QSaltLake Magazine - 281 - July 2018

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Congratulations to the people of Mark Miller Subaru, 2018 Subaru Love Promise Retailer of the Year.

The Mark Miller Subaru family lives by the motto “Leave a Mark.” And in Salt Lake City, there are not many places where they have not.

Committed to Their Customers It starts in their store, where customer after customer raves about being treated far better than they would have ever expected From the concierge delivery program that helps drivers better understand their new vehicles to a full-service café for waiting customers, the staff at Mark Miller Subaru makes the experience comfortable and memorable. As recipients of the Subaru Love Promise Customer Commitment Award from 2012 through 2018 and the 2016 Utah Ethical Leadership Most Ethical Business Award, their commitment is indisputable.

Committed to Their Community It is no surprise for them that doing the right thing goes beyond running a car business. Whether helping homeless teens find a safe place to sleep and have a meal, or rescuing stray animals, the Miller family’s community commitment is unwavering.

Overall, they have donated 9,475 overnight stays for homeless youth through Volunteers of America. And in partnership with Nuzzles & Co., they have helped save 125,000 homeless animals roaming the nearby Navajo Reservation. In recognition of excellence in customer experience and extraordinary commitment to their community, along with $7.4 million in charitable donations over the past seven years, it is our honor to name Mark Miller Subaru the 2018 Subaru Love Promise Retailer of the Year.

Love. It’s what makes a Subaru, a Subaru.

A very heartfelt congratulations to Mark Miller Subaru, the 2018 Subaru Love Promise Retailer of the Year.

Find out more about the Subaru Love Promise at subaru.com/love-promise.

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publisher/editor Michael Aaron

ASSISTANT editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie Bennett-Cook, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Ryan Haymore, Tony Hobday, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,

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QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC., Q Media Group Copyright © 2018, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 8–12,000 copies are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the state. Free copies are limited to one per person.

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news The top national and world news you should know from last month No Pride for you For the second year running, the United States White House refused to acknowledge June as LGBT Pride Month. The WH issued proclamations from 2009 to 2016 and in the 1900s. This year the White House instead issued proclamations honoring Caribbean-American heritage, African-American music, homeownership, the outdoors and the ocean in June. The U.S. State Department of Defense and the CIA, however, did issue statements referring to June as Pride Month.

ISIS plot against Parisian gays Two men arrested in Paris reportedly planned a terror attack targeting the gay community in the name of ISIS. France’s intelligence service DGSI and local police found evidence of targeting LGBT people including, “knives, a firing device, and Islamist State group propaganda.

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The Seattle City Council authorized the design and construction of an “AIDS Memorial Pathway” as part of an art plan for Cal Anderson Park and the transit-oriented development above the adjacent Capitol Hill Link

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light rail station. The AMP is a public art installation which will, as the city council memorialized, “create a place of remembrance and reflection; utilize technology to share stories about the epidemic and the diverse community responses to the crisis; and provide a call to action to end HIV/AIDS, stigma, and discrimination.” Cal Anderson was Washington’s first openly LGBTQ elected official, who died from AIDS in 1995.

Russia hard on gays at World Cup With the FIFA World Cup underway in Russia, gay men are being warned not to assemble, demonstrate or try to have sex in Russia. Media reports that police are advising visitors that LGBT behavior is frowned on and agitation for LGBT rights will not be tolerated. The Russian gay community reports official warnings to avoid sexual encounters with tourists, and some soccer fans are reporting harassment and sexual encounter stings by state security services.

Moscow police recently arrested longtime British activist Peter Tatchell for protesting Russia’s lack of action on anti-LGBT activity in the Russian-protected Caucasus region of Chechnya.

Celestial fluidity, not enough According to Solo: A Star Wars Story screenwriter Jonathan Kasdan, the character of Lando Calrissian is sexually fluid, though frank dialogue or action never showed it. “I mean, I would have loved to have gotten a more explicitly LGBT character into this movie,” Kasdan said. The Daily Beast’s Ira Madison demurred: “This queer-baiting is the best they can do?

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It’s condescending, somehow even more so than the vague insistence that two male characters in the new trilogy, Finn and Poe, might have a relationship. But it’s also a lot of pandering on the studio’s part.”

Pope Francis, again, says something nice about LGBT In a private meeting, Pope Francis reportedly told Juan Carlos Cruz, a survivor of clerical sexual abuse, that God loves him as he is.

“He told me, ‘Juan Carlos, the fact that you’re gay doesn’t matter. God made you like that, and he loves you like that, and I don’t care,’” Cruz said.

The Vatican declined to confirm or deny the pontiff’s remarks, telling Los Angeles Times, “We don’t normally comment on the pope’s private conversations.”

New Hampshire says ‘no’ to conversion therapy LGBT-rights groups praised New Hampshire GOP Governor Chris Sununu and criticized social conservatives after signing two bills — one banning harmful gay conversion therapy and the other outlawing gender-based discrimination. “Discrimination — in any form — is unacceptable and runs contrary to New Hampshire’s Live Free or Die Spirit,” Sununu said. “If we really want to be the ‘Live Free or Die’ state, we must ensure that New Hampshire is a place where every person, regardless

of their background, has an equal and full opportunity to pursue their dreams... .”

Kiss heard around the Chesapeake Maryland gubernatorial candidate Richard Magdaleno made history with a political TV ad that ends with him kissing his husband, Mark Hodge, on the front lawn of his home. The ad highlights the various ways the progressive candidate has stood up against the Trump agenda. Even though POTUS is irked easily, Magdaleno says the kiss is “the number one way I’ll piss off Donald Trump and the Republicans.”

To the candidate’s disappointment, Trump has not tweeted a response to the ad.

Like waffle fries, tell no one Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, thinking that we all cared about his lunch fare, started a social-media firestorm and then apologized after he tweeted that he ordered food from Chick-fil-A. Critics jumped on Dorsey for supporting the chain during June. Chick-fil-A caught hell in 2012 because of comments made by CEO Dan Cathay, expressing opposition to samesex marriage. The company had also donated millions to anti-gay groups. The controversy spurred protests at stores by activists as well as supporters who came to rally behind the company. Teach him to brag about lunch.

TrevorLIVE raises over $2M On June 11, The Trevor Project hosted its 2018 TrevorLIVE New York gala where it honored Emmy-winning writer Lena Waithe; writer/director/producer Greg Berlanti;

Shanghai Pride turns 10 As the world observes LGBT pride this month, China’s budding LGBT communities are playing their part. This week, the Shanghai Pride festival is celebrating its 10th year with a series of cultural events. Although Shanghai Pride is the first public annual event that honors LGBT pride in mainland China, it excludes “flamboyant parades like in the West,” Inkstone News reported. and McKinsey & Company Managing Partner Dominic Barton. U.S. Olympic medalists Adam Rippon and Gus Kenworthy hosted the event.

The gala raised over $2 million and included performances by singer-songwriter Rita Ora and the cast of Viceland’s My House.

Couple sentenced for fatal torture of an 8-year-old boy A Southern California mother receives life in prison, and her boyfriend gets the death penalty in the killing of an 8-yearold boy who prosecutors say was punished because the couple believed he was gay, reported the New York Post.

Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge George Lomeli sentenced Pearl Fernandez and Isauro Aguirre, calling the 2013 death of 8-year-old Gabriel Fernandez “beyond animalistic.”

Gabriel was repeatedly beaten, starved, tied up, locked in a cabinet, shot with

a BB gun, and once had his teeth knocked out with a bat, the judge said, according to USA Today.

The boy also had a fractured skull, broken ribs and burns across his body.

NCLR denounces new limitations on asylum claims The National Center for Lesbian Rights issued a statement after U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions imposed stringent new limitations on asylum claims brought by those fleeing domestic or gang violence. In part, NCLR Legal Director Shannon Minter said that the “decision by Attorney General Sessions is an unprincipled setback that overturns years of precedent recognizing that those persecuted by domestic and gang violence are eligible to seek asylum. ...

This decision will fall hardest on women and LGBT people, who are disproportionately likely to experience these forms of abuse.”

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Two men chased, called homophobic slurs after Utah Pride Festival; dessert shop worker injured Four men leaving from dinner after the Utah Pride Festival Saturday night were chased by a group of 10 to 15 young men who were allegedly yelling anti-gay slurs and threats of death. A reward is being offered for information leading to their arrest and conviction since few leads are available.

One of the victims spoke with QSaltLake Magazine, asking that his name not be used in the story. He said that he, his husband and two male friends stopped for dinner after leaving the Pride Festival.

“We had left the [Utah Pride] Festival and we went to Stoneground Kitchen to get some food,” he said. “We left through the back entrance and our server Terrance Mannery was injured protect- was back there. ing four gay men from an assault She was upset because a group of guys had been harassing a homeless woman.”

The man’s husband walked toward the group to see what was going on, and the guys started yelling, “What are you looking at, you fucking faggot?”

He said the taunting began to escalate, so the four decided to leave.

“As soon as we turned around, the homophobic slurs continued and they said that they were going to kill us,” he said.

“We ran down the alley to Doki Doki, which is on the main floor below the restaurant. One of my friends said, ‘you probably want to lock the door, we are seeking safety.’”

Doki Doki worker Terrance Mannery went to lock the door, but one of the guys had made it into the vestibule by that time.

“He just started pounding on him,” he said.

Several people called 911.

“It felt like it took forever, but it was over pretty quick,” he said.

Mannery sustained bruises and a cut to his face as he tried to keep the attackers out of the shop to protect the intended victims.

“They said they were being followed and as I looked outside I could see a PHOTOS: FACEBOOK

group of people making faces and a gentleman was attempting to come in,” Mannery told Fox 13 News. “I stepped forward and was pretty much like, ‘no you’re not coming into the store and causing trouble.’”

Mannery said the fight was then directed toward him, as the group tried to pull him out of the shop.

“Punches and stuff. No weapons, no kicking. Just punches and they seemed like they were trying to pull me out but that kind of worked to my advantage because I wanted them out of the store,” Mannery told Fox 13.

The altercation scared a Lyft driver, who witnessed the attack.

“I have never been so scared in my life,” Ross Rogers posted on a Facebook driver forum. “Last night I witnessed a hate crime right next to my car while I was waiting for my Lyft customer. About 15 strong, muscular guys came running down the alley and started to push these other guys around. Another African American guy [Mannery] came running from the store and tried to break it up and then became the focus of the 15 jerks.”

Rogers said the attackers threw punches at Mannery and broke the door to the shop.

“Then the 15 jerks ran back down the alley and were gone,” he continued. “The original guys were my customers. They were all gay and had just come from the Pride Festival. They were very shaken up. I took them home and then pulled around the corner from their house and cried. I was shaking so bad because it scared the sh*t out of me just seeing it.”

Michelle Turpin, a lawyer and major donor to Utah Pride, was also leaving the Festival grounds and witnessed the attack. She said that the assailants were “clean cut, blond-haired, blue-eyed typical Utah 20-year-old boys.”

Doki Doki appealed to the community to help send the assailants to justice.

“Tonight, a brave team member of Doki Doki was assaulted while trying to protect a group of frightened people who were seeking shelter inside the store. The police are now involved and the investigation is active,” a shop representative posted on their Facebook wall. “Unfortu-

The Utah Pride Center held an event at Doki Doki to show appreciation for Mannery and the dessert shop.

nately we couldn’t get a clear description of the perpetrators and other information such as the direction where they took off after the assault. If anyone has any information regarding this incident or any descriptions of those perpetrators, please contact us or the police. Please help us bring these bad members of the society to justice. Thank you.”

The Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce is also asking the community for help, and offering a $5,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the perpetrators.”

“UGLCC’s anti-violence fund was created to provide the victims of homophobic or transphobic crimes and to provide resources for the prosecution of perpetrators of such crimes,” said Tracey Dean, chair of the organization.

Many LGBT community members are frequenting Doki Doki in appreciation of their employee’s reaction to the attack.

Reaction to social media postings of the assault are being met with surprise by LGBT Salt Lakers, who say these kind of attacks should be long gone these days.

The incident happened around 10:30 p.m. near 250 East and Fourth South on Saturday night, June 2. Police are considering closing the case for lack of leads.

Anyone with information is being asked to call the Salt Lake City Police Department at 801-799-3000. Q

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Salt Lake leaders considering public accommodations non-discrimination ordinance despite SCOTUS ruling The Monday after Utah’s Pride Festival weekend, SCOTUS issued its ruling in the case of Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission, which reversed the verdict in favor of the defendant in 2017.

In a statement, Mayor Biskupski expressed disappointment. “I feel strongly — as I did then — that Salt Lake City will continue to participate in litigation which endangers the equal rights of any people in our community. Everyone should know, that if you do business in our city, you do business with everyone,” she wrote.

The same day, Equality Utah Executive Director, Troy Williams, told The Salt Lake Tribune, “Now more than ever, we need comprehensive federal and state nondiscrimination laws that protect all Americans,” he said, adding that “Equality Utah looks forward to working again with the Utah Legislature to pass a comprehensive public accommodations law in 2019.”

Salt Lake Councilman Derek Kitchen told FOX 13 he intended to push forward

with an ordinance that would prohibit businesses from denying services to LGBTQ people. The ordinance drafting has been on hold while the Masterpiece case was pending.

Scott Lemieux, a lecturer in the Department of Political Science at the University of Washington, wrote an op-ed saying, “The ruling that Colorado violated the rights of a man who refused to bake a cake for customers based on their sexual orientation had explicitly limited applicability and a basis of the peculiarities of the case.

