Sex Goddess Domestic Kate Taylor
Sex Goddess Domestic
is a sex book for couples who adore each other but have felt the bloom go off their bedroom, who want to recapture that initial sexual excitement but need real-life sex tips they can fit in around a busy day and good night’s sleep. Sex books never make more than a passing reference to the problems facing long-term couples, yet it’s often those who most need advice. Much of sex’s enjoyment comes from novelty and spontaneity, but when you’ve been together so long you know every inch of your partner’s body and all five of his Best Bedroom Moves, how can you get back that loving feeling? Domestic Sex Goddess divulges the secret to a thrilling long-term sex life. The real key is something you’re probably already good at anyway, if you manage a house – it’s organisation. In each chapter Kate takes a different area of the home and discusses practical lifestyle changes you can implement in order to give yourself both the time and energy for sex. From sizzling sex tips for the kitchen, lusty lovemaking positions for the living room and bed-busting moves for the bedroom through to ideas to make the bathroom hot and steamy and even some outrageous outdoor activities, Kate presents all the naughty know-how needed. Illustrated with photography showing a real life couple engaged passionately throughout the home, and complemented by artworks that clearly demonstrate all the nitty gritty technique, Domestic Sex Goddess is an informative, instructive and erotic guide to lasting long-term relationships.
Kate Taylor is the author of four sex books and was the high-profile writer of GQ’s ‘Sex life’ column from 1998 to 2002 (when it was voted ‘Best page in GQ’ every year by readers). She has also written for many other magazines and newspapers. Kate presented Sex Tips for Girls and More Sex Tips for Girls, as well as making guest appearances on many television channels. She was Capital Radio’s Sex & Dating expert from 1999–2000, and has been hailed as ‘Britain’s Candace Bushnell’ by those who should know. Kate is married with two young children.
£14.99 Paperback with flaps 978 184400 738 7 144pp 253 x 201mm 50,000 words 45 colour photographs 30 colour artworks Publication: August 2009
Quadrille Publishing Limited Alhambra House 27–31 Charing Cross Road London WC2H 0LS www.quadrille.co.uk
Sex Goddess Domestic
is a sex book for couples who adore each other but have felt the bloom go off their bedroom, who want to recapture that initial sexual excitement but need real-life sex tips they can fit in around a busy day and good night’s sleep. Sex books never make more than a passing reference to the problems facing long-term couples, yet it’s often those who most need advice. Much of sex’s enjoyment comes from novelty and spontaneity, but when you’ve been together so long you know every inch of your partner’s body and all five of his Best Bedroom Moves, how can you get back that loving feeling? Domestic Sex Goddess divulges the secret to a thrilling long-term sex life. The real key is something you’re probably already good at anyway, if you manage a house – it’s organisation. In each chapter Kate takes a different area of the home and discusses practical lifestyle changes you can implement in order to give yourself both the time and energy for sex. From sizzling sex tips for the kitchen, lusty lovemaking positions for the living room and bed-busting moves for the bedroom through to ideas to make the bathroom hot and steamy and even some outrageous outdoor activities, Kate presents all the naughty know-how needed. Illustrated with photography showing a real life couple engaged passionately throughout the home, and complemented by artworks that clearly demonstrate all the nitty gritty technique, Domestic Sex Goddess is an informative, instructive and erotic guide to lasting long-term relationships.
Kate Taylor is the author of four sex books and was the high-profile writer of GQ’s ‘Sex life’ column from 1998 to 2002 (when it was voted ‘Best page in GQ’ every year by readers). She has also written for many other magazines and newspapers. Kate presented Sex Tips for Girls and More Sex Tips for Girls, as well as making guest appearances on many television channels. She was Capital Radio’s Sex & Dating expert from 1999–2000, and has been hailed as ‘Britain’s Candace Bushnell’ by those who should know. Kate is married with two young children.
