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A BULLY: REAL LIFE CRY BABY
A BULLY: REAL LIFE CRY BABY
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This paper will use 3rd Party Recruitment and Human Resources as the sector to pull examples from. These all happened to me. This is an area where external parties and people get together - leading for a great area to understand human behavior and concepts related to Natural Selection when each of the parties is in a place to be the "fittest" in a Darwinist Theory practice unlike most other places which have just internal or external forces.
Bullying: Methods of Attack Bully Puts you in a Fault Position
WHEN Your Unemployed or a Contractor, you're in Sales. You Sell Yourself. Cold-Call and re-introduce your "pitch" until you close a deal!
I also run a recruitment practice as part of my consulting practice so if someone accepting applications for a job says "Stop cold-calling my firm" then threatens to do harm if you call again…
….which means…
a. This firms recruiters and account managers are trained poorly b. This firms recruiters and account managers can't do a good portion of this skill adequately.
Many People are in Recruitment for the Job Title (everyone is a Manager) or they couldn't get jobs they wanted so, some of them will be jealous and plain try to hurt your career - these are recruiters, account managers and upper management of this group who are jealous and fear you at the same time. They're looking to screw you - Let's say they would not take your calls to begin with and you didn't understand why so you made every attempt to clarify the position you have with this firm by calling them but, let us say that no one picked up, no one put anything in writing, management cold-called to say "Stop calling our firm looking for a job" - then they used the fact that you didn't know what was going on and you continued "apply and cold-call" - doing business as usual then using it against you.
Remember, You're in SALES - you SELL YOURSELF - You're NOT in the wrong.
This in legal terms is not harassment on your part, you're in the "unknown" and in Sales and coldcalling after applying is Industry Practice and it is standard. SO IF They Wouldn't Provide It In Writing nor Tell You Why - this "torment and blackmail for the purpose of libel and slander".
Bully Blames Inability on You
CALL AS MANY TIMES AS YOU NEED TO - YOU'RE IN SALES.
IF THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR A SALES PITCH, THEY SHOULDN'T BE IN BUSINESS!
If the Bully or Narcist in question should have an inability to effectively take calls" NOT the other way around. Publicly expose them - tell people, write an article or do what you need to let people know the bad business you had there. I wrote an article to hit my contacts then waited almost a week before taking it down,
a. Got my criminal lawyer to call them to give them a chewing piece b. Wrote a crafted letter my business lawyer asked me to write
If you have the nerve to cold call to tell a customer not to call, tell your whole staff and not put that request in writing and then threaten me with a lawsuit, you're going to get hit - now you're in the line of fire.
A Wall Street Rule: No One Who Made Here, Never Not Came Back.
A Wall Street Rule: You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. You shoot me in the back, you should learn to hide.
Ask for all request to disengage in writing…
…when they don't put it in writing, squish their little ego's into zeros with the following steps 1. Prepare your legal teams. 2. Ask them to put all requests in writing 3. Openly let people know you feel targeted by your bully and expose them
People talk about good and bad business experiences which is a high-risk scenario with this group. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, even you as client or customer - this is also a high-risk scenario with this group
1. If no one will talk to you and you call back many times a day - Lack of communication is 2. NOT your fault - don't think you're in the wrong
The Recruiter works for their clients which is the business doing the hiring butif they can't represent you, you're better off to do that on your own and expose the firms which turned you away. I hunt down the clients or recruitment firms who won't represent me, sometimes just for the interview so the Bully Recruiter understands that they are little people in the larger scheme of things - Make them understand that you're smart enough to work outside the box. If an Upper Manager has-to call you to tell you to stop calling his 3rd Party Head-Hunting Firm, you're being targeted by bullies in recruitment. Have your criminal lawyer contact them - that's your job if you're an contractor or consultant. Them not dealing with you is their issue - not yours. Then…
I have several lawyers and law firms in different areas I deal with - some work on a retainer and give you back what they don't use and about the same number won't charge you unless you go to court. It is Really Not That Much for Good Legal Counsel with a yearly charge to manage things and give referrals
A
PERSONAL EXAMPLE…
WHEN A BULLY RECENTLY CALLED ME TO SAY I, "THE CUSTOMER" WAS THE PROBLEM AND THAT I SHOULDN'T CALL THEIR RECRUITMENT BUSINESS LOOKING FOR WORK, I REALIZED THAT MY ATTEMPTS TO SEE IF WE COULD WORK TOGETHER WAS NOT WELCOME AND HERE WAS A PERSON WHO TOOK THE "CUSTOMER COMES 2ND APPROACH".