“Nonetheless, it presents a serious risk of undermining civil rights law in the name of religious freedom, especially given that it invites yet further suits for the court to consider, and will be interpreted by federal courts that Trump is making significantly more conservative through his appointments.

“It is possible that this decision was a result of an unusual set of facts and will not have a great deal of significance going

forward. But .... there’s also the possibility that this apparently narrow ruling will help conservative courts significantly undermine the enforcement of critical civil rights statutes in future cases brought by the religious right.”

Last year, along with some other religious organizations, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints signed an amicus curiae brief filed by the Virginia-based Christian Legal Society on behalf of the baker.

It asked the justices to consider the First Amendment rights of deeply religious Americans. While acknowledging the legal right of same-sex couples to marry, it also noted many people of faith steadfastly believe that providing services for a gay wedding betrays their religious views.

And obviously, the church weighed in on the SCOTUS ruling saying in a statement: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints welcomes today’s Supreme Court decision. The nation’s laws can protect both religious liberty and the rights of LGBT citizens. That is the meaning of fairness for all.” Q

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Utah medical examiner researching suicide in LGBT, Native communities

BY KYLE FITZPATRICK, POPSUGAR

Michael Staley wants to find out why people die by suicide. His job and title reflect this unique quest: he’s the psychological autopsy examiner for Utah, working in the state’s Office of the Medical Examiner. The role was created to analyze the state’s suicide problem by connecting the scientific data with the human — and Staley is the only person in America with such a job. He’s embarking on a years-long, first-of-its-kind project to study suicide in the state and how it impacts marginalized communities like LGBTQ+ youth and Native Americans.

He does this through “psychological autopsies,” conducting hours-long interviews with the deceased’s family and friends, exploring and excavating the lives of suicide victims, to understand their problems and the circumstances that troubled them.

He does this in the hopes of connecting suicide with lived lives — specifically connecting this to Utah’s unique suicide troubles: the state has the fifth highest suicide rate in the country; suicide is the leading cause of death for kids ages 10 to 17, and Utah has the highest ratio of suicides to homicides.

A sociologist, Staley specializes in prevention. As a cisgender man who is gay, he knows all too well that queer persons are at a greater risk for suicidal ideation and other mental health issues. It’s a constant source of friction, regardless of whether he is directly or distantly addressing the subject, as there are more questions about queer suicide than answers. His work can be morbid, a side effect of the subject that his personal life helps mitigate (Staley says his partner is “the bumper guard” to his daily tragedies), but in many ways, his dedication to the subject is the culmination of a life exploring the problem of premature deaths and why they happen.

“I devote the vast majority of my time to people who actually die by suicide,” Staley explains to POPSUGAR. “And we don’t know that queer people account for more of those deaths than the actual population.” Staley provides two reasons for this nebulousness: there are no recordings of how many LGBTQ+ Americans die by suicide, and there are no set numbers on the queer populations, as they have routinely been left out of research like the

US Census. There simply aren’t accurate population counts for the community.

“In general, in science we’re not good at counting either of those things,” he says.

“We’re working on it.”

Staley can pinpoint where this interest began: during his teen years in rural Montana, where he attended a high school with only 320 students. In his four-year tenure, seven students died, some by suicide and some by other circumstances.

“I remember going to school and sitting there and the intercom going off, saying, ‘So-and-so died,’” Staley recalls. “It kept happening over and over. One day the Spanish teacher completely fell apart, telling us, ‘Would you please stop dying?’ That’s the most explanation that I got from anyone.”

Staley’s interest grew after taking a sociology class during his undergraduate studies at Carroll College in Montana.

Suicide was a major focus in his sociological studies since the subject is considered the bedrock of the social sciences. “We were talking about the empirical, scientific understanding of suicide,” Staley says.

The draw of personalizing the science of people — and his professor’s highlighting how to recognize suicidal behaviors in a person — captured him, illustrating how the discipline could create real change and possibly save lives.

After graduating with a degree in sociology, Staley pursued a PhD at the University of New Hampshire, where he studied the sociology of AIDS and infectious diseases. He eventually moved to Utah in 2014 to understand “safer sex practices — or the lack thereof” in the state’s LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saint community, but he ended up being redirected to suicide. “What I ended up doing a lot of the time was dealing with mental health crises,” he says.

“I had to take two different people to the hospital — because they were suicidal — after they told me that they had plans.”

Staley found — from firsthand and personal experience — that one of the sources of the problem is the tension between being queer and being Mormon, of living conservatively and living your truth.

“I was working with gay, bisexual, queer, and questioning young men,” Staley says of his early Utah work, specifying that these were the persons who came to support groups he attended. “Young men have a

Michael Staley, fataility epidemiologist or the State of Utah is studying suicides through psychological autopsies

harder time coping with their sexuality and the expectations of their communities.

There’s a religious conservatism here. You can’t be LGBTQ and hold the highest calling in the church. Therefore, there’s no way to move forward. There’s this role conflict.”

Suicide, in Staley’s mind, is much more complicated than one environmental factor or one mental health issue. What he does know is that Utah has a unique problem, which is exactly why the state created the role he now fills; while there is no proof that these suicides are taking place among predominately queer or Mormon people, this is an all too common misconception in the state.

“Look at the comments in the Salt Lake Tribune articles, particularly the ones where we talk about teenagers,” he says.

“They all quickly devolve into this really polar argument that it’s all gay Mormons who are killing themselves. That, I think, is toxic.”

Staley sees this opinion as dangerously myopic and a disservice to suicide prevention, as it oversimplifies an issue that lies at the intersection of many personal problems, and, again, highlights the research gap dedicated to LGBTQ+ populations in America.

“There’s just so much contour to suicide,” he says. “When we label the problem as a ‘gay Mormon problem,’ we will miss so many deaths. Q Kyle Fitzpatrick is a contributing writer for POPSUGAR and bloga at 1234kyle5678.com PHOTO: MICHAEL STALEY

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Family, Criminal and LGBT Law A down-to-earth law firm that aims for solutions, not fights.

We help you develop the most cost-effective strategy to meet your goals for your case. Our mission is to give a voice to underrepresented people and to empower our clients through a wide variety of legal services.

Our tool box includes cooperative negotiation and aggressive advocacy, depending on what the situation calls for.

Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie Biskupski and Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams hold commemorative Harvey Milk street signs as International Imperial Court System Queen Mother of the Americas Nicole Murray-Ramirez speaks.

PHOTO: CHARLES ROZANSKI

Danielle Hawkes, Esq.

Queen Mother of the Americas honors SLC with a bust of Milk On May 25, the International Imperial Court System presented Mayor Biskupski and Equality Utah with the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award at a ceremony at City Hall.

The award is the oldest LGBT award, having been presented annually since 1979.

Nicole Murray-Ramirez, who serves as Director of the ICC Canada-United States-Mexico and as a San Diego Human Rights Commissioner presented the awards, calling the city, “the pride of the Rocky Mountain States.”

The IICS honored them for their work promoting equality and in recognition of Salt Lake as the second city to honor Harvey Milk with a street naming, following San Diego. So, also during the ceremony, they swapped street signs and Ramirez was then named an “Honorary Citizen of Salt Lake.”

“To be awarded the oldest LGBTQ Civil Rights Award in the nation is incredibly humbling,” said Biskupski becoming emotional when presented with the special Harvey Milk Bust.

Utah Pride Center Execu-

tive Director Rob Moolman also treated Ramirez to a tour of the center’s new building.

“This Center rivals any LGBT Community center in any major city,” said Ramirez who in return presented the center with a special U.S. postage stamp portrait of Harvey Milk.

Upon returning home, SDGLN.com reported that Ramirez, also known as Empress Nicole the Great, The Queen Mother of the Americas within the IIC said of his visit to Salt Lake: “It was my privilege to spend five days in Salt Lake which not only has an outstanding mayor who happens to be a lesbian, married and mother of two but also has three elected gay council members. Salt Lake, its city, and LGBT community is most certainly a role model for us all.”

On April 19, 2016, the Salt Lake City Council voted unanimously to rename a portion of Ninth South in honor of the assassinated LGBTQ rights activist. The official dedication of the street was May 16, 2016. Q

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quotes “Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it’s a good place to start.” — Jason Collins, the first openly gay professional American athlete ... take control of your own personal narrative and put it out there. Let people know who you are, and then go win your election.”

— Danica Roem, transgender politician and journalist

“It takes some intelligence and insight to figure out you’re gay and then a tremendous amount of balls to live it and live it proudly.”

— Jason Bateman, Actor

“You can have a feeling.

You can have a gut reaction — an inner voice that tells you what to do. But you can’t be sure ... trust that inner voice.”

— Ronan Farrow, journalist

“We will unite our pack, storm the valley together and change the whole bloody system.”

— Abby Wambach, FIFA Women’s World Cup champion, Olympic gold medalist

“I had never realized before how much you can take from someone by not allowing them the words they need to describe themselves. How can you know there are other people like you, when you’ve never had a name to call yourself?”

— from YA book Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

“’Cuz only very fragile egos fear equality.”

— Pride poster by Anonymous

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Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

So you want to be an LGBT parent

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

Recently,

Patrick Gevas, a PR person representing Circle with Disney, was pitching me a story idea about how his client keeps kids safe when they’re on the internet. During the conversation, he mentioned that he and his husband are thinking about having kids, and wanted to know if he could ask me a couple of questions. I get these kinds of questions pretty often, so here are my answers to the most common ones.

How do we know if we’re ready for kids?

Honestly, no one is ever really ready. But some steps in the right direction include making sure you’re secure in your relationship — kids don’t “save” relationships — and being financially solid.

Should we use a surrogate/sperm donor or adopt? There are advantages and disadvantages to both of these choices. Using a surrogate or donor allows you to pass on your DNA, and can offer you greater influence in prenatal healthcare. It can also be expensive, and complications may arise in navigating the role of the donor in the child’s life.

Adoption is certainly less expensive, and there are too many kids in this country looking for a good home. But you rarely know what emotional and health issues may come with the child.

What if our family disagrees with our decision to become parents? Know your family, and use that knowledge to set boundaries and manage your expectations. Granny has the right to think every kid needs a mom and a dad. She doesn’t have the right to treat your child differently because he or she has two dads. Your children deserve the exact treatment as any other kids in your family, and if other relatives cannot provide that love and support, limit interactions with them. If you feel a need to explain why you skipped Granny’s big Thanksgiving dinner make sure to

provide solid, verifiable facts, don’t rely on perceptions or feelings.

How can we ensure our kids will see other families like ours? There are several organizations in Utah to support LGBTQ families like the Gay and Lesbian Parents of Utah (bit.ly/glputah), Utah Gay Fathers’ Association (bit.ly/UtahGayFathers), and the Utah Pride Center (utahpridecenter.org/youth-family-programs/). Also, families like ours are increasingly seen on television and in films. Xfinity even offers a Kids and Family section in its LGBTQ Film and Television Collection.

How will friends react? Be prepared to lose friends or at the least to have your friendship change. You can’t be hitting the clubs every night or taking spur-ofthe-moment weekend getaways anymore.

And honestly, your pals probably don’t want to go to the petting zoo all the time.

Make sure to take time to hang out with your friends without the kids; you need that. And don’t be hurt when your friends make plans that exclude you, they don’t need to put their fun on hold because of your decisions.

Where’s mom? Gay dads get this a lot. Just be honest — tell them you’re a two-dad family. Anyone who has an issue with it probably isn’t someone you want in your lives anyway. You can save yourselves a lot of problems by proactively coming out to teachers, neighbors, and other parents.

But be prepared: some parents won’t allow their kids to hang out with yours or insist it happens only at their house.

Explain the situation to your kids and let them decide whether they want to live by those rules or not.

How do we know we’ll make good parents? You don’t. Just do your best, and parent with patience, humor, and empathy. Q Learn more about Circle with Disney at meetcircle.com

GAY WRITES

A DiverseCity Series writing group A program of Salt Lake Community College’s Community Writing Ctr. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30-8 pm, Salt Lake City Library Square, 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake.

Everything from Angels to Zen

12896 S Pony Express Rd Suite 200 in Draper (just north of IKEA) 801.333.3777 www.ilovelotus.com

LotusStore

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Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 281 |

July 2018

mr. manners

Knowing when to grow up

BY ROCK MAGEN

A few words

june 21-24 library square uaf.org

of advice.

“Life is not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.” Unfortunately, life’s card game does not come with the disclaimer that you will experience heartbreak, hard times, and you will eventually, and inevitably, die.

But putting all of that aside, what is important is that we have some freedom in how we choose to react to situations.

You never know when these things will occur, and that’s the catch in the contract that you involuntarily sign the day that you are born.

Life’s hurdles are vast, but in my experience, I had the most significant transitions going from being a teenager who lives at home, to a college student who didn’t live at home but relied on my parents for most things, to a grown adult who takes care of everything on my own. While each situation is unique, we all experience a hiccup or two along the way, but growing up is part of life. One of the most difficult lessons to learn is that you can’t just pick and choose which parts of being an adult you like and which ones you don’t.

So, now that we have acknowledged that, it’s time to ditch the excuses, accept the truth, and grow up.

The truth about growing up is merely not a guarantee. It’s a privilege. And sometimes it’s a privilege that we acknowledge too late. Secondly, grow-

ing up is about forgiveness.

About forgiving ourselves for past mistakes, and future mistakes. It’s saying sorry when you’ve done wrong, and forgiving those who have wronged you and haven’t apologized.

Growing up isn’t glamorous at best, and taxing at most.