£14.99 Paperback with flaps 978 184400 738 7 144pp 253 x 201mm 50,000 words 45 colour photographs 30 colour artworks Publication: August 2009
Quadrille Publishing Limited Alhambra House 27–31 Charing Cross Road London WC2H 0LS www.quadrille.co.uk
Contents Introduction:
Having it all and having it off 6
Kitchen: You have to get clean
before you can get dirty 12
Living room
How to turn it into the loving room 38
Bedroom
Keeping him up all night 72
Bathroom Getting sex-ready in three minutes
100
Outdoors
Location, location, location 126
Index
140
Acknowledgements
144
Contents Introduction:
Having it all and having it off 6
Kitchen: You have to get clean
before you can get dirty 12
Living room
How to turn it into the loving room 38
Bedroom
Keeping him up all night 72
Bathroom Getting sex-ready in three minutes
100
Outdoors
Location, location, location 126
Index
140
Acknowledgements
144
Having it all and having it off Don’t you just hate sex books? They sit there on the shelves in their pinky-purple packaging, smugly promising your relationship will be bed-breakingly passionate and fake-strokingly intimate if you’d just light a Ylang Ylang candle, shove your kids away for the weekend, and learn to do something complicated and vaguely Eastern-sounding with a banana, a rubber sheet and a length of inner-tube. You get enthused with the idea, and happily show the book to your partner. He gets enthused too, and lies back waiting for you to fill his body with ecstasy. Afterwards, he drifts off to sleep while you strip the banana-spattered sheets off the bed, collect the kids from your parents’ house, and book an appointment to get the inner-tube surgically removed. Worst of all, none of the promised intimacy has appeared. Instead, you’ve just set yourself another chore on your never-ending To Do list: “Be incredible in bed every night”. To my shame, I have written three of those kinds of sex books in the past. In my time as sex columnist, I’ve invented a million different ways to do the deed. When I was a single sex writer, I couldn’t understand why women would ever try to get out of having sex if it was available to them. I thought sex would be amazing if only we could concentrate on being more inventive and spontaneous, and use a few props. And then I got married. And then I had two kids. Now I find the only way that most sex books could improve my night-time pleasure is by barricading my five-year-old into his own room so he doesn’t come in to our bed every night. The bananas? Fed to my toddler. The rubber sheet? On my oldest son’s bed. The inner-tube? Used to repair the paddling pool.
6
Sex books never make more than a passing reference to the problems faced by long-term couples, yet it’s these couples who most need advice. New lovers have the advantage in bed, as a lot of sex’s enjoyment comes from novelty and spontaneity. But when you’ve been together so long that you know every inch of your partner’s body and all five of his Best Bedroom Moves, how can you get back that loving feeling or sense of blissful discovery? When you have to get up at 6am every day to get the kids off to school, how can you face beginning a sexual technique that you know will take two hours to complete and use up all your tissues? And how can you look at baby oil as anything erotic, when you’ve actually started using it on your baby? This is where this book comes in. It’s a sex book for couples in long-term relationships, with or without children. It’s for couples who adore each other, but have understandably felt the bloom go off their bedroom. It’s for couples who would like new ideas to take to bed that bring back the initial excitement but don’t require planning permission or other people, and who want real-life sex tips they can fit in around a busy day and eight hours’ sleep at night. It will help both of you, but I’m mainly writing for women, because it’s women who can suffer more under the weight of a sex-free relationship, or one that’s lacking in intimacy. When we have sex, we release a powerful hormone called Oxytocin that can bond us to our partner. It’s the same hormone we release when we have a baby. In long-term, settled love affairs, we need this Oxytocin, and lots of it, to keep us attached to our mate. Are you awash with it? Are you happily bonded to – and bonking with – your man, or so unattached you’re in danger of falling apart from him? To find out, take my quiz.
Introduction
Are you a Domestic Sex Goddess?
1. Have you ever faked a headache?
Scores on the bedroom doors
a) No! If anything, I have a higher sex drive than my partner. b) Once or twice, but only in dire – and exceptional – circumstances. c) Put it this way, my bloke’s urging me to go for a cranial MRI scan.
Mostly A: Sex Goddess You and your man have a passionate relationship, but might be lacking in intimacy. While he might be keen to get to grips with your naked body, the contents of your brain remain unravaged. What you’ll get from this book: Suggestions of ways you can get closer outside the bedroom. Sex might be the glue that holds relationships together, but you’ll want to be able to talk to him in the times you’re not clutching his Pritt stick. This book will help you do that.
