Advice Goddess

Stray it forward

I’m a single guy who started a “friends with benefits” thing two months ago with an unhappily married female co-worker. We’ve since developed feelings for each other and started talking about a future. I’m worried because people always say, “If she cheated with you, she’ll cheat on you.” OK, sure, have a FWB thing, but with a married coworker? What happened—too overworked to swipe right on Tinder? As for why your co-worker started outsourcing her sex life, there’s an assumption that people cheat because they’re in crappy marriages or relationships. But infidelity researcher Shirley Glass found that even people in happy, loving marriages can end up cheating. They do this for a variety of reasons: more sex, better sex, different sex or sometimes just because “she isn’t bad-looking and there’s an empty office with a big couch two doors down.”

As for whether this woman would cheat on you, that depends on whether she’s the sort of person who cheats. Evolutionary psychologists David Buss and Todd Shackelford found that there are personality traits common to people susceptible to cheating. One of the strongest predictors is “narcissism”—a personality trait marked by self-importance, selfabsorption, a profound sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy.

Another big predictor is “low conscientiousness,” reflected in unreliability, disorganization, laziness and a lack of self-control. Finally, there’s the unfortunately Norman Batesy-sounding “high psychoticism”—researcher-ese for a mix of aggressiveness, impulsivity and an inability to delay gratification.

Even if this woman checks out personality-wise, you’ll have a much clearer picture of what’s possible after she gets divorced. That is, if she gets divorced. Regardless, you should take the time to parse who she really is and whether she and her husband are simply two (irreconcilably) different people or whether he just watches a bit too much ESPN when he comes home. If you’re lucky, you’ll find these things out from her, and not in some awkward moment at the end of the workday when you finally get a chance to chat with her husband—through the windshield as you’re clinging to the hood of his moving car.

by AMY ALKON

Tender bender

I’m a woman, married for a year to a great guy. The problem is that he’s too gentle when he touches or kisses me, and I’m starting to get really frustrated in bed. I know I should have let him know what I really like a long time ago. How can I do this now without hurting his feelings?

Words, who needs ’em? Maybe you figured he’d get the hint from your body language—maybe because you’re pretty sure you would have if the tables were turned. Well, research by social psychologist Judith A. Hall finds that women are far better at spotting and decoding nonverbal messages (in facial expressions and body language). This makes evolutionary sense, considering a mother’s need to suss out what’s wrong with her 6-month-old.

Still, you don’t have to give him a poor performance evaluation (ouch!) or go into sex ed lecturer-like detail. Instead, take the Gene Hackman approach. Hackman reportedly informs movie directors that the only directions he’ll take are “louder, softer, faster, slower.” (You might want to supplement those with “harder” and “rougher.”)

To encourage greater openness, ask him what his sexual fantasies are (which should lead to the question, “Well, what are yours?”)—and do your best to deliver on any that don’t involve illegal acts with livestock.

You might also watch movies together with sex scenes that are more G.I. Jane than Jane Austen— like the 2005 movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Then, when you’re in bed, suggest “Mr. & Mrs. Smith-style,” and he should get what you mean. Before long, when you tell your friends that sex with your husband is “dreamy,” it won’t be because you usually doze off during it. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

This guy saves you money.

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OXS GALLERY, NEVADA ARTS COUNCIL:

VantagePointofDistance. This exhibit features the sculptural work of Las Vegas artist David Rowe. He will give an artist talk at the reception on July 26. M-F, 8am-5pm through 7/29; Tu, 7/26,

5-7:30pm. Free. 716 N. Carson St. Ste. A, Carson City, (775) 687-6680.

POTENTIALIST WORKSHOP: Requiem:Guy

Gilmore. Gilmore’s exhibit features 14 metal and ceramic sculptures. M-Su through 8/1; Th, 7/21, 7pm; W, 8/31, 7pm; Hot

OneInchAction. Buy, collect, and trade the tiny art of 50 artists reproduced on one inch buttons at the third annual show. W, 7/27, 6-9pm. Free. 836 E. Second St., (775) 686-8201.

SIERRA ARTS: StewartEaston. Drawing upon and using folk song, story and social history as a starting point, Easton works with the space and weight of story to create large scale wall-based pieces emphasizing the passage of time, within a single panel. Easton’s stitch work blurs the lines between craft, illustration and fine art. Artist reception on July 21, 5-7pm. M-Su through 7/3. 17 S.

