QSaltLake Magazine - July 17, 2008

QSaltLake.com PHOTO: DAVID DANIELS DAV.D PHOTOGRAPHY

Staff Box editor-in-chief

In This Issue ISSUE 107 • JULY 17, 2008 A&E News World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Quips & Quotes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Local. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Community Briefs. . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 10

Views

Letters. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Guest Editorial. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Gay Geeks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Snaps & Slaps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ruby Ridge. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Fabulous People . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Petunia Pap-Smear. . . . . . . . . . . .

Page 14 Page 15 Page 18 Page 16 Page 16 Page 34 Page 38

Feature

Gay Weddings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 22

The Gay Agenda. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Save the Date. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Belinda Carlisle Interview. . . . . . .

Utah Festival Opera. . . . . . . . . . . .

Crossword Puzzle . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Cryptogram . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sudoku. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Anagram. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Classifieds

Real Estate. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Roommates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Service Guide. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Massage. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The Back Page. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

michael aaron assistant editor

joselle vanderhooft arts editor

tony hobday copy editor

Page 26 Page 26 Page 28 Page 27 Page 36 Page 36 Page 36 Page 33 Page 36

jennifer morgan contributors

lynn beltran joseph dewey ruth hackford-peer david nelson david samsel ross von metzke duane wells troy williams

anthony cuesta troy espera zachary mikles ruby ridge ryan shattuck dylan vox ben williams rex wockner

photographers

Page 34 Page 35 Page 35 Page 37 Page 40

laurie kaufman william munk kim russo sales manager

brad di iorio office manager

tony hobday distribution

manuel hernandez gary horenkamp courtney moser

From the Editor But Who Was the Bride?

by Michael Aaron

publisher

salt lick publishing, llc 1055 e 2100 s, ste 205 salt lake city, utah 84106 tel: 801-649-6663 toll-free: 1-800-806-7357 fax: 1-866-840-5232 for general information:

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editor@qsaltlake.com

M

ost people probably don’t know,

but I have been married. No, not to a woman, you silly sot. You do know I’m gay, right?

Back in 1984, I had what we called a “holy union” with David Nelson. We were both about 21 years old and were living off wages from temporary work. (We were both Kelly Girls. In fact, I think we were the reason they stopped calling office temps “Kelly Girls.”) So, at times we had to make the decision to use the 50 cents we had to buy a can of soup for lunch or make the call to Kelly Services to see if we were needed that day. We juggled utility bills in an effort to keep everything turned on, but we weren’t always successful. I became adept at turning some of the utilities back on, but that only worked until they figured out what we were doing and returned with locks.

The service was held at the First Unitarian Church on 13th East. At the time, the Metropolitan Community Church was meeting there, as they had not purchased their current building on 6th East. The Rev. Bruce Barton made all the arrangements and required that we have a pre-wedding counseling session.

Bruce came to our 6th Avenue apartment one evening and there we were — David, me and Bruce, sitting in the sparsely-furnished living room with the front door opened to allow the light to spill in from the hallway.

Yes, the power was off, but Bruce never asked why we didn’t simply turn on the light.

He talked of the importance of communica-

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tion in a relationship and not jumping into anything without fully weighing the pros and cons. He acknowledged that we had been together for over a year and that we appeared to be compatible. He asked if we had yet written vows, which I don’t think we had, and then said that he alters the standard script a bit from “til death do we part” to “as long as the love shall last.” I thought that was very progressive and we agreed to the change.

We went to the mall and checked every jewelry store for the least expensive gold bands and were quite pleased with how well we were treated by the very-Mormon sounding teenaged girl who helped us. We later found out that she told a mutual friend (and wedding guest) how “lucky the girls were who snagged” us. And we thought we were being so blatant — even pre-Queer Nation.

We did almost everything ourselves. We didn’t ask either of our families to pitch in on the cost. We saved up and bought cheese and vegetables at the Smiths across the street and spent the morning of the ceremony cutting and placing the food onto Corel plates.

We donned our only suit jackets and corduroy pants, scurried everything into David’s yellow VW Bug and went to the church.

