I dedicate this play to Iady dane, Imana mame (my chosen sister), My titi mulani, My sister Nyomi Allure Stewart, My brother Bearboi and all the black trans women, men and people who choose to love everyday. Thank you for showing me what love is.
This is meant to feel like a classic 90s black rom com with a black trans flair…enjoy mina
Sound: we hear keyboards typing and as the fade we hear the sounds of OG’s podcast theme song, think something afro house or like a mixture of jazz and ayra star with kaytranada’s remix.
PLACE: PODCAST
Welcome to the bad Africans podcast, where we talk trans african history. My name is Og and the original bard gyal, and we are chatting while I get ready for a blind date. Yes a blind date.
My sister believes post heart break it’s important I stay beautiful, fly , hot and sexy. So I thought I’d share a queer story of creation from my tribe. You know where it all starts. The funny thing is even though I am Nigerian, specifically ijaw. I’ve always questioned the origin of being a bard African gyal and how we came to be. So four scores and many years ago…Let’s say before colonial cunt. There was the Goddess Woyengi. Or as some tribes know her Ayiba. Shout to my Bayelsa and Kalabari babes ... .Woyengi the Great Mother and Creator or as I call her overall Mother Earth; House of Gaia if you will, came down from the sky where people did not exist in a bolt of lightning.
Mother pulled up with a huge chair, and a huge table in front of her, with dirt on the table, and a creation stone under her feet. Mother needed some furniture because earth gave us nothing. Like literally empty. Then when she was settled she took the dirt on the table to make humans. The humans she made had no gender and life in them, so she breathed life into them, and they came alive. And here’s where she gags us, Woyengi gave them the option of choosing their gender and how they would like to live on earth.
Sound: OG’s voice fades into the sounds of cars going by and then the sound of jazz and black people chatting and laughing. We hear some forks and knives on plates as people eat
PLACE: restaurant
OG: And that’s the funny thing right? We question where it all came from: is it black? Is it truly African? Niggas be acting Like transness just arrived and started voguing in our faces with Marsha and duck walking with sinia and throwing bricks for stone wall//
Kai: Voguing with Marsha is crazy yo…//
OG: Meanwhile it’s been here all along….
Kai: hence why you talk about the parallels of no gender in the I— jaw (butchering it) //
OG: (correcting him) ijaw, just let it flow
Kai: ijaw story of creation and the absence of no gender. It’s just always been. Not a shocking concept but rather a necessary revelation of what just is!
OG: EXACTLY! My brother you sabi think oh!
Kai: sabi?
OG: like your brain Dey work! Skull Dey touch ground! //
Kai: I - I don’t …. Also I thought this was a date I //
OG: shit I get carried away in Naija slang so I always talk to every black person like they get it my bad-//
Kai: oh no you’re good I had a roommate in college who was Nigerian. I believe he was IG-Bo
OG: it’s one word…. Just Igbo you don’t have to separate it
Kai: What, you don’t like my Americanization of the tribe name?
OG: lol ok coming to America
Kai: Wouldn't that be your story though?
OG: lmfao sir goodbye I’m more so waiting to exhale if I’m part of black American cinema.
Kai:sounds like you spent time in your moms heels
OG: not you dragging me! What you about to do? set it off with Ursula? I can tell that was your fave part queen latifah.
Kai:ahhh see you no sabi, if anything I’m Aki and paw paw, cause of my height //
Og: (OG laughs) that’s wild I wasn’t gonna say anything—//
Kai:And also cause I make you laugh.
OG: Oh now you Eddie Murph? You feeling like a boomerang//
Do not distribute
Kai: ok octavia
OG: what you know about–
Kai: I like your laugh btw
OG: (shook and deflecting) who taught you about Aki and gang….. what you know about that
Kai:I told you my roommate was Nigerian in college…
OG: everybody has a Nigerian roommate or friend we come in bulk
Kai:yo you wild (he laughs)
OG: it’s true name a Nigerian family of 3 //
Kai:my friend kunle
OG: ok well no one likes a bragger
Kai:you just said name a family of 3
OG: And does that mean you must do busy body? Enh? Amebo—
Kai: wha ?
