The Mike Newspaper, March 26th, 2014

2

Editorial

THE MIKE

The last issue

3

Editorial Staff

Some thoughts on The Mike, the year, and my time at St. Mike's here. Over that time much has changed at The Mike and I have had the privilege of working with so many amazing people who have taught me an insane amount. I can hardly believe the support that the St. Michael’s community has shown for this paper. I feel that The Mike (and student newspapers in general) play an important role in campus life and there is no better campus to serve than St. Mike’s. When I first was selected to be Editor-in-Chief I wasn’t even officially a St. Michael’s student, but through the newspaper I was able to become one and I was rewarded over and over again over the course of the next two years.

Thank you St. Mike’s for being such an amazing place to work and go to school.

You, the reader, are also specifically deserving of praise.

Without you picking up the paper there would be no reason for us to do what we do. It is all too easy to fall into the trap when working away in the office and then disappearing to go to class to feel that no one actually reads the paper. I cannot express how rewarding it has been to hear from those of you who stepped forward and told me what you thought of the paper. Whether it was praise or criticism, it was always the most wondrous sensation to hear that you were engaging with the product that we were creating.

I have been a part of 47 issues during my tenure at the Mike, and while this issue is special as the last one, each one felt special due to the community reception. That feeling came from a community that existed in all manners of the production and distribution of the paper. Whether you contributed by being involved in something we covered, writing an article yourself, editing, managing, producing, distributing, consulting, questioning, responding, or reading:

THE MIKE

Masthead

Letter from Editor-in-Chief

This issue represents the culmination of many things. For one, it is the final issue of the year. This is the last publication of The Mike in volume 44, inching closer to 50 years of existence.

The completion of the issue marks the end of production for this particular iteration of staff at The Mike; I could not be more proud of what they put together. The operation of the newspaper behind the scenes, while always challenging, was made infinitely easier by the work of the section editors and staff who worked with me to create this publication. Of the section editors, Curtis, Michal, Fatima, and Franco are all moving on from The Mike while Louis is returning.

I encourage you to let them know what you thought of their work if you run into them in the coming weeks. They all did as good a job as any that I have seen in my four years at the paper. Additionally, this paper could not have come out regularly without the tireless work of Alekzia and Emma. Both worked absolutely around the clock to make the newspaper happen. Emma put in hours of work, doing all kinds of thankless jobs for which she deserves all the thanks. Alekzia has been at the paper longer than I have and is an absolute force when it comes to making a newspaper. She spent tons of energy in every single possible field related to the creation of The Mike and is as talented as they come. I could not have asked for a better staff this year.

On that note, this is also my last issue of the newspaper. Though clichéd, it is absolutely amazing how the time just seems to disappear.

It seems like this year has barely started and I was just elected Editor-in-Chief. In reality, the year started a year a go and it has been two years since I took this position

News

Thank You. I hope that you all feel like I do, that The Mike is a dynamic paper, with content that is always varied and relevant. I look forward to seeing how the incoming staff will continue this tradition, proving it with each issue. While the elections have just closed and I can’t speak to specifically who will be doing what next year, just knowing the people who will be involved in varies capacities I can assure you that it will be a special year. The individuals looking to run this publication next year are all rich in talent and ability. The Mike has exciting places to go.

This issue is also the symbolic culmination of the year (that’s right, we’re almost done!) The publication process mirrors the flow of the school year, beginning in September, breaking for winter holidays and finishing in March. While there are still exams left and I’m sure people still have course work due (I know that I have a pile of unwritten papers looking enviously at this letter), from a time perspective we have pretty much made it. That is an accomplishment worth celebrating.

Take some time to do so, perhaps after handing in your last paper.

The school year is brimming with small tasks that have to be passed; making it to this point, regardless of your numeric results, means that you have had a productive year. It is easy to overlook what you have done these past two terms. Don’t.

You deserve to internalize that you were capable of making it here and what that actually took.

While I will probably float around the paper, helping make the transition as smooth as possible

Managing Editor

Dressing for downtown: the costumes of downton Abbey

Mod Mad Party

Lights Out

March 28, 6:00pm

March 29

Toronto Reptile exhibit

Gardiner Museum of Ceramic Art

Various Bars

March 30, 9:00am

managingeditor@readthemike.com

March 27

I find party themes are too derivative and repetitive. Cowboys and School Girls? Blah. Try something new. This party is inspired by the architecture of Ron Thom. Now that's original.

Explore explore Earth Day in a new capacity this year thanks to Mill Street Brewery. They have organized events at over 60 different bars across the city. It's much better than sitting at home with the lights off, waiting for your neighbours to crack first.....

Downsview Park

News Editor

Spadina Museum

Co-Living Editor

Way Back - Play that!

Opening Saturday for the blue jays

Keeping you in stitches

Used Book Sale

living@readthemike.com

April 3, 7:00PM

April 5, 1:00pm

April 6, 2:00PM

Regis College

Co-Living Editor

Studio Bar

Rogers Center

Gibson House

Board games and comfort food are always a fantastic way to kick back and relax before the exam stress hits. Even better stress buster? Its in aid of Sick Kids hospital.

Opening night is over rated.

Opening Saturday is where its at! See the Blue Jays take on the Yankees.

It's the first of many baseball Saturdays for the summer. Don't miss out!

Gather the closest knit group you can, and attend this knitting and stitching group! Get help, give advice, and make new friends over yarn. Its works for cats!

Pre-loved paperback books are waiting for you to pick them up and take them home. You won't even notice they're there! They'll just sit quietly in the corner, waiting for you before they head out on an adventure. They're also housebroken. It's a win-win.

Editor-in-Chief Micah Gold-Utting

editorinchief@readthemike.com

Alekzia Hosein

Fatima Syed

news@readthemike.com

Arts Editor Louis Train

arts@readthemike.com

Opinions Editor Michal Chwalek

opinions@readthemike.com

Annum Roshan

(I’ve got a couple courses to finish up over the summer/fall semester), this will be last thing that I write for The Mike. Thank you everyone for making this such a rewarding experience and if anyone is reading this and interested in getting involved, do it! You never know where it will take you, but I promise it will be somewhere awesome. It did it for me.

Franco Recchia

living@readthemike.com

Sports Editor Curtis Panke

sports@readthemike.com

Senior Copy Editor

Get super close to the British Downton Abbey, without having Maggie Smith file a restraining order. There's 20 costumes and countless props to see!

Chelsea Misquith

We've all been leading the life of a lizard this winter. Running from food source to food source, heated area to heated area. Meet some other 'tiles that could be your new best friend.

