QSaltLake Magazine - February 2017 Issue

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

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| QSALTLAKE | NEWS 8 FEBRUARY 2017 | issue MAGAZINE 264 | Qsaltlake.com

| 8 Qsaltlake.com | issue NEWS | QSALTLAKE 264 | MAGAZINE JANUARY 2016

FIRST PERSON | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

staffbox

publisher/editor Michael Aaron

in this issue

COVER PHOTO BY PAMELA ANN BERRY

copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan national advertising representative: Rivendell Media, 212-242-6863, sales@rivendellmedia.com contributors Diane AndersonMinshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Dave Brousseau, Tyson Daley, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Princess Kennedy, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Peter Stoker, Marcy Taylor-Rizzi, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay

Crookston, James Enoch, Kevin Sevcik

32 30 Love stories

Ballet West’s Adam Sklute and his husband Christopher Renstrom’s 24-year romance

34

Joni and Jonica

Meeting later in life, but taking the chance for happiness.

Queer Sundance

Our annual guide on what’s hot at Sundance.

NEWS �������������������������������������������������������������������10 S. Ogden councilman vs. gay country singer Derek Kitchen threatened Hate crime bill again on Capitol Hill Gay Wedding Expo in March

FEATURE �����������������������������������������������������������24 Year in Review Person of the Year Queer Guide to Sundance

VIEWS �������������������������������������������������������������������16

Food for Love

What’s Love got to do with it?

Sex and the Ci Creep of the Month

publisher

FOOD & DRINK �������������������������������������������36

LIFESTYLE ���������������������������������������������������������51 National Condom Month Pet of the month

from the publisher

Salt Lick Publishing LLC 222 S Main St, Ste 500 (by appt.)

Salt Lake City, Utah 84101 tel: 801-997-9763

Silly love songs

CONTACT EMAILS: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

BY MICHAEL AARON

Check us out online at:

GAYSALTLAKE.COM | FACEBOOK.COM/QSALTLAKE TWITTER @QSALTLAKE

QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2017, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 8–12,000 copies are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, call 801997-9763. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this magazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Printed in the USA on recycled paper.

We’ve

been led to believe that all it takes is just the right words, and maybe a baritone voice, and you can find and keep love.

Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love. I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me. Just one night, give me just one night. In the name of love, one night in the name of love. Don’t leave me this way.

I can’t survive without your sweet love, oh baby. Don’t leave me this way. We should be lovers, and that’s a fact.

—Christian, played by Ewan McGregor, in Moulin Rouge.

And it worked.

You’d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs. I look around me and I see it isn’t so. Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs. And what’s wrong with that?

I’d like to know.

Sometimes I think we are Making Love Out of Nothing at All. I found a website that has 1,714 song titles with the word “love” in them. And that was back in 2011. Who knows, maybe we are up to 2,000.

With all this focus on love in lyrics, it must be an important thing. Or is it simply that

the artists of the world hope it is?

The fact is, as much as we want to blame the artists for live, it is a scientific fact that the feelings of love affect us in incredibly deep ways.

Researcher Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine.

So, an issue on love and dating. Please don’t snort it. Q

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

news The top national and world news you should know from last month Transgender protections, abortion prohibited in ACA Decision Using a technicality, a Federal judge barred transgender health anti-discrimination protections and abortion-related services under the Affordable Care Act. The injunction held the policy violates the Administrative Procedure Act. The judge also ruled it infringes on the rights of private healthcare providers under the 1993 Religious Freedom Restoration Act, sponsored by Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY), then a member of congress.

The same judge blocked Obama administration policy requiring public schools to allow transgender students to use restrooms of their choice.

Though denouncing the decision, it is not immediately clear whether the outgoing Obama administration will appeal the injunction.

Split personalities in inaugural clergy At the 2017 Presidential Inaugural: In this corner and Archbishop Timothy Dolan and Rev. Franklin Graham, one gives the opening prayer the other closing it up. In another corner, Pastor Paula White and Rabbi Marvin Hier, giving readings and officiating at other Inaugural events.

Graham, heads the Billy Graham Evangelistic Associa-

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

tion supported a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage in North Carolina, saying LGBT rights have the U.S. on the edge of a “spiritual cliff.” Dolan unsuccessfully lobbied against marriage equality which became legal in New York State in 2011 Pastor Paula White of New Destiny Christian Center held a vigil at her Florida mega church for victims of the Pulse nightclub mass shooting. She is a longtime friend of the President-elect and has been called his spiritual adviser.

Simon Wiesenthal Center dean and founder, Rabbi Marvin Hier, heads the Los Angeles’s Museum of Tolerance, which acknowledges LGBT people have been historically persecuted.

“First Gay Pres.” wants to be DNC chair first The mayor of South Bend, Ind., Pete Buttigieg is considering a run for the chairmanship of the Democratic National Committee. Buttigieg was asked by a New York Times columnist if he aspires to be “the first gay president.” Buttigieg demurred when asked if he had national ambitions.

He would face a crowded field for DNC chair. Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.), South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman Jaime Harrison and New Hampshire Democratic Party Chairman Ray Buckley have all formally launched campaigns.

Buttigieg is a Harvard graduate, Rhodes Scholar and former US Navy Officer

N. Carolina shuffle, Texas T-step, Kentucky waltz Figure this out: First, Charlotte City, NC Council repealed LGBT rights ordinance on the promise by outgoing Governor Pat McCrory that the General Assembly would repeal the anti-LGBT “bathroom bill.” Then, the General Assembly debated

repeal. But, they adjourned before voting on it. Then, on the way out the door the GA voted to limit incoming Democrat Governor Roy Cooper’s powers of appointment and oversight of the state university system.

But a Federal District Court stayed that law on constitutional grounds.

In the mean time, Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick unveiled an anti-transgender “bath room bill” to overturn local law allowing transgender people to use the bathroom that conforms to their gender identity.

Each business would be free to form its own policies, he said.

In a Kentucky role reversal two pieces of Legislation by Rep Rick Nelson (D-Middlesboro) are being called antigay, a “license to discriminate” and unnecessary. One is a “religious freedoms bill” the other an anti-transgender “bathroom bill.”

Kentucky’s Republican governor, Matt Bevin, and GOP House Speaker Jeff Hoover say they are not interested in anti-LGBT legislation. Bevin said “bathroom bills” are unnecessary since they address a nonexistent problem.

Odd outbursts from D&G Stefano Gabbana, one half of Dolce & Gabbana, threw an odd sounding social media snit at criticism over his praise of Melania Trump wearing the fashion duo’s designs on New Year’s Eve. On Instagram, comments like, “Sad when a gay designer doesn’t care about other groups being repressed,” greeted his touting her fashion choices.

Gabbana called the criticism ignorant, and posted, “Don’t call me gay please!! Im a man!!!

Who I love its my private life!!! [sic]”. He also wrote to another post: “i’m not gay!!! I’m a man!!

Remember this please!!! Racist.”

D&G incited an S/M Storm earlier with comments about same sex couples having chil-

dren, criticizing in- vitro fertilization as “chemical offspring” from a “rented uterus.” He also stated that same-sex couples should not raise children because “the family is not a fad”.

Coachella owner a donor to anti-LGBT groups Beyoncé will headline both nights of Coachella in April.

The lineup includes Kendrick Lamar, Radiohead and Bon Iver. The event owner, Phil Anschutz, is reportedly a major donor to a number of high-profile, groups that have opposed LGBTQ rights.

The 77-year-old Denver entrepreneur is listed as an “enemy of equality” by an LGBTQ advocacy group, Freedom for All Americans. The group says Anschutz Family Foundation has donated to the Family Research Council, the Alliance Defending Freedom and the National Christian Foundation and has business and political connection to liberal bête noir, Charles and David Koch.

Anschutz released a statement saying, “Recent claims published in the media that I am anti-LGBTQ are nothing more than fake news — it is all garbage. I unequivocally support the rights of all people without regard to sexual orientation,” he wrote.

Double apostasy: Sister Wives, lesbian daughter The New Year telecast of the preternaturally irritating “Sister Wives” on TLC cable network took a Sapphic turn as a daughter of Kody and Meri Brown’s polygamist family announced she was a lesbian.

The revelation was a cliff hanger and the family’s reaction to it waits for a future episode.

The Browns previously declared for marriage equality but, as Fundamentalist Mormons, the family’s polygamy is anathema to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Polyga-

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

mists are considered apostates, as are marriages of same sex spouses. So who would have to denounce whom if one or the other wants to take sacrament at an LDS ward?

Makes your head hurt.

Drops the Q, adds an I, still sorry Secretary of State John Kerry on Monday apologized for the State Department’s past discrimination toward employees and applicants based on sexual orientation. Despite having

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

an openly LGBT Secretary of State in James Buchanan, the State department considered LGBTQ people security risks and refused to hire or expelled from service people considered to be LGBTQ. “LGBTI employees serve as proud members of the State Department and valued colleagues dedicated to the service of our country,” Kerry said, calling those actions “wrong then, just as they would be wrong today.”

S. Ogden councilman votes against gay country singer’s performance South Ogden councilman Adam Hensley voted without comment in a Jan. 3 meeting against bringing openly gay country music singer Ty Herndon to perform at this year’s South Ogden South Ogden City Councilman Days Adam Hensley event.

Asked by the Ogden Standard-Examiner why he did so, he fumbled around a number of reasons, but was adamant it was not because of the singer’s sexual orientation.

“I have absolutely no problems or issues with homosexuality or airing the subject of sexuality in public forums,” Hensley said in a written statement to the Standard-Examiner. “I believe that all people, regardless of sexual orientation, should be treated with respect and kindness.

However, I have some concerns that went unanswered.”

The newspaper did a GRAMMA request for emails relating to the singer and found that Hensley asked South Ogden City Manager Matt Dixon and

Special Events Coordinator Evelyn Rosas about Herndon’s affiliation with and public statements made about GLAAD, formerly known as the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Dixon said the city looked into Herndon and GLAAD, but found nothing about either that would prevent them from moving forward with the concert.

Hensley then raised concern over spending money on the performance when the city’s fire department is underfunded.

The South Ogden Days event receives $10,000 from the Weber County RAMP (recreation, arts, museums and parks) tax to cover entertainment.

Hensley then replied that those going to the celebration are not “expecting political discussion, nor should the city fund or support any such political discussion.”

“I also have unanswered concerns whether or not Ty Herndon’s potential political speech would be in concert with South Ogden’s traditional community standards.”

Herndon played the Ogden Amphitheater in 2014 for a benefit concert for disabled adults with no issue.

Herndon has not graced the snub with a response. Q

165 S Main Street, Suite 200 Salt Lake City, Utah 84111

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

Cleve Jones to speak at EU PAC Brunch Equality Utah’s political action committee board is hosting their annual PAC Brunch at Red Butte Garden’s Orangerie.

Long-time gay activist Cleve Jones will be keynote speaker to discuss the rise of the LGBTQ movement and his new book, When We Rise, that chronicles losing his friend Harvey Milk and countless others to the AIDS epidemic. He overcame these devastating losses to become a leader in the movement. Copies of the book will be provided at the event, followed by a book signing.

In 1971, while ditching gym class to hole up in his high school library in Phoenix, Jones read a story in Life with the headline “Homosexuals in Revolt,” a report on the burgeoning gay liberation movement that portrayed San Francisco as a new queer mecca. “I am pretty sure that was the exact moment I stopped planning to kill myself,” Jones writes in his book. He

hitchhiked to San Francisco in 1973 with $42 to his name. Only 19, he had already picketed alongside the United Farm Workers, distributed petitions for the Equal Rights Amendment, protested the Vietnam War, and campaigned for Senator Eugene McCarthy in the 1968 presidential election. When in San Francisco, he was part of Harvey Milk’s many campaigns to become city supervisor. When Milk was assassinated, Jones organized the massive candlelight vigil in his honor. As the AIDS epidemic decimated San Francisco’s gay community, Jones co-founded the San Francisco AIDS Project and started the Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt, which was displayed for the first time on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. and today has over 48,000 individual 3-by-6foot memorial panels.

“During the 2016 election season we successfully assisted 17 candidates to

Utah hate crime bill being run by GOP legislator Utah State Sen. Daniel W. Thatcher, R-West Valley, is running Senate Bill 72, Victim Selection Pena Enhancements, in the 2017 General Session of the Utah State Legislature. The bill would modify Utah’s current hate crime law, which has been called a “toothless tiger” by Salt Lake County District Attorney Sim Gill and has never been successfully used.

The new bill “provides that the penalty for a criminal offense is subject to enhancement by one degree if the offender acted against an individual because of the offender’s perception of the individual’s ancestry, disability, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, national origin, race, religion, or sexual orientation.”

Currently, only race, religion, ancestry, national origin, ethnicity or “other categories that the division finds appropriate” are covered under statute.

Penalties for a person found guilty under the provision would be enhanced by one degree, e.g. a class C misdemeanor would be upgraded to a class B misdemeanor. In the case of a first degree felony, the sentencing judge or Board of Pardons and Parole would consider increasing the penalty for the offense.

The bill is substantively the same as last year’s SB107 run by now-retired Sen. Steve Urquhart, R-St. George, except that avoids using the term “hate crime.”

Thatcher announced the bill last year

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win their elections,” EU leaders said in a statement. “These candidates are vital to our success in passing policies that support and protect LGBTQ Utahns. Equality Utah is committed to securing equal rights and protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Utahns and their families. Our multi-faceted approach includes education, advocacy and political action.”

The event will be held Saturday, Feb. 11 from 10 a.m. to noon at the Red Butte Garden Orangerie. Tickets are available fro $100 at Equt.org/EUPACbrunch. Q

after SB107 failed becuase, he said, the legislature ran out of time. He promised to put a bill before the body early to help prevent that from happening again this year.

He also promised that the bill will create an avenue to prosecute hate crimes, while still protecting constitutional rights of free speech, thought and belief.

According to Equality Utah, 1,279 hates crimes were identified in Utah over the past 20 years, but none were prosecuted as such. Forty-eight percent of those cases were racially motivated, while 20 percent were motivated by religion, 17 percent by ethnicity and 15 percent by sexual orientation.

The legislative session begins Jan. 23 and runs through March 9. Q

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FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

Gay Salt Lake City Councilman receives threat, epithet over homeless shelter Freshman Salt Lake City Councilman Derek Kitchen received an angry message from a constituent over the location of one of the new homeless shelters recently announced by the city. The message contained a thinly veiled (if not overt) threat and an epithet.

“Hey Faggot,” the message began.

“You proposed a homeless shelter two blocks away from a home I’ve owned for the past 20 years.

Ask [Salt Lake attorney and Kitchen v. Herbert counsel] Jim Magleby if I can’t fuck you up. Watch your back and I promise to hire someone to see you soon.”

The message is signed by, and comes from an account using the name of, John Donovan.

It also includes the address of a home that has been verified to be owned by a John Charles Donovan.

“When I took office, I promised to to represent all residents of District 4 and Salt Lake City, and that includes people living without a home, too.

Just like everyone else in the city, they deserve a voice and someone to stand up for them,” Kitchen wrote in a Facebook post announcing the message. “I’m proud of our work thus far alongside the Mayor, the County, & State of Utah.

We’re inching closer toward a solution. Our site selection was rigorous and thoughtful,

and our proposal for the new shelters is designed to solve the problems head on. I understand your fears about a Road Home type facility in your neighborhood, but this is no such thing (think YWCA instead).

“This morning I received this threat in my inbox, and its the not the first time a council member has received such threats. It is completely unacceptable that we’ve devolved into threatening to hurt one another,” Kitchen continued.

“For my safety, and the safety of my colleagues, in addition to filing a police report, I will be publishing those threats.”

Councilwomen Lisa Adams and Erin Mendenhall told the Salt Lake Tribune they have received “a torrent” of personal emails and phone calls. The Tribune reported that Adams “has never before been called some of the names directed at her and some emails were threatening,” and Mendenhall had also received “insulting emails and ‘creepy’ phone calls.”

The closest location to the address listed in the message is the shelter that will replace the Deseret Industries thrift store on Seventh South.

Kitchen was the namesake plaintiff in the Kitchen v.

Herbert lawsuit that overturned Utah’s Amendment 3 and other Utah laws banning same-sex marriage. He was elected to the Salt Lake City Council to represent District 4 — downtown and central city — last November and took office this January. He and his husband, Moudi Sbeity, own Laziz Kitchen, a Lebanese restaurant on 9th South at about 150 West.

Salt Lake City police have confirmed they are investigating the message. Donovan has told local media he meant a legal, not physical, threat. Q

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo set for March Same-sex couples planning for their wedding don’t want their excitement pierced by the pain of being rejected by a venue, florist or photographer, all who have a legal right in Utah to refuse to serve a gay couple.

That’s why hundreds of people will come to Pierpont Place in downtown Salt Lake City the last Sunday of March for the 2017 Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo. The expo, produced by QSaltLake and UtahGayWeddings.com will help connect couples with businesses who want to make it known they’re open to doing same-sex weddings.

Last year, a string quartet played on one side of the exhibit hall and pop music on the other side, and gay and lesbian couples chatted with businesses showing off fancy wedding cakes, fun photo booths and elaborate floral arrangements.

