Reader's Digest UK July 2012

Or WINNER OF EDITOR OF THE YEAR AWARD 2011 *

Reader

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JULY EXTRACTS The joys of ordinary life

by Michael Foley How magic works

by Alex Jones

"I'VE GOT -WHAT?" Common diseases that most of us have never heard of DISCOVER THE WORLD'S WEIRDEST HOTELS-0.2 WHAT YOUR PILOT WON'T TELL YOU

FOR IT! HOW TO: find a (really) clean beach beat mobilephone shock p6ck like a pro cobk on a campfire

Inside the mind of the fastest man on earth PLUS • behind the scenes at the Olympics • what happens to athletes afterwards? readersdigest.co.uk

PIAJS Meera Syal Dickie Bird Fail Weldon

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JULY 2012 REPUBLIC OF IRELAND

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Jeanette Kwakye Sprinter

WHEN COLOURS MEAN THIS MUCH YOU CAN ONLY TRUST THEM TO

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PROUD KEEPER OF GREAT BRITAIN'S COLOU .

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featured on the cover are shown in red FEATURES Stories

JULY 2012

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"I thought I'd met all my sporting heroes, but I was inspired by these people," says photographer Michael Donald. "Especially by what they'd achieved after their Olympic careers had finished."

Reasons to Be Cheerful, Part 20 Procrastination be damned!

James Brown turns over a new leaf 34 Bolt! The world's fastest man on gearing up for London 2012 and staying ahead of the pack 39 Behind the

What did Olympian Derek Redmond do after the Games?

Find out on p46

Scenes at the Olympics What really goes on backstage?

46 All Over? It Is Now... We speak to four ex-Olympians about life after the Games "Satellites have allowed us to create the first ever global neighbourhood watch," says journalist Jo Carlowe. "These 'eyes in the sky' make it hard for oppressors to hide their crimes."

54 The Most Common Diseases You've (Probably) Never Heard Of Even some GPs don't know much about these conditions 62 Best of British: Beers And we've found a few tasty ciders, too...

70 Meera Syal: "I Remember" The actress and writer talks about her favourite holidays, life lessons and "the tofu incident" 76 The World Is Watching How satellite images from space can help us prevent human-rights abuses 82 Call This a Hotel? We've tracked down some of the weirder places to stay around the world 90 Something Beastly This Way Comes Join the hunt for mythical animals with Richard Freeman

"In my work, I'm often struck by charities that spend more time competing with each other than promoting their causes," says presenter Peter White.

9

The Maverick: "Do We Really Need All These Charities?" Peter White believes that our goodwill is being spread too thin, to the detriment of the causes On

Usain Bolt by Levon Biss/Contour by Getty Images JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 1

REGULARS

WELCOME

...at the front

Fridge full of refreshing drinks? Check. Plentiful

9 Over to You...

13 Radar: Your Guide to July 18 You Couldn't Make It Up...

21 Word Power 24 In the Future...

26 Instant Expert 28 If I Ruled the World: Dickie Bird

...at the back 102 1,001 Things Everyone Should Know 108 Medicine: Max Pemberton 111 Health: Susannah Hickling 116 Beauty: Alice Hart-Davis 118 Consumer: Donal Maclntyre 120 Money: Jasmine Birtles 124 Food: Marco Pierre White 126 Drink: Nigel Barden 129 Gardening: Bob Flowerdew 132 Wildlife: Martin Hughes-Games 134 Online: Martha Lane Fox 136 Motoring: Conor McNicholas 138 Travel: Kate Pettifer 141 The Reader's Digest— our recommended reads of the month 149 Books That Changed My Life: Fay Weldon 154 Beat the Puzzleman!

156 Laugh! With Alun Cochrane 160 Beat the Cartoonist

Our new beauty columnist, Alice Hart-Davis 2

CONSUMER MEDIA EDITOR OF THE YEAR 2011 WINNER OF THE MARK BOXER AWARD 2011 Want an easy way to get to our website? Grab your smartphone and go to the App Store or Android Market, then download the free Digital Space app.

Hold your phone about four inches away from the picture of Gill above, allowing the camera to focus, and you'll be taken straight to our site.

FAL.

Reader's Digest the World's Biggest Magazine published in 50 editions in 21 languages

supply of tasty snacks?

Check. Chocolate? Double check. Yes, we're officially ready for the biggest party in town, the Olympics.

As London braces itself for potential transport meltdown, one person who, we hope, won't be slow to get around is the aptly named Usain Bolt. In the most comprehensively covered Olympics in broadcast history, Bolt's 100m sprint will be one of the undoubted highlights.

We (only just) caught up with the man himself to get a sense of what it takes to be the fastest person on the planet.

But what happens to athletes once the Games are over? We tracked down some past stars to find out how they coped with the return to "normal" life. Our Olympics special starts on page 34.

Gill Hudson theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/rdigest readersdigest.co.uk/blogl/ rdmagazine

a

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John Dyson 1943-2012 We were very sad indeed to hear of the death of one of our favourite contributors, John Dyson. John wrote many outstanding features for Reader's Digest over the years—his particular forte was impeccably researched real-life dramas—for our international editions as well as our own UK one. We'll miss him very much.

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10 EASY WAYS TO MAKE MONEY Listen to our podcast from RD's money expert Jasmine Birtles as she reveals some fascinating (and simple) ways to boost your income that you might not have thought of before. readersdigest.co.uk/magazine

GET THE BEST OUT OF YOUR GP If you've ever left the surgery feeling a bit dissatisfied, then you need to listen in to our podcast from RD's medical expert Dr Max Pemberton.

He's got some simple-but-clever Editor Gill Hudson goes podcasting with ideas for making RD'S medical expert Dr Max Pemberton sure you never feel shortchanged by your doctor again! readersdigest.co.uk/magazine

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Digest EDITORIAL Editor-in-Chief GILL HUDSON Managing Editor CATHERINE HAUGHNEY Design Director MARTIN COLYER Features Editor SIMON HEMELRYK Deputy Production Editor TOM BROWNE Assistant Features Editor ELLIE ROSE Art Editor HUGH KYLE Picture Researcher ROBERTA MITCHELL Contributing Editors CAROLINE HUTTON HARRY MOUNT JAMES WALTON LOLA BORG Health Editor SUSANNAH HICKLING Website Assistant VICTOR OPPONG ADVERTISING Head of Advertising Sales ADRIAN MILNER Account Directors SIMON FULTON JIGS PANKHANIA Magazine Executive MARINA JOANNOU Publishing Director ERIC FULLER MARKETING Subscriptions Marketing Manager JAMES GREENWOOD Subscriptions Marketing Assistant LAURA LYNSKEY CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER THIERRY BOUZAC THE READER'S DIGEST ASSOCIATION INC President and Chief Executive Officer ROBERT E GUTH President, International DAWN M ZIER International Editor-at-Large PEGGY NORTHROP

Follow us at E§ twitter.com/rdigest. Like us at in facebook com/readersdigestuk

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OVER TO YOU...

EMAILS, LETTERS, TWEETS AND FACEBOOK £30 FOR EACH PUBLISHED LETTER, £15 FOR SHORTER EXTRACTS, £50 FOR THE LETTER OF THE MONTH! SEE P4 FOR MORE DETAILS

LETTER OF THE MONTH The winning narratives in your 100-Word Story Competition blew my mind! Each week, I do voluntary work with children aged between seven and eight who have difficulty reading. Many lack confidence or have problems with verbal communication, and need one-to-one support. I thought the stories by Joshy Cunningham and Nathanie Thomas were really wellconstructed tales, so I was delighted to share them with my young readers.

We talked together about the stories—what we'd choose if we were eating 30-course meals, or all the different coloured feathers Jamie's parrot would have had. As we chatted and read, the children used their imaginations and wove stories around the published ones. They realised that if they persevered with their reading, they might one day have something published in your magazine.

Thank you so much for inspiring young people through your competition!

Frances Kirby, Dorset

ROYAL APPROVAL

As I read the royal coverage in your May issue, I realised that my attitudes have changed.

For years a staunch republican, I'm starting to believe that a constitutional monarch is much better than an elected president who's hated by half the voters (often leading to dissatisfaction and disquiet).

The idea of a "royal family" may be less attractive, but inheritance of the title is a more stable system in the end. Long live the Queen!

Derry Jones, North Yorkshire WATCHING THE WHEELS

I enjoyed the nail-biting stories in "Live Through This!", having survived being run over by a truck driven by my father when I was nine. Twice.

He reversed over me when I fell under the wheels, then accelerated forward. Luckily for me, the truck was unladen and went over my back—the ground was soft, too. I broke my ribs and still have gravel in my knees to this day, but I came through in one piece.

Jenny Moyneux, Denbighshire MATERIAL WORLD

Nigel Botterill's "If I Ruled the World" contained nothing at all about the world. It was

Read a new 100-word story every day at readersdigest.co.uk/magazine

9

"COME AGAIN?" • "...Stupidity has prevailed because of money, and the Olympic games will be a failure. You have not allowed for the icing on the cake..."

• "...Is it trespassing if you use a hotel for a call of nature only, or do hotels have a reciprocal agreement..."

purely about making money— creating demand for goods and educating young people to boost the economy, regardless of the wider impact.

How about teaching kids that business is subordinate to the environment, and to consider the effect a decision has on future generations?

After all, we can see where the expansion of the "economy" through borrowing and debt has lead us.

to breathe all the time, which is one of the worst things that can happen to a person.

But seeing how these lovely women have coped with the disease and are enjoying life to the full really encourages me. It goes to show that, with support, love and friendship, people can overcome struggles and hardship.

I wish them both well, and I hope they carry on being an inspiration to others.

David Harvey, Wiltshire

Barbara Daniels, Essex

• "...Simple humour is always the best. The same is true for life in general. 2 + 2 = 4 is easier to understand than E = MC2..."

LIVING WITH ILLNESS Your article "Strength in Numbers", concerning the twins with cystic fibrosis, touched me deeply.

My 40-year-old husband has been living with chronic lung disease all his life. He's often on oxygen and struggles

SIGNAL FAILURES I realise now that I'm an addict.

The word nomophobia, as mentioned in "Word Power", describes me perfectly—"the fear of being without a mobile phone or a mobile signal".

Luckily, your May edition suited me down to a tee, as there

• "...As a flight attendant, I never minded when American passengers asked me to repeat things, saying, 'Gee, I love your accent.'

But I was always tempted to add, 'It's not actually me who has the accent.'..."

10 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

ILLU STRAT EDBYSAMFAL CONER

• "...Scrap the Human Rights Act, Equality Act, quangos, Health and Safety Act and the Asylum Act, and replace them with an Act of Common Sense..."

were a number of articles on technology—at least they kept me off my phone for a while!

Any plans for a setting up a self-help group for all us nomophobes? Perhaps Donal Maclntyre could run it. His Consumer column suggests that he's found a way of treating his addiction.

turn their houses into mini art galleries to exhibit their work.

Complete strangers welcome us into their living rooms and gardens,often providing tea, cakes and deckchairs as well.

What's more, this event is completely free—provided you visit the houses without buying anything!

Tonya Meers, Gloucester 4111

Susannah Harrison, Brighton

ART IN THE HOME I was pleased to see that you featured the Brighton Festival in your "Best of British" feature.

Living in Brighton, I know that one of the best aspects of this festival is the Artists' Open Houses. For four weekends in May, about 200 local artists

PUBLIC-SPIRITED I was halfway through your book review of Cheek by Jowl

by Emily Cockayne, about the decline of neighbourliness, when my next-door neighbour called by to borrow an onion.

She then stayed for a cup of tea and a chat. Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the back door—another neighbour, seeing my washing out, had spotted an ominous rain cloud drifting our way, and had come to warn me.

Thankfully, neighbourliness is still thriving in some places!

Abigail Watkins, Derbyshire

CEMZEM11111111 Dawn Perrett @DawnPerrett ci t digest I've been reading this since 1997. Still enjoy it. Loved the info about HM The Queen.

Corgis eating with silverware. Whatever next?

YOU'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT...

"Turn Out the Traffic Lights", Ellie Rose's Maverick article from January.

• Surely where traffic lights are really needed, we have the technology to maximise traffic movement and only stop vehicles when necessary.

David Wilcox, Reading • There's an awful lot of traffic in the US, but, cleverly, they allow you to turn right on a red light if it's safe to do so.

This helps a great deal to ease the traffic flow—let's do it here.

Janet Cunningham, Hertfordshire • Ellie Rose makes me wonder if she drives. The idea of no traffic lights smacks of the rural idyll that lurks in the mind of every urban dweller. Beautiful as a dream, but that's where it should stay—forever amber.

Eric Hayman, Dorset

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 11

Escape life's everyday routine to spend time together, catch up on great conversation and enjoy complete relaxation.

To book your perfect site visit

www.campingandcaravanningclub.co.uk or call 024 7767 2605 quoting 3267.

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YOUR SHORT, SHARP GUIDE TO JULY

C

Dr Seuss' The Lorax Starring

Author and BBC2 Review Show critic Natalie Haynes previews the new releases

Zac Efron as Ted, the boy with a crush on the girl next door (Taylor Swift), this fable looks at the perils of greedy shortterm industrialism and the environmental havoc it wreaks.

But with songs, and in 3D. Can the citizens of Thneed-Ville find their way back to nature and stop lining the pockets of the toxic, oxygen-bottling overlord O'Hare? Only if Ted's subversive grandma (Betty White) can help him change the future

with her memories of the past...

Only the fourth Dr Seuss story to be turned into a film —baffling when you think how near-universally loved he's become—it's one to take the (grand)kids to.

The Dark Knight Rises Hot-shot

British director Christopher Nolan first rebooted this comic-book franchise 11-.

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 13

R with Batman Begins in 2005.

Then came the bleaker The Dark Knight in 2008, in which the Caped Crusader wrongly took the flak for a series of murders.

Now we have Nolan's last batmovie, set eight years later. Can Batman find his way back into the hearts of the city that shunned him?

Gotham had better hope so, since the villain Bane (played by Tom Hardy) has it in his sights.

This is the comic-book film for grown-ups. And Anne Hathaway as Catwoman is worth the ticket price alone.

Being Elmo Meet the puppeteer behind Sesame Street's lovable red character in this beautiful documentary.

Chariots of Fire Get in an Olympic mood with this British classic.

14

Gadgets Technology expert and Answer Me This! podcaster Oily Mann reveals the latest must-haves

Nikon Sport Optics binoculars, Smart, London 2012-branded, 10x magnification, waterproof and fog-freethey're the only Olympics souvenir you can use to actually watch the action.

Get me at. uhrode, behave myself and Promise.

Crucial.com Five human years In are about 70 to a computer. They get sluggish and start forgetting things, bless their hearts. But don't exchange yours for a younger model until you've tried Crucial's free system scanner. It examines your machine's memory and diagnoses a cheap package of extra RAM to put a spring back into its step—which you can then buy from the site.

AND CHECK OUT...

Beat the Beat: Rhythm Paradise, En ac (WM Cheaper than learning the drums, this addictive rhythmic puzzler finally migrates from the Nintendo DS. The Amazing Spider-Man, from £29.99 (Xbox 360 PS3, Wii).

Swing across skyscrapers and take on classic Marvel supervillains from your living room, thus avoiding latex crotch-burn.

misunderstood Don't

Stand Me Down— interrupted only by the occasional live show and singer Kevin Rowland's bizarre solo covers album My Beauty.

So this new record will be clasped to the breast of many, and for good reason.

If the playing is sometimes lacklustre, the sheer bravura of Rowland's vision shines through everywhere.

In the Belly of the Brazen Bull by The Cribs Think the Mid Air by Paul Buchanan

BBC 6 Music's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent releases

Think Sinatra sings Raymond Carver. Once (and, maybe someday, once again) the singer with the wonderful Blue Nile, this is Buchanan's first outing as a solo artist. Mid Air is at once austere and lovely, spartan and warm. A slender collection of piano sketches showcasing Buchanan's superb voice, which is a soulful, conversational ache.

One Day I'm Going to Soar by Dexys Think a potted, potty story of British soul. This album has been a long time coming, even by the indolent standards of the modern pop industry. It's 27 years since the last Dexys Midnight Runners album—the widely

Arctic Monkeys' less-cultured classmates. While this is easily the Wakefield siblings' most mature outing yet (they're a trio of .r.'" brothers, sometimes augmented by ex-Smith Johnny Marr), The Cribs still revel in a youthful raucousness that verges on chaos.

"Stalagmites" is as angular as a bag of coat hangers, and glorious single "Come On, Be a No-One" boasts a soaring, drunken pub choir of a chorus.

These are the best tunes they've come up with, and I find it hard to resist an album that ends with a track called "Arena Rock Encore With Full Cast".

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

15

READER A AR

kOts Melanie Lodge, 47, teaching assistant

The Big Bang Theory (E4).

I wouldn't normally

Roger Federer is one of the world's few sports stars who makes you want to get down on your knees and thank any available god for inventing human beings. Can he roll back the years and secure one final victory for old-school elegance, before the two-handed bludgeoners take over tennis for all eternity?

Olympic Games, London, The

public have stepped up to the ticket-buying plate for this, despite that plate being repeatedly smashed into their faces by the absurd purchasing arrangements, which have been conducted with an almost Soviet level of subterfuge—suggesting

ESPNcricinfo cricket blogger, broadcaster and stand-up Andy Zaltzman previews the best of the month's action

that all Seb Coe ever wanted in life was to be a top-level spy.

But, after a seven-year cocktail of hype, whingeing, and the highly scientific development of the world's most meaningless mascots, some sport will finally break out at the end of this month.

And it'll be magnificent.

be drawn to a comedy about geeks, but this has funny, believable characters.

Teenage Dream, Katy Perry. I bought this for my daughter, but It's catchy enough to do the ironing to.

ONLINE: uk.toluna.com Lets you take part in surveys about anything from new

The Open Championship,

films to products—

Royal Lytham & St Annes,

and you get free

July 19-12. After Darren

stuff to test, too.

Clarke's victory for the quadragenarians in 2011, could this be Colin Montgomerie's

Before I Go To

year to win a major? No.

Sleep by S J Watson. The story of a woman who

Jt, National Motivation Day. ALSO Hampton Court Flower Show.

ON OUR Birmingham International Jazz & Blues Festival.

A AR Glorious Goodwood.

16

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

wakes every morning with no memory of who she is. Has a great twist. •

GABR IEL BOUYS/AFP/GETTYI MAGES

Wimbledon Men's Final,

Pressed within hours of picking to give a uniquely clean, golden and fresh-tasting tea. Ahhhh.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP...

1 Our neighbour was

confusing my wife—she'd walked past her on three occasions over the last week and had ignored her.

What had she done wrong?

Eventually, I solved the mystery. I'd told our neighbour that Joy went into town regularly to visit John Lewis, then was online twice a week.

She didn't realise that John Lewis was a shop, not a man.

Brian Ward, Solihull

I My son had developed an interest in birdwatching, and asked if he could join the Young Ornithologists' Club. I encouraged him to fill in the form himself, but when it came to the payment section, he asked if he had to pay twice the amount for the year.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"It says £3 per arm," he replied, "and I have two."

Stuart McKay, Renfrewshire

Discussing a poker evening that had been held at our local club, I asked a friend whether 18

"It's notoriously difficult to diagnose whiplash injuries..."

1 A FRIEND OF MINE AGREED TO BABYSIT FOR HER

neighbour's five-year-old son. His bedroom was at the top of the house, but the neighbours explained that there was no need to keep going up to check on him— they'd left the baby alarm installed, so she'd hear him if he woke up.

After a couple of hours, my friend heard the child stirring. Seeing that there was an intercom switch on the baby alarm, she clicked it and said soothingly, "Hello, Jamie. Don't worry, I'll be there in a minute."

There was a silence. Then a worried little voice asked, "Is that you, wall?"

The parents had clearly never used the intercom facility before.

Angela Holder, Folkestone, Kent

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

the entrance fee had included any chips.

"Oh, no," came the reply.

"They had pizza."

4

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9

er r

Laurel Padbury, Southend

I When I visited an elderly acquaintance recently, I found her watching the snooker on TV and scribbling notes.

"I didn't know you liked snooker so much," I said.

"Shhh!" she replied. "I'm writing to the BBC." "What about?" I asked.

"Cheating!" she snapped back. "Just watch this. Every time the player pots a ball, that man in black puts it back on the table when the other player's not looking."

Beryl Widdrington, Rotherham

I At the start of his army entrance interview, my brother was startled to be greeted by the sharp command: "Get under the table at once!"

Thinking that this must

WHILE OUT WALKING my dog recently, I stopped for a brief rest on a nearby bench. There was no one else in sight, and I was enjoying a rare moment

y

;F

4

, "What's the matter? Last night you thought getting engaged with my grandmother's wedding ring was a romantic idea"

be some test of discipline, he obediently dived...and saw a large dog creeping in from the other side.

Joan Sherwell, West Sussex

WIN £70 FOR YOUR TRUE, FUNNY STORIES. EMAIL excerpts@ readers digest.co.uk

OR GO TO facebook. com/readers digestuk

I My grandson told me that a new boy who came from Nigeria had started in his class.

Spotting a chance to educate him, I asked, "Do you know where Nigeria is?"

"No," he said, "but it can't be far away because his mother and him walk to school."

J H Roberts, Conwy

of peace and tranquillity.

Then I heard voices and saw two young men in security uniforms, obviously looking for someone.

"No," I heard one of

them say into a walkietalkie. "All I can see is an old woman and a dog."

I looked around me. I could see my dog. I am 52!

Sue Lewis, West Sussex ■

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 19

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WORD POWER Harry Mount hits the headlines o12 Third Way n A most original option B mad idea C political middle ground 13 wardrobe malfunction n A badly designed furniture B failed computer command C embarrassing clothing mishap t

'

All this month's words became well known after they made a splash in newspapers and the media. But how well do you know the language of the front pages? Find out by answering A, B or C below.

1 omni-shambles (omm-knee-shambles) n A a bus accident B complete and utter chaos C messy haircut

TES/AF P/ GETTYIMAG ES

2 foot-and-mouth n A verbal mistake B country dance C contagious animal disease

0 CC 0

3 actuante (ack-tchewal-ih-tay) n A the truth B deep disguise C capital punishment 4 credit crunch n A reduction in lending B high-street sale C free food 5 redact (red-ackt) v A to encrust B censor by having words removed C delicately carve paparazzo (pap-er-atzoh) n A expensive ham

B twisty pasta C celebrity photographer 7 Big Bang n A enormous firework B stock-market reform C shocking news revelation 8 Rachmanism n A exploitation of tenants B splitting the atom C pacifist philosophy 9 metatarsal (mett-ahtars-uhl) n A wrist strap B foot bone C internet server 10 front-load v A to get breast implants B drink at home before a night out C power your car's engine 11 Watergate n A flood level B Washington office building C swimming team mascot

14 Ponzi scheme n A financial con trick B pizza recipe C proportion of classical column 15 crystal meth n A bad fortune-teller B Arctic ice formation C highly addictive drug

A word is born: glass cliff

This term describes a high-powered job or project that has a high risk of failure: "Roy Hodgson stepped into glass-cliff territory when he accepted the England manager's job."

RD Rating Useful? 8/10 Likeable? 6/10

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

21

WORD POWER ANSWERS 9-11 getting there 12-13 impressive 14-15 word-power wizard!

1 omni-shambles—B complete chaos. It was first used in The Thick of lt, the TV political satire. From omnis (Latin for "everything") and shambles.

2 foot-and-mouth—C contagious animal disease.

The name is from the ulcers on the mouth and foot.

3 actualite—A the truth.

"Alan Clark admitted he'd been economical with the actualite during the Matrix Churchill trial." French.

4 credit crunch—A reduction in lending.

"The credit crunch hit the markets in 2008."

5 redact—B censor by removing words. "In the Hutton Inquiry, much of the MI6 evidence was redacted when it was published."

Latin redigere ("reduce").

6 paparazzo—C celebrity photographer. Italian, after a photographer in the 1960 Fellini film La Do/ce Vita.

7 Big Bang—B stock-market reform.

The name was coined in anticipation of an increase in stock-market activity as a result of the changes.

8 Rachmanism—A exploitation of tenants by 22

WHY APOSTLE? Nr°r.

Apostle comes from the ancient Greek aposto/os, which simply means "messenger". The word was then applied to Jesus' 12 disciples sent out to preach the gospel. In the intervening 2,000 or so years, the word has been adapted to mean an advocate or early exponent of any kind of philosophy or movement; so, "Elvis Presley was an apostle of rock 'n' roll." landlords. After Peter Rachman, a notorious landlord in London.

9 metatarsal—B foot bone. The word came to prominence when David Beckham fractured his.

From Greek meta (among) and tarsos (flat of the foot).

10 front-load—B drink inexpensive alcohol at home before a night out.

11 Watergate—B Washington DC office building broken into on the orders of Richard Nixon's officials, leading

Play WP online: go to readersdigest. co.uk/wordpower

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

to the Watergate scandal.

