QSaltLake February 17, 2011

Utah’s News & Entertainment Magazine for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community | FREE

salt lake Issue 174 February 17, 2011

Religious Exemption Democratic Leader on Anti-Gay State Policies for Ogden Ordinances?

Whipping Block Cause Health Issues

Pygmalion’s ‘Well’ Heals

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Q staff

publisher/editor Michael Aaron

busine aiance

The Q Business Alliance is open to all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and ally business owners are invited to join and network with us.

Corporations, small businesses, sole proprietors and independent agents are welcome to join, regardless of sexual orientation.

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arts & entertainment editor Tony Hobday graphic designer Christian Allred contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn

Beltran, Turner Bitton, Dave Brousseau, Brad Di Iorio, Chef Drew Ellswroth, Greg Fox, H. Rachelle Graham, Bob Henline, Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Keith Orr, Petunia Pap-Smear, Anthony Paull, Steven Petrow, Hunter Richardson, Ruby Ridge, Ryan Shattuck, A.E. Storm, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams, Troy Williams, D’Anne Witkowski, Rex Wockner contributing photographers Ben

McAdams, Matt Spencer sales manager Brad Di Iorio office manager Tony Hobday distribution Brad Di Iorio, Ryan Benson, Michael Hamblin, Gary Horenkamp, Nancy Burkhart, Carlos Samayoa publisher

Salt Lick Publishing, LLC 1055 East 2100 South, ste 206 Salt Lake City, Utah 84106 tel: 801-649-6663 toll-free: 1-800-806-7357 for general information:

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editor@qsaltlake.com QSaltLake is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2011, Salt Lick Publishing LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Copies of

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T H E

B E N E F I T S

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Each third Friday of the month, a themed breakfast will be held at various restaurants in the Greater Wasatch Front with guest speakers and the ability to introduce your business and hand out company literature to other owners and professionals

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photograph of any individual or organiza-

J O I N I N G : Online Exposure through QSaltLake.com QSaltLake readers turn to our web site for help finding services in the community.

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Member Newsletter Promote your business, introduce new products and announce upcoming events to other Alliance members

Swag Bags Place marketing materials or samples in highly-sought “swag” bags or at tables at large community events through the year More We will be announcing more opportunities for members as the Alliance grows

tion in articles or advertising in QSaltLake is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons.

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FIRST PERSON

om the editor publisher Hats off to full circle

by Michael Aaron

W

HEN WE STARTED THIS LITTLE venture back in 2004, we planned big. We hired an editor, a sales manager, three salespeople, a full-time designer, several freelance writers who were paid the same rate as the Salt Lake Tribune, an office manager, and me as publisher.

As the years went by, we realized that, no matter how hard we tried and how good we were, we couldn’t sustain that level of staffing with the level of advertising revenue this valley will throw at a newspaper geared for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender community.

By 2006 my 401K was in shambles and we’d racked up credit card debt and a big bill at the press.

So, we began cut staffing one-by-one and I took on their workload. First the editor, so I became editor and publisher. Next, the full-time designer, so I became editor, publisher and designer.

Then all but one full-time writer. So I became editor, publisher, designer and co-writer. As many small business owners know, it doesn’t end there. There’s also web developer, computer technician, network administrator, event planner, human resource manager, coffee maker and custodian. That’s a lot of hats to wear.

While certainly one person can do all of that, but no person can do all of that well. And that includes me. What suffers is the quality of your product and the ability to look forward and make strategic business decisions and strategies. What does get attention is just the things that make themselves emergencies — computers that are down, a hacked Web site, a loom-

ing press deadline, a suddenly-announced press conference, a broken furnace.

None of those things make you any money; and none of those things better your product and allow you to look forward.

So, little by little, we began taking leaps of

Certainly one person can do all of that, but no person can do all of that well. And that includes me. faith. At one time there was two-and-a-half of us putting out 28 pages twice a month out of my living room. We decided no one would take a 28-page newspaper seriously, so we leapt to 40 pages, then 48. It worked.

We also decided we couldn’t continue working out of my house, so we leapt into a Sugar House office space (which luckily had rock-bottom rent at the time).

We then brought on a full-time salesperson.

Then a part-time designer.

The hats were coming off.

And now, we are announcing a number of other

leaps if faith that will start next quarter. Our columnists and photographers will be happy to read that we have come up with a pay scale for their contributions to this endeavor. While not full, competitive rates, it is a step in that direction.

We will also get back to our originally-planned press run of 10,000 copies — a minimum number required to get the attention of national advertisers.

Our largest leap of faith, however, is being taken this week. By the time this paper hits the streets, our new editor will have placed his coffee and pencil cups on the desk we set up for him and he will take the helm of the words that get printed in this publication.

Except mine, of course.

Seth Bracken has agreed to be QSaltLake’s new editor. He will be the fourth person to have taken on that title in our seven-year history.

Seth is a writer/reviewer for Tech Media Network, was an online editor at Deseret News, and about every role you can think of at the Utah Statesman — Utah State University’s student newspaper. He graduated from USU magna cum laude (I hear that’s good) and was fifth in his class and president of Cyprus High School.

In short, he’s a show-off.

Kinda like me. Except that magna cum laude stuff.

Me, I’ll be here as publisher, doing my publisher thing. I’ll have to Google what that means, exactly.

Most importantly, my neck will hopefully stop hurting from all that weight it’s been balancing.

The hats, that is. Not my enormous head. Q

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NATIONAL NEWS

Quips & Quotes

BY REX WOCKNER

Hawaii House passes civil-union bill The Hawaii House of Representatives passed a civil-union bill by a vote of 31–19 on Feb. 11.

It grants civil-union couples the same rights and responsibilities that come with marriage.

The measure already passed the Senate by a vote of 19-6 but will need to return there for approval of minor changes made in the House.

Gov. Neil Abercrombie has promised to sign the bill into law once it clears the Senate.

“Today is a great day for the people of Hawaii,” said Equality Hawaii Co-Chair Alan Spector. “The action taken by the House today sends a strong message that our state recognizes the importance of moving toward equality.”

Freedom to Marry President Evan Wolfson commented: “Hawaii’s Legislature acted to acknowledge the state’s loving and committed gay and lesbian couples and their families, and to provide them a measure of protections under the law — protections of particular importance during these tough economic times. This is a victory for all families because it strengthens the lives of many couples and their loved ones while taking nothing away from anyone else.”

Including Hawaii and Illinois, where a civil-union law will come into force in June, 14 states and Washington, D.C., now have expansive civil-union laws, allow same-sex marriage, or recognize other jurisdictions’ same-sex marriages (as marriages). Samesex marriage is legal in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and Washington, D.C. In addition, New York and Maryland recognize same-sex marriages from elsewhere in the nation or world. Civil-union or domestic-partnership laws that grant all state-level rights of marriage are in place in California, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon and Washington.

In Colorado, Hawaii, Maine and Wisconsin, there are laws that grant same-sex couples some of the rights of marriage. In Rhode Island, an attorney general opinion and a subsequent court ruling have resulted in limited recognition of same-sex marriages entered into elsewhere in the nation or world.

California is a further case unto itself.

Same-sex marriage was legal from June to November 2008, when voters amended the state constitution via Proposition 8 to put a stop to it. The couples who married then are still legally married, as are other samesex couples who live in California and were married anywhere in the world before Prop 8 passed. Gay couples who married somewhere else after Prop 8 passed, or who marry elsewhere in the future, receive every statelevel right and obligation of marriage in California except for the legal right to call their marriage a “marriage” when they are in California. They are not recognized under the state’s domestic-partnership law, but rather are married couples who are denied

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I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t be included in the next 20 individuals, Harvey is our legacy in the Castro.”

— Bevan Dufty, the San Francisco supervisor who represents the Castro, referencing Harvey Milk’s inclusion on the street’s new Rainbow Honor Walk of Fame

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use of the word “marriage.”

Eleven other nations allow same-sex couples to marry — Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway,

Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden and Mexico (where same-sex marriages are allowed only in the capital city but are recognized nationwide).

NH residents oppose repeal of same-sex marriage New Hampshire residents overwhelmingly oppose plans by some legislators to attempt to repeal the state’s 2009 law that legalized same-sex marriage, according to polling data released Feb. 9.

The Granite State Poll, sponsored by WMURTV and conducted by the University of New Hampshire Survey Center, found that only 29 percent of New Hampshire adults support repeal, 62 percent oppose repeal, and 9 percent are neutral on the matter or lack an opinion.

Pollsters questioned 520 randomly selected adults by telephone between Jan. 27 and Feb. 6. The margin of error was 4.3 percent.

In last November’s election, Republicans

took control of both houses of the Legislature and have enough seats to override vetoes by Democratic Gov. John Lynch.

Bills have been filed to repeal the marriage-equality law and to amend the state constitution to prohibit same-sex couples from marrying.

Four Republican senators or 32 Republican House members would need to join every Democrat in one or the other chamber to uphold a gubernatorial veto of any bill ending same-sex marriage. The Senate has 24 members, of who 19 now are Republican, and the House has 400 members, of who 298 are Republican.

Pro-discrimination bill introduced in Iowa House A homophobic bill introduced in the Iowa House of Representatives on Feb. 7 would allow “a religious corporation, association, educational institution, society, charity, or fraternal organization, or an individual employed by such an entity while acting in the scope of employment” to deny “services, accommodations, advantages, facilities, goods, or privileges for a purpose related to the solemnization or celebration of a marriage (if providing them) would cause such entity to violate the sincerely held religious beliefs to which the entity subscribes or such individual to violate the individual’s sincerely held religious beliefs.”

Iowa is one of five states where same-sex marriage is legal.

The “Religious Conscience Protection Act” (House Study Bill 50) also permits any individual, sole proprietor or small business to refuse to do “any of the following if doing so would cause the individual or sole proprietor to violate the individual’s or sole proprietor’s sincerely held religious beliefs or the small business to violate the sincerely held religious beliefs to which the small business

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subscribes.”

• “Provide goods or services that assist or promote the solemnization or celebration of a marriage, or provide counseling or other services that directly facilitate the perpetuation of a marriage.”

• “Provide benefits to the spouse of an employee.”

• “Provide housing to a married couple.”

• “Provide adoption or reproductive services.”

Even government employees would be permitted to withhold services as long as another employee or official is “promptly available and willing to provide the requested service without inconvenience or delay.”

But in the case of a “judicial officer authorized to solemnize marriage,” he or she can refuse to do so even if no other officer is available.

The bill defines a small business as one where the services are primarily performed by the owner, one that has no more than five employees, or one that rents housing but has no more than five units.

The bill is online at tinyurl.com/4u8oge8.

He does certainly have a certain affinity for gay rights issues ... but I think, first, that this is part of a larger affinity for liberal thought.”

— Ryan C. Reich, on his brother, Mitchell Reich, being elected the first openly gay president of the Harvard Law Review, as quoted by the The Harvard Crimson

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I think we have to stop shooting ourselves in the foot.”

— Colorado Springs, Colo., City Councilman Richard Skorman speaking about the city’s reputation for intolerance

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My own personal belief is that marriage should be between one man and one woman. ... I also believe that children are better [off] with married couples.”

— Utah Senator Pat Jones, D-Holladay, in opposition to SB62, second-parent adoption bill

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Our big fear is we’ll either be separated or have to move to another country.”

— Doug Gentry, whose husband, Alex Benshimol, is facing deportation because of an expired visa and because the U.S. government does not recognize same-sex unions

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We’re getting more and more staff as our programs grow. We’re at a point where we are busting at the seams, I think is a good way of putting it.”

— Utah Pride Center Development Director Marina Gomberg, referring to the possibilty of the center moving locations

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It’s very clear, given the political context from which [HB109] emerged, that it’s an attempt to repeal all of the municipal ordinances.”

— Clifford Rosky, an Equality Utah board member, fearing the impact of the Utah State bill on current medical directives between samesex partners

international briefs

busine aiance

Indian Supremes to hear appeal of ruling that legalized gay sex India’s Supreme Court on April 19 will hear an appeal of the Delhi High Court ruling that struck down the nation’s ban on gay sex in July 2009. At least two days of arguments are planned.

In striking down the ban nationally, the High Court “read down” Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code so that it no longer applies to the activities of consenting adults.

The section bans “carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal” under penalty of 10 years to life in prison.

The court said 377 violated a constitutional guarantee of equality under the law, a constitutional ban on discrimination based on sex, and constitutional promises of personal liberty and protection of life.

Q Business Alliance is a group of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and ally business owners who value our community and your business. QBA enhances, expands and works for the betterment of Salt Lake’s LGBT community.

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Canadian Parliament passes trans rights bill Canada’s House of Commons passed a bill Feb. 9 adding protections for gender identity and expression to the Canadian Human Rights Act and the Criminal Code.

“This kind of explicit reference within the CHRA would afford transgender, transsexual, cross-dresser, intersex, genderqueer, gender-nonconforming and gender-open individuals clearer protection against discrimination and help create a safer Canada for all,” said national LGBT lobby group Egale Canada.

The measure is now before the unelected Senate, which normally rubber-stamps House of Commons actions — though not always.

São Tomé and Príncipe to legalize gay sex São Tomé and Príncipe, an island nation located off the west coast of Africa, will decriminalize gay sex in upcoming revisions to its Criminal Code, its representatives said Jan. 31 at the country’s United Nations Universal Periodic Review session.

“Obviously there is a concern about sexual relations between persons of the same sex in our country,” the delegation said.

“Currently the Criminal Code goes back a very long way when the situation was entirely different and so the courts actually don’t apply the penalty anymore. So, despite what’s there in the text of the law, it’s not applicable because it runs counter to constitutional principles. The new Criminal Code which we’re drawing up does not penalize sexual relations between persons of the same sex.”

Christine Cardamon

Cynthia Fleming

801-661-9662 I am in the business of helping people and companies help their employees protect their assets for life’s unexpected events, such as serious injuries, illness or accidents. I do this through finding the proper health, life, longterm care, and supplemental insurance for personal needs. 20 years of experience serving 13 states.

801-363-7522 Salt Lake Acting Company,produces seasons of thoughtful, provocative, regional and world premieres; nurtures, supports and develops a community of professional artists; produces and supports emerging playwrights; and makes a significant contribution to our community and to the American theatre.

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City Homes Salt Lake

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Cody Derrick

801-724-7315 A straight Mormon girl from Utah County who helps people buy homes and save money. I’ve been doing mortgages for 11 years throughout the state of Utah. I’m a full-service lender. We fund and underwrite our own loans.

801-718-5555 City Homes Salt Lake would enjoy the opportunity to discuss representing you in the purchase and/or sale of Salt Lake real estate.

Contact us today to learn more about how you can partner with a leader in the Salt Lake real estate market.

John Bennett

Kelly Lake

801-583-2084 The Tenth East Senior Center is the oldest senior recreation center in Utah. Open Monday through Friday, we serve lunch and offer a multitude of activities for the active older adult, including Tai Chi, yoga, bridge, choir, computers and much more. We also host a monthly afternoon tea for SAGE Utah.

801-466-2537 At Le Croissant Catering, we understand and value all of the reasons that you hire a caterer.

Wedding catering, business meetings, social events, employee luncheons, funerals-each occasion means as much to us as it does to you.

We specialize in attention to detail, professional service and comfort food that’s all grown up.

Tenth East Senior Center

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More information at 801-649-6663 or QBusinessAlliance.com

Alphey.com

by Gus Herrero

Meeting “The One” has always been a particular issue among humans since the dawn of time. Is there an easier way to meet him or her?

Alphey.com is designed to help you meet single people and develop long-term, meaningful relationships.

But how does it work? It’s simple, said Mark Lawrence, the president of the online service. “Go to the website, create an account, answer a few questions about yourself and we will match you with people who are most Alphey.com owner compatible with you.”

Mark Lawrence The website, along with the questions that a user answers, has been developed by three well-known and specialized psychologists who had been working closely with the LGBT community.

According to Lawrence, people in the LGBT community want more than just a hook-up, they want to get better at creating and maintaining relationships.

When matched with a possible soul mate, religion, health, values, likes, etc, are very important aspects on the difficult, but not so impossible, process of meeting “The One.” Lawrence started the website because he believed there was a lack of online services that would help the LGBT community create bonds and relationships.

“I’ve noticed that the websites that are available in the market only focus on straight people, but what about us?” he said.

He also noticed that most of the websites available in the market refuse to offer services to gay people.

“To me, that was a way of discrimination,” he said. “Someone had to do something.”

After being online for just over four months, Alphey.com has helped people create strong bonds of friendship among the compatible users who desire to start something more meaningful in their lives.

“The website will help you meet ‘The One’ or make new friends along the way,” said Lawrence.

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LOC AL NEWS

Adoption bill likely dead, Dem. senator on the whipping block

By Michael Aaron

A vote by Utah Senate Assistant Minority Whip Pat Jones (D-Holladay/Olympus Cove) has one gay activist calling her a traitor, and another starting a nationwide petition against her.

Jones voted to table Senate Bill 62, that would have allowed for second-parent adoptions, during the Senate Health and Human Services Committee hearing.

“My own personal belief is that marriage should be between one man and one woman,” Jones said during the hearing. “I also believe that children are better with married couples.”

In subsequent radio interviews and at a town hall meeting, Jones stood by her comments.

