Advice Goddess

The bleh lagoon

I’m a guy in my late 20s. Two years ago, I started a friends-with-benefits thing with a woman which has turned into one of the most relaxed, comfortable relationships I’ve had. Unfortunately, the sex isn’t that great. I’ve tried to get her to work with me on that, but she just isn’t very physical. I also get the sense that she’s holding out for a serious relationship with me (babies/marriage/house). I’m just not in love with her that way. I don’t want to hijack her uterus, but I’m having trouble breaking up with her. The relationship isn’t broken, and I don’t want to hurt her. I’m not sure I have it in me to say, “You’re bad in bed, so I’m out.” Surely, you wouldn’t find the bunny-hugging vegan “shallow” for not being up for the long haul with the guy who electrocutes the cows.

The rational decision is clear: You don’t have what you need; you should move on. The problem is what the late Nobel Prize-winning cognitive scientist Herbert Simon deemed “bounded rationality.” This describes how our ability to make rational decisions is limited by, for example, incomplete information about our alternatives, how much time we have to decide, or, as in your case, our emotions—dreading hurting somebody and feeling like kind of a pig for dumping a perfectly nice woman just because her sexual spirit animal is the paperweight.

Simon didn’t just point out the decision-making problem, he came up with a solution—his concept of “satisficing.” This combo of “satisfy” and “suffice” means making a “good enough” choice—as opposed to incurring the costs of endlessly searching for the best choice. Think of somebody who spends an hour looking for the primo parking space by the store entrance—in order to save time walking to and from their car.

To decide what’s “good enough,” figure out the minimum stuff (good sex, etc.) that you absolutely must have to be satisfied in a relationship and keep searching until you find somebody who has it. Forget about what you “should” need. If your life is not complete unless a woman will, say, wear a doorbell on each nipple, well, ring on, bro.

As for breaking up, this means telling somebody it’s over, not that their sexual technique is a ringer for hibernation. Give her only as much info as she needs to make her way to the door, like “I love you, but I’m not in love with you, and I need that.” Though she won’t be happy to hear it, what’s cruel isn’t telling her—it’s waiting to tell her. As that mildewed saying goes, “If you love something …” don’t hang on to it until its uterus sends you to the drugstore for a box of mothballs.

Glue in the dark

Last week, I went out with a guy I met on a dating site. He was very attentive and affectionate, and he even texted me the next day. Well, I think I screwed up, messaging him at the same frequency and intensity as before our first date, which was quite a lot, and mentioning seeing him again before he suggested it. His responses were infrequent and short. I haven’t heard from him for five days, and he hasn’t made plans for a second date. Is there any way to remedy this? Should I message him with some witty banter? Sadly, our genes have not been introduced to Gloria Steinem.

As I frequently explain, there’s a problem with a woman overtly pursuing a man, and it goes back millions of years. It comes out of how sex leaves a man with about a teaspoon less sperm but can leave a woman “with child” (an adorable term that makes pregnancy sound like a quick trip to the drugstore with someone under 10). From these rather vastly differing costs, explain evolutionary psychologists David Buss and David Schmitt, come differing sexual strategies. Women evolved to be the choosier sex—looking for men to show signs they’re willing and able to commit themselves and their resources—and men co-evolved to expect to work to persuade them. So, when women turn the tables and act like the, well, chase-ier sex, it sends a message—of the “FREE!!! Please take me!” variety you’d see taped to a toaster somebody’s put out on the curb.

