Dec. 22, 2016

Letters............................ 3 Opinion/Streetalk............ 5 Sheila.Leslie.................... 6 Brendan.Trainor.............. 7 News.............................. 8 Feature.......................... 11 Arts&Culture................ 14 Art.of.the.State............. 16 Film............................... 17

Foodfinds..................... 20 Drink............................ 22 Musicbeat.....................25 Nightclubs/Casinos........26 New.Year’s.Eve............ 30 This.Week..................... 31 Free.Will.Astrology....... 34 15.Minutes.....................35 Bruce.Van.Dyke............35

HERE ARE THE WINNERS OF OUR ANNUAL VERY, VERY SHORT FICTION CONTEST RENo’s NEws & ENtERtaiNmENt wEEkly

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EmAil lEttErs to rENolEttErs@NEwsrEviEw.Com.

Stories to tell Welcome to this week’s Reno News & Review.

Happy holidays, folks!

Our 95-word fiction issue is always a fun change of pace. And this year, the change felt needed. I’ve been pretty stressed—in addition to all the usual stuff, I’ve been wrapping up a busy semester at the university, and moving—not far, just 0.6 of a mile from my current place, but it’s just enough added stress to make my eyeballs feel heavy with blood.

Anyway, it was nice to kick back and read some bite-sized morsels of fiction from our creative friends, neighbors and other people who read our paper—some just to hate on it—or folks who just like to submit short fiction to contests with no cash prizes.

We had a big crop of submissions this year, and the stories seemed better than in some previous years, even though many of them were on the sad side. Nice work, folks.

To cap off the sad batch of stories, I received an email from reader Craig Paulsen. He wrote that his daughter, Sabrina, passed away in 2009 at the age of 24. She was a prolific writer and he came across a story that was just about exactly the right length for our contest. She was a journalism student who grew up in Reno, so she might have even been working on it for the contest.

Either way, Paulsen found the story after our deadline and sent it after we’d already started judging, so we weren’t able to include it in the contest, but it’s a nice story and the circumstances seemed to warrant a publication:

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember. I’ll always remember the sound of the stereo, the scent of your hair that I twirled in my fingers, and the time on the dock when we realized it was so late, and the work that we shared together. The streets were wet and the gate was locked, so I jumped it, and I let you in, and you stood at the door with your hands on my waist, and you kissed me like you meant it, and I knew that you meant it.

—Brad Bynum bradb@ ne ws r ev i ew . com

DECEMBER 22, 2016 | VOL. 22, IssuE 45

Liberal letter by liberal writer

Bergland on Hartman on Myers

Can we cool it with the liberal use of the word “liberal?” Last week two out of four letters used the word in an almost derogatory fashion, as if to imply that a word describing a political philosophy had inherent negative qualities by merit of its existence. It’s this kind of discourse that shuts everything down. If you’re convinced that the other side is inherently wrong because of their beliefs, you will find that discussing and participating in democratic politics will be extremely difficult. If that’s the way one sees the world, they should just admit they’re more of an authoritarian than they are a believer in democracy.

I’m no fool—I realize the word conservative gets demonized plenty as well, and it would behoove ardent left-wingers to read and discuss credible right-wing news sources in order to gain insight and perhaps even discover genuine profundity coming from the opposition. The difficulty with the next few years is that we must realize that even though we differ in values we may not disagree on what a positive outcome would be.

Zachary Boyden Reno

Re “Hartman on Myers” (letters, Dec. 1): Hey Jim, question 2 passed. Google it. Now, after 50 years, I can finally roll a legal doobie and smoke it in the privacy of my own home. Ha! You need to quit attacking our hard working researcher and reporter, and get rid of some of that nastiness. Many admire Mr. Myers, and although I may not always agree with his good works, I do respect him.

Mebbe you should chill, and—oh never mind, it would just make you crazy(er).

Hey, marihuana’s legal now, you really should learn to deal with it.

It’s not going away. If you don’t like it, well, don’t smoke it. Isn’t that a real, real, real simple solution?

Is it 4:20 yet?

Craig Bergland Reno

Trump’s acreage landslide Re “Government Overthrow” (Notes From the Neon Babylon, Nov. 17): Bruce, sorry the election result caused the herpes to flare up.

You seem to labor under the misconception that the United States of America is a democracy. It is not. Rather, it is a federal republic. And a constitutional republic. Under that Constitution, the states (not just citizens!) are accorded minority rights and protections. And I know you’re all about minority rights, now aren’t you? The Electoral College, by design, practically ensures that a handful of states cannot dominate a large majority of states in selecting a President.

Consider that Trump not only won 30 states (60 percent), but over 2,600 counties (83 percent) to Clinton’s less than 500. Clinton’s measly 2 percent margin in so-called “popular vote” pales in comparison. Drop all the f-bombs you like, but even millions of precious snowflakes signing an online petition ain’t going to do away with the Electoral College.

You know that. So why lead your impressionable acolytes astray by suggesting otherwise? Rather, you should embrace the Electoral College as the bulwark against tyranny that it is! To quote a now-infamous President: “Elections have consequences.” Live with them, with dignity and grace.

Brian Adams Reno

Eric Marks, Jessica Santina, Todd South, Marc Tiar, Brendan Trainor, Bruce Van Dyke, Allison Young Our Mission: To publish great newspapers that are successful and enduring. To create a quality work environment that encourages employees to grow professionally while respecting personal welfare.

To have a positive impact on our communities and make them better places to live.

Editor Brad Bynum News Editor Dennis Myers Special Projects Editor Jeri Chadwell-Singley Arts Editor Kris Vagner Calendar Editor Kelley Lang Contributors Amy Alkon, Matt Bieker, Bob Grimm, Anna Hart, Ashley Hennefer, Shelia Leslie,

Design Manager Lindsay Trop Art Directors Brian Breneman, Margaret Larkin Marketing/Publications Manager Serene Lusano Marketing/Publications Designer Sarah Hansel Production Coordinator Skyler Smith Designer Kyle Shine Senior Advertising Consultants Gina Odegard, Bev Savage Advertising Consultant Emily Litt

Distribution Director Greg Erwin Distribution Manager/Operations Coordinator Kelly Miller Distribution Assistant and Driver Jennifer Cronin Distribution Drivers Alex Barskyy, Bob Christensen, Debbie Frenzi, Denise Cairns, Gary White, Jennifer Gangestad, Lori Ashley, Lori DeAndreis, Marty Lane, Marty Troye, Patrick L’Angelle, Tracy Breeden, Vicki Jewell President/CEO Jeff VonKaenel Director of Nuts & Bolts Deborah Redmond Executive Coordinator Carlyn Asuncion Project Coordinator Natasha VonKaenel Director of People & Culture David Stogner

Editor’s note: Mr. Bergland’s spelling of marijuana reflects a practice of many decades by the federal government, whose early drug warriors seemed to have some kind of resistance to that J. The federal spelling was finally brought in line with the rest of humankind in the early days of the Reagan administration because, as Justice Department official Richard Williams put it, “People are making fun of us because we don’t even know how to spell it.” Thus are federal drug policies made, and Ω the old form is sometimes used to poke fun at federal ignorance.

ERIK HOLLAND

Director of Dollars & Sense Nicole Jackson Payroll/AP Wizard Miranda Dargitz Sweetdeals Coordinator Courtney DeShields Nuts & Bolts Ninja Christina Wukmir Developer John Bisignano, Jonathan Schultz System Support Specialist Kalin Jenkins N&R Publications Editor Michelle Carl N&R Publications Associate Editor Kate Gonzales N&R Publications Writer Anne Stokes Cover Design: Margaret Larkin

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Editorial Policies: Opinions expressed in rn&r are those of the authors and not of Chico Community Publishing, Inc. Contact the editor for permissions to reprint articles, cartoons, or other portions of the paper. rn&r is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or review materials. Email letters to rnrletters@ newsreview.com. all letters received become the property of the publisher. We reserve the right to print letters in condensed form and to edit them for libel.

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By JERI CHADWELL-SINGLEY

Who’s your favorite author? asKed at Grassroots BooKs, 660 e. Grove st.

GreG Burnet t Medical scribe

I really like Raymond Carver’s short stories, because Carver accurately and depressingly summarizes the American Dream.

Hollie templeton IT specialist

I’m not going to lie. It’s probably J. K. Rowling. It’s the book series that I grew up with. Part of the reason ... is because my son is now old enough, too. So we just did Fantastic Beasts. And so he’s finally starting to get into it.

Cassie lundy Grassroots team member

Elector roulette The pesidential electors have done their damage this year and can go back into hibernation for four years. In our report on the presidential elector system, there were portions of its history we did not deal with for space reasons. The electors were created as part of an execrable deal to preserve slavery a little longer, each slave counted as three-eights of a person for purposes of allocating electors. That provision has fortunately seen its time and the U.S. has moved on with the enactment of the 13th Amendment.

Another section we didn’t really touch on dealt with concerns of the founders about other nations tampering with U.S. elections. This obviously has considerable relevance today, though it’s good to keep in mind that claims of Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. election come from the same U.S. intelligence agencies that claimed before the Kuwait war that Iraq had a fearsome military or before the second Iraq war that there were weapons of mass destruction. Among the constitutional convention comments during debate on presidential electors or presidential powers: Gouverneur Morris of Pennsylvania: “No man wd. say, that an Executive known to be in the pay of an Enemy, should not be removeable in some way or other.”

James Madison of Virginia: “Limited as the powers of the Executive are, it will be an object of great moment with the great rival powers of Europe who have American possessions, to have at the head of our Governmt. a man attached to their respective politics & interests.”

Pierce Butler of South Carolina: “The two great evils to be avoided are cabal at home, & influence from abroad.”

James Wilson of Pennsylvania: “The power of making Treaties involves the case of subsidies, and here as an additional evil, foreign influence is to be dreaded.”

On another issue, one of our readers has written, “Consider that Trump not only won 30 states (60 percent), but over 2,600 counties (83 percent) to Clinton’s less than 500. Clinton’s measly 2 percent margin in so-called ‘popular vote’ pales in comparison.”

This is nonsensical. As the U.S. Supreme Court once ruled, our officeholders “represent people, not trees or acres.” If Trump had carried a 99 percent majority of trees, he’d still be far behind Clinton—as he is.

Next, a few years ago in these pages, we noted that the U.S. Senate has recently begun operating routinely— instead of rarely—on a supermajority basis. Most bills or resolutions of importance must pass by 61 out of 100 senators, with the result that it has become the world’s most dysfunctional legislative body. We pointed out that every governing body in the United States, from the Churchill County Mosquito Abatement District Board to the U.S. House of Representatives, mostly operates on a simple majority system, and all those governments function more efficiently than the Senate.

We must ask the same kind of thing about the presidential elector system. If the so-called “Electoral College” is so great, then why, out of all the democracies on the planet—from Canada to India, from Costa Rica to France—is the United States of America the only one that needs it? Ω

Like genre-specific? Do I have to pick one? … That’s a lot of pressure. My go-to is Neil Gaiman. I also really, really love Joe Hill. I also really like A. S. King, if you want some YA [Young Adult] in there. This is like the worst question to ask me, because I can’t pick one. tristan KenBoK Warehouse worker

My favorite author is Stephen King, actually. I would say that’s just hands down, because he writes about everything. It has romance, horror, science fiction.

It has it all.

mary Zuliani Retiree

I like James Patterson. … I mean, I love him. Well, it’s between him and John Grisham, really.

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by Sheila leSlie

Time to get serious While the national media obsesses over the presidential election and what it does and does not mean for the reshaping of the Democratic party, here in Nevada we’re preparing for a new session of the Legislature in February, with Democrats in control of the Assembly and the Senate.

It’s time to be bold. The anger and frustration of the working class voter propelled Trump into office, because many don’t view either political party as their advocate.

What they want is change that benefits the working stiffs instead of the plutocrats. But Trump’s swamp-infested, conflict-laden cabinet members, most of whom don’t even believe in the missions of the agencies they’ve been chosen to lead, will quickly disappoint them.

Here are a few ideas for Nevada’s lawmakers to consider to instill more confidence in a political system that has forgotten the middle class. The wealthy can take care of themselves.

Make voting easier. Nevada’s legislators can look to Oregon’s groundbreaking

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automatic voter registration program for inspiration. The “opt-out” version automatically registers Oregonians when they apply for a drivers’ license, unless a person specifically chooses not to register. Oregon had 80 percent of its registered voters participate in last month’s election, thanks in part to the 43 percent of automatically registered voters who made it to the polls.

Pass another mandatory ward voting bill, now bolstered by a court decision in favor of general election ward voting. The pre-filed Assembly Bill 36 changes the Reno City Charter back to ward voting, effectively eliminating a structure that currently prevents neighborhoods from choosing their own representatives.

Set up an independent commission to handle the decennial redistricting process.

Politicians have proven they cannot set aside their self-interest when dividing up voters into new districts and Nevada’s legislators are no exception, having failed so miserably in 2011 that a court-appointed panel had to take over. Nevada should emulate the

independent commission in California which has been able to get the job done much more fairly and efficiently, producing more competitive races.

Address economic issues by taking on predatory lending and prohibiting the excessive interest rates that trap people living paycheck to paycheck in an immoral cycle of debt that enriches the money-lenders.

Raise the minimum wage. Enact familyfriendly employment practices such as mandatory sick time and paid family leave.

Make progress on criminal justice reform by enacting the juvenile justice improvements suggested by the Council of State Governments Justice Center regarding needs assessments, recidivism, and outcomes tied to evidence-based programming. “Ban the box” on job applications for adult offenders who are trying to get a job, allowing them to highlight their qualifications. Mandate bail reform so the poor aren’t stuck in debtors’ prison. Further restrict the death penalty or get rid of it altogether.

Get serious about using the budget to pay for services people need and stop giving tax

breaks as bribes to corporations and NFL teams. Create construction jobs by rebuilding and expanding our roads, or repairing schools and long neglected state buildings.

Stop interfering with the free market by subsidizing chosen industries.

Don’t balance the budget on the backs of the poor and the mentally ill. Fund community behavioral health clinics, crisis intervention services and forensic interventions. Expand child care subsidies so people can work. Enact a state tax on millionaires as California and New York have successfully done to pay for human services.

