QSaltLake, February 2015

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UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

February 2015 Issue 240 GaySaltLake.com FREE

SUPREME COURT TO TAKE UP SAME-SEX MARRIAGE • KATHY GRIFFIN NICOLE HURST, TICKLED PINK PHOTOGRAPHY

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

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Supreme Court to hear same-sex marriage cases The Supreme Court agreed to consider four same-sex marriage cases from Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee. The cases will be consolidated and heard together.

They will hear 2-1/2 hours of oral arguments in April and issue a ruling before the current term ends in late June.

The new challenges to gay marriage bans are destined to become even more of a landmark than those decided by the court in 2013 — United States v. Windsor, which forced the federal government to recognize gay marriages, and Hollingsworth v. Perry, which made California the 13th state to allow them.

Those rulings did not resolve the main questions in the debate: whether gays and lesbians have a Constitutional right to marry and whether states have the right to ban same-sex marriage.

The justices had hinted that they were waiting for a split among federal appellate courts before hearing any of the cases. This indeed happened when the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit upheld four states’ marriage bans in November.

The justices, in their order, are asking the legal teams to limit their presentations to two very specific questions: 1) Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex? 2) Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-state?

Lyle Denniston, of SCOTUSblog and a pundit on the Court, said the Court was focusing on the core Constitutional issues raised by same-sex marriage laws.

“Although the Court said explicitly that it was limiting review to the two basic issues, along the way the Justices may have to consider what constitutional tests they are going to apply to state bans, and what weight to give to policies that states will claim to justify one or the other of the bans,” he wrote.

“After decades of debate and litigation, we have made the case for the freedom to marry already; the justices—like the American people—no doubt already know the answer, and it’s time now to bring the country to national resolution,” Evan Wolfson, the founder and president of the advocacy group Freedom to Marry, said before the court announced that it would hear the appeal. “Every day that marriage is denied is a day of injury, indignity and injustice…it is urgent that the Court

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.) affirm the freedom to marry and equality under the law nationwide without further delay and without leaving any family or state out.”

Marriage equality supporters need at least one of the five conservative justices on the bench to side with all four of the liberal justices in a ruling declaring bans on same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional in order for marriage equality to become law of the land nationwide.

Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes says that his office will file an amicus brief with the court before the cases are heard.

“We are pleased that the Supreme Court of the United States has chosen to grant Certiorari, review briefs and hear arguments regarding a state’s authority to define marriage and that this process will provide all citizens with clarity and resolution on an issue of such importance,” Reyes said in a a statement.

Equality Utah is hopeful that the Court will rule in favor of marriage equality.

“This is a defining moment for gay Americans. All gay and lesbian couples deserve the freedom to marry who they love. We look forward to the Supreme Court determining once and for all that LGBT Americans do enjoy equal protections under the law,” Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams said in a statement.

Same-sex couples can marry in 36 states, most recently including Florida, but cannot in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee, along with 10 other states.

Idaho Poll: 2/3 believe discrimination against gays should be illegal A new poll shows that two-thirds of Idahoans believe it should be against state law to discriminate against gays, lesbians and

transgender people in housing, employment and business. The poll by by Dan Jones & Associates asked 520 Idaho adults in late December found that 67 percent thought such discrimination should be illegal, while 27 percent did not and 6 percent didn’t know. The poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 4.3 percent The poll was commissioned by Idaho Politics Weekly, a new online newsletter created by Zions Bank, that will provide monthly research from the prominent Utah polling firm.

Salt Lake men attacked, called anti-gay names Two men were assaulted in the driveway of their own home across the street from Club Jam as their assailants used anti-gay epithets. Police have not yet filed charges against the assailants, but are looking at treating the assault as a hate crime.

Boyfriends Taylor Lamont and Maxwell Christen and their friend Rusty Andrade, were returning home from a Christmas party at about 2 a.m. Dec. 21. As they made their way from their car to their house, Maxwell and Rusty were approached by two men who began calling them faggots.

“They were calling us faggots,” Andrade said in an interview with 4News. “They said, ‘do you want a problem faggot?’ And I said, ‘get out of here.’ They told me we need to get out of there. I said, ‘I live here.’”

One of the men then allegedly punched Andrade in the head so hard that he went to the ground and passed out. The other allegedly jumped onto Maxwell and was beating him.

Lamont, who was in the garage getting a cake meant to celebrate Andrade’s birthday that night, heard the yelling and ran towards the attackers.

“Maxwell was on the ground with a guy on top of him and Rusty looked disoriented and then he went down on the ground,” Lamont said.

Lamont grabbed the man who was on top of Christen and put him in a choke hold to get him to let go. Christen was able to get up and go after the man on top of Andrade as he continued to “hit Rusty in the face.”

Frank, the head of security at Club Jam, heard the commotion from across the street and ran over to help. The two attackers fled, but one had dropped his wallet in the scuffle.

Police were called and arrived as the men returned to get their wallet. The men were taken into custody but not arrested that night, according to Salt Lake City Police Department spokesman Det. Greg Wilking.

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

If the Supreme Court rules against same-sex marriage, what happens to couples in Utah?

A conference call organized by Marriage Equality USA showed extreme optimism that the U.S. Supreme Court will rule in favor of same-sex marriage later this year and perhaps will even finally recognize LGBT people as a “protected class” that deserves heightened scrutiny in all related cases.

QSaltLake editor Michael Aaron, however, asked the experts in the call to talk about what would happen if the “worst-case scenario” were to happen and the court rules against same-sex marriage.

Would those who married in Utah and other states still be married later this year?

Would those who haven’t yet married still be able to marry? Or would the laws that were on the books before the court decided not to hear same-sex marriage appeals, including Judge Robert Shelby’s decision that Amendment 3 and all other laws on Utah’s books that limited marriage to opposite-sex partners, come back to life?

John Lewis, Marriage Equality USA Director of Legal and Policy, noted that the language of the Windsor ruling that overturned portions of the Defense of Marriage Act in 2013 was very strong.

“First, two years ago in the Windsor decision, the court used very powerful language when they overturned DOMA,” Lewis said. “Justice Kennedy wrote about

how not accepting same-sex marriages ‘humiliates tens of thousands of children now being raised by same-sex couples’ and called DOMA a federal law motivated by a ‘bare ... desire to harm’.”

“This is VERY strong language and I cannot imagine that he could back away from what he put out to the world in that ruling.” Lewis continued.

Clyde J. Wadsworth, who was co-counsel on Romer v Evans — a 1996 case that determined a Colorado amendment that refused gay, lesbian and bisexual citizens the ability to argue they were a protected class, said his thoughts while being asked this question made him even more optimistic the court would side with marriage equality.

“If the court ruled against [marriage equality], it would be a huge mess,” Wadsworth said. “The questions about what the states which were court-ordered to recognize same-sex marriage would start all over again. What would happen to marriages already occurred? What about people who move to other states? What would be the resolution for all those already married? It makes me feel positive about what the result will be. The court knew that it would be a huge mess to go back, once all of these states started allowing same-sex couples to

marry. Conservatives on the court would never have let this happen if they thought they could get Justice Kennedy to rule in their favor. It gives me a lot of hope. There is no certainty of course, but this puts me back to my optimism in how this is going to happen.”

Joshua A. Newville, the lead attorney representing 13 same-sex couples in challenges to North and South Dakotas’ bans on same-sex marriage, echoed the sentiment that by not deciding the cases last year, the court has actually decided the cases.

“It is extremely unlikely that the court will rule against marriage equality,” Newville said. “The practical effect would be that states which passed same-sex marriage laws already, and those where the decision was made at a state court level, would be fine. States [like Utah] where a federal judicial decree gained them marriage equality, in the immediate term would be fine, unless someone with standing tried to challenge the decision to reverse it. That would be a tricky concept.

These are the reasons we believe that there is no way the court could rule against us.

No one really wants to answer this question, because it is simply too tricky.”

“In order to get standing to go to the federal courts and get a ruling that a state law is declared unconstitutional reversed, they would have to show that they are being harmed in some way,” Lewis added. “That would be extremely difficult.

Further, there are complicated state and federal laws. This would not be automatic at all. They would have to get back into a court to get a ban enforced.”

Lewis also offered solace to same-sex couples who have gotten married since the bans were overturned.

“People who got married since the federal order that a state’s laws barring samesex marriage was unconstitutional, I think those people should feel very safe that their marriages will remain intact,” Lewis said. “There is a theoretical vulnerability, and those in certain positions should take efforts to reinforce and protect their legal rights.”

Lewis went on to say that he believes that the court will not do a “half step” like they did in 2013 with Windsor and Prop 8 decisions.

Asked about the possibility of Kennedy changing sides in the decision because he

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supports states’ rights, all on the call said that there is no likelihood of that.

“Justice Kennedy starts the discussion of states’ rights in the Windsor decision by saying the states’ rights to define marriage are subject to the Constitutional guarantees of the rights of individuals,” Wadsworth said. “If states were completely in charge of marriage laws, they could enact laws to ban interracial marriage, which is obviously not the case.”

“This is an obvious clue that he is leaving open the possibility that state marriage laws will fall if the court concludes that individual rights are violated by banning gay marriage,” Wadsworth continued.

“Kennedy’s words were incredibly powerful,” Newville said. “It would be hard to imagine someone who used that kind of language on marriage in a court decision — that marriage is the coming together for better or worse; that denying the right to marriage tells those couples, and all the world, that their otherwise valid marriages are unworthy of federal recognition; an unstable position of being in a second-tier marriage; the differentiation demeans the couple, whose moral and sexual choices the Constitution protects — it is hard to imagine how Kennedy and the others will make that Constitutional.”

Peggy Tomsic, lead counsel for Utah’s successful challenge of Amendment 3 and other state laws that prohibit same-sex marriage, was also positive in a separate conversation. She says that those wondering how the court will respond is like “everyone reading tea leaves and hoping for the right outcome that brings the fairness and equality to the entire nation that now exists in the 36 states in which same

sex marriage and marriage recognition is required, including Utah.”

“From my personal perspective, it is difficult to imagine how the Supreme Court can issue a ruling that calls into question all the marriages that have occurred as a result of its failure to grant the petitions which it denied in October, particularly in light of the harm that results from marriage discrimination as recognized in Windsor,” Tomsic said. “That result would create additional equal protection, as well as state law and other constitutional issues. In addition, public opinion, including in Utah, now is in favor marriage equality.

The sky has not fallen and the earth has not ended with marriage equality. Life has gone on as usual except same sex couples

and their families are living their constitutional rights for their first time in their lives.”

The court will be answering two specific questions: 1) Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex?

2) Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-state?

It is expected that a hearing will take place in late April and that a decision will be released by the end of June.

In time for many larger Gay Pride Days. Q

Salt Lake, Boise named among ‘queerest cities in America’ again according to ‘The Advocate’ Salt Lake City has once again made The Advocate magazine’s list of “queerest cities in America,” coming in 6th place this year.

The city has been listed for the past four years, and took top honors in 2012, raising the eyebrows of skeptics across the nation.

Boise, Idaho, took 12th place this year.

The list is actually pretty tongue-incheek, in that the qualifications used to judge the cities changes each year and include such things as whether the touring Broadway show “Kinky Boots” made a stop there.

This year’s criteria were: one point for cities with trans-inclusive nondiscrimination ordinances, a point for each proequality Islamic house of worship, a point for each LGBT-friendly Jewish temple, a point for a Pink Pistols chapter, a point for a development specifically designed for

LGBT seniors, and a point for each Broadway show that toured the city among “Wicked,” “The Book of Mormon,” and “Kinky Boots.” The total is then divided by the population of the city.

Oddly, the city garnered points for having a gay gun club (Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah) and “Wicked” showing at the Capitol Theatre, but not for having an inclusive Jewish temple, though Congregation Kol Ami is gay-affirming, has hosted the Utah Pride Interfaith Service and recently had a lesbian rabbi.

Salt Lake City was right behind the following top five cities: 1. Dayton, Ohio 2. Atlanta, Ga. 3. West Palm Beach, Fla. 4. Lansing, Mich.

5. Madison, Wis.

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

TLC show treads into the Utah ‘mixed-orientation marriage’ phenomenon Garnering

only a million viewers even after weeks of controversy (which some call publicity), TLC’s My Husband’s Not Gay didn’t even retain the 1.4 million viewers from a rerun of Sister Wives preceding it.

“Your husband may not be gay, but he’s not that interesting, either,” wrote Orlando Sentinal TV critic Hal Boedeker.

But, while the show may have bombed, and while the producers never mentioned that all of the couples on the show are leaders in North Star International, whose web site describes the group as “place of community for Latter-day Saints dealing with issues surrounding homosexual attraction and gender identity who desire to live in harmony with the teachings of Jesus Christ and the doctrines and values of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” the topic of gay men and lesbians marrying heterosexuals to stay within the tenets of the church teachings is one that has been part of Utah’s culture for decades, and this new, supposedly more positive, spin on the way of life is worth a conversation.

hearing later this month.

“I would prefer for them to leave me alone,” he wrote, “but if given the choice between denying my conscience and facing excommunication, I’d much rather be excommunicated.”

The numbers behind his study tell a depressing story for gay Mormons in so-called “mixed-orientation marriages.” Between 51 and 69 percent of such partnerships end in

American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association and the American Counseling Association, among many other medical and mental health organizations — can range from masturbatory reconditioning and creative visualization to aversive treatments that pair electric shocks or nausea-inducing drugs with the presentation of homoerotic stimuli.

According to an American Psychological Association study, although some participants in the therapy report experiencing a lessening of homosexual feelings, these instances are “rare” and “uncommon,” and concluded that “given the limited amount of methodically sound research, claims that [reparative therapy] is effective are not supported.”