April 7, 10:00AM

Illustrations Editor Vacant

illustrations@readthemike.com

Web Editor Vacant

Micah Gold-Utting | Editor-in-chief

Photos Editor Vacant

Writers Catherine Bredin, John Castellarin, Peter Galka, Emma George, Joe Magiapane, Mark Matich, Regan Mcneill, Melissa Morgado, Saad Shah, Alex Wichert, Christine Zelezny

Copy Editors Diane Tam, Jesse Maione, Mark Recto

Business Staff Business Manager Yasir Mustafa

Emma George | Staff Writer

business@readthemike.com

Philadelphia

Researchers have compiled the fossil of a giant turtle, after broken pieces of fossil, unearthed over 160 apart are reunited. Researchers at Drexel University in Philadelphia, discovered that the two parts were a complete match earlier this week. Not much is known about the unearthing of the first piece, but the other portion was unearthed from a creek in New Jersey.

Copenhagen

After shocking the world by putting down a healthy two year old giraffe, the same zoo has put down four healthy lions. The lions had to be killed due to pride dynamics that would have lead the older lions to kill the new younger lions. Two of the lions were reaching the end of their natural lives in captivity. The other two were 10 month old cubs, who the zoo could not rehome. Unlike last time, there will be no public dissection of the animals. .

Caracas

Amid ongoing protests against the current President of Venezula, Nicolas Maduro has announced the arrest of three generals for plotting to overthrow the government. The current political unrest has cost the lives of 32 people.

BOD College Rep.

Conakry

The eating of bats has been banned in Conakry, Guinea after a recent outbreak of the ebola virus has claimed the lives of 62 people. Ebola is believed to be carried in bats, and currently there is not cure for the virus in humans. Depending upon the strain of the virus, ebola kills 2590% of it's victims. By curbing the consumption of bats, the government of Guinea is hoping to stop the spread of the virus.

looking to contribute? drop us a line! editorinchief@readthemike.com www.readthemike.com 416-926-7272 • 81 st. mary st.

• toronto on • m5s 1j4 •

Beijing

After confirmation that flight MH 370 did crash into the Indian Ocean, relatives of the missing people are letting their frustrations be heard in Beijing. Relatives believe that the investigation was mishandled, and do not believe the conclusion that Malaysian Air has come too. Relatives are also citing corruption of the authorities, stating that they want to know what actually happened to their family and friends..

Ad Manager Stefano Tesoro

ads@readthemike.com

Ad Execs Vacant

Board of Directors BOD Student Reps.

Adriano Marchese Nicole Rocha Dennis Amoakohene Christopher Sivry

BOD Alumni Rep. Andy Lubinsky Steve Hoselton @readthemike The Mike is the Official Bi-weekly Student Newspaper of St. Michael’s College in the University of Toronto, publishing since 1947. The Mike has a circulation of 2000, delivered to over 40 newsstands across the University of Toronto: St. George Campus and is published by The Mike Publications Inc. The Mike is printed by MasterWeb Inc on recycled newsprint stock and is a member of Canadian University Press. Copyright: 2012 The Mike Publications Inc. All Rights Reserved. All editorial inquires should be sent to editorinchief@readthemike.com. The Mike reserves the right to edit all submissions

4

Living

THE MIKE

Getting comfortable A discussion about Toronto’s most notorious after-hours with students Alekzia Hosein | Managing Editor The Comfort Zone (CZ) is an after-hours venue at the corner of Queen and Spadina, between Hotel Waverly and a CIBC. Despite the $20 - $25 cover, it’s notoriously popular with students, whether they’re just looking for a place to keep dancing after clubs close or for something more sinister.

From the outside, Comfort Zone is a nondescript door that leads to a staircase down below the Silver Dollar Room. Around 3am on weekend nights, lines can wind all the way up to Spadina Crescent. From its website it seems like just another club complete with vague information, a Google map, DJ set times and overdesigned event posters. There is more to the story that meets the eye, however.

Since its opening in 1997, Comfort Zone has been no stranger to controversy. Its reputation follows.

When asked if she had ever been to CZ, one student replied that while she hadn’t, she is fascinated by the idea. “It’s like Dante’s ninth circle of Hell... I kind of want to see what’s down there, but once you’re in that deep, it’s not easy to get out.”

The venue has seen its fair share of raids, with the most recent in 2008, after the death of a patron who had

allegedly purchased GHB, a date-rape drug, there. No evidence surfaced. In 2010, CZ was reopened as a clean, law-abiding venue. According to one student, although alcohol is only available on Friday nights and only until last call, she admits to having seen MDMA, cocaine, GHB and ketamine exchanged between patrons.

Inside, everything is illuminated by dim blacklight. Like other clubs, there are booths along the walls, a main bar, pool tables, different rooms. But CZ is darker, dirtier and rougher. Despite a strict policy against smoking the smell of marijuana and cigarettes seems to be saturated into every wall. In January 2011, Silver Dollar talent booker Dan Burke told the Toronto Star that CZ had undergone a rebirth, describing how the venue had “been tidied up and refurbished.” Maybe this was the renovation.

CZ plays mainly deep house and tech house, but the genres can vary according to the DJ. When asked about an experience with CZ, a thirdyear student replied that although it seems like it would be sketchy, she was just so happy. “Behind those doors lie Toronto’s realest, most sincere people. I’ve never been out anywhere and felt so at ease with myself and the world.” She said she had gone after being out clubbing

for her birthday. “I didn’t do drugs or anything. Everyone else was in an ‘other-worldly place,’ but I just wanted to dance.”

Another student describes CZ as “a safe, un-sketchy after-hours place.” The student explained that at other after-hours venues, he felt as though he “might be stabbed or raided by the police” at any given moment. CZ publicly stepped up its security after its 2010 re-opening, and the guards are easily noticeable on the dance floor and near the doorways.

One student who frequents CZ on weekends says that she loves the venue because “the music is the spirit of the place… everyone is there to enjoy the music, not to judge you.”

How well does this compare to other after-hours venues? She described being grabbed involuntarily by strangers at another after-hours.

When asked if people behave aggressively or sexually at CZ, she responded that “people aren’t there to wheel. They’re just there to dance.

If they happen to find someone they fall in love with that night, then whatever, but they don’t go out of their way to make other people feel uncomfortable,” alluding to the grabbing incident.

When asked about the comparison of other after hours venues to CZ, one student described his own

TORONTO (CUP) — Toronto is one of the most multicultural cities in the world and with that comes students looking to further their education from other countries.

With students coming from over 100 foreign nations to study at the city’s urban George Brown College (GBC) and tuition fees rising, the pressure is on them to start finding work as soon as possible.

Under the table jobs, commonly known as ‘cash jobs,’ have picked up momentum among international students looking for an alternative way to meet their expenses.

These jobs don’t require a social insurance number or a work permit.

It’s a deal between the employer and the employee to work for cash. The employers sometimes pay below the minimum wage and dodge taxes, while employees often work more than the specified hours they are allowed. Tutoring, editing classmates’ work, dog walking, working in repairs,

being a handyman or participating in day labour are some of the jobs available under the table today.