12 Third Way—C the political middle ground.

"Tony Blair and Bill Clinton followed the Third Way." 13 wardrobe malfunction—C embarrassing clothing mishap, as suffered by Janet Jackson at the 2004 Super Bowl.

14 Ponzi scheme—A financial con trick. Named after Charles Ponzi, convicted of a huge fraud in New York in 1920.

15 crystal meth—C highly addictive drug. Used extensively as a phrase in the US press in the 1990s.

Short for crystal methamphetamine. ■

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IN THE FUTURE... ...we won't believe our eyes, says Gary Rimmer

A visible touch

No hard hats required

Researchers in Tokyo have developed a way to create holograms you can touch.

They're displayed in a special 3Dviewer encased in a palpable coating of ultrasound—so when you touch the hologram, you can feel it, too. Though small scale at present, by continuously aligning the ultrasound with the hologram's spatial position, the system works both for static and moving images.

What's more, touching these holograms can also trigger an action—by 2020, this technology could add a whole new dimension to "entertainment".

Builders beware! The Self-organising Systems Research Group at Harvard University is creating robots, known as termes, that can emulate the building ability of a swarm of termites. Using specially designed building blocks—each roughly the size of a four-deep stack of Reader's Digests—the shoebox-shaped termes bots can autonomously, cooperatively and rapidly build sophisticated structures. In other work, the same group has built swarm-bots that cost as little as £9 each. If low cost and function can be combined, by 2025 expect to see 1,000-strong swarms of terme-type robots putting up buildings in a matter of days.

Shifting brands A recent article debated what Apple might do with the $98bn it's said to have in the bank. One thought was that they could buy Disney, and still have over $20bn left. But mighty brands can disappear. A survey a few years back 24 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

showed that even well-known companies rarely survive more than a few decades.

Those that do often morph into something different. Take brewers—as fermentation businesses, they are well-placed to move into high-value biotech. If the high street still exists in 2030, the names on it may be both surprising and unknown. ■

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INSTANT EXPERT Harry Mount reveals the facts behind the news Drones are continually in the news; their use as military weapons is controversial; and they might even be deployed for surveillance purposes during the Olympics—but few of us know much about them.

What is a drone?

a

fi at s,..----------

is

Have other police forces used drones?

Yes, Staffordshire Police have a surveillance drone.

Merseyside Police had a £13,000 helicopter drone until 2011, when it crashed in the River Mersey after developing a fault. Essex Police hardly use theirs after it was deemed too expensive.

26

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2 012

Why have drones been in the news recently?

They've been used extensively

by Barack Obama to carry out military attacks in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Just a few weeks ago, al-Qaeda's second in command, Abu Yahya al-Libi, was killed by a US drone strike.

What are the advantages of drones?

As they don't need a pilot, they can go close to roadside bombs and track the enemy with no fear of fatalities for those employing the drone. A drone can stay in the air for up to 17 hours at a time; a series of drones can provide surveillance 24 hours a day.

OLIVIER MORIN/A FP/GETTY IMAG ES

It's a plane without a pilot. Drones range from big spy planes to mid-sized armed vehicles to tiny, hand-launched, surveillance vehicles.

They've been extensively used in military and government operations since the First World War. They're also used in civilian life—for aerial filming by the media, oil pipeline security, road patrols and livestock monitoring. It's been reported that the Metropolitan Police will use surveillance drones over the ♦This year's FIS Olympics site in World Cup Men's Downhill skiing London, after they competition filmed by discussed their a camera-equipped deployment with flying drone the Civil Aviation Authority.

Drones How dangerous are they?

Possibly thousands of miles away. Most of the US drones in Pakistan and Afghanistan are controlled by personnel in Creech airforce base in Nevada in the US. There are also airmen on the ground who look after take-off and landing.

Military drones, travelling at around 230mph, can fire missiles from as far as five miles away from the target.

For all their precision, they can be indiscriminate in who they kill. In March 2011, a US drone attack killed 40 at a tribal meeting in Waziristan, Pakistan. It is thought that many of those killed were civilians. The attack generated much anti-American opposition in Pakistan.

Still, in January, President Obama made a staunch defence of drones, saying they had "not caused a huge number of civilian casualties", and that it was "important for everybody to understand that this thing is kept on a very tight leash".

275

MIGUEL V ILLAGRAN/GETTY IMAGES

drone attacks have been launched in Pakistan during Barack Obama's presidency

♦The Global Hawk weather-reconnaissance drone is controlled at Nasa's base in California, and used to gather data about hurricanes and heavy storms

Does the RAF use drones?

• The Taranis drone will be used by the RAF in Afghanistan

Yes. Britain even has its own new type of drone—the Taranis—to be used in Afghanistan this summer. The Taranis is a surveillance drone, which transmits video surveillance from 20,000 feet up in the air. The new generation of British drones can be controlled from British and American bases. The use of British drones has increased in recent years. The MOD has just spent £135m on expanding its drone fleet. Drones, it's safe to say, are a growing part of modern warfare. ■

CHRIS RATCLIFFE/BLOOMBERG VIA GETTY; ROBYN BECK/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

27

IF I RULED THE WORLD

Dickie Bird

I'd make Yorkshire the capital of England. Its folk are so straightforward. They say what they have to say to your face, not behind your back. People around the world could learn a lot from Yorkshire folk about hospitality, too— nowhere are people more welcoming. Yorkshire people would make good leaders and set a great example.

I'd start a respect campaign.

No man is bigger than the law, and we should all respect it, but we should also respect parents, teachers, friends and strangers, as well as the places we live in.

I'm so proud to be British—it's the best country in the world (and Yorkshire is the best county! The Dales and the east coast around Scarborough are just beautiful).

Cricket teaches players to 28 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

respect their teammates, opponents, the umpire and the game itself, which has strict rules about what to do and when. Wherever you're from— England, South Africa, Australia or India—you're equal in the rules.

I'd bring back national service. Kids today need a start in life—something that'll get them off the street corners, out of pubs and away from drugs. A year in the forces would teach them about responsibility for their actions and the communities they live in.

They'd come out mentally and physically stronger.

I'd install a royal family in every country.

Democratically elected politicians would run things, but royals would be involved in leadership, too, dealing directly with the country's citizens. I'm a royalist and proud of it—people don't realise how much work the British royal family puts in every day of the week.

They're always out there meeting people, attending functions and representing our country.

I'd pay sports stars less.

There's a lot of money around

GETTY IMAGES

Harold Dennis "Dickie" Bird was a cricket umpire from the 1970s to the 1990s. He's best known for his lively banter with players and tendency to wear distinctive white caps. Retiring in 1996, he set up the Dickie Bird Foundation to fund sport for underprivileged children.

He received the OBE this year.

• * •

ILLUSTRA TEDBYSAMFALCONER

in the industry nowadays and, because of it, there's a great deal of pressure to toe the line. But you should never be afraid to be who you are. In my time, Fred Trueman, Ian Botham, Garry Sobers and Dennis Lillee were the best role models. They could succeed while being themselves.

They'd have fun and do things their way with so much personality. Now it's all about money and keeping your head down.

When I played for Yorkshire, we'd do it for nothing, [Brian] Close, Trueman, [Ray] Illingworth and I—it meant that much to us.

Let's take pride in what we do.

I'd put more money into children's sport. Sport can give young people so much— fun, fitness, friendship; but there are too many who can't afford to take part. How many great players has sport missed out on because there was no local club, or because their parents didn't have a car to take them to the next town or village? Sport can give children a start in life, but it needs to be affordable.

I'd reduce rents and rates for local businesses. Where have all the grocer's, butcher's and the ironmonger's shops

tt People don't realise how much work the British royal family puts in every day of the week

)1

This summer's three-match Test series against South Africa begins on July 19

gone? They were the hub of our communities when I was growing up. Now all we've got are Tesco and Asda, and the local shopkeepers have gone bust.

When I was young, we had fresh food on our doorsteps, which was much healthier. We didn't need all that fast food rubbish! still don't, and fewer people would eat it if we all had proper food on our doorstep.

I'd make it compulsory to wear a white cap in the summer. And sunglasses, too! It saves you from sunstroke and eye damage. I never used to wear sunglasses and my eyes are bad now. But when I was umpiring, I used to get 20 white caps made every year by a firm in Luton because, whenever there was a pitch invasion, someone would try to steal the one I had on!

One West Indian fan took my hat after the last match of the 1975 World Cup. Years later, I was on a London bus when I saw the conductor wearing what looked like one of my caps. "Got it from Mr Dickie Bird after the World Cup Final," he told me. I said nothing—he didn't recognise me without my hat on. • As told to Crispin Andrews

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

29

REASONS TO EH CHEERFUL

20. Domestic chores James Brown has alwa:y.) four), it hard to tackle those little jobs around the house.

So what's changr-4" The small pile of ironed clothes has

been staring at me from my bedroom floor for a week now What might look to you like a two-minute chore has, for me, turned into a fairly serious mental problem.

I've tried looking at it, ignoring it, not speaking to it. I've tried to convince myself it's worth dealing with, that it would only take a minute to put the seven pieces of clothing into the appropriate drawers. All to no avail. Welcome to my day, my world, my unmanageability.

Therapists have called it blocking, or self-sabotage; management consultants have explained that I'm not a "Completer-Finisher" worker type; others have just called me lazy. But whatever the reason, the reality is I find it very hard to complete small tasks.

I don't open envelopes—I leave them to mount up in the hall. I don't unpack bags when I return from trips or playing football. I don't invoice for expenses. I have receipts going back 30 READERSD1GEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

25 years. I struggle to leave the house when I'm going on holiday, constantly returning to look for things I might have forgotten, or to pack things I don't need. There's a thousand other things to do with fridges, food, not throwing things away, clutter, weight of travel bags. It's endless, and I can only assume it's some sort of fear of progression.

I've tried making lists—on my iPhone I have a lengthy list of to-do lists. I found one over the weekend, a really good "Things I Really Want To Do" list from four months ago.

I haven't done any of them, but I still agree they're all things I want to do.

Maybe I'd be better off calling my to-do lists "Things I'm Not Going To Do". That way, some sort of reverse psychology would kick in and I might actually have a go at them.

I'm writing all this in the present,

and in a way that's doing me a disservice. The reality of the situation right now is that I've recently made some progress, and for that reason I can happily say the situation is giving me a Reason to Be Cheerful. In fact, before I started this column, I went out and swept and vacuumed up the earth from the potted plant I accidentally knocked over in my girlfriend's car.

Ly

Keep

While I was there, I cleaned the seats and the rest of the footwells. I felt better for it. Productive.

That's the key thing that's changed.

I've realised that if I can do one productive thing, no matter how small, it'll make me feel better—and so I'm more likely to do two or three more. If I do it now instead of putting it off, it's not going to kill me, and it's actually going to give me the same sort of small

Ordain apP?

satisfied feeling I get when I finish an article and someone publishes it.

My girlfriend was away for about eight days before this breakthrough occurred. I think it was realising I hadn't got any food in for when my son visited that somehow broke the malaise. In general, I hope I'm pretty good at parenting, but this seemed to be the unmanageability spreading away from me and affecting others. That moment of realisation also made me think what it must be like for my girlfriend to live with a domestic shipwreck. With three days to go before her return, I started sorting my house out. Not because she was coming, but because I realised I was capable of actually doing the things I was blocking. Ironing is not an alien concept. I can sort it out for myself, and I should stop thinking about my problem with the block and instead consider the impact it has on others.

It may sound strange

reading this, as to most of you these issues are just small household jobs —but, for me, going from ironing to dishwasher to tidying the garden ■ ILLUSTRATED BY JOE MCDERMOTT/ILLUSTRATIONWEB.COM

31

tt There have been long periods where unmanageability has ruled and dragged me down genuinely made me feel good. It was the completion that mattered.

I felt like I was sticking Lego bricks together and making something.

On a year-by-year basis, I've done some pretty good things with my life, and at the moment relationships and work and parenting seem to be going very well. There have been long periods where unmanageability has ruled and dragged me down, but right now I feel like I've cracked a little bit of what's been stopping me getting this

77

stuff done. I've even bought a handheld vacuum cleaner. It helps that it looks like Judge Dredd's gun from 2000AD. Now I have to go and empty my bags from the hall, and there are also some crumbs that need zapping... ■ Ed's note: James's copy was on time this month, too!

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: "We can't concentrate, why should you?" You can follow James on Twitter @jamesjamesbrown.

BUDDING AUTHORS, TAKE A BOW! Thousands of tales were submitted to this year's 100-word-story contest, including this story of provincial skulduggery. We'll be featuring a commended story in the magazine every month, and each day at readersdigestco.uk/magazine.

Competition Competitive crafting is not an oxymoron. If Marigold won again, there'd be no wiping the smugness from her pouchy, powdered face. It's cost me a fortune in wool, but my knitted creation will beat Marigold's entry.

I've been plotting retribution ever since Marigold triumphantly waved her first-place card in my face last year. "Never mind, dear, we can't all be winners," she'd oozed in a tone dripping with saccharin.

Now I confidently stage my masterpiece and think of Marigold, sat securely in my parlour, bound by my expert knots. Like I said, it's cost me a fortune in wool.

Submitted by Lesley Ann Parr, Derby Lesley says: "I was inspired by a 'grow your own' book and also TV programmes about competitive county shows. I decided that, as I like to knit, I'd write about that. Last year I attended a creativewriting course, and I'm currently working on a children's novel.

This is my first published piece, and I'm thrilled to bits!"

Lesley will receive a cheque for £70

32 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

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What makes the nuggetnoshing, absent-minded, video-game-loving athlete the fastest man on earth?

It took just 9.69 seconds for Usain Bolt

to become one of the most famous men on the planet. The Jamaican sprinter's breezy running style seized gold in the 100m at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, destroying the world record and leaving his rivals to fight for second. As he sauntered over the line, one shoelace undone and a smile on his face, having slowed down to begin his celebrations early, the world was won over. It was, quite simply, one of the most extraordinary moments in sport.

Days later, he won gold in the 200m and sprint relay. A year later, he beat his own 100m record—in 9.58 seconds.

Now, as the London Games approach, we have the prospect of watching him all over again. He's determined to defend his ►

BY ALISON KERVIN

left everyone with the feeling that he won without testing the limits of his ability.

Usain St Leo Bolt was born on August 21,1986, in Trelawny, Jamaica—an area

known for its sugar plantations and yams. He grew up with his grocer father

Wellesley, his mum Jennifer, his halfsister Christine and half-brother Sadild.

His parents spent much of their time trying to contain their hyperactive elder son by sending him on errands and encouraging his love of sport. At one stage, Wellesley was so worried about Usain that he took him to the doctor to see if there was something wrong. "Turns out I was just lively," says Bolt.

His talent for cricket won him a sports scholarship to William Knibb High School, where PE teacher Dwight Barnett noticed his speed around the pitch and urged him to focus on track and field.

"Sometimes I'd look at that stopwatch and think, There's something wrong with this watch. No kid can run that quickly,"

CHINA FOTO PRESS/PHOTOCOME/PA IMAGES

Olympic titles to become a "legend", he says, only this time he promises to be faster—maybe winning the 100m in 9.4 seconds.

Experts have debated whether this is possible, and Olympic rival and Saint Kitts and Nevis sprinter Kim Collins reckons the speeds Bolt reaches are already ridiculous. "Come on," he's said.

"How fast can you go before records can't be broken?"

But Bolt holds world records in the 100m, 200m (19.19 seconds) and 4x100m relay (37.1 seconds), despite breaking all the rules. Experts reckon that the ideal height for a sprinter is 5ft llins to oft lin, yet Bolt is 6ft Sins— and, with size 13 feet, it's very hard for him to get the speedy starts enjoyed by his competitors. He was born with scoliosis (curvature of the spine), so one leg is half an inch shorter than the other.

He famously eats chicken nuggets and refuses the protein shakes that dominate the diets of his rivals.

"I can tell you what I did today," he told a packed press conference straight after his 100m triumph in 2008. "I woke up at, like, llam, sat around and watched some TV, had lunch, some nuggets, then pretty much went back to my room, slept again...got some more nuggets. Then I came to the track."

The world of sports science shuddered, but the rest of the world applauded. It was refreshing to be talking about a man's natural talent and not his crowded training schedule. And it

Barnett has said. At 12, Bolt ran 52 seconds flat for the 400m on a grass track (quick enough to qualify for this year's Olympic women's event). But, despite his ability, he hated training and admits that he hid in the local games arcade to avoid it.

Still, he won a 200m silver medal at

STEVEN JACKSON/CONTOUR BYGETTY IMAG ES

Usain Bolt smashes the 100m world record in Beijing 2008

One of his biggest problems is losing things.

He once left his Olympic golds in a hotel

the Jamaican Champs tournament, aged just 14. And, at 15, he became the youngest ever male world junior champion, when he ran 20.61 seconds.

"I've never been so nervous in my whole life," he recalled recently of the build-up to the race. "I was shaking because everybody was expecting me to win or get a medal. I [even] put my spikes on the wrong feet. [Winning] changed my whole life because, after that, I was like, Why should I worry? I haven't worried since."

After the win, great things were expected from Bolt, but a combination of injuries and ill-discipline led to failure at the 2004 Athens Olympics—he was eliminated in the first round of the

200m. Disillusioned, he knew things had to change. He turned to Glen Mills, a Jamaican coach who'd worked with Kim Collins, and told him he wanted to be the best and take up a new event: the 100m. Mills knew he had to fix Bolt's attitude to make him a great, but as the sprinter's confidence and trust in him grew, he started training harder and kept himself out of nightclubs and on the track. All the hard work paid off in Beijing.

Today, with no woman currently in his life, Bolt lives with Sadiki and Nugent

Walker Jnr ("NJ"), his best friend since primary school, in a five-bedroom mansion in Kingston, Jamaica. Bolt has a chef to keep his diet on the straight and narrow, and a regular cleaner. "If she didn't come, the house would fall down," he says.

One of his biggest problems is losing things. He once left his Olympic golds in a New York hotel, and found his World Championship medals in his wardrobe after a year of searching.

They're in a bank vault now He enjoys socialising. Guinness is his drink t,

4 of choice, but he says he "doesn't do

drunk". He's opened a bar in Kingston, called Usain Bolt's Tracks & Records, where he and his friends relax. He loves music, friends, chicken and his family.

He also likes being famous and watching the replays of his races. "I think, Whooah, that guy's going fast!"

Scientists agree that much of Bolt's ability is natural. Dr Peter Weyand, an expert on the science of sprinting, based at Southern Methodist University, Dallas, says tests have shown that he has a high

percentage of fast-twitch muscle fibre.

This produces the explosive speed and acceleration that compensates for his relatively slow starts. He also directs more than 1,000 pounds of force through each stride (around twice the norm). His long legs, meanwhile, mean that Bolt takes 41 steps to complete 100m instead of the more common 44 to 45.

But Bolt is keen to point out that he also puts in the track hours these days.

"Because I'm always messing about and my running style looks effortless, a lot

Behind the Scenes :I OIVMDICS igmb

What really goes on backstage at the Games?

LANE DICKSON

THE BIG CEREMONIES Details of the multimillion pound London 2012 opening ceremony are top secret. But Ric Birch, founder of Australian events company Spectak, has a better idea than most what it will involve.

"Scale is what differentiates these productions from other events," says the man who helped direct opening and closing ceremonies at the Sydney, Los Angeles, Barcelona and Beijing Games—a legendary spectacular that featured some 25,000 performers, giant LED scrolls, and dancers performing high on illuminated spheres.

Perhaps surprisingly, the vast majority of performers are not professionals—in London, 900 youngsters from local schools and around 15,000 members of the •

GETTY IMAGES

/

of people think I'm lazy. But I say to them, `See you in the morning at 6am.

Come and watch me train.' " The 100m final in London will attract a global television audience of four billion. But Bolt has claimed that he'll avoid stress by not thinking much about the race in the run-up, possibly playing the video game Call of Duty: Black Ops instead. And anyway, as he said recently, "There are so many Jamaican people in London, it's going to be like being at home."

Could the Lon'don Opening CekOony, estimated to Osft.£1\lni, look somethrhgae this:

I

Glen Mills is confident that his charge will perform well, and adds, "I don't think 9.4 seconds is impossible. The trouble is that he'd need to have the right conditions. It's hard, because it's London, to have any idea what they'll be. If they're good [dry and calm], Usain will be ready."

"For me to beat Bolt, he has to just go slower than me," said Kim Collins recently. "If he goes 9.5 seconds that day, I can't catch him. I can't run 9.5. That's not on my plate—or anyone's."

public will participate. But, says Ric, "you don't need prima ballerinas for mass choreography, just people with a sense of rhythm. What you do need is military-style discipline to keep so many people to a split-second schedule. We start rehearsing the routines about four months in advance.

The big pieces are divided into groups of around 100 for 'segment rehearsals'—we bring them together once they've learned their moves, and we usually have three dress rehearsals."

Since the Sydney Doves are alway released after th Games, Ric's secret lighting of the weapon has been Olympic flame fitting performers with in-ear radios. "If you're trying to pull off a mass clapping or tap-dancing routine in perfect unison, you need everyone to hear the soundtrack at exactly the same time."

In the past, performers had to try to hear the music over loudspeakers, but it would get distorted by the stadium acoustics, so it was very difficult to make routines precise.

But, despite all the organisation, things do go wrong. At Sydney 2000, Ric and his colleagues looked on in disbelief as the cauldron that was about to be ignited by the Olympic flame got stuck on its progress up a ramp. Thankfully, the in-ear radios kept confusion to a minimum, with

ALL THAT GLITTERS...

The last solid-gold Olympic medal was handed out in Sweden

stage managers telling the performers to stand still and "look happy" while the problem was fixed. But less subtle methods are sometimes required.

"At Atlanta 1996, I produced the ceremony where the Olympic flag was passed on to Sydney," says Ric. "We had 20 ten-year-old boys on bicycles with inflatable kangaroos strapped to their backs waiting outside the arena for their cue. Unfortunately, the security guy had been told not to let anybody onto the field. When the boys heard 'their music', they weren't going to be stopped and literally rode him down."

The more formal parts of the ceremony, such as the welcome speeches and the release of doves, are governed by protocol— the International Olympic Committee president's address must last no more than three minutes, for instance. But, even here, event directors have to be ready for anything.

"Greece is supposed to come first in the parade of the athletes, followed by the other countries in alphabetical order," says Ric. "But at Barcelona 1992, the Iraqi and Iranian teams contained many soldiers wounded in the two countries' recent war. We were warned not to put them both together...so we bent the rules and put Ireland in the middle."

in 1912. These days, a "gold" is mainly silver with a metal value of around £200. But British 2012 event winners needn't worry—experts

predict that they can expect to net upwards of £2m in sponsorships and endorsements between now and the Rio de Janeiro Games in 2016.

Athletes can be superstitious: gymnast Daniel Keatings always wears his lucky black and white sweatbands

THE ATHLETES For most of the 17,000 Games competitors, trying to finish first takes more than even all those years of training

Dealing with pressure "In every Olympics, there'll be people who have traumatic meltdowns—it's a brutal fascination of sport," says Matthew Syed, who played table tennis for Great Britain at Barcelona and Sydney, and wrote

GETTYIMAGES ( 2)

Bounce: The Myth of Talent and the Power of Practice (£8.99). "You know as you approach your event that it's the day for which everything else in your life has been mere preparation."

Many athletes try to overcome their nerves by using visualisation techniques— such as picturing themselves crossing the finishing line first—and many of the bigger

nations, including Britain, the US, Australia and China, have sports psychologists on hand at the Games.

But a surprising number of athletes rely on superstition and ritual. Bryony Shaw (GB windsurfer), for instance, always wears her lucky Blue Peter badge, gymnast Daniel Keatings constantly has a black sweatband on his left wrist and a white one on his right, and hockey forward Alexandra Danson spins her stick 15 times in the huddle before the game. Rebecca Adlington, who took double gold in Beijing, meanwhile, has a fear of odd numbers.

On a race day, she can only set her alarm for two, four or six o'clock.

"I used to cut the sleeve off every shirt I played in," says Matthew. "I told myself it was so the ball didn't brush it while I was serving, but of course that was nonsense. It just feels better if, instead of panicking, you believe 0-

Get a grip: GB pole-vaulter Holly Bleasdale uses carpet adhesive to avoid slipping

a backdrop of apathy. "Before I competed in Sydney," says Jonathan, "a friend told me, 'I think you should know that the time you're going to start your first jump is probably when Cathy Freeman [the Australian 400m runner, who went on to win gold] will come into the stadium to warm up' So I had to ignore the fact that the stadium was very noisy and nobody cared that much about what I was doing."