Instead of going on the defensive, I'm went on the offensive. Don't like cold calls from people trying to close deals - Get Out of The Recruitment Business! I called my lawyer and for $0.00 ...
If your employees come before the customer, you get an HR model often laughed at because of the high failure rate or maybe you happen to be plain stupid. Let's just say this, the last time a large Canadian company did this, they fought a customer complaint which was an Amnesty International Human Rights concern to the Supreme Court of Canada. Not the best Management Strategy, now is it? That's why they call it the American Dream and NOT the Canadian Dream.
REMEMBER, CUSTOMER COMES FIRST, YOU'RE EMPLOYEES ARE OVERHEAD COSTS. WHEN THE EMPLOYEE FAILS THE CUSTOMER - THE BUSINESS LOOSES.
IF YOU ARE A BULLY…
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Being a Bully will end in a bad result Being a Bully is hard to come back from so... Make sure you know who you screw Result of being a Bully: You're in the "Line of Fire" and people know your style of combat eventually you get yourself in a situation which is less forgiving A Narcissist & Bully are not as smart as people think - they give away easily when they do damage because they need the affirmation
A Narcissist and Bully fear not being able to compete and then. being humiliated when caught. When A Bully Realizes They've Been Caught in many cases, they will Continue to Threaten You and attempt to instill fear
Bully & Narcissist Will NEVER APOLOGIZE or TAKE FAULT without Harming You In the
Process
SOME BUSINESS RULES…
I recommend to everyone - build a relationship with a recruiters or other contacts by cold calling, meeting face to face and being personable.
Do not back down from bullies…
"If they want to be in business to only service who they want, they shouldn't be in business" –The Free Market, in business, wants your money so if someone’s ego is being shot when you apply, that’s their loss, not yours –expose them.”
It's industry practice to cold call after you apply for a job so Don't stop chasing the American Dream.
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COLD CALL - BUILD RELATIONSHIPS - UNDERSTAND YOUR BULLY - MAKE THEM ACCOUNTABLE - WORK AROUND BULLIES –EXPOSE THEM AND … PUT THEM TO SHAME
If Your Bully Threatens You to Not Tell Anyone that they are Bullying You …
Don't stop letting people know your opinion of them and you're experience with their business. Remember, it's only defamation if they're treating you fair & you say things which are not true. Wait for a law suit threat in writing, then keep it because you're not the first person who got the shit handle from this a**hole.
So instead of letting the Bully rampage on, find the easiest, smartest way to stop them.
Some Rules to Stop Bullying to Live By: 1. Do not fall to the feet of a bully. 2. When being bullied - Don't give you're bully a lot of time to persist - end it, carry on, tell him or her that you lost a leg on the way to work - whatever 3. Openly apologize without harming others or yourself when in the wrong whether with a bully or not 4. Do good to others 5. Expose your Bully - if you don't like the business treatment you got, you're entitled to tell people what you think - it's not defamation if it's your opinion
Conclusion, FIRST A BULLY –THENWHEN CAUGHT AND EXPOSED, THE BULLY PLAYS THE “VICTIM”
That's the narcissist and bully plan. Expose them at every step then, unleash your legal teams, criminal lawyer first
“I am neither a Bully and I not a Victim. For me the world is full of people like this. It just gets old playing the same game with a Cry Baby who is Bully. “
PROFILE OF A BULLY & NARCISSIST
Part 1
The Personality Type These stories on workplace bullies are written for a response to help people and to educate them on bullying - a bully reacts to a response against them like a narcissist. Always remember that - it's a defense mechanism for attacks against them. These are sick people, ill - the type which have nothing to do but draw attention to themselves as self-absorbed hero's who benefit from the downfall of others and when caught, they play as merciless victims of their own demise - sometimes even just for the attention.
