The CUSAN: Winter 21-22

Getting to Know You

The

CUSAN

Winter 2021-2022

CUSA

An Apostolate of Persons with Chronic Illness and/or Disability Winter | 2021-2022

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Contents

Winter 2021-2022

In This Issue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

by Dolores Steinberg

A letter to Father Lawrence Jagdfeld, O.F.M. . . . . . 4

by Joan Donnelly

An Appreciation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 CUSA and RENEW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Getting to know you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

by Mare Ernesto

We are more than our challenges . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

by Jennifer Bober

Best wishes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 A letter to CUSANs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

by Rev. Jerry Bracken, C.P.

CUSANs book . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

by Deacon Charles Paolino

A sacred past, a new beginning . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

by Anna Marie Sopko

The real St. Joseph . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

by Anna Marie Sopko

Winter: a poem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

by Shirley Bowling

So much to give . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

by Betty O’Brien

Keeping in touch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

by Father Richard J. Hopkins

What is CUSA? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

© 2021 RENEW International The CUSAN is the semi-yearly magazine of CUSA, an apostolate of persons with chronic illness and/or disability.

The passage from the prophecy of Isaiah on page 20 is from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America.

Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Cover and interior design by Linda Eberly Published and printed by RENEW International

RENEW International 1232 George Street Plainfield, NJ 07062-1717 Phone: (908) 769-5400 www.renewintl.org www.cusan.org

In this issue

by Dolores Steinberg | Editor

Already you will have noticed something new about this issue: the format and the colors! One of the blessings of CUSA’s new partnership with RENEW International is the talented and larger team now working on our little magazine. In this issue, arriving in the season when we ponder Christ’s coming to share our weakness and need, you will recognize his power and love at work in the lives of CUSANs old and new, past and present. First in our thoughts is Father Lawrence, to whom we owe such a debt of gratitude. Joan Donnelly’s letter to him in this issue speaks for all of us.

This issue will also give you an opportunity to meet Mare Ernesto, incoming administrator, and Jennifer Bober, both from RENEW International, and both of whom are no strangers to the kinds of challenges CUSANs face. Lorraine Fleury, CUSA member and author, speaks about her new book in an interview by Deacon Charles Paolino, managing editor at RENEW. Familiar CUSAN writers also appear in these pages—Father Jerry Bracken, Anna Marie Sopko, and Shirley Bowling—and departed members Father Richard J. Hopkins and Betty O’Brien.

Articles in this issue cover everything from the Rosary to St. Joseph to good decisions, from earth and sea to heaven (via prayer). Thank you to all our writers, and may this New Year be a happy and blessed one for all of you!

Winter | 2021-2022

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A letter to Father Lawrence Jagdfeld, O.F.M.

by Joan Donnelly Former president of the CUSA Board of Directors

Dear Father Lawrence, There is a sense of sadness permeating this letter to you, which I feel.

As I recall the many years you have volunteered for CUSA, I know how grateful all of us are for your devotion to the Apostolate.

From spiritual advisor to magazine columnist to editor of the magazine, The CUSAN, to your most recent assignment as administrator of CUSA. These volunteer assignments (and there are more I could cite) have covered a lot of years. However, to each one you added the unique Jagdfeld touch, always mindful of Laure Brunner’s wishes and vision.

As RENEW International becomes more familiar with CUSA’s membership and management, I am more and more proud of what you have done as administrator.

You maintained the challenging but dwindling “snail mail” group letters, as you like to call CUSA’s original mode of communication, as well as our magazine. You have brought vibrancy to the website, providing inspiration to any reader. Not to be ignored is the growth of the e-mail groups as we agreed years ago was the next step in our evolution.

In our 50th Anniversary Jubilee issue of The CUSAN (circa December 8, 1997), which was another of your volunteer projects, you included a copy of a letter written by Laure Brunner, our foundress, several years earlier. She wrote, “We must maintain

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The CUSAN

A letter Father Lawrence

a strong desire for CUSA’s continued growth here in the U.S. so that we may reach many more isolated souls.”

Father, thank you for making it possible for CUSA to continue to fulfill her wish.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joan

An appreciation The CUSA community extends its gratitude and best wishes to Father Lawrence Jagdfeld, O.F.M., administrator since 2007, and to Brother Edward Marc Arambasich, O.F.M., co-administrator, as they complete their leadership of the apostolate. Your dedication has made it possible for CUSA to continue its ministry to persons with chronic illness or disability, enabling them to draw on the strength and comfort that come from being members of a community. Your service to them resonates with the love Jesus lavished on all who came to him for help. We can no other answer make but “thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.”

