BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
1 SEP 2021
44
SEP 2021
BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
T
he
single
story
creates
stereotypes, and the problem
I’m not good enough or I'm not good at
believe it to be true. Sometimes, there is
mathematics.”
a lack of compassion. We don't care
with stereotypes is not that
There are little folders in our
they are untrue but that they are
minds, which we keep accessing, like we
incomplete. They make one story
do when we read books. We keep
become the only story.” Nigerian
accessing the same books, the same
author Chimamanda Adichie.
games or the same clothes. It is the same
The Single Story Folders We all have a single story in our
thing with the single stories in our minds.
enough to understand what it is like to be in another person’s shoes. We may lack empathy. Sometimes, it is because of a lack of courage. We don't really want to move out of our comfort zone. Your Personal Brand Products are physical. We are all
mind which creates stereotypes and
Chimamanda Adichie, in her TED
productsproducts of marriage, of
which we believe to be the truth. It does
Talk, says that when she came to the US
parents, of education, of career and of
not occur to us to explore it and look at
from Nigeria, they asked her, “What
circumstances. We are products of
its other facets. The problem with single
tribal music do you listen to? How come
something which force us to perform or
stories and stereotypes is that they do
you speak English so well?” Even from
act certain roles, but that is not all of
not give the whole picture. Our minds
India when we go abroad, people ask us
who we are. There is far more to us than
are filled with these single stories. These
how we speak English so well. The
just this product. Brands stir emotions.
little single stories that we have, create
reason we operate from the single
We are all brands. Each one of us is
our inner dialogues like, “I'm too fat;
stories is because of a lack of knowledge
unique, completely authentic and
about something and therefore we BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
45 SEP 2021
different from each other. Each of us
listen, acknowledge and understand our
stirs an emotion in a completely
inner dialogue?
Part of being emotionally resilient or finding inner peace is not to operate
different way. Somebody may be helping
Otto Scharmer talks about 4 levels
just from the conscious mind but to
people to feel calm, some may help
of listening in conversations. We can
become completely aware of the
people feel inspired and some may help
apply his theory to a conversation that
conversation
people feel energised.
we have with ourselves. He says that all
subconscious mind and then taking
Each of us stirs an emotion and it is
of our little stories come from different
conscious decisions. There are so many
that emotion that is remembered. If we
times in our life. Some of them leave us
messages going into our mind in a day.
think back to our school, we may
feeling so good. That is great. Some of
Some of it, we get rid of and some of it,
remember a teacher. It is the emotion
them come from our past or our
as we sleep, get sorted into a filing
that they have evoked that helps us to
subconscious mind, which is far more
system.
remember them. It could be fear or joy
powerful than the conscious mind.
going
on
in
the
All of us have a unique filing
or anything. In that same way, our inner
As part of our upbringing, we have
system. The way I arrange clothes in my
dialogue constantly stirs up an emotion.
learnt how to be mature enough,
cupboard is very different from how you
operate from our conscious mind and
do. It does not make anybody right or
make conscious decisions. Because, that
wrong, but we create these little folders
is the semblance of somebody who is in
in our mind and we file our single stories
charge and in control of themselves. But
into these folders. We have a folder
the fact is, the subconscious mind is
called Me, Success, Marriage, Career,
huge and overpowering and has the
Religion, Finance, Authority etc. We
loudest conversations.
have folders on everything. We keep
Understanding the Dialogues Emotions create little stories in the little folders in our mind, which make us operate in different ways, react to different situations and respond in different ways. How do we understand, 46
SEP 2021
BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
The Three Loud Voices Some of the noisiest conversations that go on in our minds are from our three voices: • Voice of Judgment • Voice of Cynicism • Voice of Fear Voices of judgment come from regret, resentment and replay… ‘I should be like this, but unfortunately, I'm not like this.’ We have conversations from voices of cynicism with which we feeding these folders and all our inner
marriage is about having a husband or
get emotional. (Eg: It's all their fault; it
dialogues are based on the content of
spouse who is taller than me or earns
is not my fault; I'm helpless.’) The voice
these folders.
more than me. But that may not happen.
of fear comes from our worries. These
I have to look at my inner dialogue, look
three voices are having constant
at the folders and keep reevaluating
dialogue and conversations with us. Our
them, without judgment.
whole purpose of having an inner
Reframing the Dialogues Very rarely, do we go back and re examine the folders. You may have a folder that says, ‘success means coming first.’ That is fabulous and it worked through school and college and it helped you to get a fabulous job. When you reach midmanagement, you can't keep coming first. The inner dialogue of ‘success means coming first,’ may now make you become riskaverse. You may become a micromanager, as your fear of failure becomes huge. So somewhere
While the positive inner dialogues are great, the negative ones bother us.
judgment, cynicism and fear.
We have conversations with ourselves
These voices are not always bad.
about the past which may cause regret
For instance, it is good to have a voice of
like, ‘I wish I had done that, I wish I had
fear when you see a lion or a snake that
studied this, I wish I had taken that job
makes you run.
opportunity.’ We keep replaying that we are not treated fairly. A lot of our inner dialogue comes from regret, resentment and replay from the past.
along the way, you need to relook at the
We also have conversations that
dialogue that is going on inside, look at
evolve from the present like ‘I am an
the folder and reframe, as it is not going
introvert; I don't look good; my hair is
to work for you in the future. You can
too thin, my feet are too big and so on.’
reframe it to say that success means
We start looking at ourselves. Just as in
having an opinion that is respected or
that single story, we get into a tunnel
sought after.