2. Do you feel on top of things at home and in your relationship? a) Quite often, I am on top of my man. b) I feel on top of the housework – but sex, not so much. c) I feel I’m on top of a cliff, considering jumping.
Mostly B: Cherished Goddess You are serene at home because you feel in control. You run the house well, but might be in danger of mothering your man. While it’s good to run your home efficiently, keeping tabs on your bloke might make him feel controlled and itch for some freedom. What you’ll get from this book: A way to maintain an air of lofty distance from your fella. If the thought of that frightens you, it’s a sign you need to read on. The best long-term relationships aren’t about living in each others’ pockets.
3. How do you feel when you meet your man at the end of the day? a) Excited and aroused. b) Serene and calm. c) Annoyed – he didn’t get my note telling him not to bother coming back.
4. How often do the pair of you have sex? a) Once or twice a week. b) Once or twice a month. c) Once or twice a year – birthdays and Christmas.
5. Does he buy you romantic presents? a) He buys sexy underwear for me. b) He buys me jewellery and flowers. c) He buys me household gadgets, domestic appliances and things he wants. So, in short, no.
7
Mostly C: God Help You Oops. It’s all gone belly-up – which is probably the position you lie in when you have your annual bonk. Feelings of resentment have built up between you and your man, meaning that neither of you goes out of their way to please the other. Sexy? Nope. But don’t worry, things can improve, and rapidly. What you’ll get from this book: A way to wipe the slate clean and start again. This book will change your attitude, giving you the tools to create a new relationship out of the wreckage of the old one. You’ll find a million ways to enjoy lusty, thrilling sex with your man, and manage the house at the same time.
Introduction
Having it all and having it off Don’t you just hate sex books? They sit there on the shelves in their pinky-purple packaging, smugly promising your relationship will be bed-breakingly passionate and fake-strokingly intimate if you’d just light a Ylang Ylang candle, shove your kids away for the weekend, and learn to do something complicated and vaguely Eastern-sounding with a banana, a rubber sheet and a length of inner-tube. You get enthused with the idea, and happily show the book to your partner. He gets enthused too, and lies back waiting for you to fill his body with ecstasy. Afterwards, he drifts off to sleep while you strip the banana-spattered sheets off the bed, collect the kids from your parents’ house, and book an appointment to get the inner-tube surgically removed. Worst of all, none of the promised intimacy has appeared. Instead, you’ve just set yourself another chore on your never-ending To Do list: “Be incredible in bed every night”. To my shame, I have written three of those kinds of sex books in the past. In my time as sex columnist, I’ve invented a million different ways to do the deed. When I was a single sex writer, I couldn’t understand why women would ever try to get out of having sex if it was available to them. I thought sex would be amazing if only we could concentrate on being more inventive and spontaneous, and use a few props. And then I got married. And then I had two kids. Now I find the only way that most sex books could improve my night-time pleasure is by barricading my five-year-old into his own room so he doesn’t come in to our bed every night. The bananas? Fed to my toddler. The rubber sheet? On my oldest son’s bed. The inner-tube? Used to repair the paddling pool.
6
Sex books never make more than a passing reference to the problems faced by long-term couples, yet it’s these couples who most need advice. New lovers have the advantage in bed, as a lot of sex’s enjoyment comes from novelty and spontaneity. But when you’ve been together so long that you know every inch of your partner’s body and all five of his Best Bedroom Moves, how can you get back that loving feeling or sense of blissful discovery? When you have to get up at 6am every day to get the kids off to school, how can you face beginning a sexual technique that you know will take two hours to complete and use up all your tissues? And how can you look at baby oil as anything erotic, when you’ve actually started using it on your baby? This is where this book comes in. It’s a sex book for couples in long-term relationships, with or without children. It’s for couples who adore each other, but have understandably felt the bloom go off their bedroom. It’s for couples who would like new ideas to take to bed that bring back the initial excitement but don’t require planning permission or other people, and who want real-life sex tips they can fit in around a busy day and eight hours’ sleep at night. It will help both of you, but I’m mainly writing for women, because it’s women who can suffer more under the weight of a sex-free relationship, or one that’s lacking in intimacy. When we have sex, we release a powerful hormone called Oxytocin that can bond us to our partner. It’s the same hormone we release when we have a baby. In long-term, settled love affairs, we need this Oxytocin, and lots of it, to keep us attached to our mate. Are you awash with it? Are you happily bonded to – and bonking with – your man, or so unattached you’re in danger of falling apart from him? To find out, take my quiz.