MORMON STORIES’ JOHN DEHLIN

John Dehlin, a doctoral student of clinical and counseling psychology at Utah State University and LGBT activist, working with Bill Bradshaw, a retired professor of molecular biology at Brigham Young University, published a historic 1,612-person survey of LGBT/same-sex attracted members of the Mormon church, producing statistics that further bolster the argument that, however complicated human sexuality may be, “praying away the gay” does more harm than good — and bringing a spouse along for the ride can be even more damaging. The survey was the largest of its kind, soliciting responses through the Internet from Mormons in 48 states and 22 countries.

The results? Married gay Mormons are three times as likely to get divorced.

The study, combined with Dehlin’s outspoken advocacy, has led to the commencement of excommunication proceedings against him by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on charges of apostasy for supporting same-sex marriage and the ordination of women.

Dehlin wrote on his blog that his regional church leader had scheduled a disciplinary

divorce; in comparison, roughly 26 percent of all Mormon marriages end in divorce.

More than 70 percent of LGBT or “samesex attracted” — the term used by members of the church who acknowledge they are sexually and/or romantically attracted to members of the same sex but don’t identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual — Mormons end up leaving the church, either on their own volition or through excommunication.

ATTEMPTS TO CHANGE A staggering 80 percent of respondents said they had undergone attempts to “change” their sexual orientation — 85 percent of those attempts were through a combination of religious and personal efforts, 31 percent were private efforts exclusively, 40 percent were through so-called “reparative therapists” and 21 percent were through group efforts.

The tactics used in reparative therapy — dismissed as dangerous quackery by the

DRIVEN TO MARRY

These mixed-orientation marriages are driven by a struggle between faith and sexuality. The attempts to rewire human sexual desire are closely tied to the Mormon subjects’ desire to get married within the church, one of the nine “saving ordinances,” or rituals required for exaltation after death.

According to a national religious survey conducted by Trinity College in 2008, 86 percent of Mormons are either married or have been married, the highest rate for any religious group in the United States.

This comports well with the experience of Jared Fronk, an economics Ph.D. in Washington D.C. and former member of the church.

“Not getting married is not an option.

Unwed members are looked down upon with pity by all and contempt by more than a few,” Fronk said. “Since heterosexual marriage is the purpose of life, it is assumed that anyone who does not get married (barring

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any obvious impediment) must therefore be secretly sinful or otherwise unworthy of the Lord’s blessings. It surpasses my skill with words to describe the sheer weight of cultural norms and religious dogma that drives gay men and women into heterosexual Mormon marriages.”

Although Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th president of the church, declared in 1987 that “marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices,” he did subtly endorse reparative therapy by announcing that marriage would be attainable once an LDS member overcame homosexual feelings “with a firm and fixed determination never to slip to such practices again.”

“Not getting married is not an option.

Unwed members are looked down upon with pity by all and contempt by more than a few.”

That “firm and fixed determination” has led to mixed relationship results for LGBT Mormons: 42 percent of respondents in the historic survey are single, and 16 percent say they are one-half of a heterosexual marriage; just more than twice that percentage are in committed same-sex relationships.

Peer-reviewed studies of mixed-orientation marriages have shown that many such relationships are rooted in religious approval of the “traditional” nuclear family — but these arrangements seldom work out. According to one German study, most of these marriages collapse due to infidelity as wife and lover compete for exclusivity: “The ‘love triangle’ can rarely be closed.”

“There is talk of lifelong celibacy as an option for gay men and women,” Fronk says, “but I have never heard of a success story.

Every case of which I have heard has ended with either a mixed-orientation marriage or the man or woman ‘falling away’ from the LDS church, which in Mormondom is a fate far, far worse than death. I think most Mormon parents would rather their child die in righteousness — and thus be assured a place in heaven — than live in sin.”

LEAVING THE CHURCH

The survey backs up Fronk’s assertions. The cognitive dissonance for those Mormons who came to discover their feelings were intractable pushed more than half to reject their faith entirely: 53 percent of the survey’s respondents rejected their LDS identity, compared with only 6 percent who rejected their LGBT identity.

Although there are a few organizations that aim to bridge the divide between LGBT and Mormon identity, only 4 percent of the people surveyed say they have “integrated” the two, like Jimmy Hales, star of a viral coming-out video wherein he declares that

being a gay Mormon means he’s “going to lead a celibate life. Sucks.” But there’s no way around it. After all, “the doctrine of the Mormon church isn’t going to change.”

The lives behind the numbers are even more complicated. While most Americans know the Mormon church hasn’t exactly been a champion of gay rights, its history with homosexuality in principle and gay church members in practice is more complicated.

In a briefing on homosexuality, the LDS church states that “the church firmly believes that all people are equally beloved children of God and deserve to be treated with love and respect,” quoting apostle Elder Quentin L. Cook in stating that “as a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach. Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender.” The church has tepidly supported statutes protecting LGBT Americans from workplace and housing discrimination. Mormon.org features a biography of a gay Mormon as part of its “I’m a Mormon” campaign, and the church has even created a website to address its relationship with the LGBT community.

But as LGBT people around the world have learned from Pope Francis, kind words haven’t always translated into kind actions.

Hinckley himself stated in Ensign, the church magazine, that “we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of Godsanctioned marriage.”

The church has also flexed its muscle on LGBT-rights issues in the public sphere.

Involvement by the church and proxy organizations in the Proposition 8 battle in California is widely seen as key to the initiative’s passage, with as much as half of the $40 million raised on behalf of the measure contributed by Mormons. The church has also historically maintained uncomfortably close ties with organizations that practice reparative therapy, including experiments at Brigham Young in the 1970s that delivered powerful electric shocks to the genitals of men experiencing arousal while watching gay pornography.

ATTRACTION VS. ACTIONS

According to Fronk, the thin line between homosexual attraction and homosexual actions is blurrier than some church officials make it out to be.

“In official discourse, same-gender at-

traction is often likened to a short temper or a problem with drugs: a weakness to be overcome but not a sin in itself. Acting on those impulses is what incurs God’s wrath,” Fronk explains. “All that said, my experience growing up as an active member of the LDS church was that there was no fine distinction made between the two. Being gay was a sin. Full stop. In the pantheon of mortal sins, only murder out-eviled homosexuality.”

The feeling of failure was as devastating as the feeling of same-sex attraction itself.

“I grew up thinking gays were the worst of sinners,” Fronk said. “Murderers you could kind of respect, but gays were just disgusting. I fought against acknowledging my own homosexuality for years, cycling through periods of intense depression and zealotry, convinced each time that through sheer force of prayer I could become straight and devastated anew at each failure.”

“In the pantheon of mortal sins, only murder out-eviled homosexuality.”

When homosexual desires aren’t being described as a moral flaw, Fronk says, church members refer to it as a “disease,” a status homosexuality held in official doctrine until 1992. Blessings of healing are one of the principle sacraments of the Mormon faith, leading to the widely held belief that sufficient faith, prayer and fasting can cure anyone of the gay “disease.” Anyone failed to be cured is judged to have been insufficiently righteous.

“I served my full-time mission for the church entirely confident that for my unwavering devotion to God, He would surely heal me of my affliction,” Fronk said. “After honorably completing my service, I returned home to promptly fall in (unrequited) love with one of my best male friends, which only made me think that I had somehow failed to purge some blight of wickedness from my own soul, if God were willing to allow my curse of same-gender attraction to continue.”

THE SPOUSES

Mixed-orientation marriages are just as difficult for straight spouses. According to a University of Chicago study, between 2 and 4 percent of ever-married American women have either knowingly or unknowingly married a gay man. According to the Straight Spouse Network, an online forum for the heterosexual spouses of LGBT men and women, “the process straight spouses go through is often described as being similar to the grieving process after the death of a loved one ... however, in the case of a straight spouse, frequently the LGBT spouse is still around and involved in your life to some degree, and thus there is no clear point CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

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at which grieving ends.”

Prominent sexologist and social worker Joe Kort has controversially stated that “straight individuals rarely marry gay people accidentally,” a common narrative that leaves many heterosexual wives of gay men blaming themselves, often too embarrassed to seek support from family or friends. A Journal of Homosexuality report suggests that the side affects of the revelation that your spouse is gay — social isolation, stigma and a dearth of support — can be even more damaging than the end of a marriage.

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These are real people and real marriages. The comic trope of the flamboyant husband and the clueless wife has been bandied about in popular culture forever, from Arrested Development and Parks and Recreation to TLC’s execrable My Husband’s Not Gay, a “special event” from the clogged toilet of American culture that brought you America’s Worst Tattoos and I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

My Husband’s Not Gay, the latest in TLC’s long line of exploitative, voyeuristic freakshows masquerading as documentaries, follows four men who experience samesex attraction but don’t want to live a “gay lifestyle.” It’s been slammed as “downright

Q mmunity QSaltLake raises enough funds to send issues to Utah libraries A crowd-funding project to raise enough funds to print and ship issues of QSaltLake to libraries across the country has reached the 5-month mark. Issues, beginning with this one, will begin reaching the rural areas of the state immediately.

irresponsible” by Sarah Kate Ellis, the president and CEO of GLAAD, and more than 130,000 people have signed an online petition claiming that the show promotes “reparative therapy” and calling for its cancellation.

The decisions made by the men in My Husband’s Not Gay and by the 1,612 people in the Dehlin-Bradshaw survey are, largely, their choices to make, although many of those subjected to reparative therapy are children, treated through coercion or downright force. Rather than laughing at their own delusion and their spouses’ misfortune, we should be making the world a safer place for LGBT people to live full lives with authenticity and honesty.

For Fronk, the journey to selfacceptance took years — and the concerted efforts of people who loved him for who he was.

“In the end, I was one of the lucky ones. One day I finally had the courage to begin praying to understand God’s will rather than ask him to change me. I then had my own spiritual experiences that convinced me that God had been trying to guide me all along: I had simply been asking the wrong questions,” Fronk said. “There was nothing wrong with me to fix.

God loved me. And he wanted me to be truly happy, which for me meant accepting who I am.” Q

The campaign will continue to run and fundraisers are planned to reach the goal of a full year.

QSaltLake wishes to thank Craig Ogan, Brett Pehrson, Brad Case, Dale Briggs, Andrew McCullough, Dale Sheld, Ryan Curtis, Jennya and Anna Ray, Edward Bernardin, Stephen Sherman, Misty Fowler, Mary Olsen, Maranne Green, John Higgs and the riders of the Big Gay Fun us for their donations.

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

Q ua l i ty and Af fo rd a b l e F u n e ra l s Serving the entire State of Utah

At Serenity Funeral Home, we understand that the loss of a family member or other loved one can be difficult.

Weber State to open new LGBT Resource Center Continuing its efforts to promote diversity and unity, Weber State University will open its new LGBT Resource Center on Jan. 27. The center is housed in the Students Services Center on WSU’s Ogden Campus.

“We are truly living out our inclusivity statement,” said Adrienne Gillespie Andrews, WSU special assistant to the president for diversity. “We are inclusive and welcoming to people of all walks of life on our campus and our campus community.”

LGBT Resource Center coordinator Jayson Stokes said that LGBT students face similar needs and challenges as other minority groups on campus. The new resource center is designed to help meet those needs.

“The primary purpose of the center is to consolidate resources for LGBT students and to advocate for students in terms of campus climate and extracurricular activities,” he said.

The vision statement of the new center is “celebrating the fullness of who you are, where you are.” Andrews said that to carry out that vision, the center would focus on its mission statement, which is “cultivating a welcoming and safe environment for the LGBT community, their families, friends and allies through access, learning and support.”

The center will offer various trainings for students, faculty

and community members to help people better understand the LGBT community and its unique challenges and terminology. Safe zone allied trainings and transgender trainings will be offered to educate participants about sexual orientation, gender, gender identity and gender expression.

In addition, the center will offer activities such as a book club and a film series. The center also will collaborate with other university departments for various events.

Andrews worked closely with WSU President Charles Wight and Provost Michael Vaughan, who both gave their full support to the project. The Center for Diversity and Unity presented the project to the president’s council, the board of trustees and finally to the Utah State Board of Higher Education, all of which approved the creation of the center.

“This project moved me to tears because the commitment of our president and our provost was exceptional,” Andrews said. “They were willing to ask tough questions, they supported our students, and they were willing to dedicate the resources necessary to make this a successful endeavor.

When you have that level of leadership around diversity and inclusion, anything is possible.”

For more information, visit weber.edu/lgbtresourcecenter.

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16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

“

“If the high court resolves the issue as expected

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

in June, it could deliver a decision that has the benefit of largely neutralizing a debate that a majority of Americans believe Republicans are on the wrong side of — and well ahead of the party’s 2016 presidential primaries. To have the question disposed of and dispensed with, many Republicans say, could make their opinions on the matter largely moot, providing a political escape hatch that gives them an excuse to essentially say: ‘It’s been settled. Let’s move on.’”

“

This show is downright irresponsible. No one can change who they love, and, more importantly,

“

I started this petition because these men

and acceptance. TLC is presenting their lives

Within the world of

By investing in this

as entertainment and

Mormon progressives, this

dangerous programming,

sending the dangerous

TLC is putting countless

message that being gay is

young LGBT people in

something that can and

harm’s way.”

ought to be changed.”

“

week’s news seems like a confirmation of the worst fears they entertained last June: that the church is actively purging its membership of dissenters.”

—The Daily Beast

welcomes your

deserve compassion

no one should have to.

—New York Times

QSaltLake Magazine

letters to the editor.

Please send your letter

of 300 words or less to

letters@qsaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit

for length or libel if a letter

—GLAAD President &

—Josh Sanders of

CEO Sarah Kate Ellis

Virginia Beach, VA

is chosen for publication.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

Don R. Austin, LCSW Family, Criminal and LGBT Law A down-to-earth law firm that aims for solutions, not fights We help you develop the most cost-effective strategy to meet your goals for your case. Our mission is to give a voice to underrepresented people and to empower our clients through a wide variety of legal services.

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

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I asked several dating experts how my BFF, Peaches, can reignite his love life now that he’s a single gay dad.