“Let me just say that my district is Republican. In my past I have been a Republican delegate at times. I really consider myself a moderate. In some issues I lean more Republican and in others probably more Democrat,” she told radio station KVNU the day after the vote. “My area is really quite conservative.”

Jones won her Senate seat in 2006 with 56 percent of the vote and re-election in 2010 with 57 percent. All members of the House of Representatives who overlap her district are Democrats, including House 25 Joel Briscoe, House 36 Patrice Arent, House 37 Carol Moss, House 40 Lynn Hemingway, House 44 Tim Cosgrove and House 46 Marie Poulson.

Holladay Mayor Dennis Webb has donated to the Republican Party and Romney for President, but his office is nonpartisan and he has not declared his party.

At a town hall meeting the same week as the vote, much of the audience was supporters of gay and lesbian rights.

Ally Joe Watts spoke to participating legislators, saying, “I hope that whenever you have the chance that you can advance the cause of gay rights. It is time to stop the discrimination. Utah is one of only two states in the nation that doesn’t have adoption rights for gays. It’s time for us to make that commitment.”

Jones took the microphone, saying, “I know that many of you came for this issue.

I really do respect your passion on this issue,” she said. She acknowledged that many in the room were disappointed with her vote to table the motion and her comments on marriage and raising children in a traditional family structure. “Now, I did not say that single people can’t be good parents, and I didn’t say that gay and lesbian couples can’t be good parents. I said that in my view, it is optimum that [raising children] is in a traditional family. And I know that those views

reflect the majority of people in my area.”

“I guess we just have to agree to disagree on this issue,” she continued.

High-profile gay activists have made it clear that they disagree with Jones on this issue.

“As one of your constituents, I am deeply disappointed and hurt by your vote yesterday to refuse to allow gay people to adopt. All the scientific evidence shows that gay people make at least as good parents as anyone else, and your vote and the committee action will cause much harm, anxiety and pain in many Utah families! If one looks at the facts and puts irrational homophobia aside, there is no rational reason to deprive gay families of the protection of law,” wrote Equality Utah co-founder Jim Dabakis.

“Shame, shame, shame. You are a leader in the Democratic Party in the legislature — we expect more of you than Senator Buttars. Your reckless vote has hurt a lot of people to their very core.”

Philanthropist Bruce Bastian replied to the e-mail message with a note of his own: “May I add that if any of us has endorsed or supported you in the past, your vote will make us all seriously question endorsing or supporting you in the future.”

Indeed, Jones was absent from a list of Equality Utahendorsed candidates in the 2010 election cycle. She also received no donations from the group or any known gay activist.

In 2006, however, Jones did receive early campaign contributions from Equality Utah, the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund and several gay activists and allies.

Had Jones changed her vote, the bill would still have been tabled, as only Sen. Luz Robles, D-Salt Lake City, voted against tabling the measure.

The bill was not lifted from the table in the next two subsequent meetings, and therefore was sent back to the Senate Rules Committee, where it will likely stay through the end of the session.

Romero had hoped that he could adjust the bill to the committee’s liking.

“I would like to work with the members of

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the committee and see if there is an amendment I can make to their liking that still works to the general principles of the bill and move it forward,” Romero told the Daily Herald.

Any amendment that he would accept, however, would not include removing the

Q uni Therapist Workshop The LGBTQ-Affirmative Therapist Guild of Utah will hold an interactive workshop for mental health clinicians this March on the ethical and therapeutic options for treating clients experiencing conflicts between sexual orientation and religious background. The workshop will discuss issues including how to assist clients while respecting their cultural background and their right to self-determination.

WHEN: Mar. 4, 9 a.m.– 4:30 p.m.

WHERE: Highland Ridge Hospital, 7309 S. 180 West COST: $100–$150, $60 students.

INFO/REGISTRATION: Jim Struve at 801-364-5700, ex. 1

ROTC-SLC Open House After a much-needed break from our awesome 2010 season, Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps of Salt Lake City is starting back up very soon, so if you would like to a part of them in 2011 for a great time spinning a rifle, flag, saber or a baton; or just be a part of their support team then don’t hesitate to join. No experience needed to join, but must be at least 18 years old.

WHEN: Feb. 20, 11 a.m.– 2 p.m.

WHERE: West High School Gymnasium, 241 N. 300 West COST: $35 membership INFO/REGISTRATION: rotcslc.com

Pride Festival Needs Volunteers Volunteer leaders are instrumental in coordinating all aspects of the Utah Pride Festival. Leadership roles are needed for areas such as food, logistics and entertainment.

Applicants should have previous volunteer and management or logistical experience. You must be over 21 for leadership positions.

APPLY utahpridecenter.org. ability of gay and lesbian couples to adopt.

“I think that is the community that is most affected by the current status. It is important to realize that there are some people that will choose not to marry, but for those who are not able to marry, it really is the critical issue,” Romero told the paper.

A similar bill, House Bill 108 by Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck, D-Salt Lake City, has not yet been heard by any committee.

Boston activist Michael Jones started a Change.org petition demanding that Jones apologize for her vote and “affirm the rights of same-sex couples to raise children together in the state of Utah.” At press time the petition had 408 votes.

The Change.org petition can be found at http://bit.ly/fXuKfu

Kids Like Me There are many children in Utah whose gender expression fall outside of what is considered the norm. ‘Kids Like Me’ is a play group for gender-exceptional children and for children with gender-exceptional caregivers. The purpose of ‘Kids Like Me’ is not to label or pressure children into a particular gender identity but rather to create the opportunity for gender exceptional children to meet each other, make friends and realize they’re not alone.

WHEN: First Wednesday of each month, beginning July 7, 5–6:30 p.m.

WHERE: Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West INFO: Jude McNeil, 801-539-8800 x14

Religious exemption to Ogden’s non-discrimination ordinances?

By Bob Henline

For nearly a year now, the city of Ogden has been working toward passage of nondiscrimination ordinances similar to those in Salt Lake City and other Utah municipalities. Just at the culmination of this process, as the ordinances were ready to go to the City Council for a vote, a new proposal surfaced — a religious exemption clause.

This clause would allow employers Ogden Mayor Tom Godfrey and property owners to continue discriminatory practices if they claim that they are doing so on the basis of their religious beliefs.

As currently written, the ordinances only apply to businesses with more than 15 employees and property owners with more than four rental units.

Officially, no changes to the current language have been proposed, but according to James Humphreys, who has been involved in the process from the start, the Ogden City Attorney has contacted some members of the City Council to discuss their feelings about including the exemption. City Councilmember Amy Wicks indicated that she had not been contacted directly by the Mayor’s office or the City Attorney, or that lobbying of other councilmembers had taken place.

Though, including this clause will render the ordinances useless, according to Wicks, as anyone could claim religious beliefs as a basis for discriminatory practices. “We may as well not even have the ordinances if we do that.”

Including this new language in the ordinances creates a difficult situation for supporters, such as Humphreys, forcing them to potentially now stand against legislation that they have worked toward for years. There are many, such as Wicks and Humphreys, that are frustrated with these last-minute changes. Wicks stated that she “thought we came up with something that worked for Ogden in providing protections in housing and employment.” ”I believe it is imperative we have as close to a unanimous vote and approval from the mayor,” said Humphreys. “It is much easier to convince our (LGBT) community to trust the administrator appointed by the mayor if this happens. Should we have a 5–2 vote and give the mayor reason to veto and he does ... then we have to override the veto and force implementation.

Unfortunately this will make it that much harder to convince our community to trust that their concerns in these matters will be taken seriously. It is important we work hard to prevent this later scenario.”

Mayor Godfrey was unavailable for comment at press time, as were other members of the City Council and Pastor Mallinak of the Berean Baptist Church, who had expressed concerns regarding the ordinances.

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Ogden paper calls for states to ‘get out of the marriage business’ In response to Rep. Lavar Christensen’s “Family Policy” bill — HB 270 — the Ogden Standard Examiner editorial board has editorialized that all states should “get out of the marriage business.”

Calling Christensen’s draft “another unimportant bill,” the editorial board said it hopes the bill fails.

“Why in heaven’s name does Christensen want to push through sentiments that belong in a church, or in an individual’s conscience, into a secular body?” the editorial questions. “If we had $1 for every state legislative resolution that promoted morality or traditional marriage, we’d probably be able to fund a trip to Disneyland. There are so many more pressing issues.”

The board calls for Utah to “get out of the marriage business and reserve that ordinance for churches and other organizations.”

“In order to provide full legal protections for couples — both men and women and

same-sex — Utah could issue civil unions,” it states.

The editorial board says they are realistic, and that such a change will be a “long journey” before it happens.

“But if secular governments did get out of the marriage business, it would ease so many of the social tensions we suffer today, such as the heated debates over gay marriage and the anger at churches that oppose same-sex marriage rights in a secular government,” the board states. “Also, such a move would free churches — whether Latter-day Saint, Catholic, Metropolitan Community, Unitarian, Southern Baptist, etc. — to celebrate the sacred, spiritual promises, that those who have chosen to love each other for a lifetime make to each other and God. And, given that it wouldn’t potentially affect the rights of others, we’d support Christensen’s call to define marriage — within a church — as sanctioned by our creator.”

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LOC AL NEWS

Study: States with anti-gay adoption laws have more mental health issues Gay and lesbian couples who adopt children and live in states with anti-gay adoption laws are more susceptible to mental health issues in their first year as parents than those living in more accepting states, according to a new study.

Published in the February 2011 issue of the Journal of Counseling Psychology, the study showed that same-sex couples with children who are more supported by their family, workplace and neighbors had reported better mental health than those who did not.

The study, co-authored by Clark University assistant professor Dr. Abbie Goldberg and University of Massachusetts-Amherst’s Center for Research on Families methodological consultant JuliAnna Smith, is said to be the first to measure changes in anxiety and depression in same-sex couples during the first 12 months of adoptive child-rearing.

Fifty-two lesbian couples and 38 gay male couples were interviewed at three times over the first year of parenting an adopted child.

In Utah, any “person who is cohabiting in a relationship that is not in a legally valid and binding marriage” is prohibited from adopting children. This includes heterosexual couples, though those couples have the option of legally marrying to appease the law.

An effort to change that law had been tabled earlier this year by a committee of the Utah State House of Representatives.

Arkansas, Michigan, Mississippi, Nebraska and Utah have laws or policies restricting same-sex couples or unmarried couples from adopting. Many states, or jurisdictions within them, restrict secondparent adoptions, similar to Utah.

The report said that internalized homophobia caused a more severe change in mental health in states with negative attitudes about homosexuality.

“Our findings provide compelling evidence regarding the importance of consid-

ering the role of both enacted and internalized forms of stigma in sexual minorities’ mental health — particularly during the transition to parenthood,” Goldberg and Smith wrote in the report. “Interestingly, persons who reported high levels of homophobia and lived in states with unfavorable legal climates started out with high levels of depressive symptoms and showed the most dramatic increases in depressive and anxious symptoms over time.”

The study showed that parenthood tended to “render individuals’ sexuality more visible,” which would be “disconcerting for individuals who are not comfortable with their sexuality and who also live in communities that are intolerant of sexual minorities.”

“In contrast,” the report continued, “individuals with high levels of internalized homophobia who lived in states with favorable legal climates actually experienced decreases in depressive symptoms across the transition.”

Goldberg and Smith wrote that “counselors working with sexual minorities should be mindful of, and should possibly explore directly, the role of the broader legal context on sexual minorities’ mental health.

Furthermore, these findings suggest that counselors should consider their states’ legal climate alongside their clients’ level of comfort with their sexuality, as the two may interact in important ways.”

The study was the first to interview gay male adoptive parents, but mirrored findings published in the Journal of Homosexuality last month by Dr. Caitlin Ryan of San Francisco State’s Family Acceptance Project.

Ryan spoke of her research in January at a conference organized by the Utah Pride Center, as well as earlier conferences hosted by Affirmation and the Sunstone Symposium. Q The full report can be found at http://bit.ly/ eu679D

Q bi tracker BILL NO

TITLE

HB108 ADOPTION AMENDMENTS

SPONSOR

PRO/ANTI STATUS

Chavez-Houck

Pro

Not yet assigned to committee

HB109 RELIGIOUS LIBERTY RECOG. Christensen, L

Anti

Not yet assigned to committee

HB205 DOMESTIC/DATING VIOLENCE Ray

Neutral Not considered/Likely dead

HB269 COMM CHARACTER EDU.

Christensen, L

Anti

Not yet assigned to committee

HB270 FAMILY POLICY

Christensen, L

Anti

Not yet assigned to committee

SB062 SECOND PARENT ADOPTION Romero

Pro

Tabled in comm./Likely dead

SB148 FAIR HOUSING/EMPLOYMT McAdams

Pro

Not yet assigned to committee

SB170 WRONGFUL DEATH

Pro

In Rules Committee

Anti

Senate 2nd reading

SJR1

McAdams

STATE BD OF ED AUTHORITY Buttars

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Q A

Everything is on the table as Pride Center asks for feedback The Utah Pride Center needs your opinions on everything from programming to location.

Yes, even where the Center lives is up for reconsideration as they call for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or allies living throughout the Wasatch Front to participate in a comprehensive-needs assessment survey. A similar, more narrowly focused survey was last conducted in 2006.

The Center has been at its Marmalade neighborhood location for nearly 13 years and is bursting at the seams, says Development Director Marina Gomberg.

Housing its offices, a youth drop-in center, Marmalade Cafe and a few rooms for community groups to meet has every nook and cranny of the two-building campus stuffed to the gills.

But location is but one piece of the puzzle the Center hopes to get out of the survey.

How to better address the needs and wants of this changing and diverse community is another.

“Our community continually grows and matures, and with that comes a shift in needs and aspirations. It is our responsibility at the Utah Pride Center to understand those shifts and plan our programming, education and outreach accordingly,” said

Valerie Larabee, executive director. “We hope for widespread participation in our survey so that our road map for the future is informed and accountable to our community.”

Results of the survey will be used as a guide to help move the work of the Utah Pride Center and its affiliates toward better serving and satisfying the growing needs of Utah’s LGBTQ community, Larabee says.

The online survey first asks demographic questions, then respondents are asked to share their level of concern with a myriad of issues impacting Utah’s LGBTQ community, as well as their view of needed and desired programs and services for both the community and themselves as individuals.

In the final section of the survey, respondents are asked to articulate their vision for the future of the Center. One question, for example, asks respondents to dream about what programs and services a new Center might include, as well as where a new Center might be located.

The survey is located at: www.surveymonkey. com/s/utah_pride_center_community_survey and can be taken anonymously, but those who are willing to share their contact information will be entered into a drawing for prizes generously donated by friends of the Center.

PHOTOS: MATT SPENCER

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Rubén Orellana, right, speaks with members of Queer Spirit on a recent trip to Peru

Feb 19-25

Queer Spirit unites with the Andean shaman

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

In 2010, a local spiritual group for gay and bisexual men traveled to Peru in order to study the country’s culture and breathtaking vistas while working on personal spiritual development. This spring, they will repeat the exercise, but at home.

From May 13–15, Queer Spirit and cofounder Jerry Buie hosts “The Art of the Andean Shaman,” a workshop on the religion, culture and history of Peru, to be held at Buie’s home, and that is open to people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. Although a different mountain range than the Andes will serve as the backdrop for the three-day event, Buie said that he hopes people from all spiritual backgrounds and walks of life will take part. The workshop will be lead by Rubén Orellana, a Peruvian archaeologist and the head of archaeology at Macchu Pichu, one of the most significant Incan sites still standing. Orellana was one of the key facilitators of Queer Spirit’s 2010 trip to Peru, where he lead participants to Macchu Pichu and into the villages in the surrounding rain forest.

As in last year’s excursion, Orellana said that he will focus on Peruvian shamanic traditions and the way in which they relate not only to Peru’s people, but to the natural world at large.

“The man from his beginnings on the planet earth has looked for well-being. To possess physical good health, as well as mental and spiritual health,” wrote Orellana on Queer Spirit’s website, queerspirit.net.

“The healer appears from very early times, in the case of the Andean cultures he has an antiquity of more than 7,000 years, tradition that is practiced and has been conserved,” Orellana continued.

“Knowledge that nowadays allow us to

grow into spiritual beings of good health.

In Peru many traditions exist in relation to the ecosystem, where they have been developed, the different ethnic groups, basically ... we can speak of the healers of the jungle, coast and mountain that have adapted their techniques through the centuries.”

The event will begin with an evening session in which Orellana will teach participants about the different ethnic groups that formed the Incan Empire, including, as he described, “people of Collasuyo, Chinchaysuyo, Contisuyo and Antisuyo.” He will then describe the use of the healer’s altar and perform a ceremony with a gourd rattle, a power object used in many shamanic practices in the region, in order to help participants relax.

Starting at 10 a.m. on May 14, Orellana said he will teach participants about the tools used by healers in these shamanic traditions, and will allow participants to watch how they are made. Following a break for dinner after 4 p.m., he will discuss Peruvian archaeology, complete with slides from various sites. On May 15, Orellana will teach attendees about medicinal plants used in various ceremonies and further instruct them about the use of the rattle in traditional ancestral medicine.

Orellana has been a key participant in several excursions that Buie and Queer Spirit co-founder John Cottrell have lead to Peru. Cottrell and Buie held the first of these trips in 2007.

Space for the workshop is limited to 20–25 participants. Registration made before March 1 is $175 and $200 after. Participants will purchase meals on their own, but a potluck will be held. The workshop will be held at Buie’s home.