Recent Olympiads have seen an "arms race" of new technology, designed to give athletes the edge. In preparation for the 2008 Games, US athletes worked out in a "Beijing Air Device"—a tank filled with a mixture of CO2, dust and humidity to replicate smog. World records were broken in 21 of 32 swimming events at you're doing something to affect the that Olympics thanks, at least in part, to outcome. It's the placebo principle." "hydrophobic" costumes (they're now banned at the Olympics). And, in the last So much for decade or so, "full body cryotherapy"— where athletes are "supercooled" in minus home advantage?

160C tanks to help aid muscle recovery— "The weight of public expectation can has been increasingly widely used. also be a bit overwhelming," says Jonathan Some athletes do well using more Edwards, who won Olympic triple-jump low-tech solutions, silver at Atlanta, then gold at Sydney. "I think our ITCHY TRIGGER though. In 1960, British walker Don Thompson athletes may find it difficult In shorter running events, took gold in the 50km in being part of the host starting blocks have sensors Rome after acclimatising nation. When they're that detect when an athlete himself to heat and coming into the stadium, puts his feet on them, humidity with heaters all eyes will be on them; and a false start is called and kettles in his own they'll feel a collective if he moves off within 100 home. And Team GB's goodwill they'll never have milliseconds of the starting 2012 pole-vault hopeful experienced before, and pistol sounding. Speakers that might be scary."

Holly Bleasdale guards are positioned behind each against her hand But other competitor, so that the slipping by spraying athletes might have runners nearest the gun to face their big both palm and pole don't get an advantage. with carpet adhesive. moment against

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A little artificial help

THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE It may be a gleaming new Elbn town, with a cinema and 500-seat dining room, but whatever you may have read, budgets weren't limitless, and the athletes' temporary home is far from opulent.

Spartan living "At a World or European Championship, you'd expect a single [hotel] room with an en suite," says Jonathan Edwards, who sits on the London Olympic organising committee board and is chair of the Athletes' Committee. "In London, competitors will probably be sharing a room with teammates. So I've tried to make sure we get other basics right. I've personally tested the mattresses, seven or eight of them, and made sure there are bed extensions for athletes who are particularly tall. We've made sure, too, that bedrooms have lots of hooks, so that when people come in damp and sweaty, they can hang their kit up, rather than drape it across balconies."

Jonathan's also been monitoring the 0 canteen menu, making sure, for instance, 2 that there's a "grill-only" option with

An artist's impression of the Olympic village (and the British weather)

lb

sauces on the side for athletes who just want a clean piece of protein. "The Games fall during Ramadan, and Muslim athletes will be fasting during the day, so we're laying on extra meal times, too."

"Another thing we've made sure of is that you don't have to wait longer than a minute for a lift in accommodation blocks. I can imagine athletes getting pretty frustrated if they're all psyched up for competition and they're standing about wondering when the lift's going to come."

SECURITY

The London Games will see the biggest mobilisation of military force "All that stuff about the communal spirit in the capital since the Second World in the village is a bit of a myth," says War. Some 13,000 troops will be Matthew Syed. "It's Darwinian in there. drafted in to watch over the athletes Athletes want to win and, as their and public—more soldiers than are competition gets closer, their jumpiness currently deployed in Afghanistan— increases. It's partly why some of the big along with 20,000 police and privatenames don't stay in the village at all. security operatives.

"You can tell if someone has finished An aircraft carrier, HMS Ocean, competing or not by what they're eating," will be docked in the Thames, while Matthew adds. "The ones with everything the MoD has confirmed that military to play for are having lean meat and snipers will be deployed in helicopters complex carbohydrates. The others are to shoot the pilots of low-flying aircraft gorging on Magnums and industrial suspected of terrorist activity. The quantities of Coke." original security budget has officially And fizzy drinks aren't athletes' only doubled to £553m, including an E8m, indulgence after their event is over.

11-mile long, 5,000-volt electric fence "'Village sex' is legendary, and there's surrounding the Olympic village. a definite sense of 'what happens in the village, stays in the village'," says Matthew.

"Swimmers, particularly, have a reputation, TRANSPORT probably because their events take place An unprecedented 15 million journeys right at the beginning of the Games. As will be made in London on the busiest soon as they're finished, they're partying. days of the Games—some I suppose everyone else notices it three million more than because they're trying to sleep originally estimated. through the noise. But Despite £6.5bn people's behaviour is of infrastructure hardly surprising after improvements the monastic denial —such as the they've endured for "Javelin" rail months. Also, it's link from St usually hot and Pancras and there are thousands designated of young, virile The "Javelin" train Olympic car athletes with high is part of a transport lanes—avoiding levels of testosterone service dealing with an gridlock will estimated 800,000 all walking around in spectators a day depend to a Lycra or half naked. large extent on "It's all pretty what officials call extraordinary, to be honest. "voluntary reduction Like the world's best party."

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From grim faces to party central

RUNNINGFIGUREBY PAULTAYLOR/STONE/ GETTYIMAGES

The aircraft carrier HMS Ocean will play a key role in defending London against any terrorist attack

of traffic" (commuters working from home, staggering working hours, or walking or cycling to their destination).

According to one rumour, it's even been suggested to churches that they might like to hold funeral processions after lOpm. Whether all this will be enough is perhaps harder to predict than Olympic organisers would like to admit. According to Tony Travers, an expert in urban government at the London School of Economics, "It's a bit like asking if the weather will be good. It might be, but it might not."

DON'T MESS WITH THE FLAG In keeping with the Olympic principle of respect for every competing country,, athletes should treat national symbols with the upmost respect—or they could face serious consequences.

Swimmer Dawn Fraser, who won four gold medals for Australia in the 1964 Olympics, was barred from Olympic competition for ten years after she celebrated her win by stealing an Olympic flag from Tokyo's Imperial Palace. And, in Munich in 1972, American gold- and silver-medal-winning 400m runners Vince Matthews and Wayne Collett were banned for life for disrespect to their flag and the national anthem after chatting on the winners' podium. •

All Over?

DEREK REDMOND, 46 Great Britain 4x400m relay World, European and Commonwealth gold medallist. Forced out of the 1992 Barcelona Olympics 400m semi-final after tearing a hamstring. Retired in 1994.

For a few athletes, the Olympics can lead to a life of fame and fortune.

But what happens to the others?

remember clearly the day my athletics career ended.

I'd had an exploratory operation on a problematic Achilles tendon, and I'd gone to my doctor's surgery to hear the results. He looked at me and said that I'd never represent my country again. I felt like there'd been a death. I could see his mouth was still moving, but I wasn't listening to a word.

Afterwards I was upset, then annoyed, then really angry. I kept asking what I'd done to deserve this. I didn't want to see anyone and locked myself away.

But, after a few months, my dad Jim said I should get out and do something. He told me that, though I wouldn't be an international athlete again, I could still keep fit. He suggested a knock around on the basketball court—a sport I'd always enjoyed. I felt much better afterwards and started to play regularly. I was fast and, despite what the doctor had said, my ankle felt fine.

A few months later, I joined the Birmingham Bullets [professional] team. Basketball didn't come as naturally to me as athletics, but I worked hard and got better and better. Two and a half years later, I got into the Great Britain squad and played one international. That game was fantastic—I felt challenged again.

It is Now...

BY ALISON KERVIN PORTRAITS BY MICHAEL DONALD

Shortly after, I decided to retire from basketball— it was taking up a lot of time—but I missed it immediately.

I'd started doing motivational speaking and team-building work with a guy who coached at Coventry RFC, so I told him I wanted to have a go at rugby. I was very fit, and it wasn't long before I made the Coventry second team.

With my speed, I thought that I might even make the England Sevens squad. But I had a young family and the

DEREK REDMOND "My athletic days may have been over, but my mi as st" ng"

motivational speaking was taking off, so I wasn't quite there mentally.

Still, I enjoyed around eight years of semi-professional standard rugby.

When I think back to my doctor's office, I'm glad I managed to get back into sport. My athletic days may have been over, but my mind was still strong.

LAILA VAKIL, 38

1994 GETTYIMAGES

Represented Great Britain at women's solo and duet synchronised swimming at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. Retired in 1997. t sounds dramatic but, when I gave up swimming, I couldn't function properly. It was almost like coming out of the army. Since the age of 16, I'd had disciplined, meaningful days with coaches organising everything, including my diet.

But now I was a 23-year-old who didn't know what shopping to do, or even how often regular people showered because I'd spent all day in the pool since I was 16. For the next year, I just hung around my parents' house in Farnborough, watching TV. Finally, I started thinking through my skills. I'd done a lot of ballet for synchro, so I decided to try something in the performing arts. I got into the Bristol Old Vic drama school and became a professional actress for ten years—mainly theatre, but with small parts in Ho/by City, Doctors and EastEnders. It was exciting to be performing once more.

Laila in her role with Aquabatix synchronised swimming team; (inset, right) in her Olympics heyday 20 years ago

Then, in 2004, my friend Katie Fried, a girl I'd competed with in synchro, asked me if I wanted to work for Aquabatix, a company she'd set up supplying synchronised swimmers for events and modelling shoots. I was desperately unfit, but it was great to have a chance to swim again, and I realised I had this talent that very few people have but would pay to see.

I've since performed all over the world with Aquabatix, from a big circus show in South Korea to David Walliams' wedding.

I still act a bit, but it's nice to have my

sport back in my life. This time, though, I don't have that rigid lifestyle...and I've got used to being a normal person.

RAJ BHAVSAR, 31 US artistic gymnast. Won Olympic team bronze at Beijing 2008. Retired in 2010.

bars or pommel horses, just this big, empty space and lots of people waiting to throw me around. Cirque has a very good way of baby-stepping you, though. I trained in a harness and did tons of repetitions, somersaulting off shoulders and over people until I felt confident.

The first time I did a big trick without a harness, I couldn't quite believe it, and my debut performance—in July last year, two years after I started training—gave

AFP/GETTY IMAGES

ost high-level sportspeople are so busy concentrating on their event that they don't think about life beyond retirement.

I was quite different. The US gymnastics squad went on a national tour after the 2004 Athens Olympics—it was all fun tricks and entertainment. Then I saw Cirque du Soleil perform and knew I wanted to join them one day.

After the Beijing Games they agreed to meet me, and I found myself in this strange office in Montreal, miles from my home in Houston, Texas. But Cirque sounded very exciting, so I moved to Canada and joined the circus!

When I started, I was travelling into the unknown. There were no parallel

RAJ BHAVSAR "There's no opposition now, just me and the crowd"

me exactly the same nerves as when I was competing. But there's no doubt that you lose a piece of your identity when you retire from sport that you never stop searching for. I was lucky to be able to take the gymnastic skills I'd spent years perfecting and build this new career.

But I have a liberating new focus.

Cirque is about engaging with the audience emotionally, rather than getting the highest marks. There's no opposition now, just me and the crowd.

ADAM WHITEHEAD, 32 Great Britain. 2002 Commonwealth Games 100m breaststroke champion.

Eliminated in the heats of the 100m and 200m breaststroke at Sydney 2000. Retired in 2006. n January 2000, I'd come fourth in the World Championships 200m, but when it came to the Games, I was terrible.

Mistakenly, I think, our Olympic trials were scheduled five weeks before the

ADAM WHITEHEAD "Competing was just about me. Hearing what I've done to help someone else is massive"

PAUL TAYLOR/GETTY IMAGES; AFP/GE TTY IM AG ES

Games, so, after a vital rest, there wasn't time to get back into shape [other countries had significantly longer]. The team failed to win a single medal, and I was five metres slower than I should have been.

Since I was 16, I'd been doing ten or so swimming sessions a week—each about two hours long —six hours of weights and three hours of circuit training. So after my second race, I felt dreadful. You're meant to stop for interviews in the pool's media zone, but I put my towel over my head and spent an hour crying in the toilet.

I carried on training, but my heart just wasn't in it. I felt so let down by swimming. And I lost my Lottery funding and sponsorship, so my parents had to support me. After a year or so, I got some enthusiasm back and won 100m gold at the 2002 Commonwealth Games. But then I got chronic fatigue and didn't make the Athens 2004 Olympic squad.

I went to the team-preparation camps, though—a swimmer called James Gibson asked me to be his training partner. But imagine going to the airport, the squad are all having their photo taken, and you have to stand to one side with the bags.

Very demoralising.

I didn't make the 2006 Commonwealth team either and retired soon after. I hadn't made any plans—if I had, in my mind, I'd have already stopped swimming. I didn't have a penny in the bank. Even when I had sponsors, I'd only be on around £6,000 a year. So I worked as a swimmingdevelopment officer for Coventry council for a while and did some coaching. But

it wasn't really me. I'd already spent half my life in a pool and didn't want to spend the rest of it there.

At the same time, I was doing a little too much of some of the stuff I couldn't do before, like staying up late and drinking. Indeed, I know lots of swimmers who've had alcohol and drugs issues.

And, while you're supposed to gradually reduce your training after retiring to allow your body to adjust, I just stopped completely.

Luckily, I didn't put on much weight.

But it was clear that all my self-worth had been tied to my swimming performances, and it took me maybe 18 months—with help from friends and family—to realise I needed to be happy with who I am, not how fast I can go.

I started working with the Dame Kelly Holmes Legacy Trust. I now organise former athletes to work as mentors with vulnerable young adults. We recently ran a programme for people with learning difficulties in Hackney. When they told us the positive things they'd got out of the course, there was lump in my throat—a much better feeling than I ever got from swimming. Competing was great, but it was just about me. Hearing what I've done to help someone else is massive. • As told to Simon Hemelryk

THE MOST COMMON DISEASES You've (Probably) Never Heard Of They can cause distress and even death, but remarkably few of us know about them—including some GPs

BY SUSANNAH HICKLING

WILL SELAREP/G ETTY I MAGES

THE VIRUS THAT CAN BLIND YOUR BABY When I was pregnant with my son Joshua, a scan showed he had a malformed intestine. My gynaecologist thought it could be because of something called cytomegalovirus (CMV).

"What's that?" I asked, before rushing home and Googling the subject at the point of panic.

Cytomegalovirus, it turned out, is a type of herpes virus that at least 40 per cent of us carry, and is usually symptomless or brings on a mild flu-like illness. If contracted during pregnancy, however, it may cause miscarriage and various birth defects. ►

56 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

WHY IS THE ROOM SPINNING? It could be because of benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV). "Benign what?"

I hear you cry. Believe it or not, BPPV is the commonest cause of dizziness, and will affect around one in 40 people during their lives.

"Classically, you wake up in the morning and you roll over to get out of bed and everything spins," explains ear, nose and throat surgeon Rahul Kanegaonkar, who specialises in balance at Guy's Hospital, London. "This only lasts for a few seconds, but the first episode is terrifying. People think they're going to die or are having a stroke. Many crawl to the toilet, because you get vomiting with it, then crawl back to bed." The condition can cause depression or even stop sufferers leaving the house.

It's caused by calcium carbonate crystals

WORST FOOT FORWARD If you're over 50 and you regularly get pain in your legs when you walk, don't just put it down to rheumatism.

You could have peripheral arterial disease (PAD), a hardening or blockage in leg arteries that affects as many as 30 per cent of over-55s, so visit your GP. Most of the 5,000 leg amputations carried out every year in the UK are because of ulcers and gangrene brought on by PAD or diabetes

MEDIC AL- ON- LINE/ALAMY

Happily, my blood test proved negative for CMV and Joshua (now eight) underwent a successful operation on his small intestine at birth. But Carmen Burton from Derby was not so lucky. Her teenage daughter Nathalie is profoundly deaf and has epilepsy and learning disabilities, all because Carmen, 43, unknowingly picked up CMV while pregnant.

"It frightens me when doctors tell people it's very rare," says Carmen, who chairs the Congenital CMV Association (cmvaction. org.uk). "That's what I was told 18 years ago." In fact, congenital CMV is thought to affect one in 150 children worldwide. Of those, 20 per cent go on to develop hearing or vision loss, seizures and other serious problems.

So why isn't it on women's radars? "I was told that doctors didn't spread awareness because nothing could be done and they didn't want to frighten people," says Carmen.

But, though CMV may not be curable, it's useful to know that the virus is transmitted through saliva and other bodily fluids—and pregnant women, for instance, can reduce their risk of contracting it by washing their hands after feeding young children, changing nappies or handling toys. Indeed, Carmen is currently campaigning for awareness posters to be displayed in every antenatal clinic.

HITOSHI NISHIMURA/GETTY IMAGES

in the inner ear dislodging, perhaps as a result of an injury, infection or ageing. The debris moves around and the brain can't work out what's happening—hence the vertigo and nausea.

Doctors often confuse BPPV with Meniere's disease (believed to be caused by a fluid build-up in the ear), which leads to vertigo but also hearing loss. "Balance problems are hard to diagnose," Kanegaonkar explains. "It's not like a lump on your arm that you can cut off and analyse. You have to go through and exclude different things."

Luckily, BPPV can nearly always be cured using the Epley manoeuvre. This involves a doctor or physiotherapist moving a patient's head into a series of positions to allow the debris to move to a part of the ear where it won't cause problems. or both. What's more, says Cliff Shearman, professor of vascular surgery at the University of Southampton, having PAD quadruples your risk of a heart attack or stroke.

And yet we tend to ignore it. "Leg pain is not seen to be as important as chest pain," explains Professor Shearman. "We won't book an appointment as urgently, and the doctor might not be quite so anxious about it."

Detection, he says, is "very, very simple". A

blood-pressure cuff and a pocket ultrasound probe can be used to find out whether blood pressure in the ankle is lower than in the arm—a test that nurses and GPs already carry out on diabetics. Treatment ranges from lifestyle changes, such as giving up smoking and losing weight, to medication and surgery.

This could mean a bypass of the affected artery or angioplasty, where a tube with a balloon at its tip is inserted into the artery to unblock it.

Professor Shearman would love to see the test for diabetics used on all over-55s for PAD. "We're happy to employ people like me to help patients at the end stage —the most expensive way to treat cardiovascular disease—but we don't like investing earlier on. Stroke costs the NHS £2.8bn annually, and amputations at least £60,000 per person in the first year. You don't need to make much impact in this area to create huge long-term savings."

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 57

If you think that mycoplasma genitalium sounds like a sexually transmitted disease, you'd be absolutely right. But I'm betting you'd be surprised to learn that this little-known bacterium, which was only discovered in 1980, is probably 58 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

TIM HAWL EY/GETTY IMAGES

A NASTY LITTLE BEDROOM SECRET

more common than gonorrhoea, HIV or syphilis the UK. In the US, it's now the third most common STD among the young.

Mycoplasma genitalium is responsible for urethritis in men, causing a discharge and pain on passing urine. In women, it's associated with cervicitis (inflammation of the cervix) and is a major suspect in pelvic inflammatory disease, which can lead to ectopic pregnancy, chronic pelvic pain and infertility.

It can also cause pain during sex and itching. But part of the reason we're not sure how many people have it is that it's often symptomless, especially in women.

"No company manufactures a test for mycoplasma genitalium," adds Dr Jonathan Ross, professor of sexual health and HIV at the Whittall Street Clinic in Birmingham. An NHS doctor can send a sample to the lab, but this is expensive and far from routine.

The condition can be treated with antibiotics, though. Prevention—as you'd expect—is by using a condom.

WHY YOUR HEART SKIPS A BEAT

SC IENCEPHOTO L IBR ARY/GETTY IMAGES

What affects an estimated million Britons and causes up to 30 per cent of all strokes? The answer is atrial fibrillation.

It's the most common heart-rhythm disorder— or arrhythmia—in the UK, affecting one in four people over the age of 64.

Yet it's often undetected.

This, according to Trudie Lobban, head of the Atrial Fibrillation Association (atrialfibrillation.org.uk), is because GPs no longer take your pulse routinely (the condition not only makes it irregular, but can send it soaring past 140 beats per minute), and people dismiss the thudding in their chest as palpitations. Sufferers may also experience

shortness of breath and dizziness, but some people don't notice anything.

June Setter's experience is typical. Four years ago, the 83-year-old from near Bath was shocked to find that she couldn't climb three flights of stairs to a hotel room. "I could hardly breathe and had to keep stopping," she says.

She went to the GP and saw a different doctor to the one who usually treated her for high blood pressure.

He took her pulse, which no one had done before, and sent her for an electrocardiogram that revealed atrial fibrillation. It's now controlled by tablets.

"I'd never heard of it,"

THE CASE OF THE MYSTERIOUS CURLING FINGERS Five years ago, 38-year-old mum-oftwo Sarah Cooke was a bus driver.

Today, thanks to a progressive hand condition, she's a passenger assistant for people with special needs, and fears that one day she won't be able to push wheelchairs as her hand tightens into a claw.

says June. "I'm thankful that the other doctor picked it up. Otherwise, I wonder if I'd still be here."

Keep an eye out for the condition by checking your pulse regularly. "As long as we can count, we can be responsible for our heart rhythm," says Lobban.

The reason? Dupuytren's disease, where the fingers are pulled inwards by thickening cords and nodules in the connective tissue of the palm or fingers.

At first, I had three tiny balls at the base of my fingers," she explains.

"But now my middle finger has started dropping down towards my palm and I'm getting pain in my thumb."

Like many people, she'd never heard of Dupuytren's when her specialist diagnosed it. But when she told her JULY 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

59

Chris Bainbridge, hand surgeon at the Royal Derby Hospital—people who've had treatment point it out to their friends whose fingers are starting to bend.

"We don't do anything as long as you can keep the hand straight," says Bainbridge. But once the fingers start to bend inwards, surgery can cut or remove the nodules and cords.

Half of the time, though, further operations are needed, so doctors are increasingly turning to collagenase injections. These, as Bainbridge puts it, contain "two enzymes that turn the Dupuytren's cord into soup", and have an 80-90 per cent success rate. •

FROM THE ARCHIVES: MORAL MAZES OF THE PAST

Pro and Con

Back in the 1930s, we ran a regular column entitled "Pro and Con", discussing the moral issues of the day. Some are still relevant. Others—both in terms of the views and the way they're expressed—have not stood the test of time quite so well...

Should we sterilise the feeble-minded? "The existence of democracy depends on a citizenry of high average intelligence or stability. What kind of government can we hope to maintain if an increasing number of voters are defectives?"

Shall we abolish tipping? "No sensible person has anything good to say for it.

The atmosphere of cringing demand is an outrage on both parties."

Should we boycott Japan? "Could the democratic powers, probably allied with Soviet Russia, win a war against a Japanese-German-Italian alliance? Nobody would win such a war. Western civilisation would never stand the strain."

Is birth control a national menace? "Birth control is rapidly breeding our brains out. Contraceptives are now used most widely on the higher income and intelligence levels, and hardly at all on the lowest levels."

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JOH N WAT NEY/ SCIENCE PHOTOLIBRARY

dad, it turned out that he had it, too —and so had his father. The condition tends to run in families, affecting about two million Britons. Margaret Thatcher is a sufferer, and you're more likely to develop it as you get older.

"The commonest place to have it diagnosed is the 19th hole," laughs

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BY COLA BORG

THE BEER WRITERS' BEER

THE AFTER-DINNER BEER Magic Rock Bearded Lady, Huddersfield It's not often that a beer attracts the adjective "sexy".

A year ago, most of the staff of Magic Rock were just drinking beer, not making it. But they've pushed the proverbial envelope when it comes to US-style craft brewing. "Put it this way, we never have any spare beer," says brewer Stuart Ross.

They make an impressive range.

This one is an old brown stout given a modern twist. "It's a gorgeous beer," says Kenny Hannah from the beer monkey blog. "Dark as Bourneville chocolate. Rich, vinous, robust but drinkable, with flavours of caramel and chocolate." But atwhoah!-10.5 ABV, Bearded Lady is one to appreciate in sips. There's also a bourbon-barrel-aged version, released each November. If both of those elude you, try Dark Arts stout —"Bearded Lady's younger brother", which is slightly less heady but can be drunk in the same way. Apparently it's divine poured over ice cream DRINK after dinner or as a dessert beer.

These beers are available on tap from pubs that specialise in craft beer. Buy bottled from specialist websites from £2.30, or email sales@magicrockbrewing.com 64 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

The Kernel's IPA Irish brewer and owner Evin O'Riordan was named Brewer of the Year by the British Guild of Beer Writers 2011 (an award with much kudos), and the brewery was runner-up for Best Producer in the Observer Food Monthly Awards 2011.

So what's the big deal?

Operating from underneath a railway arch in Bermondsey, south London, they produce only bottled beer—and then in small amounts. They make darker porters and stouts using traditional recipes, but this IPA uses New World citra hops, which makes it very "fruit forward", according to O'Riordan, "with maybe notes of tropical fruit juice—while still tasting like a beer".

DRINK with a young and tasty goats' cheese.

See thekernelbrewery.com to find stockists

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Robust, tasty ' and memorable.

And the beer's not bad either

O PENING S PREAD: PA CKSHOT FACTO RY

THE VEGETARIAN BEER Marble Old Manchester Bitter Marble is an old-school Mancunian brewery making cask ales, which has adapted to the new wave of beer-dom—"taking the beard out of the beer", as it's known. Or, as they themselves put it, "They're straddling the old man's bitter and the young brewing upstarts."