Sell your proposals. Don’t get distracted by the bubble of the legislative building.

Use mainstream and social media to interact regularly with constituents. Explain decisions and encourage input.

If Governor Sandoval, a moderate but partisan Republican, vetoes the Democrats’ work, so be it. He and his party will have to answer to the voters in 2018. We know they’ll be watching both parties closely. Ω

by Brendan Trainor

Patron saint of—everything Today we call him Santa Claus, but the real St. Nicholas (AD 270-December 6, 346) was a wealthy Greek businessman whose devotion made him Bishop of Myra. He was known for many miracles, and as a Defender of the Faith against the Arian heresy. Most of all, he is remembered for his anonymous works of charity.

In particular, he would leave money and gifts in the shoes left out to dry at night by poor parishioners. Over time, shoes were replaced in folklore by stockings.

One legend concerns a fellow businessman and friend who suddenly lost his fortune. The friend had three preteen daughters, and the loss meant his daughters would not have dowries and might never find a respectable husbands. They might have resorted to prostitution.

Instead, St. Nicholas secretly left each of them enough money for a decent dowry to marry as they came of age. His friend suspected the donor may have been Nicholas and was determined to find out for sure. When the final daughter became

eligible for marriage, Nicholas protected his anonymity by dropping the dowry late one night down the chimney. Another tradition born!

Although the story is about being saved from prostitution by an act of charity (not by state coercion), nevertheless sex workers have for centuries celebrated jolly St. Nicholas as a patron saint. There is an actual sex worker who became a saint, Empress Theodora (AD 500-548), but that is another story.

St. Nicholas is so popular that many countries have adopted him and embellished his legend with a reindeer sleigh, full white beard, red costume, and with a list of who’s naughty or nice. Who has been naughty or nice in 2016?

St. Nicholas is also the patron saint of Russia. No doubt the Western elites, politicians and mainstream media who promoted vicious, one-sided attacks on Russia will get lumps of coal in their stockings this year. President-designate Trump doesn’t need charity, but I suspect

St. Nicholas will be praying he will help bring about a detente with President Putin and a balanced approach to our relations with the only other nuclear superpower.

Newly elected Democratic senators Catherine Cortez Masto and Kamala Harris deserve only coal for their shameless use of sex trafficking myths to advance their political careers. They both abandoned the actual needs of working women to pander to ignorance and fear by embracing the neo-feminist, anti-male ideology of victimization.

St. Nicholas is also the patron saint of commerce. Commerce has been hobbled by regulations, cronyism and artificial barriers to entry like occupational licenses.

Pray to St. Nicholas to free businesspeople to serve their customers instead of government bureaucrats!

Children also enjoy the love and protection of St. Nicholas. Surely those in the Nevada Legislature who abandoned their right to educational choice in the special legislative session and

instead taxed tourists to pay for a multibillionaire’s sport stadium do not deserve Nicholas’s blessing. Instead, I suspect blessings will be bestowed on the parents of free-range children who allow them to exercise the freedom to learn responsibility and judgment instead of being sheltered and repressed by overweening parents and other busybody adults.

St Nicholas is the patron saint of Amsterdam. Amsterdam is the foremost pioneer of drug decriminalization as well as legalized prostitution. In 2016, Nevada and nine other states followed Amsterdam’s example of marijuana legalization. May St. Nicholas bestow blessings on those who understand that prohibition only makes things worse, and that government arrests for peacefully selling or buying unapproved drugs or consensual services is evil and counterproductive.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Happy New Year! Ω

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by Dennis Myers

Trump’s laTesT recruiT

Presidential electors in Carson City took photos of themthem selves (left) while, outside the building, protestors objected to the appointment of Donald Trump by the electors.

Trump’s presidency is likely to cause some political probprob lems in Nevada.

Brothel owner Dennis Hof has published an essay in the Pahrump Valley Times entitled “Why I switched parties and became a Republican.”

Hof, owner of three Nevada brothels, ran for the Nevada Assembly as a Libertarian this year, losing to twoterm Republican James Oscarson 39 to 61 percent.

In his essay, he seeks to identify himself with Donald Trump: “Millions of Americans—some quite ideological, but many not—decided that massive change in D.C. was just what the doctor ordered. They embraced the notion of ‘draining the swamp.’ They rejected political correctness. They rejected weakness in the face of our enemies.

They rejected massive law-breaking on our streets. They rejected open borders. They rejected trade deals that export American jobs. And as a T-shirt I saw recently proclaims, they rejected Obama playing the race card and Hillary playing the woman card. Instead, Americans played the ‘Trump’ card. But truth be told, both parties lost. On the GOP side the ‘establishment’ Republicans—who have ridden herd over the party apparatus and levers of power for years—took it in the shorts, too. And they, too, are having a tough time coming to grips with the reality that their reign is over.”

PHOTO/ERIC MARKS

New aborTioN sTudy As with marijuana, the science around abortion is often cherry-picked or otherwise misrepresented by advocates.

For instance, during her 1998-2000 term in the Nevada Assembly, Sharron Angle argued for her Assembly Bill 580— requiring doctors to tell women seeking abortions that there is a link between abortion and breast cancer—by citing the few studies that supported her case and ignoring far more numerous studies that did not (“Dr. Angle’s prescription,” RN&R, June 24, 2010).

Another argument used by abortion opponents is the notion that women who undergo abortions thereafter are saddled with emotional or mental health problems—anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies.

But a new study by the Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology & Reproductive Sciences at the University of California San Francisco found, to the contrary, that failure to obtain an abortion could lead to such mental health maladies. According to lead author and social psychology researcher M. Antonia Biggs, “In this study, compared with having an abortion, being denied an abortion may be associated with greater risk of initially experiencing adverse psychological outcomes. These findings do not support policies that restrict women’s access to abortion on the basis that abortion harms women’s mental health.”

Nine states require doctors to advise women of postabortion mental health problems, which prompted Forbes columnist Tara Haelle to note that if the new study is accurate, those nine states “therefore require counselors to lie to women about the psychological consequences of having an abortion.”

The latest Centers for Disease Control figures indicate abortion has been in sharp decline in nearly every state and within most groups of women. In Nevada, the abortion rate (abortions per 1,000 women of reproductive age) fell from 13 to 10.9, and its abortion ratio (number of abortions per 1,000 live births) declined from 207 to 173.

–Dennis Myers

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Trump vs. Nevada His policies and people loom The departure of president obama and Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid from D.C. will likely create some uncomfortable situations for Nevada politicians—particularly Republicans.

At a panel discussion in a D.C. hotel last week, nuclear power lobbyist Scott Segal said, “I do think this [Trump] administration is going to be very helpful to the nuclear sector, and I think [will help with] some of the challenges in nuclear, including coming up with a solution for waste, revisiting Yucca, and other issues as well.”

There’s a lot of that kind of talk going around, that programs aided or blocked by Obama or Reid, will now be handled differently.

U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina—best known for shouting “you lie” at Obama during a 2009 speech to a joint session of Congress—is now claiming that with Obama and Reid gone, the construction of a dump for high level nuclear wastes at Nevada’s Yucca Mountain in Nye County can go ahead. His

state has the Summer, Robinson and Oconee nuclear power stations. In addition, he is pushing for completion of a facility for converting weapons plutonium into fuel for nuclear reactors.

Last week, the Albuquerque Journal editorialized, “Nothing is what American taxpayers have received for their $15 billion spent to date—nothing, that is, except less-secure storage of nuclear waste. And congressional leaders and the incoming administration should change that.”

The quest for a dump site was originally a scientific competition among sites in Texas, Nevada and Washington. But it became a political quest in 1987 when Congress let Washington (then home state of the U.S. House speaker) and Texas (then home state of the U.S. vice president) off the hook and targeted solely Nevada.

The impression that the dump site is ready to use has been promoted by supporters of nuclear power, though

it is actually years or even decades away from being ready—the actual dump must still be built, and so must the rail line to bring waste to the site.

The work done at the site so far is suitability work, to determine if it is the place to build the dump.

Post-election headlines have included references to Trump’s Las Vegas holdings, as with “A nuke waste train to Yucca could pass near Trump’s L.V. hotel” (Las Vegas Sun).

In addition, while the Yucca site has been effectively shut down for six years by President Obama, science has marched forward and research and development have continued. Matters that were once settled by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission must now be reopened and scrutinized, including the nature of the waste and changes to the storage casks.

In addition, once the project shut down, its crew scattered to the four corners of the globe and new work.

Scientists and engineers, skilled laborers and builders are now at work elsewhere. The whole project would have to be reassembled with new people.

Trump himself was non-committal during the campaign, telling Nevadans he would get back to them after he thought through the issues.

He never did.

“You have to worry about safety,” Trump told Las Vegas television station KSNR in October. “And it’s a little bit close to a very major population base, so I’m going to take a very strong look at it, and I will come very strongly one way or the other. I will have an opinion.”

Even with Reid gone, Nevada will have an anti-Yucca U.S. senator, governor, legislature, and three out of four U.S. House members.

Over time, the U.S. Energy Department—once enthusiastic for the Yucca project—has evolved, and a few days ago issued a position paper giving reasons why Trump might not want to fund the project.

prohibiTioN Other problem areas could include legal marijuana and medical marijuana. During the Obama administration, the Justice Department mostly

kept hands-off states that repealed state anti-marijuana laws.

On the day Trump lost the election but won a majority of presidential electors, eight more states approved pro-marijuana laws. Mild concern about Trump from marijuana marketers turned into major panic after he nominated Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions to be attorney general.

Sessions was once quoted saying he approved of the Ku Klux Klan until he learned that its members smoked pot.

If Sessions is approved to head the Justice Department— he was previously rejected by the Senate for a U.S. attorney post because of racist comments—it would put a dedicated prohibitionist into the job, which raised the possibility that the Trump administration will put aside the Obama state’s rights policy and begin cracking down. That would pit Nevada’s Republican and highly partisan state attorney general, Adam Laxalt—who must defend Nevada state laws—against Sessions and the Trump administration.

While the Department of Energy may have softened on Yucca Mountain, the

Drug Enforcement Administration seems not to have softened on marijuana. Just last week, on Dec. 7, the DEA filed a new regulation, “Establishment of a New Drug Code for Marihuana Extract,” which puts new obstacles between cannabidiol hemp oil (CBD) and children, whose epilepsy can sometimes be treated by the stuff. Some families have actually moved to Colorado to have access to a supply of it.

On Dec. 17, the Denver Post editorialized its concern about Sessions: “Colorado’s current haul helps fuel national estimated sales of $7.4 billion in 2016.

Now that California voters have followed our lead, it’s possible that another $6.5 billion could be added to national tallies from the Golden State alone by 2020. The legal cannabis industry is the fastest-growing sector in Colorado, and it employed more than 18,000 direct and related fulltime workers in 2015. For a president-elect looking to create and keep good jobs in the United States, a crackdown on this burgeoning industry would seem a poor move indeed.” Ω

Nuke-drenched states call for a return of Yucca Mountain

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Here are the winners of our annual very, very short fiction contest

BY RN&R REaDERs

T

his weird little fiction contest—in which we ask our readers to submit stories that are exactly 95 words long—is one of our favorite annual traditions around here. This year yielded a large and better-thanaverage crop of stories.

The editorial staff reads all the submissions, and then we vote on our favorites with a weighted point system (10 points for each editor’s favorite story, nine for their second favorite, and so on down to a single point for their tenth favorite). The stories with the most points win, with ties broken by the number of editors who voted in favor of it.

So yeah, it’s all very scientific.

We received over 200 submissions this year. And, as with every annual crop of 95-word stories, particular themes start to emerge.

This year’s stories were, as a whole, more depressing than previous years. Lots of divorce and lots of death (especially, for some reason, deaths by car accident). But don’t worry, there were still plenty of goofball stories among our favorites. Congrats to the winners!

FirsT place Free at Last

British author Zadie Smith writes: “Self hatred is for younger, prettier women.”

Amen, I say, Amen.

But this is a peace that came marching slow for me.

My youthful Artemis achievement phase produced a doctorate degree, daily weighing and a svelte size 8.

The wild horse ride named “Mid Life Crisis” bucked me along complete with profligate behavior, Botox, braces and a curvy size 10.

Now, presto chango, I have my “giving back” job. There is no room for a scale in my bathroom.

No small journey this.

Hurry along, younger girls. It is nice.

—EIlEEN DRIsCOll

second place

THird place

To be fair, it was a Monday. Not only was it a Monday, it was the first Monday after she left. And to be honest, it was a mess. He was clueless. She was the one who always made the kids’ waffles. She was the one who always matched his socks.

She was the one who stuck drawings and schoolwork on the fridge with multi-colored magnets. She was the one who always had the dishes washed and put away. She was the one who did everything. And to be fair, that’s why she was gone.

Pigeon on a Pole

—MORgaN ROsE sTEWaRT Morgan Stewart is in her first year of college at Portland State University, studying Biochemistry.

She has had an interest in reading and writing since she was a child.

Eileen Driscoll is a secret. She is like a happy, humble nun driving every day up the Truckee River Canyon to work with students in Truckee, California, but … she is one drink away from a Porsche and taking off into orbit. Orbit was her childhood nickname.

After a while you don’t see utility poles, even an ugly one such as stands on my corner with wires going in five directions, here where I’ve lived since my partner didn’t break up with me exactly, but we live apart. (“What’s so important about cohabitation,” her emissary daughter asked/stated.)

I heard cooing and looked up, and laughed out loud, because a cock pigeon was turning in jerky circles on the tiptop of the pole, courting a hen perched on an insulator. Then she flew off, he stopped circling, and it no longer seemed funny.

—aNThONy shaFTON Anthony Shafton is author of four published books. His current work concerns the friendship between Reno author Walter Van Tilburg Clark and Reno artist Robert Caples. Shafton is 79, a Chicago native and Reno resident.

Morgan Rose Stewart

Anthony Shafton

Photo/Eric Marks

Eileen Driscoll

Photo/Eric Marks

95 WORD FICTION 12.22.16

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continued from page 11

95 WORD FICTION

RunneRs up The boy never understood a single word of the lyrics. It sounded sad and the guitar did as well, and this he understood.