In other words, no, do not contact him. Not even with “witty banter.” Seeming amusingly desperate is not any more of a selling point. The way you “remedy” this is by turning it into a learning experience. In the future, sure, go ahead and be flirtatious—just not with the, um, eagerness of that guy in the hockey mask chasing people through the woods with a machete. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

Basin Native Artists, The Capital City Arts

Initiative presents a group show featuring art by Ben Aleck, Phil Buckheart, Louinda

Garity, Topaz Jones, Jack Malotte, Melissa

Melero-Moose and Steve Nighthawk. The

Great Basin Native Artists group began in 2014 and shows their art throughout northern Nevada and northern California. M-F, 9am-5pm through 7/6. Free. 851 E. William St.,

Carson City, (775) 887-2290. CARSON CITY COURTHOUSE GALLERY: For

Detail View, The Capital City Arts Initiative presents artywork by Jeff Hantman. M-F, 8am-5pm through 5/25. Free. Contact Christel

Passink (775) 450-3842, cpassink@gmail.com, www.arts-initiative.org for details on this exhibit. 885 E. Musser St., Carson City, www. arts-initiative.org. FRONT DOOR GALLERY, CHURCH FINE ARTS

BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, RENO:

Brett Flanigan, The first show in University Galleries’ new mural series features mural art by the Oakland-based artist. M-F through 11/11. Free. 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 7846658.

HOLLAND PROJECT MICRO GALLERY AT BIBO

COFFEE CO.: Entanglement, Reena Spansail’s paintings examines the entanglement of human connections that contribute to our collective growth, even interactions that we may otherwise consider inconsequential. The closing reception is on May 12. M-Su through 5/13; Th, 5/12, 6-8pm. Free. 945

Record St., (775) 348-8087. MATHEWSON-IGT KNOWLEDGE CENTER: Upstart

Crow: Shakespeare in Northern Nevada, This exhibit coincides with Shakespeare 400, the national commemoration of the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare’s death. The display examines the impact of Shakespeare, both past and present, in Northern Nevada.

Materials on display range from the flourishing 1800s Virginia City Shakespearean theater scene to the modern Lake Tahoe

Shakespeare festival. Through 7/15, 9am5pm. Media Technology: Past & Present,

Visitors will enjoy a visual display of media technological leaps through this exhibit on display in the Whittemore Gallery of the

Mathewson-IGT Knowledge Center. M-Su through 6/30. Free. 1664 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4636, www.knowledgecenter.unr.edu. MCKINLEY ARTS & CULTURE CENTER: A Woman

Under the Influence. West Gallery in

McKinley Arts & Culture Center hosts abstract painter and sculpture Katrina

Lasko. The exhibition is a conceptual series in which the artist uses materials that are commonly thought of craft materials for

“woman’s work”—yarn, felt, sequins. The artwork and the materials are a tribute to the work women do to maintain balance in their own lives and in their families and society. Reception: May 5, 5pm-7pm.

Through 6/17. Free. Contact Matthew Aaker (775) 334-6264, publicart@reno.gov, www. reno.gov/government/departments/parksrecreation-community-services/artsculture/city-art-galleries/mckinley-galleryeast-and-west for details on this exhibit.

Reflections of the Day: Susan Handau.

McKinley Gallery East hosts mixed media painter Susan Handau. Reflections of the

Day is a collection of multi-media paintings that draw inspiration from the beauty of color and mystery of nature. Each piece is a textured surface built by layering wax, oil, acrylic, ink and fiber which are then fused by heat. The work explores the process of rendering nature in an abstract form which then enables the viewer to contemplate the pleasure of color, pattern and texture thus freeing oneself from objective context.

Through 6/17. Free. www.reno.gov/government/departments/parks-recreationcommunity-services/arts-culture/city-artgalleries/mckinley-gallery-east-and-west for details on this exhibit. 925 Riverside

Drive, (775) 334-2417. METRO GALLERY AT RENO CITY HALL: Not

Your Mother’s Garden—Explorations and Meditations. Patti Christensen-Woodard’s exhibition is a series of pastel paintings that extend beyond pure botanical accuracy. It is also about how the painting feels and the ability to take viewers on a visual journey of floral impression and semi-abstract interpretations of organic forms. Through

6/3. Free. Contact Matthew Aaker (775) 334-6264, publicart@reno.gov, www.reno. gov/government/city-hall/metro-gallery for details on this exhibit. 1 E. First St., (775) 334-2417. OXS GALLERY, NEVADA ARTS COUNCIL: A

Brushwork Roundup: Western Paintings and Drawings by Craig Sheppard. Co-curators Jim McCormick and Fred Reid have designed an exhibition that focuses on Sheppard’s abiding fascination with horses. M-W, F Sa, 8am-5pm through 5/13.