For more info and to register visit queerspirit.net.

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OURVIews

letters Ah ha!

Editor, When my family and I moved to Utah about three years ago, I was amazed at the amount of ignorance and bigotry being spewed concerning (what I consider to be a relatively easy-to-understand equal protection of the laws) secular equality issue.

I constantly asked myself, how can obviously intelligent people devolve into a pack of fear-mongering liars? What part of The Golden Rule do these so-called Christians not understand?

Understanding the Due Process Clause and the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, the concept of “similarly situated,” and the nuances of judicial scrutiny might be a bit harder.

In an “Ah ha!” moment of pure enlightenment earlier today, I believe I now understand why equality is such a difficult pill for many Utahns to swallow: Equality is a threat to the authoritarian social order created and perpetuated by conservative, traditional, “Christian” religion.

My moment of enlightenment came while reading Glenden Brown’s essay on the One Utah website (http://oneutah. org/2011/02/10/dallin-oaks-demandsspecial-rights-tradition-versus-modernity/#more-22842). Highly recommended!

Some Utahns are and probably will always remain ignorant (“pig-sex”) bigots. Some Utahns seem to be unwilling or unable to engage in an intellectually honest, rational

snaps & slaps SNAP: Straight Actors Playing Gay To name two, who are making a stir on screen and within the worldwide LGBT community: Darren Criss (Glee) and UK-star Cosmo Jarvis.

Jarvis, 21, is that totally cool kind of straight guy who has zero tolerance for homophobia and no problems at all kissing a guy when circumstances call for it. Cosmo’s latest gay role — and, yes, there is a kiss — he made a special Valentine’s Day movie just for AfterElton. Criss, 24, says of his need to ‘come out’ as straight to the world, “I think it’s more empowering to everybody, including myself, if I’m articulate about identifying myself as a straight male playing a gay discussion of these important, secular issues (“When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done.”). I can but hope that the ignorant and the unwilling eventually will be outnumbered by those who firmly believe in the rule of constitutional law and the ethical treatment of their neighbors.

David Sandy

Marriage is beneficial Editor, Same sex marriage has been a heavy topic between lawmakers and the LGBTQA community for quite a while now, especially in California after Proposition 8 passed restricting the recognition of marriage to oppositesex couples in 2008, and in Utah where the LDS church’s public support of the proposition prompted statewide protests.

I believe same-sex marriage should be an unalienable right, and as a gay man I helped promote these rallies against Proposition 8 and those who supported it. I’ve fought for equality and human rights for many years, but with recent events I’m being told that I’m undermining the gay rights movement and disrespecting the LGBTQ community.

Many people have voiced their disapproval over my recent marriage to one of my best friends who doesn’t identify as such, but is for all intents and purposes a lesbian woman.

We married for insurance benefits because we plan to have children and raise a family.

Our marriage has been the subject of controversy amongst the small group of people who know about it.

“I don’t think you represent the [gay] community appropriately,” said a friend of

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mine during a very lively and public debate, “[marriage] should be between people who love each other, not between a gay man and a lesbian.”

Marriage for the sake of love sounds old fashioned, but on the contrary it’s very modern. For centuries people have married for one benefit or another. Rather it’s a social benefit amongst royal families or the financial benefit in countries where fathers literally sell their daughters for marriage.

It’s still not uncommon in some parts of the world for marriages to be arranged for certain benefits, and love doesn’t write well into their contracts.

My wife and I may not love each other in a conventional manner but we do love and respect each other as friends, and it has always been my belief through equal rights rallies that the morality of marriage shouldn’t be measured or validated by sexual attraction.

We will have children and we will love them irrevocably, doesn’t this satisfy the argument that one should marry for love?

Many have argued that we are setting back the gay rights movement because we entered into a seemingly straight marriage. How is exploiting a traditionally straight institution for the benefit of a gay union disadvantageous to the gay rights movement? Are we to protest traditional (opposite-sex) marriage under the pretense that lawmakers give a rat’s ass if we get married or not?

My best friend and I married to ensure the best possible future for our family, and I believe that to be sufficient justification for any marriage, gay or straight.

Tristan Salt Lake City

character. “Ultimately, that’s more powerful for both communities.”

SLAP: Donald Trump The 64-year-old NYC billionaire and media personality, who is currently considering a run for president, first sparked controversy in 2009 when he backed up the Miss America titleist’s anti-gay marriage words on national television. Recently he discussed his conservative beliefs with Fox News and once again fires off condescending anti-gay rhetoric: “I’m just not in favor of gay marriage.

I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of gays, and I think it is great. But I’m not in favor of gay marriage.” Hey Trump, stop trying to save face, it’s unattractive enough as it is.

SLAP: Orange County, Calif.

Voters In a recent poll, Britney Spears was named “The Greatest Gay Icon of All Time,” by Orange County, Calif. voters — they must all be in the pre-pubescent age range and/or suffering from Disneyland delirium.

the straight line Perverting religious freedom

By Bob Henline

L

AST YEAR THE LDS CHURCH gained a good deal of positive press when it officially endorsed Salt Lake City’s anti-discrimination ordinances.

By many this was seen as a step toward a greater level of compassion and understanding from an organization commonly viewed as antagonistic on matters of LGBTQ equality.

While it is certainly important to give the LDS Church credit where due, itis equally important to call them out for bigoted and demeaning positions and statements. This too came to a head last year, when Elder Boyd K. Packer was criticized for his ridiculous and bigoted statements.

That event left many wondering where the LDS Church actually stands on matters of equality and civil liberties, given the apparent conflict between the Church’s official position and the statements of at least one of its leaders. On Feb, 4, 2011, in a speech at the Chapman University School of Law, LDS Apostle Dallin H. Oaks further demonstrated just how bigoted the LDS leadership is with respect to LGBTQ issues.

The official topic of Oaks’ speech was “Preserving Religious Freedom,” but it really should have been entitled “Perverting Religious Freedom,” as the entire speech was nothing but an attempt to demonstrate how religions, like his, are under attack in America because gays and lesbians want equal rights. That’s right folks, his freedom to believe how he will and to preach that belief is under assault because people want (and are demanding) equal treatment under the law.

Oaks argues that the freedom of religion clause contained in the First Amendment provides special protection to religious organizations because of its “pre-eminent place” as the first statement in the First Amendment. Given that, he says, religion becomes a more important protection than speech, assembly, the right to bear arms, due process, or any of the proceeding protections provided in the Bill of Rights and

subsequent amendments.

What I find even more interesting about his ridiculous assertions is the simple fact that “in the interest of time I will say no more about the establishment of religion, but only concentrate on the First Amendment’s direction that the United States shall have ‘no law [prohibiting] the free exercise [of religion].’” Why is it that these bigots always choose to ignore selected parts of writings or law, especially when those inconvenient parts interfere with their “logic?” What the establishment of religion clause means, Dallin old boy, is that the laws of this land are to be held apart from religious proscription. That Church and State are to be separate entities and that no Church (or group of churches) will have the authority to impose their views onto the rest of society.

That “insignificant” clause undermines every argument he attempts to make. Even funnier that it has, by his own logic, an even more important place, coming before the clause about the free exercise of religion.

Oaks provided a couple of examples in which religious liberty was “under fire.”

His first such example involved a case in New Jersey in which the United Methodist Church was penalized under state anti-discrimination laws for refusing to allow a same-sex wedding ceremony on their property. What Oaks failed to point out is the simple fact that the church in question was a participant in the New Jersey “Green Acres” program, which provides property tax breaks to participants and requires, in exchange, that the property be open to all, and that New Jersey’s anti-discrimination ordinances are followed.

This wasn’t a case of “gay rights” trumping those of a church. This was a case of a church participating in a program, reaping the financial rewards of doing so, and then attempting to violate the basic conditions of that program. Nobody said the United Methodist Church had to participate in

What Oaks, Packer, and the rest of the LDS leadership need to understand is that we all have rights, not just them

Green Acres, but when they chose to do so, and they took the associated tax benefits, they became contractually obligated to honor those anti-discrimination policies.

They made a choice, and that choice had consequences.

Oaks also referenced the case of professors at state universities in Illinois and Wisconsin that were fired or disciplined for speaking out about the “sinful” nature of homosexual conduct. Why is this considered an attack on religion? These are state employees, which means they need to adhere to state guidelines regarding conduct.

They didn’t do so. I am expected by my employer to adhere to certain standards, such as not drinking on the job (or even on company-sponsored travel) and maintaining certain standards of communication and dress in the office. Most of these policies I find to be overbearing and believe them to be driven by the religious beliefs of my employer. However, I choose to continue my employment, and as such, assume a responsibility to follow those policies. Professors at state universities assume the same such responsibility.

What Oaks, and other bigots of his ilk, are trying to do is to stir their religious followers into a frenzy such that they will follow along and oppose legislation designed to protect our brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community. It is the same mentality that precipitated such atrocities as the Salem Witch Trials, the Inquisition, and the Crusades.

Nobody is attacking Oaks’ religion. Nobody. What Oaks, Packer, and the rest of the LDS leadership need to understand is that we all have rights, not just them. And in no way, shape or form, do their rights

take precedence over anyone else’s. I don’t care if Oaks wants to stand on a street corner like Fred Phelps and shout anti-gay nonsense at the top of his lungs. He has that right. Packer has that right. The LDS Church has that right. Guess what? I also have the right to say, paraphrasing George Takei, “you sir, are a douchebag.” At least Phelps is being a bigot in the open, these clowns are hiding their ignorance and hatred behind the skirt of religious freedom.

The problem Oaks, Packer and others are running into is the nature of our lovely technological universe. They make some idiotic statement, and the next thing you know people around the world know just how backward and ignorant they are.

Folks, they’ve been saying this stuff for years, it’s only now that people are starting to call them out on it. And they don’t like it.

Yes, Dallin H. Oaks, you have the right to your beliefs, you have the right to express those beliefs in any way that doesn’t infringe upon the rights of any others. But when you attempt to legislate your beliefs and impose them on the rest of us, you’ve crossed the line. There are those of us that will call you on that, using our freedom of speech to do so. We’re all out here, and we’re paying attention. When you use your pulpit to marginalize teens and push them to (and beyond) the brink of suicide, we will call you out. We can’t hold you legally responsible, but we can hold you morally and ethically responsible, and we will do so. Q

Bob Henline is a straight man. Don’t hold that against him — he was born that way. He is also a professional author and editor. His blog can be read at nonpart.org, and he can be reached at bob@nonpart.org.

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OURVIEWS

mountain meadows mascara

Shake, shake, shake

By Ruby Ridge

H

OLA, MUFFINS! FOR THE FIRST time in the history of my “Mountain Meadows Mascara” column, I am co-publishing in Spanish. Is it because of the Federal Immigration debate?

The hateful anti-immigrant laws in Arizona, or the wanna-be-hateful bills in front of the Utah State Legislature right now? No, kittens, it’s none of these things. It’s just that I, Ruby Ridge, in my role as a community healer and Ambassador of Goodwill, really want to fill some cultural holes. Wait … that doesn’t sound right … But, oh well, darlings, you get my drift.

I’m here to talk about West Valley City

and their resolution to get their residents to speak English.

Now, petals, you know me. I have railed in the past about ugly, racist, anti-immigrant sentiments and punitive laws that not only don’t help in addressing the immigration problem, but actually make things much worse. But the way West Valley City has approached the English-language issue is rather inspiring. They recognize that speaking English increases a person’s chance of success, and a common language helps neighborhoods and local government function better. Given West Valley City’s diversity and the fact that 45 percent of the city residents are ethnic minorities, that

Muevelo, muevelo, muevelo

éxito y un lenguaje en común que ayude a los vecindarios y a los gobiernos locales a funcionar mucho mejor.

Dado que la ciudad de West Valley tiene una alta diversidad y el hecho de que el 45 por ciento de sus residentes son de etnias minoritarias, el aprender Inglés ha tenido que ser tomado en cuenta como una prioridad practica. Pero en vez de gritar “Aprendan Inglés bastardos o lárguense a su país”, la ciudad de West Valley ha empezado una simple iniciativa de asistencia a las personas que no hablan Inglés a sentirse mas cómodos con el uso del lenguaje y además los alienta a integrarse completamente a sus respectivos vecindarios.

A un mínimo costo, la ciudad de West Valley ha juntado toda clase de recursos en su sitio web (www.wvc-ut.gov) que ayuda a personas que no hablan Inglés todo tipo de conocimientos lingüísticos que van desde programas basados en estructuras de escuela hasta refugiados, programas religiosos y otro tipo de programas sin intención de lucro. Están también disponibles al pÚblico letreros o carteles para tiendas y negocios pequeños que dicen “¡Somos pacientes con los que están aprendiendo Inglés, siéntete libre de practicar!” Honestamente mis pastelitos, ¿no es ese acaso un mejor tono?

Pero aquí hay otras palabras de amor de mi parte, Ruby Ridge, para mis amigos y vecinos que hablan Español. ¡El aprender Inglés es un buen comienzo, pero hay algo mas fácil que ustedes pueden hacer y pueden empezar hoy mismo! Bueno a menos que este haciendo algo de trabajo en el Templo u otra cosa relacionada con su culto Mason, ¡Paren en este instante de hacer todas esas tan complicadas señales con las manos! Ustedes saben, “cogerse los

¡H

por Ruby Ridge, traducido por Gus Herrero

OLA, PANECILLOS! Por primera vez en la historia de mi columna “Mountain Meadows Mascara,” voy a co-publicarla tanto en Inglés como en Español. ¿Esto se debe acaso a el debate sobre Inmigración Federal? ¿O las leyes antimigrantes de Arizona o las cuasi leyes que se debaten en la legislatura del estado de Utah? No, mis queridos gatitos, no es ninguna de las razones antes mencionadas. Solo es que yo, Ruby Ridge, en mi rol de curadora de esta comunidad y Embajadora de Buena voluntad, quiero llenar algunos agujeros culturales que hay existentes. Esperen un momento ... ¡eso no sonó bien! ... pero oh en fin, mis queriditos, ustedes entienden de lo que estoy hablando.

Estoy aquí para hablar sobre la resolución de la ciudad de West Valley para que sus residentes hablen Inglés. Bueno, mis pétalos, ustedes me conocen. He criticado en el pasado contra todos los sentimientos racistas y anti-inmigrantes. Además también me he mostrado en contra de las leyes punitivas que no ayudan con el problema de la inmigración, sino que a su vez la tornan en un problema de mayor magnitud.

Pero la forma en que la ciudad de West Valley ha abordado el tema del aprendizaje del idioma Inglés es mucho mas que inspirador. Ellos reconocen que la habilidad de hablar Inglés incrementa las oportunidades que una persona tiene de obtener

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has to be a practical priority. But instead of screaming “learn English, you bastards, or go home,” the city has started a simple initiative to assist non-English speakers to become more comfortable using English, and encouraging them to integrate fully into their neighborhoods.

I can hear the critics already … naive?

Politically correct? Doomed to failure?

Who knows, it may be, but serious points to WVC for actually trying to do something positive rather than just armchair quarterbacking and bitching.

At minimal cost, the city has assembled all sorts of resources on their website (wvcut.gov) that teach non-English speakers language skills, ranging from school-based programs, to refugee, religious and nonprofit programs. They also have downloadable signs for retailers and small businesses that say “We are patient with English learners. Feel free to practice!” Seriously, cupcakes, isn’t that a much better tone?

But here are some other loving words of advice from me, Ruby Ridge, to my dedos, cubrirse el puno, cruzar los dedos y todo lo demás. ... Todos esos movimientos complicados que son increíblemente fastidiosos para todos nosotros los blancos por que: A) tenemos una terrible coordinación entre nuestros ojos y manos, no tenemos ritmo natural, y una completa falta de instintos naturales, entonces no sabemos como hacerlos, o de lo contrario sentimos mucha vergüenza de equivocarnos y de parecer completamente estupidos. Y B) Los afroamericanos lo han estado haciendo por muchos anos a nuestras espaldas y no nos han incluido en esto. Francamente, nos sentimos excluidos y no nos sentimos del todo amados. Hemos tenido que convivir con esto por el hecho de la esclavitud el blanco sobre el del color, pero ustedes mis queridos y picantes taquitos, han cruzado el borde por su propia decisión y esa es una historia totalmente distinta. ¿Además ustedes no han contribuido para nada con jugadores en la NBA o si?

Hablando desde mi corazón, mis queridos calabacitos, si veo sus caritas Latinas sonriendo en la iglesia, en el gimnasio, en Burger King o en la oficina postal, por favor sepan esto, ¡Estoy realmente feliz de verlos! Quiero llegar a conocerlos,darles la mano y decirles como les va.Entonces, para hacerme sentir mas cómodo, denme un tanto viejo y aburrido saludo de mano.

Con mi miedo de sentirme un tanto socialmente inepto, Estoy mas que dispuesto a perdonarles si empiezan a mutilar el Inglés peor que yo. ¡Todos salimos ganando! Q Ustedes pueden ver a Ruby Rigde en “Matrons of Mayhem” en toda su Gloria cada tercer viernes en el Bingo (cada tercer viernes del mes a las 7pm) en la Primera iglesia Bautista. (777 South 1300 East)

Spanish-speaking friends and neighbors.

Learning English is a great start but there is something far easier that you can do, and you can start today! Unless you are doing Temple work or you’re a Freemason from Sinaloa, stop it with that overly-complicated handshake thingy!