B. B. Rey, the expat eccentric called him. They listened to it together over and over. It was all the expat told him of el Norte.

When it was decided that the boy would make the journey, the expat told him to take the record with him.

Now the shattered vinyl lays at the feet of the immigration official.

The boy looks up and smiles. The record had prepared him for this.

—J. J. MullIgaN

Sweat trickled down my head as I paced back and forth before the bathroom door. “HURRY UP DAD!” I yelled desperately. My pacing quickened and my face reddened. “QUICKER!” Banging on the door, I became inhumanely impatient, unable to wait any longer. “DAD!” I screamed, “I GOTTA GO PEE!” “Huh?” A quiet voice came from behind me, the confused voice of my dad.

My eyes widened as I slowly turned the doorknob. Realizing it had been unlocked the whole time, I stared blankly at the empty toilet seat.

Then and there, I wet my pants.

—SeReNa MaO

Redemption for Even the Raven I saw you, Raven, this morning, perching atop the roof of Reno’s Dough Boy Donuts.

You are a shiny, feathered juggernaut of horror.

Why don’t you fly south, Raven, leaving to us the little chickadees of winter to feed?

Raven, in April, the month of lilacs and Lincoln’s last breath, I fear you will turn and speak to me aloud. You scare me so.

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I tried to believe you innocent today, Raven. I smiled as if the sun and the snow dusted mountains in early December could redeem you. No luck. I still hate you.

—eIleeN DRISCOll

How could I have overslept today of all days? The alarm clock was still screeching when I awoke 42 minutes after it started. So I didn’t shower, was applying makeup on the subway, and ate an old Twix bar I found in my purse for breakfast. Sitting here, waiting to be called for an interview for my dream job, I vigorously swish Listerine hoping to remove all traces of candy.

“Rhonda? Mr. Stevens will see you.”

The receptionist turns down the hall. I spit the mouthwash in the mossy base of a ficus and follow.

—JeRIaNNe WhITaCRe

Snowman 1 He decided he would start a circus. “It will be the biggest, greatest circus the world has ever seen,” he told his reflection. And, after eighteen months, the man’s circus was complete: There were jackals and hyenas, clowns—and acrobats flying effortlessly over the heads of his audience. There was also a host of scantily-clad young ladies whom, it was rumored, genuflected and swallowed the host. Desperate disparate people hungrily binged on stories about him on television and sticky electronic devices.

Despite being a pathetic mathematician, he converted the world to its lowest common denominator.

—ROgeR SCIMé & ellIOT SChNeIDeR

A silly short story of Sarah Sinclair.

By day she sells submarine sandwiches at a small shop on seventh street in Silver Springs.

After sunset on Saturdays, at the Silver City Saloon, she sings sad songs and strums a six string.

She shares a singlewide with her sister Stella, and a Springer Spaniel named Clyde.

Some say she’s a sinner, sometimes she solicits semi drivers and sleeps with strangers.

So she shows up for Sunday service, and her soul is saved.

Should you see Sarah strolling up the street, don’t stay silent, say something sweet.

—STeve TeRRy

A Family Friend The bride and groom-to-be leaned against their balcony railing, happy and tastefully posed per their photographer’s instruction.

“I’ve never seen two people so happy together,” said the photographer, an old friend of the groom’s. His arms stood fixed at angles as he tried to capture their delight.

Snow fell, and beyond the balcony there floated vast clouds that swallowed the plains and painted distant mountaintops a harsh white. The future bride’s pale, naked shoulders were soon enveloped in the warm embrace of her fiancé’s cardigan.

The photographer lied.

The groom knew it, too.

—evyNN TyleR MCFallS

The giant awoke and stretched. Giant first stretched out his left arm high above. Giant stretched out his right arm as far as it would go as it was not as flexible. Giant’s legs, which were of an independent spirit, did as they pleased.

Giant, a mighty being, gathered himself up. Giant’s arms and legs rebelled by not moving at all. Giant pled, his well-being challenged, for his limbs to cooperate. Giant’s limbs, arguing most foully, could not come to a consensus.

Giant’s limbs answered: “maybe in four years, ’til then, go back to sleep.”

—JuNe TORReS

Grinch’s Sleigh Heating Up REPORT: Crudolph, the coal-nosed reindeer, has been appointed to guide the sleigh of Grinch, Christmas’ latest Santa Claus-elect. He will join other appointees such as Stupid for the Department of Flying, who has never actually flown himself, and Brasher for the Department of Magic, who doubts that magic is real. To some experts, it appears Grinch is now ignoring the disenfranchised elvoters’ who supported his campaign to “Make Christmas Great Again.” To others, this is nothing compared to their surprise that Grinch won at all, despite trailing in all poles (North and South).

—Max MClaughlIN

Our Engagement After brief online communicating, the first time we met, he asked me if I’d marry him. I said, “Of course.” I thought I’d play along. At the restaurant, he introduced me as his fiancé. I didn’t correct him. Then he told me his dad asked his mom to marry him the second time he saw her. They were married for 50 years. On our second date, he wanted me to drink wine, to loosen up. I said, “No,” and he called me “boring.” Our second date was the last one. It was a short engagement.

—DebRa aNDeRSON

Learning to Drive My parents never took me to church and weren’t religious. Sometimes I prayed, though, when the whiskey bottle rolled around under the driver’s seat, and my dad cut back and forth over the yellow line on windy mountain roads. He also showed us how the car could go 100 mph. He was on a long straightaway on the wrong side of the road. Later I was with a man who would drive into incoming traffic when approaching hills, just for fun. My dad is gone now, and I’m divorced. I do my own driving now.

—DebRa aNDeRSON

Behind Red Eyes I had so many thoughts swirling in my head I didn’t even notice the music coming through my house. How could I concentrate when Cleveland’s very own David Mathews had been rumored to ask me to Cleveland Junior High’s Halloween dance!? I could just picture it; the lights, David a prince, his chocolate skin soft enough for me to kiss upon the cheek. I probably would have been dreaming the rest of the day if I hadn’t walked in on my father, several satisfied minors, and what seemed like an invigorating game of beer pong.

—Mikayla Shenkel

For the past hundred miles, all that occupied his thoughts as he drove was how good the mocha would taste. That there was excellent coffee in this remote patch of southeastern Oregon was

nothing short of miraculous. In gratitude, he never wasted a chance to support the shop when he drove this route. As the familiar building came into sight, though, he could tell something was amiss—no lights on. He parked and stepped up to the door. A yellowing piece of paper taped to the glass confirmed his worst fears: “Out of Business.”

—Glen Scheele

The Gift The old man quietly opened his grandson’s bedroom door and watched him sleep.

He had been raising him for over nine years. When the boy was five about to begin kindergarten, his mom, the old man’s daughter, died from diabetes at 38.

His grandson was fifteen now, a freshman at McQueen. He was healthy and a good student.

From our soul inside us, to the spirit that guides us, as silently as the snow that was falling, the old man whispered thank you.

He closed the door and returned to bed.

It was Christmas Eve. —Dan hayneS

Gone Boy We had just made love, now holding hands, lamp light shining through the bedroom window. Suddenly, the shriek of the fire alarm, the managers voice yelling “Fire Get Out.” We scramble for clothes, keys and phones. We run down the stairs to EXIT with the other tenants. Outside the building, through the windows, we see flames. Around us pajama-clad people look dazed and confused. He said, “I’m getting out of here” He’s gone. After the Fire Trucks and Arson Inspector leave,

I call him to tell him, “I’m OK.” He has turned off his phone.

—a. lacey

For Love of Jenny Crow A spry single-blanket jackass prospector, he came staking the little he’d saved from past “bonanzas,” to try once more. Below Deadfoot, he found indications, then a fist-size picture rock. He whooped, marked the corners and filed a claim he named for her, the Jenny Crow. It didn’t prove out. There was high-grade ore all right, but the resistant kind. It barely paid to ship.

Still he kept hauling. Then all the leads pinched out. With nowhere to go he hangs on, an old single-blanket jackass prospector eking out provisions by posing for pictures.

—anthony Shafton

Ω

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Kind of a big deal Tiny houses are catching on in Reno—once again • by GeorGia Fisher •

h

ow do you turn an eyesore of a parking lot into a community all its own?

Ask Kelly Rae and Pamela Haberman.

Known around town for their urban-infill projects—ones that make existing, small and in some cases condemned dwellings into modern living spaces—Haberae, as the duo is called professionally, is launching a brand-new development at the corner of Ryland and Locust streets.

It’s dubbed the Tiny Ten, and every yetto-materialize house on the little lot is already claimed, with none larger than around 680 square feet. The two-bedroom homes will be a short walk to midtown, downtown, Renown and the Truckee River. They’ll boast upscale finishes, solar panels and lush landscaping in a spot that was once just black asphalt.

Buyers range from Millennials to octogenarians, and prices start at around $220,000 for a 650-square-foot model.

Seeing as this means well over $300 per square foot, though, the properties don’t sound like a steal, at least not at first blush.

Haberman and Rae beg to differ, of course, and may have a point.

“These homes are extremely reasonably priced,” said Rae, whose appraisers seem to agree. “An energy-efficient, brand-new home in the urban core of Reno is [otherwise] unheard of for less than $225,000.”

The best part, perhaps, is a utility bill that’ll run no more than $30 a month.

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High ceilings and good light make all the difference in design, she added, and private, outdoor space is crucial. “Without that, it’s just an apartment and a cage. You have to have an urban oasis to make a house a home.”

It’s the little things A word about tininess: The term is controversial in a wonky sort of way. Some people won’t use it to describe a structure larger than 400 square feet, for example, or 120 if you’re a real purist.

“Tiny home advocates … I’ve seen them fight amongst themselves about what should be called ‘tiny,’ and it can get pretty amusing,” said Don Jeppson, an architect and Washoe County building official who recently lectured about the trend before the State Board of Architecture.

And, yes, he’s a fan.

As for Haberman and Rae, who began renovating local dwellings smaller than 300 square feet more than a decade ago, the term is a buzzword du jour. They didn’t even advertise the comparatively large Tiny Ten, for that matter.

Would-be residents caught on and came forward.

When the economic downturn began around 2007, “people wanted a more simple, economical way to live their lives,” Rae said.

“It’s actually very smart. You’re a genius for doing this simply, for living a real life and not just making a fabricated one out of your big McMansion. All this stuff came back. Now it’s OK to live in a small house. It’s OK to have chickens in your backyard. … It’s OK not to have three-quarters of your salary go to your housing expenses. ” All told, the Reno-Sparks area has nearly 200 standalone houses that are 400 square feet or less, though most are decades old and some are downright antiques. In nearly every case, they’re second homes on existing parcels.

(Fun facts: At just 154 square feet, the smallest single-family house is on 18th Street in Sparks, next to a relative manse of around 750 square feet. The largest is a more than 24,000-squarefoot behemoth in Reno.)

Readers are no doubt familiar with the area’s historic divorce cottages—the many bungalows around town that helped newcomers establish residency in bygone days for quick, divorces.

“Our infrastructure is very unique, in that in a lot of our older neighborhoods we already have a whole lot of tiny homes,” said real estate agent Barrie Lynn, a small-house owner herself who’s sold many such dwellings and also represents the Tiny Ten. Downsizing “is a liberating experience when you get rid of your entertainment center and your giant dining table, and you have the basic necessities,” she said. “It’s for a much broader demographic than many people think.”

The best of plans

The city once condemned the building, however, before Haberman and Rae stepped in and brought it up to date.

“That’s a whole other issue we can get into— the lack of awareness of historical structures and otherwise perfectly salvageable buildings that seem to get torn down in our city,” said Haberman.

Now Birch’s house is part of the Wells Avenue Neighborhood Conservation District.

When it comes to newly built tiny houses— including the kit, do-it-yourself ones on wheels that programs like HGTV helped popularize—building departments often clash with one another and with the rubber stampers in Planning and Zoning, said Jeppson.

He said some jurisdictions call a sleeping loft a bedroom, for one, and therefore require a certain ceiling height. (Jeppson thinks a tinyhouse sleeping loft is just furniture on par with a bunk bed, and by many accounts it is.) In other cases, a home must permanently affix to the

Take Brian Hutchinson Birch, a single 40-something and former Washington, D.C. apartment dweller who bought his Holcomb Avenue home from Haberae in 2014. It’s around 680 square feet and feels far larger, thanks in part to clean design and a soaring, front-room ceiling.

You wouldn’t know it, but the rock-solid building is more than a century old and once served as the shepherd’s house on early Nevadan Sheldon O. “All this stuff came Wells’ sheep ranch.

It’s now hip, green and back. Now it’s OK to live seconds from midtown commerce. “It’s all I need,” in a small house. It’s OK to said Birch, who purchased an extra parcel to make have chickens in your backyard. a full-sized yard for his Pomeranian, Jack. Among … It’s OK not to have threeother things, his place boasts a covered hot tub, sprawling quarters of your salary go to deck space and extensive landscaping—his own addiyour housing expenses.” tions—as well as a basement that’ll soon become a wine cellar.

Kelly Rae, real estate He’s not exactly roughing it, and developer doesn’t mind telling you his mortgage is around $700 a month.

Brian Hutchinson Birch’s 680-square-foot home in Reno feels larger than that on the inside.

Some people won’t use [the term “tiny house”] to describe a structure larger than 400 square feet—or 120 if PHOTO/GEORGIA FISHER

ground, say, or meet RV standards when neither parameter makes much sense.

“I don’t want to throw planning too hard under the bus,” he said chipperly. “But I will.”

Even international building codes may be on the cusp of change in favor of tiny homes, said Jeppson, but what constitutes livable, permitworthy space remains up for debate here and elsewhere. After all, he’s seen the owners of a 160-square-foot house in Washoe Valley get the mandate to build a 180-square foot garage, too.

That one chaps him in particular.

Meanwhile, Haberman and Rae are grappling with sewer connection fees, which are as costly for each Tiny Ten house—around $6,400—as for one 10 times as large with a slew of bathrooms. And there’s a “regional road impact fee” of roughly $4,300 apiece.

