Reader's Digest UK Nov 2014

r e a d e r ’ s d i g e s t

NovembeR 2014

| s m a l l

‘I’ve always been great at chat!’

a n d

Miriam Margolyes holds court PAGE 22

p e r f e c t l y

drama: 12 hours overboard PAGE 82

best of british: tea and coffee shops PAGE 58

15 easy ways

i n f o r m e d

to beat a cold PAGE 40

how cambodia emerged from the darkness PAGE 92

| NO V EM b e r

Laugh! ..............................................................140

100-word-story competition .................78

Word Power ...................................................131 if i ruled the world ...................................80 beat the cartoonist ..................................144 readersdigest.co.uk

2 0 1 4 NOVEMBER 2014

£3.79

books that changed my life: shirley hughes PAGE 127

editor’s letter

IN EVERY ISSUE 4 12

See the World Differently Over to You Entertainment

19

What’s On in November Health

48 54

Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

80

If I Ruled the World: Chris Hadfield

Inspire

100

Column: Catherine Cole

104

Column: Jasmine Birtles

108

30-minute recipe and ideas from Rachel Walker

112

Tips for your outside space

114

Olly Mann’s gadgets

116

Georgina Yates on how to look your best

122

November Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Shirley Hughes

Travel & Adventure Money

Food & Drink

Home & Garden Technology

Fashion & Beauty

Books

127

Fun & Games

128 131 134 140 144

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You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh!

Beat the Cartoonist

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11•2014

interesting people come in all guises,

but it’s hard to imagine a more colourful character than our cover star Miriam Margolyes.

Anyone who can go from failing the 11-plus because of her toilet needs to an unfortunately close encounter with Arnold Schwarzenegger clearly has enough stories for a thousand interviews—but you can read the one we did on p22.

In fact, just about the only thing Miriam didn’t talk about was conkers, but James Brown ably plugs that gap on p14, with a heartfelt tribute to this most British of hobbies. And speaking of national obsessions, who can resist a nice hot cuppa? Or coffee, for that matter? We select the best places to enjoy a hot beverage on p58.

On a more serious note, Tim Bouquet’s report on p30 about the rising levels of HIV/AIDS in Eastern Europe is a sobering reminder that advances in one part of the world aren’t always mirrored elsewhere.

It makes for compelling reading.

Tom Browne theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk pinterest.com/rdigestuk google.com/+ReadersDigestUK1​

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25/09/2014 16:02

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see the world Turn the page

When you’re only 4mm long, you have to work to make an impact.

Enter the Australian peacock spider.

His mating dance starts with lifting white-tipped legs into the air and waving them hypnotically. Then the abdomen throbbing begins. Once the ladies are looking, he raises a “tail” made of two brilliantly coloured flaps and dances about.

Dr Jürgen Otto spotted his first peacock spider while bushwalking near Sydney. He returned with a video camera, and spent the next three years trying to find another one before success. Check out the results at readersdigest.co.uk/ inspire/galleries

6

photos: © Jürgen OTTO

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Have you ever wondered which decade you truly belong to?

Now you can find out!

Our website has just launched a range of quizzes in the Fun & Games section. Test your knowledge and discover your underlying identity, then share with your loved ones. We’ll also be indulging in a little Paddington Bear-inspired nostalgia in anticipation of the new film release.

Most importantly, we get to share with you the dance craze we’ve been obsessed with here at HQ: the Peacock Spider dance (p4)—turns out it’s got moves like Jagger! Watch the video online now.

Over to You

letters on the september issue

✯ letter of the month...

The idea of bringing back extinct animals really excites me. “The Long Flight to Revival” reminded me of my visit to Tasmania, where the Tasmanian tiger—or thylacine—became extinct in 1936 and yet lives on as a national emblem.

Much like the hope to revive the passenger pigeon, scientists at Sydney University are experimenting with genomes in the hope of resurrecting the Tasmanian tiger. During my stay, I visited the Hobart Zoo and watched footage from 1936 of the last tiger to exist. It’s so sad that we had the technology to film the last days of this unique animal, yet we weren’t able to save it.

Lena Walton, Surrey

a breed apart “The Long Flight to Revival” was a very interesting read. I’ve always been fascinated by pigeons, especially as these birds have helped unravel some of the mysteries of genetics and navigation.

They were also an obsession for my grandfather, who used to race and breed them. When anyone asked him why, his eyes would light up as he tried to define the reasons in a few 12

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words. Your article brought back some fond memories!

Kira Aitkins, Wirral

poignant reminders The pear tree called Survivor (“The Tree That Survived 9/11”) brings to mind another New York monument —a large sycamore tree that helped shield Trinity Church, where people were sheltering from falling debris during the attack.

The tree was uprooted and a cast

was taken to create a replica; this now stands with the roots pointing to the sky. Nearby, a number of simple girders were erected, coloured in the same shade of red that coats the tree. These are just two of the many touching 9/11 memorials to be found in New York.

Muriel Mudie, Somerset

service with a smile The lack of compassion shown by James Brown’s guests in “Reasons to Be Cheerful”, when he cited a recent bereavement as the reason for the delay in their curtains being fitted, struck a chord.

As a youngster, I always felt that customer service was my calling, so I decided to follow this career path.

Unfortunately, I often felt that I saw the worst in people. Some refused to acknowledge the practical factors that made their requests impossible, while others would shout, swear and even become physical. I’m now pursuing a different career, but I’m saddened that, as a society, we tend to forget that those to which we’re complaining are also people with thoughts and feelings.

Stories such as Mel the seamstress giving up her day off to replace the curtains are an uplifting reminder of those who go out of their way to

redress the balance and carry out wonderful acts of kindness.

Chris Aldis, Suffolk

formative experiences I agree with Philip Mould’s “If I Ruled the World” on so many levels—but especially on the importance of having a childhood pet and how this prepares kids for the realities of life.

The bond that’s formed between a child and an animal as they grow up can be a big factor in their emotional development and shouldn’t be underestimated.

Max cooper, Newcastle

coming through clearly Su Pollard’s “I Remember” brought back a lot of memories for me. Years ago, we had a tobacco farm deep in the countryside of Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe). It was far from the national TV station, so my husband constructed a 120-foot aerial and a crowd of friends helped erect it.

We were excited at the thought of enjoying Hi-de-Hi, one of our favourite TV programmes, although because of poor reception it was touch and go as to whether we could watch it through to the end. Luckily, a trouble-free, good-viewing night was indeed an occasion to remember!

Sheila Chisnall, D e v o n

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11•2014

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reasons to be cheerful

Like most kids of a certain era, James Brown can’t shake off the need to pocket the perfect conker

The Great Autumnal Time Machine

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: “We can’t concentrate, why should you?”

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do you remember those time capsules that TV shows used to pack with pieces of popular culture and bury underground, so people in the future would have a glimpse of the past? Well, I don’t need them. I get my own time capsules every autumn—falling from the trees, splitting and rolling out of their shells. Big brown conkers covered in a misty sheen you can wipe away with your thumb. The local park is full of them at the moment, their shells now a rusty brown mush, with the conkers themselves lying undiscovered on tarmac and grass.

Every time I see conkers growing in the trees—and every year it seems to be earlier than last—I think of my childhood.

Back then we didn’t have the patience to wait for them to fall.

I grew up in Headingley, Leeds, and the rough bit of ground that we played football on between the Queen’s Park Drive bus terminus and the bottom of Beckett’s Park Woods had its fair share of very tall conker trees.

Every year, as the conkers bulged in their green hedgehog cases, we’d take heavy sticks and hurl them into the foliage, hoping to knock the conkers to the floor and get the biggest, brightest and hardest before anyone else could.

I llustrati on by Ni ck Oli ver

There followed the time-honoured rigmarole of baking, piercing, stringing and fighting with them, but that was just another route to childhood competition. It was the arrival and collecting of the

conkers I liked—bending over the grass and hunting for them beneath the battered leaves and branches we’d wrecked with our sticks.

The falling conkers signified the start of autumn and the return to 11•2014

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R e as o n s to b e c h e e r f u l

school, and a slightly bigger black But the big difference between uniform. Ahead lay Mischievous conkers in the 1970s and conkers now Night—a ritual I didn’t realise was is patience. In the same way I don’t specific to Yorkshire until I was an get overexcited about Christmas or adult—and, of course, Bonfire Night. my birthday, I’m happy to know that The evenings would draw in quicker, the many conker trees lining my but street lamps and a refusal to go park’s pathways will turn over their in until it was too cold meant the big fresh harvest without any scramble gang of boys pretending to collect. to be Johan Cruyff or For instance, Alan Clarke could play between the manor The paths football until it was house with the posh impossible to see the cafe and the deer are covered ball. Or your uniform enclosure, there’s in conkers— was ruined. something called I still have to The New River (which isn’t really As you read this, stop myself a river, but more a I’d like to think every from filling stretch of water that good conker patch every available looks like a pretty in the country is canal). At this time being well and truly pocket with of year, loads of scavenged. I still have them unclaimed conkers to stop myself from float on the surface filling every available like bobbing apples, pocket with them, and and the paths are likewise covered I love that slightly moist feeling they in them. Children walk right past, have as they enter the world.

As I walked through the park earlier oblivious to the rituals, fun and championships that have passed in the autumn, a conker fell and among previous generations. opened on the path with a loud pop I know there won’t be dozens between a dog-walking woman and of kids arguing about which conker me. We both looked at each other has won most battles. No one will with a slight startle and she said, be rubbing their sore knuckles “They can hurt when they land on while looking at a tatty bit of string your head.” It felt strangely romantic, with a decimated conker at the like the start of a rom-com—only end. People bemoan the time our she was clearly heading quickly children spend online—me included towards something important and —but I’m actually glad this is I was pushing my new baby.

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Reader’s Digest

something the inner-city kids know nothing about. if you see someone bending over in a park nowadays, they’re probably just picking up their dog’s mess and placing it in a bag. Unless she’s an avid collector of dog’s mess, I’m fairly sure the woman I saw bending over amid a triangle of shaded trees was doing exactly what I’d done

when I first saw the conkers lying everywhere. I picked three up and took them into the radio show I do on Saturdays. The other presenters’ faces lit up when I pulled them out of my pocket.

So I know I’m not alone in seeing this natural downfall as treasure. Let the kids know about the present and the future—in this case, I’m happy to be connected to the past.

budding authors, take a bow!

This high-speed historical tale was one of thousands submitted to last year’s 100-Word-Story Competition. Turn to p78 for details of how to enter this year’s competition.

A hISTORY OF BRITAIN A beach. Empty. Lonely. Footprints, human, bare, the first. Celtic voices, coracles, druid chanting. The legions. Centuries. Withdrawal. Different voices, Saxons, Danes, the Cross, Normans. Detritus, banners of the crusades, of Plantagenet kings. An Armada, wrecked. At sea, explorers, missionaries, armies. Smugglers and fishermen. The Corsican. Martello towers. Victory. The sound of trains. Piers, donkey rides, emporiums.

War. Empty skies no longer empty. Zeppelins. The grand fleet. Peace.

Charabancs, Billy Butlin, Candy Floss. Again war. Barbed wire, mines, the Home Guard, Winston. Victory. Scooters and motorbikes, rock shows.

War, the last. A burning sky. Running footprints. A beach. Empty. Lonely.

Colin Bullen, Kent Colin says: “I’ve always been interested in history and I thought it might be challenging to cover that of Britain from the time before the Romans to the near future in just 100 words—although I hope the apocalyptic end is an unlikely one!”

Colin will receive a cheque for £50

11•2014

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W h at ’ s o n i n n o v e m b e r

Our Pick of the DVDs ■■the fault in our stars

The tear-jerking tale of Hazel and Gus, two teenagers who find love at a cancer support group.

■■x-men: days of future past

■■drama: The drop This dark drama from the writer of Shutter Island and Gone Baby Gone stars the late James Gandolfini in his last ever film role, opposite acclaimed British actor Tom Hardy. Gandolfini plays a bitter ex-bar owner who drags his cousin (Hardy) into a dark criminal underworld, which quickly spirals beyond their control.

TV Highlights

The Doctor Who 50th anniversary episode airs this month, with John Hurt among the many famous faces.

Xavier is back for the latest X-Men story, as Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine is sent back in time to prevent a mutant-versus-human catastrophe.

■■how to train your dragon 2

The follow up to the much-loved animation sees the now inseparable Hiccup and Toothless encounter a mysterious new Dragon Rider.

On Your Radar Briony Edwards, writer completely worthy of the hype.

It’s dark, intense and moving.

Reading: The Tao of Wu by The RZA I picked up a copy in New York and have been immersed in this part-biography, part philosophical discourse ever since.

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Online: Ello This new social networking site is like Facebook, but without the ads and creepy data harvesting.

Listening: Love of Life by Swans I’m going to see Swans in

Holland later this year, so I’ve been reacquainting myself with their experimental back catalogue.

© fox uk f ilm

Watching: True Detective (Sky Atlantic) I can confirm it’s

entertainment

Miriam Margolyes

“I Remember”

…Handing sandwiches to bus crews on VE Day. There was a big party in the street, and my mother Ruth had decided to mark the occasion by making tea for the drivers. I was four and she lifted me up to hand it to them in their cabs. They were delighted because they couldn’t really move anywhere for all the people.

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My mother was an excellent cook and every Thursday she’d make delicious fish by dipping it in egg and potato flour and frying it in olive oil.

I used to love watching her.

But she was too fat, and we were always trying to stop her having potatoes. We had a row at the family table once because she grabbed one and ate it. I was so upset with her that I ran away to the cemetery and cried and cried. And now I do the same thing—eat things I shouldn’t.

…Mother did the housework in the nude. She liked to get it done, then have a bath. It upset the au pairs at first, but they got used to it. She was a vivid, ebullient personality, but very shrewd. Joseph, my father, was a GP, but it was mother who made the

© WENN Ltd/A la m y

…Sitting in my pram, sucking my thumb, in the front garden of our flat in Oxford. A woman came up and said, “If you do that, a bogeyman will cut it off.” I was only two, but I thought, That woman’s mad. How stupid of her. Of course there isn’t a bogeyman. No one’s coming. So I was immediately sceptical and convinced I was right. Nothing has changed.

Photos courtEsy of m IrI Am m ArgoLy Es

Miriam aged nine with her parents; (from top) in the garden having won a Poetry Reading Prize; during a holiday in Cliftonville, Kent; a studio portrait aged five

money. She bought houses to rent to students and became the finest landlord in Oxford, with tenants including the young Jacob Rothschild, Tariq Ali and Ken Loach.

My father was more straight-laced. I loved him, but we never understood each other. He didn’t like music or the theatre, but my mother insisted on

having a piano and she and I used to sing music-hall songs together.

…taking the 11-pluS, deSperate for the loo. The exam was held in a school that had no locks on its toilet doors, so I just couldn’t go. I’ve always attributed my lack of success in the test to that. My parents paid for me 11•2014

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I remember

to attend the Oxford High School for have. But I was considered a good Girls. I loved it. I had two very close actress—I won the public-speaking friends, Catherine Pasternak Slater and prize every year and, of course, public Anna Truelove, the daughter of a noted speaking is what I still do. surgeon. We’re still friends—I went to Catherine’s golden …I couldn’ t wedding anniverstop smiling sary recently. when I got My friends were i n t o N e w na lot cleverer than ham College, me. I was naughty, Cambridge. I funny—the form didn’t think I’d wag. When I was manage it because about 12 years old, my friends were I “fainted” in the smarter, so it was playground. Miss a moment of proBrown, the biology found satisfaction. teacher, was very I’d used the word concerned that “ambiguity” in my Miss Jackson, the entrance exam, mat h s te a c h e r, and I think you’ll just kicked me and probably get in if said, “Oh, she’s you do that. But shamming.” But Isaiah Berlin was Miss Jackson was also my sponsor quite right. Still, I (my father was A portrait done by a neighbour. Miriam had to be carried in also used to sit for the Ruskin School of Art his doctor) and no and missed the university is going afternoon’s lessons. Another time, I to turn down someone with a reference came in wearing my mother’s fur coat from the country’s premier intellectual. and heels, pretending to be a parent looking for a school for her daughter. …Losing that smile a little when I performed in the 1962 …I played Gertrude, rather Cambridge Revue. Trevor Nunn well, in Hamlet at school. I directed and John Cleese and Bill also played Brutus in Julius Caesar, Oddie were in it, but the Footlights causing consternation when my toga boys didn’t like me. They thought I was fell down, revealing rather more bosom pushy and didn’t appreciate someone than Brutus was normally expected to else being funny. They wanted to sleep 24

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I rEmEmbEr

…writing to an old School friend to tell her i’d become a leSbian. She said, “Oh, I know a lesbian,” and introduced me to a school friend she’d met while living in Australia. She thought we would obviously gravitate…and we did. We went on a first date to see the film The Charge of the Light Brigade and are still together 45 years later.

As Madame Morrible in wicked at the Apollo Theatre, London

With Winona Ryder in the age of innocence

me. Go and take your public!” Then I could see her gear herself up to be “Barbra”, and she went out and was mobbed. She’s a big star who wants to perform and sing. But people looking at her? She doesn’t like that much.

…taking america by Storm. In 1988, I played Flora Finchley in the film of Little Dorrit and won a Los Angeles Critics Circle award. Then a publicist got me on the Katie Couric morning show—I’ve always been great at chat, so I chatted. Johnny Carson saw it and invited me on to The Tonight Show. I was a hit and suddenly a whole new US career started, with lots of movies and TV over the next 16 years.

A particularly wonderful film I was in was Martin Scorsese’s The Age of Innocence in 1993. I got to work with 26

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AgE of INN ocENcE ImAgE: rEX/moVIEstorE coLLEctI oN

…finding out that barbra S t r e i S a n d i S n e rV o u S o f crowdS. I flew with her to film Yentl in Prague in 1979. There were lots of people waiting for her at the airport, but she was too scared to leave the plane, saying, “You go, Miriam, you go.

I don’t want to go out there.” “Don’t be so silly,” I told her. “They don’t want

reader’s digest

Michelle Pfeiffer, Winona Ryder and Daniel Day-Lewis. In fact, I knew Dan’s mother because we’d both had our wombs out in the same ward. I liked him very much, but he does hold his character off-screen and that’s a bit disconcerting. I know when he played Christy Brown in My Left Foot he expected Fiona Shaw to wipe his bottom.

It didn’t happen!

Photo courtEsy of bs Ky b

…arnold SchwarZenegger’S bottom. I was in the horror film End of Days with him in 1999, playing the Miriam being Devil’s servant Mabel. presented with I had my throat sliced her Australian citizenship last by a glass table at the year by then end, and I remember prime minister S c h w a r z e n e g g e r Julia Gillard farted right in my face when I was down on the floor, trying not to move. I shouted, “F*** you, Arnie!” I was really cross. …my firSt time on broadway. I played the role of Madame Morrible in Wicked in 2008 and knowing that you were pleasing a theatre like that, packed to the gunnels, was amazing. But I also loved being in the wings and watching the dancers, the light flickering on their beautiful bodies! And they were larky and fun—as the oldest person in the

cast, to be on such good terms with all these young people was a joy.