The difference between open competition and a bully is that a bully can't compete - they want the benefits of success but can't make it happen so they bully and narcissist their way to success - --- even then falling short. In my case, my lawyers - of the 4 or so firms of lawyers & their partners I deal with, know who attacks me, if anyone because they expose themselves. The attention feeds them. Anytime I had ever been threatened by bullies we waited a few days, reviewed our options at every step and looked to see if we should take the blame or react in response.
What to do if you know your workplace bully: They will attack first, don't think you did anything and Do Not respond to the behaviour, instead, tell them “Do Not Do This Again. Stop.”.
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Let them expose their combat style Let them expose themselves & their people - they will do this in hopes you will do the same on a larger scale
Prepare yourself and your teams, which are now not exposed or seen. Once your bully attacks, all teams are aware and ready. Do not apologize for standing up for yourself, being vocal about who is abusing you and why. The Bully & Narcist Usually need a lot of attention so Don't Give Them Credit for awards like those which your PR and marketing teams use.
Those business awards where you sign up with signatures and have more to do with who you know than how much you make or how smart you are in business
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU'RE BEING BULLIED AT WORK OR PERSONALLY?
… You Wanted to get this bit on bullying out and tell you that it happens more often than one thinks.
Remember, Many people, go through it and if you get bullied, talk to somebody - get it out.
The following are all things you should share with people you trust in your life or CoWorker Friends should know if… • you're being bullied • you're being treated in a way you don't like • you don't like being picked on or talked down to • you're being falsely accused of something you didn't do so you can be picked on further • you're someone who says that "they're only trying to help" and it doesn't feel good whether its verbal, mental, physical or emotional "help"
MY STORY, OVER THE YEARS,
I have been not paid a number times, thousands of dollars in billing. Since 2007 (because I do projects), a small percentage of my total projects (so 3 out of 1213 large projects) I have been hired and then, whether in or out of Vancouver where I have been fired without just cause, they get the solution from me and I get sent home or something else. That's the nature of consulting. It is best just to have large projects on your resume. A bunch of 2 week, 2 month deals makes it seem like you're actually a "transient". Don't get me wrong, most of the time it's been a "walk in the park". Been at this for awhile. I was told by a narcissist who never placed me that he did not me calling his 3rd party recruitment firm (which project consultants like myself call as a day-today task called: Cold Calling).
“AS A TEENAGER I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT HAVING BEEN BULLIED & UNDER NARCISSISTS AND NOT KNOWING IT, UNTIL I WAS IN COUNSELLING WHEN I WAS 18 YEARS OLD BECAUSE OF IT. “
Yep, even I was bullied - professionally, personally, in Senior-High when I left private school. I was beat-up or physically threatened a few times but vocally threatened often, at one point even pepper-sprayed and beat up by some kids in the 11th grade whom my older brother and his friend Sall had to save me from. I couldn't even date most girls that I liked because that would just mean that I would be threatened, beat up or something would go wrong.
I was still popular enough to be part of a somewhat cool crowd. Your kid’s behavior might change, he or she might become aggressive and threatening that there is social pressure from other kids or kid groups where he or she is trying to fit into and it's not happening. When your kids yells, swears and threaten you, remember they're learning that from somewhere and it's making them conform so they use it on others to get the same reaction.
Anyhow, after much counseling, brain surgery and general therapy the realization that came to be was that it is bullying. To this day it's hard to deal with and something to come out with because people slowing people down or getting in my way might be bullies in the workforce. It makes for the victims to be reasonable targets for some reason. Fortunately for me, I have had the support of work references, mentors in business, a few great friends and family in my life.