Introduction
Are you a Domestic Sex Goddess?
1. Have you ever faked a headache?
Scores on the bedroom doors
a) No! If anything, I have a higher sex drive than my partner. b) Once or twice, but only in dire – and exceptional – circumstances. c) Put it this way, my bloke’s urging me to go for a cranial MRI scan.
Mostly A: Sex Goddess You and your man have a passionate relationship, but might be lacking in intimacy. While he might be keen to get to grips with your naked body, the contents of your brain remain unravaged. What you’ll get from this book: Suggestions of ways you can get closer outside the bedroom. Sex might be the glue that holds relationships together, but you’ll want to be able to talk to him in the times you’re not clutching his Pritt stick. This book will help you do that.
2. Do you feel on top of things at home and in your relationship? a) Quite often, I am on top of my man. b) I feel on top of the housework – but sex, not so much. c) I feel I’m on top of a cliff, considering jumping.
Mostly B: Cherished Goddess You are serene at home because you feel in control. You run the house well, but might be in danger of mothering your man. While it’s good to run your home efficiently, keeping tabs on your bloke might make him feel controlled and itch for some freedom. What you’ll get from this book: A way to maintain an air of lofty distance from your fella. If the thought of that frightens you, it’s a sign you need to read on. The best long-term relationships aren’t about living in each others’ pockets.
3. How do you feel when you meet your man at the end of the day? a) Excited and aroused. b) Serene and calm. c) Annoyed – he didn’t get my note telling him not to bother coming back.
4. How often do the pair of you have sex? a) Once or twice a week. b) Once or twice a month. c) Once or twice a year – birthdays and Christmas.
5. Does he buy you romantic presents? a) He buys sexy underwear for me. b) He buys me jewellery and flowers. c) He buys me household gadgets, domestic appliances and things he wants. So, in short, no.
7
Mostly C: God Help You Oops. It’s all gone belly-up – which is probably the position you lie in when you have your annual bonk. Feelings of resentment have built up between you and your man, meaning that neither of you goes out of their way to please the other. Sexy? Nope. But don’t worry, things can improve, and rapidly. What you’ll get from this book: A way to wipe the slate clean and start again. This book will change your attitude, giving you the tools to create a new relationship out of the wreckage of the old one. You’ll find a million ways to enjoy lusty, thrilling sex with your man, and manage the house at the same time.
Introduction
Hot and Cold Running Lust When your man is having a shower or a bath – whether that’s a daily or annual event – there are several ways you can give him a very sensuous and passionate surprise. These are some of my favourites. Note: if you have kids, start seeing your bathroom as a venue for sex, making the most of the lock on the door and its discretely frosted windows. To make it a sexier space, paint it a soothing colour – pink and pale blue are meant to increase the libido – and add a few pictures of women bathing. You can also buy a separate, lockable, medicine cabinet and fill it with sensuous supplies like waterproof sex toys, flavoured condoms and massage oils, to keep the passion alive but even the keenest-eyed teenager blissfully unaware.
Wet n’ Wild When your partner heads off for his shower, follow him in to the bathroom and undress him. Most men fantasise about having a woman pleasure him in silence, so don’t say anything, just start to remove his clothes. Run your hands sensuously over him as the garments fall to the floor. Then help him into the shower and use a fruit-scented shower gel to soap him down. (Don’t let the gel get inside his penis as it will cause him to scream lustily for all the wrong reasons.) Make sure you wash every inch of him, and then shampoo his hair. Give him a head massage, using your thumbs to press into the nape of his neck, and gently squeeze your earlobes with your fingers, as they contain acupuncture pressure-points and are very sensitive. Then have him step out of shower. Dry him by licking the water off with your tongue, then either lay him on the floor on several towels and straddle him, or wrap him in a warm towel and take him upstairs.