May God be with you always!

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CUSA and RENEW: A new partnership CUSA and RENEW International have formed a partnership, effective January 1, 2021, under which RENEW will administer CUSA and help the apostolate grow and thrive. RENEW which, for more than 40 years, has been a leader in personal and parish spiritual renewal, is headquartered in Plainfield, New Jersey.

Mare Ernesto, associate director of pastoral services at RENEW, will take over administrative duties from Father Lawrence Jagdfeld, O.F.M., who will retire as spiritual leader and administrator of CUSA after long and devoted service.

RENEW has formed a RENEW CUSA team that will assist Mare in accompanying CUSANs as they journey together with the suffering Christ.

Dolores Steinberg will continue as editor of The CUSAN, and the magazine will be published and printed by RENEW. The Brunner Foundation will continue its support of CUSA, and RENEW is committed to continuing the legacy of Mrs. Laure Brunner, foundress of CUSA, by serving the needs of people with chronic illness and disabilities. The missions of the organizations are closely aligned in that RENEW and CUSA both support and empower Catholic men and women, gathering in small groups, to live their faith every day.

CUSA

An Apostolate of Persons with Chronic Illness and/or Disability

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The CUSAN

Getting to know you

by Mare Ernesto

When I first learned of the partnership being formed by CUSA and RENEW, I immediately shared my interest in helping with this process.

My parents, happily married to this day, made a difficult decision when I was a young child: my mom and I would move in with my grandparents and uncle who lived around the block from our house. My grandparents could no longer care for my uncle due to their own declining health.

At the time that we moved in, my uncle Billy was in his mid-20s. When he was born, doctors did not expect him to live more than 72 hours. Billy had been born with a multitude of physical and cognitive disabilities including but not limited to cerebral palsy, spina bifida, limited speech, and impaired vision. In addition to us moving in, there was a visiting nurse during the week for several hours a day. She remains a member of our extended family.

That experience shaped me from a young age. At about seven or eight years old, I was allowed to help in some ways as a caregiver for Uncle Billy. I learned how to use the feeding tube, and I enjoyed talking with him in our own way and making him laugh.

Billy passed away when he was in his early 30s, and I was in middle school. It’s been nearly 30 years since his death, but I feel his spirit in all that CUSA does. I like to think he is watching over me and guiding me in some ways as I begin this journey as the new administrator for CUSA. Winter | 2021-2022

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Getting to know you

Over the last few months, I have had an opportunity to meet and speak with some of the wonderful people who have been leading and participating in CUSA. While most of these meetings have been virtual or on the phone, I was able to meet in person with Joan Donnelly, Dolores Steinberg, and Anna Marie Sopko in September. We shared stories, laughs, lessons, and hopes for the future of CUSA during our visit that afternoon.

Prior to joining the staff at RENEW in May of 2021, I worked for a Catholic non-profit that focused on ministry with youth and young adults. Before my work with Catholic non-profits, I worked in higher-education student affairs for about 12 years.

I went to Rider University in Lawrenceville, New Jersey where I earned my bachelor’s degree in psychology/multicultural affairs and a master of arts/education specialist degree in community counseling.

Getting acquainted as CUSA and RENEW International plan for their new partnership are, from left, Anna Marie Sopko, a CUSAN and regular contributor to The CUSAN; Mare Ernesto, who will be the new CUSA administrator as of January 1; Joan Donnelly, a former president of the CUSA Board of Directors, and Dolores Steinberg, editor of The CUSAN. 8

The CUSAN

Getting to know you

I have been a volunteer core team member for my parish’s middle school ministry program since it began a few years ago. I will be celebrating my 10-year wedding anniversary in January. My husband and I have two dogs, Justice and Gracie.

Our dog Justice and I are in the process of finalizing our therapy team certification so that we can do visits to hospitals and nursing homes when restrictions are lifted.

On another personal note, as a child I had fainting/blackout spells that were eventually attributed to chronic low blood sugar and low blood pressure. It has been over 30 years since that diagnosis and something I need to be mindful of every day to ensure my blood sugar levels are stable. As an adult, I was diagnosed with chronic allergy-induced asthma that needs regular treatment through medication and immunotherapy as well as pulmonary tests to check my lung function.