Much of David’s family was there. I didn’t have the brass to ask mine. A few dozen friends filled the pews and Steve Oldroyd played the organ. The ceremony was a blur to me. We had asked a Pagan friend of ours, Brooke Hallock, to co-officiate and she brought hand-sewn sachets filled with leaves

and seeds that she selected for us and talked about traditions stemming from the earliest of times, pre-Christianity. Bruce finished up with words of wisdom as well and I remember something about the rings. I can still hear the giggles as I fumbled to get the ring over David’s finger. We did a quick and shy peck on the lips — I’m sure it’s the first time much of David’s family ever saw two men kiss, and we retired to the church’s social hall for our reception.

The reception was my favorite part of the entire event. Friends and family joined together to sing by the piano, people danced, we cut the cake that Brook and her partner Nancy had baked for us and some nice person went around the room snapping photos of it all.

Friends of David, a straight couple, had bought us the honeymoon suite at Little America and we had a steak dinner there in the restaurant — our first actual meal of the day.

Holy unions have seemed to lose favor between then and now, but I’m glad to see a resurgence of ceremonies celebrating gay and lesbian relationships.

Our “marriage” didn’t last until death, but we are still the best of friends. Perhaps if we’d not been so worried about Bruce noticing we had no power in our apartment, we would have listened a bit closer and followed his guidance. He knew what he was talking about, since he and his partner are still together to this day. Q

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No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Copies of QSaltLake are distributed free of charge in 200 locations across Utah and in Idaho and Nevada. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy, throw away current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine.

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Quips&Quotes

Q World

“Most people who oppose the right of gay and lesbian couples to marry do so on the grounds of religious beliefs.

They believe God proscribes homosexual relationships.

Religious beliefs also formed the basis of the proscriptions against mixed-race marriages.

Those beliefs are bigoted, fear-inspired and pull against the progressive, harmonious evolution of our society.”

BY REX WOCKNER

Jesse Helms Dies

Jesse Helms is dead.

The former U.S. senator from North Carolina — Congress’ most vociferous homophobe ever — passed away July 4 at the Mayview Convalescent Center in Raleigh.

He was 86.

Among numerous other outrages, Helms was responsible for the U.S. ban on HIV-positive foreign visitors and immigrants, which remains in force to this day.

A search of this reporter’s archives found he had written 164 stories about Helms for gay newspapers since 1985.

A few quotes from the late senator: “I despise the abuse of the word ‘gay.’

They are not gay; they are repulsive.” “(Homosexuality is) deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct.”

“I’m not going to comment on (activist Larry) Kramer. Remember, he and that ACT UP put a giant condom on my house.”

“I don’t hate homosexuals. I don’t even know any homosexuals.”

“There is a great big odor rising from the manner in which Congress is falling all over itself to do what the homosexual lobby is almost hysterically demanding.”

“Homosexuals and lesbians are disgusting people, marching in our streets demanding all sorts of things, including the right to marry each other.”

Schwarzenegger Denounces Effort to Re-ban Same-sex Marriage California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has strongly denounced the attempt to amend the California Constitution to re-ban samesex marriage.

The state Supreme Court legalized samesex marriage May 15 and the weddings began on June 16.

Appearing on TV’s Meet The Press on June 29, Schwarzenegger was asked: “You have a lot of propositions on the ballot again this fall. One of them would mean a constitutional ban on gay marriages. Do you support that?”

“No, not at all,” Schwarzenegger replied.

“As a matter of fact, I think the Supreme Court made a decision there. It was apparently unconstitutional to stop anyone from getting married. It’s like 1948, the interracial marriage, when the Supreme Court of California has, you know, decided it was unconstitutional and then later on the Supreme Court of the United States followed, I think 10 or 12 years later. So I think it is, it’s good that California lead — is leading in this way.”

“I personally believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman,” the governor added. “But at the same time I think that my, you know, belief, I don’t want to force on anyone else, so I think we should stay with the decision of the Supreme Court and move forward. There are so many other more important issues that we have to address in California. So I think to spend any time on this initiative I think is a waste of time.”

It was not the first time Schwarzenegger had denounced the proposed amendment, but it was the first time he has done so on national television.

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—Farmington resident Keith Klundt in a letter to the Salt Lake Tribune.

Anti-gay senator Jesse Helms speaking at a Christian Coalition event.

