What we’re INTO

A

by Rob Delaney

published by Coronet, (Hodder & Stoughton Ltd)

It is hard to know what to say first about this beautiful little book. It is both a difficult read and a joyful one, as Rob Delaney writes with true candor about the death of their much-loved son, Henry, at just two years old. It is almost a cliché to point out that whilst a child who loses their parents becomes an orphan there is no name for a bereaved parent, but it bears repeating. Because the loss of a child is simply too great, too hard, too impossible to imagine, to describe, to name. So we often don’t. That is perhaps one of the greatest and kindest things that Rob has done in writing this book, he has given a voice to countless bereaved parents. He gives those of us lucky enough not to have lived through such an immense loss some small insights into a grief we cannot name. It is indeed, ‘the story of what happens when you lose a child, and everything you discover about life in the process.’ It is a book which is truly a gift, but one which should absolutely be approached with caution. I laughed, but I also cried and most importantly it reminded me how lucky we are to enjoy time with those we love.

The Talking Cancer podcast is produced by the charity Macmillan Cancer Support and is available on the usual podcast platforms as well as via the Macmillan website. There have been three series so far, and each episode covers different topics, from diagnosis to life after cancer. Guests include those affected and health experts. Series One and Two were hosted by Magic Radio presenter Emma B and series Three was hosted by Smooth Radio presenter Angie Greaves.

Across the three seasons there are many insightful and informative episodes to listen to, but of particular interest was the episode ‘Talking to children about cancer’ (Series 3, Episode one) in which Angie talks to Toria about her experience of telling her five-year-old twin boys about her cancer, as well as Macmillan professional Azmina Rose who provides some useful guidance for people who need to talk to children about a diagnosis. Not always an easy listen, but an important one!

directed by Josh Boone

released by 20th Century Fox

In issue 4 of Rarity Life our guest contributor Ella Sinden referenced The Fault in Our Stars in her brilliantly written account of her cancer diagnosis. The book, written by John Green, was first published in 2012 and was an instant bestseller. The subsequent film of the book was also a huge box-office success. Both the stars of the film and the film itself received rave reviews, and at first glance, it’s not hard to see why. A beautifully told, coming-of-age love story centred around two teenage cancer patients who experience both their first love and the agony of loss against the backdrop of Amsterdam and other gorgeously shot locations. Yet there is something a little unsettling about the film because it not only utterly romanticises cancer but in doing so it somehow also diminishes and minimises it. In an early monologue Hazel, the lead character acted with real grace by Shailene Woodley, reflects that “You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how you tell sad stories, you can sugarcoat it – the way they do in movies and romance novels… It’s just not the truth. This is the truth.” But it isn’t the truth. Cancer is infinitely more complex, more messy, more destructive and much more devastating than this, especially if it is terminal as it is for Gus, Hazel’s love interest in the story. So, whilst at face value, the film is a moving, romantic and at times a well told love story it is also deeply problematic, and misleading. As Ella said, when she found out she had cancer there was a part of her that believed she would have “a ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ moment, where I’d be forever changed by my experience, maybe meet an angsty teen boy and bond over our shared trauma.” Of course, the reality was very different, leaving Ella feeling disillusioned by the Hollywood story we’ve all been sold.