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DECEMBER 19, 2019 VOL. 16 • ISSUE 307 QSALTLAKE.COM
PERSON
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DECADE
Mark Lawrence Founder, Restore Our Humanity
DECADE IN REVIEW • QUEER GUIDE TO SUNDANCE • THANKFUL FOR HIS T WO DADS
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6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PEOPLE OF THE YEARS
QSaltLake’s People of the Years Over 15 years, we have declared 19 men, 19 women and one drag queen People of the Year. Here are the covers of each of those issues. Find all of these at issuu.com/qsaltlake
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
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ISSUE 307
news The top national and world news since last issue you should know BY CRAIG OGAN
Hillary crosses Ts and gets panned A comment to a BBC reporter was all it took for Hillary Clinton to open a can of “outrage-mob” whoop-ass on herself. She was asked about some cisgender women’s discomfort with sharing locker rooms with transgender women, Hillary said, “I do think there is a legitimate concern about women’s lived experience and the importance of recognizing that, and also the importance of recognizing the self-identification. This is all relatively new. People are still trying to find the language for it.” Commentators of all political stripes criticized her for thought crimes ranging from insensitivity to transgender women’s self-identification to implying approval for male predators to invade women’s safe spaces. Ignored by the “Mob” is Hill’s public support for transgender equality expressed as early as 2015 and her support for the Equality Act which is pending in the U.S. Congress.
Mayor Pete leads polls and gets Frontrunner treatment Gay political heartthrob, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, holds a 7-point lead in Iowa Demo-
cratic Voter preference and is in a three-way situation with co-front runners, Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders, in the New Hampshire primary. With Front Runner status comes a bulls-eye target posted on his back.. Erstwhile Candidate, California sharp-shooter, Kamala Harris criticized him as “naïve” for him to compare his struggles as a gay man with the struggles faced by African-Americans. During the most recent Democratic Candidate Joint Appearance, Amy Klobuchar claimed he was a lightweight because he hadn’t won an election any more important than the two he won for mayor of South Bend, Indiana.
National Cathedral honor for Shepard The remains of Matthew Shepard, a victim of a 1998 hate crime whose death became a landmark moment, were interred in the National Cathedral last year. This year the grave was marked by a monument, in the Episcopal Church in Washington D.C., paid by the Matthew Shepard Foundation after a worldwide fundraising effort. The ceremony was officiated by Rev. Randolph Marshall Hollerith of the National Cathedral and Rev. Mariann Edgar Budde. Attending were, Judy and Dennis Shepard (Matthew’s parents), singer Mary Lambert, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington and Rev. V. Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church.
Fiddle Dee Dee, Billy Dee says “I’m fluid” You know a new Star Wars feature is coming out when the Disney PR department cranks out some harmless gay content. This time, an 82-yearold. Billy Dee Williams, who returns to the Star Wars series as Lando Calrissian in The Rise of Skywalker, told Esquire Magazine he is “gender fluid.” He told the mag, “And you see I say ‘himself’ and ‘herself,’ because I also see myself as feminine as well as masculine. I’m a very soft person. I’m not afraid to show that side of myself.” He said the 1971 TV movie Brian’s Song, where he played U.S. football great Gale Sayers was, “A love story, really. Between two guys. Without sex.” In an earlier Star Wars PR blitz, the actor portraying a younger Lando in a prequel, Donald Glover, claimed he portrayed Lando as “pan-sexual”, but again, harmless, “without sex.”
Word of the year A four-letter word beat “quid pro quo,” “impeach,” “snitty” (used by A.G Barr describing a letter he received from Robert Mueller), ”crawdad” and “tergiversation (evasive language or activity).” The use of “they” in a non-binary context was named Word-of-the-Year by Merriam-Webster.com. The dictionary website saw a 313 percent increase in look-ups of the word. The increased searches surprised the company as, “It’s a word we all know and love.” The word’s use by entertainment figures and in U.S. Congressional testimony drove the increase. Merriam-Webster added a new definition to reflect non-binary gender identity. Other words in the Top 10 List of searched words are “camp” (thanks
Susan Sontag) and “exculpate (“to clear from alleged fault or guilt)”.
Show Me State Shows Up Delegates to a conclave of the Episcopal Diocese of Missouri overwhelmingly elected the Rev. Deon K. Johnson to be the next bishop. The Barbados born bishop currently lives in the Detroit area with his husband and two children. The Episcopal Church (the U.S.A. version of the Church of England) has been divided over LGBTQ rights in recent years, with some individual churches boycotting the Lambeth Conference of Anglican Communion — which takes place every 10 years — over the inclusion of gay bishops. Dioceses in New Hampshire, Maine, and Michigan have also elected partnered gay bishops, as has the Diocese of Toronto in the Anglican Church of Canada.
Greed doesn’t pay A Sean Cody performer, who went to jail for blackmailing a big donor to the Republican Party has been released from prison after 70 months. Don Teofil Brank (or as Sean Cody fans know him, Jarec Wentworth) was an active sex worker for the high-profile Republican donor both personally and as a pimp. He got greedy and demanded the donor to Romney, Bush, Giuliani and Scott Brown, Donald Burns, give him $1.5 million, an Audi worth $100,000 and an apartment in downtown LA. The FBI set-up a sting and Brank ended up in jail for more than five years of free food and lots of sex.
8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
Qsaltlake.com |
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
TO WEST WENDOVER, Nevada Featuring the Matrons of Mayhem
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December 19, 2019 |
NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9
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Facebook on the hot seat Over 50 LGBTQ and health nonprofit organizations, including the Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, amfAR, and the Gay Men’s Health Crisis are asking Facebook to take down ads by a personal injury attorney firm. The firm is looking for people using Truvada who believe their health has been compromised by the drug’s use. The law firm’s ads suggest Truvada has harmful side effects, including issues related to bone density and kidney function. Truvada has been shown to be up to 99% effective in HIV prevention when used correctly. The groups claim the ads are, “causing significant harm to public health,” because information may incite public mistrust in PrEP. Facebook says the ads do not violate any policies and the information has not been found to be false by the company’s third-party fact-checkers. The warning on the packages does mention kidney and liver issues as possible side effects.
Filipino gay agenda in California Two gay men with antecedents hailing from the Philippines, though on different sides of the political spectrum, are poised to be highly placed public officials in California. San Diego city council member Todd Gloria is a leading candidate for San Diego mayor in the 2020 election. Patrick Bumatay, considered to have a conservative judicial philosophy, was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to the California 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. Gloria’s election would make San Diego the largest U.S. city to elect an openly gay man as mayor. Bumatay becomes the highest-ranking federal judge from the LGBTQ com munity. Q
LGBTQ: Utah Rep. Chris Stewart’s ‘Fairness For All Act’ isn’t Republican Congressman Chris Stewart represents Utah’s 2nd District in the U.S. House of Representatives. In a recent op-ed piece in The Salt Lake Tribune, Stewart wrote, “LGBT advocates and faith groups have joined with me to introduce the Fairness for All Act — legislation intended to balance the legitimate rights of both LGBT and religious communities. “In contrast with the House-passed Equality Act,” he continued, “this legislation accomplishes the protection of our LGBT communities from housing, employment and other forms of discrimination without compromising the religious liberties of America’s faith communities. During a recent press conference, support came from the American Unity Fund, which is dedicated to advancing the cause of freedom for LGBT Americans, as well as support from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which was represented by Elder Ronald A. Rasband. Governor Gary Herbert also offered his support, noting that “there is room in our pluralistic society for people of good will to disagree on these issues but still coexist and be treated fairly.” “This bill is the way to build bridges between diverse communities,” Margaret Hoover, the president of the American Unity Fund, told the Tribune. “It is the kind of bill and approach that represents the best of our traditions as Americans by bringing diverse coalitions together, individuals, people of faith,
LGBTQ people and allies. This bill promotes civic pluralism, which is what we are at our heart, the best of America.” On the other side of the aisle, the Human Rights Campaign, said last week that Stewart’s bill takes the wrong approach and legally allows religious groups to discriminate. “The so-called Fairness for All Act is an unacceptable, partisan vehicle that erodes existing civil rights protections based on race, sex and religion, while sanctioning discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people,” said HRC president, Alphonso David. Troy Williams, the executive director of Equality Utah, spun a more positive tone toward the bill, calling it a “milestone” even if it doesn’t add up to everything his group wants. “Representative Stewart and many conservative faith organizations now recognize that LGBTQ Americans must be included in and protected by our nation’s civil rights laws,” Williams said. “Although Equality Utah was not involved in drafting the Fairness for All Act, and we have significant concerns about some of the bill’s provisions, we look for-
ward to beginning a dialogue with the bill’s sponsor.” But again, at a national level, the American Civil Liberties Union said about the act, “In reality, the bill facilitates the Trump administration’s ongoing efforts to give a green light to those who would turn LGBTQ people away from jobs, health care, housing, even taxpayer-funded programs, simply because of who they are. The bill also weakens some longstanding protections in federal and state laws for everyone, not just LGBTQ people. The ACLU also pointed to three ways the act really isn’t “fair for all”. One, it creates a different Standard for anti-LGBTQ discrimination; and second, it grants a license to discriminate in child welfare; thirdly, it will undermine existing protections from the Courts, noting that within the next several months, the Supreme Court is poised to rule in a trio of cases concerning the existing rights of LGBTQ people under federal law. This new bill would undermine a potentially favorable ruling in those cases by authorizing discrimination in many contexts where it would be prohibited under existing law. Q
10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
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LGBTQ, church leaders agree on rules to ban ‘conversion therapy’ Equality Utah leaders, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints leaders and staff for Utah Gov. Gary Herbert came to an agreement in November to hash out a ban conversion therapy for LGBT minors. In the last legislative session, a bill to end the practice was thwarted by national and local ultra-conservatives, who said the bill went too far, ignored “religious freedoms” and made it impossible for therapists to help any child grappling with sexual and gender identity issues. Since that session, the governor directed the Utah Division of Occupational and Professional Licensing to file a new rule banning the so-called conversion therapy for minors using the bill’s language that failed on Capitol Hill. The LDS Church, however, issued a statement saying that the proposed rules did not take religious freedoms into account, even though the rules were the same language they offered no comment on in the legislature. This new rule prohibits any state-licensed therapist from practicing conversion therapy with minors. This means they will not be allowed to encourage a child to change their sexual orientation or gender identity in any way or give the child hope they can change themselves. Equality Utah’s Clifford Rosky explains that attempts at converting someone’s sexuality or gender identity have serious risks. “The two most recent studies have shown that attempting to change a child’s orientation or gender identity leads to suicide attempts, not just ideation but actual attempts in more than 60 percent of children,” Rosky told KUER Radio’s Lee Hale. Rosky says that the church’s Quorum of the Twelve voted on the language of the original bill in the legislature and decided not to oppose the measure. “The spokesperson of the church in February made very positive comments about being grateful that Equality Utah and the sponsor worked with the church to address its concerns,” Rosky said. But then Rep. Karianne Lisonbee, R-Clearfied, and Rep. Brady Brammer, R-Pleasant Grove, ran bills to dramat-
ically narrow the language of the bill to only include antiquated methods of conversion therapy, such as electro-shock therapy. The duo essentially hijacked the bill, Rosky said. “They took the definition of conversion therapy from the bill, deleted it, and replaced it with something that was essentially meaningless and easy to avoid,” Rosky said. Rosky explained that the bill came from national therapists who offer conversion therapy, even though the practice is strongly opposed by the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, American Psychoanalytic Association, and the American Psychological Association. As the Licensing division devised
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their rules, an exemption that existed in the earlier bill was removed for parents and clergy members. This, apparently, was why the church issued a statement against the proposed rules. The wording in the rule states that a parent or clergy member “who is acting substantially in a pastoral or religious capacity and not in the capacity of a mental health therapist” is exempt. “We are profoundly grateful to Governor Herbert and the Psychologist Licensing Board for the thoughtful and meticulous manner in which they have worked to protect LGBTQ-plus youth from conversion therapy,” said Troy Williams, executive director of Equality Utah. “We have no doubt the adoption of this rule will send a life-saving message to LGBTQ+ youth across our state.” The rules were formally published on Dec. 15 in the Utah State Bulletin, which marks the start of a 30-day public comment period. Q
Utah Supreme Court has not ruled on transgender gender marker change case in two years On January 17 of this year, it will have been two years since Angie Rice and Sean Childers-Gray nervously stood before judges on the Utah Supreme Court, hoping for a ruling to overturn denials in their efforts at getting a gender marker changed on their driver licenses. What were once routinely approved, according to attorney Chris Wharton, were now a hit-and-miss proposition determined by which judge was assigned a case. In 2016, Ogden Judge Noel Hyde allowed for name changes for Rice and Childers-Gray but said a lack of clarity in state code prevented him from granting their gender identity changes. In 2017, Third Judicial District Court in West Jordan, Judge Bruce C. Lubeck, ruled that despite allowing Salt Lake City teen Lex Rigby to change his name on his birth certificate, he could not change his birth certificate to reflect his male identity. These and another case are awaiting the Utah State Legislature to clarify if and when gender can be changed on a birth certificate. Republican Sen. Todd Weiler, who sees the ambiguity in state law around the issue of gender marker changes as a
question for lawmakers rather than judges, ran a bill last year which would have spelled out guidelines for such a change. But anti-LGBTQ Rep. Merrill Nelson of Grantsville proposed an opposing bill that disallowed any changes on a person’s birth certificate unless a substantive mistake was made by the doctor ascribing one’s gender. Neither legislator has said they will bring the issue to the upcoming Utah Legislative Session. In the first nine months of 2019, 71 people successfully obtained gender marker changes, down from 83 in 2018. Courts also granted three “X” designations for those who identify as neither male nor female, according to data from Utah’s Office of Vital Records and Statistics. Q
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‘Welcoming Schools’ Anti-Bullying Program Heats Up Park City In recent months, one Park City elementary school has sparked conflict among Parkites regarding the school’s induction of the Human Rights Campaign’s Welcoming Schools initiative. Welcoming Schools identifies itself as a training tool for elementary school educators focusing on embracing family diversity, creating LGBTQ- and gender-inclusive schools and preventing bias-based bullying. Utah State Board of Education equity and advocacy specialist Holly Bell travels to schools around the state and helps districts implement anti-bullying training newly required by state law and helps teachers promote equity. “My role here is to provide techni-
cal assistance to schools. If I’m able to provide training to help equity, I do,” Bell said in an interview with the Park Record. “Teachers are getting these questions and they don’t know how to answer. (These trainings are) giving them some tools so they know how to answer things that come into their schools.” Yet, when Carolyn Synan, the principal of Trailside Elementary, invited Bell to her school, a group of parents with children enrolled there anonymously sent an email calling it “an LGBTQ indoctrination program and sex education [program]”. Shortly after this, a ceaseand-desist letter from the Pacific Justice Institute, a legal defense organization
Utah County teacher fired for berating 5th grade student thankful for his adoptive gay dads A substitute teacher at Deerfield Elementary School in Cedar Hills, Utah was fired after telling a fifth-grader who is soon to be adopted by two dads that being gay is “a sin.” In a lesson the week before Thanksgiving, the unnamed sub had asked the students what they were thankful for. The 11-year-old boy said he was thankful for “finally being adopted by [his] two dads.” “… I got choked up when he said it — he is thankful that he is finally being adopted by his two dads,” said Dancing with the Stars dancer Louis van Amstel in a video on social media. But then the teacher began berating the boy, and in front of van Amstel by saying to the boy, “Why on Earth would you be happy about that?” and said, “That’s nothing to be thankful for.” She also told the class “homosexuality is wrong” and “two men living together is a sin,” The Salt Lake Tribune reported. The boy didn’t even want to speak up and get the teacher in trouble, but three classmates did, van Amstel said. The three girls reportedly tried to get her to stop berating him, and when she wouldn’t, they left the room to tell the principal. The teacher was then reportedly escorted out of the school while still arguing her point, and subsequently fired from Kelly
Services Staffing. Louis and Joshua, the school and the Alpine school district all express their gratitude to the students who followed their conscience and worked to end the substitute’s tirade. A few days after the incident, the family’s neighbors decorated their house with paper hearts that said, “We love you” and “We support you.” Louis and Joshua were in married in 2017, in Sundance, Utah. Louis just finished a season as a judge of the Dutch version of Dancing with the Stars. Q
specializing in the defense of religious freedom, parental rights, and other civil liberties, was delivered to Synan and to the Park City Superintendent. The cease-and-desist letter made two demands: that the district stop the implementation of Welcoming Schools and that the district remove all Welcoming Schools materials from district buildings, including posters and books. “We initially reject many of the factual and legal assertions set forth in your letter and believe that you are misinformed about the nature of the Welcoming Schools program,” the district’s legal counsel Joan Andrews wrote in an initial letter Oct. 17. In a second letter 12 days later, she added, “should you follow through with your threat of litigation, the District is fully prepared to defend its actions to-date.” Q
12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
Q mmunity
Transgender Health Seminar: Trans-Feminine Surgeries
The University of Utah Health Transgender Health Program invites you to a free seminar, “Transgender Health Seminar: Trans-feminine Surgeries”, to learn how their gender-affirming expert surgeons and physical therapist – James Hotaling, Jeremy Myers, Dana Johns and Kathryn Woolf can help you through your body affirming journey. The seminar will take place at the Utah Pride Center, Jan. 16, 6-8 p.m., 1380 S. Main St. Please RSVP at the link uofuhealth.org/seminartransgenderhealth
Families; It’s All Relative. A Photographic Documentary Exhibit Join Art Access for an opening gala, on Jan. 17, 6-9 p.m., of a photographic portrait project 12 years in the making. The exhibit is created by Marva Match, Dan Fandrich and Lynda Lee, and documents life transitions of families who identify with, or are supportive of, the LGBTQ+ communities in Utah. Each set of portraits represents a family originally photographed in 2007 and again in 2019. Seeking to connect the personal with
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the political and give voice to diverse family groups, the project began with a group of 25 families who were photographed and interviewed about their lives. Some of the families were contacted in 2019 and re-photographed and interviewed again about their life transitions which are both unique and shared. This is a unique experience, so go view the exhibit, enjoy light snacks, take home a tiny portrait of your own family and engage in lively conversation. The exhibit continues through Feb. 13, 2020 at Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West.