Around the same time of that diagnosis, I was also told I have a gluten intolerance which was a root cause of a few other health issues I had been facing that have since gotten better.

It has been such a gift for me to be included on the EGLs and sort of “get to know” some of the individual CUSANs who have written. I am grateful for their work and dedication to this ministry. Everyone has been helpful and encouraging during this time of transition. I am looking forward to “meeting” with you throughout the year ahead and continuing to learn about the heart of CUSA—the people—who are members of this wonderful ministry.

Winter | 2021-2022

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We are more than our challenges

by Jennifer Bober

When we first started having conversations at RENEW about potentially working with CUSA, I was immediately excited about this possibility. I have had friends and family members with disabilities and chronic illnesses around me my whole life. I have come to know and love amazing people who were often dismissed by a world that idolizes unattainable perfection.

There was another reason, though. You see, I know what it is like to hear a doctor say words that will change your life forever. For me, the word was “cancer.” For such a short word, it is huge and terrifying. In spite of all we did with my initial treatments and surgery, it came back less than a year later. I will live with this disease for the rest of my life, however long that may be. I will never not be in treatment. The rest of my days will have constant appointments, treatments, tests, and blood draws. I have a chronic, terminal illness, but it does not define me.

As huge as all of that is, it is only a small part of who I am. I am still a sister, a friend, an employee, a musician, a writer, an artist, and, most importantly, a woman of faith. I am so much more than my diagnosis, and my faith centers me. It gives me the grounding I need to face the constant testing followed by an interminable wait for results; the days my energy tanks, and I can’t accomplish what I want; and the knowledge that there are many things I will never live to see.

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The CUSAN

More than our challenges

We are all more than the challenges we face. As a new member of the CUSA family, I want the chance to bring new resources to CUSANs to help us continue to grow in our faith.

I want to learn from you about how to make my faith stronger, and I want the chance to bring your faith and talents into the RENEW world.

I want to learn from you how, together, we can help others with chronic illnesses and disabilities. I want all of this because I truly believe that through this new partnership, we can make the world a better place for everyone.

Jennifer Bober is manager of marketing and communications at RENEW International.

Best wishes CUSANs congratulate Father Edwin Moran, C.P., on the 60th anniversary of his ordination. Father Moran is a member of CUSA, and he was spiritual advisor to GL 92.

Thank you, Father, for your service to God’s people. May the Lord bless you.

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A Letter to

CUSANs

Rev. Jerry Bracken, C.P. CUSA National Chaplain

Dear CUSANs, Several years ago, I came to know the meaning of the word “Advent.” I was saying the “Our Father” in Latin: “Pater noster, qui es in coelis; sanctificetur nomen tuum; adveniat regnum tuum….”

That’s it. Advent is from adveniat; it is about the coming of God’s kingdom. There are three. The Son of God becoming man.

Christ coming in glory to be our judge. Jesus coming to us now.

The Gospel of Luke for the first Sunday of Advent, in its unique way, told us what to do now to prepare for Christ’s coming.

I say in its unique way, for Jesus is speaking “apocalyptically.”

There will be “signs in the sun, the moon and the stars.” Nations will be “in dismay and perplexed by the roaring of the sea.”

People dying of “fright in anticipation of what is coming upon the world,” for the “powers of the heavens will be shaken.” Then, amid such terrible things happening, Jesus says that people will see “the coming of the Son of Man.” Thereupon, Jesus makes these challenges. First: “When these signs begin to happen, stand erect and raise your heads because your redemption is at hand.” Second: “Do not be a people who in their “drunkenness” ignore such warnings, and do not be filled with “the anxieties of daily life” so that you have no desire to “pray” to “have the strength to escape the tribulations that are imminent and to stand before the Son of Man.” What is so helpful about this Gospel is that it fits our own “apocalyptic” time.

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The CUSAN

A Letter to CUSANs

Not too long ago, Healthline reported, “Researchers found that protection against any COVID-19 infection declined for all vaccine types, with overall vaccine protection declining from 87.9 percent in February to 48.1 percent by October 2021.”

Then the Wall Street Journal reported, “The total number of reported deaths linked to the disease topped 770,800…. This puts the pandemic … total at more than twice the 385,343 Covid-19 deaths recorded last year.”

How is one to respond? Few do what Jesus warns against— becoming “drowsy from … drunkenness.” At CVS, people stand on the safe-distance markers!