But of course it’s illegal.

“The reason why we have to take cash jobs because tuition and living expenses are very high in the city,” said a former business student at GBC who asked to remain anonymous for legal reasons. “There is lot of exploitation when we work for cash.

There is insecurity. We don’t get paid on time and sometimes don’t get paid at all.”

Under current rules, international students have to wait for the first six months before being eligible for an off-campus work permit.

According to Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC), the new rules for international students will take effect on June 1. The six-month waiting period will be abolished and students with valid study permits (pursuing academic, vocational or professional training of six months or more leading to a degree, diploma or certificate at a designated institution) will be eligible to work off-campus for up to 20 hours per week during the academic session and full-time during scheduled breaks.

CIC claims that new regulations will improve services to genuine students, while protecting Canada’s international reputation for highquality education and reducing the potential for fraud and misuse of the program.

Tuition fees for international students at GBC have increased, effective May 5, from $5,700 to $6,440 per semester for both diploma and certificate programs. Degree programs are increasing by $950 this year for a total of $8,250 per semester.

For larger, more prestigious schools tuition can be much higher. For example, the University of Toronto has first year international tuition rates that can exceed $30,000 and are expected to rise for the next few years.

According to the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation, the average rent for a two bedroom apartment in the Toronto’s centre is roughly $1,213 per month.

Working at minimum wage at 20 hours a week, can earn up to $888 a month. Rental, on top of tuition fees being on the rise and the limited amount of hours an international student is allowed to work, the numbers just don’t add up.

5

Writing for The Mike makes better artists What I have learned about creativity (and myself) through writing

experience. “I once went to one where I had to climb a fire escape, pay the cover, then enter what seemed like an art gallery… then sat on a couch next to a girl who was doing lines of coke off of the coffee table with the security guard.” If the security guards are not even sober, it’s difficult to trust the venue’s safety at all.

At CZ, another student describes her experience as “a good time, largely due to who I was with.” She says that among her friends she felt safe, and like she belonged there, despite that the place was packed until about 5 a.m.. She agrees that drugs were very available, citing being offered MDMA several times over the course of the morning she was there. It was her first after-hours experience, ands he said that although it is “rampant with substance use… it would be a good after-hours venue for newbies.” She chalked it up to its central location and safe feeling.

When asked if she would return to

CZ, she responded, “it was draining, but I definitely would. Maybe every four months or so. I don’t know how people can go all the time.”

Although CZ seems to have gotten its act together, the sale of drugs within the venue is alarming.

One student mentions hearing rumours “that the bounces get a cut of the sales when they let the dealers in” explaining that they check bags before people come in, so the bouncers must know that substances are coming in. Whether this rumour is true or not, CZ will still continue to face allegations from its critics.

When asked about whether the sale of drugs is something that plagues CZ in particular, another student responded that “people will do drugs at any club. Whether you’re on King West or in some seedy Mississauga place with a radio broadcast, or having drinks after a Tuesday night Leafs game, if you ask for [blow] you can find it. It’s just easy for people to criticize CZ from the outside.”

International students working under the table BRITTANY BARBER AND PREETEESH PEETABH SINGH | THE DIALOG (GEORGE BROWN COLLEGE)

THE MIKE

Arts

Regan McNeill | Staff Writer If you read The Mike, you know that there are times when the Arts section is lacking in content; every week there are an average of three articles in it (I am not saying this is good or bad - I am simply just stating the truth). If you have read any of the articles that I have written, you probably have an understanding of what I like and dislike. I could even go as far to say that through my writing, you probably get a sense of who I am. And that is why I

have chosen to write my final article for the final issue of The Mike about my experience as a U of T student (one who, like you, is knee-deep in papers ALL the time) writing for a school newspaper. I basically want to spread the word: it is great to write for fun without the confinement of TAs and GPAs. I am a third-year student double-majoring in History and Cinema Studies. I enjoy history but it requires pretty much zero creativity. Cinema Studies, on the other hand, is one of the more liberal programs offered at U of T. In a few

of my film courses I have watched porn with large groups of people for academic purposes and it was perfectly normal (no joke!). Though History and Cinema Studies differ a lot, they both have one place of common ground: they require a ton of academic reading and writing.

No matter how you slice it, writing papers is strenuous and most of the time, stressful and irritating. And readings…they don’t always get done..

So why the heck would you want to write during your free time? As far as I am concerned, I have some freedom in choosing academic paper topics but this is not always the case. When I write for The Mike, I can literally choose any “artsy” topic that appeals to me and express my thoughts about it; I am given the chance to voice my opinion free of grading and citing. Sometimes I find myself writing about trippy movies and other times, I write about a wacky experience I had at a concert. I find comfort in knowing that I have catalogued a lot of my university experiences by writing for The Mike. Feeling like an arts journalist also gives you excuses to attend concerts, plays, and film festivals and feel like you have some sort of purpose being there beyond your own enjoyment.

I started writing for The Mike when I was in first year at the beginning of semester two.

I had never had any prior experience writing about the arts and figured it would be a good thing to do for fun. What started as an interest

turned into a passion. I think that writing allows you to explore new parts of yourself and find the voice you never actually knew you had. One thing I know for sure is that writing for The Mike helped me realize that not all of the writing I have to do is academic, and that there are people other than professors or TAs who have an interest in what I have to say.

If you’re like me, a person who does not find herself interested in student council or organized sports, writing for The Mike allows you to remain pretty distanced from people and places. By no means am I anti-social, I am just not overtly interested in extra-curricular activities. Writing for a school newspaper just makes you look like one of those people, which is crucial if you’re interested in post-undergrad studies (also, it does not look bad on a resume).

While these things are remotely important to me, what matters more to me is that I have had the opportunity to express myself outside of academia. I have solidified some of my own interests and opinions by writing them down. Overall, I have become a better writer and a better artist. Whoever thinks writing isn’t artistic, creative, or expressive is wrong!

Whoever is even remotely interested in writing about the arts (or any section for that matter, I am just pro-Arts) should take a risk and try it out because there are so many valuable things you can learn from your own words. Take my advice. That is, if anyone is actually reading this.

A stay at the The Grand Budapest Hotel Taking some time with Wes Anderson's newest spectacle Louis Train | Arts Editor

Sam Bullis | The Dialog A marketing student from GBC who also asked that we do not use their name for fear of deportation explained why they are willing to work for cash. “We go for cash jobs for two reasons, everything is so expensive; and they have a lot of restrictions on work permits.”

Citing their own personal story they said, “There is an employment agency in Cabbagetown [a Toronto neighbourhood], I went there looking for a job. After a few days they called me and said that they have some labour jobs available.