The list goes on.

you’re a real purist.

“If you’re a city that says, ‘We want to have affordable homes,’ you cannot achieve that with this amount of fees,” said Haberman, adding that her company will donate the difference to Libby C. Booth Elementary School, should the City of Reno reduce certain costs. She and Rae are moving forward nonetheless, and have already broken ground.

Come summer, you’ll probably see the Tiny Ten in full swing. HGTV even plans to run a special on the project, but incoming residents are camera-shy so far.

So do modest people go for modest houses, then?

“I have no idea,” said Lynn, the realtor, with a laugh. “But I’m not going on HGTV by myself.” Ω

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by JERI CHADWELL-SINGLEY

je r ic @ ne wsr e v ie w.c o m

Sheri Fisher uses an oxygen and propane torch to create lampwork pet memorial beads and touchstones.

Heart of glass Sheri Fisher

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Two white clouds cap the ends of a thin, glass rainbow that reaches across the blue surface of one of artist Sheri Fisher’s lampwork beads. One cloud forms the shape of a heart, the other a paw.

Encased within the bead is a third cloud—a milky glimmer that catches the light. But this one is not made of glass like the others. It floats in the center of the bead—a nebulous dusting of ash taken from the cremains of a beloved pet. It’s a memorial bead, a kind of totem that was inspired by Fisher’s loss of her own dog, Madison.

For years, Fisher kept Madison’s ashes in an oak box her father-in-law built for them.

“And I looked at it, and I thought that I wanted him a little bit closer,” she said.

That was five years ago, and although she’d only been working with glass for about a year, Fisher decided to try incorporating some of the ashes into one of her beads.

“I felt like I had a lot of hubris pulling out Maddie’s ashes and doing something with that when I didn’t feel like I had the skill to,” she recalled.

“I was a little nervous. But as soon as I started working with it, it was very calming.”

Fisher spent the next year making pieces with Madison’s ashes, narrowing in on the colors and brands of glass that would yield the best results. Today, she has more than three dozen beads and touchstones made from his ashes—and

PHOTO/JERI CHADWELL-SINGLEY

has turned what started as a personal journey of healing into a business helping others memorialize their own pets.

Customers can choose from a half a dozen customizable designs, including the rainbow pendant and a bead Fisher calls the “cosmic globe.” It features a subtle glow-in-the-dark powder mixed in with the ash.

But choosing the design is just the first step. To ease her customers through the rest, Fisher has established a start-to-finish process—a sacrament of sorts that is as much a part of her art as the finished product.

It starts with a collection kit, a small jar and bamboo scoop in a simple, white jewelry box. Some customers choose to the fill the jar themselves.

Others leave this to the staff at the crematory.

“When I get the package back, the whole bench gets completely stripped, vacuumed off, and I pour a glass of champagne,” she said. “That’s just a ritual I started. I don’t know how long ago or why. It’s a process that I want to honor. … And I know this sounds woo woo, but I talk to the ashes, especially if I know a little bit more history about the animal.”

Completed pieces are wrapped in tissue paper and tucked in another jewelry box. The final presentation is that of a gift.

“It’s my way of honoring that memory,” Fisher said. “And it is a gift, because of what the animal gave to that person. Even though they’re crying and grieving, once that initial, staggering loss [fades]—once you get your head wrapped around it a little bit—there are a lot of gifts that the animal has given.” Ω

Learn more about Sheri Fisher’s pet memorial art by visiting glasspetcremationjewelry.com.

by BOB GRimm

b g ri m m @ne w s re v i e w . c o m

SHORT TAKES

4

Arrival

Director Denis Villeneuve has made one of the year’s best science fiction films. Amy Adams stars as Dr. Louise Banks, a linguistics teacher crippled by visions of a daughter who died of a rare illness. She lives a life of seclusion, where the only thing she really does is teach her class and mope around her lakefront home. (Man, that must be one abnormally high paying teacher’s gig.) During class, a bunch of phones go off. A student instructs her to turn on the TV, and, bam, that’s how she discovers the planet seems to be getting a visit from an alien force. Strange giant pods have parked themselves all over the planet, and nobody knows their intent. A solemn military man (Forest Whitaker) shows up in Louise’s office and informs her the world needs her.

She has a sense of purpose again. It isn’t long before she’s inside an alien ship trying to talk to the “Heptapods,” large, elephant-looking aliens with seven legs. She’s joined by a science officer played by a surprisingly low-key Jeremy Renner. This is a sci-fi movie that gives itself time to breathe.

“Excuse me. is this 34th Street?”

Rebel rouser

Death Star secrets and setting up the events that will become the original Star Wars trilogy.

She gets paired up with a generally grouchy rebel in Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) and his wiseass droid, K-2SO (voiced by Alan Tudyk). They go on that There was a quick little moment in the very first mission mentioned in Episode IV, leading up to an Star Wars (now known as Star Wars Episode IV: action-packed finale that’s reminiscent of the climactic A New Hope) when a character mentions rebels A New Hope battle scene in many ways, some of possibly obtaining vulnerability secrets regarding them truly unexpected and wonderful. (There are the Death Star. some rather surprising cameos.)

That group of people actually gets their own Among the returnees from the original trilogy and movie in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, a Star prequels is Bail Organa, still played by Jimmy Smits, Wars spinoff that’s technically another prequel. It, in a surprising nod to the prequels that displeased so fact, tells a story that leads right up to when A New many. CGI trickery—some of it a little shaky—leads Hope begins. It’s a strong, rousing action adventure to the return of a major Empire figure that won’t be movie that should please Star Wars geeks along with revealed in this review. And, of course, the commernewcomers to the franchise. cials have already shown that Darth Vader (still gloriIt’s also a little different than your typical Star ously voiced by James Earl Jones) is back in all of his Wars movie in that it doesn’t mainly deal with evil glory. That’s a major Star Wars treat. the Skywalker saga—although The score by Michael a couple of them make notable Giacchino isn’t all that bad, but appearances—and doesn’t promiit does riff on the original John nently feature the John Williams Williams themes, leading one to score (although that makes some wonder why they didn’t use the appearances, as well). Director original music throughout. There Gareth Edwards (Godzilla) goes are moments when Giacchino’s for something a little different music uses the first phrase of the here, a tonal shift reminiscent Director: Gareth Edwards original score themes, but then of the big change The Empire Starring: Felicity Jones, Ben goes off in another direction.

Strikes Back brought to the saga.

Mendelsohn, Diego Luna It feels like a bit of a tease.

The film starts without the long Understandably, the goal here is crawl and theme music we’re used to make a standalone Star Wars movie, but it’s very to, and goes straight into its story. Galen Erso (Mads much a Star Wars movie, so teasing the original score Mikkelsen), a renowned scientist, gets an unwelcome with new, similar music is a distraction. visit at his remote farm from the evil Orson Krennic This year has been a major letdown for big block(Ben Mendelsohn). Krennic wants Erso to continue busters (Ghostbusters, Jason Bourne, Independence his work on this crazy new thing called the Death Day: Resurgence, etc.), so it’s nice to finish the year Star, but Erso isn’t interested. The whole emerging on such a high note. Rogue One is a blast, and further Empire thing has got him generally turned off, and proof that Mickey Mouse taking over the Star Wars he wants no part of it. Bad events ensue, and Erso’s responsibilities from creator George Lucas is a very young daughter, Jyn, goes into hiding. good thing. Star Wars VIII comes to us next year, and The action picks up 15 years later, and Jyn has a standalone Han Solo origin story the year after that. grown up to be played by Felicity Jones. Jones There was a time when we had to wait many brings the same level of competent acting skills to years for our Star Wars fixes. In this, the New Age the franchise that Daisy Ridley brought last year in of Total Impatience, we get Star Wars every year.

The Force Awakens (and they both have awesome The New Age of Total Impatience most certainly English accents). Jyn eventually finds herself joining has its perks. Ω the Rebellion, and becomes a key player in getting the

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

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4

The Edge of Seventeen

Writer-director Kelly Fremon Craig makes an impressive debut with this darkly funny take on the life of a modern day high school outcast. Hailee Steinfeld gives her best performance since True Grit as Nadine, a highly intelligent teen going through an awkward stage when her best friend (Haley Lu Richardson) starts dating her brother (Blake Jenner). Nadine is a practitioner of brutal honesty, which basically gets her ostracized at school and in trouble with her family. The only one who really stops to listen is her teacher (a hilarious Woody Harrelson) who actually has no choice given his profession. Craig’s screenplay is first rate, and her directing results in some great performances. Steinfeld is good enough here to be considered for her second Oscar nomination, while Jenner (who starred in this year’s Everybody Wants Some!!) is equally good. Kyra Sedgwick is also very good in a supporting role as Nadine’s mother, while Hayden Szeto does excellent work as a high school boy who hasn’t mastered the art of properly asking somebody out. (His performance is all the more impressive because he’s over 30 playing 18.)

3

Fences

Denzel Washington directs and stars as Troy Maxson, an ex baseball player in the 1950s. It’s a role originated on Broadway in a 1987 Tony-winning performance by James Earl Jones. Washington starred in the 2010 Broadway revival, for which he also won a Tony, and now takes another shot at this great character penned by August Wilson. Viola Davis, who costarred with Washington on Broadway—yep, another Tony—plays Rose, Troy’s long-suffering wife. The two try to raise a son of their own (Jovan Adepo) while contending with Troy’s children from past relationships and present affairs. Some of 2016’s finest performances are in the movie, including Washington and, most notably, Davis, who should find herself in contention for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar.

The movie suffers from that feeling that it’s a filmed play. The staging is lackluster and drab, and some of the writing feels a tad melodramatic, far more suitable for a live performance than a motion picture. The whole thing would play much better as a TV movie rather than something for the big screen. Still, you can’t take away from Washington and Davis performances, and Washington definitely has a knack for getting great work from his cast.

5

La La Land

This is an all new, original musical from director Damien Chazelle (Whiplash) that’s surprisingly low on melodrama while full of vibrancy, beautiful tunes, outstanding set pieces and a stunning sense of realism for a movie where the characters bust out singing.

It’s the best original movie musical ever made.

The story follows wannabe actress Mia (Emma Stone) and jazz composer Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) as they try to make it in crazy Los Angeles. They meet, they don’t like each other

much at first, but then they fall in love, which provides Chazelle and his performers ample opportunities for musical numbers that surprise at every turn. In one of the year’s greatest scenes, the film opens on an L.A. traffic jam that evolves into a full-blown dance number featuring many extras and top notch editing and camera work that make the whole thing look like one shot. This solidifies Ryan Gosling as one of the best actors of his generation. He can wow you with insightful indies and carry big budget blockbusters. Now, with La La Land, he takes his game to a new level. He proves he can pretty much do anything when it comes to movie characters. He can sing with the best of them, he’s definitely no slouch when it comes to dancing, and he sure can play the piano after a few months of intensive training for the movie. (Those aren’t stunt hands playing the keys—those are Gosling’s.) Just like that, Gosling is a full-bodied star of the musical genre.

Emma Stone is a mind-blowing revelation. She doesn’t just make her mark with a beautiful voice and expert footwork—she embodies the character with the honest and almost tragic drive to “make it” in the business.

5

Manchester By the Sea

4

Nocturnal Animals

Be prepared to get your heart ripped out by Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams in this—one of the more emotionally powerful movie experiences of 2016. Affleck plays Lee, uncle to Patrick (Lucas Hedges), who must return to his hometown and raise his nephew after his brother (Kyle Chandler) dies.

Lee is a true mess, and we learn through flashbacks what got him to his messed up state.

He’s battling some major past tragedy on top of his brother’s death, and there’s no telling how things will work out for him and Patrick.

The flashbacks are brutal, revealing things that go beyond terrible, and it’s no wonder Lee has coping issues. Affleck has turned in good work before, but nothing like what he does in this film. He’s incredible. Williams turns in a blistering performance as Lee’s ex-wife, and a scene Affleck and Williams share together is guaranteed to knock you on your ass, and will probably earn them both Oscar nominations.

Hedges is mighty good as the confused teen dealing with the loss of his dad and the presence of his somewhat strange uncle. Kenneth Lonergan directs from his own screenplay, and he’s put together some kind of movie miracle.

His last big film was You Can Count On Me 16 years ago. He’s definitely one of the great cinema comeback stories of 2016.

Amy Adams, on fire in 2016 even after you factor in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, plays Susan Morrow, a bizarre art gallery owner stuck in a rut. Her bland but gorgeous husband (Armie Hammer—also having a good year) is ambivalent toward her, and she’s borderline broke and generally unhappy. She gets a manuscript in the mail from ex-husband Edward Sheffield (Jake Gyllenhaal). He was a struggling writer when the two were together, but now he just might have the novel that could get his career going. Susan agrees to read the advance copy, and the story within freaks her out, to say the least. The film’s screenplay, written by Ford and based on the novel by Austin Wright, then goes on an ultra-clever route.

We see the story play out as Susan reads it and, as many of us often do, Susan casts the main character in the novel, Tony Hastings, as somebody she knows—her ex-husband. So Gyllenhaal plays two roles in the film: Edward in flashbacks and Tony, husband of Laura (Isla Fisher) and father to India (Ellie Bamber), in her visualization of the novel. One of the great tricks of the movie is that it remains a mystery whether or not the events in the novel are based on events in the larger narrative, or just act as a symbolic representation of the cruelties Susan inflicted upon Edward when she left him. Also, we never really know if Edward is somebody who simply wrote a chilling thriller and wants his ex-wife’s honest opinion, or if he’s sending her a message. Michael Shannon is excellent as a lawman living on borrowed time.

It’s an alternately scary, funny, thrilling movie that is expertly performed.

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by ToDD SouTh

Bazaar European Deli & Cafe serves a variety of sweet treats.

PHOTO/ALLISON YOUNG

In steppe

cream in the center. Served with a few slices of rye bread, this was some serious comfort food.