Obama Opposes California Marriage Amendment Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has come out in opposition to the California ballot measure that would amend the state constitution to undo the state Supreme Court’s legalization of same-sex marriage.

Gay couples have been able to marry since June 16.

In a letter to San Francisco’s Alice B. Toklas Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Democratic Club, posted on the club’s Web site July 1, Obama said: “I am proud to join with and support the LGBT community in an effort to set our nation on a course that recognizes LGBT Americans with full equality under the law. That is why I support extending fully equal rights and benefits to same sex couples under both state and federal law. That is why I support repealing the Defense of Marriage Act and the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy, and the passage of laws to protect LGBT Americans from hate crimes and employment discrimination. And that is why I oppose the divisive and discriminatory efforts to amend the California Constitution, and similar efforts to amend the U.S. Constitution or those of other states.”

“I want to congratulate all of you who have shown your love for each other by getting married these last few weeks,” Obama added.

Obama has said repeatedly in recent months that he believes marriage is between a man and a woman, and that he supports civil unions, but not marriage, for same-sex couples.

So, his congratulating gay couples on getting married and his opposing efforts to limit gay couples to civil unions seem to mark a change in his position. At least that’s how many anti-gay activists interpreted the letter.

Some gay activists, on the other hand, wondered if Obama wants to have his cake and eat it too, depending on whom he’s talking to.

Republican presidential candidate John McCain supports the push to amend the California Constitution.

“I support the efforts of the people of California to recognize marriage as a unique institution between a man and a woman,

just as we did in my home state of Arizona,” McCain said June 26. “I do not believe judges should be making these decisions.”

In fact, Arizona does not have a constitutional amendment against same-sex marriage — the ban is just an ordinary law — although a proposed amendment will be on the ballot Nov. 4.

McCain’s statement drew a rebuke from the GLBT group Log Cabin Republicans.

“His position on this amendment hurts gay and lesbian families,” said President Patrick Sammon. “We ... do not believe he should have interjected himself into this state issue. Supporting this amendment is inconsistent with Sen. McCain’s belief in federalism. Backing California’s ban sends the wrong signal to the independents who will decide this election because it creates the impression that he’s pandering to social conservative leaders.”

Christians Boycott McDonald’s The American Family Association called a boycott of McDonald’s on July 3.

The organization is upset that the fast-food giant has joined the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, given it money and put one of its executives on the group’s board.

The AFA says its nearly three million supporters don’t want to spend money at establishments that actively “promot[e] the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.”

Massachusetts May OK Marriage for Out-of-staters The Massachusetts Senate has voted to repeal a 1913 law that prohibits people from other states from getting married there if the marriage wouldn’t be allowed where they live.

The House is scheduled to vote this week.

The law — which stopped interracial couples who couldn’t marry in their own states from marrying in Massachusetts — was resurrected after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage in 2004.

The speaker of the House, the president of the Senate and Gov. Deval Patrick all support the law’s repeal.

“Homosexual acts are contrary to natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. No scientific evidence confirms homosexual activity as a normal behavior. The “gay gene” has never been found. Sexual orientation does not constitute a quality comparable to race, ethnicity, gender or age in respect to nondiscrimination. Unlike these, homosexual orientation is an objective disorder and evokes moral concern.”

—Paul Kokoski, a Canadian resident, objecting to a letter in the Tribune urging members of the LDS Church to oppose a California ballot initiative to constitutionally define marriage as only between a man and a woman.

The recognition of homosexuality should not be defined by what goes on in the bedroom but whether they are simply good people. Anything less than full equality is inferior and intolerable. Marriage should not be defined as between a man and woman but rather as between two loving human beings.

—Salt Lake City resident Wes Roberts in a letter to the Tribune.

“Are we sure we as a nation want to extend equal rights to homosexuals? What next?

Equal rights for everyone?

Women? African Americans?

Non-Mormons in Utah?”

—Salt Lake City resident Mark Bryner in a letter to the Tribune.

“Provo Utah: The National Association of Gay Spouses (NAGS) announced today that a gay nudist colony, “Omega” has opened in this very conservative city. An Omega spokesperson indicated that town officials were most cooperative when it came to the issuance of occupancy permits and liquor licenses. Omega caters only to married couples. Children or pets will not be accommodated. (The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has already brought suit over these restrictions.)”

