MATTERS OF MEN

By: Lex Morgan

Who says that men don’t feel? Who says that men are emotionless beings whose sole purpose is to protect and defend? Society. Society says that men should bury their experiences and not talk about their traumas. Men are conditioned to believe that seeking mental health support somehow makes them less of a man. What about their broken hearts? Their insecurities and fears? “Suck it up!” This is the message that many men receive in response to their emotions. Men are taught from an early age to “be tough” and are often told “Real men don’t cry”, and to “Stop acting soft!” This is all in response to men who express their emotions. Men who are told to hide their emotions is the strong but unfortunately harmful message conveyed through these and other equally insensitive statements. Above all else, men are human beings. Men feel. Men experience vulnerable emotions. Rarely, however, do men feel safe enough to emote. Why? Because society says, in part, that a man who expresses emotions, especially, vulnerable emotions is weak. What happens to the well-being of a man who feels he doesn’t have permission to emote in healthy ways or when he doesn’t have a safe place to just…be? In many cases, his mental health suffers. • PROMISCUITY • INFIDELITY • VERBAL ABUSE • PHYSICAL ABUSE • EMOTIONAL ABUSE • SUBSTANCE ABUSE • GAMBLING

#menmentalhealthmatters

These are some of the experiences of men with unmet emotional needs. The ways men show up in the world may appear dysfunctional on the surface. External dysfunction is a sign of dysfunction that exists below the surface. A broken heart condition leads to destructive paths in attempts to numb pain and silence inner voices and/or struggles. I don’t know about you, but I find myself wondering how the unmet needs of men impact the frequency and severity of violence perpetuated by men. I imagine a soda can being vigorously shaken with no release. The contents remain contained until someone or something pops the lid…then BOOM! The pressure causes the contents to explode staining everything in proximity. The explosion is non-biased in what it stains. Now, if you would, imagine thousands and thousands of soda cans exploding at the same time. This is the reality I imagine for many men. Their explosions impact families, friends, careers and quality of life. Sometimes the pressure of being society’s definition of a man costs them their lives. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC)

National Violent Death Reporting System, data from 27 states participating in 2015 report that 84% percent of males who died by suicide had no known mental health conditions. 69% was the percentage of males with a known mental health condition who died by suicide. These percentages lend evidence to the need for deeper understanding of the emotional needs of men. For more information, visit

(https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/index.html#anchor_1508944723).

Here is a resource for men who are interested in exploring support for themselves:

Men UNITE - https://menunite.org/

Here are some ways we can help: • Acknowledge men for their positive contributions to our lives and to the world. • Demonstrate gratitude. • Affirm men regularly; the simple things really matter. I am not a man, I am, among other roles, the mother of two sons, a sister of 3 brothers, and a daughter. I honor men, their humanity and the roles they serve. I’ve had a front row seat to the devastation caused by men with broken heart conditions. I have also witnessed the beauty of men who courageously embark on their healing journeys. Men are incredibly powerful contributors to humanity. We need them. We are in this together. The matters of men matter.