Free. 716 N. Carson St., Carson City, (775) 687-6680.

SHEPPARD CONTEMPORARY GALLERY, CHURCH

FINE ARTS BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA,

RENO: Jack Pierson. Pierson’s photographs explore the emotional undercurrents of everyday life from the intimacy of romantic attachment to the distant idolization of others. Informed in part by his artistic emergence in the era of AIDS, Pierson’s work is moored by melancholy and introspection, yet his images are often buoyed by a celebratory aura of seduction and glamour. Tu-Sa, 12-4pm through 7/1. Free. 1664 N.

Virginia St., (775) 784-6658. STREMMEL GALLERY: Chester Arnold and Dan

Douke. Stremmel Gallery present works by

Chester Arnold and Dan Douke. M-Sa through 6/3. Free. 1400 S. Virginia St., (775) 786-0558, www.stremmelgallery.com.

Call for Artists

CALL TO TEEN ARTISTS: NEW BEGINNINGS: The

Holland Project Micro Gallery is seeking art submissions to be included in a group exhibition that showcases local teen artists. The exhibition will run May 23–June 17 with an opening reception on Saturday, May 28, from 5:30-7:30pm. Visit website for details. M-Su through 5/13. Free. Holland Project Micro Gallery at Bibo Coffee Co., 945 Record St., (775) 742-1858, www.hollandreno. org/2016/03/new-beginnings-call.

Museums

FOURTH WARD SCHOOL MUSEUM: The Comstock

Through Time. This exhibit highlights some of the history of the Comstock through photographs and personal accounts. Then-andnow photographs help to emphasize the changes in the community and surrounding area. Books, journal entries and oral histories will give the visitor a first-hand account of daily life. M-Su, 10am-5pm through 10/31.

$5 adults, $3 for children ages 6-16, free for children age 5 and younger. 537 S. C St.,

Virginia City, (775) 847-0975. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Andrea Zittel:

Wallsprawl, W-Su through 12/31. $1-$10.The

Horse, W-Su through 7/3. $1-$10.Horses in the American West, W-Su through 7/3. $1-$10. Don Dondero: A Photographic

Legacy, W-Su through 7/10. $1-$10. Cedra

Wood: A Residency on Earth, W-Su through 5/15. $1-$10. Andy Diaz Hope &

Jon Bernson: Beautification Machine,

W-Su through 7/24. $1-$10. American

Impressionism, W-Su through 8/14. Opens

5/14. $1-$10. 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 3293333, www.nevadaart.org. SPARKS HERITAGE MUSEUM: Latimer Art Club

Exhibit. The group exhibition of artwork by members of the Latimer Art Club will feature paintings by local artists in a wide variety of mediums. An exhibit reception with refreshments will be held from 4pm to 7pm on April 8. Tu-F, 11am-4pm through 5/27; Sa, 1-4pm through 5/28. Free. Hidden in Plain Sight: The Basques. The exhibit

tells of the unique origins, language and history of the Basque people, along with their contributions throughout history. Hidden in Plain Sight: The Basques is a traveling exhibit from the Basque Museum & Cultural Center in Boise, Idaho. Sa, 1-4pm through 5/14; Tu-F, 11am-4pm through

5/13. $5 or free for museum members. 814 Victorian Ave., Sparks, (775) 355-1144, www.sparksmuseum.org. WILBUR D. MAY MUSEUM, RANCHO SAN RAFAEL

REGIONAL PARK: Make Way for Spring. The spring-themed exhibit features dozens of beautiful paintings that explore the beauty of the changing season. W-Su through 5/15. Free. 1595 N. Sierra St., (775) 785-5961.

