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4 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE

Civility 2

BY MICHAEL AARON

A few

issues ago, I saw the writing on the wall, as most did, that marriage equality was coming our way and I called for “balance and respect” in our response. I wrote: “Like any victory, we want to run to the end zone and do a shuffle, pound a ball to the ground and turn to the other side and give them an ‘up yours’ salute.

“Some would say that is the least we deserve. Sometimes I count myself among them. But if there is balance in this fight, that means the opposing team is bringing something to the game. So, let’s shed the raw emotion for a second and analyze this.”

All of that, and what I wrote afterward, is true. Apparently Quorum of the Twelve Apostles’ Dallin Oaks read my column, and called for “civility” in a speech he made at the semi-annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

“When our positions do not prevail,” he said, “we should accept unfavorable results graciously and practice civility with our adversaries.”

“The teachings about contention are central. When Christ found the Nephites disputing the manner of baptism, He gave clear directions on the ordinance and then taught an essential principle: ‘There shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.

‘For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

‘Behold, this is ... my doctrine, that such things should be done away.’”

I agree. I also believe, however, that “such things” may take some time to heal before they are “done away.”

Oaks, himself, was president of Brigham Young University when gay students were being subjected to electroshock and vomit-inducing therapy to rid themselves of their “same-sex desires.”

My friend Bruce Barton and many oth-

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

ers have not received an apology for this barbaric practice.

Oaks was also president of BYU when their security force would go to the popular gay bar, The Sun Tavern, to record license plates and expel and excommunicate students who were parked there.

Many were rejected by their families when the reason for the expulsion and/or excommunication came to light.

My friend Chris Eccles and many others have not received an apology for this practice.

Church leaders at various ranks encouraged gay men and women to marry someone of the opposite sex, saying God would shed them of this “evil” should they do so.

None of my many friends, or their wives and children, have received apolo-

gies for this horrific advice.

Church leaders also sent young men to Evergreen, counseling them to “knock on God’s door until your knuckles are bloody” to ask for their innate feelings to be swept away so they could be straight.

None of my very many friends have received an apology for that as well.

As a call for civility rings out on both sides, I think it is prudent for all of us to understand when someone may take some time before such ill feelings may be “done away.”

I’d also ask Mr. Oaks if he may reconsider his use of the word “adversaries,” which the church uses as a term for Satan, and might consider it for one of those hundreds of edits the church will make to conference speeches ... in the name of civility. Q

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QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 7

staffbox publisher/editor Michael Aaron

copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Bob Henline, Craig Ogan, Shelley Stewart

contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn Beltran, Paul Berge, We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker W Dave Brousseau, Abby Dees, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Bob Henline, Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Anthony Paull, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Steven Ball, Michael Hamblin,

Lin Marie, Blaine Osborne, Jason Van Campen publisher

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QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2014, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 15,000 copies of QSaltLake Magazine are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons. Printed in the U.S.A. on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

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NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

Obama: U.S. Constitution guarantees marriage equality President Obama didn’t publicly support marriage equality until May of 2012, but his views today sound more like those of a lifelong champion of gay rights.

In an interview with The New Yorker about his judicial legacy, Obama said: “Ultimately, I think the Equal Protection Clause does guarantee same-sex marriage in all fifty states. But, as you know, courts have always been strategic. There have been times where the stars were aligned and the Court, like a thunderbolt, issues a ruling like Brown v. Board of Education, but that’s pretty rare. And, given the direction of society, for the Court to have allowed the process to play out the way it has may make the shift less controversial and more lasting.”

Asked what the “best” Supreme Court decision during his tenure has been, he said: “In some ways, the decision that was just handed down to not do anything about what states are doing on same-sex marriage may end up being as consequential—from my perspective, a positive sense—as anything that’s been done. Because I think it really signals that although the Court was not quite ready—it didn’t have sufficient votes to follow Loving v. Virginia (the 1967 decision that states could no longer ban interracial marriage) and go ahead and indicate an equal-protection right across the board—it was a consequential and powerful signal of the changes that have taken place in society and that the law is having to catch up.”

Justice Ginsburg reiterates: SCOTUS won’t take up marriage equality until there’s disagreement Speaking at the historic 92nd Street Y in New York City, the staunchly progressive Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg reiterated her earlier sentiment that the overwhelming judicial momentum in favor of marriage equality means the Supreme Court isn’t under any particularly pressing pressure to decide the issue nationwide.

Explaining why the Court declined in October to review seven cases bringing marriage equality to five states, Ginsburg noted that “when there’s no disagreement among the courts of appeals we don’t step in. The major job of the court is to keep the law of the United States more or less uniform.”

“If there had been a court of appeals on the other side, we probably would have taken that case,” speculated Ginsburg. “But up

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.) until now, all of the courts of appeal agree, so there is no crying need for us to step in.”

Philippines summons US Marines in transgender murder case Five US Marines have been summoned to appear before a prosecutor in the northern Philippines after Filipino police accused one of them of murdering a transgender sex worker, the foreign department said.

The Americans were ordered to attend a hearing by the prosecutor of Olongapo City next week in a politically-charged case that threatens to test the long-standing defence ties between Manila and Washington.

“The Department of Foreign Affairs... today served the subpoena and complaint against Private First Class Joseph Scott Pemberton for the murder of Jeffrey Laude also known as Jennifer,” a ministry statement said.

Four other US Marines who were not identified by the statement were summoned by the prosecutor on the same date “as witnesses for the case”.

Catholics extend, retract olive branch to gays, divorcées Pope Francis convened a so-called “Extraordinary General Assembly” of Catholic bishops held for two weeks in 2014 and 2015. The Synod of bishops examines the church’s attitudes on a variety of contentious issues: gay Catholics’ involvement in the church, divorced-and-remarried Catholics receiving Communion, and unmarried couples cohabitating.

Last month news came from the bishops’ gathering that Catholic leaders were contemplating a marked departure from the church’s previous position on gay Catholics.

Archbishop Bruno Forte was quoted talking about the “centrality” of a Catholic person, independent of “sexual orientation.”

The Rev. Emmett G. Price III responded on Boston Public Radio that the shift was “huge.” Progressive and conservative Catholics seemed to agree with Price’s statement, but differ on whether it was a positive development. On Oct. 18, when the bishops’ meeting ended, leaders’ sentiments reflected the public divide. Their “extraordinary” assembly came to no agreement on gay involvement, divorce, or cohabitation.

“The church has had a crisis not only of faith, but of identity and integrity,” Monroe said. “I’m quite disappointed.”

Price echoed Monroe’s disappointment.

“I am still a believer in the Pope. Now, the church I’m upset with,” Price said.

Judge rules Nat’l Org. for Marriage cannot recoup $700K The National Organization for Marriage is not entitled to recoup $691,025.05 in attorneys’ fees spent on a case over disclosed tax records, a federal court in Virginia has ruled. It’s just the latest in a long string of losses for the once-formidable antigay organization.

NOM claimed that the IRS intentionally or negligently leaked the identities of its large donors, and demanded damages.

For its part, the IRS admitted an accidental leak, but denied intentionally or negligently providing the information.

After initially settling with the government for $50,000, NOM went further and filed a motion for attorneys’ fees.

Task Force forced to apologize for bisexual article The newly named National LGBTQ Task Force has issued an apology for a blog post that drew criticism from many bisexual activists and commentators, and has removed the post. In the article, leadership programs director Evangeline Weiss said she is ready “to say bye bye to the word bisexuality.”

She said it does not describe her sexual orientation, and she encouraged readers to cease using the word as well, as she felt it reinforced a binary concept of gender.

Several commentators objected to the post, which was published on Bisexual Awareness Day. They said they recognize Weiss’s right to identify in any way that suits her, but added that she should not impose her view on people who do identify as bisexual.

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

Supreme Court denies Utah appeal, marriages resume A lot can happen in one month. As our last issue hit the streets, marriage equality was the law in 18 states and the District of Columbia. As we go to press today, that number has climbed to 32 plus D.C. On October 6, the U.S. Supreme Court released the final list of cases that it would hear this year, and those it would not.

All marriage equality cases that had been DARK BLUE SHOWS STATES WITH MARRIAGE EQUALITY AS OF 10/21/14.

GOLD STATES HAVE APPEALED A CIRCUIT COURT RULING TO THE SUPREME COURT. RED STATES ARE STILL FACING LEGAL CHALLENGES OF MARRIAGE LAWS AND FLORIDA IS PENDING LEGALIZATION

appealed to the Court were rejected — an outcome very few experts expected — leading to almost immediate marriages in five states and marriages within weeks on several others.

In the meantime, other circuit courts issued rulings that laws prohibiting marriage between same-sex couples were unconstitutional and either state leaders decided Attorney Peggy Tomsic at the microphone surrounded by plaintiffs not to pursue an appeal, or of Judge Shelby’s Dec. 20, 2013 decision the Court denied emergency and ordered that marriages resume. stay requests outright.

Plaintiffs in the case expressed glee Utah Gov. Gary Herbert and Attorney at a press conference, saying they are General Sean Reyes announced shortly thrilled that the case is over and that they after the denial was made public that the prevailed. state would abide by the Court’s decision.

Conservative groups bemoaned that the Salt Lake Couinty Clerk Sherrie SwenCourt did not hear the cases, saying the son began marrying couples the second that the 10th Circuit Court lifted its stay “will of the citizens” was left unheard.

Same-sex marriage in Utah: How we arrived here

BY BOB HENLINE

On March 25, 2013, Salt Lake attorney Peggy Tomsic filed suit against the State of Utah on behalf of three couples, Derek Kitchen and Moudi Sbeity, Kate Archer and Karen Call, and Kody Partridge and Laurie Wood. The case, now known as Kitchen v. Herbert, sought to overturn Utah’s Amendment 3, which defined the institution of marriage as a relationship between one man and one woman. It further denied any legal recognition of any relationship, regardless of name, that would provide “substantively equivalent legal effect.”

Amendment 3 was passed by 65 percent of Utah voters in a general election in 2004. It was pushed by a number of prominent Utah social and political figures, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. On October 20, 2013 — just 10 days before the election — the LDS Church issued this statement: “Any other sexual relations, including those between people of the same gender, undermine the divinely created institution of the family.

The Church accordingly favors measures that define marriage as the union of a man and woman and that do not confer legal

status on any other sexual relationship.”

The force behind Tomsic’s suit was a Salt Lake City resident, Mark Lawrence.

Inspired by the federal court challenge of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, Lawrence called together a small group of activists at a local coffee shop on a July evening in 2012.

From that meeting Restore Our Humanity was born. The group started with a simple mission: overturn Amendment 3 in federal court. Lawrence and his team began organizing, established a non-profit, and looking for plaintiff couples and an attorney to bring the suit. The equality organizations, both locally and nationally, ignored Lawrence and Restore Our Humanity. Utah was not considered a battleground for marriage equality. Traditional strategy and conventional wisdom dictated that the passage of non-discrimination laws at the state level must precede marriage action.

Restore Our Humanity thought differently. They had already decided that waiting for public opinion and legislative action was a waste of time. They were going to raise the estimated $500,000 to $1,000,000 needed and take the case to

federal court.

Lawrence reached out to several attorneys and ultimately retained Tomsic and her firm, Magleby & Greenwood. He recruited the plaintiffs and put them together with Tomsic, and then jumped full force into fundraising, planning for a three to five year legal battle.

There is, however, nothing quite so urgent as an idea whose time has come. On December 4, 2013, United States District Judge Robert Shelby heard initial arguments in a summary judgment hearing. Shelby announced that the planned to rule on the summary judgment motions by mid-January 2014. Most observers speculated that he would deny both summary motions and schedule the matter for trial later in the year.

Shelby had a few surprises in store.

On December 20, 2013, weeks before the anticipated date, Shelby ruled. He denied Utah’s motion for summary dismissal and granted the plaintiffs’ motion for summary judgment. He declared Utah’s Amendment 3 and the associated “marriage discrimination laws” (as labeled in the suit) unconstitutional and immediately stricken down.

By mid-day on that chilly Friday afternoon,

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

exuberant couples were lined up through the Salt Lake County Clerk’s office and out the door, ready to file for marriage licenses. Ministers and authorized public officials were on-hand to perform ceremonies and solemnize marriages.

There was a sense of celebration, but also of anxiety and urgency. Utah’s attorneys had already asked for a stay in order to stop any further marriages from taking place. Both Judge Shelby and the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals denied Utah’s request for a stay. Marriages continued for 17 days in Utah before the stay was ultimately granted by the Supreme Court on January 6, 2014.

On January 16 the Utah Attorney General’s office announced that it had retained Gene C. Schaerr to represent the state as the appeal moved forward. Schaerr, a graduate of Brigham Young University and Yale Law School, clerked for two Supreme Court Justices, worked as associate counsel for President George H.W. Bush, and had handled over 100 cases in federal and state appellate courts.

Both parties petitioned the Tenth Circuit for an expedited appeal in the case, although after the expedited status was granted Utah’s attorneys then requested additional time to complete their filing.

After granting the extension, oral arguments in the case were set for April 10, 2014 at the Byron White Federal Courthouse in Denver, Colo. before Judges Paul Kelly, Jerome Holmes, and Carlos Lucero.

Most observers agreed after the oral arguments that the court would uphold Shelby’s ruling in a split decision, with Judge Kelly dissenting. On June 25, 2014, that speculation held true as the Tenth Circuit announced their decision — a 2-1 split affirming Shelby. The court, however, imposed a stay on their own ruling, anticipating an appeal to the Supreme Court.

Utah’s attorneys filed their appeal and the plaintiffs’ attorneys responded. Both parties urged swift and final action from the Court, arguing that this case was the perfect mechanism by which to make this decision for the nation. The appeal was now in the hands of the Supreme Court of the United States as final arbiter.

In the meantime, seven cases from five states (Utah, Oklahoma, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Virginia) in three federal circuits had been decided, all ruling in favor of marriage equality. Appeals to the Supreme Court were now pending across the nation.

The Supreme Court announced that their first scheduling conference would be held on September 29, with marriage equality cases being slated for discussion.

While speculation ran rampant, many observers advised caution, noting that rarely are cases scheduled at their first conference. Others argued that the Court would wait for a split among appellate courts before engaging this issue. Some speculated the other way, that the Court, having already interjected itself by granting the stay in the Kitchen case, would take up the case and end the myriad legal battles being waged across the country. There was also a smaller number of observers, such as Lawrence himself, who felt that with all of the appellate courts ruling in favor of equality, the odds were good that the Supreme Court would just deny review and let those rulings stand.

As the days passed following the first scheduling conference with no announcement from the Court, speculation and anxiety increased. What would be the fate of the 1,300 or so couples legally married in Utah during that 17 day window? What of the couples legally married in other states, but living in Utah? What of the families sitting in legal limbo due to stays pending action?

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

That speculation ended on October 6, 2014, when the United States Supreme Court announced that it was denying certiorari on the cases, thereby allowing the rulings of the appellate courts to stand. Immediately following that announcement the Fourth, Seventh, and Tenth Circuit Courts of Appeals issued their respective mandates ordering enforcement of their previous rulings.

Utah’s Governor, Gary Herbert, with Attorney General Sean Reyes at his side, held a press conference that morning.

Herbert expressed his disappointment that the Supreme Court denied the appeal and restated his belief that the definition of marriage is one for states to decide independently. He did, however, affirm his commitment to “follow the law” and released letters sent from his office and from the attorney general to various agencies and departments to immediately comply with the Tenth Circuit’s mandate.

The legal battle in Utah lasted just over 18 months, from filing to ruling; an extraordinarily short period of time for a case of this magnitude to run the full legal cycle. For many, however, the battle has been going since the Stonewall riots of 1969. In an interview with this reporter on this historic day, Restore Our Humanity founder Mark Lawrence was somber and reflective: “Yes, it is a day to celebrate, but it is also a day to remember those who came before us. We stood upon the shoulders of giants to accomplish this feat. It doesn’t belong to Restore Our Humanity, it doesn’t belong to one group of attorneys, or even one group of plaintiffs. It doesn’t belong to any local or national organization. It belongs to everyone, to an entire community that has worked for over four decades to make this happen. Many of those activists didn’t live to see this day.

We should remember them.” Q

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

Judge Shelby addresses USU students: Personal beliefs play no role in judicial decisions U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby returned to his Alma mater to speak on the roles of judges in today’s society. As part of Utah State University’s Fireside Chat and Pizza series, the Institute of Government and Politics invited the judge, who ruled that Utah’s laws and constitutional amendment that prohibited same-sex marriages violated the U.S. Constitution, to speak. His ruling paved the way for over 1,300 Utah couples to marry, started the avalanche of federal court rulings in favor of marriage equality and is cited in 30 other court rulings.

USU director of government relations Neil Abercrombie invited the judge to speak to students about his experience of being a judge, in the hopes that they could determine if that was a career path they were interested in.

Students, of course, wanted to get inside Shelby’s head to understand the ruling itself, but were disappointed when Shelby said he could not talk about specific rulings.

Speaking for nearly an hour, Shelby said he finds it important for judges to be accessible

to the public to the degree they can, though he has turned down numerous requests for interviews. He said one of the main things he wanted to discuss was people’s perception of the judiciary, especially political activism. He said that studies about whether a judge’s personal feelings on a topic swayed their rulings negate the idea that political activism exists among the judges. Whether a judge was appointed by a Republican or a Democratic president has little correlation

of how the judge makes a decision, he said.