Third Friday Bingo The [Mattresses] of Mayhem are collecting non-perishable snacks to include in the Lunches of Love program for homeless youth, such as granola bars, pudding cups, chips, fruit cups, etc. Please bring these items to January’s Third Friday Bingo, Jan 17, 7–9 p.m., at the First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East, and they will give you a free additional bingo card with your paid entry. Regular Admission: $6 for one card or 2 for $10 Party Foul Insurance $5 Flamingo Hat of Shame $5 Drag-in-a-Bag $50.00 (for a contribution of $50 we will give the
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person of your choosing a drag makeover during intermission) Kitchen concessions available for purchase: hot dogs, soft pretzels, nachos, soft drinks and candy bars. This is event is family friendly, kids are welcome and encouraged. This is an alcohol-free event
Adolescent Transgender Health The Adolescent Medicine Clinic offering Gender Management and Support Services (GeMS) will be presenting to parents and youth on the topic Adolescent Transgender Health. This event is hosted by the University of Utah Transgender Health Program and the Utah Pride Center, Jan. 26, 1–3 p.m., at UPC, 1380 S. Main St. Hear about what the Adolescent Medicine Clinic offers, meet some of the providers, and learn about how our team works with your youth through their transition journey. Dr. Nikki Mihalopolous and Dr. Adam Dell are happy to answer both parent and youth questions. They will have one provider presenting to parents while simultaneously in another room the other provider will be presenting to the youth. If you are interested in participating on a youth or parent panel please contact them at transgenderhealth@hsc.utah.edu or message them with any questions. Q
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Puppy Scam Warning From The Better Business Bureau If you are shopping online for a pet this holiday season, watch out for scams. Complaints continue to pour into Better Business Bureau’s Scam Tracker as fake pet and puppy scams are on the increase. Scammers know that few things pull at a person’s heartstrings like an adorable puppy. And as consumers turn to the internet to find new pets, they will be met with a slew of heart-tugging ads. A BBB study found that many of the ads are scams, and anyone looking online for a pet is extremely likely to encounter one. In the last three years, BBB received nearly 16,000 complaints and Scam Tracker reports from consumers about “businesses” selling puppies and other pets.
HOW THE SCAM WORKS You find an adorable puppy on a website or an online ad. Sometimes, scammers claim they are breeders or pet sellers. Other times, they pretend to be a distraught pet owner who must find a new home for their beloved dog. Either way, once you inquire about the pet, they ask you to wire money through such services as Western Union or Moneygram to complete the purchase. The scammers who took Weber County resident Christa Robertson for a total of $2,800 followed this approach exactly. Robertson, trying to purchase 2 French bulldog puppies, paid for both of them online. Then, the “seller” promises your pet will be shipped right away. But there are always unexpected problems. Scammers use a variety of excuses, like saying the airline requires a specific pet crate or the shipper requires costly pet insurance — all of which need to be paid in advance. With each problem, scammers promise that they will refund the unexpected costs as soon as your pet is delivered. For Robertson, the scammers asked her to pay an additional $1900 for two pressurized travel crates in addition to the adoption fee. She was informed she would be reimbursed the full amount upon delivery. She not only was never reimbursed but never received the puppies. “Scammers love to try to take advantage of people when they are in highly emotional situations,” says Jane Rupp, president and CEO of BBB serving
Northern Nevada and Utah. “The excitement of buying a new pet can cloud good judgment, and victims can be hurt financially and emotionally when they realize they have lost their money along with hopes for a new family pet.”
TIPS TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM PET SCAMS: Arrange an in-person visit. If possible, inspect the pet yourself by arranging to meet with the prospective seller in person. Most legitimate breeders will welcome the visit. If you can’t meet in person, ask for FaceTime or Skype videos that show the puppies throughout their early growth. Always pay with a credit card. Never send money via Western Union and Moneygram to people or companies you don’t know and trust. Once the money is wired, it is gone for good. The same goes for prepaid debit cards or gift cards. Always use a credit card in case you need to dispute the charges. If anyone asks you to pay for anything with a gift card, you
may be dealing with fraud. Petscams.com has also has warned people about paying with Zelle, a digital payment system. Reverse search for the image. Do an internet search for the picture of the pet you are considering. If the same picture appears on multiple websites, you may be dealing with a fraud. You also can search for text from ads or testimonials to see if the seller copied it from another site. Research breed prices. If someone advertises a purebred dog for free or at a deeply discounted price, you could be dealing with a fraudulent offer. If they state that they register their dogs with a specific organization or registry, confirm by contacting the registry or organization directly. Check out the website. Go to petscams. com to see if a site selling pets is bogus. Find out what other consumers are saying. Check BBB Scam Tracker and do an internet search on the breeder’s or organization’s name. Q If you have been a victim or see a puppy scam, report it to BBB Scam Tracker.
Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve
14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS
views
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quotes “I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year. ” —Anonymous, Instagram Caption
“My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV.” —Anonymous, Instagram Caption
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much champagne is just right.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald
“I’m still the same person I was last year — now I’m just hungover.” —Anonymous, Instagram Caption
“Less bitter, more glitter.” —Anonymous, Instagram Caption
“Just here to find my Troy Bolton.” —Anonymous, Instagram Caption
“I want your midnights, but I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day.” —Taylor Swift
“I was once part of a Christmas cabaret. I sang ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.’ I tap-danced. I had a ten-gallon hat. It was quite absurd.” —Peter Dinklage
“I’m bad on Valentine’s Day, but even worse on Christmas. I go shopping at nine o’clock on December 24th every year. Nobody else is there. I’m in Toys’R’Us all by myself. I get there five minutes before closing. ” —Jamie Foxx
“Christmas is a stocking stuffed full of sugary goodness.” —Mo Rocca
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guest editorial
Ignoring bullies only goes so far — just ask Jordan Steffy BY BROCK THOMPSON
Have
liberals finally learned to stand up for themselves? “Call me a faggot one more fucking time…” I must have watched it well over a dozen times. You might have too. That video clip of that gay teen somewhere in middle America who had finally had enough from his tormentor. The kid’s name is Jordan Steffy, the school, Indiana’s LaPorte High School. But it could have
been any of us in any of the small-town cinderblock public schools we came from, the hallways we had to carefully navigate, the bullies we had to dodge. Time we had to bide. I think that’s why the clip was so popular. That and that glorious slap was something out of a Hollywood sound-effect studio. So perfect. Go watch it if you haven’t yet. “Because I am motherfucking
done with you…” I wonder how far this kid had been pushed to get to that point? It also resonated because it could have been any of us really. And we sort of wish it was, right? Sweet justice for a bully. And frankly, I’ve always thought it a mistake to mislabel gays as cowards, people not willing to stand up for themselves. Truth be told, some of the gays I know in Washington are the most ruthless people I’ve ever met. Maybe the video and again that sweet slapping sound resonated perhaps because it represents a larger turn of the tide, or a least a change of tactics for some of us. This past week there were several headlines of liberals (finally) getting angry. Literally, go Google it. “Nancy Pelosi Gets Angry,” “Joe Biden Gets Angry.” And people largely responded well to it. Nancy Pelosi laid it out in no uncertain terms for a right-wing news journalist when asked if she hated President Trump. The look on her face says she might be a grandmother but she’s not putting up with any of that crap. “Don’t mess with me,” she told him with a pointed finger. Joe Biden responded similarly when an Iowa voter rather foolishly gurgled up some Republican talking points. Anyone out there might want to rethink the whole past-his-prime narrative after seeing his reaction to the voter mentioning his son and supposed corruption. “You’re a damn liar,” Biden told the man. Perhaps both should have told their hecklers that they were “motherfucking done with you.” Maybe only a gay teen pushed too far can get away with that sort of colorful language. But, like that kid, I’ve always found it annoying and regrettable that liberals have the reputation of running out of the room as soon as the fight starts. Or that it seems that Democrats for some time were always bringing knives to gunfights. Or that any emotion, especially anger, is too much emotion. Maybe all that’s changing.
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Maybe it’s time to get a little angry. To start slapping back. Maybe I’m mistaken. But their side seems to have been pretty damn angry for some time. And don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should stoop to anyone’s level of pettiness and vitriol. But we should certainly stand up for ourselves when we find ourselves being horribly misrepresented, mischaracterized, or even pushed around. It might be the only language they understand. Going into next year, an election year, this is an important takeaway. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but shouldn’t have John Kerry responded a bit more forcefully to being Swift-boated? Hillary Clinton more soundly to endless email drama? Ignoring bullies only goes so far. Just ask Jordan Steffy from LaPorte, Ind. He’ll tell you. Sometimes a little anger every now and then is worth it. Q
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
who’s your daddy
House Hunters CHRISTOPHER KATIS
For all
the changes our family has experienced during the past decade — both good and bad — we’ve had one enduring constant: our house. We’ve lived in a lot of places over the years, which is why our current house is so special; we’ve lived in it longer than anywhere else. Buying a home can be an BABS DE LAY arduous task, especially for LGBTQ families. We survived the ordeal by always using great realtors, which made all the difference. So, to better understand the home buying needs of gay parents, I spoke with two of the LGBTQ community’s top realtors: Babs De Lay, principal broker and owner
of Urban Utah Homes and Estates; and recent Fabby recipient Juan Magana, a realtor with Mansell Real Estate. The first step for anyone buying a home is understanding what you want: the number of bedrooms, square footage, and where you want to live. You also need to know your price range. But there are other considerations for LGBTQ parents, like the schools, parks, and even the other kids on the street. Babs De Lay, who’s been at this for 35 years advises, “One thing to watch is the age of the schools and attendance (will that school be closing soon due to lack of students?), proximity to mass transit (look at future mass transit maps) and where commercial development is going in in the areas you might want to live. For years I touted the close proximity of Rose Park to downtown, and the solid homes built there on big lots. Very few listened. Now Rose Park homes, thanks to TRAX going all along North Temple, are hovering near $300,000 — 10 years ago they cost $150,000.” It’s also crucial to understand your finances. Seven-year veteran Juan Magana cautions against over paying for a home, and suggests his clients work toward building equity. “Know your numbers,” he suggests. “I have all my buyers meet with my lender first to determine their purchase price range. It’s a deciding factor when shopping for a home. Lenders are also often aware of various grants and programs available to home buyers, and can suggest which ones to pursue.” De Lay agrees, “It is important to find a lender from the LGBT community who will sit down with you and talk you through the myriad of loans out there, and who will understand your home life. You want a lender for life to help you through your financial stages of first time buying, growing to a big-
ger home, refinancing, etc. Same as with a lawyer, CPA, or insurance agent, find a real estate broker for life.” But don’t look to your realtor to choose your neighborhood for you. Legally, they can’t steer you to one neighborhood or away from another. De Lay said, “I frequently get asked, ‘Where is the gay neighborhood?’ My answer is, ‘gays live everywhere!’ I always think that the gayborhoods are Marmalade, 9th and 9th, and Sugar House, but nowadays LGBT folks are gaytrifying Rose Park, Poplar Grove, the Granary District, South Salt Lake and sections of Ogden.” Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Magana suggests overlooking some aesthetics. “Some homes will have a few things that will need to be updated JUAN MAGANA and that’s OK! See it as an opportunity to put your own touch into a home. It can also be a factor in price negotiations.” But definitely don’t skip the inspection or rely on a friend or family member to do it. De Lay says, “Inspectors know to conduct radon, meth, sewage scopes and other valuable tests.” One last bit of really important advice for LGBTQ home buyers: “When you do put on your big pants and buy something, get a will /estate plan drawn up,” advises De Lay. “I’ve had to work with very sad stories over the years where one owner died and forgot to put the partner on the deed and the partner was out on the streets after the funeral.” There’s no denying it, buying a home can be a stressful experience. But with the right professional guidance, you can find the perfect house for your family, and start creating decades worth of memories. Q You can reach Babs De Lay at babs@urbanutah.com or 801-201-8824, and Juan Magana at juan@mansellrealtors. com or 801-879-0585.