They don’t need your SIN, or work permit; they just want you to work.

They collaborate with employers.

They said that they will take 1.5 per cent commission per hour.”

The International Centre at GBC is more than happy to work with international students. However,

they can not help students with resident visas, study or work permits; one is directed to the official CIC website or call centre.

International students currently have the option of working for the school without a work permit. Also, if you can handle the workload, it is possible to work for the college while working elsewhere on a valid work permit and there is no law or policy keeping student from working 20 hours off campus and 20 hours on campus.

Not declaring income is a federal offence and may result in deportation for international students. But with tuition fees on the rise, and without outside support from family members or loans, many international students see working for cash under the table as a worthwhile risk.

My Facebook feed has been humming for the past few weeks with excitement over the new film by hipster darling Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel. Anderson's had a slew of major successes recently, including 2012's excellent Moonrise Kingdom, so it seemed only fitting that I check out the The Grand for myself. Also, the new Muppets movie was sold out.

If you've seen ads or read reviews for The Grand Budapest Hotel, but you haven't seen the movie, you probably think the premise is something like this: a sprawling historical epic, set in Europe, with an ensemble cast of dozens, told over several generations and in an interesting and unusual order. This is a lie.

Although the posters and concept art promise a large, star-studded cast, the vast majority of performers have mere cameos; only Ralph Fiennes and newbie Tony Revolori have any substantial presence. And although critics delight in describing the different framing devices at work – an oral story within a memory within a novel, as imagined by a reader – all of the action occurs in one simple, clearly

chronological narrative. In fact, the Grand Budapest Hotel is an entirely conventional film that just happens to be appended by a few minutes of framing on either end. I'm not sure why critics are playing along with this ruse, although I could guess that they want to justify liking something that seems so smart on paper.

Every point of the plot, though grand, is accidental. The death, the will, the arrest, the escape, the evil son, the hit-man, the monks, the war – it's all there because someone left it there, not because anything within the universe of the movie created it. All of the conflict is contrived; each obstacle is inserted for its own sake and to create length, apparently following the never-uttered maxim that permanence is the soul of charm. The scattered efforts to add substance – the revelation that Zero is a refugee, for instance – are entirely out of place and equally contrived, like slabs of roast beef on a frosted pastry (to borrow a lazy metaphor that has enamored several of this film's most generous critics).

The "point" of the movie, if something so edgeless can have one, is that, like the titular hotel, M. Gustave is a relic of a bygone era; refined, exuberant, romantic, luxurious, wildly impractical, gay in every sense of the word but

one, and ultimately magical. But that seems like the kind of realization someone could make fun of someone for having. The man is the building. Wide eyes and sarcastic gasps. The Grand Budapest Hotel actually has a lot to say about nostalgia, but the arguments become clear in minutes, leaving us to wonder, again, what there is to be gained in the next hour and a half.

I will admit that there is some charm and a little brilliance to this movie. The audience is treated to a few beautiful examples of architectural cinematography, but after the seventh or eighth 19th century wooden staircase, the wonder is gone. Ralph Fiennes is flawless as

a character who, like a Shakespearean trickster, is more the product of an unreal universe than a fully realized human being. He does have tinges of melancholy, and he is woefully aware of the changing state of his world, although not enough to adapt to it, and not enough to convince us that this counterpoint is there for any reason other than to carry us to the next scene, the next joke, the next schtick. And therein lies Anderson's most central, and, in my view, problematic assumption: that a nonhuman such as the flamboyant M. Gustave can carry a movie, essentially from start to finish.

He is merely a puppet; the grand hotel his theatre.

6

THE MIKE

THE MIKE

7

Where we've been SMCSU through the eyes of the (soon to be former) President

Alex Zappone | SMCSU President Upon hearing that I was to be the new SMCSU president last year I experienced a thought that was to become something of a mantra to me for my term. The thought was that I would not let myself become what I had sometimes seen and even criticized in SMCSU. I didn’t want to let myself become a jerk. Like many students I had witnessed much of what made SMCSU sometimes seem inaccessible, secretive and maybe even a little bit corrupt. I did not want to perpetuate actions that might have students attributing those qualities to SMCSU. Let me be clear that I do not believe SMCSU to be any of these things but I sometimes cannot blame others for thinking it might be the case. Throughout the duration of this year’s elections period, after a year of trying to enact change, I was disheartened to see controversy and suspicion once again becoming associated with the name SMCSU. I hope in this article to examine and to show SMCSU in a fair and honest light as I have come to know it.

The St. Michael’s College Student Union is an organization that has done a lot of good work within our community and has been composed of people I am proud have as influences in my life. As a bright eyed first year eager to work with and for my peers I set off on a quest to join the Union. It took two failed by-elections, a disqualification in a spring election for me to finally be elected to the council at the start of my third year. During the two years I spent in the Religious and Community Affairs Commission I

learned how SMCSU works and saw how students gave selflessly of their time and effort to make St. Mike’s the wonderful place we know it to be. I was however still conscious of the issues I had seen as an outsider.

‘SMCSU is a clique’ is one of the most common criticisms I hear about the union. True or not this label does sometimes have students thinking the office past those double doors is as inaccessible as the other side of Queens Park on an icy day. ‘St. Mike’s is the party college’ is another frequently heard comment. Throwing good parties isn’t the most terrible of labels but being known simply as the party college detracts from more important and foundational aspects of this incredible institution.

We are a college rooted in a two thousand year old Catholic tradition whose central teaching is to love our neighbours and see ourselves as dignified individuals. We are a college hosting distinguished academic programs boasting some of the country’s and even the world’s most distinguished thinkers. If you look at SMCSU’s budget however, you might be alarmed to see how much money is spent on parties compared to other things. One of my biggest and most outstanding issues with SMCSU was that I didn’t believe some of our members knew what it was to serve. When I sometimes saw behaviour that appeared as if to say that SMCSU was just a giant party I would remind others and myself what an honour it was to be a part of this organization.

In my life I have been heavily influenced by the example of Ghandi. This man once said that we must be the change we wish to see in the world. Over my three years on

SMCSU I hope to have left with at least some success at living his words.

Firstly, in an attempt to make SMCSU seem more open and accepting I have made it my work to greet every single person with a hug. We are incredible and are more valuable than we give ourselves credit for and a handshake or a nod doesn’t, for me, let people know that. The only reason I found myself called to be interested in braving the world of politics was that I might be able to help individual people. Secondly, being critical of SMCSU’s excessive endorsement of consuming alcohol at parties I resolved to not consume any alcohol at any event with SMCSU’s name on it. This included not using one drink ticket at any party on myself. Third I really hoped to live the golden rule and treat people the way I hoped to be treated. In meetings it is often easy to disagree with another’s opinion or to be critical of one’s actions.