Of course, the topic of Kitchen v. Herbert was asked by one of the students.

“I want to know how you felt when [the Kitchen case] came to your docket. It’s such a huge political issue,” University of Utah political science major Ellen Koester asked.

“That’s a really big responsibility to bear on your shoulders.

It affects a lot of people’s lives, in good ways and bad.”

“Let me first say I shouldn’t talk about any of that and I won’t talk about any of that,” Shelby replied, joking that he was ducking the question.

“I will say this: What I attempt to do in every written decision — in that one as well — was I did the very best I could to articulate as clearly as I knew how what rules I applied, why I applied them, and how I applied them, so that anyone could come and read what I did and say whether it was right or wrong, he said. “The judiciary in my view should be transparent in that way.”

He did say that he is allowed to talk about he way he feels about the job and about decisions he’s made.

“I come back into my chambers after whatever kind of ruling,” he says, “And I think to

Utah Pride Center cuts hours, reopens cyber center The Utah Pride Center announced that it cut its hours by over 57 percent, effective Sept. 29.

The Center will now be open Tuesday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Groups that meet at the Center at hours outside these times will continue to do so and are able to utilize the facilities. The building’s services will not, however, be available for use by any others outside the stated hours.

At one point, the Center

was open from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. weekdays, 8 a.m. to 9 p.m.

Saturdays and 10 a.m. to 9 p.m.

Sundays.

The Center expects that it will open longer hours when the planned coffee shop/cafe is opened. No timeline is set on that happening.

Since its move to the Fourth South building, the organization has suffered financial issues. Center leaders promised a “state of the Center” in late September, but delayed it as it

myself this job is bigger than any single person could ever hope to be. Exercising judicial authority, whether it’s like the one you’re talking about with highly charged political questions ... reminds me how important the work is.”

“The decision in the samesex marriage case, I think, has prompted a dialogue in our society — and I think it’s a healthy dialogue — on what is the proper function of a judiciary,” Shelby said. “What role does a judge’s view of morals play in that decision? My answer is none.”

He was then asked if he has time with his caseload to pause and see what happens to his decisions, especially landmark decisions, he answered no.

“You do the best work you can, you work as hard as you can to understand the issues,” he said. “You do your very best to get the right result, then you give your ruling and you move to the next case.”

While he cares about the parties affected, he said that the next case deserves his full attention as well.

Shelby is a 1994 graduate of Utah State University, where he met his wife on the first day of school. The couple still travel to Logan for football games. Q was not yet finished.

A grand re-opening of the CyberCenter was held Sept. 30.

The CyberCenter was funded by the David Bohnett Foundation and includes free access to four computer workstations and a printer, along with an internet connection.

Bohnett was the founder of GeoCities, which he sold to Yahoo! in 1999. His foundation focuses on LGBT issues, animal language research, gun violence prevention and voter education. The foundation has disbursed over $3 million to create 61 CyberCenters nationwide.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

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US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES US House 1 | Donna McAleer US House 2 | Luz Robles

STATE OFFICES Attorney General | Charles Stormont House 10 | Eric Irvine House 12 | Joseph Marerro House 21 | Rick Pollock House 22 | Bill Both House 23 | Sandra Hollins House 24 | Rebecca ChavezHouck House 25 | Joel Briscoe House 26 | Angela Romero House 28 | Brian King House 30 | Michael D. Lee House 31 | Larry Wiley House 32 | Alain Balmanno House 33 | Liz Muniz House 34 | Karen Kwan House 35 | Mark Wheatley House 36 | Patrice Arent House 37 | Carol SpackmanMoss House 38 | Chrystal Butterfield House 40 | Justin Miller House 41 | Colleen Bliss House 42 | Nick DeLand House 44 | Christine Passey House 45 | Susan Marques Booth House 46 | Marie Poulson House 54 | Glenn Wright House 7 | Camille Neider House 74 | Dorothy Engelman House 9 | Steve Olsen Senate 11 | Michele Weeks Senate 12 | Clare Collard Senate 18 | Mat Wenzel Senate 2 | Jim Dabakis Senate 3 | Gene Davis Senate 4 | Jani Iwamoto Senate 5 | Karen Mayne Senate 9 | Kathryn Gustafson

MUNICIPAL OFFICES Grand County Clerk/ Auditor | Zacharia Levine SLCo Auditor | Jeff Hatch SLCo Council 1 | Arlyn Bradshaw SLCo Council At-Large | Jenny Wilson SLCo District Attorney | Sim Gill SLCo Recorder | Mary Bishop SLCo Sherriff | Jim Winder SLCo Treasurer | Mike Fife

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

Equality Utah announces endorsed candidates in upcoming election

BY MICHAEL AARON

Thunder and lighting rocked the offices as Equality Utah PAC announced their endorsement of 47 candidates for office, including 46 Democrats and one Republican in seven counties across the state.

As candidates were notified that they were or were not chosen for endorsement by the human rights political action committee, long-time allies were outraged when their name was not among them or that their opponents were also endorsed.

The outrage was so bad that a list that had gone live the morning of Sept. 17 on the group’s web site was pulled back down even as QSaltLake was doing a story on the endorsements. As our story went live, EU leaders asked for it to be pulled down because of “errors” in the list.

“We want to acknowledge that in this year’s endorsement process, we made mistakes,” Equality Utah leaders said in a statement. “In particular, we regret that we did not interview previously endorsed candidates, and that we considered issuing dual endorsements. Additionally, after our interviews ended, we learned new information about the positions that some candidates took on our issues. As a result, our process initially produced endorsement recommendations that did not reflect all of Equality Utah PAC’s commitments and our community’s values.”

One of the three races where a dual endorsement was made on the first list was for Salt Lake County District Attorney. The group endorsed both Democratic incumbent Sim Gill, this year’s recipient for Ally of the Year at Equality Utah’s Allies Dinner, and his Republican challenger, Steve Nelson. Gill has been an ardent supporter of LGBT rights and same-sex marriage. He has been the keynote speaker of many LGBT-related events, including the annual SAGE Awards Brunch, OUTreach Resource Center’s September Soiree, and Plan-B Theatre Company’s BANNED. He was Utah Pride’s 2014 Pete Suazo Political Action Award winner. Nelson, on the other hand, does not address LGBT rights or same-sex marriage on his site, nor his Facebook page. He did say in an interview with Salt City Throwdown that he would have done exactly as Gill did after Judge Shelby’s ruling on same-sex marriage and that he has gay friends and family members.

Gill supporters were outraged that the staunch LGBT ally’s opponent would also be endorsed on such thin grounds.

A sitting Utah House member had also been endorsed, even though his web site noted, “There are a number of traditional values I hold but don’t list as my primary issues. Among these

are my belief in marriage between a man and a woman, the right to life...” Equality Utah’s endorsement process, however, does not currently include same-sex marriage as a question for consideration.

After members of the community stormed the EU offices and phone lines, group leaders re-huddled to determine the right courses of action to take, and the list was reworked. They also determined that apologies were necessary.

“We have already apologized to each of the candidates affected by these mistakes — and now we would like to apologize to you, our community, on behalf of everyone at Equality Utah PAC,” the statement continued. “We recognize that you rely upon our endorsements, and we hold ourselves to the highest standards of integrity, fairness, and accountability in our PAC endorsement process. We appreciate your feedback, and we commit ourselves to making further improvements to our PAC endorsement process next year.

To that end, we have committed to assembling a diverse group of community members and leaders to help assess and strengthen our process before we begin the endorsement cycle again.”

Bill Both, who is running for the Utah State House District 22 in Magna, said he was “tremendously happy” for being the only Republican to be endorsed by the PAC. “I’m very happy with the endorsement,” Both said. “I’m friendly to the LGBT community and count some of my dearest friends in the community. I seriously didn’t think I was going to get an endorsement, since I was running against a Democrat.”

HOW THE PAC DECIDES Equality Utah PAC emails all candidates in Utah seeking office, introducing Equality Utah and the Equality Utah PAC and explains the endorsement process. They encourage candidates to respond to an attached survey in order to seek endorsement.

Most questions are yes/no, though a candidate imay choose to provide short responses to further clarify their position.

Candidates who answer yes to just over half of the questions were granted interviews with the PAC’s interview committee. Candidates who did not answer yes to half the questions were not eligible for endorsement.

The interview committee makes a recommendation on each candidate after an interview, and the Equality Utah PAC staff then makes formal recommendations to the EU PAC Board for final decisions, which are then ratified by the Equality Utah Board of Directors. Q

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

Utah Sen. Mike Lee inducted into inaugural HRC Hall of Shame The Human Rights Campaign today inducted the inaugural class of the most anti-equality members of Congress into its Hall of Shame. Utah Sen. Mike Lee is among the 19 members in the list.

Lee was the author of the Marriage and Religious Freedom Act, which “Prohibits the federal government from taking an adverse action against a person on the basis that such person acts in accordance with a religious belief that: (1) marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, or (2) sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage.” It was introduced in the house on Sept. 19, 2013 and has sat in committee for 13 months.

He also voted against the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, as he believes equal protection does not apply to LGBT people.

This week, Lee decried the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision not to take Utah’s appeal of District Court Judge Robert Shelby’s ruling that the state’s laws prohibiting same-sex marriage are unconstitutional.

“Nothing in the Constitution forbids a state from retaining the traditional definition

of marriage as a union between a man and a woman,” Lee said in a statement. “Whether to change that definition is a decision best left to the people of each state — not to unelected, politically unaccountable judges. The Supreme Court owes it to the people of those states, whose democratic choices are being invalidated, to review the question soon and reaffirm that states do have that right.”

“If you want to understand why LGBT equality has hit a roadblock in Congress, you don’t need to look any further than these leaders of anti-LGBT obstruction and animus,” said David Stacy, HRC’s Government Affairs Director.

“These members go out of their way to oppose any step toward equal protection under the law or to protect LGBT Americans from violence, discrimination and harassment. They proactively work to undermine existing legal protections and promote anti-LGBT discrimination.”

Released in advance of the HRC Scorecard for the 113th Congress, HRC identified these elected officials as the most anti-equality members of Congress by looking at their voting records in this and pre-

vious Congresses, their introduction and co-sponsorships of anti-LGBT legislation, and their public statements. While there are other anti-LGBT members of Congress, these elected officials’ legislative actions, votes and anti-LGBT vitriol unfortunately marks them with a modern day scarlet letter.

The inductees into the inaugural class of HRC’s Hall of Shame are: Michele Bachmann (R-MN) Ted Cruz (R-TX) Louie Gohmert (R-TX) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Andy Harris (R-MD) James Inhofe (R-OK) Tim Huelskamp (R-KS) Mike Lee (R-UT) Jim Jordan (R-OH) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Walter Jones (R-NC) Mike Kelly (R- PA) Steve King (R-IA) Doug LaMalfa (R-CA) Mike McIntyre (D-NC) Randy Neugebauer (R-TX) Steve Pearce (R-NM) Tim Walberg (R-MI) Randy Weber (R-TX) Each of the officials is a sponsor or cosponsor of some or all of the most anti-LGBT legislation that, if passed, would enshrine discrimination into our nation’s body of laws and our Constitution. Q

16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Try a Little

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

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The 14th reign of the Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah will hand over their roles to a new reign at Coronation XV — The Oscars “An Evening of Hollywood Glam.”

Emperor XIV Stevo, Prince Marc And Princess Marci will host people from around the state and around the world at the event, which takes place at the Comfort Suites in Ogden.

Room rates for those staying will be $84 for Thursday through Saturday and $64 on Sunday night if you mention IRCONU at 801-621-2545.

The weekend kicks off Thursday, Nov. 20 at the Roy Eagles, 5130 S 1700 West, Roy for the In Town Show & Rainbow Awards, hosted by the Boise Court. Door 8pm, show 9pm, no cover.

On Friday, Nov. 21, Protocol for the Out of Town show will happen at the hospitality suite

from 3–5pm.

The Out of Town show with emcee Rodeo Seattle & Vanessa Portland will open at 7pm with the show starting at 8pm.

Price is $10. A bus tour after the show will head to Salt Lake City. Tickets are $10.

The hospitality suite is open again Saturday, No. 23 from 11am to 3pm with protocol taken for Coronation.

Coronation takes place on Saturday night as well, with red carpet entrance beginning at 5pm at the host hotel ballroom, hosted by Tempest Devo Snow Windz-Fox. Ball starts at 6pm, price $40.

Water Party will follow, hosted by Everett/Vancouver.

At noon on Sunday, Nov. 23, Victory Brunch at the host hotel, poolside. Price $15.00 Info at irconu.org

Q mmunity Thanksgiving for orphans As is tradition for decades, both Club Try-Angles and the Sun Trapp will host a free buffet on Thanksgiving Thursday for their patrons.

All those over 21 are welcome.

WHEN: Thanksgiving, Thursday Nov. 27, 4 p.m.

WHERE: Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South; The SunTrapp, 106 S. 600 West

Gay Men’s Book Club This month’s book is Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. Grab the book, read it, and get ready to discuss.

WHEN: 6pm, Wednesday, Nov. 19 WHERE: Sprague Library 2131 S Highland Dr

Thanksgiving Big Gay Fun Bus The second trip of the season for the Big Gay Fun Bus will happen Thanksgiving weekend. Now that the family thing is done, and you’ve had a day to settle back down, head on out to Wendover with the group for a day of gambling and debauchery.

WHEN: Satruday, Nov. 29, noon to 9pm WHERE: Bus leaves Club Try-Angles at Noon. 251 W 900 South INFO: BigGayFunBus.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

Responses to the Supreme Court not hearing Utah’s appeal on same-sex marriage

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

“

Today we became Americans, with the full protections and rights guaranteed to us under the United States Constitution.

Today we were given the opportunity to live as freely as our neighbors do, and as lovingly as our family does..”

“ “

—Plaintiff Mouid Sbeity

This is a momentous occasion for civil rights in our state and nation.”

—Salt Lake Mayor Ralph Becker

We were pleased with the U.S. Supreme Court’s order this morning taking decisive action on the important issues of same sex marriage and the related fundamental constitutional rights of all Utahns.”

“ “

—Salt Lake District Attorney Sim Gill

This message echoes statements delivered during this weekend’s LDS conference — that everyone deserves respect”

—Utah Democratic Party Chair Peter Corroon

While I continue to believe states should have the right to determine their own laws regarding marriage, we will uphold the law.”

—Utah Gov. Gary Herbert

“ “

Respectful coexistence is possible with those with differing values.”

–Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Sutherland Institute is deeply disappointed that the Supreme Court has failed to correct the lawlessness of lower

“

The Supreme Court owes it to the people of those states, whose democratic choices are being invalidated, to review the question soon

welcomes your letters to the editor.

Please send your letter

and reaffirm that states do have that right.”

of 300 words or less to

—Sen. Mike Lee

courts that have deprived

This issue is actively

the people of Utah and

being litigated across

other states of their

the country and I believe

ability to protect that

that the court will

entitlement”

eventually address it.”

—Sutherland Institute

QSaltLake Magazine

—Sen. Orrin Hatch

letters@qsaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit

for length or libel if a letter

is chosen for publication.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

the straight line

Bidding you a fond farewell It seems

BY BOB HENLINE

like just yesterday when I sat down to write my five-year anniversary column for the May issue of QSaltLake.

Those short months since have seen tremendous change for this community. Mark Lawrence’s dream of marriage equality in Utah has come to fruition, first with the ruling by the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals and then by a Supreme Court decision that Utah’s arguments were too ridiculous to merit review of the case.

That ruling has led to a grudging acceptance of equality in policy from government agencies and is now spreading into family-equality matters such as adoption, foster care, and other realms of law. The tides shifted and this community in Utah was at the forefront, leading the charge. You all have a great deal of which you should be proud.

I have been both honored and humbled to have shared the field of battle with so many amazing people and dedicated activists. I don’t have the space in this column to name and thank all who have touched my life and from whom I have learned so much, but I’m going to try.

First, to Michael Aaron and the rest of the QSaltLake family.

You took me in and gave me a platform for my voice. You welcomed me, mentored me, defended me, and helped me to become a better writer, a better activist, and a better person.

You believed in me. For that I will always be grateful. There is no one I am more honored to call friend than you.

There are so many powerful activists in this community who have befriended me and stood with me. Charles Frost, Becky Moss, Chris Katis, David

Andreason, Ben Williams, Doug White, Kip Swan, Connie Anast-Inman, Mark Lawrence, Matt Spencer, Clyde Peck, Amy Barry, Todd Bennett, Chris Kantil, and Kelly Lake, just to name a few. You’ve allowed me into your lives and have made an indelible impact on mine.

You will forever have a place at the table of my heart.

Finally, to all of the readers of QSaltLake. You have picked up the magazine and helped spread our stories online. You have made it possible for us to keep going. Twice you have honored me with Fabby Awards, and your support has given me strength to keep digging for the truth and bringing that to you in the face of opposition, criticism and outright hostility.

Keep it up! Demand honesty and accountability from those who would ask for your support and loyalty. Those who wish to lead should do so from a position of service to your community. It falls to each of you to make that the paradigm of leadership.