Virginia St., Ste. 120, (775) 329-2787.

ST. MARY’S ART AND RETREAT CENTER:

SummerArtsExhibition, Artists Pete Paulos and Richard Wells are the featured artists exhibiting on all four floors of the historical building. The new Artisan Gallery features works of glass, metals, wood, fiber arts, paper and more. Summer artisans include Casey Clark, Don Kennedy, Pam Sutton and Linda Gamble. F-Su, 11am-4pm through

8/22. Donations welcome. 55 N. R St., Virginia City, (775) 847-7774.

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST FELLOWSHIP OF NORTHERN NEVADA (UUFNN): Looking

Out—SeeingWithin. Twenty artists show their renditions of Nevada two ways: one realistic/impressionist paired with an abstract work of the same location. M-F, Su, 11am-2pm through 8/24. Free. 780 Del

Monte Lane, (775) 851-7100.

WILBUR D. MAY MUSEUM, RANCHO SAN

RAFAEL REGIONAL PARK: MustangFineArt

Show&Celebration. The second annual art show and exhibit centered around the Nevada mustang. RSVP for the VIP Reception and Celebration from 7pm to 11pm. F, 7/22, 10am-4pm; Sa, 7/23, 10am4pm; Su, 7/24, noon-4pm. Free for show,

$25 for VIP reception. 1595 N. Sierra St., (775) 785-5961.

Film

CHARLEY VARRICK: A man, his wife, and their friend stage a bloody bank robbery, unaware that they are stealing money from the mob. Directed by Don

Siegel. Starring Walter Matthau and Joe

Don Baker. Tu, 7/26, 7-9pm. Free. Good

Luck Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S.

Virginia St., (775) 322-3716.

MOVIES IN THE PARK: CAN’T BUY ME LOVE:

The Artown series continues with a showing of the 1987 romantic comedy. F, 7/22, 9-11:30pm. Free. Wingfield Park, 300 W. First St., (775) 322-1538.

TRINITY FILM: THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING:

Trinity screens Norman Jewison’s 1966 film TheRussiansareComing,The RussiansareComingas part of its presentation of the travelling art exhibit IconsinTransformation. Sa, 7/23, 7-9pm. $1 donation. Trinity Episcopal Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 329-4270. 7/27:Cultural Connections: Juan Siddi Flamenco Santa Fe The Artown series concludes with a performance by the Santa Fe, New Mexico based-flamenco dance group. Comprised of 14 dancers and musicians, Juan Siddi Flamenco infuses authentic cultural traditions with contemporary flair. The performance begins at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, July 27, at Wingfield Park, 300 W. First St. Admission is free. Call 322-1538 or visit www.renoisartown.com.

Poetry/literature

NATIONAL COWBOY POETRY GATHERING ON

THE ROAD: The touring event celebrates poetry, music and cowboy life. Through poetry, music and stories, ranch people express the beauty and challenges of a life deeply connected to the earth and its bounty. Th, 7/21, 7:30-10pm. $39 assigned

seats and $29 for general admission lawn. Robert Z. Hawkins Amphitheater, Bartley Ranch Regional Park, 6000 Bartley Ranch Road, (775) 322-1538.

music

FAMILY SERIES: FAUSTWORK MASK THEATER:

The Artown series continues with familyfriendly activities from 5-7pm. Learn all about masks and how they inspire, as well as participate in interactive art projects. Faustwork Mask Theater will perform at 7pm. M, 7/25, 5-9pm. Free. Wingfield Park, 300 W. First St., (775) 322-1538.

KYRA GORDON AND GEORGIA MAESTRO:

Singer-songwriter Kyra Gordon performs blues, jazz, funk and sing-alongs and more. This concert directly follows a performance by Reno Improv. Sa, 7/23, 9pm-midnight. $10 suggested donation. Potentialist Workshop, 836 E. Second St., (510) 579-7911.

MIDTOWN ON MARTIN STREET: THE FAMILY

CREST: The orchestral indie rock band performs. Su, 7/24, 7:30-10pm. Craft Wine

& Beer, 22 Martin St., (775) 322-1538, www.renoisartown.com.