Karl Jennings and Chris Marrano were looking for a cake baker and photographer for their June 2016 wedding.

A straight friend helped them make wedding plans by calling ahead to businesses to make sure they’ll do a gay wedding.

The expo helped them finish their plans.

“We know that whoever is

Gay panic defense being used in Salt Lake baseball bat murder Andrew Burke Berry IV told Salt Lake City police that his roommate threatened him by wielding a bat after he rebuffed sexual advances. Berry, 22, said they struggled and he got control of the bat and killed Andrew Burke Berry IV 39-year-old Timothy Houlihan in his bedroom on Aug. 9, 2016. Berry told police he struck Houlihan “about five times” because he kept getting off the bed to come after him. Police, however, testified in a probable cause hearing that a ‘nanny-cam’ video Victim Tim Houlihan of the attack showed Berry beating Houlihan 16 to 18 times.

The graphic video, which was played in the hearing,

showed Houlihan fall on the bed and remain motionless for minutes as Berry paces around the room, sporadically striking Houlihan with the bat. The video does not clearly show how the fight started or who first had the bat, because the top half of the lens was obstructed.

Only the men’s torsos were in frame.

Salt Lake City Detective Hilary Gordon testified she did not see any movement that would indicate a sexual advance prior to the attack, and there was no audio recording captured in the video.

Berry’s defense attorneys said the two men had “bad history,” and that Berry had reported to Park City police last July that Houlihan had threatened to kill him and had sexually assaulted him two years prior.

Houlihan was raised in New Jersey and moved to Utah in 2012 to work in the hotel and travel industry in Park City.

He later worked at Ken Garff Honda in Salt Lake City.

Wedding planner Juan Jose Orellana prepares for last year’s wedding expo.

here isn’t going to turn us away because we’re gay,” Jennings told the Associated Press. “It’s very relaxing and makes you want to give people business here. I want support people who want to support us.”

Utah is one of 29 states where it is legal for businesses to refuse services to samesex couples, according to the Human Rights Campaign. A proposal to change that law died last year in the Utah’s Republican-controlled legislature.

There are no estimates of how often it happens, but most gay couples know somebody who has been rejected.

This will be the third expo.

The first was held before samesex marriage was even legal in the state. At that time, it was common for people to travel to a state to marry, and return to celebrate with family and friends.

For wedding-related businesses, gay marriages represent a growth market. Gaining a toehold requires spreading the word you’re open to LGBT weddings — and not just doing it for the money, said Annie Munk, who along with her wife Nicole Broberg rents photo booths for weddings.

“Couples need to feel comfortable with the person they’re working with and know that’s not going to be any judgment, or awkwardness or whispering behind the counter,” said Munk, owner of Utah Party Pix. As of last June, Gallup reported nearly a million Americans were in same-sex marriages. Also last June, the

Williams Institute released a report saying weddings by same-sex couples generated an estimated $1.58 billion boost to the national economy, and $102 million in state and local sales tax revenue in the first year of marriage equality.

The LGBT population has an estimated buying power of $884 billion annually, according to a report from Witeck Communications and the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

The rise of gay wedding expos, which have been around for more than a decade, is reflective of corporate America’s expanding embrace of the LGBT market, said Beck Bailey of the Human Rights Campaign.

U.S. News & World Report last year reported, “The Salt Lake City expo marked another step into the public sphere for an LGBT community in Utah that was relegated to the shadows, due in large part to a conservative culture rooted in a Mormon faith that teaches its members that acting on homosexual attraction is a sin.”

“Having an event like this out in the open shows how much we’ve changed,” said Sophia Hawes-Tingey, a transgender woman representing the Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. “Six years ago, there would have been a lot of public complaints. I haven’t heard one at all this time.” Q For more information on attending, exhibiting or sponsoring the event, go to UtahGayWeddingExpo.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

Salt Lake falls off ‘The Advocate’ Queerest Cities in America list There are no lesbian-only bars, trans pride festivals or parades, or gay rodeos in Salt Lake.

PWR BTTM is also not playing anywhere near the city. And Moonlight is only playing at two theaters, though neither are in Salt Lake City limits.

Those being much of the criteria for the annual Advocate Queerest Cities in America list means that Salt Lake City is nowhere to be found.

The tongue-in-cheek ranking of cities stirs up much controversy when cities in more conservative states rise to the top. Salt Lake City has been on the list five times and topped it in 2012.

“There are only a few true LGBT megalopolises in America — and that’s often by virtue of their sheer size,” says Matthew Breen, editor-in-chief of The Advocate. “What’s more fun, and

more illuminating, is to look at the queer quotient of some less-expected locales, using criteria that don’t focus on more expected factors.”

“We love sparking conversation in those places about what makes a city LGBT-friendly— and whether that city’s spot on the list is honestly earned.”

Advocate staff examined cities with more than 250,000 people, looking at nine “partly serious, partly silly” criteria.

Also on the list were gay rugby teams, LGBT centers and gay bowling teams. The raw score for each city was then divided by its population “to provide a ranking based on a per capita LGBT quotient.”

This year the top ranking goes to Jersey City. Several Florida cities made the list as well.

Las Vegas didn’t make it, but suburb Henderson did. Q

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Qmmunity OUR COMMUNITY’S BRIEFS

Marina Gomberg becomes new ‘Trib’ columnist The Salt Lake Tribune announced that Marina Gomberg will be a regular columnist, offering her perspective as, she wrote, “A lesbian, millennial and first time momma.”

She promises to “Tell you some stories.” She claims to be “A practicing optimist, professional communicator, and lover of love.”

Stories she has. Gomberg is board secretary and former board chair of Equality Utah and was development director at the Utah Pride Center, so she has been instrumental in the fight for LGBT civil rights.

She is associate director of communication and marketing for the University of Utah College of Fine Arts. Previously she was in the communications business at The Summit Group in Salt Lake. She resides in Salt Lake City with spouse, Eleanor, and their new child.

Big Gay Fun Bus celebrates Mardi Gras all the way to Wendover Wendover, hide your husbands. And your wives! TWO bus fulls of boys and girls bedecked with baubles and beads will invade the casinos of West Wendover Nevada on Saturday, Feb. 25. They leave at noon from Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South and return that night by 9:30 p.m. Show up at 11 a.m. at Off Trax next door for breakfast, coffee and sodas and mingle with the crowd before they go.

Several games of bingo for great prizes like restaurant certificates, gift cards, theater tickets and more will keep you entertained for the whole trip.

Tickets are $25 and include an all-youcan-eat prime rib, seafood and international food buffet, $7 in free play, $5 in lucky bucks, a free drink and more. These buses fill up quick, so get your tickets in advance at BigGayFunBus.com/tickets.

Alternative Garden Club expounds on hardscapes Find out how “hardscapes” — patios, decks, planters, and retaining walls — can add to the beauty of outdoor space while making it more usable for entertaining and relaxing.

Join the Alternative Garden Club at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, February 1 for a presentation on hardscapes. The presentation will be at the club’s monthly meeting held at the Garden Center in Sugar House Park.

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

The Alternative Garden Club is a friendly society for LGBT persons and straight allies interested in learning more about gardening and the natural environment. It meets the first Wednesday of each month at the Garden Center in Sugar House Park.

Annual membership is $20, but newcomers are always free to come check out the club and meet the group.

For more information, contact altgardenclub@gmail.com or go to their Facebook page at bit.ly/altgarden.

QUAC teaches old dogs new tricks QUAC (Queer Utah Aquatics Club) says the Centers for Disease Control estimate 37 percent of American adults cannot swim the length of a pool. So QUAC is doing something about it by offering Adult Learn-to-Swim lessons and coaching.

The club’s hope is that once an adult learns to swim or improves swimming skills, they will have the confidence and desire to continue swimming in a Masters Swimming program and experience the lifelong benefits of cardiac health, muscle tone and development and self confidence with can come from swimming.

QUAC meets at Fairmont Aquatic Center 1044 E. Sugarmont Drive (2225 South) three times a week. The Adult Learn-toSwim program will be offered Tuesdays and Thursdays 7–8 p.m., and Sundays 11 a.m. to noon.

To participate, register and show up at Fairmont AC with a towel, swim suit and goggles (goggles may be purchased at the Fairmont Desk or there may be loaners available). Lessons are free, a Fairmont day pass is $5 per or you can buy a monthly QUAC Pass.

See quacquac.org for more details.

Equality Utah to host community advocate training at SL Library Equality Utah is training community advocates and citizen lobbyists to learn how Utah Legislature works. The free session is February 1, from 6 to 9 p.m. at the Salt Lake City Library Main Branch, 200 E and 400 South. Novices, as well as seasoned community advocates are welcome to attend.

Utah’s leading LGBT community PAC will provide updates about potential upcoming legislation related to civil liberties, reproductive freedom, and equality. The presenters will also share tips on how to be engaged in the legislative process and ensure that LGBT voices are heard throughout the legislative session.

Details: see bit.ly/communitylobbying or call 801-355-3479

Mike Evenson matching UAF donations made through Jan. 31 The Utah AIDS Foundation encourages you to “Donate Now and You Can Double Your Impact.” The Foundation’s End of Year Donation Match Campaign has been very successful, and benefactor Mike Evensen has extended the deadline match for your donations through Jan 31st.

Says Evensen, “Together, let’s make our gifts a resounding declaration that trumpets our love and values in no uncertain terms. United, we are at our strongest” Gifts may be made in memory of a loved one or in someone else‘s name. The UAF will send a letter acknowledging your gift and to the individual named..

To donate, before January 31, go to utahaids.org/donors/ make-a-financial-donation/ and follow the donation path.

Donations can be mailed or delivered to the Utah AIDS Foundation at 1408 S 1100 E, Salt Lake City, UT 84105.

Call 801-487-2323 or 800-865-5004 with questions.

Utah Gay Chamber first Friday social at Wiscombe Memorial The Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce will host February’s First Friday Social at Wiscombe Memorial, located at 47 S. Orange Street B5. Wiscombe Memorial is a preferred choice of families since 1991.

Now providing funeral, cremation and memorial services for families in Utah.

They have listened to the needs of families over the years to provide cost affordable services without compromising our quality of care.

The social is co-sponsored by Universal Heart Ministry, which provides a wide variety of non-denominational, heart-based spiritual services.

Bring your business cards for a great networking opportunity, and a chance to support our Chamber members. Everyone is invited and you are welcome to bring friends.

UtahGayChamber.com

Men Who Move will Cha-Cha-Chá To get you in the mood for Valentines, Men Who Move will learn three dances and practice them with each other: Swing, Two Step and Cha-Cha-Chá. A professional DF Dance Studio teacher will guide through the first hour and then participante can practice in the second hour. The cost is $18 per person. Friday, February 10 from 7–9 p.m. at 2978 S. State Street.

Details at bit.ly/MenChaCha

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

© LITTLESTAR

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

quotes GEORGE MICHAEL changed the world of music forever.

The star , who often had a turbulent personal life, shot to fame as one half of Wham! in the 1980s. The duo went on to international fame and when George launched his solo career, he too found huge global fame. He died on Christmas Day, 2016.

Here are eight of the music icon’s best quotes.

“I still believe that music is one of the greatest gifts that God gave to man.”

“I’m surprised that I’ve survived my own dysfunction, really.”

“I’ve achieved what every artist wants, which is that some of their work will outlive them.”

“It helps if you have a beard as it covers a multitude of sins. It really does.”

“Everything was going my way. I was happily marching into the history books.

Then it all just fell apart.”

“The most horrific thing that happened was that I was photographed with my shirt off and I was fat. Can you imagine two worse things than being fat and gay?”

“There is no such thing as a reluctant star. Stars are almost always people that want to make up for their own weaknesses by being loved by the public and I’m no exception to that.”

“It’s important to me that I should be free to express myself.”

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

What’s love got to do with it?

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

I hate

Valentine’s Day. First of all, the guy was beaten to death with clubs before having his head chopped off. Does that really call for the mass buying of chocolates? Plus there’s the whole forced Hallmark romance of it all.

Here’s the issue: most of the gay men that I know aren’t all that romantic. Kelly especially is not romantic. He doesn’t like cut flowers since they’re just going to die.

He loves chocolate, but has no self-control so he’ll eat the entire box in one sitting, making himself sick. He doesn’t enjoy fancy restaurants. As for sexy underwear, save the receipt.

But what’s love got to do with all of that?

Absolutely nothing.

That’s because love comes without ribbons, it comes without tags; it comes without packages, boxes or bags.

Maybe it has to do with LGBT people having to fight so hard for the right to love whom we choose that has left a bad Valentine’s Day taste in my mouth. After all, we celebrate our love every day — hell, we even have a parade every June to show the world our love.

Run-of-the-mill life can be a drag on any relationship. Add nearly three decades and two kids to the mix and romance takes on a whole new look. The other night, when we were alone in the car, I asked Kelly a question. Even though I’m pretty sure he rolled his eyes, he was smart enough to recognize in my tone that it was a serious inquiry. I asked him if he thought we were in love or if after all these years together we were merely comfortable with each other.

His answer actually surprised me: Both.

Now I’ve been in corporate communications long enough to recognize that

the question is equally as important as the answer. Actually, how the person answering the question interprets it influences his response. So when I said “comfortable,” I wanted to know if we were just too lazy and fearful of the unknown to leave each other for greener pastures.

But he interpreted it to mean “cozy” and “happy.” So yes, he argued we are not only in love, but we are happy. Come to think of it, we once knew a lesbian couple, who secretly nicknamed us Chris and Cozy.

It’s this comfort in each other and in us as a couple that means we can treat this random day in February laden with false romance as just another random day. It doesn’t have to be the greeting card industry’s official day for us to express our love for each other.

I see how much he loves me in the little every day actions he takes.

How he irons my shirts.

How he makes the boys breakfast and gets them ready for school while I’m at the gym. How he takes the dog out one last time each night so I can go to bed earlier.

So no bouquet of flowers or box of cherry cordials can make me think anything but that he loves me. Yes, there is comfort in that. It’s comfortable knowing he’s a good father to our kids. It’s comfortable understanding that he thinks I am as well.

And there’s a different level of comfort in hearing him snore next to me every night (he claims I snore as well, but I have no proof), or how he never misses Ellen and how he’s a disciple of her philosophy of kindness.

Yeah, I’ll take the comfort of kindness over silk boxers any day.

What’s love got to do with being comfortable? Absolutely everything. Q

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

queer shift

Unattractive — SHIFT I know

BY CHARLES FROST

this is the Valentine’s Day/February issue, and we should all be writing about lovely love, rapturous romance, and ultimate happiness, however I would like to explore the opposite, which is rather typical of me.

There’s plenty of other columns in this issue to quench your romance needs.

For over a decade I have closely followed the Law of Attraction. I have attended many a workshop, read numerous books, listened to speeches and TED talks, even written and delivered presentations on the topic. I am a believer. I have tested the law, and it has worked for me numerous times — not always, but enough to make me a follower.

Hand-in-hand with the Law of Attraction is the Law of Allowance, having acute self-awareness, plenty of patience, and being on the lookout for the people and things that lead you to getting what you are trying to attract in your life.

Everyone strives to be a good person, kind, caring and compassionate. But for some people, that’s not always the case; all of us (myself included) have to self-check some very unattractive personality characteristics. There are many behaviors or bad habits that people possess that make them seem unattractive, annoying or someone that nobody wants to associate with, let alone consider falling in love. Some of the behaviors I’m talking about and observe both in myself and in others in the queer community are as follows. So seriously consider, have a talk with yourself, write down your honest feelings, and ask yourself (thinking about only you, and not about others that may also have some of the very same unattractive characteristics) if any of these ring true. If you happen to realize that you embody any of them — quit! You might find your circle of friends grow once you do, not to mention the potential for romance, if you are looking for it.

YOU ARE SELF-ABSORBED

YOU HAVE TO BE THE BOSS

Many people do this without realizing it. You focus solely on yourself, talk only about yourself, and often don’t care what others around you have to say. You think you’re the only one that matters. If this is you, it’s time to change. No one wants friends who only cares about themselves.

In a group of friends, everyone should be on an equal playing field. If you’re the one always making decisions, constantly needing to be in charge, or trying to control what others are doing, you’re acting in an unattractive way.

YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH OUTER BEAUTY, IGNORING WHAT’S INSIDE

When it comes to being a great friend, or someone whom others want to be around, you need to be honest. Many people who partake in ugly behaviors are often dishonest, lying about everything, inquiring about every question asked about them, and how they truly feel about different things. Yes, honesty is the best policy.

Surprisingly, true beauty comes from within your heart, body and soul. Your physical appearance isn’t something that matters the most, but people with unattractive behaviors think that outer beauty is all that matters. Take a look in the mirror — deep within yourself — and you might see what lies beneath. An ugly person. Unless you change your way of thinking.

YOU ARE EXORBITANTLY COMPETITIVE Are you the person who has to be better than everyone else, see more, do more?

If so, you’re an unattractive person. You should care more about your friends, and let them have their moment. If they overcame their fear of heights and climbed 10 feet in the air, don’t say, “That’s all? I’ve climbed 30 feet!” Instead say, “Wow! That’s awesome. I’m really proud of you.”