But what about Jesus’ warning against being so filled with the anxieties of daily life that, instead of praying to God for the strength to do what is right, one does no more than obey commands: “Get the vaccine, keep a social distance, wear a mask, wash your hands, and don’t touch your face.” What about doing spiritual things as well as these physical ones?

One way is to make a good judgment of conscience.

“Faith,” who lives alone and is in her eighties, judges in conscience that she must get the vaccine not only to not jeopardize someone else when going to church but also to not get sick. She lives alone. Who would take care of her?

“Hope,” whose circumstances are that she has read much about the vaccines, found that their testing period, though of thousands, was only for six months after taking the vaccine.

Meanwhile, the diseases of myocarditis and pericarditis have shown up in some of the vaccinated, but other diseases could as well. So she judged in conscience and chose not to get the vaccine. The circumstances she necessarily addressed were (1) finding a doctor who would treat her so she would not need Winter | 2021-2022

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A Letter to CUSANS

hospitalization, and (2) taking the precautions listed above, like wearing a mask when with others.

Moreover, “Faith” and “Hope,” by making and following their own judgment of conscience, are fulfilling God’s commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

But how is one to “love the Lord your God with all your heart”?

The Gospel passage in Luke offers one way, and Gaudium et spes offers another way.

In Luke, the spiritual way of acting is prayer—praying with deep desire for what we need. As St. Ignatius Loyola says, “Act as if everything depended on you; pray as if everything depended on God.” In Gaudium et spes, we learn that the other way of “loving God with one’s whole heart” is to do what “Faith” and “Hope” did. Do the hard work of making a judgment of conscience as to how to deal with the corona virus—by seeking the counsel of someone wise, and then obey your conscience. “Conscience is the most secret core and sanctuary of a man. There he is alone with God, whose voice echoes in his depths.” (Gaudium et spes, 16) Do this and you will be acting spiritually. But as CUSANs, you can do more. When you pray with such desire to have the strength to deal with this “apocalyptic” time, pray for others as well. You have had to meet the fear, head on, of your own disability. You know how difficult it is to do this. So pray for others to rely on God’s strength so they too can be redeemed by the coming of Christ into their lives.

My prayers for you this new year.

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The CUSAN

A CUSAN’s book: A companion to the Rosary

by Deacon Charles Paolino

“More people should be praying the Rosary if we are to have peace on earth.”

That conviction inspired CUSAN Lorraine Fleury to write Rosary Mystery Meditations: A Day-to-Day Prayer Companion.

“If we are to retain Christian values in the world,” Lorraine said, “the Rosary is a key.”

A California resident, Lorraine said that for most of her life she was a member of a New Age church where she Lorraine Fleury was initiated into getting ever deeper into meditation that turned harmful.

“I developed a spiritual sickness called depersonalization,” she said. “I felt like I had lost my soul. It was the most gruesome thing I’ve ever gone through, and I wasn’t healing from it very well.”

Lorraine said she knew she couldn’t continue New Age meditation, so, after doing some research, she began praying the Rosary.

“From the beginning,” she said, “I started feeling better, more connected to my soul again. After two or three years, I was healed, and I attribute that to the Rosary. I really think Winter | 2021-2022

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Companion to the Rosary

the Rosary is a very powerful force for good in the world and for each of us, because it connects us to Jesus. I feel that Jesus through the Rosary, reached down and yanked me from the hole I was in.”

Lorraine noted that Jesus, in the parable of the widow who wore down a dishonest judge with her constant pleas, was making a point about persistence in prayer. The repetition of the prayers of the Rosary is one response to that lesson, she said: “By repeating the Hail Marys we are continually asking Mary for her intercession.”

But a problem with the repetition, she added, is the human tendency to “zone out,” get distracted and think about things other than the meaning of the prayers.

“That’s why I needed a resource like the book, to stay focused on the meditation while I was repeating the prayer.”

That book is Rosary Mystery Meditations, designed as a companion for praying the Rosary every day for three months. The book includes scripture passages, brief meditations that are easy to absorb while praying the Rosary, and prayers for each day of the week. Ideally, one has Rosary beads in one hand and the book in the other, reading along while reciting the prayers.

Lorraine noted that in the apparitions at Fatima in 1917 the Blessed Mother urged people to pray the Rosary.

“Mary was very concerned about the direction of civilization,” Lorraine said. “The medicine that she prescribed was the Rosary. If people want to add positive spiritual energy into civilization, into society, as they should be, 16

The CUSAN

Companion to the Rosary

I think they should be praying the Rosary. Besides the benefit to society, you never know how it will benefit you— everybody in their own particular way.