—Satirical magazine The Spoof, writing about gay nudist colonies and other things the conservative city of Provo probably won’t see any time soon.

Downtown Farmers and Art & Craft Markets June 14- October 18, 2008 Saturdays, 8 am to 1 pm Historic Pioneer Park 300 South 300 West Downtown Salt Lake City

on

Doubly Delicious ish with Sis D &

"What Not, What Have You, Such as That" with Sister Dottie S. Dixon

Come downtown to shop at one of the country’s largest farmers markets. You will find fresh produce as well as local bakeries, native plants, cut flowers, Utah artists, certified organic growers, meats & cheeses, value-added products, and much more. Enjoy weekly entertainment in the company of your community.

See you at the market!

www.slcfarmersmarket.org

Your source for downtown information, including these great markets.

VISIT THE QSALTLAKE BOOTH AT THE FARMERS MARKET EVERY OTHER WEEK ON PUBLICATION WEEKS

Fridays at 3:00 PM, and...oh, oh, oh, Saturdays at 10:00 AM 2X the SASS & 2X a Week KID! KRCL 90.9 FM Podcast at www.krcl.org

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Q Utah ‘Pride Elevated’ Is Theme of Village Summit Health and Fitness Weekend Gay men’s health will be the focus of The Village Summit, a weekend retreat to be held at the Jewish Community Center August 1–3. Formerly known as “Invenio” and in its seventh year, the theme for this year’s Summit will be “Pride Elevated.”

“Utah’s slogan is ‘Life Elevated’ and we wanted to play with that concept this year,” said Summit co-chair Franklin Evans. “How can we, as gay men, elevate our pride in ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality, and our relationships? We’re going to delve into these questions, and have fun doing it.”

“Something new this year for participants is an entire workshop track focused on fitness. It includes yoga, selfdefense, cardio training, queer sports, and massage.” Franklin says. “The physical track complements discussions on love and relationships, sexual health, and political activism.”

Jeremiah Hansen, Summit co-chair and Utah AIDS Foundation representative, highlights the fact that “the Village Summit is truly a grassroots event with lots of local support. We are excited to have Kilo Zamora of the Inclusion Center as our keynote speaker, and Dottie Dixon from KRCL will be making a special appearance, followed by the ‘Temple Squares,’ a new GLBT square dancing association. What better way to celebrate our Utah Heritage than by participating in some square dancing?”

Also onboard: poolside entertainment by the Queer Utah Aquatics Club, the Utah Cyber Sluts and Sunday brunch prepared by the Spicy Dinners Group.

“For more than 25 years, gay men have measured their health with an HIV-centric frame of mind.” says David Ferguson, former Utah AIDS Foundation programming director and a member of the planning committee. “HIV is no longer necessarily considered a terminal illness. While HIV remains a primary concern for many gay men, and we will have a special presentation on HIV and substance use, the Village Summit will broaden the notion of health beyond HIV status with a holistic approach to gay men’s health.”

For more information and to register visit ugmh. com or call Jeremiah Hansen at (801) 487-2323 or 800-865-5004. The Village Summit is a program of the Utah AIDS Foundation.

Summit Schedule Friday, August 1 6–7pm Registration, Conference Room 7–8:30pm Opening Session, Conference Room Special introduction by Dottie Dixon!

Village Short film “PRIDE ELEVATED” Interactive Presentation by Kilo Zamora.

8:30–10:00pm Square Dance Social, Queeraoke

Saturday, August 2 8–9am Registration 9–10am • Sushi for Dummies • Spicy Sex • 10 Percent: A Queer American History • Moving Meditation 10:15–11:45am • A Tale of Two Males; the Story of Dating and Relationships • Tantric Awareness • Write it out! Creative Journaling • Queer Sports 101 • Hermanos de Luna y Sol 11:45am–1:00pm Lunch, Presentation: HIV and Substance Use 1–1:45pm Labels 2–3:30pm • Monogamy vs. Manhunt • The Use of Dreams in the Waking World • Gay Rags in Utah? Hellalujah!

• Massage: Give as Good as You Get • ¡Conócete a ti mismo!