YOU VIEW YOUR FRIENDS AS ENEMIES People who are seen as unattractive are often in fights with their friends. Instead of banning together and truly being able to care for others, you’re always turning your back, and stabbing them in theirs. Your friends are not your enemies. They are your allies.

YOU QUESTION YOUR SIGNIFICANCE TO OTHERS You are definitely an unattractive person when you constantly question why others don’t see you as important as you think they should. For instance, your two friends went somewhere without you — it doesn’t matter to them — but to you it does. Get over it. They’re still your friends, and their lives don’t stop when you’re not around.

YOU ARE DISHONEST

YOU ARE RUDE If you’re the person that’s frequently impolite, offensive or embarrassing your friends with your rude comments in public — quit. You’re not someone people would want to be around. There are going to be times when you don’t agree with someone, or see something you didn’t want to see, but there’s no point in making a scene, because you’re making everyone look at your terrible behavior and they’re not seeing what you’re seeing.

YOU ARE UNRELIABLE, YET DEPENDENT ON OTHERS Are you there when your friends call for help? Or are you always busy when someone needs you? If you’re the person no one can count on, that’s an unattractive quality in friendships. Similarly, if you’re the one always calling for help from others, yet never offering yours when they need it, that’s another unattractive quality that no one wants in a friend.

YOU ARE ALWAYS NEGATIVE Pessimism is not an attractive quality. If you’re constantly putting things down, or seeing situations in a negative light, try and change your attitude. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who’s constantly seeing the negative instead of the positive. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

creep of the month

North Carolina Republican Party As 2016

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

circles the drain of history, there is perhaps no better poster child for how totally terrible last year was politically than North Carolina.

As you may remember, Republicans passed for HB2, a bill that outlawed protections for LGBTQ people across the state and also went out of its way to tell trans people that they weren’t welcome in public restrooms.

When Gov. Pat McCrory, R-Defeated, signed the bill he didn’t realize he was also signing his own pink slip. But in a very close race for governor, Democrat Roy Cooper, who refused to support HB2 as attorney general, beat McCrory. A small bright spot in an otherwise disastrous election! McCrory didn’t think so, however, and fought the election results, lie-crying about voter fraud.

McCrory’s defeat was in large part to the utter economic clusterfuck HB2 caused the state. For some strange reason companies, sports ball organizations, and people who have any sense of decency thought that flagrantly endorsing and celebrating discrimination against LGBT people was something they could just not get behind. The NCAA, for example, yanked their championship games from the state, which pissed a lot of people off.

And so Republicans were freaking out that Cooper won, so much so that they’ve rushed through a bunch of bills limiting the governor’s power because they love democracy so much. Not only that, but so sad was the GOP about McCrory’s defeat that they briefly tossed around the idea of giving him health care for life as a consolation prize (that is not a joke).

But somehow, in all of this, HB2 was supposed to be repealed. Because the Republicans said that if the city of Charlotte, who caused all of this trouble in the first place, would repeal its pro-LGBTQ ordinance, that they would repeal HB2! And surely they should be taken at their word, right? So Charlotte did! And the Republicans did NOT. “HB2 is precisely why North Carolinians

went to the polls and ousted Gov. McCrory last month,” HRC President Chad Griffin said in a statement. “It’s time to chart a new course guided by the state’s values of dignity and respect, not discrimination and hate -- and to ensure non-discrimination protections exist in cities, towns and across the state of North Carolina.”

Alas, HB2 was not repealed and is still on the books in North Carolina.

Add all of this to the fact that the state’s voting districts were found to be totally racist and intended to keep Republicans in power plus the increasingly popular GOP pastime of voter suppression, and the Electoral Integrity Project has declared that NC isn’t even a functioning democracy! Congratulations, North Carolina! You did it!

Needless to say, what’s happening in North Carolina is not encouraging if you’re the democracy-loving type. But it’s a glimpse into what happens when politicians get drunk with power and care very little about preserving democratic norms.

Not that we have anything to worry about in that regard from a Trump administration, right?

Just kidding. We are doomed.

Just kidding again. We are NOT doomed.

But progressives have a lot of work to do in 2017 and beyond. Things are going to get uglier. But throwing your hands up and saying F-this is not an option.

Stay engaged even when it hurts (and it WILL hurt at times). Get involved with organizations that are doing work you care about. The ACLU, Lambda Legal, Planned Parenthood, NAACP, People for the American Way, to name a few, could use your time and dollars. Call and keep calling your representatives to hold them accountable. Find a candidate you believe in and work for their campaign. Donate your time to your local Democratic Party.

And vote. For the love of god and all things holy, VOTE Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @ MamaDWitkowski.

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22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

lambda lore

Sex and the city in the ’60s In the

BY BEN WILLIAMS

spring of 1960 Salt Lake City Mayor J. Bracken Lee firing the moral extremist Chief of Police, W. Cleon Skousen, for insubordination. With Skousen’s exit, the secular crusade against homosexuality ended. However, instead of filling the court dockets and city jails with homosexuals, the 1960’s concentrated primarily on prostitution, pornography, as well as vice in general.

Rose Carrier, who for the next 40 years was an ally and mother figure to the homosexual community, especially in the Royal Court, and began working at the Radio City Lounge as a bartender in 1960. The bar was owned by two straight businessmen, Lee Caputo and Elvin Gerrard, and was a straight bar during the day and a gay bar at night. During the 1950’s Salt Lake City passed an ordinance barring dancing in a beer bar which continued through much of the 1960’s.

The University of Utah’s Fall’s literary magazine, The Pen, published Utah’s first nonjudgmental description of same-sex persons in a homoerotic relationship: “A Corner of Winter” by author, Robert Foster, who was a heterosexual undergraduate student who also published poetry about his romantic love for women, wrote in the piece: “He just said, Lawrence and I are in love and we will probably go away to Paris together. In fact he was sure. I did not know what to do. I did not feel like running, or being surprised, or anything.

I just felt like saying alright. The two of them never kissed in front of me or touched. I just walked along with them and they took me with them most places.”

The Salt Lake Tribune police report had little sex crimes to report in 1960 and 1961.

One in 1961 mentioned the police anti-vice squad arresting six men and six women who were members of a “sunbathing group.” They were charged with “lewdness” in January but it wasn’t until October that the Tribune reported an article on homosexuality — and that was a national item.

The Tribune reported that the Motion Picture Association of America announced that it would permit homosexuality to be “treated with care, discretion, and restraint” in feature films which the Hayes Censorship Code had not permitted. It was in response to director

Otto Preminger’s announcement by that he expected the MPAA to cooperate with his intention to film homosexual scenes involving the Mormon character in the novel “Advise and Consent.” This changed opened Hollywood to have more adult themes movies.

As 1962 began, on January 1, Illinois became the first state to eliminate its sodomy laws and establish the age of consent for sex at 18. Illinois had earlier in 1961 changed their state criminal code to eliminate the state’s consensual sodomy laws but the change did not become effective until 1962.

In the summer of 1962, a New Yorker named Randy Wicker, who was influenced by the Black Civil Rights struggles in the South, felt stifled by the Mattachine Society of NY, a homophile organization. So he created the Homosexual League of New York. Then, when WBAI radio had broadcast a panel of psychiatrists who espoused that homosexuality was a mental illness, Wicker persuaded the station manager to put him and several other openly gay people on the air to “rap” about their lives.

The 90-minute program, believed to be the first in the United States, aired in July.

At the beginning of the 1962 fall term at Brigham Young University, Mormon Apostles Spencer W. Kimball and Mark E. Petersen met with the university president, Ernest Wilkinson, the school’s general counsel, Clyde Sandgren, the new dean of students, Elliott Cameron, and other university administrators to discuss the problem of homosexuals on campus.

The men decided that the number of homosexuals on campus was “a very small percentage of the whole” and therefore administrators “ought not to dignify it by meeting with the men and women of the university in a public setting but handle each case on its own.” They then worked out a plan whereby Mormon general authorities and other church administrators would give BYU any information they had obtained about homosexuality on campus and BYU in return would give church administrators information about homosexual church members. The men decided as a general policy that “no one will be admitted as a student at BYU whom we have convincing evidence is a homosexual.”

Shortly after this meeting, as newly appointed president of the West European Mis-

sion, Mark E. Petersen ruled that missionaries there had to sleep in separate beds and could no longer share a single bed. Those in Britain who housed missionaries complained of the financial hardship it caused them, but such complaints fell on deaf ears.

Also in the fall of 1962, the state of Utah and in particular Salt Lake City became alarmed at the growing number of sex offenses. Salt Lake police proposed that employers be notified when an employee has been arrested for a sex offense. The proposal was advanced as a means of protecting children from teachers and other adults suspected of sex crimes.

However the criminal section of the State Bar, chaired by Jim Matsunaga, opposed the plan as an invasion of constitutional rights to privacy. They suggested the law would give police the power to pass judgment without trial and agreed the proposal would bring more harm than good. The committee agreed an accused should have the right to trial before his employment is jeopardized by police action.

At this same time in early November, the Tribune printed the arrest of a 37-year-old man “arrested in a Liberty Park restroom and charged with being a disorderly person.” After this time it became quite common to see the names of people arrested at Liberty Park in the paper. People who had their names printed in the paper in conjunction with disorderly arrests were in fact now being convicted by public opinion before a trial.

Also in November a state convention of the Utah Committee on Children and Youth was held at the State Capitol to discuss the problem of pornography and possible action to curb it. They asked the Utah Legislature to tighten the state’s lewdness and obscenity statutes and amend the current law to provide more protection against sale of obscene material to persons less than 18 years of age.

The convention proposed a bill that would provide penalties against the introduction of material into “family or school” when the material is obscene by the standards of the average person in Utah communities.

In response to the public perception that sex offenses among youth were on the rise, in December the Salt Lake City Police Department created a special squad in the department’s youth bureau. Until the creation of this special squad, sex offenses involving juveniles were handled by the youth bureau, while homosexual offenses were handled by the vice squad, and cases involving rape were investigated by either homicide detail or the youth bureau. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

guest editorial

Stink, Stank, Stunk: 7 of 2016’s biggest Grinches

FACEBOOK

BY MIKEY ROX

From

wayward politicians and Olympians to dangerous cults and corporations, this year had all the tenderness of a seasick crocodile. But before we bid adieu to 12 beleaguered months that we’re all eager to send packing, let’s vilify once more these seven Grinches with hearts (and other appendages) three sizes too small.

SCIENTOLOGY Three years after Leah Remini publicly cut ties with the Church of Scientology (of which she was a member for more than 30 years), the actress continues her crusade to expose the underbelly of the “religion,” which culminated in November with the premiere of the explosive docu-series _Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath_, currently airing on A&E. Through interviews with other ex-members, the reality program provides new details on what appears to be commonplace violence and harassment through the ranks; makes shocking revelations about the church’s policy on shunning anyone suspicious of Scientology and its opposition to same-sex relationships; reveals gross abuses of power by leader David Miscavige, and shows harrowing glimpses of its cult-like brainwashing abilities.

DONALD TRUMP Every week it seems President-Elect Trump is embroiled in a new controversy, the flames of which are fanned by his famously thin skin and a strange affinity for stream-of-consciousness social

– of whom we should really be afraid.

media usage. If he wasn’t degrading women, he was practicing xenophobia, and if he ran out of steam in those regards, it was because he was busy choosing anti-LGBT cabinet members while taking potshots at the United States military. By all accounts, he’s the thinking person’s worst nightmare – most of whom will spend the next four years with their heads under the covers.

DEATH They say the only two certainties in life are death and taxes – and 2016 gave us a long list of famous people who no longer have to pay taxes. This year we said goodbye to some of the most prolific people on the planet (many of them allies to the LGBT community), including (but not limited to) David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, Garry Marshall, Florence Henderson, Elie Wiesel, Alexis Arquette, Gene Wilder, and Anton Yelchin.

THE ALT-RIGHT This election year gave us myriad new concepts to bear, like how Russia is very much involved in our politics. But perhaps the most disturbing was the rise of the alt-right, whose ideology is firmly planted in white nationalism (and homophobia; don’t let ’em fool ya), even if the cowards behind the movement won’t admit as much.

Far more frightening than a journey to 2020 with a Commander-in-Queef at the helm, it’s this group of “young rebels” – like traitor-to-ourcause Milo Yiannopoulos, a gay conservative “journalist”

Buzzfeed News made an astonishing discovery last month: Fake clickbait headlines on Facebook hooked users more often than real headlines. In fact, Facebook users engaged with farcical election-related headlines – most of which were either anti-Clinton or pro-Trump, says CBS News – with a share, like or comment more than 8.7 millions times while real news from legitimate sources garnered engagement fewer than 7.4 million times.

What does this prove, you ask?

Something you already know: We’re a nation full of idiots, and now they’re in charge.

DAKOTA ACCESS If Dakota Access, the energy company responsible for a proposed underground oil pipeline from North Dakota to Illinois, had its way, it would have bulldozed tribal land of the Standing Rock Sioux while waving its middle finger in the rearview mirror. But despite bringing in a security

force with attack dogs to goad environmental protesters into submission, the Army Corps of Engineers eventually denied easement of the line, declaring the land off limits while alternative routes are investigated.

RYAN LOCHTE Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte, who endeared himself to the nation during the 2012 Games with his every-bro demeanor and doofus-y grin, made us collectively regret that he was ever issued a passport when he falsely claimed that he and three other American swimmers were robbed at gunpoint in Rio de Janeiro. While surveillance video of what really went down that drunken night at a Brazilian gas station didn’t bode well for anyone involved – guns were actually drawn – his “over-exaggerated” retelling of the events had us wishing he’d swim back under the rock he came out of.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

Valentines

Wendy

You treat me like a Unicorn Even when I’m an Ass.

Bridgette — ♥—

Jimbo

There is nobody else I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to

Pookie

Danny — ♥—

Ryan Reynolds

Hey Ry Ry, HAPPY V DAY, my love. I can’t wait to spend another year with you. I just love the way you say cute things like “how did you get this number?” And “stop calling, I’m married.” You fill my heart with so much joy. And that booty tho.

Jackson Carter — ♥— Spencer

Fuck Valentines Day. I love you every day.

Gustav — ♥—

Jenny Ray (user)

This is a special VDay as it is our 20th yr to celebrate together. I can honestly say there is no else in the universe I would rather spend the day w/ other than my BFF and now wife. I love you user!

Hey what are you getting me for 20 yrs? ;)

Anna Ray (user too) — ♥—

My Sexy History Lover

You’re not my supervisor, but I think I’ll keep you around.

Justin

— ♥—

Jared

Wishing you a very special Valentine’s Day. I hope this year brings us love, happiness, and a step or two closer to our goals. ~ Je t’aime beaucoup mon lion.

Ton lapin gentil.

Tyson

— ♥— Kelly

After 29 Valentine’s Days, I still choo choo choose YOU!

Christopher — ♥— Nick Valdez

Thank you for being the Greatest husband and father.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Mike, Angel & Adalyn Valdez — ♥— Theresa

You have taken my heart and made it thrive!

I love you and treasure you in my life!

Wendy Pokie — ♥— Jeffrey J.L. Aun

My beloved, nearly 2 years ago you sat next to me on the Big Gay Fun Bus. In fact, you fell asleep on me!

A year later our love blossomed!

You are my dear companion now & forever.

We’ve shared a fantastic first year and this is just the beginning. Thank you opening me up to many new experiences and sharing everything with me. I love you more deeply than I thought I knew how to. I’m looking forward to another adventure filled Year side by side with the man I love!

Rob

— ♥— Tony

Sue — ♥—

Brandon Blackledge Davis

You are my love, my comforter, a spiritual advisor. Your soul touches mine and I feel peace and joy. I am giddy like a schoolgirl when I hear your voice. I love you now and forever. You are my confidiant, my best friend and my home.

Brenda Chambers — ♥—

Andrea Hansen

I have only 120 words to write how I feel about you. I only need three.

I love you!

Bailly inlay

Theresa

You have taken my heart and made it thrive!

I love you and treasure you in my life!

Sue

I love you anyway.

AJ

— ♥— Jacob

I love you like zombies love brains.

Mike — ♥— World

Valentines Day and Black History Month remind me how lonely and white I am.

Scott

LOVE & DATING | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

Great Salt Lake dates

We asked people on our Facebook page where the best places are for a first date.

Here is what our community believes:

MICHAEL AARON: Lunch at the Pub Trolley Square, wander to Gilgal Gardens, drive up to the top of Capitol Hill and view the valley, decide if you want to hike to Ensign Peak.

CARIL JENNINGS: Ogden: drive up Ogden Canyon and around the reservoir. Order a burger and a beer at the Shooting Star.

Drive back down the canyon. If they enjoyed the landscape, the drive, the oldest bar in Utah, and your conversation in the car, plan a hike up Waterfall Canyon next.

If they didn’t enjoy it, lose them.

CONNELL O’DONOVAN: Natural History Museum and Red Butte Gardens, or brunch at Ruth’s Diner and hike around Silver Lake at Brighton

ERIN VAN BERKEL: I like to grab pizza and go bowling or to play Putt-Putt... it’s kinda active, but allows you to talk and get to know each other.

