Marriages Families and Intimate Relationships 4th Edition Williams Solutions Manual

Marriages Families and Intimate Relationships 4th Edition Williams Solutions Manual

richard@qwconsultancy.com

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Chapter 1 Seeking: Finding Happiness in Relationships in a Complex World Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 1.1 Discuss how love and relationships affect personal happiness.

1.2 Describe the components, types, and benefits of families.

1.3 Explain how the families of yesterday differed from our own.

1.4 Describe the great forces that influenced family life.

On the Web What Do You Seek in Love & Intimacy?

Oxford Happiness Questionnaire—Meaning and Happiness www.meaningandhappiness.com At the start of every chapter, we offer you the opportunity to go on the Internet to investigate a subject that will make the forthcoming material more relevant to you. This is the first one. A principal theme of this book is that we seek happiness in intimate relationships. But what is happiness? To begin to investigate this subject, go to the website “Oxford Happiness Questionnaire—Meaning and Happiness.” After you finish, you can look at the “Interpretation of Score” to see how you scored in relation to others.

Chapter Outline I. Seeking Happiness through Love & Intimacy Many people think that they will be happy if they can find the right relationship. In fact, among the happiest people are those who are married. It’s possible that you can manage your emotions for happiness just as you manage other things in your life. Happy couples have common strengths in at least five areas.  Learning Objective: 1.1 Discuss how love and relationships affect personal happiness.

A. Happiness: Love versus Loneliness 1. Loneliness may be hazardous to one’s health 2. Singles may be better off because some research shows that marriage actually reduces social ties B. Marriage & Well-Being 1. Who is very happy?

• 40% of married people 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• 24% of people living together • 22% of those never married • 18% of those previously married 2. Research shows that once adults marry, their well-being improves C. Numbers That Matter: Marriage, Families, & Happiness 1. 40% of married people say they are happy compared with 24% of never-married people 2. 75% of happy couples agree on the high quality of their communication 3. Married couples declined from 71% of all families in 1970 to 44% in 2017 D. Practical Action: Happiness: Is It within Your Grasp?

1. The happiness “set point” 2. Can money buy happiness?

3. Where do you live? The effect of culture on happiness E. Love, Appreciation, Intimacy & Happiness 1. John Gottman indicates that the best predictor of divorce is contempt, which may be thwarted by cultivating a “culture of appreciation” F. How Happy Are You in a Relationship?

1. Key areas that affect a couple’s happiness: • They communicate well • They are flexible as a couple • They are emotionally close • They have compatible personalities • They agree on how to handle conflict 2. Other areas that affect a couple’s happiness: • Their sexual relationship • Their choice of leisure activities • The influence of family and friends • The ability to manage finances • An agreement on spiritual beliefs II. Marriage & Family: The Basic Concepts Marriage has five components: emotional, ceremonial, legal, sexual faithfulness, and parenting. Family may be a traditional “modern” or nuclear family. Or today it may be a “postmodern” family, such as a two-household (binuclear) or blended family (stepfamily), or even one consisting of “affiliated kin” who are family by reason of emotional closeness.  Learning Objective: 1.2 Describe the components, types, and benefits of families.

A. What Is Marriage?

1. Five components: • The emotional component: Is love necessary? o Most people in the United States say they would marry for love. This is not true in all cultures • The ceremonial component: Church, state, or other? o Every culture has some sort of ceremony cementing the union • The legal component: Does the state have to be involved?

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o The state has a legal interest once a marriage license is filed—legal marriage affects matters of property, children, debts, and inheritance • The sexual-faithfulness component: Are monogamy & exclusivity required? o For most people, marriage is based on sexual exclusivity; however, there are variations of this ▪ Monogamy—one spouse only, the only legal form in the United States ▪ Polygamy as polygyny—more than one wife ▪ Polygamy as polyandry—more than one husband • The parenting component: Are children the main reason for marriage? o The main “social” reason for marriage is to provide a stable framework for bearing, nurturing, socializing, rearing, and protecting children B. What Is a Family?

1. Family versus household: Not the same • Traditional family: Two or more people related by blood, marriage, or adoption, and who live together; this obviously leaves many people out 2. The formerly “modern” family: The nuclear family • Nuclear/modern family: Husband, wife, children • Family of origin: family one is born into • Family of procreation: family one begins upon marrying and having children 3. Today’s “postmodern” families: Binuclear, blended, & single-parent families • Postmodern family: describes the great variability in family constellation • Binuclear: members live in two households (e.g., divorced parents with children) • Blended family: stepfamily • Single-parent family: one parent living with child/children 4. The extended family: Kin & affiliated kin • Kin: relatives by blood, marriage, remarriage, or adoption • Affiliated kin: unrelated individuals who are treated as if they are related 5. Beyond the Household: Extended Families & Patterns of Residence • Neolocal—In their own home • Patrilocal—With the husband’s family • Matrilocal—With the wife’s family

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C. Why Have Families at All? Four Benefits 1. Economic benefits: Economies of scale • Greater income earning potential, distribution of chores 2. Proximity: Convenience • Closeness; more convenient to obtain help or company 3. Familiarity: At your best & at your worst • Family members know the best and the worst about you 4. Continuity: People who are always there for you • Long-term emotional support, attachments, and assistance III. A Short History of Families This section presents the history of the American family during three eras: the early American era, the 19th and early 20th centuries, and the modern era. We describe variations for different ethnic and racial groups.  Learning Objective: 1.3 Explain how the families of yesterday differed from our own.

A. American Families in the Colonial Era 1. American Indian families • Marriage and sex o Most married at young ages and tended to be monogamous, though divorce was allowed in some tribes • Families o Children were welcomed and treated with great kindness • Transitions o Rites of passage were very important, especially during puberty 2. White colonial families • Marriage and sex o Most marriages were customarily arranged by parents; some premarital sex was condoned, though bundling (allowing couples to sleep together as long as one of them was sewn into a sack) was a compromise • Families o The family was principally considered an economic and social unit; women generally had few legal rights and wives were mostly subordinate to their husbands; wives worked mostly as homemakers, though some also worked in the fields • Transitions o Boys from wealthy families were educated while girls were minimally educated; Puritans believed that children were born evil and needed frequent discipline

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3. African American families • Marriage and sex o As slaves, blacks were prohibited from marrying, but many couples legitimized their relationships through rituals • Families o Slave families were very close, in spite of many challenges; it was one of their most important survival mechanisms 4. Hispanic (Latino) families • Marriage and sex o Much of Mexican family life was influenced by Catholic religious teaching, with rites of passages being very important; women were expected to remain virgins until marriage and to become good wives and mothers, whereas men were encouraged to emphasize their dominance and sexual prowess • Families o The well-being of the family was emphasized, a concept called familism, in which collective concerns were more important than the goals of individuals B. Families in the 19th & Early 20th Centuries 1. Industrialization, urbanization, & immigration • Industrialization—From self-sufficient to wage-earning families • Urbanization—The movement to the cities • Immigration—Two waves of newcomers o Between 1830-1882, immigrants came from western and northern Europe, with large numbers of Chinese coming to the West Coast o In the period between 118-1930, new immigrants came mostly from eastern and southern Europe, with Japanese immigrants settling in Hawaii and the West Coast 2. The importance of kinship networks 3. The changing family & changing roles • As economic, technological, and other social forces made the family less important as a work unit, women experienced more freedom and adolescence began to be recognized as a separate stage of development C. Families in the Modern Era 1. Rise of a new form: The companionate family 2. The effect of the World Wars & the Great Depression • The Great Depression—Out-of-work men blame themselves • World Wars I and II—Women take “male-only” jobs 3. Families in the 1950s • The Baby Boom—The swelling population • Suburbanization—The move to the suburbs • The child-centered culture

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4. How the family stands today • Trend #1—People are living longer and marrying later • Trend #2—Women are having fewer children and waiting longer to have them • Trend #3—More people are living alone or in unmarried relationships • Trend #4—More families are single-parent families • Trend #5—More two-parent families feature both parents working • Trend #6—There are more divorces, remarriages, and blended families 5. Is the family in decline?

• “The decline in two-parent families means trouble for children” • “Children are no worse off with other kinds of parental arrangements” IV. Major Forces Affecting Relationships & Families Traditional families are being radically influenced by economic and demographic forces.

Economically, the family has been affected by the Industrial Revolution, technological change, globalization, the mass media and popular culture, and the recent Great Recession.

Demographic trends are affecting changes in ethnic and racial diversity.  Learning Objective: 1.4 Describe the great forces that influenced family life.

A. Today’s Changing Families: Economic Forces 1. The effect of the Industrial Revolution: From familism to individualism • Familism: The family collective concerns take precedence over the needs of the individual • Individualism: The needs of the individual take priority over the family collective concerns 2. Technological change: More complexity or more choices?

• From transportation to communication • Computers, the Net, and the web • Developments in biology • Globalization o Argument for globalization ▪ Globalization broadens access to goods and services, creates jobs, makes companies more competitive, and lowers prices; also allows poor countries to advance o Argument against globalization ▪ More difficult to protect certain sectors of the economy; fewer good paying jobs are leading to wealth inequality • The mass media & popular culture: Relief from boredom & other effects o Roles and role conflict create anxiety o Beliefs are perpetrated that may not be true o Values are conflicted • The Great Recession of 2007–2009: The biggest economic setback since the 1930s

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3. Practical Action: How Are Social Media Affecting Relationships?

• The iGeneration o Media and mobile devices are critically important to young people ages 8-18 • The positives of communications technology o More diverse and a larger number of close relationships • The negatives of communications technology o Less focus on the immediate and family matters; cyberbullying, sexting, jealousy and vengeance 4. Today’s changing families: Demographic trends • Non-Hispanic whites—76.9% of Americans in 2017 • Hispanic or Latino—17.8% in 2017 • African Americans—13.3% in 2017 • Asian Americans—5.7% in 2017 • American Indians & Alaskan natives—1.3% in 2017 • Native Hawaiian & other Pacific Islanders—0.2% in 2017 • Are racial & ethnic identities firm? o Racial identification has become fluid, with the number of mixed-race Americans growing 3 times faster than the U.S. population as a whole • The “no racial majority” scenario: Multiracial in America o By 2044 there will be no racial majority, whites will have been replaced by many racial groups B. Your Personal Exploration

Discussion Topics 1.1 Seeking Happiness through Love & Intimacy 1. Happiness is an important and elusive topic; what will bring happiness to one person may bring misery to another. Yet we all seem to seek happiness in our relationships with others. Among the most important relationships in our lives are those with the people with whom we choose to share our lives in an intimate way. Discuss how we seek different components of happiness from different areas of our life. Then consider the types of happiness found in our intimate relationships and the qualities of the relationship that enhance and/or strengthen happiness.

2. What makes or would make you happy? Have students provide a list of things they think will make them happy and write these on the board. Help students recognize that different things make different people happy; and guide them in detecting any biases they may have toward accepting what makes another happy.

3. How do you know when you are happy? Students will usually identify abstract things such as “I feel good” or “I just feel happy.” Help them identify behaviorally observable ways of telling how they are happy, such as being more active, smiling more, speaking more often to people, and having more energy. This helps students recognize that they 7 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

may be happy even when they don’t “feel” it; and this recognition may increase their overall feelings of happiness if they see that they are happy more often.

1.2 Marriage & Family: The Basic Concepts 1. What difference does marriage make? Have students discuss the pros and cons of marriage. Help them realize the legal, social, and sexual components. Is there a gender difference in the way students respond?

2. What is a family? Ask students to list the types of families they know (gay, single, divorced, widowed, never married, etc.).

3. What have you gained from being a part of a family? Help students recognize the benefits of being in a family, either family of origin or family of procreation (sharing chores, friends and confidants close by, someone to accept you as you are, someone who always cares about you).

1.3 A Short History of Families 1. The concepts of marriage and family have changed radically since the first half of the 20th century. While some fulfill the needs of marriage and family in the traditional way, many more fulfill these needs in less traditional ways.  Discuss what these changes mean to people seeking nontraditional families and marriages (gay marriage, cohabitation, and single parents).  Discuss how choosing a nontraditional family can be difficult for families of origin and friends.  Discuss ways to show acceptance to nontraditional families. For example, educate yourself about other lifestyles, don’t use derogatory phrases like “That is so gay!” and include nontraditional family members as you would any other family member.

2. The American family has changed a great deal in the last century.  Discuss what some of these changes mean. For example, two-income families mean greater resources but fewer parent/child interactions. Both parents working means that young children are in the care of another person, which causes an increase in daycare centers and other alternative forms of childcare.  The increase in single-parent families (most often headed by single mothers) creates a group of people with the lowest incomes. Discuss what it means to be a single mother in today’s society.  The divorce rate creates changes in how marriage is viewed. For example, some young people view their marriage as a “first marriage,” with the expectation they will marry again. Discuss why marriage may no longer be viewed as “a lifetime commitment.”

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1.4 Major Forces Affecting Relationships & Families 1. What do you think of globalization? Describe the arguments for and against globalization and have students discuss the pros and cons as they see them. Help them see the other perspectives and expand their worldview to fit others’ views. (This may be a challenging topic if some of their family members have lost jobs to globalization.)

In-Class Activity Bring in a variety of commonly available popular magazines. Be sure to collect magazines representing differing ages, ethnicities, races, and cultures. Divide the class into groups of three to four students; and give each group a magazine. Give groups 10 minutes to identify the various family forms depicted and list demographics such as age, race, and ethnicity. Have each group identify the roles, values, and diversity represented in each magazine. Allow time for each group to report their discoveries to the larger group.

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Seeking Happiness through Love & Intimacy Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Marriage, Families, & Happiness Marriage & Family: The Basic Concepts Video: Family Diversity A Short History of Families Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: First Birth Social Explorer Chart: Changing American Family Households, 1970 Compared with 2017 Major Forces Affecting Relationships & Families Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Major Racial and Ethnic Groups in the United States Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Declining U.S. Population That Is Non-Hispanic White—Actual and Projected Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Origins of the Foreign-Born, 2015

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Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: What Are the Principal Ancestral Origins of NonHispanic White Americans, 2010?

Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Ancestry of People Who Identified Themselves as Being of Hispanic or Latino Descent, 2016 Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Ancestry of People Who Identified Themselves as Being of Asian Descent, 2010 Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 2 Understanding: Learning about Intimate Behavior Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 2.1 Identify and explain the steps involved in critical thinking.

2.2 Discuss the eight key theoretical perspectives on the family and describe how macro- and micro-level orientations apply to the perspectives.

2.3 Explain the five principal kinds of scientific research and the importance of objectivity.

On the Web Understanding Advertising Jean Kilbourne http://jeankilbourne.com Do you really know how advertising works? See if you can find out one thing about ads that makes you realize how they influence you. To start, you might go to the website “Jean Kilbourne” and click on “Resources.” What did you learn?

Chapter Outline I. Learning How to Think: Keys to Being Open-Minded We discuss how uncritical thinking can hinder our approach to the truth. We then describe four steps in critical thinking.  Learning Objective: 2.1 Identify and explain the steps involved in critical thinking.

A. Numbers That Matter: How Times Have Changed 1. The average American spent 12 hours daily watching TV in 2017 2. Women report their happiness has decreased over the past few decades B. Uncritical Thinking & Magical Thinking 1. The enemy: Our mind-sets C. Critical Thinking: Clear, Skeptical, Active 1. Four steps in critical thinking: 1. Get an understanding of the problem 2. Gather information and interpret it 3. Develop a solution plan and carry it out 4. Evaluate the plan’s effectiveness 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

D. Example of Magical Thinking: The Vaccine Doubters 1. Taking health for granted 2. The discredited autism connection 3. Antiscience & the Internet E. Critical Thinking: Skills versus Disposition F. Practical Action: The Steps in Critical Thinking 1. Step 1 example: Re-read directions s you make sure you understand the problem 2. Step 2 example: Do research on the internet and/or get books from the library to further understand 3. Step 3 example: Choose between several solutions and implement one 4. Step 4 example: What did you learn about the solutions?

II. Theoretical Perspectives on the Family Theories offer perspectives explaining why processes and events occur. Eight perspectives for viewing marriage and family are structural-functional, conflict, symbolic interaction, family systems, social exchange, feminist/male studies, ecological, and family development.  Learning Objective: 2.2 Discuss the eight key theoretical perspectives on the family and describe how macro- and micro-level orientations apply to the perspectives.

A. Two Types of Theories: Macro-Level versus Micro-Level Orientations 1. Macro-level orientation: The top-down view 2. Micro-level orientation: The bottom-up view B. The Structural-Functional Perspective: The Family Is a Social Institution Performing Essential Functions 1. Manifest functions: intended 2. Latent functions: unintended 3. Applying the perspective: Families have three main functions: • To ensure that society has an ongoing supply of new members and to be a source of socialization • To provide economic support for family members • To provide emotional support for family members C. The Conflict Perspective: Conflict & Change, Not Harmony, Is the Normal State of the Family 1. Applying the perspective • Conflict over power • Conflict over resources D. The Symbolic Interaction Perspective: People’s Interactions Ultimately Determine Their Behavior 1. Applying the perspective • Definition of the situation • Self-image based on others’ interactions • Predictability of behavior E. The Family Systems Perspective: Family Members Are Interconnected & Changes in One Member Affect Others 1. Applying the perspective • The notion of equilibrium; changes involve adjustments 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

F. The Social Exchange Perspective: Individuals Seek the Most Benefits & the Least Costs in a Relationship 1. Applying the perspective • This perspective follows an economic-like model of rationality: trading costs for benefits G. The Feminist Perspective: Inequality Between Men & Women Results from Male Dominance 1. Applying the perspective • Emphasis on inequality • No one kind of family • Reduction in harassment and violence 2. Men’s studies H. The Ecological Perspective: The Family Is Influenced by & Influences Its Environment 1. Applying the perspective • People are influenced by messages, especially the media I. The Family Development Perspective: Individuals & Families Change through Stages of Life 1. Applying the perspective • There are 8 stages of family life; (1) married couple, no children; (2) childbearing family; (3) family with preschoolers; (4) family with schoolchildren; (5) family with adolescents; (6) family as launching center for children; (7) empty-nest; (8) aging family—from retirement to death of one spouse J. Is Any Perspective Better than Any Other?

1. Pluses & minuses • Structural-functional perspective helped formulate ideas about order and stability, but it was faulted for viewing the family too narrowly • Conflict perspective offers a refreshing view to structural-functional view, but it has been faulted for stressing conflict over order • Symbolic interactionist perspective focuses on the daily interactions of family members, but it has been faulted for ignoring larger social influences • Family systems perspective focuses on the interconnectedness of family members, but the research around this perspective revolves around dysfunctional families • Social exchange perspective allows family relationships to be evaluated in terms of costs and benefits, but it has been criticized for assuming people act in calculating ways • Feminist perspective embraces a wide variety of viewpoints, but it has been criticized for stressing personal feelings over objectivity • Ecological perspective stresses both interactions between family members as well as the influence of their environments, but it is not always easy to see how different types of families may be impacted • Family development perspective focuses more on the family as a unit and the successful completion of developmental tasks, but it has been criticized because the processes of life do not always unfold in such clearly marked stages 3 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

III. How Do You Know What’s True? Learning to Evaluate Research Results Five principal kinds of scientific research are survey, clinical, observational, experimental, and other—cross-cultural, historical, and longitudinal. When looking at research findings, be aware of the blinders of your own experience and the flaws that can affect research studies.  Learning Objective: 2.3 Explain the five principal kinds of scientific research and the importance of objectivity.

