THE SOUNDCHECK SERIES

THE SOUNDCHECK SERIES

THEOLOGY AND MUSIC

‘IF I ONLY COULD…’

KATE BUSH ON BARGAINING WITH GOD

THE FRAGILITY OF THE HUMAN CONDITION IS LAID BARE IN KATE BUSH’S HIT SONG

BY MICHAEL SHERMAN

Kate Bush

Taking responsibility for yourself is never as easily done as it is said. Coming to grips with who you are, facing the challenges you meet in your life, and choosing your path are tasks that require persistence, perspective, and patience. As Simone Weil observes ‘to be rooted’ is the most important and least recognised need of the human soul. But life is tough, and a lot of tragedies and heartbreaks begin with phrases like ‘if I had only’ and ‘what if?’. Such standpoints are often a painful realisation from a space between ‘what could have been then’ and ‘what it is like now’. Kate Bush’s song ‘Running up That Hill (A Deal With God)’ powerfully demonstrates the persistence of never giving up and the experience of torment and heartbreak from a failing relationship, a relationship which, for Bush, could be redeemed if only God was open to bargaining. In recent months the song found fame again when it was introduced to a new generation after it featured in season four of Netflix’s hit series Stranger Things. Subsequently, social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram were awash with tributes to the song which has rocketed back to number one in the music charts in Ireland and the UK. In this article I will offer a theological interpretation of this song.

DEALING WITH GOD

Bush’s inspirations for her songs often come from the world of film, especially the works of Alfred Hitchcock. But it is her own dreams and the many real-

life characters that have visited her in her sleep that she says have equally influenced her creativity. ‘Running up that Hill (A Deal With God)’ is the opening track on her 1985 album Hounds of Love. The song deals with the issue of a lack of understanding between two people who are in love. As demonstrated in the song’s chorus, Bush seems to believe that their problems could be fixed by asking God to switch their places with each other in order to understand the other’s perspective:

And if I only could

I’d make a deal with God

And I’d get him to swap our places.

The idea of asking God to directly intervene in the relationship is intriguing because it highlights the

The idea of asking God to directly intervene in the relationship is intriguing because it highlights the fragility of the human condition. The human condition is such that we cannot have another person’s experience, but at the same time we want to be loved and understood by others

fragility of the human condition. The human condition is such that we cannot have another person’s experience, but at the same time we want to be loved and understood by others. The relationship that Bush is singing about is clearly not working and she wishes that she could make a deal with God to fix it.

In an interview about the song, she discloses that it is about exploring the possibility of “a man seeing things from the perspective of a woman and vice versa”. If they could make a deal with God to change places, they would understand what it’s like to be the other person. It also highlights the possibility of an ultimate relationship, that is, relationship with God.

Really the only way I could think it could be done was either… you know, I thought a deal with the devil, you know. And I thought, ‘well, no, why not a deal with God!’ You know, because in a way it’s so much more powerful the whole idea of asking God to make a deal with you.

The couple in this song love each other very much, but the power of their emotions is getting in the way.

You don’t want to hurt me

But see how deep the bullet lies

Unaware I’m tearing you asunder

Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.

There is a helplessness throughout the song which highlights the fragility of human relationships. And this is hauntingly depicted, before any

lyrics are sung, in the opening atmospheric synthesised sounds which resemble an air raid siren followed by a pulsating drum beat that loops throughout the song.

DEALING WITH YOURSELF

Bush’s desire to bargain with God is depicted as constantly running up a hill but never getting there. She seems to be unable to grapple with her own problem. A counterpoint to this situation is found in the writings of Dutch Jewish author, Etty Hillesum. Writing in her diaries during the Second World War about her inevitable capture and death, she candidly outlines how she has to take responsibility for her own situation.

There is nothing else for it, I shall have to solve my own problems. I

Etty Hillesum always get the feeling that when I solve them for myself I shall have also solved them for a thousand other women. For that very reason,

I must come to grips with myself.

Here we can see that Hillesum is trying to solve the problem she faces by looking at herself. Where Bush externalises her issue by wishing she could be placed in the shoes of her lover, Hillesum focuses on how she can respond internally to the horrific circumstances she is facing. Hillesum claims there is only one moral duty: to reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves and to reflect it toward others. In her diaries, she says that “the more peace there is in us, the more peace there will also be in our troubled world.” In the last verse of Bush’s song there is no peace for the singer. Instead, there is a final plea to swap places in order to work things out with her other half.

C’mon, baby, c’mon darling

Let me steal this moment from you now

C’mon, angel, c’mon, c’mon, darling

Let’s exchange the experience.

The song ends coming full circle, however, echoing the opening lines which indicate that she is still stuck where she started, wanting to change:

If I only could, I’d be running up that hill

If I only could, I’d be running up that hill.

PATIENCE IN THE MYSTERY

In some sense, there is a naïveté in wanting to make a deal with God, for that would put us on the same level as God and short-circuit taking responsibilities for our tasks in life. Not every problem is to be solved. Very often it is more a matter of discovering the sense of mystery in our situations rather that coming up with quick-fix answers to problems we initially encounter.

Tomáš Halík, the Czech theologian and sociologist, in his fascinating book Patience with God: The Story of Zacchaeus Continuing in Us says that truth happens in the course of conversation. Remarking on the temptation to allow answers to bring an end to the process of searching, he maintains that when new questions arrive through genuine dialogue “the unexhausted depths of mystery show through once more.” For Halík, “faith is not a question of problems but of mystery, so we must never abandon the path of seeking and asking.” This is a path of faith, hope, and love which he sums up as patience with God.

THE TIMELESSNESS OF MUSIC There is something timeless about music. It has the ability to both catch and release us. Hearing a popular song from your teenage years can interrupt and evoke so much without any warning and, then, leave you as you were to get on with things. While music is always grounded in the concrete realities of time and space, there is more going on in music that just musical notes. From the first sounds of Kate Bush’s classic hit, there is no doubt that this is no ordinary pop song. The song hauntingly evokes the problems of being stuck in a difficult relationship and the cold reality that there are no quick fixes. Problems require inner reflection on the self which ultimately brings us to a contemplation of mystery. And this is no problem, it is a gift.

Michael Sherman teaches theology at Carlow College, St Patrick’s.

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