Blinchiki—Russian crepes—are much like the Swedish pancakes I grew up with, Although Eastern European fare is not a bit thicker and softer in texture than a new to Reno, Bazaar European Deli & French crepe. We sampled the four varietCafe aims to supply a healthy variety of ies offered—sweet ($6), farmer’s cheese foodstuffs from the steppes. There are ($6.50), red caviar ($7.50) and smoked refrigerated deli cases with an array of salmon ($7.50). Each order came with two meats, smoked fish, cheeses and prepared rolled crepes and a dollop of sour cream. foods. Baked goods, ranging from breads The sweet crepes were topped with a to desserts, are plentiful. There’s some raspberry spread, while the cheese rolls fresh produce and a large collection of were filled with something akin to ricotta; frozen items. both plates were sprinkled with powdered The cafe offers a variety of coffee, sugar. The red caviar and smoked salmon beer, wine and specialty drinks, sandplates were sprinkled with dill, parsley and wiches and other dishes. There’s also scallion. Although just a few tablespoons of an array of condiments, garnishes and fish eggs adorned the caviar plate, that was an enormous amount of sweet treats— plenty. The strongly fishy apparently the peoples and salty flavors were barely of the former U.S.S.R. cut by the pancake and sour really love their cream. I like anchovies, fish candied goodies. eggs and the like—but, man, I’m guessing most that stuff packs a punch.

3652 S. Virginia St., 870-9095 Americans who’ve Siberian style pelmeni Bazaar European Deli & Cafe is open from heard of or experienced dumplings ($6.99) stuffed 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. borscht probably associwith pork and beef were ate it with Russia, and served in a very light broth the folks in Moscow do love a good bowl with herbs and sour cream, perhaps one of of beet stew. However, it’s centuries-old the most satisfying dumpling dishes I’ve origin lies in Ukraine as a sour stew of meat tried. This was followed by two salads, and hogweed root (also known as cow parsshuba and olivier. nip). It wasn’t until perhaps the 18th century The shuba ($3.19) is a layered rectangle that the Poles introduced beetroot as the of shredded potato, carrot, beets, onion, primary ingredient, eventually replacing the egg and herring, dressed with mayonnaise original completely. and seasoned with salt and pepper. The There are hundreds of variations flavors worked pretty well together, but the on borscht amongst Slavic peoples and texture wasn’t my favorite. Olivier salad throughout Eastern Europe—some skipping ($2.69)—also known simply as Russian beets entirely—but the bowl served at salad—is a mayonnaise-dressed mix of Bazaar was a tasty classic ($4.99). Beet boiled and diced potato, carrot, dill pickle, juice was stewed with chunks of beef, then green pea, egg, celeriac, onion and meat, combined with sauteed cabbage, carrot, seasoned with salt, pepper and mustard. We beets, herbs and other seasonings. The dill asked what the meat was, and the chef said, was a noticeable presence. The bowl was “No meat. Bologna.” Well, sure. I’m OK served nice and warm with a dollop of sour with that. Ω

Bazaar European Deli & Cafe

Coffee / Motorcycles 131 Pine Street 7am - 7pm Daily

seeseemotorcycles.com

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FREE, confidential HIV testing is available.

CALL 775-328-6147 for your appointment today.

This publication was supported by the Nevada State Division of Public and Behavioral Health through Grant Number 5U62PS003654-05 from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Its contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official view of the Division nor the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

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by MaRc TiaR

Geek love

Bret Schaeffer, owner of SixFour Growlers, launched a Facebook page called Reno Beer Enthusiast.

Photo/ERic MaRks

group, and everyone gets to taste a bunch of different beers they might not otherwise have access to. Now I don’t know about your obsessions and their groups, but this Take any topic—sports, cars, gardening, could easily turn into a contest—who can literally anything—and you can find bring the best, rarest, most hallowed beer a subculture that is obsessed with it to and impress everyone the most. But it’s near-pathological levels. Mine, you may not about bragging rights, it’s about finally have guessed, is beer. People like me, having an opportunity to pop the cork—yes, self-described beer geeks, will wax poetic some beers come corked—with kindred about hop varieties, talk your ear off about spirits who will appreciate it. It’s like a Hot yeast strains, and debate fiercely about August Nights show-n-shine for beer. whether this year’s imperial stout had more I missed the first two get-togethers, coffee than last year. I struggle to see the but I’m told this turnout was the best yet. world outside my bubble, where normal I suspect the tour of a new brewery-to-be, people see beer as just a basic part of life Revision Brewing, spiked interest this like sandwiches or shoes. We geeks easily time. Probably 50 people from all walks of forget that something like 80 percent of the life gathered to freely share special bottles beer sold in this country is not the delicious with strangers and friends. They brought craft beer we’re preoccupied with. home brew, vintage bottles they had socked If there’s one thing away for years—yes, the internet and social cellaring beer is a media have given us, thing—rare Belgian it’s a way for people sours, hoppy, stout with common interests For more information, search for “Reno Beer and everything in to find each other, Enthusiast” on Facebook. between. Beer was communicate and discussed, tastings share their passions. were logged, and a Beer geeks are no great time was had by all. exception—there are countless forums Other than the RBE, you’ll also find dedicated to brewing, rating, trading and local home brew club, the High Desert simply discussing beer. Locally, we have Brewgade, sharing ideas on fermentation, several Facebook groups dedicated to it in ingredients and equipment, and organizing some way. SixFour Growlers proprietor competitions. The Sons of Fermentation, Bret Schaeffer launched one, the Reno Beer by description a “brewers group,” in realEnthusiast, about 16 months ago, and it has ity brings together the seedy underbelly since grown to nearly 400 members. of the Reno beer scene—salty humor and Of course, beyond the online world trash talk, tempered with a streak of camawhere we can tell each other about new raderie, charity and unbridled enthusiasm beers, share beer jokes, and ask for for drinking. opinions, this forum also provides a way The world of the Reno beer geek, to organize real world events where we online and otherwise, is certainly can drink real beer! And so I set out on a comparable to other cities and people recent Friday night to join the RBE for their geeky about other things, from quilters third bottle share. As the name implies, to barbecuers to old car freaks. We’re all you bring a bottle or two—or more—of passionate about something and just need something you want to share with the others to talk to about it. Ω

Reno Beer Enthusiast

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www.MellowFellowPub.Com Downtown Reno 300 East 2nd St. Reno, NV (775) 657-8946

Truckee 10192 Donner Pass Rd. Truckee, CA (530) 214-8927

Virginia City 171 South C St. Virginia City, NV

live music..cocktails..grill house UpCOmiNg SHOwS:

DEC 23 the nightmare before christmas event | jAN 06 tinnitus jAN 07 resurrection kings | jAN 14 the demon rock off 4th edition

wEEKly EVENTS:

local band Wednesday | rock a roake thursdays Jazz club theater sundays | vodka bar | over 100 vodkas

To see event schedules and purchase tickets go to:

www.ROCKBARTHEATER.com

211 N Virginia St. Reno, NV 89501 Entrance on Virginia Formerly The Knitting Factory 12.22.16

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by KRiS VagNeR

Fantasy Wedding Faire AMERICAN HEART

January

The largest and most respected Bridal Show in Northern Nevada!

22 2017

Around the block The Lazy Universe Back in the ’90s, the punk-countryrockabilly band Gunshot Licker was a cornerstone of the rip-roaring Reno cowpunk scene, right alongside acts like the Boston Wranglers and the Atomiks.

The band included lead singer and rhythm guitarist Stacey Tolle, bassist Bill Goldie, Jon Caggiula on drums, and Johnny Fingers, whose legendary guitar leads many Renoites remember with stars in their eyes and tales of good ol’ days.

Gunshot Licker broke up around 1999, and it’s still common to hear fans reminisce, half-blissful, half-wistful, with a sense of “you had to-be-there” nostalgia.

Aside from the memories, the band didn’t leave much of a trace. There’s no trail of MP3s or vinyl records to revel in—save for a YouTube clip of a 2012 reunion show at Davidson’s Distillery—and the only recordings out there are a few cassette tapes.

They’d play at the bars like the longclosed Blue Lamp, the Zephyr—now a craft cocktail bar, formerly a graffiti-scrawled punk bar—and the Metamorphosis, where Carl’s is now.

Longtime fan Nick Ramirez remembers sold-out shows, Tolle’s “very Reno-centric lyrics … which we all loved,” and that she always looked cool on stage.

Tolle, who is about to turn 50, still looks cool on stage—imagine if the Ramones had a classier younger sister whose combined force of warmth, grit and stage-dominating ’tude could make an old T-shirt look glamorous. And she still writes lyrics about the people on the edges.

“When I was in Reno I wrote a bunch of songs about Reno and that 24-hour culture, the transient lifestyle, and the characters

Nick Ramirez, left, is among the Reno musicians who plan to join Stacey Tolle and Hudson Flanigan, former Renoites who live in Portland, for a show to celebrate Tolle’s 50th birthday.

PHOTO/KRIS VAGNER

that come through—drugs and alcohol and gambling,” Tolle said. Recently, she’s more likely to pen songs that sound like macabre historical fiction about, say, a schizophrenic woman from the 1940s who married a church leader. And also love songs.

Nothing pop-like or saccharine though.

More along the lines of psychedelic, dark— and “gloomy like Portland.”

Long story short, after her Reno days, Tolle moved to Austin, Texas, and stayed for around a decade. In 2012, while she was briefly back in the Silver State working on the film Nowhere Nevada, she fell in love with Hudson Flanigan, a musician she’d known back in Reno. The two now live in Portland, Oregon, and have a band called the Lazy Universe. Tolle sings and plays lead guitar. Flanigan is the drummer, and they’re looking for a bass player.

Tolle talks about her real-life love story with so much sweetness it almost sounds like there’s a threat of Disney princess music seeping in through the wall boards.

“We have coffee and roll downstairs and jam together,” she swooned. But don’t worry, cowpunk fans—the Disney soundtrack never arrives. Tolle’s more about minor keys and lyrics about characters like “a woman who is a pathological liar and a drug addict and just this kind of fantasy that she makes for herself.”

After toying around with the idea of a birthday trip to Tahiti, Tolle decided instead on Reno, where she could see friends and family—and perform a birthday show at The Saint. For that evening, she’ll assemble a version of the Lazy Universe that will include Flanigan, bassist Ramirez—not just a long-ago fan but also a sometimes collaborator—Tolle’s sister, vocalist Terri Snyder, who lives in Carson City, and sound engineer Tom Gordon on tambourine. Ω

The Lazy Universe plays a free show at 9 p.m. Dec. 30 at The Saint, 7621 S. Virginia St., with Alphabet Cult, the Shames and One Ton Dually.

ASSOCIATION

Location: Reno Ballroom, Downtown Reno TIME

Tickets $10 online or $12 at the door Local Sponsors

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www.renoweddingfaire.com 12.22.16

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THURSDAY 12/22 214 W. Commercial Row, (775) 329-9444

3RD STREET

132 West St., (775) 329-2878

Brian Setzer Orchestra Dec. 23, 8 p.m.

Grand Sierra Resort 2500 E. Second St. 789-2000

BAR OF AMERICA 10042 Donner Pass Rd., Truckee; (530) 587-2626

CEOL IRISH PUB 538 S. Virginia St., (775) 329-5558

SATURDAY 12/24

Takeover Sundays: Open Mic for DJs, 5pm, no cover

Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

Rustler’s Moon, 8:30pm, no cover

Paul Covarelli, 9pm, no cover

Pub Quiz Trivia Night, 8pm, no cover

Roger the Lodger, 9pm, no cover

312 S. Carson St., Carson City; (775) 883-2662 10142 Rue Hilltop, Truckee; (530) 587-5711

Comedy

DAVIDSON’S DISTILLERY

3rd Street, 125 W. Third St., 323-5005: Comedy Night & Improv w/Patrick Shillito, W, 9pm, no cover Carson Nugget, 507 N. Carson St., Carson City, 882-1626: K-Von, F, 7:30pm, $13-$15 The Improv at Harveys Cabaret, Harveys Lake Tahoe, Stateline, (800) 553-1022: Greg Pompa, Felicia Michaels, Th-F, Su, 9pm, $25; Sa, 9pm, $30; Bobby Collins, Jen Murphy, W, 9pm, $25 Laugh Factory at Silver Legacy Resort Casino, 407 N. Virginia St., 325-7401: Dante, Tu-W, 7:30pm, $21.95 Reno-Tahoe Comedy at Pioneer Underground, 100 S. Virginia St., 686-6600: K-Von, Th, 8pm, $10-$12; F, 9pm, $16-$19

275 E. Fourth St., (775) 324-1917

ELBOW ROOM BAR 2002 Victorian Ave., Sparks; (775) 358-6700

Post show s online by registering at www.newsr eview.com /reno. Dea dline is the Friday befor e publication.

Rico/Leroy, 8pm, no cover

American Slacker Society, Black Listed, 9:30pm, no cover

Jack Di Carlo, 7pm, no cover

Nigel St. Hubbins, 8pm, no cover

Karaoke w/C.J. Tirone, 7pm, no cover

Open Mic Night, 9pm, M, no cover Trivia Night, 9pm, W, no cover

3819 Saddle Rd., South Lake Tahoe; (530) 314-7665 A Charlie Brown Christmas, 8pm, $5

JUB JUB’S THIRST PARLOR

Christmas Party, 5pm, no cover

71 S. Wells Ave., (775) 384-1652 246 W. First St., (775) 329-4484

Open Mic Jam Slam w/Adrian Dijjon, 8pm, Tu, C.J. Tirone, 7pm W, no cover

Canyon White Open Mic Night, 8pm, no cover

HIMMEL HAUS

THE JUNGLE

CW and Dr. Spitmore, 11:30am, Tu, no cover Dave Leather, noon, W, no cover

Karaoke w/Nitesong Productions, 9pm, Tu, no cover

RFM, 9:30pm, no cover

Karaoke Kat, 9pm, no cover

10603 Stead Blvd., Stead; (775) 677-7088

140 Vesta St., (775) 742-1858

Karaoke, 9pm, Tu, W, no cover

Old Out the Blue, 7pm, no cover

HANGAR BAR

THE HOLLAND PROJECT

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY 12/26-12/28

DG Kicks, 9pm, Tu, no cover

COMMA COFFEE COTTONWOOD RESTAURANT & BAR

SUNDAY 12/25

Freq Fridays: Willy Electronarcosis, Stacy G, Vic Crulich, The Mener, 10pm, no cover

125 W. Third St., (775) 323-5005

5 STAR SALOON

FRIDAY 12/23

Traphouse: Kowta, Twøn, Shabbin Datter, SBass Jamz, 10pm, no cover

Open Mic Night, 7pm, M, Reno’s Favorite Crooners, 7:30pm, W, no cover

Low La La, 9pm, no cover

LAUGHING PLANET CAFE

Jazz Jam Session Wednesdays, 7:30pm, W, no cover

941 N. Virginia St., (775) 870-9633

RENO'S MOST UNIQUE STORE! FAMILY OWNED FOR OVER 50 YEARS!