A. Survey Research: Collecting Data by Questionnaire or Interview from Representative Samples 1. Step 1: Decide on the population & the sample • Representative (random) sample • Nonrepresentative sample 2. Step 2: Gather the data: Using questionnaires or interviews • Survey by questionnaire • Survey by interview 3. Step 3: Analyze & generalize the results B. Clinical Research: In-depth examination of individuals or groups in counseling 1. Benefits: host of insights 2. Drawbacks: results can’t be generalized C. Observational Research: Observing people in their usual surroundings 1. Two kinds of observation • Participant observation—Interact anonymously with subjects • Nonparticipant observation—Just observe subjects 2. Benefits of nonparticipant observation is that observer’s presence does not interfere with the natural situation 3. Drawbacks of participant observer research is that the participants may hide socially unacceptable behavior D. Experimental Research: Measuring behavior under controlled conditions 1. Two kinds of variables • Independent variables: factors that can be controlled or manipulated • Dependent variables: factors or behaviors that are influenced by changes in the independent variable 2. Experimental group versus control group • Experimental group: subjects are exposed to an independent variable • Control group: subjects are not introduced to an independent variable 3. Benefits: direct observation 4. Drawbacks: takes place in an artificial environment E. Other Kinds of Research 1. Cross-cultural 2. Historical 3. Longitudinal 4. Content analysis 5. Secondary analysis F. Trying to Be Objective: How Do You Know What’s True?

1. Your mind-sets: The possible filters 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• Ethnocentrism—“My country or culture is best” • Heterosexism—“The only legitimate family is heterosexual” • Bias against not having children—“Children are the ultimate reason” 2. Possible flaws in research studies • Researcher is biased • Sample is biased • No control group • Questions not neutrally worded • Time and other distortions • Questions of reliability and validity G. Using the Sociological Imagination: Different Folks, Different Families

2.1 Learning How to Think: Keys to Being Open-Minded 1. Help students identify and analyze a basic assumption they have about family life. For example, many students believe that parents should rear their own children. Encourage students to discuss where they got this idea, if this idea is always the best, and how to analyze alternatives. It is okay if in the end they decide that parents should raise their own children because now they have examined the concept and have accepted it based on thought instead of default. Ask them to begin to think of more challenging areas they have accepted by default rather than thought, such as religion, politics, college major— the list goes on.

2. Why develop critical thinking skills? Have students discuss the differences between critical thinking and habitual or uncritical thinking. Help them learn that critical thinking is more difficult and takes more time, at least in the beginning. Have them discuss the value of being able to think critically to help them be motivated to putting forth an effort to think in this new way.

2.2 Theoretical Perspectives on the Family 1. Have students discuss the differences among the eight perspectives. Ask them to point out strengths and weaknesses of each perspective. Help them understand that each perspective is flawed on its own and that true critical thinking employs a variety of perspectives.

2.3 How Do You Know What’s True? Learning to Evaluate Research Results 1. Discuss the benefits of research and the limits of findings. Often students become disillusioned when they find out that they cannot completely accept the findings of research. (Help them rethink critical thinking skills.) Help them realize that all research has limitations, and that when these limitations are considered, we gain information and broaden our understanding of the topic.

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Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Learning How to Think: Keys to Being Open-Minded Social Explorer Chart: How Numbers Have Changed Theoretical Perspectives on the Family Social Explorer Chart: The Eight Theoretical Perspectives Compared How Do You Know What’s True? Learning to Evaluate Research Results Video: Qualitative versus Quantitative Research Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 3 Gender: The Meanings of Masculinity & Femininity Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 3.1 Compare and contrast sex, sex roles, gender, and gender roles.

3.2 Explain the four major theories of gender role socialization.

3.3 Identify and discuss the sources of gender role socialization.

3.4 Summarize the advantages and disadvantages of traditional gender role socialization; and identify and explain the impact of social influences on gender roles.

On the Web How Do the Mass Media Portray Masculinity & Femininity?

Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media http://seejane.org How accurate do you think the mass media are in portraying men and women? Here’s an opportunity to go on the World Wide Web to find out. The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, founded by actor and producer Geena Davis, is concerned with looking at gender portrayals in the mass media.

Chapter Outline I. Understanding Gender & Gender Roles To talk about gender, you need to know the meaning of sex versus gender, of gender roles and sex roles, and of socialization and gender identity. It helps to understand the distinctions among cross-dressers, transsexuals, and intersexuals. Finally, you should know the vocabulary of sexism—patriarchal and matriarchal, sexism and sexual harassment.  Learning Objective: 3.1 Compare and contrast sex, sex roles, gender, and gender roles.

A. How to Talk about Gender: The Vocabulary 1. Sex: The biological characteristics with which we were born that determine whether we are male or female 2. Gender: The socially learned attitudes and behaviors associated with being male or female 3. Roles, gender roles, & sex roles: A role is the behavior expected of someone; a gender tole is the behavior expected of a female or male in a particular culture; a sex role is defined by sociological constraints 4. Socialization & gender identity: Socialization is the process by which people learn the appropriate characteristics of their group, such as a family or peer group; gender 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

identity is a person’s psychological sense of whether he or she is a male or female values, and actions that are thought appropriate for them 5. Cross-dressers: People who dress up in clothes, wigs, and so on to appear to be a member of the other sex 6. Transsexuals & intersexuals: A transsexual person is someone who was born with one sex but has the identity and self-concept of the other gender; an intersexual has both male and female sex organs or organs that are not distinct B. Numbers That Matter: Gender Differences 1. Heterosexual males were found to be drawn to physically attractive young women, and heterosexual women were found to be drawn to men with economic ambitions.

2. Males account for 70% of D and F grades and 80% of high school dropouts.

3. Women’s and men’s work are divided.

C. Example of Cross-Cultural Cross Dressing 1. Manchu Princess, Japanese Spy 2. Sisa Abu Daooh dressed in men’s close in Aswan, Egypt so she could get work D. Example of Treatment of Transsexuals in Some Conservative Countries 1. Some are celebrated, most are not E. What Gender Are You? 1. The concept of transgender—an umbrella term for people who sense of their gender differs from what is expected based on their biology 2. LGBT becomes LGBTQ—inclusive of “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer” people 3. Recently expanded to LGBTQIAP—with “Q” standing for “questioning,” “I” for “intersex,” “A” for “ally” or “asexual,” and “P” standing for “pansexual” F. Example of a Transgendered Person: Bruce Jenner Becomes Caitlyn Jenner G. The Vocabulary of Sexism 1. Patriarchal & matriarchal • Patriarchal, meaning male-dominated, male-identified, and male-centered • Matriarchal, meaning female-dominated, female-identified and femalecentered 2. Sexism & sexual harassment • Sexism is discrimination based on sex • Sexual harassment is the abuse of one’s position of authority to force unwanted sexual attention on another person H. Practical Action: Preventing & Stopping Sexual Harassment 1. Two types of sexual harassment: quid pro quo (tangible economic injury) and hostile environment (offensive work environment) 2. Preventing sexual harassment 3. Stopping sexual harassment II. Why Do Gender Roles Differ? Some Theories Four theories that have been offered to account for gender differences are sociobiology, social learning theory, cognitive development theory, and gender schema theory.  Learning Objective: 3.2 Explain the four major theories of gender role socialization.

A. Sociobiology: Does Biology Determine Our Gender Differences?

B. Social Learning Theory: Does the Environment Determine Our Gender Differences?

1. Two kinds of learning 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• Learning by reinforcement—Rewards and punishment • Learning by modeling—Imitation C. Cognitive Development Theory: Does Our Age Determine Our Gender Differences?

1. Two-year-olds do not think in terms of permanent identification 2. Five-year-olds develop a sense of gender identity 3. Six-and seven-year-olds understand gender as being permanent D. Gender Schema Theory: Do We Develop Mental Categories for Organizing Our Gender Perceptions?

III. Gender Socialization: Who Teaches Us How to Act Male or Female?

Besides the mass media, principal environmental influences on gender behavior are parents, peers, teachers, and the workplace.  Learning Objective: 3.3 Identify and discuss the sources of gender role socialization.

A. How Our Parents May Have Influenced Us 1. How fathers & mothers treat their children differently • What fathers do: Treat sons differently from daughters • What mothers do: Express affection and verbal praise equally—but stress emotions and feelings with daughters 2. Four Ways Parents Socialize Their Children • Uses different physical and verbal manipulations • Directs attention toward certain stereotypical gender-identified objects • Applies different verbal descriptions to the same behavior • Encourages or discourages certain stereotypical gender-identified activities 3. Differences in class, ethnicity, & religion B. How Our Peers May Have Influenced Us 1. How girls are influenced: Toys emphasize domesticity, nurturing, passivity, imagination, and emotional expression 2. How boys are influenced: Toys emphasize logic, following rules, competition, and aggressiveness C. How Education May Have Influenced Us 1. How teachers influence boys: Boys may get more attention but be treated more harshly 2. How teachers influence girls: Girls tend to behave better for teachers and have more positive perceptions of education D. How Work May Influence Us 1. Occupations dominated by females: Childcare workers, secretaries and administrative assistants, receptionists, clerks, registered nurses, home health aides, elementary and middle school teachers 2. Occupations dominated by males: Construction, architects and engineers, farming, forestry, and fishing, computer and mathematical occupations, lawyers, physicians, judges, and politicians

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IV. Gender Roles in Transition: Multiple Masculinities & Femininities A man and a woman following traditional gender roles may derive certain benefits from their relationship but also experience certain drawbacks. More and more, however, gender roles are in transition.  Learning Objective: 3.4 Summarize the advantages and disadvantages of traditional gender role socialization; and identify and explain the impact of social influences on gender roles.

A. The Benefits of Traditional Gender Roles 1. Benefits to males • Higher income and other job-related advantages • Less domestic work and marital stress 2. Benefits to females • Identity tied to relationships rather than work • Closer attachments with children B. The Drawbacks of Traditional Gender Roles 1. Drawbacks for males • Personal self-worth being tied to job position and income • Job-related stress • Less time for family life • Limited emotional expression, resulting in loneliness and fear of intimacy • Limitations on child custody when divorced 2. Drawbacks for females • Reduced income and career fulfillment • Dependence on the spouse, resulting in unhappiness • The beauty problem • Less personal self-worth C. Changing Gender Roles 1. The women’s movement • Liberal feminism—Inequality rooted in sexism • Socialist feminism—Sexual division of labor rooted in class conflict • Radical feminism—Inequality rooted in patriarchy • Lesbian feminism—Oppression rooted in dominance of heterosexuality • Conservative feminism—Promotes a return to traditional gender and family roles 2. The men’s movement • Profeminists • Antifeminists • Masculinists D. Role Conflict, Androgyny, & Postgender Relationships 1. Anxiety & confusion: The effects of role conflict 2. Androgyny: Achieving flexibility 3. Postgender transcendence: Beyond gender E. What Do You Want?

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Discussion Topics 3.1 Understanding Gender & Gender Roles 1. Discuss the development of gender roles through history. The changes in women’s roles changed first, with the changes during WWII being some of the most notable early on, followed by changes for men’s roles. Often, students have observed “old” gender roles being played out by their grandparents. Discuss how the changes in gender role assignments create stress for people as they renegotiate their roles within relationships.

For example, men during the 1970s and 1980s were challenged to change their way of interacting with their wives and children, to allow the wife to work and to nurture their children.

2. Have students assume an opposite gender role than the one they normally occupy. For example, a male occupying a male gender role could try acting as a male in a female gender role. Have students discuss how this was for them—what was comfortable and what was uncomfortable? Were they afraid of what others in the class would think of them? Did students receive pressure from others around them to act the way they normally do? For example, did other students laugh at them or say things to make them feel uncomfortable?

3.2 Why Do Gender Roles Differ? Some Theories 1. Discuss the differences between the dominant theories about gender. Describe the developmental process of these theories. For example, feminist and lesbian feminist theories are new and have changed the way we think about gender expression.

2. Discuss the differing theories about gender roles and how these have changed over time with greater social awareness and biological developments. Discuss how in the past the sex of children born hermaphrodites was chosen for them, and then the children were raised according to the chosen sex. Have the class discuss what it would be like to be raised in a gender that did not fit a person’s internal identity.

3.3 Gender Socialization: Who Teaches Us How to Act Male or Female?

1. Have students identify ways they have learned gender roles such as through books, media, and religion. For example, most translations of the Bible refer to God using masculine pronouns. What reinforcements have they experienced for gender roles? For example, were they called “tomboy” or “sissy”? What gender roles did their parent(s) model?

2. What do students think is the reason they act out gender expression and roles the way they do? Do they predominantly think it is because this is the way their parents did things? (Help them remember the critical thinking of the previous chapter.) Help them analyze their assumptions and think about alternative ways of expressing gender.

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3.4 Gender Roles in Transition: Multiple Masculinities & Femininities 1. Discuss the concepts of role conflict and role overload. Attempting to change gender roles has not always created greater freedom; at times it has caused greater strife. Men who feel they are expected to provide for their families, be strong, and lead the family complain that they are also asked to be sensitive, nurturing, and relational. Women often are asked to work to provide income for the family and still come home and provide nurturing, comfort, and relational support. These demands can lead to role overload and increased stress. For example, role conflict could occur when a professional person in a business meeting is called to pick up his or her child from school because the child is sick. The demands of the two roles conflict and the parent is put in the position of deciding which is the more important role. The person may experience negative feedback depending on which role he or she chose as most important, which leads to increased stress.

2. Have students discuss the challenges faced by people trying to negotiate new gender role expectations. Ask them to describe how this has changed from their parents’ generation to their own and what they may expect when their children become adults. Help students discuss androgyny and the concept that gender expression exists on a continuum from very masculine to very feminine, with the majority of people falling closer to the middle, or androgyny.

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Understanding Gender & Gender Roles Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Gender Differences Video: I’m the Scary Transgender Person the Media Warned You About Social Explorer Chart: Some Gender Related Terms Gender Roles in Transition: Multiple Masculinities & Femininities Social Explorer Chart: Views on Gender: Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 4 Involvement: Dating, Pairing, & Courtship Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 4.1 Identify and discuss the major functions of dating and apply the concepts of closed and open courtship to your discussion.

4.2 Define and illustrate what is meant by closed and open fields in finding a mate and explain how technology has influenced how people find a mate.

4.3 Describe three different patterns of dating behavior.

4.4 Identify and discuss four ways one might react to a deteriorating relationship and the factors involved in ending a relationship.

On the Web Learning about Online Dating www.pewinternet.org Here’s how to find some interesting information on a contemporary issue associated with this chapter on involvement—the status of online dating in America. Go to the Pew Research Center Internet and Technology website and check out the topic of online dating.

Chapter Outline I. The Dating Game We first describe the concept of courtship, both closed systems (arranged marriages) and open systems (the relationship marketplace). We then describe the six functions of dating.

Finally, we consider dating as a filtering process or as a relationship-driven or event-driven commitment.  Learning Objective: 4.1 Identify and discuss the major functions of dating and apply the concepts of closed and open courtship to your discussion.

A. Courtship: From Parental Decisions to the Relationship Marketplace 1. The closed courtship system: Arranged marriages • Blind marriage • Bride price and dowry • Elopement • Forced marriage 2. The open courtship system: The relationship marketplace • People seeking traditional partnership • People seeking an egalitarian partnership 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

B. Numbers That Matter: Linking Up 1. Most heterosexual Americans met their partners through friends (29%), in a bar or restaurant (24%), online (22%), or through or as coworkers (10%) 2. Same-sex Americans meet their partners on the internet (68%), at a bar or restaurant (20%), through friends (13%), and through or as coworkers (7%) 3. Some 60%–80% of North American college students have had a hookup, even though 63% of college men and 83% of college women stated they would prefer a traditional relationship 4. In one survey, 24% of employees said they had been or were currently involved in a workplace romance 5. Reasons for college breakups were given as “lost interest” (men 28%, women 26%), “cheating” (men 18%, women 22 percent), “distance (men 21%, women 16%), “nonapproval by others” (men 3%, women 4%) and “other—more complicated” (men 30%, women 32%) C. Courtship: From Parental Decision to the Relationship Marketplace 1. The closed courtship system: Arranged marriages 2. The open courtship system: The relationship marketplace D. Example of Cross-Cultural Forces Marriages: Wedlock by Coercion E. The Functions of Dating 1. Recreation 2. Companionship 3. Intimacy & sex 4. Mate selection 5. Socialization 6. Status achievement F. Is Dating a Filtering Process?

1. Types of filtering: Propinquity, endogamy, exogamy • Propinquity—People who are nearby • Endogamy—People of the same social group • Exogamy—People outside the family group G. Factors Affecting Availability: Race, Class, Age, Religion 1. Race & ethnicity 2. Socioeconomic status (class) 3. Age 4. Religion H. Two Dating Models 1. Three-Stage Filtering Process • Filtering Stage 1: Stimulus—Physical Attraction • Filtering Stage 2: Values—Similar Outlooks • Filtering Stage 3: Roles--Compatibility I. Relationship Driven versus Event Driven Commitment 1. The relationship-driven couple 2. The event-driven couple J. Close Dating Relationships & Personal Growth 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

II. Pairing Up: Finding & Choosing a Partner Four ways of meeting people are personal introductions, classified ads, meeting online, and introduction services. We also discuss what people are looking for in dating site matches as well as the advantages and disadvantages of meeting online.  Learning Objective: 4.2 Define and illustrate what is meant by closed and open fields in finding a mate and explain how technology has influenced how people find a mate.

A. Finding a Partner amid Masses of People 1. Open fields: Interaction unlikely 2. Closed fields: Interaction likely B. Traditional Means of Meeting People 1. Personal introductions 2. Introduction services • Marriage bureaus • Mail-order bride services 3. Classified ads • Women as sex objects • Men as success objects C. Meeting online 1. Online dating services 2. Social networking websites 3. Mobile dating apps 4. What people look for in dating site matches 5. Advantages and disadvantages of meeting online • Advantages • Disadvantages D. Practical Action: Dealing with Relationship Websites: Anonymity, Intimacy, & Safety 1. Suggestions for Dealing with Online Dating • Protect your identity until you’re ready to reveal it • Start slowly, exercise caution, and let others earn your trust • Ask for a photo • Text or talk on the phone • If necessary, use verification services 2. If You Finally Meet • Listen to your instincts • Meet somewhere safe III. Variations in Dating We discuss three kinds of dating practices, beginning with traditional courtship and the institutions of “going steady” and engagement. We then cover campus dating today: hanging out, hooking up, and joined at the hip, as well as long-distance dating. We then cover dating in the workplace.  Learning Objective: 4.3 Describe three different patterns of dating behavior.

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A. Traditional Courtship: From Dating to Engagement 1. “Going steady” 2. Engagement • Sign of commitment • Preparing to expand family ties B. On Campus Today: Hanging Out, Hooking Up, & Joined at the Hip 1. Hanging out: “Pack dating” 2. Hooking up: Physical encounters without commitment • Trends leading to hooking up • Hookups and drinking 3. Joined at the hip: The “college marriage” 4. Long-distance relationships C. Dating in the Workplace IV. Breaking Up Is Hard to Do We describe four ways of reacting to a deteriorating relationship. We also give some considerations to keep in mind if your partner breaks up with you or you break up with your partner.  Learning Objective: 4.4 Identify and discuss four ways one might react to a deteriorating relationship and the factors involved in ending a relationship.

A. Four Ways of Reacting to a Deteriorating Relationship 1. The neglect response: “Just let the relationship go ahead & fall apart” 2. The exit response: “We have to end our relationship” 3. The loyalty response: “Let’s just stick it out despite any difficulties” 4. The voice response: “We need to talk about improving our relationship” B. Ending a Relationship 1. If your partner breaks up with you • Can you accept that the pain of rejection is natural?

• What steps can you take to stop thoughts about the other person?

• What can you do to raise your self-esteem?

2. If you break up with your partner • Are you really sure you want to break up, that the relationship can’t be improved?

• Can you be honest and accept that your partner will be hurt?

• Can you put off “just being friends” and terminate the relationship completely?

Discussion Topics 4.1 The Dating Game 1. Discuss the many ways people choose whether to date and whom to date. Some people meet at work, some through friends, some at church or other social functions, and some over the internet. Ask students how they meet people to date. Discuss the filter concept of dating; and ask students what factors help them decide if they are going to date someone or not (age, race, education, religion). Mention propinquity (the proximity of people geographically) and how this has changed with the internet.