Hard as it may be, change is the one constant in our universe and none of us is immune. I cannot express how much I’ve enjoyed my work with QSaltLake, and the debt of gratitude I owe to this community for allowing me to stand with you over the years.

As we move into this new time, allow me to offer one small bit of parting advice: stay strong and remain vigilant. You came together to take back rights that should have been inalienable from the start. Those who would oppress you may have lost this battle, but they are far from capitulation.

You have in this community some incredibly powerful voices, many of whom I listed above, but your voice is the

one best suited to represent you! Don’t wait for a “leader” to emerge, take the reins and make your own mark on history. Learn from the example of Mark Lawrence and Restore Our Humanity; each of you has it in you to spark change.

Rediscover the community that started this ball rolling over four decades ago. Rediscover it and rebuild it. Become the com-

munity you want, not as what someone else sees you.

With that, it’s time to sail on the the winds of change and bid you a fond farewell with my most sincere appreciation.

It has been one hell of a ride and I will always cherish the memories of this community and the lessons you’ve taught me. With all of my love and undying respect, I’m out! Q

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

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greatly shaped my political views: my grandmother, who taught me to vote Democratic as long as the party supports “the people;” and the late Sen. Frances Farley, who believed politicians should engage with voters and openly discuss issues. (It was on her congressional campaign 30 years ago that I met a young Michael Aaron!)

In a few weeks, the people of America will go to the polls. Since matters specific to LGBT families are seldom discussed, I approached all the candidates running in the 4th Congressional District, currently held by Rep. Jim Matheson, to see where they stand on these important issues.

Through their spokespeople, both the Democratic and Republican candidates declined to be interviewed. At least they had the courtesy to answer. The Libertarian and American Independent candidates simply didn’t respond to numerous requests. (I won’t provide free press by providing the candidates’ names.)

However, Collin Robert Simonsen, the standard bearer of the Constitution Party did have the intestinal fortitude to answer such gut-wrenchingly difficult questions like, “Do you favor or oppose marriage equality?” and “What, if any, legislation would you sponsor to protect the rights of LGBT parents?”

So what did he say?

Do you favor or oppose marriage equality? “I have promised to support the party line, which is to encourage one man and one woman as the only legal marriage.

But if that is not upheld in the Supreme Court, then I would support civil unions for everyone (regardless of orientation) without carrying the connotation of sexuality with it.”

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What, if any, legislation would you sponsor to protect the rights of LGBT parents? “Give me some ideas. I am not in favor of hate-crimes legislation because I believe that harming a person should be punished equally no matter what your motivation. Anti-discrimination laws in

housing or the workplace seem like good ideas, unless it is an apartment or business run from your home. I would allow people to be racist, anti-gay or anti-Mormon in their own homes, but not in their commercial apartment building or at Walmart.

I would be in favor of laws outlawing discrimination against gays for being gay, but not for refusing to take part in a ceremony, wedding or celebration of a gay relationship. Forcing someone to support something that they disapprove of is not fair, in my opinion.”

Why should LGBT parents vote for you? “First, my party is the only party that really understands what the founders were trying to do in setting up a government that would protect the rights of individuals and that would be resistant to tyranny.

Secondly, we have a problem of father-absenteeism in this country. Many scientific studies show that children do better with a father in the home than without. I think that there are measures we can take to encourage fathers to be present for their children. I think that this is something that both LGBT individuals and myself can work together to address without the bad feelings of the marriage debate.”

There you have it — the responses from the only candidate courageous enough to take a stand. Will I vote for him? No. Although impressed he was willing to express his viewpoints and discuss why he holds them, he’s not the candidate for me.

There are some good candidates running: Donna McAleer would be a great Congresswoman and Charles Stormont an excellent Attorney General. Here in Salt Lake County, Sheriff Jim Winder and District Attorney Sim Gill really deserve our support.

But in the 4th Congressional District for whom will I vote? I don’t know. The Democratic candidate fails my grandmother’s test, which I recognize is subjective. But all the candidates, save Simonsen, fell short of Farley’s standards. And that’s simply not acceptable. Q

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

lambda lore

One-way ticket to Provo I came

BY BEN WILLIAMS

to Utah alone on a Greyhound bus in January 1973. I had wrenched myself from a life in Southern California, with a one-way bus ticket to Provo, grasping only a suitcase, my childhood pillow and an admission slip to Brigham Young University. I had joined the Mormon Church in California while seeking meaning in my life. Although I was sexually active as a college student and had even tried coming out as a gay man in 1971, it just didn’t seem to be working for me. I know joining the Mormon Church really seems a little extreme, but back then most of the gay kids I knew in college were Mormons. The Utah church back then was not the bastion of ultra-radical conservatism and antihomosexuality that it became after Spencer Kimball became president of the church.

So at the age of 21, I found myself at BYU, living with 20 or more 18-year-old guys in the Heleman Hall campus dormitory. I was in gay heaven. Although I was a Mormon and wanted to be good, I immediately fell in love with this funny, cute 18-year-old wrestler from North Dakota. Although I knew what my feelings were, I am sure he did not know his. I think he just knew he liked to wrestle me, up and down the hall on our dormitory floor. He liked to pin me holding my arms down, which I often let him do, and he would instinctively grind himself into me until I would buck him off, fearful of going too far.

Sometimes other pre-missionaries would pile on and we were a mass of young bodies.

However, all things come to an end, and at the end of that winter term, 90 percent of went off to serve a LDS mission. I felt like a widow as they left one by one.

By the end of December 1973, Harold B. Lee, the president of the church died and Spencer W. Kimball assumed the position of prophet, seer and revelator. At that point everything changed for homosexuals in the church. Kimball had a book published four years earlier called the “Miracle of Forgiveness”. Once he assumed the presidency, his words took on added weight and his book became a bestseller, which foreshadowed things to come. At the 1974 Fall General Conference, Kimball announced that “every form of homosexuality is sin.” The gears of the Mormon bureaucracy were reworked to ferret out homosexuality among members.

At first, it was hard to see the change

Kimball’s presidency would bring, but church talk openly began to condemn homosexuality.

It began to be framed as a disease, a contagion that had to be not only curtailed but rooted out. Exterminated.

Under BYU’s President, Dallin Oaks, campus security was instructed to find homosexual students and bring them before standards to be treated or expelled. At BYU, as in most of middle America, homosexuality was mostly an underground phenomenon, pushed into the shadows, into the recesses of dark places, into the furtive, quick, anonymous coupling in parks and men’s rooms, killing all hope of meaningful relationships and self esteem.

In certain areas on the BYU campus, in certain discreet men restrooms, homosexual graffiti was scribbled on walls of the stalls.

The first time I encountered such graffiti, I was shocked that it occurred at the Lord’s University; but also titillated. Some of the passages were truly indicative of the torment and loneliness that homosexual males endured at the Y. Some wrote they were desperate, some said they were lonely, while others were pleas for human contact. I managed to be relatively behaved at the Y but as I was maturing, my young body rebelled against the artificial, unnatural state of forced celibacy.

I was 24 years old when I met Larry.

He was a tall, blond, strikingly handsome, 27-year-old BYU student. I met him at the one of the few places in Utah County you could meet other homosexuals off campus, away from prying security. The Pleasant Grove rest stops on I-15 were notorious in Utah County as a homosexual rendezvous.

I expected no more from Larry than a quick exchange of mutual desperate coupling, but instead we drove out into a farmer field late at night and we just kissed and kissed and kissed. I had not kissed a man in nearly five years and my soul was ravenous for affection.

Even though I knew I was putting everything I had at BYU in jeopardy, when Larry asked to see me again, with a sad, remorseful reluctance, I agreed. I was very much emotionally conflicted between my loyalty to the LDS church for which I had given up everything, my California family and friends, and the hunger for the affection I received from being with Larry.

In spring 1976, Larry and I met surreptitiously on campus. We held hands beneath desks. I would sit on the floor outside of Larry’s classes,

just to be there when he walked out of class to see the smile on his face. Once, while in the Heber J Grant building, sitting on the floor so very close, I looked up to see other students walking by and frowning at us. I suddenly realized that while we were not touching, we were beaming because we were in love.

At this time, unknown to us, Salt Lake Church authorities had directed Dallin Oaks to commence a crack down on homosexuality at BYU in conjunction with a joint operation with police and sheriff departments in Utah County. For sometime BYU security had set up a system of phone and body wire taps on suspected gay students. I did not know it at the time, but the psych department was also going full blast torturing gay men with electric shock “therapy. Gay men were terrorized that if they did not submit to BYU standards’ demands, their families would be informed of their homosexual activities and they would be excommunicated.

One snowy evening in early April, Larry came to my shared Provo apartment. I immediately knew something was wrong. He was despondent and had been crying. He said to me, “Ben, I’m not going to make it” and then poured out that he had been pulled in by BYU standards. They demanded that he “out” all the gays he knew on campus as a condition for non retribution. He was coerced to reveal names but he asserted that he never gave them mine. Then I learned he felt remorse over complying with BYU standards that he swallowed a bottle of aspirin. He had simply come over to see me, he said, for one more time and to say goodbye.

I did not respond at first. I was paralyzed by the nightmare scenario I had just heard, but almost immediately, putting that aside, I knew I had to try and save Larry’s life. I won’t go into the harrowing details of the drive up Provo Canyon or the reaction of the staff at emergency room at Utah Valley Hospital. Or staying with Larry as BYU Security came to question him while he was hooked to saline and other tubes and the school officials and his church leaders puzzled over why I was there. I had managed to hold it together for Larry but at a terrible toll on my psyche and my heart. I truly felt like we were the Jews of BYU. I felt we were out to be exterminated, to keep the university pure.

Some nearly 40 years after Spencer Kimball called me, my lovers and my friends evil, I sometimes feel like some people in Utah are still trying to exterminate us; not just us, but our families, our marriages and our authenticity as a people. Perhaps it’s just from the trauma, that I was subjected to as a young man while living in Utah County, talking that makes me skeptical of Utah’s intentions toward gay people. Or maybe not. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

creep of the week

Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

It’s been

a tough four years for Michiganders under Gov. Rick Snyder. Especially the gay and lesbian ones.

During his debate with Democratic rival Mark Schauer on Oct. 12, Nolan Finley of The Detroit News asked Snyder, “Governor, if the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals upholds Judge (Bernard A.) Friedman’s (March 21) overturning of Michigan’s gay marriage ban, will you ask the attorney general to pursue the appeal further or will you let the matter rest?”

“They’re separate constitutional offices, Nolan, so we each have a choice and I would, I’m gonna wait for the opinion to come down,” Snyder replied.

In other words, he’s saying he isn’t the boss of Michigan’s Attorney General Bill Schuette.

But Snyder’s own name is on the lawsuit, so it isn’t like he’s disconnected from it, separate offices or not. Also, Schuette’s a right-wing conservative, a characterization Snyder’s tried to avoid, so you’d think he might be comfortable breaking with Schuette on this issue.

But no.

Snyder continued, “That’s a hypothetical, but I will respect what happens in our court system and I think that’s where the issue is going to be decided.”

It’s disingenuous for Snyder to dismiss Finley’s question as “a hypothetical,” because it really isn’t. There’s a distinct possibility that the 6th Circuit will uphold Friedman’s ruling.

One presumes that Snyder has a plan for what he’ll do in that instance, as well as a plan for

what he’ll do if the 6th Circuit goes his way. Are we to believe that Snyder just hasn’t bothered to think about it?

Note, too, Snyder said he “will respect what happens in our court system,” not that he will respect the decision of the 6th Circuit, which means he very well might “pursue the appeal further,” as Finley put it, in the question that Snyder avoided answering.

Finley then asked Snyder, “Where do you stand on the issue?”

“Well, again, I’m waiting for the outcome of the courts,” Snyder said. And then Snyder shrugged, like, “What more could there possibly be to say?”

For some reason Snyder wants us to buy that, until the 6th Circuit rules, why, he can’t bother his nerd brain with the subject of marriage equality.

Mark Schauer, on the other hand, gets it. “I think the voters deserve to know where the governor will stand on tough issues,” he said. “Now, (Snyder’s) statement leads you to believe he has no position. This governor, through his own legislature, banned domestic partner benefits for gay and lesbian state employees. His tough choices are tough on all the wrong people. They’re hurting people and hurting our families.”

Note that Snyder didn’t say anything about families in his answer. Because his administration doesn’t value gays and lesbians as people and he certainly doesn’t think our relationships matter. Otherwise, why not say so? It isn’t a radical position to say that all

of Michigan’s families matter.

But it’s too radical for Rick Snyder.

Snyder claims he’s a numbers guy, and the economy is his main concern. Yet the state pissed away tens of thousands of dollars on “expert” testimony against gay families in court.

Again, Schauer gets it. “I support marriage equality,” he said. “It is not only the right thing to do, but it is an economic issue here in our state.

To discriminate against people, talented people we need to help rebuild the city of Detroit and our communities, is wrong.

I’ve talked to parents who have

adult children who are professionals who live in other states, (who) won’t come here because we have backwards policies.”

Voting for Snyder is, quite literally, voting against gays and lesbians and their families.

Not bothering to vote at all is, too. Get out there on Nov. 4 and show Snyder that gays and lesbians and the people who care about them aren’t unicorns. We’re real. And we vote. Q D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows with her twin sister and teaches writing.

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

guest editorial

With love Never

BY DAVID ANDREASON

before has the prospect of living a “normal” life been so real, and yet I question whether we’re honestly ready to embrace it. My community is at a crossroad. There is so much debris through which to navigate and to discard.

It’s doable, but it’s going to take some time.

It’s also going to take our letting go of toxic and outdated mindsets. In some aspects we’re simply going to need a clean slate.

I’ve reached the point where I feel I can no longer remain silent on certain matters. Like many others, I was born and raised in Utah.

Like many Utahns, I was very Mormon. Very.

Yes, I went on a mission. I went to Japan and I loved it. And yes, I obeyed all the rules.

Within three or four months after I came home, however, I came out. I was barely 21 but not all that naive. I had already come out to church leaders years before, but now it was official and I was an independent adult. Sure, I had plenty of insecurities like everybody else, but I was confident, too. I knew who I was. I also knew that the counseling sessions my bishop had offered the church pay for would not be necessary. And I was pretty proud of myself for disguising the impulse to burst out laughing when it was suggested that dating, marrying and starting a family with a wholesome young girl would “cure” my problem. It seemed laughable to me, but also offensive.

I was a fun, well-liked kid. I had friends of just about every age, including quite a few awesome young girls. These were people I cared about and respected. They deserved to marry and fall in love with someone who loved them the same way. The idea they were there simply for me to use and hide behind angered me. I thanked him for the offer and left. I have never been back. I never became whiny, defensive or bitter. I just left. There was no need for me to be there anymore.

That is not to say I did not get angry over certain things regarding the Mormon Church and my community. In time, I came to hear of groups like Evergreen and, yes, I was shocked and pissed off that my church considered electroshock therapy an acceptable tool for turning people straight. For the most part, though, they left us alone. That was fine with me. This was the age of AIDS and we had enough to deal with. I cringe for the youth of today who have to watch their lives played

out on the world stage every single day, and I wonder sometimes how they handle it.

Everyone always weighing in on their worth and purpose.

In exchange for all of our progress in the last few decades, we have opened the door to more open communication, and that has given a platform to haters with seemingly inexhaustible amounts of garbage to spew.

I’m really pretty tough when it comes to this stuff, but even I get sick of it. It’s really just too much and, sadly, there is almost nowhere for people to turn for viable support within their community. I especially worry about the damaging impact this has on our youth.

For so long now, our community has allowed itself to be distilled to hollow identities that are little more than parties and hook-ups. Of course, these things have always been a part of our culture, but now it’s as though that’s it, that’s all there is. Where is the depth? Where is the creativity? The thought-provoking conversation? Are they gone? Have they very effectively shamed it out of us?

It’s time to regain ownership of our own community. It’s high time we start defining ourselves again. For way too long, we have allowed others to tell us who we are—ironically, they’re usually the ones who have nothing but derogatory things to say about us.

Maybe you can see where I’m going with this.

I won’t make you guess.

We must break with religion. What I mean is that we give them too much power over our hearts, minds, souls, relationships, self-esteem … everything! We need to stop allowing ourselves be lead around like dogs by those who seek to control us and control the conversation. Stop! I’m a good person.

You’re a good person. Why are we waiting for approval and validation from the very people who alienate, shun and even disdain us?

We’ve become nothing more than a counter-argument, an opposite, a boring cyclical binary. Outside the scornful definition of our haters, who are we? One side provokes, the other barks back, and on and on and on it goes as though we have nothing else to talk about and nothing else to define us, but, of course, we do! We have so many things far more important than this that we completely ignore and neglect. This has to change.

Are you living your life as nothing more

than a reaction to society’s views of you?

Don’t settle for just being a “reaction.” It’s time to step away from this toxic “arrangement.” A few weeks ago, I attended a third funeral this year. It’s heartbreaking. It’s also infuriating. I was raised Mormon and a Utahn from birth. I know this culture well and actually had a pretty great childhood. I know my parents meant to raise up a devout and loyal Mormon but inadvertently raised a son who is strong, loyal and honest. A son who is authentic and resents being told that he needs to be something he is not, something false in order to find acceptance.