Regardless of these disagreements it is important to remember at the end of the day the most important thing is that people are much more important than the result of any vote. I was and am still proud of my conduct on SMCSU and hope that my actions inspired others to value the Union to the same extent.

Looking back to the recent controversy surrounding our most recent election I am hoping to give students an update about what has been happening. At the candidates forum concerns were raised about SMCSU’s financial accountability.

While in a perfect world students would be aware of every dime spent, we at SMCSU can only do the best we can. In short order after the concern was raised Vice-President Andrew Kiel and Finance Commissioner

Madiha Choksi worked diligently to update our budget and post it publically for all to view. If students do not like how their funds are being spent I would encourage them to let their voices be heard at a meeting or by a simple email and let SMCSU know!

Another concern that was raised was the issue of public endorsement of candidates and the problems that were caused. Taking after the example of other colleges a movement is being brought forth in SMCSU to disallow public endorsement of candidates.

Student leaders should be concerned with what they can offer students and not how many votes they will get if they team up another candidate.

Now that my time as president is nearing its end I would like to issue two challenges. My first challenge is to the new SMCSU team. I ask that you recognize the honour it is to be able to have your peers put their trust and vote in you to serve them as best you can. Treat SMCSU with the integrity it deserves. Make your actions mirror the St. Michael’s college you want to see. My second challenge is to all other members of St. Michael’s College and it is almost the same one. We are all members of this magnificent college and it is our actions that make this place what it is; become involved in the community and let your actions turn this place into what you want it to be. In addition you all should make sure your student leaders know what you need! If SMCSU ever becomes deserving of some of the labels it sometimes receives, it is because students have been quiet and allowed it to get there.

Thank you all for this year and for what I know will be an extraordinary new one.

When I ‘sometimes saw behaviour that appeared as if to say that SMCSU was just a giant party I would remind others and myself what an honour it was to be a part of this organization.

’

8

Sports

THE MIKE

9

Sports

Wings of change

Picking sides

Why the Detroit Red Wings will make the 2014 NHL Playoffs

Who won the NFL free agent frenzy?

Alex Wichert | Staff Writer In 1990, The Hubble Space Telescope was launched into space and remains in operation today. In 1990, The Simpsons premiered on Fox-TV and still churns out new episodes on Sunday nights. And, in 1990, the Detroit Red Wings missed the NHL playoffs for the last time and have made the postseason 22 consecutive seasons since. Unlike the other aforementioned streaks, however, the Red Wings’ streak is in jeopardy this campaign and the club finds itself on the outside looking in with about fifteen games to go.

Decimated by injuries, Detroit is second in the league in man games lost behind only Pittsburgh. Unlike the Penguins, though, the Red Wings’ injury numbers have piled up for some of the club’s best players and for lengthy periods of time.

With captain Henrik Zetterberg out until at least the second round of the playoffs, all-star Pavel Datsyuk sidelined for a few more weeks, centers Darren Helm and Stephen Weiss still nowhere close to recovery, Justin Abdelkader’s physical presence absent, and defenceman Jonathan Ericsson injured with a broken finger, the club is showing its depth by plugging holes and filling positions until some healthy bodies can return. Even some of the callups and replacements, however, find themselves unavailable to play.

Joakim Andersson, a fourth line or even potential healthy scratch with a full roster, is injured with a broken foot. Tomas Jurco, a member of the Grand Rapids Griffins earlier this

season, contributed for the big club before going down with a broken rib. Although backup goalie Jonas Gustavsson would have presumably watched from the bench as starting goaltender Jimmy Howard took on the bulk of action down the stretch, the Swedish netminder’s injury takes away a solid secondary goalie and forces Petr Mrazek to spend more time sitting on the Detroit bench when he should be starting for Grand Rapids.

At the beginning of the season, Red Wings fans were bemoaning the resigning of Daniel Cleary and the roster spot taken up by Mikael Samuelsson. The two were effectively outplayed by other, younger members of the organization during the course of the season, but the problem of “too many forwards” certainly seems like a far cry from the issues the squad now faces. The question, then, is how the club can make it into the top eight with a large part consisting of AHL players.

The answer is that it’s the Detroit Red Wings. Years of intelligent, strategic drafting and player selection have paid off in the form of players who weren’t supposed to see much NHL ice time this season but have flourished in their roles. Players such as Riley Sheahan and Luke Glendening appear comfortable on the ice and have stepped up with big plays. Tomas Tatar and Gustav Nyquist, starting the season as a scratch and an AHL player respectively due to cap issues, have taken strides towards becoming leaders. It’s much too soon to make any concrete comparisons,

Curtis Panke | Sports Editor

but the two are performing around or even better statistically for their ages than even Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg did. Defenseman Danny DeKeyser looks like an NHL veteran on the ice and is playing a brand of reliable, shutdown hockey most rookies take years to develop.

Brenden Smith and Brian Lashoff are continuing to improve and add a bit of attitude that Detroit’s blueline is sorely lacking.

The image of the Detroit Red Wings as an old, slow team is gone.

In its place is a group of dynamic, enthusiastic, young talent that is eager to continue the winning traditions of the city. They may make some mistakes along the way, but it is their energy that will help them succeed in

the end.

I think it’s intriguing,” Red Wings defenseman Niklas Kronwall said about the young players. “The way these guys have played, the way they have stepped up since getting the chance, it’s great to see the confidence.

They just want more and more.”

And that is why the Red Wings will make the playoffs for a 23rd straight season. It won’t be because their division is weak and can be walked right over. It won’t be because the team went out in the offseason and spent a boatload of cash to attract some of the most highly coveted free agents on the market. It won’t even be because the team plays such an impressive, dominant puck possession style of game. It will

be because of players who were celebrating their first birthday or hadn’t even been born yet when their future employers were missing the playoffs for the last time.

“This is Detroit, that’s what we do here, we get into the playoffs,” Nyquist said. “It’s been like that for 22 years, and we’re looking to get the 23rd here. We have nothing else in mind than to be in the playoffs once the regular season is over.”

If anyone is going to do it, it’s going to be these guys. Detroit has been the most successful hockey team of the last 25 years. Going down the stretch, expect the same from the Red Wings.

Actually, expect even mo’ from Motown.

Curtis Panke | Sports Editor

NFL

After being released by the Philadelphia Eagles, Michael Vick signed a 1-year contract with the New York Jets worth $5 million.

NHL

After their 2-0 victory over the Colorado Avalanche on March 21st, the Boston Bruins became the first team in the NHL to clinch a spot in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

MLB

The Atlanta Braves signed free agent pitcher Ervin Santana to a 1-year $14 million contract.

NBA

The New York Knicks named Phil Jackson as the team’s President after both sides agreed to a 5-year, $60 million contract.

Soccer

Jermain Defoe hit the ground running in his Toronto FC debut scoring 2 goals in their season opening victory against the Seattle Sounders.