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creep of the week
Anne Ennis BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI
I spent
part of my weekend attending a 2019 Election post-smortem where a group of committed volunteers, activists, candidates and elected officials went over what went right and what went not-soright in 2019. Some of you might be thinking, “There was an election in 2019?” And I could say I forgive you and we’re all human and let bygones be bygones and all that — but I won’t. Because you’re not allowed to skip elections. Not now. Not ever again. Even, and especially, the local ones, which are the races we discussed at this meeting. That’s how we managed to get progressive majorities on city councils that used to be deep red. And how we got candidates elected who had never run before. And that’s how we plan to use that energy and momentum as we gear up for 2020. Local elections are so important. They aren’t sexy. They don’t have the razzle-dazzle of a presidential election or even a governor’s race. Local races don’t tend to have swag like bumper stickers and T-shirts, and they also lack the chatter of pundits. If you want to learn about school board or city council candidates, you’re going to have to drag yourself to a local school or public library for a usually sparsely attended candidate forum. If you see the
candidates on TV at all it will probably be on a public access channel at 3 a.m. But local government is what most directly and immediately touches your everyday life. They make decisions about your child’s education. They decide whether that empty lot in your town gets turned into a park or sold and turned into a Tim Horton’s. They decide what happens with the taxes you pay. You want people serving in these roles who are competent and moral and just. And that doesn’t happen by chance. Conservatives have understood this for a long time and have traditionally been very engaged at the local level. And there have been capable local elected officials who swing to the conservative side. But with the Republican party literally losing its collective mind and turning into a Donald Trump fan cult, it’s more important than ever to get your progressive neighbors onto your city council, library board and school board. A case in point: A recent exchange at a board meeting between a member of the Evansville-Vanderburgh County School Corporation board and members of the Tri-State Alliance — which describes itself as “a social service and educational organization that serves the diverse LGBTQ communities of Southwestern IN, Western KY and Southern IL” —
attended the board meeting to advocate for LGBTQ students “with emphasis on transgender student suicides.” This was according to the description of a video on their Facebook page. In the video, a member of the Tri-State Alliance accuses a woman identified as Board Member Anne Ennis of being transphobic. In response, she mimes playing a violin and says, “Cry me a river.” In response, a voice off-camera says as Ennis walks away, “Oh, cry us a river over kids who’ve died? Kids commit suicide. You don’t care.” The same voice then adds, “You’re a shitty person,” but the door is already closing behind Ennis. Now, I don’t know this woman. Maybe she’s just a really big fan of performance art and is simultaneously really terrible at it. But it seems pretty clear that she was dismissing the concerns brought to her by Tri-State Alliance. If that is not the case, then I welcome her defense and explanation. We have a federal government that has turned its back on transgender and gender non-conforming students. Remember that under Obama schools received guidance about keeping transgender students safe. Trump yanked that guidance. So there’s nobody at the top advocating
for these vulnerable young people. LGBTQ students need champions in their corners. If you want to help protect LGBTQ youth then run for school board or support an ally who is running. You owe it to those kids to do your research on who is running for school board and other local offices and to elect people who say no to discrimination, homophobia and transphobia. A few years ago, a woman running for school board in my son’s district handed me a flier. I asked about her position on LGBTQ students and families. She told me she wasn’t anti-anybody, and that she was an ally. “But that’s not really relevant to the school board,” she said. “It’s very relevant to me,” I said. “This district includes sexual orientation in its non-discrimination clause. Most Michigan districts don’t. That’s why we moved here.” “You know, I never thought about that,” she responded. “But I will.” She got my vote because she was willing to listen, something Ennis seems unwilling to do. Now who’s going to run against her? Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
lambda lore
Gay & Lesbian Utah Democrats’ tumultuous ’96 BY BEN WILLIAMS
A casualty
of an uncompromising homophobic state legislature session in 1996 was the demise of the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats, commonly referred as simply as GLUD. Once a powerhouse within Utah’s Democrat Party, GLUD folded at the end of 1996 due to a turbulent anti-gay year in Utah’s politics and also in part due to the acerbic personality of its founder David Nelson. Nelson had been very effective in promoting anti-discrimination ordinances in Utah, however even when reporters called Nelson “persistent,” they also called him “brash and even insulting.” While many in the gay community found David Nelson difficult to work with, they admired his results and dedication to advancing equal rights in Utah. After the Mormon Church’s official 1994 opposition to gay marriage, Democratic leadership within the state became concerned about how much GLUD demanded from them in order to receive their endorsement. While publicly defending the civil rights of homosexuals, many Utah Democrats privately distanced themselves from the “gay-rights agenda” promoted by GLUD. In 1995 Rep. Kelly Atkinson, the state House Minority Whip, wanted to distance the Democrat Party from “fringe groups” of which he included gay people. Political advisers had for several years warned Democratic leaders that in order to reverse their declining electability in Utah, they had to appeal to a larger bloc of LDS voters now securely in Republican hands. During the heated 1996 legislative session, several leading Democratic leaders and officeholders summoned David Nelson, GLUD chair Michael Aaron, and executive director Dale Sorenson, to a closed-door meeting on Capitol Hill. At this February meeting state party chairman, Mike Zuhl told the leaders that he believed protecting the equal rights of
“bisexual, gay and lesbian people” wasn’t supported by most Utahns and that state Democrats should be silent about their issues or risk losing elections. Zuhl, along with House minority leader Rep. Frank Pignanelli and Rep. Kelly Atkinson requested that GLUD remove the word Democrat from its name. They claimed the use of “Democrat” in GLUD’s title was hurting the Democrats’ efforts to appeal to a broader political base within the state. Nelson asked Zuhl what could GLUD expect in return if the gay caucus agreed to change its name. Pignanelli argued that it was not the time to push for expanded rights, as there were Republican-led efforts to curb existing gay rights. “You have a senate that basically wants to eradicate them,” Pignanelli said. Aaron said the real source of friction between GLUD and Democratic leaders was that the party’s establishment was not willing to stand up for gay issues. He complained that the Democrats had failed to oppose a Republican bill the previous year that strengthened Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage. Nelson had earlier trademarked the name Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats and thus refused the demands to drop Democrat from the gay caucus’ name. Later GLUD further infuriated party leaders when they endorsed civil-rights attorney Rocky Anderson over State Rep. Kelly Atkinson as the Democratic candidate for the Second Congressional District Race. GLUD’s endorsement of Anderson was because of his strong support of same-sex marriages and other gay and lesbian issues. Atkinson, on the other hand, had supported Senate Bill 246 which aimed to restrict gay and lesbian student groups. Anderson won the primary battle at the state Democratic convention, due in part to the support by the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats. Nelson came under fire from within
the gay community after he criticized Anderson in the summer of 1996. He accused Anderson of flip-flopping on the gay marriage issue after Anderson “clarified” his position on same-sex marriage. Anderson stated that, while he supported gay unions, he would not himself advocate for it if elected to Congress. Nelson was unhappy with Anderson’s clarification and sent out a press release saying the caucus was “disappointed and angry” at Anderson over the “change” in his same-sex marriage stance. Nelson felt that Anderson had broken a promise made to GLUD for their endorsement of him over Atkinson in the primary. After the press release was published, a number of GLUD members and supporters severely criticized Nelson saying he didn’t speak for the gay community or the gay caucus. Still, Nelson was able to get chosen as a delegate to the Democratic National Convention that was held in Chicago in August. Nelson was the only openly gay member of the Utah delegation. While attending the convention in Chicago, Nelson sent out more than a dozen news releases during the five-day event. Members of Utah’s delegation publicly expressed their tolerance of equal rights for gays, yet many of them said privately that they wished that Nelson was not quite so “zealous” with his dispatches. They worried that he made it appear as if the Utah Democratic Party was promoting, and not just tolerating, homosexuality. These delegates were anxious that this perception would not help the party back in Utah. However, Nelson wasn’t deterred by such concerns. He said of the worries of the straight delegates, “they don’t worry about whether attracting the Mormon vote may offend some other group.” The 1996 Democratic Convention nominated President Bill Clinton to challenge Bob Dole, the Republican choice in the November Presidential election. Upon returning to Utah David Nelson then joined the steering committee of the Clinton/Gore campaign’s “Lesbian and Gay Leadership Council of Utah.” In Salt Lake County, the most important political race that year was for the Second Congressional house seat. Democrats chose Rocky Anderson to campaign
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for the office against Merrill Cook, a Republican conservative favored by the Utah Eagle Forum. Cook was opposed to gay rights in all measures. So much so that even the Utah Log Cabin Republicans endorsed Rocky Anderson over Cook. Cook promised that he was not going to campaign on the issue of same-sex marriage, but during the fall he began running TV ads that showed Rocky Anderson voted yes for same-sex marriages, with Cook voting no. Additionally, Cook took every opportunity in debates with Rocky Anderson to mention Anderson’s stands on same-sex marriages, even though Anderson had made it clear that he would poll his constituents and vote on any same-sex marriage bills as his constituents wish. In October, fliers printed on hot pink paper showed up in the Salt Lake City business district. They were taped on the Main Street headquarters of Rocky Anderson, on some newspaper boxes, retail storefronts, and street posts. Written on the fliers in large, bold type were the words: “Utah Gay & Lesbians Unite. We Have a Voice. Ross Anderson for Congress. Pro Abortion. Pro ACLU. Pro Gay Clubs
in Schools. Pro More Gun Control. Anti Death Penalty.” In smaller type at the bottom, imitating the legally required committee endorsement was written: “Utah Gay and Lesbian for Anderson Committee”. However, there was no such committee. It was simply a dirty political trick by Rocky Anderson’s opponents. Cook denied any connection to the fliers. In November, President Clinton was reelected nationally but state Democrats were trounced. Rocky Anderson was defeated for the Second Congressional District and Rep. Bill Orton lost his Third Congressional District race. Republicans held every major state office except for the attorney general. Only 20 Democrats were elected in the 75-member House of Representatives and nine Democrats in the 29-member Senate. After this statewide rejection of Democrats, Nelson announced on November 5 that the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats would cease its fund-raising and lobbying work by the end of the year. The caucus was renamed Utah Democratic Gay and Lesbian Caucus until 2002 when it was renamed Utah Stonewall Democrats. Q
First Wednesdays at 7pm at the Utah Pride Center 1380 S Main St Info at bit.ly/UGHS_Lecture Read ‘This Day in Gay Utah History’ at benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com
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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PERSON OF THE DECADE
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
Person of the Decade:
Mark Lawrence BY MICHAEL AARON
Each year,
QSaltLake Magazine declares who we think is the person or the people who have made the greatest difference, for better or worse, to Utah’s LGBTQ community. In 2009 we introduced the People of the Decade, which we awarded to Salt Lake City Councilwomen Deeda Seed and Jill Remington Love and Salt Lake County Councilwoman Jenny Wilson for their longstanding work for our community and their successes in passing positive legislation to benefit us. As we looked back on the 20-teens, many, many people did incredible work to progress the quality of the lives in our community. Many people also worked against us. As our team discussed and argued and brainstormed and reasoned, one name rang out as our Person of the Decade. Mark Lawrence had a dream. His dream brought us the right to marry the partner of our choice, and ultimately brought us a shift in public perception of our community. His dream was hardfought, it was done outside the “powers that be,” and it amazed the world.
I WANTED TO BRING GAY MARRIAGE TO UTAH “I came back from the dead. I felt like I owed humanity something,” Lawrence starts out the film documentary, Church & State. “I wanted to bring gay marriage to Utah.” No one, including those who ultimately became the plaintiffs in the case, thought it was possible. And no one thought he was the man to get it started. “People said, the Mormon Church will never allow gay marriage in Utah. So, I said, well, let’s not go to the Mormon Church with this. We have the federal laws and we have the Constitution,” he said to the filmmakers. Everyone was afraid to stand up to the “big giant.”
APATHY IN SAN FRANCISCO AT THE HEIGHT OF AIDS, CANCER Lawrence grew up in a farm community in Cache County, Utah.
He moved to San Francisco in the 1980s when AIDS was at its peak. Even after being diagnosed as being HIV-positive, he watched on the sidelines as his friends died, as ACT-UP demonstrated. He wondered to himself why he wasn’t one of those fighting and marching. He said it took a lot of guts to do such things. He wondered if he was just afraid. He also knew it would give his life more meaning if he’d gotten involved rather than “reading about it in the paper.” In 2010 he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He took a few years to go through chemotherapy and fight it. “I came out of that different,” he said. “I’ve got this second chance. Let’s do something.”
GRASSROOTS BEGINNINGS He created a discussion group on Facebook, saying he was putting together a lawsuit to overturn Utah’s ban on gay marriage. They met in coffee shops to discuss the idea. A small group of people started to congregate around the concept. None had PR or fundraising or legal experience. They just had the will. Lawrence began contacting community leaders, trying to get them on board. He was turned down by each and every one of them. “It really began to piss me off,” Lawrence said. “I went to the ACLU and they said, ‘You can’t possibly be serious.’” He sent out emails to a slough of legal teams. Magleby & Greenwood responded. “I was impressed that he was just an individual wanting to do this,” Peggy Tomsic said. “You know what? I thought, ‘that takes a lot of chutzpah.’” The firm knew it would cost at least a million dollars to launch the fight. “Here he was, he had no connections, but he was saying he could get the gay community of Utah and across the country to pay for it,” Tomsic said in the film. “Did I think he could do it? No. Did that bother me? No. Because it was the right thing to do.” Lawrence worked on getting plaintiffs, and three couples signed on once he had
the legal team in place. Derek Kitchen and Moudi Sbeity; Laurie Wood and Kody Partridge; and Karen Archer and Kate Call were the named plaintiffs in the case.
THE CASE IS HEARD The case was heard by Third District Court Judge Robert Shelby, who in the hearing asked Tomsic if he would be the first to rule in favor of overturn-
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ing a state’s laws that banned same-sex marriage. Tomsic answered, “Yes. Congratulations,” to the glee of those in the chambers. Shelby promised an answer by mid- January. On Dec. 20, 2013, the Friday before Christmas, Shelby released his ruling, striking any and all laws within the state, including the Constitutional Amendment 3 that passed in 2004. Everyone was in shock. “To file a case in March and have it decided in December of the same year,” Tomsic said, “It’s never happened in my 31 years of practice.” Couples started marrying almost immediately. Tomsic herself drove to her partner’s work to pick her up to go get married. Salt Lake Mayor Ralph Becker drove to the County Clerk’s office to help marry people. Rev. Curtis Price of First Baptist Church, attorney Chris Wharton, and many others also drove down to get just as many people as possible legally married before the state could file a motion to stay the ruling. In fact, it would have been standard practice for the state to have asked for a ruling to be stayed. No such request was made, which meant that Shelby couldn’t rule on a motion to stay until the state presented him with one.
DOMINOS START TO FALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY Three weeks later, on January 14, 2014, federal judge Terence Kern ruled that Oklahoma’s ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. Kern had been sitting on the case since November of 2004. Then the state of Nevada announced they would not fight a suit attempting to declare their anti-same-sex marriage laws unconstitutional. Then federal judges in Virginia, Illinois, Kentucky, Texas, Tennessee, and Michigan ruled against marriage bans. All of these within three months of Shelby’s ruling. Lawrence’s crazy idea became the first of a string of dominos to fall.
NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS SEE THE LIGHT And then the state and national organizations came on board. In fact, they wanted to take over. The same organizations who said no, that Lawrence and his team were crazy and the stakes were too high and it wasn’t yet time, were now sitting before
the media claiming victory. “A lot of these large national organizations, what I call the professional homosexuals — people who make six-digit incomes on exploiting being gay all had these roadmaps all lined up. They were going to win marriage equality because they had to justify their six-digit incomes to their donors.” Tomsic and the team at Magleby were told by every expert on marriage and the U.S. Supreme Court that they were unwilling to help their case because they were not affiliated with a national LGBT organization.
LAWRENCE IS CROWDED OUT Tomsic and her team turned to the National Center for Lesbian Rights to help them with the case. Lawrence found out by going to the NCLR website and seeing Kitchen and Sbeity’s photo on the front page. Lawrence felt like he’d gone from the highest point of his life to the lowest as he was crowded out by the very people who refused to help in the beginning. And then he was crowded out by the plaintiffs and the legal team. The tenacity, drive, and brazenness that successfully drove him to start the fight for same-sex marriage in Utah were now seen as a liability to the cause as it moved forward through the Court of Appeals and, ultimately, the U.S. Supreme Court.
THE OUTCOME Ultimately, the Court of Appeals upheld Shelby’s ruling and the U.S. Supreme Court ruled on a separate case, making same-sex marriage the law of the land. With same-sex marriage also came a swift shift in public opinion towards those of us who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender. It was a shift unexpected in its speed by social scientists.
TODAY Lawrence says that being the founder of Restore Our Humanity changed his life in unexpected ways. “I’ve always been pretty private in my own life and didn’t expect my personal life to become so public,” he said. “There are a few moments that I regret. I wasn’t prepared for some of the challenges and results that occurred.” The best part of the experience, he said, was how he personally discovered his place in the LGBT community, something he didn’t have before the case.
“I know now what an amazing and beautiful community we are and that gives me strength and makes proud to be who I am,” he said. Today, Restore Our Humanity is working with survivors of sexual abuse perpetrated within the LDS Church. “This has been very difficult,” he said. “I know things that have and continue to exist that are horrifying. I have heard stories and I know things that make me question humanity. “My ultimate goal is to finally expose [those within the LDS Church] for what they do. I’ve met some pretty incredible people in that community and I feel a responsibility to do what I can because it’s the right and the human thing to do. I would like to work with the younger people in our community and help them to understand that we are still in danger.” Restore was also involved in standing up against the anti-LGBTQ World Congress of Families when they met in Salt Lake City in 2015. “In this, I started to become aware of how much anti-LGBTQ hate still exists in our world,” he said. “and it’s deeply troubling.” For now, he is working at a job that he loves and looking forward to restoring an old house he recently bought. “I will continue working with survivors of both sexual abuse and assault in the Mormon Church,” he said. He said that it is now up to a younger generation with fresh ideas to continue the fight for equality. “The battle has not been won and there is still much work to do. It’s up to the younger folks to continue the fight. It’s also important for them to know our history,” he said. “Our biggest enemy right now is apathy. With the current political climate in the U.S. and the world, we can lose everything if we don’t continue the fight.”