I respect religion—defend it even. One of the greatest privileges we have in this country is the right to think, feel and believe however we choose. But all religions have doctrines and dogmas they espouse, and those can be whatever they say. They think I’m evil. I’m not. They don’t like me. I don’t care, they don’t have to, but herein lies the crux of this dilemma. I don’t need them to like me. The problem I see, however, is that too many do.

I see so many whose entire self-worth seems to be hanging in the balance. “The ‘Church’ is coming around,” they say. Are we really not going to like ourselves until we receive the proverbial pat on the head from church leaders? I know this sounds trite, but it really isn’t. This is destroying people.

What I see happening in the process of moving toward this Mormon “welcome” is that people, in an attempt to give the appearance of inclusion, deny and stifle their very identity and thus begins the lies. This doesn’t work.

Social media alone has proven to be quite an eye-opener and has raised some red flags for me. There is a pattern of duality that emerges almost without fail. I follow over 10,000 pages on Facebook and belong to over 100 community groups. Consequently, Facebook is constantly advertising pages and suggesting groups and friends they think I might be interested in. I don’t need to ask— they tell me who’s doing what, what they like, and who’s in the group. Sites, people, groups, etc., that use sex and nudity to attract followers seem to be successful at drawing the overtly religious, as well. I see this constantly and it’s stressing me out, not because I have any interest in policing someone else’s sex life. I don’t. But because I’ve been around

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

We must break with religion. What I mean is that we give them too much power over our hearts, minds, souls, relationships, self-esteem … everything! long enough to know that this undeniably points to a recipe for self-loathing, self-destructive behavior, and I care very much about this. Why? By accepting this status, we accept that we are less than, shameful and inferior. We grovel for approval while denying our natural selves. What we learn are two things: 1) to dislike ourselves, a lot sometimes, and 2) that in order to just be ourselves we have no choice but to retreat into the shadows, skulking around in these shallow secret worlds we create, thereby only learning to dislike ourselves more. We inevitably take it out on each other and everybody around us. Since we don’t like ourselves much we find it difficult to like each other.

Relationships are difficult and disappointing. Many settle for sexual hook-ups where they can get them, finding it more comfortable to be with someone who doesn’t care about them and who they will not be required to care about either. I can’t count the number of people who tell me they hate this and yet return to it time and again because they never learned anything else. I think it’s because they never have given themselves permission to genuinely like and respect themselves, and that makes it incredibly difficult to get close to, or care about, another person.

This cycle fuels an empty, repetitive lifestyle which most seem to find frustrating and unfulfilled.

Why can’t we just be ourselves?

Why the secrets, the shadows, the lies and the shame? Because someone else told you that’s where you belong? That you have no business feeling strong, confident and good about yourself. And you bought that? Stop it.

What I know is this: no one really knows, including me.

There are very masculine men and very feminine women.

There are also very masculine women and very feminine men, and everything in between. Why are people so different? Why are some people attracted to the same sex while most are attracted to the opposite sex? I have no idea—and neither do you. Neither does this religion. Neither does that political ideology. So forget about that garbage—just do your best to be you, genuinely, and you will be 100 steps ahead of the crowd.

So my greatest wish for my community is this: that before we jump into a marriage just because we can, we check ourselves as to why we are making that decision. In fact, I want every one of us to get in the habit of asking ourselves why when it comes to every decision we make. Is it because we’re angry?

Sad? Insecure? Shame? Still reeling because Mommy made you sit quietly on a church pew with your arms folded. Get over it. Let it go and stop acting out.

Stop RE-acting. It’s time to ACT, time to just live. Time to get in touch with you and quit living as though you’re nothing more than a counter-argument to those who don’t like you. Time to be real. Time to honest. It’s time to move forward.

I’m tired of watching souls break under the strain as they struggle to please—struggle to be something they are not because they feel they have no choice. In other words, they feel they must contrive an image, a personality, because it is the only way to maintain the relationship with those we love the most, with those who love us. This is toxic.

We have work to do and we need to get started. We’ll be glad we did.

With love. Q

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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

An interview with Troy Williams

UTAH’S NEW FACE OF

EQUALITY

BY MICHAEL AARON

‘This isn’t

quite the life path I envisioned for myself when I was a 19-yearold Mormon missionary knocking doors in England,” Troy Williams told the crowd of over 2,000 gathered at Equality Utah’s annual Allies Dinner last month.

“Or when I came home from my mission and I was so scared of being gay that I became an intern for the one organization where I thought I would be safe – The Utah Eagle Forum. Gayle [Ruzicka] had no idea she was training the future director of Equality Utah. Obviously, I’ve come a long way since then.”

Indeed, Williams’ life path leading him to head the state’s largest equality organization for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans* and ally community is not what one would expect, even in his more recent life travels. How can a man who has seemingly been more comfortable barking behind a megaphone replace the more softspoken and nuanced outgoing director, Brandie Balken? Can the man who was among the protesters blocking access to a committee hearing at the Utah State Capitol now sit at the table with the legislators he was calling to task in that same building?

Yet, perhaps this is exactly what Equality Utah needs to transition to in the face of marriage equality being the law of the land in the state. Equality groups across the nation are in the process of reshaping and retooling to address the continuing need for progress in the LGBT movement in a time where many may believe that the fight is over.

If Utah’s community believes the fight is over, the Utah Legislature will certainly put an end to that fallacy at the next session in a few short months. Several ideas for bills have already made headlines in the state, including one that would recognize same-sex marriages as something different than their counterparts, even using a different term: “pairriage.” So-called religious liberty bills have been introduced in state legislatures across the country and will certainly be introduced here. And what about Equality Utah’s flagship cause — a statewide nondiscrimination bill protecting LGBT citizens from discrimination in housing and employment?

As I sat with Williams before the Allies Dinner for this interview, he was contemplative and seemingly awestruck that just the night before he had received a call that he was chosen as Equality Utah’s new executive director.

He also seemed ready and eager for the challenge. As we spoke, it was obvious he knew what would lie before him as the group rolled out his name and the community would weigh that decision in their own minds, and in some cases, in social media.

“It will be a very different Troy” that we would see at the helm of EU, he said.

PHOTO: DAVID NEWKIRK

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

“We have just got to find that common ground. It’s the most essential work that we do.”

Hey Troy, thanks for taking this time to speak with me. I know it is a roller coaster ride for you at the moment. Tell me what you think the board of Equality Utah saw in you that they wanted to tap for the organization? What I hope they saw in me is someone who has a deep passion and commitment to the LGBT community who is willing to go the distance and secure or rights.

So obviously we are on the precipice of marriage equality. What is your vision for Equality Utah’s future. Well, there are so many things that Equality Utah is doing right that we are going to continue, which include training lobbyists, drafting legislation, community education and outreach, working with our transgender brothers and sisters. We are really looking at the future and what the future will be after a marriage victory, and that is going to require us to come together as a community to bring our best minds forward and really craft what our movement will look like, moving into the future. Wherever we go will be a collaborative effort. It won’t be me deciding where we are going, it’s all of us together.

So we have the legislative session coming up in a few months. How do you see the group addressing that? I think it’s critical that we always have a presence at the legislature, that we continue to lobby our elected representatives, that we tell them our stories, that they get to know us as human beings and that they meet our families. So, we will have a strong presence on Capitol Hill every year.

The more that they get to know us, the more that fear drops away and we are able to move things forward.

How do you think the group and the community will need to respond to the possible scenarios that will play out on the Hill? The organization and we, as a community, need to be nimble. We need to be able to pivot and be prepared for any

scenario. All that come through a collaborative effort — bringing our best minds together, working with our national organizations, and actually crafting a winning strategy. So we don’t quite know what scenario is going to play out, but we have to be ready for all of them.

What would you tell people that may think you are not the right personality for this job because of your background as an activist? You know, our movement was kicked off by Latina drag queens during the Stonewall riots, and yet we’ve also seen the eloquence and thoughtful presentation that Peggy Tomsic gave before the 10th Circuit Court, and we know that all of those voices are critical to our movement. What I can say about myself is that I have had many experiences in my life, and many phases. I was a Mormon missionary, I was an intern for the Eagle Forum, I’ve been an activist and I’ve grown and evolved throughout the years. When look back at the community over the years and the tempers that were raised over Amendment 3 and the Prop 8 debates, for a Mormon kid who deeply loves his faith, the conflict between our two communities really hurt. I felt estranged from this loving community that raised me, and I think my experience is similar to a lot of other people in the community. But I had this really awesome experience in 2012 when I started working with Mormons Building Bridges and we had that great Pride Parade. I recognized what I wanted to believe — that there were many active Latter-day Saints who wanted to love and care for their gay and transgender family and friends. And that really melted my heart in a big way. I recognized that not only can we work together, we have to work together in order to shift the state.

So, I’m really excited for that. It’s part of my own personal evolution. I love my faith community again, and I thought that was something I would never again experience.

That gave me a lot of hope for the future.

How do you see yourself working with the community going forward? What’s really critical is that we all come together.

The message that we can all put forward is that we can all coexist, whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, a Mormon or an atheist, gay or straight or transgender, what we share in common is so much greater than our differences. That is the most important message we can put out right now.

The Utah Legislature is the most conservative group of people in the state — much more conservative than their constituents. How do we work with them?

Are they not just a lost cause? What I do know is that gay and transgender children are born into even the most superconservative of families. There are always entry points to reach out and connect with people even with people who you think are ideologically opposed to you. We have just got to find that common ground. It’s the most essential work that we do. We must reach out to people who are different than us and show where we connect.

Think of the idea of shared values. Gays and Mormons, or gays and conservatives, however you want to break it down, we all share a love for families and friends. We all share a love for living in safe neighborhoods and going to safe schools. We all want to contribute back to society. If we can connect on those levels, I think we can overcome a lot of the divisions between us.

What do you think the role of rights groups such as Equality Utah is as we move forward? At the end of the day, what we are asking for is equal protection for gay and transgender Utahns. It’s all about giving people a shot at the American dream. And we want people of faith and those who may disagree with us to enjoy those rights as well. We need that same courtesy in return. Q

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER MONTH

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

How you can be a better ally to transgender teens like me

BY CASEY HOKE

When I

think of the word “ally,” I think of equality in a relationship and a mutual understanding of one another.

Not only a mutual understanding, but a mutual kindness.

Allyship isn’t something that happens overnight, though. As people from a variety of backgrounds, we may not instantly “get it.” And that’s okay. To be better allies, we must consider all perspectives within our communities. And in that,

communication is involved to learn, understand and support one another. This communication helped me to find my own allies.

Coming out as a transgender male was no easy feat.

I would be presenting differently, asking for a shift in my own pronouns and silently requesting to be respected and recognized as male. And sure, everyone responded with an initial “okay,” but who was really on my side? The first time I knew that someone was on

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my side was when I came out to my friend Kayla. We weren’t that close at the time. We talked a lot and had fun being confused in math class together. But through my process of coming out, she communicated with me the most out of all my friends. For some of my peers, communication became sparse and awkward between us. Or, I would get bombarded with invasive questions and topics about my “edgy lifestyle” from my “allies,” who had initially expressed acceptance.

But Kayla stayed through it all.

She never openly questioned “why” I was male or had any qualms about my masculinity, like some of my peers, or asked the age old, “Do you like boys or girls now?” She asked if everything was okay with my folks, she told me her family supported me if I needed anything and most importantly at that point in my life -- she talked about issues not related to my gender. She retained her humor and our friendship.

In coming out, my gender was the topic that plagued me.

I had so much anxiety about how I presented myself, how I would come out to different

members of my community and what would become of me and my social life. But having her as someone I could go to as both a friend to kick back and discuss superheroes with, as well as a support system, is something I value and still recognize to this day as we continue a great friendship. So with her and many others now as my allies, I realize that I give back to them as an ally myself.

So I ask: How can I be a better ally?

Out of my own experiences, I’ve found the keys: communication and awareness. As my friends and teachers have done for me, I do the same. If a peer is down, I ask if they are okay, need to talk or just want to do something. Just as my friend Kayla did for me! While it’s none of my business to invade another’s privacy, I want them to know that I’m there to talk and listen, to understand more and to stand up if anything should come upon them.

Being an ally doesn’t stop at one-on-one conversation; it also happens in everyday group conversation in class or the hallway. In making my own school a safer environment, I make sure to educate others and say “that’s not okay” when someone makes a comment or slur against any identity or background. As a Caucasian, transgender male, I recognize that I don’t have the same experiences as others. So with that, I spread my allyship beyond -- to others of different races, religions, genders, sexual orientations and other factors of identity. Communicating and spreading awareness to be mindful of our surrounding communities is crucial.

Through communication and awareness, we can all learn to be better allies. Q Casey Hoke is a Visual Arts Student & GLSEN Ambassador

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

Sam’s Story

BY CARYN M. SULLIVAN

When I

met Leslie Lagerstrom and heard she had a transgender child, I thought, “Well there’s a story ... for another day.” I write about many topics to raise awareness -- autism, epilepsy, mental illness, and addiction, to name a few -- but none as foreign or disquieting to me as this one seemed.

When high-school policies regarding transgender athletes made the news recently, I decided it was time to become informed. I invited Leslie to tell her story to offer context to an issue that generates strong emotions and is laden with misconceptions.

She was happy to oblige, for her life’s work is now advocating for her child and the fewer than 1 percent of Americans who are transgender.

From a very early age, Leslie and Dave Lagerstrom’s daughter, Samantha, would wake up each day feeling as if there was a disconnect between her mind and body. As a toddler, she preferred Matchbox cars to Barbie dolls and baseball jerseys to dresses. When she played dress-up with her girlfriends, she chose the male costumes and played the dad because that was what felt natural to her. But her parents thought -hoped -- Samantha was just in a tomboy phase that she would outgrow.

On her 8th birthday Samantha revealed that every year for as long as she could recall she had the same birthday wish: she wanted to be the boy she knew she was. That was the same year she learned about XX chromosomes and XY chromosomes in third grade science class.

It was the year she excitedly told her parents she now understood why she felt like a

boy, though she was born a girl.

She was supposed to get the XY chromosomes but mistakenly received the XX. What Sam viewed as a mistake of genetics is termed gender dysphoria (formerly referred to as gender identity disorder). It is a medical diagnosis for individuals who experience a lasting conflict between their birth gender and that with which they identify. It is neither a phase nor a choice, Leslie says.

Resigned that they were dealing with more than a tomboy phase, the Edina family began to take steps to help Samantha reconcile her mind and body.

Middle school is challenging for students who do not conform to societal norms and expectations. Nevertheless, at age 11, Samantha began the process of transitioning to Samuel. Her internal struggle was greater than any verbal or physical abuse. The need to find internal peace was paramount.

Transitioning presents many practical challenges. Whether at school, summer camp or in the community there is always the sticky question of what restroom to use. Official documents such as social security cards, birth certificates and passports all reflect a person’s gender, as do myriad records -library, school, medical, dental, insurance -- and need to be updated.

Vocabulary needs to shift, particularly pronouns, when “she” becomes “he.” In Sam’s case some people made the transition seamlessly; others struggled with it. One classmate, encouraged by his parents to do so, referred to Sam as “it.”

Studies show the vast majority of transgender people are harassed at school and in the workplace. Sam was no exception. High school was a lonely time for him, marked by giggles and whispers during roll call by students who knew

TRANSGENDER MONTH | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

he had been Samantha but had become Samuel. He often ate alone. He was afraid to ride the school bus. Students barred the restroom on the rare occasions he tried to use it.

Leslie understands why the rates of depression and suicide are exponentially higher for transgender people than the general population. “My son never had the chance to experience the camaraderie of a team sport ... to learn those life lessons that can only come from sharing the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat alongside young men who have a mutual passion for the sport,” she says.

As a writer (www.transparenthood.net) and speaker, Leslie tries to help others to see her child as a whole person.

He is a great student, musician, athlete, and community volunteer. Being trans- gender is just a part of who he is and does not define him.

As the family has confronted

bigotry, Leslie, a Democrat and agnostic, has faced her own prejudice. Among those who learned about Sam she expected the staunch Republicans and devout Catholics to be the most unreceptive, she says.

To her surprise, many have been among his strongest advocates and allies. Though the family has witnessed the best and worst in humanity the good definitely outweighs the bad, she says.

Sam is a freshman in college now, at a new school where he can make a fresh start. His younger sister, Josie, a high school freshman, is one of his most stalwart champions, offering a simplistic explanation for a complex situation.

“I used to have a sister; now I have a brother.” Leslie marches forward, a warrior mom with a mission to help the Sams of the world to become understood and accepted. Because when her child hurts, she hurts. Q

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30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER AWARENESS

Transgender Day of Rememberance memorializes those lost to violence It’s been nearly seven years since Simmie Williams was shot and killed by two men in Fort Lauderdale. On February 22, 2008, the 17-year-old was attacked on the 1000 block of Sistrunk Boulevard while wearing a dress, Simmie was known in the area by his first name or as Beyonce.

Williams’ case remains unsolved, as do many of the crimes committed against transgender and gender-nonconforming people.

This past summer alone, there were at least seven reported killings of transgender women of color in the United States: Kandy Hall in Maryland, Zoraida Reyes in California, Yaz’min Shancez in Florida, Tiffany Edwards in Ohio, Mia Henderson in Maryland, and an unnamed woman in Michigan and just recently, Alejandra Leos in Tennessee.