They offered a lot of great suggestions about what all single gay parents looking for love should do — and not do. Well, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and Peaches is still single.

He and I chat pretty frequently about what’s going on, and I try to be helpful.

But let’s face it, what I know about dating couldn’t fill a thimble. I mean, I’m smart enough to know not to date serial killers or guys who live with their mother, but that’s about it.

So, I asked those same experts with whom I spoke about in last month’s column to answer one more question for Peaches and every other single gay dad or lesbian mom: What is the single most important piece of advice for LGBT parents to remember when dating? Here’s what they had to say.

Trish McDermott, the dating coach at OneGoodLove.com and a single lesbian mom — “Choice is the most important driver of happy, healthy relationships.

Don’t underestimate the power of choice in your life and in the lives of your children. Say ‘no,’ a lot. Don’t settle. Choose someone who is honest and kind and willing to do the work a relationship requires.

“We all need to make good dating choices, but when you’re a single gay or lesbian parent, choice becomes even more important, as bad choices create bad outcomes for your children.”

Jennifer Kelman, LCSW — “Take it slow. Kids of gay parents have a lot to deal with due to external pressures, so don’t add the chaos that dating can sometimes bring to their lives. Live a full life, love and be loved and that is how you will enjoy the dating process and eventually a

long-term relationship.”

April Masini, the woman behind the online advice column, “Ask Amy” — “As a parent, you have to take good care of yourself in all aspects of your life. That means taking care of your sex life and your romantic life. To be a great parent, it’s important that you date and be happy in all the adult facets of your own life.”

David Cruz, of televisions, Millionaire Matchmaker — “First of all, know your value and self worth. Just because you are a single parent doesn’t mean you are not capable of finding love and a relationship.”

Recognizing your value and self worth can be difficult. No matter how fun TV sitcoms make it look, parenting is an arduous and thankless job.

As a single parent, you have to make time to heal before you start dating again.

And that’s not always easy. As Trish McDermott told me, “Healing requires some pain. Learning from our relationships requires a willingness to examine them and carefully consider our role, for better and for worse. Something went wrong in your last relationship. If you don’t own up to your part of the problem, you’ll just bring it with you into your next relationship.”

Being a parent often means you have to continue some level of relationship with your ex whether you want to or not.

How you handle the new dynamic speaks volumes about your character. In my opinion, Peaches is navigating those waters admirably well.

Peaches, my brother from a Scottish mother, remember you are amazing.

Any guy smart enough to catch you will forever be thanking his lucky stars. Go get him.

And Happy Valentine’s Day to my own heartthrob, Kelly. Hubba hubba! Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

Qhealth Winner

Which sexually transmitted diseases can be cured, and which can’t?

BY PETER STOKER

In the

September 2014 issue of QSaltLake, we talked about widespread sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in Utah. In this column we will talk about these curable, and some incurable, STIs. First, we must classify the STIs into three categories: bacterial, viral and parasitic. Only bacterial and parasitic infections are curable. Viruses you are stuck with … sorry folks.

So which STIs are most rampant in Utah and in the country as a whole? The top six are chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV) and HIV/AIDS. Of these, three are curable and three are only treatable, meaning the symptoms are treated but the virus will always be present.

Chlamydia is a bacterial infection that is transmitted through anal, oral and vaginal sex. This can infect the vagina, penis, rectum and eyes. Symptoms include unusual discharge, painful intercourse, burning sensation when urinating. However, there is hope it is curable through antibiotics.

Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection that is transmitted through anal, oral and vaginal sex. One can have inflammation of the testicles or prostate, as well infection of the eyes, throat, blood, skin and joints (arthritic symptoms). This, too, is curable through antibiotics.

Syphilis is a bacterial infection that is transmitted through the three common ways mentioned before, however, now we will include skin-to-skin contact (intimate touching). This is characterized in four steps as first an open sore occurs on or around the genitals. Second, a rash develops on the hands and/or feet. Third, the bacteria damages internal organs, muscles, tissue, etc. Finally, in the last stage, syphilis does the most damage by destroying the lungs, heart, brain

tissue, eyes, etc. Death may occur. However, if you are treated with antibiotics in stage one, you will be cured.

Genital Herpes is a virus that is transmitted through all the ways we have described previously. Because this is a virus, it is not curable with antibiotics.

One can only treat the symptoms. Those symptoms include blisters, lower back pain, painful urination, and flu-like symptoms.

Genital herpes can be spread from one partner to another by simple intimate skin contact with or without blisters present.

HPV (Genital Warts) is a virus that has over 40 different types that infects at least 50 percent of the sexually active population in the United States. This infection can be transmitted through all the previous ways stated, however, only when, or if, warts are present. This is an incurable infection. The treatment for genital warts is like a common wart. Doctors use the same techniques as if the wart were on your finger or hand.

HIV/AIDS is a virus and therefore incurable. This virus can be transmitted through anal, oral and vaginal sex. It also is transmitted via blood contact (i.e., sharing drug needles, piercing needles, medicinal needles) and breast milk.

There are many more STIs infecting people every day; however, we have only covered the most common both here in Utah and in the United States. Please continue to educate yourselves and learn how to protect yourself. Even if using protection, some infections live on the skin and therefore, a condom does not protect all of the skin.

Please protect yourself with condoms and other barriers, as well as getting tested regularly for HIV and other STIs. Stay clean. Stay smart. Stay alive. Q C. Peter Stoker, is a community health educator at the Weber-Morgan Health Dept.

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

lambda lore

Same-sex love

BY BEN WILLIAMS

Well there

certainly is a hullabaloo on Facebook over The Learning Channel’s newest attempt at dumbing down America, as if Honey Boo Boo wasn’t enough.

Now they are promoting a program called My Husband’s Not Gay. I know, all our eyes just rolled to the back of our heads.

While there are defenders of this type of programming, I find that the idea of marrying a woman to overcome “same-sex attraction” is a dangerous throwback to the days when gay men were counseled repeatedly, often by well meaning LDS bishops, to marry and that filthy homosexual desires would fade with the shimmering magic of vaginal intercourse.

Nearly 20 years ago, Mormon church president Gordon B. Hinckley said “Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.” And at the same time for the past 20 years, LDS-affiliated reparation therapy groups such as Evergreen and North Star (isn’t that the home of all the Lost Boys?) are again pushing this notion that with enough grit and gumption, by golly you can have sex with a woman if you try hard enough and close your eyes. (Reverse that image if you are a lesbian married to a straight man.)

LDS President Spencer W. Kimball, in 1971, made a bold generalization about gay people when he said at a conference, “There are said to be millions of perverts who have relinquished their natural affection and bypassed courtship and normal marriage relationships. This practice is spreading like a prairie fire and changing our world. They [the perverts] are without ‘natural affection’ for God, for spouses, and even for children.”

Thankfully times have mostly changed and gay people are not called perverts by general authorities anymore, well at least in public, but gays of my generation, the Baby Boomers who came to age in the 1970s, were bombarded with negative messages about homosexuality. And nowhere were these barrages more incendiary than in the Mormon Church. We were called

“the molesters of children; the corrupters of youth.”

The July 1974 issue of Ensign had this to say, “Many homosexuals seek to introduce others into their practice, often those in their tender, impressionable years. Many studies have indicated that such early homosexual experience may interfere with normal sexual adjustment in subsequent marriage…Just as the Word of Wisdom is the Lord’s way with or without medical proof of its value to our health, so likewise the moral law taught by the Church does not require any medical proof of its value to our spiritual and physical health. It is sufficient that the Lord has told us to marry, to have children, and to do this according to the righteous ways of the law of God. In this lies physical health, emotional stability, and true happiness.”

It is not unfair to say that Kimball was obsessed with homosexuality. As an apostle he was called to counsel men with homosexuality tendencies, and perhaps it scared the bejesus out of him to know there were so many queer men in Zion. He once said that he found it hard to believe that one would make a conscious decision to be homosexual; instead he concocted the idea that homosexuality had to be a spiritual disorder based on pure “selfishness.” Without any data to support this, he went on to maintain that homosexual behavior was changeable. Kimball used as a measurement of success at “changing” by the amount of homosexual men who married after being counseled by him. This was proof to him that behavior could change.

It might be well noted that Boyd K Packer, Thomas Monson, and Dallin Oaks are all contemporaries of Kimball and sustained his theories that a cure for homosexuality is possible.

Dr. Robert D. Card, M.D. was the go to guy in the 1970s on issues regarding homosexuality for the LDS Church. He also supported Kimball’s belief that marriage equaled a cure. When asked about the success rate for curing homosexuality, which at the time also included shock treatments; many done on BYU students by Dr. Card,

he replied in 1975, “As to ‘curing’ homosexuality, I’m afraid that the measure of success that I’m looking for is marriage.”

All this is background material on why so many LDS men married women in the 1970s and 1980s. We were told time and time again that marriage would take away these “unnatural feelings.” After all, homosexuality was what we did not who we were. When I went into counseling as a BYU student I was told by a therapist not to think of myself as being a homosexual because then change is impossible. It was only something I experienced or felt. I was young I was naive and I believed his bullshit.

The following year I fell in love with a young man who later I learned was married and had a son. He too had been persuaded to marry as a cure. I was devastated when BYU and Utah County police did a raid to purge the hidden gay community at BYU. The young man I was in love tried to commit suicide but I managed to save his life.

I was barely 25 years old, alone and scared when I was disfellowshipped and kicked out of BYU. Because my offense was homosexuality, I was not allowed to attend my former student branch. I was contagious. I was diseased. I had to be quarantined. The irony is that if I had fooled around with a girl, yes I would have stilled been disfellowshipped, but I could have remained in a BYU branch.

None of my family was Mormon. The kids at BYU were my family. They even put us in groups and called us a family. But now I was in exile. Expelled from Paradise and I was back then “a true believer.” Additionally, each bishop I went to during my disfellowship counseled me to marry. I was young. I was smart. Homosexuality was a phase. Get married. Once you are with a woman all will be right. Wrong desires would be replaced with holy ones. Get married, have children, expand your priesthood and all would be made right in the sight of God. Blah blah blah. But I obeyed.

Nine months after being disfellowshipped, living in a cold dark miserable

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

apartment in the Avenues, before they became gentrified, I was a very lonely boy. I would sing myself to sleep singing Queen’s “Find Me Somebody to Love.” At the time I was working as a sandwich maker at the University of Utah where I met a very fun vivacious student who acted like she liked me. We dated. And to my great surprise I got an erection with her and I knew I better take advantage of this anomaly and marry her right away. I asked her to marry me on New Year’s Eve and we were married Jan. 7.

Our honeymoon was held at the Gray Lynn Apartment in the Avenues, on the top floor of a small steam heated flat. I had been taught all my life that being intimate with a woman would be fireworks, earth shattering, cosmos splitting and an orgasmic deluxe. Perhaps I was expecting to much. It was nice.

It was pleasant. But deep in my soul I knew that it was never going to be satisfying, passionate, nor joyful. I felt betrayed on my wedding night by all the lies told to me by heterosexual love songs.

Now in my defense, I did not try to hide my past. My wife had read all my journals and never once saw the mention of a girl in them. Just John this and Larry that. She also told me she had a gay friend named Michael who she adored at the university. She was no dummy.

I found myself at the age of 25 in a paradox. I was a husband and she was my wife.

It seemed so backassward. Over time my wife and I became best friends and companions.

I did my husbandly duty as expected but not with much enthusiasm. I used our religion not to do sexual things that appalled me like oral sex. Back

then it was an LDS no no.

We were just friends but best friends, with some benefits. I loved her. She loved me. But I was never “in love” with her.

Not the way I had loved John Cunningham whose memory I kept locked safely away. That was the only to hold on to that part of me that was at my authentic core. So I lived a lie to please my church, my family and my wife. Slowly dying.

As I began my 30s, I grew more and more unhappy with life. I stuffed my feelings down, became numb to any real emotions, I was devoid of any human sentiment. I was actually dead. However by mere chance I discovered through a 12-step program that I was unhappy because I was refusing the gift that God had given me. My gayness. The essence that made me compassionate, nurturing, understanding, creative, expressive, a whole human being. But how do you unwrap nine years spent with your best friend? How do you tell her you have to leave her?

We only had each other.

The mid 1980s was a horrific time to come out as a gay man.

AIDS was decimating homosexuals without a cure or even a knowledge of how it was spreading. To be gay was a potential death sentence. I knew if I was to die I wanted to die an authentic human being. I wanted to die as a gay man.

But I didn’t die. Instead I went on to help start the Wasatch Affirmation with Russ Lane in 1986 and in the fall of that year I started a group that many older members of the community might remember. I called it Married and Divorced Gays and Lesbians. It was pointed out to me that the acronym was MADGAL, which of course many of the wives were.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

There were so many gay married people coming out of marriages that a support group for them was truly necessary.

Broken lives and homes from promises made that were lies to prop up doctrine. The consensus of all those meetings was that being married cured nothing. Because being gay is not what we do. It’s who we are. Who we fall in love with.

We are not attracted to the same sex; we fall in love with the same sex. Being gay means getting our heart broken by the same sex ... going a bit crazy over desire for the same sex.

I don’t know what same-sex attraction is, but I know what same-sex “passion, desire, love, lust, heartache, and complete joy” is. Being gay is not an attraction, it’s the feeling that a part of you is missing when

you’re not with the one you love. It’s that feeling when the entire room lights up and everything else disappears into the shadows when the person you love enters. Can someone please explain to me why it’s not called “same-sex love?”

As for my wife, she made every attempt to try and make it work. She attended all the gay groups I was going to. She loved all my new gay friends.

But at last it was time to say goodbye. After 11 years, we held each other one last time.

We kissed and she left. That was 25 years ago. Maybe I did love her because certainly my heart was broken ... because I had broken hers. That to me will be the real tragedy for these TLC couples — when the time comes that these men break their wives hearts. Q

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

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Date. Engagement. Announcement. Marriage. Marriages.