Tarps Now On Sale!!!

Even on Special Orders & Custom Sizes!

Come on in, or give us a call to get a free quote for the Tarp that fits YOUR needs!

Ca Canvas & Poly Tarps Made in The U.S.A HUGE variety of sizes!

1675 E. 4th St. Reno, NV 89512 (775) 323-5630 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm 26

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Recycle this paper

1UP

THURSDAY 12/22 THE LOFT THEATRE-LOUNGE-DINING

FRIDAY 12/23

Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, $19-$37

1021 Heavenly Village Way, South Lake Tahoe; (530) 523-8024

THE LOVING CUP

Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, $19-$37

SATURDAY 12/24 Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, $19-$37

SUNDAY 12/25 Magic Fusion, 4:30pm, 7pm, $19-$37

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY 12/26-12/28 Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, M, Tu, W, $19-$37

Live jazz, 8pm, no cover

188 California Ave., (775) 322-2480

MIDTOWN WINE BAR

Bingo Tuesday w/Tammy Tam Tam, 6:30pm, Tu, no cover

Jason King, 8pm, no cover

1527 S. Virginia St., (775) 800-1960

MILLENNIUM NIGHTCLUB

Ladies Night, DJ/dancing, 10pm, no cover for women before 11pm

2100 Victorian Ave., Sparks; (775) 772-6637

MOODY’S BISTRO BAR & BEATS

Chris Sexton’s Charlie Brown Christmas, Tristan Selzler Trio, 8:30pm, no cover 8:30pm, no cover

Jesse Dunn & Friends, 8pm, no cover

10007 Bridge St., Truckee; (530) 587-8688

PADDY & IRENE’S IRISH PUB

Acoustic Wonderland singer-songwriter showcase, 8pm, no cover

906-A Victorian Ave., Sparks; (775) 358-5484

Sage Francis Mark Sexton Group, 8pm, M, Chuck Hughes Trio, 8pm, Tu, Mark Mackay, 8pm, W, no cover U Play Wednesday (open mic jam), 8pm, W, no cover

PIGNIC PUB & PATIO

Dec. 27, 9 p.m.

Whiskey Dick’s Saloon 2660 Lake Tahoe Blvd.

South Lake Tahoe (530) 544-3425

Open Spike Night w/Spike McGuire, 7pm, Tu, no cover

235 Flint St., (775) 376-1948

POLO LOUNGE

Johnny Lipka’s Gemini, 9pm, no cover

1559 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-8864

RED DOG SALOON

Johnny Lipka’s Gemini, 9pm, no cover

Open mic and jam, 7pm, no cover

76 N. C St., Virginia City; (775) 847-7474

ROCKBAR THEATER

The Nightmare Before Christmas Eve, 9pm, $5-$8

Rockaraoke, 8pm, no cover

211 N. Virginia St., (669) 255-7960

THE SAINT

Beats Antique Dec. 28, 8 p.m.

MontBleu Resort 55 Highway 50 Stateline (800) 648-3353

Holiday Revue w/Moondog Matinee, Elephant Rifle, 9pm, $10-$15

761 S. Virginia St., (775) 221-7451

SPARKS LOUNGE

Players Buffet Open Mic Jam hosted by Greg and Adrian, 8:30pm, no cover

1237 Baring Blvd., Sparks; (775) 409-3340

ST. JAMES INFIRMARY 445 California Ave., (775) 657-8484

STUDIO ON 4TH 432 E. Fourth St., (775) 737-9776

Jonathan Rolling, LA Safari, The Happy Trails, 8pm, no cover

DJ Travy, 10pm, no cover

Tony Glaser, 9pm, $7

Murderock, Rooftop Becky, 9pm, $5-$10 or free w/3 or more food items/toiletries

WHISKEY DICK’S SALOON

4 Piece Puzzle, 9pm, no cover

2660 Lake Tahoe Blvd., South Lake Tahoe; (530) 544-3425

Saturday Night Dance Party, 9pm, no cover

Reno Swing Set, 7pm, M, Tuesday Trivia, 8pm, Tu, Music Industry Night, 8pm, W, no cover

The Roemers, 9pm, no cover

Sage Francis, Ekoh, 9pm, Tu, $15-$20 Dirt Nasty, Speaker Child, 9pm, W, $15-$20

www.spaofthewest.com

This T his Year, Year, Yea Ye

[XI _M[\

SPA OF THE WEST Holiday Gift Card Sale! $ 85! lue for Only a V 0 0 1 $ od for full-price services Go & retail items

Purchase at Spa of the West or call

775/322-7777 77 75/322-7777

1545 S Virginia St, Reno NV • 775/322-7777

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ATLANTIS CASINO RESORT SPA

3800 S. Virginia St., (775) 825-4700 1) Grand Ballroom Stage 2) Cabaret

BOOMTOWN CASINO HOTEL

2100 Garson Rd., Verdi; (775) 345-6000 1) Event Center 2) Guitar Bar

CARSON VALLEY INN

1627 Hwy. 395, Minden; (775) 782-9711 1) Valley Ballroom 2) Cabaret Lounge 3) TJ’s Corral

Leftover Salmon Dec. 28, 9 p.m.

Crystal Bay Club 14 Highway 28 Crystal Bay 833-6333

ELDORADO RESORT CASINO 345 N. Virginia St., (775) 786-5700 1) Theater 2) Brew Brothers 3) NoVi

Karaoke Corkscroo Bar & Pizzeria, 10 E. Ninth St., 284-7270: Bobby Dee Karaoke/Dance Party F, 8pm, no cover La Morena Bar, 2140 Victorian Ave., Sparks, 772-2475: Karaoke, Sa, 9pm, no cover

15 Hwy. 50, Stateline; (775) 588-6611 1) South Shore Room 2) Peek Nightclub 3) Center Stage Lounge

HARRAH’S LAKE TAHOE

The Man Cave Sports Bar, 4600 N. Virginia St., 499-5322: Karaoke, Sa, 8pm, no cover The Point, 1601 S. Virginia St., 322-3001: Karaoke, Th-Sa, 8:30pm; Su, 6pm, no cover Spiro’s Sports Bar & Grille, 1475 E. Prater Way, Ste. 103, Sparks, 356-6000: F-Sa, 9pm, no cover West Second Street Bar, 118 W. Second St., 384-7976: Daily, 8pm, no cover

SUNDAY 12/25

2) Two Way Street, 8pm, no cover

2) Two Way Street, 4pm, no cover Steppen Stonz, 10pm, no cover

2) Two Way Street, 4pm, no cover Steppen Stonz, 10pm, no cover

2) Steppen Stonz, 8pm, no cover

2) Platinum, 8pm M, Tu, W, no cover Cook Book, 10pm, M, Tu, W, no cover

2) The Robeys, 6pm, no cover

2) Hoaloha, 5pm, no cover Stephen Lord, 9pm, no cover

2) Hoaloha, 5pm, no cover Stephen Lord, 9pm, no cover

2) Crush, 5pm, no cover Stephen Lord, 9pm, no cover

2) Tandymonium, 6pm, M, no cover Jonathan Barton, 6pm, Tu, W, no cover

2) Just Us, 7pm, no cover

2) Just Us, 8pm, no cover

2) Just Us, 8pm, no cover

2) Trippin’ King Snakes, 10pm, no cover

2) Pine Street Ramblers, 10pm, no cover

1) Miracle on 34th Street, 7pm, $38+ 2) Steel Breeze, 10:30pm, no cover

1) Miracle on 34th Street, 7pm, $38+ 2) Steel Breeze, 10:30pm, no cover 3) DJ Roni V, 9pm, no cover

1) Miracle on 34th Street, 3pm, 7pm, $38+ 1) Miracle on 34th Street, 7pm, Tu, W, $38+ 1) Miracle on 34th Street, 3pm, 7pm, $38+ 2) Steel Breeze, 10:30pm, no cover 2) Live Band Karaoke, 10pm, M, no cover 2) Steel Breeze, 10:30pm, no cover 3) DJ Roni V, 9pm, no cover Audioboxx, 10:30pm, W, no cover

1) Cirque Mechanics: Pedal Punk, 8pm, $10-$25 2) Lex Thursdays, 10pm, no cover 3) Country Nights, 10pm, no cover

1) Brian Setzer Orchestra, 8pm, $50-$88 2) DiJiTAL, 10pm, $15 3) Country Nights, 10pm, no cover

1) Cirque Mechanics: Pedal Punk, 8pm, $10-$25 3) Country Nights, 10pm, no cover

1) The Magic of Rob Lake, 7:30pm, $20.95-$34.95

1) The Magic of Rob Lake, 7:30pm, $20.95-$34.95 2) DJ JosBeatz, 10pm, no cover

2) DJ KOKO, 10pm, $20 3) Arty the Party, 9pm, no cover

1) Country Artists Tribute Show, 7:30pm, $32-$42

1) Country Artists Tribute Show, 7:30pm, $32-$42 Decadence, 10pm, $32.75

HARRAH’S RENO

1) Country Artists Tribute Show, 219 N. Center St., (775) 788-2900 7:30pm, $32-$42 1) Sammy’s Showroom 2) The Zone 3) Sapphire Lounge 4) Plaza 5) Convention Center

MONTBLEU RESORT

55 Hwy. 50, Stateline; (800) 648-3353 1) Showroom 2) HQ Center Bar 3) Opal Ultra Lounge 4) Blu

NUGGET CASINO RESORT

1100 Nugget Ave., Sparks; (775) 356-3300 1) Celebrity Showroom 2) Nugget Grand Ballroom 3) Gilley’s

PEPPERMILL RESORT SPA CASINO

2707 S. Virginia St., (775) 826-2121 1) Tuscany Ballroom 2) Terrace Lounge 3) Edge

SILVER LEGACY RESORT CASINO

407 N. Virginia St., (775) 325-7401 1) Grand Exposition Hall 2) Rum Bullions Island Bar 3) Aura Ultra Lounge 4) Silver Baron Lounge

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CRYSTAL BAY CLUB

2500 E. Second St., (775) 789-2000 1) Grand Theater 2) Lex Nightclub 3) Sports Book

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GRAND SIERRA RESORT

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MONDAY-WEDNESDAY 12/26-12/28

2) Tyler Stafford, Tu, W, no cover

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1) Cirque Mechanics: Pedal Punk, 8pm, $10-$25

1) K-Von, 8:30pm, Tu, $15-$18 Leftover Salmon, 9pm, W, $30 2) Hellbound Glory, 9pm, M, no cover

1) Cirque Mechanics: Pedal Punk, 8pm, M, Tu, W, $10-$25 1) The Magic of Rob Lake, 7:30pm, M, Tu, W, $20.95-$34.95 3) Buddy Emmer Band and guest, 8pm, Tu, no cover

1) Country Artists Tribute Show, 7:30pm, $32-$42

2) Karaoke w/Dreu Murin, 10pm, no cover

4) The Killer Dueling Pianos, 9pm, no cover

1) Beats Antique, Thriftworks, 8pm, W, $25-$40

1) The Nutcracker, 7pm, $19.95-$36.95 3) DJ/dancing, 6pm, no cover Josh Budro, 9pm, no cover

1) The Nutcracker, 8pm, $19.95-$36.95 3) DJ/dancing, 6pm, no cover Josh Budro, 9pm, no cover

3) DJ/dancing, 6pm, no cover Josh Budro, 9pm, no cover

3) DJ/dancing, 6pm, no cover

3) DJ/dancing, 6pm, W, no cover

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2) The Love Dimension, 8pm, no cover 3) The Latin Dance Social, 7:30pm, $10 before 10pm, $20 after

2) The Love Dimension, 8pm, no cover

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2) Kyle Rea, 6pm, M, Tu, W, no cover

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3) Seduction Saturdays, 9pm, $5 4) The Vegas Road Show, 8:30pm, no cover

2) Sunday Funday Industry Night, 10pm, no cover 3) Industry Night, 9pm, no cover 4) DJ MoFunk, 9pm, no cover

2) Country-Rock Bingo w/Jeff Gregg, 9pm, W, no cover

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NEW YEAR' S EVENTS EvEnts

MAGIC FUSION NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW: The

2016 NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION: This family-friendly event includes a ski patrol dog meet & greet, a champagne/ cider toast at Big Blue and fire pits, s’mores and live music at the North Lodge. Sa, 12/31, 3-10pm. Homewood Mountain Resort, 5145 W. Lake Blvd., Homewood, www.skihomewood.com.

BIG HEART MASQUERADE BALL: Count down to 2017 with a traditional masquerade ball featuring music by Big Heart. Enjoy a champagne toast for the midnight mask reveal. Sa, 12/31, 8pm. Free. Elbow Room Bar, 2002 Victorian Ave., Sparks, (775) 358-6700.

BOUNCE HEAVY: NYE 2016: Fresh Bakin’, Bass Heavy and The Bounce present this New Year’s Eve show with two rooms featuring live music and electronic music, including sets by BUKU and Barisone. Sa, 12/31, 9:30pm. $20-$40. Tahoe Biltmore, 5 Highway 28, Crystal Bay, http://freshbakin.com.

EDGE NIGHTCLUB’S NYE PARTY: Four Color Zack headlines the New Year’s Eve Party, which includes complimentary champagne tasting from 9-10pm, party favors, a midnight champagne toast and a celebratory balloon drop.

Cocktail attire is strongly suggested.

Sa, 12/31, 9pm. $50-$60. Peppermill Resort Spa Casino, 2707 S. Virginia St., (775) 826-2121.