A suspect has been arrested in the Shancez case in Florida. A man turned himself in the Edwards case. But, the other cases remain unsolved.

“There are no real consequences. These cases don’t get prosecuted. Victim blaming happens. There are many layers here,” says Osman Ahmed from the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs.

Transgender people, especially those of color, are more than just statistics. They are people. They are victims. They are not getting justice. According to a recent report by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, people of color, transgender women and gay men are disproportionately the victims of deadly violence. In addition: Almost 90 percent of all homicide victims in 2013 were people of color, yet LGBTQ and HIV-affected people of color only represented 55 percent of total survivors

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

and victims. The overwhelming majority of homicide victims, 78 percent, were Black and African American, 11 percent of homicide victims were Latino, and 11 percent of homicide victims were white.

Almost three-quarters (72 percent) of homicide victims were transgender women, and more than two-thirds (67 percent) of homicide victims were transgender women of color, yet transgender survivors and victims only represent 13 percent of total reports to NCAVP. In 2013, 27.78 percent of homicide victims were men, all of whom identified as gay.

These are the cases that are reported.

Many attacks are not. Twenty-two percent of the 6,450 transgender and gendernonconforming respondents to the 2011 National Transgender Discrimination Survey who had interacted with police said they’d been harassed by them, with rates even higher among people of color. Fear of being victimized again stops many people from reporting violent crimes.

That’s what happened to Rajee Rajindra Narinesingh. In 2001, she stopped to buy gas in Miami. As soon as she was finished, she was brutally attacked by a group of guys.

One of them said hello to her. She responded to him because she recognized him as a fast food employee in her neighborhood.

Out of nowhere, he punched her in the face.

She was stunned by the severity of it.

“The next thing I knew, he reached in, unlocked the door and tried to pull me out. The other guys came over and started punching me,” Narinesingh recalled.

Outnumbered and scared to death, all she could do was pray. She started reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud. It was enough to scare away most of her attackers. One continued to punch her and call her names like freak.

“He was like 6’4. I’m 5’11. The entire time he was punching me and trying to hurt me. I blocked his punches with one hand and tried to start the car with the other hand. I was able to put my car in reverse and knock him to the ground so I could get away. My top lip was split and my face was a bloody mess. Not only was I physically broken, I was mentally broken,” Narinesingh said.

In that broken state, she never took action to punish those who hurt her.

“There’s a shame that’s put on you from the time you’re a little child. Your parents say you’re not right. Your friends say you’re not right. Your community says what you feel and what you are is not right. Even though I was the victim, I felt like I had to take the blame. I thought, if I wasn’t transgender, this wouldn’t have happened to me,” she said.

But, as an advocate, she advises victims to act differently. “I would tell anyone, you go and file and police report. It’s a little better now. You need to document that you’ve been victimized. Reach out to your circle of support. Family, friends, whoever is going to lift you up and have your back.

Don’t isolate yourself,” she said.

These days, Narinesingh has moved past that attack. If her name sounds familiar it’s because she made headlines years ago after a fake plastic surgeon injected her face and body with cement injections. As a result, her face was disfigured for years. But things are better for her now, thanks to monthly softening injections and laser therapy by cosmetic surgeon Dr. John Martin that have reduced the size of the nodules on her face. Narinesingh has written a memoir titled, “Beyond Face Value. A Journey to True Beauty.” She’s also part of the all-trans cast of soap opera “Bella Maddo.”

In addition to Narinesingh, there are many groups working to decrease victimization in the trans community. Trans Women of Color Collective andCasa Rubyare leading the way in addressing violence against trans people. But they face many hurdles.

Every November 20, activists around the globe pause to honor the transgender lives lost to violence, hate, and prejudice.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance was established in 1999 to memorialize Rita Hester, a trans woman brutally murdered November 28, 1998. To this day, Hester’s murder remains unsolved.

“The fact that this has come to the media’s attention is a good thing. But it’s been going on for quite a while. Sadly, we are still far, far away from a utopian society where trans rights are upheld,” Osman said.

Pro-trans rights group Lambda Legal has put together a Transgender Rights Toolkitto answer questions on how to best deal with anti-transgender violence. It also contains other resources to help connect with other organizations that deal specifically with problems of violence. Q Transgender Day of Remembrance will take place Thursday, Nov. 20 at 7:30 pm at First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E.

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TRANSGENDER AWARENESS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Utah Transgender Awareness Month SATURDAY, NOV 1

Pearl’s Butch/Femme Ball Tickets $15/18: bit.ly/1q9Jlok 7pm @ Club 90 “Loft” 9065 S. Monroe St., Sandy We are Family: Drag and Trans Unite TEA of Utah and RCGSE $5 cover at the door 9pm @ at the Sun Trapp, 102 S. 600 West Gender Blender Drag Dance and Contest Fundraiser for USU LIFE $15 with cash bar 8pm @ Bullen Center, 43 S. Main St., Logan

MONDAY, NOV 3

Lady Valor Film Screening Sponsored by TransAction, The Utah Film Center, and The Sorenson Unity Center Free 7pm @ the Sorenson Unity Center, 1383 S. 900 West

SATURDAY, NOV 8

Provider’s Summit Sponsored by the Univ. of Utah School of Medicine and the Utah Pride Center Free All day @ the UofU

SATURDAY, NOV 15

Genderevolution Conference $25 preregistration, $35 @ the door (includes lunch) 8:30am-6:30pm @ Rowland Hall-St. Marks School, 843 Lincoln St.

TUESDAY, NOV 18

TransAction’s Chili Cook-off Free, prizes for the best chili 6:30pm @ the Utah Pride Center, 255 E. 400 South

An awesome musical about two friends writing an awesome musical about two friends writing an awesome musical... Word!

e l t i [t

] w o h s fo

Friday, Nov. 7-Sunday, Nov. 16, Sugar Space, Sugarhouse Friday, Nov. 21-Saturday, Nov. 22, Covey Center Studio Theater, Provo UtahRep.org/tickets

THURSDAY, NOV 20 Transgender Day of Remembrance 7:30pm @ First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E

SATURDAY, NOV 22

Trans/Ally Sweat Lodge and Potluck $10 suggested donation 7pm, contact Dayne at dayne@utahpridecenter.org

Dee-Dee Darby-Duffin

Kirt Bateman

Jonathan Scott McBride

Megan Shenefelt

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

The Gay Agenda SATURDAY, NOV 1

The Park City Film Series will play TO BE TAKEI. Over seven decades, actor and activist George Takei boldly journeyed from a WWII internment camp, to the helm of the starship Enterprise, to the daily news feeds of five million Facebook fans. Join George and his husband, Brad, on this star’s playful and profound trek for life, liberty, and love.

MONDAY NOV 3

TransAction hosts TEAM ART EXHIBIT. Sculpture, painting, photographs, and other media containing themes on gender or by trans* artists will be on display at the Pride Center for the entire month of November.

Utah Pride Center, 244 E 400 S

The Comples, 537 W 100 South. thecomplexslc.com

SATURDAY NOV 15

Prospector Theatre, 2175 Sidewinder Drive, Park City

8:30AM–6:30PM

SUNDAY NOV 2 11AM–2PM SUNDAY BRUNCH at Off Trax is just too delicious to pass up! The only possible way to improve on it would be to add Bingo with the Matrons of Mayhem. Off Trax opens at 11am for dining and flirting with the Matrons. Bingo will begin about 1pm. $5 for the first card, $3 add’l at the door. 259 W 900 South

you the track. You have three hours,” She got off the phone, ran across the street to the bar where she worked, told her boss everything, did a shot, andthen I sabered a bottle of champagne with a sword.

“Then I was like, ‘Okay, I’ve gotta fucking write this thing.’ Priorities,” she said.

FRIDAY, NOV 7 7–10PM Mary Lambert comes to Salt Lake to reveal her new album, Heart on My Sleeve. Her story of doing the song “Same Love” with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis: A friend recom-

Celebrate trans* by attending workshops, panels and discussions about gender at the annual GENDEREVOLUTION. Trans* boxer and founder of Buff Butch Pat Manuel will be the keynote speaker.

Rowland Hall St. Marks, 8:30am– 6:30pm. $35 at the door

THURSDAY, NOV 20 6–10PM Held on November 20 of

of Remembrance, an event marking the hundreds of trans people murdered each and every year, simply for being human.

6-10pm. teaofutah.org

NOV 20–23

Ogden, Utah will be host to the Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah’s CORONATION XV as Emperor 14 Stevo. Prince Marc And Princess Marci step down to make way for a new reign.

Comfort Suites, 2250 S. 1200 West, Ogden. irconu.org

FRIDAY, NOV 21 7–9PM Take a break from your Thanksgiving preparations and play some BINGO WITH THE MATRONS OF MAYHEM. What?!

Arms on the table are no longer a party foul? How gauche. Best food at your table wins the honor of the Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced bouquet) suppoer memorial candelabra. Family friendly, alcohol-free event. This month’s proceeds benefit TEA of Utah First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East

SATURDAY, NOV 29 NOON–9PM

BigGayFunBus.com

7PM–1AM Join the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire and the crown their next MR. AND MISS GOLDEN SPIKE UNIVERSE. Metro Bar, 615 W 100 South

mended her to the duo, who were struggling to write a chorus for their new song, a marriageequality anthem called “Same Love,” saying “Ryan’s going to send

each year, this is a program of the most poignant and reflective nature. TEA of Utah and other community organizations invite you to participate in the 16th annual Transgender Day

The wheels on the BIG GAY FUN BUS go round and round all the way to West Wendover, Nevada.

You spent an agonizing day or two with the family, time to recreate with your other family. Raucous fun.

Bus leaves Club Try-Angles, 251 W 900 South. BigGayFunBus.com

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

Utah Rep to produce Utah premiere of Tony-honored ‘[title of show]’ Utah Repertory Theater Company, hailed

by Broadway World as “the state’s most exciting up-andcoming theater company,” is happy to announce the Utah premiere of “[title of show].”

Proclaimed as “genial, unpretentious and far funnier than many of the more expensively manufactured musicals that make it to Broadway these days” by The New York Times, “[title of show]” is a zany, irreverent and heartwarming musical unlike anything you’ve ever seen. “[title of show]” plays Nov. 7-16 at the Sugar Space Black Box Theater in Sugarhouse and Nov. 20-22 at the Covey Center in Provo.

Advance tickets can be purchased at utahrep.org/tickets/.

Discount tickets are $18 for adults and $16 for students and seniors available through Utah Rep’s website or tickets will be available until performance sells out at the door on the day of performances, $20 for adults and $18 for students and seniors. “[title of show]” stars four popular local actors: Austin Archer, Dee-Dee Darby-Duffin, Megan Shenefelt and Jonathan Scott McBride.

“I’m telling my friends to come see ‘[title of show]’ because it is more fun than a prison rodeo,” says Darby-Duffin, echoing the humor of the acclaimed musical in which she performs the role of the quirky Susan. The character was created by popular Broadway and film actress Susan Blackwell, who hosts the “Side by Side by Susan Blackwell” talk show.

“Susan is sassafras with a side of acerbic wit,” DarbyDuffin says to describe her character. “She speaks truth

without being self-deprecating.

With her you know you’re getting honesty from a place of loyalty and love. I am in love with Susan because she is the closest character to myself that I have played, although at first I wasn’t aware of this tidbit.”

What is “[title of show]”?

Jason Bowcut, Utah Rep’s savvy director, said it best: “‘[title of show]’ is an awesome musical about friends writing an awesome musical about friends writing an awesome musical…Word.”

The story of “[title of show]” began when two musical theater fans Jeff and Hunter learn of a new musical theater festival accepting submissions.

They decide to write their own show with the help of their friends Susan and Heidi.

Eventually, Hunter suggests what to write about: “What if the first scene is just us talking about what to write? We could put this exact conversation in the show,” he tells Jeff, and they make a pact to meet the festival’s deadline and write a new musical. “[title of show]” — taken from the space on the festival’s application form — follows Jeff, Hunter, Susan and Heidi on a story of self-belief, risktaking, true partnership and a love of musical theater.

So, yes: The title of this show is “[title of show].” The show won two Obie Awards and was Tony-honored as a Best Book of a Musical nominee after the Broadway premiere that became an unlikely but well-deserved hit.

As Utah Rep was considering directors for this production, there was one head-and-shoulders standout to helm what we wanted to be a singularly outstanding show that would

be true to the original intent of its creators.

Jason Bowcut was the clear choice — and this was before we completely knew his background. You’ll get to know Jason better as these blogs continue, but Jason and “[title

the show, Hunter Bell.

Utah Repertory Theater Company is thrilled to stage the Utah premiere of “[title of show].” We are sure you will enjoy meeting each of the friends in the show’s cast and production team.

of show]” are good friends. He saw the production process as it was created through the eyes of his friend. He’s not a friend of a friend, but a friend of the real-life Hunter character in

With humor, perseverance and imagination, friends can accomplish anything. Q For more information on Utah Rep’s production of “[title of show],” please visit utahrep.org/2014-season/overview-titleof-show/

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

MARY LAMBERT’S OPEN HEART

‘Same Love’ singer coming to Salt Lake

BY GREGG SHAPIRO

Mary

Lambert is nothing if not grateful for her newfound popularity. The out singer/songwriter and performance poet’s swift and meteoric rise to fame occurred via her collaboration with the duo Macklemore and Ryan Lewis on the groundbreaking song “Same Love.” A YouTube sensation and hit single, the song received Grammy Award nominations, and was performed live during the Grammy telecast, featuring a mass-wedding including several same-gender couples. Shortly thereafter, Lambert released the Welcome To The Age of My Body EP, featuring “She Keeps Me Warm,” a song that expanded on her contribution to “Same Love.” I spoke Lambert in September about her career and new album, Heart On My Sleeve (Capitol), that came out in October. She will perform at The Complex in Salt Lake November 7.

Mary, I’m sure you’ve been asked about your Grammy performance with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis a million times, but now that there is some distance between that night and now, what was the experience like for you? It’s a life-altering experience. Performing for that many people and being nominated for a Grammy is pivotal enough for an individual. But what the song stands for and what I’m singing about and what I’ve written, that to me is more gratifying. The actual content and the social impact; it was life-changing for me. I feel so fortunate that this is the song that will be remembered for years to come. I feel very lucky that it’s the song for which I will be known for sure.

I’m glad you mentioned the social impact. Your religious upbringing also plays a role in your artistic life. What kind of an impact do you think your work is now having, if any at all, on conservative religious organizations such as the Evangelical church with which you have been involved? I’m not sure if it has. I feel like I’ve been out of touch in terms of those actual communities.

Have they reached out to you at all? I have been working with some churches.

There are churches that have reached out.

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

I do think that Christianity and the whole Evangelical sect is in a shift right now. But I don’t know if I am solely responsible for that. I do feel that there is a shift towards the idea of gay marriage.

“She Keeps Me Warm,” the full-length song that grew out of your “Same Love” collaboration with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, is featured on your Welcome To The Age of My Body EP. What was involved in deciding what you wanted to include on that disc? I wanted to make the EP an introduction to who I am. I wanted “She Keeps Me Warm” on there.

There was a push to have it in a collection of songs and to have it out and make a statement about who I am and what I do.

“Sarasvati” is on there, too, and that’s very confessional, a deeply emotional song to sing. “Body Love” is on there and that’s an encompassing idea of what I do. They all speak to those different forms.

I’m glad you mentioned “Body Love,” because the EP opens and closes with the spoken word tracks “Body Love Part 1” and “Body Love Part 2,” and your new full-length album Heart On My Sleeve contains the poem “Dear One,” while the new song “Sum Of Our Parts” also puts your poetic skills on display. Who are some of your favorite poets? I have so many! I was fortunate enough to do a little stint with Andrea Gibson, who is one of my favorite poets. Buddy Wakefield and Shira Erlichman, too.

Heart On My Sleeve opens with “Secrets,” a song that does a fantastic job of exhibiting your sense of humor. How important do you think it is to maintain a sense of humor as an artist? I don’t think it is for everybody. I know it is important for me. I think the topics I talk about can be really heavy. I’d like there to be some sense of relief through it so I’m not making everybody cry through an entire show.

There’s some joy in it, too. It’s probably because I’m clinically bipolar. Part of being an extreme person is the capacity for extreme joy. Fun, tongue-in-cheek writing also has the capacity to be vulnerable, maybe heartbreaking writing as well.

Guest rappers on tracks are nothing new and your song “Ribcage” features K. Flay and queer rapper Angel Haze. Why did you choose to work with them? I’m a huge fan of both of those women. I met K. Flay about two years ago in Austin during SXSW. I was such a fan of her already and I was so excited to meet her. We really hit it off. I guested at a couple of her concerts and surprised the audience. That was pretty fun. She and I have been friends. I have equal admiration for Angel Haze. I think she’s one of the fiercest MCs making music today. I think she’s so on point with her writing and emotional intensity. I resonate with her. What really solidified it was her song, and video, for “Battle Cry,” which I thought was so vulnerable. It was so open of her to discuss trauma in such a way. It shook me in a really beautiful way. That was when I knew I had to have her on the track as well. Throughout the recording process I’d been asked to have multiple rappers on the tracks. I was hesitant to have any rap on because I would like to step out of that capacity in which people know me. But this felt like the absolute right thing to do. It felt so good to have two absolutely fucking fierce female MCs on it [laughs].