Their Manchester Bitter is a classic British beer. "It's the kind of drink that makes people say, 'Wow! I didn't know beer could taste like this,' " says Andrew Morgan, owner of The Bottle Shop. It's also vegetarian (they

don't use sturgeons' bladders to strain the beer, and thank goodness for that).

Many of their beers are Soil Associationcertified organic. Their mantra? "Brewers aren't just sweaty blokes in overalls, they're artists." Oh, and if you look above and on their website you can see the beer workers naked (except for strategically placed signage). Nice labels, too.

DRINK "with friends", they say— or, as it's not too heavy or rich, with chicken dishes and curries.

Find it locally, or order online at marble beers.co.uk (about £1.75 per bottle) v.

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

65

THE "ANY EXCUSE" BEER

THE "BEST WITH SNACKS" BEER Harvey's Sussex Best Bitter This is a historic brewery, founded in 1790 and still brewing up a storm using locally sourced ingredients. Indeed, it's so popular that there's a two-year waiting list for tours of the building in Lewes.

In the meantime, try their Sussex Best Bitter, a cask ale that has fans falling over themselves. Caramac-coloured, it's "mature and malty, a beautifully balanced beer, with gentle hoppiness coming through".

DRINK with "a well-made, artisan pork pie and piccalilli", says the beer monkey. Will do, sir.

Available in Harvey's pubs in the South East (within a 60-mile radius of the brewery) and also through their website, where you can buy their cask and bottled ales. A polypin of Sussex Best Bitter (that's 36 pints to you) costs £74.74. See harveys. org.uk for details 66

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

Thornbridge Jaipur IPA, Derbyshire One of the new wave of microbreweries that have sprung up in the UK in the past few years—thanks in part to Gordon Brown, who, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, introduced favourable rates of tax on brewing smaller amounts of beer—Thornbridge has been collecting awards at a stunning rate (over 200 since it was founded in 2004, which is a batting average of two INDIA PALE ALE a month).

"They're often experimental but never daft, making a range of beers that are elegant and classy," says Pete Brown, author of Man Walks Into a Pub (£8.99). Their Jaipur India Pale Ale—named after the city where co-founder Jim Harrison got married—has scooped loads of gongs. A "complex and assertive American-influenced British beer with aromas of melon, peach, mango, papaya, all very subtly dancing on your nose and with a dry bitterness at the end".

DRINK with...? "It goes incredibly well with curry."

Available in bottle, cask or keg. Bottled beer can be purchased from Waitrose, priced around £2.45

111 11 11 Brewmaster Peter Stewart, an ex-glassblower: "Both careers involve standing in large drat y sheds and drinking too much"

.60110;ft

THE TRENDY CIDER Thistly Cross Strawberry Cider Busting the myth that ciders come only from the West Country, this artisan cider maker is in East Lothian. Peter Stewart, brewmaster at Thistly Cross, started making fruit ciders due to local demand.

The result is some lovely varieties: Ginger for autumn months; low-ABV Elderflower; and one aged in whisky barrels for winter, which goes down a treat on Burns Night.

In summer, plump for the deep-red

Strawberry Cider, made using handpressed local fruit. It's eye-wateringly expensive, but that's not their fault— because of the added fruit, they pay duty at high rates. So you're contributing to the economy by drinking this. Honest.

DRINK over ice "in that half hour of sunshine on a warm summer afternoon", says Peter.

Available from thistlycrosscider.co.uk, priced from around f4.50 per bottle

THE NEW IRISH BEER lnishmacsaint Fermanagh Beer

THE SUMMER CIDER Henry Westons Vintage Dry Cider, Much Markle, Gloucestershire

Even though there's now an army of artisan cider producers in Britain (hell, we've been brewing it for 1,000 years), "some of the best ciders are so small you've virtually got to go to the AIc 82' farmhouse gate," says Pete Brown.

In terms of what's readily available then, Westons Vintage is excellent, brewed since forever in traditional oak I:; vats with, Pete says, "that apple-y sweetness and a real dry quality from the wood". o VINTACI But beware—at 8.2 ABV, it's definitely a sipper.

EREFORDSIDRINK with pork with apple sauce ("a cliché, but a cliché for a reason", says Pete).

Or maybe with a strong local cheddar.

Available from retailers all over the UK, priced about £2 per bottle 68

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

This craft beer is brewed on a cattle farm in Derrygonnelly, Northern Ireland, using a traditional process (no filtering, processing or pasturising).

In fact, the only concession to modern brewing processes is the refrigeration.

Fermanagh Beer is made by one family, who are re-establishing a local beer-making tradition used by monks in the fifth and sixth centuries at the Celtic church on Loch Erne (and we don't even have time to discuss why monks always, always brewed beer). What results is an amber-coloured, fresh, citrus-y, malty, lager-style beer with a slight haze, which is slipping down a storm in the local area. It's all wildly natural— spent grains are given to the farm pigs (lucky them), and even the brewery itself was constructed from recycled dairy equipment from neighbouring farms. Try if you can.

DRINK chilled as a refreshing summer beer—or, they say, "with whatever you like".

Available (at the moment) in pubs and off-licences in the County Fermanagh area and Northern Ireland. Shortly to be available at London craft-beer outlets

With thanks to: Pete Brown, author of Man Walks Into a Pub: A Sociable History of Beer; Susanna Forbes, editor and publisher at DrinkBritain.com; Kenny Hannah, blogger at thebeer rnonkey.blogspot. co.uk; Andrew Morgan, owner of The Bottleshop (bottle-shop.co.uk); and Colin Mcllheney.

STEVEN BARBER PHOTOGR APHY LTD

THE PERFECT BARBECUE BEER Hawkshead Windermere Pale Ten years ago, journalist Alex Brodie gave up being a foreign correspondent to open a brewery in Cumbria with his head brewer Matt Clarke. Their Windermere Pale is a light, straw-coloured, summery beer, supped recently

by Prince Charles (he pronounced it "very hoppy"—do you think he was told to say that?).

Also worth trying is the NZPA (New Zealand Pale Ale), brewed to celebrate

1,000 brews and using four different types of hops from New Zealand (one is the Nelson Sauvin, which gives the same gooseberry-ish floral notes that can be found in a glass of Sauvignon Blanc).

The beer monkey says it's a fantastic, clean, punchy, citrus-y beer.

DRINK with anything you care to throw on a barbecue. Even prawns.

Available locally by cask and bottled in a case of six (£27 from hawkshead brewery.co.uk)

Is there a British beverage you'd like to shout about? Then please let us know. Email details—with a picture if possible —to theeditord. readersdigest.co.uk Go to readersdigest. co.uk/magazine for the chance to win the Ultimate DrinkBritain Case, including beer, wine, cider and whisky worth — over 1 g

WANT TO BUY BRITISH BEERS AND CIDERS?

DrinkBritain.com has a decent website with details of breweries to visit. Waitrose stock a good selection, and also regional varieties.

Bottle-shop.co.uk sells specialist and craft beers—ring for advice to discuss what you might like (they can supply many of the beers mentioned). Or you can sample many of them at the Campaign for Real Ale's Great British Beer Festival at Olympia London from August 7-11. Find details at gbbf.org.uk •

NEXT MONTH: ROADSIDE MONUMENTS

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 69

Meera S al "I remem ...I WAS A BIT FERAL AS A CHILD. I grew up in the little town of Essington in the West Midlands. We lived in miners' cottages—there were about 40 of them in an L-shape, with a communal yard where all the kids gathered and people parked their cars, played their radios, hung their washing and sunned themselves. Next to the yard was a park, so I spent my whole childhood outdoors, climbing trees, getting scabby knees, almost drowning...

It was like Enid Blyton—except I was Indian, and it was the Midlands! I was allowed to roam and take risks, and I think that developed my independence of spirit. ...I LOVED WRITING. My mum [Surrinder, who was a teacher at Meera's primary school] has some poems I wrote when I was five. They're rubbish, of course, but there was obviously that need there to express myself. From about 13, I kept a diary regularly. It was a good escape because, although I loved my childhood, I was so aware that we were fish out of water, and the village was also a very small place. I remember sitting on the swings at the park, staring at the horizon and thinking, There must be something more than this.

70 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

...MY FAMILY'S ETHOS WAS THAT YOUR HOME IS AS FAR AS YOU FALL. It was that this is your haven, your family, your home, and you will always be loved. Therefore, go out into the world and be strong. And that's what I would later try to pass on to my children: you mustn't be afraid to go out and take risks and challenges—but you must know that you're loved and safe. ...I DID ENCOUNTER SOME RACISM. It was a white, working-class village. If I missed one of my connecting buses home from school, I'd have to walk through a DAVE M BENETT/GETTY IMAGES (TOP)

1/11 1% drama student in

a performance of her one-woman play One of Us at Hull University, 1983; (opposite) Meera today, aged 50

(Above) "This is outside our front fence when I was six. I've got so few pictures of the village, which is sad as it doesn't exist any more"

really quickly, and a lot sooner than you thought," that you suddenly realise all the wonderful bits about it.

...AT OUR SCHOOL, THERE WASN'T MUCH DRAMA TO GET "My favourite INVOLVED picture of my mum WITH. There and dad, in India ...WHEN MY MUM was perhaps in 1959. It looks like a movie still" GOT BREAST one production CANCER. I was 19. a year—so choosing to read English and drama She had a mastectomy and hysterectomy, and then we just had to cross our fingers. at Manchester University was an odd As anyone who's lived with cancer will tell choice, as far as my parents were you, you're never quite sure if you're free concerned. But they said, "Well, OK. of it. There are monthly and yearly checks Work hard—that's all we ask."

Manchester was very vibrant and I —but you never know.

My mum's a fighter, though, and she's had a great time, although I still felt a bit still with us now. Also, to get a bit of a kick like an outsider—I was too way-out for up the backside from mortality at that age the other Asian kids, who were all doing was no bad thing for me. You think, Oh, medicine and other sensible subjects! my God—every minute counts. I've got all But, even then, I didn't think I'd ever act these things I want to say. I'm going to say as a career. I'd look at the TV and cinema them now. and, barring Bollywood, there was no When Dennis Potter was dying, he one who looked like me. Who'd want to did an interview with Melvyn Bragg, and hear about my experiences? So I started spoke about the irony that life is at its planning a career working with children most intense and sweetest when you with disabilities. know there is so little of it left. He gave an extraordinary quote about the blossom ...THAT PLAN CHANGED! In my on the tree outside his window, saying final year, I devised a one-woman show, it's the "blossomiest blossom it could ever One of Us, with my writer friend Jacqui Shapiro. It was about an Indian girl who'd be". Such a beautiful phrase—and that was it in a nutshell. We spend a lot of our run away from home and wanted to be an lives wandering round with our eyes shut, actress. It was about all the stuff I'd been bemoaning our fate, and it's only when thinking over and storing up for years, someone tells you, "It's gonna be over and I thought, I'll just do this one thing 72

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

PH OTOGRAP HSCOURTESY O F MEER A SYAL

council estate and then over the fields— and that was taking your life in your hands!

But it taught me to be very bolshy. I scrapped a lot behind my parents' backs, but I don't think that was a bad thing.

I realised that, if you play a victim, you'll be treated like one.

We spend a lot of our lives wandering round with our eyes shut, bemoaning our fate in London." And he still brings that up today—what an arse I was!

"In my room at uni for my 21st birthday party.

I have flowers growing out of my hair! I was so not edgy—a little overweight, with frizzy hair, and I didn't drink"

BBC PHOTO LI BRARY

to express all of that, and then I'll go and have a sensible life. Then a director from the Royal Court Theatre saw the show and offered me my first professional job. So I spent the next few years cutting my teeth in the theatre, learning my craft. ...WHAT MY FAMILY NOW CALLS "THE TOFU INCIDENT".

When I'd just moved to London [at 22] and my brother was still a teenager, he came over to stay with me. I thought I was very cool, being an actress in London— even though I was very poor and mostly unemployed. I said to him, "I need to pop out and get some tofu." He replied, "What's tofu?" in his Midlands accent. I said, "Honestly! You'll never make it

...I DIDN'T FIND MY KINDRED SPIRITS, MY TRIBE, UNTIL GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME. I'd been working on [the Nineties Afro-Caribbean sketch show] The Real McCoy with a script editor, Anil Gupta, and an actor, Kulvinder Ghir.

They'd grown up at the same time as me, seeing all the absurd, funny things about being an immigrant, but without anyone to share it with.

We got talking about how we could do a version of The Real McCoy based on British-Asian humour. So Anil brought in a few others—including [Meera's now-husband] Sanjeev Bhaskar—and we were commissioned, first for radio [in 1996], and then BBC2. But I never expected the scale of its success. The highlight was

In Goodness Gracious Me with (left to right) Nina Wadia, Kulvinder Ghir and Sanjeev Bhaskar

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

73

told, and who I can cuddle and snatch up.

Then I also get to do the whole friendship thing with Chameli.

Now she's 19, we can do so many wonderful things together.

...THE MOST AMAZING THING WAS THAT THIS WAS COMEDY THAT ...FAMILY HOLIDAYS. We go HAD CROSSED OVER. Our audiences every year to Suffolk, as a ritual! It holds a were mixed—black, white, and Asian people. very special place in my heart. It's like going The most famous sketch, Meera in the RSC'S upcoming version back in time—very "Going for an English", of Much Ado unspoiled. You go back was a complete reversal, About Nothing to the basics, like going holding a mirror up to for a walk, eating fish and chips, and the awful things that some white people do in Indian restaurants—and people loved throwing pebbles in the sea. You just end up chatting, and you get the sense of time it, they took it!

So all these barriers came tumbling rushing by around you. down. I'd be followed down Wanstead ...MY 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY. High Street by little boys shouting, "Kiss my chuddies!" And I'd say, "What does It was at the Vortex, a jazz club in Stoke 'chuddies' mean, then?" And the Indian Newington. I hired it out for the night and kids would say, "I'll tell you what it means." made sure there was a guitar, microphone I thought, This is amazing. For years, we and piano, and held an impromptu karaoke were the butt of all the "Paki" jokes. Now evening. It was so fantastic. There was no people wanted to know about our culture. pressure, and people just got up and sang That was a huge turning point. and played stuff.

I now realise that I was just repeating ...THEY WERE HEADY DAYS! But I was what I used to do with my parents as a kid. a mother [to Chameli], so I could only do There's something so nice about people a bit of the rock-and-roll lifestyle. If I threw getting together, having a glass of wine a telly out of the window, I'd go and pick it and singing, with no pressure—just because up and tidy the room afterwards...and then they feel full of joy. go home to my child! ...PREPARING TO PLAY BEATRICE ...HAVING TWO BITES OF A VERY IN THE ROYAL SHAKESPEARE LOVELY CHERRY. I've done motherhood COMPANY'S NEW PRODUCTION twice. I've got my six-year-old [son, Shaan], OF MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. who's at the age where he does what he's I've never done a Shakespeare before—this 74

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

J ILLIAN EDELSTEIN/RSC

4 when we went on tour in 1998. We were playing massive stadiums, and people treated us like rock stars.

is my first! I'm quite nervous about taking on such an iconic part, but the RSC are the best people I could possibly be doing it with. Our version is going to be set in India, which I'm pretty sure is a first.

The play is about mature love—it's the original romcom. I don't like to go into the details of my marriage [to Sanjeev Bhaskar, whom Meera married in 2005 after they'd known each other nearly a decade], but I would say that's a way into Beatrice for me. I recognise that the person who's best for you could be under your nose when you don't realise it. The finest basis for a relationship is friendship and someone that makes you laugh—that's what Beatrice and Benedick have. It's never going to be boring, but it's going to be passionate and it will last.

...LEARNING FROM THE HARD TIMES. All the unexpected, sad or tragic things that happen make you feel that life can be unfair and hard. For me, a divorce [from first husband, journalist Shekhar Bhatia] and my mum getting ill—those things make you grow up a bit. It seemed so unjust for my mum to get cancer and so frightening that we might lose her, but along with all the other people suffering in the world, I was there in that club. I understood the dark side of life. You have to take these things. I think they either make you bitter, or more empathetic. I like to think that, for me, it was the latter. ■ As told to Ellie Rose » Meera appears in the RSC's production of Much Ado About Nothing from July 26.

TIMOTHY ACLARY/AFP; MICHAEL LO CC ISANO/BOTHGETTY IMAGES

DID YOU KNOW...? THE JOYS OF MANHATTANHENGE Travel guides say New York streets run east-west while the avenues are north-south, but it's not quite true. The streets are 30 degrees off—and the unexpected result is that the setting sun can only line up with them twice a year.

When it does, though, the sun lights up those streets, sending orange sunlight down through the metal and glass canyons. For just the last 15 minutes of only two days in the year, the sun makes the city of New York look like Stonehenge at solstice. If you can make it on July 11 at 8.24pm, be on 14th, 23rd, 34th, 42nd or 57th Streets for the best view. The next one isn't until May 2013. William Gallagher

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75

1 Zemo Achabeti in South Ossetia - e before...

9 eETTY tMAGES. INSETS . 2012 DIGL

BY JO CARLOWE

Dictators have been - getting away with secret human-rights abuses for centuries.

But now, thanks to modern satellite technology, we can see what's going on

'

a"

...and after.

Satellite images show that civilians' 114:4111f■ • homes were destroyed during the military conflict

.7

J.

The cell is stifling and 49-year-old Nell Mchedlidze is crammed in with at least

40 other women. Many are crying and someone has a stomach upset—the smell is awful.

"Please can I have water?" Neli asks.

"What's the point?" the guard replies.

"You're going to be killed anyway."

Neli remains in the cell for more than a week, awaiting execution. All she can think of is what kind of death she faces.

The women's only crime is their heritage. It's August 2008, and they are Georgians living in the village of Zemo Achabeti, South Ossetia, a disputed area south of Russia. They've been taken hostage by the Ossetian military, who are locked in conflict with neighbouring Georgia over ownership of the oil-rich territory. Luckily, the Red Cross eventually arrived in the war zone and the women were released. But when Neli returned to her home, it had been burned down.

Flash forward to this February. No one's ever been punished for Neli's ordeal, but she's had good news—the European Court of Human Rights has started to review her case. The London-based European Human Rights Advocacy Centre is acting on Neli's behalf—along with that of133 other Georgians who say they were assaulted or imprisoned by Ossetian militia and their Russian backers during the conflict.

The case is unusual because it includes evidence from space—high-resolution satellite images. The pictures can't reveal

what happened inside Neli's cell, but experts at non-profit organisation the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) have compared images taken of Zemo Achabeti over a nine-day period. They show that—despite no one admitting liability for attacking civilians—homes were destroyed.

Such use of satellite images—which

now have a staggering 0.5-metre image resolution, allowing analysts to make out trees, military machinery, burnt-out homes, and even large groups of people— is something we're likely to hear more about. In war zones and remote areas that corrupt despots and militia make difficult for aid agencies, human-rights groups and the UN to reach, these pictures are providing evidence of—and even preventing—human-rights abuses, and assisting with crisis intervention.

Individual acts such as torture or murder may not be identifiable from space, but specialists like Susan Wolfinbarger at the AAAS are becoming adept at spotting the smoking guns that frequently accompany such acts.

"Our analysis of Misrata, Libya, last spring, for instance, revealed thousands of crater shells and destroyed roadblocks caused by fighting between government forces and rebel groups," she says. The satellite images alerted the world to the growing conflict while the rebel-held city was still under siege, allowing international governments to plan

The satellite images alerted the world to utowing conflict

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a military response.

Similarly, in 2009, experts at the UN's Operational Satellite Applications Programme could tell that groups of civilians were trapped by fighting between the Tamil Tigers and the Sri Lankan government in the north-east of the "SOS55 country. The Red Cross Kyrgyzstan was alerted and it manJune 2010 aged to get food and Civilians in Osh caught medicine to the desperup in inter-ethnic ate people. violence between Even if an event has Kyrgyz and Uzbek occurred in an area that's nationalists—which barely been mapped, killed 470—attempted analysts can find evito alert the outside dence—perhaps locating world to their plight by a site by piecing together painting "SOS" on roads witness testimonies that and athletics fields. Amnesty International used satellite the incident took place images of these appeals to bring international attention near a distinctive river to the crisis, and an Independent International or forest.

Commission of Inquiry was set up to ease tensions in the "We try to be as sure area, recommending, among other things, that the as possible before orderUzbek language should be given protected status. ing expensive satellite images," says Susan. "But, sometimes, it's just a best guess. There's occurring deep in the isolated Dasht-ialways a 'Yes, we got it!' if we're right... Leili desert in Afghanistan, AAAS experts followed very quickly by the enormity were able to use eyewitness accounts to of what we're viewing." locate large piles of excavated earth, recIn 2009, for example, the AAAS inves- ognisable from space only because they tigated claims by US campaign group were a different colour and texture to Physicians for Human Rights (PHR) that the surrounding land. They could bodies of Taliban prisoners—allegedly also make out an excavating machine suffocated in metal containers while and dump truck. The evidence combeing transported by US forces in 2001 pelled President Obama to launch —were being exhumed from a mass grave an investigation. as part of a cover-up. Despite all this Satellite technology is not just the ► JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 79

Forced evictions in Port Harcourt, Nigeria governor bulldozed neighbourhoods to make way for a "garden city".

But Amnesty released

preserve of professional groups. It's created the world's first "global neighbourhood watch".

Google Earth has incorporated a timeline facility that shows changes to areas captured by satellites. If anyone notices something wrong—such as missing buildings—they can document it online.

This was employed by the public, along with the likes of the PHR, to corroborate testimonies of destruction in Tripoli last year and the UN's Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs used the information to target civilian aid.

The amateur crisistracking internet group, the Standby Task Force, meanwhile, has focused its attention on Syria, using satellite images and other modern tools (such as GPS and text messaging) to create live

before-and-after images of the destruction you can see below and the forced evictions soon stopped.

maps of probable human-rights abuses— including tagging the location of hundreds of Syrian tanks. Amnesty International hopes eventually to use this data to bring abusers to justice. The Task Force is also spotting makeshift shelters, allowing the UN's Refugee Agency to deliver aid on the ground.

If you want to keep tabs on the world's more vulnerable people, but don't have much time, there's also Amnesty International and the AAAS's "Eyes on..." Syria, Nigeria, Darfur and Pakistan websites.

They include satellite pictures of trouble spots, petitions and ideas on how to take action to try to stop abuse.

Christoph Koettl, the emergencyresponse manager for Amnesty International USA,

"Soon there won't be an armed conflict that won't La monitored by an eye in the sky"

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Thousands of people were forced out of their properties and left homeless when the local

North Korea's detention centres

AMNES TYINTERNATIONAL/AM ERICAN ASSOC. FOR T HE ADVANCEM ENT OFSCIENCE

Human-rights groups used pictures to corroborate witness statements that the secretive regime had been expanding its detention centres— something it denied. A comparison of 2001 and 2011 images showed that new roads, mines and other industries had been built at the centres' wilderness locations—see the sections highlighted here. This also suggested that inmates were being forced to do hard labour.

explains: "Our mandate is not only to cut through the fog of war and document violations, but to mobilise the public to speak out about them."

Since the first site, Eyes on Darfur,

launched in 200Z it's been visited more than 850,000 times and mustered considerable public pressure to help maintain world governments' support for the International Criminal Court's investigations into the guerilla-conflict-torn Sudanese region. What's more, the site highlighted 12 villages at high risk of attack by government militia and, after five years, ten remain untouched.

"The wave of public opinion, with tens of thousands of people—sending letters,

e-mails and faxes, and making calls to the Sudanese and other governments— created 'zones of inhibition' around the protected sites," believes Koettl.

As the technology available to humanrights groups improves, so the influence of the new global neighbourhood watch is likely to increase. The latest innovations in the pipeline include cloud- and surface-penetrating satellites that could allow observers to view conflicts obscured by bad weather or dense vegetation, and picture resolution that can pick out objects as small as 25cm wide.

"I'm confident", says Koettl, "that soon there won't be an armed conflict anywhere that won't be monitored by an eye in the sky" •

READER SPOT: COULDN'T BE CLEARER "I'm not sure if this is meant to be the town's name or just a speed warning. Maybe it's a bit of both." Submitted by Tim Gay, Barnstaple

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JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

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727 FUSELAGE, MANUEL ANTONIO, COSTA RICA Finding yourself in the remains of a jet plane is probably most travellers' worst nightmare. But this vintage Boeing, positioned on the beach at the Costa Verde Pacific Ocean resort, is billed as Costa Rica's most exclusive destination.