JEFFREY WOOD: Hike up to the Living Room early or late, bring mimosas or cider and whiskey.

SHAUNA BROCK: Coffee at the Rose.

RUADHAN O’SHERIDAN: Natural History Museum of Utah in the afternoon and then dinner at the Pub or Suwadee. That leaves plenty of time for the ole slap and tickle if both parties are so inclined.

BRIEN K. JONES: Brunch Silver Fork Lodge. Hike around Silver Lake. Bonwood Bowling. Cocktails appies at The Vault at The Hotel Monaco.

QARL NAVALES: Ride the Front Runner, enjoy the view with to go lunches from local deli and maybe karaoke/drinks after or catch some pokemon.

CURTIS PRICE Church! (Brunch after.)

TREVOR CLUFF: I’m all about some good food (Squatters, Zest, Fiddlers, Mellow Mushroom or Wing Nutz are some of my

ARTISTS OF BALLET WEST | PHOTO BY BEAU PEARSON

JOSHUA JONAS KENT JONES Temple Square! Or Trolley Square, whatevs

favorites) and something like bowling, mini golf, shooting pool, local festival. Top Golf I’ve discovered makes an excellent date, lots of fun and great food/drinks. A double date literally cuts cost in half.

LANE GARDINIER: Food and drinks downtown, a green bike ride and UMOCA JUSTIN HUDSPETH :My favorite restaurant to take a first date is in bountiful, and it’s called thyme and season. Mostly because the food is great and the owner/chef is kind of mean but in a fun way. It creates an instant us versus him mentality and it’s a great bonding. Then we go back to my place and have a bottle wine. At least that’s how it worked out for my last first date REY MARTINEZ Comedy show to see if he has a good sense of humor on Main St. JACK WINWARD: Third Friday Bingo!

JOHN E. PRIEGNITZ II: Small plates and pool at Try-Angles. ;) JUSTIN HUDSPETH: Big Gay Fun Bus TONY SHIRLEY: Dinner at Dee’s and a dollar movie.

RON BARNESS Salt Flats 40 minutes before sunset. Q

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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

8 pieces of ridiculous relationship advice you should IGNORE

BY MIKEY ROX

Another

Valentine’s Day is sneaking up on us, and if you’re currently in a relationship, you’re probably acting a little more lovey-dovey than usual. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course — do you, I say — so long as it’s not a dog-and-pony show to cover up underlying relationship issues that you’d like to keep brushed under the rug. In that case, you may need couples’ counseling or fair-trade relationship advice from a friend.

What you don’t need, however, are these eight outdated tidbits that you’ve already heard but which only stand to exacerbate your problems. Take a look and steer clear.

1. Long-distance relationships never work out Meeting a guy who lived hundreds of miles away and falling hard for him seemed to be my M.O. for the first seven years of my dating career. After the first two long(ish)term relationships fizzled out — for reasons related to lack of intimacy (basically I cheated on them) — I finally met someone who made staying faithful despite the distance worthwhile. I don’t think I loved this person any more than I did the others — I consider myself rather in touch with my feelings, and I love hard (even though my actions don’t always prove that) — but with experience and age came wisdom.

For one, I didn’t like how I made the first two guys feel, one whose heart I broke in two, and I didn’t like how I felt about myself afterward — especially after they dumped me. The third time, however, I was determined to get it right, and it worked because it was the right relationship for me at the time. Despite the 300-plus miles between us, we scheduled time to see each other (on average, two weekends a month). We looked forward to that time together and the weekends were full of excitement and passion.

After a year and half of traveling back and forth we decided to move in together, and eventually we married. More on that later.

2. Never go to bed angry You’ve heard over and over again that you should never go to bed angry at your partner from your parents and grandparents, who claim to abide by this “rule” — but I call bull-

shit. In a perfect world, sure, we’d kiss and make up before falling into a comfortable slumber together, but sometimes our S.O.’s make us so fucking mad that all we can think about in the moment is slipping them an Ambien and smothering them in their sleep.

(Real talk, y’all; don’t pretend you haven’t digressed to that space.) The underlying issue of this anti-logic, however, is that not all arguments can be resolved right away, and forcing yourself to extinguish your fiery feelings oftentimes only serves to distance yourself from the actual problem just so you’re not yelling at each other anymore. Thus, get it all out. If you need to scream at each other one night, go to bed angry, and dole out the silent treatment for the next few days, so be it.

Soon enough, cooler heads will prevail so you can really talk about what’s going on — and that’s the best thing for your relationship.

3. Holding out on sex will get their attention If you think withholding sex from your partner to get their attention is a smart move, prepare to have your feelings hurt — perhaps worse than you ever imagined. For starters, couples can be very stubborn toward one another, especially if each individual thinks they’re “right” in a situation. Then it becomes a battle of wills, and that’s not a healthy way to deal with the issues at hand. Secondly, your partner may misinterpret your unwillingness to connect sexually in many ways — for instance, that you’re not attracted to them anymore or you’re finding pleasure elsewhere — which could lead to retaliation tactics, like bangin’ a side trick for instant gratification.

You’ll regret your presumed power play at that point, but the damage will already be done. Avoid certain disaster by skipping the passive-aggressiveness body language and verbally discussing what’s bothering you.

4. Dote on your partner to keep them happy I’m all for doing nice things for your partner — I enjoy planning dates, cooking dinner and surprising mine with the occasional gift — but your efforts should be reciprocated for you to maintain satisfaction in your relationship. That doesn’t mean that you should expect your partner to do exactly what you do for them, but they should show

their appreciation for you in their own way from time to time. On the other hand, if your partner doesn’t put much effort into the relationship but takes advantage of all the nice things you do for him or her, ditch the dirtbag. You’ll save a lot of time, energy and heartache by leaving that leech.

5. “He’s a man. That’s just what they do” When my husband and I first moved in together as boyfriends a decade ago, our once-thriving long-distance relationship turned upside-down in our new cohabitation situation. We both had our own living styles, and to say they clashed is a gross understatement. My biggest gripe was that he never cleaned a single thing in the house. He didn’t make the bed or sanitize the bathroom or sweep the floor or even put the dishes in the dishwasher half the time — and it made me furious to the point that I started lashing out.

I discussed this problem with my friends and family, and all I heard was, “He’s just a man.”

This unanimous retort burned me to the core.

Why? Because I’m a goddamn man, too — but I’m also a grown-ass person who doesn’t live like a slob. This approach to mansplaining applies to many aspects of masculine culture, like dudes’ desire to cheat, too. I can’t say I’m completely innocent in that regard, but I would never tell somebody it’s just what I do because I’m a man. I cheated because I was being an inconsiderate asshole — end of story. Thus, the faster you shut down the “all guys act this way” bullshit and maintain your high expectations, the better off you’ll be.

6. Keep some things to yourself so you don’t seem crazy I’m married but on my way to an amicable divorce — which might make you question why I’m handing out relationship advice

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LOVE & DATING | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

your feelings got hurt or they did something to piss you off, step back, breathe and remember why you want to be in this.

It’ll make all the difference.

8. Move on if they don’t want to get married like snack-size Kit-Kats. Well, I’ll tell you: I’ve been through it ALL in the past 10 years with my husband, and as someone who prides himself on living and learning and trying to avoid the same mistakes again, I think I’m more than qualified to dispel advice from my experiences.

One of the most important things I can impart unto you is to always be your authentic self in your relationship from the very beginning. If you get a little crazy sometimes — fuck it — let that shit show. Your partner will eventually see that side of you anyway, and it’s better to spread your undiagnosed bipolar disorder all over the table so everybody knows what they’re getting into from the start. From there, you two can decide if the relationship is worth pursuing or if you’re better off without each other — a decision that’s only made that much harder with time.

7. If you’re unhappy, leave If your relationship is irreparable, I recommend cutting your losses and going your separate ways — but that’s not an endorsement to be hasty. Couples get angry at one another, annoy each other, and fight. That’s the byproduct of loving someone so much. But that doesn’t mean you should throw it all away because you’ve made each other unhappy. If your overall outlook on life is dismal because of your partner, yes, it’s time to reevaluate your togetherness, but if

My husband and I have been separated for about two years, divorce is imminent, and I consider myself a one-and-done kinda guy now. That’s not to say I’ll never get married again, but I’d prefer not to. My boyfriend (yep; not ashamed of it, either) may feel differently in a few years — he’s never been married before — but I’ve been honest with him from day one about my circumstance and why another marriage may not be in my future. Nonetheless, if he wants to tie the knot down the road and I’m still anti-nuptials, it shouldn’t mean that I love him or am committed to him any less than I am now; I just don’t want to go through the emotional and legally messy uncoupling process again. I did it, I learned my lesson, and now I need to be smarter.

Therefore, if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married, don’t sacrifice the love and commitment just because they’re not willing to get a certificate to prove it. They have their reasons for refusing to say “I do,” and if your relationship is solid, you’ll get through it. If you need a marriage to be fully satisfied, however, maybe this isn’t the right person for you. Your constant quest to be joined in matrimony will eventually degrade the relationship until there are very few reasons to stay together. In that case, count your blessings — because it was never meant to be in the first place. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

10 rules for asking someone out for a first date in the age of Grindr and Tinder Now that

marriage equality is the law of the land, it is time for our community to learn how to date properly.

Two guys interested in each other romantically can stumble over those initial bumps in the road to romance and even marriage. Who asks who what, and when? With so many definitions of what makes a relationship, with open debate on the importance of legalized marriage or whether or not to be monogamous, it can be overwhelming to even think of how to ask someone out on a simple, old-fashioned date. And despite the prevalence of so many ways to find sex online, there are still a lot of us who prefer the good ol’ dinner and a movie.

We certainly don’t know the secrets to living happily ever after, but we do have some pointers for how to at least properly meet someone. Hint: good manners are always a good idea.

you want to go on a date them, ask them out 1. Ifwith

Welcome to the 21st Century, when straight women are empowered enough to ask men out. That means no one, gay or straight, should wait around to be asked.

Perhaps you are shy, and that is a challenge, but everyone is scared of rejection. In fact, is selfish to expect someone else to always take the risk. And telling them, “Here is my number, text me if you want to go out sometime” is so depressingly passive, it does not deserve them giving you a response. Don’t be a wimp.

2.

If you take the initiative to ask them out, have a plan of what you want to do

It was your idea to ask, so you should actually have an idea of a place to go. Asking them to go out, and then following it with the question “So where do you want to go?” or “When?” is the worst. They may not have been thinking about going out with you, and suddenly placing the responsibility on them to come up with a plan is stressful and rude. If you can’t think of someplace to go, it suggests that perhaps you are, sorry to say, boring.

If you offer the vague, noncommittal “Let’s go out 3. sometime,” and they agree, you

have three more texting encounters to finally make a suggestion

Asking someone to get together “sometime,” but never finding the time to do it, means you are always finding other activities you would rather do than go out with them on that date you suggested. So hurry up and make a commitment.

into marriage.

You made them wait, so take off your hoop skirt.

It is your turn to ask.

If you ask them and they decline, you can certainly try 4. again (and you should, life is short), but it is their turn to ask you

Perhaps they don’t want to, which is a bummer but life goes on. Or, perhaps your first invitation was very casual, so ask a second time with a more specific suggestion. At least you tried. If they want to pursue any sort of connection — on a date, as friends, whatever — they need to meet you halfway. Never chase anyone.

Sadly, there are people in this world who will keep sending you “What’s up” text messages only because they seek attention more than they seek affection.

If you asked them out, they said yes, and you agreed on 5. a day/night of the week, always have a plan set before you go to bed the night before

Even if it is a quick message of “I get off at work around __, I will text you then,” that is enough to let them know you remembered, and you respect the fact that they can’t wait around for you all day. And for God’s sake, remember Rule #2.

If they ask you out and you want to meet, but you already 6. have plans for the time they suggest, then offer another time.

Suggest something immediately, during that conversation. “I am busy on Friday.

How about Saturday?” Boom. Done. If you aren’t sure of your schedule, of course you have the right to take a day or two to get back to them. But if you turn them down, and then a week or two later you text them, “I’m not busy now!”… good for you. Their invitation has expired. You are not living in a Tennessee Williams drama, a southern belle sitting on your porch, sipping tea and welcoming gentlemen callers to woo you

7.

Stop sending countless texts and “smiles” and “woofs” on hookup sites to young, complimenting them simply for being young and beautiful

The now-lost Carrie Fisher wisely said, “Youth and beauty are not accomplishments,” and she perfectly summed up the crisis that has engulfed our community’s next generation.

In years past, young gay men and lesbians (and all youth in the LGBT community) suffered without a support system to guide them as they learned how to become adults. When once we treated them with indifference, we now threaten them with overindulgence, as it is so easy to endlessly compliment them for doing nothing other than taking a selfie.

Sending a 21-year-old a “smile” on Adam4Adam or a “woof” on Scruff is nothing more than a fleeting thought, an effortless gesture; but those messages add up in their inboxes, and eventually those lovely young men think they somehow deserve the attention provided by the lists of men who apparently think they are special.

These boys and girls have learned to view the outside world from the perspective of their identities as sexual objects, and

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FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

when someone innocently attempts to speak to them as actual adult humans, it is presumably yet another tiresome attempt to have sex. Or, they become offended when they realize it isn’t. Either way, no one wins. Save your compliments for the people, young or old, who you actually know and like. Compliments should be part of an actual conversation.

introductory phone conversation can tell you 8. An

a lot about them in just minutes.

Cell phone technology has ruined the experience of talking on the phone, with garbled voices and never finding a convenient moment for both persons to talk.

Endless texting, with the “What’s up” and “What do you like to do for fun” and “What are you into” questions, is no way to get to know a person. Speaking requires you

to contribute to the conversation. So talk on the phone at least once, just for a few minutes, before you meet. Schedule a time, turn off your TV, sign out of Facebook, turn on some background music, and chat about your day. If you need something to do while you talk, fold some laundry or something similarly mindless. Then say “Thank you,” make a plan to go on a date (or don’t), and hang up and go on with your life. Meeting for the first time and being confronted with what they really look like and acts like AND sounds like can be unnecessarily awkward. FYI, simply listening to a texted recording of their voice doesn’t count.

9.

Sending a text message in front of someone else is the same as having a secret conversation Imagine you are on a date. Someone walks up to your companion, they whisper something to each other, and they don’t tell you what they just talked about. Strange, yes? This is no different than being with someone while texting someone else.

Texting has become a social necessity, but your date has no idea if you are sending a message of “This person is so ugly and

boring” and you are planning an escape. Or perhaps they think you just got a message on Grindr or Tinder, and you’re texting back that you are on a date but can meet up for sex later. Even if it is an innocent message to your co-worker, isn’t your date important enough to put your phone away and pay attention for an hour? If it isn’t, perhaps you should leave and stop wasting their time. But remember: if you are always looking for something better, nothing will ever be good enough.

asked to go on the date, pays for the date 10. Whoever

Asking a person to meet you for a cup of coffee may not seem like a big deal, but still, buy them their stupid cup of coffee.

In a perfect world, with two adults who both have jobs, you would each pay for yourself all the time. Coffee Garden’s most expensive cup of coffee is under $6, so show a little panache and thank them for taking the time to meet you in person. If you ask them to La Caille for dinner, don’t expect them to pay for their half. They may not be able to afford it. Q

30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

Something greater than themselves

Joni Hales, left, and Jonica Whitmore met through friends eight years ago and married in September.

BY MIKKI ENOCH

When I

walked into the home of Joni Hales and Jonica Whitmore, Joni was preparing a bag for Andrew — their 29-year-old special needs son — to could go spend the night with a cousin while Jonica worked on dinner.

As I sat down to talk with the women, Andrew continued his preparation for his night out by shaving and checking with Mommy 2, Joni, to see if he reached all the whiskers on his face before he sat down to color as we spoke. Joni sat back on the sofa and extended the recliner legs to relax while Jonica curled up under a throw and held Joni’s hand throughout my visit.

Joni began with telling her side of meeting Jonica. They met eight years ago at a slumber party. Joni had returned to Salt Lake to regroup and wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship after burying her partner four or five years earlier. Then Jonica and her best friend walked in. Joni PHOTOS: HAYDEN PETERSON PHOTOGRAPHY

was friends with Jonica’s friend and they sat and talked. Joni’s first impression of Jonica was, “Oh, shit.”

“Because I wasn’t going to be raked over the coals by another female again … ever. I was done,” Joni said.

She describes herself as, “speaking alien.

I think anybody could understand what I said.” As the night wore on, Joni admits feeling crowded inside the small condominium went out to smoke and Jonica joined her outside where they talked about the weather. At the time, Jonica was still married to the father of her four children.

Two weeks later, at Joni’s 43rd birthday party, Jonica sat across from Joni. Joni describes having been cut off after three drinks and being pissed because she wasn’t drunk. So, she went outside to have a smoke and Jonica followed her “in a skirt, in winter … again.”

Jonica interjects emphatically, “This time it was intentional.”

Joni responds with a surprised, “It was?”

Laughter filed the room.