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2. Have students develop their “ideal date” and discuss this in class. Are there differences in what students consider an ideal date? What if the person they are interested in dating has a different idea of what an ideal date is? Discuss with students if they can talk about what sort of date to ask someone out on (they will most likely not like this idea). Ask them what would stop them from discussing this with potential dating partners.

4.2 Pairing Up: Finding & Choosing a Partner 1. Ask students how they have chosen partners in the past (maybe someone asked them out, so they went along with it); and ask if they have changed the way they choose a partner now from the way they have done so in the past. Have students list different ways they may choose partners; and find out if they anticipate doing things differently in the future.

Often students go out with someone just to have something to do and have different plans for choosing whom to be with once they “get serious.” What are these differences, and why are they waiting?

2. Discuss meeting online. Ask students if they know of couples who have had a successful relationship that started using an online dating application. What do they think are the advantages and disadvantages of meeting someone online?

4.3 Variations in Dating 1. Ask students if they know of any couples their age who are “going steady.” Traditional dating prevailed from the 1950s through the 1970s. Do students feel that the dating norms of the past were better for forging relationships or do they feel that today’s practices are better? Do female students feel differently from male students in this regard?

2. Ask students what they think about “hooking up,” a way to engage in sexual relationships without commitment. Consider the benefits and risks of this sort of relationship. Discuss “hanging out” and how that may be similar to group dating in that it is a chance to interact less formally before making a commitment to consider dating.

Also, much “dating” is measured by whether men pay or not; discuss whether this is more common or less common than what may have occurred in the past.

4.4 Breaking Up Is Hard to Do 1. Ask students how they break up with someone. Do their responses fit the patterns described in the book (neglect response, exit response, loyalty response, or voice response)? Discuss how it is natural to feel hurt, sad, angry, and rejected when someone breaks up with us. Consider the idea that it is good to take time before becoming involved with someone else. Depending on how long they were in the relationship, they may want to wait three months to a year before becoming seriously involved with another person.

2. Direct students to list the ways they have been broken up with and ways that they have broken up with others. Ask them if some ways have been better than others and how they 5 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

would prefer to end a relationship. Are there differences in how people prefer to end relationships? What does it mean if there are differences? What would it be like for students to discuss these differences with their dating partners?

In-Class Activity Have students create a “dating filter” by selecting the criteria they use to decide whom to date.

Ask them to find five people who meet these criteria. (Even if they are dating, they are just gathering information, not looking for someone new to date.) Discuss with them their findings, and if it was easy or difficult for them to find people who met their criteria.

Out-of-Class Activity Have students interview both married couples and dating couples to find out why each chose the type of relationship they did.

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin The Dating Game Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Linking Up Video: Socialization and the Media Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Is Interracial Dating Acceptable?

Social Explorer Chart: Religious Intermarriage Pairing Up: Finding & Choosing a Partner Social Explorer Chart: How Heterosexual Adults Met Their Partners Social Explorer Chart: How Same-Sex Adults Met Their Partners Social Explorer Chart: Market Share of Top Dating Apps Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 5 Love: The Many Faces Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 5.1 Compare and contrast how love was viewed by the ancient Greeks and Romans versus Europe in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance and discuss how these views apply to romantic and companionate love.

5.2 Identify and explain the five major theories of the origins of love and assess to what extent these theories relate to the six styles of love.

5.3 Discuss the positive and negative aspects of jealousy.

5.4 Identify the major characteristics of mature and immature love.

On the Web What Is Love? www.elainehatfield.com How passionate are you in your current relationship or were you in a past relationship? The “Passionate Love” scale was created by academics Elaine Hatfield and Susan Sprecher. Go to the website and click on “Frequently Requested Papers & Scales,” scroll down to the scales (such as “1. Passionate Love”); and click on one of these to find out how you rate on passionate love, companionate love, and so on.

Chapter Outline I. Can We Define Love?

Love is intimacy with, caring for, and commitment to another person. Many people think love is about finding a soul mate—a best friend, confidant, and romantic partner. In other times, places, and cultures, marriages have been made not on the basis of romantic love— intense, passionate love—but according to other customs, such as arranged marriages.

Romantic love, which may spring out of sexual desire, can later turn to companionate love, which emphasizes intimacy with, affection for, and commitment to another person.  Learning Objective: 5.1 Compare and contrast how love was viewed by the ancient Greeks and Romans versus Europe in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance and discuss how these views apply to romantic and companionate love.

A. Is Love All about Finding a Soul Mate?

1. Love actually 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. Love in other times & places • Ancient Greece and Rome viewed passionate love as a kind of illness • Europe in the Middle Ages and Renaissance viewed marriage as a way to influence power and control of property • The Roman Catholic Church made marriage a sacrament between the 7th and 12 centuries • Other countries today—Arranged marriages B. Example of Love in a Torn Land: Two Palestinians Separated by 40 Miles 1. One partner lives in Gaza; the other on the West Bank 2. Some lame the Jewish state; others blame Palestinian leaders C. Numbers That Matter: Love Bites 1. Evidence of passionate love has been found in 147 of 166 societies studied 2. After 6 to 30 months, romantic loves yields to companionate love 3. Cultures that value individual property rights, such as the United States, tend to engender more jealousy. Sexually liberal countries such as Germany and the Netherlands experience less jealousy.

4. Most objects of stalking are women—one in six are stalked at some point in their lifetimes—but one in 19 men experience stalking victimization at some time as well.

Forty-six percent of stalking victims fear not knowing what will happen next, and 29% fear the stalking will never stop.

D. Romantic Love & Companionate Love 1. Romantic love: More than lust?

2. Companionate love: Intimacy, affection, & commitment E. Example of an Expression of Romantic Love: The Kiss 1. The importance of kissing: Are you the right person for me?

2. How good a kisser are you?

F. Same-Sex Love tends to highlight and value loving feelings G. Practical Action: Love on the Internet: Can You Find the Perfect Partner Online?

1. People lie online 2. Online sites stress superficialities 3. Online life and real life aren’t the same 4. Our culture of infinite choice makes people avoid “settling” 5. The rise of narcissism favors short-term rather than close relationships II. The Origins of Love: Some Theories Five theories to explain the origins of love are (1) biochemical theory, (2) attachment theory, (3) wheel theory, (4) triangular theory, and (5) styles of love. We also describe the importance of intimacy.  Learning Objective: 5.2 Identify and explain the five major theories of the origins of love and assess to what extent these theories relate to the six styles of love.

A. Biochemical Theory: “Love Is a Natural High” 1. Passionate brains awash in chemicals: PEA, oxytocin, & other substances 2. Chemical euphoria & love addiction

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B. Attachment Theory: “Closeness Is a Survival Need” 1. Secure: “I’m not afraid of closeness.”

2. Avoidant: “I’m anxious that I’m not loved.”

3. Anxious/ambivalent: “I wonder if others feel as I do.”

4. How close is too close?

C. Wheel Theory: The Four Stages of Love 1. Stage 1: Rapport—Feeling at ease 2. Stage 2: Self-revelation—Disclosing personal feelings 3. Stage 3: Mutual dependency—Sharing with each other 4. Stage 4: Intimacy need fulfillment—Reinforcing each other D. Triangular Theory: Toward Consummate Love 1. The three components of the triangle • Intimacy • Passion • Decision/commitment 2. The different combinations of love • Liking—Intimacy only • Romantic love—Intimacy with passion • Infatuation—Passion only • Fatuous love—Passion and commitment • Empty love—Commitment only • Companionate love—Intimacy and commitment E. Styles of Love: Lee’s Six Kinds of Relationships 1. Love of beauty & the physical: Eros 2. Obsessive love: Mania 3. Playful love: Ludus 4. Companionate love: Storge 5. Altruistic love: Agape 6. Practical love: Pragma F. Trying to Quantify Love: Is Intimacy the Foundation of Loving Relationships?

III. The Dark Face of Love: Jealousy, Unrequited Love, & Attempts to Control Love, particularly passionate love, can take negative forms. One threat is jealousy, which may be either suspicious or reactive. Another is unrequited love—love that is not returned. A third threat is when one person tries to control the behavior of another, as through manipulation, stalking, or violence.  Learning Objective: 5.3 Discuss the positive and negative aspects of jealousy.

A. Jealousy: The Green-Eyed Monster 1. Jealousy: How it works • Jealousy sets boundaries for a relationship • Jealousy may be either suspicious or reactive 2. Characteristics of jealousy • Men are jealous about sex, women about intimacy • Men and women generally have different reactions • Jealous people are more apt to be insecure people 3 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• Jealousy isn’t always just about sex, but it often is • Jealousy is more prevalent in some cultures than in others B. Unrequited Love: When Love Is Not Returned 1. More attractive rejects less attractive 2. Less serious rejects more serious C. Controlling: Trying to Control the Love Object 1. Manipulation: From charm to threats 2. Stalking: Unwanted following 3. Violence: Emotional or physical abuse IV. How Can You Tell Whether It’s Meaningful Love?

Love may be immature, characterized by passionate thinking, feeling, and behavior. Or it may be mature, consisting of energy, self-esteem, kindness, and the like.  Learning Objective: 5.4 Identify the major characteristics of mature and immature love.

A. Immature versus Mature Love 1. Immature love • Passionate thinking • Passionate feeling • Passionate behavior 2. Mature love • Trustworthy and stable • Caring and kind • Someone you actually like B. The Concept of Soul Mate Revisited

Discussion Topics 5.1 Can We Define Love?

1. Discuss the difference between romantic love and companionate love. Ask students if they have ever been in romantic love. What happened when the intense feelings passed?

Have students been involved in a companionate love relationship? How did they know it was a companionate relationship? Have any students been in love with being in love?

2. Have students discuss the topic “What is love?” Help them realize that some love does not require sexual intimacy, such as close friendship, love of humankind in general, and familial love. Have students discuss what makes the difference between these types of love. Help them recognize it is not just physical attraction. For example, a person may have a friend whom he or she is physically attracted to, but the person realizes that this would not be a good match for love.

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5.2 The Origins of Love: Some Theories 1. Discuss the biology of attraction and attachment. For example, when beginning a new relationship with someone we are attracted to, the brain floods with a chemical called oxytocin. This is the same chemical released during childbirth and lactation to increase the attachment of the mother to the offspring, and it occurs in all mammals. This increase in oxytocin in relationships serves the purpose of creating attachment feelings and increasing the likelihood of attachment behavior such as yearning for physical closeness and feelings of loss and sadness when separated. This chemical flush lasts for a short time, during which the individual feels “madly in love”; once this chemical wears off and there is no other basis for the relationship, it will usually end. How many relationships have students had that lasted less than six months?

2. Discuss the importance of attachment and how it is developed. John Bowlby formulated the attachment theory based on his observations of children separated from their parents during the bombing in London during WWII. He noticed that children went through a predictable sequence of emotions after separation from their parents or other significant attachment figures. They first cried and sought the parents, then became angry that their cries were not responded to and were not satisfied with any substitute figures rather than the parents; they could not be comforted. Then the children became depressed and cried sad, heartbroken cries. Lastly the children began to be engaged in the life they were currently in and began to interact with others in the environment. This process is a grief cycle as the child grieved the loss of the parent. Problems occurred when the parent was rejoined with the child after the danger passed. The child had become “detached” from the parent and attachment needed to be redeveloped.

3. Discuss the Wheel of Love. Point out the similarities between developing friendships and developing love relationships using this model. What additional factors are required for love to develop rather than friendship? Where would physical attraction fit into this model?

5.3 The Dark Face of Love: Jealousy, Unrequited Love, & Attempts to Control 1. Discuss the many ways failed relationships are manifested. We have all been involved in relationships that did not work out. Discuss some of the ways that relationships can end, such as amicably or unpleasantly. Sometimes, instead of talking about the end of a relationship, people engage in behaviors to end the relationship, such as becoming involved with another person to cause jealousy. Sometimes jealousy is used to control the other person in a relationship, such as when a person is afraid to look at another person for fear of causing jealous feelings in the partner.

2. Have students discuss the ways relationships they have been involved in have ended.

Talk about the negative aspects of unhealthy relationships and how to recognize potential problems before they become involved with the person.

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5.4 How Can You Tell Whether It’s Meaningful Love?

1. Discuss the differences between mature love and immature love. Is it possible to be immature and have mature love? Can young people, who may not be mature yet, have mature love? This is a difficult area to discuss because if people are immature, they are rarely aware of it. Immaturity is something that can be noticed only when one has matured. However, we can discuss the “symptoms” or indications of mature love.

2. Ask students if they know anyone whom they feel has mature love. Does it take time for mature love to “mature”? Can you have mature love at the beginning of a relationship?

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Can We Define Love?

Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Love Bites Video: Making Love Last How Can You Tell Whether It’s Meaningful Love?

Social Explorer Chart / Views on Love: Three Sociological Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 6 Communication: Realizing Effective Intimacy Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 6.1 Discuss and illustrate the concept of power as it applies to intimate relationships.

6.2 Identify the major areas of relationship conflict and explain negative and positive approaches used in handling conflict.

6.3 Define and explain nonverbal and verbal communication and discuss positive and negative approaches to enhance communication.

On the Web What Is Love? www.elainehatfield.com How passionate are you in your current relationship or were you in a past relationship? The “Passionate Love” scale was created by academics Elaine Hatfield and Susan Sprecher. Go to the website and click on “Frequently Requested Papers & Scales,” scroll down to the scales (such as “1. Passionate Love”), and click on one of these to find out how you rate on passionate love, companionate love, and so on.

Chapter Outline I. Power & Intimacy We describe what power is and what unequal power does to relationships. We also discuss three explanations of how power works: Raven and colleagues’ six types of power in a relationship, Blood and Wolfe’s resource theory, and Waller’s principle of least interest.  Learning Objective: 6.1 Discuss and illustrate the concept of power as it applies to intimate relationships.

A. Numbers That Matter: Communication & Power 1. Seventy percent of married couples argue about money—ahead of any other topic 2. Women resent partners who are affectionate only when they are interested in sex.

3. According to one study, infidelity accounts for 20% to 40% of divorces 4. An estimated 65% to 95% face-to-fact communication is interpreted through body language 5. Partners in lasting marriage show five times more positive feeling and interaction than negative B. Power & the Effects of Unequal Power 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

1. What is power & why is it important?

2. What unequal power does to relationships a. It affects self-esteem b. It inhibits satisfaction, love, and sharing of feelings c. It encourages manipulation 3. How power works: Some possible explanations 4. Raven & colleagues’ six types of power in a relationship • Coercive power—“I’m worried you’ll punish me” • Reward power—“I’m going along with you in hopes that you’ll reward me” • Expert power—“You’re the boss in this area” • Legitimate power—“I agreed earlier to comply when you ask” • Referent power—“I admire the things you do, so I want to please you” • Informational power—“You’ve convinced me of your viewpoint, so I’ll do as you want” 5. Blood & Wolfe’s resource theory: “Whoever has the most resources has the most power” • Money • Sex 6. Waller’s principle of least interest: “Whoever has the least interest in the relationship has the most power” C. Example of Competing Power: Stepfamilies 1. Loyalties and attention 2. Stresses 3. Discipline 4. Finances II. Conflict & Growth Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Although it can be negative, it can also be positive— in fact, desirable. We discuss nine common areas of conflict in relationships. We also describe six ways in which people handle such conflict. We conclude with five rules for fighting fairly.  Learning Objective: 6.2 Identify the major areas of relationship conflict and explain negative and positive approaches used in handling conflict.

A. Out of Intimacy, Conflict 1. Closeness 2. Independence 3. Negative conflict: Bad for relationships • Repressed anger • Passive-aggression • Scapegoating • Gaslighting 4. Positive conflict: Good for relationships • Conflict helps to clarify differences • Conflict keeps small issues from becoming big ones • Conflict can improve relationships 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

B. What Do Couples Have Disagreements About?

1. Money: The power of the purse • Money represents secrecy • Money represents power • Money represents value systems 2. Household tasks: Conflicts about “the second shift” • Management • Schedules • Standards 3. Sex: What is the conflict really about?

• Conflicts about sex • Conflicts about sex disguised as differences about other matters • Conflicts about other matters disguised as differences about sex 4. Loyalty: Trust & fidelity • Trust • Fidelity 5. Power: The issue of control 6. Nurturance: Conflict over who takes care of whom 7. Privacy: Conflict over aloneness versus interaction 8. Children: Coping with offspring 9. Differences in style: Variations in preferences, temperaments, & tastes C. How People Handle Conflict 1. Competing: “Conflict is war, and only one can win!”

2. Parallel: “If we ignore the problem, maybe it will go away” 3. Accommodating: “Let’s try to find a harmonious solution” 4. Compromising: “Let’s seek a solution we can both live with” 5. Collaborating: “Let’s really work to benefit us both” D. Resolving Conflict: Five Rules for Fighting Fair & Preserving Your Relationship 1. Attack problems, not your partner, & avoid negativity 2. Focus on specific issues, use “I feel” language, & avoid mixed messages 3. Be sensitive about timing & place 4. Say what you mean, don’t lie or manipulate, & ask for what you want 5. Let your partner know that you’re listening—really listening—& work toward resolution E. Practical Action: When Partners Can’t Handle Their Conflicts: Family Therapy & Counseling 1. You can start by getting a referral from a physician or college counselor, or ask friends if they can recommend someone 2. A couple may be counseled one person at a time, both partners together, or with all family members present (family systems therapy) • Behavioral marital therapy • Insight-oriented therapy • Emotionally focused therapy

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III. The Nature of Communication We distinguish between verbal and nonverbal communication and describe types and uses of nonverbal communication. We then consider possible gender differences in communication.

Next, we consider barriers to communication: Satir’s four styles, Gottman’s five destructive interactions, and lack of self-disclosure. Finally, we offer four rules for effective communication.  Learning Objective: 6.3 Define and explain nonverbal communication and discuss positive and negative approaches to enhance communication.

A. Nonverbal Communication 1. Five types of nonverbal communication • Interpersonal space • Eye contact • Facial expressions • Body movements and gestures • Touch 2. The uses of nonverbal communication: Six functions • It can complement our words—“I mean what I’m saying” • It can contradict our words—“I don’t really mean what I’m saying” • It can accent our words—“This nonverbal sign means I’m emphasizing what I’m saying” • It can repeat our words—“I meant what I said, and this nonverbal sign tells you so again” • It can substitute for words—“This sign means the same as if I’d spoken” • It can help to regulate our communication—“This sign means I agree, disagree, or need to interrupt” B. Gender Differences 1. Do women mainly communicate emotionally?

• For women, life is intimacy—Seeking closeness • Women engage in “rapport talk”—Talk is an end in itself • What women talk about—Leisure and men • Women’s speech is personal, concrete, and tentative 2. Do men mainly communicate cognitively?

• For men, life is a contest—Seeking status • Men engage in “report talk”—Talk is used to accomplish specific purposes • What men talk about—Leisure • Men’s speech is abstract, authoritative, and dominant 3. The “female-demand/male-withdraw” pattern 4. How satisfied are couples with their communication?

C. Barriers to Communication 1. Satir’s four styles of miscommunication • Placating—“Whatever makes you happy, dear” • Blaming—“It’s not my fault!”

• Computing—“One could be angry if one allowed it” • Distracting—“Oh my, there’s something else I must deal with” 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. Gottman’s horsemen of the apocalypse: Five types of destructive interactions • Contempt • Criticism • Defensiveness • Stonewalling • Belligerence 3. Hostility & detachment as destructive behaviors • Hostility • Withdrawal 4. Lack of self-disclosure: The need for honesty & leveling • Honesty • Leveling D. Guide to Effective Communication 1. Create an environment that gives communication high priority & values others’ viewpoints 2. Share power & hopes 3. Be specific, honest, & kind 4. Tell your partner what you want in positive terms, ask for information, & listen well

Discussion Topics 6.1 Power & Intimacy 1. Discuss the differing types of power and help students examine their own use of power.

Explain how each of these types of power can be misused. For example, referent power can be used to avoid responsibility and risk-taking. If a spouse becomes involved in something the other partner is interested in, then the spouse is not responsible for choosing what he or she would be interested in without the influence of the partner.