Growing up is learning to release your inhibitions early on, and to swallow your pride, to give someone else a hand when they need it. It may sound difficult, because, well, it is. Growing up is difficult, and it comes with obstacles that are often out of our control but making peace with conflicts marks maturity. It allows us to reflect on milestones, memories, and have glowing pride in our accomplishments. While it’s not glamorous, it is humbling, and although we don’t always seek to publicize those experiences, they are the moments which transform us from who we are to who we can become.

We want independence, which is commendable, but with great independence comes great responsibility.

Part of growing up is not just fiscal responsibility, but also a responsibility to the generation after ours. An integral part of growing up is to become not only a custodian of the past but also a herald of the future. For a second, a single second, don’t wish to grow up too fast. Instead, focus on giving yourself the experiences required to grow up at the right pace and embrace the changes which come. Q

July 2018 |

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

creep of the month

Jeff Amyx By the

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

time you read this we might be at war with Canada or Trump may have invited Kim Jong Un for a sleepover in the Lincoln bedroom. Anything could happen! We’re literally living in the most dangerous reality show ever televised. And the most hateful people are feeling more emboldened than ever.

Which brings me to Jeff Amyx, owner and proprietor of Amyx Hardware and Roofing Supplies in Washburn, Tennessee, and his crudely scrawled “No gays allowed” sign in his store window. He originally hung the sign up after the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples could get legally married.

Though some news reports have claimed that Amyx put the sign “back up” following the Court’s “gay cake” ruling, it’s actually never clear that he ever took the original sign down. It’s possible that he just doubled down on his message by adding more signage.

There are many things that bother me about this sign, but one thing that is simply not being commented upon enough is its ugliness. I mean, yes, it’s figuratively ugly. But I’m talking literal here.

Keep in mind, I have never been to this store. For one thing, it is in Tennessee and I am not.

For another, well, the owner is clearly a hateful person. But I have the magic of the interwebs.

So from what I’ve seen in photos, the anti-gay sign is taped on the glass on the store’s front door surrounded by other signs, some of which are professionally done (like the grammatically-troubled “SMILE your on Camera” sign).

The sign is a plain white sheet of office size paper with “No gays allowed” hand written in black marker. The letters are unevenly spaced and the width of the

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

marker strokes lack uniformity. So definitely no points for presentation.

Compare this to the banner hanging below his store’s road side sign that reads, “God destroyed all the SODOMITES for an EXAMPLE. 2nd Peter 2:6.”

This banner was clearly done by some kind of professional sign-making entity, though the color scheme, red writing on white background, leaves a lot to be desired. It’s of the same colors and font used in the Amyx store sign right above it. While I can appreciate the stylistic continuity, the anti-gay message could really use a splash of color to make it pop.

And speaking of color, there’s a smaller red and white sign hung from the bottom of the Sodomites banner that reads, “Now mixing paint.” It is very confusing. I mean, if the only sign above it was the one reading “Amyx Hardware and Roofing Supplies” then the meaning of the paint sign would be clear: this is a hardware store and we mix paint. But the paint sign being separated from the store sign by the sodomites banner, to which it is also attached, muddies the context. So I find myself wondering, “What are the gays doing with paint? Does this have something to do with the rainbow? There a prohibition about mixing in Leviticus, but isn’t it about mixing fabrics?” In other words, there is a real lack of message continuity.

But the effort is there. Clearly, the sodomites banner took some planning and money, while the “No gays allowed” sign is a slapdash embarrassment.

Also worth noting that according to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Trump is just fine with shop owners putting up signs refusing gays. This is, of course, not the

first time Trump has given his nod of approval to something totally lacking in quality or grace.

But to be fair to Amyx, the nearest Hobby Lobby to his store looks to be about 30 miles away according to Google Maps. That said, it’s a hardware store! It sells paint (mixed, even!), brushes, rulers, duct tape (which comes in all sorts of colors and patterns these days), adhesives, lighting,

fasteners of all kind. Anything you could conceivably need to make an impressive sign was available to him at cost. In other words, Amyx had everything he needed to #BeBest, but he didn’t.

And Jesus wept. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @ MamaDWitkowski.

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

Qsaltlake.com | Issue 281 |

July 2018

lambda lore

A gay Mormon church Restoration Church of Jesus Christ in the late 80s

At the

BY BEN WILLIAMS

beginning of 1986, the Metropolitan Community Church of Salt Lake was the only denomination in Utah geared to meeting the spiritual needs of homosexuals; although there were several religiously oriented support groups such as Dignity for Catholics and Integrity for Episcopalians and John Cooper’s Salt Lake Affirmation for Mormons. As the death of gay men increasingly became a reality by 1986 it was only natural that spiritual comfort was wanted especially among those estranged from the Mormon Church.

The Restoration Church of Jesus Christ, a splinter Mormon church began on Aug. 23, 1985, when five members of the Los Angeles chapter of Affirmation, decided to form an organization where they could exercise their LDS priesthood. The church was established primarily to meet the spiritual needs of LGBT Latter-day Saints. They were first called the Church of Jesus Christ of All Latter-day Saints but later renamed it the Restoration Church of Jesus Christ after a threat of a lawsuit. The church lasted 25 years and based mainly in Salt Lake City.

Two middle-aged men, Antonio Feliz and Lamar Hamilton, along with John Crane, Pamela J. Calkins, and David Ewing were the founding members.

They believed that God raised up a new church based on the teachings of Joseph Smith because the LDS church refused to preach the Gospel to active homosexuals.

It was felt that the LDS Church was not keeping the commandment to preach the Gospel to all people.

Feliz was a former bishop, a high priest, and had served as a temple sealer in the Los Angeles Mormon Temple. Feliz had received his LDS priesthood in 1973 from then-Church President Harold B. Lee, who stated Feliz would be a blessing to “his people”. Although Lee probably meant Latino people, Feliz would later interpret the blessing to mean homosexual people.

Calkins, a former sister LDS missionary, was the first lesbian to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood under the hand of Feliz. Crane held the position of Church Patriarch, and Ewing was the Church historian.

Feliz stated, “We have established a church based on the Mormon beliefs set forth by the first prophet of the Mormon Churches, Joseph Smith…We feel that the Lord is guiding our steps for the blessing of all people, including gay and lesbian.”

The formation of the new church met opposition from California Affirmation leaders, and as a limited number of gay people who identified as Mormon lived

in the Southern California area, the leaders of the fledgling group decided to bring their message to the heart of Mormonism — Salt Lake City.

The first March issue of Triangle Magazine had the new gay Mormon Church as its featured story. A premise of the new church was that homosexuals were a distinct people who, while living among heterosexuals, could distinguish each other from their counterparts. Feliz stated that the new church was for the “despised and rejected of the world”. Calkins taught that gays and lesbians were 10 percent of the world’s population, and “we were like the Lord’s tithe”. While heterosexuals were meant to procreate, gays were

meant to re-create and beautify the earth.

While proselytizing in Salt Lake, members of the church attended a meeting of the RCGSE. Robert McIntier was attending as the local MCC’s representative.

He recalled, “Three men in business suits walked in and asked to be recognized.

When they were allowed to speak one of them got up and said, ‘We’re here to tell you that the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as taught by Joseph Smith, has been restored to the gay community.’ I just about fell out of my chair!”

On April 27, 1986, Feliz and Hamilton, as the acting first presidency, officially organized Salt Lake into the first branch of the church. McIntier was called to be branch president, and Mike Howard was his first counselor. At the organizing meeting, LaMar Hamilton shared a revelation he had concerning a Mother In Heaven. After this time it became acceptable to pray to either a Heavenly Father or Mother or even Heavenly Parents. Heavenly Mother was regarded as an equal member of the Godhead, along with a Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Thus, the church believed in a quadrature Godhead.

The Restoration Church, while still centered in Southern California, organized a portable tabernacle for priesthood ordinance work. At the end of May, it was brought to Salt Lake City and placed in the basement of McIntier’s home. On June 10, Ewing became the first person to receive his temple endowments in the Restoration Church. Howard became the first person to take the name of a deceased person through the temple ceremony. The deceased, Clair Harward, was a gay Mormon but he didn’t receive his endowments before his death.

On June 25, 1986, the official records of the Restoration Church were lost when the backpack of Eddie Muldong, the church historian, was stolen in Los Angeles. As far as I know, my journal entries are the only source material from before this time.

The Restoration Church had a series of revelations given to mainly Feliz but also to other church members. These were collected and became the basis of an additional scripture called Hidden Truths and

July 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

accounting services Promises. A guiding principle of the church was that all decisions were made by consensus. Many of Feliz’ actions violated this concept. It was one of the reasons Hamilton had left the leadership of the church that summer.

When Calkins returned to Salt Lake City for the Sunstone Symposium in late August, two lesbian converts, Carol Dee and Leanna Anderson came with her, as well as her lover Lynn LaMasters. LaMasters was the first lesbian to have received the Aaronic Priesthood. At the time, I heard they were soon to form a polygamist relationship with one another. That surprised me, as everyone assumed that gay men would be the first to revive plural marriage.

In a 1986 Sunstone Magazine interview, Feliz stated it was good to practice “The Principle” — known as polygamy by modern Mormon fundamentalists. He said that he would be open to performing homosexual polygamous marriages if requested by any members.

At the Restoration Church General Conference on

Sept. 21, Calkins, LaMasters, Anderson, and Dee were sealed in a ceremony known as Celestial Marriage. Calkins and LaMaster were the first lesbian couple to be sealed for time and eternity. Anderson and Dee were also sealed to each other and later to Calkins as that she held the higher priesthood. Also during the conference, Feliz, Calkins, and Crane were sustained as Prophets, Seers, and Revelators of the Restoration Church.

About six months later in May 1987, Feliz was ousted for making changes to the church governance without member consent. The California base of the church faded away, and the headquarters of the church transferred to Salt Lake City. McIntier succeeded Feliz as president of the church. He served as president from 1987 through at least 2009. When the church dissolved in 2010, about 500 members were on the rolls, with only 25 active in Salt Lake. Q

Now an affiliate member of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber nglcc.com

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info@digitsas.com – 801-455-6683

First Wednesdays at 7pm at the Utah Pride Center 1380 S Main St Info at bit.ly/UGHS_Lecture Read ‘This Day in Gay Utah History’ at benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com

20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | DAMN THESE HEELS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 281 |

July 2018

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY YEN TAN CAST: CORY MICHAEL SMITH, AIDAN LANGFORD, JAMIE CHUNG, VIRGINIA MADSEN, AND MICHAEL CHIKLIS

ALASKA IS A DRAG Tough, but diva fabulous, Leo, an aspiring drag superstar, feels stuck working in a fish cannery. He and his twin sister feel trapped in the monotony of fist fights and fish guts. But when boxing qualifiers and his drag show fall on the same day, Leo must face the real reason he’s stuck in Alaska.

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY SLC NATIVE SHAZ BENNETT CAST: MARTIN L. WASHINGTON JR., MAYA WASHINGTON, MATT DALLAS, CHRISTOPHER O’SHEA, JASON SCOTT LEE, AND MARGARET CHO

The longest

-running LGBTQ film festival in the Mountain West returns to the screens at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center July 20-22. Organizers say the event provides a “safe, supportive environment that celebrates our community’s diversity by sharing LGBTQ history, culture, ideas, struggles, and triumphs through film.”

DTH presents award-winning independent, documentary, and foreign films from around the world.

Additionally, the festival launched “Out”, a 48-hour LGBTQ film project, based on a widely popular contest in which teams of filmmakers are assigned a genre, a character, a prop, and a line of dialogue, and have 48 hours to create a short film containing those elements. The chosen films will be made the weekend before, and screened during, the festival.

CLOSE-KNIT

1985 Inspired by the award-winning short film, 1985 follows Adrian, a closeted young man returning to his Texas hometown for Christmas during the first wave of the AIDS crisis. Burdened with an unspeakable tragedy in New York, Adrian reconnects with his brother and an estranged childhood friend, as he struggles to divulge his dire circumstances to his religious parents.

Whenever 11-year-old Tomo’s mother leaves her home alone, she always goes to her uncle Makio’s place, to spend time with him and Rinko, his pretty girlfriend.

Tomo is a little confused because Rinko is trans, but Tomo, Rinko, and Makio start to live a life together. One day Rinko teaches Tomo to knit to control her temper. It’s a story that knits a neglected daughter, a gentle uncle and his transgender lover — an angsty boy who recognizes his gay identity — into an unconventional family.

JAPAN / DIRECTED BY NAOKO OGIGAMI CAST: TOMA IKUTA, KENTA KIRITANI, AND RINKA KAKIHARA

July 2018 |

DAMN THESE HEELS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

SISTERHOOD IDEAL HOME Erasmus and Paul, a bickering gay couple whose life is turned inside out when a 10-year-old boy shows up at their door claiming to be Erasmus’ grandson.

Neither Paul, nor Erasmus, are ready to give up their extravagant lifestyles to be parents, but maybe this little kid has a thing or two to teach them about the value of family.

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY ANDREW FLEMING CAST: STEVE COOGAN, PAUL RUDD, KATE WALSH, ALISON PILL, JAKE MCDORMAN, AND JACK GORE

Sei finds a job at a massage parlor during the 90s before Macau became known as Asia’s casino metropolis. Her mentor, Ling, a single mother, find mutual fondness of as they develop a new, unique relationship. Together they care for Ling’s son, but on the eve of Macau’s handover back to China, a fight separates them.

Now in her 40s and living in Taiwan, Sei stumbles upon a missing person notice in the newspaper. She decides to revisit her past in a familiar yet very different Macau.