PERSON OF THE DECADE As we look back on who made the largest effect on Utah’s LGBTQ community in the past decade, it was a man with the vision, the enthusiasm, the determination, and the unwillingness to sit on the sidelines any longer. For that, we declare Mark Lawrence our Person of the Decade. Oh, and one more thing. Lawrence is still single. Q
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DECADE IN REVIEW 2010
Utah AIDS Foundation Executive Director STAN PENFOLD is sworn in as a member of the Salt Lake City Council. Rep. JASON CHAFFETZ introduces a bill to prohibit Washington, D.C. from legalizing samesex marriage. Documentary 8: THE MORMON PROPOSITION about the LDS Church’s role in passing Proposition 8 is a hit at the Sundance Film Festival. Lesbian Democrat Rep. CHRISTINE JOHNSON announces a compromise to table all pro- and anti-gay bills on the Hill to save Salt Lake City’s ordinances that protect gay and transgender people from housing and employment discrimination. Sen. ORRIN HATCH goes back on his support for repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Salt Lake County DA SIM GILL files felony charges against seven individuals accused of assaulting gay couple David James “DJ” Bell and Dan Fair in 2008, after accusing Bell of abducting two children from a neighborhood party. SALT LAKE CITY’S ordinances that protect LGBTQ residents from employment and housing discrimination go into effect. Sandy and Logan enter into discussions with EQUALITY UTAH. PARK CITY passes anti-discrimination ordinances. Openly lesbian progressive candidate CLAUDIA WRIGHT forces incumbent Rep. Jim Matheson into a primary at the State Democratic Convention. Rep. Christine Johnson announces that she will be leaving Utah for a job as the executive director of Equality South Carolina. WASHINGTON COUNTY SCHOOL DISTRICT changes its school club policy to allow all high schools to form gay-straight alliances. Sandra Bernhard and Martha Wash headline the UTAH PRIDE FESTIVAL which draws 25,000 participants WEST VALLEY CITY passes anti-discrimination ordinances. Utah Sen. ORRIN HATCH says gays and lesbians “don’t pay tithing, their religion is politics” during a campaign stop in Southern Utah. He later says he intended the comment to praise gays and lesbians for their ability to organize and support political causes they found important. SUMMIT COUNTY, LOGAN, AND TAYLORSVILLE pass antidiscrimination ordinances. The U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California OVERTURNS PROPOSITION 8. That night, Utahns rally in celebration of the decision. SALT LAKE COUNTY bans job discrimination against transgender employees. More than half of Team Utah brings home medals from GAY GAMES VIII in Cologne, Germany. Rally for
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Equality speaker RICHARD MATTHEWS calls for the resignation of Utah AIDS Foundation Executive Director Stan Penfold for “dismantling” UAF’s HIV prevention program. A sign for CAFÉ MARMALADE, the Utah Pride Center’s in-house bistro, is vandalized with an anti-gay slur. Gov. Gary Herbert hosts the gay-friendly LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS at a reception at the Governor’s Mansion. Students at WEBER, BONNEVILLE, SYRACUSE, WOODS CROSS AND CLEARFIELD high schools receive permission to start gay-straight alliances. Thousands rally around Temple Square and the Ogden Temple in protest of Ogden LDS Apostle BOYD K. PACKER’S remarks during General Conference that homosexuality is immoral, similar to addiction and that gay people can change their sexuality HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN delivers a petition signed by 150,000 people to LDS headquarters, which called Packer’s remarks harmful and potentially deadly to queer youth. INTERMOUNTAIN HEALTHCARE announces it will offer health benefits to the unmarried partners of employees. ARLYN BRADSHAW becomes the first openly gay man elected to the Salt Lake County Council. MURRAY CITY and MOAB pass nondiscrimination ordinances. After much debate, the SALT LAKE CITY SCHOOL DISTRICT narrowly passes ordinances protecting students, faculty and staff from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity — though not gender expression. Burglars steal computers from the Utah Pride Center’s cyber center. The U.S. House and Senate repeal the military’s anti-gay DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL policy.
2011
Change.org names EQUALITY UTAH as a top 10 “Gay Rights Heroes of 2010” Utah polls dead last in support of gay marriage at 22 percent. However, since 1994, that number nearly doubled. Gov. GARY HERBERT received the annual United Families Utah “Champion of the Family” award for his opposition to civil unions.“Champion of the Family” After a last-ditch effort by Sen. BEN MCADAMS to move a statewide nondiscrimination bill onto the floor for debate failed, all gay-related legislation was killed, including three bills sponsored by Rep. LaVar Christensen which were seen as threatening to Utah queers. OGDEN unanimously passed two anti-bias ordinances to protect against discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation in housing and the workplace. Health insurance benefits were approved for domestic partners of employees of the SALT
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LAKE CITY SCHOOL DISTRICT. Four people charged in connection with the beating of DJ Bell and Dan Fair were sentenced after pleading guilty to aggravated assault, aggravated burglary and rioting charges. ROSEANNE BARR was the grand marshal of the 2011 Utah Pride Festival was the largest on record with 28,000 participants and 100 parade entries. Utah’s first openly gay legislator JACKIE BISKUPSKI stepped down from her House District 30 seat after purchasing a home outside her district. JIM DABAKIS was elected to lead Utah’s Democratic Party, making him the first openly gay head of a major party in Utah. BRIAN DOUGHTY was selected to fill the House District 30 seat vacated by Biskupski The number of reported same-sex couples living together in Utah jumped to 5,814, up from 3,360 in the year 2000 according to the U.S. Census. An HRC poll showed 77 percent of Utahns, and 73 percent of Mormon Utahns, want laws protecting against discrimination in the workplace and housing. After nearly a decade of operation, CONNEXION.ORG shut down The murder investigation of a young, black, gay man in 1978 was reopened for investigation. TONY ADAMS was stabbed to death in his Salt Lake City apartment and no arrests were made in the original case. The case is still open. “DON’T ASK DON’T TELL” is repealed. Hundreds gathered at the Spring Mobile Ballpark to form an enormous pink dot. The PINK DOT event, sponsored by the Support. Love. Courage. council, included celebrity ambassadors Kurt Bestor, Hope Woodside and The Anser. Redistricting eliminated House District 30, represented by Utah’s only openly gay representative, Brian Doughty. The first MOAB PRIDE Festival attracted more than 700 people.
2012
HARRISVILLE became the 14th municipality in Utah to pass an anti-bias ordinance. An abstinenceonly bill sponsored by Rep. Bill Wright, R-Holden, would allow schools to opt out of sex education. After extreme public pressure, Gov. Gary Herbert vetoed the bill. Holden lost re-election later that year. In California, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a federal court ruling declaring California’s ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. SPRINGDALE, Utah’s Town Council unanimously passed an ordinance protecting against bias based on sexual orientation and gender identity in the workplace and housing. BARACK OBAMA voiced his support for marriage equality for all Americans. The Utah Pride Parade made national headlines as
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hundreds of current and former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints with the banner “MORMONS BUILDING BRIDGES” followed grand marshal DUSTIN LANCE BLACK at the head of the procession. The Advocate declared Salt Lake City the gayest city in America, sending shock-waves around the state and country. A picture book depicting a family with two moms was removed from school library shelves in Davis County after more than 20 parents complained. After KSL refused to air NBC’s THE NEW NORMAL, which featured a gay couple, CW30 announced it would air the show. The 11th Equality Utah Allies Dinner attracted an estimated 2,000 people and honored former Utah GOV. JON HUNTSMAN and his wife, MARY KAYE for their outspoken support of civil unions in Utah Shortly after decrying the bullying of gays and lesbians, Mormon Apostle DALLIN OAKS called same-sex parenting a “social experiment” and said it left children at a disadvantage. The Mormon Church launched a website, MORMONSANDGAYS. ORG, that detailed beliefs about homosexuality. The site is a compilation of teachings and was not a reversal of policy.
2013
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In a race to replace outgoing Sen. Ben McAdams, who was elected as Salt Lake County Mayor, 150 Democratic delegates elected JIM DABAKIS over Peter Corroon 67 to 61 as state senator. Equality Utah was ranked the 7th most impactful local equality group in the country by Philanthropedia, a division of GuideStar which reports on U.S. nonprofits. UTAH PRIDE leaders released a brief filed with the U.S. Supreme Court urging the justices
to strike down California’s Proposition 8 and to dismantle all systems of legal discrimination against queer people. Utah Attorney General JOHN SWALLOW signed on to two amicus briefs asking the court to overturn rulings in California’s Proposition 8 case and the U.S. Congress Defense of Marriage Act. “Traditional marriage is the bedrock foundation for families and society,” he wrote. Utah State Sen. STEVEN URQUHART, R-Washington County, sponsored an Equality Utah bill that would have expanded protections against bias based on sexual orientation and gender identity in workplace and housing statewide. The bill made it through committee — the furthest it’s ever gone in a legislative session, but never made it to the floor for a vote. OUTreach Resource Centers volunteer coordinator JACKSON CARTER made it as one of the top three contestants of the reality television show “The Biggest Loser” Starting out at 328 pounds, the 21-year-old Carter lost a total of 138 pounds through a combination of healthy eating and exercise. About 300 people went to celebrate marriage as a union between a man and a woman at the Utah State Capitol, but more than 500 LGBT and allied people showed up to celebrate marriage in all of its forms. Same-sex marriage proponents far outnumbered those invited by the conservative SUTHERLAND INSTITUTE to a “Celebration of Marriage: Every Child Deserves a Mom and a Dad.” Three Utah couples filed a lawsuit in federal court in March challenging Amendment 3, Utah’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage. The complaint argues that the constitutional amendment passed in 2004 denies gay and lesbian citizens the basic right to marriage
as affirmed in the interracial marriage case Loving vs. Virginia. The three couples brought the lawsuit on behalf of RESTORE OUR HUMANITY, a coalition of community members that solicited attorneys James E. Magleby, Jennifer Fraser Parrish and Peggy A. Tomsic of Magleby & Greenwood, to represent them. Sen. ORRIN HATCH told a Logan radio station he would support civil unions as a way to stave off the advancement of gay marriage. He said, while he does not believe sexuality is a choice, marriage equality should not be legalized. Joe My God blogger Joe Jervis was invited by Utah Pride Center Executive Director Valerie Larabee then disinvited because of the opposition of “one young gay man” on Utah Pride’s board of directors, who felt that Jervis would be an insult to Mormons. Headliners of the festival included Glee star Alex Newell, Drag Race’s Pandora Boxx and Ivy Winters, and disco diva Thelma Houston. Out soccer player David Testo was the parade’s grand marshal. Salt Lake Men’s Choir was awarded the Best Overall float at the parade. Scoutmasters Dave McGrath, Peter Brownstein and Neil Whittaker along with boy scouts and cub scouts, walked in the parade as the official color guard. Salt Lake County Councilmen ARLYN BRADSHAW and RANDY HORIUCHI sponsored an ordinance to create a “mutual commitment registry” in the county, mimicking Salt Lake City’s registry, which passed with just one nay vote. MOAB passed a similar registry the following month Due to a filming conflict, SEAN PENN found himself unable to be the keynote speaker of the 12th annual EQUALITY UTAH Allies Dinner as promised. Actor ROBERT REDFORD stepped in and addressed the crowd of 2,000 at the Salt
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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | DECADE IN REVIEW
Palace Grand Ballroom. PROVO held its first festival at Memorial Park in the city’s downtown with booths, entertainment, and music. While the Internal Revenue Service ruled that same-sex couples may file a joint federal income tax return, the UTAH STATE TAX COMMISSION announced same-sex couples must file a Utah income tax return with a filing status of single or head of household. The UTAH PRIDE CENTER announced two layoffs, salary reductions and other cost-saving measures in light of funding shortfalls. A community outcry ensued for weeks after the announcement, opening other issues within the Center, prompting execute director Valeria Larabee to resign. MARCIA WHITE won a seat on the Ogden City Council with 64 percent of the vote. She pulled in endorsements from the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, the Utah AFL-CIO, Good Government PAC, and Equality Utah. She remains on the council to this day. Openly gay candidate TURNER BITTON outraised his opponent, knocked on every door of the district, was endorsed by the local newspaper and put together a series of ideas to improve the neighborhoods in Ogden. But he lost to the incumbent by 116 votes. U.S. District Court Judge ROBERT J. SHELBY struck down Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage, saying it violates the U.S. Constitution’s guarantees of equal protection and due process. Utah is the first federal case ruled on since the U.S. Supreme Court struck California’s Proposition 8 and parts of the federal Defense of Marriage Act. Same-sex couples across the state began flooding county clerk offices to marry, fearing a stay from the state. A stay didn’t happen for 11 days, meaning thousands of couples were able to marry.
2014
The LDS CHURCH found it necessary to issue a statement that they would not allow the performance of same-sex marriages in their churches or by their clergy. QSaltLake, Le Croissant Catering and The Rail Event Center held a “Love Elevated: Mass Wedding Reception” for the hundreds of samesex couples who dropped everything to run to their county clerks’ offices to get married, fearing the window of opportunity would be short. Over 1,500 people attended, raising $25,000 for Restore Our Humanity. A poll released by The Salt Lake Tribune showed 60 percent of Utahns surveyed supported a statewide law that would prohibit discrimination against lesbian, gay,
Qsaltlake.com |
bisexual and transgender citizens in the workplace and housing market. Utah House and Senate leaders decided not to hear any lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender-related bills for fear that rhetoric on both sides of the issue may affect the pending appeal of the Dec. 20 ruling by Judge Robert Shelby striking down the state’s prohibition of samesex marriage. Thirteen protesters who were at the Utah State Capitol Building demanding passage of SB 100 were arrested as they blocked access to a legislative committee hearing. The bill would enact a statewide nondiscrimination law protecting LGBT Utahns from discrimination in the workplace and in housing. The group became known as “The Capitol 13.” HOLLADAY CITY become the 20th municipality in the state to ensure that gay and transgender residents can live and work without fear of unfair discrimination. Sen. JIM DABAKIS announced that he was resigning as chair of the state Democratic Party for family reasons and medical issues. The University of Utah Department of Communications presented the “Service to Journalism” award to QSaltLake publisher and editor MICHAEL AARON at their 59th Annual Communication Awards Banquet April 2. MORMONS BUILDING BRIDGES was rejected by the Days of ’47 Parade Utah Pride selected six grand marshals of the Utah Pride Festival: the three couples of Utah’s Amendment 3 marriage equality case — MOUDI SBEITY AND DEREK KITCHEN, LAURIE WOOD AND KODY PARTRIDGE, AND KATE CALL AND KAREN ARCHER. The Festival drew 34,608 people and the parade was estimated by police at 35,000. SLC police officer was put on paid administrative leave for refusing an assignment at Utah Pride, citing religious convictions in asking for reassignment rather than participating directly in the parade. He ultimately resigned his position over the incident. The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby’s Dec. 20 ruling that Utah’s Amendment 3 and other laws that restricted marriage to male-female couples violates the U.S. Constitution. BYU moved from 6th to 4th in the most “Gay-Unfriendly” university In America according to the
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Princeton Review. Gay former WSU football star Wade Davis II spoke at the Ogden Diversity Symposium Yesco and Reagan Outdoor Signs reject billboards proclaiming “God Loves Gays.” The United States Supreme Court officially rejected appeals from Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin on marriage equality cases, immediately ending the previously imposed stays on appellate court rulings and making same-sex marriage legal in 30 states and the District of Columbia. Equality Utah names TROY WILLIAMS as executive director. Utah Sen. Mike Lee was inducted into the inaugural HRC Hall Of Shame for his “Marriage and Religious Freedom Act”
2015
‘MY HUSBAND’S NOT GAY’ airs on TLC. Provo Mayor JOHN CURTIS called for inclusion and compassion for the city’s LGBT citizens in an open letter. PARK CITY HIGH SCHOOL opened ‘all-gender’ restrooms. Former governor Jon M. Huntsman signed on to a conservative appeal for same-sex marriage After weeks of late-night negotiations between LDS Church representatives, legislators on both sides of the aisle, representatives of Equality Utah, The National Center for Lesbian Rights, Human Rights Campaign and a civil/ religious rights legal specialist, the Utah Legislature overwhelmingly passed a joint ANTI-DISCRIMINATION AND RELIGIOUS FREEDOM BILL, and Gov. Gary Herbert signed it in a rally at the Utah State Capitol Building rotunda. The bill has been hailed across the country as a “great compromise.” Gallup declares Salt Lake as the 7TH-MOST LGBT METROPOLITAN AREA in the U.S. per capita. LDS Quorum of the Twelve Apostles L. Tom Perry warned against acceptance of ‘COUNTERFEIT LIFESTYLES’ at the semi-annual general conference. Trans writer, TV host and advocate JANET MOCK was the grand marshal of the UTAH PRIDE PARADE. Two young men on GRINDR who agreed to meet someone they thought was an 18-year-old man traveling with his parents were booked into Davis County Jail after finding the blank profile was actually a 13-year-old boy. In what was called “a cry for
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help,” a 21-year-old Delta, Utah man claimed he had been jumped as he closed up the family pizza restaurant, forced to drink bleach, and had “die fag” carved into his arms. Rick Jones confessed that the attacks were untrue and that he, alone, was responsible. Exactly two years after the U.S. Supreme Court released its decision in United States v. Windsor, invalidating much of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, the Court announced its 5–4 ruling DECLARING SAME-SEX MARRIAGE THE LAW OF THE LAND. June 26 is also exactly 12 years after the Lawrence v. Texas ruling invalidating sodomy laws across the country. BOY SCOUTS voted to allow gay leaders, and the LDS Church threatened to leave. Ogden held its first Pride Festival at the Municipal Gardens. A parade of anti-LGBT speakers participated in the World of Congress of Families IX, held at the Grand America in Salt Lake City. Organizer Stan Swim told KTVX News, “The best thing I can say to anyone who has concerns about this event is just come be with us, come walk the halls...” QSaltLake publisher Michael Aaron was escorted from the hotel when he tried to do just that. Media credentials were also refused by the organization. An inclusive ‘Faith & Family LGBTQ Power Summit’ was held by LGBT organizations days before the Congress. Jackie Biskupski, who served in the Utah House of Representatives for over 12 years as the first openly gay legislator in the state, won election as Salt Lake City Mayor by a three percent margin against incumbent Ralph Becker. She became the second female mayor and first lesbian mayor in the city.