Once the Super Bowl is finished, there are a few dates on the NFL calendar that get fans across North America fired up until the regular season starts up again in the fall.

March 11th is one of those few special days for fans of the NFL to be excited about as they count the days until the regular season begins in September.

That day of course being the start of the NFL’s free agency period, where teams open up their cheque books to available players and begin their negotiations. While fans everywhere are glued to their televisions, laptops, tablets, and phones watching the frenzy unfold, waiting for the latest deals to be announced and hoping that their favourite team made the right deal.

As free agency has been open for multiple weeks now, with NFL teams spending well over $1 billion on new contracts now we can start to look back at this year’s free agent frenzy and begin to look at the teams who emerged victorious on the deals that were made.

$23 million), and cornerback Aqib Talib (6 years $57 million). While on offense, they brought in wide receiver Emmanuel Saunders (3 years $15 million) to replace Eric Decker who signed with the New York Jets.

This aggressive spending by the Broncos is something that needed to be done in order for them to once again be contenders for the Super Bowl. Peyton Manning’s window of opportunity for that elusive second championship is closing and Elway has surrounded his star quarterback with more talent.

Defensively, DeMarcus Ware is another pass rusher who should complement well opposite of Von Miller in getting at opposing quarterbacks. While in T.J. Ward and Aqib Talib you get two very physical defensive backs that like to make their presence known against any receiver who crosses their path.

In Emmanuel Saunders, Peyton Manning has another weapon for him to throw the ball to, along with Wes Welker, Julius Thomas, and Demaryius Thomas.

Winners:

wide receiver Brandon LaFell to a 3 year $11 million contract. While on defense Belichick added size to his defensive secondary by signing cornerback Brandon Browner to a 3 year $17 million contract as well as shut down cornerback Darrelle Revis to a 2 year $32 million contract.

Like Denver, the Patriots are surrounding quarterback Tom Brady with more pieces in order to get a fourth Super Bowl ring. On offense Brady gets back his number one receiver in Edelman while adding LaFell who brings size to the receiving core with his 6’2 210 lbs. frame. On defense, at 6’4 221 lbs.

Brandon Browner is a huge defensive back that disrupts opposing receivers with his strong physical play. While with Revis, the Patriots are getting arguably one of the best cornerbacks in the game who single handedly shut down an opposing team’s best receiver.

Bill Belichick and the Patriots aren’t known for spending a lot of money in free agency. Normally they prefer to make some small signings and get players through the draft.

But Belichick showed the rest of the NFL he wasn’t going to back down in free agency. As a result, an arms race has begun between Denver and New England for AFC supremacy and getting a shot at another Super Bowl.

New England Patriots: Denver Broncos: Following their embarrassing 43-8 loss to the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII, John Elway and his staff were aggressive in bringing in players to surround Peyton Manning for another Super Bowl run.

On defense the Broncos bolstered their defense by signing defensive end DeMarcus Ware (3 years $30 million), safety T.J. Ward (4 years

With their archrival Denver Broncos making all the early big moves. Many wondered whether or not Bill Belichick would be heavily active in free agency to compete with John Elway.

It didn’t take long to answer as Belichick went against his traditional passive free agency tactics and made some aggressive moves of his own.

Offensively, the Patriots resigned wide receiver Julian Edelman to a 4 year $17 million contract and signed

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Based on their signing on and off the field the Buccaneers could be this year’s Kansas City Chiefs in terms of turning from a 4-12 team last season to an above .500 team this season.

In terms of their off field signings, by bringing in Jason Licht as general manager and Lovie Smith as head coach, there is now a good structure that is set in place for success once again in Tampa Bay. The Buccaneers’ on field signings are just as promising as their head coach and general manager. On defense, Tampa Bay signed players such as defensive end Michael Johnson (5 years $43.74 million), corner back Alterraun Verner (4 years $26.5 million), and defensive tackle Clinton McDonald (4 years $12 million). While on offense, they signed quarterback Josh McCown (2 years $10 million), tackle Anthony Collins (5 years $30 million), and center Evan Dietrich-Smith (4 years $14.25 million).

What these signings do for Tampa Bay on defense is that Johnson, and McDonald strengthen a defensive line that already has players like

Gerald McCoy and Adrian Clayborn.

While the signing of Verner brings in another young defensive back to play with Mark Barron and Dashon Goldson in the Buccaneers’ secondary. Lovie Smith has always been a defensive minded coach and these signings give him more dynamic pieces to work with in his first season as Tampa’s head coach.

Offensively the Buccaneers bringing in Josh McCown means that Tampa Bay has its starting quarterback for 2014, which means that second year quarterback Mike Glennon will be McCown’s backup, despite being the starting quarterback last season.

While the offensive line strengthens with singing a starting left tackle in Collins as well as a starting centre in Dietrich-Smith, two proven veteran starters will help anchor the line in order protect McCown or Glennon in the pocket to open up holes for Doug Martin to run through.

10

Opinions

THE MIKE

Opinions

THE MIKE

Extracting our economy

Its got a bad rap

There’s a tension between manufacturing and resource extraction

Should controversy still surround the rap music genre?

Michal Chwalek | Opinions Editor Goodbye manufacturing, hello resource export. That’s the basic message of the recent South Korea free trade agreement, which Canada signed on ____. The major focus of the agreement is to lift tariffs on a variety of products, most notably in the automobile industry and agriculture and fishing industries.

Overall the trade agreement is projected to have a positive effect on the Canadian economy, leading to billions of dollars in exports. Even if that’s true however, what worries me most is not whether the deal will be profitable in absolute terms, but that it signals a further shift in our economy away from manufacturing and toward resource extraction.

Concessions are a natural part of free trade agreements – each country involved takes some small blow, usually to a sector that can’t afford tariff-free competition with its equivalent in the other country, but the idea is that overall, everyone profits. How important are these ‘small blows’ however? Can the impact on the economy be defined simply by short-term monetary changes? No way. The Canada-South Korea free trade agreement will be sacrificing our auto industry in exactly this way in order to allow other sectors to thrive, and it will hurt our economy in the long run.

The auto industry isn’t the lifeblood of the Canadian economy like it was for the Americans, but it represents the type of work – and most importantly, the type of export

– that is disappearing from the Canadian economy. Ford Canada has decried the free trade agreement after seeing what a similar deal did to its parent branch in the US. Exports dropped swiftly, imports increased; basically, the deal subsidized Korean car manufacturers. The truth is that once tariffs are stripped away, manufacturing is a lot cheaper in countries like South Korea and our local plants can’t compete. Which is a good thing. It means that we have proper safety and quality-control regulations in place, and that we pay our workers their due. But this is not something innate to manufacturing and has to be safeguarded.