Film

OUT OF THE PAST: Inducted into the National

Film Registry in 1991, this is the film noir that defined the genre and made Robert

Mitchum a star. A gangster (Kirk Douglas) hires Jeff Bailey (Mitchum) to track down his mistress, who shot him and ran off with $40,000. When things don’t go as planned,

Jeff decides to lay low and that’s where the story really starts. Or does it? Tu, 5/17, 7-9pm. $7 general, $6 students, seniors, $5 members. Good Luck Macbeth Theatre

Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-3716, http://artemisiamovies.weebly.com.

Music

BREAK OF REALITY: The boundary-breaking quartet blends classical technique and rock ‘n’ roll into something that highlights the best of both worlds—from original compositions and J.S. Bach to Radiohead and Metallica. Sa, 5/14, 8pm. $17 Churchill

Arts Council members, $20 non-members.

Barkley Theatre, Oats Park Art Center, 151 E.

Park St., Fallon, (775) 423-1440, http://churchillarts.org. MOLLY’S REVENGE: The acoustic band’s arrangements of traditional Celtic jigs and reels bring these dance tunes up to date with a driving, hard-edged accent. Sa, 5/14, 7-9pm. $10-$20. Maizie Jesse Harris Black

Box Theatre, Brewery Arts Center, 449 W.

King St., Carson City, (775) 883-1976, http:// bit.ly/1XyP5cK. PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunchtime concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s Casavant pipe organ.

F, noon. Free. Trinity Episcopal Church, 200

Island Ave., (775) 329-4279, www.trinityreno.org. WEEKLY DRUM CIRCLE: Bring your drum, your didgeridoo, poi, hoops and silk or just yourself and enjoy the soothing sounds of the Morris Drum Circle. All are encouraged to participate, dance and play. M, 8:30pm through 7/25. Free. Morris Burner Hotel, 400

E. Fourth St., (775) 327-1171, www.facebook.com/MorrisBurnerHotel/ events.

Sports & Fitness

GALENA CREEK GUIDED HIKE: Join a naturalist

along one of the Galena Park trails and learn about the area. Bring water, sunscreen, hiking boots or snowshoes (if weather permits.) Sa, 10am through 3/18. $5 suggested

donation. Galena Creek Visitor Center, 18250 Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 849-4948, www. galenacreekvisitorcenter.org.

Onstage

42ND STREET: Western Nevada Musical

Theatre Company presents Tony Awardwinning Broadway spectacular with backto-back production numbers that mix elegance, comedy and tap dancing. F, 5/13, 7:30pm; Sa, 5/14, 2 & 7:30pm; Su, 5/15, 2pm.

$25-$28. Bob Boldrick Theater, Carson

City Community Center, 851 E. William St.,

Carson City, (866) 977-6849, www.wnc.edu. BAYANI: The Philippine United Students

Organization (PUSO) celebrates its 10th annual Philippine Cultural Night event with an original play Bayani, which includes colorful traditional dances. F, 5/13, 7pm; Sa, 5/14, 7pm; Su, 5/15, 2pm. $10. Nell J. Redfield

Foundation Performing Arts Center, 505 Keystone Ave., (775) 789-5671, http://showtix4U.com.