…opening a new building at my old School. It was the proudest moment of my life. They’d called part of it the Miriam Margolyes Studio. They had asked another old girl, Maggie Smith, to do it, but she’d said she’d hated the place, so I stepped in and made a very good speech in front of all the pupils. That school was a beacon of joy in my life.

…becoming auStralian. My partner’s Australian, we have a home there and I wanted to be part of that great continent. It’s got a c*** government at the moment, but it’s beautiful and spacious, optimistic and ironic.

We live in a place called Robertson, in 11• 2014

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I remember

the southern highlands in New South Wales. It’s where Babe was made, which is how I first came to know it [Miriam did the voice for Fly the border collie]. I still live mainly in Britain, but we’ve built a proper movie-star house there, full of glass and antiques.

…My very first read through of Trollied. I was scared because the cast had all been working together.

But this lovely lady who’s in it called Rita May said, “ ’Ello love, do you want to sit here, next to me? I know what’s going on and I’ll tell you.” I play a sexcrazed grandma. It’s heaven!

Being happy, mostly. I don’t have existential doubts. I’m not really very thoughtful—I just plod along. When people die, that hurts. Last year I lost my friend Sonia Fraser, with whom I wrote my one-woman show Dickens’ Women. I’ve performed it hundreds of times around the world, but now that she’s dead I don’t feel like doing it

Miriam’s solo show Dickens’ Women

again. So as I get older, I’m aware my days are numbered and you think about that a bit. But not too much.

As told to Simon Hemelryk Miriam appears in the new series of Trollied on Sky 1, starting this month

Real answers from exam papers, as seen at distractify.com: Q: What ended in 1896? A: 1895.

Q: What do we call the science of classifying living things? A: Racism.

Q: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?

A: Unusual names.

Q: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?

A: At the bottom.

Q: What’s the strongest force on Earth? A: Love.

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FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/ENTERTAINMENT

P hoto: m i ria mm a rgolyes.com

full marks for ingenuity

ReadersDigest_184x134_20140925_Layout 1 26/09/2014 15:29 Page 1

A gift in your Will could save more children like Cordelia.

Something to think about.

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HEALTH

Facing up to HIV HIV and AIDS is ravaging Eastern Europe. Only a few are able to reach life-saving treatment in the West

Sitting in an office in central berlin,

Maria Petrova is a picture of health. Dark hair swept back, neatly dressed, she is 42, though when she smiles she looks years younger. But five years ago, Maria arrived in the German capital from her native Ukraine, unable to walk unaided and on the verge of dying. She was suffering from a disease that, in Western Europe, people can increasingly survive and go on to live full lives.

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p hotograp h by M iquel G onz alez

By Tim Bo uq ue t

Maria Petrova, a Ukrainian living with HIV in Berlin

fa c i n g u p to h i v

Maria is HIV positive. “When I came here my body temperature had been 40 degrees for a month, I had problems with my lungs, TB, blood pressure, hepatitis, my kidneys were not functioning properly and my legs were numb.” These were all symptoms of the HIV virus attacking Maria’s immune system.

“I

could see she was dying,” says Maria’s 66-year-old mother, Tatyana, who had worked for many years as an au-pair in Berlin. Even though she had a paralysed husband to support, she managed to scrape together enough money to travel to Kiev and fly back to Berlin with Maria.

Maria was admitted to hospital where blood tests revealed that she had a T-cell count of just nine. T-cells, also known as CD4 cells, are the white blood cells, the “generals” of the immune system that fight off diseases. A healthy person might have a count of between 600 and 1,500. Maria now had acute HIV infection which, if left unchecked, would lead to full-blown AIDS and death.

There’s no cure for HIV, but the progression of the virus in the body can be slowed and almost halted with antiretroviral drug treatments. That is, if you live in Western and Central Europe. In countries such as Ukraine, Russia, Moldova, Uzbekistan and Chechnya the outlook is as bleak as it gets.

Eastern Europe and Central Asia is home to the fastest-growing HIV/AIDS epidemic in the world. According to figures from Michel Kazatchkine, the

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UN Secretary-General’s Special Envoy on HIV/AIDS in Eastern Europe and Central Asia, there are nearly 100,000 AIDS deaths a year in the region, up by more than 25 per cent since 2005, compared to stable or decreasing levels in Western Europe and globally.

The increase is primarily linked to the increase in injecting drug use since the fall of the Soviet Bloc. a promising student at school,

Maria was then lured into drugs in her late teens. “I felt I was overweight and I became obsessed with being stickthin, like a model. My brother-in-law brought me slimming medicine, which had to be injected.”

Unknown to Maria at the time, her brother-in-law was a dealer and the “medicine” was an opiate, a cheap version of heroin made of liquid poppy straw. Known as shirka, it’s often contaminated by dirty equipment used by dealers, who even mix blood into it.

The incidence of HIV infection is increased further needle sharing.

Maria was now an addict herself, on five fixes a day. During a visit to a medical centre in 1994 she had a blood test.

“They told me I was HIV positive. I couldn’t believe it. I had no symptoms.

photogra ph: Corbi s

Reader’s Digest

I wanted to commit suicide. I started Increasingly, those with HIV in the cutting my arms. My marriage broke West are kept well for long periods, up. My husband moved to America. I even in low-income countries. also had a major gynaecological operation, which meant I could never have So why is HIV/Aids ravaging the children. That was all I’d ever wanted. people of Eastern Europe?

I started using more drugs.”

Michel Kazatchkine has the chilling In the countries of Eastern Europe answer. “In most countries of the remost drug users such as Maria also gion, inadequate legal human-rights contract hepatitis C, another killer. frameworks, brutal law enforcement The risk of acquiring multi-drug resis- and policing, and a sheer lack of tant TB (MDR-TB) is also among the political will to implement evidencehighest in the world. based HIV prevention are all seriously “We cannot speak of the twin epi- hindering progress.” demics of HIV and drug use,” says Michel Kazatchkine, “but rather the quartet of HIV, drug use, TB and hepatitis. We can’t address one without also addressing the other three.”

In Western Europe HIV infection rates are low (see the box on p37). The figures for hepatitis and drug-resistant TB are also much lower than in Eastern Europe.

This is thanks to early diagnosis, easily accessible antiretroviral drugs to fight HIV, substitution programmes for heroin and other opiates, needle exchanges, and an array of psychological support and counselling services, as well as prevention proUN envoy Michel Kazatchkine says lack of political will is partly to blame for the HIV/AIDS epidemic grammes aimed at schools.

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fa c i n g u p to h i v

“If you didn’t bribe the police, they seen a steady increase in clients from put you in jail,” says Maria, who was Eastern Europe. “In 2013, 1,200 of sentenced to three years in 2003 for Aids-Hilfe’s 5,200 contacts came from possession of drugs. “There, I saw countries in Eastern Europe, where to people dying from disease and hun- be gay or to have HIV often leads to ger. My mother would send me money persecution and imprisonment,” he for food and medicine, but sometimes says. “This is as much a human rights it never arrived. The guards took it for issue as a health issue. themselves. In Ukraine, if you don’t “In Russia, where 50 per cent of drug have money you have nothing.” users are HIV positive, opiate substituMaria is healthy now and follows a tion treatment is illegal, and in Belarus, strict daily regime of antiretroviral with a population of 10 million, just 14 drugs and opiate substipeople are getting statetution therapy. She is funded treatment for also free of hepatitis. She hepatitis C.” In Eastern lives with her mother in Originally from Romathe Kreuzberg district of Europe, having nia, Sergiu has worked Berlin and we meet in HIV is as much in Germany for 24 years the offices of Berliner and speaks many Slavic a humanAids-Hilfe, a charity languages. He’s a key rights issue as link for sick, frightened founded in 1985 and one of 120 such organisaand marginalised people a health issue tions across Germany. like Maria who don’t With a budget of €1.2 know where to turn for million, it’s funded by the Berlin state help in a strange country. and charitable foundations, one of the Maria says that Aids-Hilfe was crubiggest donors being the Association cial in getting her on to a programme of German private healthcare insurers of antiretroviral drugs and methadone.

(PKV). It has a full-time staff of 25 so- She has not used opiates in five years. cial workers, psychologists, therapists Aids-Hilfe also found her lawyers who and support staff backed up by 200 won her the right to stay in Germany volunteers and an advice line. It puts for at least the next three years. those with HIV, drug problems and As Sergiu Grimalschi explains: hepatitis in touch with doctors, hospi- “Treatment is paid for by private donatals and lawyers. tions and the Association of German private healthcare insurers. Once staWith Maria in one of the con- bilised, addicts are put on substitution sulting rooms is 47-year-old social therapy and we help them to apply for worker Sergiu Grimalschi, who has a residence permit so they can carry on 34

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with their treatment. They would be at risk medically and at risk of being criminalised and worse if they were sent home.”

I ask Maria: “If you’d stayed in Ukraine would you be alive today?”

Her mother is verging on tears. Maria’s reply is simple and compelling: “No.” Still very much alive is Ukraine’s

youngest campaigner for the affordable antiretroviral drugs that the West takes for granted. Liza Yaroshenko from Kiev, now 16, is HIV positive. Her mother—a fluent English speaker who once worked as a translator—was an injecting drug user who died of AIDS aged 27, when Liza was six. On the

Reader’s Digest

Teenager Liza Yaroshenko—one of a lucky few to receive antiretroviral drugs in Ukraine

same day her mother died, Liza found out the result of tests that showed she herself was HIV positive.

“We were in the hospital and my grandmother was called into the administrator’s office. When she came out she burst into tears and I thought, what terrible thing did they say to her?”

Heterosexual transmission of HIV in Eastern Europe is increasing and now accounts for 30 per cent of reported cases, largely among women with high-risk sex partners. Liza’s father 11•2014

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Reader’s Digest

was a drug dealer. “Mum had tried to give up but dad got her hooked again and she fell ill,” says Liza.

Following her own diagnosis, Liza spent eight months in hospital battling high temperatures and other symptoms before her condition was stabilised. She was one of the first in Ukraine to receive antiretroviral drugs.

When her grandmother became too ill to look after her, she was adopted by a couple in their thirties who had no children of their own and were touched by her story. They saved her from being sent to a children’s home.

Less than 40 per cent of Ukraine’s 120,000 people registered as living with HIV receive antiretroviral drugs.

In sub-Saharan countries such as

NEWLY-DIAGNOSED rates of HIV INFECTION PER 100,000 people Ukraine 37.1 Estonia 23.5 Moldova 21.3 Belarus 13.1 UK 10.3 France 6.2 Germany 3.6 Eastern Europe 22.0 Western Europe 6.7 Source: WHO Europe/ECDC November 2013.

Statistics based on individual country reports.

Comparable data for Russia not available.

Botswana and Rwanda more than 80 per cent receive them.

In 2013, Liza, who hopes to become an actress or a model, stood before Ukraine’s parliament to protest that the government’s budget had allocated no funds to fighting hepatitis and only 40 per cent of the sum that the thenpresident Viktor Yanukovych had proposed for AIDS and tuberculosis.

“Without treatment many parents and children will die,” Liza told the Ukraine parliament. “I am begging you not to vote for this budget so that what happened to me will not happen to other children.” Unfortunately her appeal was rejected.

In 2012 Ukraine had achieved a two per cent decrease in HIV incidences, the first drop since 1999, thanks in large part to the Kiev-based NGO International HIV/AIDS Alliance in Ukraine implementing the largest HIV-prevention programme in Eastern Europe. This had the support of the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria, which received $1.4 billion from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

“And how much does the Ukraine government spend on HIV prevention?” asks Dr Andriy Klepikov, executive director of the HIV/AIDS Alliance.

“Zero. Absolutely zero.”

Across the Russian federation, discriminatory laws and hard-

line policies have slammed the brakes on prevention work and access to 11•2014

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Reader’s Digest

services for the most vulnerable, risk- up a woman with a baseball bat. ing the spread of the epidemic beyond When the police arrived they claimed the key populations at high risk. to have found no evidence of a crime The World Bank estimates that and promptly left. in 2020, Russia, which has experienced the fastest-spreading HIV/AIDS Maria Petrova fears for her epidemic of any country in history, own homeland and the younger genwill lose 20,000 people a eration of HIV sufferers month to AIDS. such as Liza Yaroshenko.

Russia once accepted She fears that without It’s estimated money from the Global political stability and deFund to Fight AIDS, mocracy, Ukraine will go that in 2020 Tuberculosis and MaRussia will lose the way of Russia, which laria but it now rejects treats HIV and drug adsome 20,000 that assistance, largely diction as a crime rather people a month than an illness, and that because it doesn’t want to follow international it will return to the dark to AIDS protocols for fighting days she knew of poor the disease, such as dismedical supply, corrupt tributing clean needles to injecting officials, punitive doctors and vindicdrug users. Russian non-governmen- tive police, who take protection money tal organisations that advocate harm- from drug dealers. reduction strategies such as needle “But I don’t look backwards,” says exchanges face police harassment and Maria, who is now enrolled in a medicriminal penalties. cal study in Berlin for a new HIV drug.

Those with HIV know whose side “I’m so happy to be here now. I feel my the police are on. On November 3, life has just begun. I lost so much time 2013 the LaSky-St Petersburg HIV in the past. When I’m better I want to clinic was holding a coffee morning become a nurse and work with people when two masked gunmen broke in who have HIV and AIDS. It’s someand shot one man in the face and beat thing I know quite a lot about!”

the irony of it all The founder of dating website match.com lost his girlfriend to a man she met on match.com St Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was Welsh.

The only member of ZZ Top not to have a beard is called Frank Beard.

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HEALTH

15 Easy Ways to Beat a

Cold

by Lisa Fie lds

When days get shorter and temperatures drop, you probably brace yourself for the inevitable common cold. And with good reason: Europeans get two to five colds per year, according to research from the Common Cold Centre at Cardiff University in Wales. But you don’t have to be a statistic.

“For everyone who has a cold, there could be two or three people who are harbouring a virus who never get sick,” says Ron Eccles, 40

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Illustrat ion by p ietar i post i

1 5 e a s y w ay s t o b e a t a c o l d

director of the Common Cold Centre.

For these lucky people the virus triggers their immune system to produce antibodies that throw off the virus.

Strengthen your body’s defences against viruses, or shorten the duration and minimise symptoms, by taking these simple steps this winter:

1

Wash your hands often

Cleaning hands frequently can ward off colds more effectively than any other measure. To be clean and virusfree, hands should be washed with soap for a minimum of 15 seconds.

When sick people cough and sneeze, tiny droplets sprinkle surfaces with cold viruses. You pick up viruses when you touch those surfaces. If you touch your face before washing your hands, the germs enter your system.

“That’s how you catch a lot of colds; you bring your fingers to your nose or rub your eyes,” says Chuck Gerba, microbiology professor at the University of Arizona. “Adults touch their faces about 16 times an hour.”

2

Slather on sanitiser

If you don’t have access to soap and water, hand sanitiser can really help you de-bug.

“Hand sanitisers are pretty much equal to hand-washing to prevent colds,” Gerba says. “You reduce your risk of getting a cold by 30 to 50 per cent. And we have new data that even if the hands are visibly dirty, the hand sanitiser will be just as effective.”

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Don’t just rely on sanitiser before you’re about to eat; use it when you’ve touched the photocopier at work or a bus handrail.

“Viruses spread through offices, homes and public transport like lightning,” Gerba says. “We did the study to show that hand sanitiser is effective; it dropped the spread by 90 per cent.”

3

Tempt your taste buds

4

Warm your sniffer

When you’ve got a scratchy throat and runny nose, drink hot, tasty, fruitflavoured cordials or a natural honeyand-lemon drink.

“They’ll provide great relief from sore throat and cough,” Eccles says. “It promotes the production of saliva and makes your nose run a little bit.”

Not all hot beverages achieve this effect. “Tea and coffee are not the same, because they’re not as tasty,” Eccles says. “The more powerful the flavour, the better.”

When it’s cold outside, you bundle up in a coat and hat, but your nose isn’t protected from the elements. Exposing it to chilly temperatures lowers your resistance to viruses that are present in your nasal passages.

It does increase the chance of infection, Eccles says. “You can show a direct relationship between colds and flu and temperature. The colder it gets, the more colds and flu we get.”

Covering your nose and mouth with a scarf is the simplest solution.

Reader’s Digest

“The scarf will act like a heat exchange,” Eccles points out. “The air reaching your nose will be warmed from your mouth.”

5

Keep toes toasty

Research suggests that chilled feet can lower your resistance to cold viruses. Researchers at the Common Cold Centre divided seemingly healthy people into two groups, believing that some would be harbouring cold viruses. Half had their feet dipped into frigid water and that group developed significantly more colds.

“Chilling of any part of the body can do this, but the feet seem to be particularly sensitive,” Eccles says. “It’s weakening our defences and letting the virus trigger symptoms.”

6

Avoid antibiotics

Many people mistakenly believe that they should take antibiotics for colds. Not only are they ineffective against cold viruses, they can cause future problems.

“When we unnecessarily take antibiotics for them, there’s an increasing chance of bacteria that we’re trying to treat becoming resistant to antibiotics in individuals,” says Dr Pasi Penttinen of the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control in Stockholm.

“We’re seeing the emergence of bacteria that are resistant to last-line antibiotics, which severely limits treatment options. It’s one of the biggest public health threats in Europe and globally.”

7

Depend on over-thecounter relief

The best medication to soothe a cold might surprise you: over-the-counter painkillers such as paracetamol, aspirin or ibuprofen.

“Most people don’t think of it, but they treat sore throat pain, sinus pain, muscle aches and pains, chills, fever and headaches,” Eccles says.

Nearly as effective: nasal sprays with decongestants such as xylometazoline or oxymetazoline, which can relieve stuffy noses for ten to 12 hours.

“Decongestant tablets are only onefifth as effective, and they don’t last as long,” Eccles says.

8

Curl up in bed

9

Do your D

Many studies have found a connection between sleep deprivation and a higher incidence of colds. When you’re tired, it’s harder to work efficiently. That’s how your immune system feels when it has to fight off viruses without ample rest.

“Sleep deprivation is a big problem in Western countries,” Penttinen says.

“The strongest defence against colds is the body’s own immune-defence system. Healthy lifestyles across the board—including sleeping enough— are a good way of keeping defences up.”

Some studies suggest that vitamin D supplements may help to prevent colds during winter, although more research is needed. People produce 11•2014

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Reader’s Digest

vitamin D when the skin is exposed to sunlight, but in winter people are exposed to sunlight less often. Ask your doctor if you should take vitamin D, particularly if you don’t eat dietary sources such as oily fish, eggs, fortified spreads and breakfast cereals.