Warm Water Dip When a man’s testicles are surrounded by warm water, he feels ejaculation very strongly, so the bath is a good place to give him a hand job. Start by running your hands all over his stomach, then let them slide down so they are both surrounding his penis. Use one hand to hold the base of his penis so it gently pulls his foreskin back (if he has one). Keep that hand in place all the time, and use the other to grip the shaft gently, and slide it up and down. When it comes to pressure, the best way I heard to describe the right amount was, “The same force with which you’d hold a can of coke”. Stroke up and down, and occasionally twist your hand around in a helterskelter motion. Keep your pressure steady, and slowly increase the speed. When he seems to be approaching orgasm, don’t slow down or stop. But also don’t go too fast and furious – too fast will tire your arm and you’ll
103
find yourself muttering, “Oh for God’s sake, can we move this along?”, and too furious will be painful for him. When he starts to orgasm, keep masturbating him very gently with one hand and use the fingertips of the other to push gently on his perineum (the area between his balls and bum). This will feel like you are milking every last drop out of him, which men love. Stop touching him when he’s finished, as any touching after his orgasm can feel unpleasant to him. Then kiss him sensuously, and don’t mention that it’s his turn to clean the bath.
Cor, Luvaduck An easy way to raise the temperature of your lovemaking from luke-warm to scalding is using sex toys in the bathroom. As mentioned above, lock these away in a medicine cabinet or keep them in a pretty basket (with a lid!) on the shelf. You can buy several different toys for bathtime bliss now, or you can make any existing toy waterproof by slipping it inside a condom and tightly tying the end in a knot. If you want to buy a specific toy, I’d suggest one of the naughty rubberducks. They look like normal, innocent, rubber ducks
Most men fantasise
about having a woman
pleasure him in silence, so don’t say anything Bathroom
Hot and Cold Running Lust When your man is having a shower or a bath – whether that’s a daily or annual event – there are several ways you can give him a very sensuous and passionate surprise. These are some of my favourites. Note: if you have kids, start seeing your bathroom as a venue for sex, making the most of the lock on the door and its discretely frosted windows. To make it a sexier space, paint it a soothing colour – pink and pale blue are meant to increase the libido – and add a few pictures of women bathing. You can also buy a separate, lockable, medicine cabinet and fill it with sensuous supplies like waterproof sex toys, flavoured condoms and massage oils, to keep the passion alive but even the keenest-eyed teenager blissfully unaware.
Wet n’ Wild When your partner heads off for his shower, follow him in to the bathroom and undress him. Most men fantasise about having a woman pleasure him in silence, so don’t say anything, just start to remove his clothes. Run your hands sensuously over him as the garments fall to the floor. Then help him into the shower and use a fruit-scented shower gel to soap him down. (Don’t let the gel get inside his penis as it will cause him to scream lustily for all the wrong reasons.) Make sure you wash every inch of him, and then shampoo his hair. Give him a head massage, using your thumbs to press into the nape of his neck, and gently squeeze your earlobes with your fingers, as they contain acupuncture pressure-points and are very sensitive. Then have him step out of shower. Dry him by licking the water off with your tongue, then either lay him on the floor on several towels and straddle him, or wrap him in a warm towel and take him upstairs.
Warm Water Dip When a man’s testicles are surrounded by warm water, he feels ejaculation very strongly, so the bath is a good place to give him a hand job. Start by running your hands all over his stomach, then let them slide down so they are both surrounding his penis. Use one hand to hold the base of his penis so it gently pulls his foreskin back (if he has one). Keep that hand in place all the time, and use the other to grip the shaft gently, and slide it up and down. When it comes to pressure, the best way I heard to describe the right amount was, “The same force with which you’d hold a can of coke”. Stroke up and down, and occasionally twist your hand around in a helterskelter motion. Keep your pressure steady, and slowly increase the speed. When he seems to be approaching orgasm, don’t slow down or stop. But also don’t go too fast and furious – too fast will tire your arm and you’ll
103
find yourself muttering, “Oh for God’s sake, can we move this along?”, and too furious will be painful for him. When he starts to orgasm, keep masturbating him very gently with one hand and use the fingertips of the other to push gently on his perineum (the area between his balls and bum). This will feel like you are milking every last drop out of him, which men love. Stop touching him when he’s finished, as any touching after his orgasm can feel unpleasant to him. Then kiss him sensuously, and don’t mention that it’s his turn to clean the bath.
