Woman This Month - July 2020

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Bahrain Edition

BEAUTY | FASHION | HOME | WELLBEING | LOCAL ISSUES

July 2020 | Issue 208

BEAUTY

FASHION

HOMES

PEOPLE

AGEING GRACEFULLY

REDESIGNING KIDS’ SPACES

PARENTING

OUIAM ON THE ART OF THE APOLOGY

THIS SEASON’S HOTTEST SUNNIES

HIND AL RUMAIHI THE WOMAN BEHIND THE CRAVELIST

WELL-BEING

BOOST YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM

www.womanthismonth.com


BEAUTY | styling

MAKE-UP The use of make-up is purely per choice, whether you are 25 or 55. It can, whenever you feel like it, be used to enhance your looks to come across as the best version of yourself. But when you’ve come this far with knowing yourself and speaking your mind, make sure to let the real ‘you’ shine through your make-up. Here’s how a dash of greasepaint can keep it looking elegant.

AMAZING AGEING GRACE Move over, ageism. The older woman has been savouring her moment in the global beauty spotlight for the last year. Not only is she looked up to for being ripe with wisdom, strength and life’s rich experiences, but also, the global beauty industry has made a beeline to create products particularly suited to mature skin and hair. Stunners like Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, Naomi Campbell and Jenifer Lopez have demanded attention for epitomising ageless beauty and turning heads with effortless sophistication. Let’s take a leaf out of their books to look and feel like a million bucks, no matter how many years we have walked the earth. Eyeing your beauty – Sparse eyebrows will do nothing to frame your face, so filling them in (ever so lightly for a natural effect) will make all the difference. You may be past the cut-crease and winged-liner look, but you can still befriend crinkly or pigmented eyelids with an eye-lid primer (or a dab of concealer) and a medium-toned eyeshadow that you can use to create a fake crease slightly above your natural crease to open up the eye. Smudge the upper lash line with a brown pencil or eyeshadow for soft, doey eyes. Skip this step for the lower lids; it tends to lend wise-with-age eyes a droopy look. A couple of coats of good quality mascara and you’re ready to receive admiring glances.

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Firstly, throw out the rule book – Going through all the make-up motions of a 20- or 30-something YouTuber may not be to your advantage. Overlook the extras like contouring, highlighting and ‘baking’. Concentrate on what you absolutely have to hide or need to play up, and keep a light hand while you’re at it.

Laying the foundation – Primer gives make-up staying power and moisturiser will allow you to buff it all out without that dry, patchy finish. Go sheer and steer clear of full coverage bases that end up in a cake-face appearance. A tinted SPF by day and a light-weight foundation by night will help you achieve an even tone while keeping skin looking like skin (as opposed to the last pancake in the stack).

A playful flush – Applying blush (muted hues please) slightly higher on the cheekbones with an upward sweep lifts the facial features.

Lips that seal the deal – The formula of your lipstick can make or break your look. Stay away from the extremes – drying mattes or high-shine gloss. Choose colours that complement your undertone and use lip liner just a tad beyond the border to keep colour from bleeding.

www.womanthismonth.com


BEAUTY | styling

SKIN CARE The key is to think ‘healthy and radiant’ rather than ‘younger and anti-ageing’. Years of pollution, sun exposure, bodily changes and lifestyle habits take their toll on the skin, making it rougher, drier, less elastic, prone to pigmentation and much thinner – all causing the dreaded W word – wrinkles! Here’s how to help your skin to age with elan An effective emollient – Rich facial moisturisers work to soften and hydrate skin, saving it from resembling the Sahara. Oils like argan, almond, olive, shea and coconut are easily absorbed into the skin to keep the moisture locked in, and double up as effective eye cream. Go natural – Using products free from phthalates, fragrance, sulfates, soap and parabens helps older skin.

Exfoliate – A good scrub keeps the face free of dead skin cells that make it look dull and allow it to better drink in the moisturiser and serums you feed it. Avoid hot water – It dries skin, stripping it of necessary natural oils. Using lukewarm water foams the cleanser, removes surface dirt and balances sebum well.