The 1965 craft, which was transported piece by piece from an airport in San Jose, California, has three queen-sized beds, an ocean-view terrace, lush gardens and a luxury kitchenette (no cardboardtextured in-flight meals here). It's also stylishly adorned with teak panelling and hand-carved furniture from Java. ► M

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SOLENT NEWS/REX FEATURES

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If you're bored with the usual twin-beds-plusensuite on holiday, here's your chance to try something a bit different when it comes to a room with a view

BY ANDRE LANGLOIS

FREE SPIRIT SPHERES, VANCOUVER ISLAND, CANADA These wooden and fibreglass "nuts" are suspended from trees in a British Columbian forest, and ii can he raised to anything up to 100 feet in the air. One to three people can experience a night of meditative oneness with the wild 11 in what are perfectly comfortable, well-appointed rooms—providing mice they can cope with the fact that the spheres tend to sway in the wind.

PROPELLER ISLAND CITY LODGE, BERLIN Should you want to spend a night in the whimsical, slightly creepy mind of a German artist, this hotel will be right up your strasse.

The 30 unique rooms that Lars Stroschen created between 1997 and 2002 include "Two Lions", which offers guests the chance to sleep in cages raised on five-foot stilts (see below), and "Freedom", a replica prison cell complete with bedside toilet and a hole in the wall through which you can "escape" onto the balcony. For a more, ahem, romantic break, there's the diamond-shaped "Mirror Room" (see above), with its entirely reflective walls.

In "Gruff", the beds are closable coffins, but even more sinister is "Grandma's", a room decorated with newspaper wallpaper and the portrait of a disconcerting elderly lady, who looks down on guests as they "sleep".

UNUSUALHOTELS OF THE WORLD.COM

SALA SILVER MINE, SWEDEN The world's deepest hotel room, over 500 feet underground, may not be everyone's idea of luxury (you need to take a lift back to the main surface hotel for the showers),

but it's next to a hall that hosts cheese tastings, and you can take guided tours around the tunnels where miners once toiled. Late at night, though, you're left alone—or so you think. Sala's workers believed that a ghostly Mine Lady protected them while they were underground, so long as they followed her rules (no whistling, shouting or swearing!).

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 85

as

If the idea of "sleeping with the fishes" doesn't remind you a little too much of a Mafia hit, you might like to spend a couple of nights at this two-room hotel, 21 feet below Florida's sparkling waters.

Originally an underwater research laboratory positioned on Puerto Rico's continental shelf, it can now host up to six guests who scuba-dive down to their temporary accommodation and awake to the angelfish, snappers and barracudas of the surrounding Emerald Lagoon peering in through the portals. An umbilical cable from the surface delivers fresh air, water, power and communications but, apart from that, you're cut off from the rest of the world.

The luxury package includes a "mer-chef" who'll dive down to prepare you gourmet dinners. The lodge also does a popular line in undersea weddings.

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MAGIC MOUNTAIN HOTEL, HUILO HUILO, CHILE Some hotels have elegant fountains in the lobby to create an atmosphere of tranquillity.

Some have Victorian plumbing and nonexistent soundproofing. But this man-made four-star retreat, 500 miles south of Santiago, actually has a waterfall running down the outside walls and past guests' windows.

The stone hotel, which is supposed to blend in with the surrounding nature reserve, is often covered with moss, has tree-trunk hot tubs and a rope bridge that takes you into a forest populated with pumas, toads, woodpeckers and pudth, the world's smallest deer. The hotel even has a mini-golf course suspended some 40ft in the air, which uses the trees it's built around as natural obstacles.

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JULES' UNDERSEA LODGE, KEY LARGO, US

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Fu, Lu and Shou are ancient deities whose likenesses have long been found in many Chinese households.

But, since 2000, they've also loomed over the town of Yanjiaoin the form of a ten-storey hotel.

Tianzi, reportedly the biggest "image" building in the world, features Lu (in the middle), who signifies prosperity; on the right is Fu, the god of fortune; and on the left is Shou. He symbolises longevity and carries the Peach of Immortality—which, in this case, is also a suite—while there's an entrance in Shou's, er, shoe.

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If you're wondering where the windows are, they're hidden behind the wooden symbols on the gods' robes.

And the facilities? Details are sketchy, but one local reviewer describes the rooms as "adequate". ■

J OHN SUN/ PHOTOSHOT ( 2)

TIANZI GARDEN HOTEL, YANJIAO, CHINA

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A Life Less Ordinary

Something

Beastl This Way Comes

Big hairy monsters—just the stuff of legend, right? Not according to Richard Freeman

BY CRISPIN ANDREWS September 2011—and for nine days a strange

beast lurked in the West Sumatran rainforest. Short, stocky and dark-haired, locals spotted him near Lake Gunung Tujuh, picking through the dense undergrowth, scrabbling around under fallen logs and resting in clearings.

The vast wilderness that is Kerinci Seblat National Park is said to hide giant snakes and a new species of golden-furred lion. But the misty, mountainous area was playing host to a far more intriguing creature—Richard Freeman, one of Britain's leading monster hunters.

Richard was on his fourth Sumatran expedition. The bearded 41-year-old is obsessed, he admits, with discovering

What's that lurking in the undergrowth?

- ichard Freeman searches for monsters

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92 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

creatures waiting to be discovered—he points out that the giant squid, Komodo dragon and the okapi were once believed to be the stuff of legend.

"I want to know what's over that next mountain, what's hiding in that remote valley or dense jungle," says the CFZ's director of zoology. "And I'll keep going until I find out."

Growing up in Nuneaton, Warwickshire,

Richard was in the woods looking for owls and foxes while other kids played football. He loved David Attenborough's Life on Earth and watched, fascinated, as Jon Pertwee's Doctor Who discovered reptilian humanoids in Derbyshire caves, giant maggots in Welsh mines and dinosaurs in London. "These monsters were on our doorsteps, not on some alien planet," he says.

Then, in 1996, Richard found a copy of Animals 8z Men magazine while visiting Mr Potter's Museum of Curiosities on Bodmin Moor. It was published by the CFZ—set up by musician and writer Jon Downes in 1992—and detailed their investigations into various strange animals. Richard, who'd been working as a zookeeper and gravedigger, wanted in. Living in Yorkshire, he became the magazine's local correspondent, writing about big-cat sightings in Selby, a plague of spiders in Leeds, and historical dragon tales from around the county.

A little while later, he also began a zoology degree at Leeds University but,

PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY O F RICHARDFREEMAN

a the island's most mysterious creature, the Orang Pendek, a great ape said to walk upright like a human On previous expeditions, Richard spoke to locals who claimed to have seen the beast, and found footprints and hair samples. Sumatrans have talked about the Pendek for centuries, and since the first western sighting in 1918 by a boy working for a Dutch colonist, other explorers have made similar discoveries.

But last year, on day four of his quest, Richard and his intrepid team of amateur explorers from the Centre for Fortean Zoology (CFZ) in Bideford, Devon, found something new High in the uplands, something had torn a log away. It wasn't a bear (there were no claw marks), but there was a print in the Could mud: the handprint, this cast be the foot of Richard believes, of an the mythical Orang Pendek.

Orang "It had round palms Pendek? and thick, sausage-like fingers—nothing like the long, slender fingers of an orangutan," he says.

Richard and his team—Chris Clarke (retired Halliburton engineer), Adam Davies (civil servant) and Dave Archer (council worker)—didn't find the Pendek during the rest of their stay. But the print was yet more data to add to his growing body of work that seeks to find the truth behind the world's weirdest, supposedly mythological, creatures.

For Richard doesn't consign the likes of the Yeti or Exmoor Beast to the realms of fantasy. To him, they could be obscure

The CF2 team (with Richard second from right) on one of their expeditions to Indonesia

by 2000, had grown disillusioned with the narrow focus of the course and his tutors ("One professor had spent his entire career studying periwinkle penises").

He decided to move to Devon and work for the CFZ full-time.

Richard's first big monster hunt was for the Naga, a 60-foot snake as thick as a barrel, said to inhabit the waterways of East Asia. TV company Bang Productions asked him to investigate recent sightings in the Mekong River, as part of a Discovery Channel series on the mysteries of the East. He couldn't find the monster, but it didn't put him off. In the last 12

years, he's been everywhere from the Mongolian desert in search of the local death worm (a five-foot invertebrate that some say spews acid), to Guyana to find the water tiger (an aquatic big cat).

Richard is now one of the country's

top cryptozoologists—an expert on supposedly mythological animals—and has written six books and appeared on numerous TV and radio shows.

He's never actually found a monster on one of his trips—which are funded by a mixture of his own savings, the profits CFZ makes from publishing books,

Beast of Irmoor Britain's be SOME OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY'S known mystery creature, thought!"

OTHER PRIZED TARGETS by some to be a black leopard. Pumas and lynx have also been "spotted" in other parts of the UK. All might be creatures let loose after the 1976 Dangerous Wild Animals Act required exotic-pet owners to install expensive security systems.

JULY 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

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• and the occasional sponsorship. But he isn't bothered if people think he's a crank. "Until 1847, Westerners thought gorillas were imaginary," he says. The animals he's looking for are rare and know how to hide from humans, he continues,

Megalodon shark A real-life 52-foot Jaws that ate large whales. Said to have died out 1.5 million years ago, but some believe it was around until the Ice Age—and, with only five per cent of the oceans explored and sightings of very large sharks continuing, it may still be with us.

4

and adds, "It took seven years' roundthe-clock filming before the first snow leopard was caught on camera. Our expeditions only last a few weeks."

Richard, who now lives in Exeter, takes every project very seriously and conducts lots of scientific research into each creature. Every trip is worthwhile, he says, because of all the extra information he gets from the fieldwork.

Indeed, despite his lack of qualifications, Richard sees himself as just as important as any other naturalist. "I expand knowledge by finding out about new species and showing how myths have a basis in reality," he says. "The primates [I study] will tell us more about human evolution and, if we were to uncover an Orang Pendek, say, the Sumatran government would be under pressure to conserve their habitat. That would 94 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

help many other endangered animals."

But though he's very open to nature's possibilities, Richard is quite prepared to explode some myths when he can't find evidence to support them.

His research leads him to believe, for example, that the Beast of GevaudanFrance's 18th-century man-eating wolf that was said to have inspired Little Red Riding Hood—was nothing more than a hyena escaped from a menagerie. The Loch Ness Monster? Just a big fish. A marine reptile couldn't have survived the ice age when the loch was frozen, Richard points out, and there's not enough food in the water to support such a large predator. The death worm may just be an undiscovered worm-lizard combination, he adds. The water tiger, meanwhile, could be a relative of the giant otter.

He's also very alive to the possibility

of hoaxes. In Thailand, so-called video footage of the Naga turned out to show a log floating down the river, and when he opened a box said to contain parts of the snake's skeleton, he found an elephant's tooth.

But the unmarried naturalist—his

Nandi Bear In 2003, an unknown carnivore killed three people in Lilongwe, Malawi. Scientists believed it was a rabid hyena, but cryptozoologists think it was a "mythological" predator with front legs longer than hind legs.

girlfriend Lisa comes minutes before on some trips with pulling himself to him—has had a close safety. While lookencounter. In 2008, ing for the Naga in he and his colleagues a cave system, he spent the night in was more worried Waheela Large, wolf-like an abandoned about getting lost animals, supposedly found in farmhouse in the than enormous the Nahanni Valley in northern Altai Mountains snakes. "My guide while hunting for Canada, with jaws powerful enough looked about 100 the Almasty, Russia's to bite off a man's head. A relic —imagine a Thai population of prehistoric canines, very own Bigfoot. version of Albert such as dire wolves or borophagines, "It was 2.30am Steptoe. If he'd perhaps? Some sort of bear or dog? when we heard this croaked, I'd have Cryptozoologists are undecided. huge guttural roar. never found my Shortly afterwards, way out." something passed by the door—whatever Richard is already planning his next it was, it stood on two legs and was large trip—to Tasmania, to search for the thyenough to put that seven-foot doorway lacine, a dog-like marsupial said to have in the shade. It couldn't have been a become extinct in the 1930s. Sightings bear because it walked along the whole persist, some "captured" on video. In the veranda and bears can only manage a early 1990s, Henry Nix of Australia's few steps upright."

National University used a computer to To the locals he spoke to, the Almasty show a 98 per cent correlation between wasn't a fantastical beast, just a rare local locations of recent sightings and the animal. One old woman told Richard his animal's optimum environment. Enough quest was like someone travelling across for a Freeman investigation, then—if he the world to talk to him about badgers. can get the money together.

So he had high hopes of making a serious `All the billionaires want to pay people breakthrough. But by the time he got his to go UFO hunting," he says. "We need camera ready, the creature had gone, and one who's interested in monsters. Then the expedition had to content itself with we could mount a proper expedition and taking home some fur and faeces! have a chance of finding something."

The idea of coming across an angry But Richard won't give up on his Yeti or giant lizard on a remote mountain mission to show that the world isn't the pass doesn't bother Richard. Neither does relatively ordered place that mainstream running into a tiger or a bear. science would have us believe. "When "It's not the creatures you have to your mum and dad told you monsters watch out for, it's the places," he says. A don't exist," he says, "they lied." ■ whirlwind wrecked his base camp in Mongolia and, in Russia, he fell down a » For more on the Centre for Fortean crevasse, hanging onto a branch for a few Zoology, visit cfz.org.uk JULY 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

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THE MAVERICK "DO WE REALLY NEED ALL THESE CHARITIES?" They might try hard, but, says Peter White, too many charities mean the public's goodwill—and money—is spread too thinly It's not that difficult to start a registered charity.

You're required to set out your aims and objectives, and there are rules about proper auditing and producing public accounts. But that's about it. So it's not surprising that there are more than 190,000 of them on the official books in the whole of Britain (with perhaps the same number of unregistered, smaller organisations in existence), and hundreds of new ones are added every year.

The vast majority are started with the very best of intentions, borne out of people's desire to champion a cherished cause. But there are some very overcrowded areas. More than 10,000 charities work with young people, for instance, and more than 1,100 help wildlife.

Disability and illness is another fertile field. Despite the existence of the NHS and local authorities to provide care for sick and vulnerable people, there are always going to be gaps in the system—and 11,000 organisations help fill them.

The question is, does more mean better—or do we become confused, irritated or just indifferent to the increasing number of envelopes put through our ► 66 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

Thinking differently!

ILLUSTRATED BY DANIEL MITCHELL

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

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doors and the tins rattled in our faces? Doesn't your heart sink when, for the fourth day in a row, someone at work waves a sponsor form under your nose, however noble the motivation for their parachute jump?

The current economic crisis doesn't help and, according to the Charities Aid Foundation, in 2007/8 the UK public gave £11.9bn to charity (when adjusted for inflation), but just £11bn in 2010/11.

"Giving fatigue" is certainly a wellknown phenomenon, and one that long-standing fundraisers are only too aware of. Oxfam, for instance, has reduced the number of times it sends financial appeals to regular supporters, and places a big emphasis on keeping them up to date with specific examples of what their donations have achieved.

Another problem with having numerous charities in a certain field is that they have to spend millions on publicity to compete for donations. LesleyAnne Alexander, chief executive of the Royal National Institute of Blind People (RNIB), was startled to discover that the Charity Commission website registers more than 700 organisations that have care of visually impaired people listed among their objectives. She believes that this is potentially wasteful,

results in duplication of services and administration, and confuses the public —including blind and partially sighted people trying to figure out who they should go to for help.

Of course, these organisations all feel they can justify their existence. Getting on for 200 of them are locally based, and would argue that they cover specific needs in their area that a big national organisation can't.

But the RNIB is now actively pursuing a policy of mergers—or "collaborations", as it prefers to call them —in an attempt to rationalise the provision of care. It's already reached an agreement with Action for Blind People, another long-established but smaller charity, with cost-saving advantages such as removing duplication of administrative work and combining helplines to give blind people easier access to a wide range of services. The RNIB has also taken the charity that produces national newspapers for blind people under its wing.

Some have accused Alexander of "empire building" and of trying to take over the sector. She's recently had quite a spat with The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association. Alexander accused them of being "insular" in not wanting to discuss working more closely together; Guide Dogs replied that they have a

There's an anarchy in the way charities spring up, and there's no guarantee that they best meet requirements

98

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

very strong brand and have no intention way charities spring up, and there's no of giving up their separate existence. guarantee that the bodies people form— But the RNIB is by no means alone or, indeed, the ones people want to in looking for collaborations. give money to—necessarily best o you Two long-established organmeet the requirements of think we suffer isations in the field of care their beneficiaries. from "giving for the elderly, Age Concern No one wants to disfatigu e"? Join the debate at facebook. and Help the Aged, turned courage individual kindinto Age UK in 2009. And, com/readersdigestuk or ness, but maybe it's time email readersietters at the start of this year, Disfor the Charities Commisa readersdigest. ability Rights UK came into sion, or some new body, to co.uk being, the result of an amalgaimpose a more direct link bemation between Radar, the Disability tween giving and need. If you want Alliance, and the National Centre for a bank loan for a new business, you need Independent Living. It took a year of to show good evidence that you know sometimes acrimonious negotiations where the gap in the market is and why to achieve, but—with some charities yours is the outfit to fill it. If you want already going to the wall in this age of the right to raise money, perhaps you austerity—logic and self-preservation should have to do much the same. ■ prevailed. The new charity hopes to save around £300,000 in annual running » Peter White is a journalist and the costs, develop new apprenticeship presenter of In Touch, BBC Radio 4's schemes for disabled people, and im- magazine programme for the blind prove its communications. and partially sighted. Peter has been The fact is, there's an anarchy in the blind since birth.

NATURAL WONDERS: GILES' PLANIGALE Why do we find furry creatures so endearing? In the case of Giles' planigale, it could be the appearance of vulnerability combined with fierce survival skills— appropriate for an animal named after the Australian explorer Ernest Giles, who also spent a lot of time in the arid regions of south and central Australia. Despite being one of the smallest marsupials on the planet, it's not listed as threatened, largely due to its lack of enemies (aside from the odd cat) and its wide distribution. They're also fierce predators, tackling prey almost as large as themselves with their sharp teeth. Not really suited to the hamster wheel, then.

Weird but true Although tough, Giles' planigale rarely lives more than two years

JULY 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

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1-1■N TO... BY LINDA GRAY

1,001 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD laskot Welcome to the pages that help make life simpler, easier and—we hope— more fun!

WITH BAGGAGE ALLOWANCES costing up to £30 for 15kg (Ryanair) and carry-on limits as low as 5kg (Thomson), it pays to travel light.

Heavy luggage costs too much in kilos and the lightest can be flimsy, so look for a case that weighs around 3kg for the medium size. (Ignore the name— so-called "lite" luggage is often as heavy as regular lines.) Wear your heaviest clothes on the flight, and if you don't mind funny looks, wear a poacher's jacket with multiple pockets (from £30 at rufusroo.com) to supplement hand baggage. Then pack by...

1. Stuffing shoes with undies and stashing them at the bottom of the 102

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

case near the wheels, along with toiletries.

Fill gaps with rolled-up clothes to stop things shifting.

2. Rolling everything—the best way to pack if you have a soft-sided bag or you're only taking casuals. Otherwise, try...

3. Packing trousers so the legs drape over the short side of the case, and lay dresses and jackets so they overhang the long side. Top with folded shirts and rolled-up clothes, then fold the ends over. Clothes should arrive crease-free.

If not, hang them up in the bathroom while you shower—you should both emerge refreshed.

RU BBERBALL/ MIK E KEMP/GE TT YIMAGES

How to PA, SMART

JUPITER I MAGE S/GETTY IMAGES

How to STAY LEGAL ABROAD OVER 9,000 BRITS ENDED UP in a hospital or police cell abroad last year, and many turned to the Foreign Office for assistance.

(Good luck with that, because the FO can't hand out money or legal advice, or get travellers out of jail.)

Many people whose plans went spectacularly awry should have seen it coming. Drugs were behind one in seven arrests, and despite the cost of hospital treatment abroad, one in six travellers had failed to take out health insurance.

But many tourists transgress through ignorance rather than design, which is why the FO's Know Before You Go campaign (fco.gov.uk) lists laws and customs in its country-by-country guide. Here are just a few things to avoid. * Protest T-shirts can get you arrested in Singapore.

Straw hats must be declared on arrival in Australia, which is worried

about the microorganisms they may contain.

Flip-flops are illegal for drivers in Spain, where sandals worn for driving need a heel strap.

Camouflage clothing can cause trouble with the police in the Caribbean, even if you're only five.

Breathalyser kits are now mandatory for motorists in France, along with spare light bulbs and hi-vis jackets. * Hugging, kissing, "sexting", or holding hands.

Just don't in any Muslim country—including Turkey and Egypt away from tourist resorts. And be aware that it's at best insensitive and at worst illegal to be seen eating and drinking in daylight during Ramadam (July 20-August 18). tJULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 103

1,001 THINGS

How to

JAWS DROPPED ALL OVER THE COUNTRY a few months ago when David Cameron suggested that teenagers should stand up when an adult entered the room—most parents would be grateful for a grunt of acknowledgment and a few inches of space on the sofa. So do manners still matter?

"Yes, enormously," says psychologist Linda Blair, author of The Happy Child (£8.99). "They're important for unwritten communication, showing respect, and helping children understand another person's point of view, which they should do by the age of 11." What's more, she says, manners equip a child with crucial social skills, which studies show are more important for success than passing exams.

How to BEAT MOBILEPHONE SHOCK ACCORDING TO A SURVEY BY uSWITCH, 42 per cent of mobile owners have no idea of the cost of overseas calls.

So it's just as well that prices are going down, at least in the EU. From this month, texts will drop to 7.5p, calls to 24p a minute, and internet access to 59p per Mb. You'll even get a warning text when the cost of downloads approaches €50. Even better, the cost is set to slide every year until 2014.

But there's no protection outside the EU, so switch off roaming to stop your phone automatically searching for a network when travelling long haul. Stay-at-homes can also fall victim to bill shock by dialling premium numbers or other networks, exceeding their calls allowance, or downloading too many movies. And although we're in the EU, there's currently no need for networks to send a near-limit alert to domestic customers, so watch your usage.

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Experts agree that thoughtfulness, not form, is what counts. Learning to greet adults and looking them in the eye is an essential courtesy, says etiquette consultant Tamiko Zablith. And don't overlook the importance of Ps and Qs. "'Thank you' shows appreciation, and 'please' acknowledges that you can't boss people around," says Mij Kelly, whose book Atchoo! (£5.99) teaches tinies about manners. If children resist, remember you're in charge. "Stay calm and reward them when they comply rather than punishing them when they don't," says Linda Blair.

You'll often have to head off bad behaviour with distraction rather than confrontation, but resisting the urge to shout will pay off. Because, says Kelly, the one vital rule is always to behave as you'd like others to behave towards you.

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POLITE KIDS

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How to FIND A (REALLY) CLEAN BEACH WHITE SAND, BLUE SEA, AND NOT A SOUL ABOUT. Finding a deserted beach can be the highlight of a holiday—but before plunging in, it's wise to check out more than the tide.

Is that stream, for example, as innocent as it seems? According to the Marine Conservation Society (MCS), there are now 31,000 raw-sewage outfalls in England and Wales, and though they're intended for emergency use, many are used routinely. Their location isn't publicised, and they can be hard to spot. "Yet mapping could make the difference between an enjoyable trip and one that ends up with an ear infection or stomach upset," says the MCS's pollution-control manager Robert Keirle.

Visiting a busier beach makes it easier to find out if it's safe to swim: the UK's

500 designated bathing waters are rated by the Environment Agency-98% pass, but from 2015 stricter criteria apply, and beaches that fail will have to put up warning notices. Find the projected results on the Government's site defra.gov.uk, or consult the MCS's goodbeachguide.co.uk.

If the beach that beckons is too little-used to be assessed, look around you. Clear, sparkling water is a good sign, says Keirle, because it allows sunshine—a natural disinfectant— to penetrate. So is a beach free from litter (including toxic dog-poo bags, which have increased by 11% in a year).

Think twice about swimming at a beach where there are colonies of birds, a pipe or stream, or for a day after heavy rain, which washes waste into the sea. Sign up for free text alerts from Surfers Against Sewage (sas.org.uk), which gives real-time pollution warnings for almost 200 beaches. r, JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 105

1,001 THINGS

How to FOR FAST FOOD, IT BEATS MCDONALD'S HANDS DOWN. All you need is dry wood and leaves to feed the flames, a bucket of water to douse them, and permission (check with the landowner). Once you get the go-ahead, pick a small spot on bare earth or the beach below the tideline, well away from vegetation and tents. Build a lattice or tepee of twigs over kindling in the centre, keeping it small so the fire heats up fast. Ring it with stones, then light it at the base. When the flames have died down but the fire is too hot to hold your hand over, it's time to get cooking.

For the full bushcraft experience, try this fish-on-a-stick recipe from Cook Wild by Susanne Fischer-Rizzi (£16.99), perfect for herring or mackerel. Push a long stick lengthways through the fish, prop it over the fire using a forked branch for support, and cook for 15-20 minutes, turning occasionally. Easier still, wrap the fish in layers of newspaper, soak the parcel in water, and cook it in the ashes.