Weddings. Gifts. Guests. Cake. Champagne.

Celebrations. Equality. With marriage equality comes so much joy and happiness, but when you pick up one end of that stick, you also pick up the other. On the other end of that stick is potential divorce. Being a huge fan of Tammy Wynette her famous lyrics come directly to mind.

“Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today Me and little J-O-E will be goin’ away I love you both and it will be pure H-E double L for me Oh, I wish that we could stop this D-I-V-O-R-C-E.” Inevitability says it must be so. Percentages for successful gay marriage are higher, stats prove we are doing much better than our straight counterparts, but time is also the main factor in both directions.

We’ve only had the equality to marry for a few short years as compared to straights, but we also have been partnered, living together, in love, waiting, longing for the freedom to marry. Time factors in on both counts.

Divorce is like losing a job, only possibly 1,000 times worse. I’ve done it in the straight world and it was one of, if not the biggest challenge of my life. I am married again—this time in the gay world, and I am with the love of my life. Lucky me. Marriage can still be challenging, the challenges are the same for all humans. Being queer we do however face many differences in our marriages, albeit more similarities with all who are married, partnered, or in a relationship.

Since this issue is dedicated to love and marriage, I felt the need to stay optimistic, positive and celebratory, so I’ll humbly offer some tips I personally feel will enhance and increase the chance for a successful queer marriage.

Commitment is critical. Every single day.

The marriage has to always be priority one, and the couple really has to keep a long term view or vision for ongoing success.

Your spouse is a package deal. So account and deal! Take the good with the not so good, and accept that before you say I DO! Recognize that marriage is a journey that ebbs and flows, and passion will wane, but reignite over time. The success of your mar-

riage is not measured by how you celebrate the good times, but by how you support each other through the challenges. Big fucking TRUTH. Share quality time and never stop being friends. Strengthen that friendship by making it a daily focus, making time to connect with quality conversations, even if the time has to be scheduled. Always take time to laugh and play together inside and outside the home, especially in the bedroom. Great sex is adult play. Use the playground.

Master healthy communication. Speak to each other lovingly and respectfully. Say no to the four cancers; criticizing, comparing, competing or complaining about your spouse.

Patience. Be gentle. Listen. Talk.

Do little things that make a big difference.

Elevate your spouse by being willing to say I love you, thank you, and I’m sorry regularly and when needed. Oh, and do things without being asked. Do your part.

Create a home of trust and security. Keep your promises, whatever they are, for each separate and unique marriage. Trust and be trustworthy — a big undoing with most marriages that go bad.

Agree on what you want your marriage to look and feel like, with one another and those with whom you interact. Have some goals, and obtain them.

Ask for help. Healthy marriages are created, not found. Individual or couples counseling is not admitting defeat, it can and will help.

Yes, and finally 10 (because we anal retentive gays must have it all be even). A rambling of tiny tips I have personally observed help a marriage. Watch your waistline and keep health and wellness a couple’s goal. Figure out early on boundaries, rules, ways and methods. Make sex a priority, and experiment and open to trying new things to keep it hot.

Be flexible (a shared definition). As you age as a couple, be very conscious caregivers. Have one another’s back. Love and nurture you.

Nietzsche said it best.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

Go for the friendship, make it alive, make it real, make it indestructible. Hope I didn’t overdo on the advice — I truly want queer marriage to roar. Here’s to your married couple roar. Q

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

creep of the week

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

Equality Through Business

Randy Thomasson

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

Desperate

times call for desperate measures, and these are desperate times for anti-gay “marriage defenders” like Randy Thomasson of Save California, an organization dedicated to children and families, just not gay ones.

On Jan. 7, Thomasson sent an “urgent” memo to fellow “profamily leaders” that laid out the “solution” to the gay marriage problem. And it’s a doozy.

You see, all one-penis plus onevagina marriage advocates need to do is get like-minded governors in gay-unfriendly states to roll out the National Guard.

“Each governor pledges themselves to ‘support and defend’ the plain words of their state constitution, including, in morally conservative states, the definition of marriage as only for a man and a woman,” Thomasson writes.

“And each governor is authorized to call out his/her state’s militia or National Guard to enforce written laws and maintain public order against foreign and domestic enemies.”

Not sure if homos count as foreign or domestic to Thomasson, but they definitely count as enemies. And the only way to “support and defend” the anti-gay marriage amendments in state constitutions is to take them out.

The homos, not the amendments.

Duh. So what’s a right-wing stalwart governor to do? Why, just follow Thomasson’s step-by-step plan, of course.

“In view of the current crisis on marriage, a constitutional governor can and should do the following,” Thomasson writes.

“Announce he took an oath to obey the constitution, not to obey a judge’s unconstitutional opinion. Announce that no homosexual ‘marriage’ licenses will be

issues [sic], and no county clerk is permitted to issue marriage licenses to anyone other than a qualified man and woman. Utilize the support of the state attorney general (if that constitutional officer is willing to stand alongside) or use the state’s National Guard to enforce the law at county clerk’s offices.”

Hey, remember when Arkansas Governor Orval Faubus deployed the National Guard in 1957 to stop nine black kids from going to school in Little Rock? I don’t know why, but I just thought of that for some reason. Something tells me that Thomasson sees Faubus as a hero, while history remembers Faubus as racist scum.

Now, you might be thinking, “But what about the law? Aren’t anti-gay marriage amendments being struck down across the country?”

Well, yes, but the law is for losers, according to Thomasson. “[G]overnors who are loyal to the written constitutions of both their state and of our nation must take executive action — instead of making excuses that they must ‘follow the law,’” he writes. The claim that judges make the laws is both a fallacy and a misnomer, and is antithetical to a republic. The law is written into the constitution by the People or the People’s representatives; the law is not what judges dream up, which is only their biased opinions.”

Got that? Governors that follow that law are just “making excuses.” Judges are just a bunch of biased dreamers, forcing us all to live in their homosocialist dream (read: nightmare) world. So much for checks and balances.

A constitutional governor (code for right-wing) would say, “All you people want is more, more, more, more, more! Leave marriage alone!” Q

Open to corporations of all sizes, sole proprietors and independent agents regardless of sexual orientation, this is a great place to meet other professionals, make business contacts, promote your business and work for the enhancement of UtahGayChamber.org Utah’s gay and lesbian community.

24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

gay writes

Window Pane

BY RICHARD KLEGG

The Queen

of Soul has yet again brought tears to the eyes of this sympathetic royal—this tired old queen. As Salome offered John’s severed head, the radio just served up Aretha’s hit Until You Come Back to Me. And my life in the 70s flushed upon me like the water in an unfamiliar toilet when you manage to push, pull, twist all the correct levers and knobs.

Amazing the power words and music can bestow upon a fragile, hungry soul—one in the right state, listening at just the right time. “I’m gonna rap on your door / Tap on your window pane.” I wept when I heard it just now. The pull of that music, the vortex of that time was so intense.

What a joyous time it was for me! What a fucked-up, lonely time of struggle it was!

A marvelous time of self discovery, but I just can’t imagine myself ever being there again. The fear of ever again experiencing such loneliness is devastating even to contemplate.

I had been jilted, humped and dumped, tossed aside for something better by my first great love. I was destroyed, crippled by loneliness and rejection. I understood viscerally the pain beneath Aretha’s determined, heart-breaking vow, “I’m gonna rap on your door / Tap on your window pane / . . . Till you come back to me that’s what I’m gonna do.”

After having licked my wounds and bathed the shit from myself, my first unhappy love affair led me ultimately to the bars. Odd, but I can’t even remember my first time in a gay bar. But I do recall that narrow entry into the Sun Tavern. That would be the original, “old” Sun Tavern that used to sit magically at the corner of South Temple and what is now Rio Grande Street. Wrecking balls and a lot of butch construction worker-types, like right out of a gay porn mag, destroyed what for me in the 70s was a garden of forbidden delights and replaced it with the Energy Solutions Arena. Energy Solutions indeed.

A good deal of energy was solved there as I experienced it—then.

Yes, I recall that narrow entry into the Sun Tavern. Like sand through an hour glass we queers would push and rush PHOTO COURTESY OF BEN WILLIAMS

through a small doorway that seemed to me such a contrast to what was taking place inside on a Saturday night. But instead of the sands of time lying passive in a lump after passing through that tight, dark neck (made a bit grimy with thousands of dirty hands and cigarette smoke), the sands of time would swirl, swish, swagger,

others do at the Gold and Green Balls; a void in the bartender’s black leather pants exposing to God and the stunned drooling patrons ordering up a beer at the bar a luscious naked ass; bare chests, muscled, hairy, sweaty, sexy—two men locked in a passionate kiss; stunningly handsome men in tight jeans dancing with and

dance, dream, hide (stuck like a real sissy wallflower), snort, sniff, pop, pinch, preen, prance, posture, drink, connect, wish, and for most, we would long. It was the most glorious and diverse array of humanity ever assembled—or at least that’s what this little boy from Magna and son of a Mormon Bishop—had ever witnessed. I was forever astounded by the reality this was all taking place in SLC, only blocks away from Brigham’s Garden. This mad frenzy of alienated souls existed in one of the most conservative of states and mind sets. And yet, there I was gawking at this amazing display once, if not twice a week.

It was indeed a garden of forbidden delights: two men holding hands, sitting side by side and staring lovingly into one another’s eyes; two men embracing on the dance floor and slow dancing just like the

stroking another equally true beauty. But most importantly there was that majestic, magical, mystifying sense of community, of belonging. Inside, it was the world as it should have been outside: accepting, tolerant, non judgmental. At least that’s how I envisioned it before Betty John, a stunning drag queen, brushed my mustache with disdain one Halloween night when friends talked me into going to the Sun in a simple black cocktail dress, basic black pumps, blond wig and single strand of pearls. I refused to shave my mustache for anything or anybody, which included Betty John.

I suppose it was that same conservative environment and upbringing that kept me from going over the edge—off the deep end. That saved me, perhaps. I would never be so egotistical as to think it was any positive conscious effort on my part (oth-

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

ers might), but I never really tricked. I never really did any of it to excess, except perhaps poppers and dope toward the end. Ah yes … toward the end …

Just before those seemingly endless years of terrifying loneliness slowly turned into a certain level of self-assurance and eventually into this almost perfect life I share with someone I call the Trove (that’s short for “treasure trove”). But those intervening nights were endlessly lonely, albeit entertaining. And THAT the Sun Tavern was . . . always entertaining.

Theater at it’s best. Tragedies played there on weeknights.

I must admit that at my very loneliest, I was guilty of being seen there on a Wednesday or Thursday or even, God forbid, a Tuesday night. “Why would any self-respecting Salt Lake fag go to the Sun Tavern on

Tuesday night?” I asked myself with great self-disdain. For the same reason less self-respecting fags have done a good many things in their lives . . . that all pervasive loneliness.

The carousel ride of getting and going nowhere as we all rode on the backs of one wooden horse after another.

All painted brightly or decorated with colored feathers, skin, leather, plaid, chrome, any look that we felt might get us off the carousel and galloping into the sunset grasping excitedly the tight abs of that cowboy in front of us on his great “fashion beige” stallion; or arm-in-arm, hand-in-hand or at the very least in some sort of comfortable sexually rewarding position. And, of course, I certainly had myself a few carousel horses and a good many dreams of cowboys. You know,

the Marlboro Man and all. The Trove says we fall in love with that which we should have been. My shrink says we fall in love with that which we see in others that we want to blossom in ourselves.

Ah yes, disco fever. Life at the Sun was always everything you ever wanted it to be and often we were frightened it just might be. I always went home alone. Ninety-nine out of 100 times that choice was made for me, but one or two times it was my own decision.

If it was bitter cold outside, it was always warm inside with the promise of getting warmer as the night wore on.

If it was hot outside it would be unbearable inside, but somehow even the unbearable was bearable at the Sun. Dark freezing winter nights when the MG Midget would barely

make it through the snow were somehow brightened by the pulsing beat from a block away: the lights, the queens dancing like some primal tribe to the strains of “I always loved my Mama.” Oh how I wished I could learn or be taught by some handsome hunk in a plaid flannel shirt and tight jeans how to line dance like a real fully fledged gay guy.

And I too screamed with all the rest as Gloria Gaynor promised us with a disco lust like no other before or since that she would survive. Each of us, no matter how trying being gay was, agreed in unison, “I will survive.”

I’m one of the lucky ones. I did. Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of every month, 6:30 pm to 8 pm., 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8,.

TYING THE KNOT? Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY QSALTLAKE

Love and Marriage 26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Readers’ Valent ines Sage,

❤

Your beauty radiates from the inside out, your mind and soul have captured my heart, and I could only be lucky enough to call you my Valentine?

G.H.

—E.

❤ Michael The White: I’d pop that breathless, heartfelt question If you’d provide hints.

Suggestions What to say, feel, act — What do I do To spend some precious time with you?

Happy valentines to my bearded guy ...

Excited for the adventure we are on!

Can’t wait to see where we end up next!

—MoodyJive

❤ For my gay geek friends:

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

MS, Roses are red, and on a totally unrelated note, You have a nice butt.

—RH

❤ We met on a Tinder Went on a bit of a binder I haven’t talked to you since that night Please contact me and end my fright!

❤ Happy Valentines day Muffy!

—Lupe the Lez

❤

Plumbers are red, Hedgehogs are blue, Press start to join me, And be player 2

I love you even when you fart in your sleep.

—Randy

—LW

❤

❤ BJ,

My lover HRS is so hot, when he walks the beach it turns to glass.

Jimmy, you are the best boss and friend, I am confessing my very platonic feelings toward you.

May our boat of friendship never sink and the sun never set.

— XOXO SJW

—MH

—JW

❤

❤

❤

Chris,

I love you more than my luggage, But less than my cat.

That’s still a lot!

Be mine?

—DS

❤ I miss you my love with all of my heart, your laughter, humor and passion.