3:45–5:15pm • Sexaliciously Single in Salt Lake City • El Sueño Americano • Build Your Own Religion • Self Defense • Ask a Doc 5:30–6:45pm • Be ProActive! Gay Politics in Utah • RENT: the Musical-Learn to Live for the Moment!

• FREE HIV TESTING • Boot Camp Cardio • Gay Cops 7–10pm • BBQ Pool Party with QUAC

Sunday, August 3 10–11am Brunch Social 11am–Noon Closing Session “Now What?”

Chad Hardy, publisher of the “Men on a Mission” calendars, has been excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

LDS Church Excommunicates Missionary Calendar Publisher The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has excommunicated the publisher of the “Men on a Mission” calendar, which showed former missionaries in black pants ... but shirtless.

The calendar drew both praise and criticism from those within the faith. Some saw it as good P.R., showing a less-stuffy, relaxed side of church members. Others found the photos “conduct unbecoming.”

Chad Hardy’s calendar became a phenomenon on Myspace, where he put a lengthy explanation of his motives, and Facebook.

“I admit I have never been a conformer,” the 31-year-old Hardy wrote. “I blame that on my mother — she always taught me to have my own voice, and to never be afraid to walk my own path. It must be the pioneer blood in me that made me terribly afraid to be just like everyone else — especially when everyone else seemed judgmental and hateful.”

“It was years of life experiences that sum up [the calendar’s] creation; from growing up in a non-LDS community where being Mormon was taboo, to submerging myself into the heart of Mormondom by attending BYU and serving a fulltime mission — to eventually running as

‘I admit I have never been a conformer’

San Diego Sings ‘Here Comes the Pride’ In honor of the legalization of gay marriage in California, the San Diego Convention and Visitor’s Bureau is sponsoring an essay contest for same-sex couples who would like to wed and honeymoon in the city.

The prize? An all-expense paid trip to San Diego, including tickets for two to a number of high-end restaurants, theatres, spas and other attractions, such as Fashion Week San Diego and a wine, chocolate

and cheese tasting at the Lodge at Torres Pines. And, of course, a marriage license.

To enter the contest, individuals should write a short story (of no more than 250 words) explaining why they and their partner should win a San Diego wedding.

The contest is open to all U.S. citizens and their partners age 25 and older and will run until Aug. 1.

To enter online visit sandiego.org/PRI-

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fast as I could to the Nevada border after being chased out of a provincial Southern Utah town for being too progressive,” Hardy continued.

Hardy grew up in Southern California then moved to Idaho to attend LDS Church-owned Ricks College (Now BYUIdaho). He felt he never “fit the mold” as a Mormon.

“So I reached a dilemma,” he wrote. “People hate Mormons because they are different and weird, and Mormons hate Mormons when they are different and weird.”

He decided to create a calendar that “shows the world that Mormons are still weird, but they are also human and not always uptight and rigid — and show Mormons that there is such a thing as individual expression within the faith.

Hardy decided to “step outside the status quo” to create a humorous “beefcake calendar featuring muscled up Mormon men that had one thing in common besides ‘no carbs’ — they all served full-time service missions.”

Church members began to say that Hardy’s new-found career “unbecoming of a member of your church.”

Hardy believes that his calendar is far less innocuous than Marriott Hotels showing pornographic films, even though they are owned by a member of the Mormon Church.

“It is OK to sell the porn as long as you don’t advertise that the person selling you porn is a Mormon in good standing.”

“I understand that some are offended as they feel we have misrepresented the church as a whole, but these men are not the entire church. They are representing themselves as individual men of faith that belong to the same religion. They are not afraid to say they are models and Mormons — and are sexy and spiritual.” Q

DEtobe. A full list of rules and regulations is available at the site.

The prize list includes round-trip air fare for two, a five-night stay at Hotel Solamar and dinner for two at a number of hotel restaurants. Theatre tickets to The Old Globe and Diversionary Theatre, passports to Balboa Park, tickets to Fashion Week San Diego and an 80-minute couples massage at Spa Velia are also included.

© 2008 UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

THIS FILM CONTAINS DEPICTIONS OF TOBACCO CONSUMPTION

Community Briefs

Q Utah

Third Friday Bingo to Help Equality Utah Fund

New Gay Club to Open in Marmalade

Some Utahns may remember it as The Cedar Lounge, the tavern that began its life in 1957 as a garage and ended it in 2003 as a popular railroad and trucker bar.