“At Fatima and in other apparitions, Mary said, ‘Pray the Rosary,’ so I believe her.”

Lorraine notes in her book that Sister Maria Lúcia dos Santos, who was one of the children who witnessed the Fatima apparitions, said that there is no problem that cannot be resolved by the Rosary.

“I take that to mean that, by praying the Rosary, whatever our problems are, we send prayers to God, and he’s going to transform either ourselves or the problem,” Lorraine said.

“It’s going to resolve itself somehow, and we can trust that.

Lucia knew the Blessed Virgin Mary very well, so I believe her too.”

Rosary Mystery Meditations is available from the publisher, West Bow Publications, and from vendors including Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

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A sacred past, a new beginning

by Anna Marie Sopko Administrator of CUSA from 1976 to 2007

As we look forward to new life—new leadership—in CUSA, I think back to our early days. I joined CUSA in 1954, when it was about seven years old. Mrs. Laure Brunner, our foundress, and her husband, Robert, were living in New York City at the time. Shortly after joining CUSA, I was looking for something to do during the day, and so I volunteered to do home typing with CUSA. After a few months, my volunteer work turned into a job. It was really a blessing for me. Not only did I get to know several of our members, but I also got a deeper insight into the spirituality of CUSA and of our founder, as well as the spirituality of our early members.

Mrs. Brunner was eager that CUSA become more than a “pen pal” club. In fact, many of the very early CUSANs called Mrs. Brunner our “mother abbess”—one who helped us remember the spiritual purpose of CUSA. The Brunners did not have any children, but Mrs. Brunner referred to CUSANs as family. We were all her children whom she nourished with her prayers. She very often focused on our role as CUSANs as part of the Mystical Body of Christ—that our lives, with our limitations, are needed for the growth of the Church in the same way as Christ’s sufferings were needed for our spiritual growth.

CUSA was also meant to be a spiritual lifeline for the physically disabled and chronically ill. We help each other in offering our frustrations and sufferings to God for the intentions of our CUSA group, as well as the intentions of

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The CUSAN

A sacred past, a new beginning

those who ask for our prayers. “We suffer for a purpose” was and still is the capital purpose of CUSA. As we got to know each other through our CUSA group letters (GLs), we discovered many talented writers and future authors, and so, our magazine began. As CUSA progressed, we discovered new ways to grow. We had Braille group letters for the blind and tape group letters for those who could not physically write. In the New York area, days of recollection were held for our members, conducted by one of our CUSA priests.

Similar days were held in Chicago, Cleveland, Minnesota, California, and wherever we had CUSANs who wanted to organize the days. I was fortunate to attend several of these days, in Massachusetts and in Ohio, giving me the pleasure of meeting some of our group members.

Of course, we are very much human as well as spiritual.

This is why, in our group letters, we talk about our ups and downs. Here on earth life is not all spiritual. Very often we need to talk about the “nitty gritty.” For me, I had the additional benefit of meeting many of our members during my vacation travel with family or friends. My sister and my brother lived in states outside of New Jersey, and so when I traveled to visit them, I also sometimes spent time visiting CUSANs in the area. There were times when some members, who were visiting in the New York area, found their way into Bayonne. What more could I have asked for?

As you will read in this issue, we are beginning under new leadership that becomes official on January 1. (Mare Ernesto of RENEW International will be our new administrator.)

This will be a learning experience for all who are going to assist us in the future as well as those of us who have been Winter | 2021-2022

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A sacred past, a new beginning

fortunate enough to have experienced CUSA’s past. Father Joseph Lamontagne, SSS, who was administrator of CUSA in the early 1970s, often stressed our role as part of the priesthood of the laity by sharing with one another in the group letter and encouraging one another. We do hope that our new leadership, which we welcome, will see this in our group letters and general sharing and caring.

The Word of the Lord Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters, who brings out chariot and horse, army and warrior; they lie down, they cannot rise, they are extinguished, quenched like a wick: Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old.

I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

The wild animals will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches; for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself so that they might declare my praise.

Isaiah 43:16-21 20

The CUSAN

The real St. Joseph

by Anna Marie Sopko Administrator of CUSA from 1976 to 2007

I can’t believe the year of St. Joseph is already over. It seems that it just started. To me, it really meant something since I grew up as an active parishioner of St. Joseph Church in Bayonne, New Jersey, receiving my first Holy Communion and Confirmation there, and being an active member of our parish sodality.