Informational power can be misused when one partner bombards the other with information, minimizing emotional reactions or affective responses to the ideas.

Legitimate power can be used as a club when one partner says, “You have to because you were a part of this discussion and you didn’t say no then.” Expert power creates a condition in which one partner has full (or nearly full) responsibility, and the other partner can then not accept any responsibility for failure in that area. Reward and coercive power have obvious potential for abuse.

2. Have students form groups and decide what the group is going to have for lunch. All members of the group must have the same thing for lunch and eat at the same time. Ask students to write down what type of power they used to sway others to their way of thinking. Was there one person in the group who seemed to have power derived from “personality”?

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6.2 Conflict & Growth 1. Discuss the nature of conflict, that it is a normal (although not fun) part of life. Conflict occurs in ALL relationships, between nations, companies, and individuals—even between pets. Describe some of the positive outcomes of conflict, such as the increase in self-esteem if you present your side of an argument well and/or control your anger.

Knowing that your partner still loves you even during and after a fight is a positive aspect of conflict.

6.3 The Nature of Communication 1. Can we communicate without words? How many different meanings does the word “dude” have, depending on the inflection? Discuss the importance of nonverbal communication (up to 95% of all communication), such as tone of voice, looking (or not looking) at the speaker, facial expressions, etc.

2. Have students form pairs and use contradictory communication. For example, direct them to look at each other and say “I like you” while sneering or making other negative facial expressions. How did the recipients feel when they saw/heard this message? Did they feel good about what the person said, or did they feel bad because of what the person looked like? Do we pay more attention to nonverbal communication or to verbal communication?

In-Class Activity Have students form groups of three—one person is the listener, one is the talker, and one is the observer. Ask the “talker” to discuss an event (make up an event, such as pencil stealing) that made him or her angry. The listener has to listen to the talker and repeat back what he or she said. The observer makes comments on how well the listener was able to repeat the discussion.

Make sure the observer pays attention to the tone and other nonverbal messages of both the talker and the listener. Have students switch roles after three minutes or until all have had the chance to be the listener. Did students have a difficult time “hearing” the person? Did they become angry at someone accusing them? Did they use sarcasm or other nonverbal language when repeating the talker’s words?

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Power & Intimacy Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Communication & Power

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The Nature of Communication Social Explorer Chart / Views on Communication: Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 7 Sexuality: Interpersonal Sexuality, Sexual Values, & Behavior Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 7.1 List and explain the major sources of sexual knowledge and discuss their relationship to sexual values and scripts.

7.2 Identify and explain the major forms of typical and atypical sexual expression.

7.3 Identify and discuss the major health risks associated with having sex.

On the Web About Sex www.siecus.org No doubt you have at least one question about sex that the media have never answered satisfactorily. To begin to find out the truth, go to the website for the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS). A nonprofit organization formed in 1964, SIECUS collects and disseminates information about sex and making responsible sexual choices.

Chapter Outline I. Sexual Values, Learning, & Scripts We first discuss sexual values, including four standards of premarital and nonmarital sex and age of first intercourse. We then describe how we learn about sex. Finally, we discuss sexual scripts, or expected ways of behaving.  Learning Objective: 7.1 List and explain the major sources of sexual knowledge and discuss their relationship to sexual values and scripts.

A. When Sex Doesn’t Work B. Sexual Values 1. Four standards of premarital & nonmarital sex • The double standard • Permissiveness with affection • Permissiveness without affection • Abstinence 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. Sexual values of college students • Absolutism—“I follow a strict code of right and wrong” • Hedonism—“If it feels good, do it (if no one gets hurt)” • Relativism—“What you do depends on who you’re with” 3. Age of first sexual experience C. Numbers That Matter: Sexuality 1. In one survey of 38,000 respondents, 95% said they had had sex prior to marriage 2. Most people place a high value on being sexually faithful, yet University of Washington researchers have found that 28% of husbands and 15% of wives are not 3. About 50% of sexually transmitted infections and sexually transmitted diseases occur among those ages 15–24, although they represent just 25% of the sexually experienced population D. How We Learn about Sex 1. The influence of friends 2. The influence of teachers 3. The influence of parents • How parents feel • How teenagers feel 3. The influence of the media 4. The influence of religion • Direct influence • Indirect influence 5. The influence of sexual partners E. Sexual Scripts 1. Men’s sexual scripts 2. Women’s sexual scripts F. Example of a Script for Women: Slim, Blonde, & Youthful 1. Most girls as young as 6 are already beginning to think of themselves as sex objects, according to a study of Midwestern school children 2. A 2011 study found that blonds were more frequently approached in nightclubs 3. The quest for youthfulness is seen in the continuing popularity of cosmetic plastic surgery II. The Varieties of Sexual Experience This section first describes the different possible sexual experiences, ranging from sexual fantasies to atypical behavior. We then discuss two kinds of sexual difficulties.  Learning Objective: 7.2 Identify and explain the major forms of typical and atypical sexual expression.

A. The Different Kinds of Sexual Behavior 1. Sexual fantasies & dreams 2. Masturbation 3. Kissing, touching, & genital play 4. Oral–genital stimulation • Fellatio 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• Cunnilingus • Mutual oral–genital stimulation 5. Anal stimulation 6. Sexual intercourse 7. Celibacy 8. Commercial sex: Pornography & prostitution • Pornography • Prostitution 9. Atypical sexuality • Voyeurism • Fetishism • Exhibitionism • Sadomasochism • Sexting, revenge porn, and slut-shaming B. Sexual Difficulties & What to Do about Them 1. Inhibited sexual desire 2. Sex addiction: Compulsive sexual behavior III. AIDS & Other Sexual Diseases Here we consider one of the possible negative outcomes of sex—sexually transmitted diseases—beginning with a discussion of HIV/AIDS.  Learning Objective: 7.3 Identify and discuss the major health risks associated with having sex.

A. Sexually Transmitted Diseases & Infections B. HIV & AIDS: The Modern Scourge 1. AIDS 2. HIV 3. How do people get infected?

4. Gay and Bisexual Men with HIV 5. Heterosexuals with HIV/AIDS 6. The future of HIV/AIDS: Could things get better?

Discussion Topics 7.1 Sexual Values, Learning, & Scripts 1. Sexual scripts are taught both overtly and covertly. Discuss some of the overt sexual scripts we learn through the media and at home. For example, on TV we learn that sex is something we should engage in, is always fantastic, should be spontaneous, and is never messy. Other overt messages include the best-looking guy gets the girl (and sex), ugly girls do not get (or want) sex, and people with handicaps do not get (or want) sex. Covert messages many of us learn at home include that sex is not something parents engage in, is not something to talk about, and is done for procreation only. Help students recognize the influence covert and overt messages have on their beliefs, actions, and expectations about sex. Discuss how disillusionment may affect their beliefs about sex.

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2. Have students ask their parents about what the values and scripts for sex were for them as young adults. Ask the students if they were comfortable talking about this topic with their parents and if their parents were comfortable talking to them. Were the values and scripts different during their parents’ youth than their own? If there are some students with parents who were young adults during the 1960s and some students with parents who were young during the 1980s, the discussions by each group could be very different.

7.2 The Varieties of Sexual Experience 1. Have students list the different forms of sexual contact (they may not know many). Help them realize that sex is not just intercourse, and that some sexual contact is safer than others and just as pleasurable. Discuss the idea of engaging in different forms of sexual contact in different relationships, such as saving intercourse until after marriage.

7.3 AIDS & Other Sexual Diseases 1. Discuss what is currently known about HIV transmission through contact with body fluids and that the only foolproof way to avoid the infection is abstinence.

2. AIDS is a major health crisis in the world. Help students understand the impact of this disease on the individual, the relationship, and the family. Discuss the fear and misunderstanding that is prevalent and how this affects relationships. Misinformation may cause people to avoid and/or shun people with HIV or AIDS; and, in some cases, this fear may lead physicians and other professionals not to treat people with these diseases. Discuss how people who have been diagnosed with HIV or AIDS may not disclose this information due to fear of rejection or may seclude themselves so they do not infect others.

In-Class Activity Have students form groups of three. One student will be a “marriage therapist” and the other two will be a couple in a sexually active relationship. Try to include some same-sex couples and racially diverse couples. Have each member of the couple draw a folded piece of paper out of a hat; each paper should have “AIDS” or “no AIDS” written on it. Don’t allow students to open the papers until you give permission. Once students open the papers and see their “diagnosis,” help them recognize how they feel. Tell them to notice their thoughts (denial, shock, fear) and their feelings. They then tell the “therapist” their diagnosis, and this is what brings them into therapy. Help the “therapists” recognize their thoughts and feelings about working with this couple (fear, disgust, feeling incompetent). In some couples, there will be two individuals with an AIDS diagnosis. How do the dynamics of this couple differ from the dynamics of couples with only one member with the diagnosis? Couples without a diagnosis are surrounded by people who do have AIDS. How does this impact their relationship (they may be more adamant about monogamy)?

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Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Sexual Values, Learning, & Scripts Social Explorer Chart: Nations Ranking Highest and Lowest in Sexual Satisfaction Social Explorer Chart: Why Some Women Consent to Unwanted Sex with a Dating Partner Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Sexuality Social Explorer Chart: Sex the First Time / Age of First Premarital Sex Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data / Sexual Activities of 15- to 24-Year-Olds with OppositeSex Partners Social Explorer Chart: Reported Sources of Information about Sex for Adolescents, Ages 14-16 Video: Sexuality Education Debate The Varieties of Sexual Experience Social Explorer Chart: What People Say “Having Sex” Means to Them Social Explorer Chart: Some Favorite Sexual Fantasies Social Explorer Chart: Who Accesses Online Pornography?

AIDS & Other Sexual Diseases Social Explorer Chart: Number of Reported STDs in the United States Social Explorer Chart: Diagnoses of HIV Cases by Age / Estimated Number od Persons in the United States Social Explorer Chart: Estimated Number of Diagnoses of HIV Infection by Transmission Category in the United States Social Explorer Chart: Views of Sexuality / Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 8 Marriage: The Ultimate Commitment?

Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 8.1 Identify and discuss good and bad reasons for getting married.

8.2 Summarize the four phases a marriage typically goes through and the adjustment a family may need to make.

8.3 Discuss good and enduring marriages with specific illustrations of each.

8.4 List and discuss characteristics of successful marriages.

On the Web The Sustainable-Marriage Quiz https://www.garylewandowski.com/ In a happy marriage, the partners sustain their relationship by using it to accumulate knowledge and new experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” If you’re already in a relationship and entertaining thoughts of marriage, try taking this quiz to learn how the relationship expands your knowledge and makes you feel good about yourself. To find the Sustainable-Marriage Quiz from the site above, click “Blog” at the top of the screen and then click “Quiz.” (The quiz was developed by Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.)

Chapter Outline I. Why Do People Marry?

Good reasons for marrying are emotional security, companionship, and the desire to be parents. Bad reasons are for physical attractiveness or economic security; pressure from others or pregnancy; and escape, rebellion, rebound, or rescue. In getting married, people expect to undergo a rite of passage, to have sexual exclusivity and permanence, and to make an important legal commitment to another person.  Learning Objective: 8.1 Identify and discuss good and bad reasons for getting married.

A. Marriage: Going Out of Style?

B. Why Individuals Get Married 1. Marriage for the right reasons • Emotional security— “I want an enduring, safe relationship” • Companionship— “I want to avoid loneliness” • Desire to be a parent— “I want to have and raise children”

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2. Marriage for the wrong reasons • Physical attractiveness or economic security • Pressure from parents, peers, partners—or pregnancy • Escape, rebellion, rebound, or rescue • The green-card fraudulent marriage C. Happiness, Marriage, & Race: The Interracial Experience 1. Interracial marriage: The background 2. Tolerance & acceptance: Improved, but could be better D. The Expectations People Have for Marriage 1. Marriage as a rite of passage • Engagement • The marriage proposal • The engagement ring • Bridal showers and bachelor parties • The marriage license, wedding venue, and officiant • The wedding • Honeymoon 2. Marriage in expectation of sexual exclusivity & of permanence • Sexual exclusivity—“Forsaking all others” • Permanence—“So long as we both shall live” 3. Marriage as a legal commitment • The covenant marriage contract—“We want to demonstrate a stronger commitment to our marriage” • The prenuptial agreement—“Before marriage, we want to determine how property will be divided in the event of divorce” • The postnuptial agreement—“Because of new circumstances in our marriage, we now want to determine how property will be divided in the event of divorce” E. Practical Action: Make It Your Wedding: Ideas for Today’s Nuptials 1. The changing wedding: Multicultural & other celebrations 2. Deal with post wedding letdown F. Practical Action: Are These Prospective Marriage Partners Off Limits?

II. Changes in the Family Life Cycle: Scenes from a Marriage Family life has four phases: (1) beginning, with perhaps greatest marital satisfaction; (2) childrearing, often with less marital satisfaction; (3) middle age, with more marital satisfaction; and (4) aging.  Learning Objective: 8.2 Summarize the four phases a marriage typically goes through and the adjustment a family may need to make.

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A. Beginning Phase: Greatest Marital Satisfaction?

1. “Identity bargaining” 2. Loss of independence 3. New friends & relatives 4. Career & domestic roles B. Childrearing Phase: Less Marital Satisfaction?

1. Stages of childrearing • Childbearing family—lasts about 2½ years • Family with preschoolers—lasts about 3½ years • Family with school children—lasts about 7 years • Family with adolescents—lasts about 7 years • Family as launching center—lasts about 8 years 2. Changes during the childrearing years • Work and other responsibilities • Domestic responsibilities • Sexual changes C. Middle-Age Phase: More Marital Satisfaction?

1. Improved marital satisfaction 2. Lack of marital satisfaction D. Aging Phase III. Different Kinds of Marriage Relationships We consider two different kinds of marriage relationships: (1) five types of enduring marriages and (2) four types of “good marriages” and their built-in “antimarriages.”  Learning Objective: 8.3 Discuss good and enduring marriages with specific illustrations of each.

A. Five Types of Enduring Marriages: Cuber & Harroff’s Research 1. Utilitarian marriages: Three types of unions based on convenience • Conflict-habituated marriages—“We thrive on conflict” • Devitalized marriages—“Our marriage is a lost cause, but we’re resigned to it” • Passive-congenial marriages—“Our marriage is based on practicality, not emotion” 2. Intrinsic marriages: Two types of inherently rewarding unions • Vital marriages—“We really enjoy being together and sharing most of our lives” • Total marriages—“We intensely enjoy being together and sharing every area of our lives” B. Example of an Intrinsic Marriage: Gabrielle Giffords & Mark Kelly 1. Giffords was a congressional representative from Arizona who in January 2011 sustained a gunshot wound to the brain during an assassination attempt by a mentally ill man who believed antigovernment conspiracy theories.

2. Kelly “acts as both protector and provocateur for his wife,” says USA Today, “encouraging her to engage in conversation, ask questions, finish sentences.”

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3. The two, both gun owners and supporters of the Second Amendment right to bear arms, have started Americans for Responsible Solutions, an organization and super PAC dedicated to promoting new restrictions to curb gun violence.

C. Four Types of “Good Marriages” & Their Built-in “Antimarriages”: Wallerstein & Blakeslee’s Research 1. The romantic marriage: “Our passion will last forever” 2. The rescue marriage: “We’re making up for our past unhappiness” 3. The companionate marriage: “We have a friendly, egalitarian relationship” 4. The traditional marriage: “He’s the breadwinner; she’s the homemaker” D. What Can We Conclude?

1. Nonrepresentative samples 2. Diverse marital relationships 3. No pointers for happy marriage IV. What Makes for a Successful Marriage?

Successful marriages are characterized by similar (homogamous) backgrounds, common characteristics and interests, economic security, and equity and equality in domestic work and childcare. Marriage quality rests on commitment, acceptance and caring, and flexibility.  Learning Objective: 8.4 List and discuss characteristics of successful marriages.

A. Good Marriages: What the Research Shows 1. Similar backgrounds: Homogamy 2. Commonalities: Similar characteristics & interests • Similar temperaments • Shared interests • Strong family ties on both sides • Similar views on children 3. Economic status, work, & two-paycheck couples • Both working—The negatives • Both working—The positives 4. Domestic work & childcare: The importance of equity & equality • Equity • Equality • Assignment of responsibilities • Agreement on schedules • Setting of standards B. Your Personal Journey to Marriage Success 1. Commitment 2. Acceptance & caring 3. Flexibility • Static marriage • Flexible marriage 4. Vow renewals & personal marriage agreements • Vow renewals • Personal marriage agreements

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C. Views on Marriage: Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared 1. Structural-functional (macro orientation) 2. Conflict (macro orientation) 3. Symbolic interaction (micro orientation)

Discussion Topics 8.1 Why Do People Marry?

1. Discuss the differing reasons people marry and how this may change as people get older.

For example, a young person may marry to escape parental authority, but as people enter their 30s this may not be a reason for marriage. Discuss marrying for economic reasons and why this may not work in American culture, whereas it might in other cultures.

2. Ask students why they may want to get married. Find out if any of them do not want to get married. Help students understand, and accept, that marriage is not something everyone is interested in. Remind students of the dating filter they worked with in Chapter 5. Ask them if they would use similar criteria when choosing a person to marry as they would when choosing a person to date.

3. Ask students to consider the green-card marriage. Direct them to draw connections between immigration issues and this type of marriage. Have them discuss the problems and benefits of green-card marriage.

8.2 Changes in the Family Life Cycle: Scenes from a Marriage 1. Discuss the many demands on couples as they raise children—lack of sleep while caring for a newborn, fewer resources to do things the couple would like, the tension of raising a teenage child—and how these demands may affect the marital relationship.

2. See the In-Class Activity.

8.3 Different Kinds of Marriage Relationships 1. Discuss the different types of marriage relationships and the fact that what works for one person may or may not “fit” into each type of relationship equally well. For example, some couples work very well in conflict-habituated marriages, but this style may not work well for others. Discuss the potential problem of entering a relationship that is able to work in one style and then changing over time; for example, the conflict-habituated style may be exciting in the first few years, but it can become less fulfilling over time.

2. Have students use the prototypes in the text to discuss their parents’ or another couple’s marriage. If any of the students are married, they may use their own marriage. Discuss how being exposed to other people’s marriages “colors” our own perception of what marriage should be like or what we are afraid it is like.

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8.4 What Makes for a Successful Marriage?

1. Help students realize that a definition of successful marriage is a culturally based definition. What a successful marriage looks like in one culture may look like a bad marriage in another. Discuss the factors that contribute to a successful marriage in our culture; and discuss what these factors look like in “real life.” For example, similar temperaments, similar interests, strong family ties, and similar views on raising children may sound boring when compared to the idea of being madly and passionately in love.

Help students understand that passion is an important and necessary ingredient; but is not sufficient in itself for success in marriage.

2. Help students define what a “successful” marriage looks like. Have them list components of successful marriages they have seen. Ask them to consider if the components of successful marriages change over time. For example, did the marriages of their grandparents’ era have different components than marriages of today?

In-Class Activity Have students discuss some of the changes they would expect to make after they get married. Do men and women have different expectations? Are these expectations realistic?

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Why Do People Marry?

Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter Social Explorer Chart: Why People Say They Marry Video: Uncovering the Problem of Forced Marriage in the United States What Makes for a Successful Marriage?

Social Explorer Chart: What Makes a Marriage Work? 1990 versus 2007 Answers Social Explorer Chart: What Is “Very Important” for a Successful Marriage?

Social Explorer Chart: Views on Marriage: Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 9 Variations: Nonmarital Families & Households Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 9.1 Describe some household structures that are alternatives to the traditional family.

9.2 Discuss what trends influence heterosexual adults to not marry, some myths and realities about singles, and the different kinds of singles.

9.3 Explain why people become unmarried live-togethers and the experience of living together.

9.4 Discuss what LGBTQ means, how a gay identity is acquired, the harm felt by LGBTQ people, types of same-sex couples, and the experience of same-sex parents.