Vitamin C – A serum infused with this potent antioxidant neutralises free radicals that lead to fine lines and wrinkles. It improves collagen production, helping to support skin structure while resulting in a bright, even skin tone. It’ll allow you to use less foundation and concealer, which is one of the fundamental beauty commandments for mature skin. Sun protection – The sun’s UV rays cause skin proteins (elastin and collagen) to deteriorate, thereby causing thin, wrinkled skin. Slather on a sunscreen with at least SPF30 every morning.

NAILS Keep hands looking noticeworthy with regular at-home or professional manicures. Be mindful to file nails in one direction and not overdo the use of any nail tools. And use that hand cream. Also, don’t listen to anyone who says that red polish is only for younger gals!

HAIR Whether you colour, or show off your grey, wear your mane in style. Gone are the days when milestone birthdays came with a mandatory (read outdated) short crop. Talk to a trusted stylist about long layers, soft bangs, a pixie or a long bob. Nourish your tresses often with hair oils, masks and conditioner to keep the hydration and shine going. If hormones are wreaking havoc with your hair, consult a doctor for necessary supplements. www.womanthismonth.com

July 2020

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BEAUTY | new products NOURISH YOUR TRESSES

The Briogeo Be Gentle Be Kind Avocado and Kiwi Superfood Mask is designed to be a protein-free, nourishing hair mask formulated with highly emollient ingredients to boost moisture for softer, more manageable hair. For anyone who's taken the opportunity to hit pause on heat tools and colour treatments, Briogeo's latest hair mask is the perfect addition to your haircare routine. Avocado, spinach and kiwi revive and lock in moisture for softer, smoother hair. The mask is suitable for those with straight, wavy, curly or coily hair types, as well as those with fine, medium or thick hair density too. The product is said to contain no harsh silicones, phthalates, parabens, sulphates, DEA or artificial dyes.

FRESH FOR THE SUMMER

Dolce&Gabbana Beauty offers a new romantic escape in the Mediterranean with Light Blue Summer Gel to soothe and perfume sun-kissed skin. Infused with a soothing after-sun complex drawn from Sicilian olive oil, the gel’s formula brings instant cooling comfort to sun-warmed skin. Its light, smooth texture penetrates instantly, without leaving any oily residue, moisturising the skin for up to six hours. In the Light Blue Summer Gel For Her, a luminous lemon and crisp Granny Smith apple brighten the heady scent of jasmine petals. A signature trail of lustrous amber woods and precious musks melts into skin. With Light Blue Summer Gel, the radiant seduction of Dolce&Gabbana Beauty’s modern classic takes on a new texture that refreshes, soothes, hydrates and perfumes the skin in one single cool gesture.

LUSCIOUS LIPS

From Charlotte Tilbury’s award-winning skincare collection, comes a Magic Lip Oil - Crystal Elixir - a crystal-infused secret for hydrated, luscious lips. Nourishing and caring, this supercharged, science-powered formula loves your lips and is enriched with potent plant extracts and hyaluronic acid to hydrate, smooth and enhance while it’s on.The lip conditioner-mask hybrid has a magical blend of potent plant extracts to intensely hydrate, nourish and soften the lips including: hyaluronic acid, organic aloe vera, plant adaptogen extracts, ayurvedic swertian leaf and sqisandryl, which is a supercharged fruit extract, to add vitality to the skin. Besides this, oils like sunflower, camellia, shea and evening primrose as well as Bionymph Peptide and vitamins C and E add to the magic formula.

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EXCLUSIVE EYES

Westman Atelier’s Eye Pods are two palettes of luminous eye shadow that provide soft definition and a sumptuous finish using only the cleanest ingredients. This velvety cream-powder hybrid formulation is designed for comfort, blendability, and rich colour payoff. Innovative magnetic pods snap together or apart for easy portability. Les Jours comprises stunning shades like Neige, Chocolat and Tabac – perfect for daytime use. And Les Nuits has Noir, Champagne and Vin Rouge to create stunning eyes for evenings out. The products contain no silicones, parabens, PEGs, phthalates, talc, synthetic fragrances or pigments, and are vegan and free of animal testing.