When the paper blackens, the fish should be done.

Enjoy—then douse the fire, remove the debris, and make sure the ground is cool to protect the next picnickers.

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SOURCES: COMMERCIAL PILOTS IN THE UK AND US; BRITISH AIRLINE PILOTS ASSOCIATION; AIRCREW HEALTH.COM

But, as they're also the coldest, I'd pick a seat one row further back.

If you sit down, belt up.

Passengers who wouldn't dream of driving down the road without a seat belt are quite happy to do without one when they fly. I keep mine fastened throughout the flight, so I don't bounce off the roof if we hit turbulence. *I love the Canaries.

Fewer planes go there, so it's a quieter route. I have my headset on at all times to monitor the flight, and filtering endless chatter can be stressful.

There's a reason why I sound like Jeremy Vine.

I've had DJ training so my voice is reassuring, and I choose my words with care. If an engine is on fire, I'll say we're flying on reduced power to stop you panicking.

But there's really no need to panic, because there's a 90% chance we'll get back in one piece.

ALTRENDO IM AGES/GE TTY I MAGES

WHAT Skip the seats at the back unless you want YOUR the worst air quality and PILOT the bumpiest ride. The JN'T most leg room and least turbulence are by the TELL emergency exits in the YOU middle of the plane.

RUBB ER BALL/ MIKEKE MP/GETTY IMAGES; CSA PLA STOCK/GETTY IMAGES

My shift can last 163/4 hours—and if the EU has its way, I'll be working 22 at a stretch. No wonder 43% of pilots drop off in the cockpit, or that a third wake up to find their co-pilot asleep. e I don't like old planes.

They're safe enough because every part has been replaced, but modern airplanes are better engineered and easier to fly. If you're looking for a comfortable ride, I'd go for a 777 or Airbus A380 every time. *Go to the gate means just that. Imagine having to unload 350 bags in a four-foot-high hold because a passenger hasn't made it to the departure gate. That's some very unhappy baggage handlers— and 349 passengers who'll be fuming if we miss our slot.

• Landing is often the only time I fly.

Most of the

flight is on autopilot, but landings are usually manual because they're the trickiest part of the trip. I have to drop 200 tons of plane from 35,000 feet without power until 1,000 feet, when the company makes me switch it back on. But it's fun, because it's what I'm trained to do. * Sorry it's stuffy in here.

I switch off the aircon during boarding to save fuel, but even when it's on, the air quality can

be poor. Though half of the air is recycled, 50% is "bleed air" from the engines, which may be contaminated by fumes. And on top of that, you could be sprayed with pesticide when you touch down after a 12-hour flight.

I'm not cabin crew... but I often have to do their job. Passengers tend to treat cabin crew as servants, and it's even worse for the gay guys. Macho blokes sometimes refuse to follow instructions from them, forcing me to intervene—which is a distraction I don't need when we're landing.

Mobiles do matter.

It's not a myth that a mobile phone disrupts signals—put yours next to the radio and you'll see. I can hear it on the instrument-control systems and it can interfere with landings, so do me a favour and switch it off! * On most flights I'm overpaid. But when I'm landing on a black night with a side wind, I'm worth every penny! •

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MEDICINE WITH MAX PEMBERTON

TIME TO LET GO As a doctor I've seen and heard many sad things. People often assume it's the things like seeing people die that are the hardest to deal with, but this isn't necessarily the case. While TV medical dramas always focus on the big, dramatic scenes, in real life often it's the small, poignant moments that stay with you.

I've recently started working in a unit for people with severe dementia. Around half the patients are permanent residents.

They're in "continuing care"—the highest level of care available in the health service. It means they are too severe even for a specialist nursing home. Many have multiple physical needs as well He wasn't as complex behavioural problems as a result of their crying for dementia. his wife; he Very few of these patients was crying are able to communicate in any meaningful way, and most calm and dignified while we for himself no longer recognise their reviewed his wife's case. family. It's impossible not to be touched by We thought she was deteriorating and this; such a pitiful ending to any life. still needed continuing care. He spoke A few weeks ago I sat in a meeting with about what she'd been like before she Mr Radley. His wife has been a patient for became ill, but suddenly his voice faltered the past four years. She has advanced and I realised he was about to cry. I dementia and can be violent, and she assumed it was because of his wife, but he frequently screams, although she's unable composed himself and explained: "It's so hard seeing her now. She's not there any to speak. She's in her sixties and used to be a textiles designer. Her husband sat more. It's like she's died already, but I still have to visit this person that looks like her but isn't." He wasn't crying for his wife; he Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010 was crying for himself.

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CLERKENWELL/GE TTY IMAGES

When the life you've known has completely changed, it's OK to move on

U MPHRI ES/ MONSTER ILLUSTRATED

He was right, his wife was already dead. The person who'd been the love of his life was now gone. But rather than being allowed to grieve and then move on, he was condemned to limbo; not having a relationship with her, but not being free either. We sat in silence as he talked about how he wanted to move on with his life, and we tried to assure him that he wasn't betraying his wife by wanting to have a life of his own now. The look of relief in his eyes when he realised we understood his torment is one I'll not forget.

:4

To find out how to get the best out of your doctor, listen to MAX PEMBERTON'S PODCAST at readersdigest. co.uk/magazine

II,

lb

ANTIBIOTICS WHAT DO THEY DO? They treat bacterial infections in the body. They're mostly given in tablet form, but with serious infections they can be given via an injection or drip.

HOW DO THEY WORK? There are lots of antibiotics, grouped together in families. But they all work in one of two ways: a bactericidal antibiotic directly kills bacteria; while a bacteriostatic antibiotic stops them multiplying.

WHO TAKES THEM? Most of us will at some point take a short course to kill an infection, but some people take them long term to help with things like acne or recurring urinarytract infections. Antibiotics only work against bacterial infections.

HOW DO YOU TAKE THEM? It's very important that you complete the prescribed course, even if you feel better before it's ended. This is because stopping it early can

produce drug-resistant strains of bacteria, such as MRSA. Some antibiotics should not be taken with certain foods and drinks. Others should not be taken with food in the stomach. These instructions are important as they ensure the antibiotics work properly.

Always take them with plenty of water as some—such as doxycycline —can easily get stuck in the throat, and are very corrosive.

SIDE EFFECTS? Nausea and diarrhoea are common. Some people also develop a rash or breathing difficulties. In these cases, it's important you always tell the doctor before he or she gives you antibiotics.

COMMON TYPES The penicillin family: these include amoxicillin (used for skin and chest infections) and flucloxacillin (used for skin infections such as impetigo and cellulitis). ■ NEXT MONTH: antifungals

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 109

Money worries are the last thing you need when you're facing the toughest fight of your life. But, if cancer's causing the bills to pile up, a chat with a Macmillan benefits adviser could help you get back on top of things. So you can concentrate on what's really important.

This is just one of the ways our team of cancer support specialists and medical experts can help. So, for advice, information, or if you just need a chat, call us today.

For cancer support every step of the way call the Macmillan team free on 0808 808 00 00 (Monday to Friday, 9am- Eipm)

or visit macmillan.org.uk

HEALTH WITH SUSANNAH HICKLING

FIT FOR FLIGHT? Make the going easier with these simple on-board tips

WE STEND6; ALTRE NDOIMAGES/GETTY IMAGES

ffi Buy some flight socks. Compression stockings may not be glam, but they'll improve blood flow, helping to prevent deep-vein thrombosis (DVT). Make sure they're the right size for your foot, ankle and calf—your socks shouldn't be too loose, too tight, or painful.

4, Take camomile tea bags on board. go Then ask the flight attendant for a cup of hot water. Your herbal brew will soothe travel jitters and help you sleep.

7 Axe the alcohol. The air in the plane is dry enough; alcohol just dehydrates you even more. It's the same with caffeinated drinks. Stick to water.

A Bring your own cup. The best aNt kind is a takeaway-style cup with a top you can sip through.

Ask the attendant to fill it with water. Much better than the tiny cups they usually provide.

Keep your shoes on.

If you take them off, you'll end up with swollen feet because of low cabin air pressure—your shoes will then give you grief when you put them back on.

Keep nose and ears clear.

‘1, Take a decongestant as directed for 24 hours before your flight. This will shrink the membranes in your sinuses and ears, reducing that painful pressure sensation that flying can produce.

Yawn when you take off and land.

It will equalise the pressure in your middle ear. a Move around. Get up and walk 4 between meals. When seated, stretch your arms, rotate your shoulders, put your heels on the floor and pull your toes up, and then keep your toes on the floor and lift your heels. Other passengers might wonder why you're fidgeting, but these exercises will help guard against stiffness and DVT when you're there for the long haul.

Fly at the right time. Help avoid jetlag by booking an early flight if you're travelling east and a later flight if you're heading west. o-

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I had my BOWEL daughter India GUYS, WATCH eight years PROBLEMS ago—it was a

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YOUR BACK!

Did you know that women are more likely to develop malignant melanoma, but men are more likely to die from it? In fact, the deadliest form of skin cancer claims three men a day in the UK. It's not that blokes have more sensitive skin, but they tend to seek help later. So guys, if you have a new or changing mole that's large, irregular or more than one shade, especially on your back, chest, head or neck, see your GP. Find more on men's health at the Men's Health Forum (malehealth.co.uk).

PERFECT STRETCH Tight chest and shoulders? Stand against a wall so your tailbone, shoulder blades and head are all pressed against it. Hold your hands at shoulder level against the wall with your elbows bent at 45 degrees and palms facing forward. Slowly extend your arms up the wall, pointing your hands as far up as they'll go, not moving the parts that are pressed to the wall. Slowly reach as high as you can before returning to your starting position.

Repeat eight to 12 times.

VMENSHEALTH.C OM; COU RTESYOFSUSANKEATES-ROBIN SON; SUPERSTOCK

forceps delivery and, unfortunately, they cut into my sphincter, the doughnut of muscle that holds in body waste.

I started having flatulence and leakage.

I could go to the loo, but couldn't always stop properly. It could take ten minutes. And if I didn't go straight away, I couldn't always hold everything in. If I hadn't been asked about it at my six-week check-up, I'd probably have suffered in silence. Incontinence is one of those things you don't talk about, even though an estimated 6.5 million people in the UK have a bowel-control problem.

Two years later I had repair surgery, but it didn't work. I'd always been fit, doing showjumping and lifting weights, but now if I went shopping I had to make sure I could get to a toilet, and when I jumped on a trampoline with India, I felt as if my insides were coming out.

After several years consultant surgeon Andy Miller at Leicester Royal Infirmary told me about a new treatment called sacral nerve stimulation. He'd implant four little probes into the nerves at the bottom of my spine. These would send electrical impulses to stimulate the sphincter to work. It was absolutely brilliant. At 43, I'm finally back to how I was.

Bowel incontinence is embarrassing, but it's important to get a referral because there is a range of options you can try.

Susan Keates-Robinson » Visit bladderandbowelfoundation.org

Finding it hal to think about anything else?

1. here you Iltrying to Amoy life at;

Ilet, the theatre, the cinema or child's s play. But all you can think about is your urgent need get to alf oilet.

You may be sufferiir rom an overactive bladdEitut you are not alone. Ove million people in the UK h the same problem. Luckily there are medications and other treatment options available from your doctor that will help your bladder.

For more information and advice to help you talk to your doctor call our confidential helpline on:

0800 011 4778 Request your free copy of Pathway to Success, a step-by-step booklet that describes overactive bladder in more detail and offers useful tips and advice on the help that is available.

Call the freephone helpline number or visit: www.bladderproblem.co.uk House Publishing L tcl, I kL E hOST PM1151, hood flee e, 2-3 Commercial Way. Christy Closer. Southfield, Bosilrion, Essex SS1'.3 56hr

HEALTH

Do our children get fat because of their environment and how they're brought up (nurture) or are they genetically programmed that way (nature)?

Historically, the argument has tended towards the nurture side—our kids, and we, get fat because we eat the wrong foods and don't do enough exercise.

Put another way, being fat is a personal choice. And if your children are the same way, it's because they've followed your bad example. This has led some misguided "experts" to argue that childhood obesity is actually a form of abuse. But do parents deserve such vilification?

In recent years, a number of scientific reports have shown that a purely "nurture" account of obesity is wrong. Among the most important studies are

THINGS THAT MAKE ASTHMA WORSE 114

Statins A recent small study found that asthma patients who used statins had more breathing problems than those who didn't. But other data suggests statins

those that involve non-identical and identical twins—scientists have calculated how much weight gain can be blamed on environment and how much on genes. The results consistently show a much stronger association for weight and waist measurement between identical rather than non-identical twins. Similar results have been found in studies of adopted children in which weight and waist measurements were compared with their adopted and then their biological parents—the association was much stronger with their biological parents.

The clear conclusion is that the greater contributor to obesity is nature rather than nurture. In fact, in any one individual, as much as 77% of body weight and waist measurement may be due to nature.

Therefore weight gain in a child is unlikely to be the parents' fault and is more likely to be due to genetic susceptibility.

So perhaps policyA makers should ' 114 spend less time blaming parents of overweight kids and more devising innovative publichealth strategies.

Dr David Ashton of Healthier Weight could improve symptoms. Speak to your doctor if you think your asthma has got worse.

Beer and Wine contain sulphites, which have been

linked with wheezing and breathing issues in some people.

Instead, consider alcohol that doesn't contain sulphites, such as gin or vodka.

Beth Dreher ■

FOR MORE ON HEALTH, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/HEALTH

TIME STO PSPHOTOGRAPHY/ GET TY IMAGES

DOCTOR, DOCTOR

FLOORING SYSTEMS

creating better environments

Flotex flooring.

It takes the animal out of your pet.

Our pets don't stop to wipe their feet or worry about the mess they make. Flotex provides all the warmth and comfort of a carpet, but thanks to its unique construction, it's 100% waterproof, stain resistant and cleans up like new. Allergy UK approved and Sanitized® for odour control, Flotex helps create a healthier, happier home for the whole family, even those who can't clean up after themselves.

. flotex The UK's first allergy approved flooring

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BEAUTY WITH ALICE HART-DAVIS

SECRET WEAPON There's just one beauty essential you must use every day...

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ultraviolet rays that affect the skin: UVB, the "burning" rays that give us a tan, and have little power in the UK except in the summer; and UVA, the damaging "ageing" rays that are present in daylight all year round, and can travel through glass.

Yes, their effects stack up slowly, but by late middle age, they're starting to show.

What sunscreen does for skin is one of the few issues in the beauty world that is a matter of fact rather than opinion.

Mark Birch-Machin, professor of molecular dermatology at Newcastle University, has shown that sun exposure leaves its mark on the DNA of our skin cells. The DNA remembers the "insults" it

Chanel Rouge Coco Shine in En Vogue is my covers-all-bases lipstick for summer. It's bright enough to look exciting in the case, but sheer enough to give just a slick of flattering coral. And its beautiful packaging means it's a small-butreal thrill every time you bring it out. A lovely treat. £24

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

CEC ILE L AVABRE/GETTY IMAGES; SUK I DANDHA

rc

In years of writing about beauty, I've seen a lot of "miracle products" that claim to reduce wrinkles, and generally turn back the clock. But there's only one product that should be by everyone's bathroom sink—and it's as vital to skin as toothpaste is to teeth I bet you're interested... until I say that it's sunscreen. But please don't just turn the page now. And here's why.

We're all familiar with what ageing does to our skin. What we're less familiar with is the fact that almost all of those lines and age spots are there simply because our face has been exposed to daylight every day.

(You don't get those signs of ageing on your backside!)

I say "daylight" rather than "sunlight" for a reason. There are two types of

ROBERT DALY/GETTY IMAGES

gets from UV light, which, even if tiny, add up to a "tower of damage" that he likens to a pile of Jenga building blocks.

Too late—the damage is done?

Well, yes, but as I hope you're going to live a good few years yet, you may prefer to keep any future wrinkles at bay—which is what the consistent wearing of sunscreen can do for you. So find a moisturiser that protects from UVB (the SPF) and UVA rays (the symbol saying UVA in a circle, or the label saying the product offers "broad spectrum" cover).

And put it on every morning when you brush your teeth.

Then forget about it and get on with the more important things in life.

Alice Hart-Davis is an award-winning beauty journalist, who writes regularly for the national press, and is creator of Good Things skincare.

Swimming in a chlorinated pool or in the salty sea isn't good for the hair, but there's a very easy way to minimise the damage.

Wet your hair (with normal tap/shower water) before you take the plunge. Then, because your hair is already saturated, it will hardly be able to pick up any of the hair-wrecking chlorine or salt.

FAST FIX

If you have hair long enough to tie back in a ponytail, you may be in the habit of keeping a hair elastic on your wrist. Which is fine in the winter when you can shove the offending elastic out of sight under a long sleeve, but in the summer, on a bare arm, it's not a good look. But here's a We ody Dc solution: (0.79 for three at Boots or online). These are plain black hair elastics that have a slim metal tube along the front so, worn in twos and threes, they could pass for low-key designer bracelets.

I JUST LOVE...

Desh Longia.

50, from

London, loves Purelogicol capsules. These contain hydrolysed collagen and have been shown in clinical studies to reduce wrinklewidth and increase skin hydration.

"I can't believe what a difference these have made to my skin," she says.

"It takes a few months, but now my skin has more life to it, and my wrinkles are less obvious.

Other people keep asking me what my secret is!"

• £29.99 for a month's supply.

Stockist enquiries 0870 750 2401; purelogicol.com ■

CONSUMER WITH DONAL MAcINTYRE

BARGAIN HUNTER At what point does counting the pennies become an obsession?

I never thought I'd see the day when base jumping and shopping could be spoken of in the same breath as an extreme pursuit.

I thought my wife was just collecting air miles and supermarket loyalty points, but she was actually engaging in the adrenalin sport „dgillIlliambb. now known as "extreme couponing". Driven by the economic ■THE MIT 001%111 climate, shoppers are going to extraordinary lengths to .1.50 OFF zp.,.......=.., collect coupons, track offers down on the Internet, and .. """'" giiiissr-•— trztzt..

1"-hoard discount vouchers. Some are even developing i tr. an addiction to it.

E5 voucher N7 Psychologists suggest it has a similar high to ',"7.... ,, gambling and extreme sports, but I think it's much 3,5%1 N; more socially beneficial than either of those. For t 4°? this addiction, there's no need for support groups or therapy sessions—just a calculator to count up the ....,,,,,„. weekly savings.

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RADIUS/ SUP ERSTOCK

FRAUD

BY DEGREES I think we should all be awarded degrees just for surviving the complexities that modern life throws up—and it seems some scammers think so, too, by duping credulous individuals with the promise of fast-track degrees and certificates on the basis of life experience alone.

There's some merit in according academic credits for life experience, and for certain specialities. But when a degree is bogus, you've just got to call it bogus.

In return for a flat fee, fraudsters are tempting those in need of a degree into buying useless bits of paper.

The telltale clues are in "No waiting", "No attendance", "No exam" and "No paperwork" advertisements—this sort of thing shouts out "Scam!". So steer clear of those easy-toobtain degrees, or you could end up getting an "F" for common sense and be out of pocket. And remember: if you get a job on the back of a false degree, you could be fired and even taken to court for fraud.

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No exams, No GINo SEudies!

IF YOU DON'T ASK...

Donal answers your questions.

Please email queries to excerpts @readers digest.

I returned an underwater camera to a high-street electronic store because water got in and it stopped working.

The assistant said the damage must have been caused by something other than water, and implied that I was a liar without actually saying it.

He said he had to contact the manufacturer before deciding on the merits of the refund.

Can I sue for slander if I'm proved right?

People who have been falsely accused of shoplifting have succeeded in suing stores for reputational and emotional damage, setting some degree of legal precedent. Shop staff usually follow a tight script, but it sounds as though this assistant diverged from it.

Certainly, if the worker said that he didn't believe you, and other customers heard, then you may have a case. Slander aside, in law the store can make reasonable enquiries to establish the merits of your case, but the onus is on them to disprove it. After six months, the onus falls upon you.

In practice, most major stores just replace or refund electronic goods upon production of a valid receipt within the first six months of purchase. •

Q

A

Donal Maclntyre is an investigative journalist and a former presenter of ITV's London Tonight

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It WITH JASMINE BIRTLES

FUTURE-PROOFING Will you benefit from the upcoming changes to company pension schemes?

As of October many THAT? OH 1-r'S REED companies will be enrolling fotkovq N 4 ME evElz. their employees onto INCE I oPTEP, ovr or p,v-ro ENIRoLmeNcompany pension schemes, unless those employees specifically ask to be excluded. "Auto enrolment" noomm s:0 _,A eot°4 riCir s ;) l. is being introduced to stop quite so many of us retiring in poverty. Here are the facts: The law will be slowly applied to different companies over time. If you work for a firm that employs more than 120,000 people the law will come into force this October. If there are between 50,000 and 119,999 people employed in your rv./ company, it will apply from November. Smaller companies have from under-35s. This is a shame because company pensions often mean free money 2015 to 2017 to comply, depending on their size. from your employer. If you earn £20,000, for example, you might put in 5% of your As an employee you will have to pay 2% salary, with your employer putting in of your gross salary initially, rising to 8% by 2018. This will have to be paid into a another 3%. A 3% cut of £20,000 is £600, scheme that's been approved for auto so if you don't take advantage of the enrolment. The employer's minimum scheme, you are basically throwing away contribution will rise to 3% by October £600 a year.

2018. This means that all employees will * Your employer will usually deduct your have to pay more into their pension than pension contributions from your salary their companies pay in for them. before deducting tax (but not before • A survey by Aviva has found that deducting National Insurance). This means around 30% of employees are expected to that some of the money you put into your opt out of auto enrolment, mostly the pension is money you would have lost

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to tax anyway.

• Your workplace pension belongs to you even if you leave your employer, so you won't lose the money you've put in.

• As your employer automatically enrols you, it's a hassle-free way of saving while you earn.

• Be aware that company pensions are not foolproof. If the pensions company your employer works with invests badly, your pension could do badly, too. However, most company pensions should be safeguarded by the Government's Pension Protection Fund, which should pay out a certain proportion if your company pension fails.

Want to find out ten really easy ways to make money? Then listen to JASMINE BIRTLES' PODCAST at readersdigest.co. uk/magazine

FOOD

No such thing as a free lunch?

Not so—there are plenty of sources of food that won't cost you a penny: FORAGING Hedgerows, woods and the seashore contain thousands of different types of mushrooms, flowers and berries, all of which are freely available for you to pick, particularly at this time of year. Although it's fine to eat berries while you're picking them from berry farms, out in the open it's a different matter, so take your harvest home and wash it well.

And some food, especially mushrooms (there are 3,500 known species), can be poisonous, so get a book like Richard Mabey's Food for Free (E4.99) to be safe.

The law allows you to roam on foot on open country in England and Wales, including mountains, moors, heath, registered commons and land opened up voluntarily by

landowners. Legally, you may take away foliage, fruit or parts of plants, unless it's done with the intention of selling them.

Blackberries tend to ripen in late summer and make richcoloured sweet wine, pies and other desserts, but the easiest is jam. Elderberries grow in August and September. Raw elderberries are poisonous and must be cooked. Elderberry cordial and jellies are tasty and sweet, and elderberry chutney is also a must.

Wild mussels are found at the beach in blue, boatshaped shells. The bad ones will float in a bowl of cold water. Mussels can be added to seafood soups, stews or rice dishes.

Wild watercress grows in clumps among the rocks in clearrunning streams and brooks.

Discard any wilted, yellow or Y bruised leaves or stems, but don't remove the stems entirely—that's where most of the flavour is.

FREEGANISM Every day supermarkets throw out enormous quantities of food that's just out of date or is in damaged packaging, but

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

121

MONEY 4 still perfectly edible. They throw it into the big bins behind the supermarket where it's fair game for "freegans".

Although you might be hesitant to take vegetables or fresh fish and meat, if they're packaged and have use-by dates, after a good scrub they should be fine to eat (but if in doubt, don't!).

Freegans constantly find ready meals with the plastic packaging intact, but no outer cardboard packaging. Eggs are also common finds for freegans; if one egg in the box is broken, supermarkets often find it easier to throw away the whole box rather than reduce the price and sell the other five.

Many supermarkets bar the public from getting to their bins, but if you have a food shop near you that has open access to its waste area you could find a treasuretrove there.

BECOME A TASTE TESTER Many producers and sellers of food need people to taste-test products before they're sold. Morrisons looks for people to sample and rate its food, for example.

You may not get paid, but you'll certainly get free food out of it.

Testing can take place in a special centre, but often products will be sent to your home for you to sample before completing a survey. It's important you complete the questionnaire within the deadline, otherwise you may not be considered for future tests.

122 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

HOW TO KEEP YOUR MONEY SAFE A holiday should be relaxing, so there's little worse than having money worries when you're abroad. Follow my advice for a stress-free trip.