I long for you daily and miss your smile, Love always, Karen

Cody, Love is a precious thing It is a feeling that makes your heart sing.

Whether you are far or near it is like whispering in my ear.

When you find true love it is something you keep within your heart.

I love you, —Tom

❤ Hiep, Anh Yêu Em Kevin, I love you!

I’m pretty lucky!

❤

❤

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Their parents’ embrace, Make the children scream eeeeew!

To Jeff Chapple

❤

A million stars up in the sky one shines brighter, I can’t deny A love so precious a love so true a love that comes from me to you Let’s hook up.

—Timm

Everyone comes with baggage.

Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

True love thank you for helping me unpack!

Superhero— Pinapangiti mo ako. Mahal Kita.

—J+S times Infinity!

—Jane

❤

❤

❤

LOVE AND MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

You are my first thought in the morning My last thought at night For you, I have always been longing You bring me so much delight You have changed my life so much We celebrated 21 years together A brilliant 21 years it has been Oh...where does the time go There was such a big space in between But we came through it Although it always seemed mean It was well worth it Being able to get a cuddle from you Makes me so happy and feel wanted Everything you do Some I may take for granted But nothing can be stronger than my love for you But when we kiss and cuddle All the frowns seem to drown —Danny

❤ Michael— Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am the best thing That has happened to you

❤ Stinky Bum, I love you even though you are incapable of eating without spilling.

You’re the most fabulous old woman a man could ask for!

Happy Valentines Day Darling Boo! Love, Your Hunny

❤ To Rick Ward: The angels sing when you are near within your arms, I’ve nothing to fear You always know just what to say just talking to you makes my day —Timm

❤ To the love of my life, Ann Bolland and my favorite boy, JT. Happy Valentine’s Day to two of my most favorite humans.

I love you more than I can say.

—XOXO

❤

Lol — I love you so much —Al

❤

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Love and Marriage 28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE AND MARRIAGE

DAVE & DOUG CASTILLO PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID DANIELS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE AND MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

THE VILLAGE: FLORAL/WEDDING PLANNER: DIAMOND DESIGNS — KELLEY J. NEAL WEDDING OFFICIANT: KAMRIN CARVER WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER: DAVID DANIELS CATERER: BLUE LEMON CAKE: PERSONAL FRIEND, HEIDI FREEMAN MUSIC: OUR IPOD RINGS: MORGAN JEWELERS FORMAL WEAR: DRESSCODE VENUE: IJ & JEANNÉ WAGNER JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER

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Love and Marriage 30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE AND MARRIAGE

STEPHANIE & ELLE STRONG-SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY BY NICOLE HURST

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE AND MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Looking for a beautiful space for your ceremony?

Our Doors are always open.

THE VILLAGE: VENUE : PIERPONT PLACE WEDDING OFFICIANT: KAREN NIELSEN PHOTOGRAPHER: NICOLE HURST, TICKLED PINK PHOTOGRAPHY CATERER: MAIN EVENT CATERING CAKE: ONE SWEET SLICE DJ: COMPLETE MUSIC RINGS: HEIRLOOMS PASSED DOWN FROM GREAT GRANDPARENTS FORMAL WEAR: CUSTOM/HANDMADE MAKEUP: JESSIE JENNINGS, SALON L.A. CAMILLE HAIR: CAMILLE JENNINGS, KRISTI BAKER, SALON L.A. CAMILLE FLOWERS: JANICE BOES AND THE PIERPONT PLACE TEAM

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Love and Marriage 32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE AND MARRIAGE

TROY MITCHELL & RYAN HALES PHOTOGRAPHY BY JEFF McGRATH

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE AND MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

50 shades of red, One special bud

THE VILLAGE: VENUE : LOTUS OFFICIANT: DWIGHT LINDSAY FLOWERS: COUPLE’S DAUGHTER. CATERING: COUPLE’S DAUGHTER IN LAW DECOR: COUPLE’S NIECE. MUSIC: MARK PACKER AND TYLER KOHFED PHOTOGRAPHER: JEFF McGRATH

Love and Marriage 34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & MARRIAGE

Marriage equality in Utah ... now what?

REV. CHRISTOPHER T. SCUDERI

That’s an

interesting question and I have been fielding a lot of them since marriage equality came back to Utah and is here to stay. Because the LGBT community in Utah has not previously been marketed for wedding ceremonies, many of you are simply not aware of the details that go into a legal wedding ceremony. I am here to serve you by helping you with much needed, though often not discussed, details of your ceremony. Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Rev. Christopher T. Scuderi of Universal Heart Ministry, I am a local nondenominational community minister providing custom written, personalized wedding ceremonies along with a wide array of other spiritual services and rites. During the magical 17 days in December 2013-January 2014 I donated my time and performed 92 wedding ceremonies in multiple counties. It is my distinct honor to continue to serve you and to help bring better understanding of these proceedings.

FIRST THINGS FIRST

You must obtain a marriage license. A member of clergy, a judge or a celebrant cannot get these documents for you. As a couple, you must go in to the county clerk’s office together, fill out the application for a marriage license (some counties have this form available online to be filled out in advance), give the completed form to the clerk, show them your photo IDs (drivers license or state issued identification card) and pay the application fee (fees vary by county). The clerk will enter the information in the computer and then print your documents and give them to you. You will receive a marriage license (which is the legal document) and a certificate of marriage as a decorative keepsake.

Please be diligent and verify that all information is accurate and spelled correctly on the documents; any inaccuracies make the license null and void, which means you must start all over again. You are not yet legally married; that only comes after a ceremony has taken place where both parties have

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

spoken their consent and will to be married, have signed the marriage license, two witnesses (18 years of age or older) have signed the marriage license and the person who officiated the ceremony has also signed. It is then the duty of the officiant to return the completed and signed marriage license to the county that issued it. The ceremony can be performed in any county; it does not have to be in the county from which you received your license.

SECURING AN OFFICIANT

Not “just anyone” can legally perform your marriage, they must be ordained through religious practice, be an elected official or deputized by law, or at the very least have received celebrant credentials.

Some counties may have staff on hand to perform civil wedding ceremonies. If what you want is a simple civil ceremony performed by the county clerk and if the county clerk’s office where you obtain your marriage license performs ceremonies, you will need to schedule an appointment for the ceremony to take place and you will need to pay an additional fee for the service. Another option is your local mayor.

You may choose to have a clergy member (minister, priest/ priestess, rabbi, reverend, etc.) from your church or within

your faith perform the wedding ceremony. Someone who has received their ordainment through an online course or similar entity is a celebrant that can also legally perform your wedding ceremony. The fees for each of these vary widely; you will need to discuss pricing with each one individually. Many officiants can be found online in wedding directories.

CAKES, FLORISTS AND VENUES…OH MY!

Not every couple will go “all out” with a big ceremony and all the accoutrements that come with it; in fact, some will go for a lighter fare and still some will go even lighter than that.

Whatever you decide for your special day, know that there are an abundance of people who want to ensure that your day is every bit as beautiful as you had ever hoped it would be. Wedding vendors such as apparel, cake shops, florists, venues and so many more are vying for your attention and can easily be found at the myriad of bridal shows and, of course, online.

Not everyone is part of a chain; there are many wonderful local options to be found as well. Q A detailed training for couples on these issues and more, and another specifically for officiants, will be held soon. If you would like more information visit ­UniversalHeartMinistry.com. I can also be reached at UniversalHeartMinistry@gmail. com or by phone/text 801-577-0542.

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Love and Marriage 36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & MARRIAGE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

Be Mine on a Dime: 10 Ways to Show Your Love Without Spending a Fortune

BY MIKEY ROX

In this age

of fleeting swiperight relationships, consider yourself lucky if you’ve got someone to call your own this Valentine’s Day. To show him or her how much you care, ditch the big production and get back to basics with these ideas to help you express your affection without a whole lot of expense.

4. SET UP A COZY CANDLELIT SCREENING OF YOUR FAVORITE FILMS AT HOME Just like every restaurant in town, movie theaters also will be mobbed on Valentine’s Day – which gives you the perfect excuse to plan a private film screening at home.

Instead of ordering a new release ondemand and cuddling up on the couch like you usually do, pull out all the stops by

1. MAKE A SURPRISE VISIT TO THE OFFICE FOR AN IMPROMPTU LUNCH DATE Dinner reservations at a decent restaurant are hard to come by on Feb. 14, but lunch is usually wide open. Skip the lines tonight and move your romantic meal up a few hours by surprising your partner at his or her workplace with an invitation to join you at a special spot in town. Worried that the time constraint will force you to rush? Slow it down and abandon the dine-in option altogether by bringing a picnic (or something that you grabbed on your way) that you can share in a quiet cove nearby.

2. PARTICIPATE IN A COUPLE’S ACTIVITY THAT FACILITATES CLOSENESS Daily-deal sites like Groupon and LivingSocial are excellent resources for finding inexpensive activities that you and your significant other can do together.

Options will vary by area, but even with minimal research you should be able to come up with a great activity to create a new memory – like naked yoga or a fencing class, for instance.

3. TAKE THE DAY OFF AND HEAD OUT FOR AN ADVENTURE Feeling less than connected lately? Make an effort to reignite that fire by taking the day off work so you two can concentrate on the relationship. Sleep in, have breakfast together, and then head out for a local adventure with the goal of being attentive and affectionate to one another for the duration of the day.

turning the night into a lovefest. Build a comfortable “screening nest” that consists of piles of pillows and blankets, provide your partner’s favorite snacks and drinks, and pick up a few movies from a bargain bin or a neighborhood rental kiosk that you’ll both enjoy.

5. GET IN THE KITCHEN AND COOK DINNER AS A COUPLE Cupid never intended for one half of the couple to do all the prep work on Valentine’s Day just so the other can reap the benefits. Rather, this celebration is about making each other feel loved and appreciated, and that’s only accomplished if you’re each contributing equally. One delicious way you two can spend quality time together while getting your hands dirty

and enjoying the fruits of said labor is to cook a romantic meal side by side. The one with the most kitchen talent can still take the lead, so long as it’s a combined effort all the way to the finish. There’s no law against cooking in the buff either – just so you know.

6. INVITE EXCITEMENT TO THE BEDROOM BY MAKING AN INTIMATE VIDEO Two consenting adults can do whatever they’d like in the comfort of their own home, and sometimes that includes a camera.

If you’re feeling especially randy (and body confident; what’s the point of making a sex tape if you won’t want to watch it afterward?), set the mood and get psyched for a night of naughty lovemaking a la Chi Chi LaRue. 7. BROWSE AN ANTIQUE SHOP TOGETHER TO FIND A THOUGHTFUL GIFT SEPARATELY Valentine’s Day should never be about material possessions, but there’s a way to make buying your sweetie something tangible much more memorable. Instead of ordering an arbitrary item online or stopping by the florist on the drive home, schedule an outing to a local antique shop. Once there, establish a reasonable budget (say, $20 each) and go your separate ways to find a thoughtful, personalized trinket for the other that you’ll both cherish forever.

8. RENT A CHEAP MOTEL ROOM AND ENJOY A TANTALIZING LITTLE TRYST Sex can get stale in the same environment over and over – and Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to spice things up.

This year, go low – rent, that is – by booking a less-than-luxurious motel room to set up a seedy-yet-steamy encounter with your S.O. In anticipation of the evening’s events, sext your partner throughout the day to help elevate their arousal level so they’re rarin’ to go as soon as they step through the door.

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

9. SET UP A RELAXING AND ROMANTIC AT-HOME SPA EXPERIENCE Cutting costs doesn’t mean you’re cutting quality so long as you’re committed to being creative. You can save several hundred dollars on professional spa treatments by eliminating the middleman and getting down to business one on one. Give each other a body trim, soak in a hot tub, swap massages, and let the rest of night fulfill itself.

10. RECREATE YOUR VERY FIRST DATE There’s a reason why you two fell in love – even if it’s sometimes hard to remember

it. Take a trip down memory lane this Valentine’s Day by retracing your first date from start to finish – whatever that may entail. The feelings from that initial encounter will come flooding back like they never left, and you’ll be reminded of the myriad reasons that you work so hard to keep this one-of-a-kind coupling intact.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and blogger whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He lives with his husband and their cuddle-buddy furbaby. Mikey is on Twitter @mikeyrox.

LOVE & MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

international phenomenon, — Tony’s anbeloved 14 SATURDAY CHARETTE 2015 for its parodies of ballet classics like Swan Lake that Gay will have you in stitches.

— Agenda 7 SATURDAY MOMIX DREAMCATCHER SPECIAL

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30pm. Tickets $40-85, arttix.org

BY TONY HOBDAY

CONCERTS Well, two concerts on a wide spectrum of what some might call good versus evil will be offered up on Friday the 13th: the Utah Symphony pays tribute to the iconic gay idol, Babs; and an androgynous Ariel Pink mingles in psychedelic pop, chillwave and lo-fi musical styles. So go ahead, pick your poison; either way it’s sure to bring good luck. Also this month, the Utah Symphony does Mahler and Southern sweetheart, Lucinda Williams takes the Capitol Theatre stage.

Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30pm. Tickets $20-69, ecclescenter.org

24

TUESDAY — LES BALLETS TROCKADERO DE MONTE CARLO Kingsbury Hall, University of Utah President’s Circle. 7:30pm Tickets $29.50–49.50, $5–10 students, kingtix.org

ENGAGEMENTS

THURSDAY — 12 ASK YOUR MAMA — 12 MOODS OF JAZZ: LANGSTON HUGHES PROJECT

Kingbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, 7:30pm. Tickets $19.5049.50, kingtix.com

Pulitzer Prize-winning Tony Kushner comes to Kingsbury Hall for a night of unscripted discussion with Doug Fabrizio, covering topics such as his previous works, the state of performance arts in our culture, and his passion for LGBT rights.

Also, the late gay artist Langs-

THEATRE

ton Hughes is remembered on the 12th. Starring Malcolm Jamal-Warner, this powerful music and spoken word performance evokes a pivotal moment in our cultural history.