BE THE LIGHT

When it comes to glowing skin, nothing beats YSL Beauté’s iconic Touche Éclat range. The brand now introduces the Touche Éclat Blur Primer Silver, a primer with silvery undertones. Joining the best-selling Touche Éclat Blur Primer Universal, comes a silver shade of shimmering, blurring and illuminating magic. Infused with brightening sparkles, like its golden sister, it contains the light-diffusing magic of Touche Éclat in a transparent gel to smooth skin texture and boost luminosity. The silver shade works well for cool undertones, to be worn by itself, or under your foundation, for luminosity with an edge. www.womanthismonth.com


news

SISTER ACT SAFE TESTING

Beauty stores are seeing safe in-store trial solutions for the post-Covid era. Manufacturers have developed alternatives to the standard lipstick, foundation and perfume test solutions involving the successive use of retail-size products. Livcer has introduced the Livstick; available as a single-use blister pack made of recycled materials, consisting of a wooden stick, for lipstick trials. Arcade Beauty’s Kiss-A-Peel is a small cardboard card with a mouthshaped dose of lipstick which you kiss after folding it. Orlandi’s TouchUps is a biodegradable applicator consisting of a cellulose capsule which looks like a mini lipstick and is directly applied with the usual stick gesture.

Back in February, Kendall Jenner announced that she was finally working on a Kylie Cosmetics collaboration with her sister, Kylie. The packaging for 'Kendall by Kylie Cosmetics' features a split image of Kylie and Kendall's faces, looking uber glam (as always). Judging by their make-up for the campaign, it is speculated to heavily deliver on the '90s supermodel aesthetic. Think soft, matte brown eyeshadows, smudged-out liner and pouty, brown-toned lipsticks. The selection is thought to include some lipsticks and compacts in a baby pink / orange / gold packaging. Later this year, Kylie is also planning to release a collection with her make-up artist, Ariel Tejada, otherwise known as @MakeupByAriel.

A NEW TAKEOVER A SUSTAINABLE STEP

Unilever has committed to have no carbon emissions from its own operations, and to halve the greenhouse gas (GHG) footprint of its products across the value chain, by 2030. In response to the scale and urgency of the climate crisis, the group is now additionally committing to net zero emissions from all products by 2039 - from the sourcing of the materials, up to the point of sale in the store. To achieve this goal, Unilever said it will prioritise building partnerships with suppliers who have set and committed to their own science-based targets. To further fight deforestation and achieve a deforestation-free supply chain by 2023, the company will have visibility on exact sourcing locations, and increase traceability and transparency with digital technologies such as satellite monitoring, geolocation tracking and blockchain. www.womanthismonth.com

A UNIQUE COLLABO’

Morphe has teamed up with Coca-Cola for a limited-edition make-up collection that highlights the colours of the renowned soda brand. This unique collaboration brings pop culture to the world of beauty, featuring a selection of make-up essentials for lips, eyes and cheeks with packaging that is directly inspired by the famous soda brand’s bottles. Beauty junkies get a choice of three glittering face and body highlighters in clear gold, neutral champagne and iridescent bronze shades. The eyeshadow palette has 18 shades, suitable for daytime and evening looks, including matte and iridescent nudes, browns, red and gold tones and icy blues. A set of four liquid lipsticks (Cokecan red, glitter packed caramel, all-gold shimmer and nude pink) and a set of seven brushes complete the collection.

L’Oréal has signed an agreement to acquire US-based natural skincare brand Thayers Natural Remedies, which has a strong skincare heritage and offers a portfolio of high-quality products including toners and astringents. Founded in 1847 by Doctor Henry Thayer, the brand is best known for its iconic Witch Hazel Aloe Vera Formula Facial Toner, a bestselling product popular among a diverse group of consumers. The brand has expanded its distribution from natural grocery stores to a multichannel strategy which includes mass and beauty retailers, drugstores and e-commerce. Thayers Natural Remedies recorded sales of USD44 million in 2019. The closing is subject to the standard regulatory approvals and other customary conditions. July 2020