Hearts are a recurring theme on the new disc. You make mention of hearts in the title cut, “Ribcage,” “When You Sleep,” “Wounded Animal” and “Monochromatic.” Wow! I honestly didn’t even realize it! I mean, I knew it was the title [laughs].

I didn’t even think about it! I talk a lot about my heart. The heart is a metaphorical thing we describe as the vessel in which we connect to each other. That’s why I write about it a lot. I’m so hungry for connection. I crave real, tangible human interaction. I believe the way to achieve that is vulnerability. The way you achieve vulnerability is to have an open heart.

That’s the basis of it. An openness of your soul which I believe is your heart.

Your torch song reinvention of Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl” is nothing short of brilliant. You take ownership of the song! Why did you choose to cover that song? I love that song! “Jessie’s Girl”

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

is one of my favorite songs that has ever been written [laughs]. There’s the intensity behind it, when you break down the lyrics.

When I broke it down and was trying to find the right chords to fit with it, I love that line “She’s watching him with those eyes/and she’s loving him with that body.”

That line is so poetic. There’s poetry in that song. I know it’s an upbeat, angsty kind of song, but I just thought, “If you’re a gay person, you’ve undoubtedly had feelings for someone who’s straight.” I felt like those feelings were similar. I also love the non-gender-specific name Jessie. It was so awesome to sing it. To me, the intent behind it is a little subversive, in terms of wanting to connect with the gay community in that way. But I also think taking it down-tempo and adding strings to it gave it a different kind of life.

Do you know if Rick Springfield has heard it and what he thinks of it? I think he has heard it. I would love to have a conversation with him. I think we’re actually working on setting one up now.

Like Beth Ditto [of The Gossip], you have become a body image advocate, most recently launching The Body Love Campaign. What can you tell me about it? The Body Love Campaign is something I feel very strongly about. It’s just the idea of self-worth and self-care and propelling that in our culture when our culture is so invested in breaking down women; women asking for validation from men. I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault, but I think it’s perpetuated by both genders. Something I really wanted to attack was the fact that it starts before you are 16 or 17. That was the peak of it for me, when I felt pressured to be somebody that I wasn’t and then feel really guilty about it. I wanted to make a declaration of “You are beautiful, just the way you are.” But I also didn’t want to smooth over it the way a lot of other people do. It has the open and close quotes and I think it’s a lot rawer than that. I think it’s about girls self-harming, drinking heavily and escapism because the pain of our bodies and our self-destruction. Q Tickets to Lambert’s show are available at SmithsTix.com

36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ALLIES

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

hear me out MELISSA ETHERIDGE, THIS IS M.E. Since going indie, Melissa Etheridge must be feeling as free as when she first came out gay two decades ago. Throughout the punny, super-charged This Is M.E., the loose feels of liberation are ever-present as the lesbian icon gets her feet wet in foreign waters (2010’s Fearless Love suggested experimental

the bookworm sez

BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids

BY DANNIELLE OWENS-REID AND KRISTIN RUSSO

c.2014, Chronicle Books $18.95 / $22.95 Canada 240 pages You didn’t know what to expect.

When your child told you he’s gay, it came as a bit of a shock even though you kind of already knew. As he was telling you, though, he was nervous, you were nervous, but the conversation went well.

You love your gay son or daughter, but you have a thousand questions. So maybe the next thing to do is to read This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids by Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo.

Who would’ve thought that two little words—“I’m gay”—would cause so much confusion? That’s what you’ve felt ever since your son or daughter came out to you and

restlessness). But when you team up with Jerry “Wonda” Duplessis, producer of the Fugees, and RoccStar, who’s laid down tracks for Usher and Chris Brown, you don’t get straight-up rock ’n’ roll; you get smatterings of R&B and soul.

Considering this is the same scorned woman who bit into “Bring Me Some Water,” a song like “A Little Hard Hearted,” with its full-on sing-along pop hook, is initially jarring. A few listens later and you’ve got that thing on replay. Then there’s the flirty, seemingly autobiothat’s “completely normal.”

Working through this journey will undoubtedly be something new, but then again, aren’t there always a lot of firsts in parenthood?

It’s possible that this may be new to your child, too.

He may have only recently understood that he’s gay, and talking about it can sometimes be scary! Patience is key here, as is having a home environment that’s accepting. And yes, you can gently (and calmly) ask respectful questions; you are, in fact, encouraged to do so. It’s the only way you can understand your child better.

Knowing that your child is gay is not license to broadcast it, however. Telling others depends largely on many factors and situations, and it’s really up to the feelings of you and your child. Again, communication is important so you’re both clear on whom to tell, and when. It’s also important to understand that this is a process for loved ones, as well as for you, and that you’ll need to “give some room” for their reactions.

Expect changes in your child, but remember that he’s still the same kid. Know your child’s rights in schools, restrooms, and bullying issues.

Talk to your child about sex,

graphical “Take My Number,” which rumbles with the rocklite flair of her commercial ’90s-era zenith. Come chorus, a catchy “drink / think” rhyme makes it so convincing, so irresistible, you won’t be able to help yourself — you’d better take that number. With vexed kiss-off “Ain’t That Bad” and the soaring Wonda-influenced “Monster,” and even the raging “Stranger Road,” Etheridge maintains her essence, but she’s also wearing many different hats. They don’t always fit — the rambling “Who Are and be firm on house rules, especially for sleepovers. Keep a close eye out for any signs of depression or suicide. Be patient, strive for understanding, and talk, talk, talk.

And when it comes to your faith, remember this: “Nearly every religion hinges on love” and you love your child. Isn’t that what matters?

Maybe you knew. Or maybe the news had you totally gobsmacked. Either way, you’ve got questions and This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids has answers.

Springing from the website that the authors created, everyoneisgay.com, this book offers succinct advice, sensible comfort, and a glossary of terms that the authors encourage parents to know. I like that it’s comprehensive and not overwritten, and that it’s browse-able and not necessarily meant for cover-to-cover reading. That’s helpful because the questions you may ask now are “very different from the questions you may have a year from now.”

If your child has just come out, or if you suspect she might, then this book may be the best information you can have. Find This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids and you’ll know more of wha t to expect.

You Waiting For” is Melissa’s faltering attempt at a mushy power ballad — but sometimes finding the right one takes a few tries.

Grade: B-

LEE ANN WOMACK, THE WAY I’M LIVIN’ Lee Ann Womack’s mega-ballad “I Hope You Dance,” your mom’s favorite song, and the sleek crossover LP “Something Worth Leaving Behind” thrust her into the mainstream, but, at heart, Lee Ann Womack was always more of a country girl. Reveling in the traditional Southern sounds she’d eventually pursue, the Grammy winner’s first album in seven years — a grower — is a roots-based disc centered on down-hominess, heartbreak and devil worship.

Most reminiscent of her popcountry phase, “Same Kind of Different” imparts a ties-thatbind sentiment as its a cappella opening eases into a drumdriven, fiddle-strung ditty. “The Way I’m Livin’,” the title track, leans closer to the deep Texan twang of ominous, snake-slitherin’ badassery. “If I ever get to heaven, it’s a doggone shame,” Womack sings, sounding as fiery as the flames she’s dancing in. “Don’t Listen to the Wind” sends a simple guitar into a tornado of sonic madness. It’s a satisfying adrenaline rush.

Womack, who’s even better at fragile laments, could dry out a drenched towel with piano tearjerker “Send It on Down,” an inspiring ode to getting your shit together. Not every song on The Way I’m Livin’ reaches that caliber of melody and poignancy, but the album’s still like having a devil on your back. Some of it’s just so hard to shake.

Grade: B

GAY WRITES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

Bored

gay writes

BY KELLY ALBRECHT

My date

was as boring as slush. We’d been flirting for a month: the eye contact, sexting, quick gropes, sexual tension. He was one hottie.

Our problem was we had no place to hook.

Finally, I dropped a hundred bucks on a Jacuzzi suite in Wendover. All I wanted was the room with mirrors on the walls and the big bed. When we got there, he said, “It looks nice,” and then he got on Facebook. This wasn’t what I expected, but I knelt between his legs. He could chat all he wanted. I had all I needed right there. Then he came. It was nice, but now what? I sat up and kissed him, he kissed me back, and then he kissed my neck. I heard his fingers on the keyboard.

I got in the hot tub and it felt nice, but I didn’t want to sit there alone. My date had not budged, so I dried off, dressed, and told him I was heading to the casino.

Whole new world: lights, live band, clang and clatter, and people. They all looked like my grandma, but they were more alive than my date.

Cheers erupted to my left, so I wandered over. It was a group of guys at the craps table. One of them had just won and ordered another round of drinks.

They were cute, but the one in a tattered, blue zip-up hoodie and brown Guinness ball cap caught my attention.

I sat next to Grandma and started sliding cash into the machine. I watched it disappear. Then the machine lit up and started making lots of clatter. Grandma gave me a smile and a pat on the knee. I won forty-two bucks. A dollar more than I started with, I thought. So I called it quits and

wandered off.

Next, I walked over to the band. “I’m all out of love. I’m so lost without you,” sang the woman with too much make-up on. I realized I had to take a piss, so I headed to the restroom. I was almost finished when I noticed movement three urinals down. It was the blue-hoodie guy from the craps table. I tried to take a peek, but I couldn’t see anything. Damn!

Outside the restrooms, I lit up a smoke. Moments later Blue Hoodie came out and I wanted to give him the “please do me” look, but I looked at the floor.

“Can I bum a smoke?” he asked.

I lit him up.

“I’m so pissed!” he said to my shoes and blew smoke.

“Why?” I asked him. “Looked like you were winning.”

He laughed. “Yeah I did win some cash tonight, but I’m mad because I’m drunk, horny, and all my buddies are gonna get some tonight except me because my bitch stayed home.”

I told him that my lady passed out on me. He told me, “That sucks,” and we felt sorry for each other.

I suggested we go to his room and watch porn. His baby-blues lit up, and he said that he liked the idea. So I followed him down the hallway.

In the elevator, I told him flat out, “I will suck you off man.” Then I prepared myself for a fist. Instead he started to mumble. I only saw his lips move, but he must have agreed because in the room he unbuttoned his fly and pushed me to my knees.

Guys always say they’re horny when they’re drunk, but they can’t do anything once they’ve had too much. He’d had about six-too-many past that

point. But this was my favorite pastime, and I soon had him right where we both wanted him to be. But then I stood up. “Dude, you got to do me a favor,” I said with a desperate look. “Do you have a condom you can slip on?”

He put one on, flipped his ball cap backward, and unzipped his tattered blue hoodie.

He looked as hot as hell. I finally got what I wanted.

Back at the room, I found my date still chatting, and shirtless, and oh so cute. He smiled and I wondered what went wrong with us. I supposed I could talk to him, but did I really need to tell someone it’s not polite to chat online on your first date? I said nothing and knelt between his legs and he gave me more. At

least he gave me that.

The next morning, I awoke with his arm around me. I kissed him on the top of his head, took him to breakfast, adored his smile, and drove him home—in silence.

“Message me!” he said and walked away. Q

Thank You for another Season at the Park!

Keep a watch for our Holiday Markets.

The Holiday Markets will be posted on our website and Facebook www.9thwestfarmersmarket.org and Like us on Facebook

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

GETTING TO THE CORE OF

NICK JONAS

ABS, ALBUM AND THAT GAY STRIPTEASE ‘THEY MADE ME DO’

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

When you

think of Nick Jonas — and let’s face it, you’ve been thinking a lot about him lately — a few things come to mind: the straight-edged Jonas Brothers. Former flames Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. His abs.

Per his handlers, two of those topics were off-limits during my chat with Nick, but so what. Ever since he posted a salacious Instagram pic of his fit, V-cut torso in 2013, it’s been ab this, ab that. The 22-year-old BFF to the gay community is also releasing a self-titled, post-Jonas Brothers album, which he chatted about during our interview. You know, in addition to his abs.

You said recently that part of the reason you’re so adamant about reaching out to the gay community is because you don’t feel like the Jonas Brothers did enough of it before. So, is this gay media blitz your way of making up for lost time? (Laughs) Maybe! I think my brothers and I did what we could, but at that time, in our career and during that moment in our lives, it was pretty crazy. We had so much going on that we were, I think, just trying to stay on top of everything. I’ve had a little time prior to the promotion (of this album) to establish exactly what I want to say, who I wanna talk to and the steps I wanna take.

Did the lack of gay media have anything to do with your handlers? Were people telling you not to do gay press to maintain your conservative Disney image? To be honest, I don’t think it was that. I think if we had wanted to make an effort there it wouldn’t have been an issue. It was important and it is important to me, and it’s also important to me as I transition into acting.

I’m on a show called Kingdom where my character goes on a pretty interesting journey. I can’t give anything away — no spoilers — but it’s been fun as an actor to be willing PHOTO: ANDREW ZAEH

to go to that place. I love playing this role that I play, and I’m excited for the audience to go on this journey with me.

Considering you’ve revealed there’s a nude scene, we are also excited to go on this journey with you. What’s it like shooting a nude scene? It’s pretty bizarre. The way you have to go into it… it’s not real. As actors, it’s our job to tell these stories, and with a show like Kingdom, you go the extra mile and push the boundaries and keep it very real.

So, in that moment, it’s just about telling the story the best way you can while trying to be honest. As far as any of the physicality goes — or nudity or sex scenes — it’s just about knowing that it isn’t real.

Wait, your sex scene is not real? (Laughs) It’s not.

Why is it so important for you to reach out to the gays for your solo debut? When I was setting up this record and meeting with the team about it, I told them that I really wanted to make an effort to embrace that part of my audience. I’ve known for a long time that it is a great part of the audience, and I just never felt like we made all the effort we could to embrace them. It’s been really fun and really incredible.

When did you know the gay community was embracing you? I think it was a combination of things. I did theater prior to recording music, and so at a very young age I made a lot of really close gay friends. When I started recording music, and my brothers and I started recording and touring, we saw pretty quickly — this was back in 2005/2006 — that this was a big part of our audience.

As the years went on, and as I went back into theater, I made the (gay community) a priority. It’s about embracing all sides.

You’re currently on tour, and considering how much attention you’ve given the gays lately, how gay are the audiences that come out to see you? It’s been pretty awesome to look out and see a difference in the crowd.

It’s not drastic by any means; it was kind of

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

there prior, but there’s definitely more of them embracing this next chapter in my life and my music. All that, I can feel. Looking out, there is probably a handful more gay fans out there, which is incredible.

So, like, if you had to rate the gayness of a Nick Jonas show, where would it fall on the Kinsey Scale, 1 being straight and 6 being totally gay? (Laughs) I don’t know if I can answer that just yet. I think I need to let it continue to evolve. It’s in the early stages here. Let’s see where we get in the next couple of months and then we’ll make that call.

You have a point. Considering you just performed in San Francisco, the number would be skewed. (Laughs) Exactly!

Because your abs are now famous as well, do you feel obligated to show them at every show? (Laughs) Umm, no. I haven’t showed them at any of my shows. That was more so when I was in New York celebrating the release of the new music and I went to a couple of gay clubs and… (Laughs) They kind of made me do it, so I had to! But as far as my shows go, I keep it fully clothed.

I saw the video online, Nick. I didn’t see anyone taking your shirt off for you. It was a few drinks in at that point. All bets were off.

When you show up at a gay club like the ones in New York, do guys hit on you? Do they flirt? And how do you approach a situation like that? Yeah, it’s interesting.

Whether it comes from people who are aware of me and my personal life, or the person who was on the microphone saying it, there’s a general awareness that I am straight but totally embracing of the gay community. I love my gay fans, so it was just a lot of love, and there wasn’t a whole lot of hitting on me and flirting. A little bit, which was actually kind of fun. (Laughs) It was a pretty new environment for me, so I was just trying to take it all in and have a good time.

What do you make of naysayers who say you’re just using your body to bait the gay community? Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. I think it’s unfortunate that some people have to find a negative in every situation. Clearly my heart is in the right place, and more than anything, if they just looked at my life and my gay friends and the authentic nature of where my heart is, they’d just see that they’re kind of ignorant.

The nature of where we are today is, we’re in a time where we need to make strides and step forward as a society and embrace all people from all different walks of life. When you’re trying to make a bold statement like that, some people aren’t gonna fall in line with that. And that’s OK. You gotta stay on your own path.

You’ve recently opened up about your religious journey and how you’ve taken off your “purity ring.” Did the gay people in your life have anything to do with reexamining your religion? Have you always been this accepting of homosexuality? That’s a good question. I always have been. I think that’s a testament to growing up in the theater and from an early age being surrounded by (gay people), and my parents — although my dad was a pastor — were very openminded and said the same thing that I say, “We have to love people from all walks of life, and that’s the key.” It was nice to come from that.

Definitely my opinion and my feelings on faith and religion, specifically, have evolved over time just having seen some of the judgments that other people show toward the lesbian and gay community. It really burdens my heart, and it saddens me in a huge way because I feel like it’s not our place to judge at all. Some of the most loving, caring relationships that I’ve ever seen are between my gay friends, and some of my straight friends’ relationships are the worst examples of what love is.

With your parents being as open-minded as they are, were there gay people in your life even before you pursued theater? There were. My parents were always good about having an open mind toward everyone. Like I said, although church and religion were a cornerstone for us in a lot of ways, they (my parents) were open, and especially after we left the church and had to develop our own faith is when my views and opinions started to take shape.

