Film

X misses the spot

X-Men: Apocalypse

After scoring a huge critical and box office success with X-Men: Days of Future Past, Bryan Singer’s triumphant return to the franchise, 20th Century Fox wisely brought the director back for X-Men: Apocalypse. However, in a move that induces head scratching, Fox cut the budget for the current installment, while padding the cast and upping the action quotient. Actually, this is the studio that screwed up Fantastic Four, so maybe the shortchanging of a reliable franchise isn’t all that surprising. There are portions of the movie that are sloppier than the usual Singer offerings, and quite a few moments have cut-rate CGI. The movie alternates between looking great to looking super bad. The flaws eventually pile up, and while there are some nice, enjoyable stretches, it’s a bit of a mess in the end—despite powerful work from Michael Fassbender as Magneto and new-to-the-franchise Oscar Isaac as the menacing villain Apocalypse. Before the opening credits, which look like shit, we get a quick backstory for Apocalypse. En Sabah Nur (Isaac), an ancient Egyptian, merges with some sort of ancient mystical being, thus becoming the world’s first mutant, or something like that. He’s then buried under a crushed pyramid for centuries. Cue cheapie opening credits. Cut to the 1980s, a decade after the events of Future Past. A bunch of random people stand around in the pyramid ruins chanting, and En Sabah Nur awakens as Apocalypse, a blue monster that looks like a cross between Jeff Bridges in Tron and the Emperor from Star Wars. Even though he’s buried under a bunch of makeup and voice modulation, Isaac makes his every moment on screen count. He looks like he’s having a lot of fun.

The same goes for Fassbender, whose Erik Lehnsherr has been masquerading as a mild-mannered factory worker in Poland since the events in Washington, D.C., happily married with a daughter. Erik is loving life, but when Apocalypse awakens, he causes an earthquake that jars something loose at the factory. Erik stops an object from falling on a friend, thus by Bob Grimm blowing his cover, and starting a succession of events that make Erik ripe for another run at bgrimm@ being the evil Magneto. newsreview.com Apocalypse builds an army of four, like the four horsemen, including Magneto, Storm 2 (Alexandra Shipp), Angel (Ben Hardy) and Psylocke (Olivia Munn). They jet all over the Earth in some sort of energy bubble like Bill and Ted in their phone booth, eventually winding up at Charles Xavier’s (James McAvoy) school. Xavier has a power Apocalypse craves, and this leads to all sorts of wam-bam chaotic showdowns involving crumbling buildings and telekinetic battles. With all of this going one, Singer tries to make time for a back story involving Cyclops (Tye Sheridan) and Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) while upping the screen time for Beast (Nicholas Hoult) and Quicksilver (Evan Peters). And, oh yeah, there’s an upstart actress that goes by the name of Jennifer Lawrence in there too, doing her Mystique shtick. There’s another memorable sequence involving Quicksilver—this time set to a Eurythmics song—and the guy with knives shooting out of his knuckles makes a big, if somewhat forced and unnecessary, cameo. Singer tries to do too much, and the movie wears out its welcome with its 144 minute running time. The weakest of the new cast members is Turner as Jean Grey. The Game of Thrones actress is simply outmatched by the talent around her, and fails to make Jean Grey compelling. She’s just kind of pouty and grouchy. Lawrence is fine as Mystique, but her storyline feels a bit tacked on. Had the movie spent a little more time on Magneto and cut back on some of the characters, X-Men: Apocalypse could’ve been another worthy entry in the franchise thanks to Isaac. It’s ultimately a near miss, and the worst movie in a franchise that hadn’t delivered a bad film yet. (Yes, I was OK with the third one.) Whatever happens next, it might be time for Singer to take an X-Men sabbatical. Ω

“Give me a better rating, Grimm, or I snap her neck!”