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PEOPLE | interview

WHAT ARE YOU CRAVING? We caught up with Hind Al Rumaihi, the Bahraini foodie behind The Cravelist, which offers independent food reviews and great recipes, to find out what makes her tick and how she’s built an Instagram family of more than 17,500 followers. Make sure to try the delicious recipe she’s shared for WTM readers. The Cravelist has been running for three years now. What gave you the idea to start it? My mum and friends would always come to me and ask about where and what to eat and I’ve shared a list with them which included the best restaurants in Bahrain. Then, one day they said: “Why don’t you share this with everyone else?” I got Forky [the Toy Story character] as a Secret Santa gift from a friend which really gave me the push to start an Instagram page sharing all my restaurant experiences. Where did the name come from? I’ve had a list of restaurants, categorised by area and cuisine, for the past seven years on my phone notes, which really came in handy

amongst family and friends – who, luckily for me, trust my taste in food. According to our cravings on a given day, we would go through the list and unanimously agree on where and what to eat. You now have more than 17,000 followers. Has that growth been steady or did it burst onto the scene and then slowly gain traction over the years? I would say it has been a steady growth over the years. I would have never imagined it to reach this far which is why I was initially hesitant about going public. How old are you and what’s your food background? Do you have a day job too? I’m 29. I’ve been dining out at highend restaurants since I was 13, with my grandfather. My love for food and dining was realised at a young age at Monsoon – when I met my first stalk of lemongrass! From then, it has always been the most exciting part of my life. Going out and trying different foods from

different places, high-end to street food. I’ve also worked in the F&B [food and beverage] industry for about three years and been in some of the largest, most prominent kitchens and bakeries in the Kingdom, which really helped shape my understanding of how food is made and delivered. In my day job, I’m a civil servant/ government administrator. Have you always loved cooking? To be completely honest – no. I always believed that you either have it [the skill] or you don’t and I firmly believed that I didn't – after burning and ruining a simple fouringredient Betty Crocker cake in my early 20s. But prior to the current situation [corona], I mustered up the courage to go back into the kitchen and try something simple, Dan Dan noodles – which I got off the internet, and they were incredible! That gave me the courage to go back and experiment with different and slightly more complex recipes. I can safely say that now, yes, I do enjoy cooking. Where do you find your recipes? Do you use other people’s as well as your own? Pinterest, allrecipes, blogs, Instagram. Yes, of course, I use other people’s as well as my own. How do you choose which restaurants to review? Whatever restaurant appeals to me and sparks an interest. I have an intuitive feel about whether a restaurant would meet my expectations or not and I am almost always right. Haha. A recent recipe mentioned sourdough discard – for the uninitiated, please explain. Ok, so with all that’s been going on, I decided to venture into new territory and make sourdough bread. To do that, you need to raise a sourdough ‘starter’ which involves three staple ingredients: flour, water and patience. You have to feed this starter on a daily basis for about a week, to activate the yeast and stimulate fermentation, and during the process, before feeding, you have to discard most of the ‘starter’ – which is flour and water converted to active yeast.

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www.womanthismonth.com


PEOPLE | interview

I do not like to waste food, so I decided to use that discard [active yeast] and make pancakes. Super delicious! The blog is beautiful, do you take your own pictures? Thank you very much! Yes I do. What are your favourite things to cook and to eat? Favourite things to cook would definitely be pasta, salmon, rice and curry and pizza – they’re versatile and you can do so much! I’m also more into savoury than sweet foods. Favourites to eat: salmon, greens – give me all the veggies! – and sushi, in its raw fresh form. Would you share a recipe for our readers? With pleasure!

LEMON SOUR CREAM CAKE ·Add eggs to the mixer one at a This has been the best tried time. and reviewed recipe on the ·Detach the bowl from the mixer blog – it’s fool-proof, easy and add 100g of sour cream and and delicious! half the flour. Use a spatula to Ingredients: 250g butter 2 tsp lemon zest 2 cups castor sugar 6 eggs 2 cups plain flour ¼ cup self-raising flour 200g sour cream

Method: ·Add sugar, lemon zest, butter in a stand-mixer and beat until pale and fluffy.

mix. Continue adding the second half of the sour cream and the flour. ·Spread mixture into a greased cake pan and bake for one to one and a half hours, ideally 75 minutes, at 160-180 degrees (ideally 160°C), dust with icing sugar before serving! Tips: Place cake in the middle shelf of the oven. Sift flour to avoid clumps.