9.5 Explain communal living, group marriage, and open marriage.

On the Web Unmarried Equality www.unmarried.org Unmarried Equality was established to advocate for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who are single, choose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage, whether straight or LGBTQ. Visit its website to get a warm-up to the subject of this chapter.

Chapter Outline I. Different Family & Household Relationships Family structures and households are changing. Four examples are platonic “roommate marriages”; commuter, living-apart-together, and transnational marriages; grandparents raising children alone; and “adultolescents” living with parents. We discuss families, nonfamily households, and lifestyles and consider principal shifts for household arrangements and their reasons.  Learning Objective: 9.1 Describe some household structures that are alternatives to the traditional family.

A. Different Ways of Living: Four Examples 1. Platonic “roommate marriages” 2. Living apart: Commuter, living-apart-together, & transnational marriages 3. Skipped-generation households: Grandparents raising grandchildren 4. “Adultolescents” living with parents: Failure to launch?

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B. Numbers That Matter: Different Folks 1. About 9.8% of the adult population in the United States in 2017 consisted of single divorced men and women—up from 6.2% in 1980 2. The probability of a split within five years for people in a live-in relationship is 49% versus only 20% for those in a first marriage 3. In the 1970s, two-thirds of cohabiting couples married within three years. Today, only 40% of women living with significant others for the first time transition to marriage in three year.

4. In one survey, 2.3% of men and 1.3% of women called themselves homosexual, and 1.8% of men and 2.8% of women said they were bisexual. or bisexual. However, 5.8% of men and 12% of women said they had had a same-sex sexual experience C. New Family Arrangements 1. Traditional families, nonfamily households, & alternative arrangements • Family household • Nonfamily household • Alternative arrangements or lifestyles 2. Principal shifts in household arrangements • Decline in married partners • Decline in the percentage of households with children 3. The reasons for changes in families and households • Women’s age at marriage and childbearing • Smaller households • More burden on working parents • More female households • More women workers D. Example of Rite of Passage 1. People from certain ethnic groups often have close family ties, and adult children stay home longer 2. Millennials are joining this trend due to economic realities 3. Great Recession changed the job market 4. The value of youth has risen and the desirability of adulthood has dropped 5. Emerging adults move from job to job, relationship to relationship, and city to city to figure out what they want--a new rite of passage making people strong II. The Single Way of Life We describe the three types of heterosexual singles: never married, widowed, and divorced.

We also discuss myths and realities about singles and explain some different categories of singles. Finally, we briefly discuss single parents.  Learning Objective: 9.2 Discuss what trends influence heterosexual adults to not marry, some myths and realities about singles, and the different kinds of singles.

A. The World of Heterosexual Singles 1. The never-married • Lack of potential marriage partners • Economic changes 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• More liberal and individualistic sexual and social standards 2. The widowed 3. The divorced B. Myths & Realities about Singles 1. What’s not true about singles • Singles are self-centered • Singles are financially better off • Singles are happier • Singles are confirmed in their singlehood 2. What is true about singles • Singles have more free time • Singles have more fun • Singles tend to be more comfortable with other singles • Singles are lonely C. Different Kinds of Singles 1. Is singlehood voluntary or involuntary, temporary or stable?

• Voluntary temporary singles • Voluntary stable singles • Involuntary temporary singles • Involuntary stable singles 2. Is singlehood freely chosen?

• The free-floating single • The open-couple single • The closed-couple single • The committed single • The accommodationist single 3. Singlehood: Lifestyle choice or life stage?

III. Cohabitation: Living Together as an Unmarried Couple We discuss the reasons people live together, their characteristics, and why living together has increased. We then discuss the experience of living together and how it may differ from marriage.  Learning Objective: 9.3 Explain why people become unmarried live-togethers and the experience of living together.

A. People Who Live Together: Why & Who 1. Four reasons for cohabiting • The Linus blanket • Emancipation • Convenience • Testing 2. Cohabitation nation: Who are the live-togethers?

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• Religion • Income • Education 3. Why living together has increased • Social tolerance • Female equality • Impermanence of marriage B. Example of Who’s Living Together: Cohabitation among Europeans 1. Although many couples in the United States are bypassing marriage in favor of cohabitation, it’s an even bigger trend in Europe. For decades, couples in Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and Iceland have shared bathrooms and closet space without benefit of a marriage license 2. More children are born to unmarried parents in Scandinavian countries, as well as France and Britain; less so in the United States and more southern European countries 3. Attitudes are substantially different in Europe than in the United States, where the government announced in 2002 that it was actively committed to promoting marriage C. The Experience of Living Together 1. Three stages of living together • Year 1—Blending • Years 2 and 3—Nesting • Years 4 and 5—Maintaining 2. Some differences between marriage & living together • Work • Finances • Housework 3. The advantages of living together • Relationship test • Companionship with independence • Easier termination 4. The disadvantages of living together • Lack of commitment • Exploitation • Fewer legal rights D. Practical Action: Before Moving in Together: Setting Ground Rules for Understanding 1. Issues big & small 2. What the experts say a. Do you know each other well enough? b. Why are you moving in together? c. How will you handle money matters? d. How about lifestyle matters? e. What about children? f. What about wills and healthcare decisions?

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IV. The LGBTQ Way of Life We distinguish among heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, as well as transgenders and other variations. We also discuss the problem of trying to define the percentage of people who are homosexual. Next, we describe the acquiring of an LGBTQ identity, discrimination and violence against gays, various kinds of gay couples and same-sex commitments, gays as parents, and the effect of gay parents on children.  Learning Objective: 9.4 Discuss what LGBTQ means, how a gay identity is acquired, the harm felt by LGBTQ people, types of same-sex couples, and the experience of same-sex parents.

A. Sexual Orientation: Being Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, Transgender, & Queer 1. The kinds of sexual orientation • Heterosexual/straight • Homosexual—Gay or lesbian • Bisexual • Transgender • Queer 2. Is one out of 10 people gay?

3. The problem of trying to determine the percentage of gays • Different study approaches • Reluctance to reveal orientation • Changing sexual behavior • Sexual orientation is not expressed just through behavior • Sexual orientation may lie along a continuum B. Acquiring a Gay Identity 1. Sexual identity: Chance or choice?

• The evidence for chance—Biological factors • The evidence for choice—Environmental factors 2. Four stages of acquiring a gay or lesbian identity • Stage 1—Sensitization: “Am I different?”

• Stage 2—Identity confusion: “I’ll prove I’m not gay” • Stage 3—Identity assumption: “I know I’m gay, but which people should I tell?”

• Stage 4—Commitment: “I’m gay, but that’s not all I am” C. Prejudice, Discrimination, & Violence against Gays 1. Prejudice 2. Discrimination 3. Anti-gay prejudice can escalate • Stage 1—Offensive language • Stage 2—Discrimination • Stage 3—Violence 4. The roots of anti-gay feelings • Personal insecurity • Fundamentalist religion • Ignorance about homosexuality 5 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

D. Same-Sex Couples 1. Five types of gays: From “happily married” to lonely • Closed couples—The “happily married” • Open couples—The “unhappily married” • The functionals—The highly sexual • The dysfunctionals—The tormented • The asexuals—The lonely 2. How same-sex couples differ from straight couples • Egalitarian, dual-worker relationships • Less family support and openness 3. Gay relationships • Gay men • Gay women E. Practical Action: The Other Side of Gay Liberation: The Effect on Straight Family Members 1. Some issues in “mixed-orientation” marriages 2. Should you tell your parents that you’re gay?

• Be clear in your own mind • Prepare for their reactions • Be ready for six stages of understanding F. Same-Sex Commitments 1. Six stages in a gay relationship • Year 1—Blending • Years 2-3—Nesting • Years 4–5—Maintaining • Years 6–10—Building • Years 11–20—Releasing • Years 20 on—Renewing 2. The arrival of same-sex marriage G. Same-Sex Parents: The “Gayby Boom” 1. Having children by adoption • Second-parent adoptions • Foster-parent adoptions 2. Having children by biological means • Gay men having children—Using surrogate mothers • Lesbians having children—Using sperm donors o Know sperm donor o Knowable sperm donor o Unknown sperm donor H. How Are Children Affected by Having Gay Parents?

1. Living-together agreements I. Practical Action: Legal & Financial Considerations for Unmarried Couples, Straight or Gay 1. The cost of procrastination 6 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Common-law marriage Domestic partner registries Wills Durable power of attorney for health care (healthcare proxy) Durable power of attorney for financial management Insurance: Health, car, life • Health insurance • Car insurance • Life insurance 8. Home ownership: Joint tenancy with right of survivorship 9. Retirement savings V. Communal Living, Group Marriages, & Open Marriages Three types of communal arrangements or variations are described: communes, or people living and sharing together; group marriages, such as polygamy; and open marriages.  Learning Objective: 9.5 Explain communal living, group marriage, and open marriage.

A. Communes 1. Types of communal living • Shared housing • Cohousing communities • Housing cooperatives 2. The Shakers B. Group Marriage C. Open Marriages

Discussion Topics 9.1 Different Family & Household Relationships 1. Discuss the different types of families and “nonfamily” households and the challenges each faces. For example, even though once considered the “ideal,” a family with two parents in which the father is the provider while the mother stays at home with the children often has less income, less satisfaction for the mother, and less interaction with the children by the father. Roommate marriages may be isolating if the individual does not feel comfortable bringing an intimate date home because of the presence of other people. Commuter marriages may experience loneliness because of the distance from one another and the length of time between seeing each other. Skipped-generation households, in which grandparents are raising grandchildren, may deprive grandparents of things they wanted to do in their retirement, such as travel.

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2. Have students list the different types of households they can think of and discuss which they think may fit them best. Do they think this may change in the future? For example, they may think being single is best for now but may want to be in a marriage or other permanent relationship later. Help students consider the possibility that they may not have total control over getting the type of marriage or relationship they want. For example, some of them may remain single, some may become single parents through divorce or death, and some may need to leave their children in the care of their parents due to economic necessity or illness (mental or physical).

9.2 The Single Way of Life 1. Discuss the pros and cons of being single. Consider whether there is an optimal length of time or age to be single and discuss the social and personal consequences of remaining single for a lifetime. For example, people who remain single throughout their life may be considered as “having something wrong with them” by others around them. They may be considered “selfish” or unable to find a partner.

2. Poll students to find out if any of them would consider becoming a single parent by choice. Discuss the pros and cons of such a decision, such as being able to maintain a single way of life but having the joy of being a parent, or having increased demands on time, resources, and energy that are not shared with another. (Also see the Out-of-Class Activity.)

3. Ask students if it is okay to be 57 (or some other age) and to have always been single. Do students have a preconceived notion about someone who has never been in a significant relationship by a certain age? What do they think of such people? At what age is it “too late” to be “normal”? At what age does this stop being an issue, age 55? Age 80? This may reveal some ageism.

9.3 Cohabitation: Living Together as an Unmarried Couple 1. Discuss the research findings about heterosexual cohabitation; 40% of people live together before marriage. They are mostly young (ages 25 to 44), less educated, mostly non-parents, less conventional. Also associated with cohabitation are a more positive attitude toward divorce, financial irresponsibility, unstable employment history, and being less likely to have a religious affiliation. There are few differences between homosexual partners and cohabitating heterosexual couples in how the relationship is managed. Heterosexuals argue more about social issues than lesbian or gay couples, and gay or lesbian couples argue more about distrust than heterosexuals. The longer couples are cohabitating together, the more likely they are to pool resources. All believe both partners should work. Only lesbian couples do not let physical beauty affect their relationship satisfaction.

2. Discuss with students if they would consider cohabitating, and under what circumstances and for how long. Ask them if they consider cohabitating to be an alternative to marriage 8 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

or preparation for marriage. Discuss some of the reasons people may choose cohabitation, such as same-sex couples or elder couples.

9.4 The LGBTQ Way of Life 1. Discuss the reality of prejudice and discrimination for gay and lesbian youth in America.

For example, 75% of youth heard homophobic remarks in their school frequently or often, and less than 20% of the youth reported that a faculty or staff member intervened most of the time when present when such remarks were said. Nearly 60% of youth reported feeling not safe in their schools because of sexual orientation. (Source: 2013 National School Climate Survey: The experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth in our nation’s schools; http://www.glsen.org/nscs) 2. This can be a difficult topic to open to discussion because many traditional-aged students may be either just coming out as gay/lesbian or may be homophobic as they negotiate their own heterosexual identity. Rules about respect should be discussed before opening this topic so all students can feel safe. Help students discuss creating a safe and accepting environment at their school. Ask what can be changed to increase feelings of safety and acceptance. Help them realize the pain and fear experienced by homosexual youth who experience discrimination and prejudice or who hear homophobic comments. Talk about the idea of “silence” and what it means to remain silent when hearing homophobic comments or witnessing other prejudice or homophobic acts. Discuss what it means not to feel safe enough to “come out.”

9.5 Communal Living, Group Marriages, & Open Marriages 1. Discuss the pros and cons of communal living—pros such as less expense, companionship, and safety, and cons such as crowding, intrusion, and not getting along with roommates. Consider some of the pros and cons of group marriages, such as the pros of shared workload and increased support, and the cons of jealousy, competition for affection, and less personal space.

2. See the In-Class Activity.

Class Activities In-Class Activity Gather play money or make play money. Divide students into groups of five or six and inform them that they are now a family. Distribute the money to provide the “family” an income and have students decide on “family” rules, including how to spend the money, chore distribution, career choice (would it affect the family?), conflict resolution rules, and “quiet” time.

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Have students discuss how easy or difficult it was for them to get everyone to agree on some things. Were some things more difficult for them to decide?

Help students consider what it would be like to continue this “family” for several years.

Out-of-Class Activity Ask students if any of them would consider becoming a single parent by choice. Have each student answer the question in a short essay. Ask them to discuss the pros and cons of such a decision.

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Different Family & Household Relationships Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter / Different Folks Social Explorer Chart: U.S. Households, Married and Unmarried, 1960-2017 Social Explorer Chart: Households by Type, 1970-2012 The Single Way of Life Social Explorer Chart: Reasons That Unmarried Adults Give for why They Are Not Married Video: Changing Attitudes Toward Singlehood Cohabitation: Living Together as an Unmarried Couple Social Explorer Chart: Cohabitation / Unmarried Opposite-Sex Couples Living Together, 19602018 Video: Costs and Benefits of Cohabitation The LGBTQ Way of Life Social Explorer Chart: What Percentage of People Are Gay or Bisexual?

Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 10 Reproduction: Decisions about Having or Not Having Children Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 10.1 Describe the options for having or not having children and what influences people about having children.

10.2 Explain the abstinence controversy and discuss five categories of birth-control choices.

10.3 Discuss spontaneous versus induced abortion, some mental health and moral issues associated with abortion, and the phenomenon of safe havens for abandoned babies.

10.4 Describe the causes of infertility, options for treating it, and various types and sources of adoption.

On the Web Safe Haven Laws safehaven.tv There are many ways in which one might begin the study of reproduction. To take an unusual approach, consider what you might do if you had an unwanted child. Do you know what safe haven laws are? To find out, go to the website for Baby Safe Haven at safehaven.tv.

Chapter Outline I. Having or Not Having Children: Choice or Fate?

In this section, we describe possible reactions to having children. We then discuss four choices prospective parents have: to be child-free, to postpone having children, to have one child, or to have many children. Then we consider what influences people to have children: general fertility trends; race, ethnicity, and religion; and education and income. Finally, we describe the costs of raising children.  Learning Objective: 10.1 Describe the options for having or not having children and what influences people about having children.

A. Numbers That Matter: Having or Not Having Children 1. In 2016, the U.S. birth rate was only 12.2 births for every 1,000 people, down from 14.3 in 2007 and a huge drop from 30 in 1909 when big families were common.

2. Women are becoming mothers later in life, with fewer teenagers giving birth. The median age at which women become mothers in the United States is now 26, compared with 23 in 1994.

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3. For middle-income parents, raising a child born in 2015 to age 18 could cost an average of $236,610 4. According to one expert, most couples are able to conceived within six months to a year.

5. Among foster children looking to be adopted, most in demand are children ages 5 or younger; hardest to place are 16- to 18-year-olds B. The Declining U.S. Birth Rate & Rise of Different Motherhood Groups 1. An exception: Highly educated women 2. More unmarried mothers 3. More foreign-born mothers C. How “Birth Tourism” Works 1. Every person born on American soil is guaranteed U.S. citizenship. The result has been a boom in birth tourism, in which women from other countries—especially China, Taiwan, and South Korea, but also Nigeria, Turkey, Russia, and Mexico—travel to the United States to give birth to babies.

D. How Would You React If You Suddenly Learned That You’ll Be a Parent?

1. Planner partners: “A baby! Hallelujah!”

2. Acceptance-of-fate partners: “What a pleasant surprise!”

3. Ambivalent partners: “We really didn’t want a baby, but we’ll go ahead with it” 4. Yes–no partners: “I want a baby, my partner doesn’t, but I’ll have it anyway” E. The Choices: Child-Free, Postponing Children, One Child, or Many Children?

1. Child-free: Voluntarily having no children 2. Postponing children: Having babies later • Advantages • Disadvantages 3. One child: Are “only children” different?

4. More than one child F. Example of Being Childless in a Child-Oriented Society: A Woman’s View, a Man’s View 1. One Woman’s View • “At the moment, I prefer spending time with people whose kids have grown up or who are child-free. I don’t like feeling guilty because I don’t get a warm fuzzy feeling when I see a small child or baby and I’m sick of pretending I do” 2. One Man’s View • “The main benefit is that I retain my personal identity. I am John the person rather than being so-and-so’s father. I am also able to concentrate more on personal development and maintain a younger outlook in life” G. What Influences People to Have Children?

1. General trends in family size 2. Race, ethnicity, & religion 3. Education & income status H. The Costs of Raising Children

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II. Contraception: Practical Methods of Birth Control This section describes five general methods of birth control: (1) sterilization, nonsurgical and surgical; (2) intrauterine contraception; (3) hormonal methods; (4) barrier methods; and (5) fertility awareness–based methods. In general, we consider them in order from most effective to least effective.  Learning Objective: 10.2 Explain the abstinence controversy and discuss five categories of birth-control choices.

A. The Abstinence Controversy: Bad Science at Work?

1. The Congress-funded Mathematica study—“Abstinence-only students are just as likely to have sex as other students” 2. The CDC-funded community preventive services study—“There’s no evidence abstinence-only programs encourage abstinence” 3. The University of Pennsylvania middle school study—“It’s possible for abstinenceonly education to be effective” 4. An analysis of many sex-education programs—“Many abstinence studies are poorly done” B. Methods That Do Not Prevent Pregnancy 1. “Contraceptive” methods that usually don’t work • No method at all • Breastfeeding • Douching 2. Five categories of contraception • Sterilization—Nonsurgical and surgical • Intrauterine contraception • Hormonal methods • Barrier methods • Fertility awareness–based methods III. Abortion & Abandonment We distinguish between spontaneous and induced abortions, discuss psychological and moral issues associated with abortion, and describe safe haven laws that most states have for parents who want to abandon unwanted infants.  Learning Objective: 10.3 Discuss spontaneous versus induced abortion, some mental health and moral issues associated with abortion, and the phenomenon of safe havens for abandoned babies.

A. Abortions: Spontaneous versus Induced B. Abortion, Psychological Health, & Moral Issues 1. Psychological health 2. Moral issues C. Safe Havens for Placing Abandoned Babies 1. Arguments for safe haven laws 2. Arguments against safe haven laws

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IV. Infertility, Reproductive Technology, & Adoption We discuss causes of infertility in couples, males, and females. We then describe six types of assisted reproductive technology to help conception: (1) artificial insemination, (2) fertilityenhancing drugs, (3) in vitro fertilization, (4) intrafallopian transfer, (5) embryo transfer, and (6) surrogate mothers. We conclude with a discussion of adoption.  Learning Objective: 10.4 Describe the causes of infertility, options for treating it, and various types and sources of adoption.