1

Poor

2

Fair

3

GooD

4

Very GooD 5

4Captain America: Civil War This is a nice blast of superhero fun that finds a diplomatic way to include many Marvel favorites, even introducing a few characters to the modern Marvel Cinematic Universe, without feeling crowded or rushed. Front and center, there’s Steve Rogers (former Human Torch Chris Evans), a.k.a. Captain America, still having bro issues when it comes to the Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan). Cap wants to back up his former best friend, but the guy committed some pretty shady acts while brainwashed, some of them very hard to defend. Captain America has to make some hard choices. Meanwhile, Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross (William Hurt) thought Age of Ultron sucked for more than the obvious reasons. On top of being kind of boring, it left death and destruction in its wake, as did the far more exciting original The Avengers. World leaders want to put the Avengers in check, using them as a sort of alternative to nuclear weapons. Tony Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr., still owning it) suffering a crisis of conscience, agrees to the proposed accord. Rogers thinks it’s bullshit and won’t sign. This works as a fine setup for an eventual battle between Iron Man and Captain America, where both sides have compelling reasons to fight.

2The Do-Over The second film in the Adam Sandler Netflix era after the horrible The Ridiculous 6 is still pretty bad moviemaking, but it’s a step in the right direction. Director Steven Brill made two of the better Sandler vehicles, Little Nicky and Mr. Deeds, and their third pairing has its moments. That’s thanks in large part to the pairing of Sandler and an effective David Spade, who is cast against type as Charlie, a nerd looking for new start on life. Sandler plays Max, who shows up at their high school reunion, takes pity on Charlie, and fakes both of their deaths so that they can smoke joints and drink for the rest of their lives. The plot isn’t that simple, and the two wind up being pursued by a killer in a fairly funny homage to Die Hard. The film is put together better than most of the later Sandler comedies, and it packs quite a few good laughs. Unfortunately, it also veers into overkill way too many times, and the gross stuff feels discordant and just wrong. Still, I liked the characters, and the film classes up a bit at the halfway mark when Paula Patton enters the picture. She has a fight with Kathryn Hahn that’s one of the better smackdowns in a movie this summer. The movie doesn’t work as a whole, but it does show that Sandler and Spade are a good screen duo when in the hands of a semi-capable director. Also, it has Natasha Leggero in it, and that’s always a good thing. Had everybody just held the phone on a few of the extreme sight gags, and perhaps edited a solid 15 minutes off the movie, I might’ve been able to recommend the film. (Available for streaming on Netflix as part of Sandler’s straight-to-Netflix movie series.)

1The Huntsman: Winter’s War When Kristen Stewart made out with the director of Snow White and the

Huntsman, plans for a sequel starring her were scrapped, and a whole new plan featuring her costar and budding movie giant Chris Hemsworth (Thor!) were hatched. What producers didn’t realize at the time is that Hemsworth basically sucks whenever he’s doing anything other than playing Thor. Blackhat, In the Heart of the Sea, Vacation, and now this mighty slice of hell are proof of that. While Snow White was no creative party, it was a tolerable misfire. This is a star-studded absolute mess. It’s a worthless slog of a sequel/prequel. Charlize Theron returns as the evil Ravenna, with Emily Blunt and Jessica Chastain joining the sad party. And, of course, you have Thor on hand as the Huntsman, the most useless, banal role this guy has taken on in his mostly useless and banal career.

4The Jungle Book Jon Favreau’s delightful and funny take on the Rudyard Kipling’s tale of a boy raised by wolves is a winner. A young boy raised in the jungle is pursued by a pissed-off tiger (Idris Elba) who had his face burned by a human when he was young. When plans to leave for a human village are rudely interrupted, Mowgli (newcomer Neel Sethi) winds up staying in the jungle longer than he planned, and he must keep wearing the same pair of red baggy shorts. He encounters Kaa (Scarlett Johansson), an evil temptress snake, and other perils while building a special friendship with a big bear. And, as far as I could see, he never stops to wash those red shorts. A swim in the river doesn’t count. You need detergent. Bill Murray is, indeed, a masterstroke of vocal casting as Baloo, the big bear who befriends Mowgli on his extended jungle trek. Casting Christopher Walken as King Louie, the Kong-sized master of all apes in the jungle, actually tops the Murray casting feat. It gives Favreau’s film an opportunity to become truly weird, very funny, and even a little scary. The highlight comes when Walken’s King Louie, portrayed with undertones of Brando’s Colonel Kurtz, suddenly busts out “I Wanna Be Like You.” Walken is perfect for the song and perfect for the character, making the scene an instant classic. The special effects are topnotch.