Would you still consider yourself Christian? I say now that I have a relationship with God and that it’s my own relationship with God. It’s one of those things that I try to keep most personal because I think that’s the healthiest way I’ve learned to deal with it. I keep it as that, and I know that I love God and he loves me. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

screen queen 6 Don’t-Miss Flicks For Fall

to keep the camera on her for no other reason than she can.

ELAINE STRITCH: SHOOT ME Even as her waning health led to her final bow this past July, thespian fireball Elaine Stritch remained an open book as vibrant and vital as ever. Consider it a gift that documentarian Chiemi Karasawa had the chance to capture the Company actress in all her sassy splendor before the curtain closed.

This is a role of a lifetime — and not only because it’s literally Stritch’s life. Stritch was never better than when she was just being herself. In what’s now, ultimately, a bittersweet send-off to a national treasure, Karasawa’s Oscar-bound masterpiece strikes a biographical-but-universal balance: It’s a telling, warts-and-all tribute to the tenaciousness of an aging icon, Broadway fixture and blunt force of nature, but it’s more than that: Shoot Me is an enlightening account of the human condition seen through the eyes of one badass broad.

Preserving the stage veteran’s legacy with unforgettable zest, and serving it with empathetic heart and humor, you can’t help but raise your glass and say, “I’ll drink to that.” Elaine will have you in Stritches during the supplements, which includes priceless footage of her telling a filmmaker

Y TU MAMÁ TAMBIÉN Before sending a woozy Sandra Bullock to space in last year’s tour de force Gravity, and consequently winning the Oscar for Best Director, Alfonso Cuarón’s filmmaking was, well, a little more grounded. A road-trip flick through Mexico involving two restless buddies, a bored cougar and lots of butts, 2001’s Y Tu Mamá También was, like Gravity, about the transient journey of life. A young Diego Luna (who’d go on to appear in Dustin Lance Black’s Milk) stars, and an emotionally nuanced performance from Spanish actress Ana López Mercado is fiercely revelatory. With a film that’s liberating, queer, sexy and driven by the “live each moment...” aphorism, Cuarón demonstrated his knack for storytelling even before he had a blockbuster budget. Resurrecting Y Tu Mamá También for this glorious threedisc Blu-ray/DVD set, Criterion Collection’s most noteworthy extras include new making-of interviews with the crew (Luna and Cuarón among them) and also a wonderfully assembled 71-page book of scene stills and in-depth essays. There’s even an “In Memoriam” for Betsabé, the station wagon that changed these characters’– and our lives — forever.

THE BIRDCAGE The modern ‘mo might watch limp-wristed comedy classic The Birdcage, director Mike Nichols’ American version of ’70s French-Italian farce La Cage aux Folles, and gasp at its more-apparent-thanever clichés: a flaming houseboy, Nathan “Starina” Lane and more male femininity than an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

But this was 1996; positive portrayals of gay couples were hard to come by (seeing two men madly in love with each other, as depicted in The Birdcage, was as monumental as gay marriage is now). That it starred two gay-for-pay Hollywood luminaries — Lane in drag and the hilarious-as-always late Robin Williams — in a box-office hit was a landmark moment for queer cinema.

And besides, some humor is just timeless: Watching Williams school Lane on how a “real man” butters his toast is funny in any era. Disappointedly without any extras, the fab-looking Blu-ray debut of The Birdcage is still a worthy addition to any queer cinephile’s collection.

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL There’s absurd, and then there’s The Grand Budapest Hotel. It makes cute of a Fascist regime with a silly “Three Stooges” sensibility. It turns out deadpan dialogue with unforeseen non sequiturs. It kills a cat and makes you feel like a bad person for react-

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A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

ing with belly laughs.

It casts Tilda Swinton as a garish old lady who you’ll only recognize because a) the credits and b) I told you. Basically, there is nothing normal about The Grand Budapest Hotel, but it’s not surprising when you consider the source: Wes Anderson, who tells the ridiculous story of Gustave H, a legendary concierge, and his lobby boy. With a premise like that, gay jokes predictably ensue, but its queerness has less to do with homos and more to do with Anderson’s trademark kitsch. Full of supreme oddities, Looney Tunes-esque zip and in-your-face aesthetics, the director and his allstar cast come out on top with this fantastical politically-charged live-action cartoon. Extras, on the other hand, are nil.

ity quite like All That Jazz). Released in 1979, this bizarre musical biopic about a drug-and sex-addicted dancer literally suffering for his own art inspired a company of dexterous crazies, including Natalie Portman as an unhinged ballerina in Black Swan. In Fosse’s fever dream of a film, a young (and wildly sexy) Roy Scheider takes center stage in his compelling turn as Joe Gideon, Fosse’s alter ego, with his angel of death, Jessica Lange doing American Horror Story before American

Horror Story, standing in the wings. And talk about All That Jazz: Criterion’s newly minted Blu-ray/DVD edition is something to get dancey over. This impressive salute to one of cinema’s great musicals packs special features from Fox’s previous DVD releases — among them: scene-specific Scheider interviews and “Portrait of a Choreographer,” which features Liza Minnelli and Adam Shankman. Q Chris Azzopardi is at chris-azzopardi.com.

THE NORMAL HEART With advanced pharmaceuticals sustaining HIV-positive lives and PrEP minimizing the risk of contracting the virus, it’s easy for this generation to forget the onset of one of the deadliest epidemics in human history. But not anymore. And not for a long time. Provocative, unforgettable and expectedly heartbreaking, Ryan Murphy’s HBO adaptation of gay playwright Larry Kramer’s acclaimed theater production chronicles AIDS in 1980s NYC, when it emerged as a mysterious “gay cancer.” Winner of Outstanding Movie at this year’s Emmys, an award it certainly deserved, the film also showcases big names in riveting roles.

Matt Bomer is fearless, and Mark Ruffalo, as the stalwart Kramer-inspired gay activist Ned Weeks, is intensely moving. Even Jim Parsons’ supporting role packs a punch. The lone extra gives scant insight with Kramer’s selective commentary.

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

OFF TRAX

dining guide EGGS IN THE CITY 1675 E 1300 S 801-581-0809 Breakfast or lunch in a friendly, warm and hip environment. The converted garage is now a stylish, enticing eatery. Try the eggs Benedict, French toast, custom-tailored omelets, huevos rancheros or cheese blintzes for breakfast.

LOCO LIZARD CANTINA  locolizardcantina.com 1612 Ute Blvd, #101, Park City Loco Lizard Cantina has been serving some of Park City’s best Mexican cuisine in a fun, family friendly atmosphere since 1999.

They prepare all of their food fresh on a daily basis, with careful attention to our homemade chips, salsas, tamales, and tortillas.

MAZZA  mazzacafe.com 912 E 900 S, 1515 S 1500 E 801-521-4572, 484-9259 An institution in Salt Lake for more than 10 years. With two restaurant locations open Monday through Saturday for lunch and dinner, you can enjoy fresh, authentic Middle Eastern cuisine such as Falafel, Shawarma, Kebabs, dips and salads whenever you want.

 offtraxslc.com 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Home of the Happy Hangover.

Breakfast, lunch. Sunday brunch and weekend after-hours. Gayowned and operated. Next to Club Try-Angles.

OMAR’S RAWTOPIA  omarsrawtopia.com 2148 S Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Omar prepares all raw, live and organic food from scratch with absolute love to create amazing food that is powerfully healing for your mind, body, and spirit.

PARK CITY AREA RESTAURANT ASSOCIATION  offtraxslc.com PCARA enjoys touting cuisine with originality served up in a resorttown atmosphere that will take guests away from the mundane.

PCARA believes that if someone wants great food, a carefree atmosphere and a quick escape from the ordinary, a visit to Park City for breakfast, lunch or dinner is the right choice

PIG & A JELLY JAR  pigandajellyjar.com 401 E900 South 385-202-7366 Conveniently located in the revamped Liberty Park area in Salt Lake City, Pig & A Jelly Jar restaurant serves a fresh, from scratch menu with a unique twist on comfort food.

SAGE’S CAFE  sagescafe.com 234 W 900 S 801-322-3790 Sage’s Cafe relocated to the Central 9th Business District

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november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

in the original and iconic Jade Cafe. They offer a wide range of unique opportunities to experience great vegetarian cuisine, drinks and friendships. Sage’s Cafe and The Jade Room offer great daily specials, seasonal small plates, a full cocktail menu and many of our classic dishes.

SQUATTERS PUB BREWERY  squatters.com 147 W 300 S 801-363-2739 Salt Lake’s original brew pub featuring award-winning fresh brewed beers, lunch, dinner and weekend brunch. Private banquet facilities available.

SQUATTERS ROADHOUSE GRILL & PUB  www.squatters.com 1900 Park Ave, Park City 435-649-9868 Park City’s brewpub features breakfast, lunch and dinner daily and is a full liquor licensee, serving both Squatters and Wasatch Beers.

VERTICAL DINER 2280 S West Temple 801-484-8378 Vegan diner serving down-home comfort food and breakfast all day. Specialties include fried faux chicken, blueberry pancakes, and hand cut french fries. Also serving fair trade coffee, tea, chocolate, and more.

WASATCH BREW PUB  wasatchbeers.com 250 Main, Park City 435-645-0900 At the top of Main Street and a local favorite since 1989, Wasatch Brew Pub serves lunch, dinner and weekend brunch, along with award winning beers and full liquor service. Private banquet facilities available.

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

Reserve the Jade

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for your

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

Let’s be civil

ALSO ILL DARKENED

_____ ______ ____

cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTITUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: Y=W

Theme: Let’s be civil:

YXFP QZD LQHJAJQPH SQ PQA LDFREJU, YF HXQZUS ENNFLA ZPTERQDEGUF DFHZUAH VDENJQZHUC EPS LDENAJNF NJRJUJAC YJAX QZD ESRFDHEDJFH. ____ ___ _________ __ ___ _______, __ ______ ______ ___________ ______ __________ ___ ________ ________ ____ ___ ___________.

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

q scopes

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS ARIES March 20–April 19 A blaze of energy emerges from a sense of satisfaction. Harness this in order to compose a new creation for a loved one. Test the limits of friendship and you’ll be surprised by what others are willing to do. Take responsibility regarding a mistake but don’t take the fall for the sole purpose of helping others. Put your interests first.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 A stiff individual demands your attention. Give it your best shot but don’t spoil a personal moment by overindulging. A sense of control gives you confidence. Check your facts before making a decision in regards to finance.

Get ready for a season of parties and social interaction, but clear your head before diving in.

Jimmy Kimmel on Gay Sports ACROSS 1 Scuttlebutt 5 Dean character without a cause 10 Midvoyage 14 “There ___ there there” (Stein) 15 St. Teresa’s town 16 Dancer Shawn and others 17 Sheltered on the sea 18 Man with a steel rod 19 David Hyde Pierce and peers 20 “___ is a sport in which ...”

22 Creme de la creme 23 Some escorts want it up front 24 “... men in ___ pants ...”

27 Peter or Paul, but not Mary 30 Land of Sinead O’Connor 31 Sartre novel 32 Unlike phone sex 36 Bruin Bobby 37 “... run around piling ___ of each other” 39 Hydrocarbon suffix 40 Turned tail 43 Queued up 46 Sally portrayer of Cabaret 47 Prick stimulators

48 With 54-Across, what Kimmel says that non-gay athletes should have to do 52 Hosp. worker 53 One that lies on the bottom 54 See 48-Across 58 Any minute now 59 Prefix with sexual 61 Bring up 62 Chaplain Judge of the NYFD, e.g.

63 Radiant glows 64 Katharine’s Butch Cassidy role 65 North Sea feeder 66 Broadway stage pieces 67 Day, to Caligula

DOWN

1 Cabaret singer Edith 2 Capital of Norway 3 Willa Cather novel 4 Emily Dickinson, in her day 5 ___ avis 6 Become men, perhaps 7 Book full of books 8 “Xanadu” band, for short 9 Caesar’s lang.

10 Designer’s studio 11 Terminal Bar playwright Paul 12 Head of costume designing 13 Nice buns, for example

21 Belle’s companion 22 French 101 verb 25 Janet or niece Hunter 26 ‘60s radical 27 Give ___ to (approve) 28 Strip a fruit 29 Chinese philosopher 32 “___ be my pleasure!”

33 Setting for The Lion King 34 “You want the light ___ off?”

35 Randy Shilts’ area 38 Straight, at the bar 41 She loved Franklin and Lorena 42 Historic Stonewall event 44 Simba’s love, on Broadway 45 Aimed for, with “to” 47 Drag queen’s shoe feature 48 Like a plum job 49 Blow them in the orchestra pit 50 Julianne of Far from Heaven 51 Elroy Jetson stroked him 55 Lady Sings the Blues star 56 Type of crime 57 Amsterdam transport 59 AAA handout 60 Cont. of one of the Disney sites ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Separate yourself from someone who treats you in a passive-aggressive manner. This is the time to really show your many talents to a whole new audience. With others watching, be sure to put on a nice display of a unique talent. Getting ahead is possible by sharing but don’t forget to show tact. It’s what you do best.

CANCER June 21–July 22 Stay in touch with your sensitive side and nourish it with a splendid time. Get together with a good buddy and let go of some tension. Work will be fun and surprisingly breezy at this time so enjoy the lull. Things will be tense with your family so try being the voice of reason. Go with the flow and things will work out.

LEO July 23–August 22 Slip into something comfortable, like a warm bed, a good book or a hot tub, and center yourself. There is much chaos in life right now and it is the sanctuaries that will help you get past this ridged period. Your best friend or significant other has some great perspectives to share. Listen up and get ready to have your mind blown.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Stop. Walk away from something that hurts you. A family member or friend isn’t really into you so don’t waste your time. Instead, take a stand for what you believe in and do good things for yourself. Being selfish isn’t the best solution to all problems, but this would be a good time to make yourself happy.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Take a stand for truth and you’ll always remember what matters to you. There is never a clear path when dealing with a partner or significant other, but you’ll find clarity in a relationship matter during this time. Career shouldn’t be ignored, but for your own sake, release some of your load. Don’t fear a mess.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 You’ve always kept secrets, even from those close to you. Your friends may not understand why things close to your heart are so hush-hush.

Explanations are not necessary but return the favor. Show discretion when dealing with an associate who does not wish to open up. Balance will be the goal this month.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

An offensive encounter will you leave you breathless and angry for some time. Making a choice to forgive is never a bad one, but be sure you are truly ready to do so before actually doing it. A career matter is perplexing, especially if it involves the need for stress relief. Hold on then let go when the time is right.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 You may feel less safe right now, but nothing has changed.

An awareness of the danger is simply more obvious more than it was before.

Take caution when taking risks, or consider not taking any at all right now.

A great opportunity could be too good to be true, and it probably is. Safety first is key.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Feel your way through an awkward situation. Your senses will serve you well. Take your time exploring your options at work or an overly consuming hobby. There are so much more out there than previously available.

Joking around with someone close could result in hurt feelings. Tread carefully and stay serious.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 A lapse in judgment is likely in a personal matter. Your friends or family will offer some much needed feedback. Don’t be afraid to accept a profound suggestion. Your friends care about you, Pisces, and care comes in the form of a desired gift. Time may not be on your side, so take shortcuts that don’t intimidate. Eyes open. Q

CLASSIFIEDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

november 2014 | issue 237

Qmr. health manners

Listen here One of

BY BROCK CANNAN

my nicknames growing up was “Mouth.” When I asked how I merited this name, it was simply told to me, “You talk too much.”

And I’m telling you it’s not just me, we all do.

It’s a natural male characteristic, the need to battle for supremacy, linguistically and literally. Matching mettle with our mouths is how we direct the meeting, make the sale— how we close the deal. And as my youth has shown, I’m arguably as bad as the next guy. Put me in any given situation, and I’ll often want to be the one leading the conversation.

But here is the draw back to all this vocal jousting: Most of us are great at talking, but we are not particularly good at listening? Oh we keep quiet listening for our turn to talk, but that is all we are doing—waiting for our turn to talk, certain that once those around us hear our steering logic, they’ll be swayed to follow our lead or be captivated by our wisdom and humor. Case in point: When was the last time you thought something went extremely well and then you quickly discovered you were on a sinking ship? Sound familiar?

Let’s harken to the words of my great grandmother and “exercise our eardrums.”

Growing up in the south

we were surrounded with people who loved to talk, but through the idle chatter the only voices I heard were those who told stories. I heard stories of strength, stories of sadness and stories of which would be fit for the movie “Big Fish,” but in all of these tales I learned something.

Lessons embedded in parable have been the greatest teachers to me in my life. Trying to recall who exactly told me which story and in which moment, is futile, but what’s important is that I know these stories. As part of his manifesto “Desiderata” Max Ehrmann said, “Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”

So, my vocal warriors, which stories are loaded in your arsenal of words? Have you listened to any that have taught you a lesson or made you feel anew? We are always fighting to be heard, but among all of the cries, have we listened to each other? A man listens, and from what he has heard, he learns and he grows.

Open your ears and fill your mind with new experiences.

Perhaps you’ll learn something, or if you are still decided to be a man of words, you’ll at least add to your repertoire.