You know, that “grab the thumbs, cover the fist, link the fingers, release the grip and then slap the other person’s back of the hand” thingy. That flurry of movement is so incredibly annoying to us white folks because: A) We have lousy eye-hand coordination, no natural rhythm and a complete lack

Unless you are doing Temple work or you’re a Freemason from Sinaloa, stop it with that overlycomplicated handshake thingy!

of ethnic flair, so we either don’t know how to do it, or we are too embarrassed to do it for fear of screwing it up and looking retarded; and B) Black people have been doing it for years behind our backs and have left us out. Frankly, we feel excluded and we don’t feel loved. We’ve put up with it from black folks because of the whole slavery-whiteguilt thing, but you, my little spicy taquitos, crossed the border by your own choice so you’re a completely different story. Plus you haven’t exactly made a huge contribution to the NBA now have you?

Speaking from the heart, pumpkins, if I see your smiling Latin face at church, the gym, Burger King, or the post office, then please know this — I am genuinely happy to see you! I want to acknowledge you and shake your hand and say howdy. So, just to make me comfortable, give me an oldfashioned, boring, straight up and down handshake. With my fear of looking socially-inept safely behind me, I am more than ready to forgive you for mangling English worse than I do.

It’s a win-win for all of us! Q

You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem in all of their polyester glory at Third Friday Bingo (every Third Friday of the month at 7pm) at First Baptist Church (777 South 1300 East).

F

lambda lore My first gay

By Ben Williams

ORTY YEARS AGO THIS MONTH I met my first openly gay man. I was just shy of being 20 years old. He was 18 years old. It probably seems incredulous by today’s openness not to know a gay person, but forty years ago it was an entirely different world. Yes, I knew guys who enjoyed sex with other guys and I had heard of homosexuals, but I never really met one who was “overt” and practicing.

In high school no one would have ever admitted to being queer. Queer was the word used for boys who liked boys, not fag, or faggot, or especially even gay. Those words came later. Queer, pervert, and deviant was the general vernacular of Orange County, Calif., where I spent my youth.

I had been in love with a boy my senior year of high school but not once did I think of myself as queer. I had fooled around with the “boy next door” during my teenage years but neither one of us even remotely considered what we were doing as homosexual. However we knew never to talk about it. We also knew never to acknowledge any affection in our adolescent groping. It’s just stuff guys did with guys because there weren’t girls available.

How many times have I heard that line?

My sophomore year in college I had befriended a Mormon who as we became friends confided in me that he was in love with a boy. I also confided in him that I loved a boy. We only shared confidences with each other and no one else. The social stigma of being a sexual deviant was so abhorrent that we could not find a label to appropriately describe our feelings. Forty years ago there was no word for the love found between men; only terms to describe an abnormal physical desire that was termed by professionals as pathological.

But then I met Gary Bassin. Gary was a flamer. What was politely called being musical or theatrical. He embarrassed yet fascinated me. At the college I attended, the Humanities were all housed in a single building comingling Social Science students with philosophers, artists and thespians. Gary was a thespian; I, a Social Science student. In February 1971, my Mormon-artist friend Kent Larson hooked up with kids from the theater department and Gary, being young and vivacious, was the center of attention. Outrageously, he

announced to everyone he met that he was gay! With a capital ‘G.’ Now it really was not a secret to anyone. How could it be? Not the way he swished, strutted, fawned and flirted. Normally we would not have been so droll as to mention it, so we were aghast that he did!

I was not in the closet. Not really. I don’t think any of us were back then, for none of us had the self-realization that there was another reality other than the heterosexual one that was indoctrinated into us. Even though Gary was only two years younger than I, he was unshackled by heterosexual conventionality. Somehow he had caught the spirit of Liberation and he was not afraid. His fearlessness scared me. I loved being in any gathering where he dominated. Yet at the same time it frightened me.

I was afraid to be like him, effeminate, and yet I desired his being unfettered by moribund gender roles.

Gary eventually became the boyfriend of another theater major, a 26-year-old named Bob Wimberley. They called themselves gay — a word I never heard before in that peculiar context. Bob and Gary, over the course of my awakening to who I was, became my best friends. Bob taught me about Gay Liberation. He taught me that one could live as a homosexual in this world.

He chipped away at my turgid, middleclass protestant principles. He taught me that to be gay freed me of pretentious conformity and opened up a world of possibilities where there was no presuppositions to what role we had to play.

In 1971 gay consciousness was just emerging, and so was I. In the fall, I joined a fledgling Gay Student Union at Cal-State Fullerton, was “released” from my dorm contract because I was openly gay and could get no one to room with me, and continued to explore this gay identity. I attended a couple of services of Troy Perry who founded the Metropolitan Community Church, went to a club called Oil Can Harry where a boy asked me to dance. Imagine a boy asking me to dance in public!

Sadly there was no Yellow Brick Road to follow on my journey of self discovery.

I don’t think there is one for anybody.

Caught up in the carnival of the carnality of unbridled youthful passion, I could

John Cunningham, the boy I loved but never loved

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not make a connection between my brain, heart and courage. There was a fine line between Liberation and Libertine, and I was too young to discern the difference.

Also in 1971 there was no real support for gay awareness. The institutions had not been established yet, even within the newly awakened gay identity not yet a community. The infrastructure was not there. Being in college and being young is an extremely confusing time for anyone; especially for someone who identified with being gay. What did gay mean in 1971? No one really knew. We were all grasping at an ethereal concept which held that we no longer had to hide and be ashamed of who we were and who we loved.

John Cunningham, the boy I loved but never loved, joined the service at the end of 1971. I never saw him again. Being gay without being in love did not seem to have

any meaning for me after that. It was simply too hard balancing two worlds. So I quietly slipped back into my old dead space.

This time I was in a closet. At 20 years old I rejected that I was gay. Homosexuality may have been something I did but was not who I was. I spent the next 15 years deluded and soul-weary. Waiting.

Gary and Bob drifted out of my life after I decided to disassociate myself from those who could tempt me from the straight-andnarrow. Bob had once studied to become a minister. When I told him that I needed to find a spiritual path, he gave me his Bible.

I still have it today. There was a part of me that kept from disconnecting from my true self no matter how hard I tried. One was that I kept the love of John forever in my heart and the other was a Bible. In a locked secret place of my soul I knew that if I still loved John my gay spirit lived on. Q

OUR VIEWS

cr p of the w k Brent Bozell

By D’Anne Witkowski

‘H

OMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS” are at it again. Just when you thought it was safe to watch prime time TV, gay propagandists have taken airwaves and are doing everything they can to make teenagers gay.

At least that’s what Brent Bozell wants you to believe. This isn’t surprising, of course, since Bozell is the president of the Media Research Center, an organization that purports to seek “balance” in the media, but rather actually seeks dominance of Christian conservative views. Bozell blasted gay teen characters on TV in a recent column, writing, “If anyone doubts that our entertain-

ment industry and our entertainment media are evangelists for a revolution of sexual immorality (or in their lingo, ‘progress’), he needs only to read the latest cover story in Entertainment Weekly, a ‘special report’ on gay teen characters on TV.” The EW cover features Glee actors Chris Colfer and Darren Criss who play boyfriends on the show. Bozell is especially rankled by a scene that appeared in the show’s Christmas episode.

“Their most controversial scene was the two private-school boys singing ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ to each other on the Fox show,” Bozell writes. “The magazine touted this was the hottestselling track on the Glee Christmas album, which gives you a flavor of Hollywood’s reverence for that holy day.”

Bozell also notes that Colfer told EW, “That was the gayest thing that has ever been on TV, period.”

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Full disclosure: I have never watched Glee. I have no interest in it and I have a myriad of other ways to waste my time and life, thank you very much. But I obviously had a journalistic duty to watch the so-called “gayest thing that has ever been on TV.” And so I watched the clip on YouTube. And I have to say, I can understand Bozell’s concern. I mean, what on earth is Kurt (Colfer) doing with his tongue in this scene? Dude, you’re singing, you’re not eating an ice cream cone.

Put your tongue back in your face. And all of the coy eye-rolling. Yuck. I don’t understand why Blaine (Criss) wants him to stay. Colfer won a Golden Globe for this schmaltz?

Of course, Bozell’s problem isn’t with Glee’s quality of acting or the cheesiness of sentiment, but with the show’s inclusion of gay characters, specifically gay teens. This is, of course, the opposite problem I have with the show. I’m all for positive portrayals of gay teens on TV. I have no doubt that there are kids out there who watch Kurt and Blaine and, as a result, feel like they aren’t alone and that they’re OK. And that’s great.

Or terrible, if you’re Bozell. The EW story was nothing but propaganda, he says, because EW didn’t ask people like him — people who have had unfettered dissemination of their anti-gay rhetoric for far too long — to talk about how horrible gay people are.

“If this magazine weren’t so earnestly in the tank, the story could come with a disclaimer: ‘This issue is an advertisement bought and paid for by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation,’” Bozell writes.

Of course, Bozell believes that teenagers are only a stepping-stone to the real goal: babies.

“Parents should understand that their young children are the next propaganda targets,” he warns.

Oh, please. As if two gay teenagers singing a corny holiday song to each other on TV is just a stepping-stone to mandatory viewings of RuPaul’s Drag Race in kindergarten classrooms across the nation. And even if it did, that wouldn’t make kids gay. It might, however, make them a little more sassy. Q

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lipstick lesbian Time to feel sane

By H. Rachelle Graham

HEN YOU’RE MENTALLY ILL, HOLIDAYS can be a time to dread more than a severe case of the whooping cough. People with normal levels of serotonin, who never experience depression on a normal day, are kicked in the butt during “Singles Awareness Day” (Valentine’s Day) or “The Money Disappears Fast Month” (Christmas, Hanukkah) or the worst of all, “Gift For Another Wrinkle and Gray Hair Day” (New Year’s and Birthday).

Other than Halloween, the Super Bowl is the only holiday I can stand.

The main reason why is one important ingredient, junk food. It’s the only time of year nobody is going to complain or look at me like I’m an alien if I eat a large bag of M&M’s or Doritos. Plus, it’s the one night I don’t end up gaining so much holiday weight that people ask me what trimester I’m in, which happens to me at the end of the winter holiday season.

Though the biggest perk to this festive time of football is that I feel like the mentally healthy one. I don’t dress up in matching sweatshirts, caps and jeans and yell at the television screen so loudly it looks like I have steam rising from my head; neither do I throw food or jump up simultaneously to place my hand against the nearest sweaty palm. And this is coming from a non-alcohol drinking extended family. I can’t even imagine what its like to be around intoxicated people. I don’t even want to know the horrors of that experience.

Although I never pay any attention to which teams are playing or who received a concussion in the quarter, I do enjoy watching the commercials. In fact, it’s the only show where I don’t fast forward or mute the commercials since I love the hilarious talking penguins and the sobworthy Bud Light commercials.

But why I really watch the Super Bowl is the men in tight pants rubbing up against each other. Oh wait, I’m not a gay man.

Well, supposedly the men playing aren’t either. That’s a highly debatable philosophy though. I mean what better way to deal with closeted homoerotic tendencies than to appropriately get the chance to routinely slap each other on the ass without being labeled a queer.

Ever since I could put a cheerleading outfit on I’ve fallen in love with cheerleaders. Not sure why they are my forte, but something about a woman in a short skirt.

Moving into my apartment on Super Bowl day of all days, I managed it this year because I don’t even have basic TV stations yet. Unfortunately, I missed out on feeling like the mentally sane one. Instead I got to spend the time dancing around my apartment in my underwear Risky Businessstyle.

Oh well, at least my parents recorded the game so I could watch the smoking hot cheerleaders, beer-guzzling “animal-like” men and Christina Augilar’s national anthem screw-up. Finally my holiday sanity will come back around. Q

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UtahGaySkiweeks

Ski, swim and socialize with QUAC the weekend T

he Queer Utah Aquatic Club’s annual swim, water polo, ski and snowshoe weekend will be held Feb. 18–20. Although there will be a few changes, the event is still welcoming swimmers from all over the country to socialize, compete in water sports, and enjoy Utah’s cool winter and snowy hills. The weekend draws so many visitors from out of state thanks to QUAC’s growing fame in gay and lesbian sporting circles, and thanks in part to the QUAC water polo team’s gold medal win at last year’s Gay Games.

“The QUAC Ski-n-Swim is primarily an annual celebration and competition for our members and guests,” said Scott Chaffin, lead organizer of Ski-n-Swim 2011. “Any additional revenue or fundraising success is a welcome addition to our club’s annual expenses.”

Ski-n-Swim is organized by volunteer members of QUAC and local businesses who donate venues, services and products to pull off the annual event. Chaffin, who joined QUAC two-and-a-half years ago, and describes himself as an intermediate swimmer, was asked to head up the planning of Ski-n-Swim 2011, with the help of past organizer, Milan Jendrisek. They were also helped by QUAC Vice President Lisa LeDuc and members Peter Sorenson, Sterling Furiham, Jeffrey Wood and Thad Applegate.

“It’s OK to call Ski-n-Swim a fundraiser, but it usually turns out to be a more break-evener. Our main goal is not raising dollars, but we want to host a fun community event,” said LeDuc, who is a QUAC water polo player. “Also, we have many friends and teams from out of state that come to ‘SNS’ every year and former QUACers that have moved away that come back to visit.”

Expected guests this year include gay-friendly swim team Denver SQUIDS, Utah State University’s swim club and members of Utah Masters Swimming. Past QUAC members will also be in attendance along with individual swimmers from gay or lesbian swim clubs. Local Utahns have had the opportunity to register online to compete at the swim meet or water polo tourney and

Ski-n-swim events Friday February 18 8:00 pm Opening social Frida Bistro, Come and get the party started. Join us for another get together with old and new friends, get fired up for a great weekend.

Saturday, February 19 9:00 am Swim meet Fairmont Aquatic Center, warm-ups start at 9am, competition starts at 10am. Get ready for an awesome swimming competition. Register to compete. If you want to cheer, just come support your swimmers!

to register for all social events that are a part of the weekend.

Spectators are also welcome to watch Saturday’s swim meet and water polo tourney free of charge.

One change this year is where the QUAC’s swim meet will be held. In the past, both the swim meet and water polo tournament had been held at the same location.

“We’re excited to hold this year’s swim event at the Fairmont Pool.

It only makes sense as this is our ‘home’ pool and we’re pleased to welcome guests and competitors to ‘our place’ and where we’re most comfortable,” said Chaffin, referring to QUAC’s regular practice pool.

“We’ve held our annual swim meets at a number of places over the years, but this time we’re glad to be home.”

QUAC’s water polo tournament will be held at the Steiner Aquatic Center. Instead of full-team scrimmages, individuals who would like to play signed up as individual players on QUAC’s website, and plans are to run a three-on-three tournament.

“The water polo tournament is at Steiner at 1 p.m. and we’re trying something different this year,” said LeDuc. “Not a whole lot of out-of-towners are participating this year except a few individual members from Colorado and California teams. They have signed up and we’ll put them on a team according to their ability to make the teams fair.”

Ski-n-Swim’s social events start Friday with an opening social at Frida Bistro restaurant which will begin at 8.p.m.

“Every year we look for fun and innovative locations for our events,” said Chaffin. “The QUAC planning committee approached Frida Bistro, and the staff there has been accommodating and excited to work with QUAC to present a great opening event. Don’t forget that the opening night party continues later that night at JAM where we will socialize, catch up and enjoy some great entertainment.”

JAM will be providing the sounds of their weekend, featuring early evening warm-up mix-master DJ Harry Cross, Jr. at Frida

1:00 pm Water polo tournament Salt Lake City Sports Completex aka Steiner. Please, register to compete. If you want to cheer, just come and support your water polo team!

6–8:00 pm Hosted dinners Join one of our gracious hosts for a fabulous meal and enjoy company of great friends. You will receive your host assignment at the opening social.

9:00 pm - 2:00 am Park City - Cherry pop Park City Join Elevation:Utah gay ski weekend for a fabulous night of partying. Please, visit the Elevation website for tickets and more info.

1 8 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 7 4 | F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1

Sunday February 20 Park City — Ski & snowboard day Get ready for the best powder in the world at Park City Mountain Resort! Enjoy a tasty lunch with us in our ski-in and ski-out room at Lodge at the Mountain Village, right off the slopes. Please register.

4–7:00 PM Park City Apres-Ski with Elevation:Utah gay ski weekend. After you done with awesome day on the slopes, come and have a drink with all the other guys before the party starts! Please, visit the Elevation website for tickets and more info.

7–9:00 PM Closing social Club JAM, Come and close with us the fabulous weekend. Join us at JAM for drinks, music and good times.

Bistro for those who have signed up for the QUAC party-pass online. JAM will also welcome both QUACers and the general public to their Marmalade home for a special performance by Morgan McMichaels, a contestant on season two of RuPaul’s Drag Race, at 11 p.m. McMichaels is ready to light up Salt Lake City’s winter sky afire with dancing, singing, lip-syncing and generally entertaining the crowd with her saucy attitude. Entrance to McMichael’s performance is $10.

Saturday swimmers will begin warm-ups at 9 a.m. The swim tournament will begin at 10 a.m. This year, QUAC has planned hosted dinner parties at QUAC member and QUAC supporters’ homes on Saturday night.