Others may not.
For example, I don't mind being alone in fact I prefer it most of the time but most people can't even go to a movie on their own. People belong to "herds" - they get ahead in life not because of their ability to close deals and be successful but because "the herd" carries their weight to success. I like having people around but I pave my own road for myself and any others to travel on.
WHEN YOU'RE A "LONE RANGER" IN WORLD WHERE PEOPLE TRAVEL IN HERDS AND ALL THINK THE SAME WHEN ONE SPEAKS THEIR MIND, YOU GET HIT MORE TIMES THAN NECESSARY.
A Personal Example of Work-Place Bully Yes, even I have real life Bullies in my work life. They are Narcissist in nature, they are not well and there are way better people to target than me. There is one out there right now, crying like a baby after this bully threatened me on the phone, told his staff to cut me off as a customer, then my bully would not put it in writing OR tell me why I was cut off, my lawyer had to call some lady my bully had at his work place who used to represent his "legal counsel" but had no legal authority - this told me I was part of a larger take down.
The 2 days after... Tested the waters again by attempting to connect on LinkedIn with his staff in the days just after, not knowing what was going on and wanting to clear the air. Most of his staff refused a LinkedIn connection request and on the ones which accept removed me minutes later. From the previous point, I knew this bully told his entire staff that I was a "problem" and to not befriended me on LinkedIn this way. Still in the dark because there was no communication to as to why - I knew this problem is bigger, this guy not only worked as the upper manger of a 3rd party recruitment business but won't stop attacking me. When exposed, played the victim - Then Blackmailed the need for apology after being exposed as a bully. Remember, narcissists and bullies don't pick on everyone.
“Bullies and Narcists prey on people for things like self-esteem, selfimage, bringing people down to make themselves look good and often when bullying others, when caught, seek attention and affirmation through being a victim - classic narcissist and bullying condition. “
Now I am being attacked personally & professionally - they were out there trying to dismantle my reputation. After he had been exposed, his plan in the public view, he then he used Blackmail and my lawyers are comically surprised. I live in my mother’s basement and own nothing while making a modest salary.
“THERE ARE BIGGER FISH TO FRY THAN I”
Typical Scale of Attack by a Bully: Let's say you are a bully and hurt someone then tell a bunch of people (like your staff) then instead to clearing the air and trying to come to good terms, you Blackmail your target after they expose you and now you claim being defamation victim when you have been caught being a bully. That's Bullying someone then Blackmailing them after you've been caught. The they start with Defamation when you tell people You’re NOT being Bullied, is if they didn't do all that So Remember, you're entitled to express your opinion –tell everyone you know. If you're opinion matters that much they should have treated you better. They should have talked to all parties and tried to clear the air before laying blame. One better hope no one in your firm tells the truth about the plan to Bully, Blackmail, further Torment and then Threatened someone. Times have changed my friend. Playing the victim after being caught being a Bully would have worked if you didn't tell everyone in your company of your plan. Playing the victim now is kind of late after the Bully has been exposed.
THE OBJECTIVE OF THE BULLY is to… … Do as Much Damage To You As Possible, Even if that Means Playing the Victim when they get caught. A bully does not want you to apologize and more so they don't apologize WITHOUT damage being done to you. Sick. I wrote this article to clear the air but this bully, like typical bullies took it even further and threatened me to a point where we had explain how it was not rational and my criminal lawyer had to make a phone call.
A BULLY DOESN'T SAY "I'M SORRY" - THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED I WAS SO SCARED OF THE GUY I WAITED UNTIL THE GUY WAS OVERSEAS ON HIS HONEYMOON BEFORE TELLING HIM TO GO “F**K HIMSELF” IN A POLITE, CORDINAL MANNER, WELL ARTICUATLE WITH “PROPER” LANGUAGE.