WE THE ANIMALS Us three, us brothers, us kings. Manny, Joel, and Jonah tear their way through childhood and push against the volatile love of their parents. As Manny and Joel grow into versions of their father and Ma dreams of escape, Jonah embraces an imagined world. Based on the novel by Justin Torres.

CO-WRITTEN WITH DAN KITROSSER, AND DIRECTED BY JEREMIAH ZAGAR CAST: RAÚL CASTILLO, JOSIAH GABRIEL, TERRY HOLLAND, ISAIAH KRISTIAN, EVAN ROSADO, AND SHEILA VAND

HONG KONG / DIRECTED BY TRACY CHOI CAST: GIGI LEUNG, FISH LIEW, AND JENNIFER YU

THE GOSPEL OF EUREKA LEITIS IN WAITING The story of Joey Mataele and the Tonga leitis, an intrepid group of native transgender women fighting a rising tide of religious fundamentalism and intolerance in their the South Pacific Kingdom. The film follows Joey, a devout Catholic of noble descent, as she organizes an exuberant beauty pageant presided over by a princess, provides shelter and training for a young contestant rejected by her family, and spars with American-financed evangelicals threatening to resurrect colonial-era laws that would criminalize the leitis’ lives. With unexpected humor and extraordinary access to the Kingdom’s royals and religious leaders, Joey’s emotional journey reveals the meaning of being different in a society ruled by tradition, and what it takes for acceptance without forsaking yourself.

DIRECTED BY DEAN HAMER AND JOE WILSON

QUIET HEROES — Opening Night Film In Salt Lake City, the religious monoculture severely complicated the AIDS crisis.

Patients received no support from — or cast into exile by — the political, religious, and medical communities. Further, Mormon culture encouraged gay men to marry women and have a family to cure themselves of their “affliction,” counsel which led to secret affairs and accidental marital transmissions of HIV. In the entire state and intermountain region, there was only one doctor to serve all HIV/ AIDS patients. It’s the story of her fight to save lives of a maligned population everyone else seemed willing to let die.

DIRECTED BY JENNY MACKENZIE; CO-DIRECTED

BY JARED RUGA AND AMANDA STODDARD

Love, faith, and civil rights collide in the south as evangelical Christians and drag queens explore the meaning of belief.

DIRECTED BY DONAL MOSHER AND MICHAEL PALMIERI

JUST CHARLIE Trapped in the body of a boy, soccer star Charlie is torn between placating her father and shedding this ill-fitting skin.

UK |DIRECTED BY REBEKAH FORTUNE CAST: PATRICIA POTTER, SCOT WILLIAMS, HARRY GILBY, AND KAREN BRYSON

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | DAMN THESE HEELS

THE MISANDRISTS Salacious hell breaks loose within the FLA — a feminist terrorist group — when an injured man appears in their midst.

DIRECTED BY BRUCE LABRUCE CAST: SUSANNE SACHSSE, VIVA RUIZ, KEMBRA PFAHLER

IF YOU’RE OUT IN PUBLIC AND YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT A STRANGER’S GENDER, FOLLOW THESE STEPS:

Qsaltlake.com |

MY BIG GAY ITALIAN WEDDING (Matrimonio italiano) In this merry movie of matrimony, Antonio brings his fiancé Paulo to meet his headstrong parents and reveals his sexuality.

TR A N SC E N D I N GG E N D E R .O RG CREDIT: @EMOPRETEEN

July 2018

TRANSMILITARY Four transgender individuals put their careers on the line by coming out in hopes of attaining the equal right to serve.

DIRECTED BY GABRIEL SILVERMAN AND FIONA DAWSON

ITALY | DIRECTED BY ALESSANDRO GENOVESI CAST: DIEGO ABATANTUONO, MONICA GUERRITORE, SALVATORE ESPOSITO, CRISTIANO CACCAMO, DINO ABBRESCIA, AND DIANA DEL BUFALO

THE WILD BOYS (Les garçons sauvages) Surrealist, adolescent gender-bending, sex-fueled fantasy nightmare. A maritime adventure.

MY LIFE WITH JAMES DEAN (Ma vie avec James Dean) Young director Géraud Champreux goes on a wild and woeful film tour that changes his life.

FRANCE | DIRECTED BY DOMINIQUE CHOISY CAST: JOHNNY RASSE, MICKAËL PELISSIER, AND NATHALIE RICHARD

1. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THE TRANSCENDING GENDER PROJECT

Issue 281 |

TRANNY FAG (Bixa Travesty) Mc Linn Da Quebrada’s electrifying performances (with plenty of nudity) brazenly take on Brazil’s hetero-normative machismo.

BRAZIL | DIRECTED BY KIKO GOIFMAN AND CLAUDIA PRISCILLA

FRANCE | DIRECTED BY BERTRAND MANDICO CAST: PAULINE LORILLARD, VIMALA PONS, AND DIANE ROUXE

Special Events 48-HOUR FILM PROJECT “OUT” Just launched LGTBQ version of the popular contest in which teams of filmmakers are assigned a genre, a character, a prop, and a line of dialogue, and have 48 hours to create a short film containing those elements. Films will be made the weekend before the Festival and will screen at Damn These Heels.

Tickets are on sale now as well as film packages, including a Film Lovers Pass that includes single admission to Opening Night film and 10 tickets to your choice of films plus priority entrance and discounts on local restaurant fare, transportation, and DTH merchandise. Early Bird Special price is $50. A Film & Party pass adds cocktail receptions and special perks at the opening nigh party. Silver VIP passes are good for two people and Gold VIP are good for four. Q Early Bird ticket and pass prices available through June 19, visit utahfilmcenter.org/dth2018

July 2018 |

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

Treating It

BY KED KIRKHAM

Treat your

health kindly and it will support you for the long haul.

When I was 21, I met Tom. A veteran, he had been stationed in Washington and had brought home a street sign as a souvenir: FERRY PARKING. Tom mounted it on the inside of the door to his bedroom.

That was a little late in the game, to my thinking. I had already pulled in to park.

I thought we were dating.

You know, drinking six-packs on the mesa, never being seen in public, never meeting any family, me giving sex on demand. You know, dating.

Came a night, Tom wanted to do me “that way.”

The deed was done. He was gentle, I guess. Poor Tom, I rewound my long string of brass beads (with astrological sign pendant) around my neck feigning an oft imagined de-flowered persona, putting all my innocent high school romantic regret into it, including — probably humming “I Don’t Know How To Love Him” from JC Superstar. You now have my whole memory of it. It is likely I walked the mile or so to Denny’s, or the two miles or so home, or just wandered through the streets and alleys of our burgh.

I was dating, I was really dating!

Bill told me later he could tell I had done it that way almost from the very next afternoon. It was true. I was bathing more consistently, dressing more stylishly, fixing my hair more neatly. I wasn’t a slob before but suffice it to say I hadn’t thought “it” or I mattered so much.

gay writes

I also began realizing that I really liked it “that way.” In fact, I became obsessed with it. That way. To the dismay and concern of a few people over the next thirty years. Perhaps it became an addiction, though I do not say that out loud or too broadly; I believe addictions require treatment and I am not sure I would take treatment if it were suggested. Unhappy folks will know what I mean.

I was still in the stages of play sex. That is, sex as recreation, not relationship building. Unfortunately, play sex can expose a body to troubles. It has mine. I have tried to look back at my sex life a little more open-mindedly.

Not being a scientist, it will be, forgive the pun, a lay job.

When I was young, I thought “we all do it.” I realize now this has never been true but had we talked about it, perhaps — well, perhaps.

I vaguely recall from a fog of medication, the colorectal surgeon shaking forceps above me saying, “This is not good!”

I had gone a long time being impractical.

If doing “it” “that way” is a source of delight, one should have all pertinent parts looked into periodically. I am not being figurative. It needs to be scoped out. I think best with a trusted practitioner, one who can ask the appropriate questions. Your cooperation is of the utmost importance. Not all health concerns show up at the front door. Some give no notice at all until they have fixed themselves a nice cozy place to put down roots.

My physician removed several viral warts. HPV, human papillomavirus, was not mentioned. He, like I, may not have made the connection, but he was aware of my activity. We were able to address his

GAY WRITES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

concerns without it shutting me down. Priceless, as they say. Even with the introduction of an HPV vaccination, the information I got about this virus didn’t seem to fit me. It was for young people, young women, especially who had not yet become sexually active. If it had been available, would I have stepped up? I had not even told my parents I was dating.

In fact, the vaccination for HPV can be beneficial for those “doing it” like me, even after sexual activity has begun. And that will help prevent several types of cancer.

It was only after my colon cancer that I began to see this possible connection. Ninety percent of HPV infections resolve themselves, but there is presently no test for the active virus in men, which is one more yellow sign at the intersections on our street: CAUTION. Ask your trusted health practitioner about this. All methods of blocking the virus should be reviewed. It’s your health, treat it as it deserves to be treated.

We have seen fluctuations in sexually transmitted infec-

tions. When you are getting tested for STD you can amp up the goal by saying how you are being risky. Honest Open and Willing is less risky than Vague Evasive and Denying.

Some restrictions may apply.

My primary care doctors have shown limitations in their knowledge, which we have worked on. For instance, I think of being sexually active as using all sexual apparatus, including “that way”; they thought it was just having sex with someone else. Neither is wrong, the one, however, is incomplete.

I do not spend hours cataloging the risk I posed to others between my ages 19 and 35, but in these thirty years since, I have put deeper thought toward it. Mindfulness helps sort through the puzzlements. I want to see my health, including sexual health as something of value, something durable and delightful.

I had to come to believe this and then make the decision to treat it accordingly. Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30–8 p.m., 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8.

24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

ART EXHIBITS

Tony’s Gay Agenda

BY TONY HOBDAY

12 20 27

Issue 281 |

July 2018

THURSDAY — PENTATONIX

Currently open at the Utah Museum of Contemporary Art is Josh Samson’s The Identity Project that posed these questions to several community groups, and together they developed art and video projects surrounding the idea of assigned identity versus personal identity, or the question “How do others see you?” versus “How do you see yourself?”

Identity is a complicated concept, and the participants took several paths in exploring identity: some as personal interviews, some as unique expressions of self, and a handful of young filmmakers crafted their takes on identity.

The project is not meant to define identity, but instead, it’s an opportunity to inspire conversations and reflection about the identities we all hold: those assigned to us, those we are expected to follow, and those that are truest to ourselves.

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TUESDAY — JOSH SAMSON: THE IDENTITY PROJECT

UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, times vary, through Oct. 13.

Suggested $5 donation, utahmoca.org

CONCERTS Yep, it’s the season of concerts and music festivals up the yinyang and here is a mere smattering of who’s in Utah this July.

First, Utah Symphony’s Bravo Broadway returns paying homage to composers Sondheim and Webber and features dozens of songs from Broadway hit shows including Gypsy, Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Sweeny Todd, Company, West Side Story, and more. Jerry Steichen conducts.

Following is three-time Grammy Award-winning and multi-Platinum-selling Pentatonix with special guests Echosmith and Calum Scott. Then comes The Village People, the iconic disco-funk group of the 1970s and 80s. Full disclosure: My woodchuck could cut wood over the construction worker. Then experience the soulful singer-songwriter, Amos Lee, as he makes his Utah Symphony debut performing songs from his acclaimed album Spirit, along with fan favorites from his breakthrough album Mission Bell.

Finally, the Dan Reynold-driven LGBT Mormon (and others) affirmation festival concert LoveLoud returns for a second year. Musical guests include Vagabond, Tyler Glenn, Zedd, Mike Shinoda, and more.

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USANA Amphitheatre, 5150 Upper Ridge Rd., WVC, 8 p.m. Tickets $25–129.50, smithstix.com

FRIDAY — THE VILLAGE PEOPLE Sandy Amphitheater, 1245 E. 9400 South, Sandy, 8 p.m. Tickets $24–45, smithstix.com

FRIDAY — AMOS LEE WITH THE UTAH SYMPHONY

Deer Valley Snow Park Amphitheater, 2250 Deer Valley Dr. South, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $43–76, deervalleymusicfestival.org

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SATURDAY — LOVELOUD FESTIVAL 2018

Rice Eccles Stadium, 451 S. 1400 East, UofU, 3:30 p.m. Tickets $29.50–99.50, smithstix.com

MOVIES Flicks opening this July include two documentaries — one about the life and music of Whitney Houston and the other about the legalization of same-sex marriage.

And gay director Gus Van Sant’s latest film tells the story of one man’s rocky path to sobriety after a life-changing accident, who discovers the healing power of art, willing his injured hands into drawing hilarious, often controversial cartoons, which bring him a new lease on life. Stars Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara.

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FRIDAY — WHITNEY

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. 300 South, times vary.

Tickets $6.75–9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

FRIDAY — CHURCH AND STATE

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. 300 South, times vary. Tickets $6.75–9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

FRIDAY — DON’T WORRY, HE WON’T GET FAR ON FOOT

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. 300 South, times vary. Tickets $6.75–9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

& AE

SATURDAY — BRAVO BROADWAY: A TRIBUTE TO STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER

Deer Valley Snow Park Amphitheater, 2250 Deer Valley Dr. South, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $15–96, deervalleymusicfestival.org

UPCOMING EVENTS

Aug. 2–4, Ogden Pride Festival, ogdenpride.org Aug. 10–11, Women’s Red Rock Music Festival, womensredrockmusicfest.com Sep. 21, Culture Club and The B-52’s, maverikcenter.com Sep. 22, Beck, smithstix.com Sep. 23, Iron & Wine, Eccles Theater, liveattheeccles.com Nov. 18, David Sedaris, liveattheeccles.com

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Utah Festival Opera & Musical Theatre celebrates 26th year The 26th season of Utah Festival Opera and Musical Theatre officially runs July 5–Aug. 4 at the Ellen Eccles Theatre in Logan. The month-long festival also includes special concerts and performances, including You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, through Aug. 1 at the Utah Theatre in Logan.