GREAT GATSBY NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY: “Great Gatsby” is the theme of the party and patrons are encouraged to dress in 1920s/flapper attire.

Champagne will be offered to patrons every hour. Tickets will include a variety of hors d’oeuvres and two drinks of guests’ choice. Sa, 12/31, 9am. $50-$60.

The Depot Craft Brewery Distillery, 325 E. Fourth St., (775) 737-4330.

HEAVENLY HOLIDAYS: The two-week festival culminates on Dec. 31 with a New Year’s Celebration featuring a live concert, ice sculpting show, LED dance show and the “Gondola” ball drop and a fireworks show. M-Su through 12/31; Sa, 12/31, 6-9:30pm. Heavenly Ski Resort, 3860 Saddle Road, South Lake Tahoe, (775) 586-7000, www.skiheavenly.com.

HELLO HOLLYWOOD: NEW YEAR’S EVE AT LEX: LEX’s end-of-year party is a tribute to the classic age of Hollywood with music spun by Saint Clair and DJ Clutch.

Hosted by G-Eazy. Sa, 12/31, 8pm. $40-$80. Grand Sierra Resort, 2500 E. Second St., (775) 789-2000.

KIDS’ NIGHT OUT NEW YEAR’S EVE BASH: This party for kids ages 4-12 features dinner, games, crafts, party goodies, and a dessert station in the Alpine Ballroom. Sa, 12/31, 7pm. $95. Resort at Squaw Creek, 400 Squaw Creek Road, Olympic Valley, (530) 581-6610.

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Loft offers two early show packages.

Enjoy a gourmet buffet with dessert bar, a bottle of champagne for your table and a ticket to see Magic Fusion in The Loft Theatre. Dinner seating is at 5:30pm. Show-only doors open at 6:45pm. The show begins at 7pm. Sa, 12/31, 7pm. $99 for dinner and show, $50 for show only. The Loft TheatreLounge-Dining, 1021 Heavenly Village Way, South Lake Tahoe, (530) 523-8024, http://thelofttahoe.ticketfly.com.

MONTBLEU’S NYE CELEBRATION: The party features live DJs, go-go dancers and more. Admission includes access to Opal Ultra Lounge, Blu Nightclub and the main party in the newly renovated Convention Center. Sa, 12/31, 8pm. $55$80. MontBleu Resort, 55 Highway 50, Stateline, (800) 648-3353.

MORRIS54: A NIGHT OF DECADANCE: DJs Grizlebrand, Threo Fourz and others will spin retro, disco, funk, electro swing and more into the new year.

Midnight champagne toast, live music

by Dingo Weasel and Navigator Rick and pancake breakfast in the morning. Sa, 12/31, 8pm. $10. Morris Burner Hostel, 400 E. Fourth St., (775) 327-1171.

NEW YEAR’S AT PIPER’S OPERA HOUSE: Ring in the new year, East Coast time. The event includes hors d’oeuvres, champagne toast, balloon drop, party favors and music by Deep Groove. Watch a live feed from Times Square in New York City and count down as the ball drops. Sa, 12/31, 6pm. $60 single, $100 couple. Piper’s Opera House, 12 N. B St., Virginia City, (775) 843-5887.

NEW YEAR’S EVE AT BOOMTOWN: The event includes free slot tournament and giveaways with a midnight countdown including party favors and champagne toast. Sa, 12/31, 8pm. Free. Boomtown Casino Hotel, 2100 Garson Road, Exit 4, off Interstate Highway 80 West, Verdi, (775) 345-6000.

NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION AT THE LOFT: The party includes food, drink, DJ/ dancing, decorations, party favors and champagne toast at midnight. Sa, 12/31, 8pm. $100+. The Loft Theatre-LoungeDining, 1021 Heavenly Village Way, South Lake Tahoe, (530) 523-8024.

NEW YEAR’S EVE DINNER SHOW: Ring in 2017 with a dinner show in the Rose Ballroom with live music from the Company Men. Dinner will be served at 6pm. The Company Men perform at 7pm. Sa, 12/31, 6pm. $55-$95. Nugget Casino Resort, 1100 Nugget Ave., Sparks, (775) 356-3300.

NEW YEAR’S EVE FIRE & ICE CELEBRATION: The event includes ice skating, s’mores live music and a fireworks show starting at 9pm. Sa, 12/31, 5pm. The Village at Northstar, 3001 Northstar Drive, Truckee, (800) 217-7554.

NEW YEAR’S EVE GRAND CELEBRATION: Enjoy a gourmet buffet dinner, entertainment, live swing band, photo booths, drinks, dancing, party favors and a champagne toast in the Grand Sierra Ballroom. Sa, 12/31, 7pm. $45-$120. Resort at Squaw Creek, 400 Squaw Creek Road, Olympic Valley, (800) 327-3353,.

NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY WITH LEFT OF CENTRE: Ring in the New Year with Left of Centre in The Stage @ The Zone.

Cover includes a champagne toast and balloon drop at midnight. Sa, 12/31, 9pm. $25. Harrah’s Reno, 219 N. Center St., (775) 788-2900, www.harrahsreno.com.

NEW YEAR’S EVE WITH CHRIS FRANJOLA: Reno Tahoe Comedy presents a performance by the writer/comedian. Sa, 12/31, 6:30 & 9:30pm. $22-$25. Reno Tahoe Comedy at the Pioneer Underground, 100 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-5233.

NEW YEAR’S EVE SHOW WITH MARK CHRISTOPHER LAWRENCE: Carson Comedy presents a performance by the comedian-actor. Sa, 12/31, 7 & 9:30pm. $20-$25. Carson City Nugget, 507 N. Carson St., Carson City, (775) 322-5233, www.carsoncomedy.com.

NEW YEAR’S EVE WITH LYNCH MOB: The hard rock band headlines the party featuring performances by Big Nobbs, Seasons of Insanity and a local band contest winner. Sa, 12/31, 6:30pm. $25$300. RockBar Theater, 211 N. Virginia St., http://rockbartheater.com.

NEW YEAR’S SKI PARTY AND FIREWORKS: The event includes the Snow Cat Parade at 4:30pm, Kids’ Torchlight Parade at 5:15pm and fireworks at 5:50pm. Sa, 12/31, 4:30-6:30pm. Mt. RoseSki Tahoe, 22222 Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 849-0704, http://skirose.com.

NYE AT HARD ROCK HOTEL & CASINO: At Vinyl, Glam Cobra will take you back in time when hair metal bands dominated radio and MTV. DJ Rizzo spin tunes on Guitar Plaza and DJ Diversity will keep the hits coming on the casino floor.

Sa, 12/31, 10pm. $40. Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Lake Tahoe, 50 Highway 50, Stateline, (844) 588-7625.

NYE AT SANDS REGENCY: There will be live music from 9pm to 1am at The 3rd Street Lounge. Cash drawings at 9pm, 10pm and 11pm with 10 winners getting a share of $4,100. The New Year’s Eve party includes party hats, show girls and a champagne toast at midnight. Sa, 12/31, 9pm. Sands Regency Casino Hotel, 345 N. Arlington Ave., (775) 348-2200, www.sandsregency.com.

NYE CELEBRATION AT THE ATLANTIS: The party includes free party favors, champagne toast, midnight countdown and balloon drop. Cabaret entertainment from 4pm to 3:30am featuring Platinum and Cook Book. Sa, 12/31, 4pm.

Free. Atlantis Casino Resort Spa, 3800 S. Virginia St., (775) 825-4700.

NYE FIREWORKS & TORCHLIGHT PARADE: Ring in the new year at Squaw Valley Alpine Meadows with free live music in The Village, fireworks and all-night parties. Sa, 12/31, 6:30pm. The Village at Squaw Valley, 1960 Squaw Valley Road, Olympic Valley, http://squawalpine.com.

NYE IN TAHOE: North Mississippi Allstars headlines the party. Special guests are John Medeski and Marc Broussard.

After party with Jelly Bread. Sa, 12/31, 10pm. $50. Crystal Bay Club, 14 Highway 28, Crystal Bay, (775) 833-6333.

NYE PARTY: Dance the night away in the Capri Ballroom with a live party band and complimentary party favors, desserts and a champagne toast at midnight. Sa, 12/31, 9:30pm. $65. Peppermill Resort Spa Casino, 2707 S. Virginia St., (775) 826-2121.

NYE PARTY AT CEOL IRISH PUB: County Clarke will help usher in 2017 with its blend of traditional Irish music and Celtic punk/rock. Sa, 12/31, 9pm. Free.

Ceol Irish Pub, 538 S. Virginia St., (775) 329-5558, http://ceolirishpub.com.

NYE PARTY AT GSR: Dance the night away with music by Hindsight. Ticket includes two complimentary drink tickets and champagne toast. Sa, 12/31, 9:30pm. $41.24. Grand Sierra Resort, 2500 E. Second St., (775) 789-2000.

FOR tHE WEEK OF DECEMBER 22, 2016 For a complete listing of this week’s events or to post events to our online calendar, visit www.newsreview.com.

EvEnts 3-D MODELLING FOR BEGINNERS CAMP: Using an easy-to-learn 3-D modelling platform, students will use a project-based approach to design and print a 3-D object. Register online. Tu, 12/27, noon-2pm. Free. Sierra View Library, 4001 S. Virginia St., located inside Reno Town Mall, (775) 827-3232.

12TH ANNUAL MAGICAL MEMORIES: Resort at Squaw Creek holds its annual festival, which features family-friendly events, food and drink specials, festive meals, live music and more. Through 1/3, 2017. Resort at Squaw Creek, 400 Squaw Creek Road, Olympic Valley, (800) 327-3353.

CHRISTMAS MOVIE MATINEE: Watch The Santa Clause starting at 10:30am, followed by Elf at 12:30pm and A Christmas Story at 2:30pm in the Meeting Room. Sa, 12/24, 10:30am4:15pm. Free. Sierra View Library, 4001 S. Virginia St., located inside Reno Town Mall, (775) 827-3232.

HANDEL’S MESSIAH: TOCATTA—Tahoe Symphony Orchestra and Chorus performs Georg Frederick Handel’s classic. F, 12/23, 6pm. $65 adults, $30 children ages 5-12.

Olympic Village Lodge, 1901 Chamonix Place, Olympic Valley, (530) 581-6078.

HEAVENLY HOLIDAYS: The two-week festival in the Heavenly Village features ice sculptors, holiday music and a 16-foot interactive snow globe where kids can get their photos taken with Santa. M-Su through 12/31; Sa, 12/31, 6-9:30pm. Heavenly Ski Resort, 3860 Saddle Road, South Lake Tahoe, (775) 586-7000, www.skiheavenly.com.

NEVADA CHAMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL: The 13th annual festival features 11 concerts showcasing world-class musicians and the best in classical music, culminating with a New Year’s Day celebration. Concerts take place at the at Trinity Episcopal Church, Nightingale Concert Hall at the University of Nevada, Reno and the South Reno United Methodist Church. M-Su through 1/1. Opens 12/26. $5-$40 individual shows, $50-$250 festival pass. Locations vary, (775) 348-9413, www.renochamberorchestra.org.

NEW YEAR’S EVE DANCE PARTY: A new year’s dance party for kids. Parents must accompany any children under 10 years old. W, 12/28, 5-6pm. Free. Northwest Reno Library, 2325 Robb Drive, (775) 787-4100.

NOEL NIGHT: The Village at Northstar transforms into a winter wonderland featuring horse-drawn sleigh rides, complimentary ice skating, s’mores and hot cocoa by the fire pits, special shopping and dining offers and more. Th, 12/22, 5-8pm. The Village at Northstar, 3001 Northstar Drive, Truckee, (800) 217-7554.

ONE-DAY HOLIDAY ART CAMP: The camp provides one hour of creative movement, a festive visual art project and theater. Th, 12/22, 9am-noon. $20 (supplies included in cost).

Larry D. Johnson Community Center, 1200 12th St., Sparks, (775) 826-6100 ext. 2.

RENO BEER CRAWL: Purchase your glass and map at The Waterfall and enjoy $1 refills at 12+ downtown Reno taverns. Fourth Sa of every month, 2-6pm through 12/24. $5 glass and map. The Waterfall, 134 W. Second St., (775) 322-7373, http://renobeercrawl.com.

RENO COIN CLUB MEETING: Reno Coin Club presents its annual mini-bourse for coin collectors to buy, sell or trade their coins and exonumia. All ages welcome. Early bird prizes, quarter pot, raffle and more. Tu, 12/27, 7-9:30pm. Free. Denny’s, 205 E. Nugget Ave., Sparks, www.renocoinclub.org.

WINTERFEST: This holiday attraction features a Christmas tree lot, a Christmas train ride around the inside the stadium, photos with Santa Claus in Santa’s Village and ice skating in the outdoor ice rink. M-Su through 1/1. $5-$8 for train rides, $6-$8 for ice skating.

Greater Nevada Field, 250 Evans Ave., (775) 334-4700, www.winterfestreno.com.

ARt ARTISTS CO-OP OF RENO GALLERY: Christmas 50, The Artists Co-op of Reno presents its 50th annual Christmas show featuring the artwork and crafts of local artists. The show and sale is open every day through Dec. 28, with the exception of Christmas Day. M-Su, 11am-4pm through 12/28. Free. 627 Mill St., (775) 322-8896.

HOLLAND PROJECT MICRO GALLERY AT BIBO COFFEE CO.: Casey Clark Pop-Up Shop and Exhibition, Mugs will be available for cash only from 6:30am-8pm Monday through Friday and 8am-9pm Saturdays and Sundays.

Through 12/30. 945 Record St., (775) 348-8087, www.hollandreno.org.

MCKINLEY ARTS & CULTURE CENTER: Filtered:

Paintings by Ashley Follmer. Through 12/30; Book + Publication Arts: Black Rock Press.

Through 12/30. Free. 925 Riverside Drive, (775) 334-2417.

OnstAgE BUTTCRACKER 7—OZMOSIS: Brüka Theatre presents the seventh installation of its parody based on the holiday favorite The Nutcracker. Th, 12/22, 8pm; F, 12/23, 8pm. $20-$25. Brüka Theatre, 99 N. Virginia St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL: Laughing Owl Productions presents John Mortimer’s adaptation of Charles Dickens classic tale of redemption.