A. The Causes of Infertility 1. The causes of infertility in couples • Not enough sex • Too much sex • Sex at the wrong times of the month • Use of vaginal lubricants • Health problems 2. The causes of infertility in males • Low-quality sperm • Blockage • Erection or ejaculation problems 3. The causes of infertility in females • Age • Failure to ovulate • Blockage • Abnormalities of the uterus • Inhospitable environment for sperm B. Treating Infertility: Assisted Reproductive Technology 1. Artificial insemination: AIH & AID • AIH (artificial insemination by husband) • AID (artificial insemination by donor) 2. Fertility-enhancing drugs: Ovulating-stimulating hormones 3. In vitro fertilization: “Test-tube babies” 4. Intrafallopian transfer: GIFT & ZIFT • GIFT (gamete intrafallopian transfer) • ZIFT (zygote intrafallopian transfer) 5. Embryo transfer 6. Surrogate mothers 7. Personal & ethical problems with assisted reproductive technology • Surrogacy issues • Privacy issues • Surplus embryo issues • “Octomom” issues • Egg donor issues • Health issues 8. When fertility treatment fails 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

C. Example of a Support Group for Minorities Trying to Conceive 1. Even though black women are twice as likely to have fertility issues, they are underrepresented among people who receive medical services.

2. A Chicago-ordained minister and health educator founded FFCG, a support group.

D. Adoption 1. Public versus private adoptions • Public • Private 2. Closed, semi-open, or open adoptions • Closed • Semi-open • Open 3. Who adopts?

4. Who puts a child up for adoption?

5. Foster children 6. International adoption 7. The postadoption blues

Discussion Topics 10.1 Having or Not Having Children: Choice or Fate?

1. Discuss changes in family size, childless families, and large families. Address the fact that families used to be much larger and it was a social expectation that married couples would have children. Ask students if they plan on having children; and discuss pronatalist views in society.

10.2 Contraception: Practical Methods of Birth Control 1. Discuss the pros and cons of various birth-control methods and that people need to “shop around” to find (and settle with) the method that works best for them. Many people try one method, such as the birth-control pill, and find that they have adverse reactions so they try another method, such as an IUD, that may work much better for them.

2. Have students discuss the “gender bias” in contraception—most contraceptive methods are female-based, with men having few choices.

10.3 Abortion & Abandonment 1. Be aware that this can be a difficult topic to address. Discuss all the people who are affected by having an unwanted child—the parent(s), the grandparents, the child, society, and the world (as in overpopulation). Then discuss all the people who are affected by abortion—the parent(s), the grandparents, society (the divide over rights for abortion).

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2. Be aware that this can be a difficult topic to address. Discuss the history of abortion and the difficulty in obtaining abortion rights, attacks on abortion clinics, and protestation of abortion. Discuss the high death rates of women with no access to safe abortions due to unsafe abortion techniques by untrained or improperly trained physicians. Talk about the emotional aspect of abortion and point out that the emotional issue is not usually addressed. The conflict between a medical view of the fetus as being “tissue” and the emotional response of the mother or others that the fetus is a “baby” can be very difficult to handle, even if the woman wants the abortion.

10.4 Infertility, Reproductive Technology, & Adoption 1. Discuss the challenges people have with infertility—the emotional challenges, the social challenges (such as other people continually asking if they are pregnant yet), and the financial challenges of infertility treatments.

2. Have students discuss how many of the fertility treatments discussed in the text they would be willing to try to become pregnant. Would students consider adopting? Would they adopt outside of their race? (You may want them to just think about this.) Should people adopt outside of their race? This has been discussed in court cases and sometimes the adopted child has been given back to the natural parents rather than have the child be raised by adoptive parents outside of the child’s race.

Class Activities In-Class Activity Have students form groups and discuss if they want to have children, at what age they want to have children, and how many children they want to have. If there are students who do not want to have children, help them discuss what it is like hearing from the majority of students who do want children. Have students who want children consider what it would be like for them not to be able to have children.

Out-of-Class Activity Find one or more source(s) for each of the contraceptive methods listed in Chapter 10. Write about where someone in your area can find information and/or services about these methods.

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Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Having or Not Having Children: Choice or Fate?

Social Explorer Table: Numbers That Matter: Having or Not Having Children Social Explorer Graph: Children in the United States under Age 18 as Percentage of Total Population Social Explorer Graph: Women Waiting Longer Social Explorer Graph: What Would Make You Decide to Have a Child?

Social Explorer Table: The Costs of Raising a Child Contraception: Practical Methods of Birth Control Social Explorer Table: Effectiveness of Contraceptive Methods Abortion & Abandonment Social Explorer Table: Abortion Laws across the Nation Infertility, Reproductive Technology, & Adoption Video: Issues Raised by New Reproductive Technologies Social Explorer Graph: Who Heads Adoptive Families?

Social Explorer Table: Diversity Data: Race and Ethnicity of Children Ages 1–9 in U.S. FosterCare System, 2017 Social Explorer Table: Top Countries of Origin for International Adoptions Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 11 Parenting: Children, Families, & Generations Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 11.1 Discuss the status of U.S. children, and describe their infant-mortality, low-birth-weight, and poverty rates.

11.2 Describe some types of parents, and discuss some nonparental influences on children.

11.3 Explain some adjustments people must make to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

11.4 Outline three approaches to parenting and five parenting styles, and explain how to be an effective parent.

11.5 Discuss older adults and role reversal, grandparenthood, and the childless older adult.

On the Web “Leave No Child Behind” www.childrensdefense.org The mission of the Children’s Defense Fund is to leave no child behind (it was their motto before President George W. Bush adopted the slogan “No child left behind”) and to ensure that every child successfully makes the passage to adulthood with the help of caring families and communities. Visit the Children’s Defense Fund website and read about the needs of poor and minority children and those with disabilities.

Chapter Outline I. Children Today We describe the health status of children, including how the well-being of American children ranks in the world and the high infant mortality and premature birth rates. We also describe childhood poverty and explain why so many U.S. children are suffering economically. We then discuss children’s rights.  Learning Objective: 11.1 Discuss the status of U.S. children, and describe their infantmortality, low-birth-weight, and poverty rates.

A. The Health & Economic Status of Children 1. High mortality rate for babies 2. Premature births & low birthweights 3. Childhood poverty 4. Why are so many American children suffering?

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B. Numbers That Matter: Parenting 1. Today 15 million children in the United States live in families with incomes below the poverty line of $25,750 a year for a family of four 2. Although the U.S. teen pregnancy rate reached a 30-year low in 2010, down 51% from its peak in 1990, that was still the highest in the developed world outside former Soviet Bloc countries 3. Among parents who divorced in 2014, the mother had custody of the children 82.5% of the time. Only 17% of children in divorced families have at least weekly visits with the noncustodial parent, usually the father, and more than half have no direct contact 4. The average family pays about 7% of its family income for childcare. Among parents below the poverty level, however, the costs are 30%, over four times more 5. Among children 19 to 35 months, frequent parental use of discipline strategies ranges from 26% using spanking, 65% taking away toy or treat, 67% yelling, 70% using time-out, and 90% providing explanations C. The Rights of Children II. Parenthood: The Varieties of Experience We describe the varieties of parents: teenage parents, single parents, older parents, minority parents, nontraditional parents—single fathers, relatives, and gays and lesbians—and working parents. We then consider the role of a dysfunctional family background in parenting. Finally, we show that other factors influence child development besides parents.  Learning Objective: 11.2 Describe some types of parents, and discuss some nonparental influences on children.

A. Young Parents: Teen Pregnancies 1. Difficulties for the parent 2. Difficulties for the child B. Single Parents: Unmarried & Divorced 1. Unmarried parents 2. Divorced parents • Divorced mothers • Divorced fathers 3. The challenges to single parenting • Money matters • Children’s stability C. Older Parents D. Minority Parents 1. African American parents • The working poor and underclass • The working class and middle class 2. Hispanic parents 3. Asian American parents 4. Native American parents

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E. Nontraditional Parents: Single Fathers, Relatives, & LGBTQs 1. Single fathers 2. Grandparents & other relatives 3. LGBTQ parents F. Examples of Two New Kinds of Parent–Child Arrangements: A Pair of Fathers, a Son Never Officially Adopted 1. Two gay fathers, with one happy to stay home 2. A nonbiological son & the concept of “equitable adoption” G. Example of Transgender Children: When Should Those with Gender Dysphoria Make a Transition?

H. Working Parents 1. Career–parenting conflict 2. Family-oriented workplace policies 3. Childcare services 4. Making time for children I. Your Own Background: Functional or Dysfunctional Parents?

J. Practical Action: Toxic Parents & Transcenders: How Do Some People Survive Abusive Parents?

1. “Toxic parents”: There is a difference between discipline and abuse 2. Transcenders: Even abused children can turn out all right K. A Sense of Perspective: Parents Aren’t the Only Influences on Their Children 1. Biology & heredity 2. The social environment 3. Siblings & relatives 4. Teachers & friends 5. The mass media III. Becoming a Parent In this section, we consider both the mother’s and the father’s adjustment to pregnancy and childbirth. We then examine the transition to parenting by both parents, the transition to motherhood, and the transition to fatherhood.  Learning Objective: 11.3 Explain some adjustments people must make to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

A. Adjusting to Pregnancy & Childbirth 1. Pregnancy: The mother’s story 2. Pregnancy: The father’s story 3. After the baby is born: Postpartum adjustment • Bonding • Postpartum blues • Postpartum depression B. Adjusting to Parenting 1. Transition to parenthood • You can’t undo parenthood • Parenting is an immediate “24/7” job • Unrealistic expectations can lead to disillusionment 3 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

• There is no instruction manual for parenting • Parenting changes the couple’s relationship • “I no longer think about myself the same way” • “My partner and I are really having to adjust” • “My parents and I are having to adjust our relationship” • “My employer and my friends and I are having to adjust” 2. Transition to motherhood 3. Transition to fatherhood IV. Parenting Approaches We describe three parenting approaches: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. We then consider five parenting styles: martyr, pal, police officer, teacher-counselor, and athletic coach. Finally, we look at ways to be an effective parent: positive reinforcement, instilling values and a sense of responsibility, practicing good communication, and avoiding physical punishment.  Learning Objective: 11.4 Outline three approaches to parenting and five parenting styles, and explain how to be an effective parent.

A. Three Parenting Approaches 1. Authoritarian childrearing: “Do what’s expected because I said so!”

2. Permissive childrearing: “Do what’s expected because you want to do it” 3. Authoritative childrearing: “You know what’s expected; it’s up to you” B. Five Parenting Styles 1. Martyr: “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my kids” 2. Pal: “My kids & I are buddies because I want them to like me” 3. Police officer: “If my kids don’t obey me, they get punished” 4. Teacher-counselor: “I want to positively shape every part of my children’s lives” 5. Athletic coach: “I want to encourage my children to do well within a framework of family rules” C. How to Be an Effective Parent 1. Positive reinforcement: Predictability, praise, & love 2. Instilling values & a sense of responsibility 3. Practicing good communication 4. Avoiding physical punishment V. The Aging Family: When Parents & Children Get Older We describe what happens when children become adults and have to be concerned about the welfare of their own parents, a kind of role reversal, and different ways of interrelating. We also discuss grandparenthood and different types of grandparenting and ways of interacting with grandchildren.  Learning Objective: 11.5 Discuss older adults and role reversal, grandparenthood, and the childless older adult

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A. Parental Transitions 1. Role reversal: Taking care of Mom & Dad • Helping one’s parents while helping oneself • Being realistic about Social Security 2. Relationships of adult children to their parents • Most older people are not supported by the government • Both generations generally assume that children will assist parents if needed • Emotional closeness of adult children to their parents varies • Daughters are generally closer than sons are to their parents B. Grandparenthood 1. Why grandparents like being grandparents—& the benefits they offer • Historian • Mentor • Role model • Wizard • Nurturer/great parent 2. How grandparents interact with their grandchildren: Neugarten & Weinstein’s five types • The distant figure—“I don’t see my grandchildren much” • The formal grandparent—“I’m a grandparent, not a parent” • The reservoir of family wisdom—“I know what’s good for these kids” • The fun seeker—“These little tykes are my pals” • The surrogate parent—“I’m having to raise my kid’s kids” 3. How grandparents interact with their grandchildren: Cherlin & Furstenberg’s three styles • Remote—“I see my grandchildren only every two to three months or so” • Companionate—“I see my grandchildren about once a week or more” • Involved—“I see my grandchildren every day” 4. Race, ethnicity, & grandparenting C. The Childless or Child-Free Older Adult

Discussion Topics 11.1 Children Today 1. Have students consider how they were raised. Did they grow up in a household filled with love and respect, or chaos and/or aggression? Discuss the effects poverty has on children’s lives and likelihood for health.

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11.2 Parenthood: The Varieties of Experience 1. Discuss the varieties of parenting experiences and the challenges and benefits of each.

For example, teen parents often have difficulty finishing their education and gaining meaningful employment; on the other hand, they often enjoy their babies and are still young enough when the children are grown to enter a career or change careers.

2. Have students think back on their own childhood and discuss what type of parenting styles they were raised with. How do the students think this type of parenting affects them as adults? Will they raise their own children this way? Help students understand the social and cultural factors that influence parenting styles. For example, being raised in the ’40s or ’50s increased the likelihood that a child would be raised in an authoritarian household.

11.3 Becoming a Parent 1. Discuss the challenges of becoming a parent. Point out the effects of sleep deprivation and how this can change or challenge the primary relationship. Discuss the reality that parenting is a lifelong commitment—you are still a parent even after the children are grown and leave the house.

2. Have students discuss whether or not they are ready to become parents. Are they old enough? What about their education, careers, and recreation? Have them discuss what they would be willing to give up to have children and how they would provide for the children to keep aspects of their current life they do not want to give up.

11.4 Parenting Approaches 1. Discuss the different parenting approaches and the effects each has on the child’s development. Consider how families often change their parenting style depending on the age of the child and/or circumstances the family may find itself in. For example, a family with very young children may appear more authoritarian because the young children do as the parents say, but as the children grow older the parents relax into a more authoritative style, allowing teenagers to negotiate rules and expectations.

2. Have students ask their parents what types of parenting their parents (the student’s grandparents) used in raising them. Did the student’s parents use the same parenting style? Why or why not? Is there a pattern similar to the one discussed in the text in which children who liked their parents used the same parenting style?

11.5 The Aging Family: When Parents & Children Get Older 1. Discuss the challenges of meeting the expense of raising children and caring for parents.

Many families have both parents working to meet basic needs, and the added burden of

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caring for aging parents can be very difficult. On the other hand, parents with young children often do not have to pay for daycare if the grandparents look after the children.

2. Do students’ parents care for their parents? How does this affect the family? In many cases, having the grandparent near or involved increases the quality of life for all involved. Is this the case for students? How can students become more involved with their grandparents and their care? Writing notes, visiting, helping with chores? What would students expect to gain from increased interaction with their grandparents? Do students plan on caring for their own parents? How might students prepare for the possibility of helping to care for parents?

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Children Today Social Explorer Chart: Child Well-Being in 41 Wealthy Countries Social Explorer Chart: Most Favorable Infant Mortality Rates Compared, 2018 Estimated Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter: Parenting Parenting Approaches Video: Parental Influence on Children The Aging Family: When Parents & Children Get Older Social Explorer Chart: Views on Parenting: The Sociological Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 12 Work: Economics, Jobs, & Balancing Family Demands Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 12.1 Discuss how changes in work, distribution of income, economic changes, and the social safety net affect families today.

12.2 Describe how the traditional family, co-provider family, and single working parents affect family and work arrangements.

12.3 Explain the major role disruptions that can affect work–family arrangements, and describe six approaches to balancing work and family demands.

On the Web Money Matters Financial Personality Test–MoneyWorkBook.com www.moneyworkbook.com Dr. Jon Rich, author of The Couple’s Guide to Love and Money, offers an informal survey here to determine what type of money handler you are—especially within a romantic relationship. To take the survey, click on the menu item “Self-Test” which appears in the upper-left-hand corner of the home page.

Chapter Outline I. Work, Wealth, & Well-Being This section discusses how work and its effect on families have changed over time. We also describe the unequal distribution of income and wealth and various economic classes.

Finally, we examine economic factors that affect families today.  Learning Objective: 12.1 Discuss how changes in work, distribution of income, economic changes, and the social safety net affect families today.

A.

Numbers That Matter: Working Families 1. In many countries, health, retirement, and similar benefits are government programs, but in the United States, they are usually offered by employers. Indeed, whereas in 1929 only 1.4% of U.S. employee compensation consisted of benefits rather than cash, by 2018, they accounted for 37.6% 2. In 2017, the top fifth income-earning households took in 50% of the total U.S. aggregate income, up from 43.3% in 1976. The middle fifth saw their share of 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

aggregate income decline from 17.1% to 14.8%. And the share for the poorest fifth of households slipped from 4.4% to 3.3% 3. The percentage of women in the workforce grew from being 20% of all women in 1900 to 57% in 2017 B. How Work Has Changed 1. From work & family to families in the workforce 2. More working hours, less leisure 3. Noncash benefits: Alternative community welfare C. The Unequal Distribution of Income & Wealth 1. Which economic class are you a member of?

• The capitalist class, 1%—Incomes of $1.5 million, mostly from assets • The upper middle class, 14%—Typical income of $200,000; for working rich $500,000 • The upper middle class, 30%—Typical income of about $85,000 • The working class, 30%—Typical income of about $40,000 • The working poor, 13%—Typical income of about $25,000 • The underclass, 12%—Typical income of $15,000 2. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, the middle class loses ground D. Economic Changes Affecting the Family Today 1. Long-term inflation & the decline in purchasing power 2. The two-tier labor market: The bottom half slips behind 3. Poverty • Who’s below the poverty line?

• Poverty and race/ethnicity • The feminization of poverty • The consequences of being poor E. Example of the Effects of Unemployment: Coping with the Spiral of Stress 1. Working is tough enough—80% of Americans feel stressed by at least one thing on the job, according to a recent survey 2. Being unemployed—or even underemployed—is one of the most severe problems one can encounter, and it can have an enormous effect on family relations F. What about the “Social Safety Net”?

G. Example of Social Mobility: How Hard Is It to Climb from Poverty to Success?

1. As much as 60% of our social status is determined at birth 2. Poverty depletes brain power—and can diminish a person’s IQ by 13 points II. Changing Family Work Patterns In this section, we discuss various alternative types of work and family life. We consider the traditional family arrangement of good-provider husband and homemaker wife, along with the exception of men as househusbands. We then consider co-provider families, in which husbands and wives act as economic partners.  Learning Objective: 12.2 Describe how the traditional family, co-provider family, and single working parents affect family and work arrangements A. Traditional Families: Good-Provider Husband, Homemaker Wife 1. The good-provider role: Traditional “man’s work” 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. The homemaker role: Traditional “woman’s work” 3. “Mr. Mom” as the exception: Men as full-time homemakers B. Co-Provider Families: Husbands & Wives as Economic Partners 1. Working women • The glass ceiling • The mommy track 2. Working mothers • The captives—“I’d rather be a homemaker, but I have to work” • The conflicted—“If the job conflicts with my family, I’ll quit” • The copers—“I’ll work if the job lets me cope with my family demands” • The committed—“I’m committed to both my career and my family” C. Single Working Parents D. Example of the Effects of Racism on Family Life: Where Are the Black Husbands & Fathers?

1. There are 1.5 million black men missing, which incarceration and early deaths accounting for the situation 2. Three in five black men say they have been treated unfairly by police; and high rates of imprisonment have resulted in 40% of inmates being African American men 2. With the widespread bias against ex-convicts, it is difficult for African Americans to find work III. Balancing Work & Family Demands: Some Practical Strategies Here we consider the major role disruptions—overload, conflict, and ambiguity—that can occur in work–family arrangements. We then discuss six strategies for balancing work and family demands.  Learning Objective: 12.3 Explain the major role disruptions that can affect work–family arrangements, and describe six approaches to balancing work and family demands.