MONDAY NIGHT MUSIC SERIES: CLINT HOLMES:

The Artown music series concludes with a performance by the country recording artist, who will sing selections from The Great American Songbook, standards by Frank Sinatra and contemporary classics. M, 7/25, 7:30-9:30pm. Free. Robert Z. MUSIC ON THE BEACH 2016 SUMMER

CONCERTS: Free live music performances featuring a variety of genres on the North Shore of Lake Tahoe. Concerts take place at Kings Beach State Recreation Area and start at 6:30pm (6pm on Aug. 19, Aug. 26 and Sept. 2). F, 6:30-9pm through 9/2. Free. Kings Beach

State Recreation Area, 8318 North Lake Blvd., Kings Beach, (530) 546-9000.

ROLLIN’ ON THE RIVER: SPIKE MCGUIRE:

RN&R’s summer music series continues with music by the local folk singer. F, 7/22, 5:30-8pm. Free. Wingfield Park, 300 W. First St., (775) 324-4440.

SIERRA GUITAR FESTIVAL: Classical guitar

ensemble DuoSF performs. Th, 7/21, 1:152:15pm. The Grammy award-winning classical guitarist Andrew York performs. Th, 7/21, 7-8pm. Free. Trinity Episcopal Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 298-1686, www.cgwest.org.

SIERRA GUITAR FESTIVAL & COMPETITION:

The Youth Competition begins at 9am. Philip Manwell and Larry Aynesmith perform a concert at noon. The Adult Competition begins at 2pm. Andrew York will offer workshops at 3:15pm and 5pm. The awards and closing ceremony takes place at 7:15pm. F, 7/22, 9am-7:30pm. Free,

donations welcome. Trinity Episcopal Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 298-1686, www.cgwest.org.

SOUTHERN DRAWL BAND: The country band

performs. Sa, 7/23, 6-9pm. Free. Brewery Arts Center, 449 W. King St., Carson City, (775) 883-1976, www.breweryarts.org.

SWEET VIBRATIONS: BRASSAKWARDS: The

band performs a variety of styles that include blues, jazz, and swing music of the 1930s-1950s. Tu, 7/26, 7-8pm. $5 suggested donation. First United Methodist Church, 209 W. First St., (775) 322-4564, www.renoisartown.com. UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA JAZZ QUARTET: Tahoe

Chamber Music Society closes its 2016 season by welcoming back saxophonist Peter Epstien and the University of Nevada Jazz Quartet. Su, 7/24, 2:30pm. Free. St. Patrick’s Episcopal Church, 341 Village Blvd., Incline Village, (775) 2980075, www.tahoechambermusic.org.

WEEKLY DRUM CIRCLE: Bring your drum,

your didgeridoo, poi, hoops and silk or just yourself and enjoy the soothing sounds of the Morris Drum Circle. M, 8:30pm through 7/25. Free. Morris Burner

Hotel, 400 E. Fourth St., (775) 327-1171.

sPorts & Fitness

RENO ACES: The minor league baseball team takes on the Colorado Springs Sky

Sox. Th, 7/21, 7:05pm; the team plays the

Sacramento River Cats. Tu, 7/26, 7:05pm;

W, 7/27, 7:05pm; Th, 7/28, 7:05pm; F, 7/29,

7:05pm. $8 general admission, $7 for military, kids under age 12 and seniors over age 62. Greater Nevada Field, 250 Evans Ave, (775) 334-7000, www.renoaces.com.

onstage

ALICE IN WONDERLAND: TheatreWorks of

Northern Nevada presents a darker, more faithful version of Lewis Carroll’s classic tale that reimagines the experience of Wonderland and ends with an unexpected new twist. F, 7/22, 7pm; Sa, 7/23, 7pm; F, 7/29, 7pm; Sa, 7/30, 11am, 2 & 7pm; Su, 7/31, 2pm. $12 general,

$10 students, seniors, military. Laxalt Auditorium, Warren Nelson Building, 401 W. Second St.; Su, 7/24, 2pm. $12 general, $10 students, seniors, military. Atlantis Casino Resort Spa, 3800 S. Virginia St.; Tu, 7/26, 5:30pm. Free. Mack Auditorium, Renown Medical Center, 1155 Mill St., (775) 284-0789, www.twnn.org.