Cor, Luvaduck An easy way to raise the temperature of your lovemaking from luke-warm to scalding is using sex toys in the bathroom. As mentioned above, lock these away in a medicine cabinet or keep them in a pretty basket (with a lid!) on the shelf. You can buy several different toys for bathtime bliss now, or you can make any existing toy waterproof by slipping it inside a condom and tightly tying the end in a knot. If you want to buy a specific toy, I’d suggest one of the naughty rubberducks. They look like normal, innocent, rubber ducks
Most men fantasise
about having a woman
pleasure him in silence, so don’t say anything Bathroom
Outdoors Books can suggest new ideas to try, but one of the simplest ways to
spice up your nookie
is
simply to move it to a new location. The difference in situation will
give you a jolt, and you’ll find yourself flooded
with inspiration. This is why sex in a hotel can be so exciting. Your brain is stimulated by
new sensations
from the texture of the sheets to the view out of the window, which adds a
shiny new lustre
to the sex too.
,
Outdoors Books can suggest new ideas to try, but one of the simplest ways to
spice up your nookie
is
simply to move it to a new location. The difference in situation will
give you a jolt, and you’ll find yourself flooded
with inspiration. This is why sex in a hotel can be so exciting. Your brain is stimulated by
new sensations
from the texture of the sheets to the view out of the window, which adds a
shiny new lustre
to the sex too.
,
Positions to make the great outdoors even greater
Expect the fast and furious Having sex outside means having full-throttle nookie without any of the niceties of bedroom bonking. Don’t expect it to be a romantic experience: the idea is to get to the climax as fast as possible, so the sweetnothing whispering and slow undressing has to go. If he manages not to ram your face into the barbecue pit, that’s just a bonus. The secret is to concentrate on positions that deliver maximum stimulation in the minimum time.
Girl on top This is a great bet for al fresco fornicating as it can be stimulating and discrete at the same time. If you have dressed appropriately in no knickers, a long, loose skirt and a top that buttons up at the front, you could enjoy amazing sex in the middle of Tesco’s car park and nobody would know. Start by massaging your man through his trousers to get him aroused – this is easiest if you sit on his lap, and use one hand to slide under his waist band and grab his bits. Once he is hard, undo his trousers then sit astride him. Your skirt should cover the big moment as you slide him inside you, and then he can unbutton your top so he can see your breasts bouncing with every thrust. When you’re on top, sit up straight and make your man support his weight on his elbows as he lies on his back. This will shift the position of his penis slightly so it rubs directly against your gspot. Then he can slip one hand under your skirt to massage your clitoris as you ride him.
134
Outdoors
Positions to make the great outdoors even greater
Expect the fast and furious Having sex outside means having full-throttle nookie without any of the niceties of bedroom bonking. Don’t expect it to be a romantic experience: the idea is to get to the climax as fast as possible, so the sweetnothing whispering and slow undressing has to go. If he manages not to ram your face into the barbecue pit, that’s just a bonus. The secret is to concentrate on positions that deliver maximum stimulation in the minimum time.
Girl on top This is a great bet for al fresco fornicating as it can be stimulating and discrete at the same time. If you have dressed appropriately in no knickers, a long, loose skirt and a top that buttons up at the front, you could enjoy amazing sex in the middle of Tesco’s car park and nobody would know. Start by massaging your man through his trousers to get him aroused – this is easiest if you sit on his lap, and use one hand to slide under his waist band and grab his bits. Once he is hard, undo his trousers then sit astride him. Your skirt should cover the big moment as you slide him inside you, and then he can unbutton your top so he can see your breasts bouncing with every thrust. When you’re on top, sit up straight and make your man support his weight on his elbows as he lies on his back. This will shift the position of his penis slightly so it rubs directly against your gspot. Then he can slip one hand under your skirt to massage your clitoris as you ride him.
134
Outdoors
Sex Goddess Domestic Kate Taylor