“There’s evidence, but it isn’t proven,” Eccles says. “I take a vitamin D tablet.

It’s my placebo at the moment. It’s certainly worth a try and it won’t do you any harm.” He takes 25mcg.

10

Go sparingly on herbs

Many reach for echinacea or zinc to prevent or shorten the duration of colds. But studies have shown conflicting results. Some research has found that zinc may shorten the duration of a cold, although the evidence isn’t overwhelming. But a recent review of echinacea studies found little evidence that it has an effect on colds, says study author Dr Marlies Karsch-Völk of the Institute of General Practice at Technical University in Munich.

“There are a lot of studies about it, but they’re not very well performed, so we can’t draw a strong conclusion,” she says. “We can’t say that there’s no effect; this is just about what we know.”

11

Clean mildly

Don’t fight an all-out war on germs during cold season, even if someone in your home is sick. When wiping down surfaces, use plain soap; antibacterial soaps are overkill.

“If somebody in the house has a cough or cold, cleaning with a neutral detergent and a cloth will be sufficient to stop any spread,” says Dr Nuala O’Connor, adviser on antibiotic resistance for the Irish College of General Practitioners. “The physical rubbing will reduce the amount of virus on a surface. If we use too many disinfectants, we’re going to encourage the development of resistant organisms.”

12

Go green (tea)

An amino acid in green tea has been linked with cold prevention.

American researchers have found in a 2007 study that the compound, called L-theanine, helps to prevent the incidence of colds and makes symptoms less severe among cold sufferers, according to a study in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition. “It’s unusual for a food supplement to reduce the incidence of cold and flu,” says study author Susan S Percival, professor and chair of the department of food science and human nutrition at the University of Florida. “This was a fairly high amount given—it was equivalent to eight to ten cups of tea a day.”

You can take L-theanine supplements, but you may glean the same benefits from sipping strongly brewed green tea throughout the day: a German study published in The Journal of Nutrition found that L-theanine levels increased significantly in healthy adults whether they drank green tea or took supplements.

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ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

Support Your Immune System GIVE YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM A HELPING HAND As the nights draw in, don’t just take your immune system for granted. For a start, the approach of winter brings with it decreasing sunlight – the primary source of vitamin D, which contributes to the normal function of the immune system, as well as being important for normal blood calcium levels.

The great news is there are simple, positive ways to help safeguard your diet with specific nutrients to keep your immune system in normal working order.

5 LIFESTYLE STEPS TO A HEALTHY IMMUNE SYSTEM ■ Be active – but sleep well. Take plenty of regular exercise – but be sure to get a good night’s sleep too.

■ Know your limits. Avoid unnecessary stress caused by persistently taking on too much.

■ Cherish friends. Studies have found that warm friendships – as well as stroking pets and relaxing to favourite music – benefit the immune system.

■ Foods for inner strength. An overall balanced diet is essential. Pep up your defences further with foods such as berries, citrus fruits, kiwi and pumpkin seeds; rich in vitamin C&E which contributes to the protection of cells from oxidative stress. Also include pine nuts and wholemeal bread which are rich in zinc and mushrooms, such as shitake, which stimulate the immune system – as does cheese.

■ Add a supplement. Vitabiotics Immunace provides a comprehensive range of vitamins and minerals, including vitamin D, zinc and selenium which contribute to the normal function of the immune system. There is therefore no need to take an additional multivitamin.

Vitabiotics Immunace RRP £7.10 for 30 tablets (a month’s supply). Available from BooWaitrose, Superdrug, UK independent pharmacies, health food stores, and online at www.immunace.com

Reader’s Digest

13

Lock lips with confidence

You might be inclined to avoid kissing your partner when one of you has a cold, but studies have shown that kissing doesn’t transmit cold viruses.

Although they’re present in the tiny droplets that leave the nose and mouth during sneezes and coughs, your mouth doesn’t harbour viruses when you aren’t forcefully coughing. To kiss a sniffly partner with confidence, plant one firmly on his or her mouth, rather than pecking the cheek.

“You have to kiss on the lips because the other person may have touched their face with cold viruses on their hands,” Gerba says.

14

Behold the power of seaweed

Nasal spray derived from red seaweed may help to shorten the duration of your cold.

“Seawater contains the highest concentration of viruses of any natural product, even soil,” Eccles says. “A lot of organisms in the sea have developed antiviral mechanisms to prevent viruses from infecting them. Seaweed

may have antiviral properties that we can harness to treat ourselves.”

Look for nasal sprays with the words “carrageenan” or “red seaweed” on the box. Eating seaweed or foods containing carrageenan (used to thicken beverages and ice cream) won’t have an effect on colds, Eccles says.

15

Scoop up yogurt

You may know people who eat probiotic-containing yogurt to improve their digestive systems. Probiotics— live microorganisms, including specific beneficial bacteria that provide health benefits when eaten—also help immune function, and researchers have found that consuming probiotics regularly can keep colds at bay. A recent review of ten studies by Korean researchers found that eating yogurt with probiotics for up to three months can help to ward off colds during cold and flu season.

“It doesn’t seem to be necessary to eat it every single day of the year—just during cold season,” Karsch-Völk says.

Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium species are the most common microorganisms found in yogurt.

Overheard in london Twitter feed #wordonthestreet is all ears in our capital city: “Oh, these days you can definitely do parenting from an iPad.” “I know my lefts, I just don’t know my rights.”

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HEALTH

Simple Steps To Healthier Skin By s usa n nah h i c kl i n g

Winter’s setting in and that healthy summer glow is but a dim memory. So here are our six handy hints for protecting that all-important shield between you and legions of germs:

Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

1

Drink eight 250ml glasses of water a day. This keeps you hydrated, helping to flush toxins through your kidneys rather than your skin.

2

Smooth a couple of drops of olive oil over your face, elbows, knees and the backs of your arms every evening.

It contains monounsaturated fat, which refreshes and hydrates the skin without leaving a greasy residue.

3

Wear sunscreen all year round. We know, we know— there doesn’t seem to be much call for it in November!

But just because the skies are grey doesn’t mean your skin can’t be damaged by the sun, especially between 11am and 3pm. So get plenty of fresh air, but smear exposed areas with factor 30 or more.

4

Cook with garlic every day. A 1996 Danish study found that skin cells grown in a culture dish and treated with garlic had seven times the lifespan of cells grown in a standard culture. They also looked healthier and more youthful than untreated cells. What’s more, garlic extract dramatically inhibited the growth of cancerous skin cells.

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5

Have short showers. Hanging around in the shower for too long can damage skin. Long steamy showers will strip the skin of its moisture and wash away its protective oils, so opt instead for a cooler spray lasting no more than ten minutes.

6

Start the day with a glass of orange juice. Orange juice is rich in vitamin C, essential for the manufacture of collagen, which helps keep skin smooth and youthful.

Other foods packed with vitamin C include kiwi fruit and red peppers.

© Dm itri y Shironosov/A lam y

is it Eczema or psoriasis?

These are both inflammatory skin conditions related to immune system abnormalities, but psoriasis tends to appear as thick silvery-white scales on the elbows and knees, while eczema sufferers’ skin becomes dry, red and irritated.

Unlike eczema (also called dermatitis), psoriasis isn’t usually itchy and may be accompanied by nail pitting and discolouration.

Both conditions can be treated with steroid and other creams, as well as oral drugs. People with eczema and those with psoriasis can be susceptible to picking up skin infections, but psoriasis sufferers are also at greater risk of metabolic syndrome—a combination of diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity, which increases your risk of heart disease and stroke.

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Reader’s Digest

Men’s Health: Five Rather Hairy Facts Movember is here again, when men around the world do their best to grow a moustache to raise awareness for men’s health. So, guys, now is a good time to remind you of some of the health issues that affect you.

■ Hairy fact #1 One in eight men will develop prostate cancer in their lifetime. That’s the same lifetime risk as women run for breast cancer. Talk to your doctor about prostate testing.

■ Hairy fact #4 Smoking causes 87 per cent of lung-cancer deaths in men. Ask your GP about smoking cessation or contact your local NHS Stop Smoking Service.

■ Hairy fact #5 A man is diagnosed with bowel cancer every half an hour.

Rates of the disease are higher in men than in women, and have climbed by 30 per cent in the past 35 years. If you have bleeding from your backside or a change in bowel habits, overcome your embarrassment and go to the doctor. If bowel cancer’s caught early, you may not even need chemo or radiotherapy treatment, though you will need surgery.

© i stockp hoto/knape

■ Hairy fact #2 Men are less likely to be treated for a mental-health problem than women, but three times as likely to die by suicide. Remember, there’s no shame in asking your doctor for help.

■ Hairy fact #3 If you’re a man with a waist measurement of more than 37 inches, your risk of chronic diseases such as diabetes and heart disease increases dramatically. Make sure you do enough physical activity to burn off the calories you consume.

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H e a lt h

Take A Deep Breath…

Increasing your lung power can help stave off damage and disease, so give these simple puff-boosting tips a go.

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of high antioxidant levels. But it doesn’t work with other tipples.

■■ Breathe in through your nose, which has natural filters, and out through your mouth in dry, very cold or hot weather, or in dusty or polluted air. If you breathe in through your mouth, everything goes straight into the lungs.

Good things for today Have you noticed the recent Facebook craze where friends list three good things about their day? It might look indulgent, but studies have shown that there’s meaningful change—for the better —in the way we think when we simply write down the things we’re grateful for every day. So why not keep a journal of all the things that are going well in your life?

© petogr a pher/A l am y

■■ Breathe from your abdomen for at least five minutes a day. This is diaphragmatic breathing, which involves training and strengthening your diaphragm so that it requires less effort to take in each breath.

■■ Eat apples. A study found that people who crunched into more than five a week had improved lung function, less wheeziness and fewer asthma-like symptoms.

■■ Look on the bright side of life.

When Harvard researchers followed 670 men with an average age of 63 for eight years, they found that the optimists had much better lung function and a slower rate of lung-function decline than their pessimistic peers.

■■ Read the small print on household cleaners. Some products, such as oven cleaner, can be toxic if inhaled. If the instructions say open a window, be sure to follow them.

■■ Have a glass of white. Wine, but particularly white wine, seems to help your lungs, possibly because

HEALTH

Saying Goodbye Is The Hardest Thing Of All By max p e m b e r to n

Max is a hospital doctor and author.

He’s also the resident doctor on ITV’s This Morning

As a doctor, I’ve seen lots of people die. I’ve become used to it. Not callous or dismissive, you understand, but rather it’s lost its mystery and ability to shock. I’ve come to see it as a normal part of living. I’ve told people that they will die, and had lots of conversations with people who are facing death. I thought I understood death as much as anyone alive possibly could. But then, last year, my gran was diagnosed with lung cancer.

They found it accidentally after she fell and broke her pelvis, and they also found it in her liver, her bones and her bowel. There was nothing that could be done. The doctor who told her was young and inexperienced, so she comforted him: “It’s all right,” she told him. “I’ve had a good innings— don’t feel upset for me.” They patched her up and sent her home. I visited as often as I could.

Over the weeks, things began to deteriorate. When I visited one Sunday, my gran became upset, saying the place was a mess and asking me to help clear things up. I went through the cupboards and cleared some things out, making piles for the charity shop. It was nice to have something

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illustration by katie j ohns on

practical to focus on, but it felt unsettlingly premature.

I stood on a stool and reached to the back of the kitchen cupboard where I found an old sweet tin. I opened it up to find lots of old plastic cake decorations—faded flowers and foliage that my gran used to push into the soft thick icing of the cakes she’d make for us. She was always making us cakes when we were young, and I’d not seen these decorations for years. I would’ve thrown them away, but something made me stop. I went into the lounge to show my gran.

“Do you want to keep these?” I asked, and as I did so I realised how ridiculous I was being. She could barely stand, let alone make a cake.

We looked at the decorations, and

in that moment I was crushed by the gentle grief of it all. She hesitated and I wished I’d never asked. I stood silently, so much left unsaid.

“Perhaps let’s keep them,” she replied quietly. “You never know.”

We both did know and I realised how this assortment of ancient, faded, plastic decorations was a connection to a past that she now realised would never be repeated. I put them back in the cupboard.

Dying is a process; a multitude of incremental moments of realising that the future is finite. I didn’t really appreciate that until then. A few months later, when she’d died and we were clearing the house, I found them again, exactly where I’d left them.

Although I’m sure I’ll never use them, I kept them anyway. You never know.

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HEALTH

medical myths—busted!

If You Pull Out A Grey Hair, Two Will Grow Back What’s the truth?

It’s likely that this myth comes from people observing that, over time, regardless of how many grey hairs they pull out, more and more appear.

People wrongly assume that the reason for this is because pulling them out makes more grow. It’s likely that once you notice one grey hair, you pluck it and then start scrutinising your hair more. People simply begin to notice grey hairs that had actually been there for some time anyway.

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So, there’s nothing to worry about?

Most people go grey eventually.

Pulling out the occasional grey hair won’t make any difference either way—it’s the ageing process that causes grey hairs, not plucking. So put away your tweezers and let’s grow grey gracefully!

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/HEALTH

Illustration By Dani el HAskett

Where did the myth come from?

It’s true that the number of grey hairs that people have increases over time. But this has nothing to do with pulling them out or not—it’s simply the fact that as we age, more appear.

Grey hairs are caused by the colourproducing cells in the hair follicle becoming less efficient and dying off.

It’s largely determined by genetics, although some lifestyle factors probably play a part too. There’s good evidence, for example, that stress can trigger people going grey. It’s thought that stress causes those melanocytes to leave the hair follicles, and when they do they’re not replaced, causing the hair to lose its colour.

Project1_Layout 1 23/09/2014 17:11 Page 1

iNSpiRE

Tea &

Coffee

By L AU R A d E A N - oS go o d

Shops

i LLUstrAti oN bY kAveL rAf fertY

britain loves a brew, and there are more outlets serving hot beverages than ever before.

We’ve selected some of the most innovative

➸

Quilliam Brothers NEWCASTLE

A late-night tea house with cinema and gallery space, Quilliam Brothers has set about changing the landscape of Newcastle’s nightlife. The establishment, run by brothers Sam, Patrick and Tom (inset above) is open until midnight and offers a comfy place to try almost 60 types of tea from around the world.

The business originated from many trips to Budapest and an appreciation of the city’s evening culture. “Tom was living there,” remembers Patrick. “We visited him a lot and got to know the city’s tea-house scene.”

The brothers shared a vision not only for serving great tea, but also providing 60

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an alternative to the pubs and clubs of their home city.

“Newcastle is well known for its nightlife, but it’s mostly a boozy one,” says Patrick. “We wanted to provide a laid-back, safe atmosphere to meet up, read, work, or whatever you like.”

After a few years of selling loose teas online, Quilliam Brothers opened last year—and they’ve learned a lot about balancing business and family relations. “We have our moments,” admits Patrick, “but we work on the basis that everything can be resolved. After all, we know that mum wants us all round the dinner table on Sunday.”

■ Visit quilliambrothers.com for details

PHOTOS CO URTESY OF QUILLIAM BROTHERS

best of british

R ea d er ’ s D i g est

Attendant

London W1W

“But the locations are very hush hush at the moment.”

Which unusual space could be next, we wonder…

■ Visit the-attendant.com for details

PHOTOS CO URTESY OF ATTENDANT

In a city where space is at a premium, this coffee shop proves that imagination can bring even the most unexpected of places to life. Now a stylish underground coffee bar, Attendant started life as a men’s public toilet in the late 1800s. The space lay dormant for over 50 years before its transformation into a sleek espresso bar by two friends looking for a career change.

The small cafe, which opens from a grade-listed street-level entrance, includes many original features—the urinals, for example, now serve as the tables at which lunchtime workers perch with their coffees.

“It felt slightly odd being in an old toilet at first,” says local Francessca Reville, “but it’s a brilliant use of the space—and the coffee is great!”

The success of Attendant has led to plans for expansion. “We’re hoping to have two new sites up and running by the end of the year,” claim owners Ryan De Oliveira and Bosh McKeown.

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best of british

Tisanes Tearooms the COTSWoLDS

This traditional tea room in the picturesque village of Broadway, which celebrated its tenth anniversary this year, is run by husband-and-wife team Tracey and Steve Sone.

The 17th-century Cotswold outlet revels in the nostalgia of the 1930s and 1940s, which is reflected in the style of decor and approach to proper tea-making. “We serve only loose-leaf tea in bone china cups and with strainers,” says Tracey, “and our waitresses wear frilly pinnies.”

But their philosophy on choice is a thoroughly modern one, with over 30 types of teas, an extensive

menu of home-made cakes and plenty of gluten-free options.

Tisanes is a popular destinastion with locals, visitors and dog walkers, and is recognised as one of the 40 top tea rooms in the UK by the Tea Guild, which last year bestowed an Award for Excellence on the establishment.

■ Visit tisanestearooms.co.uk for details

Tu Hwnt I’r Bont

CW Co nten t Works; Steve Gi ll/Fli kr

Conwy

Covered top to bottom in Virigina creeper, this 15th-century tea shop and gallery has become as well known for its stunning foliage as it has for its char and home-made treats. Changing from green to a vibrant red in late autumn, the ivy-clad building draws photographers looking to get the perfect shot of the Welsh countryside. In fact, the location has become such an iconic landmark that its image even features as one of the standard Windows 7 screensavers for computers.

Tu Hwnt I’r Bont (Beyond the Bridge) stands on the banks of the river Conwy on the edge of the Snowdonia national park and has been a

R ea d er ’ s D i g est

welcoming site to weary travellers for over 50 years. The beautiful old building has played a significant role in the history of Llanrwst: it predates the Inigo Jones bridge, beside which it stands, and used to serve as the local courthouse.

The business is now run by Tim Maddox, who relocated from London with his wife and three children in 2003. “We decided to move to the country to live a more civilised, relaxed lifestyle,” says Tim, who took on Tu Hwnt I’r Bont without having visited as a customer. “We feel very honoured to have one of the most iconic buildings in Wales.”

■ Visit tuhwntirbont.co.uk for details 11•2014

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best of british

Waterloo Tea CARDIFF

The staff at this popular outlet in central Cardiff like to create an entire experience around drinking a brew.

Choosing from around 60 options, customers are served their chosen pots along with a timer and instructions on how long to brew their particular tea before they pour.

“This way, our customers can get the most out of the teas,” says founder Kas Ali, who’s passionate about serving the best possible beverages.

“People just want amazing ingredients and good sourcing,” continues Kas. “We get the best teas we can and we deliver them in an engaging way.”

Waterloo’s range has proved so popular that, as well as recently opening two new branches, Kas has developed a wholesale side of the business. Tea lovers can buy leaves to take home and get involved with creating their favourite drink at lessons and courses held at the shops.