But soon, people will know it by a different name: Jam in the Marmalade. Named to highlight the Marmalade district’s history as an orchard (a history which street names like Apricot and Almond still celebrate), the new club is a gay-friendly venture specializing in sports, live music, trendy food and drinks, and what founders are calling “a few surprises.”

“It was pretty run down when we got to it, but we’re bringing it from 1957 to 2008,” cofounder Robert McCarthy said of the building, which he and his business partners have since cleaned up to meet fire suppression and disability access codes. They’ve also given it a new look for 2008 — part retrospective, part contemporary. McCarthy and his partners have redesigned the club with bamboo flooring (“the Asian style is really in right now,” said McCarthy), tile, waterfalls, large windows to let in natural light, a big screen TV for sports fans to watch the Utah Jazz and plenty of room to serve as a social club by day and a dance floor by night.

“It’s going to have more of a feel of someplace like The Bayou,” said Jam co-founder Brian Morris. As he explains it, the idea for the club came about when he and his business partners McCarthy and Todd Kroft — all men in their late 30s and 40s — grew frustrated with some of the other options for social clubs around the Salt Lake Valley.

“We wanted to go out and socialize but the cig smoke was killing us, and we started this project a year ago and wanted to open up a club that was a healthier club, a smokeless club.”

Part of the commitment to being a “healthier club,” said Morris, is offering patrons nonalcoholic beverages (such as sports drinks) along with alcohol. He sees this commitment as following a trend other businesses in the neighborhood (like gay-friendly real estate developer Project Marmalade) have pursued — that of using healthier and more environmentally-friendly materials in projects.

Along with health, the club is also committed to its gay clientele. While both McCarthy and Morris stressed that people of all ages, sexual orientations and cultural backgrounds are welcome at Jam in the Marmalade, they said Utah’s gay population is one of their highest priorities. The club has made a commitment, for example, to sponsor the gay-friendly Mountain West Flag Football League and other such sports clubs and teams in the state.

“We feel like gay people are special people that have special talents and are people who deserve to be recognized for [their talents and skills],” said Morris. “So our idea is to celebrate gay people and their talents and what they’ve contributed to the world.”

To celebrate the gay community, Morris said the club will welcome groups who wish to us its lounge area for social and business meetings. It will also offer acoustic guitar performances on the patio on Sunday nights, live music and a surprise entertainment guest

on midnight of a particular day each week.

While Morris wouldn’t say which day the surprise entertainment would appear, he did say, “The idea almost goes back to the idea of the court jester who would stop by and perform for the king.” And what kind of entertainment will it be? Comedy acts, singers and a few less than typical acts. “A unicycle group has offered to perform,” Morris said.

“One great element to this bar is that it’s going to be able to change a lot,” Morris continued. Much of the club’s furnishings are movable and its light plot consists of interchangeable lighting, so the club’s setup, he explained, is likely to change not only for each surprise guest but often from day to day to keep “that element of surprise” for visitors.

Along with these performances, Jam in the Marmalade will also have Saturday night barbecues, Sunday brunches, and snacks during week days, such as edamame (steamed soy beans), chips and salsa and cheese plates. “We don’t have space for a full

kitchen, so the food will be enough to satisfy you but not enough to dine,” said McCarthy.

A deejay will also spin every night starting at 10:00 p.m. and the house music during the day will be, as McCarthy explained, “kind of ’80s remixes and putting current pop hits to a dance beat.”

Although Jam’s owners are still working on settling a few issues — such as placing the building’s drains where city codes mandate — McCarthy said the three men hope to open the club in “mid to late August.”

Ultimately, McCarthy said he hopes Jam will be part of the rejuvenation of the a part of Salt Lake City that has often been considered to be run down and “blighted.”

“I think the rejuvenation of the area has really started. That’s what I love to see,” he said. “This is how small businesses get started, getting into this area and doing something beautiful that will also attract people to buy in the neighborhood.” Q

Southern Utah Pride Faces Funding Shortage Southern Utah’s annual gay pride festival is facing some financial hardships according to what the event’s board members are calling a “budgeting miscalculation.”

“We are not as well off as we originally projected,” said Southern Utah Pride Association, Inc. president Chris McArdle.

