Advice Goddess

3/18:National Symphony Orchestra of Ukraine-Kiev The Reno Chamber Orchestra presents a performance by the National Symphony Orchestra of Ukraine, Kiev (NSOUK). The orchestra will be conducted by its “conductor laureate”—RCO music director and conductor Theodore Kuchar. Formed by the Council of Ministers of Ukraine in November, 1918, the National Symphony Orchestra of Ukraine is regarded as one of the finest symphony orchestras in Eastern Europe. Since 1993, the NSOUK has released more than 100 recordings which include Ukrainian and international repertoires. The orchestra’s CD of Silvestrov’s RequiemforLarissawas nominated for a Grammy Award in 2005, followed by another Grammy Award nomination four year later for its CD of Bloch and Lees’ Violin Concertos. The orchestra’s Reno performance will include the music of Tchaikovsky, Mussorgsky, Khachaturian and Beethoven. Lukáš Vondráček will be the soloist in the Beethoven Piano Concerto No. 5 “Emperor.” The concert begins at 7:30 p.m. on Saturday, March 18, at the Pioneer Center for the Performing Arts, 100 S. Virginia St. Tickets are $25$75. Call 348-9413 or visit www.renochamberorchestra.org.

CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH PRACTICE: Practice

Spanish and improve language skills. Meet other travelers and professionals who are interested in Spanish language and culture. 3/18, 11:30am. $10. Training Connexion, 4600 Kietzke Lane, Ste. 117, Building B, (775) 224-6271.

C@PITAL CODERS: Learn how to code or improve coding skills at Carson City

Library’s new club The C@pital Coders.

The club will practice coding through activities using NC Lab, Makey Makey,

Scratch and more. 3/21, 4pm. Carson City

Library, 900 N. Roop St., Carson City. (775) 887-2244.

PORTRAIT SOCIETY OF RENO: PSOR meets

every Wednesday. There is painting from life models (no instruction). All artists are welcome. There is a $10 drop-in fee. For more information, email psor2016@gmail. com 3/22, 9am. Nevada Fine Arts, 1301 S. Virginia St., www.nvfinearts.com.

SGA STUDENT LIFE AND DEVELOPMENT

WORKSHOP: This workshop will show how to increase your organization’s attendance and participation for activities and special events. Sponsored by TMCC’s Student Government Association. 3/17, 11am. Truckee Meadows Community College, 7000 Dandini Blvd., (775) 240-5943. www.tmcc.edu.

COMMUNITY

BLANKETS, TOWELS AND TOY DONATIONS:

Tax-deductible donations of blankets, towels and toys for homeless pets may be dropped off at the new SPCA of Northern Nevada Pet Care and Adoption Center and at the SPCA Thrift Store, 401 Vine St. Daily, 11am-6pm. SPCA of Northern Nevada, 4950 Spectrum Blvd., (775) 324-7773.

BLOOD DONATIONS: Give the gift of life.

Donors must be healthy, weigh at least 110 pounds and be at least 17 years old. Call to make an appointment. Ongoing. United

Blood Services, 1125 Terminal Way. (775) 324-6454.

SAM ADAMS NIGHT: Join the Nevada Capital

Libertarian Party at this monthly gathering. Learn about the NVCLP, listen to speakers and featured guests and visit with fellow Libertarians. 3/16, 7pm. Free.

Comma Coffee, 312 S. Carson St., Carson

City, www.commacoffee.com.

WEDNESDAY WORKSHOPS: Multiple hour-

long workshops and presentations on various topics. Changes weekly. Topics vary from consciousness to art, music, social networking, theater, etc. Contact ksweetsparlormint@gmail.com if you are interested in facilitating a workshop of your choice. 3/22, 6pm. The Potentialist Workshop, 836 E. Second St., www.potentialistworkshop.com.

Pleaser burn

by AMY ALKON

My problem is that I’ll go on one or two dates with a girl and then get the whole “I just wanna be friends.” And they really mean that. They want me to do lunch and go shopping and talk on the phone about their guy problems. How can I nicely tell these girls, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but no, I’m not going to be your friend—and I especially don’t want to hear about your new guy”? I guess the problem boils down to the fact that I don’t want to make a woman mad. Your first problem is that you’re wrong about what your problem is. It isn’t how to tell a woman you aren’t up for the role of pet eunuch. It’s how to be the man holding her in his arms instead of the one holding her purse while she’s exploring her options in the tampon section.

Consider what the ladies tend to want. Evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers’ theory of “parental investment” explains that in species that provide continuing care for their young after they’re born, females have evolved to go for “dominant” males. Dominance translates to being more able to “provide protection and material support” through physical ability, as well as high social status.

However, women aren’t looking to be dragged off into the sunset by some thug. Social psychologist Jerry M. Burger and one of his students, Mica Cosby, took a nuanced look at dominance and found that women overwhelmingly want a man who is “confident” and “assertive” as their ideal date or romantic partner. And though most also want a man who’s “sensitive” and “easygoing,” none of the 118 women they surveyed wanted a man who is “submissive.”

Chances are, “submissive” is exactly how you’re coming off. Your pleaserboy bottom line—“I don’t want to make a woman mad”—suggests a hunger for women’s approval and probably leads you to wilt like a man-daisy to avoid even the slightest conflict. Unfortunately, that won’t get you out of the friend zone. What will is self-respect and the assertiveness that comes out of it—showing that you have opinions, needs and preferences, and tough tostadas if a woman doesn’t like them. This, of course, doesn’t mean being rigidly uncompromising. However, when you do sacrifice your needs, it should be because you feel good about doing something nice— not because you’re dreaming of a day when your “Well, hellooo, gorgeous!” won’t be followed by “Thanks! And I seriously appreciate your watching Señor Fluffyface while I’m on my date.”

How do I love three

I’m a 40-something woman, living with my 50-something male partner. Our relationship is slightly open, in that every Tuesday, we each go out separately and “do whatever with whomever.” I have lived up to my part of this, but I recently discovered that my partner has not. On Tuesdays, he stays home by himself. Beyond being irritated that he’s effectively been lying, I feel weird being the only one doing the open relationship thing. How do I get him to live up to our agreement? Chances are, his lying and your feeling “weird” that things aren’t all even-steven in the sexual snacking domain come out of the same place—the evolution of cooperation and the sense of fairness that fostered it. We evolved to get all freaked out about imbalances—even when they’re in our favor, explain population biologist Sarah Brosnan and primatologist Frans de Waal. In fact, we are driven to equalize things “to our own detriment.” But, don’t get too misty-eyed about human moral nobility. They point out that it’s in our self-interest to take the long view—trying to avoid being perceived as unfair, which could kill the possibility of “continued cooperation” between ourselves and a partner.

Understanding the likely evolutionary psychology behind your feeling upset could help you focus on why your partner is saying “nope!” to the sex buffet. My guess? He loves you and wants you to have what you need—and he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable about going out and getting it. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).