Time flies. A close friend of mine bought a tape on consecration to St. Joseph during the year of St. Joseph, and the two of us listened to a portion of the tape during the 30 days of preparation for the consecration. Of course, she was at home, and I was here at the nursing home. We spent about an hour each evening listening to the tape via her telephone.

During this year, I saw a few pictures that really made me think. There was one of Joseph and Mary sitting on the side of the road on their way to Bethlehem. The donkey they were riding was nibbling grass nearby, and Mary was half asleep with her head lying on Joseph’s lap. How many times did a scene like that actually take place? I’ll bet there were many. The roads were not paved as they are today, and there wasn’t a McDonald’s nearby to get a refreshing drink. It was usually on the side of the road where Mary was able to get off their animal and stretch out, thanks to Joseph’s lap. I wonder where he stretched out!

Can you imagine how frantic he must have been when they got to Bethlehem with his wife ready to give birth and “no room in the inn”? I hope he had some matches to burn out some of the smell in the stable. It really wasn’t the picturesque scene we imagine today. Did they have any food Winter | 2021-2022

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The real St. Joseph

The Birth of Jesus: Artist unknown

stands to buy something to eat? How did they manage? Only God and St. Joseph know.

When the little boy had been born, St. Joseph’s joy soon turned to panic as he heard of the marching soldiers of Herod. He and his little family were on the road again—this time to Egypt and with no idea where he was going. I’m sure he had more than one guardian angel. I hope he had no border customs to contend with.

What did the family do during their time in Egypt? I imagine Joseph got busy with his carpentry in order to supply his family with the necessities of life such as food, clothing, and a few distractions for their little boy. Jesus may have been Son of God, but he was also the son of Mary and in need of human fondling and other distractions that all children need. Daddy was busy!

Finally, it was back to Israel and retracing his route for a while. I’m sure he had to detour to Nazareth. I hope they had a place to relax in when they finally reached “home.”

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The real St. Joseph

These and other thoughts have come to mind through the year of St. Joseph. I never took the opportunity before to think of the human needs St. Joseph had to provide for Jesus and Mary. Did Mary ever ask St. Joseph to take her boy out for a walk so she could have an afternoon rest or complete the next meal? Did she ever ask him to get her a pail full of water and ask him to wash diapers? Sometimes we forget that our Holy Family was a real human family.

I am certainly grateful that after 2,000 years, St. Joseph is recognized for all he does for the Church, and for us. Jesus knew him as his father here on earth, and he will surely take care of our needs if we ask him. St. Joseph, as you took care of Jesus during his presence on earth, take care of us also, until we meet you in heaven.

You are invited The CUSAN is your magazine. It is published twice a year with only you in mind. The CUSAN is also an opportunity for you to share your feelings, ideas, and talents with CUSANS everywhere.

If you feel the urge to write, in prose or poetry, or share an artwork or photo in order to inspire, assist, inform, or simply entertain your companions on this journey, please contact the editor, Dolores Steinberg, at 1403 Teresa Drive, Apt 4E, Fort Lee, NJ 07024, or via e-mail at sdolores12n@gmail.com.

Snap a picture, draw a tree, spin a rhyme, tell a tale, review a book. We would all love to hear from you!

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Winter

by Shirley Bowling EGL 4

In winter’s dormancy the trees are standing tall.

How barren they are without their waving leaves.

Spreading upward their lacy arms, like graceful ballerinas praising God they reach to the heavens in silent awe, promising new life to come in the spring.

Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash 24

The CUSAN

So much to give

by Betty O’Brien

This is the third in a series of excerpts from an unpublished manuscript, So Much to Give, written by the late Betty O’Brien.

Betty was a member of CUSA when it was still very new in the United States.

Every preparation for our trip abroad stood out like the anniversaries we were to celebrate in 1956. (The year),1956, meant my brother was a priest ten years, my mother was in America fifty years, and she and Daddy were married forty years. Jokingly, I often told friends that these happy occasions were our reasons for going overseas. Several wanted to know if I had an anniversary too. I would always reply, “Why, no; my life is just beginning!”

Since early childhood, my heart had often walked the hills of Kerry when Mom told about her early days there. But the dream of visiting her homeland had not become a plan until several little miracles made it possible that the four of us could go together. My father’s fear of asking for a leave of absence faded as soon as he did so. The boss not only promised to keep his position open; he also showed joy that we were to have such a vacation. To me, it could not have been otherwise.