— 12THURSDAY MAMA

You gotta love P. Three P’s have wet their feet so many times that their productions are phenoms. So go get your feet wet this month by Plan-B, Pioneer and Pygmalion as they bring riveting dramas to the stage.

FRIDAY — 6 MAHLER’S SYMPHONY NO. 3 Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 8pm, through Saturday.

Tickets $10-69, arttix.org

FRIDAY — THE 13 STREISAND SONGBOOK Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 8pm, through Saturday.

Tickets $10-85, arttix.org

— 13FRIDAY ARIEL PINK

The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8pm. Tickets $15 24tix.com

— 16MONDAY LUCINDA WILLIAMS Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 7:30pm. Tickets $28-55, arttix.org

DANCE MOMIX returns to Utah with yet another mind-bending performance. This troupe of classically trained dancer-illusionists bring an edgy, trippy dose of unpredictability, and will mesmerize. Toeing the line between high art and high camp, Les Ballets Trockadero is

FUNDRAISERS PEARL’s monthly Saturday event is Casino Night with Texas Hold ‘Em and Blackjack at the tables, prize winnings and snacks. Proceeds go to Restore Our Humanity. Then RDT’s annual fundraising dance contest will be hosted by the other iconic gay idol, Sister Dottie S. Dixon.

7

SATURDAY — CASINO NIGHT

Club 90, 9065 S. Monroe St., Sandy, 6pm. Facebook.com/groups/PearlSaltLake

5

THURSDAY — AN EVENING WITH TONY KUSHNER Kingbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, 7pm. Free, seat reservation necessary, kingtix.com

Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through Feb. 22. $20, arttix.org

— 13FRIDAY THE CRUCIBLE

Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, times vary, through Feb. 28.

Tickets $25-44, pioneertheatre.org

THURSDAY — 26 HELLMAN V. MCCARTHY Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through Mar. 14. Tickets $20, arttix.org

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

UtahRep previews ‘Bare’ as fundraiser for OUTreach Utah Repertory Theater Company held a successful champagne brunch preview for its regional premiere production of “Bare,” which artistic director Johnny Hebda called a “phenomenal success.” The event was a fundraiser for OUTreach Resource Centers, which provides services to youth and those affected by homelessness.

The event raised $746 for the Resource Centers and prompted an anonymous donor to up

the ante.

“An anonymous donor is buying out one performance of the show to provide free tickets to local youths,” Turner C. Bitton, treasurer of OUTreach Support Centers said. “So we raised over $3,000 at a single event. This is an awesome sum of money.”

“I absolutely love the mission of the Outreach Resource Centers and am excited to make the message of ‘Bare’ one that extends directly into

our communities,” said Hebda, who also directed “Bare.”

“We look forward to future partnerships with OUTreach and share in their enthusiasm for providing resources for homeless youth within our community. The event was moving and emotional, and I believe that theater has the power to impact and touch people in unique ways. And it’s my hope that through ‘Bare’ that we will be able to share this message with those people

the bookworm sez “A LIST OF THINGS THAT DIDN’T KILL ME”

BY JASON SCHMIDT

C.2015, FARRAR, STRAUS & GIROUX $18.99 / $21.99 CANADA 432 PAGES

Your people understand you.

That’s because you speak the same language, dance to the same music, and wear the same uniform. You might not be related by blood or ceremony, but you belong to them and they to you. You’re family but, as you’ll see in the new book “A List of Things That Didn’t Kill Me” by Jason Schmidt, they won’t always catch you when you fall.

Killing his father would have been simple.

Jason Schmidt knew he could smother his dad or overdose him and nobody would ever suspect. His father had been sick awhile anyhow and if he died, nobody would look twice, although Schmidt sensed he’d regret it.

He didn’t need any more regrets in his life…

Born in the early ‘70s, Schmidt remembers being a self-sufficient child: his earliest memory was leaving his mother’s house (at age three) to ride a mile on his tricycle to his father’s place.

That was just before his parents battled, his mother left for good, his father “got busted,” and Schmidt was sent to Southern California to temporarily live with his grandparents, who shipped him to Oregon when his father got out of jail. There, Schmidt and his dad lived in a series of “leftover” houses with a variety of “flower children, baby boomers” and hippies who taught Schmidt about sex, drugs, and avoiding outsiders.

When he was seven, he and his father relocated to Seattle , where they moved in with his dad’s boyfriend – thus, Schmidt learned that his father was gay. Three years later, another boyfriend got sick with a “weird fever” and then Schmidt’s father “came down with the same bug.” Schmidt pretended to cry when the diagnosis of AIDS was confirmed.

By the beginning of his senior year, Schmidt – whose school attendance was spotty, at best – had nonetheless caught up with his peers. He had a girlfriend, an understanding of

welfare fraud, a high IQ, anger issues, and a dying father - but no stability, money, or plan for the future. He was sixteen, just barely holding things together, and he couldn’t even think of what would happen when he graduated.

And then a “nice old man,” an angel with cleaning supplies, stepped into his life…

The best way I can describe “A List of Things That Didn’t Kill Me” is to say that it’s a large book.

I’m not just talking page count: beginning with his earliest memory and moving forward to young adulthood, author Jason Schmidt shares a powerful, emotional comingof-age tale of an unstable childhood, of the beginning of AIDS, and of people purposely living on the edge of society with little-to-nothing, all told in a voice dripping with sarcasm, irony, and anger.

That voice. That’s what hooked me. I laughed. I got teary. I loved it.

Though this book is meant for teens, I think it’s bettersuited for readers ages 16-andup, due to adult language and themes. If you can handle that, then “A List of Things that Didn’t Kill Me” is one you’ll be glad you didn’t miss. Q

that need to hear it the most.”

The reaction to the performance was immediate.

“I want you to tell the folks that performed today that I haven’t been so strongly moved by a production as I was by today’s performances. I barely held back tears,” a note passed to the organizers said.

Utah State Senator Jim Dabakis was a special guest at the donor preview.

“Bare” is a coming-of-age story of a group of high school seniors at a co-ed Catholic boarding school. Each character struggles to define themselves in the face of their relationships, sexuality and religion. As they search to come to terms with who they are — and who the world thinks they should be — they seek answers from their church, their friends and, ultimately, from within themselves. A story of discovery, acceptance and love, the storyline of “Bare” involves a clandestine relationship between two young men who are roommates, along with a few of their close friends. As these characters navigate adolescence, we see the consequences of secrecy unravel though their eyes and those around them.

Bare shows through Jan. 31 at the company’s resident theater, the newly established Sugar Space Warehouse Theater, 130 S. 800 West in the River District area of Salt Lake City. Q For more information on Utah Rep, visit UtahRep.org. Advance tickets can be purchased at UtahRep.org/tickets.

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

Kathy Griffin: In All Seriousness…

Comedian opens up on Joan’s death, hosting Fashion Police and emojis from Cher

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

Kathy

Griffin isn’t kidding when she says, “If I can get serious for one second…” Putting aside her usual biting assault against all things celebrity, the comedian gets candid about her dear friend and idol Joan Rivers in our latest interview: Griffin’s frequent death-related conversations with the late comedy legend, “literally” getting Joan’s permission to supersede her on Fashion Police, and how Joan taught Kathy “not to give a fuck.”

Hi Kathy, how are ya? Umm, this isn’t gonna go out to any, uh, gay people, right, Chris?

Because, you know, you give those people an inch, they’ll take a mile.

Are you talking about penis size? I’m talking about, when are we gonna end it with the letters and the numbers, Chris! LGBTQIA-2-3-4-5!

Dammit! I’ve got a GLAAD Vanguard Award and an HRC Award and I still can’t keep up.

I’m gay myself and I can’t keep up. (Laughs) Which letter or number are you?

Just the G for now. Look, Chris, you’ve gotta up your game. You’ve gotta stick in at least — can’t you be a Q? How hard is it to be a “questioning”?

For you, Kathy, I could be a Q. And I could be a number. OK,

good. I just wanted to get a little something out of you, because, you know, I gotta be up on the times with the LGBTQIA2s, and from what I understand you people are adding letters on a daily basis.

It’s really confusing you straight people, I know. (Laughs) Keep it simple for the breeders! We are simple people, dammit!

So, Kathy, congratulations on “Fashion Police”! Thank you! I am so-o-o-o excited! I mean, obviously I have the biggest shoes in the world to fill. But the fact that Joan and I were such good pals — and, in fact, discussed the show many, many times — it’s just, for me, if I can get serious for one second, actually meaningful. And I know it’s a silly show — we’re gonna make fun of silly celebrities and pictures — but Joan was such a good pal to me, but also an unrecognized pioneer in many ways.

I have to say, I really am getting a lot of gratification out of the fact that I believe posthumously she’s finally getting the respect that she so earned and so deserved, and that’s kind of a mission that I’ve assigned to myself. No one has assigned it to me, but it’s just important to me that her legacy is protected and honored, because it’s a legit legacy.

I mean, she was wild and outrageous, and I get it — with the sequin jackets and the feather boas and the saying crazy things to TMZ — but just as a female comedian, I mean, talk about a feminist, talk about a groundbreaker. I would never have this career without her, and I don’t mean just this job [on Fashion Police] — like, duh — but I mean everything from the beginning: what she did for women in comedy in such a male-dominated field, and for the LGBT community, and being down with the gays long before Stonewall, before it was cool. Anyway, it’s such an honor for me to sit in that chair.

Because Joan obviously was such an immense influence on you, do you see your lives and careers aligning in any

ways? I see our careers aligning in every way except stylistically. Joan was the master of the one-liners and the zingers; I am a lot more improvisational and conversational. Don’t think that I’m really gonna be doing Joan’s style of comedy, because one of the reasons we got along so well is that we were never competitors in any way. First of all, she was a fucking living legend, an icon, and I’m just me. But in addition to that, we had a deep understanding — and this is very inside baseball — that stylistically, she was in her lane and I’m in my lane, and that’s what’s gonna happen on Fashion Police. I’m gonna do what I do. I am off the cuff and take-no-prisoners, and in that way we shared a philosophy, but stylistically we’re actually quite different.

As far as our careers aligning, yeah, of course. I mean, the struggles. And one of the reasons I loved her so was, I’ve never seen anyone in my career have to fight so hard on their own. And this is no disrespect to my representatives, etc., but one thing I always admired about Joan and that we share is, I never had a Lorne Michaels, I never had a studio head take me by the hand and say, “Here, I’m gonna set up an environment for you.” That’s why my show was called My Life on the D-List, and that’s why my talk show — I had a blast, but it was canceled after two years. It’s been a struggle for me, and that’s just my road.

So when I look at Joan, I look at someone that struggled and it really paid off, and it paid off in so many ways. What I learned from her is something that is just my story as well, and it’s not everybody’s story, but it’s — you’ve got to have your tentacles everywhere. What was so great about Joan was the QVC line and the reality show with Melissa [Rivers] and Fashion Police and touring. We would often talk about how that’s just the way it is for us; it’s not just gonna be the one job where then we have summers off and we flip houses and we have our gifted chil-

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

dren that go to school with other celebrity children. We’re just workhorses. So, that’s the way I roll, and that’s the only thing I know. I’ve come to actually really love it.

You’ve said that Joan, before she died, passed the “Fashion Police” torch onto you. How so? What was the context of that conversation? Besides the fact that she literally said it to me at dinner one time? I mean, we used to talk about death all the time, which is very common for comedians. It might sound macabre, but we talked about everything under the sun, and we would joke about everything, and nothing was ever off-limits and nothing was ever off the table. She did, in fact, make all these jokes (about), “If anything happened to me…” She would say, “If Jennifer Lawrence ever kills me, you should take over Fashion Police,” and I would say, “If Demi Lovato ever kills me, you can take over my onenighter at such-and-such center.” Stuff like that. We discussed a wide array of things, but certainly the thing we discussed probably more than anything was, I would say, “Who was your Joan Rivers?”

She would say, “Look, for a long time Phyllis Diller and I were linked, but the truth is, Phyllis was kind of the only girl in certain clubs.” She said, “Phyllis was a little older, so she paved the way for me and, of course, there’s Moms Mabley and Totie Fields.” And, for me, that person was Joan. So when I say I lost my person, that’s really what I mean. As much as I’m a fan of all the comedy girls and I am a comedy girl fan, I am not a competitor.

Everybody has a different story, so, for some reason, Joan is the one that I connected with the most, (especially) as far as, “What are you in trouble for this week?!” and always laughing through it and never really feeling like it was like real trouble.

We used to say, “Are you in real trouble or ‘Hollywood trouble’?” And it was always Hollywood trouble. Through her example, and whether or not it’s to my detriment, I really did learn not to give a fuck.

Regarding the skepticism of your role as host of “Fashion Police” — how do you respond to the naysayers who doubt you know anything about fashion? First of all, I would say that I really did have a fashion evolution, and what’s so funny about that is, and I actually talk about it in one of my specials, it’s called a “gay mission.”

When I started out on Suddenly Susan I would turn to Brooke Shields and say,

“You know all these people who can give me an outfit for a day!” I was on the worst dressed list and then stylist Robert Verdi came into my life and he said, “That’s it. I’m making this a gay mission. I just think, because of who you are — a wacky comedian — you need to be out there in labels. I don’t think you’re Eva Longoria where you can be putting designers on the map. You’re someone that needs to be out there in Oscar de la Renta, Carolina Herrera, Michael Kors and Dolce & Gabbana. If you look at my red carpet stuff over the last couple of years, that’s all I’m in. So, it’s been an evolution for me, and it’s been a learning process that I love. I love getting to know these designers, and I do legitimately love fashion. And so I am learning and continue to learn and I love the artistry of it, but I’m always gonna make fun of it. I’m gonna bring the hammer down no matter how amazing these designers are.