A. When Major Role Disruptions Occur: Overload, Conflict, & Ambiguity 1. Role conflict: “Different people want me to do different things!”

2. Role overload: “I can’t do what they expect of me!”

3. Role ambiguity: “I don’t know what people want me to do!”

4. How some people reduce role disruptions B. Practical Action: Choosing Good Daycare: Help for Working Parents 1. Visit the daycare center—preferably unannounced and more than once 2. Observe the children’s and staff members’ demeanor 3. Observe whether the environment is adequate and the curriculum stimulating 4. Ask what the staff-to-child ratio is 5. Ask what the rate of staff turnover is 6. Ask about staff training 7. Ask about references C. Strategy #1: Mentally Separate Work & Home Roles D. Strategy #2: Use Positive Self-Talk to Replace Negative Thoughts E. Strategy# 3: Develop Good Time-Management & Task-Delegation Skills F. Strategy #4: Employ Customized Work Arrangements 1. Parents work alternate shifts 3 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. One parent is self-employed 3. One or both parents use a flexible workplace program • Part-time work—Less than 40 hours • Flextime—Flexible working hours • Compressed workweek—40 hours in four days • Job sharing—Two coworkers split the same job • Telecommuting and other work-at-home schedules G. Strategy #5: Take Other Forms of Time Off 1. Take unpaid time off 2. Take personal time off 3. Use sick days for family reasons 4. Take children to work H. Strategy #6: Scale Down Your Career—At Least for a While I. A Final Word: The Effects on Children of Mothers Working Are Not Purely Negative

Discussion Topics 12.1 Work, Wealth, & Well-Being 1, What does it mean to be poor? Discuss what life is like for poverty-stricken families and the impact it can have through generations, such as food choices, money management, and health care. Individuals who have been raised in poverty often have not been exposed to healthy food choices (fruit- and veggie-filled diets) and so may not have developed a taste for such foods. This will decrease the likelihood they will eat these healthy foods even after they earn enough money to do so. Individuals raised with little disposable income may not have money management skills, which can lead to spending money unwisely, lower saving rates, and spontaneous spending on unnecessary items. They also may not know how to access the healthcare system for regular checkups, preventative care, and routine maintenance, which can lead to increased emergency room use and higher healthcare costs.

2. Have students discuss the pros and cons of a strong welfare program. Point out that some people consider student loans to be welfare. Have them discuss if we should do away with welfare, keep it the same, or increase it, and the implications each choice would have on them as taxpayers. Help them recognize that part of the reason they may not approve of welfare programs is that they may not feel they have enough income themselves.

12.2 Changing Family Work Patterns 1. Discuss the economic conditions of cost-of-living and average entry-level wages.

Examine marketing trends that entice people to purchase more, newer, and better, and the pressure this creates on those with limited incomes. Consider how some couples choose to have both partners work to meet economic goals, delay having children until these 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

goals are partially met, and then have one partner cut back on work. Discuss the effects this trend has on economic and family trends over time/generations.

2. Have students discuss the role they think they would prefer—woman homemaker, man homemaker, woman main breadwinner, man main breadwinner, part-time work for each.

What would this choice mean when dating someone? How would they discuss this preference with potential partners?

12.3 Balancing Work & Family Demands: Some Practical Strategies 1. Discuss decision strategies for choosing which of the coping strategies presented in the text will be most appropriate for particular families at particular times. There are decision strategies such as listing requirements (child time, income, leisure), rating them on a scale of 1–10 in importance, and then listing the benefits and costs of each coping strategy to determine which alternative may fit each case best.

2. What strategies do students use to avoid experiencing role overload in school? Some students take 22 credit hours a semester. How do they manage this load and still provide time and energy for personal needs, or do they? How do students balance the demands of each of the courses, especially when all courses demand their attention at the same time, such as during midterms? What skills are they learning that they can then transfer to their work life after they graduate?

In-Class Activity Create small labels with the following words printed on them: black; white; Hispanic; Asian; sex (male or female); age range (16–20, 21–25, 26–35, 36–50, 51–65, 66–82); no high school; high school graduate; some college; BA, Masters, Ph.D., or professional degree (MD, JD); healthy; and disabled. Put the labels in envelopes marked race, age, sex, education, and health. Have students pick one label from each envelope and then place themselves in groups or around a table according to what economic social status they perceive their “chosen” role occupies. For example, a Hispanic woman aged 80 with a physical disability may place herself closer to the lower end of the social status. Physically separate the “top” two or three students from the rest of the students. For example, if a student has chosen white male, professional degree, in his early 40s, he would represent a higher-end economic status and be placed “above” the rest of the students. Help students realize the amount of income each one of them is likely to earn. For example, those at the lower end of the economic social status may earn $11,000 a year, and the ones at the higher end may earn $250,000 a year.

Pose this problem to the students: “How can we make this social system work? Are you willing to give up or change your status to benefit another?”

Make sure to process this exercise well. It can be emotionally challenging for students to suddenly become one of the people “stuck” in the lower end of the status. Also, make sure students don’t opt for the easy solution of just redistributing the income. What about next

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month’s paycheck? Will they still be willing to give it up to someone who can’t work, or hasn’t worked?

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Work, Wealth, & Well-Being Video: Family Challenges: Childcare Social Explorer Table: Numbers That Matter: Working Families Social Explorer Chart: Average Annual Hours Worked per Worker in Industrialized Countries, 2017 Social Explorer Chart: Diversity data: U.S. Household Income, 2017 Social Explorer Chart: Unequal Distribution of U.S. Income Social Explorer Chart: U.S. Distribution of Household Wealth, 2012 Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Poverty Rate by Race and Ethnicity, 2017 Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Percentage Lacking Health Insurance, by Race and Ethnicity, 2017 Balancing Work & Family Demands: Some Practical Strategies Social Explorer Table: Views on Work: Three Sociological Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 13 Crises: Managing Stress, Disaster, Violence, & Abuse Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 13.1 Distinguish between stress and stressors, types of stressors, the influences on psychological stress reactions, and the traits of hardiness.

13.2 Explain internal versus external stressors, some predictable stressors in the family life cycle, and six types of unpredictable stressors.

13.3 Describe physical and emotional violence—the types of violence that occur in dating, cohabiting, and marital relationships and against children and older adults.

13.4 Contrast good and bad stressors, list eight important defense mechanisms, distinguish adaptation from coping, and describe five coping strategies.

On the Web Dealing with the Ultimate Crisis The Jed Foundation www.jedfoundation.org One of the greatest crises an individual or family can face is suicide, whether contemplated by oneself or by a friend or family member. The Jed Foundation is a nonprofit public charity that is committed to reducing the young adult suicide rate and improving mental health support provided to college students nationwide. To begin to explore this subject, go to “The Jed Foundation” website.

Chapter Outline I. Stresses, Hassles, & Crises: Seeking Hardiness We discuss stress and types of stressors—hassles versus crises. We also describe what influences psychological stress reactions: (1) the number, kind, and magnitude of stressors; (2) your emotional predisposition and self-esteem; and (3) your resilience. Finally, we consider hardiness.  Learning Objective: 13.1 Distinguish between stress and stressors, types of stressors, the influences on psychological stress reactions, and the traits of hardiness.

A. Stress & Stressors 1. Types of stressors: Hassles versus crises • Hassles • Crises 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

B. Numbers That Matter: Crises & Violence 1. One study of a national sample of U.S. adults found that 20% of husbands and 13% of wives said that they had had sex with someone else sometime during their marriage 2. In 2016, 1 in 10 Americans age 12 or older had used illicit drugs in the month before the survey interview. The drug most commonly found in employee samples was marijuana 3. On survey found that 23% of females and 14% of males who ever experiences rape, physical violence, or stalking, first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.

4. The lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner is 43.8% for lesbians and 61.1% for bisexual women, compared to 35% for heterosexual women. The figure is 26% for gay men and 37.3% for bisexual men, compared with 29% for heterosexual men 5. In 2009, about 10.1 of every 1,000 children were victims of abuse or neglect C. Psychological Stress Reactions 1. Number, kind, & magnitude of stressors in your life 2. Your emotional predisposition & self-esteem 3. Your resilience • Positive temperament • Substitute caregiver • Social support D. Toward Becoming a Hardy Person 1. Commitment 2. Control 3. Challenge II. Crises & Disasters Stressors may be internal or external. The four phases of the family life cycle produce somewhat predictable stressors. Some unpredictable stressors are unemployment, infidelity, alcohol and drug abuse, mental disorders, physical disability and illness, and death.  Learning Objective: 13.2 Explain internal versus external stressors, some predictable stressors in the family life cycle, and six types of unpredictable stressors.

A. Types of Stressor Events: Internal versus External 1. Internal stressors 2. External stressors B. Some Predictable Stressors of the Family Life Cycle 1. The beginning phase: The stresses of newly marrieds 2. The childrearing phase: Stresses with children 3. The middle-age phase: The empty nest—or not 4. The aging phase: Stresses of health & financial worries C. Some Unpredictable Stressors 1. Unemployment & underemployment • Who are the unemployed? o Unemployed workers o Discouraged workers 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

o Underemployed workers • The stress of being unemployed or underemployed o More conflict and problems o Change in family roles and routines 2. Infidelity: Sexual & emotional unfaithfulness • Short-term extramarital involvements • Long-term extramarital involvements o Marriage maintenance—“To supply what’s missing from my marriage” o Intimacy reduction—“To buffer against too much closeness in my marriage” o Reactive—“To reassure me of my sexuality” o Hedonistic—“Just for the fun and sensuality of it” • Affairs without sex • Consequences of extramarital sex: The end of trust?

3. Drug & alcohol abuse • Drug abuse & dependency o Stimulants o Depressants o Cannabis o Hallucinogens o Opiates • Alcohol abuse 4. Mental disorders • Anxiety disorders • Mood disorders: Depression & suicide • Eating disorders: Anorexia & bulimia o Anorexia nervosa o Bulimia nervosa 5. Physical disability & illness • Keep the illness from completely dominating your lives • View the adversity as a challenge to be faced together • Review the balance between closeness & autonomy 6. Death • Death of a parent • Death of a spouse • Death of a child o Miscarriage or stillbirth o Infant death o Loss of older child D. Example of a Crisis: A Loving Marriage Won’t Prevent Infidelity: The Lessons of Shirley Glass 1. The workplace is the new meeting place 2. Being a loving partner won’t prevent infidelity 3. In the “new infidelity,” affairs don’t have to involve sexual contact 3 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

4. A cheating spouse doesn’t always leave clues that the faithful spouse could detect 5. If an affair is discovered, talking about it will not necessarily create more upset 6. Divorcing the old spouse and marrying the conspirator in the affair does not lead to eternal bliss E. Practical Action: How Do You Know If Someone Is Likely to Attempt Suicide?

1. Look for changes in mood and habit 2. Look for changes in life events 3. Beware of previous attempts 4. Talkers may be doers 5. Warnings versus no warnings III. Violence & Abuse: The Dark Side of Intimate Relationships We describe the kinds of violence, physical and emotional, against adults and children. We then discuss violence applied to dating and live-together relationships, marriage, children, and older adults.  Learning Objective: 13.3 Describe physical and emotional violence—the types of violence that occur in dating, cohabiting, and marital relationships and against children and older adults.

A. Violence & Abuse among Intimates: Some Definitions 1. Physical violence 2. Emotional violence B. Violence in Dating & Live-Together Relationships 1. Causes of dating violence 2. Unwanted sex, including date rape 3. Different experiences of men & women • Men • Women 4. Violence in opposite-sex cohabiting relationships 5. Violence in gay & lesbian relationships 6. Stalking: The abuse after abusive relationships end C. Violence between Husband & Wife 1. What is the incidence of marital violence?

• Some violent incident—one of six • Verbal assaults—three-fourths • Physical abuse—12% • Rape by a partner—9.4% • Victims of intimate violence—76% are females 2. Two kinds of marital violence: Patriarchal & common couple violence • Patriarchal terrorism—from the need to control generally • Common couple violence—from the need to control a specific situation 3. The cycle of violence: Three phases • Phase 1—Rising tension • Phase 2—Escalation and explosion • Phase 3—Calmness, contrition, and kindness 4. Marital rape 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

5. Characteristics of violent families 6. Why do people stay in violent relationships?

• Fear of partner, isolation, or poverty • Love, pity, duty, guilt, hope • Low self-esteem, childhood experience, learned helplessness 7. Escaping family violence • Experiencing doubts • Turning point • Detachment and reevaluation • Shift in thinking • Breaking free 8. Dealing with family violence • Intervention • Shelters and safehouses • Treatment programs for abusers D. Child abuse & neglect • Children of single parents • Children in large families • Children in low-income families • Girls • Race and ethnicity 1. Risk factors for child abuse • History of physical punishment • Unrealistic expectations for the child • Other factors 2. Effects of child abuse • Physical and mental problems • Emotional and developmental problems • Intimacy problems 3. Child sexual abuse E. Elder Abuse & Neglect 1. Person in new relationship turns out to be abusive 2. Late-onset domestic violence 3. Domestic violence grown old IV. Coping Strategies: Successful Ways of Handling Stresses & Crises We discuss good and bad types of stressors and eight types of defense mechanisms people use to deal with them. We also describe five strategies for living to reduce the stressors.  Learning Objective: 13.4 Contrast good and bad stressors, list eight important defense mechanisms, distinguish adaptation from coping, and describe five coping strategies.

A. Good versus Bad Stressors B. Defense Mechanisms 1. Repression 5 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

2. Denial 3. Rationalization 4. Displacement 5. Projection 6. Reaction formation 7. Regression 8. Sublimation C. Adaptation versus Coping Strategies D. Strategy for Living #1: Reduce the Stressors E. Strategy for Living #2: Manage Your Emotional Response 1. Be realistic & keep control of any destructive impulses 2. Use reframing to feel & act positively 3. Have fun, keep your sense of humor, & have hope F. Strategy for Living #3: Develop a Support System 1. Social support systems • Being single • Social isolation • Altruistic egoism 2. Your coping resources • Find support in your family members • Talk to and do things with friends • Join a support group or talk to a counselor G. Strategy for Living #4: Take Care of Your Body 1. Eat right 2. Exercise right 3. Sleep right 4. Avoid drugs H. Strategy for Living #5: Develop Relaxation Techniques

Discussion Topics 13.1 Stresses, Hassles, & Crises: Seeking Hardiness 1. Discuss the effects stress has on the mind and body. Stress has both physical and emotional components. Physical reactions to stress may be tense muscles, high blood pressure, perspiration, tension headaches, and intestinal distress. Emotional reactions to stress are nervousness and anxiety, emotional and mental exhaustion, and even violence.

2. Ask students what the greatest stressor they face is. How do they manage the stress? Do all students have the same stressors? Do nontraditional students have unique stressors compared to traditional students?

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13.2 Crises & Disasters 1. Discuss the meaning of the phrase, “Well people have many wishes in life; a sick person has only one.” Talk about the power that a crisis has to consume the victim’s life as he or she struggles to manage symptoms or overcome the crisis. For example, people with depression struggle to get out of bed, not because they don’t want to but because they can’t make their body move and they cannot find a reason to make it. For many people struggling with severe depression, the goal of the day is to not stay in bed crying all day.

At times, these people work hard to find a reason to continue living. Sometimes it is hard for others to understand or to not blame the victim of mental illness or substance abuse, but if they could recover, they would—they want to be “normal.”

2. Ask students to think about a person they know or have heard of who has suffered one of the challenges described in the chapter. How did this difficulty change the person’s life?

What did the students learn from these events?

13.3 Violence & Abuse: The Dark Side of Intimate Relationships 1. Discuss the cycle of abuse: phase one, rising tensions, when the nonabusing partner may feel like he or she is “walking on egg shells”; phase two, escalation and explosion, when the physical violence occurs; phase three, often described as the “honeymoon” phase, when the abusing partner becomes contrite and wants to “make up.” This cycle is repeated until the nonabusing partner leaves or is killed.

2. See the In-Class Activity.

13.4 Coping Strategies: Successful Ways of Handling Stresses & Crises 1. Discuss the benefits of having a stress reduction or coping plan in place. (See the Out-ofClass Activity.)

2. Have students discuss which defense mechanism they use most. People will use more than one, but often have a “favorite” defense against stress. Help students create a plan to manage their stress rather than defend against it.

Class Activities In-Class Activity In many states it is a legal responsibility for all citizens to report suspected, witnessed, or knowledge of child abuse or neglect. Have students discuss how to file a report with Child Protective Services and what information would be needed. Would they use their name or not (they are not required to provide a name)? How would they feel if they made a report? How would they feel if they didn’t?

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Out-of-Class Activity We all have stress in our lives, so becoming proactive in anticipation of stressful events and having a list of coping resources is very helpful. Create a “coping list” by trying several different coping skills to see what works for you. You may need to activate more than one at a time, such as exercise combined with adequate sleep and meditation.

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Stresses, Hassles, & Crises: Seeking Hardiness Social Explorer Table: Numbers That Matter: Crises & Violence Violence & Abuse: The Dark Side of Intimate Relationships Video: A Candid Conversation About Sexual Aggression and Violence Social Explorer Table: Types, Perpetrators, and Victims of Elder Abuse Coping Strategies: Successful Ways of Handling Stresses and Crises Social Explorer Chart: Views on Crises: Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 14 Uncoupling: Separation & Divorce Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 14.1 Describe the process of uncoupling; distinguish among desertion, separation, annulment, and divorce; and discuss trends in divorce.

14.2 Explain the societal and demographic factors associated with divorce and then the personal factors associated with divorce.

14.3 Summarize the six “stations” of divorce, and describe divorce mediation and collaborative divorce.

14.4 Discuss the emotional, psychological, and physical effects of divorce, the financial effects, and the effect of divorce on children.

On the Web Learning about the Aftermath of Divorce www.makinglemonade.com Making Lemonade: The Single Parent Network is the place to take a preview into what single parenting is really like, says this website. If you are married and have children (or even if you aren’t), visit the website.

Chapter Outline I. Separation, Divorce, & Trends We consider the continuing search for happiness, and its possible connection to separation and divorce, or “uncoupling.” We also examine the differences between desertion, separation, annulment, and divorce. Then we discuss various ways to measure divorce and trends in divorce.  Learning Objective: 14.1 Describe the process of uncoupling; distinguish among desertion, separation, annulment, and divorce; and discuss trends in divorce.

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A. Numbers That Matter: Separation & Divorce 1. Married men who are fired have an 32% greater chance of being divorced; however, the wives’ employment status did not seem to affect the couple’s likelihood of divorce, according to one study 2. Skin color doesn’t cause divorce, but race and ethnicity are often associated with other factors, such as education and income level, that may be predictors of divorce 3. One study found that the leading causes of breakup were infidelity, incompatibility, drinking or drug use, and growing apart 4. Most people take two to four years to work through the negative emptions of a divorce 5. One study found that women’s household income fell by 41%, almost double the loss for men 6. About 50% of men don’t support their children at all after divorce—or even see them B. The Continuing Search for Happiness: Are Our Expectations for Intimacy Too High?

1. High hopes • Somewhere there is a soul mate for each of us • If we love each other enough, we can overcome all problems • A marriage partner should be everything—best friend, terrific sex partner, sympathetic confidante, good provider • A “normal” family is a close-knit unit consisting of father, mother, and children plus close relatives • Perfect families are “always there for us,” providing love and solidarity, nurturing, and support 2. Uncoupling: The ending of relationships • Dissatisfaction • Attempts at change • Turning elsewhere • Further distancing • Resolution • Informing the other partner • Acknowledging the ending 3. What about divorce among LGBT couples? Or nonmarried couples?

• LGBT couples now have the right to divorce as well as to marry in all 50 states • Unmarried straight couples also have problems with uncoupling, but the state is not involved C. Marital Endings: Desertion, Separation, Annulment, & Divorce 1. Desertion: Abandonment & no further contact 2. Separation: No longer living together but still married • Informal separation • Formal separation • Controlled separation

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3. Annulment: Marriage is declared to have never been valid • Religious annulment • Civil annulment 4. Divorce: Legal ending to a valid marriage • Divorce before the 1970s—The fault system • Divorce after the 1970s—No-fault divorce D. Trends in Divorce 1. What is the most useful measure of divorce?