Dad had obtained his present work while making a novena to Saint Joseph during unemployment in 1948. And because the green light to travel to Ireland really came from the way the piggy bank seemed to fill itself after we decided to make this adventure ours, our tickets were bought without any worry.

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So much to give

Our sailing date was July seventh. Then, with Mom, Dad, and Father Jack beside the wheelchair which I borrowed for our journey, I sat close to the rail of the S.S. America. The four of us stayed there until we could no longer see the faces of the friends who had come to bid us farewell. Their well-wishes lingered among the flowers and telegrams in our staterooms.

Each day at sea began with Father Jack’s Mass. Once, his server was a sister who had known us both since we were small. She had been the Mother Superior of the Visitation Order where my aunt spent many years as a nun. Sister Mary Agnes was travelling to a convention of her Order in France.

That day on the ocean, while she embraced me for the first time in her life, I knew the cloister grille was far away. But when Father Jack and she blended their voices in prayer we were aware of God’s presence.

Lourdes was part of our itinerary too. Some of the passengers could not be convinced that a grateful heart was taking me there. Seeing me in a wheelchair on the deck, these strangers did not know I had only brought one to save my strength where walking would be difficult. Because Mother fed me in the dining room, they didn’t realize that I could feed myself.

The latter was something I only do at home; something I had been unable to do, even there, before I was thirty. Now, at thirty-eight, I remembered how many wonderful things had happened since.

I no longer needed the wheelchair which I had used on the street between my late teens and the end of my twenties.

My real physical progress took place after the wheel of my “chariot” broke on the way to a parish mission. I was so

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determined to attend each service at Saint Columba’s that I walked the four blocks twice a day beside Mother. Soon, I did what I had not been able to do since I was thirteen; I went to Mass each Sunday. By degrees, I attended Mass two and three mornings a week. Slowly, like Mother, I was a daily communicant.

My regular appearances at church taught me not to classify people in two categories; those who pity me, and those who do not. Friendly parishioners helped me to see Christ in everybody. It was not easy to ignore the attitude of others until they knew me for myself. These were the things I hoped I could express my appreciation for in Lourdes. Most of all, at Our Lady’s Shrine, I wanted to thank her Son for coming to me so often in Holy Communion. With Him in me, I had learned to live the prayer, “Lord, grant that I may not seek so much to be understood, as to understand.”

On the boat, a young girl made me feel certain that I was blessed indeed to have a family like mine. Judy’s parents were divorced, and each had remarried. With her grandmother as a companion, she was going to England. There she would visit her mother and the new husband. From the moment I met Judy, I was sure that she believed someone handicapped could never be happy. But during an amateur contest in the ship’s lounge, I really understood why this teenager pitied me. While she played the piano, every movement of her body seemed to say, “Music makes me forget everything.” To Judy, the physical ability to go out of herself meant the same as Mom, Dad and Father Jack did to me. At the moment I realized this, I wondered, “What would I be without Mama?”

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So much to give

I have a friend and life’s okay; She is beside me night and day.

Since I was born, she seems to be A pair of hands and feet for me.

My mother’s actions are like wings; They help me out in many things.

She urges me to try alone.

She says,”Success must be your own.”

She tells me not to hesitate; I look at her when I need faith.

If God takes Mother from my side, I’ve learned from her that He’ll provide.

In order to feel sure that somebody would always help me when Mama could not, I had only to recall the past. The time she was in the hospital for a month, Aunt Anna came from Texas to take care of me. Then, and in 1950, while she had another operation, I did not have to leave my own home.

During her second absence, Dad took his vacation. The two weeks with my father as housekeeper proved I was a good dictator. Under my direction, he ran the washing machine, cooked the meals, and even baked cake.

At sea, I remembered a will that included me. It was one which would bring me a monthly income after my Aunt Delia’s death. Her husband had drawn up the legal statement a few days before his death in 1954. With the knowledge of this legacy, I had another reason for saying, “God has taken

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So much to give

care of me, and He always will.” These words nearly slipped off my tongue, on the ocean, the day I learned of a prayer for me. Since I came on the boat, Mrs. Jones had been reciting the rosary that I would die before my mother. The night I became seasick I was not thinking, “I will never live to be an heiress.”

But I thought of Mrs. Jones because I heard Mama praying, “O Lord, I hope You’re not answering that old lady’s prayer.”