■ Visit waterlootea.com for details

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Bold Street Coffee Liverpool

Owner and founder Sam Tawil has brought his passion for coffee to life at Bold Street Coffee, where he and his team serve lovingly crafted drinks in a shop recently identified as one of the coolest in the UK. It was just a few years ago that Sam tasted a coffee that changed everything. “I had an amazing one at Flat White in London,” he says, “and I knew there was another level to what coffee could do.”

After learning all he could about making his favourite beverage, Sam fitted out his van with a machine and

P HOTO COURTESY OF mom en tum fu rniture & BOLD STREET COFFEE

R ea d er ’ s D i g est

Madhatter’s Nottingham

Madhatter’s owner Nygel Stevenson invites his guests to “enter the Wonderland” at his quirky cafe in Kimberley, Nottingham. Tea, coffee and cake are served against a backdrop inspired by Lewis Carroll’s novel—and customers are invited to choose from a selection of hats as they take part in their very own Madhatter’s tea party.

The emphasis is on creating a welcoming, child-friendly environment, and it’s one that’s gone down well— customers have voted it into the top ten places to eat in Nottingham.

■ Visit madhattersshop.co.uk for details Where do you go to enjoy tea or coffee?

If we haven’t mentioned it here, tell us about it by emailing readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk

began selling at outdoor events. Eventually he took on the premises at Bold Street and, with the help of talented friends, designed a great-looking cafe.

“Working with good people is what it’s all about,” says Sam. Bold Street Coffee exhibit work by local artists, hold coffee-tasting events and play vinyl records—and it’s big hit with locals.

“It’s the only place I buy coffee in town,” says resident Sarah Godenho.

“It’s laid-back and plays great music. I went there a lot when I was pregnant, as even their decaf lattes are amazing.”

■ Visit boldstreetcoffee.co.uk for details PHOTO CO URTESY OF MAD HATTER’S

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INSPIRE

The

Lords of Good Rule

by C h r i sto p her M id d le to n

Meet the groups who take a distinctly medieval approach to local administration…

V

enture out into the street of Wareham on a late November evening and you’ll be confronted by a strange and colourful group of people.

At first glance, they look like a bunch of students dressed up in pantomime costumes.

They’re wearing straw boaters, bowler hats, aprons and ill-fitting frock coats. On closer inspection, though, the participants turn out to be men well beyond their college years.

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the lords of good rule

For this is no rag stunt—this is a serious undertaking that has, since the 13th century, been carried out in this small Dorset town and in several others across the country. Yes, once again, the Court Leet is in action.

For four nights running, members of this ancient body are required to inspect the town’s public houses (two per night) to ensure that standards are maintained. They are, in short, the medieval equivalent of what today is the local trading standards, or weights and measures department. What’s

and toilets). And let’s not forget the chimney peepers, who make sure there’s no dangerous build-up of soot.

This is to avoid a disaster of the kind that took place in July 1762, when most of the town burned down.

Nor is the Court Leet visit just a social call; any failings—or “presentments”, as they’re called—are reported by the inspectors, and a financial penalty is imposed at the next meeting of the Leet. This takes place in Wareham Town Hall, at midday on the third Friday of November; the population is

more, each and every man in the party has his own duties.

The head of the Court Leet is the socalled lord of the manor, who’s assisted by his right-hand man (the steward), his hayward (whose job is to supervise the common land) and his bailiff. This is the man who’s in charge of arresting and summonsing miscreants, as well as dishing out on-the-spot fines.

Also present are the official aletasters (who sample the pub beer), the carniters (who taste the meat), the bread weighers (who check the consistency of the loaves), the leather sealers (who inspect all kinds of bags and saddles) and the scavengers (who examine the cleanliness of the drains 68

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alerted by the town clock striking not 12 times, but 13.

“Some people see this inspection process as just a ceremonial tradition, but it has a very serious purpose,” says Diarmuid Gould, who runs Bullock and Lees Estate Agents but also serves as the bailiff for the Court Leet.

“It’s important for the proper running of a town that the public should get the correct measures,” he continues. “In the past, there have been riots over bread loaves being underweight.

It’s essential that landlords should cook decent meat, that chimneys should be kept clear and that alleyways and drains shouldn’t be blocked.

“Quite often, we get invited to attend

© WA REH AM COURT LEET

“We’re not just a group that gets dressed up and raises money for charity. There’s an underlying seriousness to what we do”

Reader’s Digest

Clockwise from left: two bread weighers at the Black Bear pub in Wareham, 1975; members of the jury from 1988 let their hair down after the closing of the court; and the inaugural cricket match where the Court Leet took on the town council in 1986

community events in our costumes, but we don’t go. We’re not just a group that gets dressed up and raises money for charity. There’s an underlying seriousness to what we do.”

T

his applies in equal measure to the Court Leet that oversees the running of the New Forest in Hampshire. Like their counterparts in Wareham, the New Forest verderers

can trace their beginnings back to medieval times—in their case, William the Conqueror. That said, their work is made a lot trickier by the fact that some 8,500 horses and cattle roam free across the 60,000-acre forest (it’s common land), and every now and then these creatures come into violent contact with motor vehicles.

The people at the sharp end of this are the Court Leet employees—or 11•2014

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the lords of good rule

Fish and flesh tasters Ian Whitehead (left) and John Bond-Evans check the produce at the Alcester Food Festival

throughout the year.

There are warning signs all over the forest, and while it’s rare for holidaymakers to hit a horse, because they’re usually driving more carefully, the majority of accidents involve local drivers who perhaps aren’t concentrating quite so hard.”

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M

eetings of the verderers are held ten times a year, under antler-covered walls at the Queen’s Hall in Lyndhurst. And in keeping with tradition, members of the public are allowed to come and express their views, although the rules plainly state that they must use “moderate language”.

Not just anyone can become a verderer either; in order even to stand for election, candidates must occupy a minimum of one acre within the forest, with accompanying pasture rights. Of course, many of them are lifelong inhabitants of the New Forest. However, the reverse applies to officers of the Court Leet at Alcester in Warwickshire.

“A lot of our members weren’t

© Laurence C remetti

agisters, as they’re known. If a horse has been badly injured by a car, the green-coated agisters are authorised to put the animal down (there were 72 such deaths last year).

Less painful tasks include collecting grazing (£24 a year) and hide-marking fees from the 600-plus owners of these common-dwelling animals, as well as corralling the horses for counting and branding. These are Hampshire’s equivalent of a Wild West round-up, and are known as “drifts”.

“We run 40 or so drifts per year, and they’re quite dramatic events,” says Sue Westwood, clerk to the verderers for the past two decades. “So much so, that there’s only one insurer who will cover us. Unfortunately, of course, collisions with animals are not uncommon

Reader’s Digest

brought up in Alcester, but have moved here and readily embraced the whole tradition,” says high bailiff Steven Brown, who in the 21st century is managing director of a firm in Reading. “They recognise the strength of community spirit that exists here and the fact that there’s very little crime.

And everyone knows that a sprig of evergreen above the pub entrance is a sign that the inn has been approved by the Court Leet. It’s not just older people that are drawn to our organisation either; we have some members in their twenties.”

There’s no doubting the youthful enthusiasm of the Alcester officers either. Not only do they visit 17 different pubs in their tour of inspection,

but they make a point of visiting all the food shops in the town.

“We have a lot of small independent retailers here and they welcome our inspections, as indeed does our local branch of Waitrose,” says one officer.

“Back in the old days, though, there were definitely certain dodges to look out for. One ruse was to put stones in the loaves of bread to bring them up to the required weight. And ale played a much more important part in people’s lives, because the normal water wasn’t fit to drink and would make people unfit to work.”

This year, the Alcester Court Leet is celebrating its 742nd year of existence (previous officers include an uncle of William Shakespeare). Their system

Tom served to protect us all, now we need to be there for him.

The Royal Star & Garter Homes is a charity that provides specialist care to disabled members of the military family. We were established to care for severely wounded troops returning from the First World War. Today we are there for people like Tom, who was badly wounded at Monte Cassino in the Second World War and had to have his left leg amputated. Like all of our residents, Tom receives specialist care from a team of supportive staff to help him live life to the full.

As a charity, we do not receive any direct government funding and rely on the generosity of our supporters to fund the high level of specialist care that we provide.

Please show your support for Tom and others like him at this time of Remembrance.

Make an instant donation to The Royal Star & Garter Homes today:

Call 020 8481 7676 (Quoting RM14) or visit www.starandgarter.org

Registered Charity Number 210119

The Royal Star & Garter Homes: 15 Castle Mews, Hampton, Middlesex, TW12 2NP

the lords of good rule

entrusted the job of keeping municipal order to local barons and lords of the manor. And one of the crucial planks of this law-and-order policy was the system of Frankpledge (Frank was the medieval word for “free”, as in “freemen”). Groups of townspeople were required, in groups of ten, to take an oath of allegiance and good conduct.

Should just one of those ten people commit an offence, the other nine would all be punished for it, as well as the miscreant.

Technically, the powers of the Court Leet were taken away by the 1977

Local Government Act. And although there are barely 30 towns in the UK that still have this medieval set-up (including Laxton in Nottinghamshire and Portland in Dorset), they’re both proud and protective of it.

“The fact is, we already have a mayor in Alcester,” says Steven Brown. “And yet everyone sees the high bailiff as the civic head of the town. No question about it, the tradition of the Court Leet is as strong here as it was 700 years ago. What we’ve preserved is a precious slice of Middle England, and we’re not prepared to let it go.”

THE DUTIES OF THE COURT LEET Taken from the original charter governing the Court Leet of Southampton: ■ To enquire regularly and periodically into the proper condition of watercourses, roads, paths and ditches.

■ To guard against all manner of encroachments upon land, whether by unlawful enclosure or otherwise.

■ To preserve landmarks.

■ To keep watch and ward in the town.

■ To guard against the adulteration of food.

■ To inspect weights and measures.

■ To look in general to the morals of the people.

■ To find a remedy for each social ill and inconvenience.

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© Laurence C remetti

■ To overlook the common lands and adjust the rights over them.

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INSPIRE

When my mother insisted I travel around Europe with her, the journey changed me for ever

She Gave Me the

World I’m driving into rome with a friend. We zip past Roman pines, cypresses that dot the hillsides and ruins of aqueducts. I’d been teaching in Umbria for the past week and now I’m on holiday. I know Rome well.

I lived here for a year.

As we sit at the top of the Via Veneto sipping wine, I look across the street and see the Hotel Flora. Though it’s 74

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been almost 50 years since I’ve seen, or even really given much thought to, the Flora, I suddenly recall every moment I spent here as a girl.

At dusk my friend must meet someone for dinner, so I head over to the Villa Borghese gardens. I take out my phone and call my mother. “Do you remember the Hotel Flora?” But my mother grows confused. She’s 99 years

ILLUSTRATI ON: PAUL BLOW

By M ary M o rris

s h e g a v e m e t h e worl d

old and I’ve watched her world shrink.

I can tell that she doesn’t even know what Italy is any more.

“Remember our trip?” I ask her. “You threw your pearls into the sea.”

One day, when i was a sullen teenager, my mother picked me up

after school. “We’re going to get your passport,” she said. I didn’t want a passport. My summer would revolve around learning to type and afternoons

globe. Her skirts were the oceans. Her body the land. Instead of seeing the world, my mother became it.

Now she wanted to do the grand tour of Europe, and I was to be her companion for six weeks.

A few weeks later, my passport arrived. I didn’t give it much thought.

Nor did I understand its secret powers until we arrived in Paris and the customs official in his dark blue uniform

She dragged me to every Monet and monument she could find. My mother didn’t just visit Paris. She drank it in at the beach and in the arms of the boy I loved.

But my mother had other plans. As we drove to downtown Chicago, she explained that she intended to take me to Paris, London and Rome as soon as school broke up. She had never been anywhere except to Idaho one summer, and anyone who knew my mother knew that she longed to travel.

When I was much younger, my parents were invited to a Suppressed Desire Ball. You were to come in a costume that depicted your secret wish.

The night of the ball my father looked dashing in his tuxedo and toupee (he was going as a man with hair), but it was my mother who entranced me.

Within her skirts, she’d sewn pictures of the Great Wall of China, the Eiffel Tower. On her head sat an aluminum 76

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and high red hat stamped my passport and welcomed me to France. I had crossed my first border.

We stayed in the Hotel Vendome. My mother loved its mahogany canopied beds, its red damask curtains.

My mother was a housewife who probably belonged more in a salon than a supermarket. In the 1930s, when she was working in Saks selling ladies underwear, a big designer came in to show the saleswomen how to dress the mannequin. As he was trying to explain something that no one seemed to grasp, my mother held up a sketch she’d drawn. “Is this what you mean?”

He asked her how she learned to do that. “I taught myself,” she said.

The designer helped my mother get a scholarship to the Art Institute of Chicago, where she studied fashion

Reader’s Digest

until her father refused to give her the fare to get to school. But she still designed and made all her clothes.

My mother fell in love with Paris.

During the day, she dressed to perfection in her dark suit, leather pumps, white gloves and her strand of cultured pearls. They were rather cheap, but she wore them everywhere.

She dragged me to every Monet and monument she could find. We climbed the steps of Montmartre and found a little bistro where, for the first time, I sipped wine. We dined on the Seine on a bateau mouche with Paris illuminated all around us. My mother didn’t just visit Paris. She drank it in.

Then we went to Rome. We stayed at the Flora in a plush room with a view of the Via Veneto. A handsome young doorman called me Miss America and flirted with me. “Where is Miss America going today?” We were going everywhere. It seemed as if my mother never wanted to stop.

One afternoon we had our hair done.

Mine was washed, set and combed into a fluffy confection. I hated it. Back in our room my mother lay down to take a nap. I stuck my head in the sink, combed it out and towel dried it. Then I set out on my own.

Leaving the hotel, I crossed over to the Villa Borghese gardens. It wasn’t long before I began to hear sharp whistles, men calling. Some followed, shouting, “Bella!” It took me a few

minutes to understand that these catcalls were for me. I was both frightened and entranced. I realised that I was on the brink of something and my life was about to change.

Florence, Pisa, Genoa. We bused across Italy. One night we stopped in a seaside town of La Spezia. We dined on a balcony with the sea stretching before us. And here my mother put her hands on the strand of pearls she’d worn for years. “I’m sick of these,” she said. And with that she unwound them over her head and tossed them into the sea. I stared at my mother, stunned.

Then we began to laugh. I recognised then what I’ve come to know is true— travel can be transformative.

Of all the many things my mother has given me, it’s my passport and the world it has opened up that’s been the greatest gift. She sent me off on a journey and I’ve yet to stop. I’ve wandered through Latin America, travelled from Beijing to Berlin by rail, searched for tigers in the jungles of India. And now I’m back in Rome. I stand in the Villa Borghese gardens in the golden light of evening, and my mother asks, “When am I going to see you?”

“Soon, Mummy,” I tell her.

I get off the telephone and wander through the gardens. Under the canopy, I see my much younger self, avoiding the Italian men who call to me as I stroll among the shadows.

WHAT MY MOTHER GAVE ME: THIRTY-ONE WOMEN ON THE GIFTS THAT MATTERED MOST, compiled by Elizabeth Benedict. © 2013 by Elizabeth Benedict is published by Algonquin Books, a division of The Workman Publishing Company

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INSPIRE

Terms and Conditions ■ Please send your stories—which should be original, unpublished and exactly 100 words long—to 100wordstory@readersdigest. co.uk by January 31, 2015.

■ There are three categories—one for adults, and two categories for schools: one for children aged 12– 18, and one for children under 12.

■ In the adult category, the entry voted best by the editorial team will receive £500, and two runnersup will each receive £75.

■ In each of the school categories, the prize for the winner is £250 of high-street vouchers of their choice, and £250 for their school, and two runners-up will each receive £50.

■ Mark each entry either “Adults”, “Schools 12–18 category” or “Schools under-12 category”.

Winning entries will be published in a future issue.

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Word Story competition

Our fifth annual shortstory competition is now underway! Get your entry in now—and if you’re stuck, take inspiration from the two stories opposite

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Lucinda Riley

Emma Fraser

As the yellow rises, I fly down to find food for my children. Landing, I am assaulted by earth-shattering noises and bright, burning orange.

A choking white fills me and I drop the worm I have just caught back into the brown. A human being falls next to me, calling for its mother.

Red is pouring from its heart.

I search for the dark predator, but there are only other humans nearby. I wish to comfort, but I do not know how.

I must do the only thing I can: I open my beak wide and sing him into the light.

The ice-cream man pumps the pedals of his bicycle. His chest hurts and his legs ache. But he is 60— the same age as Mandela. At least he is free. Africa’s son grows old in prison.

The tinkle of his bell brings the white child outside. As always she is barefoot, her blond hair uncombed, her pale arms covered in bruises. He opens the box welded to the front of his bicycle and a steam of dry ice escapes.

He holds out an ice lolly. It is all he can do for her. She takes it.

Tastes it. And smiles.

© I llustration BY KATIE JOH NS ON

■ Lucinda Riley is a best-selling writer. Her new novel Seven Sisters (£14.99) published this month.

Rules: Please ensure that submissions are original, not previously published, and are exactly 100 words long. Don’t forget to include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number with all correspondence. We may use entries in all print and electronic media. We cannot acknowledge or return your story. Do not send SAEs. Contributions become world copyright of Reader’s Digest.

■ Emma Fraser’s new novel We Shall Remember (£6.99) is out this month

Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with this competition, their immediate families, and relatives living in an employee’s household. The judges’ decision is final.

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INSPIRE

Astronaut Chris Hadfield has served as commander of the International Space Station. His zero-gravity version of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” became an online phenomenon last year

If I Ruled the World Chris Hadfield

I’d fill every belly every day. When I watched the Olympics and saw the incredible human achievements that a select few are able to accomplish, I couldn’t help thinking about the millions of people in the world who don’t even know about the Olympics—and yet among them may be the greatest athletes of all. How many extraordinary people have we denied because we can’t find a way to feed them?

Drivers would use their indicators properly. I spend a lot of time in my car talking out loud to bad drivers: “Oh, you were turning right! That must be why you slowed down suddenly without warning…”

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illustrated by sa m falconer

I’d remove all memories of hatred. Nobody is born with hatred or bigotry—these things are taught. To carry hatred in our hearts for five, 50 or even 1,000 years and use it to fuel negative behaviour is immensely destructive. If we could sweep away the bad memories and let people reveal their true good nature, ruling the world would be a lot easier!

Everyone would learn to sing both melody and harmony. I’ve always been in bands and music is essential to me. Singing melody, knowing the words and the main tune and how to present it, is like reading poetry. To add harmony is to give the music an unexpected depth and sweetness like nothing else. The skilled application of these two talents makes music into art, and good art helps us understand and appreciate life a little better.

Dogs would live longer. It’s not fair that dogs get such disproportionately short lives. We’ve had several wonderful dogs over the years, but I still miss my Labrador Troy, who died when he was 12. He was tremendous; loyal, brave and selfless. I’d have trusted him with the care of my kids.

