director, Garland is proving he’s capable of many things. He’s a first-rate auteur in regard to sci-fi, while no slouch on pure drama and capturing stellar performances. And, without a doubt, he possesses some major horror chops. You think I’m exaggerating, but there are moments in this movie that will make even the most diehard horror fans cringe and squirm. I would love to see him direct a ghost story or a pure monster movie. Annihilation owes a lot to Ridley Scott (Alien), John Carpenter (The Thing) and any incarnation of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and, yet, it also feels very original.

4Black Panther Scoring director Ryan Coogler to helm Marvel’s latest proves to be a major triumph. His entry into the Marvel universe is a majestic, full-bodied, exhilarating treatment of the African king title character with the crazy cool suit (Chadwick Boseman). Coogler has three films to his credit now, one masterpiece (Fruitvale Station) and two very good ones (Black Panther and Creed). He’s officially one of the best directors currently calling the shots. This is also his third collaboration with actor Michael B. Jordan, who brings a fully fleshed, complicated villain to the screen in Erik Killmonger. Man, you just have to be bad with that last name. The pre-opening credit scene involves Black Panther’s predecessor father having a confrontation in 1992 Oakland, California. A major event takes place as some kids playing basketball look on. It turns out to be one of the more brilliant and heart-wrenching setups for a Marvel movie character yet. The action cuts to present day, where Black Panther/T’Challa is dealing with the passing of his father due to an event that took place in Captain America: Civil War (massive credit to the producers and screenwriters who interlink these films together so well). He’s to become king but must pass through a ritual with some risk involved. He overcomes the obstacles, gets his throne and prepares for his rule. His kingdom doesn’t get a moment to breathe before trouble ensues. In London, Killmonger comes across an ancient weapon forged in Wakanda, Black Panther’s homeland. It’s made from Vibranium, a precious resource that fuels much of Wakanda’s advanced technology, including the Black Panther suits. With the help of Wakanda enemy Klaue (Andy Serkis acting with his real face as opposed to a motioncapture suit), Killmonger obtains the weapon, threatening world stability. The story is told with a stunning level of social relevance for a superhero film, especially when it comes to Killmonger’s motives. He’s not just some guy looking to forward himself for selfish purposes. He’s got some big reasons for having gone bad, and they make him a far more sympathetic character than, say, Loki from Thor.

1Fifty Shades Freed Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan return for a third and final torturous turn as bondage fiends Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. While there is supposed to be a plot, Fifty Shades Freed is really just an assemblage of asinine, soul-decimating moments that leave a bad taste in your entire body. Here’s a quick starter list of some of the things Fifty Shades Freed totally ruined for me: Seattle, Audis, Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed” (Dornan sits down at a piano to sing this in a true WTF moment.), David Bowie’s “Young Americans” (I heard it playing while Anastasia and Christian were eating steak.), steak, Dodge Durangos, women, men, and the list goes on. The movie is set in Seattle. I wanted Mount Rainier— that gigantic, nasty-looking, long-dormant volcano—to erupt. This franchise is selling a gazillion dollars in tickets. Surely, they could’ve spent an extra hundred million for a volcanic eruption sequence where Christian and Anastasia get buried in molten lava while playing with vibrators in their torture room. I would’ve upgraded my popcorn rating to a fair for that. The movie is directed by James Foley, who helmed such classics as At Close Range and, for Christ’s sake, Glengarry Glen Ross. Let’s put this in perspective, the guy directed the Alec Baldwin “Brass Balls” speech. Now, he’s directing Seattle-based butt plug mayhem.

4Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool Annette Bening is an amazing actress. Somehow, she failed to get an Oscar nomination for her bravura turn in 20th Century Women, and now she has been snubbed again for her beautiful, heartbreaking work as movie star Gloria Grahame in this moving film from director Paul McGuigan. Grahame’s later career was plagued with scandal, but you may know her from her roles in It’s a Wonderful Life and Oklahoma. Married four times and notorious for dating younger men, one of her last affairs involved actor Peter Turner (Jamie Bell), a man 30 years her junior, whose memoir this film is based upon. Grahame saw Turner in the final years of her life, when she was trying to keep her career alive doing theater in England. Diagnosed with cancer, her final years were confusing, tragic and sad, something the film does an effective job of depicting. Bening is convincing as Graham despite not looking much like her. She does just enough with her voice and mannerisms to convince you she’s Grahame without flat out impersonating her. Depicting the actress both before and after she’s sick, the movie basically calls for two kinds of performances, and she rocks both of them. Bell is terrific as the befuddled lover who must defy his lover’s wishes and call her family about the illness.

1Mute Duncan Jones, director of the classic Moon and so-good Source Code, continues his slump that started with Warcraft: The Beginning. Actually, this mess qualifies as a total disaster, a film so bad Jones might find himself looking for sitcom TV gigs in the near future. Alexander Skarsgard plays Leo, an Amish bartender in future Germany (you read that right) who lost his ability to speak in a boat propeller accident as a kid. His girlfriend (Seyneb Saleh) disappears, sending him on a wild search that involves him hitting bad guys with big wooden sticks like Joe Don Baker in Walking Tall. In what seems to be another movie, Paul Rudd plays Cactus Bill, a crooked doctor trying to get back to the U.S. with his daughter. Cactus Bill hangs around with a pedophile doctor (Justin Theroux, saddled with a goofy wig) and, again, this part of the movie feels like a complete other film. Let me again point out that none of the parts of this film occupied by Skarsgard, Rudd or Theroux are any good. Skarsgard just runs around a lot looking all helpless, while the usually reliable Rudd resorts to a big, meaty mustache and lots of gum-chewing to look tough. (God dammit, I hate that!) Theroux relies far too heavily on the word “Babe!” to distinguish his character in what amounts to his worst role to date. You have to really be screwing up to make the likes of Rudd and Theroux look bad, and Jones makes them look awful. The future setting looks like a cheap Blade Runnerknock-off, the dialogue is deplorable, and—I just have to say this again—it makes Rudd and Theroux look awful. That’s a cinematic crime, right there. (Streaming on Netflix.)