Despite several successful fund raising events including car washes, drag shows, a rummage sale, a masquerade dance and three Salt Lake City fund raisers, McArdle said the organization is falling short on private donations.

“Locally the support towards the GLBT community and our Southern Utah Pride event on Sept. 26–27 has been very soft,” he said. “Actually, only two local private donations have been made, making our local donations the weakest contributions all together; and this event is for us, our youth and our future.”

Although Southern Utah Pride has done well in many areas this year, including southern Utah’s HIV/AIDS Walk and Dancea-Thon during which participants raised almost $10,000 for local HIV testing and education efforts, pride director Janine Isom said that funds still need to be raised for travel, equipment and entertainers’ expenses.

Organizers need help, money and interest from Utah’s gay community, McArdle added, so they can create the best possible festival that can give the most back to the community. This year, for example, Southern Utah Pride provided what McArdle calls “much needed seed money” for the gay health summit held by Chris Doss and Craig Stephens of the Community Counseling Center of Southern Utah. Last year, the organization

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donated 15 percent of their profits to the Washington County HIV/AIDS Task Force, now the only organization providing rapid HIV testing and education about the disease to much of southern Utah.

“In order to make this event a continued success and go on for years to come, we are asking for local donations,” he said. “Five dollars, $10, $15, it all makes a huge difference, so please do your part!”

To make a donation online visit www. southernutahpride.org. Donations may also be mailed to Southern Utah Pride, PO Box 411, St. George, UT 84771.

‘Mormon Boy’ to Debut in UK The award-winning autobiographical play about a Utah man’s struggles to reconcile his faith and his religion will open off London’s West End on July 28.

Written by and starring Provo-born actor Steven Fales, Confessions of a Mormon Boy follows Fales through his Mormon upbringing, marriage, divorce and excommunication from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, his years as a New York City call boy and his eventual struggle to overcome drug addiction and reunite with his children.

“I wrote the play so that my children would some day be able to understand their gay father,” Fales said. “I kept thinking that if I were to die, there wasn’t anyone I could fully trust to tell my kids who their ‘wicked’ gay dad really was and how much I loved them.”

Fales initially wrote the play as a stand-up comedy routine. After its premiere in Salt Lake City, Confessions of a Mormon Boy has toured across the country.

The glitter-bedecked Ruby Ridge, Chevy Suburban and Rusty Fawcett will be twirling the bingo balls and calling party fouls to benefit Equality Utah and their “pledge to vote” drive. The “girls” will host a South Pacific sing-along for party fouls complete with coconut shell bras and hula skirts. Eeewww!

Last month’s bingo-goers raised $1,000 for Team Try-Angles’ multiple sclerosis bike run.

When: Friday, July 18, 7:00 p.m.

Where: First Baptist Church social hall, 777 S. 1300 East

Lagoon Day The annual QSaltLake day at the Lagoon Amusement Park in Farmington is scheduled for Sunday, Aug. 10. Participants are encouraged to wear red shirts and join in a group photo and bingo at the Oak Terrace starting at 4pm (Oak terrace is available for use all day).

Discount coupons (each valid for up to eight people) are available at Cahoots, Club Try-Angles, The Trapp, Mischievous, Paper Moon and the QSaltLake offices.

When: Sunday, Aug. 10 11am–close Where: Lagoon Amusement Park

Movies After Dark Café Marmalade, the full service coffee shop and restaurant at the Utah Pride Center, has announced its summer Movies After Dark series. Each Friday night, the café will screen a different film outside on the back lawn.

Where: Café Marmalade (lower level of the Utah Pride Center at 361 N 300 W) When: Every Friday at 9:00 p.m., or when it gets dark.

Info: Check the café for more details and individual movie listings.

Center Golf Classic Registration is now open for the 9th annual Center Golf Classic. A benefit for the Utah Pride Center, this fund raiser tournament includes a continental breakfast, lunch, 18 holes of golf, prizes and a raffle for all participants. Participants can register as a team or as individuals.

When: August 24, 8:00 a.m.

Where: Stonebridge Golf Course Info: utahpridecenter.org to register. To sponsor, contact Jennifer Nuttall at (801) 539-8800 x 13 or jennifer@utahpridecenter.org.