For the sake of both dogs and their owners, I wish we could have each other around for longer.

We’d think more and blindly believe less. It’s far easier to believe something than take the time and effort to understand it. This disparity is fundamental to so much of what we do wrong in the world. I run into it a lot because I have so many followers on social media. If I post a photo taken from space, I’ll accompany it with an explanation of what you can see. But lots of people just glance at the photo and then post their snap judgment without doing the research.

Whenever you find yourself doing FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE

something without really knowing why, it’s time to take a step back.

People would laugh more. Laughing is contagious and purges the bad stuff. When you’re in a meeting and things are all tense, a moment of honest laughter puts things into perspective. I laugh when I watch Benny Hill or Monty Python—I’d like to give everyone a little bottle of John Cleese to carry round so they could open it and laugh out loud every day.

I’d ask people to make their first, gut reaction one of respect and then kindness. Remember that every stranger, through any number of tiny different circumstances, might have been your friend.

I’d give everyone a month with a window seat orbiting the earth. I’ve been around the world 2,600 times and it changes who you are. Wonder that’s informed by experience and understanding shifts your view on life. There’s no Us and Them up there —the commonality of the human condition is revealed. We should remind ourselves that we all want the same things in life: better opportunities for our children, laughter and joy and love.

As told to Caroline Hutton Chris Hadfield’s new book You Are Here: Around the World in 92 Minutes (£20) is out now 11•2014

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travel & adventure

12 The threat of hypothermia. No life vest.

No help in sight. And all John Aldridge had was rubber boots and a knife

Hours Overboard

By Paul To ugh

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12 hours overboard

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and you fall in the sea, is to kick off your boots—they’re dead weight. But as Aldridge trod water, he realised that, in fact, his boots were elevating his feet and tipping him backwards. Aldridge’s green monstrosities were an oddity among the members of the local fishing fleet, but now he had an idea of how they might save his life.

Aldridge reached down and pulled off his left boot. Straining, he turned it upside down, raised it up until it cleared the waves, then plunged it back into the water, trapping a bubble of air inside. He tucked the inverted boot under his left armpit. Then he did the same thing with the right boot. It

in two hours, someone would start searching. there was nothing to do but watch for predators

worked; they were like pontoons, and treading water with his feet alone was now enough to keep him afloat.

The boots gave Aldridge a chance to think. He was in a very bad situation. It was about 3.30am on July 24 last year.

The North Atlantic water was chilly— 22 degrees. Dawn was two hours away.

Aldridge set a goal: just stay afloat until sunrise. Once the sun came up,

Photos by dan iel shea

Looking back, John Aldridge knew it was a stupid move. When you’re alone on the deck of a lobster boat in the middle of the night, 40 miles off the tip of Long Island, New York, you don’t take chances. But he needed to start pumping water into the Anna Mary’s holding tanks to chill, so that when he and his friend Anthony Sosinski reached their first string of traps a few miles away, the water would be cold enough to keep the lobsters alive for the return trip.

In order to get to the tanks, he had to open a hatch on the deck. The hatch was covered by two coolers filled in Montauk Harbour seven hours earlier. The coolers weighed about 200 pounds, and the only way for Aldridge to move them alone was to snag the handle of the bottom one with a box hook and pull—hard.

Then the handle snapped.

Suddenly Aldridge was flying backwards, tumbling across the deck towards the back of the boat, which was wide open—just a slick ramp leading straight into the black sea. The water hit him like a slap. He went under, took in a mouthful of Atlantic Ocean and then surfaced, sputtering. He shouted as loud as he could, hoping to wake Sosinski. But the diesel engine was too loud and the Anna Mary, on autopilot, was already out of reach. He was alone in the darkness.

Aldridge was 45, a fisherman for almost 20 years. The first thing you’re supposed to do, if you’re a fisherman

Raised in the suburbs, John Aldridge (left) chose fishing in his mid-20s. In 2006, he bought the Anna Mary with his best friend since school, Anthony Sosinski

someone would start searching for him.

For now, though, there was nothing to do but watch for predators.

It was a little after 6am when Anthony Sosinski awoke. The mate he and Aldridge hired for this trip, Mike Migliaccio, got up first, and when he saw Aldridge was missing, he shouted for Sosinski. Sosinski tried to puzzle it out: before he went to sleep at 9pm, he told Aldridge to wake him at 11.30pm.

Now it was past dawn and they were more than 14 miles past their traps.

The Anna Mary is a 45-foot boat without many places to search for a missing person. Still, the men looked everywhere before Sosinski ran to the VHF radio. He switched to the distress

channel and at 6.22am he called for help: “Coast Guard, this is the Anna Mary. We’ve got a man overboard.”

The Coast Guard’s headquarters for Long Island and coastal Connecticut is in New Haven. Sean Davis is a petty officer there, and that morning he stood watch at the station’s communications unit. Davis radioed back, asking for details. He then turned to a member of the team in the command centre: Pete Winters, the Operations Unit watch stander, who was working the Coast Guard’s search-and-rescue computer programme, known as Sarops.

By 6.28am, the centre had notified the search co-ordinator in New Haven and the search co-ordinator at the district headquarters in Boston, who 11•2014

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Aldridge and Sosinski have a thriving business: 800 traps sitting on the bottom of the Atlantic ocean

approved the use of two helicopters and a search plane. At 6.30, Davis issued a universal distress call on Channel 16, asking mariners to keep a sharp lookout.

Davis kept working the radio. He contacted the Coast Guard station in Montauk with instructions to launch all available boats and radioed Air Station Cape Cod to tell them to get airborne as soon as possible.

Winters was busy manning Sarops.

At its heart is a simulator that can generate, in minutes, as many as 10,000 points to represent how far and in what direction a “search object” might have drifted.

The challenge in Aldridge’s case was that the search team had no clear idea 86

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when (and therefore where) he’d fallen overboard. That created a potential search area 30 miles wide and extending 60 miles south—almost impossible to cover.

The team in New Haven based their initial calculations on Sosinski’s report that Aldridge was supposed to wake him up at 11.30pm. That suggested that Aldridge had fallen overboard between 9.30pm and 11.30pm, which would put him somewhere between five and 20 miles south of the Long Island coast. Winters entered those assumptions and Sarops came back with an “Alpha Drift”, with the highestprobability locations clustered about 15 miles offshore.

The next step was to develop search patterns for each boat and aircraft. A little before 8am, New Haven started issuing patterns to the first assets on the scene: the plane, a helicopter and a patrol boat from Montauk. The helicopter was piloted by Air Station Cape Cod lieutenants Mike Deal and Ray Jamros, who were joined by a rescue swimmer called Bob Hovey and a flight mechanic called Ethan Hill.

The Coast Guard search was off to an excellent start. The only problem was that everyone was looking in the wrong

place. Aldridge did not fall in the water at 10.30pm; he fell in at 3.30am. Almost 31 miles south of where the helicopter crew was carefully searching for him, Aldridge was clinging to his boots in the cold water.

Back on the anna mary, Sosinski had been having second thoughts about the search area. After his initial conversation with Davis, he inspected the boat more carefully.

The pumps were on, sluicing cool seawater through the lobster tanks. In the summer, Aldridge and Sosinski would start filling the tanks when their boat reached the 40-fathom curve, the line on maritime charts that marks where the ocean’s depth hits 240 feet, which is the point at which the water temperature tends to drop. The 40-fathom curve is only about 15 miles north of the Anna Mary’s first trawl.

Then Sosinski found the broken handle on the ice chest and realised how Aldridge had fallen overboard.

Sosinski and Winters in New Haven came up with a theory: Aldridge had gone overboard somewhere between the 40-fathom curve and the Anna Mary’s first trawl. At 8.30am, Winters passed this information to Jason Rodocker, a petty officer and expert in Sarops. Rodocker entered the new variables and the programme spat out a second set of search patterns.

The news about Aldridge was also spreading through Montauk’s fishing community, and 21 boats volunteered

Reader’s Digest

to help. Davis couldn’t communicate with all 21 at once on top of the Coast Guard craft he was directing, so Winters hit on an idea: put Sosinski in charge of sending out the search patterns for the volunteer fishing fleet.

Sosinski focused his energy on the commercial boats, but none of it felt like enough. Aldridge had left his driver’s licence on the Anna Mary,

sosinski focused his energy on the fishing fleet’s search patterns, but none of it felt like enough and every once in a while Sosinski would pick it up. He’d stare at it and say out loud, “Where are you, John?”

The sun rose on john aldridge

at about 5.30am on July 24. Now that it was light, he gave himself a new assignment: find a buoy. That way, he would be more visible to the searchers and it would be easier to stay afloat.

For a couple of hours, Aldridge drifted and looked. Finally, he spotted a buoy—tethered by rope that extended up from a string of lobster traps at the bottom of the sea—and began swimming. It was painful work, but he was eventually able to angle 11•2014

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A few weeks after his son’s rescue, John Aldridge Snr got a tattoo on his arm of big green fishing boots

himself directly into the buoy. He grabbed the rope and held on.

By noon, Aldridge had been in the water for almost nine hours. He was starting to shiver uncontrollably. Sea shrimp and sea lice were fastening themselves to his T-shirt and shorts, claiming him as part of the sea.

Aldridge could see aircraft overhead running search patterns. Even if they’d figured out more or less where he’d fallen in, they hadn’t taken into account the possibility that he’d stopped drifting and snagged a buoy. He had to get himself further east. He pulled his knife out of his pocket and cut the rope that held the buoy in place. He 88

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tied it around his wrist and began swimming.

He willed himself to keep kicking until he reached another buoy. He saw that it belonged to his friend Pete Spong, who owned a lobster boat called the Brooke C. He untied the rope from his wrist and tied it to the anchor rope beneath the new buoy.

Now he had two buoys connected by a few feet of rope.

He straddled the rope, positioned the boots under his arms and waited. He knew that he couldn’t survive another swim. If he was still in the water at sundown, he’d tie himself to the Brooke C’s buoy. That way, his parents would have something to bury.

Up in the helicopter, Deal, Hovey, Jamros and Hill had been staring at the water since about 7am. The truth of working as a search-and-rescue pilot for the Coast Guard is that you don’t do a lot of rescuing—almost every time a person goes overboard in the North Atlantic, he drowns.

The helicopter crew finished their search pattern—the third of the day —and requested a new one. From the command centre, Davis radioed

Reader’s Digest

co-ordinates, and at 2.46pm the helicopter started moving again.

Twelve minutes later, Jamros called out, “Mark! Mark! Mark!”—protocol when an object has been spotted.

There was Aldridge, between two buoys, clutching his boots and waving frantically at them.

In the weeks after the rescue,

I talked to local fishermen about the search. Most of them welled up as they were telling me the story. What seems to go mostly unspoken in their lives is the risk of their jobs, and the fact that

Aldridge hadn’t drowned underscored that risk for them even more.

The person who seems least shaken by the experience is Aldridge. He has no nightmares, no flashbacks, no fear.

The Coast Guard pilots and the men in New Haven express pride when they talk about their work that day, and when Aldridge talks about it, he sounds the same way. “I always felt like I was conditioning myself for that situation.

I mean, thank God I was saved, yes.

There’s no better entity than the US Coast Guard to save you when you’re on the water. But I felt I did my part.”

from the new york times magazine

rhyming in the modern world Who says poetry is dying out? The Pentametron automatically searches for Twitter messages posted in iambic pentameter and pairs them with others of a similar meter (or, as it puts it: “With algorithms subtle and discrete / I seek iambic writings to retweet”): Got heckled at a nursing home today The frosty craving never went away Adieu. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu I wanna get another foot tattoo Who’s going to the soccer game tonight?

I absolutely love the movie Flight I’m pretty sure Japan’s already done Man, those were tough conditions for a run!

I wanna take a lie-detector test The middle of the sandwich is the best We’re doing Romeo & Juliet I really want a turtle pillow pet 11•2014

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Turn your property into your pension The chances are, if you have owned your property for a number of years, you will have benefited from the staggering house price growth that the UK has experienced ever since the 1980s.

According to the Nationwide House Price Index, property has increased in value by a whopping 590% in the last 30 years. You only need to look at the pension industry to see how remarkable and important that growth has been. In 1995, a pension that would have bought an income for life of £11,380 per year would now get just £4,920.* On average, you can expect your income to drop by 40%** yet the cost of living and house prices only seems to go up.

This is why we are increasingly turning to our property, not our pensions, to fund our retirement.

Your property is no longer just a place to call home and is now an asset that you can use to your advantage. Usually, you would have to sell up and downsize to take advantage of this well performing asset, but with equity release you continue to own your home, are able to live in it, and can access some of the equity that has been building up over the years.

To help you take advantage of what is usually your biggest asset, we have decided to produce a guide to raising tax-free capital from your home through equity release.

The Reader’s Digest Guide To Equity Release will explain how people are using their property to enjoy the valuable things in life, such as: • Spending more time with and treating the family • Crossing those must-see places off the list • Finally getting those home improvement projects done • Taking up hobbies with your extra free time • Clearing off your mortgage and becoming debt free The guide will show you how equity release has consumer safeguards built in, how equity release is regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority, how much you are able to release and provide *Responsible Annuities answers to your frequently asked questions. **HMRC 2014

To request your copy free in the post today call 0800 088 4372 We will also be able to give you an instant quote telling you how much you can release.

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A Short Story…

The Christmas after they drew their pensions, Robert and Fiona were with their family talking about their plans to see the world in their retirement if they could finally clear their mortgage.

Their two sons were at a very different stage of life, working long hours to save up for property deposits so they could get a good mortgage.

All the talk of property made them all realise how lucky Robert and Fiona were to have bought their property in 1989.

They had heard how equity release could be used to provide an early inheritance and were keen to share the good fortune they had experienced in the property market.

Together, they made the decision to give the whole family a boost. Releasing a percentage of their property, they cleared the last of their mortgage, set aside some money for their travel plans and topped up their sons’ deposit funds.

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26/09/2014 15:39

travel & adventure

Having emerged from decades of tragedy, Phnom Penh, Asia’s newest “boomtown”, looks to a bright future

Face orward By robert kiener

“Things have changed, haven’t they?” my Cambodian friend Moeung Hong says as he greets me at Phnom Penh airport. He smiles as he points out the airport’s recently opened Burger King, Costa Coffee, The Pizza Company and other Western franchises.

“Fast food in Phnom Penh?” I ask him. “What’s the rush?”

He laughs and explains. “Everything is moving faster here now. Wait until you see downtown.”

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P hoto: © Bas il C hi lders

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Two out of three Cambodians are under 25, and the country’s youth are driving change

fa c e f o r wa r d

In 2006, the first time I visited Phnom Penh and even on later visits, ox carts jostled for space on the city’s main thoroughfares with tuk-tuks (motorised rickshaws), motorcycles, rickety bicycles, second-hand Toyota Camrys and the occasional elephant. The tallest building in town, The Independence Hotel, topped out at just seven stories.

Western brands were nowhere to be seen. The city with a two-million-plus population was such a rough and tumble place that many called it Southeast Asia’s very own “Wild West”.

No longer. “Boomtown” is what many people are calling the Cambodian capital nowadays as international, especially Chinese and South Korean, investors and local entrepreneurs are helping to transform the once-sleepy city. Ox carts are long gone, as is the elephant that used to be paraded down the waterfront’s Sisowath Quay daily. BMWs, Mercedes and Lexus SUVs now jostle for space on the city’s crowded streets.

Phnom Penh’s once low-key skyline has become transformed with tall buildings. “I told you things have changed, didn’t I?” says Hong as he drops me off at my hotel across the street from the city’s newest landmark, the 39-story, £60 million Vattanac Capital Tower 94

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that’s shaped like a dragon and hovers over the city. But, as I learn, even it may be dwarfed soon by a 1,820-foot colossus, the Diamond Tower, whose more than 100 floors would make it the second tallest building in the world.

I

wonder what’s behind Phnom Penh’s amazing transformation as I dodge traffic on one of the city’s main drags.

“Money. Lots of it. That’s the simple answer,” explains Michael Hayes, longtime resident and former editor-inchief of the Phnom Penh Post as he joins me for a drink at the river-front Cantina Bar. “Many foreign investors say it’s relatively easy to do business here and make a profit.”

He explains how an increase in rice exports, as well as the garment and

P HOTOS : TO P : © Jere m ie Montessuisz , BOTTOM: © Ni colas Axelrod

The Royal Palace is framed by the fastchanging skyline; (below) TK Avenue, a popular shopping area

tourism industry, have all contributed to substantial growth of the economy over the last decade. Gross domestic product, an important indicator of economic output and growth, climbed more than seven per cent per year between 2010 and 2013.

Low labour costs have contributed to a massive increase in exports of garments and footwear. Add to that a thriving construction and tourism market and increases in foreign investment, and Cambodia’s long-stagnant economy is soaring.

China invested more than £260 million in Cambodia last year, a jump of 62 per cent over 2012 investment.

South Korea, Japan and European countries are not far behind as manufacturers, many of whom are distressed

by China’s rising wages and labour shortages, begin to add to or move their operations over to Cambodia.

Wages are still notoriously low in Cambodia and even led to riots and strikes recently. The monthly minimum wage is only £58 and hasn’t kept pace with inflation. Nevertheless, “Foreign direct investment in Cambodia…is starting to raise millions of people out of destitution,” The New York Times noted last year.

A

s I walk along the city’s spruced-up waterfront district, I marvel at the scores of locals, from teenagers to older people, who are bouncing along to a bass-thumping 11•2014

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fa c e f o r wa r d

disco beat in outdoor, public aerobic classes. Once the haunt of backpackers and street-smart hustlers, the Tonle Sap river front is now catering to a hipper crowd with its explosion of boutique hotels, sushi restaurants and other trendy eateries.

Young couples, dressed in the latest K-Pop (that’s K for Korean) fashions walk along the newly landscaped quay whose colourful pavement rivals Rio de Janeiro’s famed beachside promenades. Seeing these young Khmer hipsters reminds me that Cambodia is a remarkably young country. Many girls are decked out in mini skirts, high heels and sunglasses, emulating their favourite K-Pop singers. Just a few years ago, many would’ve been wearing pjamas and flip-flops, which they wouldn’t be caught dead in today.

After visiting the boutique shops that sell everything from locally-produced silk fashions to handmade jewellery, I meet Adi Jaya, the general manager of the street’s hippest hotel, The Plantation. The hotel, or “urban resort” as Adi describes it, is one of the many boutique hotels that have sprung up in Phnom Penh to cater to well-heeled tourists as well as locals. Like many other buildings in the area, it’s a restored French colonial mansion and dates from the 1930s. As we sit at the hotel’s richly landscaped pool area, he explains how a surging economy has transformed the city.