Get a good deal on travel insurance. The Association of British Insurers says that one in four people chooses to travel without insurance, which I find astonishing. It doesn't have to cost the earth if you shop around, and can you really put a price on your family's safety or your peace of mind?

Invariably, the best deals can be found online. If you're going to use a comparison service, have a look at more than one to make sure you're getting the best deal.

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Protect your money. The majority of credit-card fraud occurs abroad, so you'll need to be extra careful if you decide to take your cards with you. Make sure you store the card company's "lost and stolen" number in your phone, and make a note of it somewhere else, too.

Remember that most issuers will charge when you use your card overseas, but Post Office and Nationwide credit cards are free to use abroad, and for the over-50s there's the Saga Platinum Credit Card, which is free to use in Europe.

Alternatively, you could use a prepaid credit card, which is a good, safe way to pay abroad as it's not connected to your bank account, so even if your card is stolen, no one will be able to access your money at home. There are several prepaid cards specifically designed for foreign travel. You have to purchase the card (although you can get some for free), then simply choose which currency you want your card in (euros, US dollars or sterling) and you can load it with as much as you want.

Security. In most holiday destinations, there's no reason to suspect you're in any more danger than in the UK. Having said that, when you're somewhere unfamiliar it's always better to be safe than sorry.

A document wallet is a really good idea if you'll be staying in hostels or budget hotels that don't have a safe. They fit comfortably under your clothes, without being obvious.

Make sure you make copies of all your essential documentation, take a set with you and leave one with friends or relatives at home. Just to be extra safe, it's worth scanning the copies and emailing them to yourself. That way, you'll always have access to them in an emergency.

THING THIS ...is check your retirement plan. If you haven't already done so, write a list—or create a spreadsheet—of your savings and investments including pensions, stock-market investments, property investments (other than your own home) and savings.

Add it up to see how much more you need to put aside to have enough to retire on.

To give you an idea, if you were to retire tomorrow, and you wanted an annual income roughly equivalent to the national average wage, you'd need to have at least £400,000 saved, depending on your age.

This—added to your state pension— would give you an income at around that level. ■

FOR MORE ON MONEY, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FINANCIALSERVICES

THIS MONTH'S BARGAIN Get 15% off short breaks with red letterdays.co.0 k using our exclusive offer. Choose from a wide selection of spa breaks, romantic breaks and boutique escapes around the country. Just go to the site, choose the weekend you'd like and put in the code MAGPIE15 at the checkout.

JARGON BUSTER Capital Adequacy Ratio. This is a measure of a bank's ability to cope with big losses. It's the value of its capital (money) divided by the value of risk-weighted assets—so if the bank has lots of very risky assets it needs a lot of money set aside to cope if all these assets crash.

Jasmine Birtles is a personal finance writer and the founder of moneymagpie.com 123

FOOD WITH MARCO PIERRE WHITE

UPPER CRUST Not all pies are born equal. This one is in a class of its own You simply can't beat a good pie. I used to like the ones we ate at half-time on visits to watch Leeds United play at Elland Road—but what I'm suggesting here is in a different league altogether.

It sounds a lot more complicated than it is.

What's more, the sensation you'll get when bringing it out of the oven must be similar to scoring a winning goal in a big match.

The first thing you need to sort out is your pie dish.

The one for this recipe must be big enough to feed six hungry people.

Make it an occasion!

You will also need a pastry brush, which will bring out the artist in the chef. When it comes to the meat, go for a goodquality farm bird and not a battery hen, which will be all water and no flavour.

Marco Pierre White, the "godfather" of modern British cooking, is a restaurateur and TV personality

CHICKEN AND LEEK PIE (SERVES 6) Olive oil 2 finely sliced shallots 1/2 garlic bulb, chopped 3 or 4 sprigs of thyme, finely chopped (you also need 1 chopped sprig for the pie) 1 bay leaf Pinch of rock salt 375m1 Madeira 375m1 white wine 250m1 chicken stock 500m1 whipping cream Salt and pepper 3 or 4 skinless chicken breasts 5 large leeks (trimmed and washed)

4 egg yolks for pastry brushing 1 sheet of short-crust pastry Sauce: 1. Heat the oil, add the shallots, garlic, chopped thyme, bay leaf and rock salt and fry gently.

2. Add the Madeira and white wine and reduce to syrup consistency.

3. Add chicken stock, simmer and reduce by half.

4. Add the cream, bring back to simmer, check the seasoning and pass through a chinois or sieve.

Pie filling: 1. Flash-fry the chicken breasts (they will only be

partially cooked), and cut into pieces.

2. Cook the leeks in lightly salted water, then cut into little rounds.

3. Put the leeks on the bottom of the pie dish, then layer on the chicken pieces, season and add the finely chopped thyme.

4. Pour on sauce.

5. Brush the edges of the dish with egg yolk and stretch the pastry over. Trim with a knife and crimp edges.

6. Bake on the middle shelf for 45 mins at 170C/ 338F/Gas Mark 3 until pastry is golden brown. ■

MARCO'S Before cooking, brush the top of the pastry with egg yolk then put in the fridge. This will give it a fantastic shiny golden brown look when cooked

124 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

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DRINK WITH NIGEL BARDEN

LIGHT TIPPLES These days, low alcohol doesn't have to mean no taste Demand is really growing for lower-alcohol drinks—Tesco's sales are up 47%, probably because beers below 2.8% alcohol (ABV) attract less tax and are lower in calories. For years it's been pretty much Kaliber or nothing, but there's now more choice: 0% Remarkably, this Dutch cloudy wheat beer contains zero alcohol, and, if well chilled, offers a refreshing mouthful at 50p per 33cl can.

Kaliber Lager 0.5% Smells like a fermenting mash-tun, which is no bad thing. Bovril-like overtones with hints of celery.

Erdinger Weissbier Alkoholfrei 0.5% A refreshing, cloudy-blond ale with lots of effervescence. lor 2% You'd never think this was Carling!

Masses of body and oomph.

Sainsbury's Biere des Flandres 2.6% Tastes continental with citrus notes. Quaff well chilled on the beach. Great value at 34p per 25cl bottle.

Ale 2.8% A barley-sugar whiff leading to butterscotch flavours. Classy.

Have a look at beergenie.co.uk/world-ofbeers for more ideas.

126 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

GOING 44a

Gwyneth Paltrow and Demi Moore are regular imbibers of coconut water, and Madonna is such a fan she bought the company (Vita Coco). But is that any reason for us to drink it?

Not to be confused with the richer milk produced from coconut flesh and water, coconut water is the cloudy liquid found inside a coconut—usually a young, green one, rather than a hairy one. It's full of cytokinins, thought to lower the risk of cancer, alongside vitamins B and C, and electrolytes such as potassium, iron, calcium, magnesium and zinc, which prevent muscle cramps —so it's a hit with sporty types. Sweet and yet sour in taste, there's even a hint of vanilla.

Popular as a rehydration bevvie, coconut water has even been used in place of medical saline, and in the Second World War as an intravenous drip—its composition is similar to blood serum. Other products to look out for are Cocofina and Go Coco, a new Glaswegian brand.

Nigel Barden is (They also sell it the food and drink presenter on Simon mixed with mango, Mayo's show on pineapple and BBC Radio 2, and lychee.) Pay around chairman of the Great Taste Awards £2 for 500m1. ■

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GARDENING WITH BOB FLOWERDEW /01111

BOOM OR BUST Don't be blinded by science—traditional ways of growing are often the best I've been reading advertisements for hydroponic systems claiming to give huge crops from just a small space. Do these really work? And are they worth buying?

Yes—and no.

There's no doubt such systems can work and are capable of producing really quite amazing results. With most, the plants are grown in a sterile medium flooded with carefully balanced dilute liquid feeds, so very close planting can be achieved without the usual competition. On the downside, these require large capital investment and considerable skill to operate successfully for any length of time. As an interesting hobby, it must be brilliant; as a way to grow your own food or flowers, it seems to be making it all a tad over-complicated.

RON SUTHERLAND/G PL/G ETTYIMAGES; STEVE CICERO/ GETTYIMA GE S

A

CUTTING BACK Two autumns ago I planted a mini-orchard, and last year most of my trees

cropped heavily. But this spring there weren't many flowers, and now there are hardly any fruits. Are the trees sick, because otherwise they look fairly healthy?

I water regularly, as instructed, but haven't done any fertilising.

Could that be it?

First, well done for the watering.

This is essential with trees grown on dwarfing root systems, as they -

A

JULY 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

129

A SPOT OF BOTHER Several roses in our communal gardens have developed a rash of white spots, which appear to have developed from the ground up the main stem. We can't find anything like it in our gardening books. Is there any treatment we could use to stop it spreading?

OK, I'm stumped. It's not one of the usual culprits because of the way it's developed—mildews, rusts and so on mostly develop on younger growths first. If the bushes had withered and/or died, then these spots would indicate root or stem rot had occurred, perhaps from waterlogging or accidental damage. If the plants look sickly, I'd dig them up and burn them immediately to prevent it spreading. If the roses are otherwise generally doing fine, I wouldn't be concerned—the spots may simply be some sort of lichen or other benign organism.

A

Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time. Send your gardening questions to Bob at excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk 130 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

• Although summer, month, but you should eliminate July is often wet. any going to seed!

If so, mow your • Hoe flower grass more often. borders even if But if it's dry, raise there are no weeds, the height of cut and rake the soil or and only mow to mulch just to keep control weeds and it looking good. tussock grasses, • Pick and enjoy, or say fortnightly.

Weeds also become process, your fruits and veg as each less troublesome among crops this ripens or matures.

READER'S TIP To save water, I fill a large jug in the kitchen while I'm waiting for the water to run warm for the washing up. I then use the jug to give my pots and baskets a drink. This method also reminds me to water regularly.

Submitted by Heather Leader, Leicester ■

» Email your gardening tips and ideas— with photos, if possible—to excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £70 if we use them on this page.

L. ANCHEL ES/GETTY IM AGES; C H RISTO PH ER H OPE- FI TC H/ FL ICK R/GE TTYIMAGE S

can't find their own water as well as old, stronger-growing rootstocks. But . the trees shouldn't need much feeding yet, unless your soil is particularly poor and wasn't enriched beforehand.

Your most likely problem is that too many fruits were ripened last year before the trees were well established, and so they're taking a "holiday". Next year, they'll probably try to crop very heavily, so thin the fruits ruthlessly to stop the trees getting exhausted again and moving permanently into "biennial bearing", as it's called.

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WITH MARTIN HUGHES-GAMES

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Surprisingly, it could be a swarm of ants

This month, I can guarantee nests. Synchronising the stories about plagues of emergence allows ants flying insects darkening from different nests the sky—but its only to mate—and ensures the "marriage flight" ant-eating birds soon of ants. have their fill.

Most ants (there Princesses test are 36 species in suitors by flying high the UK) are wingless and fast—only the "workers", but for strongest can keep up. a &nature. inged breeding purposes nests Eventually, she allows garden bfack ants produce winged ants starting to swarm mating to take place. The —the "princesses" (unmated sperm from this one flight females) and their male suitors fertilises all the many thousands of eggs (drones). They're not allowed out of the she'll lay as a queen. She descends, rubs nest until the workers consider conditions off her wings on a stone and prepares to (humidity, temperature and day length) to start a new colony. A queen ant can be just right. Then, almost simultaneously, live for over ten years, whereas the males swarms take to the air from thousands of drift to the ground and soon die.

CODED CURES

Martin HughesGames is a host of BBC2's Springwatch and Autumnwatch 132

Lungwort, eyebright and liverwort get their common names from the ancient doctrine of "signatures"—God marked plants to show us what they were good for medicinally. So lungwort leaves have a blotchy appearance like lung tissue, eyebright flowers resemble a human eye, liverwort looks like liver, and so on. The 17th-century herbalist William Coles said that walnuts were good for curing head ailments because "they have the perfect signatures of the head". The concept is rejected by modern medicine, but some herbalists believe it's still relevant, and numerous homeopathic remedies originate in "signature medicine".

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LOVE IN THE AIR

TOUGH PUFFS On the desk in front of me, I have a curious coin dating from 1929—it's a puffin, which was briefly the official currency of Lundy Island in the Bristol Channel. Lundy is still one of the places in the UK where you can see puffins when they come to our shores to breed.

In fact, Lundy is named after the bird, lunde being Norse for puffin.

Puffins are tough little birds,

4.

spending most of their lives way out at sea weathering Atlantic storms.

Once a year they have to come ashore to nest, which they do underground. The males do the digging, sometimes taking over a rabbit hole and kicking out the rightful owners in the process. Puffins pair for life and have a delightful "getting to know each other again" beak-tapping routine when they meet after many months apart at sea. A single egg is laid, which takes some 40 days to incubate. The parents

"fly" underwater with great agility to catch fish for their little "puffling".

At the end of July, under cover of darkness, the young pufflings will start to head out to sea—they won't return to breed themselves for some five years.

In parts of the West Country, puffins are called "Londoners" because of their habit of standing on cliffs in crowds, gazing vacantly out to sea! ■

ONLINE WITH MARTHA LANE FOX

FAR AND WIDE Enough Olympics already? Now's the perfect time to look further afield...

This year, 31 million people are heading to the UK to join the Olympics fun. But while the world watches London, there's never been a better excuse to discover the best that the rest of the UK has to offer.

Last year, "staycations" were up six per cent in Northern Ireland, nine per cent in England and Scotland, and 12 per cent in Wales. Most encouragingly, 78% of those taking a holiday in England said that it offered "excellent" or "very good" value for money.

With our tightened purse strings and no need for passports, jabs or visas, it's no surprise that the Holidays at Home are GREAT campaign features all our national treasures—the Lakes, cultural greats, cream teas and Stephen Fry—to convince us to take a break in Blighty. If you're short of inspiration, here are some helpful places to go online: 0 Great2012offers.com has a range of offers on car hire, breaks and days out— such as £20.12 or 20.12% off, and three nights for two. Just pop in what you'd like 134 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

and where. Try Visit England's "inspirator" at enjoyengland.com, and wherever you are, check out the official action at London2012.com.

0 Obviously I'm biased, but lastminute. corn, and expedia.co.uk, are stuffed with experiences on our shores. Or put your ideas into an internet search engine—I found Bradford National Museum's gallery on the effects of the digital age (national mediamuseum.org.uk). And my oddest find? Tours of the M25.

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0 We're famed for our green and pleasant land, and have some of the best walks in Europe. Sustrans.org.uk has over 400 miles of walking and cycling routes, and is holding heaps of family-friendly "freshair miles" events this summer.

0 Still stuck for ideas? You could take a walk in the Highlands, bike the Great Western Greenway in Ireland, or take the Hadrian's Wall Path National Trail over 84 miles of rugged moorland and fields.

Or check out the All Wales Coast Path.

Stretching 870 miles from Chepstow to Queensferry, Lonely Planet named it the world's greatest region. Download the Google-maps app for your journey, or the ForeverMap app for use offline.

0 Dickens2012.org has

lots of UK-wide activities and events marking Dickens' 200th birthday. Plenty offer the chance to come in costume and compete for prizes. The best bit?

The number of places using tech to make joining in easier and more fun. Southwark, featured in many Dickens books, has got its own app with a Dickens icon map,

or ask a friend or family member to use go-on.co.uk/champions to help show you how. •

while childhood home Rochester is one of five places piloting QR* codes to help visitors discover his * Short for QUICK novel inspirations, RESPONSE. If you've highlight top spots got a smartphone, and things to do, download a free OR and feature video app and scan these clips of the area. whizzy barcodes to go straight to a site

0 If Shakespeare's your man, visit worldshakespearefestival. org.uk—"The Stories of Shakespeare" in Stratford-upon-Avon is using digital screenings of newly commissioned performances to put his work in a global context. My favourite project "Banquo" is creating an amazing snapshot of the Bard's "digital heartbeat" using tweets, Flickr photos and eBay auctions. Join in at myShakespeare on the festival website.

One thing's for sure—stay in the UK and boredom won't be on the menu. The only thing Martha Lane Fox not guaranteed? The is the UK's digital weather. So pack your champion and brolly and enjoy the chairs Go ON UK staycation everyone! • (go-on-uk.org) JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 13$

MOTORING WITH CONOR McNICHOLAS

FLY-DRIVE! We've all grown up with sci-fi promises of cabin, and the engine powers the wheels a future filled with flying cars, hover-pods rather than the propeller.

One challenge has been getting the and the like—but only now has progress US road and aviation authorities to join been made in the form of the Terrafugia Transition. It'll fly you through the air at up. The plane guys demanded a lighter 105mph to your local airfield, then pootle aircraft; the road-safety guys wanted full you home right to your driveway. crash-test safety gear inside. Eventually, special dispensation The project is the brainchild of a bunch was given to have of plane-loving a heavier aircraft, but with tonedgraduates from the Massachusetts own airbags.

Institute of , With that sorted, Technology. These ou can place an students loved , rder for delivery flying light aircraft his year or next.

The rerra *gm ra neon on the road, but had a problem' and (below) to king to the skies Put in 20 hours of when they lande flying time to get at another airport, they weren t able to a licence, and you can be in the air in a drive on anywhere else. The Transition Transition—as long as you've stumped up is the response. the £175,000 it'll cost to buy one! But will The vehicle is less of a flying car and anyone use it? Terrafugia claim that in the more of a road-going plane. The Transition US you're never more than about 30 miles is a light aircraft with a large propeller at from one of 5,000 airfields across the the back and double tail fin, but once on country. Great for them, but it might not the ground the wings can be folded in to work so well in the UK. make it car-sized. Shift a gearstick in the If you think this is all pie in the sky, the US military don't. They're funding a fiveyear project to generate the Transformer, a proposed Hummer-style 4x4 car that also has vertical take-off and landing capabilities, and draws on some of Terrafugia's technology. lar The true flying car may well go into battle before it delivers you to work.

136

TE RRAFUGI A

If your commute is becoming a grind, here's the ultimate traffic-dodger

ONE TO BUY

(from £9,995) Previous little Peugeots have been A"` both fizzing genius (the 205) and lumpen bore-boxes (the 207). But Peugeot need to get small cars right in the UK because it's all we buy from them, really. This new 208 is pretty good—stylish, a range of engines, and good toys inside. If you're in the market for a Polo or Fiesta, this should be on your shortlist, too.

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Those who were expecting an Only Way Is Essex trash-fest will be disappointed—it's dark and stylish in shiny black and matt grey with rose-gold accents. No orange in sight.

BMW, 6401 SE Gra', (£61,380) Car companies are filling ever-smaller niches, so here comes another four-door coupe like the Mercedes CLS or Audi A7.

Cynicism aside, this rakish luxury ride has drama and pace to spare, but also a unique X-factor draw that makes it feel very special indeed. It all starts for a realistic dream price just a whisker over £60k. If you can, you should.

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A CAR DESIGNED

BY YOU (PERHAPS) have t customer feedback to a new level with their Cl Connexion special edition— they got people on Facebook to make the car they want. The process is called crowdsourcing and, in this case, people chose from options including colour, number of doors and inter', trim. The most popui vo, is on sale.

This sort of thing is the future for motoring manufacturers —expect to be designing your ,xt model soon. ,sit facebook. ,m/citroemik r detail, • Conor McNicholas is the former editor of BBC Top Gear Magazine 137

TRAVEL WITH KATE PETTIFER

MY GREAT ESCAPE You can't beat West Penwith for a family seaside escape, says Steve Strode The end of another Jake and Rachel spent day back at the quiet their childhood holidays clifftop cottage. in West Penwith; (below) We look across the their dad Steve bay at Sennen Cove to Land's End. From the balcony, we watch the firework display in darkness, the best seats in the house. Everything was as we'd left it 12 years ago.

Cornwall still caters for our family 20 years on. When our two children, Jake and Rachel, were only just walking, it was all glorious a secluded beach. One of our beaches and rock pooling; as favourites is a short walk from the they grew older, it was frolicking lighthouse at Pendeen Point—we've in the waves and bodyboarding, then never shared it with more than a dozen riding at Land's End, fishing trips from people, and the odd seal.

Penzance, and excursions to the Isles Last year, we left the car at Penzance of Scilly. We've spent days exploring the and took the open-top bus back towards cavernous underground mines at Geevor, St Ives. A seat on the top is a magicvisited Goonhilly Earth Station and the carpet ride above the colourful winding famous Eden Project. hedges, which shroud you at car level, Nowadays, it's more relaxed—at least for my wife Lisa and me. We can leave CORNISH PASTIMES the children, now 20 and 18, at Sennen Homeaway.co.uk has a good concentration Surfing Centre while we go off walking of property listings In west Cornwall, or the South West Coast Path. Even at the try a local specialist such as carneve.com or boutique-retreats.co.uk height of summer it's still so easy to find 138

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

for great views of the West Penwith coast. Travelling this way is a must, as you visit places en route that are off the beaten track, which you can make a note of and return to later (Explorer day tickets cost about £6 for adults).

Staying on the cliffs above Sennen means we're never caught up in the summer crowds—just the extraordinary coast. And having tried every sort of accommodation, it's lovely to be back in the holiday home we stayed in all those years ago.

Send us a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you £70. See address on page 4.

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THINGS TO DO THIS MONTH

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This year sees the 100th birthday of Canada's Calgary Stampede—a huge deal in Alberta's calendar (this month from July 6-15), with cowboys competing at Rodeo, chuck wagons racing, and lots of Stetson-wearing. Frontier Canada has a 13-day package visiting Stampede (fly in to Calgary; out of Vancouver) and taking the Rocky Mountaineer train, from £2,946pp (020 8776 8709; frontier-canada.co.uk).

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Natural Retreats, offering eco-minded, self-catering stays, is opening its first properties in John O'Groats. Working with Heritage GB, the company is reinvigorating this beautiful Scottish outpost. As well as converting the John O'Groats hotel into apartments, the project includes brandnew three-bedroom residences. From £560 for seven nights (sleeps six) from August 1 (0844 384 3166; naturalretreats.co.uk).

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Croatia's Dalmatian coast and the largest Greek island Crete both make for superb late-summer getaways, and now they have something else in common—they're both served by low-cost airline Monarch from Gatwick and Birmingham, making a sunny September break more affordable.

Fly to the Cretan capital Heraklion or the beautiful Croatian walled city of Dubrovnik from £72 return (monarch.co.uk).

nvalkit.com You're in a strange city, you want to get from A to B, but aren't sure how. Walkit.com shows insecure map readers how to proceed on foot, offering the most direct route, the quieter way, and—sometimes—a low-pollution option. Routes are marked with points of interest. Forty-two UK towns and cities are listed, and more are in progress. There's a Circular and Themed Walks section, and an app for use on the move. ■ JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 139

ew Books to Illuminate Your Life My Personal War Within A Struggle to Find Inner Peace Ted Bagley Softcover 978-1-4568-7958-7 1 Price: $19.99 1 Pages: 179 Set primarily in Birmingham, Alabama, during the 50s and 60s and the turbulent days of the Jim Crow Laws, the Ku Klux Klan, and the John Birch Society, My Personal War Within reflects difficult times for those growing up black in a country struggling to give identity to a race that played such an important part of its infrastructural growth.

Preacher Sean, Antiterrorist

Preacher Sean, Antiterrorist

Fred Gaertner Softcover 978-1-4415-0979-6 1 Price: $19.99 1 Pages: 176 Follow the thrilling journey of characters Sean, Pat, and Aaron as they join hands in preventing terrorism. Intriguing, insightful and compelling, Preacher Sean, Antiterrorist, is author Fred Gaertner's voice in the long-standing conflict between Protestants and Catholics.

With an upcoming book titled Beethoven: Then and Now, Gaertner bravely delves into provocative and interesting topics that contribute greatly to society. Be inspired by Gaertner's exhilarating works!

Staring Blues Eyes

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Daryl Ross Halencak Softcover 978-1-4628-7644-0 Price: UK£ 19.99 Pages: 122

"The eyes are the window to the soul." This is the fascinating theme that drives Staring Blues yes, a memorable collection of poems written by award-winning author-poet Daryl Ross Halencak.

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Readers Digest

JULY FICTION REVIEWED BY A N WILSON EXTRACTS FROM OUR FAVOURITE NEW RELEASES IE JOYS OF MAGIC AND THE WONDERS OF THE COMMONPLACE BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: FAY WELDON

EDITED BY RD BOOKS EDITOR JAMES WALTO

July fiction Ancient Light

by John Banville (Viking, £16.99) John Banville is a wonder.

His prose is so good that you savour it like fine wine, reading more and more slowly to see how it's done.

(Even so, you never quite can.) In this novel, Alexander Cleave, an ageing actor, is filming in Italy where he passes the time with a depressive actress. But that's only in the fuzzy foreground.

At the heart of the book

A N Wilson marvels, travels the world—and falls in love

are two very different memories. At 15, he had an affair with the mother of one of his best friends. And ten years ago, his daughter committed suicide.