Also on Saturday night, QUACers are encouraged to support Elevation Utah 2011’s Cherry Pop party at Sidecar in Park City, featuring visiting Los Angeles DJ Brynn Taylor.

“Tom Whitman of Elevation Utah approached QUAC early on about the two simultaneous events and we ultimately agreed to move our Ski Day to Park City to provide some synergy between the two events,” said Chaffin. “QUAC has scheduled most of our events at a time that allow Ski-n-Swim participants to attend many of the Elevation Utah events, and we encourage people to make the most of both.”

The ski day has moved to Park City on Sunday and it will run pretty much the same as it always has. The Park City Mountain Resort has provided QUAC with a single-day ticket price for those who signed up on the QUAC website for skiing and snowboarding.

The hospitality room will be provided by The Lodge at Mountain Village with a catered lunch by Mountain Thyme Catering.

As of press time, snowshoeing details were still being planned.

Elevation Utah’s Sunday après-ski party is from 4–7 p.m. at The Spur in Park City. It will be followed by the official Ski-n-Swim closing party at JAM in Salt Lake City from 7–9 p.m., which will in turn be followed by JAM’s new Sunday karaoke night.

“There will be a drawing for door prizes that include a snowboard, gift certificates, massage certificates and other items,” said Chaffin. “We’ll make a few presentations and have on-screen pictures from throughout the weekend by David Daniels.”

Chaffin also mentioned that JAM will not be providing food for Sunday night’s closing social.

“I’m looking forward to a great weekend to celebrate our collective and individual achievements as an organized team of QUAC swimmers, to renew bonds and friendships with each other, our guests and the LGBT community as well. We’re proud of QUAC’s reputation in our community and our principle of welcoming swimmers of any age, any gender and any ability for our mutual benefit,” Chaffin said.

QUAC is an adult, amateur, non-profit swim and water polo club that welcomes all adult participants, regardless of athletic level, age, gender identity or sexual orientation. The QUAC swim club maintains practice 360 days a year and a full schedule of practice times and locations for its swimming, water polo and multisport teams can be found at quacquac.org.

Fairmont Aquatic Center is located in Sugar House at 1044 E. Sugarmont Dr. (2225 South). Steiner Aquatic Center is located at 645 S. Guardsman Way on the University of Utah campus. The Lodge at Mountain Village is located at 1415 Lowell Ave., Park City. Q

QUAC water polo team’s local, national fame

By JoSelle Vanderhooft

L

IKE MANY MEMBERS OF THE Queer Utah Aquatic Club, Patrick Hayes has had a life-long interest in swimming, having taken up the sport as a child with his three brothers in Southern California.

“Our parents started us on swimming lessons so we wouldn’t drown when we went to the beach. My mother saw that it tired us out, so we were easy to manage,” laughed Hayes. “She saw the benefits of it and we all shared some promise in it, and we liked it as well.”

Hayes said that he and his brothers naturally gravitated toward water polo when they entered high school, thanks to a childhood spent in the water.

“It was natural for us since we were all swimmers,” he said. “When water polo was introduced in our lives, we followed through.”

Hayes continued the sport throughout college, as a member of the University of Utah’s water polo team (“We really just had a team to keep water polo as a Division 1 sport, because teams were kind of falling away,” he explained.). Then after several years of coaching a number of local

high school teams, Hayes said that QUAC asked him to start up its water polo team in 2003 in cooperation with coach Andrew Hunt.

“We built the team up to 15 or 16 players and it’s gone from there,” he said.

QUAC’s water polo team has gone to some impressive places as well. At first, said Hayes, a number of interested swimmers left after the first few practices, having not realized “how physical” the sport would be. But after QUAC put out a call for players to Utah’s water polo community at-large, Hayes said that the team soon came together. And as the years went on, experienced players from college water polo teams like the University of Utah’s also joined, adding to the team’s strength and speed.

Soon enough, this diverse team was winning not only international competitions, but the attention of water polo enthusiasts around the world. In 2007, the team took first place at the International Gay & Lesbian Aquatics championship in Paris and took a silver medal home from Chicago’s Gay Games in 2006, where they lost to West Hollywood’s team — the team that has

been their strongest rival since. Nonetheless, QUAC took home the gold at the Gay Games VIII in Cologne, Germany last year.

“We’re pretty much considered a favorite when we show up,” said Hayes.

While QUAC accepts members of all sexual orientations and gender identities, the “queer” in its name has often lead people to think that it’s a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender-only swimming organization. Hayes, who identifies as straight, said this is not the case.

“When we first started, the only straight people were myself and Andrew,” he said. “They [the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender players] were more worried about me accepting them. They didn’t want to impose on me, which I thought was funny because I was fine [with them].”

Today, Hayes said that the water polo team is “about one-third gay” and includes men and women.

While water polo is an intense sport, as the team’s first players soon found out, this does not mean that only experienced players need apply.

The team holds clinics in autumn, said Hayes, “to introduce new players to bring them in slowly.”

These clinics teach participants everything from how to pick up the ball and shoot it, to how to successfully maneuver around other players.

“If you’re not that good of a swimmer, it can be difficult because it’s a difficult sport,” he said. “So if you’re not used to that it can be very

intimidating.”

At the same time, however, Hayes noted that the water polo team’s multiple wins have been forcing QUAC to think about how to remain inclusive without disappointing people who are interested in competing.

“It’s a continuing process,” he said. “QUAC’s mission is to be inclusive. It’s not really about being competitive or winning, but they do get a lot of joy [from winning], and there’s a lot of pride in water polo championship. But [winning] is not QUAC’s mission, it’s more of a side benefit.”

And Hayes and his team both hope to take pride in more games throughout 2011 and 2012, including the IGLA Championships in Hawaii this summer. However, Hayes also said he and the team are proud of the growing attention they’ve been receiving from Utah’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community.

During a 2010 demonstration at Temple Square held to protest anti-gay remarks made by LDS Apostle Boyd K. Packer, Hayes said that several protesters recognized him and other members of the team.

“I had several people come up to me and tell me that they knew we’d won the Gay Games and how excited they were,” he said. “That happens more and more on a continuing basis. We’re becoming very recognizable.”

For more information about the water polo team visit quacquac.org. Q

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UTAHGAYSKIWEEKS

QUAC goes multisport To most sport-enthusiast Utahns, the Queer Utah Aquatic Club is just that: a club for people who love swimming, water polo and all things related to the pool. But starting this year, the club will put its toes out of the water and onto not just the ice of its annual Ski-N-Swim, but onto the track and bike path.

QUAC’s Multisport Division will allow members to participate in events where swimming is just one part of the equation, said Devin Hirschi, the division’s current leader.

Multisport, he explained, are events where participants do more than just one activity, such as swimming, mountain biking and relay or marathon racing. Some Utah multisport events include the Cache Valley Classic Triathlon, the Echo Triathlon and the Utah Valley Half Marathon, which he describes as “half iron man and half marathon.”

Although QUAC members have enjoyed and excelled in such events for years, the club did not start focusing on them until 2010, under the guidance of Charlie Ward, a member of QUAC’s board of directors. As 2011 approached, Hirschi said he began talking to Ward about the many events that QUAC triathletes and ironman enthusiasts could participate in, a process which eventually lead the club to name Hirschi as captain of its fledgling team.

While Utah has its share of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer-friendly sports groups including the Mountain West Flag Football League, SkiOUT Utah and teams from everything from baseball to bowling, Hirschi said that no one had really tried to put together a multisport group.

“There’s a lot of people with an interest, but they don’t know where to start,” he said.

And that’s where Hirschi would like to help.

Although multisport events have a reputation for being physically grueling, Hirschi said that he would like to work with athletes of various individual skill levels. He added that he would like to see people of all abilities training together on things such as group bike rides and runs.

“Hopefully I can organize teams,” he said, noting that he himself is planning on competing this year in Emmett’s Most Excellent Triathlon in Idaho, and in similar events in Logan and Hyrum.“Currently, I’m creating a blog where I’ll post events, and where we’ll reach out to QUAC and [Utah’s] multisport community,” he said. At press time, the blog was under construction.

“I feel like the guinea pig as far as organization goes, because nothing’s been put out there before, really. It’s kind of exciting,” he continued.

QUAC Multisport Division Leader Devin Hirschi Although people of all skill levels are welcome to attend the multisport group, a fact which is in line with QUAC’s focus on inclusivity, multisport events are intense, nonetheless.

It’s this intensity that Hirschi said drew him to these sorts of competitions.

“I’ve always been a fan of participating in sports,” he said, noting that he began swimming and running in high school and took up

biking and triathlons as a college student. “I get adrenaline out of it.”

So far, Hirschi said that he has received a lot of interest from QUAC members and non-QUAC multisport participants of all sexes and sexual orientations.

For more information about the multisport team, visit quacquac.org, and click on“multisports.”

Ski & Swim 2011

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Feb. 18 – Opening Social Feb. 19 – Swim Meet Water Polo Hosted Dinner Parties Elevation Utah Party Feb. 20 – Park City Mountain Skiing Closing Social

I WON’T HAVE A SISTER WHO IS A LAZY IGNORAMUS. MARCH 12 LITTLE WOMEN | 7:30 PM CAPITOL THEATRE AFTER PARTY | 10:30 PM BAMBARA Take one of America’s most beloved novels, add music, and what do you have? A perfect evening with Adamo’s operatic hit Little Women adapted from Alcott’s novel. You’ll laugh and cry at the experiences of the March sisters.

FOR $35 VIVACE TICKETS, CALL 801-533-NOTE (6683) OR VISIT USUO.ORG/VIVACE

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WEDDING GIVE AWAY

Our Wedding Winners are Busy Making Decisions

A WEDDING IS GENERALLY AN OVERWHELMING EVENT TO PUT TOGETHER, BUT DO IT IN A COMPRESSED TIMELINE (SIX WEEKS), AND YOU HAVE STRESS GALORE. DETAILS ARE STILL BEING WORKED OUT ON VENUES, CATERERS, CLOTHIERS AND THE LIKE, BUT THE COUPLE HAS CHOSEN A PHOTOGRAPHER AND PRINTER FOR THEIR INVITATIONS AND AN OFFICIANT TO MARRY THEM. AS PROMISED, HERE IS AN UPDATE ON THEIR PROGRESS.

Invitation Photographer:

Spring Photography Kamrin and Manuel chose Spring Allen of Spring Photography to shoot photos for their wedding announcements. The couple met Spring through the Oneness Center for Spiritual Living and she has been the family’s photographer for over five years “I love life and I love to capture the magic of it with my camera. It is truly my passion, for time no longer exists when I am holding my camera and connected to the experience of my subject,” Allen says. “My motto is to find the love and bring it into light. I have long treasured the unforgettable fleeting moments of love and the beauty that life offers. I treasure and know now, more than ever before, how precious these images become when time carries on.”

The trio headed out to the Great Salt Lake right around sunset and snapped away.

Spring even went as far as to put the photos together similar to an announcement the couple liked.

Spring can be found at SpringPhotography.com or at 801-244-7294

Invitation Printer:

Salt Lick Printing QSaltLake has branched out into short-run printing, as well as printing programs for arts organizations and other events. Of course we had to take care of the invitations for our lucky couple.

Since we specialize in shorter runs due to the technology of our printer, we can save money for people and businesses which need less than 1000 prints. Rather than go to the expense of plates and ink, our digital press prints each page as an original.

Also, because we don’t need to run hundreds of copies to calibration the press, our process is better on the environment as well as the pocketbook.

The next time you need invitations, business cards, postcards, flyers or posters, consider using friends you know — us!

Salt Lick Printing can be found at SaltLickPrinting.com or at 801649-6663 ext 113

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Wedding Officiant:

Rev. Nicole Merges Kamrin and Manuel have chosen a friend, Nicole Merges, to perform the ceremony. Kamrin met Nicole six years ago while she was a teacher’s assistant for the Foundations of Science of Mind class he was taking. They attended their graduations together in 2009, he as a licensed practitioner and she as a minister.

This will be the first same-sex ceremony she will officiate and she says she is thrilled at the opportunity.

“On the outside same-sex unions may appear different, but I believe in the unity of all life and that every person is a child of God,” she said. “There is not anything that would exclude them from being a child of God — not sexual preference, relationship choices or any other fact about their human condition or their experience of life.”

“What I am interested in as a minister is the inner reality of a person’s experience, being and/or becoming conscious of our choices and living our life in integrity and being the best ‘you,’” she continued. “When we transform our lives for the better, it supports creating a better world for us to live in. For this reason, I support love and same-sex unions, and believe in the power of ceremony and ritual and the sanctity of commitment for those who love each other and want to share their lives together.”

Merges is a minister for the Oneness Center for Spiritual Living, a New Thought philosophy based on the Science of Mind philosophy written by Dr. Ernest Holmes. The philosophy integrates spiritual truths with science and philosophy and teaches the unity of all life.

Put another way, she said, the philosophy teaches, “as you think, so you become.”

The Oneness Center for Spiritual Living is a new community that opened their doors in October, 2010. They meet at Lotus, a gemstore at 12896 S. Pony Express Rd., in Draper.

Merges became interested in the Oneness Center in 2001 — a week after September 11 — when she was looking for answers.

“I attended a Science of Mind center at the referral of a friend and the message resonated with me so much that I felt like I had come home,” she explained. “Soon after, I found myself enrolled in the classes and applying the teachings of this philosophy to my life, and it changed my life. I felt the call to be a minister, and after eight years of study, I graduated in 2009 and became a licensed minister of the Science of Mind philosophy.”

“I bless each one of us living an authentic life of Freedom and in creating a world that works for everyone,” she said.

The Oneness Center for Spiritual Living is at 801-613-0275 or onenesscsl.org

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM WITH GUEST CONDUCTOR NICHOLAS MCGEGAN AND GUEST NARRATORS FROM THE UTAH SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL

FEBRUARY 25–26 | 8 PM ABRAVANEL HALL Experience a musical version one of Shakespeare’s most popular stories as Mendelssohn captures an enchanted night of mischievous fairies, young lovers, and the brays of a donkey.

TICKETS START AT $15. CALL 801-355-ARTS (2787) OR VISIT UTAHSYMPHONY.ORG.

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ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT

gay agenda

Ultra-Violet Sound See Feb 24

What’s in a colon?

by Tony Hobday

In punctuation you sickos! And don’t dare say it’s the the eyes of a smiley face, I might have to go all Jersey Shore-Sammi on you.

17

THURSDAY — The Off

Broadway Theatre presents a parody of the musical The Phantom of the Opera aptly called THE PHANTOM OF THE OBT. Strange deaths happen to those who don’t follow the bidding of the Phantom. Watch the goofiness, through the OBT flair, as love blossoms between a returned missionary and his long-lost love — whom I’m guessing is LaVar Christensen.

7:30pm, currently through March 19, The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main St. Tickets $8–16, 801-355-4628 or theobt.org.

Q The University of Utah’s Department of Ballet presents BALLET ENSEMBLE performing an excerpt from Val Caniparoli’s Lamberena, as well as several other renowned and awardwinning pieces. Directed by Bené Arnold, chair of the Department of Ballet, the company will perform ballets from Peter Christie, Stevan Noakovitch, Shaun Ricks, Edward Truit and Regina Zarhin.

7:30pm, through Saturday, Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, UofU. Tickets $7–10, 801581-7100 or kingtix.com.

18

FRIDAY — Ok, so she’s not

all that popular in the Utah gay community — I’ve heard things like she’s “annoying,” “her lyrics are stupid” and “I can’t stand her!” But you have to admit the songs are catchy and you can’t help but grind to them, right? I’m going to give KE$HA the benefit of the doubt, and say go see her in concert, you may be pleasantly surprised, and if not then you can egg my car — it’s always parked in the Club Try-Angles parking lot.

8pm, Saltair, 12408 W. Salt Air Dr., Magna. Tickets $27/adv–30/day of show, 801-467-8499 or smithstix.com.

Q Jerry Steichen returns with the Utah Symphony, conducting BRAVO BROADWAY: THE WICKED DIVAS!, a sure-fire gay extravaganza featuring stars from Broadway’s cast of Wicked, the fabulous untold story of the witches of Oz. This concert will also include hits from other Broadway favorites including Chicago, Spamalot and The Phantom of the Opera.

8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $38–85, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

Q Pioneer Theatre Company presents the world premiere of Bess Wohl’s IN, as part of the comapny’s New Play Initiative. Sara is working as a tutor helping the children of wealthy families. She is hired to tutor Jordy, the charming but underachieving son of

Pammie, a driven socialite who is determined to see her son admitted to Harvard. As the play progresses, the dreams, ambitions and loneliness of all three come to light as each struggles to get “in” — to belong to something or someone greater than themselves.

7:30pm, through March 5, Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $24–42, 801-581-6961 or pioneertheatre.org.

21

MONDAY —

Damn! These Heels, Utah’s LGBT summer film festival, presents their annual fundraising event that helps to bring in movies and to organize the four-day June event. This year, think Rocky Horror meets Xanadu, in TRANADU — who would ever forego a sexual revelation on skates? Sweet bejesus!

The evening will be hosted by Princess Kennedy, Sister Dottie S. Dixon and others.

7pm, Tower Theatre, 876 E. 900 South. Tickets $15, 801-359-5158 or damntheseheels.org.