“Every year brings more tourists and there’s a new emerging upper middle 96

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class, including a lot of young Cambodians who have returned from living or studying abroad. These returnees demand luxury and are willing to pay for it,” he explains. “And all of them are adamant about one thing—they’re looking to the future, not the tragedies of the past.”

Cambodia’s past is indeed tragic.

After suffering during the Vietnam War, Cambodia was embroiled in a civil war that culminated in a 1975 takeover by the radical communist Khmer Rouge under the leadership of Pol Pot. Attempting to establish an anti-intellectual, communist “utopia” in the countryside, the Khmer Rouge banished city dwellers to the countryside to work as forced labourers.

Phnom Penh became a ghost town.

Between 1975, dubbed “Year Zero” by the Khmer Rouge in their attempt to erase history, and 1979, up to two million Cambodians died from exhaustion, starvation, torture or execution at the hands of the Khmer Rouge.

For the next ten years the nation was occupied by the Vietnamese and underwent yet another civil war that claimed even more lives and devastated much of the countryside.

The desire to look to the future is a sentiment I hear time and time again.

In her elegantly restored two-storey French colonial house, which contains both her studio and office, internationally known designer Romyda Keth explains, “We Cambodians need to know and remember what happened,

Photo: © Gavin Hellier/corbi s

but shouldn’t be constantly looking back. We’re more interested in the future. It’s you Westerners who keep reminding us of the horrors of Pol Pot, the Killing Fields, wars and all that.”

Like many Cambodians I talked to, Romyda Keth was amazed that two of Cambodia’s most-visited “tourist destinations” were the notorious Choeung Ek Memorial (The Killing Fields), where the ground is still littered with the bone and clothing fragments of some of the thousands executed there, and Phnom Penh’s Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, a ghoulish former school where only seven of the 17,000 imprisoned there survived the Khmer Rouge’s torture.

Says Romyda, “We have all lost relatives and friends. But we need to move on.” The impeccably dressed former Paris-based designer adds, “It’s now Cambodia’s turn. We lost several decades, and we’re now running to catch up.”

To see first-hand just how fast some of these young Cambodian entrepreneurs are catching up, I join 28-year old Chang Bunleang, a managing partner of the wildly successful local coffee-house chain Brown Coffee for a frothy cappuccino. Lady Gaga’s latest offering blares out from the overhead

Buddhist monks along the Tonle Sap river

speakers in Brown’s minimally designed waterfront branch. Patrons, a mix of local and foreign, tap away at their laptop computers, courtesy of the shop’s free Wi-Fi. Chang explains how he and four cousins founded, as the Phnom Penh Post noted, “a coffee chain that conquered Cambodia”. “Like my cousins, I was educated at university abroad,” says Chang. “But we all wanted to return to Cambodia because we knew that the economy was about to take off and there would be opportunities for us.” Chang and his cousins explored several business ideas but decided in 2009 to introduce the foreign staple 11•2014

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of the coffee shop, which was then virtually unknown in Cambodia.

“It was risky because Asians are mostly tea drinkers and we knew we would have to educate our customers about coffee while offering an excellent product in comfortable surroundings,” explains Chang. Brown now boasts seven coffee shops and several restaurants in Phnom Penh.

As he sips an espresso, Chang admits there was another reason he came back to Cambodia instead of taking a job with a multinational abroad. “My parents went through the horrors of the Khmer Rouge,” he admits to me.

“They told us, ‘We lost a generation and it’s up to your generation to be a generation of change.’ So this is about

more than making money. It’s about accepting our responsibility.”

More and more of Cambodia’s diaspora are returning. Chang and others have visited Cambodian friends at universities abroad, on Wall Street and elsewhere and urged them to, as he says, “at least work for a few years there, then look into returning home to get into business and help Cambodia”.

Not all of Phnom Penh’s “returnees” have come home to do business. I travel 20 or so dusty miles out of town to a cosy house along the Mekong River to meet with one of Cambodia’s most famous native-born sons. Arn Chorn-Pond was sent to a Khmer Rouge children’s work camp when he was 11. “Every day I witnessed children

Travel Tips LODGING Historic Raffles Hotel Le Royal from £110–£1,183 (raffles.com/phnom-penh); boutique hotels The Plantation from £52–£220 (theplantation.asia) and The Villa Paradiso from £40– £110 (thevillaparadiso.com).

FOOD Romdeng (tree-alliance.org) features Cambodian dishes from about £4. The Duck (the-duck.net) has an eclectic menu, from home-made pasta to duck confit and imported steaks from £4–£24.

DON’T MISS Legend has it that Phnom Penh was founded on the site of the Buddhist temple Wat Phnom, open to the public. The Russian Market sells everything from noodles to clothing. Many buildings of the Royal Palace complex are open, as is the nearby National Museum of Cambodia. The Cambodian Living Arts presents dance and musical productions at the museum (cambodianlivingarts.org).

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being killed all around me,” Arn tells me, his eyes welling up with tears. He himself only survived starvation and execution by playing the khim, a string instrument, for his captors. “Music was my salvation,” he says.

After eventually escaping to Thailand, he was adopted and resettled with sponsors in the US. Then he returned to Cambodia. “It was important for me,” says Arn. “I wanted to help revive Khmer performing arts and inspire what few artists had survived the Khmer Rouge.” Almost 90 per cent of Cambodia’s traditional artists had perished during the 1970s.

Today his Cambodian Living Arts association offers Cambodians the opportunity to learn the country’s traditional arts. “We need to be proud again of our culture,” says Arn. “It will give us riches no one can measure.”

© SI GHTSAVERS

A

t the end of my weeklong visit, I walk along the crowded quayside gate on a Sunday afternoon. A jasmine-scented wind blows off the Tonle Sap River as I mingle with saffron-robed monks walking arm in arm, teenagers, couples of all ages, tourists and the occasional beggar.

Suddenly a small gamelan orchestra begins playing music, sounding much as it must have centuries ago when musicians played for the Cambodian Royal Court. I’m reminded that, as much as Phnom Penh is changing, it’s in no danger of losing its traditions.

Reader’s Digest

The Million Miracles Campaign

Twenty million people are needlessly blind due to cataract, a condition that causes a person’s sight to become blurred and gradually lost completely.

In the poorest parts of the world, for many people, losing vision means losing their livelihood, independence and ability to support a family.

But there’s hope. Last month, Sightsavers launched the Million Miracles appeal, with the goal of raising enough money over three years to fund one million sight-saving surgeries.

For just £30, the amount you might spend on a meal out, you can save someone’s sight and transform their life.

What’s more, if you donate before December 31, the UK government will match your generosity, making it go twice as far and giving the gift of sight to even more people.

Visit millionmiracles.org to take part in the campaign.

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travel & adventure

Karol Thom as was dazz led by Sydn Harbour (b ey elow) durin g her work trip

By C ath e r i n e Co l e

My Great Escape: A Land Down Under

Catherine has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us 100 |

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Watching the Sydney Olympic Games in 2000, I never thought for a second that it was a city I’d ever get to visit. Yet eight years later, I found myself in Sydney on a week’s training programme for work with two of my friends.

Each day, the city filled me with excitement: the incredible skyscrapers, the majestic Sydney Opera House, the Harbour Bridge and the giant aquarium were just some of the things we saw. We also took a trip to the famous Manly Beach. I wished for a longer stay!

On our third day, our Sydneysider colleagues invited us to a party at a waterfront bar called Cruise, which overlooks the Opera House. Slouching on a long chair, I had a wonderful view of the harbour, a glass of champagne and the company of good friends, and I was really able to relax. I wanted to remember this moment for ever.

But the moment didn’t last long, as I noticed my open backpack—and it was empty. My wallet and my passport had gone. The thought of spending four more days in Sydney with just 20 Australian dollars wasn’t exactly a good one. But the next day, as I was preparing for another busy

© i stockp hoto/Brian Ra isbeck

Reader Karol Thomas from London had just a few days to take in the sunshine-soaked sights of Sydney

morning, I got a call from the hotel manager. He called me downstairs to tell me he had my passport— they’d taken the money, but left the passport and travel documents outside my hotel, where they’d got soaked in last night’s rain.

Although I was relieved, it means I usually get a scowl every time I present my passport—with its bentback cover and spread ink—to the immigration officer at the airport!

But, along with the photos of our night in Cruise Bar, it’s at least another reminder of my wonderful trip to the Emerald City.

■ VISIT THE STATE CAPITAL OF NEW SOUTH WALES

© Andrew-Halsall

Return flights to Sydney start from £606pp with Vietnam Airlines, including a stopover in Vietnam’s biggest city, Ho Chi Minh (0203 263 2064; vietnamairlines.com).

postcard from…

Antarctica

F

reezing winds, huge expanses of white and cold blue seas— welcome to Antarctica, the world’s windiest, driest and coldest continent.

Its tourism season runs from December to April, when the nearmidnight sun lights up the shore and awakens what life exists in and around the South Pole. While it’s one of the toughest regions to explore on earth, it’s also one of the most naturally stunning—and the summer months offer the opportunity to camp under clear, starry skies, see the penguins and discover one of the most remote places on earth.

■ AN ANTARCTIC EXPEDITION Aurora Expeditions (0061 2 9252 1033; auroraexpeditions.co.uk) offers a 12-day expedition of Antarctica from £5,225pp based on a triple-share cabin including all meals, shore excursions and zodiac cruises, but not flights.

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t r av e l & a d v e n t u r e

Things to Do This Month Short vs long haul trips

■ Stay: First opened in 1913, Hotel am Steinplatz has undergone a total overhaul and reopened last year with beautiful interiors and a rooftop spa. In a calm corner of West Berlin, double rooms start at £162pn (0049 3055 44440; hotelsteinplatz.com).

■ Do: Concert season is in full swing at the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra, one of the most acclaimed orchestras in the whole world. Its stunning headquarters in the city’s Kulturforum are worth a visit for their beauty alone (0049 3025 4880; berliner-philharmoniker.de).

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Long: New York’s Surrey Hotel has paired up with Context Travel to offer tours of the Metropolitan Museum of Art after hours. From £1,360 per room for three nights, breakfast and tour for two. Excludes flights (001 212 288 3700; thesurrey.com).

Travel app of the month Postsnap (free, IOS) Postsnap lets you capture a view on holiday and send it straight to your friends and family, by turning your phone pictures into real postcards (postsnap.com).

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TRAVEL-ADVENTURE

© YWolfga ng Scholvien

Berlin in two minutes

■ Do: Berlin has some of the biggest and most magical Christmas markets, which spring up in earnest from the end of November—covering the German capital in hundreds of stalls selling everything from German delicacies to Christmas treats (visitberlin.de).

Short: The Musée Picasso, Paris, has reopened following a hiatus, and Pavillion de la Reine is offering a walking tour, VIP tickets and two nights’ stay to celebrate. From £718 for two, excluding flights (003 314 029 1919; pavillion-de-la-reine.com).

MONEY

Investing In Student Accommodation It’s a growing market, but what’s the best way to get involved?

By jasm ine b i r t les

Student property is increasingly seen as a profitable area for investors. Some landlords are

already converting ordinary family homes into student digs because they can maximise the rooms and, therefore, the income. So how should you to go about it?

“It can’t fail...”

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cartoon by steve way

Jasmine is a personal finance writer and the founder of moneymagpie. com

Location

Holiday Season

Obviously, properties located close to a university campus or student union are going to be the most popular. Otherwise, ask around to see if there’s a part of the town that’s known as “the student area”.

Gone are the days when students will settle for a grotty alcove of mould and dirt. Students now look for attractive properties that are well-kept and clean.

Bear in mind, though, that students don’t generally want a garden to nurture and maintain. For this reason, terraced properties with no outside space—and flats—are often the best investment.

Summer holidays can pose a problem for landlords letting to students, as it’s common for students to leave for the summer and move house every year.

However, there are these options: ■ 52-week lease By insisting on a 52-week contract you can be sure to receive monthly rent regardless of whether or not they’re using the property. But be aware that some students will be put off by this type of contract.

■ 42 weeks and half rent As most students Keep a look out for go home for the homes with two summer, charging If you’re looking at older-style reception rooms, as one half the rent is an Assuming properties, keep can be converted into option. they vacate the a look out for ones another bedroom property, you can with two reception use this time to rooms—a living renovate. It can room and a dining also work for the students, as it provides room—as one can be converted into them with somewhere to store their another bedroom, thus maximising the belongings during the summer. tenant capacity of your property.

Be aware that if your house is three ■ Student summer letting or more storeys high, or has more than Providing the tenants with a contract five unrelated inhabitants, you’ll need that begins and ends with the academic a licence to rent it out. Houses that have year (around 41 weeks) enables you to four or fewer unrelated tenants are best let your property to students that come as they don’t classify as HMO (House to study just for the summer. Look at in Multiple Occupation) properties. the summer programmes in the areas So a property with three bedrooms and around you to make sure there will be a living room that can be converted enough demand to fill your property. would be ideal.

Optimising Potential Bedrooms

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money

How Families Can Make Some Money It might seem as if children are a constant drain on your finances, but a family unit can be a money-making force in itself. Here are five ways you can pull together for profit.

and how much you think you could sell them for. You could set up a stall at your local car-boot sale or market or, if you have a lot of passing traffic, set up a stall in your front garden.

Make things to sell

Why not use family time to create something together that could contribute some funds towards next year’s holiday? Whether it’s a jar light, child-painted wrapping paper, greetings cards or a delicious granola

raise cash from your junk

Get baking

Cakes and sweets needn’t only be made for your kids’ school events.

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concoction, you can all help in its creation and packaging.

Once the goods are made, head down to the local market with your merchandise. Alternatively, set up your own online shop at etsy.com.

It only costs around 12 pence to upload your items and they charge 3.5% on every sale you make.

© geogp hotos /Alamy

Give each child a box and tell them to fill it with toys, clothes and even ornaments that they no longer want. Do the same in your room and around the house.

Apps such as Snaply provide a platform for you to sell items locally. Download it to your iPhone or Android for free—much like eBay, you have a chance to value the items yourself, and individuals in your area can bid on them.

Serve your neighbourhood

Look around your local area to see what’s in demand. If you live in an area where everyone has a garden, perhaps your family could offer a weekend gardening service. If it’s an area where each home has a car or two, get some buckets, chamois leathers and car wax, and offer a family car valeting service.

You could also bring in some cash by walking dogs locally and maybe add in a pet-sitting service.

Put up flyers in local coffee shops and hangouts, and spread the news through word of mouth around the neighbourhood.

Put on an event and sell tickets

If you have a big garden, in the summer you could offer a BBQ with entertainment, which people pay to come to. If you’re good at entertaining children (and you should be if you have your own), you could offer a children’s garden activities day including things such as games, planting seedlings in a pot (to take home) and having a picnic.

You could be more ambitious and hire part of a local field to set up an outdoor cinema for one night. Hire a projector and screen, charge an entry fee and either make it a drive-in movie or encourage people to bring rugs and picnics. If you start your planning now, you’ll have it all sorted by summer.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/MONEY

Re a d e r ’ s D i g es t

One thing you must do this month ...is to review and update your will— or make one if you haven’t already.

November is Will Aid month and solicitors around the country are drawing up wills for a flat fee, which they’re donating to willaid.org. If your circumstances have changed since you made your will, update it now!

This month’s bargain Get 25% off the entire range of historical maps—including personalised canvases—from Cassini Maps. Just visit cassinimaps.co.uk and enter offer code M-RD2014 at the checkout. Valid until December 31.

Fascinating fact The average home in Oxford (the most expensive city in the UK outside London) costs over 11 times the local wage, compared to Stirling in Scotland where homes cost 3.3 times earnings.

Jargonbuster Mortgage payment protection insurance (MPPI). This is insurance that covers your mortgage, usually for just a year, if you’re unable to pay it due to accident, sickness or unemployment. It’s also known as ASU insurance (accident, sickness and unemployment cover).

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food & DRink

Easy recipes you can cook in 30 minutes

transform simple liver and onions into a memorable

and warming meal, with a richly flavoured sauce made with Italian balsamic vinegar, French mustard and a dash of cream, plus a sprinkling of fresh sage.

SERVES 4 • 1 large Spanish onion • 2 tablespoons olive oil • A small bunch of fresh sage • 4 slices calf’s liver, about 125g each • Black pepper For the sauce: • 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar • 1 tablespoon Djon mustard • 100ml single cream 1. Preheat the oven to low. Halve, peel and thinly slice the onion.

2. Heat half the olive oil in a large frying pan over a high heat and fry the onion, stirring for 1 minute.

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Lower the heat, cover and cook for 6 minutes, or until the onion is just tender and is beginning to turn brown, then transfer to a plate and keep warm.

3. Meanwhile, rinse and dry the sage, strip off the leaves and chop enough to give 1 tablespoon, then set aside.

4. Season the liver with black pepper. Add the remaining oil to the frying pan and, when it’s very hot, fry the liver for a minute or two on each side, until it changes colour. Remove and keep warm.

5. To make the sauce, bring the vinegar and 3 tablespoons of water to the boil in the pan, stirring and scraping up the browned residue.

Reduce the heat and stir in the mustard and cream.

6. Return the liver and onions to the pan, reheat them very gently in the sauce for 1-2 minutes, sprinkle with sage and serve. Polenta and swiss chard make ideal accompaniments.

Turn the page for further tips and accompaniments

photographed by fabfoodp i x

Calf’s Liver With Balsamic Vinegar

Food & Drink

Bringing Liver To Life

By R ac h e l wal k e r

Rachel is a food writer and blogs at thefoodieat.org

Ideal wines for the dish ■■ Fleurie 2013 Labouré-Roi Majestic Wine, £7.99 ■■ 2011 Moulinà-Vent la Hante Beaujolais and Beyond, £11.55 Like a large portion of British school children, I

was traumatised by little grey nuggets of overcooked liver.

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Getting hold of an elusive meat The only problem I ever have with liver isn’t cooking it—it’s sourcing it. Sadly it’s not always available in supermarkets, so you can be in trouble if your local butcher doesn’t stock it. Thankfully, this is where online meat retailers come to the rescue. Try the following sites, which all have varying delivery costs and deals: ■■ donaldrussell.com ■■ farmison.com ■■ ocado.com ■■ wilsonsbutchers.co.uk

that I finally revisited this supposed delicacy.

I was asked by a writer friend whether I’d trial a liver recipe to accompany a feature written by former Conservative MP Norman Tebbit.

The article was a tirade against the House of Lord’s cook, who was attempting to pull calf liver from the menu, or insist that it “must be cooked according to the Food Standards Agency recommendations, irrespective of the guest’s wishes”.

Lord Tebbit liked his liver “fried briefly in very hot butter with just a little

Reader’s Digest

© istockp hoto/ Te nne sseeP hotograp h er

oil to crispen the outside and leave the interior a healthy pink”. So he was deeply upset by the prospect of enforced, overcooked liver.

I set about following Lord Tebbit’s instructions.