Have a question for Mr. Manners? Email manners@qsaltlake.com

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OUR PETS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH FASHION

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

Salt Laker offers yoga clothing for men

Aaron in WARRIOR T-SHIRT ($45) & THE CLASSIC YOGA Sort ($40): Another great mbody combination.

The Warrior T-Shirt has a wicking material that will withstand your yoga class and gym workout. Aaron is also wearing the Classic Yoga Shorts The basic cotton/spandex slip-on short is what started the whole idea of mbody.

John Cottrell

has done everything in Salt Lake City from psychotherapy to drug treatment therapy to hip hop aerobics to nude yoga, and now has his own line of yoga clothing for men, called mbody.

Cottrell, originally from Oakland, Calif. earned a Ph.D. from Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto. He has always been fascinated with fitness and has taught fitness classes ranging from weight lifting to hip hop dance aerobics in a gym setting. He added yoga to his fitness routine in 2000, starting with Nude Gay Yoga in his home. He is now a certified yoga instructor (RYT500), personal trainer, and sports nutritionist, John offers a variety of ways to create and sustain a healthy way of living.

He currently teaches Power Vinyasa Yoga at Centered City Yoga in Salt Lake City and Life Time Fitness in South Jordan.

“I started practicing yoga in 2000 at a gym in Sandy. I immediately fell in love with the practice. It was a Power Yoga class that really focused on strength, balance, alignment, and flexibility. I also liked the fact that it had a rhythm and a flow,” Cottrell said. “I practiced for about a year until I decided to enter a teacher training program and became a certified yoga instructor. I have been teaching ever since.”

His philosphy with yoga is to show his students that they have the strength within them to achieve anything they set their mind to.

“I offer challenging yoga sequences in which everyone can have a success as the outcome. If we take large challenges and break them down into smaller, achievable steps, we can progress forward and reach our personal goals. That’s how I teach my yoga classes: everyone can have a success,” he said. “What we practice on the yoga mat can be obtained in our everyday lives.”

What John noticed was that, while men are increasing joining the yoga ranks, few if any designers offer clothing for the male

John Cottrell in POWER PANT ($60): John, the owner and creator of mbody men’s yoga clothing, is wearing the brand new Power Pant that just came out for the Fall Season. These pants are like silk! Extremely comfortable and light. Great for cooler weather, but also are incredible workout pants and stand up in your Power Yoga classes. They, also, come with the mbody signature stitching, pockets, and drawstring.

yogi. In 2011, he launched his first attempt at MBODY — comfortable, functional, and affordable clothing designed for the male yoga enthusiast The line languished for lack of capital, but late last year, a generous investor offered his services to help re-launch mbody clothing.

Cottrell designs the yoga clothing and uses friends and students to try out prototypes sent by the distributor.

“This current line of mbody clothing is being produced in Pakistan. I have found that the quality of the final product is excellent! I have been very pleased with the outcome of the clothing that has been on sale since August 2014,” he said.

In addition to teaching yoga and creating a men’s yoga clothing line, Cottrell co-facilitates yoga retreats.

Chris is wearing the mbody top-seller MUSCLE HOODIE ($37): Chris is a body builder so he can really show off his guns in this unique 100% cotton pull-over top. And you’ll look great and catch an eye in your yoga class, too.

I will be facilitating my next retreat in Costa Rica at the beautiful Blue Osa Yoga Retreat & Spa in May, 2015,” he said. “I have facilitated retreats there for the past two years. This is a men’s yoga retreat that offers an opportunity to connect to self, connect to others, and to connect to all things. This is a Tantric concept that will be manifested through the yoga practice, beach meditations, jungle excursions, wonderful organic homemade meals, and most importantly, the camaraderie of friends.” Q The mbody clothing line can be found at mbody.com, City Centered Yoga, Foothill Fitness, Silver Mouintin Spa in Park City and Foothill Training Center in Salt Lake.

Cottrell is currently seeking those interested in retail and consignment options to widen its availability.

More information about the retreat can be found at www.

MensYogaRetreat.com. An Early Bird Special price of $995 is available before January 5, 2015.

HEALTH FASHION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

John in ­COMFORT SHORT ($40): Just as the name implies! You won’t go wrong with these shorts. So soft! So comfortable! Extremely durable! Will hold up in any yoga class.

Hugs in all the right places. Comes with mbody’s signature stitching, pockets, liner, and drawstring

Alan in POWER YOGA TANK ($25) & WARRIOR SHORTS ($50): The perfect yoga clothing combination. The tank top is stylish and made from a durable, breathable cotton with great colors and highlights. Alan is also wearing the very popular mbody Warrior Shorts. A tough fabric that is built to last.

These shorts are equipped with mbody’s signature stitching, deep pockets, liner, and drawstring

Shawn in LONG SLEEVED HOODIE ($40): Made from 100% cotton, it is perfect for cooler weather to wear over another shirt or wear it during your Yoga Meditation Class.

This has been one of mbody’s top-selling items.

Alan & Shawn in SHORT SHORTS ($30): Alan and Shawn are wearing the mbody Short Shorts. These minimal shorts are very comfortable and versatile. Great for Bikram Yoga, as a swim trunk, or underwear. Made with a very soft and light fabric with good support.

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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

the frivolist

The gayest Halloween costumes of 2014

BY MIKEY ROX

As holidays

go, Halloween is undoubtedly the gayest. It’s the one time of year where homos can pretend they’re hetero, straight boys step out in short skirts, and grown women turn every respectable profession they can think of into slutty versions of their former selves.

Of course you can head to your local costume shop and pick up a played-out, plastic-wrapped outfit, but we know you better than that. That’s why we’ve compiled this comprehensive list of the most topical, haute and hilariously gay-friendly Halloween costumes of 2014. From hairy howlers that roam the night to John Travolta’s most memorable characters, this year’s hottest TV shows, news stories and pop-culture juggernauts are now the mustwear, one-night disguises of the season.

1. EARLY 20TH CENTURY UNDERBUTLER You don’t have to blackmail your blueblooded undercover lover to play the part of Thomas Barrow — the conniving gay underbutler on the sharp and soapy PBS period drama Downton Abbey — this Halloween. Dress to impress both nobles and peasants without dropping too much dough by assembling your post-Victorianera attire from thrift shops and consignment finds. Pleated black trousers and a crisp band-collar button-down lay the foundation for this outfit that’s completed with a white bowtie, U-shaped satin vest and tuxedo tailcoat. Part your full head of hair on the side (or don a bowler hat) and puff on a fag (the British term for cigarette; not whatever you’re thinking) to fully embody the baddest bitch in Grantham House.

2. DANCING WITH THE STARS CONTESTANT Aaron Samuels (Cady Heron’s crush in the insta-gay-classic Mean Girls) played it straight at North Shore High School, but his real-life alter ego — sometimes actor Jonathan Bennett — has had the Internet abuzz about his sexuality since the film’s release in 2004. Now that JB and his twinkle toes are back in the spotlight on the couldn’t-be-gayer Dancing With the

Stars, there’s no better time to pay homage to the guy who may or may not have (he’s not officially out) already broken a million girls’ (or boys’) hearts. To pull off this light-on-your-feet look, tango your way into a brightly colored button-down, an equally-loud-but-contrasting satin skinny tie, black slacks, black suspenders, and the snazziest tap shoes you can find. Because you never know when the rhythm is gonna get you.

3. TEEN WOLF It’s hard to put your finger on the queerest thing about MTV’s Teen Wolf — the quiver-inducing howls, the rampant homoeroticism, Colton Hayne’s Instagram profile — but that just makes pulling together pieces for this costume all the easier. You can go as protagonist Scott McCall (played by self-professed Gindr user Tyler Posey), or you might prefer sticking to your own kind as Danny Mahealani (Keahu Kahuanui), Beacon Hills High’s out-andproud lacrosse player/computer whiz. Suit up in authentic lacrosse gear that you can find at a second-hand sports store (or by pilfering through your cousin’s super bro-y wardrobe) and work your makeup magic on a canine bite for the ages — which we know you wouldn’t mind getting legit if you lived in their world.

their looks from your own wardrobe.

Tack on a commitment issue or two and throw in a penchant for threesomes for posterity’s sake, and you’ve got the looks down pat. Do us all a favor though, won’t you? Post photos of your group’s Russell Tovey; the world needs more of that going around.

5. DALLAS COWBOYS FAN Given the staggering amount of negative publicity that the NFL has received this season (thanks to woman beaters, child abusers and drunken drivers), it should consider itself lucky that the gays are finally getting in on the game.

And it seems that no team is embracing its friendly neighborhood homosexual makeover more than the Dallas Cowboys. First there’s the addition of defensive end Michael Sam to the roster, but there’s also a new DirecTV Sunday Football commercial depicting a gay couple — one of whom is a Cowboys fan — that has largely flown under the radar.

Give the latter the relevance it deserves this All Hallow’s Eve by pulling together whatever Dallas gear you can find (and convincing your boo to sport a Giants jersey) while trying your best to avoid a brush with the law. A night in the slammer only sounds good in theory.

6. HEDWIG The East German transgender singer with an “angry inch” between her legs experienced somewhat of a renaissance this year as actors Neil Patrick Harris, Andrew Rannells, and Michael C. Hall all stepped into the punk-rock role on Broadway. And now you too can milk John Cameron Mitchell’s cash cow for your own benefit by raiding your wacky Aunt Barb’s closet for late ’70s/early ’80s-inspired fashion, BeDazzling a pair of cutoff Daisy-Duke-style denim, and rockin’ a sick ‘Hed’-wig that you can score on Etsy.

7. LOVECHILD OF JARED LETO AND JUSTIN THEROUX 4. THE CAST OF LOOKING However you feel about HBO’s Looking (viewer reviews were staunch and varied when it premiered at the top of this year), showing up at a party as the show’s cast is not only tres chic this Halloween, it’s also perfect for a coordinated group costume.

You’ll have to pull up past episodes (which you can watch on demand) to get a better idea of each character’s personal style, but you’ll likely discover that you can recreate

There’s been a sizeable amount of buzz about what’s beneath Jared Leto and

november 2014 | issue 237 | gaysaltlake.com

Justin Theroux’s respective boxers lately — and nobody’s complaining. Justin gave us full-frontal floppage in a few jogging scenes on his very violent and ultra-strange HBO drama The Leftovers, while the ghost of Jordan Catalano will not be satisfied until he’s officially crowned Biggest Cock in Hollywood. And for this, they both should be celebrated. To imitate these forces of nature yourself, mash-up the pair’s signature styles (Justin’s into leather; Jared is a little more “la boheme”) and stuff a swingin’ Richard down your crotch.

Even better if you’ve got the natural goods so you don’t disappoint the evening’s potential paramour(s).

8. ANY JOHN TRAVOLTA CHARACTER Oprah’s dear John will deny that he’s a Golden Girl_-watching, Folsom Street-walking, magic-hair-growing, happyending-loving friend of Kevin Spacey’s until the day he dies, but he has given us nearly 30 years’ worth of iconic characters that we can pilfer for Halloween getups — and that’s gotta count for something.

Which Travolta character will strike your fancy this year? Vinny Barbarino? Tony Manero?

Danny Zuko? His cringe-worthy Edna Turnblad? Whatever poison you pick, kindly keep it in your pants. Unless, of course,

you’ve got enough paper to pay that boy off.

9. DELUSIONAL REALITY STAR BROTHER OF MEDIOCRE POP STAR This summer’s season of Big Brother was a breath of fresh air (thanks to gratuitous displays of rock-hard flesh being flaunted around the house for three glorious months), especially when you consider what a homophobic and racist disaster last season was. And in keeping with traditional realityshow formula, there was one over-the-top gay in the latest cast who just had to go and ruin it for the rest of us on a thrice-weekly basis on the most watched network in America.

Frankie Grande, the ironically removed-from-reality “media mogul” (yes, that’s actually what he calls himself), spent the entirety of his time on the show prancing around the house, pining for every smidge of bromo affection he could get by forcibly invading their personal space, and generally being an all-around despicable human being who wasn’t afraid to take the wheel of the bus that he was about to throw you under before he backed up and finished the job. Oh, and did we mentioned that he’s the half-brother of so-so pop star Ariana Grande? Don’t worry, he won’t let you forget that part.

Immortalize this walking, talking caricature this Halloween by frosting your tips hot pink, slipping into a pair of too-short shorts, layering a sequined faux-fur-collar vest over an American Apparel T-shirt, and flashing double sideways peace signs until you’ve effectively hypnotized your straight crush into questioning his sexuality.

(Uh huh. Some guys have all the luck.) Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and blogger whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He lives with his husband and their cuddle-buddy furbaby. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 237 | november 2014

the perils of petunia pap smear

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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negotiated Queertanic across State Street, and I thought to myself, that most likely this will be the busiest and most dangerous intersection I will undergo. So, as I picked up speed to about 15 mph, I let down my guard just a little and reached to change the radio station from that abominable wind bag, Rush Limbaugh. I successfully changed the station and the song “Sex Bomb” boomed through all eight stereophonic speakers.

Queertanic must have noticed her biological clock ticking, feeling the need to produce a Corvette or something, because as my eyes raised up from the radio, I was just in time to notice that Queertanic was going to try, in the finest farm animal fashion, to mount a Dodge Dakota that was standing stock still directly in front of us, in the left turn lane, seductively winking an eye at us. I had failed in my education of Queertanic because she obviously didn’t understand that an interspecies union of a Cadillac and a Dodge could produce nothing better than a brokedown Gremlin.

There was not enough time to apply the brakes to slow down the inertia of the “planetary mass” of the impending penetration, let alone spread enough lube to ease the entrance. Queertanic must have built up 18 years worth of sexual frustration, because I could swear there was a “Premature Airbag Deployment” at the first sniff of his tailpipe. It was as if I were watching a massive orgy in slow motion as I viewed Queertanic’s windshield being blown outward by the airbags, the Dakota lurching forward,

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to choir practice is fraught with danger and excitement.

I will let you in on a little secret. I am a size queen. Now before your imaginations run rampantly into the gutter, let me clarify, I am primarily a size queen about cars. Queertanic I, was a 1975 powder blue Buick Electra 225, the largest production vehicle General Motors ever produced. Oh the luxury.

Queertanic II was a 1990 Buick Roadmaster—oh the mechanical difficulties. Queertanic III was a 1992 Cadillac Sedan Deville. And Queertanic IV was a 1996 Cadillac Sedan Deville, gold package. I love living large.

Now keep in mind the sheer mass of Queertanic is sufficient enough to affect the tides.

When you add my Buttocks Abundass, Circumferencially Gifted Tummy, Size O-75 Breasticles and Beehive Hair, the combined gravitational mass is enough to pull Uranus out of orbit. The only real drawback driving Queertanic’s mobile luxury is that it’s nearly impossible to park within a quarter mile of any intended destination—oh and the price of gas. I practically have to take out a new mortgage every time I fill her up.

Two weeks ago, I was on my way to the Salt Lake Men’s Choir dress rehearsal, at which I was to put in a short guest appearance as Glinda, the Good Witch. (I know, this was a real casting stretch, but just deal with it!) So my best princess dress, beehive hair and ruby slippers were all safely ensconced in Queertanic’s capacious trunk. I was all a quiver with anticipation. I had just

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The road

gown and hair out of the trunk before the police arrived and still make it to dress rehearsal.

Fortunately, Mr. Pap Smear arrived, and we were able to surreptitiously transfer my precious cargo to his car before the police arrived.

As the very handsome police officer (I have a thing for a man in uniform) approached me, before he could say anything, or I could even swoon into his arms, I called out, “It was all my fault!” Well, of course I got a ticket. I was on the rear end of a four-car pileup.

As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. If I keep drawing Uranus toward me, does that mean I’m a top?

2. The guy driving the Chevy was cute. Should this become my new tactic to meet guys?

3. Could I sue Rush Limbaugh for being the cause of the accident?

4. The officer only cited me for “faulty lookout.” Do you think he let me off easy?

5. Should I teach courses in “The Queen’s Parade Wave” to the police academy’s traffic-control classes?

6. Since I was on the back end of four, does that make me a Power Bottom ... or Top?

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BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

thereby entering a Chevy truck, which in turn made a successful bump and grind with a Toyota 4 Runner.

In true post coital tradition, Queertanic went to sleep, but not before ejaculating copious amounts of battery acid all over the street, and announcing to the world her triumphant conquest as the four-part harmony of her quad horns rang out for over an hour.

Dazed and confused, I climbed out of the car and quickly checked the three other drivers to see if they were injured. Thank the Queen Mother Above, there was no blood, otherwise I’m pretty sure I would have passed out.

My only injury was a burn and bruise from the airbag hitting the arm that was reaching for the radio. I called 911, and then I directed the rush-hour traffic around the hulking, steaming, honking mass in the middle of the road. The traditional “Queen’s Parade Wave” was surprisingly effective for this.

I called Mr. Pap Smear and told him to leave work and come immediately. I have always had a recurring nightmare that I would be involved in an accident, where the police were involved, while in full costume and regalia. This was coming very close to such a nightmare.

As I was directing traffic, I nervously pondered how I was going to get the princess

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Chest • Half Back • Half Arm Abdomen • Brazilian • Full Face Offer expires 12/31/2014

coolsculpting body shaping Holiday Packages Begin at $595 Free item of equal or lesser value, Offer expires 12/31/2014