BUYER & CELLAR: An underemployed Los

Angeles actor goes to work in Barbra

Streisand’s basement in Jonathan’s

Tolin’s absurdist comedy and one-man play. Th, 7/21, 7:30-9pm; F, 7/22, 7:30-9pm;

Sa, 7/23, 7:30-9pm; Su, 7/24, 2-3:30pm;

F, 7/29, 7:30-9pm; Sa, 7/30, 7:30-9pm.

$15 in advance, $18 at the door. Good Luck Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-3716.

DANCING IN THE PARK: THE NORTHERN

NEVADA DANCE COALITION: The Artown

series concludes with a this collage of dance and theater. Tu, 7/26, 8-10:30pm.

Free. Wingfield Park, 300 W. First St., (775) 762-5376, www.renoisartown.com.

DISNEY’S THE LION KING, JR.: After a suc-

cessful run in March, the students of Billinghurst Middle School will return to the stage to tell the story of Simba and his rise to King of Pride Rock as part of Artown. F, 7/22, 7-8:30pm; Sa, 7/23, 7-8:30pm; Su, 7/24, 1-2:30pm; M,

7/25, 1-2:30pm. $5-$10. Nell J. Redfield Foundation Performing Arts Center, 505 Keystone Ave., (775) 673-7291.

THE FROZEN BALLET: Reno Dance Company

presents its ballet based on the Disney animated film and Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale. W, 7/27, 3 & 8pm; Th,

7/28, 3 & 8pm. $22. Nugget Casino Resort, 1100 Nugget Ave., Sparks, (775) 356-3300, www.renodancecompany.com. 7/27: Izzi Tooinsky—A Toymaker’s Journey Through The Gold Rush

Tooinsky’s fast-paced, kid-friendly vaudeville show uses humor, games, toys and audience participation to explore the California Gold Rush. The show begins at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, July 27, at the Valhalla Boathouse Theatre at the Tallac Historic Site, 1 Valhalla Road, South Lake Tahoe. Tickets are $20$28. Call (530) 541-4975 or visit http://valhallatahoe.com. —Kelley lang

LAKE TAHOE SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL: The

44th annual festival presents William Shakespeare’s TheComedyofErrorsand the Off-Broadway musical revue Forever Plaid, written by Stuart Ross. The productions will be performed in rotating repertory Tuesday through Sunday at 7:30 p.m., through Aug. 21. Tu-Su, 7:30pm through 8/21. Prices vary. Sand Harbor State Park, 2005 Highway 28, Incline Village, (775) 747-4697.

MALVOLIO OR WHAT YOU WILL: As part of

Artown, Brüka Theatre presents an original play by Sandra Brunell-Neace and Rachel Lopez that explores what it means to live as a transgender person in an intolerant society. Th, 7/21, 8pm; F, 7/22, 8pm; Sa, 7/23, 8pm; W, 7/27, 8pm; Th, 7/28, 8pm; F, 7/29, 8pm; Sa, 7/30, 8pm. $22

general admission, $20 students, seniors, military, $25 at the door. Brüka Theatre, 99 N. Virginia St., (775) 323-3221.

THE RED VELVET CAKE WAR: Carson Valley

Community Theatre presents this rollicking southern comedy by Jamie Wooten, Jessie Jones & Nicholas Hope. F, 7/22, 7:30pm; Sa, 7/23, 1 & 7:30pm; Su, 7/24, 2pm; F, 7/29, 7:30pm; Sa, 7/30, 1 & 7:30pm;

Su, 7/31, 2pm. $13-$15. CVIC Hall, 1602 Esmeralda Ave., Minden, (775) 292-0939.

SIDE BY SIDE BY SONDHEIM: Reno Little

Theater presents this Tony Awardwinning musical that explores the music of Stephen Sondheim. Th, 7/21, 7:30pm; F, 7/22, 7:30pm; Sa, 7/23, 2 & 7:30pm; Su, 7/24, 2pm; Th, 7/28, 7:30pm; F, 7/29, 7:30pm; Sa, 7/30, 2 & 7:30pm; Su, 7/31, 2pm. $20

general admission, $18 seniors, students, military. Reno Little Theater, 147 E. Pueblo St., (775) 329-0661.