But, you might argue, what does it matter if the auto industry takes a ‘small blow’ if our

economy stands to grow from the additional ‘billions’ of dollars in agricultural and fishing export. But that’s the wrong kind of priority.

The ultimate purpose of a free trade agreement may be to stimulate economic growth, but the ultimate purpose of economic growth is to generate a more jobs, a diversification of labour, and a higher standard of living.

Basically, economic growth should be linked to progress, it isn’t a ‘greater good’ all on its own.

Historically, resource extraction has been linked to regress, not progress. You know who traditionally exports their raw, natural resources and imports manufactured goods?

Colonies. Neo-colonial states. Third-world countries. I’m not suggesting that Canada will plunge into economic and social disrepair unless we start building some cars, but, like a colony, our economy will become stagnant and dependent on other nations. And this is a much more obvious shift than you might think.

Which sectors is the government focusing on?

The Alberta oil sands, timber, agriculture, and fishing. These may have recently become the focus of our government’s economic policies, but a greater shift away from manufacturing has been going on for a while. Provinces like Ontario and Quebec can feel it the hardest.

Though the export of resources is an important source of jobs and money in many parts of Canada, the ideal is to strike a balance between those sectors – which we know are often finite – and other sectors that have more potential for development. If we want a strong, independent economy, one that less affected by global economic turbulence, we need to consider investing in our manufacturing at the level that we are currently investing in our resources. Let’s build something for ourselves.

The punishment of your dreams A look into the future of incarceration Melissa Morgado | Staff Writer The most efficient format for punishment has always been a contentious topic among both the general public and those responsible for administering sentencing. Throughout the ages, favourable forms of sentencing have shifted back and forth between prison sentences, rehabilitation, systems modeled after Native restorative tactics and regular an-eyefor-an-eye style punishments. In the present day, the judiciary has now been presented with a completely new and revolutionary way to deal with criminals in alignment with the rapid proliferation of contemporary technology.

What if we could make the vilest criminals serve the lengthy sentences that they so righteously deserve, and do it both quickly and cheaply?

Dr. Rebecca Roache certainly seems to think it’s possible, claiming that future biotechnology could, over an eight hour period, trick an inmate into thinking he’s served 1000 years.

The idea sounds like something out of a horror film: Dr. Roache and her team believe that drugs could be developed to distort a prisoner’s mind into believing he has served

hundreds of years in prison, when only a few hours have passed. Dr. Roache defends this view, claiming that serving proper sentences in a short time period would save taxpayers a sizeable amount of money, and make prisons more efficient by opening up more space.

Going further, Dr. Roache advocates for this form of punishment because, in her opinion, it’s much more humane to manipulate the mind than force someone to spend time in a penitentiary.

This hypothetical situation obviously raises serious ethical concerns over what human rights we are willing to sacrifice in the name of efficiency – assuming efficiency is the right word for sending a murderer out on the streets after presumably having been locked up for 1000 years. Section 12 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms prohibits cruel and unusual punishment, which these hypothetical drugs could arguably fall under. Historically, we’ve prohibited penalties such as boiling to death, impalement and burning because of the undue suffering and negative impact on the integrity of the person that these sentences inflict. The Charter provision and its related cases attribute the words “cruel and unusual” to cases where

John Castellarin | Staff Writer Rap music has always been criticized for negatively influencing youth and glamourizing all the wrong behaviors. Lyrics that are violent, homophobic and materialistic are commonplace and seem to be embraced rather than scorned. However, despite its flaws, I’m a true hip-hop head. I’ve been listening to it since I was thirteen and the genre comprises at least 90% of the music on my iPod. The question is: how can someone like me listen to songs that encourage drinking cough syrup when I don’t even like taking Tylenol? Is it possible for me to hate guns but listen to songs like The Notorious B.I.G’s, Somebody

got to Die, where the hook includes “somebody’s got to die/let the gun shots blow”? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to reconcile my love of hiphop with my disapproval of some of its common subjects, and after many, many hours I think I may have figured it out.

First and foremost, rap is art.

I know some people who don’t consider it music would deny that claim but I’m sure these people would also argue the world is flat, so I won’t bother starting that debate.

As a form of art, it’s inevitable that people are going to say things we don’t like, and I think that’s great.

Regardless of the way these issues are brought forward, the fact is good music takes us out of our comfort zone and forces us to think about

things we would never give much attention too. That being said, when a song like Sippin’ on Some Syrup comes on is it really a thought provoking record? No, but that doesn’t mean it has nothing to offer.

One of my favourite things about rap is it’s a genre that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The last thing someone wants to hear when they’re at a party is a song talking about all the problems in this world and how we need to make a change. Sure those songs are important and I’m glad they exist, but there’s a time and a place. For me when I’m out I want a song with a catchy instrumental line and an infectious hook that makes everyone go crazy. 50 Cent once said, “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”. Definitely not Shakespeare,

but it’s entertaining which I think is important in a society that often takes itself too seriously.

Once the fun’s over and it’s time to get serious, rap music has a lot more to offer than what people generally give it credit for. Kanye West has rapped about conflict diamonds and spoken up numerous times against violence in his hometown of Chicago. Nas’ last album had a song talking about the issues he faces as a rap superstar trying to properly raise his daughter. Kendrick Lamar, one of the most prominent

11

figures in rap today, doesn’t smoke weed. These are only a few of the many examples of rappers whose subject matter extends beyond the typical themes that people are so vehemently against.

All in all I love hip-hop and will continue to support it if it keeps on its current path. Sure it’s not perfect and plenty of rappers are trash, but that doesn’t mean it should be completely discounted. Hip-hop is young, relevant and forward thinking and I think these are characteristics all of us should try to adopt.

Obama smart to get between two ferns Engaging with youth in new ways important for democracy CHELSEA MCMANUS | THE FULCRUM (UNIVERSITY OF OTTAWA)

the mode of punishment is so excessive as to violate societal standards of decency. Forcibly distorting something as personal and fragile as the mind of a person surely comprises a violation to this provision. While a serial killer warrants an appropriately harsh sentence, it’s difficult to argue that a millennium of solitary confinement constitutes appropriate retribution.

Dr. Roache appears confused about what the goal of punishment really should be. If we are to make the punishment fit the crime by sentencing 1000 years, should we really be concerned with the more humane choice? On the other hand, if the criminal justice system is attempting to prevent recidivism rates, then

a solution that targets the reasoning behind committing crimes, rather than aggravating the already tenuous mind of a criminal, might be more effective. More importantly, why is it considered more humane to alter the mind than incapacitate the body? The mind is intimate and, in the vast majority of cases, warrants protection from the state. Allowing the administration to arbitrarily manipulate the minds of people, even criminals, appears to be the precursor to a wide range of devious tactics. If we are expected to maintain a wellrespected and dependable system, then the judiciary should refrain from tarnishing the integrity of the criminal justice system and emulating a quasi-1984 dystopia.