Alexander has his creator's knack of being able to describe place, nature and feelings, with the skills of a poet. Yet he's appallingly unaware of the havoc he causes by grabbing for emotion at the expense of others' happiness. Banville won the 2005 Man Booker Prize for The Sea, but this is his most powerful work to date—and that's saying something. A must.

The Truth

by Michael Palin (Weidenfeld, £18.99) It's perhaps not surprising that Michael Palin's new novel is about a thoroughly

nice chap wandering around the world—but it's also a thoroughly good read. Our hero is Keith Mabbut, a 56-year-old journalist-writer, who over the years has compromised his youthful idealism to pay the bills. Then the chance comes to write a biography of the celebrated environmental campaigner Hamish Melville.

But the gullible Keith has some shocks waiting for him when he begins to discover what his hero actually got up to. The

CLASSICS CORNER: THE GO-BETWEEN L P Hartley's The Go-Between is now so overshadowed by its own first line (all together now: "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there") that everything else about it is in danger of being forgotten. In fact, the rest of the book is pretty great, too—combining a strong plot with a quietly devastating portrait of lost innocence. It's also a classic summer-holiday novel, with the narrator's life-changing stay at the house of his schoolfriend beginning on July 10,1900.

142 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2 012

truth, it turns out, is a complicated business, best unfolded in fiction. ("Facts are just facts...lf you want the truth, read Jane Austen.") Fortunately, the fiction here is well crafted, warm hearted—and wholly recommended.

Before I Met You

by Lisa Jewell (Century, £9.99) As a teenager, Betty is taken to live in Guernsey with her step-grandmother, a stylish old lady called

London, and when she dies, she leaves her modest estate to one Clara Pickle.

From there, the novel alternates between Betty's quest to find Clara in the Soho of the 1990s, and Arlette's glamorous, bohemian adventures of 70 years earlier. Both are brilliantly evoked in this gripping, tear-jerking and sometimes very funny novel. Fans of Lisa Jewell's previous bestsellers such as Ralph's Party and Thirtynothing will not be disappointed.

The Taliban Cricket Club

Arlette, who wears red velvet shoes. Arlette clearly has a "past" as a Bright Young Thing in 1920s

by Timeri N Murari (Allen & Unwin, £9.99) Rukhsana, a young journalist in Kabul in 2000, is summoned to the terrifying Ministry to Promote Virtue and Punish Vice. Shivering in her uncomfortable burka, she's sure that the brutal minister is going to confront her with her

TALIBAN 011111214

timed X . Mar

secret (and of course illegal) journalism. Instead, he has a job for her. To improve the Taliban's international image, they are going to field a cricket team—and Rukhsana knows how to play.

So will she be able to use the cricket match as a means to get out of Afghanistan? There's many a twist before we find the answer in this tender and enchanting novel, which made me miss not one but three stops as I read it on the bus. Her police interrogator falls in love with Rukhsana—and I defy any reader not to do the same. t-

?;;Flit,Er:';''‘,, QUICK QUIZ This is from The Story of English in 100 Words by 1„;;Vzort;,`„":0`,::. David Crystal, out in paperback this month. But can you guess what entry 1,:„`ta 0 it refers to? '':‘,1 "Thanks to a fine piece of research by American lexicographer Allan Walker a%, s *v.`",,,';a.o Read, we now know that it first appeared in 1839 in a Boston newspaper, °" „ 0K46u : where there was a vogue for inventing humorous abbreviations using initial 000„vra;„ letters—an early instance of a language game. KY, for example, would be , used for the phrase "know yuse” (= 'no use')." Answer on page 146 At.," " JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 143

RD RECOMMENDED READ: 1

Tricks of the trade The hand might not be faster than the eye—but it can certainly fool the poor old brain. A magical new book explains why In most circumstances, the experience of being completely baffled is not a pleasant one. So why do we enjoy it so much when it comes to magic? The answer, according to Fooling Houdini, comes from no less than Albert Einstein: The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."

But this is just the starting point for Alex Stone's fascinating ramble around a subject that, he convincingly argues, raises all sorts of big questions about how our brains interpret the world.

Contrary to the received wisdom, the hand can never be faster than the eye. It can, though, be faster than the mind. Which is why the famous art of misdirection doesn't mean making the audience look away. It means making them not see what they're actually looking at, by playing on the brain's shortcomings: its inability to concentrate on more than one thing at once; its determination to fill the gaps in its perception by any means necessary; its lack of skill at noticing anything it wasn't expecting to be there; above all, its mad conviction that seeing is believing.

Yet if that's making the book sound like a piece of theoretical science, then you've been misdirected. As an American science journalist, Stone is certainly interested in what magic reveals about our mental make-up—and very good indeed at writing comprehensibly about it. But as a magician himself, he's a huge and infectious fan of the whole business. As a result, he plunges us deep in the history, traditions and lore of a world that, by its very nature, is normally kept secret from the layman. He exposes the techniques used by people who pretend not to be magicians—including psychics of all kinds. He also introduces us to an enormous cast of colourful characters, past and present.

And here's one of them: a man who combines two of the other big themes of the book—the long-standing link between magic and gambling (or, if you prefer, cheating); and the fact that, for 144 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

RD EXCLUSIVE Alex Stone's favourite tricks— and where to find them online AMBITIOUS CARD One of the oldest and most famous card tricks—but magicians are constantly fooling each other with new versions.

Check out Shawn Farquhar's tuneful take: youtube. com/watch?v= 102UgaUUQ4Y BIZARRE TWIST Invented by the great Paul Harris, this minimalist miracle uses only three cards. Even though I know how it's done, I still knuckle my

• t beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious": a magician goes into action

PM IMAGES/ ICONICA/GETTY IMAGES

magicians, the biggest thrill of all comes from tricking other magicians...

His name was Richard Turner, and as luck would have it, he was scheduled to give a closed-door lecture for the Society of American Magicians in New York.

Though unknown outside the realm of magic and gambling, Turner was said to be a card handler without equal, a man whose prowess with a deck bordered on the supernatural.

I wanted to see if he measured up to the hype. The stories that circulated about him were far-fetched, to say the least, and as I had learned early on, the world of magic is filled with half-truths and hucksterism. But what most raised doubts in my mind was the astonishing fact that Richard Turner, the greatest living card cheat and quite possibly the sharpest card handler of all time, was blind...

With his black Stetson hat, lizard-skin boots and Doc Holliday moustache, Turner looks like a saloonkeeper from the Badlands.

When he came striding into that sterile auditorium, I checked his hip. No, no holster, just a solid gold belt buckle in the shape of a five-card poker hand—three aces and two eights, the so-called dead man's hand.

Still Turner is licensed to carry a firearm. Nearly three decades ago, when the top organised crime families in New York and overseas were offering him millions to work for them and threatening to kill him if he declined, he was armed for his own

Fooling Houdini: Adventures in the World of Magic by

Alex Stone is published

by William Heinemann at £12.99 on July 5

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

145

...AND THE QUICK QUIZ? The above ia from the Providence loornal, the edi. tar of which is a lode too gulch on the trigger, os thigoomution. We said not • word shout our depu, Milos purtlag " through the uhf" of Providence.— Wit !laid our brethren WM going to Now York in the Itiehmood, sad they did go, ea per Post of Thursday.

Charity Leeof the Committee so The " cbairoma deputation, mid perhaps if rpm Ihrtb," one of Me Pie Providence, he of r Joe should amen to tomoa, erMirbend, would have the MB leaflet, sod e. 1.—ail correct-4a `:boloirkbatioa boo," a altos, pward. aser do corks to Or, Woe garb, u

Y

The answer was "OK"— standing for "oll korrect".

The Story of English in 100 Words (Profile, £8.99) begins with "roe" from the fifth century and ends with "twittersphere" from the 21st, with every word having its own story to tell.

146 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

eyes every time I see it. media.theoryThcom/1349Bizarre-Twist JOHN GUASTAFERRO'S TAILSPIN An elegant study in pure sleight of hand: it doesn't get much prettier than this. youtube.com/ watch?v=vYGdp8b2g0g RETENTION VANISH Like animation, this exploits the brain's persistence of vision. Magicians love arguing about who does it best, but I'd go for Giacomo Bertini. I mean...seriously.

Where the heck does the coin go? youtube.com/ watch?v=vz00-ybwYZA THE MUSCLE PASS A coin appears to float up out of the hand. The world's foremost practitioner is the eye-popping Shoot Ogawa. youtube.com/watch?v= luhkDeYTdz4

COU RTE SYOFRICHARDTU RNER/ RICHARDTU RNER52.COM

protection by the San Diego SWAT team.

'Do as I do,' Turner opened, in a warm drawl, flashing a bandit's grin. 'Whatever your game, make sure the cards are very evenly mixed. Let's start with some simple cuts.' He started to cut the cards, gradually speeding up as he spoke. 'Now alternate it. Now try a flying three-way. Now try a one-two-three-four-five-six-seven way.' The audience chuckled as Turner, his hands a blur, moved on to a series of shuffles, each more intricate than the last. `Aaaright; he said. 'Now how 'bout the faro shuffle? Break 'em in half and lace 'em up every other card, then bridge 'em down.' There was more laughter as Turner split the deck exactly in half and zippered the two stacks with one hand, then executed an acrobatic one-handed flip-around cut. He paused. 'Well,' he said, 'the deck should be pretty evenly mixed, right?' He smiled triumphantly and spread the deck face up on the table to reveal the cards in pristine numerical order.

Everyone in the room shrieked and clapped, a boisterous uproar that lasted close to a minute. As he waited for the clamour to subside, Turner fished a toothpick from his pocket, leaned back in his chair and calmly began picking at his teeth.

But the effect that destroyed every magician in the house that night may well have been the simplest.

A spectator picked a card, replaced it in the deck, and shuffled, and yet somehow Turner was able to locate the card and control it to the top—a feat nobody in the II world can explain.

RD RECOMMENDED READ: 2

Fun with pencils The commonplace doesn't have to be dreary—looked at properly, it's full of wonders I ossons horn the Champions of Everyday ule

Michael Foley begins Embracing the Ordinary with a rousing call for his readers to pay full attention to everything around them, however apparently familiar and mundane. Too many of us, he believes, waste our lives thinking that we're wasting our lives: THE AGE OF ABSURDITY . that everyday reality is dull and banal.

Not that this is entirely our fault. For centuries, writers and artists have disdained the ordinary as beneath their notice. And that was before the rise of celebrity culture encouraged us all to consider anonymous lives scarcely worth living. Yet, if we do pay full attention, we can learn, in the words of the novelist John Updike, "to give the mundane its beautiful due".

There's no denying that what follows is often quite an eccentric book. Foley always writes beguilingly—but sometimes seems to be writing beguilingly about whatever pops into his head. Some readers might well think there are too many references to Marcel Proust and James Joyce: Foley's biggest heroes and the main "champions" of the subtitle (Lessons from the Champions of Everyday Life)—authors who celebrated the smallest details of their characters' lives.

In the end, though, this eccentricity proves part of the book's charm. More importantly, when Foley hits his stride, his hymns of praise to everyday things really do restore our sense of wonder and delight. His chapter on office life, for example, contains stirring passages about Anglepoise lamps ("not a servant but an accomplice"); paper clips ("when paper clips suddenly appeared in primary colours I knew that profound change had come upon the Western world"); and a particularly heartfelt eulogy to swivel chairs. And all that's before he gets on to pencils... '4,‘

Michael Foley was born in Derry, Northern Ireland, but since 1972 has lived in London.

He has published four novels, four collections of poetry and the bestselling non-fiction book The Age of Absurdity: WhI Modern Life Makes It Hard t Be Happy.

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 147

dr

, It is fitting that this most • democratic of instruments was used by Abraham Lincoln to _ / write the Gettysburg Address, and that it is still used for the most important act of democracy. When I exercised my citizen's privilege a few months ago, I made my X with a blunt pencil attached to a piece of string. The pencil is also a symbol of the agonies and ecstasies of life as process, wearing itself down to a sad old stub --but also enjoying constant, astounding renewal.

The act of sharpening a pencil is an exquisite three-stage pleasure: first, the snug fit of the pencil head in the sharpener; second, the firm twist and crunchy engagement with the blade that makes shavings spring up (especially satisfying if the pencil is polygonal and the shaving comes off in a single intact cone, its scalloped edge rimmed with colour from the pencil-paint like the flared skirt of a flamenco dancer); and third, the withdrawal of the head miraculously reborn, no longer blunt and grey but with fragrant bright fresh skin and a point sharp enough to stab a dull colleague to death. Not the primitive bludgeon of the savage, but the sophisticated rapier of the swordsman. Today you will certainly get my point. On guard, you dim oafs!

And during and after the writing, the pencil can participate in an extensive repertoire of eloquent gestures— twisting, twirling, tapping, tossing, finger pricking, performing the drumstick intro to Dave Brubeck's Unsquare Dance and wearing behind the ear or along the upper lip as a wooden moustache. Conversely, for terminal despair a pencil may be broken in two with a fine, dry, decisive snap (though, touch wood, I have never been this desperate or brutal).

By all means buy new pencils—but to experience the miracle of renewal and so understand that obscurity and rejection need not be permanent, and the commonplace need not be dreary, take an old, forlorn, discarded stub from the back of a drawer and thrust its soiled head into a sharpener for the astounding rebirth into surgical sharpness, virgin brightness and enchanting cedar wood fragrance.

148 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

Embracing the Ordinary: Lessons from the Champions of Everyday Life

by Michael Foley is published

by Simon & Schuster at £12.99 on July 5

CH EMISTRY/GETTYIMAGES

The act of sharpening a pencil is an exquisite three-part pleasure

Books that Changed my Life Fay Weldon is a playwright, essayist and author of more than 30 books, including The Life and Loves of a She-Devil and Praxis. Her latest, Habits of the House, is out on July 19.

HULTON ARC HIVE/GETTY IMAGES; DAV ID LEVE NSON/GETTY IMAGES

Five Children and It

by Edith Nesbit Since it was published in 1902, this children's classic has never been out of print. It's metafictional, in that the writer intentionally lets you know that she's involved in the story. I took it out of the library in Christchurch, New Zealand, where I grew up. The books I'd read before were very obviously written by adults about children, but Nesbit unites reader and writer in this story. I was a troubled ten-yearold; we were rather poor and my father wasn't around, so to find characters in this book with problematic friendships, torn loyalties and financial worries was very appealing. Nesbit showed that children have just as many complex emotions as grown-ups--but without the adult solutions.

Solar

by Ian McEwan M Given a S(..)1 R choice, I tend to choose male writers over female ones, and Ian McEwan is a very fine writer indeed. In Solar, he tackles global warming. The protagonist—a brilliant physicist and expert on renewable energy—is a philandering, gluttonous rascal. I love how McEwan gets away with creating such a brilliant antihero within a novel that examines an important subject with scientific accuracy. I find that sort of literary tension really interesting, and it's books like this—ones that challenge the conventional telling of a story—that I like to both read and write.

IA F \VAN

1984 by George Orwell This novel weaves politics and social pressures into a love story. I read it with admiration in the 50s, and now it's an almost-perfect account of the world today! It seemed the best way to write—instructive fiction in which politics and personal lives are inextricably linked. I didn't have any desire to be a writer t that time, but Orwell, as well as Shaw and xley, greatly influenced my later work, which also examines how behaviour is determined by the oftenoppressive social situations in which we're forced to live. ■

As told to Caroline Hutton

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 149

Diamond Jubilee "We are ready to ship a genuine Diamond Jubilee Crown Pendant to each reader... ...who solves the puzzle by Midnight Tuesday 17th July!" rro celebrate the Queens Diamond 1 Jubilee, Spencer and Mayfair are delighted to have secured a consignment of the most royal of precious gems; the Diamond, set in a Royal Jubilee Crown shaped pendant with chain.

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desk with drawers (10) 6 Heating elements in an electric fire (4) 7 Head of a government department (8) 8 Bread shop (6) 13 Morsel (3) 14 Column, of light for example (5) 15 Axiom stating that anything that can go

DOWN 1 Talk boastfully (4) 2 Come into possession of (6) 3 Bird of New Zealand (4) 4 Citrus fruit (4) 5 Bureau, writing

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Beat the Puzzleman!

The Puzzleman can answer these questions in 20 minutes. Impressive? He certainly thinks so—but can you show him up?

1 Two eight-letter words are missing from this sentence. The same eight letters must be used for both words.

What are the words?

The store's special offer on bakery products sandwiches, pastries and bread. ._. In a cricket match, the average number of runs scored in the first 15 overs is five. After a further 75 overs, the average number of runs per over rises to six. What is the average number of runs for the last 75 overs only?

4 On each row, place a letter that can be substituted for the second letter of the words either side. When completed, a summery word will be read downwards. What is it?

SHADE STILL LAKES HOLLY SPENT ADORN EXACT STACK GRANT METRE SHORE SWANS 5 Rearrange the following letters to give two six-letter words. What are they?

The first correct answer we pick on July 6 wins £50!* Email excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk

What letter should replace the question mark in this sequence?

ACZXEG VTIK?P

PRIZE QUESTION (answer will be published in the August issue) Answer to June's question: Each has the same pronunciation as another word with a different spelling and meaning (poor, peace, packed, profit, plane

ALMTUU

ILLUSTRATED BY SAMFALCONER

and pole).

And the winner is...

3 Use the letters given below to complete the star so that two fiveletter words, one fourletter word and two words of two letters can be read. What are they?

Nick Evans from Cheshire

The small print • Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader's Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition. ■

DEINNOOPU So how did you score? A point for every correct answer Here's the Puzzleman's verdict: 0-2 "A picnic on a rainy day."

3-4 "A pleasant lunch with friends."

5 "The finest dining money can buy!"

ONV lvninw s 'DINDId V '00 ONV do .N011 'NOOdS '30109 £ 'S11£18 Z'9 '03D11SN0 ONV 930111DVII L :SLIWASNV

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 155

Laugh!

WIN £70 FOR EVERY READER'S JOKE WE PUBLISH. EMAIL EXCERPTS@ READERSDIGEST.CO.UK OR GO TO FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

kEee Drawn

A man dies and goes to heaven. He stands before God and sees Jesus sitting at his right hand. But he's surprised to see a caretaker with a mop sitting at God's left hand.

"Who are you?" asks the man.

"I'm Cleanliness," replies the caretaker.

Ryan Clarkson, Great Yarmouth A woman feels unwell, so she goes to her GP. He says, "Take the red pill after breakfast with a glass of water.'

"OK." "Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water."

"OK." "Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water."

"OK. What's wrong with me, doctor?"

"Madam, you don't drink enough water."

Apparently, I need foot surgery. But I would prefer the doctor to use his hands. Comedian Milton Jones, by Twitter 156

apPr

L

"I can't wait to get this holiday of a lifetime over so I can get back to my banal existence"

1 A MOUNTAIN CLIMBER GETS LOST IN THE MIST. He stumbles upon a cabin and knocks on the door.

A child's voice replies, "Who is it?"

The climber says, "I'm lost on the mountain. Do you know the best way back down?"

The child says he doesn't, so the mountain climber asks him to ask his mother. The child replies, "She isn't here. She left when my father came in."

Climber: "Well, could you ask your father please?"

Child: "No. My father left when my granddad came in."

Climber, exasperated: "Well, could you ask your grandfather, then?"

Child: "No. He went out when I came in. This is a toilet."

Stephen Gee, Chippenham

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK JULY 2012

1 An English teacher spots a boy staring out of the window and calls out a question. "You, boy! Give me two pronouns."

The startled boy says, "Who? Me?" Jason Thomas, Denbigh 1 Did you know that more people are killed each year by [soft drinks] machines than by sharks? Presumably that's supposed to make you feel less

Sometimes, you don't choose to have a lie-in.

The lie-in chooses you Comedian Tim Vine

afraid of sharks. Obviously not.

It makes me more afraid of [soft drinks] machines...

Comedian Mark Little

1 Angry customer: "When I ordered this rug, you said it was in perfect condition. It's arrived and it's got an enormous hole in the middle!"

Seller: "Yes, but if you recall, I actually said 'mint' condition."

Tracy Davidson, Stratford-on-Avon

Evidence the global recession has spread beyond the planet: Orion's Belt has tightened Comedian Carey Marx, by Twitter

LITTLE EPIPHANIES # 15:

Comedian Alun Cochrane inhabits a daydreamy world of surreal realisations and whimsy. This is his monthly moment of revelation I recently spent time with a family who were those vegetarians who only eat fish...and we had a barbecue.

Generously, I allowed my host to cook my burgers and sausages on his grill, alongside their vegetarian patties and wooden sticks of halloumi, onion and courgette.

And, I have to say, when it came to condiments, the veggie hosts certainly cut the mustard (sorry). I have never seen an array quite like it: tomato sauce, sweetcorn relish, red pepper and tomato chutney, and more besides—a plethora of pickles, a smorgasbord of sauces! I was impressed, and repeatedly said so. I may even have uttered the words, "These sauces are amazing. We meat-eaters need to ketchup."

While I was chewing delightedly on a lamb burger, our host admitted that of course they have good sauces because, deep down, even they know that their food does not excite the taste buds as much as the meat-eater's grill. And I felt genuine sorrow for them: vegetarianism is in a pickle. While I'm there giving my "condiments to the chef", they are mourning missing mastication on meat. And then I noticed the one sauce they never had: barbecue.

JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

157

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION...

EXCEPT MAYBE THESE ONES Yahoo Answers is a wonderful source of peer-to-peer advice if you've got a burning question. But some of these did make us wonder...

■ "How would I write with my blood? The problem isn't getting the blood—it's how to make it neat."

■ "I took my small dog outside before daylight, and a huge owl flew into my face.

Could it eat my dog?"

■ "Can a Jedi lightsaber cut through Superman?"

■ "Can you water a fully grown tree? If so, how?"

■ "I just drank a tall, cool glass of lemonade, but it made me more thirsty. Does that mean I'm pregnant?"

■ "How do you get spaghetti stains out of white, cotton underwear?"

■ "Why are the holes in cats' fur always in the right places for their eyes?"

■ "Where can I find the new Justin Beaver CD for my teenage son?"

■ "Is throwing your hair out in the rubbish safe? I've started asking myself this question because...it has my DNA in it, right?"

■"Why do people always look like foods to me?"

IT'S SILLY SEASON

Frivolous holiday pics from humorsharing. com

1 I've just read that David Cameron is planning to spend £1.4m on binge drinking by the end of 2012.

Not setting a great example there, David.

Seen on the internet 1 A shoplifter was caught stealing a watch from a jeweller's. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.

How about I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and rang up the sale. The crook looked at the till and said, "This is a little more than I meant to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

L B Weinstein, Florida I The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Joanna Franklin, Durham Apparently, z towels are the most 0 common cause g of dry skin. z Seen on the internet

60-Second Stand-Up Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Des Bishop FAVOURITE ONE-LINER'

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrrr...

BEST HECKLE YOU'VE HAD? Last night, in Auckland, New Zealand, a girl in the front row laughed on her own at something I said; no one else did as it was just an aside. When I asked her why she'd laughed, she said, "You are a comedian, aren't you?" Thank God the audience hadn't needed reminding...

Des Bishop is performing nightly at the Edinburgh Fringe, at Stand 2 at 9pm

FUNNIEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? When I was five, I played Humpty Dumpty in my school play.

The costume was so big and heavy that it was quite an operation to focus on walking and getting the story right. What nobody realised was that the entrance to the set was too small for Humpty to fit through—so I got stuck, and everyone in the place died laughing. It was my first stormer as a comedian.

FAVOURITE TV SHOW? Cheers. I loved Norm because he reminded me of so many opinionated, overweight know-it-alls that were my friends' parents when I was growing up in Queens, New York. I must have obsessed about being in the bar with them when I was young, because I'd later be—as they say in Ireland—a little too fond of the drink...

FINALLY, WHO'S YOUR COMEDY INSPIRATION? When I was a boy, all I cared about was Eddie Murphy. I would quote his routines verbatim at school to all my friends. It doesn't impress me so much now, because I've been tainted by experience and over-exposure—and it's hard for me to emulate the whole African-American vibe as an Irish-American! • JULY 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 159

Beat the Cartoonist!

WIN £100 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION

MAY'S WINNER

44-*6-41k1

Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-July alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite—and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive £100 and a framed copy of the drawing. Submit to captions@ readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 4 by July 17.

Enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption.

We'll announce the winner in our September issue. ■

IN NEXT MONTH' The (very) many faces of Alexander Armstrong

ice

Follow us at

It was an intense two-way battle, but reader Lynn Richards eventually came through with "And then I put the lot on United to win the League"--a topical effort that just pipped cartoonist Steve Way's caption "It has come to my attention that somebody has approved a loan. No one goes home until that person owns up."

SCOREBOARD READERS 3 CARTOONISTS 2

How to feel good at any age Nature's gold-medal winners!

Discover Britain's best roadside sights What your weather forecaster won't tell you The joys of feudal living

twitter.com/rdigest. Like us at I facebook com/readersdigestuk

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