OG: shit sorry I did it again
Kai: Don't apologize. I actually like your accent. It’s not that hard to understand I just have to piece it together by listening closely
Do
OG: not to close now
Kai: Why? I make you blush?
OG: I’d say you make me bloom…..
sound cue: we hear the sounds of the restaurant and the music and the people chatting , plates and forks mark the percussion of the distance that’s slowly closing in.
We hear OG and Kai laugh and cars drive by as it fades into the sound of a keyboard typing. The more it types the more music for the podcast slowly fades in. We are now in the podcast world….
Place - PODCAST
sound cue: we here the sounds of the restaurant and the music and the people chatting , plates and forks mark the percussion of the distance that’s slowly closing in. We hear OG and Kai clink glasses and cars drive by as it fades into the sound of a keyboard typing. We are now me with a jingle tune think early Nigerian commercials.
OG:That was a commercial from our sponsor JJC airlines. All you JJC’s coming from yankee reach out to them for tips on how you can attract an alhaji or aunty ngozi and stop Kito schemes against you and others.
Sound: We hear the sounds of cars going by and then the sound of jazz and black people chatting and plates
PLACE: restaurant
Kai: so what kind of kid were you
OG: I was the annoying kind….
Kai: LMFAO please be serious…
OG: I was! I feel bad for my elders cause I could never just follow instruction… very stubborn and relentless.
Kai: So a young rebel….
OG: Yeah I’d say I was very…. Creative… lost in imaginary things.
Kai: Sure but that’s all kids though?
OG: not me though. I wanted to play with all the girl things, were the clothes, play with barbies– I remember this one time–I used to play with my mom’s clothes all the time like wear her bras and wigs and cutlets when she was at work//
Kai: Very much giving bawdy…
OG: yup very much figure 8 motivate no normani… (they both laugh) but anyways I would try it on and hide it by putting it on and putting it back–
Kai: You know whats funny I did the same thing with my dad’s tuxes
Og: wait really?
Kai: Yeah! I would wear every suit from men’s warehouse and no shade I had that shit on and then—
Og: pause did you just say no shade?
Kai: Yeah…. Why?
Og: nothing it’s just something I’ve only heard from— never mind
Kai: heard from….
OG: (lying) chile TikTok! Them kids are just always saying stuff they don’t know and most times be wrong! Always clock it and— I’m sorry//
Kai: you don't have to apologize I’m listening//
OG: I know I just don't want to be too chatty and
Kai: Breathe….
(they breathe together with him leading…inhale and exhale we hear this breath maybe it morphs into them laughing idk…. Beat change)
OG: So.…what kind of kid were you?
Kai: I was also lost in imaginary things but it was almost like when it came to the world nobody noticed I was there… like I was the imaginary thing or concept…
OG: middle child?
Do not distribute
Kai: yup! The second out of three how’d you know?
OG: we didn’t pay attention to the middle child in our house lol…
Kai: yo woman you are wild (he laughs)
OG: And yet you love it…
Kai: yo…. Don’t play with me shorty
OG: what? I make you blush?
Kai: Naaaa…. Just bloom
OG: boy bye! Not you stealing my lingo lol
Kai: I can’t have a learning lingo feeling?
OG: what happened with the suit?
Kai: Nobody noticed… didn’t get clocked if you will.
OG: oh you walking realness?
Kai: Baby I’m the realest nigga you’ll ever meet
OG: oh…. hmm (beat)
Kai: So what happened with your mom and the fits?
Og: oh…. So we were in bed one day sleeping and she called me to her room and asked me if I’d been trying on her clothes….. specifically her favorite wig (it came with a bang) and (pause she realizes she could be revealing she’s trans
Kai: and……
Og: and I— sorry (getting emotionally flustered) I just
Kai:I get it….
Og: get what?
Kai: It being hard to talk about.
Og: (blushes) oh….