• Raw numbers—Not useful • Crude divorce rate—Also not very useful • Refined divorce rate—Most useful 2. Today’s divorce rates II. Why People Divorce Three factors contribute to divorce: societal, demographic, and personal. Societal factors include family, religion, law, social integration, and cultural values. Demographic factors include education, income, age, and race/ethnicity. Personal factors include communication problems, infidelity, constant conflict, emotional abuse, and other contributors.  Learning Objective: 14.2 Explain the societal and demographic factors associated with divorce and then the personal factors associated with divorce.

A. Can a Happy Marriage Save Your Life?

B. Societal & Demographic Factors Associated with Divorce 1. Family, religious, & legal institutions: Have changes encouraged more divorce?

• Family • Religion • Law 2. Less social integration: Is mobility linked to divorce?

3. Individualistic cultural values: Is individual happiness valued over family connections?

4. Education & income: Do more schooling & more money encourage marital stability?

• Education • Income 5. Age at time of marriage: Is being older better?

6. Living together: Are former cohabitors more likely to divorce?

7. Pregnancy & children: Does having children before or after marriage affect risk of divorce?

• Pregnancy before marriage • Existence of children during marriage 8. Race & ethnicity: Do national origins & culture matter?

9. Divorced parents: Does being from a split family encourage divorce in children’s marriages?

10. Remarriage & redivorce: Is dissolution more likely the next time around?

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C. Personal Factors Associated with Divorce 1. Communication problems: “She/he doesn’t know me” 2. Infidelity: “He/she has broken my trust” 3. Constant conflict: “We never get along” 4. Emotional abuse: “She/he doesn’t treat me well” 5. Falling out of love: “My perspective changed” 6. Unsatisfactory sex: “The thrill is gone” 7. Insufficient income: “There’s never any money” 8. Physical abuse: “He/she beats me up!”

9. Falling in love with someone else: “This is the person I should have married!”

10. Boredom: “It was just the same old, same old” III. The Process of Divorce One scholar has proposed six “stations” or processes of divorce: (1) emotional, or loss of affection and trust; (2) legal, the court-ordered termination of a marriage; (3) economic, or the settlement of property; (4) co-parental, or decisions about child custody, support, and visitation; (5) community, or the giving up of relatives and mutual friends; and (6) psychic, or the complete emotional separation from the former spouse. We discuss two variations on traditional divorce: divorce mediation and collaborative divorce.  Learning Objective: 14.3 Summarize the six “stations” of divorce, and describe divorce mediation and collaborative divorce.

A. The Long Good-Bye: Bohannan’s Six Stations of Divorce 1. The emotional divorce: “I don’t care for him/her anymore; I’m no longer involved” • Beginning phase • Middle phase • End phase 2. The legal divorce: “I wanted out, but I miss what we once had—& why is the legal system so difficult?”

• Ambivalence and grieving • Adversarial aggravation 3. The economic divorce: “I’m afraid I won’t have enough to live on, & I dread losing things I’ve become attached to” • Threat of declining living standards • Disputes over who gets what • Loss of favorite things 4. The co-parental divorce: “He/she can’t take away my children!”

5. The community divorce: “So long, in-laws; good-bye, common friends” • Relations with relatives from the marriage • Relations with friends from the marriage 6. The psychic divorce: “Now, finally, I don’t care about him/her anymore: I’m my own person” • Denial • Anger and depression • Acceptance and forgiveness 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

B. Practical Action: Alternatives to the Courtroom: Rent-a-Judge, Divorce Mediation, & Collaborative Divorce 1. Rent-a-judge: Quicker, cheaper third-party help 2. Divorce mediation: Other third-party help • Better communication, reduced conflict, increased cooperation • Savings in money and time • More privacy 3. Collaborative divorce: No third party C. Divorce Mediation & Collaborative Divorce IV. The Effects of Divorce The consequences of divorce can be emotional, psychological, and physical, producing depression, anger, stress, and health problems. The consequences are also financial, depending on the arrangements for property settlement, spousal support, and child support.

There are important effects in how child custody is awarded—sole, joint, split, or third party.

Finally, there are both short-term and long-term effects on the children of divorce.  Learning Objective: 14.4 Discuss the emotional, psychological, and physical effects of divorce, the financial effects, and the effect of divorce on children.

A. Emotional, Psychological, & Physical Effects 1. Separation distress: Depression, anger, & anxiety 2. Loneliness & feelings of being stigmatized 3. Stress 4. Health problems 5. Positive effects 6. Interaction with ex-spouse B. Financial Effects 1. Property settlements: Are “equal” & “equitable” the same?

• Property divided equally, not equitably • Property divided equitably, not equally 2. Spousal support & the “alimony myth”: Are better arrangements possible?

• Ignorance about actual alimony awards • Confusion of “spousal” with “child” support • Media reports about wealthy divorces 3. Child support: How well does the system work?

• Not every custodial parent gets child support • Payments vary by race/ethnicity and education • Many men don’t provide support • Noncustodial parents are more apt to pay when they are involved with their children C. Effects of Child-Custody Arrangements 1. Four types of child custody • Sole custody—Children with one parent • Joint custody—Children with both parents

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• Split custody—Some of the children with one parent, some with the other • Third-party custody—Children live with someone other than a parent 2. Issues about child custody: Hurt & rage in noncustodial parents, particularly fathers • Father’s separation—The loss to both parent and children • Parent alienation syndrome—When children hate their parents • Child stealing—Kidnapping children from the other parent • Supervised visitation—Presence of a third party during visits D. Example of Reactions to Divorce: How Can Parents Help Them Adjust to Divorce?

1. Tell the children about the divorce 2. Understand that children feel guilty about the separation and hope for a reunion 3. Recognize the child’s strong emotions 4. Don’t put the child in the middle, and be clear about family boundaries 5. Parents should attend to their own anger and guilt E. Example of When a Gay or Lesbian Couple with Children Splits: Who is the “Primary Parent”?

F. The Effect of Divorce on Children 1. The short-term consequences • Unwanted split • Guilt, anger, depression, anxiety, and withdrawal • Less social and school competence • Health problems 2. The long-term consequences • Wallerstein’s pessimistic view • Hetherington’s more optimistic view • Why do Wallerstein’s and Hetherington’s Findings Differ?

3. A third view: Children of divorce suffer even when parents’ conflict is minimal G. The Good Divorce

Discussion Topics 14.1 Separation, Divorce, & Trends 1. Discuss the process people go through when deciding to divorce. Is this process similar to ending a serious dating relationship? What is the same? What is different? What about cohabitating partners? Is the process the same for them as well?

2. Have students form groups and discuss their experiences of “breaking up” and if they went through a process similar to the one described in the text.

14.2 Why People Divorce 1. Have students list the reasons they would divorce. Are there similarities in their reasons to divorce? Discuss the research findings on most common reasons for divorce— communication problems, infidelity, constant conflict, emotional abuse, falling out of love, unsatisfactory sex, insufficient income, physical abuse, falling in love with someone else, boredom.

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2. Have students discuss what they can do while dating to detect or protect against the top 10 reasons for divorce.

14.3 The Process of Divorce 1. Discuss the grief process of divorce and why it is important to allow one to three years to complete this process.

2. Have students discuss any endings of relationships they have had and how these endings were similar to divorce. For example, if someone has been dating for a considerable time (one year or more), they most likely have common friends, connections to one another’s family, and complex emotional attachments.

14.4 The Effects of Divorce 1. Discuss the effects of divorce on children. Consider the idea of trans-generational divorce effects (as stated in the text). Seventy percent of adults who were raised in a divorced family believe divorce is an acceptable option; if they divorce, their children will believe divorce is an acceptable option as well. How can this cascade effect influence future marriage?

2. Have students discuss the effects of divorce on children and devise ways parents can protect children during and after a divorce. Make sure students consider extended family members as well as close friends of the family.

In-Class Activity Discuss the process of divorce: emotional divorce, legal divorce, economic divorce, co-parental divorce, community divorce, and psychic divorce. Consider how this process is similar to the adaptation process of someone who loses a spouse to death.

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Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Separation, Divorce, & Trends Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter: Separation & Divorce Social Explorer Chart: Divorce Rates Worldwide Why People Divorce Social Explorer Chart: Marriage Outcomes by Age 46 by Educational Attainment Social Explorer Chart: Redivorce The Process of Divorce Video: Surviving Divorce The Effects of Divorce Social Explorer Chart: Diversity Data: Custody Payments by Race/Ethnicity Social Explorer Chart: Custody Payments by Education Level Social Explorer Chart: Views on Divorce: Three Sociological Theoretical Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Chapter 15 Remarriage: Reinvented, Renewed, & Blended Families Learning Objectives After reading this chapter, students should be able to: 15.1 Explain the factors the newly divorced must face when they resume dating and their reasons for remarrying.

15.2 Describe the happiness and stability of second marriages, the forms of blended families, and the stages in becoming a blended family.

15.3 Discuss what it is like to be a stepmother, a stepfather, a stepchild, and explain the problem of sexual boundaries.

15.4 Outline the five potential benefits of stepfamilies over nuclear families, and describe the steps required to become a successful stepfamily.

On the Web About Stepfamilies www.bonusfamilies.com The founders of this nonprofit organization originally didn’t get along because one was the exwife of the other’s husband. After years of butting heads, they formed Bonus Families to offer support for people combining families after divorce.

Chapter Outline I. Moving Toward Remarriage Returning to dating after divorce or widowhood can be both exciting and frightening, especially for older adults. The newly dating need to realize that they may still be in emotional recovery and might be in too much of a hurry to remarry. Children can also complicate the dating process. Middle-aged singles have different needs than young singles.  Learning Objective: 15.1 Explain the factors the newly divorced must face when they resume dating and their reasons for remarrying.

A. After the First Marriage: Returning to the Single Life & Dating Again 1. Exciting 2. Frightening 3. Divorced people who date may still be in emotional recovery • Transition phase—One year • Recovery phase—One to three years 4. Divorced people may be in a hurry to remarry 1 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

5. Children can complicate the dating process 6. Sex can be a whole new world B. Numbers That Matter: Remarried Couples & Blended Families 1. From 2008 to 2012, 13% of American men and 14% of American women ages 15 and older had married twice, and 3.5% of men and 3.7% of women had married three or more times 2. Respondents in one study said that before their first marriages, they spent an average (median time) of 17 months in courtship (dating plus engagement). Before their second marriages, they spent only about nine months in courtship 3. According to one survey, more than one third of unmarried women who date were going out with younger men.

4. Approximately 40% of new marriages are remarriages 5. Only 20 states require stepparents to support their stepchildren, whereas all states require biological parents to support their children C. Middle-Aged Singles: Dating, Sex, & Lifestyles 1. Dating • Reasons for dating • Types of dating • Finding dates 2. Sex • Desire • Number of partners • Sex on the first date D. Why Remarry?

1. Moving beyond dating: Cohabitation or remarriage?

2. Reasons for getting married again: Is it time?

II. Remarried & Blended Families People who remarry are either equally happy or less happy compared with people in first marriages, but subsequent marriages don’t usually last as long. There are three common forms of blended families, but kinship (quasi-kin) arrangements can be quite elaborate. At least five major characteristics differentiate the stepfamily from the nuclear family.

Stepfamilies often go through a series of predictable stages over several years of integration.  Learning Objective: 15.2 Describe the happiness and stability of second marriages, the forms of blended families, and the stages in becoming a blended family.

A. Remarriage: “This Time It Will Be Different” 1. Happiness: Better the second time around?

• Evidence for equal satisfaction • Evidence for less satisfaction 2. Stability: How long lasting are later marriages?

• People who remarry are more accepting of divorce • Remarried partners receive less social support • Stepchildren create more stress • Lack of a cultural script adds more uncertainty 2 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

B. Blended Families & Kinship Networks 1. Common forms of blended families • Biological father + stepmother • Biological mother + stepfather • Joint biological + stepfamily 2. New kin, or “quasi-kin” 3. Discovering kin relationships with a genogram C. Characteristics of Stepfamilies: From Sad Beginnings 1. Most stepfamily members have suffered some sort of loss 2. Blended families have a more complex structure 3. Family boundaries are uncertain 4. Roles are ill-defined, so there might be more tension 5. With different loyalties, family integration comes slowly D. Stages in Becoming a Blended Family 1. The turbulent early phase: Fantasy, immersion, & awareness • Stage 1: Fantasy—“I’ll love the children, and they’ll love me” • Stage 2: Immersion—“I didn’t realize there would be so much confusion” • Stage 3: Awareness—“I think we’re beginning to figure one another out now” 2. The middle phase: Mobilization & action • Stage 4: Mobilization—“No more Mr. Nice Guy with this family; I’m taking a stand for myself” • Stage 5: Action—“We’ve begun to make some joint decisions and to accept that we’re each different” 3. Later Stages: Contact & resolution • Stage 6: Contact—“Our relationships with one another have become more easy and honest” • Stage 7: Resolution—“We’re all comfortable with one another now” III. Inside the Blended Family The experience of being in a blended family depends on whether you’re the stepmother, stepfather, or stepchild. Stepmothers bear the greatest burden, being expected to be unduly nice while having to deal with the “evil stepmother” stereotype. A stepfather’s role may vary depending on whether he has children and is marrying a childless woman, has no children and is marrying a woman with children, or has children and is marrying a woman with children. Stepchildren must cope with feelings of abandonment, uncertainty about discipline, and adjusting to stepsiblings. All need to be aware of sexual boundaries.  Learning Objective: 15.3 Discuss what it is like to be a stepmother, a stepfather, a stepchild, and explain the problem of sexual boundaries.

A. Being a Stepmother 1. Expectations of love & acceptance by stepchildren 2. Being a disciplinarian 3. Problems with the former wife B. Being a Stepfather 1. Childless man marries woman with children 2. Man with children marries childless woman 3 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

3. Man with children marries woman with children C. Being a Stepchild 1. Feelings of abandonment 2. Conflicts • Divided loyalties • Discipline • Stepsibling rivalry D. The Special Problems of Sexual Boundaries E. Practical Action: Sexual Abuse & Sexual Boundaries in Stepfamilies 1. Intrafamilial sexual abuse: Three types • Uncle and niece • Stepfather and stepdaughter • Stepbrother and his stepsister 2. Conditions under which sexual abuse takes place • Precondition 1—Motivation • Precondition 2—Inhibitions overcome • Precondition 3—Obstacles overcome • Precondition 4—Child’s resistance overcome 3. Reducing chances for abuse in blended families • Arrange the living space appropriately • Avoid being sexually provocative • Curtail rough-housing and some intimate behavior with children over age 10 or 11 • Be affectionate but not passionate when you’re with your spouse in public • Don’t turn to stepchildren for emotional support when you and your partner aren’t getting along IV. Strengthening Stepfamilies Despite the difficulties, living in a stepfamily provides five potential benefits, especially for the children, that are not found in nuclear families. Experts provide several pieces of advice about how a blended family can be successful.  Learning Objective: 15.4 Outline the five potential benefits of stepfamilies over nuclear families, and describe the steps required to become a successful stepfamily.

A. Five Potential Benefits of Stepfamilies 1. Potential benefit #1: Families are happier 2. Potential benefit #2: Children gain role models 3. Potential benefit #3: Parents might be more objective 4. Potential benefit #4: Children gain more siblings & kin 5. Potential benefit #5: Children become more flexible B. Steps toward Becoming a Successful Stepfamily 1. Harmonize your finances: “We want to be fair to everyone with the limited resources we have” 2. Develop realistic expectations: “I know we’re not going to become an instant happy family” 4 Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

3. Let everyone mourn their losses: “We all lost someone or something important, & I know it still hurts” 4. Maintain the primacy of the relationship with your new partner: “We need to focus on each other as well as on the children” 5. Treat children the same way & give them their own space: “The stepchildren should be made to feel at home—because that’s where they are” 6. Don’t rush being a stepparent: “It can take a few years to build a good relationship” 7. Cooperate with the absent parent & other kin: “I don’t have to like them, but they belong in the children’s lives” 8. Develop your own family rituals: “Let’s try out new ways of doing things” 9. Thinking of the stepparent on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day C. Example of Blended Bonds: Establishing Great Relationships within Stepfamilies 1. Develop a committed, bonded relationship with the new spouse 2. Listen, stay detached, don’t parent 3. Join a stepparent group

Discussion Topics 15.1 Moving Toward Remarriage 1. Discuss the reasons people begin dating again (to have someone to do things with, intimacy, sex, companionship, social pressure) and the fears people experience when beginning to date again (feeling awkward, not knowing what to do or say, “performance” anxiety in sex, fears of what society will say about the dating partner). Are these similar to what young people feel when dating? What are some differences?

15.2 Remarried & Blended Families 1. Discuss the differences between entering into a first marriage and beginning a second marriage. Consider the hopes, ideals, and excitement of both and how they differ (second-timers think, “This time will be different”), as well as the fears that each face (“What if this one doesn’t work either? What about the children?”).

2. Have each student write a description of a stepmother, a stepfather, and a stepbrother/sister. Are there similarities among the descriptions? Are some of the descriptions based on the student’s own experience as a “step”? Are some descriptions similar to stereotypes or fantasy step-relations?

15.3 Inside the Blended Family 1. Describe some of the difficulties of entering into a ready-made family. Discuss the idea that families have unwritten rules of conduct and communication that can be very difficult to walk into and learn. Ask students to consider how people in a stepfamily can

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sabotage the new relationship and why they may do that (for example, children may hope their other parent will come back).

2. Have students describe their experiences or their imagined experiences of moving into another house with other children present and being expected to become a family. Future stepchildren often do not get to know the future stepparent well and may know future stepsiblings even less. How would students handle the inevitable conflicts?

15.4 Strengthening Stepfamilies 1. Discuss the advantages of stepfamilies, such as having a chance at a happy, healthy family if the first marriage was unhealthy and/or unhappy. Remarriage also may provide increased resources by combining the incomes of two families. Consider the stereotype of blended families, and discuss the ways blended families can become stronger than first families due to the experiences of being single and learning to cooperate with the new family.

2. Ask students to list strengths and benefits of stepfamilies. Help them consider stepfamilies in the context of previous marriage experience. Do students think a stepfamily would be different if the remarriage was because of widowhood rather than divorce? Why or why not? Help students discuss why they may think stepfamilies of the widowed would be less conflicted, and if they can apply these ideas to stepfamilies formed after divorce.

In-Class Activity Have students break into pairs and discuss what it is like asking someone out for a date, getting ready for a date (dressing, grooming), and what expectations they have for a date (kiss or no kiss, fun or serious). Have students discuss how these things would be the same or different for people 45 years old.

Revel Resources Popular Culture, the Media, & Technology Current Events Bulletin Moving Toward Remarriage Social Explorer Chart: Numbers That Matter: Remarried Couples & Blended Families Social Explorer Chart: What’s Liked Most About Being Single Social Explorer Chart: What’s Liked Least About Being Single Social Explorer Chart: Reasons for Getting Married Again

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Inside the Blended Family Video: Challenges for Stepchildren Strengthening Stepfamilies Social Explorer Chart: Views on Remarriage: Three Sociological Perspectives Compared Chapter Summary Key Terms

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Instructor’s Resource Manual for

Marriages, Families, & Intimate Relationships A Practical Introduction Fifth Edition

Brian K. Williams Stacey C. Sawyer Carl M. Wahlstrom

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Copyright © 2020, 2017, 2013 by Pearson Education, Inc. or its affiliates. All Rights Reserved. This publication is protected by copyright, and permission should be obtained from the publisher prior to any prohibited reproduction, storage in a retrieval system, or transmission in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise. For information regarding permissions, request forms and the appropriate contacts within the Pearson Education Global Rights & Permissions Department, please visit www.pearsoned.com/permissions/.

ISBN-10: 0135256917 ISBN-13: 9780135256916