Ask: | Mackenzie Hyatt

Mackenzie Hyatt Ask:

—for Tyler S.

If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be? I hate this question. I say Jane Goodall or Emily Dickinson. Though dinner with Dickinson and I wouldn’t stay dinner for long. I always want to say you, though. But “friend from high school who ghosted me after moving halfway across Indiana” isn’t good for an icebreaker. I should have told you I was in love with you when I had the chance. Though I like girls now (I’ve always liked girls, I think) so maybe I wasn’t. I wish it was funnier than it is, but I realized I liked girls the same year you left. I wish I could have seen your face when I told you. I still remember your face when you said I was your best friend. I still remember your face when I told you a boy asked me if I was single. I don’t remember what I told that boy. I don’t remember what you said your new last name is. I haven’t had a best friend since. Don’t think I wasn’t happy for you when you moved away, I just wasn’t happy for me. Selfish, I know. I think I’ve always been a little selfish. Maybe we were selfish together when we finished those Thin Mints in a day by ourselves with my mother’s $4. $4 was enough to get four canned Cokes at dances and I always forgot mine so you got me one. You told me not to pay you back. I asked you not to worry about it when I bought the drinks and popcorn at the movies the last time. I remember the movie. I remember that a main character had your name. None of them had mine. I shouldn’t have told you to go home. I should have asked you to wait with me for the 20 minutes it took my dad to get there. I should have had my first kiss in the parking lot. I should have had a better sense of style. I think you’d like my sense of style now. I think you’d like the way I am. You know, I still look around for you everywhere I go. I pretend I see you and write the finale of our epic odyssey where we finally meet after 4 years and the curtain goes down to applause. I erase that draft every time. Thank you though. I haven’t gone off the deep end yet, but I was close that second half of sophomore year. Write me when you get this. You could probably find me anywhere. Sincerely, Mackenzie

“Ask:” is part poem, part letter, and part monologue. It’s inspired by the worst icebreaker question, love, missed opportunities, and loss.