Jonica then begins to fill in her side of the story. She describes being oblivious at the party because she was distracted, worrying about a friend who was having trouble with her relationship because she “didn’t want to kick someone’s butt.”

Jonica said.

“I don’t know why she thought ‘Oh, shit.’ I was in sweats and t-shirt without makeup and my hair in a ponytail. Much like I am now.”

Joni smiled, “Beautiful, isn’t she?”

Then Jonica continues the story abouit their meeting at the birthday party. Again, her friend invited her to go and since it was close, she went. At one point, she was asked if she and her friend were a couple, her reply was, “No, no, no, I am just the convenient one she can take everywhere she wants to go. I think she [Joni] blushed at that point. I was safe as long as she thought I was in a relationship.”

After the party, Jonica and Joni began texting back and forth so much that Joni had to change her texting plan. Jonica connected immediately with Joni’s eyes.

“It was all-out knocked my socks off,” with her, Joni described. “My whole room was spinning … She is my true definition of a lady, a woman, a mother, a partner, of a wife. She is it.”

The women describe the first-time Andrew met Joni. Andrew pushed his way to her and hugged her. They also talk about how their lives have changed. Joni was never able to have children, but now she is a mother and grandmother.

“Jonica changed everything in my life.

My life started when I met her.”

Both women work at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Joni works procuring supplies to run the clinic. Jonica works directly with the patients. Their home life reflects this perspective of Joni providing so that Jonica may provide for others. Jonica works at nights and takes classes so that she can become a nurse. They don’t see much of each other. Joni spends much of her time with Andrew. These two mothers work to build the future they both want for themselves and their family.

The two women didn’t get here without trials but when they connected, they became one and fill each other’s lives with love and hope. Jonica says in the days before meeting Joni, she asked God to give her a reason to keep going on because she was unhappy with her first marriage. Then Joni

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walked into her life. They both say there seems to be something greater than themselves that brought them together.

It was eight years ago when

they met, and four years since they had a commitment ceremony before marriage was legal in the state. Last September they tied the knot for real. Q

QSaltLake readers suggest ways for those over 40 to meet and find a partner you like to do is a great place to start.”

Ruadhan O’Sheridan suggested that men might want to attend Gay Men Aloud, which meets at 6:30 p.m. at the First Baptist Church Monday evenings.

Speaking of First Baptist, pastor Curtis Price suggested attending church is a great way to meet potential partners.

They meet Sundays at 11 a.m.

Ann Clark agreed that a common bond is where you are most likely to find a compatible partner.

“I think at this age if you are doing something you enjoy, you can strike up conversation with someone who has similar interests. For me, that would be volunteering, a concert, play, or football game.

Some say that computer dating services have helped them.

Laura Allen Burgett said she met her current relationship of 7 months on Tinder.

Nicole Emma said it’s important to “get out of the house. Go places where there are other people who like things you do. Talk to people everywhere you go. Q

sunday

mar 26

UTAH

GAY & LESBIAN

WEDDING

EXPO

2017

BY MICHAEL AARON

I’ve been asked many times by lesbians and gay men over 40 how they can meet someone in this community in the hope of finding a partner to share the “golden years.” I put that question out on my Facebook wall and got some great answers.

Gina Fox of Utah Dog Park suggested volunteering.

“I meet the best single people in all of my different volunteer groups. Find something you care about and volunteer. I recycle for the Green Team and I’m on the planning committee for the Bowl for the Cure. Animal shelters need dog walkers.

The Ronald McDonald house always needs help with meals and other things. There’s a group that goes out and hands out burritos to the homeless.

All festivals are run with volunteers. Really the possibilities are endless.”

Community leader Sophia Jean Hawes-Tingey says she met her wife auditioning for The Vagina Monologues.

“We were both in our 40s.

I think getting out and being around people doing things

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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

A love that survived the test of time and distance

Ballet West Artistic Director Adam Sklute (left) and his partner of 24 years and husband, astrologer, actor and RulingPlanets.com owner Christopher Renstrom

BY JOSHUA JONAS JONES

“For

heterosexual couples, marriage has slowly evolved for centuries,” says Christopher Renstrom. “For gay men, we make it up as we go along, there is no ‘road map’ for us.”

Christopher and his partner, Adam Sklute, CEO and Artistic Director of Ballet West have forged a 24-year relationship.

The last ten years has been spent elevating the arts and making a home here in Utah.

Through it all, they’ve weathered rocky roads with patience and persistence and blazed their own trail.

In the early ’90s Christopher had lost his partner to AIDS. He was trying to find solace by donating time at God’s Love We Deliver, a nonprofit in New York City delivering meals to house-bound people with complications due to AIDS. It was there he met Adam, casually asking him as he walked in, “Do you want to help with bananas?”

“That is how it all started! And, yes, I probably got a little red in the face,” PHOTO BY CATHERINE KARNOW

remembers Christopher. “There was an instant spark.”

They had found themselves in the kitchen that day to find hope. Christopher, mending his shattered heart, while Adam was looking to find some sustenance for his soul. He was nearing the end of a bad relationship while trying to envision life after the Joffrey Ballet, where he was a dancer.

“I had committed my life to performing and could no longer see my future,” Adam said. His mind was so muddled he was considering going back to school to become an accountant.

Their conversations in the kitchen led to a date at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Adam remembers, “I was taking the bus and running late. As it got closer I saw him at the top of that grand marble staircase in front of the Met, peering at his watch and shaking his head.” Christopher laughs and counters, “I just remember you racing up those stairs!”

Roaming around New York City that afternoon, they discovered they grew up less

than an hour away from each other in the San Francisco area. Both came to the city to pursue their love of art: Adam in dance, and Christopher in theatre. They realized they’d even worked in some of the same nightclubs like the Roxy, Studio 54, and the Palladium, where Christopher did Tarot readings for VIPs and Adam danced in acts for some of the biggest artists of the time.

After dating a year, the two made a slow transition to sharing spaces. “We had a rule that one night a week we would stay in our own houses,” Adam says with a smirk. “But, when we got home we would spend hours on the phone talking to each other.”

CHICAGO In 1995, The Joffrey moved to Chicago and Adam was offered a role on the artistic staff. He had a huge decision to make and Christopher said, “This was an extraordinary opportunity for him to learn how to be an artistic director, it was a natural advancement for his career. I had to support it.”

They set some parameters around this new adventure: they’d see each other every

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FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

three weeks, and they would give this long-distance relationship a three-year trial period.

The first promise was kept, they were diligent to see each other monthly, and they would talk daily. However, three years was lost as Adam spent nearly 12 years in Chicago.

“I guess I had more to learn than I thought,” laughs Adam.

Christopher smiles and says, “Well, he had to learn how to turn on a computer!”

Adam was in his 30’s and associate director of the Joffrey, a position people twice his age would covet. He was working 15-hour days, teaching classes, rehearsing dancers, meeting donors, and helping with marketing and public relations.

Meanwhile, Christopher’s career was also going well — in more ways than one it was orbiting the stars. He was (and is) a noted astrologer, writing for newspapers, contributing to Allure and other Conde Nast magazines, and fulfilling contracts with cell phone services to provide daily horoscopes.

Television appearances led to a lucrative HarperCollins book deal. Ruling Planets would be published in 2002 and sell out.

For both of them, it was a thrilling, if exhausting, 12 years.

SALT LAKE CITY Adam received an e-mail: “Ballet West, a company in Salt Lake City is seeking a new artistic director. Would you be interested?” He immediately called Christopher and was intrigued by the invitation. Rumors swirled that his name would be included in an international search for a new artistic director at The Joffrey. But this new offer had some allure.

Christopher advised him to “go find out what you are worth.”

Adam points to the Hilton Hotel on West Temple, out the window from his office. “I got

into that hotel at night and opened the curtains the next morning and I couldn’t see anything.” Salt Lake’s infamous inversion greyed-out any signs of beauty. “It was Sunday morning and I walked down to the lobby to meet a board member for breakfast. An hour later they hadn’t shown,” he said. So he went for an exploratory walk. Ten years ago, downtown Salt Lake City, in an inversion. And it was Super Bowl Sunday. You can imagine it was a bit dismal.

While his trip certainly didn’t start on the right note, his viewpoint did brighten. A tour of the Ballet West offices and student Academy was followed by a meeting with the search committee. On his way to the airport he called Christopher and said, “I could see myself living here, I think we might enjoy it.”

“That is not the way it was supposed to go!” exclaims Christopher with a smile. “He was supposed to find out his market value and come home.

That was the plan.” Always the optimist, Christopher says he turned to Google. “One of the first things I found was that Salt Lake City had one of the fastest growing gay communities in the country. It gave me enough of a reason to at least do my due diligence.”

Adam received an offer fairly quickly but told the committee he wouldn’t take the job unless Christopher agreed to come as well. So, another trip to Salt Lake, and, luckily, the clouds parted, mountains exposed themselves, board members hosted, and Christopher fell in love.

“I called it Rocky Mountain Stonehenge. The mountains were glorious!”

In announcing Ballet West’s filling of the artistic director position, the Deseret News noted, “Adam Sklute comes to Utah with his partner, Chris-

topher Renstrom, a New York writer.”

“We’ve felt completely accepted by the community,” said Adam, who was named one Utah’s Enlighted 50 by the Community Foundation and received the Utah National Guard’s Minuteman Award for outstanding service to Utah.

TODAY After ten years in Utah the couple has thrived. Adam has elevated Ballet West to one of the top ten ballet companies in the country. With his leadership, the company has built a new state-of-the-art building, expanded Academy locations around the state, was featured in BBC production’s Breaking Pointe on the CW Network, and toured around the world — most recently to Cuba last fall. Christopher has expanded his business, consults and lectures around the country, while running his very popular

website, Ruling Planets.

Adams says at home, “I have to stop being an artistic director. Turn the phone off.

Turn the emotional state off.

Christopher makes me real.”

No children and no plans for it. “We have 50 children at BW and I feel very parental to every single one of my dancers.

I care about them,” Adam says.

“I look at them as developing artists and feel parental.”

As for that relationship road map, Adam and Christopher agree that marriage is a sacrament. The idea of having a relationship is sacred, it is something protected and nurtured. Their example of a collaborative, nurturing partnership has drawn a pretty good road map for the rest of us. Q Joshua Jonas Jones is a frequent contributor ro QSaltLake and is the Associate Director of Press and Social Media at Ballet West.

Every guy has a softer side DON’T FORGET! Valentine’s Day TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Send him his dream flowers

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ARTS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | JANUARY 2016

Is it possible to bridge the gap between sexuality and spirituality?

Playwright Tim Slover on his new play VIRTUE, premiering February 16–26 at Plan-B Theatre

Over the

last couple of decades, the LGBT community, led by visionary and courageous individuals, has realized many gains in legal, societal and artistic status. As a theist, I am particularly interested in the intersection of the LGBT community and spiritual and religious experience. Particularly, is there room in religions—mainstream and otherwise— for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people? Is there a place in the LGBT community for believers, even Christian believers? Or given the lamentable and well-rutted history of scriptural (mis)interpretation of sexuality by many Christian communities and the antipathy towards Christian believers by many in the LGBT community, must these two streams of human experience forever be divided?

Enter Abbess Hildegard of Bingen. If you lived in Twelfth Century Europe, even if you were a lay person without benefit of reading, you would probably have heard of Hildegard. She was a leader of Benedictine sisters on the banks of the Rhine River in a mixed-gender monastery, a not unimportant fact since it signals that this was a time before many of the rules, codes and strictures of devotional religious life were set in stone.

Hildegard wrote books of midwifery and herbal medicine; she composed music so remarkable and distinctive that it is still widely recorded and revered today. She corresponded with kings and Popes and asserted her independence by, among other things, insisting that the sisters in her charge dress in white robes and wear jewelry and crowns, as befitted brides of Christ.

But what made her most famous was

her visions. From the Pope to the lowliest novitiate, every member of her religious community believed these came to her from God, or as Hildegard put it, the Living Light. She vouchsafed her visions to a learned friend and fellow Benedictine who wrote them down while they transpired, and then translated them into Latin. Hildegard then drew and colored beautiful and intricate illustrations for them. Even without the pictures, her visions were remarkably vivid; they painted a universe filled with greenness and fertility as a manifestation of the love of God. But they were also orthodox enough that they came to the approving attention of the Pope, who read them out to the College of Cardinals—the first time that had ever happened with a woman’s writings.

In her middle years (she lived into her eighties), a remarkable event occurred which transformed her life. An aristocratic young woman named Richardis came to her monastery to become a sister—and quickly became her new amanuensis.

Most biographers give the immediate and searing bond which formed between the two women a whole separate chapter. Some have conjectured, and I have followed this supposal, that the two became lovers.

No respectable biographer considers the idea unreasonable or unsupported by the facts, and given Hildegard’s correspondence from this period, I believe it was likely. But this would have raised serious and agonizing theological issues for Hildegard, who had written against lesbian passions. How could these issues be resolved?

Or put more generally, if one is a believer and trying to follow the will of God, which should be a more pressing imperative: past ideas, even scriptural ideas, or direct experience with the Spirit? This dialectic is at the heart of my play VIRTUE. What is certain is that Hildegard’s visions changed dramatically once Richardis

arrived. About to finish her first book of visions, SCIVIAS (“Know the ways of God”), she suddenly veered away from static, orthodox images and instead wrote the Western World’s first opera. Called ORDO VIRTUTUM (“the play of the virtues”), it’s about a war between good and evil for the welfare of a single soul and asserts the vital importance of kindness and the primacy of the individual. Given the backdrop of the Second Crusade, which was mustering at the time, it stands as a rebuke against that

wholly destructive war. VIRTUE chronicles Hildegard’s simultaneous reception of these visions and her sexual and emotional awakening, with Richardis as both her scribe and her lover.

I admit to an ambition in this play beyond what I have attempted in other writing. My hope is that VIRTUE is both specific and universal enough to play a small part in bringing two communities for which I care a great deal into greater harmony. Q Tim Slover’s VIRTUE premieres February 16-26 at Plan-B Theatre, featuring Christy Summerhays as Hildegard of Bingen alongside Jay Perry, S.A. Rogers and Emilie Starr, directed by Jerry Rapier. Tickets and more information at planbtheatre.org

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017 manhood. When a defiant initiate from the city discovers his best-kept secret, a forbidden love, Xolani’s entire existence begins to unravel.

Queer guide to

CARPINTEROS (WOODPECKERS) DOMINICAN REPUBLIC (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: JOSÉ MARÍA CABRAL)

Julián finds love and a reason for living in the last place imaginable: the Dominican Republic’s Najayo Prison.

His romance with fellow prisoner Yanelly must develop through sign language and without the knowledge of dozens of guards.

Our annual guide to the Sundance Film Festival in Park City January 19–29, including competition and non-competition films and events.

(For the full guide, see our January issue)

Dramatic U.S. DRAMATIC COMPETITION

CAST: JEAN JEAN, JUDITH RODRIGUEZ PEREZ, RAMÓN EMILIO CANDELARIO WORLD PREMIERE

O’SHEA JACKSON JR, WYATT RUSSELL, BILLY MAGNUSSEN WORLD PREMIERE

NOVITIATE U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: MAGGIE BETTS)

In the early ’60s, during the Vatican II era, a young woman training to become a nun struggles with issues of faith, sexuality and the changing church.

CAST: MARGARET QUALLEY, MELISSA LEO, JULIANNE NICHOLSON, DIANNA AGRON, MORGAN SAYLOR WORLD PREMIERE

WORLD CINEMA DRAMATIC COMPETITION

GOD’S OWN COUNTRY U.K. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: FRANCIS LEE)

Springtime in Yorkshire: isolated young sheep farmer Johnny Saxby numbs his daily frustrations with binge drinking and casual sex, until the arrival of a Romanian migrant worker, employed for the lambing season, ignites an intense relationship that sets Johnny on a new path.

CAST: JOSH O’CONNOR, ALEC SECAREANU, IAN HART, GEMMA JONES WORLD PREMIERE

MEXICO (DIRECTOR: ERNESTO CONTRERAS, SCREENWRITER: CARLOS CONTRERAS)

U.S.A. (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: ELIZA HITTMAN)

An aimless teenager on the outer edges of Brooklyn struggles to escape his bleak home life and navigate questions of self-identity, as he balances his time between his delinquent friends, a potential new girlfriend, and older men he meets online.

CAST: HARRIS DICKINSON, MADELINE WEINSTEIN, KATE HODGE, NEAL HUFF WORLD PREMIERE

INGRID GOES WEST U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: MATT SPICER, SCREENWRITERS: MATT SPICER, DAVID BRANSON SMITH)

A young woman becomes obsessed with an Instagram lifestyle blogger and moves to Los Angeles to try and befriend her in real life.

CAST: AUBREY PLAZA, ELIZABETH OLSEN,

AXOLOTL OVERKILL GERMANY (DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER: HELENE HEGEMANN)

Mifti, age 16, lives in Berlin with a cast of characters including her half-siblings; their rich, self-involved father; and her junkie friend Ophelia.

As she mourns her recently deceased mother, she begins to develop an obsession with Alice, an enigmatic, and much older, white-collar criminal.