Th, 12/22, 7:30pm; F, 12/23, 7:30pm. $16.50-$22.

Laughing Owl Productions, 75 S. Wells Ave., (775) 384-9967.

THE NUTCRACKER: Reno Dance Company presents its 15th annual production of the classic ballet. Th, 12/22, 7pm; F, 12/23, 8pm. $19.95-$36.95. Nugget Casino Resort, 1100 Nugget Ave., Sparks, (775) 356-3300.

by AMY ALKON

Rump for joy I am a curvy girl with a big butt. I hate it. I have a small waist, and it makes my butt look even bigger. I don’t care that the Kardashians have made big butts cool. I’d like to lose weight in that area.

However, my boyfriend loves my butt and told me there’s research that says girls with bigger butts are smarter and healthier. Is that true? That can’t be true.

Yes, there seems to be a cognitive edge in being a woman with a big caboose—provided you have a low “waist-to-hip ratio.” That’s professor-speak for women who have small waists relative to their hips—an “hourglass figure” like yours.

Epidemiologist William Lassek and anthropologist Steven Gaulin find that being voluptuous in the way you are is associated with both being a bit smarter and having smarter children. To understand why starts with understanding “parent-offspring conflict,” evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers’ term for how it’s in each child’s genetic interest to suck as much in the way of resources out of their parent as they can.

This battle for resources starts early, which is to say a fetus is a little hog. It hoovers up its share of nutrients and then may go after some of its mother’s share, too—not so much that it kills her but maybe, “Hey, Ma, enjoy the gestational diabetes!”

Lassek and Gaulin note that this competition for resources is especially rough on teen mommies, whose own brains are still developing. Both the teen mother-to-be and her child are prone to having their cognitive development “impaired” when she’s forced to compete for a limited supply of nutrients with the fast-growing fetus-monster.

However, Lassek and Gaulin find that women with bodies like yours seem to be cushioned—or, you could say, “seat-cushioned”—against this cognitive impairment, apparently because the butt and hip area serves as a supplemental food storage locker for the developing fetus. There’s a special kind of fat that gets deposited in this area—gluteofemoral fat.

This booty fat is different from and healthier than belly fat. It’s loaded with omega-3 fatty acids— especially DHA, docosahexaenoic acid—which we can only get from things we ingest, like seafood,

walnuts, cooked spinach and krill oil supplements.

DHA is essential for day-to-day cognitive functioning in all people. And, Gaulin emphasized to me, it’s “the most important brain building resource” for little fetus people.

You’re packing more DHA than a woman who carries her fat Santa-style, but any woman can increase her DHA through diet, especially by eating fish. As for your desire to shave off some of Mount Buttmore, bad news: Gluteofemoral fat is extremely resistant to weight loss (as that basically would amount to throwing away some of your brain’s lunch).

But to lose weight overall—while feeding your brain and protecting it from cognitive decline— consider this from Lassek and Gaulin’s book, Why Women Need Fat: “The single dietary factor most strongly related to women’s weight gain was the amount of omega-6 linoleic acid in their diet.” A major source of omega-6 is factory Frankenstein oils—polyunsaturated, heat-processed seed oils like soybean, sunflower, corn, and canola.

Getting back to your back end, it seems you owe it an apology. Consider that you may be confusing body weight and booty shape in how self-conscious you feel about your behindquarters.

Now, whether men prefer heavier or slimmer women varies by culture. However, the late evolutionary psychologist Devendra Singh found that men across cultures overwhelmingly are hotter for the smarter-baby-producing hourglass bod that you have—though without any conscious understanding of why this preference evolved.

Instead of longing for a body type that men don’t find as sexy, maybe resolve to start appreciating what you have—including your own special version of the trickiest no-win question a woman can ask a man: “Baby, does our future Einstein look fat in these pants?” Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

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RAYMOND LUKE JR. PHOTO BY JOAN MARCUS. ALL OTHER PHOTOS BY ANDREW ECCLES.

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10 AM TO 6 PM 11 AM TO 5 PM NOON TO 6 PM 10 AM TO 5 PM

This exhibition is drawn from the Barbara L. Gordon Collection and is organized and circulated by Art Services International, Alexandria, Virginia.

Attributed to Edward Hicks, The Peaceable Kingdom with the Leopard of Serenity, 1846-1848, oil on canvas.

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FRee will astRology

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): NPR’s Scott Simon

interviewed jazz pianist and songwriter Robert Glasper, who has created nine albums, won a Grammy and collaborated with a range of great musicians. Simon asked him if he had any frustrations—”grand ambitions” that people discouraged him from pursuing. Glasper said yes. He’d really like to compose and sing hip-hop rhymes. But his bandmates just won’t go along with him when he tries that stuff. I hope that Glasper, who’s an Aries, will read this horoscope and take heart from what I’m about to predict: In 2017, you may finally get a “Yes!” from people who have previously said “No!” to your grand ambitions.

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Humans have drunk

hot tea for over two millennia. Chinese emperors were enjoying it as far back as the second century B.C. And yet it wasn’t until the 20th century that anyone dreamed up the idea of enclosing tea leaves in convenient one-serving bags to be efficiently brewed. I foresee you either generating or stumbling upon comparable breakthroughs in 2017, Taurus. Long-running traditions or customs will undergo simple but dramatic transformations that streamline your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “What you do is what

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counts and not what you had the intention of doing,” said Pablo Picasso. If I had to choose a single piece of advice to serve as your steady flame in 2017, it might be that quote. If you agree, I invite you to conduct this experiment: On the first day of each month, take a piece of paper and write down three key promises you’re making to yourself. Add a brief analysis of how well you have lived up to those promises in the previous four weeks. Then describe in strong language how you plan to better fulfill those promises in the coming four weeks.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): During the campaign

for U.S. president in 1896, Democratic candidate William Jennings Bryan traveled 18,000 miles as he made speeches all over the country. But the Republican candidate, William McKinley, never left his hometown of Canton, Ohio. He urged people to visit him if they wanted to hear what he had to say. The strategy worked. The speeches he delivered from the front porch of his house drew 750,000 attendees and played an important role in his election. I recommend a comparable approach for you in the coming months, Cancerian. Invoke all your attractive power as you invite interested parties to come see you and deal with you on your home turf.

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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Poetry is a way of knowl-

edge, but most poetry tells us what we already know,” writes poet Charles Simic. I would say the same thing about a lot of art, theater, film, music and fiction: Too often it presents well-crafted repetitions of ideas we have heard before. In my astrological opinion, Leo, 2017 will be a time when you’ll need to rebel against that limitation.

You will thrive by searching for sources that provide you with novel information and unique understandings. Simic says: “The poem I want to write is impossible: a stone that floats.” I say: Be on the lookout for stones that float.

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zine reports that if someone wanted to transport $10 million in bills, he or she would have to use eight briefcases. Sadly, after evaluating your astrological omens for 2017, I’ve determined that you won’t ever have a need for that many. If you find yourself in a situation where you must carry bundles of money from one place to another, one suitcase will always be sufficient. But I also want to note that a sizable stash of cash can fit into a single suitcase. And it’s not out of the question that such a scenario could transpire for you in the coming months. In fact, I foresee a better chance for you to get richer quicker than I’ve seen in years.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): For a bald eagle in

flight, feathers are crucial in maintaining balance.

If it inadvertently loses a feather on one wing, it will purposely shed a comparable feather on the other wing. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy has metaphorical meaning for your life in 2017. Do you want to soar with maximum grace and power? Would you

like to ascend and dive, explore and scout, with ease and exuberance? Learn from the eagle’s instinctual wisdom.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In August 2012,

a group of tourists visited the Eldgja volcanic region in Iceland. After a while, they noticed that a fellow traveler was missing. Guides organized a search party, which worked well into the night trying to track down the lost woman. At 3 a.m., one of the searchers suddenly realized that she herself was the missing person everyone was looking for. The misunderstanding had occurred many hours earlier because she had slipped away to change her clothes, and no one recognized her in her new garb. This is a good teaching story for you to meditate on in 2017, Scorpio.

I’d love to see you change so much that you’re almost unrecognizable. And I’d love to see you help people go searching for the new you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 2017, you

will be at the peak of your ability to forge new alliances and deepen existing alliances. You’ll have a sixth sense for cultivating professional connections that can serve your noble ambitions for years to come. I encourage you to be alert for new possibilities that might be both useful for your career and invigorating for your social life.

The words “work” and “fun” will belong together!

To achieve the best results, formulate a clear vision of the community and support system you want.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn writer

Edgar Allan Poe has been an important cultural influence. His work appears on many “mustread” lists of 19th-century American literature.

But during the time he was alive, his best-selling book was not his famous poem “The Raven,” nor his short story “The Gold-Bug,” nor his novel The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. Rather, it was The Conchologist’s First Book, a textbook about mollusk shells, which he didn’t actually write, but merely translated and edited. If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, 2017 will bring events to help ensure that your fate is different from Poe’s. I see the coming months as a time when your best talents will be seen and appreciated better than ever before.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “My goal is to

create a life that I don’t need a vacation from,” says motivational author Rob Hill Sr. That’s an implausible dream for most people. But in 2017, it will be less implausible than it has ever been for you Aquarians. I don’t guarantee that it will happen. But there is a decent chance you’ll build a robust foundation for it, and thereby give yourself a head start that enables you to accomplish it by 2019. Here’s a tip on how to arouse and cultivate your motivation: Set an intention to drum up and seek out benevolent “shocks” that expand your concepts of who you are and what your life is about.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The birds known

as winter wrens live in the Puget Sound area of Washington. They weigh barely half an ounce, and their plain brown coloring makes their appearance unremarkable. Yet they are the avian equivalents of the opera star Pavarotti.

If they weighed as much as roosters, their call would be ten times as strong as the rooster’s cock-a-doodle-doo. Their melodies are rich and complex; one song may have more than 300 notes. When in peak form, the birds can unleash cascades at the rate of 36 notes per second. I propose that we make the winter wren your spirit animal in 2017, Pisces. To a casual observer, you may not look like you can generate so much virtuosity and lyrical power. But according to my analysis, you can.

You can call Rob Brezsny for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope: (900) 950-7700. $1.99 per minute. Must be 18+. Touchtone phone required. Customer service (612) 373-9785. And don’t forget to check out Rob’s website at www.realastrology.com.

by DENNis MYERs

Santa Joe Stonich is one of this year’s Santa Clauses at Shoppers Square.

How long have you been doing this?

My first year—my very first year.

Well, trying to get the holly spirit back into me. My friend did it last year, and he asked me if I would do it this year with him. We would split shifts, and it’s been an awesome experience for me.

What has it been like?

Rewarding. See these kids with their eyes big as saucers? And they come around the corner, and they look at Santa and they wave and it’s a very, very awesome experience. … I had one little boy who cried on my lap first. He got down. He wanted his cowboy hat.

He had a real Stetson cowboy hat. He jumped back up. … As long as he had his hat on, everything was cool.

Have there been any accidents?

Accidents—oh, kids? No. No accidents.

PHOTO/DENNIS MYERS

What made you go for it?

Did you realize you were going to be having your picture taken with dogs and cats, too?

Yes. My buddy did it last year—Cecil— and he told me that there would be animals, and it doesn’t bother me. I have two big dogs at home, so I’m a dog lover. Cats are all right but dogs are awesome. I’ve had probably 10 pictures with dogs and two so far with cats.

Any of them get out of hand?

No. None, None at all. Their owners are really good with them. They don’t bring in the ones that would get out of hand.

So they were really good.

Do you have children?

Six, most of them in California, a couple of them here. And I got seven or eight grandchildren. I think we have eight now.

How did they react when they heard you were going to be Santa?

They laughed because because I was a very bah-humbug kind of person, because it [the holiday] got very expensive. But this year, it was a very eye-opening experience. Ω

by BRUCE VAN DYKE

What goes around I gotta admit, John Oliver nailed it with his remark about how Trump appears to be checking stuff off the Things To Do List on the refrigerator—only it’s Satan’s refrigerator! Similarly, Saturday Night Live struck comedy gold with its skit about Trump nominating Walter “Heisenberg” White to head the DEA. It was a great bit, and then it hit me that some of Trump’s picks are pretty much exactly like Walter White in charge of the DEA. How quickly the humorous can shift to the ominous.

In Superman, you may recall the alt-region known as Bizarro World, where all those roughly chiseled, strange-looking folks behave in an “anti” kind of way, where “Us do opposite of all Earthly things! Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness!” I can’t help but look at Don’s nominees for his cabinet, and wonder if Trump Tower has its own secret portal to a Bizarro Universe.

How else to explain nuclear physicist Steven Chu handing the keys of Energy to—gulp—Rick Perry? John Kerry departing for Tex Drillerson? The creep from Carl’s, Jr. getting the job at Labor?

The okie petro-kook nominated to head the Environmental Protection Agency, an agency he loathes? It’s Bizarro World, baby. Us screw up big time! Yay for screwup! Yay us!

• The Russian scandal isn’t gonna get him. The Electors aren’t gonna get him. The real showdown is coming. Get used to this word— emoluments. Even shitheads like McCain, Ryan and McConnell know that Trump’s plan to turn over all the businesses to Eric, Don Jr. and Ivanka ain’t gonna cut it. There’s only one way out—complete divestiture of all assets put into a blind trust. And having your kids run the “blind trust” is perfectly acceptable—if you live in fucking Bizarro World!

• Never forget—the Republican Party wanted the White House so desperately that it was willing to get in bed with the Russians.

• Karma, man. Karma. Perhaps this disastrous election can be best explained as good ole Karma. As you sow, so shall you reap. And we have to admit, the United States has done an awful lot of meddling in foreign governments. Look at Iran ’54. Guatemala ’54. The Congo ’63.

Chile ’73. Just a few of the countries that had democratically elected governments disrupted, compromised and overturned by Uncle Sam because those governments weren’t in conjunction with our interests. We’ve backed dozens of horrific dictators—all installed and supported as long as they played with a red, white and blue ball.

So maybe we were seriously overdue for some meddling payback? Ω

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