2016
After a tough several years at the Utah Pride Center, MICHAEL RAMON AGUILAR was elected president of the board. He named CAROL GNADE as full-time executive director and announced new vision and mission statements and increased transparency. Later in the year, the Center announced that their building was sold and that they were looking for a new home. The Salt Lake City Council unanimously voted to make 9th South, from 9th West to 11th East, HARVEY MILK BOULEVARD. Gunman kills 49 and injures over 50 at the PULSE NIGHT CLUB in Orlando, Fla. Political newcomer MISTY KATHRINE SNOW became the first transgender candidate in Utah to be on the ballot in a statewide race, and one of two transgender candidates making history across the country. The Salt Lake County Council passed a proposal to provide healthcare coverage for transgender employees.
2017
ENCIRCLE, an LGBT youth resource center opened in Provo. A bill repealing language in a Utah law that prohibits the discussion of homosexuality in schools was passed almost unanimously and put into law. A 12-yearold girl named Savannah came out as a lesbian in front of her Eagle Mountain Mormon church ward and was told to sit down midway through a speech in which she said she was not a “horrible sinner.” A Native TwoSpirit couple from Utah was disqualified from a “Sweetheart Special Dance” at a Powwow competition. Q Story continues at qsaltlake.com
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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
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ART EXHIBITS
Tony’s Gay Agenda BY TONY HOBDAY
JENNIFER WORSLEY works in soft pastels, which are wonderful for capturing fleeting effects of light and weather. She finds pastel very suitable for working on location, in order to achieve a quality of immediacy and liveliness in my work. Worsley is constantly scanning her surroundings for shadows passing over hills, sparkling light on water, or a particular moment of harmonious color in a sunset. And she often discovers subjects by chance, and will get out her pastels and complete the painting on the spot. Worsley makes her own pastel chalks from raw pigment powder, creating colors she could not find in commercially available pastels. As balance to the immediacy and spontaneity of working in pastel, she also translates landscapes into woodblock prints, using a Japanese method called moku hanga. Woodblock printmaking requires a careful plan and lots of time to create an image, making it completely opposite to the way I work in pastel. I find that each technique informs and influences the other. I can see a landscape as either a light-filled, atmospheric pastel, or as a more stylized and graphic woodblock print.For more info visit: jenniferworsley.mystrikingly.com FRIDAY — JENNIFER WORSLEY EXHIBIT
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Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, UofU, times vary through March 8. Free, redbuttegarden.org
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
“Living in Philly provided a context for a lot of soul music that I had liked,” RJD2 says on the city’s influence on Dame Fortune’s sound. “I didn’t have any cultural context for this music that I liked — it was just music that I had stumbled across as a beat making nerd. Philly was a place where there were enough people who had the same musical vocabulary that I did, which made the music more than something I had just discovered on my own.” THURSDAY — RJD2
23
Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 9 p.m. Tickets $25-30, ticketfly.com
DANCE
Returning to the Capitol Theatre after a successful 2019 premiere, RIRIE-WOODBURY will present a re-envisioned version of “The Live Creature & Ethereal Things”. This curious and shapeshifting theatrical quest, created with local collaborators Alexandra Harbold and Robert Scott Smith of Flying Bobcat Theatrical Laboratory features an original cinematic score by John Paul Hayward. Inspired by the Red Fred Project founded by Executive Director Dallas Graham, The Live Creature & Ethereal Things features the Jolly Troop, a group of larger-than-life birds that guide audiences of all ages through a surprising journey and asks, “If you could tell a story and share it with the entire world, what story would you tell?” This performance will include storytelling in both English and Spanish. FRIDAY — ALLEGORY
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Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 7:30 p.m., through Saturday. Tickets $35, artsaltlake.org
DRAG SHOWS
Jennifer Worsley
CONCERTS
Dame Fortune is the deliciously eclectic sixth album from veteran producer and crate digger extraordinaire RJD2, out March 25 on RJ’s Electrical Connections. It’s a wondrous beast, recorded over the past year while living in Philadelphia, before returning to his hometown of Columbus, Ohio. Streaked with Philly’s rep for deeply felt soul music while maintaining a playful sense of adventurousness, Dame Fortune features guest vocalists Son Little (aka Aaron Livingston) and frequent collaborator Phonte, while also presenting the bombastic hip-hop sound that marked RJD2’s breakthrough album, Deadringer, and even an orchestral composition for the societal unrest experienced in this day and age (called “PF Day One.”..the PF standing for “Post Ferguson”).
Hey ya’ll, do you not get enough drag shows in this state? Well, here’s another one for all you queen lovers: Get ready for a night of nonstop drag, singing, comedy, bingo, and surprises at THE MINISTRY OF MISFITS DRAG SHOW featuring MONA DIET. You’ll likely lose several pounds from laughter. The MISS GREAT BEEHIVE STATE PAGEANT system honors the long, rich tradition of drag artists in Utah. It’s primary goals are lengthy: to honor the legacy of the generations of Utah queens that pioneered local drag, create a new and aspiring standard of excellence for this most important and liberating method of self expression, wholeheartedly and genuinely embrace drag in all its forms and varieties, create a family of professional titleholders that represent drag excellence in Utah, for the betterment of our community, and spread the message of support and love for everyone. “Be You. Be Your Dreams. Be Great. Be Beehive State.” SATURDAY — THE MINISTRY OF MISFITS DRAG SHOW
4 19
The Royal, 4760 S. 900 East, 8 p.m. Tickets $10, smithstix.com
SUNDAY — THE MISS GREAT BEEHIVE STATE PAGEANT
Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 6 p.m. Tickets $15, 24tix.com
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‘The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ to be full of ‘high hopes, high altitudes, high drama’ Andy Cohen, executive producer of Real Housewives, announced in mid-November the premiere of the latest installment of the popular franchise: The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. “We’ve always tried to choose a city that has completely unique personalities and we also try to throw a little curve ball now and then. Pick somewhere you weren’t expecting,� said Cohen. “We are very excited to travel to Salt Lake City, Utah!� Cohen promised fans that the new location would provide plenty of unexpected entertainment. “You didn’t see it coming but I have to tell you, in Utah, you have the majesty of the mountains, the Mormon religion, an exclusive community of people who have very successful businesses who live in their own universe,� he said. And in an official announcement statement regarding the new installment, Bravo explained, “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City takes viewers into an undiscovered world that is about so much more than religion, although the Mormon church is undeniably ingrained in the culture. “In the majestic mountains of Utah is a hidden social circle made up of successful women who have created their own paradise filled with
luxury homes, shopping sprees and multi-million-dollar businesses and brands. “With Hollywood’s exclusive Sundance Film Festival in their backyards, these Type-A power-brokers are accustomed to rubbing elbows with A-listers and what party list you are on means everything. They have mastered running wildly successful enterprises by day and enjoy après ski at the finest resorts by night, all the while raising extraordinary and unconventional families. “Here perfection is not an aspiration, it’s a mandate. They hold themselves and each other to an extremely high standard and never hold back when things go sideways, but lord knows they are always there for each other when they need it most.â€? While there is not an official release date, Bravo said it will premiere sometime in 2020. And while the details surrounding the cast of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are vague, Cohen said at BravoCon, “I think you’re going to be really surprised and intrigued and titillated by the group of women we’ve found,â€? Cohen said. The network also had something to say on the matter. In an Instagram post, Bravo revealed the series would be full of “High hopes. High altitudes. High drama.â€?
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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QUEER GUIDE TO SUNDANCE
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
QUEER GUIDE TO SUNDANCE Sundance Jan. 23-Feb. 2 in Park City and Salt Lake City, Slamdance Jan. 24-30 in Park City
Our annual guide to the queerest of Sundance and Slamdance films. From storyline to filmmaker to star, these are the films that best represent our community. U.S. DRAMATIC COMPETITION
Shirley U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: JOSEPHINE DECKER, SCREENWRITER: SARAH GUBBINS, PRODUCERS: CHRISTINE VACHON, DAVID HINOJOSA, SUE NAEGLE, SARAH GUBBINS, JEFFREY SOROS, SIMON HORSMAN)
A young couple moves in with the famed author, Shirley Jackson, and her Bennington College professor husband, Stanley Hyman, in the hope of starting a new life but instead find themselves fodder for a psycho-drama that inspires Shirley’s next novel. WORLD PREMIERE
Zola
The Fight
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: JANICZA BRAVO, SCREENWRITERS: JANICZA BRAVO, JEREMY O. HARRIS, PRODUCERS: CHRISTINE VACHON, DAVID HINOJOSA, VINCE JOLIVETTE, ELIZABETH HAGGARD, DAVE FRANCO, GIA WALSH)
U.S.A. (DIRECTORS: ELYSE STEINBERG, JOSH KRIEGMAN, ELI DESPRES, PRODUCERS: ELYSE STEINBERG, JOSH KRIEGMAN, ELI DESPRES, MAYA SEIDLER, PEGGY DREXLER, KERRY WASHINGTON)
2015: @zolarmoon tweets “wanna hear a story about why me & this bitch here fell out???????? It’s kind of long but full of suspense.” Two girls bond over their “hoeism” and become fast friends. What’s supposed to be a trip from Detroit to Florida turns into a weekend from hell. WORLD PREMIERE
Inside the ACLU, a team of scrappy lawyers battle Trump’s historic assault on civil liberties. WORLD PREMIERE
CAST: TAYLOUR PAIGE, RILEY KEOUGH, NICHOLAS BRAUN, COLMAN DOMINGO.
U.S. DOCUMENTARY COMPETITION
Mucho Mucho Amor U.S.A. (DIRECTORS: CRISTINA COSTANTINI, KAREEM TABSCH, PRODUCER: ALEX FUMERO)
CAST: ELISABETH MOSS, MICHAEL STUHLBARG, ODESSA YOUNG, LOGAN LERMAN.
Sylvie’s Love
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: EUGENE ASHE, PRODUCERS: NNAMDI ASOMUGHA, GABRIELLE GLORE, JONATHAN BAKER, MATTHEW THURM)
Years after their summer romance comes to an end, an aspiring television producer and a talented musician cross paths, only to find their feelings for each other never changed. With their careers taking them in different directions, they must choose what matters most. WORLD PREMIERE
Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets U.S.A. (DIRECTORS: BILL ROSS, TURNER ROSS, PRODUCERS: MICHAEL GOTTWALD, CHERE THERIOT)
In the shadows of the bright lights of Las Vegas, it’s last call for a beloved dive bar known as the Roaring 20s. A document of real people, in an unreal situation, facing an uncertain future: America at the end of 2016. WORLD PREMIERE
CAST: TESSA THOMPSON, NNAMDI ASOMUGHA, EVA LONGORIA, AJA NAOMI KING, WENDI MCLENDON-COVEY, JEMIMA KIRKE.
Us Kids U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: KIM A. SNYDER, PRODUCERS: KIM A. SNYDER, MARIA CUOMO COLE, LORI CHEATLE)
Wander Darkly U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: TARA MIELE, PRODUCERS: LYNETTE HOWELL TAYLOR, SAMANTHA HOUSMAN, SHIVANI RAWAT, MONICA LEVINSON)
New parents Adrienne and Matteo are forced to reckon with trauma amidst their troubled relationship. They must revisit the memories of their past and unravel haunting truths in order to face their uncertain future. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: SIENNA MILLER, DIEGO LUNA, BETH GRANT, AIMEE CARRERO, TORY KITTLES, VANESSA BAYER.
Once the world’s most famous astrologer, Walter Mercado seeks to resurrect a forgotten legacy. Raised in the sugar cane fields of Puerto Rico, Walter grew up to become a gender non-conforming, cape-wearing psychic whose televised horoscopes reached 120 million viewers a day for decades before he mysteriously disappeared. WORLD PREMIERE
Feels Good Man U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: ARTHUR JONES, PRODUCERS: GIORGIO ANGELINI, CARYN CAPOTOSTO, AARON WICKENDEN)
When indie comic character Pepe the Frog becomes an unwitting icon of hate, his creator, artist Matt Furie, fights to bring Pepe back from the darkness and navigate America’s cultural divide. WORLD PREMIERE
Determined to turn unfathomable tragedy into action, the teenage survivors of Parkland, Florida catalyze a powerful, unprecedented youth movement that spreads with lightning speed across the country, as a generation of mobilized youth take back democracy in this powerful coming-of-age story. WORLD PREMIERE
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NEXT
Welcome to Chechnya
La Leyenda Negra
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: DAVID FRANCE, PRODUCERS: ALICE HENTY, DAVID FRANCE, ASKOLD KUROV, JOY A. TOMCHIN)
Beast Beast
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: PATRICIA VIDAL DELGADO, PRODUCERS: ALICIA HERDER, MARCEL PEREZ)
This searing investigative work shadows a group of activists risking unimaginable peril to confront the ongoing anti-LGBTQ pogrom raging in the repressive and closed Russian republic. Unfettered access and a remarkable approach to protecting anonymity exposes this under-reported atrocity and an extraordinary group of people confronting evil. WORLD PREMIERE
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR, SCREENWRITER: DANNY MADDEN, PRODUCERS: BENJAMIN WIESSNER, MATT MILLER, TARA ANSLEY)
In Compton, a soon-to-be undocumented teenager fights for her right to stay in America while risking her family, her friendships, and her first love. WORLD PREMIERE
Three interwoven stories of youths navigating identity, first love, petty crime, and gun violence in a southern American town. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: SHIRLEY CHEN, WILL MADDEN, JOSE ANGELES, COURTNEY DIETZ, DANIEL RASHID.