CAST: JASNA FRITZI BAUER, ARLY JOVER, MAVIE HÖRBIGER, LAURA TONKE, HANS LÖW, BERNHARD SCHÜTZ WORLD PREMIERE

Documentary U.S. DOCUMENTARY COMPETITION

DOLORES U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: PETER BRATT)

Dolores Huerta bucks 1950s gender conventions by co-founding the country’s first farmworkers’ union.

Wrestling with raising 11 children, gender bias, union defeat and victory, and nearly dying after a San Francisco Police beating, Dolores emerges with a vision that connects her newfound feminism with racial and class justice WORLD PREMIERE

SUEÑO EN OTRO IDIOMA (I DREAM IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE) BEACH RATS

CAST: NAKHANE TOURÉ, BONGILE MANTSAI, NIZA JAY NCOYINI WORLD PREMIERE

The last two speakers of a millenniaold language haven’t spoken in 50 years, when a young linguist tries to bring them together. Yet hidden in the past, in the heart of the jungle, lies a secret concerning the fate of the Zikril language.

Shorts

INTERNATIONAL NARRATIVE SHORT FILMS DAWN OF THE DEAF U.K. (DIR/SCREEN: ROB SAVAGE)

When a strange sound wipes out the hearing population, a small group of deaf people band together to survive.

PEDRO PORTUGAL (DIR/SCREEN: ANDRÉ SANTOS, MARCO LEÃO)

Pedro gets home at dawn. Before the young boy falls asleep, his lonely mother drags him to the beach.

DOCUMENTARY SHORTs

CAST: FERNANDO ÁLVAREZ REBEIL, ELIGIO MELÉNDEZ, MANUEL PONCELIS, FÁTIMA MOLINA, JUAN PABLO DE SANTIAGO, HOZE MELÉNDEZ WORLD PREMIERE

THE WOUND SOUTH AFRICA (DIRECTOR: JOHN TRENGOVE, SCREENWRITERS: TRENGOVE, THANDO MGQOLOZANA, MALUSI BENGU)

Xolani, a lonely factory worker, travels to the rural mountains with the men of his community to initiate a group of teenage boys into

BAYARD & ME U.S.A. (DIRECTOR: MATT WOLF)

Walter Naegle’s boyfriend, Bayard Rustin, was a famous civil rights activist 30 years Walter’s senior. In the 1980s, Bayard decided to adopt Walter for legal protection. This love story is about a time when gay marriage was inconceivable.

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FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

ANIMATED SHORT FILMS CÉCILE ROUSSET, SCREENWRITERS:

destined for the Olympics, announces he’s transitioning into a woman — and invites his YouTube followers along for every moment. It’s a story about unconditional love and finding the

PATURLE, ROUSSET, CÉCILE MILLE)

courage to be yourself.

HOW’S YOUR PROSTATE? FRANCE (DIRECTORS: JEANNE PATURLE,

One friend tells the other about the very strange time when, beside a swimming pool, she learned about her father’s prostate, his erectile function and his nighttime fantasies.

Non-­ competition films

PREMIERS CALL ME BY YOUR NAME ITALY-FRANCE / DIRECTOR: LUCA GUADAGNINO, SCREENWRITERS: JAMES IVORY, LUCA GUADAGNINO

The sensitive and cultivated Elio, only child of the American-ItalianFrench Perlman family, is facing another lazy summer at his parents’ villa in the beautiful and languid Italian countryside when Oliver, an academic who has come to help with Elio’s father’s research, arrives.

CAST: ARMIE HAMMER, TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET, MICHAEL STUHLBARG, AMIRA CASAR, ESTHER GARREL, VICTOIRE DU BOIS.

THIS IS EVERYTHING: GIGI GORGEOUS DIRECTOR: BARBARA KOPPLE

Are there limits to your love for your family? One family’s acceptance is tested when a champion diver,

DOCUSERIES

HOT GIRLS WANTED: TURNED ON DIRECTOR: RASHIDA JONES, “WOMEN ON TOP,” EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: RASHIDA JONES, RONNA GRADUS, JILL BAUER, PETER LOGRECO

An extension of the feature documentary “Hot Girls Wanted,” which premiered at Sundance in 2015, this Netflix series tells personal stories about people whose lives are affected by the explosion of the Internet where pornography, dating apps and virtual relationships are all just a click away. The Festival will debut one episode of the series, followed by an extended Q&A with Rashida Jones.

THE CHANCES DIRECTOR: ANNA KERRIGAN, CREATORS: JOSH FELDMAN, SHOSHANNAH STERN

Best friends Kate and Michael, who are deaf, try their best to see their friendship through new changes in their lives, as Kate adjusts to being newly married and Michael attempts to get over his ex-boyfriend. The Festival will debut five episodes of this short-form episodic series.

CAST: JOSH FELDMAN, SHOSHANNAH STERN, AARON COSTA GANIS, LUCAS NEAR-VERBRUGGHE, DARRYL STEPHENS, WILSON CRUZ.

GENTE-FIED U.S.A. (CREATOR: MARVIN LEMUS, PRODUCERS: CHARLES D. KING, AALIYAH WILLIAMS, AMERICA FERRERA)

Seven characters deal with the effects of change in LA’s Boyle Heights. Bicultural millennials and old-school business owners hustle to create spaces that celebrate their Latino identities—even while faced with rent hikes, a housing crisis, and a steady stream of outsiders threatening to gentrify their barrio.

The Festival will debut three episodes of this short- form episodic series.

CAST: EDSSON MORALES, ALICIA SIXTOS, VICTORIA ORTIZ, YARELI ARIZMENDI, SALVADOR VELEZ JR, RAFAEL SIGLER. WORLD PREMIERE

I LOVE DICK

time in her life — emotionally, sexually, and professionally — while sharing her home with a new stranger each episode. The Festival will debut the first three episodes of this shortform episodic series.

CAST: ZOË CHAO, MEREDITH HAGNER, JEMAINE CLEMENT, BREEDA WOOL, MATTHEW OBERG, SHIRI APPLEBY.

OUT OF EXILE: DANIEL’S STORY U.S.A. (ARTIST: NONNY DE LA PEÑA)

U.S.A. (DIRECTORS: JILL SOLOWAY, ANDREA ARNOLD, KIMBERLY PEIRCE, EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: JILL SOLOWAY, SARAH GUBBINS, ANDREA SPERLING, VICTOR HSU)

Chris and Sylvere, a married couple in the intellectual community of Marfa, Texas, become obsessed with a charismatic artist named Dick. What follows is the unraveling of a marriage, the deification of a reluctant messiah and the awakening of the female gaze. The Festival will present the first three episodes of this Amazon original series, followed by an extended Q&A. CAST: KEVIN BACON, KATHRYN HAHN, GRIFFIN DUNNE, ROBERTA COLINDREZ, INDIA MENUEZ, PHOEBE ROBINSON. WORLD PREMIERE

STRANGERS DIRECTORS: MIA LIDOFSKY, CELIA ROWLSON-HALL, PRODUCERS: MICHAEL B. CLARK, ALEX TURTLETAUB, JESSE PERETZ, MIA LIDOFSKY

Newly single and bisexual Isobel rents out her spare room in a last ditch effort to keep the home she loves.

Along with her lesbian best friend, she navigates the most complicated

In August 2014, Daniel Ashley Pierce’s family verbally and physically accosted him before kicking him out of the house because they disapproved of his sexuality. Built directly around audio Daniel recorded from that encounter, this project includes thoughts of hope and triumph from Daniel and three other LGBTQ youth.

CAST: DANIEL ASHLEY PIERCE, KYLE WILLS, JULENE RENEE, CYNTIA DOMENZAIN, ANGEL VANSTARK, PHOEBE VANCLEEFE.

WHAT IF U.S.A. (ARTIST: ROSEMARIE TROCHE, KEY COLLABORATOR: BRUCE ALLAN)

A conflicted Christian man carries out a mass shooting. In his past: a same-sex hookup and self-loathing.

What if events had unfolded differently? What if his partner had convinced him to face himself? Could that simple act change the course of history?

CAST: ZACHARY BOOTH, MITCHELL WINTER.

More info at sundance.org

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | JANUARY 2016

Q&A

LISA LAMPANELLI: DOUBLE THE DIRTY ‘Queen of Mean’ Lisa Lampanelli talks unamused lesbians, drag inspiration and how to survive Trump

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

If you

know her racy sense of humor, you practically expect Lisa Lampanelli to hurl a slur at you when she calls. Once, she wanted to know “if this was the same cornholer I talked to the last time,” and because she’s Lisa Lampanelli, I took that as a compliment.

Known for her stereotype-mocking comedy routines and hilariously foul roasts (during 2011’s Comedy Central roast of Donald Trump, Lampanelli called the now-president a “bloated, stinky douche”), the 55-year-old Connecticut native acknowledges that her interview persona is either a version of her exaggerated standup self or the “real” Lisa.

Both showed up to my recent candid talk with Lampanelli, who spoke about Oprah’s bread obsession, why she would perform at Trump’s inauguration and how drag icon Miss Coco Peru inspired her to consider becoming a motivational speaker.

And about those dual personalities: “It’s like I’m becoming two people merging into one, so enjoy the double-ended dildo interview.”

Hey, Lisa. Took you long enough. Three minutes late. Listen, bitch, you’re lucky I wasn’t 12 months late. Wuz up?

Explain to me how you decide who you’ll be during an interview, because I’ve only ever been on the receiving end of crass, stand-up Lisa, but I’ve also read interviews with you where you come across much softer. Yes, it’s like, you kind of have to combine them for an interview, usually because that’s who we (comedians) are anyway. Sometimes you just wanna have fun, and then you interject some serious stuff, or you wanna be serious and you interject some fun stuff. So it’s kind of like, whatever mood I’m in. Like your interview today is based probably a lot on the fact that the guy before you was not a dick.

When did you first feel like you’d made it in the gay community? It sort of built. I remember being able to make fun of everybody and have them not get mad, except the occasional guy or girl who has no sense of humor. I never felt until recently like the lesbians understood me, but in the last 10 years, which for me is recent, I’m

like, “Oh, they get it, they don’t hate me.”

Because it used to be, when I started, I had played a few places that lesbians were not happy, honey.

Why do you think it took longer for the lesbians to come around? Oh, because those bitches used to take themselves too seriously. Couldn’t stand it! I’m like, “Listen!”

What changed? They stopped being a bunch of clams with no sense of humor.

I mean, honestly. I almost feel like the younger lesbians coming up kind of were like, “This is cool; she doesn’t mean anything she says.” You know, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who hate my act, and it’s fine, and they’re allowed to, but I can no longer say the lesbians don’t have a sense of humor — they do!

How does the current political climate and racial tension in the country affect your comedy? I push more because I think my push has always been in the direction of making fun as love, so I think it’s like going, if I sort of stop pushing hard, people could go, “She has some hate or prejudice behind it now.” It’s like putting up a light between how I say it and how true racists or homophobes say it. They see such a difference between me saying horrible things and those people saying horrible things. Thankfully my audience gets it and understands why.

What’s scary are the people who may not get the difference between real bigots and a comedian who’s mocking bigots. I’m lucky that I really don’t get any feedback like that. I really don’t have people coming up after shows saying, “Thanks for those faggot jokes.” I’m lucky people get it on the level it’s intended. Also if they don’t, like Cher says, she only answers to two people: herself and God. And I can look in the mirror and say, “I’m just answering to me because I get me.”

From what I’ve read, your act these days is more self-reflective. I mean, I’ll be just more vulnerable on stage, meaning I’ll tell you real stuff from my life. A lot of the past life was over-exaggerated sexual stuff that either just didn’t happen or were funny stories that I blew out of proportion for humor’s sake. Now, I just tell the truth

behind my divorce (from Jimmy Cannizzaro in 2014), behind my weight loss, behind the struggle to keep it off, behind the selfhelp journey I’ve gone on. So yeah, I just tell the truth more.

So, wait. You didn’t have sex with all those black men like you claimed? Well, I mean, I had a black boyfriend, and we dated for three-and-a-half years, which I thought was pretty good! He cheated on me with another white bitch, so I cut him loose.

Wanda Sykes was recently booed at one of her shows for calling Donald Trump a “racist, sexist, homophobic president.” She shouted expletives at the audience and gave them the middle finger. By the way, who’s coming to see her not believing that?

Exactly. How would you have handled Trump hecklers at your show? I do a whole Trump roast now.

I wrote this really funny Trump roast — an updated one for Howard Stern — and I’m doing even more Trump jokes. But I get away with that kind of roast humor all the time. Nobody gets mad, even Trump supporters, if I say something serious about Trump, which I hardly ever do because I don’t talk politics much.

Not my thing. Once people booed something and I go, “Oh, shut up. I’m a comedian, not a senator. Shut the fuck up.” And they shut up.

I have no political agenda, and I think they know Wanda really has that strong belief, so maybe that’s why they booed, and

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it’s fine. But people know I’m not, like, all serious about stuff, so that’s probably why I don’t get a hard time.

You say you stay out of politics. I don’t care.

Do you not care that Trump is the President of the United States? I mean, what am I gonna do? No — really. What exactly am I gonna do? I still will donate to the charities I want to that have nothing to do with him, I’ll still do shows or appearances for the charities I like, I’ll still sign petitions for women’s rights and various charities and different causes that have clearly opposing views. But what am I gonna do? Am I gonna get him un-elected? Am I gonna sit here and cry and go on my swooning couch? Nothing’s bugged me more than my friends after the election going, “I couldn’t get out of bed for a week.” Really?

How about you go online and create a charity and get some petitions out there?

How about that instead of lying on your swooning couch?

I have a friend who created an entire — after one day of mourning this little homo created a website where you go to donate time to different charities that Trump doesn’t support, and I’m like, “You did the right thing.” Take action. For some reason we have been saddled with this president and we have to figure out what to do despite it.

Maybe it’s to make people more united. But whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen.

Look, if I’m dead tomorrow because of a nuclear bomb — what, did I worry about it the day before? No, I had game night and dinner with my mom and my friends and went out on a nice note because we didn’t stop our lives.

I can’t cry about this.

You’ve crossed paths with Donald Trump several times. You roasted him on Comedy Central, and you competed in the fifth season of the Celebrity Apprentice in 2012. Would you perform at his inauguration? Absolutely, but only if I could roast him. You understand, there’s a fine line of what I would do. Like, if they asked me to be the White House Correspondents’ Dinner host to perform, I’d be like, “in a second,”

because I could reaaaally do a good roast on him and that’s the best, so it would be a way of sticking it to him a little bit and it’d be fine. I would absolutely have a clear conscience about making fun of Trump. I always do.

Maybe that’s your “in” for his cabinet. I wanna be the minister of gay affairs! You totally need me to be in there making sure you faggots can get married even though I don’t know why you’d want to.

You wanna get married again, don’t you?

Nooo. I was. And honestly, I don’t even think about dating or men because I’ve been working so hard on myself. When I got a divorce, I was like, “I’m free of being with somebody who isn’t my spiritual equal.” So I never even think about that.

It’s weird, but such a gift. I’m so happy all the time. It lifted this weird pressure off of me to be myself.

You seem very fulfilled by your work too.

In 2015, you premiered your first play, Stuffed. As someone who has dealt with food issues throughout her life, can we please talk about Oprah’s “I love bread” Weight Watchers campaign? I am so angry with her. And I’ll tell you why I’m angry with her. First of all, it’s idiotic. It’s the dumbest thing. The biggest joy in her life is bread?

Then, bitch, you’ve been preaching wrong for all these years, and you tricked us. Because I thought her biggest joy was helping people; I thought her biggest joy was about self-improvement. I would’ve taken anything except the name of a food, so I was like, “Dude, show us some enlightenment here.” I just can’t stand the un-self-awareness of her putting that out there, but it’s her journey. It’s none of my business. I don’t like to watch that one, ever. I always flip right by it. I’m like, “ack!” I’d rather watch those poor dogs with the one eye from the “Angel” ads and I hate those.

My thing is, how can anyone be that obsessed with bread and keep the weight off? ’Cause she’s not keeping any weight off.

How are you finding the theater work you’re doing fulfilling in a way that standup isn’t?

Just because it’s emotional, because you can have emotional moments and humor in a play, and it was more of a conversation. It was challenging to write dialogue

instead of monologue, and having four actors as an ensemble was really cool too, because working every day with other people was fun, especially if you cast a bunch of great people like these were. I just loved having a place to go that was super warm in spirit, and I was like, “Aw, man, six months of my year I’m gonna spend doing plays, for sure.”

I heard that a drag queen inspired you to move into humorous motivational speaking.

Oh, Coco Peru! The best, best, best. She does this routine, and there is such a real great sort of emotional and spiritual element to it that you don’t see usually with drag queens. When I saw that, I said, “I am definitely going to make sure more of that vulnerability is in my act.” I frickin’ love her. It’s like, you never know what you’re gonna learn when you go and see something, and that was the last thing I expected from a drag performer. I’m so glad I went to that.

What can we expect from you in the new year? I wanna write about different issues with women. I don’t want to just stick to the food one. I also wanna do one about these four women — the same four characters and their love relationship. I wanna do another play about them and anger, and them and grief, and then maybe test the waters and start seeing what’s out there as far as what I wanna talk about if I were ever going to do a motivational [speaking] thing. Gonna have to see in my gut what feels right, but I think the plays are a bridge to really doing that.