What five things do you always have in your kitchen cupboard to make a simple and tasty meal? 1- Spices: namely Maldon sea salt and freshly ground pepper 2- Pasta 3- Tomato paste 4- Marmite 5- Condiments: Sriracha, mustard, Islanders (local Bahraini hot sauce). Follow Hind @thecravelist.bh www.womanthismonth.com

July 2020

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news

Fashion Thriller New Collabo'

YOOX presents its latest collaboration M MISSONI X YOOX following the appointment of Margherita Maccapani Missoni as creative director of M Missoni. The collection comprises 11 pieces, offering dresses, jumpsuits, skirts and trousers, T-shirts and sweatshirts which can all be styled to fit your personal look without the constraints of shape, gender or size. The styles feature eclectic hue combinations of fuchsia, blue and white and stay true to the mission of M Missoni – Reuse, Remix, Respect – both literally and conceptually. The sweatshirts and jersey tees are made of sustainable lurex while the black jumpsuit is FSC viscose and Missoni-stock raschel serves as an applique on one of the sweatshirt designs.

Possibly the first real influencer, a fashion designer who sold not just clothes but also a lifestyle, Betsey Johnson has put pen to paper in a new book – Betsey: A Memoir – which goes into the brand’s rise, financial trouble and eventual sale to Steve Madden in 2010. And, much like the woman herself (she’s known for her offbeat style and has dressed everyone from Edie Sedgewick to Cyndi Lauper), the subject matter is anything but dry, taking the reader through four marriages, a stint living at New York’s infamous Chelsea Hotel, seemingly endless parties and her battles with breast cancer and open-heart surgery. And though she is still working at 77, it’s a story not just of the designer of herself but of another era in fashion.

Virtual Recognition

Franco-Lebanese designer, Ingie Chalhoub, President and Creative Director of the luxury fashion house INGIE Paris, has received her first virtual award: The Monte Carlo Fashion Week Ethical Fashion Award. The award acknowledges her continuous commitment to sustainability in fashion and philanthropy was presented during a live Instagram interview with the founder of the event, Federica Nardoni Spinetta. Ingie said: “It is our duty to preserve our planet. Fashion today is about sustainability and values; we must look at different ways to encourage and engage in sustainable fashion. Consumers are increasingly aware and attracted to brands that have profound commitments to sustainability and strong social responsibility values.”

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Saweetie Sitting Pretty Historical First

As high-end magazines are fighting for their lives, globally, in the wake of declining sales and the everincreasing popularity of digital alternatives, Samira Nasr has been appointed editor in chief for the American edition of Harper's Bazaar, becoming the first woman of colour to lead Hearst's premier fashion title in its 152-year history. In a video announcing her appointment, she said: “As the proud daughter of a Lebanese father and Trinidadian mother, my world view is expansive and is anchored in the belief that representation matters. My lens by nature is colourful and so it is important to me to begin a new chapter in Bazaar’s history by shining a light on all individuals who I believe are the inspiring voices of our time. I will work to give all voices a platform to tell stories that would never have been told."

PrettyLittleThing (PLT) has announced its second collaboration with rapper, singer and songwriter Saweetie, who has curated her own ‘At Home With’ 30-piece edit. Known for her hit singles My Type and ICY GIRL, which has streamed more than 98 million views on YouTube, the rap star showcased her first collection with the brand last year at New York Fashion Week. The latest edit embraces the ‘new normal’ and features as the first of PLT’s shot straight-from-home campaigns. Expect suga-baby vibes and icy girl feels that will have you ‘lookin’ all things bougie’ while staying home and staying safe. Matching sets, including a bandana and gloves, have never looked cuter in the baby shaded throw-back trend everyone is wearing on Instagram. www.womanthismonth.com


FASHION | accessories

Gentle Monster

Karl Lagerfeld

Alexander McQueen

Longchamp

Emporio Armani

ALL EYES ON YOU

We believe you can never have too many pairs of sunnies – they protect our eyes and, just as importantly, complete our looks. This summer there are so many great options to choose from. From the timeless glamour of crystal at Swarovski and Valentino, to retro looks at Tom Ford and Marni, futuristic shapes at Karl Lagerfeld and oversized icons at Gucci and Gentle Monster; we love them all. We’ve come up with our top picks to help you make your choice. If you’re feeling flush, why not have one of each? After all, we did say you can never have too many, right?