BREW, BRATS AND BALLET: Enjoy local brew,

brats and unique ballet performances. Modeled after Sacramento Ballet’s successful tradition of Beer and Ballet, the show features brand new short choreographic works by local and out-of-state dance artists plus an optional craft brew and bites package. Audience members will learn about the creative process that each individual choreographic artist practices and watch the dancers of Sierra Nevada Ballet perform each new choreographic work. The program will finish with a relaxed informal question and answer discussion interaction between choreographers and audience members. Sa, 5/14, 2pm; Su, 5/15, 7pm. $25-$40. Reno Little

Theater, 147 E. Pueblo St., (775) 470-8111, www.sierranevadaballet.org. DEATHTRAP: Bruka Theater presents Ira

Levin’s comedy-thriller. With references to a play within the play, it provides a behindthe-scenes look at creating engaging theater. Th, 5/12, 8pm; F, 5/13, 8pm; Sa, 5/14, 8pm.

$20 general admission, $18 for students, seniors and military, $25 at the door. Brüka

Theatre, 99 N. Virginia St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org. EXIT INTERVIEW: Reno Little Theater presents

William Missouri Downs’ dark comedy.

Downs’ witty play ricochets through

Brechtian interludes, a pair of politically radicalized cheerleaders, a pompous newsman, communiques from God and debates on religion, science and politics before reaching its surprising conclusion. F, 5/13, 7:30pm; Sa, 5/14, 7:30pm; Su, 5/15, 2pm; Th, 5/19, 7:30pm; F, 5/20, 7:30pm;

Sa, 5/21, 7:30pm; Su, 5/22, 2pm; Th, 5/26, 7:30pm; F, 5/27, 7:30pm; Sa, 5/28, 2 & 7:30pm;

Su, 5/29, 2pm. $18 general admission, $15 seniors, students, military. Reno Little

Theater, 147 E. Pueblo St., (775) 329-0661, www.renolittletheater.org. KING LEAR: Good Luck Macbeth presents

William Shakespeare’s tragedy depicting the title character’s descent into madness after splitting his kingdom between two of his three daughters based on their flattery.

Good Luck Macbeth’s inspiration is based in 15th century Russia during the reign of Tsar

Ivan the Terrible and the famous Russian

Fairy tales, giving the story an added layer of darkness and magic. Tickets are $10 on Artist

Night, May 18. Th, 5/12, 7:30-10pm; F, 5/13, 7:3010pm; Sa, 5/14, 7:30-10pm; Su, 5/15, 2-4:30pm;

W, 5/18, 7:30-10pm; Th, 5/19, 7:30-10pm; F, 5/20, 7:30-10pm; Sa, 5/21, 7:30-10pm. $15 in advance,

$18 at the door. Good Luck Macbeth Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-3716, www.goodluckmacbeth.org.

Classes

THE BREASTFEEDING FORUM: Breast-feeding

mothers are invited to join this breastfeeding support group. Mothers exchange their experiences and discuss concerns such as milk supply, pumping, going back to work, sleeping or lack of sleep, etc. RSVP at http://doodle.com/cy5nrur23mbg6pie.

Tu, 4-5pm. $10 drop in; free for first-time attendees. Renown South Meadows Medical

Center, 10101 Double R Blvd., (775) 240-9916, www.wellnourishedbaby.com. DRINK & DRAW!: An unorthodox life drawing class with limited formal instruction and maximum visual stimulation from an assortment of the following: nude models, burlesque performers, musicians, staged still lifes, running films and projected images. Third W of every month, 7-9pm through

6/22. $10 at the door. Reno Art Works, 1995

Dickerson Road, (775) 225-7295, http://renoartworks.org. PAINT & SIP AT THE LAKE MANSION: Receive

one-on-one guidance in an intimate social setting. Transform a master painting into your own acrylic painting masterpiece. The featured painting will be Pablo Picasso’s

“Woman with Yellow Necklace.” All supplies included. Bring your own beverage/snacks.

This class takes place in the Garden Pavilion.

W, 5/18, 5:30-8:30pm. $30. Lake Mansion, 250

Court St., (775) 826-6100, www.artsforallnevada.org. T.G.I.A.F.—NORTHERN LIGHTS PAINTING: Learn a

step-by-step technique using acrylic paint in a fun, social setting. All supplies included. Relax, have fun, and leave with a canvas painting of the Northern Lights. Bring your own beverage/snacks. This class takes place in the Garden Pavilion. F, 5/13, 5:308:30pm. $30. Lake Mansion, 250 Court St., (775) 826-6100, www.artsforallnevada.org.