vision and do not get to see the rest of
I may have a folder that says
dialogue is to recognize the voice of
the story that is around us. BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
Taming the Three Voices Overcoming
the
voice
of
judgement: It is really about saying, ‘Can I show curiosity for my internal folders? Can I inquire about myself? What are my triggers? What are my single stories? Do they need to stay? Can I explore different ways of reframing my ideas of success?’ My mom always tells me, “Eat some more.” That's her way of saying, ‘I love 47 SEP 2021
you.’ So I had this single story that moms cook well and feed their children.’ I cook well, but I don't like to cook. Does that make me a bad mother? No, I had to reframe. I had to look hard at this conversation and explore. I did not sit in judgment on myself, on whether I am being a good mother or not or a good parent. It does not matter whether it's male, female or anybody. This is applicable to everybody. Overcoming
the
voice
of
cynicism: We can overcome this with
are feeling and to be able to be quiet in
with
the
3Cs
namely,
curiosity,
pure compassion. How often do we
that voice of cynicism.
compassion and courage. This is easier said than done.
acknowledge our feelings? I had a young
Overcoming the voice of fear:
lady who came to me and said she was
It requires courage to step into the
Then explore your mental folders
having
some
future. You don't know about that. But
and about what is stored in them about
relationships. During the course of
it's about saying, ‘Look, this belief or
marriage, career, parenting, authorities,
conversation, we came to the fact that
single story is not working for me. I
collaboration and networking. Explore
she was feeling jealous of certain people
need to change it. I need to think about
those folders and beliefs. The first time
and felt very bad about it.
how I feel and how I leave people
I did a session on beliefs, participants
feeling.’ If you're nervous, you're going
from a certain organization said that
to leave people feeling nervous.
women don’t get to network as much as
problems
with
Why is it so difficult for us to just acknowledge how we feel? I told her,
men do. “But that's a folder, a belief,” I
“You're feeling jealous. That's fine. It
So it's really important to be able to
doesn't make you an evil person. It's
recognize our voice of judgment, explore
okay to feel jealous. It's not going to be
it and understand it; recognize our voice
We often hear people saying, “I feel
there for the rest of your life. When you
cynicism, have compassion for it and
miserable because my colleague got a
acknowledge your feelings, it goes away
acknowledge it; and recognize that voice
promotion, but at least I still have a job.”
much faster. Its toxicity leaves you.”
of fear and say, ‘I'd like to reframe and
We keep excusing and pushing the
Sometimes it's okay to say, ‘this is
move ahead and this is how I want to
emotions down. We don't listen to our
how I feel,’ and that's fine, because we
feel.’ This, in effect, is that inner
inner dialogue. Instead, we say, “No,
have to replenish that energy of
dialogue.
you're too loud. I don't want to hear you,
acceptance. No car can run on zero fuel
Emotions are the loudest part of
and if we are going to be strong, we
our inner dialogue. It comes from these
must replenish our energy. A lot of that
voices of fear, cynicism and judgment.
comes from just acknowledging how you
What we need to do is to tackle them
48
SEP 2021
BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
said.
because at least I've got something else.” Unfortunately,
that
doesn't
work
because the buzz becomes louder and more toxic. Instead, show curiosity.
Look at yourself and say, “Today, I am the best that I can be, with the knowledge and wisdom I have now. Tomorrow or in ten minutes, I will be somebody different. But today I am fabulous.” We repent throughout our life saying that we have not reached our full potential. What is this full potential and who knows about this? We have a folder about this that stops us celebrating from who we are.
Explore where this feeling comes from?
much about courage and sacrifice. Every
no longer worried about not coming first
What little single story started this?
Mother's Day, we see on Facebook,
always.
Have compassion.
Twitter and LinkedIn, tons of posts about ‘how my mother sacrificed herself.’
Celebrate Who You Are We always think about how we need to fix our weaknesses and improve ourselves. We just do not acknowledge and celebrate what fabulous people we are and what brought us here. Look at yourself and say, “Today, I am the best that I can be, with the knowledge and wisdom I have now. Tomorrow or in ten minutes, I will be somebody different. But today I am fabulous.” We repent throughout our life saying that we have not reached our full potential. What is this full potential and who knows about this? We have a folder about this that stops us celebrating from who we are. Nurture yourself. Look after yourself. Listen to your inner dialogue, be comfortable with that and explore the inner dialogue.
Do mothers want to be remembered for all the sacrifice, as somebody who could have lived a better or fuller life or do they want to be remembered for what they gave us, what they were, who they were and for their outcomes and the results of what they did? Think about it from the positives, from the results and then work towards getting it. So your inner dialogue should always be: ‘What do I want as a
Give yourself the freedom to ask. Recently, someone in my team was really stressed out for quite some time. She said, “I need help. I need a bigger team.” Within two weeks it was done. The only thing that had not happened was that she had not asked and it didn't occur to us either. The minute she asked, she got it. So sometimes, you just need to ask, not necessarily for yourself but for others too.
result? How do I want to feel as a result of
Learn to say no. Our single stories
that? What is the purpose of what I want
don't allow us to say no, because we have
to do? Why do I want to reframe my single
this image of the perfect employee, perfect
story?”
child or the perfect parent. We give energy
Reframe what doesn't work for you anymore. When you reframe, reframe it to something that the conscious mind will believe. For example, when you reframe what success means to you, you can say, ‘I bring a lot of value and experience to the
Focus on Outcomes
Ask, say ‘no’
to others without replenishing ourselves. People will remember how you made them feel more so than what you say to them. Listen to your inner dialogue and inspire You.
table.’ Then you will start working on how
I firmly believe that we all are
to make that value and experience
valuable. We secondguess ourselves so
relevant to the people around you. You are BUSINESS MANDATE
fountainhead of excellence
Ms Supriya Padmanabhan supriya.padmanabhan@mypersona.in 49 SEP 2021