THE BARBER OF SEVILLE

BY GIOACHINO ROSSINI

Count Almaviva visits the home of Doctor Bartolo and serenades Rosina, whom Bartolo keeps confined to the house. But Figaro the barber knows all the town’s secrets and explains to Almaviva that Rosina isn’t Bartolo’s daughter and that the doctor intends to marry her. The Barber of Seville is comic opera at its best.

AMAZING GRACE

BY CHRISTOPHER SMITH, ARTHUR GIRON

Follow the journey of Englishman John Newton as he transforms from slave trader to abolitionist. Composer of the timeless hymn Amazing Grace, can Newton secure his redemption? Michael Ballam stars as Captain Newton in this poignant 2015 Broadway musical masterpiece.

THE SECRET GARDEN

BY MARSHA NORMAN AND LUCY SIMON

Young Mary Lennox is sent to live with her uncle Archibald who lives in an imposing, secluded manor on the British moor. Inside that house upon the hill, Mary finds a reclusive, long-suffering collection of souls and a neglected garden.

Can hope bloom in such a place?

INTO THE WOODS

BY STEPHEN SONDHEIM, JAMES LAPINE

Once Upon a Time a baker and his wife ventured Into the Woods to find ingredients to lift a witch’s curse so they could have a child. Along the way, they met Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, Jack and other colorful characters in this must-see magical musical quest.

SPECIAL PERFORMANCES and CONCERTS YOU’RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN

BY CLARK GESNER

Charlie Brown is 5-years-old and worries his place in the world is hopelessly hopeless. The gang is here too: bossy Lucy, her love interest Schroeder, the perfectionist Sally, and Snoopy — all in rare form.

From Valentine’s Day to Beethoven Day, Charlie’s anxiety is on the rise until his friends finally concede, “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.”

THE PIANISTS!

Extraordinary pianists, July 11, in an unpredictable concert of classic masterworks interspersed with comedy, and who knows what other mayhem will ensue.

INTERNATIONAL OPERA COMPETITION SEMIFINALS & FINALS

Utah Festival hosts more than 20 extraordinarily talented artists in a 2-day, world-class opera competition on July 12 and 18. Audiences help select the winner who then heads to Italy to compete for the ultimate operatic prize.

TRIBUTE TO LEONARD BERNSTEIN

Celebrating Tony Award-winning composer Leonard Bernstein’s 100th birthday, the tribute on July 25 includes songs from Candide, On the Town, and West Side Story.

MUSIC OF VAUGHAN WILLIAMS & HOLST

On Aug. 1 at the Chase Fine Arts Center, Utah State University is a special concert: The Music of Ralph Vaughan Williams and Gustav Holst with the UFOMT Orchestra and the American Festival Chorus.

Dr. Craig Jessop conducts.

GALA FUNDRAISING DINNER

On July 7, mingle with festival stars at an elegant dinner at the Riverwoods followed by the opening night of The Secret Garden at the historic Ellen Eccles Theatre. Q A full schedule can be found at utahfestival.org

15 great concerts

20 minutes north of Salt Lake at the beautiful Kenley Amphitheater SAT, JUNE 9

The Five Browns FRI, JUNE 15

Terry Fator WED, JUNE 20

Twisted Broadway

STARRING BLUE JUPITER SAT, JUNE 23 AN EVENING WITH

Jenny Oaks Baker, Lexi Walker, & Nathan Pacheco SAT, JUNE 30

Night Ranger SAT, JULY 7

British Rock Royalty

THE MUSIC OF LED ZEPPELIN, PINK FLOYD, QUEEN, & THE WHO THU, JULY 19

Arrival From Sweden THE MUSIC OF ABBA SAT, JULY 28

Melissa Etheridge SAT, AUG 4

Simply Three TUE, AUG 14

The Secret Sisters SAT, AUG 18

GENTRI

WED, AUG 22

The Lettermen SAT, AUG 25

Jim Messina WED, SEPT 5

Boz Scaggs SAT, SEPT 8

One Night In Memphis TICKETS @ DAVISARTS.ORG FOR MORE INFO call

801-546-8575

KENLEY AMPHITHEATER 403 N WASATCH DR. LAYTON, UT

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Issue 281 |

July 2018

DAN REYNOLDS IS ON A MISSION Imagine Dragons frontman talks being a Mormon LGBTQ ally and expanding his queer-outreach festival

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

During the

inaugural LoveLoud Festival in August 2017 on the campus of Utah Valley University in Orem, roughly 40 miles outside Salt Lake City, 17,000 people fell into the embrace of Dan Reynolds. Amid performances of his band’s towering anthems, like “Radioactive,” Reynolds’ message rang loud and clear: love yourself, and love the young queer people who need it most, unconditionally. Hugs for LGBTQ youth from the Imagine Dragons frontman, recipient of The Trevor Project’s 2017 Hero Award, don’t get much bigger than they did that day. Except they will, soon.

Reynolds, 30, takes his ally platform seriously, so this year’s second annual LoveLoud Festival, on July 28, will be held at Rice Eccles Stadium in Salt Lake City.

Capacity: 46,000.

Comedian, actor and writer Cameron Esposito, an out lesbian, will perform and emcee, with performances from Imagine Dragons, Zedd, Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda, Grace VanderWaal, Neon Trees’ Tyler Glenn, and Vagabon and A.Q. Proceeds will benefit local and national LGBTQ charities, including Encircle, Trevor Project, Tegan and Sara Foundation, and more. Reynold’s foundation serving the LGBTQ community, also named LoveLoud, was launched in 2017 to “bring communities and families together to help ignite the vital conversation about what it means to unconditionally love our LGBTQ youth.”

In mid April, Reynolds called from Zurich while touring to reflect on reconciling his LGBTQ support with Mormonism and reconnecting with young gay friends he couldn’t wholeheartedly support because of his past religious beliefs. He also talked about his doc _Believer_, which chronicles his journey from deep Mormon faith to passionate LGBTQ acPHOTO: ELIOT LEE HAZEL

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tivist, and the undercurrent of queerness running through Imagine Dragons’ latest album, Evolve.

LoveLoud started with a phone call between you and Tyler Glenn, right? Yeah. We knew each other from a distance before, because we both served the same Mormon mission, in Omaha, Nebraska. When we got home, even before I started Imagine Dragons, I went to a Neon Trees show and they were playing little clubs in Utah.

We both came up at the same time, and there’s not a whole lot of Mormons in the music industry, so you just kind of know each other through that. But eventually, I called him, and when he put out his solo record (in 2016), Excommunication, I connected with him in a lot of ways.

How open to the queer community were you when you first met him? We were both trying desperately to be textbook Mormons, but I think both of us were finding we weren’t fitting into that box for different reasons. I got kicked out of BYU, and that really shook me up and threw me down a road of feeling needless shame and guilt. For Tyler, it was a whole other level for him of having to live a compartmentalized life and trying to find happiness within the guidelines of an incorrect teaching. It was just debilitating for him. There was always such a heaviness around him.

I remember when we played a show, he was on stage wearing a sequined shirt and a very kind of glamorous outfit, and somebody in the crowd heckled him. This was before he came out, and I remember him saying something from the stage to the extent of, “You don’t know me and I’m struggling with things right now and fuck you,” and he flicked off the crowd.

Watching him, what was going through your mind? I felt what I’ve always felt since probably seventh grade when one of my best friends was gay and Mormon and I watched him never want to talk about it because it was so heavy. There were no answers to be had at that young of an age when you’re raised in a really religious family. It’s hard to find any resolution other than leave your home or get kicked out of the house, so I had seen that from a young age in middle school and felt super conflicted as a religious person thinking, I’m supposed to believe all these things, but with it comes this

teaching that doesn’t sit right in my heart at all. Even as a 13-year-old, I saw my friends be conflicted with their sexuality and religion and I was thinking, “OK, something’s wrong here.”

At the time, were you the support system for them you wanted to be? We just didn’t really talk about it. They were my friends, so I didn’t stop being their friend, but I think we just didn’t talk about it because neither of us had an answer. It was this heavy thing that was lingering over their heads, and I didn’t have any answers as a 14-year-old kid who was going to church every Sunday and being told what to say.

I look back: I’m a strong believer in the whole “You should live life with no regrets.” But you know, I can’t tell you, honestly, that I don’t have regrets in this specific way. I wish as a 14-year-old boy I could’ve had the words to say, “Hey, this is not great, and if there is a God and it’s this loving God that we’re taught about, how could we rationally believe that that God would make you have this sense of love that you don’t get to act upon?”

Which is supposedly the most beautiful part of existence and human nature — to love. How could any of that make sense?

I wish that I had the mental and spiritual capabilities to see that as a kid, but I didn’t.

I was just dealing with my own guilt complex and feeling bad about being a 14-year-old boy dealing with my own sexuality. Even as a heterosexual and a 14-year-old kid in the Mormon church, you’re immediately feeling guilt and shame about masturbation and sex before marriage. Certainly, on my mission I would’ve hoped to be a 19-year-old kid who had, again, the mental capabilities or life experience to get out of an incorrect teaching, but I didn’t. For two years you’re given a white handbook that tells you the answer to everything, so when someone asks you a question, you’re supposed to be this 19-year-old kid who has the answer.

So yeah, I really do regret that for those two years I turned to a white handbook rather than my heart and my mind, which already knew the answers, ever since I was a little kid.

My little girl, she’s raised to believe what she believes in her heart, and so as a little kid who’s raised that way, this is such an easy concept for her. She’s 5 years

old and I can say, “What does it mean to be gay?” and “How does that feel?” and to her I didn’t even have to teach her that concept. It’s like, of course people should love who they want and you should never bully, and she understands all those concepts that a child would naturally know.

But when you have religion on top of that, it gets muddled.

After becoming this mega-ally rock star, have you been in touch with these gay childhood friends? Yes, that’s been really one of the most fulfilling, beautiful parts of this process, just connecting with them and them knowing that they have a friend that fully accepts them and loves them and has known them for years through this whole process. Because you have to be Mormon on some level to understand how heavy Mormonism is.

But yes, we’ve connected, with two in particular, and we’ve talked about how they’ve both left the church because there’s really no safe space for LGBTQ youth within the Mormon church right now. There’s just not. There’s no healthy option for any LGBTQ youth (in the church), and that’s the sad thing. I wish I could be giving some options to any Orthodox religious LGBTQ kids.

And you are, with LoveLoud. How would you describe the feeling of being at last year’s premiere LoveLoud Festival? I would say, to date, LoveLoud last year was genuinely my favorite day of my life thus far. So many people would look in on this and say, “Dan, you should be preaching with your platform: ‘Hey, LGBTQ kids who are raised in Orthodox faith, leave. Get out of the religion.’” And that is actually a very uninformed and uneducated and unsafe thing to be saying to these kids because a lot of them don’t have a choice. Basically, you’re saying, “Get kicked out of your house, potentially, and put yourself in a more at-risk situation.” So the only thing that you can do is say, “I love you. I support you 100 percent. And look at all these people who are also religious who also accept and love you.” Let us do everything we can do to make a safe space for you, and that’s what LoveLoud is about.

It was really rad to see a lot of people who came from very conservative backgrounds of faith, mainly Mormonism, come out, because it was in the heartland of Utah. Some of them came to the festi-

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val already having their minds made up of what it meant to fully love and accept LGBTQ youth, but I think a lot of them didn’t, which is really rad. There were a lot of people who were on the fence.

Uncles and aunts and parents who didn’t know how to deal with the situation of having their child be gay, or their niece or nephew. I know their eyes were opened because I got tons of emails and messages from people saying, “My uncle who had never accepted me at all came to this and walked away and gave me a big hug and said, ‘I understand and I love you and I accept you.’”

How does it feel to hear a story like that?

It makes it all worth it, because this is a really difficult line to walk. You’re never

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What are you most looking forward to about this year’s festival? That it’s much, much bigger is exciting. It’ll be at least double the size of what it was before. We did 20,000 last year and this year we’re doing a stadium, so it’s like 40,000. The artists are bigger. And just watching how it spread very organically within the religious community, because it sparked so much dialogue within the Mormon church. Mormon after Mormon hit me up and would be like, “I was at church and someone gave a talk about LoveLoud and there was this big argument about whether it’s OK to have your child go to it or not,” and I’m like, “Awesome.”

That dialogue is way more important even in that one day because the dia-

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July 2018

with [gay producer-songwriter] Justin Tranter, who’s just one of the biggest activists in the queer community. Just having him in there around me and the spirit that comes with Justin was certainly inspiring to me, and so there’s no doubt that as we were writing songs, there was a need to make sure that these lyrics were going to reach the underdog, were going to reach these queer youth. That they would know, “Hey, this is for me.”

I think Evolve has it speckled all through it, whether it’s just the album artwork — the rainbow on the front — or the lyrics. A lot of things are so subconscious in the writing process. But we were talking about politics a lot at the time and how he felt like his future was so unsettled, and it was gonna be less safe for him. And he was scared. So, we had a lot of deep, beautiful conversations that I’m sure impacted Evolve in ways that I couldn’t even know.

There’s a pretty iconic photo of you holding a rainbow flag at Lollapalooza Brazil Festival in March. Tell me about that moment.