I love that you — insult comic — have now become this emblem of empowerment not just for women but men. It was funny how gay men really responded to the play, because I think gay men, unfortunately, have just as big of a problem with body image as women do. So, I’m so lucky that they really responded to the show, because, man, who doesn’t have a problem with the way they look? It’s just so hard. It’s nice that they would actually come to me and be like, “I went through that too,” which I’m pretty grateful for. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him via his website at chris-­ azzopardi.com and on Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

food & drink

Foods of Love

Add these healthy, aphrodisiac foods to your romantic Valentine’s Day menu and you and your partner are sure to be in the mood for love!

1. HONEY

2. OYSTERS

Sweet and sticky, honey contains the mineral boron, which helps the body utilize estrogen and improves testosterone levels in the blood. For dessert, try baklava drizzled with honey and served with Greek yogurt, or baked peaches with honey and vanilla bean ice cream.

The classic aphrodisiac, oysters — and other shellfish — are packed with zinc, a mineral that increases libido. Why not start your meal with half a dozen oysters and champagne.

3. GARLIC Yes, it may be a bit stinky, but if both you and your partner eat it you won’t notice the smell. Garlic increases blood flow to the important areas, and is great incorporated into many dishes. Try classic garlic mushrooms, olive and garlic focaccia or whole roasted garlic spread on ciabatta toast.

4. FIGS Figs have long been associated with love and fertility. They make a standard fruit platter look decadent and delicious.

5. CHOCOLATE Girls know all to well the feelgood properties of chocolate, but it also helps release the ‘love chemical’ that induces feelings of attraction and happiness. A chocolate fondue might be retro but it is delicious, decadent and a really fun way to enjoy dessert with your partner. Or why not whip up this rich chocolate tart for the perfect end to your Valentine’s Day.

6. BASIL With great health benefits for the body, the scent of basil is said to have an aphrodisiac

effect. Make like the Italians and use basil in a homemade fresh pasta dish, such as basil pesto spaghetti or chili and basil fettuccine.

7. BANANAS Loaded with B vitamins, magnesium, potassium and the bromeliad enzyme, bananas apparently increase the male libido. Bake classic banana cake or take some time to create these divine chocolate banana donuts.

8. AVOCADO Boosting the immune system with B vitamins and potassium, avocados have long been associated with sexuality. Baked avocados make a wonderful starter.

9. ALMONDS

Thanks to their high vitamin E content, almonds help support female hormones, and have been seen as a fertility symbol for hundreds of years. Their are numerous recipes you can find for gluten-free chocolate tortes made with almond flour.

10. ASPARAGUS Packed full of vitamins and minerals, in particular folic acid, which can help improve libido in both men and women.

A super sexy starter is steamed asparagus spears dipped in almond and garlic butter sauce.

Eat with your fingers and maybe even feed your partner. Q

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A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

Utah Rep announces season Utah Repertory Theater Company has announced its fifth season with five productions, and a possibility of a sixth. This year, performances will be presented at the Sorenson Unity Center Black Box Theater at 1383 S 900 West. The Company focuses on regional premieres, lesser-known shows and "genuine surprises."

Feb 17–Mar 4 THE OTHER PLACE

DIRECTED BY JASON BOWCUTT STARRING: STEPHANIE HOWELL, ANDREA PETERSON,​ERIC CODORA, JAYC STODDARD

Synopsis: This Tony-nominated play explores dementia through the eyes of Juliana, a fifty two years old brilliant drug-company scientist. She is giving a speech to a neurological convention. As she speaks we cut away to scenes with her doctor, phone calls from her estranged daughter, and arguments with her husband who may or may not be divorcing her.

Through it all she constantly refers to "the other place", a cottage that the family once owned, and a place where Juliana feels she may reunite with her missing daughter and find some peace of mind. The audience is taken on this whirlwind and must decipher fact from fiction in this intense 70 minute drama. ​

Apr 21–May 7 KISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN

MUSIC BY JOHN KANDER AND FRED EBB, ​BOOK BY TERRENCE MCNALLY DIRECTED BY JOHNNY HEBDA MUSIC DIRECTION BY ANNE PUZEY CHOREOGRAPHY BY ASHLEY GARDNER CARLSON STARRING: ERIN ROYAL CARLSON

Synopsis: This Tony-winning best musical is the darkest of Kander & Ebb's works. Based on the Manuel Puig novel "El Beso de la Murer Ariana", it depicts the daily conversations between two cellmates in an Argentine prison, Molina and Valentín, and the intimate bond they form in the process. This surprisingly fresh story explores such themes as escapism through fantasy, effimenophobia, betrayal and manipulation, and ultimately

This Joint is Legal.

love and survival. With such songs as "The Kiss of the Spider Woman", "The Day After That", and "Gimme Love", audiences are in for a treat in this rarely performed musical. ​

July 14–30 BLACKBIRD

WRITTEN BY DAVID HARROWER DIRECTED BY L.L. WEST STARRING: MARK FOSSEN & ANNE LOUISE BRINGS

Synopsis: This Laurence Olivier award-winning play was recently revived on Broadway starring Michelle Williams and Jeff Daniels. It was inspired in part by the crimes of sex offender Toby Studebaker and depicts a young woman confronting a middle-aged man, now a successful executive, fifteen years after being sexually abused by him when she was twelve.

Sept 22–Oct 8 STRAIGHT

WRITTEN SCOTT ELMEGREEN AND DREW FORNAROLA DIRECTED BY JC CARTER

Synopsis: Fresh from Off-Broadway in its first production since New York, Utah Rep is proud to premiere this thought-provoking tragicomedy exploring relationships and sexual identity today. Meet Ben. Ben is a 26-year-old-investment banker.

Ben likes beer, sports, and Emily.

And Chris.

Sept 22-Oct 8 DISGRACED

WRITTEN BY AYAD AKHTAR DIRECTED BY BOBBY CODY

Synopsis: This 2013 Pulitzer Prize Winning play is centered on sociopolitical themes such as Islamaphobia and the self-identity of Muslim-American citizens. It focuses on a dinner party between four people with very different backgrounds.

As discussion turns to politics and religion, the mood quickly becomes heated. Described as a "combustible powder keg of identity politics," the play depicts racial and ethnic prejudices that "secretly persist in even the most progressive cultural circles."

Season tickets, and tickets to the first production, are available at utahrep.org/ tickets/

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER: HINT: COURTLY LOVE

INVENTS A TAN LIE

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word search FIND THE WORDS IN THE PUZZLE BELOW ABOUT THIS MONTH’S THEME. WORDS CAN BE SIDE-TO-SIDE, TOP TO BOTTOM, LEFT TO RIGHT, RIGHT TO LEFT, BOTTOM TO TOP. THEME:

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PRIZE WORSHIP PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 62

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

book review REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Beast

by Brie Spangler Read by Andrew Eiden c.2016, Blackstone Audio, Inc. $34.95, 8½ hours, 7 CDs

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In its most basic description, it’s a muscle.

Nothing computerized, no easy-to-follow instructions or list of parts. Nope, it’s a muscle — a dub-thumping, miraculous group of cells that was beating when you were born, due to simple electrical activity. It’s just a muscle, although in the audiobook “Beast” by Brie Spangler, the heart knows who it loves.

At six-foot-four and 260 pounds, 15-year-old Dylan Ingvarsson was a beast.

And he hated it.

Not only did he tower over every single student and most of the teachers at St. Lawrence Prep, but he was also hairy as a fake-fur blanket. You might get teased, but you don’t get bullied when you’re like that.

You don’t have a lot of friends, either, and you don’t get girls.

If it wasn’t for his best friend, JP, Dylan wouldn’t know what to do. They’d known one another since they were little and he was everything Dylan was not: well-off, well-groomed, and well-liked. Just walking the halls with JP made Dylan cool, though there was a bit of a dark side to JP’s friendship. Dylan hated that, too.

He hated his entire life, come to think, so he took risks. Big, stupid risks, which is how Dylan ended up on a roof, which was how he ended up falling and busting his leg, which was how he got sent to group therapy for self-harmers, which was how he met the girl of his dreams.

Her name was Jamie. She was the same age as Dylan, gorgeous, tall, smart, and she had the same struggles with the way her life was going. She only wanted to be friends, but

he wanted so much more — partly because Jamie was funny and he liked her, partly because she liked him, and partly because she would prove to JP that Dylan could get a girl by himself.

But then everything fell apart.

She said she told Dylan that she was transgender, but he didn’t hear that. Was she a dude? He wasn’t gay. She hadn’t hidden anything, hadn’t lied, but Dylan couldn’t get over facts.

And he couldn’t get over Jamie…

Two minutes. Get past the preliminary tracks in “Beast,” and that’s how long it will take before you’ll be eager to know more about Dylan. Author Brie Spangler gave him the right words with the right attitude, Andrew Eiden reads them perfectly, and you’ll genuinely like this kid with a tough exterior but a marshmallow center.

Spangler and Eiden make Dylan come alive in this boy-meets-girl-who-used-tobe-a-boy story, by giving him more than just one dimension.

He’s a warm, responsible, and complex, well-crafted character; with Dylan, Spangler beautifully tackles a could-bethorny subject, wrestles with its conscious some, then lets it do its own soul-searching. That leads to a new-old-fashioned love story that really couldn’t be sweeter.

Be aware that this audiobook includes a delicately-presented make-out scene that turns surprising, but not graphic. It might be controversial for some, but it fits, so don’t let it deter you. Start “Beast,” and you’ll ♥ it. Q

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

mr. manners

Keep on track

BY ROCK MAGEN

With

January resolutions already in full swing, the largest obstacle is staying motivated. What we don’t understand about being motivated is that it means getting ourselves to do the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Being motivated by a “right reason” isn’t effective. We need to realize that motivation and joy are intertwined, then learn how to tap into that in the best possible way — which means finding something in the short term that will motivate us to behave. Long-term happiness and well-being aren’t enough to establish and enforce effective habits.

The most common resolution is traditionally centered around the gym and increasing physical health. It’s very hard to find true, deep joy in exercising, but that doesn’t mean anyone should give up. People generally want to exercise several times a week, but it can be difficult to keep track of that. What I’ve found is that it’s necessary to dedicate time for some sort of activity every day. Sometimes it’ll be vigorous, and sometimes it will be walking or another light activity. A habit becomes much easier to create when it’s part of the schedule for a long time and not just a dozen days a month.

When I started running a few years ago, someone suggested I allocate 30 minutes to it — if I was tired, I walked, if I had more energy, I started running. The time, and not the distance, became a benchmark.

This routine allowed me to develop a good habit over time.

We all have a lot of good intentions. Turning good intentions into something we act on turns them into something larger and more meaningful.

Let’s continue looking at running. A soon as you start running, you want it to be over.

But no matter how much you try to hurry it, it takes time. In business and fitness, it takes time to build something great, and you can’t cut corners — you have to start at mile 1 and there are no shortcuts to success.

Being at the gym gives you a lot of downtime to think — to deal with pain, joy, and all the emotions in between. It makes you commit, too. And it makes you finish: It doesn’t care how you feel that day, whether you are in a good or bad mood. It requires your all. When I’m running, I have to sift through all my thoughts to clear my head and I often find myself a victim of negative self-talk. I tell myself that I should stop, I should quit, I should just walk.

In those moments, I ask myself, “Am I quitter? Am I going to let this 30 minutes beat me?”

The answer is always “No.” Once I verbalize that in my mind, I find a way to muscle through it. It’s the same way in life. Your back may be against the wall, but I’m confident that you will find a way to push forward. Don’t allow yourself to give up. Keep pushing forward.

We all look forward to seeing your results! Q

Remembering George ACROSS 1 Word that can take “homo” as a prefix 7 Bottomless 11 Christmas poem opener 15 Reign of ___ 16 Stick it in milk 17 Phrase of discovery 18 Flowing, for Bernstein 19 Optimist’s phrase 20 “See ya,” in Soho 21 1984 song of 12-Down that ironically describes Dec. 25, 2016 for George Michael 24 “It’s the End of the World ___ Know It” 27 Queens ballpark 28 Corp. bigshot 29 English actress Diana 30 Bottom 32 Antony or Caesar 36 Wet one’s lips, e.g.

38 Reserved 40 Hairy member of the Addams family 41 With 56-Across, 1984 song of 12Down 43 Doo-wop syllable

44 1939 Cukor movie 46 Tom Courtenay movie, with The 48 Cursive curlicue 49 Spacey in _Beyond the Sea_ 51 David Bowie’s “___ Today, Gone Tomorrow” 52 Beatty of Roseanne 54 Get better 55 Pigged out (on) 56 See 41-Across 61 Word on a map of Israel 62 Gay Cosmos author Eighner 63 Divine director John 67 Actor Auberjonois 68 It can bear fruit 69 Sibling offspring 70 Title for Uncle Remus’s bear 71 States further 72 Walked like a man

DOWN 1 Tammy Faye’s old club 2 Part of a giggle 3 URL ending 4 Lacking support?

5 Sappho’s “I” 6 Bridge support 7 Capote’s “Other ___, Other Rooms” 8 Obsolete word 9 Seal in the juices, to Traci Des Jardins

10 Gin diluter 11 Skin art 12 George Michael (1963-2016) and Andrew Ridgeley 13 Early movie dog 14 In order (to) 22 Showed gratitude, after getting an Oscar 23 Frida’s wrap 24 Lets in 25 Calm down 26 Whitman or Wolfe 31 Ranking Mauresmo, e.g.

33 Longed for 34 Stick 35 Came close to 37 Broadway deal 39 Rejections 42 Bewitched 45 Sway 47 Sue Wicks or Robert Mapplethorpe 50 Gets more mileage out of 53 Greek triangle 56 Streisand nickname 57 “If ___ I Would Leave You” 58 Just dandy 59 Barbecue site 60 Rate at which you come 64 The Name of the Rose author 65 Carpet color at the Oscars 66 Away from NNW

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48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Q doku

Best Friends

®

GIVE LOVE

Level: Medium

1

5 3 1 7 6 3

7 8 9 4

6

2 9 1 7 4 5 7 4 1 8 2 7 4 6 8

6 9 8

1 9 5 4 6

5 6 1

9 5 2 1

9 7 1 6 4 9 5 6 3 1 8 2 5 1 3 7 5 2 3 6 7 8

5 2 4 1 7

9 6 1 8

3 5 9 6 1

5 1 4 3

3 7 6 8

4 8 1 5

q scopes FEBRUARY

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

A profound change will come in the form of a relationship. There is much to discuss with this new person, leading to a strange sense of conformity. Only now will it become clear that adversarial attitudes have been normal.

It is nice to have some cooperation for a change. Don’t cling too hard, but simply let everything flow.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Push to get things done, but only as hard as it is comfortable. The desire to finish a project is causing more dread than satisfaction.

Accomplish something each day and progress with come faster than you think.

A light workload provides extra time for activities, but don’t lose sight of vital tasks, which are hidden but not gone.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 When creating something, it is easier to eliminate extra elements than not having enough to work with.

Tasks have been going unfinished because there is more train than there is track.

9 8

SAVE THEM ALL ®

2 9 5 4 2 6 1 3 1 6 1 5 4 3 2 6 7

5 9 8 1 2

7 2 5 3 5 7 6 8 3 4 9 2 6 4 9 3 8 3 5 9 1 6 5 1 3 4

Don’t look for more track but shorten the train! While the analogy is sound, the real word is a little more complicated. Tread with caution.

CANCER June 21–July 22 Someone at work is bound to cause a problem, but keep in mind that it ultimately won’t affect you.

There is a tendency to get wrapped up in an emotional crisis that doesn’t exist.

Feel deeply but don’t get lost in thought.

Don’t let drama distract from the main objectives and realize everyone else can see through the frenzy too.

LEO July 23–August 22 Delve into the unexplored territory of submission. It isn’t easy letting go of authoritative tasks, but there comes a point where exhaustion is going to be a problem. Let someone else take charge for a bit. Enjoy the ride! Being equal is part of dealing with others and requires give and take, especially with a friend or lover.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Don’t forget a plan you once made for yourself. While life has provided many great options, a career or personal goal has become lost in the shuffle. Take time to examine priorities. Desires can change and there is nothing wrong with that. But be sure of what is wanted while

$14

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proceeding further. There is a lot at stake right now.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Someone isn’t treating you well and diplomacy has allowed this to continue for too long. There is a time for compromise, but too much of it nullifies the intention. Demonstrate respect and stand up for what is really important.

While a co-worker or friend may seem unreasonable, their shortcomings should not be your problem.

you? Take a break!

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 The ground seems to be falling away. Stand firm and ride out problems, especially the little ones. Not every emergency is real, so stay centered.

Life is a game, and sometimes losing can result in a big win later. A reward could come in the form of a new partner or loyal friend. Surprises are all part of the game, so stay strategic.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A certain aspect your financial situation will cause confusion. While responsibility has always defined your methods, there is always risk of messing up. Take charge of what is being done and don’t allow traps to lure you in. A personal issue is hampering key decisions. Put the problems to rest and don’t settle for second best.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Judgments have been made about you by other people. It is time for change. Rid yourself of anyone who doesn’t create happiness and prosperity.