During a storm, we were strapped to the tables in the ship’s dining room. If ledges had not been placed under the cloths, the dishes would have fallen to the floor. When going from place to place, we had to hold on to ropes that were put up for safety. Shortly after midnight, everything in our stateroom took a walk. A bottle of cologne flew into my bunk from the bureau; it hit my head. Getting out of bed, I crept around. On my knees, I gathered all the movable objects in front of me.

While locking them in the closet, I shouted, “Mama, stay up in your bunk. It isn’t wise to use the ladder now.”

Suddenly, she reached out and took a big bowl of flowers into her bed; she was afraid they would fly into mine. One swerve of the boat made her scream, “Betty, my mattress is all wet; the vase just overturned.” A second later I heard her say, “I’m getting dressed!” Instead, I moved over; we spent the rest of the night in my bunk. The next morning, Father Jack listened to our experience. He asked Mama why she had wanted to get dressed. In her matter-of-fact way, she replied, “If the S.S. America went down, I wished to look respectable in a lifeboat.”

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Keeping in touch

by Father Richard J. Hopkins

We are fortunate to have a collection of writings by Father Hopkins, a former CUSA member and spiritual advisor for one of the GLs. He was called to his eternal home in 2017, and we trust that from there he still prays for CUSA, as we also pray for him with much gratitude.

All of us like to keep in touch, especially with our family and our close friends. The cell phone has made that possible for us now—instant communication. We can share our concerns, our problems and challenges, with someone who is always ready and willing to listen. It can be very useful, especially when we might be in a near-accident or late for an appointment. But we also know it can be a hazard if we use it on the highway. Receiving bad news via the cell phone could actually jeopardize our driving skills on the interstate or freeway.

Sometimes, however, we can get a busy signal and have to put up with an answering machine that puts everything on hold.

Prayer, on the other hand, is our cell phone with God and he likes us to keep in touch. Just as we like to keep in touch with our own home here on earth, prayer helps us to keep in touch with our eternal home in heaven. God has no answering machine and, therefore, he is always available to accept our call and to listen to what we have to say. He would like to hear

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from us regularly, just as our best friend likes to hear from us each day.

We can share with him our successes and our failures, our disappointments, and our many concerns. God will answer through Jesus himself who will say, “I understand. I have been there myself: I know what you are talking about.” As we continue to keep in touch with God through prayer, our conversation can be rather casual and more frequent. He will help guide us through many twists and turns in our journey through life, for he himself had many ups and downs on his journey to Calvary.

We will find that Jesus is actually a good listener and never interrupts us. Sometimes, we have to be rather quiet in order to hear what he has to say. He is so gentle and loving that he will not interrupt us for the world. As we keep in touch with him, we will gradually become aware of his divine presence in our lives as we make our journey down through the years.

He wishes to be our companion not only in emergencies but also in the cares of daily life. He will show us how to carry our cross, as he has made that journey before us. As our closest friend, he will be there to greet us when we come to the end of our journey and it will be wonderful to see him face to face, with whom we have been communicating all these years.

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What is CUSA? CUSA is an active apostolate that unites its members in the Cross of Christ so that they find God’s will in their suffering. Physical or mental illness, or disability or chronic pain is the sole requirement for membership.

CUSANs are united through postal and e-mail group-letters which regularly bring news of the other members of the Group, and a message from the Group’s Spiritual Advisor. Each CUSAN adds a message to the group-letter and mails it to the next Group member.

By uniting in CUSA and collectively offering their crosses of suffering to Christ for the benefit of mankind, CUSANs help themselves and each other, spiritually and fraternally.

Members able to do so are asked to make an annual contribution of $20. Those unable to assist CUSA financially are still welcome and invited to join CUSA. For further information, please contact: Mare Ernesto CUSA Administrator c/o RENEW International 1232 George Street Plainfield, NJ 07602-1717 e-mail: cusa@renewintl.org Rev. Jerome Bracken, C.P. CUSA National Chaplain Immaculate Conception Monastery 86-45 178th Street Jamaica, New York 11432 Dolores Steinberg Editor, The CUSAN 1403 Teresa Drive, Apt 4E Fort Lee, NJ 07024 E-mail: sdolores12n@gmail.com

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The CUSAN

RENEW International 1232 George Street Plainfield, NJ 07062-1717 www.renewintl.org

CUSA

An Apostolate of Persons with Chronic Illness and/or Disability