CAST: MONICA BETANCOURT, KAILEI LOPEZ, IRLANDA MORENO, JUSTIN AVILA, SAMMY FLORES, JUAN REYNOSO.
WORLD CINEMA DRAMATIC COMPETITION Spree Black Bear Exil GERMANY, BELGIUM, KOSOVO (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: VISAR MORINA, PRODUCERS: JANINE JACKOWSKI, JONAS DORNBACH, MAREN ADE)
A chemical engineer feeling discriminated against and bullied at work plunges into an identity crisis. WORLD PREMIERE
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: LAWRENCE MICHAEL LEVINE, PRODUCERS: JULIE CHRISTEAS, JONATHAN BLITSTEIN, RICHARD J BOSNER, AUBREY PLAZA, LAWRENCE MICHAEL LEVINE, SOPHIA TAKAL)
At a remote lake house, a filmmaker plays a calculated game of desire and jealousy in the pursuit of a work of art that blurs the boundaries between autobiography and invention. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: AUBREY PLAZA, CHRISTOPHER ABBOTT, SARAH GADON.
CAST: MIŠEL MATIČEVIĆ, SANDRA HÜLLER.
Possessor CANADA, UNITED KINGDOM (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: BRANDON CRONENBERG, PRODUCERS: NIV FICHMAN, ANDREW STARKE, KEVIN KRIKST, FRASER ASH)
Vos is a corporate agent who uses brain-implant technology to inhabit other people’s bodies, driving them to commit assassinations for the benefit of the company. When something goes wrong on a routine job, she finds herself trapped inside a man whose identity threatens to obliterate her own. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: ANDREA RISEBOROUGH, CHRISTOPHER ABBOTT, ROSSIF SUTHERLAND, TUPPENCE MIDDLETON, SEAN BEAN, JENNIFER JASON LEIGH.
I Carry You With Me U.S.A., MEXICO (DIRECTOR: HEIDI EWING, SCREENWRITERS: HEIDI EWING, ALAN PAGE ARRIAGA, PRODUCERS: MYNETTE LOUIE, HEIDI EWING)
An epic love story spanning decades is sparked by a chance encounter between two men in provincial Mexico. Based on a true story, ambition and societal pressure propel an aspiring chef to leave his soulmate and make the treacherous journey to New York, where life will never be the same. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: ARMANDO ESPITIA, CHRISTIAN VÁZQUEZ, MICHELLE RODRÍGUEZ, ÁNGELES CRUZ, ARCELIA RAMÍREZ, MICHELLE GONZÁLEZ.
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: EUGENE KOTLYARENKO, SCREENWRITERS: GENE MCHUGH, EUGENE KOTLYARENKO, PRODUCERS: MATTHEW BUDMAN, SUMAIYA KAVEH, JOHN LANG, EUGENE KOTLYARENKO)
Kurt Kunkle, a rideshare driver thirsty for followers, has figured out a deadly plan to go viral. As his disturbing livestream is absurdly embraced by the social media hellscape, a comedienne emerges as the only hope to stop this rampage. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: JOE KEERY, SASHEER ZAMATA, DAVID ARQUETTE, KYLE MOONEY, MISCHA BARTON, JOSH OVALLE.
PREMIERES
Falling CANADA, UNITED KINGDOM, DENMARK (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: VIGGO MORTENSEN, PRODUCERS: VIGGO MORTENSEN, DANIEL BEKERMAN, CHRIS CURLING)
When 80-year-old independent farmer Willis travels to Los Angeles for an indefinite stay with gay son John and his family, two very different worlds collide. Mentally declining, Willis’ abrasiveness is both caustic and funny, bringing old wounds from the past and years of mutual mistrust to the surface. WORLD PREMIERE, CLOSING NIGHT. CAST: LANCE HENRIKSEN, VIGGO MORTENSEN, TERRY CHEN, SVERRIR GUDNASON, HANNAH GROSS, LAURA LINNEY
30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QUEER GUIDE TO SUNDANCE
Qsaltlake.com |
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
Four Good Days
The Last Thing He Wanted
Uncle Frank
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: RODRIGO GARCIA, SCREENWRITERS: RODRIGO GARCIA, ELI SASLOW, PRODUCERS: JON AVNET, MARINA GRASIC, JAKE AVNET, JAI KHANNA, RODRIGO GARCIA)
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: DEE REES, SCREENWRITERS: MARCO VILLALOBOS, DEE REES, PRODUCERS: CASSIAN ELWES)
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: ALAN BALL, PRODUCERS: ALAN BALL, PETER MACDISSI, MICHAEL COSTIGAN, JAY VAN HOY, BILL BLOCK, STEPHANIE MEURER)
Ten years of opioids have left Molly’s life in shambles. A new drug may give her a chance to break free if she is able to stay clean for four days, with the help of her mother Deb, a tough, clear-eyed woman. Their love will be tested to the limits. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: GLENN
A veteran out D.C. journalist loses the thread of her own narrative when a guilt-propelled errand for her father thrusts her from byline to unwitting subject in the very story she’s trying to break. CAST: ANNE HATHAWAY, BEN AFFLECK, WILLEM DAFOE, ROSIE PEREZ. WORLD PREMIERE
CLOSE, MILA KUNIS, STEPHEN ROOT, JOSHUA LEONARD.
In 1973, when 18-year-old Beth and her uncle Frank take a road trip from Manhattan to Creekville, South Carolina for the family patriarch’s funeral, they’re unexpectedly joined by Frank’s lover Walid. A story about family, forgiveness, and our inherent power to choose who we want to be. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: PAUL BETTANY, SOPHIA LILLIS, PETER MACDISSI, STEVE ZAHN, JUDY GREER, MARGO MARTINDALE.
DOCUMENTARY PREMIERES
The Glorias U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: JULIE TAYMOR, SCREENWRITERS: JULIE TAYMOR, SARAH RUHL, PRODUCERS: ALEX SAKS, LYNN HENDEE)
An equal rights crusader, journalist and activist: Gloria Steinem embodies these and more. From her role in the revolutionary women’s rights movement to her travels throughout the U.S. and around the world, Steinem has made an everlasting mark on modern history. A nontraditional chronicle of a trailblazing life. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: JULIANNE MOORE,
Lost Girls U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: LIZ GARBUS, SCREENWRITER: MICHAEL WERWIE, PRODUCERS: ANNE CAREY, KEVIN MCCORMICK)
When Mari Gilbert’s daughter disappears, police inaction drives her own investigation into the gated Long Island community where Shannan was last seen. Committed to finding the truth, her search brings attention to over a dozen murdered sex workers Mari will not let the world forget. Inspired by true events. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: AMY RYAN, THOMASIN MCKENZIE, LOLA KIRKE, OONA LAURENCE, GABRIEL BYRNE, MIRIAM SHOR.
ALICIA VIKANDER, BETTE MIDLER, JANELLE MONAE, TIMOTHY HUTTON, LORRAINE TOUSSAINT.
Promising Young Woman Kajillionaire U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: MIRANDA JULY, PRODUCERS: DEDE GARDNER, JEREMY KLEINER)
Low-stakes grifters, Old Dolio and her parents invite a chipper young woman into their insular clan, only to have their entire world turned upside down. CAST: EVAN RACHEL WOOD, GINA RODRIGUEZ, RICHARD JENKINS, DEBRA WINGER. WORLD PREMIERE
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: EMERALD FENNELL, PRODUCERS: MARGOT ROBBIE, TOM ACKERLY, JOSEY MCNAMARA, BEN BROWNING, ASHLEY FOX, EMERALD FENNELL)
Everyone said Cassie was a promising young woman… until something abruptly derailed her future. Nothing in Cassie’s life is as it appears: she’s smart, cunning, and living a double life by night. Now, Cassie has a chance to right the wrongs of the past in this thrilling take on revenge. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: CAREY MULLIGAN, BO BURNHAM, ALISON BRIE, JENNIFER COOLIDGE, LAVERNE COX, CONNIE BRITTON.
Disclosure: Trans Lives On Screen U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: SAM FEDER, PRODUCERS: AMY SCHOLDER, SAM FEDER)
An investigation of how Hollywood’s fabled stories have deeply influenced how Americans feel about transgender people, and how transgender people have been taught to feel about themselves. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: LAVERNE COX, MJ RODRIGUEZ, LILLY WACHOWSKI, YANCE FORD, CHAZ BONO, JAMIE CLAYTON.
Giving Voice U.S.A. (DIRECTORS: JAMES D. STERN, FERNANDO VILLENA, PRODUCERS: JAMES D. STERN, KAREN BOVE, FERNANDO VILLENA, SCHOEN SMITH, CRAIG PILIGIAN)
Every year, thousands of high schoolers enter the August Wilson monologue competition for a chance to perform on Broadway. This film follows these students, examining how Wilson and his characters speak to a new generation, inspiring them to listen to his words and find their own voice. WORLD PREMIERE
December 19, 2019 |
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ISSUE 307 | Qsaltlake.com
The Go-Go’s
The Nowhere Inn
Ema
U.S.A., IRELAND, CANADA (DIR: ALISON ELLWOOD, PROD: TREVOR BIRNEY, COREY RUSSELL, EIMHEAR O’NEILL)
U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: BILL BENZ, SCREENWRITERS: CARRIE BROWNSTEIN, ANNIE CLARK, PRODUCERS: JETT STEIGER, LANA KIM, ANNIE CLARK, CARRIE BROWNSTEIN)
CHILE (DIRECTOR: PABLO LARRAÍN, SCREENWRITERS: GUILLERMO CALDERÓN, ALEJANDRO MORENO, PRODUCER: JUAN DE DIOS LARRAÍN)
When St. Vincent sets out to make a documentary about her music, the goal is to both reveal and revel in the unadorned truth behind her on-stage persona. But when she hires a close friend to direct, notions of reality, identity, and authenticity grow increasingly distorted and bizarre. WORLD PREMIERE
After a shocking incident upends her family life and marriage to a tempestuous choreographer, Ema, a reggaeton dancer, sets out on an odyssey of personal liberation in this incendiary story of art, desire, and the modern family. CAST: MARIANA DI GIROLAMO, GAEL GARCÍA
As the first all-female band to play their instruments, write their songs and have a No. 1 album, The Go-Go’s made history. Underpinned by candid testimonies, this film chronicles the meteoric rise to fame of a band born in the LA punk scene who became a pop phenomenon. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: CHARLOTTE CAFFEY, BELINDA CARLISLE, GINA SCHOCK, KATHY VALENTINE, JANE WIEDLIN.
CAST: ANNIE CLARK, CARRIE BROWNSTEIN
SPOTLIGHT
Taylor Swift: Miss Americana U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: LANA WILSON, PRODUCERS: MORGAN NEVILLE, CAITRIN ROGERS, CHRISTINE O’MALLEY)
And Then We Danced
A raw and emotionally revealing look at one of the most iconic artists of our time during a transformational period in her life as she learns to embrace her role not only as a songwriter and performer, but as a woman harnessing the full power of her voice. WORLD PREMIERE, DAY ONE
In the conservative confines of modern Tbilisi, Merab, a competitive dancer, is thrown off balance by the arrival of Irakli, a fellow male dancer with a rebellious streak.
CAST: TAYLOR SWIFT.
MIDNIGHT
SWEDEN, GEORGIA, FRANCE (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: LEVAN AKIN, PRODUCERS: MATHILDE DEDYE, KETIE DANIELA)
CAST: LEVAN GELBAKHIANI, BACHI VALISHVILI, ANA JAVAKHISHVILLI, KAKHA GOGIDZE, ANANO MAKHARADZE.
BERNAL, SANTIAGO CABRERA.
KIDS
Come Away U.K., U.S.A. (DIR: BRENDA CHAPMAN, WRITER: MARISSA KATE GOODHILL, PRODUCERS: LEESA KAHN, JAMES SPRING, DAVID OYELOWO, STEVE RICHARDS, ANDREA KEIR)
Before Alice found Wonderland, and Peter became Pan, they were brother and sister. When their brother dies in an accident, they seek to save their parents from downward spirals until they’re forced to choose between home and imagination, setting the stage for their journeys into Wonderland and Neverland. WORLD PREMIERE CAST: ANGELINA JOLIE, DAVID OYELOWO, JORDAN NASH, KEIRA CHANSA, REECE YATES, MICHAEL CAINE.
INTERNATIONAL NARRATIVE SHORT FILMS
Bad Hair U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: JUSTIN SIMIEN, PRODUCERS: JULIA LEBEDEV, ANGEL LOPEZ, EDDIE VAISMAN, JUSTIN SIMIEN)
In this horror satire set in 1989, an ambitious young woman gets a weave in order to succeed in the image-obsessed world of music television. However, her flourishing career may come at a great cost when she realizes that her new hair may have a mind of its own. WORLD PREMIERE, DAY ONE CAST: ELLE LORRAINE, VANESSA WILLIAMS, JAY PHAROAH, LENA WAITHE, BLAIR UNDERWOOD, LAVERNE COX. .
The Climb U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: MICHAEL ANGELO COVINO, SCREENWRITERS: MICHAEL ANGELO COVINO, KYLE MARVIN, PRODUCERS: NOAH LANG, MICHAEL COVINO, KYLE MARVIN)
Kyle and Mike are best friends who share a close bond until Mike sleeps with Kyle’s fiancée. A portrait of a tumultuous but enduring relationship between two men across many years of laughter, heartbreak, and rage. CAST: KYLE MARVIN, MICHAEL ANGELO COVINO, GAYLE RANKIN, TALIA BALSAM, GEORGE WENDT, JUDITH GODRÈCHE.
Are You Hungry? FINLAND (DIRECTOR: TEEMU NIUKKANEN, SCREENWRITER: ANTTI TOIVONEN)
A single mother struggles to connect with her adopted teenage son, whom she believes is gay. U.S. PREMIERE. DAY ONE For more info, visit sundance.org.
32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
hear me out
6 best songs by women in 2019 If your heart is in them flowers, bring ‘em on,” she achingly sings. The years on Tucker’s voice are as life-affirming as the song itself. And these — plus its recent Grammy nomination for Song of the Year — are her flowers. Lovingly, Carlile has brought them to her.
‘Track Record,’ Miranda Lambert
BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
‘Bring My Flowers Now,’ Tanya Tucker Country music legend Tanya Tucker’s elegiac coda from her first album in 10 years, “Bring My Flowers Now” off While I’m Livin’, is a frank reflection of leaving this life, its imagery handled with a gentle hand in the song’s music video. The video features Tucker riding atop a horse, two young girls flanking her and releasing flowers petals to the streets. They stop at one point, wave goodbye. On her journey, Tucker passes a smiling preacher and a man in a convertible. Finally, she comes to a halt to share a moment with the co-writer of “Flowers” and While I’m Livin’ producer Brandi Carlile, who’s playing the piano; the out singer-songwriter and the country icon relay a deep mutual respect through a simple tip of their hats and a warm, silent acknowledgement. Then Tucker is on her way. The video is one of the year’s best, its simplicity the perfect match for the small, heartbreakingly specific details in Tucker and Carlile’s plaintive lyrics about Tucker’s life and its message of living for those you love now. “Don’t spend time, tears, or money on my ol’ breathless body.
Even Miranda Lambert knows she’s been a little busy with the boys. She mocks her floozy image with dry wit on “Track Record” from her new album Wildcard, owning it and treating it as a shoulder-shrugging fact of her life rather than a rueful self-analysis. I’m obsessed with what might be the Pun of the Year, as Lambert pokes fun at her ways with men, noting that her past is “as checkered as the floor at the diner on Main Street.” She even makes time for a casual dig, namelessly calling out past exes, the “user” and the “loser.” Sonically, there are traces of The War on Drugs in “Track Record,” matching the indie rock band’s signature sound with its hypnotic ’70s-rock-style torrent of glistening guitars and chugging drums. When Lambert sings, “Girls like me don’t mean it but we don’t know better, I got a track record,” you really do have to wonder: Is this the Grindr anthem we’ve all been waiting for?