Brazil is an interesting place because it has a lot of people who want change. I believe their pride parade is more populated than anywhere in the world, but it’s still a very unsafe place for LGBTQ youth. So, I committed this tour to do everything I can to bring as much color and pride to the stage that a straight man possibly can.

gonna be progressive enough for the progressives, and you’re never gonna be conservative enough for the conservatives. I’ve literally had people tell me, “You’ve made so many more kids gay, and this is your judgment day to deal with that.” I read those things, and of course it’s sad. But also I know my path. I know my mission, and I know what I’m doing, so it’s OK, ’cause I know there’s just misunderstanding. But yeah, those letters mean a lot and they fire me up to just say, “OK, let’s go next year to a stadium and let’s make it bigger.”

logue that’s taking place at home about LoveLoud is what needs to be happening rather than a stagnance that has been going on for years within the Mormon church of, “Let’s keep moving forward and the kids keep taking their lives and the suicide rates keep going up in Utah.”

LGBTQ youth are eight times more likely to take their lives when they’re not accepted in their homes or community, and that statistic alone is just devastating.

Do you write songs with the queer community in mind? Definitely on Evolve. At least three of the songs were produced

Based on some headlines after that gig, the gay community also didn’t seem to mind the shirtlessness. (Laughs) Hey, I love it.

For me this whole process has also been my process of coming into my own self and embracing sexuality, period. And celebrating life, and celebrating love. So, it’s been a real changing couple of years for me, and all I’ve been trying to do through the process is be true to myself and follow my heart. But that was a really beautiful moment. I’ll always remember that show. It was one of my favorite shows we’ve ever played.

What do your parents, who declined to be in your documentary, Believer, think of the film? I sent the movie to all my family because I just wanted to take that step and not have it be an awkward thing in the family. My mom and dad came to the premiere.

That’s huge. It was huge. I know that for the most part we all see a little different PHOTO: ELIOT LEE HAZEL

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on this, but with that said, they’ve all been really loving and supportive of what I’m doing. But, yeah, there have been rough moments, definitely, during the beginning of it, when I was just getting into it. Arguments here and there within the family.

It’s tricky because I love my family and I wanna respect their privacy, but I would be lying to you if I didn’t say … it’s been a little bit of a rub, yeah. Like I said, my mom and dad came to the premiere and that meant a lot. And my uncle, who’s my dad’s brother, he’s gay and Mormon and moved out of the United States years ago because he just felt like there was no place for him. He had to get that far away to be able to feel like he could be himself.

I got to talk to him and I haven’t seen him since I was 8 years old, and that was the only uncle I didn’t ever get to know — my gay uncle — because he felt so unwelcome and like he couldn’t live his true life without moving a country away.

My dad went recently and visited him, and that was a really beautiful thing.

I don’t know. It’s baby steps for me. I know that everybody has their own way of coming around to certain things and it takes time, but the question is, how long will it take? And how many lives will be lost or saved along the way? Q As editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBTQ wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him at chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

Find Allies in Utah There is only one place in the state you can find allies to Utah’s LGBT community, and know with whom to do businsess. Rather than the ugliness of boycotting those not wanting to do business with LGBT Utahns, let’s BUYCOTT those who do! Give your hard-earned money to those who work hard to show you they are on our side.

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JULY 2018

ANTONI, AT YOUR SERVICE Star of Netflix’s ‘Queer Eye’ reboot talks ‘fluid’ sexuality, caring for starstruck fans and the sexy anatomy of a coconut

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

Even though

Antoni Porowski is known for his avocados, on a recent afternoon he was contemplating the coconut, every sultry detail of the tropical fruit meticulously combed like that of someone’s body during a first date. The fleshy inside, the milky liquid.

It’s the first day of June when the Polish-Canadian wine-anddine expert on Netflix’s Queer Eye reboot rings and, oh right, we’re talking about food. But gay America isn’t hungry — it’s thirsty AF. And because real lives are being changed thanks to Porowski, designer Bobby Berk, culture advisor Karamo Brown, stylist Tan France and groomer Jonathan Van Ness, it is also joyfully crying.

Season two of Queer Eye — note the dropping of its qualifier to be more inclusive — doesn’t skimp on giving you opportunities to feel good about this otherwise not-good world, as the Fab Five imparts their best-life insight and general gay wisdom on a diverse group of clients, including the franchise’s first woman and transgender man.

As Porowski continues to process his experience with the sudden upswing in gay male thirst and avocado sex puns (one Facebook commenter claims he was so compelled by Porowski’s hotness, “I’m now cooking my own bloody guacamole”), the 34-year-old subject of culinary controversy talked critics and why variety truly is the spice of life.

After the new Betty Who theme-song video for the show, where you’re cradling avocados and wearing a crop top, the avocado dick puns are out in full force. I guess I asked for it, right? I’m literally wearing a crop top and unsuccessfully trying to juggle avocados, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

I must say, I do hope the crop top becomes a regular clothing theme of yours in the third season. (Laughs) Thanks! I do have to give credit where it’s due, and that was 100 percent Tan France.

When it comes to you, the thirst is real. What is that kind of attention like from the gay community? I do maintain a certain amount of ignorance to it and a kind of detachment. I learned quite early on, because there’s been a lot of really amazing and positive and nice attention from the show.

But with that, there’s also gonna be certain haters and some negative and not-so-nice comments, so I’ve sort of decided that if I’m gonna take the good, I have to take the bad, so I’ve decided to take neither.

I take it all very lightly, with a small pinch of salt. It’s entertaining and it’s funny, but I just try to PHOTO: COURTESY OF NETFLIX

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focus on what my next move is with this show, with press that we’re working on, living out of hotels for the past couple of months, and hoping that people really enjoy [this season] as much as they did the first.

When you’re living out of hotels, how do you maintain a healthy diet? I don’t!

That’s the honest truth of it. My only thing is, I always love to have a proper gym, because I get up fairly early, and when you’re jet-lagged, you don’t really know what day of the week it is or what city you’re in, which is often the case with me.

When we do go on press, and we discovered we were in London recently and Tan introduced me to the wonders of Nando’s, which is a chain that they don’t have here yet in the States, but it’s this awesome PERi-PERi chicken. Had that for, like, four meals in a row with a bunch of PERi-PERi mayo, guilt-free with chicken livers, ’cause, I mean, I wanna live my life too. I’m not one to deny myself of the pleasures of, like, a good ripe stinky cheese on a fresh crusty baked bread in Paris.

Oh, I’ve seen you indulge on the show. It happens.

You’re not afraid of some macaroni salad.

There ya go! Well, but that wasn’t my recipe.

It wasn’t, but you still ate it. Oh, I ate it.

I’ll try anything twice.

Are you still trying to wrap your head around your overnight fame? Yeah. I mean, it certainly hits in waves. The next level of kind of acceptance of what’s actually going on was when we were just recently in London, and when you experience people who’ve been waiting outside of your hotel with magazines to sign. It’s kind of like, “Wow, you’re a human with a life and a job, presumably, who wanted to wait to have a moment,” and I’m grateful for it, but it’s not something I want to be too comfortable with. It’s very bizarre and very overwhelming, and it’s a perpetual state of shock.

What my therapist tells me is, “Don’t trust your feelings right now because

you’re constantly basically running on adrenaline — your life right now is pure adrenaline.” It’s been like overdrive, so it’s just, take everything very lightly, focus on the next move, make sure you always have a bottle of water in your hand and that you’re not drinking too much coffee, and that you rest whenever you can. And remember not to lean into your workaholic self, which is very alive and well in this new chapter of my life.

What are your gay fan interactions outside of hotels like? I feel like I’m pretty good at reading people, but with fans it’s very different because the connection, like the energy and the direction of it, is very different. I always think, “Oh my gosh, I’m so uncomfortable after that interaction and I don’t know why.” Tan will tell me, “No, because they’re experiencing this concept of being starstruck, of seeing someone on TV, and then you meet them in person and you don’t really know how to behave.”

So my thing is, ask them a question about themselves, try to make this a human interaction, and try to normalize it in the best way that you can, just to make sure that the person kind of has a nice, meaningful experience and they can leave happy. Sometimes I’m left, like, taking care of people. They’ll come up and their mouth opens and they don’t say anything, and you don’t want to be presumptuous and be like, “Yeah! I’m the guy from that show!” But then once it becomes clear what show I’m on and the work that I do, it’s like, I have to kind of take care of them and be like, “Are you OK? It’s fine.

Here, do you want a hug? Do you want a photo?”

You don’t just go right in for the hug? No, I’m a little — yeah, I have more of a European sensibility. We like to kiss twice. Or: I don’t know, healthy boundaries.

Kiss twice, though? Everyone must just enjoy meeting you. (Laughs) How has helping other people on this show changed your approach to your own life?

I’ve had many passions: I studied psychology, that’s what my bachelor’s is in; I worked as a gallery director; I photographed vintage furniture; and on the

acting side of things, that was something that was always very ego, where it was always how I want to be perceived. I wanted people to look and see and feel my presence, whereas with the show, it actually isn’t that at all. That became very clear with episode one: the energy is directed in the other direction, so it’s really us being of service to this person that we’re helping and figuring out how best we can benefit their lives in such a short amount of time and try to impact them in a meaningful way.

We see that happen in the first episode of season two, with “Mama Tammye.”

Mama Tammye is an example who spun it on us, and doesn’t even taken care of herself and shows up as a teacher and as a member of her church, and for the five of us.

You cried at the end of that episode. Of you five, who cries the most? You’re talking to him! When you hear somebody’s struggle, or especially when they’ve overcome something or made a choice like Tammye — there was a lot of pain and a lot of fear and borderline hateful feelings toward gays, and she realized that it was her perspective that was wrong, and she’s a beacon of hope for people. It’s possible at any age. If you have people like Tammye who were able to figure it out, there’s no excuse for the rest of us.

Even though you’ve been with men and women, you’ve said that you don’t like to call yourself bisexual. Have you found the best way to explain your sexual orientation to people yet? Not really. And it’s not something that I feel too pressured to figure out. Sometimes I have very strong opinions about how to cook a filet of salmon so the skin remains crispy and doesn’t stick to the pan, but with a lot of things, I don’t like being the expert. I’d rather go in and be like, “I don’t know.”

There’s a power in that for me. It’s sort of like going in with humility and saying, “I’m still trying to figure it out.”

While I don’t think I’m trying to figure out my sexality, I’m just not as concerned with it anymore. My 20s were a really hard time for me of figuring out what the hell I wanted to do with my life. And

Qsaltlake.com |

being in my 30s, now that I kind of have a point and purpose with what I’m doing in this chapter of my life, it’s just, I’m happy where I’m at and that’s all that really matters.

Look, that [coming out] conversation with AJ in that changing room in season one, that was seriously a byproduct. Tan brought me along because we both had similar experiences. He as a Muslim and me just as the individual that I am. We’re both so completely different, but we have the same feelings about what it was like to come out, and that it’s this dynamic process, like [out actor] Charlie Carver recently — a fellow Gay Times alum — feels he’s constantly still coming out, that it’s this continued thing, that it doesn’t just happen once and you shoot your proverbial load and it’s done; you have to keep doing it over and over again. Some people don’t, but it’s not like a start, stop.

And I don’t need that pressure in my life to try to find myself in any way where I feel like I’m locked into something. I’d just rather keep it open and fluid, because that’s how I am with the books that I read, the music that I listen to. All of my interests are always changing, and it’s a constant dynamic process, and so is my sexuality.

These days, there is obviously less pressure to subscribe to any one label, or stick to the binary. For people who want to be not binary, go right ahead. If that helps you sleep better at night and you feel more like you’re a better and truer version of yourself, then 100 percent, you should be able to pursue that with freedom and — is today June 1?

Today is June 1. It has me thinking about Pride and what Pride means: the ability to be the truest version of yourself without

any negative consequence or fear of being persecuted or judged or criticized or hurt for it. And whatever that is for a person, however you define yourself or don’t define yourself, you should be able to do that with total freedom. I know that’s utopian and idealistic, but that’s really something to strive for and something the show has reminded me of.

I read that you were a private chef for some high-profile clients. High profile as in celebrities? So with food, it was something that kind of happened accidentally, cooking for people. There were some I’m not allowed to discuss, but in the sports world in New York there was somebody I was working for in particular where we would host these intimate dinner parties.

And I remember as a kid when we would have dinner parties at my parents’ house, everyone would always gravitate toward the kitchen; that’s where the heart of the home is.

Where the smells originate. Exactly. That’s where the slow-roasted garlic wafts are

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emanating from. And for me, I’m not a traditional classically trained chef where I’m in a kitchen and I’m doing my own thing; I am an entertainer, that’s who I am. And I love food and I love playing with it, and I love preparing it for people.

It’s how I show my love. So, it sort of became this whole thing. We would make short ribs and I would just talk to people. She’s a close friend who works in the sports world and she was the one who kind of started this whole thing for me, kind of recommended me to other people in the biz, and then afterwards, I met [original Queer Eye foodie and Chopped host] Ted Allen and worked as his personal assistant but also cooked for him and we did dinners, like Chopped barbecues, for some of his cast members and crew on his show. It sort of evolved in this weird, organic way while I had other jobs. It was sort of a side thing I did every now and then. It wasn’t a regularly occurring everyday thing where I showed up and made breakfast, lunch and dinner for someone. I was never one like that for

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. – Khalil Gibran Serving in two Gayborhoods:

Issue 281 |

PHOTO: COURTESY OF NETFLIX

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

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any job. I’ve always had, like, 10 different things going on at the same time.

If you could cook for any celebrity, who would it be and what would you cook?

Dead or alive?