22

TUESDAY — Featuring archi-

val footage of the legendary beat author and American icon William Burroughs, as well as exclusive interviews with colleagues and confidants including John Waters, Iggy Pop, Gus Van Sant and Laurie Anderson, WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS: A MAN WITHIN is a probing documentary about the man whose works at once savaged conservative ideals and spawned queer cultural movements.

11pm, PBS Channel 7. Free, pbs.org/independentlens/burroughs.

24

THURSDAY — Los Angeles-

based dance-pop duo ULTRAVIOLET SOUND have handily won over club kids and the requisite loyal gay fans by churning out melodic, and at times provocative, sweat-eliciting tunes. They’ve shared the stage with Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. Sara and Sami “seem to love the provocative and sexified side of pop. Sounds hot!

Time TBA, Metro Bar, 540 W. 200 South. Tickets $18–25, 801-448-1140.

Q In the two-person, multi-media stage comedy based on actual accounts, URGENT & CONFIDENTIAL: THE NIGERIAN SPAM SCAM SCAM, actor Dean Cameron receives e-mail from a Nigerian con-artist posing as the wife

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and son of a dead Nigerian leader. After writing back as a sexually confused Florida millionaire whose only companions are his cats, houseboy and personal attorney Perry Mason, Dean embarks upon a nine-month correspondence with the con man.

8pm, through Feb. 26, and 6pm, Feb. 27, Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main St., Park City. Tickets $18–25, 435-649-9371 or egyptiantheatrecompany.org.

Q Pygmalion Theatre Company presents lesbian playwright Lisa Kron’s WELL, that talks to how some people get “well” while other people never do. More importantly it is about mother/daughter relationships, and the play explores personal, interpersonal and community integration. Director Jason Bowcutt says it’s about “a woman being forced to start healing her relation with her mother in a play that she’s written that is not about her mother.”

7:30pm, through March 12, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

26

SATURDAY — After the last BIG GAY FUN BUS to Wendover, when it was over-sold and Michael made me ride in the luggage compartment, I’m really nervous about going again.

Not that the ride out was that bad, but he forgot to let me out of the compartment when the bus arrived ... seriously, that’s why nobody saw me the entire time. But because this is a Mardi Gras-themed bus, I want see all the junk in the trunks, so I’ll be there with beads on.

Noon–9pm, pick up at Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South. Tickets $24, 1-800-838-3006 or biggayfunbus.com.

27

SUNDAY — The Utah AIDS

Foundation presents their 21st annual OSCAR NIGHT AMERICA. This highly anticipated event will include dinner provided by Frida Bistro, music by Jue Muscolino, a silent auction and, of course, the Academy Awards on a large screen. This year the show is hosted by James Franco (yummy!) and Anne Hathaway (love her!). Nominees include Annette Bening for the lesbian-family comedy The Kids Are All Right (nominated for Best Picture).

6:30pm, The Complex, 536 W. 100 South. Individual tickets $120, group-of-10 tickets $1200–1500, 801-487-2323 or e-mail to nathan@utahaids.org.

28

MONDAY — Utah Chamber

Artists’ choir and orchestra are re-visiting two of their favorite works at their BERNSTEIN & MOZART: THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT performance. The long are Mozart’s “Requiem” and Leonard Bernstein’s “Chichester Psalms” and the short are Mozart’s “Laudate Dominum” and Bernstein’s liltingly acrobatic “Glitter and Be Gay” from his operetta Candide.

7:30pm, Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Cir., UofU. Tickets $10–55, 801-581-7100 or kingtix. com.

UPCOMING EVENTS MAR 12 Pilobolus, Park City APR 16 Lily Tomlin, Kingsbury Hall APR 20 David Sedaris, Kingsbury Hall JUL 25 Katy Perry, ESA

ROBERT HOLMAN

theatre news The healing power of ‘Well’

February 18–20 QUAC Ski-N-Swim quacquac.org February 27 UAF Oscar Night utahaids.org

March 19 sWerve’s St. Patty’s Day Party swerveutah.com April 15 Day of Silence dayofsilence.org

By Tony Hobday

A

CCORDING TO OUT playwright Lisa Kron, 50, she had written the autobiographical play Well as an exploration of health and illness issues, not only individually but also within a community. “The play is driven forward by the narrator, “Lisa,” whose plan is to present a coherent performance in which she can make her points about illness and wellness,” explains Kron. “But the structure falls apart and in the fissures that rip through the planned play, authentic, unplanned encounters erupt instead.”

Well, structured within its deep questioning, is also a subtle comedy ... “People in my family say things like, ‘Now I know for a fact the warranty’s not up on that dishwasher. I got it the winter I had congestive heart failure seven times.”

Director Jason Bowcutt describes the play as, “... A woman being forced to start healing her relationship with her mother in a play she’s written that’s not about her mother.”

Well “pushes the boundaries of form,” he adds.

After several years living in New York and traveling around the states on acting jobs, Bowcutt returned to Utah to attend to his ailing mother, which in some respect lead him to approach Fran Pruyn, artistic director of Pygmalion Theatre Company, about producing Well. He says that when he saw the play in New York he was instantly moved by it; he even went as far as to cozy up to Kron after the show. According to Bowcutt, they became instant friends.

Bowcutt, a native Utahn, and who recently celebrated his 40th birthday, has an extensive theatre background, which includes his TOSOS Theatre (the first professional gay theatre company in New York) debut in a production of David Bell’s What the Fuck, a portrayal of Nathan Leopold Jr. in Never the Sinner that garnered a Drama Desk Award nod, and codirecting The Gay Naked Play, of which critic Matthew Murray had written, “I won’t spoil the fine work that ... the directors (Christopher Borg and Jason Bowcutt) have done, as that would spoil much of what could prove to be a major comic highlight of the season ... .”

Bowcutt is also a co-executive director of the New York Innovative Theatre Foundation and co-founder of the IT Awards, which recognize the great work being done in New York City’s Off-Off-Broadway, to honor its artistic

save the date

April 16 Queer Prom utahpridecenter.org April 24 PWACU’s Spring Fling pwacu.org May 5–6 Hey Look Us Over, Salt Lake Men’s Choir, saltlakemenschoir.org

June 17–19 Damn These Heels! Film Festival damntheseheels.org June 23–26 Utah Arts Festival uaf.org August PWACU River Trip pwacu.org

June 3–5 Utah Pride Festival utahpridecenter.org

August 4–7 Park City Arts Festival kimballartcenter.org

June 11 HRC Gala Dinner hrc.org

August 20 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org

heritage, and to provide a meeting ground for this extensive community.

“One thing that I love about Off-OffBroadway is that it’s the best place in New York to experiment with new ideas or new ways of presenting ideas and the reason I say this is that in New York, Off-Off-Broadway is the only place you can still try something and fail and not lose your shirt,” states Bowcutt.

“That in itself is very liberating. I am not saying that anyone aims to fail, but knowing that you can stretch your limits, go out on a limb and still survive means that you might test the boundaries of your work.”

This certainly rings true about Pygmalion, a company, which after more than 15 years, continues to stage cutting-edge works with an emphasis on bringing women to the forefront of modern theatre.

Well opens Feb. 24 and stars Ann Decker, a mentor of Bowcutt’s and of whom he calls “The Dame of the Theatre,” and Cheryl Gaysunas Williams.

“I saw Cheryl in Charm (Salt Lake Acting Company) last year and she had a special rapport with the audience,” says Bowcutt. “I knew she would perfect for the role of Lisa in this play. I love her spirit.”

In supporting roles are Betsy West, Carnell Cummings, Jesse Peery and Dee Dee Darby Duffin.

In Well, “there’s a deeper truth to healing,” says Bowcutt. Q The show run through March 12, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, available at arttix.org.

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FOOD&DRINK

Opt in for our text program for sales & special events: Text the word “teashop” to 91011 (Opt out at anytime)

801.433.1170 www.elizabethsteashop.com

Try our wild coconut, curried wild rice

2148 Highland Drive

801-486-0332

www.omarsrawtopia.com

Christopher’s Mens Monday Half off appetizers & $7 Selected martinis. Piano bar, All night

restaurant review

busily shucks oysters and places them on the ice — both the sushi and the oysters are accompanied with all the appropriate condiments.

If you’re not into seafood, there are a lot of other options. I stopped at the carving station where a beautifully cooked prime rib was looming and there was gorgeous little, fat, duck breasts that look like small roasts. The cook elegantly carves the meat for you and then there is an array of sauces, starch and veggies to choose

By Chef Drew Ellsworth from. I had some red-skin mashed potatoes, RARELY GO TO BUFFETS, and this is the mushroom gravy, acorn squash and I had the first time I’ve written about one — but white chocolate sauce on the duck — the mushthis was an exceptional experience. Five room sauce was excellent — I didn’t much care nights a week, the Snow Park Lodge in Deer for the white chocolate sauce.

Valley opens its famous Seafood Buffet; simple, At another hot station, cafeteria-style, the straight-forward and delicious. cooks were serving other cooked fish — some Michael Aaron, his friend Giusseppe, and I I had never heard of, with another section of drove up to Deer Valley last Saturday night and starches and veggies, nicely prepared. I tried a we were greeted by kind and down-home staff fish delicacy from Hawaii, which was tasty but a members. The setting is inside the spacious little dry. lodge where heavy timber and stone architecture At the end of the journey, you’re confronted prevails. The place is casual and it almost seems with an ominous dessert bar with dozens of like as many local Park City dwellers go there as choices: beautifully-made apple pastries, do skiers/tourists. The drill is simple: just walk mousse cakes, lemon and fresh fruit tartlets, up to one of the many stations, grab a plate and crèmes brulée; probably too many other choices. start piling it on!

I thought the desserts were to die for!

I started at the fresh crab and shrimp table In my collection of wine, I had a very nice which is a huge, round station mounded with bottle of Murphy-Goode ’05, Snake-Eyes ice and heavily stacked with King Crab, legs in Zinfandel. I took it to the buffet, and the second one area, claws in another and adjacent to the our waitress opened it, I knew we were in for a crab are piles and piles of freshly treat. This particular Zin was light cooked, skin-on shrimp — they’re and elegant, which I prefer over quite large — I’d say about 20 to the jammy ones, and the pepper Seafood Buffet at 25 count per pound. Every possible was persistent both on the attack Deer Valley condiment is available: cocktail deervalley.com and the finish. The buffet had sauce, lemons, drawn butter, horse Snow Park Lodge several places where breads, 6:30–9pm radish, etc. At the same station rolls and cheeses were available, Closed Sun, Weds there is a beautiful salad bar boastalong with freshly smoked salmon CHEF DREW’S SCORE: ing four pre mixed salads: Ceasar, — the Snake Eyes Zin was a treat 89 Iceberg wedge, spinach and Italian with all of the above. (Zinfandel Anti-pasti — they all looked deliis an excellent choice to take cious and fresh and then there is to a buffet because it pairs well the array of inviting and expensive toppings. with many foods, and can withstand the mood Next to the seafood/salad station, a really swings of sweetened and spiced foods.) good-looking sushi bar is set up with a lot of difThe Seafood Buffet at Snow Park in Deer ferent California rolls and a few types of sashimi. Valley is well worth the trek up the canyon and On the other side of the seafood display there the relaxed atmosphere and enormous variety is a station heaped with ice where an attendant and quality merit an 89 rating. Q

Seafood heaven at Deer Valley

I

134 W Pierpont Ave, SLC – 801.519.8515 – christophersutah.com

QSaltLake Tweets @QSaltLake 2 6 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 7 4 | F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1

om chef drew’s kitchen French cherry tart— ‘Jalousie aux cerises’ Recipe from Chef Drew

I

RECENTLY THREW TOGETHER A VERY nice French-cherry tart for a small dinner party at my home. This was all made from stuff I just happened to have on hand. In French this flat, rectangular pie is called jalousie which is the French word for a window shutter. The ingredients are few and simple: • 1 roll commercial pie crust • 1 sheet Pepperidge Farm puff dough, fully defrosted • 1½ cans cherry pie filling • Granulated sugar • Chopped or slivered nuts • Egg wash, (I liked to use 1 egg yolk mixed with 1 T milk or cream) First you line a baking sheet with parchment paper and then you form the pie crust roll into a rectangle about 9” by 12”. When the pie crust comes to room temperature you can tear it or roll it into any shape with a rolling pin. Place the crust on the pan lined with parchment and then place the filling in the center of the crust leaving a 1-inch margin all around the pie. On a separate lightly

floured surface, un-fold and roll out the puff dough to the same size as the bottom crust.

Using a paring knife cut horizontal slits in the pastry to sort of resemble a window shutter or jalousie. Then, using a pastry brush, paint the margin around the cherry filling with egg wash which acts as a bonding agent for the two crusts. Carefully place the slotted puff dough on top and secure to the bottom crust.

I roll the edges under a bit then make diagonal cuts with a knife to make a decorative, crimped edge around the pie. Brush the top with egg wash, sprinkle with nuts, I usually use sliced almonds and then I generously sprinkle the top of the pie with granulated sugar. Bake in a 375-degree oven for about 40 minutes and make sure the top, puff dough crust is fully puffed up and crispy. If you take out the pie too soon the puff dough will be doughy and soggy. Allow to cool a bit before cutting and serve with a scoop of your favorite vanilla ice cream.

This is easier than it may look — please try it — a jalousie is fabulous for this time of year.

Bon Appétit!

A DIVISION OF DREW ELLSWORTH CULINARY CONCEPTS

Ecole DijonCooking School COOKING CL ASSES SUNDAY NIGHT FOOD & WINE PAIRINGS

Learn about great wines and great food Wine taught by Wasatch Academy of Wine’s Sheral Schowe, and staff Food taught by Chef Drew Ellsworth, Certified Executive Chef Sunday, March 20

SPAIN, THE RIOJA AND SURROUNDING AREAS With all new Tapas with 6 new wines

• M is for California Muscat Truffle Center • Red Achiote Chile with White Honey-Truffle Center • Curry-Topped Port Wine Truffle Center • Spiral-Topped Pumpkin/ Grand Marnier Truffle Center

Small Gift Box with 4 Truffles one of each flavor $6.95 Large Gift Box with 12 Truffles three of each flavor $21.95

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MONDAY NIGHT COMFORT FOODS & FRENCH PASTRIES

Learn how to make fresh bread and pastries in every class!

Monday, February 21

PRESIDENT’S DAY TRIBUTE Our Best Cherry Pie and Early American Cuisine

Monday night classes $35 or 3 for $95 Sunday night wine classes $40 plus $15 the night of the class or $110 for three.

Wine classes have a $15 wine fee.

Chef Drew will even hold classes at your home for as little as $40 per person.

See the Web site for details.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CLASSES CATERING AND CULINARY PARTIES: www.EcoleDijonCookingSchool.com chefdrewe@aol.com 801-278-1039

ARS&ENTERTAINMENT

It’s a new … book!

Out author’s latest memoir was ‘like having a baby’

By Chris Azzopardi

W

ADE ROUSE IS PREGNANT AGAIN – this time, with twins. He’s working on birthing two new books in the midst of releasing the fourth addition to his literary family.

“I’ll spend anywhere from probably a year to a year and a half on a book and obsess over every detail, and it’s like having a baby in many ways,” Rouse says, laughing. “It’s kind of the way I feel, because you’ve owned it for so long.”

Well, meet _It’s All Relative: Two Families, Three Dogs, 34 Holidays and 50 Boxes of Wine_, a riff on family that’s full of Wade Rouse DNA: the touching anecdotes, the cheeky tone and the long title. In the memoir, the nationally known Michigan author recalls a memorable New Year’s Eve night-in with his partner, Gary (his “stage mother”; think Dina Lohan, Rouse jokes), and Dad making his kids work for their Easter eggs – by burying them.

“That was one of the first things I wrote about,” says Rouse, who actually jotted down that Easter snapshot years before in a leather journal his mother gave him after he blew his big talent show moment during middle school. She also handed over a copy of Erma Bombeck’s book _At Wit’s End_, and told him he needed both to make sense of his world.

Even if he hasn’t made sense of the world, he tries to make sense of his family with _It’s All Relative_, which was conceived after he heard how much Americans spend around the holidays.

It was so much that he was immediately sold on the idea of documenting the non-monetary milestones of family get-togethers.

David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs did Christmas, but Rouse was feeling ambitious – he wanted to tackle all the holidays (to further distinguish one gay writer’s holiday book from the other, the publisher changed Rouse’s original title, _Why is Santa Taking Daddy’s Lipitor?_). Rouse perused family memorabilia, and when he realized how many wonderful stories about his lovely, loony family were waiting to be told, the project came full-circle.

“One thing that I love about this book,” he says, “is that it mixes really funny holiday stories with more poignant pieces that really show the evolution and love and dysfunction of the family, and that’s really what I wanted to do.”

It’s done through stories about his in-laws, his partner’s past alcohol addiction and his mom, who “levitated” him one night in bed during his childhood. While writing _It’s All Relative_, Rouse laughed a lot, and he cried a lot, too – especially over one memory that made the book particularly hard to write: his mother’s death two years ago.

“I detail that at the end of the book, which I think has that really huge emotional wallop to people who’ve been laughing all the way through, especially at her and my dad,” he says. “It was very difficult going through these, but one of the things that I did in the last year and a half of her life was spend time with her. And she shared even more of these stories in greater detail and really encouraged me to share them, no matter how dysfunctional or embarrassing they were, because she loved the holidays so much.”