OTTAWA (CUP) — On March 11, President Barack Obama joined the ranks of Justin Bieber, James Franco and Jennifer Lawrence as a guest on the online show Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis.

While this was likely a nice break from the president’s routine interviews and a good public relations move, the appearance served a much more important purpose: to promote Obamacare to the American youth.

The video was criticized by many, but taking a new approach to communicating with youth is a necessary step in order to uphold the democratic process. The Canadian government should follow in Obama’s steps and figure out how to

better engage young voters.

“How does it feel to be the last black president?” asked a straightfaced Galifianakis.

“Seriously? What is it like for this to be the last time you ever talk to a president?” Obama responded.

The president was able to show off his comedic side, taking a few jabs at Galifianakis before getting to his plug.

He wanted a better way to engage with young Americans to encourage them to sign up for Obamacare through the website Healthcare.gov.

The online episode has reached more than 20 million views, making it one of the most viewed interviews in the series. More impressive, however, is that the interview accomplished its goal in driving traffic to the Healthcare.gov site.

But the Republican Party wasn’t amused, calling it a waste of the

president’s time. Some called it undignified and a distraction from real political issues. Texas Republican Randy Weber accused the president of “playing celebrity.”

Despite what such critics say, the video was a move in the right direction for the president’s communication strategy. In the 2012 election, 41.2 per cent of people aged 18–24 voted, down from 49 per cent in 2008. With fewer than half of American youths engaging in political activity, it seems as though whatever tactic was used before definitely didn’t work.

Things aren’t looking much better in Canada. In the 2011 Canadian election, only 38.8 per cent of citizens between 18–24 voted. This is a small increase from 37.4 per cent in 2008, but not anything to boast about.

These low numbers are often attributed to a lack of political interest among youths, and in many cases a lack of knowledge about the political parties. Academics have noted that youths feel less attached to political parties and many have taken to demonstrations or protests as opposed to voting as a civic duty.

But perhaps what is keeping youths out of politics is the idea behind the criticism of Obama’s video — that men and women who hold office should only be involved in activities that hold a certain amount of “dignity.”

Political decisions seem foreign to us, as they have little effect on our day-to-day lives. If we did want to make a change, the miles of bureaucratic bullshit we would have to wade through is so indefinite that we don’t even bother stepping in.

Why should we vote in a political system that doesn’t try to engage us?

Or hear what we have to say?

Taking a new approach to communicating with the public is an important way to reach potential voters in an age where very few people are engaging in politics through traditional forms of media, like through television and newspapers.

I would love to see Justin Trudeau interviewed by George Stroumboulopoulos or Rick Mercer on YouTube, and I would pay money to see Stephen Harper in an interview like that, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s in the cards. For now, let’s applaud the politicians who are willing to try something new, and leave our criticism for those who are holding on to the “dignity” of their positions.

12

THEMOCK

Sudoku

(CUP) — Puzzles provided by Sudoweb.com. Used with permission.

Comic's Corner KLARA WOLDENGA | THE OTHER PRESS (DOUGLAS COLLEGE)

Horoscopes Aries | Mar 21 - Apr 19 Occasionally, it’s important to expand your horizons so that you can continue to grow as a person.

It is also important to hide from said horizons and cry about how scary change is.As the semester is coming to a close, remember to schedule enough time to cry in the shower.

Taurus | Apr 20 - May 20 May is the start of BBQ season.

Start planning a birthday BBQ now! Theme it with the letter B. You can invite Bert (of Bert and Ernie fame), served barracuda, and drink Bacardi! Everybody should wear boleros and balaclavas. It will be the best theme for a birthday since drinking.

Gemini | May 21 - Jun 21 Don’t lose your individuality in the coming month. Sure, school is often aimed at regurgitating opinions instead of forming your own.And you’re a natural twin. But don’t forget about you! Strive to be individual.Wear a banana suit to your exams.Anybody who does that must be one of a kind!

Cancer | Jun 22 - Jul 22 Stress is one hell of a challenge to overcome. It can cause panic attacks, anxiety, and insomnia.

Don’t worry though, being of the cancer star sign, you can persevere anything! Except a boiling pot of water… avoid baths.Take temperate showers instead.They’ll wake you up, and nobody will attempt to slather you with butter. want us to feature your art? send poems, photos and drawings to Arts@readthemike.com

Leo | Jul 23 - Aug 22 Kate Winslet was recently asked

which one of her movie husbands she was most attached too.

Leo from Titanic, or Theo from Divergent. She evidently chose Leo. I mean, how could she not? He was just a boy searching for a new beginning in America, teaching her about the car-masutra!

Virgo | Aug 23 Sept 22 When driving at night, be sure to follow the power of Venus to guide you safely home. Deer hate Venus, and thus they stay out of the light reflected from that planet. Stay within that light, and you’ll have one less obstacle to worry about during your nighttime drives.

Libra | Sep 23 - Oct 21 The next month will be filled with highs and lows for the children of Libra. The highs will be surprising; perhaps an adrenaline high from the first springtime run completed without earmuffs and gloves. The lows will be predictable; exams always suck.

Scorpio | Oct 23 - Nov 22 Spicy is your new catch phrase for the month.Whenever something is incredible, and fills you with joy, it can be described as spicy.Take the catch phrase further, and put cayenne on all your food, only wear red clothing, and develop a finger snap to accompany it.You’ll be the toast of all your friends.

Sagittarius | Nov 23 - Dec 22 Looking into my crystal ball, all I see for a person born under the Sagittarius star sign is happiness derived from 80s power ballads. Pat Benetar to be exact. Purchase her

Emma George Substitute-Future Seer albums. Learn all the words. Blast it until 11:00pm.This is the truth path to happiness.

Capricorn | Dec 23 Jan 22 You have to be confident to succeed. Fake it until you make it.

Then reveal the shell of a person you truly are. Nobody will be disappointed. In fact, if you film it, you may win an Oscar! Unless you’re Joaquin Phoenix. He went crazy for five years and nobody cared. That’s what you get when you tell Academy off!

Aquarius | Jan 23 - Feb 22

I’ve been to the mountain where the stream that they bottle and market as Evian water has its source. It was pretty impressive, but also caused me to reflect on the condition of human nature and our dependence upon consumption. The stars are aligned for reflection this month Aquarius. Think long and hard.

Pisces | Feb 23 Mar 22 Next year there is an ultimate pi day. The fourteenth of March 2015, with the short hand date listing the first few digits of Pi. Start making plans now. Experiment with the different kinds of pie you can make! Fish pie, mud pie, chocolate pie, strawberry pie, ice cream pie, pie crust pie, honey pie…. The possibilities are endless!