‘Love You For Free,’ Cynthia Erivo If church every day was Cynthia Erivo singing “Love You For Free,” my hands would be folded and I’d be at that pew right now. The Broadway star’s sparse, inviting almost prayer of a song is about unconditional love, its warmth radiating through her angelic approach to its gentle, dreamy stride and twinkling sound. The song is among over 30 originals recorded for Hedwig and the Angry Inch creator John Cameron Mitchell’s 10-episode Anthem: Homunculus, an alt-autobiography he produced for the Luminary podcast app. Its central character is Ceann Mackay (voiced by Mitchell), whose brain tumor is essentially collective Catholic guilt and shame. Erivo plays Joan the Bishop, the mother of his child. The singer’s greatest contribution,
and perhaps the greatest from any of the podcast’s performers, Patti LuPone and Glenn Close among them, is “Love You For Free.” For the world’s outcasts, queers and others who have felt rejected by any church, hearing Erivo sing, “In this world, my child, you have a place,” is like falling into arms that won’t let you go.
‘Bible and a .44,’ Trisha Yearwood Trisha Yearwood turns words on a page into country-music magic, but the singer is at her best when those words tell a story as rich as the one CMA Best New Artist Ashley McBryde wrote for “Bible and a .44.” Yearwood’s finest moment on her latest album, Every Girl, is this weepy, which illustrates the lessons a father has passed down to his child. Made personal by the death of Yearwood’s own dad in 2005, the singer fondly remembers what he looked like (“hair as white as a cottonfield”) and what he taught her (to be perceptive, to love the Lord, to “take what you’ve got and do the best you can”). The guitar softening to a whisper, she reflects on seeing him strumming “this thing,” which “he left it to me like he said he would.” Before the final chorus, Yearwood reminds us, her warm, no-frills vocals accompanied by Patty Loveless’s soulful harmonies and ad-libs, of how certain things become our most prized possessions: “And if you ask me why it sounds so good, it’s ‘cause I’m holdin’ onto more than strings and wood.”
‘Higher Love,’ Whitney Houston When Whitney Houston’s unreleased cover of Steve Winwood’s 1986 hit “Higher Love” was released during June Pride Month, I made my gay friends listen to it any way I could. Of note was the time this past summer when I flung open my car doors and cranked this one up, the song’s divinity thumping in a public parking lot. Not only did my closest friends hear, but so did many lucky passersby. I was doing them a favor that day, because Whitney’s never-before-released-in-America cover, originally recorded during her I’m Your Baby Tonight sessions and reimagined as a club banger
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thanks to Norwegian DJ Kygo, is gay dance heaven. She sounds incredible, and Kygo enlivens the song at every turn, taking it beyond its very ’80s origins and into timeless soul-revival territory. This is exactly the Whitney I want to remember.
‘Cornelia Street,’ Taylor Swift The lyrical cornerstone of Taylor Swift’s Lover album, “Cornelia Street” shares some DNA with tender story-song “All Too Well,” off her 2012 Red release. Both summon images with the striking vividness of a photograph. The latter happens to be one of Swift’s best written songs — and now so is “Cornelia Street.” The sole writer of the song, Swift is confronting the fear of potential romantic loss, setting the scene over gentle, rolling synths like a movie whose image shifts aspect ratios. She’s riding in the backseat with her man, Londoner Joe Alwyn, drunk in love, maybe, but definitely drunk on “something stronger than the drinks in the bar.” She’s afraid of losing him. This is serious. The song rolls on like the car she’s singing about, accelerating at the chorus, a flood of sound pouring in; there are car-door and wiper-blade sound effects tucked into Jack Antonoff’s production, which also includes a heartfelt piano break. “Cornelia Street” is like going back to a good book. You discover something new and wonderful every time. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey, and Beyoncé. Reach him at chris@pridesource.com.
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34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK
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Celebration Cocktails It’s the time of year with holiday parties aplenty and gifting occasions at every turn. This year, as you’re picking up a host or hostess gift or pouring your favorite libation at your holiday get together, why not consider supporting brands that have been supporting the LGBTQ community for decades. Both BAREFOOT CELLARS and STOLI GROUP have affordable and delicious offerings to brighten up the holiday season. Barefoot has been a proud ally to the LGBTQ community since the ‘80s, when they made their first donation to an LGBTQ organization. Since then, the brand has sponsored hundreds of Pride Festivals worldwide, inculding the Utah Pride Festival, provided wine and bubbly for countless LGBTQ non-profit organizations and has given the community a platform to share their stories with several content series including One Stride, Many Journeys and the short documentary One Stride: Chosen Family. Stoli has also been an ally to the community for decades. For the past six years the vodka brand hosted the Key West Cocktail Classic, the world’s largest LGBTQ bartending competition that celebrates the gay bar as the original safe space for the community. Additionally, for the past two years Stoli has created limited edition Pride bottles to celebrate the community and, more specifically, the lives of Harvey Milk and those that sacrificed during the Stonewall Riots. Each bottle gave back to the community through a non-profit donation.
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
Meet Me Under the Mistletoe INGREDIENTS: • 3 ounces Barefoot Bubbly Extra Dry • 6 mint sprigs (approximately 12-15 leaves) • ½ ounce maple syrup • 2/3 ounce E&J Gallo XO Brandy • Candy Cane DIRECTIONS:
1. Place mint leaves in a cocktail shaker with ice 2. Add maple syrup and brandy 3. Shake hard to break up the mint 4. Strain into a rocks glass filled with crushed ice 5. Top with Barefoot Bubbly Extra Dry 6. Garnish with candy cane
Holiday Frost INGREDIENTS: • 3 ounces Barefoot Sweet Red • 1/2 ounce Raspberry Liqueur • 1 ounce Pomegranate Juice • 1/4 ounce Lime Juice • 1/4 ounce Simple Syrup • Sugar Coated Raspberries Garnish DIRECTIONS:
1. Gently roll raspberries in granulated sugar and place on a cocktail pick. Set aside. 2. Combine all liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. 3. Shake until well chilled. 4. Strain into chilled cocktail glass. 5. Place sugar coated raspberries on pick across glass
Stoli Baby New Year • 1.5 parts Stoli Razberi • 1 part sweet Riesling • 0.5 parts fresh lemon juice • Champagne DIRECTIONS:
1. Combine all ingredients (except champagne) in a shaker with ice. 2. Shake and strain into a champagne flute. 3. Top with champagne and garnish with a fresh raspberry.
December 19, 2019 |
FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35
ISSUE 307 | Qsaltlake.com
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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
December 19, 2019 |
PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37
ISSUE 307 | Qsaltlake.com
Original Cyndi ACROSS
Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.
Q doku
Level: Easy
4
1
7
2
7
8
3 6 1 5 6 2 5 7 4 6 4 2 7 1 8 5 2 1 7 4 1 3 3 7 5 9 7 9 8 4 9 7 5 4 1 9 5 5 6 8 6 2 1 4 6 3 7 1 9 8 6 5 1 2 9 4 7 8 9 8 9 3 6 5 7 8 1 4 5 3 1 2 7 4 6 3 3 9 7 4 2 8 9 1 6 4 2 5 6 7 8 1 5 3 6 4 2 9 8 1 7 2 5 2 7 2 6 5 3 6 9 4 5 3 7 8 7 2 9 7 4 9 8 4 1 5 2 1
2
5
7 7 3
9
1 Bushy do 5 Just right 9 Desperate Housewives, and others 14 Navratilova, for one 15 “That smarts!” 16 Belief statement at Metropolitan Community Church 17 Menu option 18 Load of money 19 Ban targets 20 Start of a song title of 44-Across 23 Future queen of Star Wars 24 Type of sci, in college 25 Penetrating path 28 Type of top 29 Trojans’ org. 33 More of the title 34 Unit of flagellation 36 Lubricant 37 Start of a Sappho title, perhaps 38 End of the title 39 ___ Cologne 41 Airport in Israel 42 Abercrombie & Fitch event 44 Cyndi, who was awarded the 1st Human Rights Prize for work with LGBTQ youth
45 Anthem starter 47 California’s Big ___ 48 Wilde man 49 “Yeah, right!” 51 Bottomless 52 Another song by 44-Across 57 “Don’t Cry ___ Argentina” 58 Make money 59 Features of Disney’s Dumbo 61 Ready to shoot off 62 Lacking manners 63 Do a nocturnal activity 64 Wet-eyed 65 Direction from Susan Feniger 66 William of Edmond
DOWN 1 Symbol of Tammy Baldwin’s party 2 Rainbow banner, e.g. 3 Singer Norah’s father 4 Excessive ejaculaion? 5 On deck, on a pirate ship 6 Board type 7 Sometime defender of gay rts. 8 Woman or man of parts 9 Grinch’s look 10 Raise to the status of Carter Heywood 11 Long, long time 12 Like boobs that don’t sag
PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 38
13 ‘60s radical org. 21 ___ of Grass 22 Todd Oldham designs 25 Prefix for Da Vinci’s land 26 Failure to accept others, and others 27 Mary’s MTM girlfriend 28 More sad about having no porn movies? 30 Sedan alternative 31 Senatorial staffers 32 Ready for anything 35 Citizen Kane model 38 They help porn stars stand erect 40 Dorothy Gale lived with her 43 Bangkok continent 44 Pupil of composer Loewe? 46 Talk too much 50 Like a nocturnal emission? 51 Aida composer 52 Went lickety-split 53 Shirley’s la Douce role 54 Having no play 55 One of the Three Bears 56 Actor McCormack 57 Target for Richard Simmons 60 Oink pen
38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE
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ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
marketplace
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December 19, 2019 |
MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39
ISSUE 307 | Qsaltlake.com
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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY
Qmmunity Groups BUSINESS
LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com LGBT & Allied Lawyers of Utah lgbtutahlawyers.com * lgbtutahlawyers@gmail.com Utah Independent Business Coalition utahindependentbusiness.org 801-879-4928 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV
Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323
Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS
VOA Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL
Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL
Equality Utah equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats utahstonewalldemocrats.org fb.me/ utahstonewalldems RELIGIOUS
First Baptist Church firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays
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Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays except the 2nd Sunday, 11:15a at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S. Main SOCIAL
1 to 5 Club (bisexual) fb.me/1to5ClubUtah 1to5club@
utahpridecenter.org
Alternative Garden Club bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons. blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats. blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm 2nd, 4th Mondays, Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Men Who Move menwhomove.org OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters) bit.ly/owlsutah qVinum Wine Tasting qvinum.com Sage Utah, Seniors fb.me/sageutah sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears utahbears.com fb.me/utahbears info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple
Utah Male Naturists umen.org info@umen.org Utah Pride Center utahpridecenter.org info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 Venture OUT Utah bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah SPORTS
QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club quacquac.org questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Sports SLC fb.me/SLCStonewall stonewallsaltlakecity. leagueapps.com 385-243-1828 Utah Gay Football League UtahGayFootballLeague.com fb.me/UtahGayFootballLeague Venture Out Utah facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah SUPPORT
Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871 utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC,1380 S Main Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
Crystal Meth Anon crystalmeth.org Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146 liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Thurs. 7pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100 Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E Men’s Support Group utahpridecenter. org/programs/lgbtqadults/ joshuabravo@ utahpridecenter.org Survivors of Suicide Attempt bit.ly/upc_sosa sosa@ utahpridecenter.org Trans Adult Support utahpridecenter.org/ programs/lgbtq-adults/ lanegardinier@ utahpridecenter.org TransAction utahpridecenter.org/ programs/transaction/ Sundays 2–3:30pm Women’s Support Group utahpridecenter.org/ programs/lgbtq-adults/ mariananibley@ utahpridecenter.org Youth Support Group ages 10-14, 14-20 utahpridecenter. org/programs/youthfamily-programs/
Youth Survivors of Suicide Attempt utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/ youthsosa@ utahpridecenter.org YOUTH/COLLEGE
Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, 331 S 600 E, SLC Families Like Ours (ages 2-10) utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/ Gay-Straight Alliance Network gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/ University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU usgabyu.com fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr inclusion.usu.edu/ lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271 Youth Activity Night ages 10-14, 14-20 utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/
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December 19, 2019 |
BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41
ISSUE 307 | Qsaltlake.com
the bookworm sez REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER
Ian McKellen: A Biography BY GARRY O’CONNOR, 2019, ST. MARTIN’S PRESS, $29.99, 356 PAGES
Any old stick would do. When you were a child, that’s what it took to become a wizard: a stick became a makeshift wand, an old towel turned into a cape, and you were ready for spell-making. It worked for imaginations everywhere although, as you’ll see in Ian McKellen: A Biography by Garry O’Connor, sometimes, reel magic helps, too. On May 25, 1939, mere months before the beginning of World War II, Ian Murray McKellen made his debut into the world. The only son
q scopes JANUARY BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS
ARIES March 20–April 19
Start off as if you are a new person. The birth of ideas can flourish by pruning what isn’t working from your garden of accomplishments. Look for a new job or move to a new place. Whatever it takes to redefine your world is bound to be a big help. Take small steps if needed, but a big impact is bound to create happiness.
TAURUS Apr 20–May 20
Mistakes don’t fix themselves with a calendar change but it is time to bury the hatchet with an old friend who has recently become an enemy. Love is the answer to the question: what is it that will fix the problems? It might surprise you how much can be accomplished with a simple idea such as saying sorry or being nice.
GEMINI May 21–June 20
The desire to celebrate will be strong. Go out and enjoy yourself, even if it feels a little unnecessary. There is always something good to be found even if the world isn’t perfect.
of parents who lived large, passionate lives, young McKellen grew up securely happy despite the War. Alas, that ended when his beloved mother died of cancer when McKellen was just 12 years old. As years passed, he always regretted that she never knew about him what he knew about himself: he had his “first gay kiss” at age nine and understood even then that he preferred boys to girls. Though his original plan was to graduate school and work as a journalist, McKellen was denied the chance and instead opted to attend Cambridge. There, others noticed that he had a great aptitude for Shakespearean acting; it was nurtured and a “most extraordinary explosion of talent happened.” His time at Cambridge helped him sharpen his craft; it was also there that McKellen lost his virginity to another man. O’Connor says that Mc-
Kellen is “a slow-progress stickler” and never minded using “modest roles” as stepping-stones; every role he played led to bigger parts on better-known stages in larger venues. In 1964, he landed a small part in a BBC-TV production as his first foray into television, and he continued to eye a career in film – a career that “still eluded [him] until the late 1990s.” At that time, he was able to transition from stage to screen, quickly racking up a Tony, a Golden Globe, a SAG award, and an Oscar nomination. And then a “quick perusal of the Marvel comics… caught his fancy.” For readers who are wild about Shakespeare, Ian McKellen: A Biography will be a delight. Those who are not, however, may find this book quite tedious. Author Garry O’Connor, who’s known McKellen for decades, explains in the first
The shortcut to happiness may come in the form of a romantic interest or simply a crush. Make a move and don’t spare the fun. Celebrate!
dreams. Get ready to show off what you can do. The results will amaze.
CANCER June 21–July 22
Whoever said life is fair doesn’t exist in your world. Nevertheless, you’re going to be wondering where the balance is in the universe this month. One moment, things will be great. The next they could fall apart. Change is becoming a constant that defines everything right now. Don’t count on anything but enjoy the ride.
LEO July 23–August 22
Pinpoint what is right in a relationship. Other people wonder how you get things to work. Don’t take all the credit when it comes to success. Be aware of the gifts others bring to the table. Don’t be afraid to stand as an equal with a key person. While it’s not always easy sharing the limelight, the best shows often take two.
VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22
An unfinished project will become the main focus. A lot has sidetracked you from completing it but a newfound spark has ignited the need to get things done. Self-gratification is the best reward you could ask for. Don’t be afraid to take hold of your
LIBRA Sept 23–October 22
A friend or family member is having a harder time than they let on. Give them a boost by showing how much you care. Whether it be a small gift or providing compliments, it can make a difference. Compassion comes effortless to you, though sometimes the call to action isn’t heard clearly. Perk up, pay attention.
SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21
No one can define what’s in store for you, but not all the ideas thrown your way are bad. Consider what others are suggesting and remember that brainstorming with a buddy is always a good thing. Take vacations, enjoy life as much as possible. But don’t forget that a companion for a while is better having none.
SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22–December 20.
However long it takes, a damaged relationship is worth fixing. Whether you let old wounds heal or choose to move on, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. Put emotions in check and choose to have an uplifting time. Even if nothing more happens between you and this person, at least it
chapter how this book came about, in opening words that are carefully off-the-cuff. That chumminess feels as if you’re real-time eavesdropping on a semi-scripted conversation between two friends. Get past the account of McKellen’s early life, though, and much of the rest of this book is uber-deep into theater, with the occasional reminder of McKellen’s gayness in the narrative. Serious followers of British stage performances will find the former to be irresistible and the latter to make one feel like a close backstage insider. Those who prefer McKellen’s later work might find this all mildly interesting, but far too extra until toward the end. And so there’s the breakdown: Theater fan, yes. You’ll love Ian McKellen: A Biography. If you’re a fan of McKellen’s later movie career only, this book is okay if you can stick with it. Q won’t be a sore spot.
CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19
There is a tendency to simplify the complex and add complications to the straightforward. Take a moment and try reversing the order of operations and see if you enjoy a different type of flow. There is a compromise to be found. The first step is to take a look at what you really want. Surprises are in store for you.
AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18
It is nice to play pretend sometimes. In the realm of romance, there is room for fantasy with those you aren’t in love with. Expand your horizons and explore the unknown. Even if it’s for a little while, embrace the best parts of yourself. The longer you spend having fun, the more productive you will be long term.
PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19
Extreme cold can be confused for heat, and extreme hate can be mistaken for passion. Take a moment to examine what you think you know about your interests and make a decision to find out what really drives you. Don’t be defined by fears when dealing with those around you. Emotions are complex so sort them out. Q
42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SEX
Qsaltlake.com |
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
sex and salt lake city for unreasonable amounts of time for a good time to talk. Waiting too long can only cause negative feelings to fester.
Let’s talk about sex
Assume Positive Intent.
BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK
It’s late
Sunday evening and my husband and I just finished cleaning up the kitchen. While many spend their Sunday evenings with family, ours are frequently spent hosting a houseful of people who come to our home … to talk about sex, gender, and relationships. But mostly sex! On this particular night, the topic of non-monogamy was a hot one. It’s no secret to most that my hubz and I have been non-monogamous the entirety of our nearly 20 years together. What seems to be a secret is that we have had some struggles with it over the years. The comment we tend to hear the most is: “You both just have it all so figured out.” What we’ve figured out is … how to cultivate a good impression that we have it all figured out. What we’ve also figured out is … how to talk. We talk A LOT. In all honesty, we have had our fair share of ups and downs with our unconventional relationship style. However, what we have the benefit of experiencing that many couples don’t, is developing complete transparency in our communication with one another. Whether monogamous, swinger, polyamorous, kinky or just a good ‘ole ethical slut, communicating
openly and honestly is the very best skill one can learn.
Don’t Be Afraid To Share With Your Partner How You Feel Too often, whether spending intimate time with someone for a couple of hours or for a lifetime, we keep our feelings about what we’re experiencing to ourselves. If you want to be held, talked dirty too, caressed or spanked — say so. If you’re feeling especially needy or if you want space — say so. Nobody is a mind reader and what worked with the last partner or this partner the last time you were together, may not be working right now. Likewise, that new trick you just learned from your last partner may be just the thing to send this next person to new delicious sensations. Don’t assume you’ve been heard, or heard your partner(s) accurately — keep talking until you genuinely get where one another stands — or sits or lays. There have been times my husband and I have talked a situation to death only to realize that neither of us actually heard the other. It’s easy for feelings to get hurt or for misunderstandings to occur when emotions are high. Whenever possible talk at a time and place where each of you is feeling clear-headed. At the same time, don’t wait
Recognize that the person before you is a real person with real feelings and more than likely those feelings don’t include intentionally hurting you. Most of the time when people are making a choice to interact intimately with each other they’re both (or all) hoping for a good time. That good time rarely (unless it’s your kink) includes hurting anyone’s feelings.
Recognize When You Have ‘Sex Brain’ Early on in our relationship, there were times that we’d be at a party or meet someone new that one of us (usually me) would get so excited about the new person that we’d neglect to check in with the feelings of the other. For most who live non-monogamously, the idea or act of their partner having sex with another isn’t cause for jealousy or hurt. Hurt occurs when there’s an impression of deceit. It’s important to check in with one another frequently — not just at “party time.”
Hold Space For Your Partner There will be times that one of you has had an amazing sexy experience and the other has not. This can be a tough one to work through. It’s easy to feel guilty because of the pleasure you experience with someone other than your partner. It’s easy to feel left out when your partner experiences pleasure with someone other than you. Kind communication is vital here. It’s possible to sit with your feelings (positive or negative) and not project them onto the other. It’s also possible to sit with the positive or negative feelings your partner is experiencing and not have them influence your own. To harness that skill takes practice and insight from a sex-positive therapist can be especially helpful. Lastly, give yourself permission to create a sexy blueprint that speaks to you. There are a million different ways to do relationships — the only right way is the one that works for you. Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Salt Lake City. She is also the director of Sex Positive Utah, an educational and social group that can be found on meetup.com. She can be reached at DrLaurieBennettCook@gmail.com
December 19, 2019 |
ADVICE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43
ISSUE 307 | Qsaltlake.com
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Now that
the holidays have passed, it is time to begin thinking about 2020, the end of a decade. In preparation for the new decade, I have been doing some research on New Year’s Resolutions. Studies show that an estimated 45% of Americans make resolutions, and of that group who made a resolution, only about 10% keep the change for the entire year. I was not really surprised by the numbers, but it got me thinking. The key to New Year’s resolutions is not just making them, but keeping them. It’s much easier to keep resolutions when they are “habits” incorporated into your everyday life. Social Psychologist have been doing extended research into how long it takes for an activity to truly become a habit. I am sure you have heard that it takes 21 days for a new habit to truly stick, but research shows the average time it takes to form a new habit is actually about 66 days. Don’t let that abandon any ideas you have for change — everyone is different! To help you with making those changes, I have a few tips from my own life to make those changes stick once and for all. Be specific. No matter what you’re trying to achieve — eating better, getting in shape, reducing stress — a specific plan is going to get you further than a vague one. Don’t just say you’re going to “start running.” Instead, pick concrete time and day you plan to do so, such as “I’m going to go running after work on Mondays.” What you want to do is form a new
association with your habit and eventually, it will become automatic. Be positive. Sometimes “good” habits are about breaking “bad” habits. It’s simply not possible to form a habit for not doing something. Ending a bad habit, like smoking or eating fried foods every day, will likely require a new behavior to compete with that existing bad behavior. The very nature of a habit is that once it’s locked in it’s difficult to shift because you are trying to battle against your own automatic processes. What you’re really doing is stopping yourself from responding to an impulse. Don’t simply say you’re going to give up or not do a certain activity. You need to make a plan for what new activity you will replace the old habit with. Start simple. Ingraining new habits is hard work. And the more complex the habit, the longer it usually takes to settle in. For example, drinking an extra glass of water daily will probably be easier than finding 30 minutes every day for the gym. So get started by breaking those more complex goals into simpler, smaller goals. That might mean adding reminders to your calendar to go to the gym at set times for the first month. As long as you’re motivated over time your new habits will develop. No matter what resolutions you decide to make, it all goes back to the habits you decide to focus on. Reinventing yourself takes time. Start by making minor changes and tackle the bigger picture one step at a time. Good Luck! Here we go with a new decade… Q
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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST
Qsaltlake.com |
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
the frivolist
4 things I’m leaving behind in 2019 BY MIKEY ROX
A new year
means new beginnings, and 2020 will be a doozy for me. To get a head start on my best self ever, here’s what I’m leaving in the dust in 2019.
1. My home About a year ago I took stock of my life and what I wanted for my future. It was a comfy life, for sure. I owned a house and a condo by the beach in Asbury Park, N.J., but despite that abundance, I was unhappy. I separated from my husband in 2015 and moved to those shore properties as a result. These homes were great as getaways during our mutual life in Manhattan, but I never expected them to serve as my primary residences. While I made the situation work — Airbnbing those properties for extra income — the constant traveling back and forth between the two (and playing maid to sometimes inconsiderate guests) became a burden. So in 2018, I said fuck it all, listed the real estate earlier this year, and devised a plan to buy a van and have it retrofitted for living. I sold the last vestiges of that old life in September, had the van finished by October, and I’m eagerly awaiting my departure date on Jan. 2. Where will I go? Everywhere. I want to see everything. Most importantly, I want to live again. I’m scared and nervous, and I may very well never come back from the abyss. But it sure as hell beats drinking myself to death or plopping on a couch every night waiting to die. Sounds melodramatic, yeah, but a lost relationship can rip your heart out, and what I need right now is to focus on me. Relearn how to love me again. And right now, this is the best way I know how.
2. Toxic relationships After my divorce, I started a new relationship that lasted three and a half years, but ended recently. I won’t shame my
ex-partner publicly through this column — he did things, I did things — but in the end it didn’t work out. Too many outside factors were involved — like his meddling family — and we weren’t able to thrive like an adult couple should. As much as we tried, we couldn’t make it. In hindsight, we’re very different people on very different paths. I’m not mad at it though. It happens. To all of us. Life moves on; mine will too. And I’m eager to watch all that toxicity stay right where it belongs — in my rearview mirror.
3. Excess shopping For the past decade, I’ve written outside the LGBT community as a mainstream personal finance expert. I teach people through my articles how to spend and save smarter, how to get off their asses and make extra money, and how to be thankful for the things they already have, even when the Joneses seem to have it better. The latter is a fool’s game, however — appearances are almost always deceiving — but that doesn’t mean that I don’t slip up. I’m completely debt-free, which is a testament to my own hard work and dedication (which is not to sound braggy by the way, but I do think I’m allowed to be proud of that), but that doesn’t mean I don’t still indulge. I love shopping for clothing, accessories and art. Those are my retail vices. But I’m giving them up in 2020. Mostly because I don’t have room for anything else that’s not already in my 15-square-foot van — primarily survival gear because I don’t want to die out there.
4. Anxiety and depression I’ve been on anti-depressants since my early 20s. I have no shame in admitting that, because mental health and well-being should be discussed by everyone. The first few years were a disaster, trying various drugs to balance my mood, but nothing seemed to work. They either made me sick or zapped my dick. What’s the point of being happy if I can’t have sex? There is none, so I abandoned those incompatible SSRIs and earnestly looked for a treatment without side affects. For the past seven years I’ve been on a miracle drug — for me, at least — called Trazodone. It works two-fold — I feel better and I sleep better, which also was an issue for me. Combine that with an as-needed Xanax every now and again, and I can get through the day without blowing someone’s head off. Major coup. While these meds work for me, I’m starting to wonder if another drug can replace them — a drug called nature. When I leave this static life behind for one filled with adventure and new face in new places, maybe, just maybe that’ll be what my body and mind required all along. I’m currently discussing with my doctor how to safely wean off the drugs in order to be free and experience genuine clarity. I don’t know if that’s possible, but I have to try. Of course, if you see my mug shot on the TV in a few months … well, let’s just keep our fingers crossed. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels PHOTO: OFF GRID ADVENTURE VANS
46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD
Qsaltlake.com |
ISSUE 307 | December 19, 2019
the perils of petunia pap smear
A tale of someday my prince will come BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR
The road
to the happiest place on Earth is fraught with danger and excitement. Let me continue the triumphs and travails of my recent trip to Disneyland with the Salt Lake Men’s Choir. Bright and early on a Sunday morning, I packed my purse with extra glitter-eye shadow, donned in some opera-length driving gloves and mounted my scooter like a witch mounts her broomstick, and off I went. As I approached the many entrance lines to The Magic Kingdom, I quickly scanned them, not searching for the shortest line, but naturally looking for the line with the cutest security guards. This lecherous old queen can spot a “prime side of beefcake” more efficiently than a turkey vulture can zero in on a fresh piece of roadkill, from a half-mile away, through a crowd. In fact, I have modified the postal carrier’s motto to be my own: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this queen from the swift selection of her appointed victims (I mean hunks)”. Quicker than you can say “pink feather boa”, I spotted the security man of my dreams. Tall, perfectly quaffed jet-black hair, square jaw with a brilliantly gleaming smile, and broad shoulders with bulging biceps straining the structural integrity of his short-sleeved shirt. I made a beeline directly at him, accidentally running over the toes of three other choir members in my haste. As I got ever closer to “my future next husband”, from my seated position on the scooter, his “package” was at my eye level
7pm, January 17 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem
and not two feet away. I noticed that his snugly fitting pants left very little to the imagination, and a discriminating (lecherous) queen, such as myself, could discern his considerably large “religion,” if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, drool, drool… Of course, when riding a scooter, I tend to set off the security metal detectors, and need a more thorough inspection. Mr. Marvelous asked me to dismount my transport. I stood with arms spread wide to welcome the virile, strapping object of my lustrations to my licentious bosom. He used his “big throbbing wand” to further inspect me, but darn if the metal in my underwire bra didn’t light up his rod. He explained that he needed to pat me down. OH, DARN! Mr. Marvelous then began to “feel me up.” When his wandering hands reached my heaving breasticles, our eyes locked, and I told him that I usually made a guy buy me dinner before I let them get this far. (A total lie, but how would he know?) I could tell by the gleam in his eye, that I had found my Disney Prince, and I was soon to be the next Disney Princess. After I (in my mind) had chosen our wedding colors and arranged for the U-Haul to move us into our new house together, he stated that I was all clear and motioned me to move ahead. Crestfallen, I proceeded in a daze towards The Country Bear Jamboree, but vowed that I shall return and reclaim my rightful place as his Disney Princess. So, as always when I face disappointment, I turned to food. The closest available happened to be at Tortilla Jo’s. A quick enchilada and some refried beans and I was good to go. I wanted to ride Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. I experienced a bit of consternation when the very cute young man helping me load my considerable gravitas maximus into the train, was worried that my beehive hair would be too tall for the ride. I emerged unscathed, except for being slightly windswept. I next rode Splash Mountain. I expected to get just a little bit moist from the log ride, but at the bottom of the final drop, a veritable tidal wave washed all the way
over me, and I was wringing wet from head to toe. My beehive hair was plastered flat against my face. You might think this to be the ultimate tragedy, however looking for a bright side to the situation, it luckily covered up my mascara that was running down my cheeks. By now, the refried beans were beginning to build up some considerable pressure, but Disneyland, being such a magical place, I didn’t want to kill or emotionally scar any children with a toxic release in public, so I retired into a restroom. I must have looked like a soaking wet pervert as I loitered in the restroom, waiting for everyone to leave, so that I might have a private moment for flatulence. After waiting for several impatient minutes, I carefully looked around; it appeared I was all alone and I could cheek squeak in private. I stepped up to a urinal and let the heinous-anus-hiccup rip. The thunderfrom-down-under was indeed deafening. I felt immediate relief. Then to my horror, a voice called out from one of the stalls, “GAWD, THAT WAS EPIC!” I was mortified when out from the farthest stall emerged the object of my obsessions, my Disney Prince Guard. There I stood, with my eyes looking like a raccoon from the running mascara, wet hair plastered against my face, water dripping from my breasticles into a puddle on the floor, and a visible cloud of panty burp dissipating into the atmosphere. Unable to overpower my natural reflex to flirt with a handsome man, I fluttered my eyelashes and said, “Well, fancy meeting you here. Do you believe in destiny?” At which point he called on his radio for back-up security. This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Does a security pat down count as going to second base? 2. Does a full strip search count as third base? 3. Could I have mistaken the gleam in the hunky guard’s eye for a display of abject terror? 4. Should I begin teaching classes on how to flirt? These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q
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