THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF SELF CARE

By Samantha Roehl

We romanticize the idea of self-care as candles and baths. But sometimes, the real self-care we need is less sexy.

In the past couple of years, the concept of self-care has exploded in popularity. And in principle, I love the idea of self-care. It is important to treat yourself gently, to allow yourself to recover from stressors, to curate your space and let yourself relax.

The problem is the romanticization of selfcare to the detriment of actually taking care of yourself.

If social media is to be believed, self-care is picturesque. It’s taking a bath in low light, candles flickering on the edge of the tub. It’s a Pinterest-perfect counter of curated skin creams and moisturizers. It’s drinking a cup of tea that’s mostly milk while wearing face masks. It is, essentially, a spa night.

But sometimes the self-care we really need is less sexy. It’s dragging yourself out of the house to get groceries when your fridge is empty, washing the dirty laundry you’ve let pile up, clearing out your unanswered emails, texting back the friends you’ve ghosted, eating a vegetable.

We need a paradigm shift. There is nothing wrong with romanticizing your life — it’s one of my favorite things to do. But self-care cannot simply act as a bandaid over a bullet wound. Self-care includes less glamorous things like eating balanced meals and exercising and drinking enough water.

Yes, a hot bath is wonderful and absolutely deserved every now and then. And if it’s literally the only thing you have energy to do, go for it. But if your life is falling apart and food in the fridge is molding and all your clothes are dirty, pampering yourself isn’t selfcare. It’s avoidance.

The tragic truth of adulthood is that sometimes you do have to prioritize boring or gross or inconvenient things over the things that you want to do. That doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself gently or that you can’t reward yourself for a job well done. But if you’re digging yourself out of a hole, sometimes you have to climb most of the way out before you see the light. Sometimes the climb sucks. But you have to do it. You have to get yourself together, brush yourself off, try again tomorrow.

That is not to say that all romanticized selfcare is bad. If lighting a candle improves your day, do it. Use the shampoo that smells good. Wear your favorite perfume instead of saving it for a special occasion. Put on your coziest outfit. Washing your face or taking a hot shower are important things that can feel luxurious while doing them. But sometimes you have to prioritize responsibilities over painting your nails, and that’s okay.

In the long run, only you can decide what’s best for you. Life is scary and messy and loud and, if you need a jade roller and a latte to make it better, that’s fine. Really, it comes down to this — please remember to take care of yourself. Even if it isn’t fun or pretty. Because someone has to. And, for better or for worse, that someone is you.