Community

CANCER SUPPORT GROUP: This group is for

patients and families facing cancer and is facilitated by an Oncology Social Worker who is skilled in the emotional aspects of cancer. Participants can share experiences and express feelings and concerns. The support group meets weekly on Thursday meets in the Orthopedic Conference Room on the third floor of the Roseview Tower. Th, 11:30am-1pm. Free. Renown Regional Medical

Center, 1155 Mill St., (775) 982-6831, www.renown.org. CLICKETS KNITTING GROUP: Jean Peters guides

this class for knitters of all ages and levels. Yarn and needles are available. First and Third Su of every month, 1:30-3pm. Free.

Spanish Springs Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake

Highway at Lazy 5 Regional Park in Spanish

Springs, (775) 424-1800. CROCHET CONNECTION: Learn to crochet or share tips with other crochet enthusiasts.

Th, 4-5:45pm. Free. Spanish Springs Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake Highway at Lazy 5

Regional Park in Spanish Springs, (775) 424-1800.

GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP: Renown Hospice Care offers a grief support group every first and third Wednesday. Support is available for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. The group is facilitated by Fr.

Karry Crites and is open to anyone. Third

W of every month, 6:30-8pm. Free. Washoe

County Senior Center, 1155 E. Ninth St., (775) 982-2817, http://bit.ly/GriefSupportGroup2. KNITTING & CROCHET CLUB: This group is open

to anyone who enjoys knitting or crocheting. Second and Third Sa of every month, 1-3pm.

Free. Northwest Reno Library, 2325 Robb

Drive, (775) 787-4100, www2.washoecounty.us. LIFESCAPES: The writing program provides seniors an opportunity to write and share their memoirs. First and Third W of every month, 1-3pm. Free. Northwest

Reno Library, 2325 Robb Drive, (775) 7874100. Second and Fourth Th of every month,

10:30am. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Parkway, (775) 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

MAN TO MAN PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP:

Facilitated by a prostate cancer survivor, this new support group is designed to help men cope with prostate cancer by offering education and support for patients during their cancer journey. The group meets in the Orthopedic Conference Room on the third floor in the Roseview Tower. First and Third M of every month, 5:30-7pm. Free. Renown

Regional Medical Center, 1155 Mill St., (775) 982-6831, www.renown.org. NORTHERN NEVADA ENVIRONMENTAL

PROFESSIONALS: This networking group meets monthly. Second Th of every month,

6-8pm. Desert Research Institute, 2215

Raggio Parkway, (775) 828-1991. THE SILVER DOLLAR CHORUS: The men’s a cap-

pella chorus is open to males of all ages who love to sing. The group rehearses every week on Wednesdays. W, 7-9:30pm through 3/31. Reno High School, 395 Booth St.; (775) 387-0308, http://silverdollarchorus.org. SOUTH VALLEYS BRIDGE GROUP: Join Jill and

meet new friends. Basic bridge knowledge preferred. F, 1-4pm. Free. South Valleys

Library, 15650A Wedge Parkway, (775) 8515190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us. SPARKS LIBRARY KNITTING AND CROCHETING

CIRCLE: Do you know how to knit or crochet, but just want to meet new people? Join the

Sparks Library every Thursday and learn the techniques to start your masterpiece.

Th, 4-6pm. Free. Sparks Library, 1125 12th St. in Sparks; (775) 352-3200. THE TUESDAY NIGHT YARN CREW: All skill levels

and yarn-crafts are welcome. Bring your project to this “sit and knit” gathering. Tu, 5:30-7pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Pkwy.; (775) 851-5190; www.washoe. lib.nv.us.