Sometimes he’d be visibly upset, “broken down” and “bawling.” “But then,” he says, “there would be other days when I would be laughing so hard that it was almost like she here with me again.”

There was also the close call with his dad, who was rushed to the hospital after having a heart attack but walked out just fine – except for the tick on his penis. That it’s in the book doesn’t bother Dad one bit: “Oh, I tell that story to everyone,” Rouse

2 8 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 7 4 | F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1

remembers him saying.

“All of these stories that I tell, he kind of tells willingly and openly to everybody, so nothing is embarrassing to him. There’s no shame to my dad, which makes it much easier. But I really made sure people were tuned into what I was doing.”

_America’s Boy_, and loved it,” he says. “She said that I was one of the first of a wave of gay writers who she thought was really going to change literature because I was funny but also incredibly personal,” he recalls. “It meant the world to me, because _Rubyfruit Jungle_ was one of the books that I read that really

For Rouse’s next book, he won’t have to. It’s about dogs, the other great loves of his life. In fact, just as we called, Rouse was taking them outside to do their business in the snow.

“It wasn’t happening,” he informs. “They’re like, ‘What the hell is he trying to make me do? Would you pee out here?’”

The book of comical canine stories, called _I’m Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship_ and out in November (and also benefiting The Humane Society), should give Rouse’s name an extra boost with Chelsea Handler writing the forward and gay literary legend Rita Mae Brown contributing a piece.

Of Handler, Rouse says, “I worked with her and her writers, and here’s my new theory: Anybody who’s kind of established and has had to work hard is great to work with, and anybody who kind of burst onto the scene is a pain in the ass.”

Handler, he says, writes in her dog’s voice about what would’ve been best: being saved, or being put down. “It’s the funniest damn story,” Rouse says.

Brown was tapped after a relationship bloomed between the two authors during a writers’ conference a couple years ago. “She really took me under her wing and said she’d read my first book,

changed me.”

After the conference wrapped, Brown invited him to her Virginia farm. Rouse didn’t take her seriously. He says, “You always think, ‘This bitch is crazy.’”

But she wasn’t, and she made it official – not by Facebook, but by fax. “She lives by fax; she’s very 1970s businessman,” he says.

He and Gary, along with two friends, spent four days horseback riding and dining with Brown. Oh, and sharing sex stories. “I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, since she tells them,” he says, “but she’s bedded every famous woman, I think, in America. I mean, she willingly talks about it. She’s just a hoot, and a literary Madonna – always reinventing herself.”

Besides sex, the two are considering coauthoring a book after the release of his dog anthology, and presumably once he finishes his next memoir about hair, that examines gay relationships from different eras.

“We disagree greatly on many things,” he says, remarking that her disinterest in dating is just a front. “It’s her defense mechanism. I’m not buying her crap at all.”

Should make for one bipolar baby. Q

THE MOST RAUCOUS CHARITY/FUN BUS TO WEST WENDOVER

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Feb. 26

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M THE YHE D A N M A F SO N O R MAT

Noon–9pm

Tickets at Free buffet BIGGAYFUNBUS.COM $5 cash back or 1-800-838-3006 Big Gay Bingo Prizez F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1 | i s s u e 1 7 4 | Q S a l t L a k e | 2 9

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Q

bar map J

Salt Lake City

600 N.

By Hunter Richardson

CLOSED Temple Square

200 S

Salt Palace

300 W

Gateway Mall

Trax Line

Arena

100 S. 200 S.

Intermodal Hub

V 300 S. 400 S MAIN ST

500 S

City Hall

300 W

600 S

STATE ST

600 W

900 S

900 E

1300 S

Sugar House 1100 E

Trax Line

T Trax Station

the die-hard, Gaga-glittered gay screaming “I want your love,” there are many people coming together (and the smart ones bring flasks). Regardless of your reasoning, you tend to find a larger variety of individuals than an average night at JAM. So the pipeline is flooded with entertainment and I suggest we all garb our inner tubes.

Speaking of inner tubes, I have always said new clubs come and go. Some change their name, move locations or just fly by night for a quickie. The Metro, the newest addition to our nightlife options, seems to be gearing up for being the summer all-star. It had a soft opening and proved to be worthwhile in space, ambiance and location (fantastic parking lot and across from Püre, downtown).

It features an elevated area for casual conversation, a VIP room, large dance space, and of course, an outside area for smoking.

It had a New York vibe when I walked up to a line and saw many familiar faces, It felt like Utah when I looked at the prices of the drinks, and it felt comfortable knowing that another establishment had been created offering a safe place to drink and be with friends.

This will truly be a fun place as it matures and grows, and I hear at some point it will start offering appetizers, which will keep me coming in week after week.

So we have concerts coming up, new clubs opening and soon we may even be fed whilst drinking our vodka-Redbulls — 2011 is looking to be a great year indeed. See you all out & about. Q

900 W

I

T SEEMS THAT SPRING IS going to be filled with concerts: from Christina Perry and even the Lady herself — Gaga. There are some great events coming and I am excited to see as many performances as I can.

So what does this mean in regard to nightlife (without really needing to explain what happens when you mix booze and Gaga with gays)? It means that a lot of glitter and glam are destined for this year.

Only two months into 2011 and the sun is out but the temperature is down. I, being someone that believes alcohol warms the blood and not thins it, have enjoyed many nights out at Püre, JAM and The Trapp. I thought the idea of bringing Püre to The Sound “sounded purely” awful but I have been proven wrong with a great track record of enjoyment. So I highly recommend warming up here on a Friday night — who knows, you may see me on the stage (not one of my proudest moments) and get tickets to Christina Perry (who sings “Jar of Hearts”) on May 1.

Moving on, concerts — this means promotion from venues but also pre-parties — will they be indoors? Will they be at homes? Both or at bars? I have no idea but would prefer ‘all of the above.’

Concerts are so much fun — you all remember Britney ... well, maybe you don’t.

Anyway, concerts are a great time and bring people together in a way that some bars and even Pride cannot. From the closeted youth out to enjoy their favorite artist to

200 EAST

Q nightlife What’s down the pipeline

K 2100 S

Q bar guide WEEKLY BAR EVENTS T CLUB TRY-ANGLES ●

251 W 900 S • D M N 801-364-3203 • clubtry-angles.com

SUNDAYS

MONDAYS

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS

THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

KARAOKE $1 DRAFTS

BEER-SOAKED WEENIES BACKROOM BLUES

$1 DRAFTS

POOL TOURNAMENT

KARAOKE

$1 DRAFTS DJ BOYTOY

DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

JAM U GAY COLLEGE NIGHT

SUPERSTAR KARAOKE WITH BRIAN G

BLACK OUT DEEP HOUSE W/ DJ MIKE BABBITT

FRIDAY FIX WITH DJ \V/

BOOM BOOM ROOM WITH DJ MIKE BABBITT

POWERBALL KARAOKE W/ TROY 9PM

DUELING PIANOS 9PM $3 BIG BUD LIGHT

DUELING PIANOS 9PM $3 BIG BUD LIGHT

DUELING PIANOS 9PM

DUELING PIANOS 9PM

DART TOURNAMENT 7PM DJ D

DJ D

●J JAM

BEER BUST BBQ AT 4PM BLOODY MARYS

K KARAMBA ●

LATIN GAY NIGHT DJ FRANK GO-GO DANCERS

751 N 300 W • D F M N 801-891-1162 • jamslc.com 1051 E 2100 S • D M X 801-696-0639 • klubkaramba.com

V TAVERNACLE ●

201 E 300 South • K X 801-519-8800 • tavernacle.com

R THE TRAPP ●

102 S 600 West • B N D K M 801-531-8727 • tinyurl.com/trappslc

$1 DRAFTS KARAOKE W/KEVAN 9PM

PIANO KARAOKE WITH ERIC 8–11PM

Buffet at 4PM

B = BEAR/LEATHER | D = DANCE FLOOR | F = FOOD | K = KARAOKE NIGHTS | L = MOSTLY LESBIAN | M = MOSTLY GAY MEN | N = NEGHBORHOOD BAR | T = 18+ AREA | X = MIXED GAY/STRAIGHT OR GAY CERTAIN NIGHTS

3 0 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 7 4 | F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1

the dating diet Ghetto fabulous

By Anthony Paull

T

HIS MONTH, I’M NOT WRITING about myself. I don’t want to come off as conceited, even though I have nothing to be conceited about. I mean, hello, I live with my dad, and that’s not cool after the age of 30, especially when your dad goes in your room without permission, only to stumble upon your spankerchief, because he has nothing else going on. Mind you, it was an accident, he states.

He wasn’t snooping. He was merely vacuuming the sheets on my bed.

“Please Dad. I’m not shedding.”

“No, but you sure are staining things,” he replies. And if that’s not mortifying enough, he begins a speed round of 21-questions, beginning with, “Anthony, are you having enough sex?”

“Of course not. I have a boyfriend.”

But seriously, who stops jacking off even if they are having enough sex? I mean, yes, masturbating can seem a tad superfluous in between consistent, sexual encounters, but it’s super fun. I have nothing of which to be ashamed. In fact, my efforts should be applauded. Masturbating keeps me smiling and disease-free. Plus, it’s convenient, and I can avoid petty banter afterward. But that isn’t enough for dad. No, he thinks I’m sick — that I’m isolating, building up walls in order to keep from getting hurt in my relationship. Therefore, he wants me to start doing that sort of dirty thing outside of the home. Then maybe, I’ll have to screw my boyfriend. The problem is: my boyfriend and I are trying to find other things to base our relationship on other than sex. Too bad he’s out of town.

So fine! I’m taking dad’s advice, and I’m going out. Of course, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going somewhere. So I call my friend Doug, and at midnight, he agrees to see a movie as long as we agree to skip the movie and get drunk, which seems like a splendid idea. That is, until we opt to attend a keg party in the ghetto.

Granted, it’s one of those ‘bring your own drink, because no one can afford to share’ parties. But it seriously rocks, because we’re already drunk, and we don’t know better. I figure that’s why I tell him about my dad finding my handkerchief; my inhibitions are down. Still, he fails to react.

Why? Well, you see, he’s the calm, collected type, and he’s already had his fair share of drama for the night. It appears that earlier he was in a fight with a love interest. According to Doug, the guy was insensitive; he didn’t care that Doug had just found out his best friend had been in a car accident. Instead, he became angry with Doug for being sad about it. Therefore, Doug

broke up with him. No big deal, there’s already another guy texting.

“Want to get pile-drived tonight?” Mr. Text writes.

“Not really,” Doug replies.

You see, he’s too consumed with hanging out with me, and according to him, the key to having a lot of sex is to completely ignore the person who wants to have sex with you. The problem is that lately, Doug seems to be ignoring most everything including important things, like the fact there’s a gang of men charging at us from the darkness as we drunkenly sway along the road in search of the party.

“Oh God, we’re going to get killed,” I mutter.

Doug is nonchalant, sipping his vodka from a stadium cup as if it were chamomile tea. “What?” he questions — his blue eyes, so serene.

“Um, hello. We’re about to get jumped,” I say.

Yet, he acts as if he doesn’t care if he dies, or about anything else.

Luckily, the gang bypasses us to vandalize the Christmas decorations on a nearby yard, consisting of plastic, glowing elves and inflatable snowmen. Pop, pop, pop, that’s all I hear. Meanwhile the party is nowhere to be found, and Doug is verbally listing off the things Mr. Text plans to do to him later tonight. “He’s going to slam me in a wall. He’s going to choke me with his snake.

Oh and he’s going to disrespect me orally and anally.” Reading the list, Doug yawns as we trek to my house. “Damn, I just don’t know if I want to have sex tonight.”

“What?” I question. “Don’t you want sex, like all the time?”

“No,” he says. “Do you?”

And I think normally, no. Yet, since I’ve reunited with my boyfriend, sex seems to be my primary focus. At work, I’m typing, and voila, I’m hard. At the market, I eye a ripe banana, and boom, my mind wanders. It’s all-consuming, every second of every day, and it only seems to be getting worse, to the point where I feel guilty for being a slut.

“Yes, I want it all the time,” I admit.

To which Doug downs additional vodka.

“That’s because you’re with someone you trust,” he says. “I forgot how to trust when my ex-fiancée cheated on me two weeks before our wedding.”

I can’t help but fall silent, since this is the first I’ve heard of this. “Sorry to hear,” I finally manage.

“No problem,” he says, trudging along. “It helps to hear there are guys out there like you, guys with handkerchiefs who feel slutty even if they’re only cheating with themselves.” Q

The 2011 QPages will be published in May 2011.

Call to get rates

801.649.6663

F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1 | i s s u e 1 7 4 | Q S a l t L a k e | 3 1

FUN & GAMES

Glee Club Across 1 Blows away 5 Pussy sound 9 Suckers 13 Request by a well 14 Meat that goes in your boxers 15 “See ya!”

16 The African Queen author 17 They’re little but they still can shoot off 19 Actor who won a 53-Across for Glee 21 Cliché-ridden 22 Join the service 26 Prudential rival 30 “Fiddle-___!” (phrase of 9-Down) 31 Former TV host’s new channel 34 Places for hinges 36 Cry of pride 37 What 19-Across in his acceptance speech called director Ryan Murphy 40 Use a trick towel 41 1300 hrs., to Col. Cammermeyer 42 Common correlatives 43 “___ told by an idiot” (Shakespeare) 45 Give a large bosom, e.g.

47 Layer of some balls 49 More like nelly?

53 Award won by 19-Across 57 Tales of the City author Maupin 60 Gulp of medicine 61 Fair-to-middling 62 Non-speaking part in Born Free 63 Barely makes, with “out” 64 Use your hands instead of your mouth 65 Stink up the place 66 Actor Auberjonois Down 1 Aerial defense acronym 2 Isle of Auden’s land 3 Former NFL player Tuaolo 4 Zelda portrayer in an old sitcom 5 Fem. opposite 6 Sailor’s saint 7 Milk-colored gem 8 The Right Stuff author 9 Tara heroine 10 BB propellant 11 Cager Parsons 12 Plea at sea 18 What libraries do 20 Like a nocturnal emission?

23 Potato source 24 Memorial of coming

out of Egypt 25 Discharge on one’s face 27 Take-out words 28 Peter of Herman’s Hermits 29 Shakespearean forest 31 Words after tug or man 32 Geer’s son, on The Waltons 33 Try to bite, doggy-style 35 Bay Area bulls (abbr.)

38 Field of Gene Robinson 39 In the midst of 44 NASA chimp 46 Our Town playwright Thornton 48 Take in, perhaps 50 ‘’Chain Gang’’ singer Sam 51 The Wizard of Oz dropout Buddy 52 Witherspoon of Vanity Fair 54 Cut 55 “___ On Down the Road” 56 Neighbor of Minn.

57 Pompous fool 58 Lyon king 59 Where the NY Liberty plays PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 37

anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:

Name the quarterback of the XLV Super Bowl-winning team.

GROANS ROARED _____

_______

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 36

3 2 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 7 4 | F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1

Q scopes

honor ro

These businesses brought you this issue of QSaltLake.

Make sure to thank them with your patronage.

Q les

Think twice, Aries!

By Jack Fertig

A New Day Spa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-272-3900

Venus in Sagittarius square Jupiter and Uranus in Pisces should be very sensual, imaginative and innovative, if perhaps a bit over-indulgent.

Mars and the Sun in Aquarius are bringing out the edgy innovative side, maybe a bit too hardcore. Pushing too hard can spoil the energy. To get where you want to go, relax and pay attention to subtle clues.

Alphey.com Bach Chiropractic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-487-1010 The Beer Nut . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-531-8182 Cahoots . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-538-0606 Cali’s Natural Foods . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-483-2254 Club JAM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jamslc.com

e

ARIES (March 20–April 19) Friendly provocation, dares and seductions can lead you too easily into trouble. Meditation and calm help you hear that inner voice that guides you. Don’t avoid your friends. Just think twice to avoid going along with something foolish.

r

TAURUS (April 20–May 20) A simple effort at a friendly seduction is liable to blow up in your face and expose you to ridicule. Think ahead about your romantic/sexual needs and talk with a friend you know you can trust with your secrets–or a professional counselor.

t

GEMINI (May 21–June 20) You can be too eager to get ahead and out to new vistas. Asking questions and working to understand the answers is better than assuming that you already know everything you need to take the next step.

y

CANCER (June 21–July 22) You’re looking very sexy, but slippery. You may be as irresistible as those impulses, but be very careful about playing safe. Right now every accident and bug around is out to get you.

u

LEO (July 23–August 22) You and your partner (whether for life or for fun) are both full of grand fantasies, not quite meeting on planet Earth.

Try lying back and letting your honey take the lead. You could find it a very happy surprise.

i

IRGO (August 23–September 22) If you and your partner or roommate are arguing over housekeeping,

Club Karamba . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-696-0639 Club Try-Angles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-364-3203 The Dog Show . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-466-6100 Dog’s R Us . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-485-7387 Don Austin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-485-9225 Done to Your Taste Catering . . . . . . .435-649-7503 your best strategy for now is to relax and be flexible. You probably don’t like that, but the alternative just brings more trouble.

o

LIBRA (September 23–October 22) Usually you could teach “sweet and charming,” but now you seem to need a remedial course. Try to stay focused on tasks at hand and be creative on paper or on screen, not aloud. Let a friend confirm your brilliance before you send anything out.

p

SCORPIO (October 23–Nov. 21) Your creative crises can be resolved at home or by looking at family “wisdom” in new ways. Guard against extravagance. You can transform old junk into new treasures. Focusing your will is the hard part.