They can be dead. I would take something off of the menu at Voltaire in Paris and I would prepare it for Oscar Wilde, and I would slap my copy of De Profundis in front of him and be like, “We’re gonna talk about this for five hours and I’m gonna feed your belly and I’m gonna get you drunk, and you’re just gonna tell me everything and answer all of my questions.” And then I would also maybe throw Allen Ginsberg in there, and why not Jack Kerouac? And who else? I’d throw in Virginia Woolf and she’d tell me all about Orlando.

You’re on a desert island and you can survive off one food, what’s the food? I love a fresh coconut. You crack it and you have the milk, which is so delicious, but the flesh too.

There’s that creamy part on the inside that you can scoop with a spoon, and then there’s the really hard shell part that, if you roast it with sugar, it gets caramelized and really nice and crunchy. So, I think coconuts. I’d get fed up with them after a week, but I don’t know what food I wouldn’t get fed up about, truly. Ask me again tomorrow.

I’ve never thought about the flesh of a coconut until now, and it sounds weirdly sexy.

(Laughs) Oh, think about it.

Go buy a fresh coconut and think of me. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. He tweets @chrisazzopardi.

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July 2018

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PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

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21 Billy Bean did this to balls 22 Atomic energy org.

26 Golda from the land ACROSS of the cut 1 Game played astride 27 Door attachments stallions 28 Protestant work ___ 5 Wistful word 29 Legally Blonde With9 One of Sheehan’s erspoon irons 30 Mercury and Saturn 14 Arc on a Samuel but not Uranus Barber score 32 Acid type 15 Pitchfork part 33 Peru’s ___ Picchu 16 “___ told by an 34 Enjoyed a cologne idiot” queen 17 Ward of Once and 37 Apple that isn’t a Again fruit 18 Close by 40 Nathan of Modern 19 Macbeth’s taunt to Family Macduff 42 Bruce Wayne, for 20 2004 movie about Batman coming out to a 43 Flip over Muslim mom 46 A rifleman may 23 Prefix for “gate” DOWN shoot off with it for the Homo1 “Hey, over here!”

49 Southwest Califorphobe-in-Chief 2 Bars for gay chefs nia city 24 Set fire to 3 Humdinger 50 U. of San Francisco, 25 Stephanie’s ac4 Figure in a Michelane.g. tor-dad gelo fresco 52 Country houses, to 27 Deniers in the 5 When homophobia Nureyev Divine Miss M? is okay 54 Didactic story 31 Moistens (one’s 6 Willingly author shorts) 7 Foot with three parts 56 Noble title for 35 Went down on 8 Curlicue on a Q Chablis 36 Treasured violin 9 Karen of Will & 57 Shrek, for one 38 Mosque leader Grace 58 2014 Dutch coming39 Jonah Markowitz 10 Hellenic vowel of-age drama movie of 2007 11 Latter ___ (2003 41 1987 drama based film with a Mormon 60 Fateful day 61 Em, e.g. on an E.M. Forster homophobe) 62 Dancer Kelly. novel 12 Bowl contents in 63 East of ___ 44 Leaning erection site Oliver!

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MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Mon. 7p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Mtg, Disability Law Center (rear), 205 N 400 W Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, UPC, 255 E 400 S Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S Thurs. 1p Unity In Sobriety, 175 S 700 E LifeRing Secular Recovery 385-258-3788  liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Mon. 5pm, First Unitarian Church, 569 S 1300 E Tues. 7pm, 6876 S Highland Dr Wed. noon, 2319 Foothill Dr, #120

Weds. 6:30 pm, Univ Neuropsych Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Thurs. 5:30pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100 Fri. 7pm, 2212 S West Temple #29 Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org

Qsaltlake.com |

1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611

Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays, 11a at Mestizo Coffee, 631 W N Temple SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah The Bonnie and Clyde’s Social Group  bit.ly/BonnieClydeSG Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah

Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org

Men Who Move  menwhomove.org

RELIGIOUS

OUTreach Utah Ogden  outreachutah.org

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921

BUT WITH A CAPE

OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah Queer Friends  queerfriends.org

qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com  fb.me /QVinum/ Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 SPORTS

Pride Community Softball League  fb.me/utahpride. softballleague  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  fb.me/qsaltlake. kickball Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime

Issue 281 |

July 2018

Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Center  encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/ University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU  fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271

Embracing the health & resilience of our community Utah’s Inclusive Aquatic Club since 1995 BEGINNERS WELCOME EVERYONE’S INVITED

umen.org

July 2018 |

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

book review

REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Given Up for You: A Memoir of Love, Belonging, and Belief

BY ERIN O. WHITE C.2018, UNIV. OF WISCONSIN PRESS $26.95 / 192 PP

It’s official: you now belong.

Being a member of a certain club was something you’ve wanted since you knew of its existence. Joining was a dream come true and now you’re a part of the group but, as in the new memoir Given Up for You

by Erin O. White, what part of yourself did you relinquish to join?

Missing the last train back to her home was no problem.

Actually, Erin White was glad for it. She was anticipating what could happen next.

She’d never slept with a woman, had never even considered it but, on that night she met Chris at a dinner party, it was all she could think of. It was odd but thrilling, so by the time Chris told their hostess that White could stay at her apartment that night, White was “already in love.”

What would she tell her therapist? She “knew he would disapprove” — and he did, but they rarely discussed White’s relationship. Mostly, they “talked about God.” For some time, White had been exploring that which her soul seemed to crave and, at her therapist’s urging, she read the Gospels and was “stunned” by the words. She cautiously attended Catholic services and began learning more about God and religion; eventually, she broke up with Chris, who’d been raised in the Church and avoided it as an adult, but

White couldn’t stay away.

It was difficult to explain, she says. She was a lesbian, but she wasn’t; in fact, there were times when “lesbian” just felt wrong. As for God, she needed to know Him better. White wanted “to love a woman yet avail myself of the opportunities… of straight culture; to break the rules of the church but still feel myself beloved by it.”

But since nobody can have everything both ways, she made her choice.

Two kids, fights, triumphs, and a strong marriage later, she sees things in a different light. Church is comfort now.

It’s home. But to get to that point, it took the courage to say “I loved that crazy Church, I loved those wild ideas about God, and I gave them up because I also wanted you.”

Although it’s already pretty short, Given Up for You could have been shorter.

Maybe that’s because it’s too much: author Erin O. White offers a three-pronged memoir of love, faith, and motherhood, and that’s a lot to pack into such a small space. And yet — what could be eliminated?

Since each prong is dependant on the others — probably, alas, nothing.

Still, while readers may struggle with overabundance of story, there’s a lot to come away with. White’s search for faith is universal and easily understood; although she might have explored homophobia a bit more, the subject of gay Christians and her experiences are presented in a way that’s calm and thoughtful.

Enter into this book knowing that it’s sometimes slow. Beware that it’s a bit long. Read it with a perfectly happy willingness to (gasp!) skip paragraphs and Given Up for You may belong on your bookshelf Q

BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

Kathy Phelps Equality Education Fund

CALLING FOR APPLICATIONS https://equt.org/2018scholarships

Any student entering or pursuing higher education courses are encouraged to apply.

One outstanding student will be awarded a cash scholarship of $3,000, and two students will be awarded cash scholarships of $1,000 each.

SCHOLAR ACTIVIST

VOLUNTEER

Winners featured in

LEADER

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 281 |

July 2018

Pet Month of the Harriet

7 years old, female, domestic longhair, diluted calico

Adopt any pet for free.

June 25 – July 4

Harriet is a lady who like things her way. She’d be content being a companion to adult people in a mellow household, as she can get overstimulated. Her favorite spot to relax is in her cubby bed where she can snooze the day away. Harriet does have kidney disease and needs to continue her special diet in her new home.

Adoption fees are waived for dogs and cats, thanks to everyone who is “paying it forward” and picking up the fees.

Adopt or pay it forward: bestfriendsutah.org

For more information, go to Best Friends Animal Society–Utah, 2005 S 1100 East, or call 801-574-2454 or go to bestfriendsutah.org

q scopes JULY

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

Don’t burn yourself out too quickly. There’s a lot of fatigue and you’re running on fumes at the moment. Take some time to recharge and renew when dealing with personal matters. Surrender to the flow of your work and get engaged with some quiet projects. No one is going to doubt you if you hold steady so keep going.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

Even though it’s getting warm outside, there is a cold feeling in your heart that can’t be ignored. It may have to do with the dwindling interest in the drama others are bringing. Be the beacon of hope and take a moment to help a good friend by offering advice. It may turn out that the wisdom you pass on will be useful for you too.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

Even if no one notices, it helps to bring a little spice to the social scene. Friend and gatherings are abundant and it helps to contribute your own unique flair. Don’t get

wrapped up in a problem that doesn’t involve you. It may seem wise to travel alone and find a sense of focus and change. No one will feel left out if you do.

CANCER June 21–July 22

Don’t judge too quickly.

Something you see will not be what it appears to be, and an incorrect reaction might lead to an embarrassing moment. Take some time to get work done and get finances in order. There seems to be a lot of people wanting to spend time with you. It might be a good idea to do so.

LEO July 23–August 22

Anger is not an uncommon feeling right now, but it’s not doing much good right now. Being in charge is important to you, but it might be a good time to release the burdens of command and simply let others take the lead. There is always something to be learned by the style of others. The education will be invaluable.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

A good career move is in the works. The funk of the last year needs to end, and this is the best time to find a way out of it. Keep your eyes open and network with those who have good connections. There’s a game

to be played, and the only way to win is to compromise. Sometimes the best gains come from losing little.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

love. Don’t seek to destroy this person, or the relationship could falter.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

Motivation has been a real problem lately. There’s nothing wrong with having a lack of energy, but the real bounce back will come through romance or a nice change of scenery. Seek out new experiences and try meeting new people. The further you go on your quest for newness, the more you’ll realize that you don’t know everything.

The need to flex the muscle of authority could be a turn off to others. Don’t be so impressed by your accomplishments that it undermines the efforts to gain respect. A friend or lover is finding an obsession rather weary, but don’t let this get you down.

Find satisfaction through casual fun and lay off the need to prove yourself.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

There’s nothing totally wrong in switching up the orders of operations. The more tasks are piling up, the more boredom tends to set in. Keep things interesting by having dessert first, play before work, and taking different positions than normal.

It’s a good time to break the norms and alter perceptions for the better.

The beauty of nature is going to be a great inspirational source during this time period. With weather that is ever changing and a hot-andcold dynamic occurring, much of your duality is represented by the world itself. This could be a good time to be involved in the creative process and share what you see with others.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

Slipping out during the middle of a fight is not a bad idea.

You aren’t running away, but simply gaining composure. Let the fighters wear themselves out and kill them with tact instead of anger. The most intense opposition comes from someone you

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

Feeling that things could be going better right now? Likely this feeling comes from boredom rather than failure. There is always a higher conquest and a goal to accomplish, but only because you want more than you have. Look for some new adventures but don’t lose sight of how good things are right now either. Q

July 2018 |

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

MUSIC | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

Women’s Redrock Music Festival announces 2018 lineup The Women’s Redrock Music Festival returns to Torrey, Utah this August for the dozenth time. They announced their 2018 lineup at the Utah Pride Festival: Pioneering singer, songwriter, activist, and teacher, CRIS WILLIAMSON has been at the forefront of the women’s music movement — and a major presence in the lesbian community — ince the 70s.

Her fans admire her honesty with lyrics that cross lines of gender, age, and sexual orientation, and are intensely personal She has been out as a lesbian throughout her career.

Latin Grammy winner FLOR DE TOLOACHE is New York City’s first and only all­women mariachi group.

A flag bearer of Indian independent music going global, SHUBHANGI JOSHI has performed her honest and richly layered music extensively across the US and India.

The SISTER WIVES band is a rockin’ assortment of blues musicians all living in Salt Lake, each with a diverse musical background.

Hailing from Texas, Alabama, and Georgia respectively, now neighbors in Austin, BettySoo, Grace Pettis, and Rebecca Loebe are bewitching audiences as NOBODY’S GIRL with sumptuous harmonies and unforgettable songwriting.

Born in the Utah desert, ROBYN CAGE’s powerhouse vocals and impassioned live performances have enthralled audiences nationwide, from Boston’s Symphony Hall, to thousands at outdoor festivals, to the prestigious singer-songwriter circuit in New York City.

With energy like 1960’s rock and roll founders, to the reeled in 1971 center stage arena feel, SARAH DEGRAW

AND THE ODD JOBS plays a range of original material that’ll keep you wanting more.

Based out of Nashville, Tennessee, KRISTEN FORD plays indie rock which teeters into Americana, Electronic, and Pop. Her high energy live show as a one-woman looping band has brought her to 48 states and six countries.

Multi-instrumentalist, one-woman tour de force MAIAH WYNNE fluently transitions through unique and traditional instruments, like the dulcimer, oil can ukulele, keys, and guitar, while her feet do the percussive work. Adept at embodying a mood or theme in one song and then swapping it for another, what emerges is a shifting and engaging experience threaded through

by Wynne’s haunting, evocative voice and earnest lyrics.

THE BLU JANES are a hiphop duo formed by “raptivist” MC Genesis Blu from Houston, Texas and multi-instrumentalist Kristen Ford from Nashville, Tenn.

CAMILLE BLOOM spent the past 10 years touring the U.S. and Europe, and has gained notoriety in some of today’s best publications and earned enough hard core fans to crowd-fund $27,000 to build her own studio and record and produce her new record.

From China to Italy, and all over the U.S., DIRTY CELLO brings the world a high energy and unique spin on blues and bluegrass.