3The Meddler Susan Sarandon gets the fun vehicle she deserves with this fine directorial effort from Lorene Scafaria (Seeking a Friend at the End of the World), who also wrote the clever and sweet screenplay. Sarandon plays Marnie, a New Jersey widow who has moved to L.A. to be near her daughter, Lorie (Rose Byrne), a screenwriter dealing with the breakup of her latest relationship. Marnie has a bunch of money and a lot of time on her hands, so she calls her daughter constantly, brings her bagels, and basically drives her crazy. When Lorie heads back east to shoot a pilot, Marnie winds up befriending Lorie’s friends and making a few new ones, including Zipper (J.K. Simmons) and his chickens. Byrne disappears for a good chunk of the movie, but when she’s around, she and Sarandon have convincing motherdaughter chemistry. Simmons, normally the purveyor of brash, harsh and funny characters gets to show off his soft side, and Zipper is a real winner. It’s a cute movie that isn’t too cute, and a must for Sarandon fans. Cecily Strong, Lucy Punch and Michael McKean have small but memorable roles among the strong supporting cast.

3Miles Ahead Don Cheadle makes an impressive directorial debut with this crazy biopic that’s mostly fiction but all fun. Cheadle plays jazz trumpeter Miles Davis, hibernating from public life in the late ’70s when a Rolling Stone reporter (Ewan McGregor) shows up at his door looking for a comeback story. The film then turns part comedy thriller as Davis tries to track down a missing tape from his latest sessions, something that never really happened. It’s all just an excuse to use Miles Davis in a goofy story, and somehow it all works. Cheadle is awesome as Davis, even doing some impressive trumpet miming to boot. The film switches between Miles in the ’70s and Miles in the ’60s dealing with relationship struggles. No, the movie doesn’t really focus much on the actual music. It’s more of a weird trip inspired by the music. Michael Stuhlbarg is good as a shady record producer, and McGregor has a lot of fun as the shifty reporter who will do anything for a scoop. It’s not going to win any awards for accuracy, but it’s a fun movie, well worth any music lover’s time.

3The Nice Guys Shane Black, director of the classic Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and the very good Iron Man 3, returns to film noir with The Nice Guys, a grimy detective story starring Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe. The movie is good. Just good. It’s often so good, it’s painful to witness the moments that don’t work. Crowe plays Jackson Healy, an L.A. loser who takes punching requests from people. Folks pay him to rough up child molesters, for the most part. He gets an assignment from Amelia (Margaret Qualley), who wants him to pay a visit to private detective Holland March (Gosling), a visit that turns out to be hilariously infused with comic violence. Holland and Jackson wind up working on a case together, one that involves Amelia, a dead porn star, and a gun for hire named John Boy (Matt Bomer, relishing the chance to be super nasty). When Gosling and Crowe are allowed to go off, the movie purrs on all cylinders. It’s when Black’s script (co-written with Anthony Bagarozzi) leads to a conspiracy involving Amelia’s mother, played by Kim Basinger, that it stalls out. That’s mainly because Basinger is tone-deaf in this film. She doesn’t seem to know what kind of movie she is in, and her line delivery is woefully over-thetop. In short, she’s blazingly terrible in her every scene. The film gets by thanks to the pairing of Gosling and Crowe, who work very well together. They’re like a modern day Abbott & Costello.