And oh, what a joy!

Now, as a liver-convert, I often treat myself to a sliver bought from the butchers. It always feels special, somehow quite ceremonial—so what better excuse to crack open something nice to go with this richlyflavoured delicacy?

French cookery doyenne Julia Child recommends a Beaujoulais or a light Bordeaux. And who am I to question such expert advice? Lidl has recently launched a very reasonably priced range of Bordeaux, which has been met with great critical acclaim.

Bottles such as Bordeaux sec AOP Cour de Mandelotte 2013 come in at a bargain £5.49, and make a superb everyday choice.

For an elegant, mid-priced option, try Fleurie 2013 Labouré-Roi from Majestic, currently retailing at £7.99 a bottle. And for something a bit special, try the elegant Moulin-à-Vent la Hante (£11.55), available from Norfolk-based online wine retailer, Beaujolais and Beyond.

cider with a twist This can be a sparse month in the British calendar. Summer is over and Christmas is still far off. So it’s little wonder we’re borrowing more and more traditions from the US. First was Halloween, and now even Thanksgiving is in my diary.

No matter how enthusiastically we adopt these traditions, though, our festivities seem a little lacklustre in comparison.

Just look at our approaches to hot cider: while Brits might “spike” a batch with a cinnamon stick, Americans usually involve brown sugar, butter and even rum or cognac. Now that’s one tradition I’ll follow to the letter!

Hot buttered apple cider 100g butter 50g soft, dark brown sugar 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg (optional ground cloves, powdered ginger) 2.5 litres of cider Heat the butter in a small saucepan. Stir in the sugar until it’s melted and then add the spices.

Pour the cider into a big pan. Bring to a gentle simmer and then turn down the heat, stir in the spiced butter and serve with a ladle.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FOOD-DRINK

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home & Garden

Bleak And Blooming

Q

My garden starts to look so barren at this time of year. What can I plant to bring it to life in the harsher months?

Evergreen and winterflowering perennials create welcome colour through the darkest winter months. The pure white blooms of the Christmas rose and the wonderful blue The Christmas rose thrives in flowers of the iris are also both colder months good for cutting. Other plants offer double value: bergenias bloom white, purple or pink in late before you do any work. If the pH is winter, while their rounded leathery higher than 5.5 these shrubs won’t leaves develop red and bronze tints. survive, so plant them in containers Most ornamental grasses die back in or raised beds filled with lime-free winter, but their parchment-coloured compost instead. foliage gives an ethereal beauty to In addition, rhododendrons need the garden, particularly when each a very well-drained spot in light fragile leaf is silvered with frost. shade, shielded from early morning sun. About six weeks before planting, dig over an area ten square feet and I’ve tried and failed to grow 18 inches deep, working in at least new rhododendrons. Where one bucketful of leaf-mould or garden could I be going wrong? compost per plant. Level the soil, rake Your soil could be affecting the in the fertiliser formulated for the growth. Rhododendrons are acid-loving plants, and leave to settle acid-loving plants, so it’s important until planting time in mid-spring. to test the soil on the proposed site

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© John Glover/Al am y

A

Q A

I’m a little nervous about pruning my young shrubs.

How do I do this correctly?

Immediately after planting, select the strongest three or four shoots as main branches and shorten them by half their length, cutting just above an outward-facing bud. Remove any weak and badly placed shoots. After one year, cut out weak and misplaced shoots, and any that cross the centre. Shorten the longest main branches to establish a shapely outline. In the following years, start a routine of pruning the established shrub according to its type and flowering season.

© Jen nie Hart/Al a my / © blic kwin kel/Al a my

Q A

How can I stop my plants from coming a cropper from frost?

All container-grown plants need some degree of protection from frost, because both root-ball and top-growth are above the ground.

The ideal solution is to move any susceptible plants into a greenhouse or conservatory. If not, ensure there’s good drainage—soggy compost that freezes can result in severe damage.

Group containers together against a wall, standing them shoulder to shoulder. Wrap them in insulating material and cover them with horticultural fleece during cold spells.

But remember that well-protected plants may need watering.

Submit your gardening questions at readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us

checklist November Prune ornamental vines, winter jasmine, wisteria and any overgrown deciduous climbers.

Create a seed bed for vegetables early in winter. Cover the area with plastic sheeting to warm the soil for early crops.

Remove dead plant growth from ponds if not done earlier, or it will rot down and pollute the water.

Trim back invasive roots where hedges grow next to borders, by plunging a spade full depth along a line about 18 inches from the hedge.

reader’s tip Sew poppy seeds among raspberry canes. Come summer time, the birds confuse the red flowers for berries and leave far more fruit.

Many thanks to Ryan Webber of Cheshire for sending this in.

Send us your gardening tips—with photos, if possible. Go to readers digest.co.uk/contact-us. We’ll pay £50 if we use them on this page.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/home-garden

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Technology

Introducing A Smarter Phone By olly mann

Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and Answer Me This! podcaster

Apple iPhone 6 Plus, from £619 or on contract

Inspired by Samsung’s technique of throwing smartphones at the market and seeing what sticks, the iPhone 6 comes in two flavours: the 4.7 inch standard, or this whopping 5.5 inch “Plus” model. It feels like a small tablet (the iPad Mini Mini, perhaps?), and one-handed operation is now a distant memory. It also looks less refined than previous incarnations, but a larger body means longer battery life, it’s impressively thin and the front-facing camera is now in HD (for those allimportant selfies).

Android app of the month: Goat Simulator, £2.99

For some reason, the internet loves goats—almost as much as it loves cats. A spike in the popularity of goat-themed apps, therefore, seems a bizarre inevitability. In this vividly-imagined game, you

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play a billy goat accruing points for performing typical goat actions, with extra available for manoeuvering into or around a car, human or a pile of leaves. A compelling distraction for the goat devotee.

Olympus Stylus SH-1, £350

Back in the dying days of summer, and in a holiday mood, I impulsively purchased this premium compact camera at the Terminal 5 duty free. I’m a sucker for Sixties style, so I couldn’t resist the combination of its black leather and silver metal case, resembling the classic Olympus Trip, and appealing modern features: a three-inch touchscreen, built-in wi-fi and 24x optical zoom. It turned out to be a stellar choice. The battery endured the duration of my fortnight away, my holiday snaps looked great and photo transfer via the free iPad app was a breeze.

Roku Streaming Stick, £49.99

This thumb-sized drive docks into the back of your TV and connects you to a world of on-demand content: transforming a “dumb” telly into a smart one (providing you have broadband wi-fi and a spare HDMI port). Netflix, iPlayer, Now TV and YouTube are among the supported apps. It can’t “cast” videos from any web page like its cheaper rival Google’s Chromecast, but this means it’s simpler to control via a remote, just like a set-top box, with no need for a “second screen”.

APPLE app of the month Swiftkey keyboard, free

iPhone and iPad users now have the option of downloading keyboards made by third-party companies. My favourite is Switfkey, which draws upon its own user-generated dictionary and scans the most common phrases in your mail inbox to provide a personalised service. It’s increased my typing speed significantly.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TECHNOLOGY

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Fashion & beauty

By G e or g i n a yate s

Home Comforts Bring spa treatments to your home and indulge in a

Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at cargocollective. com/withgeorgia

quality face mask. Whatever your skin grievance, there’s sure to be a product that can provide intensive treatment.

Face masks are designed to be absorbed by your skin, so opt for products that harness the power of organic ingredients. Here are some of my favourites: 1. Cleansing Clay masks are used to draw out the oils that cause skin to break out.

If you’re plagued by large pores, I recommend Aesop’s Camomile Concentrate Anti-Blemish Mask

The shutter dress is a design that’s set to take the high street by storm. Panels of fabric fall the full length of the garment from beneath the bust, disguising any lumps and bumps on the way down. High street retailer M&Co is already championing the trend. Marion Peckett, Head of Womanswear Design at the company says, “Add a metallic edge to your wardrobe this autumn with the gorgeous figure-flattering shutter dress—the perfect statement dress to carry you through to the party season.”

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© Agencja F REE/Ala my

Dressing Up

(£33, aesop. com). Once applied and dry you can visibly see the mask drawing out “the bad stuff” (it smells divine too).

Secondly, after using Khiel’s Rare Earth Pore Cleansing Masque (£21, kiehls.co.uk) I immediately noticed a difference. It’s perfect if you suffer from frequent break-outs and it also leaves skin feeling extremely soft.

2. Softening If you’re feeling a little weather-worn, hydrate your skin with Fresh’s Crème Ancienne Ultimate Nourishing Honey Mask (£97, fresh.com). It works wonders in a matter of minutes, and replenishes the skin, adding moisture and elasticity.

3. Refreshing Often after a long journey or a restless night’s sleep my complexion looks noticeably jaded.

Origins has provided a quick treatment in a tube with its new GinZing Refreshing Face Mask (£23, origins.co.uk). The gel formula is fortified with caffeine to revitalise, and cucumber to sooth.

Winter warmers While warmth and style are two elements rarely found in the same garment, Scottish heritage brand Begg & Co have been pioneers of “elegant comfort” for over a century.

Founded in 1866

by Alex Begg in Paisley (also home to the famous pattern), the brand continues to produce high quality shawls, rugs, scarves and throws for men and women. This season, heritage prints are back on the catwalk.

Herringbone and vibrant tartans have made an appearance in the collections of designers including Vivienne Westwood and Nichole Farhi.

Begg & Co offer style to suit the season in any one of their cosy heritage print items.

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Reader’s Digest

The New Movement Kinetic jewellery is something of a recent phenomenon. “Essentially

it’s a word used to describe something that involves movement,” says jeweller Victoria Walker, a rising talent in the jewellery design world. With her studio in the small Cornish city of Truro, her collections comprise delicate pieces inspired by natural forms whose beauty is further unveiled with the touch of a subtle mechanism.

Victoria began studying illustration at Falmouth College of Art before switching to silversmithing at Truro College.

“In art I’m always fascinated by ‘negative space’. I think it’s intriguing to not know everything about an image. For me, this translated into a desire to create jewellery where the most interesting element is the part that, initially, you can’t even see. A traditional locket is made precious to the wearer by what hides inside it,” she explains.

The mechanisms in Victoria’s kinetic designs serve to bring natural forms to life, adding a fantastical dimension to her pieces.

Miracle Buy: Eye Perfecter I always find that in the run up to the Christmas period my social calendar is jampacked. As these engagements inevitably draw late into the night, I need my make-up to go the distance. I use Clarins’ Instant Eye Perfecting Base (£22, clarins.co.uk),

a new product from the prestigious company, that keeps my eye shadow looking fresh and bright for longer. When applied to the eyelid, it serves as both a concealer and a primer by covering up any visible veins and providing a smooth, evenly toned base.

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Reader’s Digest

© PHOTOGRAPHY BY Paul Moun sey & Si m on Bu rt

“When I’m designing a new kinetic piece, my first concern is that it moves nicely, and then I focus on the aesthetic details.”

Victoria’s work is something that needs to be seen: “there’s no better way to explain the moving elements of my designs than to demonstrate them to the public and allow them to touch and experience them first hand,” she says.

Customers can book an appointment to visit Victoria at her studios or attend one of the design fairs she exhibits at throughout the year. Victoria releases new kinetic designs in spring, but as a precollection she has recently developed a selection of engagement rings in 18-carrat gold and diamonds, also inspired by flowers and seed pods.

Visit vwjewellery.co.uk for details

Miracle Buy: Hair Colour For those of us who colour our hair, showing roots is a frequent and expensive problem. However, there’s a brilliant quick-fix solution: hair make-up. Color Wow (£28.50, uk.spacenk.com) is a life-changing product.

Acting almost like a foundation, use the brush provided to paint colour onto grey roots. It comes in several shades and is washed out easily with shampoo.

Shine On Add a touch of shine to your cheekbones with Benefit’s High Beam (£19.50, benefitcosmetics. co.uk) and Watt’s Up (£24.50) highlighters. High Beam works well under cream or liquid-based foundations, along the cheek and brow bones, while Watt’s Up fits perfectly into your purse for a top up on the go.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FASHION-BEAUTY

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books

An unusual mystery with an exploration of animal behaviour, and a celebration of popular comedy

November Fiction

By James Walton

James writes and presents the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff

Leaving Time

by Jodi Picoult (Hodder, £20; ebook, £10.99) Jodi Picoult is perhaps the classic example of an author whose books sell in their global millions, but are either ignored or treated with unfailing sniffiness by the critics (expect, of course, Richard and Judy). With Leaving Time, both of these things seem likely to remain true.

Thirteen-year-old Jenna, who grew up on a New England elephant sanctuary with her parents, sets out to unravel the strange circumstances surrounding her father’s death with the aid of a local private eye and a woman who appears to be a genuine psychic. Along the way, there’s plenty of interesting information about elephant behaviour—but, rather than feeling tacked on, this is neatly combined with the unfolding central mystery, whose solution is jaw-droppingly unexpected but, in retrospect, also carefully prepared for. True, the result does require a suspension of more-than-average disbelief, but if you can manage that—and even if you can’t—Picoult goes about her work with such unashamed conviction that it’s impossible not to be swept along.

NAME THE AUTHOR

(Answer on p126) Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

1. He was named after his cousin, who

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wrote “The Star-Spangled Banner”.

2. He coined the phrase “The Jazz Age”.

3. His most famous character changed his name (slightly) from James Gatz.

© Sun Records

Funny Girl

by Nick Hornby (Viking, £18.99; ebook, £10) Nick Hornby’s new novel is a stout defence of what popular entertainment can achieve—and a perfect example of it. The main character is Barbara Parker, a young female comedian, who in 1964 leaves Blackpool and heads for London to pursue her dream of making people laugh. It doesn’t take her long to realise it either: within months she’s landed a starring role in a hit sitcom.

Barbara (and Jim) isn’t a show that’s liked by chin-stroking BBC beardies, who prefer their entertainment a little more high-brow. Nonetheless, as Hornby makes clear (again in more ways than one), just because something has mass appeal doesn’t mean that it can’t be winningly perceptive about human relationships and social trends.

As a “quick-witted, unpretentious, high-spirited, funny, curvy, clever, beautiful blonde”, Barbara might strike some readers as almost too good to be true, and there’s no doubt that Hornby is as smitten with her as every other man she meets.

Yet, like the show, Funny Girl has a distinct tug of melancholy: not only celebrating the joys of youthful success, but also examining the rather longer-lasting business of what happens when that success fades.

Paperbacks ■■ Armchair Nation by Joe Moran (Profile, £9.99)

Informative account of the huge part played by TV in British life over the decades. Written with intelligence and wit.

■■The Target by David Baldacci (Pan, £7.99) This reliably exciting

thriller writer serves up another high-octane tale, this time about a plan to assassinate the leader of North Korea.

■■ The Ministry of Guidance Invites You To Not Stay by Hooman Majd (Penguin £9.99)

An American journalist returns to the country of his birth for a book about daily life in Iran that overturns many of the clichés and confirms others.

■■The Mistletoe Bride and Other Haunting Tales by Kate Mosse (Orion, £7.99) A collection of

ghostly short stories from the best-selling author of Labyrinth and Citadel.

■■ Johnny Cash by Robert Hilburn (Phoenix, £9.99)

Comprehensive biography that treats its subject with sympathy and respect, but doesn’t overlook his flaws.

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B OOK S

RD’s Recommended Read

If you’re heading towards being “the wacky lady with all the cats” it could be time to rethink your ageing strategy

As India Knight says in the first chapter of her new book, “it used to be so simple”: whether you were a spinster or a matriarch, being a 50-year-old woman in say, 1955 meant being a 50-year-old matron. The fact that there are now far more possibilities for middle-aged women may be hugely welcome, but it also makes things a lot more complicated.

Knight is much too honest to pretend that getting older is purely a matter for celebration —and not just because it’s weirdly surprising. Yet, as her title suggests, there’s plenty to enjoy. Many of the annoying (and as it turns out, unnecessary) anxieties of youth fade away as you discover such new pleasures as

In Your Prime: Older, Wiser, Happier by India Knight is published by Fig Tree at £16.99; ebook, £16.99) 124 |

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increased self-confidence and having a nice potter about.

Most of the book, though, consists of practical and often reassuring advice. She begins with Beauty and Maintenance, emphasising the need to avoid the pitfalls of becoming Mutton, Mother of the Bride, Whacky (aka Art Teacher With Cats) or Hampstead Lady (aka I Love Culture, Me). From there, the same combination of humour, personal experience, good sense and a rather

© shuttersto ck/stocki llustration

Growing Old Gracefully

bracing tone are brought to bear on everything she writes about, from the menopause to thoughts of downsizing; from booze to late-onset divorce. She also tackles relationships of every kind, including with spouses, dates, tiresome friends, good friends and ailing parents. (There’s a powerful passage about the mental decline of her once all-powerful father.) And then, of course, there’s children, which for middle-aged women today can be grown up, teenage, still very young—or, as in this passage, other people’s…

‘‘

There’s no way of getting step-parenting 100 per cent right. But there isn’t a way of getting biological parenting 100 per cent right either. So cut yourself some slack, and now cut yourself some more.

Remember, too, this isn’t something you signed up to. You fell in love with someone who happened to have children, and now here you all are.

An enormous amount of what happens next depends on the kind of relationship your partner has with his ex. I can’t emphasise this enough: it’s wholly, wholly to your advantage to encourage him to have the best possible relationship with her. If you’re the kind of person who says, “Why is your ex-wife being such a bitch?” when she’s done or said something mildly irritating and, frankly, no skin off your nose, you’re creating the mightiest rod for your

R eader ’ s D i g e s t

INDIA KNIGHT’S TOP FIVE NOVELS ABOUT AGEING ■■All of Barbara Pym, who’s brilliant

at writing about the lives of women of a certain age—I so envy people who haven’t read her. Every one of her novels is a treat.

■■Mrs Palfrey at the Claremont

by Elizabeth Taylor Mrs Palfrey,

recently widowed, moves into the Claremont hotel knowing she’ll end her days there. And then she meets a young man, and falls in love.

■■ Memento Mori by Muriel Spark Spark at her scalpel-

sharp best. Very dark and very funny.

■■ Elizabeth is Missing by Emma Healey Utterly gripping:

the narrator is Maud, who’s nearly 90, has dementia and is convinced something bad has happened to her friend Elizabeth. She can’t remember much of the present, but she has no such problem remembering the past.

■■The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce

A really joyous book—and a tear-jerker too—about life being finite and the need to live it.

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B OOK S

own back. It’s not generally necessary to discuss people’s ex-wives with them other than in the most general— and, crucially, benign—terms.

NB: This also applies if said ex-wife

she must be OK. At least, this is broadly true. Everyone has a fullon horror in their cupboard, but they’re not usually the ones they have children with.