Four Portland-based women make up THE CABIN PROJECT, an indie rock band whose sound stems from haunting choruses, two-part harmonies, pedals, synths and string sections. Q August 10–12 in Torrey, Utah. More info at WomensRedrockMusicFest.com

FEATURING: CRIS WILLIAMSON FLOR DE TOLOACHE CAMILLE BLOOM DIRTY CELLO KRISTEN FORD MAIAH WYNNE & HER SLEEPLESS KNIGHTS NOBOY'S GIRL ROBYN CAGE SARAH DEGRAW & THE ODD JOBS SHUBHANGI JOSHI SISTER WIVES THE BLU JANES THE CABIN PROJECT

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST

the frivolist

10 Clothing-upkeep tools every gay should have in his closet

BY MIKEY ROX

From suit

bags and seam rippers to good ol’ needle and thread, here are 10 tools and accessories you should own (and use!) to help preserve your favorite pieces.

1 Lint roller

The tumble dryer doesn’t catch everything in its trap; rogue lint can and will make it onto your clothes, especially cotton and cashmere. A lint roller quickly and easily removes stray lint so you can step out looking fresh. Roll your garment before you put it on; it’s hard to roll your back when you’re already wearing a linty top.

2

Seam ripper

This may seem like an odd item to have if you’re not a tailor, but it will come in handy. When you buy suits, the pockets are usually stitched together and the seam ripper is the perfect tool to use to separate the fabric; using your hands to remove that thread could tear the jacket’s pockets. Another use for the seam ripper includes removing sewn-in tags on T-shirts. If they’re bothersome you can take them out with the seam ripper without damaging the neck of the tee.

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PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

3

Needle and thread

If you don’t sew, learn how — even if your skills are rudimentary. You can still take big projects to the tailor, but if it’s a simple issue like reattaching a small button or clothing a hole in a pair of pants, you’ll save time and money if you can do it yourself.

4

Collar stays

To prevent the collars on your button-downs from curling up, invest in collar stays. Plastic stays often come with prepackaged shirts — and those are perfectly fine to use — but for the shirts that don’t have stays there are better versions that you can buy, like fancy monogrammed stainless steel.

5 Suit bags

It’s perfectly fine to leave suits you wear on a regular basis unbagged in a closet — the air is good for them — but if there’s a suit that doesn’t get much wear, place it in a suit bag to prevent it from getting dusty; no need to go to a dry cleaner if you don’t have to. When you’re traveling, of course, you always want to bag your suit to keep it clean and together.

Qsaltlake.com |

6 Steam iron

There are some items on this list that are negotiable, but an iron is not one of them.

Every man — whether he’s a professional or not — should own an iron (and use it) to eliminate wrinkles in his clothing caused by washing, drying and improper folding.

“Hot mess” isn’t a look you should be complacent about.

7 T-shirt folding board

To help reduce the wrinkles in your tees — so you don’t have to break out the iron as much — pick up a T-shirt folding board like the ones used in retail stores to make everything look nice and neat. You can find one for cheap on eBay, or, if you’re handy, you can make your own T-shirt folding board with cardboard. A small-butsturdy plastic cutting board for the kitchen will work just as well, too.

8 Clothes shaver

Fuzz balls are different than lint. Lint can be removed with a roller — or tape even — but fuzz balls (known as pilling) cling to clothing because they’re still attached to the fabric. They’re usually on the underside of your sweaters and jackets because your arms rub against the fabric, resulting in pilling. A battery-powered shaver uses

Issue 281 |

July 2018

spinning blades (just like an electric shaver for your face) to pick up the pills that are sticking out and deposits them into an attached compartment that can be removed and emptied.

9 Shoe stuffers

In order to keep the shape of your shoes, stuff them while you’re not wearing them. You can buy wooden shoetrees, but you’ll need several pair to stuff all your nice shoes — and that can get expensive. Instead, take old newspaper, crumple it up, and stuff it in the shoes whose shape you want to preserve.

It’s a quick, easy, and cheap fix for long-lasting footwear.

10Wooden hangers

If your closet is a hodgepodge of plastic and wire hangers, it’s time for an upgrade. Wooden hangers are expensive compared to their plastic cousins but the benefits outweigh the cons of lesser-quality hangers. The biggest benefit of wooden hangers is their sturdy structure. While flimsy hangers bend, bow, and break, wooden versions stay put to give your clothing the support it needs to keep its shape. Wooden hangers are also appropriate for all clothing, while wire hangers can only handle lighter objects.

Plus, they make your closet look like a man keeps his clothes in it, and that’s worth the price right there. Q

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @ mikeyrox.

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July 2018 |

SPORTS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

Real Salt Lake player with gay brother, former player with gay dad celebrate team’s Pride night.

BY JIM BUZINSKI, OUTSPORTS CO-FOUNDER

For a current and a former player for Major League Soccer’s Real Salt Lake, the team’s first Pride Night May 30 hits close to home.

Forward Corey Baird has a gay older brother, while former defender Brian Dunseth’s dad is gay.

Both men were at Rio Tinto Stadium when Real Salt Lake played the Houston Dynamo on Pride night, the first such event in Utah sports history.

“I think it’s awesome how far everyone has come in accepting this,” Baird told the Salt Lake Tribune. “The support the club has shown, other guys on the team have shown, and the MLS itself has been awesome. I love it.”

Baird is one of five Real Salt Lake players who are on the Playing for Pride team. Those players pledged to donate money to Athlete Ally based on a formula and the team will match donations up to $10,000.

Dunseth, now the team’s TV analyst, was 11 when he found out his dad was gay and he was taunted about it while playing basketball. “It was devastating,” said Dunseth, born and raised in Southern California. “Not because of what he said, but that it would be used in that context, as something that I should be disgusted by.”

He realizes the importance of Real Salt Lake hosting a pride event.

“If [Pride Night] just changes maybe for one person who’s struggling with their identity behind the scenes,” Dunseth said, “that they can look at these three teams and feel a connection, if it can positively affect just one person, I think that’s a massive positive.”

In addition to Real Salt Lake, affiliated clubs Utah Royals (June 27) of the National Women’s Soccer League and Real Monarchs (June 27) of the United Soccer League will also have Pride events. Q

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Jim Buzinski is the co-founder of OutSports, now an SB Nation site at outsports.com

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 281 |

July 2018

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BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

my dog — he’s a cute little mutt of sorts. He could be any number of small breeds. I’ve been told Havanese, Maltese, Shih Tzu, and Poodle. He doesn’t look like any of them to me or maybe a bit of all of them. Regardless, he’s a feisty five-pound, 6-month-old, little guy who is colorful in his playfulness as well as his appearance.

Today he got sick. Like, cause me to panic sick. He usually lays at my feet while I write and today was no different. I was wrapping up an article (that had nothing to do with him) when my brother came by my place. So we took a break with Cody (that’s my little pup’s name) and went to the backyard to visit and play fetch for a bit.

After about 20 minutes we went back inside. My brother went back to work. I sat down at my computer and Cody resumed his spot at my feet. I typed away for another hour or so and then, feeling a bit stumped on what I was writing and getting a little restless, I nudged Cody for a potty break. He didn’t respond. I bent down and coddled his little face, and it was dripping wet. He just looked at me, unmoving. I then realized he was in a pool of his slobber, like, a lot of slobber. So much so that his entire underbelly was wet as though he had just had a bath.

I scooped him up and bolted out the door. It wasn’t until I was in the car that I realized

I didn’t even know where to take him. I called my brother.

He couldn’t pick up since he was working. I called my best friend. She gave me an address and said she’d meet me there.

I arrived and, of course, tried to walk in without revealing my sheer panic and went up to the desk and said, “Ummm, can you help me?”

Lifted from my arms in an instant, they quickly took him to the back. Tears fell, revealing the challenge of cool composure. My bestie arrived.

My brother called me back.

Yeah, Cody is loved. But I also realized that I’m loved. These people showed up to give me support in my time of total panic.

Eventually, a tech came and led us to a room where we waited for the doctor. She took a more detailed history.

Yes, he has all his shots. Yes, he’s been acting normal. The tech left, and we chatted a bit while we waited. Then it hit me how much I wish we were all like people with pets. We all know others who share excitement over everything about their pet — how different they are, how they were rescued, or how they were raised. Invariably, we hear how this particular little pet, and all its uniqueness, is a source of pride and unconditional love.

Why can’t the human race love one another like we love our pets? And why do we allow things like race, religion, size, wealth, sexual orientation, and gender divide

July 2018 |

SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

Issue 281 | Qsaltlake.com

us? How come we can’t appreciate the souls that are inside each of our various packagings? I can’t count the stories from clients over the years about their families or friends tossing them aside because their gender or orientation doesn’t align with how someone else thinks it should.

So yes, while I’m sitting in the vet hospital, I am comparing the outpouring of love around me, not just for me personally, but for everyone in this space — those sporting fur and those without alike, to the lack of it I know I’ll witness when I walk out the door.

Eventually, the doctor comes in and lets me know

that it appears Cody ingested something, no idea what, that has poisoned him. He’s a puppy that puts everything in his mouth, so really, there’s no way to know what it could be. She informs me of all the things they’ve done to help him get back to feeling better and that he’ll probably be able to come home tonight.

I feel relief. I’m also contemplative and personally making a conscious choice to treat others with the respect and kindness I do with my pet. Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist and Director of Sex Positive Los Angeles. Find out more at about.me/ kinkucation or email JustLBC@yahoo.com or Dr.LaurieBennettCook@gmail.com

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 281 |

July 2018

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of my first time

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

out of the closet is fraught with danger

and excitement.

Many moons ago, sometime between the ending of the Cretaceous and the beginning of the Jurassic periods, in other words, in Pre-Petunia Utah, I was living in Logan, and working for Utah State University food services as assistant manager of the HUB, the on-campus, fast-food hang out.

I was the quintessential closeted Mormon boy, and super active in my student ward. And I kept myself much too busy (to date girls), by serving in many different church callings. I was so orthodox that I garnered the nickname of “Peter Priesthood” or “Junior G.A.” among the young sisters in the relief society.

Not only was I churchy as hell, but I was also the prototypical AGGIE (Sorry all you Ute fans). I played trombone in the USU marching band, and I was a big “band geek” that even after I graduated from the university, I stayed a member of the group for an additional four years.

That’s enough background, for now.

In 1985, some brave USU students formed a gay club on campus called the Gay and Lesbian Alliance. They held meetings every Monday evening on the third floor of the Student Center, the same building in which I worked on the 21st floor. Controversy and negative letters to the editor of the student newspaper ensued over the

7pm, July 20 and Aug 17 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem

GLA. From the safety of my closet, I read with great interest every word about the new club. Oh, how I longed to take my “tail out from between my legs” and “man-up” some courage and get my “wussy chicken-shit” ass to just one meeting.

My heart knew what I wanted — no needed — to go to a meeting. But I was too cowardly to take that step. On one Monday evening, I drove to the student center, circled the parking lot, and then my inner “yellow belly” got the better of me, and I left. The same scenario happened four more times. On each occasion, I was a “fraidy cat” and repeated the “spineless” retreat. Then I changed tactics. I didn’t want anyone to see me in the building on a Monday night. So I parked across the street at the LDS Institute of Religion parking lot and crept my “lily-livered pansy ass” up to the door of the building. Too much, I became “gutless and weak-kneed” and ran back to the Institute, pretending I was late for Family Home Evening.

Then, one dark and stormy night (no, yeah it was dark and stormy), desperation overtook me, and I thought no one would be out and about to witness me, so I “grew a pair” and ventured up the hill to campus.

Again I parked across the street at the church, but I entered the building through a door that few people ever used, and I climbed the west stairs, also not frequently used. I followed a circuitous route through several out-of-the-way hallways and finally made it to “the room.” I walked past it.

Then I circled the hallway and passed it three more times. Finally, I stepped into the room. I took a seat behind the door so that passersby in the hallway couldn’t see me. Only two other people occupied the room. The leader welcomed me and said he was glad I came.

Then to my horror, I realized that the other person in the room was the guy that sits near me in the choir. I almost lost my nerve and ran out, but as I prepared to flee, he congratulated me for coming and said, “Well, I guess we’re both

here for the same reason.”

Then two people, who worked at the bowling alley next to my work, walked in and one exclaimed in a loud whisper, “Look, it’s that guy from the Hub.” At that moment in walked three members of the marching band whom I had known for years. They took one look at me, and the trumpet player loudly exclaimed, “Well it’s about God damned time you finally got here!”

Was everyone I knew gay? Holy hell, I half-way expected my bishop to walk in next. Someone said, “Welcome to “Family Homo Evening”, and everyone giggled and then I felt safe among friends and stayed.

Several months later on Halloween, the GLA sponsored a “Gender Blender” costume party. In preparation, I went shopping for a bra, and a girl from work saw me in the women’s lingerie department.

So I just asked her to help me choose one.

She looked stricken and asked in a whisper, “What for?” She calmed down as I explained it was for a Halloween costume.

So she then recommended I not get an underwire bra because it hurts. I ended up purchasing an underwire bra despite her advice. However, I did have to borrow a wig. And thus, PETUNIA WAS BORN! This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Was I drawn to attend USU and become an Aggie (whose mascot is a bull) because I’m a Taurus?

2. Since I kept accepting church leadership callings, did I secretly aspire to become the Relief Society President?

3. Are all choir and band members secret closet cases?

4. Should we send undercover therapists into high school choirs and bands to help lead and protect the flock?

5. Are wire bras the reason for my proclivity to electrify my breasticles?

These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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