Valentino

Chloé Carlina Guess

Swarovski Gucci Marnie Tom Ford

Longchamp

Marni www.womanthismonth.com

Gentle Monster - Dreamer July 2020

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FASHION |essentials

10 Things to Try This Month

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Dying to dress up Arrange an online Murder Mystery Party in costume.

Get Sewing Time on your hands means time for a spot of fashion DIY.

Hunt it down Find the perfect white shirt.

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Get Shorty You know you want to!

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Hat Trick Summer’s here, hats are obligatory.

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Tap Into Turquoise

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Star Spangled Banner Celebrate July 4 with red, white and blue.

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Temporary Tattoo!

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Glittering Prize Give your home a treat.

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Ooh La La Go French for Bastille Day. www.womanthismonth.com


LIFESTYLE | well-being

In times when an all-pervading spectre is doing the rounds, looking to compromise the health and lives of those it encounters, a robust immune system is what could come to your rescue, writes Behnaz Sanjana.

HARNESS YOUR SUPERPOWER T he body is an intricate amalgamation of processes and functions, equipped with ‘immunity’ to ward off the bad bugs and stay healthy. Immunity is a complex system, rather than one single organ or entity, and is defined as the network of organs, cells, tissues and substances that protect the body from pathogens (viruses, bacteria or fungal microorganisms), and thereby, disease. So, what comprises the body’s immune response? The skin’s lipid layer is the first line of defence against pathogens, restricting their entry into the body. The mucous membranes in the respiratory system secrete mucus to trap pathogens and dust. Their small hair-like structures usher them towards the throat where they are coughed or sneezed out, or swallowed and excreted. The gut is said to make the majority of the body’s immune cells and is home to around 10,000 different species of good bacteria. A less-than-lush gut flora can lead to digestive issues and low immunity. A type of white blood cell called Phagocytes, made in the bone marrow, engulf and destroy foreign pathogens before they do any harm.

If the body’s immune system is functioning optimally, it can defeat the pathogens it is exposed to. www.womanthismonth.com

The intelligent mechanism that is the human body produces memory cells that remember the microbe which has caused a disease. They quickly make the correct antibody if the body is exposed to that particular infection again, preventing any symptoms of the disease occurring. An insidious pandemic-causing virus may be beyond human control, but what is in our hands is keeping our immune systems prepped and primed to fend it off or at least sustain as little damage as possible. Here’s the plan of action: Take Immune Boosting Supplements: If you think you do not get the required nutrition from the food you eat, vitamins C and D, zinc and probiotics can improve overall immunity to disease. A daily multi-vitamin can provide the cells with essential micronutrients, which are critical for the immune system to be at the top of its game. Eat Fresh: Making a habit of avoiding packaged, processed, sugar-laden foods most days of the week allows you to get creative in the kitchen and feed your body fibre- and nutrient-rich foods that can only have a positive result on your health.

Vitamin D takes care of more than 200 metabolic processes in the body. It is critical for immune function. Studies have shown that a small daily dose is more effective in the long term, versus a mega dose for a short period of time.

Exercise: Besides making you do the happy dance, feel-good chemicals after exercise can also help you sleep better. Something as simple as a brisk 30-minute walk five days a week can help flush out toxins and reduce inflammation. By increasing the circulation of immune cells and making them roam the body in higher numbers and at a higher rate, exercise helps them find and crush any pathogens. Sleep: All the above are in vain if you do not thank your body with eight hours of restful sleep. While asleep, the body can undertake primary cell repair functions and decrease inflammation. Each stage of sleep plays an important part in restoring and boosting immunity. July 2020

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LIFESTYLE | home

COOL FOR THE SUMMER

Home Centre The youngsters have been cooped up at home for a long while now, with no definite time on the horizon to resume their academic and extra-curricular routines. The summer holidays are upon us, with little promise of travel or outdoor escapades. How about we cheer them up with a redesign of their spaces, making them multipurpose rooms where they draw inspiration to study, pursue their interests, play and rest better?