I’m strongly in favour of the full charm offensive when it comes to the mother of your partner’s children is not general or benign about you, but specific and malevolent. The malevolence is a clunky attempt at shoehorning herself into your lives, because angry attention is better than no attention. If she wants to mutter darkly from the sidelines, it’s a shame, but what can you do, other than let her? Somebody has to be grand and behave well in these situations, and it may as well be you. Even if it doesn’t change anything, at least you’re not down in the mud, wrestling.

I’m strongly in favour of the full charm offensive when it comes to the mother of your partner’s children: a) you have something in common, and b) he fell for her. On the basis that he also fell for you and he doesn’t have dementedly horrendous taste, and the NAME of THE AUTHOR is…

F Scott Fitzgerald (Francis Scott Key are Fitzgerald’s three first names; the character is The Great Gatsby.)

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Now, the actual stepchildren. There are two crucial things to remember: They will have, now and for evermore, unshakeable loyalty to their mother. This is exactly as it should be. If you try to shake that loyalty or shift it towards you, you will be doing a terrible thing, and it will have terrible repercussions, mostly for you. They already have a mum. They don’t need or want another. It’s not a competition—and even if it were, you could never win.

Divorce or separation do not break a family or cause it to stop existing.

They merely make it geographically disparate. Assuming no one’s died, children have two parents. Nothing can change that—and you’re not one of them.

What this means practically is that if you are needy or selfish enough to try replacing the children’s mother in their affections, they’ll eventually hate you for it. Children liking you slightly more than they like their mother does their heads in. It is a great unkindness to even try.

’’

Books

that changed my life

Now aged 87, Shirley Hughes has written over 80 books for children and illustrated more than 200. Her latest picture book Daisy Saves the Day is out now

Just William

By Richmal Crompton

I wasn’t a great reader until I discovered the Just William series when I was seven years old. It seemed marvellous that books could make you laugh. The illustrations by Thomas Henry, which changed with the fashions of the day while always keeping William exactly the same, were masterful. I was already drawing by then and became determined to be an illustrator.

Our Mutual Friend

© walker books

By Charles Dickens

I discovered Dickens in middle age. Our Mutual Friend has one of the most compelling opening scenes of any novel, and of all the 19th-century authors, Dickens is the most graphic. When his books were first serialised, they were FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/BOOKS

accompanied by evocative line drawings—he worked closely with his illustrators to ensure the drawings were an accurate representation of how he envisaged his characters and scenes. It would be wonderful if books for young people and adults were still illustrated.

Civilisation

By Kenneth Clark

Long before this was published in 1969, to accompany the BBC series, I was an art student at Oxford and went to hear Kenneth Clark talk.

He made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I was inspired to go to Florence and see some of the masterpieces he’d described.

Civilisation is beautifully produced and each chapter is so clear and lucid. Everyone should own a copy of this book. Clark makes the history of Western art, architecture and philosophy accessible to all.

As told to Caroline Hutton 11•2014

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FUn & Games

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk An old, tired-looking dog

wandered into my garden one afternoon. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well looked after. I gave him a few pats on the head and he followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door and I let him out.

The next day he was back. He resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “I’d like to find out who the owner of this wonderful dog is, and ask if you’re aware that almost every afternoon he comes to my house for a nap?”

The next day he arrived for his nap with a different note pinned to his collar.

“He lives in a home with six children,” it read. “Two are under the age of three and he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?” JON DRURIE, F l i n t s h i r e 128 |

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My YOUNG daughter and I were shopping when she pointed

and asked rather loudly, “Mummy, why have they got such fat tummies?”

Two rather round men turned and looked at me. I smiled and they disappeared from the aisle.

“Because they have. Now don’t point.” I replied, embarrassed.

“But why?” my daughter asked.

“Because it’s rude to point.” I said,

Reader’s Digest

“and everyone’s a different shape and size.”

“But why have they got such big tummies,” she emphasised, while holding out her arms to make herself wider. “Why?” At that point, I lost patience and all correctness disappeared.

“Oh, for goodness sake,” I said a little too loudly, just as the two men reappeared in the aisle, “Because they eat too much!”

U Madill, East Sussex

Our Minister was a few minutes into his Sunday sermon. It was part three of a

weekly study series and he said to the congregation, “Can anyone in the congregation see the difference between this episode in the series and the previous two?”

A voice in the congregation said, “You’ve had a haircut”.

Rex Burr, Norwich I was sitting at a table with

four of my three-year-old students when I saw little Alex sitting in the middle of two chairs.

“How many Alexes are there?” I asked him.

“One,” he answered.

“Then you only need one seat, don’t you?” I said.

The toddler considered my words before issuing his iron-clad rebuttal.

“Yes, there’s only one me, but I have two bums, see?”

To illustrate his point, he pivoted and showed me his maths skills.

“One, two,” he said smugly, pointing to each cheek.

Lais Waddell, By email

My seven-year-old was showing me a picture that he’d drawn of “Our Lady at Prayer” for his religiousstudies homework.

“Well done, darling, it’s really lovely,” I enthused. “But why is the lake yellow? Surely water should be blue?”

“It’s not water,” he declared solemnly. “It’s the sick. She’s saying a prayer for the sick.”

Carole Gasan, Gloucester

I overheard my son and his friend discussing what their

parents did for a living, when I had to quickly rush over and explain—in case his friend went home and told his parents what he’d been told.

“I do not ‘sell drugs’, ” I assured him, “But I do work in a pharmacy!”

AMELIE BARNES, Denbighshire

We recently ate at a restaurant and as we paid our

bill the waitress asked our small son what we were going to do next.

Excitedly, Jamie said, “We have whisky in the car, you know.”

The waitress glared at me and walked off before I could explain that Whisky, our dog, was waiting for us in the car.

JOANNE AITCH, Wirral 11•2014

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it pays to increase your

Word Power Are you cleverer than a school leaver? We’ve been saving up these words—used in a test-preparation guide—for our most confident quiz takers. Turn the page for answers.

WORDS FROM THE PRINCETOWN REVIEW’S WO RD SMART: GENI US EDITION

By E m ily Cox & H enry R at h vo n

1. umbrage ('um-brij) n— A: resentment. B: bright sunshine.

C: utter confusion.

8. troglodyte ('trah-glih-diyt) n— A: cave dweller or reclusive person.

B: bird of prey. C: know-it-all.

2. sobriquet ('soh-brih-kay) n—

A: nickname. B: tight bandage.

C: barbecue coal.

9. paean ('pee-in) n— A: fervent prayer. B: lowly worker.

C: song of praise.

3. feckless ('fek-les) adj—

10. sangfroid ('sahn-fwah) n—

A: bold and daring. B: of clear complexion. C: weak and ineffective.

A: snooty attitude. B: coolness under pressure. C: French chef.

4. bailiwick ('bay-lih-wik) n— A: special domain. B: Christmas candle. C: hollowed-out canoe.

11. redoubtable (rih-'dau-te-bul)

5. onus ('oh-nus) n—

12. imprecate ('im-prih-kayt) v—

A: proof of residency or status.

B: burden. C: unique entity.

6. somnambulist

(sahm-’nam-byeh-list) n— A: sleepwalker. B: hypnotiser.

C: historian.

7. ductile ('duk-tuhl) adj—

A: of plumbing. B: easily shaped or influenced. C: hard to locate or define.

adj—A: open to debate. B: famous.

C: formidable.

A: accuse. B: curse. C: pester or distract.

13. modicum ('mah-dih-kum) n— A: small portion. B: middle path.

C: daily dosage.

14. restive ('res-tiv) adj—A: fidgety.

B: comfortable. C: left over.

15. anomie ('a-neh-mee) n—

A: arch foe. B: mutual attraction.

C: social instability.

1. umbrage—[A] resentment. “Why did your team take such umbrage at being called the underdogs?”

9. paean—[C] song of praise. “Let us raise a toast and a rousing paean to Jay and Cathy’s wedding!”

2. sobriquet—[A] nickname.

10. sangfroid—[B] coolness under pressure. “With unrelenting sangfroid, Andrea remained a pro at the poker table despite the high stakes.”

“So, Paul, how did you get the sobriquet Grumpy?”

3. feckless—[C] weak and ineffective. “In formal debate, ‘Oh, yeah?’ is a rather feckless rebuttal.”

4. bailiwick—[A] special domain. “ ‘Ask me anything about grammar,’ the confident sub-editor said. ‘That’s my bailiwick.’ ” 5. onus—[B] burden. “ ‘The onus,’ Mr Peterson barked, ‘is on your boys to fix my broken window.’ ” 6. somnambulist—[A] sleepwalker.

“For a somnambulist, Lady Macbeth is rather talkative.”

7. ductile—

[B] easily shaped or influenced.

“Decisive? No. Tara’s opinions are sometimes as ductile as putty.”

8. troglodyte— [A] cave dweller or reclusive person.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to call Jerry a troglodyte, but he’s definitely on the shy side.”

11. redoubtable—[C] formidable.

“The bowler shuddered as the redoubtable Brian Lara strode to the crease.”

12. imprecate—[B] curse. “Before

being banished, the witch ominously threatened to imprecate the town for five generations.”

13. modicum—[A] small portion.

“I want a modicum of co-operation with the housework.”

14. restive—[A] fidgety. “Peter got so restive in the exam,

A stroke of…

Genius originally meant “guardian spirit,” from the Latin gignere (“to beget, to produce”), and dates back to at least 1393. It’s related to the words genus, gender, generation, and even kin—all suggestive of birth. The modern meaning, of a person endowed with a natural ability or talent, comes from Milton’s Iconoclastes (1649).

he chewed his pencil to the lead.”

15. anomie—[C]

social instability.

“Apparently there’s too much anomie within parliament for the bill to be passed.”

Vocabulary Ratings

9 & below: Neophyte 10–12: Apprentice 13–15: Mastermind

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FUn & Games

BrainTeasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 137.

DOMinoes

In the following group of dominoes, which one is missing?

? a

in shape

What shape should be in the top brick?

134 |

11•2014

b

c

d

pairing up

Miss Flannel would like a matching pair of bowls and pitchers for her newly decorated bedroom. Which two should she buy?

a

b

c

d

e

f

divide and answer

Replace a number in the central box by which all the other numbers can be divided without leaving a remainder.

The number is greater than 1.

152

95

209

114

38

228 11•2014

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brain teasers

Concise Crossword

Can you place the anagrams in this crossword below? The highlighted letters can be arranged to spell an important world force.

1

2

3

4

5

6 8

7

10

9 11 12

13

14

15

16 17

18

19

The highlighted letters spell peacekeeper

Down

1 Acid mace (8) 7 A draw (5) 8 Loans (5) 9 Recipe (6) 10 Mart (4) 12 Sten (4) 14 Use tin (6) 17 A seer (5) 18 Atoll (5) 19 After use (8)

1 Get AA (5) 2 Bad cut (6) 3 Eels (4) 4 Riled (5) 5 Tracer pen (9) 6 Simian toy (9) 11 In a fur (6) 13 Keats (5) 15 Least (5) 16 Step (4)

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11•2014

Answers Across: 1 Academic 7 Award 8 Salon 9 Pierce 10 Tram 12 Nest 14 Unites 17 Erase 18 Allot 19 Features Down: 1 Agate 2 Abduct 3 Else 4 Idler 5 Carpenter 6 Animosity 11 Unfair 13 Skate 15 Tales 16 Pest

Across

Reader’s Digest

BrainTeasers: Answers

* Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.

Dominoes

The missing domino is B— they all have even numbers of spots. in shape

An octagon. Each shape has the same number of sides as the sum of the sides of the two shapes below it. If the number is over 10, then the last digit is used instead. For example, 9+8 = 17 so the brick above is seven-sided. The top shape is an eight-sided octagon because there are two four-sided shapes below it.

£50 prize question Answer published in the December issue We can see the scales A & B balance perfectly. But how many hearts are needed to balance scale C?

A

?

B

C

The first correct answer we pick on October 30 wins £50!* Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

Answer to October’s prize question pairing up

Miss Flannel should buy C and E.

divide and answer

The answer is:

19

143 All of the others are square numbers: 9 x 9 (81), 13 x 13 (169), 15 x 15 (225), 16 x 16 (256). 143, on the other hand, is 12 x 12 minus 1.

And the £50 goes to…

Gwen Kinghorn from Edinburgh

11•2014

| 137|

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She wanted to give peace of mind to her family that everything would be taken care of. “An excellent service that takes any worries or concerns away.

It’s a relief knowing that relatives will not be financially affected at such a sad time.”

With funeral plan prices due to increase on 1st December 2014, if you act now, you can save yourself up to £276^ today. You can then relax knowing everything has been taken care of; giving reassurance to you and your family.

You’re in safe hands with the UK’s No. 1 provider Dignity are the UK’s leading funeral plan provider and have been providing funeral services across the UK for more

^Cost savings based on Guaranteed Funeral Plan price increases effective from 1st December 2014.

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Take out a plan before prices increase on 1st December and you will save up to £276^

than 200 years. They introduced the UK’s first funeral plan in 1985, and since then have helped more than half a million people make provision for their funeral in advance – more than any other funeral plan provider.

With a national network of more than 1,100 owned or approved funeral directors, many of whom have been serving their local communities for generations, you can be confident you’re in safe hands. And don’t just take our word for it; 98% of customers surveyed said they would recommend the company’s services to their friends and family.

Your money is safe too The money you pay for your Guaranteed Funeral Plan from Dignity is paid in to the National Funeral Trust - an independent Trust Fund separate from Dignity. The Trust Fund is managed by some of the most respected names in the financial industry to make sure that your money is properly protected. So you can relax, safe in the knowledge your money will be there whenever it is needed.

Taking out a plan is straightforward Taking out a Guaranteed Funeral Plan couldn’t be more straightforward.

There’s a simple application form to complete and you can choose from the various payment options available including a single lump sum payment, or you can spread the cost over 12 months at no extra cost to you. Longer payment options are also available.

A few minutes now could save you and your loved ones so much expense and worry in the years ahead.

FIND OUT MORE For your free information guide, a £50 discount, stylish silver pen and to save up to £276^, call one of Dignity’s UK-based advisors today. They are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to answer any questions you may have.

Call Dignity today on

0800 085 0211 and quote RDNOV14ND

The Guaranteed Funeral Plan is provided by Dignity Pre Arrangement Limited. A British company registered in England No. 1862158. VAT registered No. 486 6081 14. 4 King Edwards Court, King Edwards Square, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands B73 6AP. Telephone No. 0121 354 1557. Fax No. 0121 355 8081.

Part of Dignity plc. www.dignityfuneralplans.co.uk. Dignity may telephone to check that you have received your information pack. To help improve customer service, telephone calls may be recorded.

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24/09/2014 16:01

FUn & Games

Laugh!

Jack strode into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.

“I’ve got just the horse for you,” said John. “The only thing is, he was trained by an interesting chap. The horse doesn’t go and stop the usual way: to get him to stop, you need to 140 |

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to shout, “Hey hey.” To get him to go, you have to shout, “Thank God.” Jack nodded his head. “That’s fine with me,” he said. “Can I take him for a test run?”

Jack was having the time of his life, speeding down the dirt road on the

Cartoon by Steve Way

Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

Reader’s Digest

horse, when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead.

“Stop!” screamed Jack, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t remember the words to get it to stop.

“Yo yo!” Jack tried, but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was five feet from the cliff’s edge when he suddenly remembered.

“Hey hey!” he screamed, and the horse skidded to a halt just one inch from the sheer drop. Jack couldn’t believe his good fortune. He looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said, “Thank God!”

rob colworth, C a m b r i d g e

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the

names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

sixth-form poet See life through the questioning eyes of a teenage wordsmith, at Twitter feed @sixthformpoet It’s so sad that hands are twins and the stupid one has to watch as the clever one gets all the important jobs.

The ads claim this shampoo will leave me full of confidence, but the first thing it’s telling me to do is avoid contact with the eyes, so...

The tragedy of knock knock jokes is we never know if the door is finally opened. We see the awkward flirting but not the ensuing love story.

seen on reddit.com

And the Lord said unto John,

“Come forth and you will receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster. Benn Powell, Ne w p o r t sometimes i crouch on the floor, tuck my head in and lean

forward. That’s just how I roll.

seen on the internet “Sir, you have got to help!”

said the tearful man knocking at the door.

“There’s a family I know very well,

Still not sure I’m happy living in a world where killing two birds with a stone is considered a good thing.

It’s so sad when you think you’ve met the perfect girl, but then she puts a coffee-soaked spoon in the sugar and you have to say goodbye.

To a fish, an aquarium is a museum of people, with free food and new exhibits every five minutes.

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Laugh

and they’re in desperate need of some money. The father’s been out of work for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, they’re about to be kicked out of the house and they’ll be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” the man concluded, with one last heart-wrenching sob.

“That really is a sad story,” said the other man, “How much money is needed exactly?”

“Oh, it’s terrible,” said the man starting up again, “Just for the rent alone, £3,000 is needed by tomorrow, otherwise they’ll be kicked out on to the streets.”

“How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the other man as he reached for his cheque book.

“Well,” said the man, “they’re my tenants.” greatcleanjokes.com I rang up BT and i said, “I want

“How long has it been upside down?”

husband is published. The obituary editor informs her there’s a charge of 50p per word. She pauses, reflects, and says, “Well then, let it read: ‘Eddie Davis died’. ” Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor tells her there’s a seven word minimum for all obituaries.

She thinks it over and says, “In that case, let it read, ‘Eddie Davis died, golf clubs for sale’. ”

to report a nuisance caller.’’

He said, “Not you again.”

STEPHAN BRYN, L i v e r p o o l

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

comedian tim vine

What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

A: It’s OK. He woke up.

The laugh factory

seen on the internet

The Beach Boys walk into a pub. One says to the other “Round?

A woman goes to the local paper’s office to see that the

Round? Get a round? I get a round?”

obituary for her recently deceased

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seen at cracked.com

Reader’s Digest

the third wheel?

Ever had that feeling you’re the only one who’s not paired up?

As these photos prove, you’re certainly not alone.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FUN-GAMES

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Beat the Cartoonist! win £100 and a cartoon print

September’s Winner

Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-November alongside an anonymous caption from our cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite—if your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon, with your caption added.

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or readersdigest.co.uk/caption by November 7. Vote online at readersdigest. co.uk/caption. We’ll announce the winner in our January issue.

Things are looking ever more bleak for the cartoonists. Steve Way’s original caption, “You’re not going out until you tidy your room…oh, it is,” came last in our vote, whereas reader Peregrine Green claimed a clear victory with, “That’s not what I meant when I told you to have an apple a day!” We may have to start a support group for the pros…

Scoreboard Readers 26 Cartoonists 8

in the december issue Paddingon is Back!

• Julie Walters talks about her role in the new big-screen adaptation.

• Hugh Bonneville and others remember their favourite children’s TV shows 144

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Plus • Best of British: Christmas Traditions • Rehabilitation With a Difference • If I Ruled the World: John Cleese