The rest is easy!

[

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22–Dec. 20) Revelatory letters to your family will lead to more drama than expected.

That could be good in the long run for getting everything out in the clear, but the road to calm resolutions has a lot of loud and nasty on the way!

]

CAPRICORN (December 21–Jan 19) The stars are opening you up for therapeutic release of secrets and problems. Choose the time, place and confidante very carefully or your worst secrets will be out all over the place.

q

AQUARIUS (January 20–Feb 18) Your social charisma is strong, but exercising it risks a greater price than you imagine. Be careful about any commitments of time and energy. You’ll find you had less than you thought.

w

PISCES (February 19–March 19) Consider your ambitions carefully.

A burst of energy now tempts you to overextend yourself. Some courage is good, but meditate and think ahead before you promise to deliver the moon.

Jack Fertig, a professional astrologer since 1977, is available for personal and business consultations in person in San Francisco, or online everywhere. He can be reached at 415-864-8302, through his website at www.starjack.com, and by e-mail at QScopes@qsyndicate.com.

Landis Salon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .landissalons.com MediCruiser . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-484-5504 MegaPhone, code 5441 . . . . . . . . . .801-595-0005 Now Playing Utah . . . . . . . . . .nowplayingutah.com Omar’s Rawtopia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-486-0332 Patton Group Properties . . . . . . . . . .801-412-7493 Pioneer Theatre Co. . . . . . . . . . . .pioneertheatre.org Planned Parenthood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ppau.org Pride Massage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-486-5500 Rainbow Law . . . . . facebook.com/rainbowlawutah Skinworks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-530-0001 The Tavernacle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-519-8900 The Trapp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-531-8727 Trolley Wing Co. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-538-0745 Utah Symphony/Opera . . . . . . . .utahsymphony.org Steve Walker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-688-1918 Jeff Williams Taxi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-971-6287 Dr. Douglas Woseth . . . . . . . . . . . . . .801-266-8841

F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1 | i s s u e 1 7 4 | Q S a l t L a k e | 3 3

Q les

FOOD&DRINK

cocktail cha er The Old Fashioned

By Ed Sikov

A Cryptogram

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: W = O, Theme: Quote by Brandie Balken, executive director of Equality Utah, about Rep. Christensen’s bills.

FN RDAR FX DWH FR FX TWZXRVJBK, RDBZ RDFX HWJCK DAEB FOUCFTARFWZX NWV A SVBAR ZJOYBV WN JRADZX.

__ ____ __ ___ __ __ _________, ____ ____ _____ ____ ____________ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Each _ Sudoku __ _has_ __ . which can be reached puzzle a unique solution

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Level: Medium Level: Hard

2 4 8 5 6 2 7

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1 6 7

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5 2 7 4 8 6

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3 4 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 7 4 | F e b r u a r y 1 7, 2 0 1 1

8 3 5 7 8 9

6 4 5 3 9 2 7

FTER THAT SPIRIT-KILLING DINNER WITH Craig and his ... gag ... new boyfriend, Kyle (my perfect Kyle, with his gymnast’s ass and a treasure trail that brings tears to my eyes), Dan and I barely spoke.

I guess I’d been kind of a jerk. Dan steamed, then sounded off: “I knew we were in for it when you started tossing frisee leaves in Craig’s face.� “Oh, that,� I said dismissively. “I was just being playful.� “Not when you started with the lardons. You’re lucky Craig is in love. He might have crushed you.

And your grand finale, oh, brother!�

Actually I was rather proud of forcing our server, Rolf, to listen to me sing “Springtime for Hitler� before I would leave. So what if the manager tried to throw me out? He didn’t succeed. Turns out I’m a pretty good wrestler.

Dan left for the office early Sunday morning.

I knew he’d stay out past midnight. His parting words were, “You’re an old-fashioned asshole.�

Analyzing this dark pronouncement consumed the morning. My conclusion: I was somehow a sexually constipated Puritan for finding the image of 32-year-old Kyle suffocating in 55-year-old Craig’s ripples of fat to be nausea inducing. I was a Sex Fascist for seeing their wildly lopsided affair as an affront to timehonored notions of right and wrong, the moral cornerstones of civilization. And didn’t Darwin write something about natural selection and the reason why young, lean, heartthrob orangutans never mate with the aged and obese? “Old-fashioned asshole,� I repeated. Was I? Didn’t a man have the right to be revolted by his friend’s sexual satisfaction? Was I misguided in planning to forbid Kyle to explore his formerly secret desire for chubbies by tying him to his

bed, spread-eagle, tightening the knots, ripping open his T-shirt and. ...

OK, I had lost my mind.

But wait a sec. Dan was pulling an abandonment trip on me, so I might as well embrace my sudden-onset derangement. I’d spend the day drinking Old Fashioneds! Maybe I’d get drunk enough to moon the neighbors and explore the “asshole� aspect, too.

That’ll show ’em. Literally.

Life lesson: When you have your first drink before noon, you’ll be hammered by 2 p.m. and dysfunctional by dinner. Around 7 p.m. I phoned for Chinese delivery, but I couldn’t form the words “Hui Guo Rou,� so I switched the order to five eggrolls and hung up. Apparently I provided neither my name nor address. Two hours passed. I ended up eating a can of artichoke hearts, some half-thawed pea soup, and three granola bars. Chewing one is the last thing I remember.

In the morning, Dan sternly informed me that he found me lying naked on the bedroom floor near the windows with my Calvins around my ankles and, nearby, an otherwise empty glass with a desiccated orange slice at the bottom.

What was Craig doing with Kyle while I was pressing my hairy rump against a 12th-floor window in pointless protest of their ludicrous, hideous affair? I can’t bear to think about it. I think about it constantly.

‘I knew we were in for it when you started tossing frisee leaves in Craig’s face’

The Old Fashioned Put an orange slice in the bottom of a glass, add a bit of Really Simple Syrup*, and muddle (press the orange with the back of a fork). Pour in some bourbon, whiskey or rye; add a few drops of bitters. Stir. Add ice. Serve. Forget the cherries unless you’re under 12. *Really Simple Syrup: add equal amounts of sugar and water to a jar. Shake. Q

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ESDE QUE RECUERDO, SIEMPRE HE querido experimentar nuevas, viajar a muchos lugar y explorar nuevas sensaciones … pero dado que mi pasado mormon me ha perseguido por muchos, nunca quise siquiera ver una pelicula porno o si quiera pensar en entra a una tienda de sexo.

Entonces, como a mi no me interesa lo que las personas puedan pensar de mi, decidi que tenia que ir por primera vez a una tienda de sexo … bueno, bueno ya se lo que estais pensando … si, fue mi primera vez en una de last res tiendas de sexo en Salt Lake city. (¿en solo un dia?) bueno para ser honesto con ustedes, para el final del dia estaba muy cachondo.)

La “pequena” y entre magenta con el nombre que lee “Mischievous” me dio la bienvenida.

Vi una hilera de autos en frente de la tienda, ni un solo espacio, entonces decidi estacionar en la parte trasera, mis manos estaban sudando, de hecho no habia una sola parte de mi que no sudaba, ok, ok, ¿esa es demasiada informacion?

Esta bien, saquen esos pensamientos de sus mentes tan limpias.

Tuve esperar para poder estacionar mi auto ya que al parecer esta tienda estaba muy concurrida esa tarde, tal vez era por que el Dia de San Valentin estaba muy cerca o solo por el hecho de que todos en Salt Lake City querian jugar un tanto sexy y sucio … Me tomo cinco minutos para salir de mi auto… luego me di cuenta de que en el auto de al lado habia un tipo que me estaba sonriendo… para ser honesto con ustedes, esa accion me ayudo a salir corriendo de mi auto. ¿El estar en el estacionamiento de una tienda de objetos sexuales no da una Buena impression verdad? ... no soy un tipo tan cachondo … no al menos no en ese momento.

Finalmente, camine hacia la tienda, cuando estoy nervioso tiendo a sonreir y en esta ocasion no paraba de sonreir. No es que sea algo malo pero en una tienda como esta el sonreir significa llamar la atencion de algun “creeper.”

Para mi sorpresa una gran maniqui me saludo en la entrada, ropa interior doquiera que mirara.

Segui caminando y caminando, pare en mucha oportunidades par aver los “nuevos” disenos de ropa interior… tangas, hilos dentales, boxers … wow me sentia como un nino en una tienda de golosinas. “Necesito nueva ropa interior” pense, no no estoy trabajando! Luego de estar algun tiempo alli me dirigi a la seccion de tarjetas.

Si quieren hacer sonrier a alguien con una tarjeta picante, este es el lugar apropiado para ti. Estaba carcajeando con muchas de las fotos

y cosas que se venden en esa seccion de la tienda, muchas de las personas empezaron a mirarme raro, entonces decidi que era momento de ir a otro lado de la tienda.

De una forma inesperada, la sensacion de la tienda comenzo a cambiar de un lugar picante hacia un lado mas sexual. Camine y muchos “objetos” que no habia visto antes … tenia la boca entre abierta … no, no se me estaba antojando nada, al menos no es ese momento … solo estaba sorprendido por los tamanos, colores y formas de usar este tipo de objetos que eran tan nuevos para mi.

Creo que la persona encargada de la tienda se dio cuenta de lo que me estaba pasando y decidio preguntarme si necesitaba ayuda… ¡Claro que si! ¿Como se usa esto? ¿Aquel y aquellos objetos? ¿En serio? ¿Y lo

pones donde? El se estaba diviertiendo tanto con mi a cuestas de mi inexperiencia, me senti tonto!, pero en realidad, son un tipo gay que se supone que debiera sabes todo este tipo de cosas pero la verdad era que me senti como si estuviera en mi primer dia en la escuela primaria gay.

Creo que estuve 40 minutos en aquella tienda, preguntando y preguntadome como usar aquellos objetos y si alguien quisiera usarlos … Finalmente note que el tipo que me estaba ayudando se habia aburrido, por suuesto, estaba preguntado tanto como un nino en el zooligico … Fui tentado muchas veces a comprar estos juguetitos, pero luego pense, realmente necesito esos juguetes o disfruto mas al usar lo real? Creo que soy el tipo de hombre que le gusta usar y sentir lo real … tengo que dejar sorpenderme muchas veces … me aleje de la tienda y corri hacia mi auto … Estuve por primera vez en una tienda de sexo, no fue tan malo, en realidad fue muuy interesante y abrio mi mente al conocimiento sexual. No soy mas virgen … en lo que respecta a tienda de sexo. Q

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don’t really care what people think about me, I decided I needed to go to a sex store … all right I know what you’re thinking … yes, it was my first time to not only one but three sex stores in Salt Lake City. (In one day? Well, to be honest with you, by the end of the day I was horny as hell.)

The magenta-ish store with the name on the front that reads “Mischievous” welcomed me. I saw a slew of cars out front, so I decided to park in the back. My hands were sweating. In fact, I don’t think there was a part of me that was not sweating. Is that TMI? Oh, OK, take that thought out of your clean minds.

I had to wait to park because this place seemed to be very busy this particular afternoon, whether it was because Valentine’s Day was at hand or just because everyone in Salt Lake decided to play naughty. I was sitting in my car for about five minutes before I suddenly realized there was a guy in the car next to me smiling. To be honest with you, that helped me to get out my car and run to the store! I guess being in the parking lot of a sex shop doesn’t really give a good impression, huh? No, I am not a horny boy ... not at that time, at least.

So I finally put myself together and walked in.

When I’m nervous I tend to smile and a lot. Not a good thing to do if you don’t want to call the attention of all the creeps.

To my surprise, a big mannequin in its underwear greeted me at the entrance. I kept walking and walking, stopping many times to check out the new designs (maybe to me) of thongs, strings and briefs. I felt like a kid in a candy store. “I need underwear,” I thought. “No, no, I’m working!” After I spent a long time checking out all that, I went to the greeting card section.

If you want to make someone smile with a spicy card, this is the right place for you. I was just cracking up with all the pictures and stuff, and people were starting to look at me in a very odd way, so I knew it was time to move on.

Suddenly, everything started to change from spicy to hot as I walked into a smaller room and saw many objects that I have never seen before. My mouth was wide open — no, I was not craving anything ... at least not then. I was surprised by sizes, colors and ways to use these new things to me.

I guess the guy at the desk noticed and asked me if I needed help. Of course I did ... how do you use that, this, those? Are you serious? And you put that where? He was totally having fun, and I felt so dumb — I mean, seriously, I’m a gay man who was supposed to know all these things, but instead I felt it was my first day at Gay Elementary School.

I think I had spent more than 40 minutes there, asking and wondering how to use that and if someone would like to play with those…

I noticed that the guy who was helping me was getting bored. Of course — I was asking questions like a kid at the zoo. I was tempted to buy some toys but then I thought, “do I need toys or is it enough with the real stuff?” I am more like a real-stuff guy, so I had to let go my eagerness to surprise myself. I left the store and ran to my car.

I finally had been to a sex shop; it wasn’t that bad, it was actually very interesting and opened my mind to knowledge.

I am no longer a sex-store virgin. Q

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AST WEEK I HAD DECIDED to jump “on the wagon,” as the saying goes; not only because my memory is slipping like an Al Gaeda cell through airport security, but also because my belly has ballooned the size of a seven-month pregnant lady’s. My newly enacted regiment entails zero ounces of alcohol for 60 days to start, participation in online memory enhancements and daily dance exercises (I’ve been stalking my mailman, Louis, anticipating the delivery of the Hip Hop Abs, Core Rhythms, and Dancing with the Stars Cardio Dance videos any day now.).

Also, to help me with not going out to the clubs on the weekends and not going to Geoff and Gregory’s in the middle of the week to watch Modern Family and play Perudo, I bought four, 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles (I haven’t put one together since I was maybe 12, so I thought four should suffice) and also a couple of current New York Times bestseller novels: Ya-Ya’s in Bloom and The Five People You Meet in Heaven; and a classic, Pillars of the Earth.

To give you an idea of my history: My first taste of alcohol ... beer, to be specific, was at an age when my legs could not yet reach the pedals of a car — my father was so good to me. But my first real “experience” with alcohol was when I was 19 years old. I was in college at the University of Utah studying liberal arts ... go figure; before that period of my life I was mostly a prudish teenager instead of a rebellious one. In high school I didn’t do drugs, drink, smoke cigarettes or grope girls under the gymnasium bleachers. Instead, I was a teacher’s pet, monitored the school halls and groped Mr. Tate, the art history teacher, in my fantasies. Albeit back then, not a lot of Olympus High School students were “rebels without a cause;” many of them had had more than one sibling at the school who’d go to their bishop at first sign of any impropriety, so there wasn’t much peer pressure.

However, being that age felt like a blossoming to me, a cataclysmic manifestation. I felt so adult with the first puff of a Capri menthol skinny cigarette, and I felt reborn with the first shot of Creme de Menthe; I regretted, however, the next two shots as soon as I regurgitated them in my friend’s shower. I still felt adult though. Though, to this day I can’t drink anything green, which is an embarassement for any person of Irish descent.

It is strange and a little disconcerting to realize I’ve been consuming alcohol for 21 years, the same number of years one must wait to legally consume it. That’s a long time,

especially to one who must wait to legally consume it, but thankfully it has by no means been a daily occurrence. Now, I do enjoy the ocassional mixed drink or beer — it’s a relaxing social supplement, but I don’t need it. I’ve simply recognized that my body can’t take the beating like it used to when it was younger and more resilient, as it can’t many other things including chocolate, temperatures below 37 degrees and being suspended from a ceiling for more than 20 minutes.

So, after 60 days of being alcohol-free, my alcohol consumption will be limited to a few drinks on Sundays, the Sabbath, to worship Anheuser-Busch and the French (they make great champagne for mimosas, what can I say) — but not at the same time ... have you ever mixed beer and mimosas? It feels like wading through a pool of electrical current ... it causes heartburn. But honestly, Sunday is not a “day of rest” for me. I’m either playing softball or bowling or singing karaoke (or all three), and a couple of drinks after or during such activities with friends is nice. Plus, all the good televised events are on Sundays, like the upcoming Oscars and Grammys, and the recent Super Bowl. There’s nothing quite like hanging out with good friends and family, having a few drinks and good eats, and making bets on who will be named the worst-dressed or who will suffer a wardrobe malfunction or who has the best ass in his football uniform — these are all good times.

When I had told my friends about my little lifestyle change I had received, for the most part, positive feedback: Geoff was supportive by saying, “That’s great, I should do it with you.”

And his partner Gregory lovingly commentted, “Maybe now you’re clothes will fit you better.” (You have to understand his sense of humor.)

“Good for you,” commended Leah. “I think that’s a great idea.” ... hmmm!

Her partner Jill, on the other hand, asked, “Does this mean you’re really going to continue singing karaoke?” (He and Jill are two peas in a pod, it’s eerie and annoying.)

Billy, whose reaction was the most important to me because we had been dating only for a few weeks, had said, “Whatever you want, babe, as long as you’re happy.”

As soon as he said it I thought to myself ‘I want to marry this guy right now,’ but quickly realized, ‘Oh shit, no champagne.’

Maybe I’ll ask him to marry me now and set the date for the first Sunday after the 60-day wagon trek. Damn, I love champagne Sundays. Q

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