Reward those who provide joy. Find a new job if the current one isn’t working out. Make some new friends. There is a lot to say for cleaning up and creating the life you really want.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

Drop everything that matters and focus on the mundane. This isn’t a bad idea right now. Emotional baggage can cause real angst, especially when involving family. The best way rid tension is to eliminate the source, even for a while.

Give a little to gain a lot. Remember that no one else really cares so why should

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Hate is an emotion you are feeling more than usual. An ex-partner or family member could be weighing heavy on your mind, and it might be time to confront the reasons why. There is a lot that can be learned from the past, especially when a present event is triggering memory. Figure out the lessons and become your own teacher. Q

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

Pet of the Month

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NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org

Gay and Lesbianspecific meetings: Sunday 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Monday 8p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Meeting, Disability Law Center (rear door), 205 N 400 W Tuesday 8p Live and Let Live, Disability Law Center (rear door), 205 N 400 W Wednesday 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Friday 8p Stonewall Group, UPC Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org

BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Northern Utah HIV/ AIDS Project Walk-Ins Tues Noon–5pm 536 24th St, Ste 2B, Ogden 801-393-4153 Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake Valley Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 610 S 200 E 801-534-4666 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

HOMELESS SVCS

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Young Men’s Transition Home 801-433-1713 Young Women’s Transition Home 801-359-5545 POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org

175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah

801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org

RELIGIOUS

Deeksha Utah  fb.me/deeksha.utah

Bingo for a cause Each third Friday, the Matrons of Mayhem run standing-room-only bingo events at First Baptist Church. All proceeds go to various causes, raising over $25,000 a year. Get there early for a seat. Bingo starts at 7pm, 777 S 1300 East.

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays, 11a at UPC SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  bit.ly/1to5club Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail. com blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM * blackbootsSLC@ aol.com Gat Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah Men Who Move  menwhomove.org OUTreach Resource Centers  outreachresourcecenters.org Ogden — 705 23rd St — Weds, 3-7:30pm Logan — 596 E 900 N — Fri, 4:30-7:30pm Brigham City — 435 E 700 S — First Tuesdays, 4-7pm Clearfield — 782 E 700 S — Thurs, 5:307:30pm 801-686-4528

qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com Rainbow Classic Car Don R. Austin 801-485-9225 Sage Utah  facebook.com/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-539-8800 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org Weekly dances Thursdays 7p at UPC 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  thecenter@ utahpridecenter.org 255 E 400 S 801-539-8800 SPORTS

Lambda Hiking Club  gayhike.org Pride Community Softball League  prideleague.com  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  qkickball.com Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime

Men who enjoy being naked in social, nonsexual settings.

We have nude lunches, retreats, campouts, house parties, sporting events, wine tastings, game parties, etc.

umen.org

Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  fb.me/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College Equality Involvement Club 8 facebook.com/slcc. equality University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 Univ. of Utah Queer Student Union utahqsu@gmail.com USGA at BYU  byuusga.wordpress.com  fb.co/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  discord.me/ spectrumatuvu  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State Univ Faculty/Staff GayStraight Alliance  organizations.weber. edu/fsgsa  fsgsa@weber.edu Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 3885 W Campus Dr, Student Services Ctr, Suite 154 Dept. 2125 801-626-7271

Embracing the health & resilience of our community

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

positive thoughts

Activist Basics for the Trump Era

BY JD DAVIDS

Regardless

of where we sit – or where we toss and turn – during these long nights since the United States presidential election, many of us are wondering what we can do to take care of ourselves and each other, and how we can even hold our gains in the HIV epidemic, much less prevent the loss of significant ground.

Given the platform of the Trump/Pence campaign and the leadership of Congress, there is not a lot of promise that we’ll get closer to the end of the HIV epidemic. In fact, there will likely be significant changes in programs serving people with HIV or seeking to prevent new HIV cases. In addition, members of communities with high rates of HIV are facing threats to our health, our relationships and our families, to say the least.

A lot is already emerging in terms of ways to respond. In fact, there may be too much; in keeping with our time of information overload, the sheer volume of resources and opportunities to contribute can itself be an overwhelming impediment to action.

Yet, as the HIV community, we have a robust history of resistance, resilience and victory that calls us to the forefront of where we need to go today.

Within hours after the election results came in, HIV leaders joined with others to form the Activist-Led Emergency Response Team (ALERT), a growing activist network for sharing information and ideas. And I’m working with HIV activist Jennifer Johnson Avril on a new effort called #ActivistBasics, which draws from the rich history and present-day efforts of HIV and other activist movements to provide tools, information and inspiration for our present and coming struggles.

A MOVEMENT BORN IN A MOMENT OF CHALLENGES The HIV community was born in the Reagan era, a time that may hold the closest parallel to today in terms of political conservatism and policies that impede an effective response to the epidemic. Today brings additional challenges, including a

weary and polarized population that has in many cases seen its standard of living decline as a direct result of the very policies Reagan unleashed.

As a young adult, I was raised in the HIV movement during the presidency of the first George Bush, and I know that this movement has much to offer those who are looking for the way forward today.

I have learned that our time, energy and passion are precious resources. That drives my urgency to ensure that we’re using them in the best possible ways to further justice and to help sustain our efforts, rather than exhausting ourselves without hope of success.

Working on key HIV issues, as well as being a part of broader movements concerned with our moment today, gives us the opportunity to combat HIV stigma, as we – people with HIV and their friends, families, and communities – stand shoulder to shoulder with old and new allies as we come to learn and appreciate the issues that affect each others’ lives.

Here are some ideas that we’re talking about in our #ActivistBasics effort:

GOING WITH WHAT WE KNOW: OURSELVES Just as I have reached out to comrades and loved ones, asking, “What are we doing?

What should I do?” others have reached out to me. It is an honor for us to hold each other in this moment, valuing each other’s hearts and minds and spirits, and sitting in uncertainty together. And in this uncertainty, I encourage us to go with what we know: ourselves.

In this moment, what do you know about your strengths, your skills, your drive? In what areas do you feel confident, and how can you bring that together with the areas in which you hope to grow?

Make a list of your skills and qualities, your areas of interest and those about which you are curious, and bring that self-knowledge to take your seat in our coming efforts for HIV justice.

There’s going to be a lot to do, and no one person can do it all, so go with what feels productive and important to you.

Make a list of what current initiatives and groups appeal to you. Then put them into a 2-by-2 grid. There are four boxes in a 2-by-2 grid: one for efforts that are easier for you and may have the most impact, one for those that are easy but may have less impact, plus one each for harder efforts that have more or less impact. That can help you decide where to start first – probably something in the box of things that are easier to do and have a greater possible impact.

You don’t have to go it alone. I encourage people to start an “affinity group,” a cluster of two to eight people you already know and trust who are dedicated to supporting each other. Whether you all work on different efforts and come together to replenish at a weekly potluck dinner, or whether you decide to join a group and work together to make sure you can get to the meetings and events, you’ll have this base to come home to in the long struggle ahead.

FEELING SCARED, MOVING FORWARD I’ve been an HIV journalist and activist since the pre-antiretroviral era, and I’m a Jewish queer and trans survivor of abuse and gender violence. I would say it’s been a rollercoaster of fear and panic since the election – but mostly the downhill plunge part.

I’m also a white, middle-class, HIV negative U.S. citizen with tremendous privilege and a good job. I live in a relatively amazing bubble of robust solidarity and safety in a place (New York City) that has vowed to resist the Trump agenda of deportation, registries and divisiveness and the expected deep and sweeping funding cuts and redistribution of public resources.

Pulling together #ActivistBasics isn’t just a way for me to feel useful. It’s the result of me going through the very process I’ve just recommended – looking at my skills, resources, realities and passions to determine what will help me connect with my past, calm my breath in the present and get ready to face the future. As always, it is an honor to work in the HIV community, and I welcome your ideas, your strategies and your collaboration. Q JD Davids is the managing editor of TheBody.com. Find him on Twitter @JDatTheBody. This article is an adaptation of a piece that originally published on TheBody.com. This column is a project of Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, TheBody. com and Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine.

HEALTH | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

q health

Happy

BY C. PETER STOKER

February! I hope everyone has NOT given up on the New Year’s resolutions you set last month. Only 58 percent of Americans will maintain their resolutions through January [Statistic Brain, 2017].

Just so you know, I fall into the 42 percent of Americans that didn’t maintain though January. So here we go on to February, full-steam ahead and ready to take on more of what 2017 throws at us. Hopefully to not let it bog us down too much and to rise above the ashes (sometimes literally).

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PRINCESS KENNEDY

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

princess kennedy

Haircuts helping homeless

BY PRINCESS KENNEDY

I’m not

sure where to begin in this column but I guess it will a plea for help. Every other month at my hair salon, Kennedy at Library Square, located in the downtown library, I have a benefit for the Volunteers of America youth services and shelter. I book haircuts all day from 9-5 on the third Friday and every single penny I earn is donated to the shelter, and to date have donated a thousand dollars and have the potential to give over $3,000.00 to a cause I feel very strongly about.

Let me tell you how it works: A haircut and blow dry is $40 for short hair, $55 for mediumlength, and $65 for long hair.

To book you email me through Yelp (Kennedy at Library Square) or on my website kennedyatlibrarysquare.com starting Monday, Feb. 13, and choose the ‘haircut for a cause’ option.

Okay, the self promotion part

of this article is now over.

I think even the blind and blissfully oblivious are aware of the critical situation we never found this city to be in with the rapidly growing homeless population. One that has made the city feel as of late has been quiet frankly, dangerous. I remember when I left Salt Lake City back in the early 1990’s and there was a handful of colorful homeless characters in the city, but on a whole we didn’t have anything that was considered a population. Having moved to San Francisco was such an overwhelming eye-opener.

It had been about 10 years after the Reagan administration had done a disastrous budget cut in the health care and in this case closed many of the mental psych institutions in the country, including three major ones in San Fancisco.

They literally sent the occupants out onto the streets, and

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when I had arrived it had a decade to fester and it was so overwhelming and dangerous and desperate feeling.

I get the exact same feeling of fear and concern here today as I did then. This is what we are looking at if we don’t get a handle on it. The homeless of the Bay Area got so out of control that you could not walk one city block without being panhandled at a minimum of three times, and the people became so desperate that most encounters turned confrontational. As I think back, a lot of violent behavior was due to the meth problem that was running rampant through the city. A client at the salon who works in vice for the Salt Lake City Police Department says ours is in the heroine market, so maybe it’s not so confrontational, but still it’s going nowhere good.

Lately there has been controversy over the future homeless shelter projects and I have to tell you I feel they are brilliant solutions. Even though my opinions aren’t very popular with the agitated social media set, I implore you to get more involved with what we are facing and become part of the solution because what I read translates to a bunch of cry baby straight-white-privilege. Nobody wants unsightly social unrest in there backyard, but it has to go somewhere and I feel a majority of the people fighting the mayor’s plans are people that have never been to the current homeless shelter.

If that’s the case for you let me fill you in on what it’s like down on Rio Grande. Let me preface with that I feel the people who run and work at the Road Home Shelter are doing the best they can with

what they have to work with but on a whole the current situation is garbage, largely from the trash and criminals that pray on the unfortunate homeless population. My friends who currently reside in the neighborhood have to deal with being mugged, drug dealers getting into there buildings, consistent gun fire, people passed out in there building, throw up and worse in their hallways. It’s terrible and 100 percent because it’s is all concentrated in one area of town. Yes splitting it up will help immensely.

It seems the most controversy comes with the shelter that is proposed to open in the Sugar House neighborhood.

I get that the way the city went about with the potential displacement of a certain local business was less than admirable and that there should be some sort of compensation; however, those of you on Facebook shouting to keep a hippy fuck warehouse over providing a shelter for women and children in danger and need makes you sound as if you’ve never paid any attention to the less fortunate.

I could get into the ins and outs of the shelters to come but I’ll leave you with this: Each one will serve a specific purpose, from veterans to LGBT-specific, and breaking up the current crime surge is the key. The first step is for you to get involved and become part of the solution because fighting to keep it out of your backyard is only making you part of the problem.

For more information on SLC homeless issues, future and insolent, visit www.voa. com Q

FEBRUARY 2016 | issue 2017 | issue262 | gaysaltlake.com 264 | Qsaltlake.com december

NEWS | |QSALTLAKE QSALTLAKEMAGAZINE MAGAZINE || 55 55 NIGHTLIFE

56 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

the perils of petunia pap smear

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Do you think if I had just given the deacons some Valentine candy, I could have avoided all this?

2. Does Hallmark have a greeting card for excommunication?

3. If I’m eating a cheese that is larger than my head, is that called head cheese?

4. Should I develop and market excommunication-themed parties?

5. Should I name these parties the Perdition Party Package?

6. Does this give me the title, Outer Darkness Diva?

These and other eternal questions shall be answered in future chapters of the Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

CRYPTOGRAM: I AM THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME. -LORD ALFRED DOUGLAS

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ANAGRAM: SAINT VALENTINE

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if they live, you have to survive through six more weeks of American Idol.

This brought some memories of my most memorable Valentine ever. Way back in 1999, during the Cretaceous Period, I had purchased a house in Logan. I know, it even had a cement foundation and everything. No more Trailer Trash for this Queen.

There is one inevitable event that occurs when a person moves in Utah. If by chance you have been able to slip undetected between the surly bonds of the ward directory, sometimes you can remain, in plain sight, for many years without being noticed. But, If you move to a different address, you draw undue attention to yourself.

This became manifest to me, the month after purchasing the house Logan. The deacons came around gathering fast offerings.

Silly me, I should have never answered the door. I tried to explain to the boys that I was not a member and that they had the wrong address.

Well, wouldn’t you know that the next month, the bishop’s first counselor came along with the fast offering deacons?

I carefully explained to the Brother (in my best Blanche Devereaux voice) that it would be best if they just went ahead and removed me from the membership rolls of the church.

He said that he would pass that information along to the bishop. Well, the next month I got a phone call from the bishop asking for a meeting. I told him to just go ahead and take my name off of the membership. He said that he couldn’t do that.

Finally I had to go and have a meeting with both the bishop and stake president and insist

7 8 2 4 9 1 3 6 5

to Valentine’s Day is fraught with danger and excitement.

It was a dark and stormy night and I was sitting in the nice, cozy basement of Chateau Pap Smear, sheltered from the blizzard. I was just zoning out watching those hunky twin Property Brothers on HGTV. Drew had just closed on the couple’s dream Fix-er-up-er and Johnathon was revealing the big re-model job to the buyers.

I was caught off guard by a commercial for Sherrie’s Berries, followed immediately by an advertisement for Vermont Teddy Bears.

Oh! MY! GAWD! It’s Valentine’s Day season again.

That most awkward, artificial, contrived, commercial reason that the greeting card companies have guilt us into spending money. According to the National Retail Federation, only about 55 percent of Americans celebrate Valentine’s Day, but those who do will shell out an average of $146.84. Holy crap, Beatrice! That’s a lot of chocolate! I just need to remember that in my etiquette classes, Miss Manners always stressed, “Never eat anything larger than my head.”

Every year when I have attempted to give a heart-shaped box of chocolate candy to the object of my affection, I usually was found hiding behind the sofa, having eaten the whole box before delivery.

I’ve always been a little bit unclear about the rules of love governing Valentine’s Day, but as close as I can figure out, you try and stab or shoot someone in the heart. Then you give them roses and chocolate and

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The road

5 1 3 7 4 2 9 8 6

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

seemed like a very good reason to have a party.

Quickly, I invited all my friends to my excommunication party. A few years earlier, I was able to purchase some old sacrament trays at Deseret Industries.

So I made some lime green Jell-o shots, which I served from the bread trays, and then served some peach Schnapps shots from the water trays. I invited a drag queen friend to perform Annie Lennox’s “Missionary Man,” complete with missionary strippers. Oh and of course, everything was topped off with a large serving of funeral potatoes.

they take my name off the records of the church. They said the only way was to proceed to a church court. They scheduled my church court to be on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 1999.

Nothing quite says, “I love you, would you be my Valentine,” like a church excommunication court.

I received the following Valentine: Dear “Sister Pap Smear,” This notice is to inform you that on 14 February, 1999, a disciplinary council was held in your behalf for conduct unbecoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, specifically homosexual relations, which is contrary to the laws and order of the Church. We are saddened that you chose not to attend the council and were not able to feel the love your brethren have for you. We wish to advise you that the decision of the council is that of excommunication from the Church. You are also informed that as a person who has been excommunicated you are no longer a member of the Church.

You do not enjoy any blessings of privileges of Church membership.

You may not wear temple garments or pay tithes and offerings.

This was great! Much better than getting a big heart-shaped box of chocolate. I just got told I could wear sexy, fun underwear of my own choosing, and I got a 10 percent raise in salary at the same time. Well, it

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The tale of the ultimate Valentine

FEBRUARY 2017 | issue 264 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 57

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58 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 264 | FEBRUARY 2017

Year Anniversary!

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