You wouldn’t be Kathy Griffin if you didn’t. I’m gonna be the Tom DeLay of Fashion Police, except without serving the prison time, and I’m not a conservative. Someone’s gotta bring the hammer down, and Fashion Police is still the go-to destination to see who’s gonna really tell it like it is about who was best and worst dressed. I mean, it’s Fashion Police, but it’s not all gonna be limited to fashion; it may be for the others (on the panel), but as far as when it’s time to infuse the comedy and the ridiculousness, that’s my job. They’re actually identifying it now as a comedy show. They didn’t hire me to really be a fashionista. I love fashion, but they hired me to really be the funny one and be the brutally honest one, and also brutally kind whenever it warrants. Just like my act, I never know what I’m gonna say.

Of everything you’ve done — books, television, and now “Fashion Police” — where does standup rank for you at this point in your career? Number one always. First and foremost. And I’ll tell you why: It’s the fuel for everything. I actually believe that as a nation, if not world, we are on the verge of some sort of return to legitimacy.

What I mean by that is, with everybody lip-syncing, you actually notice a real-live singer and you can’t help but notice it whether you’re looking at them on Vine or on an old-fashioned television or live or at a movie star who’s talented versus some dumbass reality star.

I’m in the business of comedy, and I have two Emmys and a Grammy and the Guinness World Record [for having the most televised comedy specials], and I am performing at the Kennedy Center and have performed at Carnegie Hall and Sydney Opera House, and so standup is always gonna be number one for me because no matter what sort of trendy device for finding our art exists, nothing can ever replace the live experience. I mean, I have literally played bus stops in Oklahoma and people know the real deal versus, you know, somebody who doesn’t know how to bring it. That’s why standup is always gonna be number one for me, because that live experience can’t be faked. You cannot lip sync a comedy show. You can’t do them in seven seconds. You can’t Instagram it. You can’t edit it. The live experience is still gonna be the most pure artistically. It’s where I reaa-a-ally don’t hold back.

I mean, Fashion Police is gonna be — I’m gonna try to get fired, let’s face it. I’m gonna try to say something so heinous I get fired — same with any talk-show appearance — but honestly, the live experience, it’s the one place you can’t get fired.

Being that I’m a gay man, I’m naturally concerned about Cher, one of your BFFs. How is she doing health-wise? Is she better? She is! She just texted me last night and she hit me right back and she’s feeling better. It’s funny, I reached out for the same reason you did: I was like, “I’m a gay man and I need to know,” and she was like (in Cher voice), “I’m feelin’ a lot betta.” She texted me back in seconds. If she’s able to text me back within five seconds, I’m thinkin’ that’s a good sign. And of course she stuck in some emojis, which I think is an even better sign.

Which emoji did she send? She did two lips — kisses.

Good. I’d be concerned if she did “happy poop.” (Laughs) Six of one and half dozen of the other — they’re both good emojis from Cher.

Lastly, Kathy, if you could turn back time…? I would have slept with Anderson Cooper for the one week he was heterosexual during his 21st birthday. I tried everything in the book, trust me, and it just wouldn’t happen. I tried everything short of the Cosby. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, and ­chris-azzopardi.com.

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

food & drink Three Wine Trends to Watch for in 2015

BY DAVID WHITE

2014

will likely go down as the year that powerful wine critics lost their grip on the marketplace.

Last year, many retailers and restaurants stopped using points to sell wines. Instead of using reviews from publications like Wine Spectator, they offered handwritten notes praising certain wines. Thanks to popular mobile apps like Delectable, wine consumers moved away from critics like Robert Parker and toward fellow enthusiasts

with similar palates.

This year, look out for three big trends.

Champagne will find a spot at the dinner table. Oenophiles have always talked about top Champagne with the same reverence they reserve for the finest wines of Bordeaux and Burgundy. But for most of the past 50 years, everyday Americans poo-pooed Champagne. The good stuff was too expensive and rarely seemed worth it. And the imitations served at weddings — think Cook’s and cheap Prosecco — was, well, gross.

Today, however, consumers are falling in love with Champagne.

Shipments to the U.S. have been climbing steadily since 2009.

One reason? Grower Champagne. For years, large producers who purchase grapes from across Champagne and aim to deliver a consistent product each year dominated the American market.

Grower Champagne, by contrast, is made by the farmers who grow the grapes. Thanks to a few key importers and America’s

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

growing obsession with knowing the source of our food, grower Champagne has been taking off.

So big Champagne producers like Moet & Chandon, Veuve Clicquot, and Taittinger have upped their games.

As more Champagne comes ashore, Americans are finally realizing that no other wine is as versatile. So this year, watch for retailers and sommeliers to start promoting Champagne as an affordable luxury that elevates even the simplest of dishes.

Consumers will embrace “universal” wine glasses. In 1958, Riedel, an Austrian glassware manufacturer, released the world’s first varietal-specific wine glass. By 2014, the company had convinced many consumers that virtually every wine grape — from Chardonnay and Pinot Noir to Riesling and Malbec — deserved its own glass. And then, the company released a glass for Coca-Cola. Soda could no longer be enjoyed straight out of a bottle or — the horror! — a can. Instead, consumers were

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february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

expected to shell out $20 for a glass to enjoy America’s most iconic beverage.

Unsurprisingly, wine enthusiasts are starting to rebel.

Restaurants are simplifying their stemware and offering patrons one type of glass for every type of wine. Oenophiles, too, are clearing out their cupboards and moving toward one-for-all glasses. Zalto, another Austrian glassmaker, has accelerated this trend. While the company makes a handful of varietal-specific wine glasses, its universal glass has won the most acclaim.

Industrial wine producers will hijack the word “natural.”

Over the past decade, many wine enthusiasts — this one included — have become passionate ambassadors for natural wine. These consumers seek producers who eschew fertilizers, herbicides, insecticides, and fungicides in their vineyards and refuse to utilize sugar, acid, tannins, or other additives — like oak chips, sawdust, or grape concentrates — in their wineries. As natural wine

proponent Alice Feiring once explained, “[these are] wines made with the goal of nothing added and nothing taken away.”

Natural wine enthusiasts are best known for promoting unusual grapes from unusual regions, like Ribolla Gialla from Friuli in Italy and Trousseau from the Jura in France. But they’ve found plenty of wines to love from more traditional regions. And more and more sommeliers and retailers are jumping on the natural wine bandwagon, promoting small producers who bottle with minimal intervention.

Legally, however, the word “natural” is meaningless. So this year, look for many of the globe’s largest producers to start slapping the word on industrial plonk.

These are just three trends to watch for in 2015. Regardless of what happens, make sure to drink well! Q

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

HANDYMAN TUGS BOYS

__ ________ ___ ___

cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTITUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: S=M

Theme: Quote from above show:

C’S COFHKHRFHZ CO SHO, C’S IWRF OAF COFHKHRFHZ CO SHO. _’_ __________ __ ___ , _ ’ _ ____ ___ ___________ __ ___ .

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

STRAIGHTS FROM THE HEART ACROSS 1 Gay-friendly Hutcherson of The Hunger Games 5 ‘Enry’s fair lady 10 Gay-friendly singer of the Jonas Brothers 14 Invitation to a top?

15 Rock’s Pillow Talk costar 16 North Sea feeder 17 Baudelaire’s well 18 Gay-friendly comics creator Morrison 19 Capital of ÷sterreich 20 With 22-Across, gayfriendly satirist and faux homophobe 22 See 20-Across 24 Canon camera 25 Colette’s king 26 Freddie Prinze role 29 James Beard cookbook meas.

32 Orderly display 36 Mane, to The Lion King’s Nala 37 Gay-friendly country singer Parton 39 Tubbies’ prefix 40 Xena deity 41 MacDowell of L’OrÈal ads 42 Med. care grps.

43 Where to find Trojans 44 Tough nuts to crack

46 WSW opposite 47 With 49-Across, gay-friendly Scandal creator 49 See 47-Across 51 Go head to head 52 Queen’s “We ___ the Champions” 55 Fed. book balancers 56 Gay-friendly producer of The Fosters 60 Put in a position 61 Stars that shoot off 62 Love of Lesbos 64 Connive with a con 65 “Don’t even bother” 66 Title role for Jodie Foster 67 Delilah portrayer Lamarr 68 Gay rodeo target 69 Saving Private Ryan event DOWN 1 Blow ___ (oral encounters) 2 Like a top 3 Barrie buccaneer 4 Nags the hubby 5 Rims 6 Aftermath of love?

7 Broadway lyricist Gershwin 8 Silvery metal 9 The Maltese Falcon actress Mary 10 Experience at the Cathedral of Hope 11 Eurythmics’ “Would ___ to You?”

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

q scopes

12 Good buddy 13 He got into Superman’s pants 21 Boo’s partner 23 Long, in Hawaii 26 An elf-made man?

27 Hard to bear 28 Like Button’s blades, at times 29 Collette of The Hours 30 Construction co. project 31 What a Muscle Mary wants to be 33 Got nostalgic about gay icons of the past 34 Garbo line ender 35 Frida Kahlo’s sis 37 Carvey, who crossdressed as the Church Lady 38 Linda Hunt’s The ___ of Living Dangerously 44 Rosie O’Donnell’s Exit to ___ 45 “Beat it!”

48 Age of a new nonagenarian 50 Hover menacingly 52 Online exaggeration?

53 Stage show 54 Use a rubber 56 Agree 57 Chelsea Pines and others 58 Look at a hottie in a bar 59 Meredith Grey’s kid 60 Skeptical ejaculation 63 Cunning ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

get rough.

ARIES March 20–April 19 Hunting for purpose is like looking for your nose: it’s right there, even though you can’t really see it! Search close to home for what really matters to you. The answers to your long-asked questions will seemingly appear. If you feel something is poking you to get noticed, it’s probably worthy of your attention.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Many trials present themselves, especially in relationship matters.

Nothing solves communication issues better than physical activities. Whether it’s a long hike or time in bed, there are several ways to clear the air. An annoying co-worker seems to exist simply to make life miserable. This may be true; deal with them accordingly.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Every time you doubt your beliefs, you risk the chance of redefining yourself. The urge to flee from what you discover could overtake you, but what is seen cannot be erased. Learn to live with explosions of truth and find your sense of awe. Your friends may be pleasantly surprised if you can learn to adapt to change.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Be sure to cover your interests and keep secrets close to home. There is a chance someone may want to use your vulnerabilities against you. A family member will have incredible news. Celebrate if you wish, but don’t lose focus on yourself. Things are kind of at a lull, so spice things up by igniting a good time.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 The fear of letting go has never been one of yours. There is plenty of give-and-take in the world.

Even so, there is an area in your life that is stiff and unchanging. A romantic entanglement could leave you wondering if it’s time to dabble into unorthodox experiences. Be careful with the hearts of other people.

CANCER June 21–July 22 Skeptical people in your life provide nothing but doubt and uncertainty. This is not what is needed right now. Accept the messages but express it when enough is enough.

Spend time with a friend who values your opinion and knows how to provide constructive feedback. Good energies could lead to intimate times.

LEO July 23–August 22 Update your calendar and get affairs in order. There is nothing wrong with keeping the status quo, but a fresh perspective and change of routine could do you good. Finances could also use a review during this time, especially if a splurge is in the recent past. The best thing to do for yourself is strip off your burdens. Energize!

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Bright times are abundant this month, as many long-term goals seem to fulfill themselves. Career seems to be going well, and family is a central source of good times. Still, there is the sense that hard times are around the corner. Be mindful of this, and use the good times to prepare for when things

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

Something has to give, but what requires release isn’t clear. Much is going on right now, and you only have two hands. Don’t’ be afraid to drop something you can pick up again later. Work has been a challenge, and not an enjoyable one. It may be time to re-evaluate what really matters and make changes. No regrets.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 Unified focus on someone has left you wanting more. Test the waters and figure out if this person feels the same. Communication opens the door to satisfaction. Travel isn’t practical right now, but a short trip is desirable and possible. Don’t worry about getting away for a few days. Obligations can wait.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 There are gifts in store that will be delivered by staying grounded and open-minded. Those close to you have much wisdom to offer if you’re willing to listen. Don’t be distracted by things you have no control over. Avoid fights which are not your own. There is peace in store but you will have to find it first. Eyes open.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 The universe seems pretty big right now, and feeling of being small can be overwhelming. But a sense of empowerment becomes predominant this month. The choices you make regarding family and friends will be made with intense clarity. Cram as much as possible to keep your spirits high, and seek out deep pleasures. Q

CLASSIFIEDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

february 2015 | issue 240

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Salt Lake basketball team takes top honors at the National Gay Basketball Ass’n Hillcrest Classic The SLC Missionaries placed number one in the largest LGBT basketball tournament ever held on the west coast.

On January 17–18, 2015, the National Gay Basketball Association held the 2015 Hillcrest Classic basketball tournament over the Martin Luther King Jr Holiday weekend in sunny San Diego. Games took place at San Diego City College Harry West Gym and the city municipal courts located in the beautiful

Balboa Park.

NGBA partnered with The CCE Sports Network to broadcast games.

The SLC Missionaries was one of two teams which traveled to San Diego for the tournament, the other being the SL Hardwood Old Dawgs.

In all, 42 teams competed from as far away as New York City and Texas and as close as Los Angeles.

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48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Q doku Easy

6

3 5 8 8 6 4 3 9 5 7

1

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

3

2 7

3

2

2 7 4 8 1 3 1 1 6 4 9 6 8 8 4 2 6 1 4 3 4 1 2 5 3 3 5 2 2 5 6 7 7 4 6 2 5 6 4 1 5 8 6 7 4 4 1 8 7 5 8 3

5

3 9 6

5 3

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february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

PetMonth of the

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Because Ethel is 8 years old, she qualifies for our Senior to Senior adoption promo, and her fee is waived for anyone over 55 years of age.

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Academy Award Ballot Your very own ballot for the Academy Awards, to air live on ABC Sunday, February 22.