Smart Storage Storage organiser IKEA

Be a Glow-Getter Glitter lamp namshi.com

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Just Hanging Around Hammock chair amazon.com www.womanthismonth.com


LIFESTYLE | home Chuck It In Hamper namshi.com

Space Saver Bed shelfie amazon.com

It’s a Sign Hand-painted frames Colgrave Holmes Creations

Sweet Dreams Bed linen IKEA

Tropical Sequins Cushion Lifestyle

Be a Star Mini armchair Home Box Travel The World Wall map amazon.com

Reach High Step stool IKEA

Seize The Day Desk calendar Lifestyle

www.womanthismonth.com

Keep Your Cool Mini fridge ubuy.com

All-Purpose Awesomeness Multifunction bed Home Box July 2020

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LIFESTYLE | opinion

THE ART OF THE APOLOGY S

taying calm when our kids aren't is a major challenge, even for the most Zen parents and even under the best circumstances. Take a worldwide pandemic, throw in some homeschooling along with a dramatic decrease in downtime to recharge our batteries and suddenly, keeping our cool with the kids, goes from a major challenge to seemingly impossible. We are going to lose our tempers sometimes, there's simply no way around it. The good news is that there are ways to minimise these moments—and there's something we can do to reconnect with the child. Taking full responsibility for our actions, giving a sincere, heartfelt apology and reconnecting after a relational rupture is absolutely essential in order to maintain a close connection with our child and to ensure they feel seen, safe, soothed and secure.

TAKE A BREATHER

Before you do anything, you must first make sure your nervous system has settled down. Disengage, take some deep breaths, say a calming mantra, eat an ice cream, whatever helps you de-escalate. Once both you and your child's nervous systems are back to normal, move on to the next step.

Ouiam Charkani El Hassani on saying sorry and moving on.

OWN UP Making a sincere, heartfelt apology in which you take full responsibility for your actions is the most crucial step to making a repair. The biggest mistake we make when apologising is using the words but or if: "I'm so sorry I yelled, BUT you weren't listening and I asked three times to stop hitting your brother." "I'm sorry I got upset. IF you had just listened and stopped behaving like a maniac, I wouldn't have lost my temper." Nope! A true apology does not include the words but or if. It does not concern itself with who is to blame, it does not expect forgiveness. A true apology has five components: • Taking full responsibility for your role in the conflict. • Giving a truthful explanation for your behaviour. • Putting yourself in the other person's shoes. • Communicating empathy for his experience. • Expressing genuine remorse for your actions. It sounds something like this: "I'm so sorry I got angry; you didn't deserve that. Sometimes it's hard for Mama to stay calm and I need to work on that. I can imagine that it's scary when Mama yells. I love you very much and I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings." BE CURIOUS After you've apologised, ask your child how

they feel. What was their experience like? Did they feel scared when you yelled? Sad? Angry? Get curious about what was going on that caused them to do whatever it was that triggered you. HUG IT OUT Physical touch is the best way to reconnect with our child – a warm embrace can often cancel out the negative feelings that arose during the tense interaction. Why? Because tender physical contact releases a hormone called oxytocin which promotes trust and safety. When we snuggle, cuddle, hold, hug, pat and kiss our kids, they're reassured of our love and are reminded that we're always there for them, no matter what. LET IT GO Once you've gone through these steps and have re-established the connection with your child, it's time to let it go. There's no use in beating yourself up or ruminating about it. Modelling self-compassion and selfforgiveness sends a powerful message to our kids. It shows them that we accept our humanness, that we're not perfect and that's okay. We're all works in progress. The goal is to own our mistakes and then learn from them. When we learn and practise the art of an apology we create a silver lining for our parenting fails. We take our worst parenting moments and we transform them into opportunities to model personal accountability, empathy and self-compassion – three of the most important things we can teach our children. Now, more than ever, is a crucial time to put the art of the apology into practice with our kids. They need reassurance that everything is going to be okay just as much as we do. Chanelmama

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