Embracing The Inherent Queerness Of Female Friendships

By Maddie Mosely

Growing up, I was part of a friend group that wasn’t particularly affectionate. At that time, my best friend and I rarely hugged, and whenever we did, it always felt uncomfortable. Looking back, I realize that I may have been trying to remain unaffectionate to hide the fact that I wasn’t sure about my own sexuality. Long before I came to understand and accept my own queerness as a woman, I found my deepest connections among friends rather than romantic partners.

It wasn’t until I moved into college and became friends with some of the most amazing women I’ve ever met that I truly began to explore the inherent queerness of female friendships. Immediately, we clicked, and while I’m not saying that I was attracted to them romantically, I think the affection they showed me played a significant role in helping me come to terms with my sexuality.

I wasn’t used to anything outside of the binary norms of heterosexuality. While society teaches girls to show love in a very touchy-feely way, it’s also common to feel ashamed for being too affectionate with your friends, because of the fear of being called “gay” — as if it’s a bad thing.

My new group of friends shattered these expectations. We show physical affection and emotional intimacy freely, end phone calls with “love you,” and constantly serve as each other’s “hypewoman.” To me, female friendships are not just queer by virtue of being very touchy-feely. It’s about opening up on a deeper level and embracing a profound sense of vulnerability and connection that transcends traditional norms. Things like this are simply us expressing our love and friendship in a way that feels right for us.

In these friendships, we challenge the notion that emotional intimacy should be confined to romantic partnerships, and instead, we proudly celebrate the emotional bonds we share. The beauty of these relationships lies in our ability to be our authentic selves without fear of judgment or societal constraints. It’s about knowing that we can express our fears, dreams, and insecurities without reservation, finding solace in the knowledge that we are seen, heard, and accepted for who we truly are.

Over time, I’ve grown more comfortable with my own sexuality and being affectionate with my female friendships. It’s liberating to realize that the inherent queerness of these relationships is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, it is something to be celebrated.

Female friendships are a testament to our resilience, our strength, and our unwavering support for each other. It’s about affirming that love is boundless, transcending the boundaries of sexual orientation or societal expectations. These friendships empower us to be true to ourselves and to foster connections that are built on trust, compassion, and shared experiences.

Embracing the inherent queerness of female friendships has been a transformative experience for me. It has allowed me to fully express myself, both as a woman and as a queer individual. It has also shown me that love comes in many forms, and it’s not limited to romantic relationships. It can be found in the laughter shared with friends, the late-night conversations, and the tight hugs that let you know you are cherished.

So, I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed about queer undertones in female friendships. Instead, I choose to celebrate them and the love and support they bring into my life. They have played a significant role in helping me accept and embrace my own queerness, and for that, I am forever grateful.