BEST PICTURE  “American Sniper”  “Birdman”  “Boyhood”  “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  “The Imitation Game”  “Selma”  “The Theory of Everything”  “Whiplash” BEST DIRECTOR  Wes Anderson, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  Alejandro González Iñárritu, “Birdman”  Richard Linklater, “Boyhood”  Bennett Miller, “Foxcatcher”  Morten Tyldum, “The Imitation Game” BEST ACTRESS  Marion Cotillard, “Two Days, One Night”  Felicity Jones, “The Theory of Everything”  Julianne Moore, “Still Alice”  Rosamund Pike, “Gone Girl”  Reese Witherspoon, “Wild” BEST ACTOR  Steve Carell, “Foxcatcher”  Bradley Cooper, “American Sniper”  Benedict Cumberbatch, “The Imitation Game”  Michael Keaton, “Birdman”  Eddie Redmayne, “The Theory of Everything” BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS  Patricia Arquette, “Boyhood”  Laura Dern, “Wild”  Keira Knightley, “The Imitation Game”  Emma Stone, “Birdman”  Meryl Streep, “Into the Woods”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR  Robert Duvall, “The Judge”  Ethan Hawke, “Boyhood”  Edward Norton, “Birdman”  Mark Ruffalo, “Foxcatcher”  J.K. Simmons, “Whiplash” BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY  Paul Thomas Anderson, “Inherent Vice”  Damien Chazelle, “Whiplash”  Jason Hall, “American Sniper”  Anthony McCarten, “The Theory of Everything”  Graham Moore, “The Imitation Game” BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY  Wes Anderson and Hugo Guinness, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  Dan Futterman and E. Max Frye, “Foxcatcher”  Dan Gilroy, “Nightcrawler”  Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris and Armando Bo, “Birdman”  Richard Linklater, “Boyhood” BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM  “Leviathan”  “Ida”  “Tangerines”  “Timbuktu”  “Wild Tales” BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE  “CITIZENFOUR”  “Finding Vivian Maier”  “Last Days in Vietnam”  “The Salt in the Earth”  “Virunga” BEST ANIMATED FEATURE  “Big Hero 6”  “The Boxtrolls”  “How to Train Your Dragon 2”  “Song of the Sea”  “The Tale of The Princess Kaguya”

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

BEST FILM EDITING  “American Sniper”  “Boyhood”  “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  “The Imitation Game”  “Whiplash” BEST ORIGINAL SONG  “Everything is Awesome” from “The LEGO Movie” (written by Shawn Patterson)  “Glory” from “Selma” (written by Common and John Legend)  “Grateful” from “Beyond the Lights” (written by Diane Warren)  “I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from “Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me” (written

by Glen Campbell)  “Lost Stars” from “Begin Again” (written by Gregg Alexander, Danielle Brisebois, Nick Lashley and Nick Southwood) BEST ORIGINAL SCORE  Alexandre Desplat, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  Alexandre Desplat, “The Imitation Game”  Johann Johannsson, “The Theory of Everything”  Gary Yershon, “Mr. Turner”  Hans Zimmer, “Interstellar” BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY  Roger Deakins, “Unbroken”  Emmanuel Lubezki, “Birdman”  Dick Pope, “Mr. Turner”  Robert Yeoman, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  Lukasz Zal and Ryszard Lenczewski, “Ida” BEST COSTUME DESIGN  “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  “Inherent Vice”  “Into the Woods”  “Maleficent”  “Mr. Turner” BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING  “Foxcatcher”  “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  “Guardians of the Galaxy”

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN  “The Grand Budapest Hotel”  “The Imitation Game”  “Interstellar”  “Into the Woods”  “Mr. Turner” BEST SOUND EDITING  “American Sniper”  “Birdman”  “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies”  “Interstellar”  “Unbroken” BEST SOUND MIXING  “American Sniper”  “Birdman”  “Interstellar”  “Unbroken”  “Whiplash” BEST VISUAL EFFECTS  “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”  “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”  “Guardians of the Galaxy”  “Interstellar”  “X-Men: Days of Future Past” BEST SHORT FILM, LIVE ACTION  “Aya”  “Boogaloo and Graham”  “Butter Lamp”  “Parvaneh”  “The Phone Call” BEST SHORT FILM, ANIMATED  “The Bigger Picture”  “The Dam Keeper”  “Feast”  “Me and My Moulton”  “A Single Life” BEST DOCUMENTARY, SHORT SUBJECT  “Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1”  “Joanna”  “Our Curse”  “The Reaper”  “White Earth”

The Book of Mormon Missionary Positions

Photographer Neil DaCosta discussed the essage of his 2012 photo series and why it’s still getting so much attention.

“Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Any other sexual relations, including those between persons of the same gender, are sinful and undermine the divinely created institution of the family. The Church accordingly affirms defining marriage as the legal and lawful union between a man and a woman.”

—LDS Handbook “[Our models] did an amazing job; they took our direction perfectly and spent hours getting into these, sometimes, physically challenging positions,” DaCosta said.

“My favorites are the ones where our missionaries are looking into each other’s eyes.

But when I would ask them to look longingly into each other’s eyes, I could only get one photo before the whole room burst into laughter. So those photos are a good keepsake for me for how much fun we had that ridiculous day.”

“I can only hope that a current missionary that has not come out might see this project and get some reassurance that not everyone has the same beliefs as their church.”

“I wish I could claim these names, but they were all from various Kama Sutra books.” mormonmissionarypositions.com

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

ELDER KIMBALL

ELDER SEARCY

ELDERS

THE MISSIONARY POSITION

CONGRESS OF CROW

POUNDING THE SPOT

FITTER IN

SUPPORTED CONGRESS

DRAWING THE BOW

PHOENIX RED CAVE

FITTING THE SOCK

CONGRESS OF ELEPHANT

YAWNING POSITION

PRESSING TWINING

BICYCLE POSITION

SECOND POSTURE

SIXTH POSTURE

MARE AND SWING

HANGING BOW

ALL PHOTOS: NEIL DACOSTA

52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

the frivolist

Seven TV drinking games to keep you warm and toasty all winter long All that snow on the ground got you down? Perk up and pour yourself some hooch as you settle in for a winter’s worth of critically acclaimed TV and these seven new drinking games to help smooth that slow transition to spring.

1. THE GOLDEN GLOBES (NBC) Take a sip of beer or wine when: • Hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler change gowns.

• Music is cued to hurry a lengthy acceptance speech that by that point is probably spilling over into soapbox territory anyway.

• A winner recognizes his or her same-sex partner by

name.

Take a shot when: • A presenter and/or winner appears visibly drunk or high on stage; the likelihood of this will increase exponentially as each hour passes. Or if Sean Young is invited.

• An acceptance speech turns into a political speech about freedom of speech. You’ll probably want to pick up a big bottle of tequila this year.

• North Korea and Sony are mentioned in the same sentence.

2. GIRLS (HBO) Take a sip of beer or wine when:

• Hannah bears her breasts.

• Adam mentions his dick.

• Somebody rides a bike. Because nobody has a driver’s license on this show.

Take a shot when: • Marnie laments about her music career, or sheds a

tear. She’s prone to do both; sometimes simultaneously.

• One of the girls physically hits another. These chicks are violent, yo.

• Elijah flashes his sweet cheeks.

february 2015 | issue 240 | gaysaltlake.com

3. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW (FX) Take a sip of beer or wine when: • Neil Patrick Harris’ Chester performs a “magic trick.”

• Dandy goes from zero to crazy. (We miss you, Patti.)

• Elsa obsesses about her career in television – which is totally in the cards, but for how long?

Take a shot when: • A freak lies.

• A freak cries.

• A freak dies.

4. THE WALKING DEAD (AMC) Take a sip of beer or wine when: • A walker is put down for good. It’s much easier now that the skulls have gone soft.

• Somebody is saved from being walker-bait just in the knick of time.

• You feel hopeless because nothing is going to get better, ever. Just like Beth said it wouldn’t.

Take a shot when: • Judith tries to get everyone killed by being Judith.

• The group finds food – and actually eats it.

• An LGBT character appears on screen. Their world will get a little gayer soon.

5. HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER (ABC) Take a sip of beer or wine when:

SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

• Michaela bickers with her classmates.

• Sam appears in a flashback.

There’s always life after death in Shonda Land.

• Anybody utters the word “affair.” This isn’t a monogamyminded group, y’all.

Take a shot when: • Annalise is wigless.

• Connor gets down and dirty with the dude du jour.

• You watch a scene so WTF that you have to rewind it on your DVR.

6. DOWNTON ABBEY (PBS) Take a sip of beer or wine when: • The Dowager Countess throws shade.

• Thomas Barrow talks smack.

• Mary acts like a bitch.

Take a shot when: • A sexual tryst takes place that transcends the class system.

• A new invention of the era is introduced.

• A correspondence containing bad news arrives.

7. LOOKING (HBO) Take a sip of beer or wine when: • You hear the words “top,” “bottom” or “vers.”

• They refer to social media and/or dating sites and apps.

• You see butt.

Take a shot when: • Richie takes it off.

• Patrick and Kevin get it on.

• Somebody can’t get it up.

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 240 | february 2015

the perils of petunia pap smear

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. Should I develop for market a Breasticle Christmas Forest Nativity Scene?

2. Due to the amassed tonnage of flammable material, should I be required by the government to designate my wig storage area as a hazardous explosive area?

3. Should I offer the area as a training ground for the bomb squad?

4. Would a lighted wig, dropped from an airplane, be considered a weapon of mass destruction?

5. How could I explain to the paramedics that I passed out from inhaling alcohol fumes while de-glittering?

6. Would the electrical field produced by the breasticles interfere with any attempt by paramedics to use a defibrillator on me?

7. Does it show that I’m too willing to be raped, that I have clearly labeled the electrical panel near the back door?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

Cryptogram: I’M INTERESTED IN MEN, I’M JUST NOT INTERESTED IN MEN.

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Anagram: MY HUSBAND’S NOT GAY 2 6 1 4 3 9 7 5 8

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quite tall enough to accommodate the entire hive.

Next, I proceeded to the dangerous and chemically toxic procedure of de-glittering the mustache. It can only be removed by using rubbing alcohol, and since it is directly beneath my nose, much holding of breath is necessary to keep from passing out from inhaling the alcohol fumes. I’ve gotten woozy several times, and nearly pulled the bathroom sink off the wall. I can’t even imagine the nightmarish scene, of paramedics rushing into the bathroom to find my wigless body lying on the floor, face up, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling and the breasticles blinking skyward.

I had just successfully finished removing the glitter, when the electrical power went off and all the lights in Chateau Pap Smear went suddenly dark.

Luckily, I had not yet had time to remove my silver breasticles, so like a certain reindeer, I used my glowing breasticles to guide my way. They worked perfectly as headlights to illuminate my path, which I had discovered last month while I chased the trespassing teenagers out of First Baptist Church. I looked out the window and discovered to my disappointment that the entire neighborhood was dark.

My momentary adrenalin rush, fantasizing that a mad rapist had turned off the electrical breakers to my house and was going to have his way with me in the dark, was wasted as I came to the realization that I was indeed alone.

What to do in the dark? Hmmmm? I began wandering about Chateau Pap Smear looking for something to occupy my time. I got a book and tried to read, but there was too much glare back

3 7 2 9 5 1 8 4 6

to Downton Abbey is fraught with danger and excitement.

It was a dark and stormy night. I was feeling a little anxious because I was impatiently waiting for the next episode of Downton Abbey to be broadcast in 45 minutes. I felt a little chill run down my back so I turned up the thermostat on the heating system. I felt reassured when I heard the furnace kick on and felt the warm comfy air beginning to gush from the vents. So I decided to pass the time by putting away the Holliday Christmas Tree Forest Tableau that I had made by arranging all of my breasticles into a forest and running a toy locomotive around the “forest”. It was quite an ambitious display consisting of 34 lighted breasticles, with 34 interchangeable nipples. The Duracell Company loves me because it required one hundred seventy batteries to power the whole thing. Taking down Christmas is never anywhere near as much fun as putting it up.

After having accomplishing the destruction of Christmas, I decided that I was definitely “in for the evening” so I commenced with the complicated, intricate and dangerous procedures of slipping into something more comfortable before Downton Abbey began. First and foremost, I carefully centered my body beneath my home made gantry crane, and cautiously removed the Beehive wig, (So, now you know my deepest darkest secret.

It is NOT my natural hair.) and gently placed the mass of Aqua Net and nylon in the carefully labeled and color coded six gallon storage bucket. I have tried to use the more common five gallon buckets, but they are not

breasticles, and placed them as a centerpiece on the table, thus casting a romantic glow upon the solitary dinner. Sigh! The rapist and I could have had such a magical romantic Breasticle-lit dinner.

1 4 9 3 6 8 5 2 7

The road

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

into my eyes from the breasticle lights for that to work. Hm. I don’t have a battery powered radio. Crap. I began to realize that I just might be a little teeny tiny bit addicted to television.

I discovered that the gas stove still worked. I had not yet had supper so, I commenced to make a double batch of Hamburger Helper Stroking-Off. Oh I mean Stroganoff. (Freudian slip?)

Happily, there was hamburger waiting to be used, in the fridge.

So, by the light of my silvery boobs, I threw the meat into my favorite cast iron skillet and turned up the heat. As with all other activities, cooking while wearing breasticles is more difficult than one might imagine.

As the meat began to sputter and spit, I had to step back at arm’s length to prevent the breasticles from collecting a layer of grease.

Although the breasticles were providing sufficient light to accomplish the task, they were directly in the line of sight, so I was forced to work side-saddle to the stove. Anyone who have ever attempted to give me a hug, will of course recognize the fact that a size 75 Triple-Z bra size makes a head on encounter impossible.

Finally, Hamburger Helper was ready. Any of you who have accompanied me on The Big Gay Fun Bus To Wendover and have witnessed me try and eat at the buffet, will attest to the fact that eating with breasticles is very very difficult. I removed the

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