(beat)
sound cue: we hear the sounds of glasses clink the restaurant and the music and the people chatting , plates and forks mark the percussion of the distance that’s slowly closing in. We hear OG and Kai laugh and cars drive by as it fades into the sound of a keyboard typing. The more it types the more music for the podcast slowly fades in. We are now in the podcast world…
Place- Podcast
OG: And we’re back! Sorry yall I had to drink some water and fix my tuck. And before you say sista omg– BITCH this is a brave space not a safe one. Now, each diva asked for different things. Some asked for wealth, others short life, some children. Whatever they each asked, mother gave. Then she asked them one
by one the manner of death they would return to her. To all these wishes Woyeingi said “ Periodt! so be it” Among the newly created humans were two women. One asked for rich and famous children (I guess she felt very bday/ sasha fierce) , and the other Ogboinba asked for powers that had no equal in the world (she felt like cowboy Carter and renaissance) . they were born in the same town and became close; very much “give it up for sista realness” Werk tia and tamera. Ki-ing and sharing their secrets with each other.
Sound: OG’s voice fades into the sounds of cars going by and then the sound of jazz and black people chatting and laughing. We hear some forks and knives on plates as people eat
PLACE: restaurant
SOUND: OG and kai are laughing and the date is going good. They have a natural friendly banter… they feel familiar and closeWe hear the restaurant start to close down. Sounds of people saying good bye table cloths being cleaned up and plates and silverware being stacked on each other… jazz music is dying down…
OG:Can I admit something….
Kai: Your feelings for me?
OG: Boy bye….
Kai: Lol… theres that blooming smile….
OG: ok being for real? I think I’m scared
Do not
KAI: say more
OG: you’re an unfamiliar concept to me.
KAI: nigga concept?
OG: yes concept. I can’t quite figure you out….
Beat
KAI: I’m trying to give you grace right now cause that’s wild af to me that you see me as a concept rather than a person.
OG: isn’t your personhood part of the concept of you?
KAI: yes but you can’t fuck a concept.
OG: tell that to pansexuals across the country
OG: oh no that’s not—
OG: shit or Demisex—
KAI: Savannah slow down.
OG: I’m just saying queer people like fucking concepts of each other.
Kai: ma’am what— that doesn’t even
OG: I’m just saying
Do not
KAI: yeah you just be saying shit to avoid what you wanna say…
OG: oh wowww not me getting clocked!
Kai: TikTok lol
Og: ok but for real what I’m trying to say—
Kai: I have something to tell you too…
Og: no wait I have to tell you cause this is supposed to be big and emotional
Kai: so is mine—
OG : well I started first and—
Kai: ok I have an idea we say it together…
OG: ok… 1.2.3
Both: I’m trans…..I know.
Sound: Silence: they both burst out laughing with each the other at the joke of this date and how sweet it is. It is an intimate laughter. We hear OG and Kai laugh
OG: how could you tell?
Kai: when did you figure out?
OG: when you talked about playing in your dad’s suit and also you laughed at my set it off ursula lesbian joke. Wbu?
Do not distribute
Kai: when you talked about wearing your mom’s wig…
Both: classic.
They laugh
OG: also the line about realness….
Kai: foreshadow I guess..
They laugh
Kai: I think they’re closing…
OG: they are…
Kai: Wanna go smoke a spliff outside?
OG: not the trade bout to smoke me up
Kai: Girl come on (he laughs)
They exit
Sound: We hear OG and Kai laugh and walk out as and drive and the sounds of outside fades in and crossfades into the sound of a keyboard typing. The more it types the more music for the podcast slowly fades in. We are now in the podcast world…
PLACE: podcast
Og: when I think about the story of ogboinba and woyengi I’m forced to reckon with my transition in a deep ancestral way. I
think about my own destiny. Was I destined to be trans? what if I was just a young T girl going through challenges of fighting the spirits of colonization in my life so woyengi could reward me? What if the streams of familial pressures that flowed for me from the iroko were intentionally muddy. Was being Trans a power given to me that was equal to nobody else’s? Where does my transition of girlhood begin and where does it end? And was it Woyengi who breathed life into me or God? What I do know is to find out more about these questions. You can tune into my sub stack/ IG at bardest African. Thank you for listening. My name is OG and this has been bad Africans…
Sound: the theme song fades on her last lines as it cross fade to the sounds of outside the restaurant where we hear cars pass. The cars decrescendo into the sound of a lighter and kai smoking a joint. He coughs and Og laughs. Feel free to add in other layers of outside city noise as well. OG and kai smoke passing a joint jazz music flows in