Potluck Socials Potluck socials for queer and questioning Utahns are being held in 12 neighborhoods along the Wasatch Front on the 1st Sunday of each month. These gatherings are an opportunity to socialize and create community.

When: First Sunday of each month Info: utahpridecenter.org

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M a n o n TICKETS ON SALE NOW! Logan, Utah www.ufoc.org 800.262.0074 L e s c a u t Group Discounts Available

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Red Rock Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fest Jams into Second Year

SCOUT CAMP PRESENTED BY

QUEER SPIRIT

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

WINDWALKER RANCH Spring City, Utah July 31â&#x20AC;&#x201C;August 3, 2008 GAY MEN ARE INVITED TO DISCUSS, EXPLORE, DANCE, SING. GROOVE AND SHARE! BRING CAMPING GEAR, FOOD AND SUPPLIES INFO: 801-557-9203, JERRYBUIE@MAC.COM, SKIUTJOHN@YAHOO.COM

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Be sure to pick up your NEW copy of ­TheQPages at your favorite QSaltLake distibution locations.

Last year, the Red Rock Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Music Festival drew 400 guests to scenic Torrey, Utah for three days of fun, camaraderie and of course great music from local and national female singers and bands.

This year, festival co-organizer Carol Gnade says she hopes the event (co-sponsored by the Utah Pride Center and lesbian social and civic organization sWerve) will continue to grow and draw at least â&#x20AC;&#x153;500-600 people.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re selling tickets even better than last year,â&#x20AC;? Gnade said, adding that she thinks Carol Gnade more people will attend this year thanks to higher gas prices that are forcing many Utahns to stay â&#x20AC;&#x153;closer to homeâ&#x20AC;? when making summer vacation plans.

Those plans should include the Red Rock Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Music Festival, according to Gnade, because of the talent the festival has attracted this year. So far, 15 bands and solo artists are scheduled to perform, including musicians from Utah and from just about every other U.S. region.

Representing Utah are such popular acts as soulful Utah Pride 2008 performer Mary Tebbs, blues/rock/jam band Sister Wives, alternative folk rock trio Lost by Reason and City Weeklyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s three-time Best Folk/Acoustic Artist Stacey Board, who with Melissa Warner and Jamie Dalton makes up the Stacey Board Trio. Another trio, this one specializing in folk, rock and funk, will also take the stage during the festival. This is Gearl Jam, which consists of Tebbs and Utah musicians Leraine Hortsmanshoff and Fireston, Colo.-based Kathryn Warner. Like Tebbs, Hortsmanshoff and Warner will also give solo concerts during the three-day festival.

These Utah crooners will be joined by a diverse set of musicians from outside the Beehive State. These include the awardwinning â&#x20AC;&#x153;folk and rollâ&#x20AC;? duo Wishing Chair (Miriam Davidson and songwriter Kiya Heartwood) and Boston-based folk-pop singer Edie Carey. A few, like Stockholm, Swedenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Victoria Lagerstrom and South African singer-songwriter Karma-Ann Swanepoel (former lead singer of the

platinum-selling band Henry Ate) even hail from across the Atlantic Ocean.

Headlining this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s festival will be Melissa Ferrick, the owner of indie label Right on Records who has released 11 CDs. Her latest In the Eyes of Strangers features a number of high profile musicians including Daren Hahn (drummer for Ani DiFranco, Eels and Break Mechanics), keyboardist Julie Wolf (Bruce Cockburn, Ani DiFranco, Dar Williams) and Tegan Quin (of Tegan and Sara).

The diversity of performers â&#x20AC;&#x201D; American and international â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is an attempt to appeal to a broad range of age groups and tastes, said Gnade. It is also, she added, an attempt to showcase more incredible talent in the field of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s independent music, a field that the Red Rock Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Music Festival is trying to nourish. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Essentially what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to do is create a venue for womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s independent music,â&#x20AC;? said Gnade. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ultimately [weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to make] it the Sundance of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s independent music, a place where weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve built a reputation for nurturing new musicians.â&#x20AC;?

While the festivalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goal is to showcase female musicians, Gnade added that audience members of all sexes are encouraged to attend. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to say that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s music by women for everyone,â&#x20AC;? she said.

And the festivalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s venue, she continued, is one of most beautiful in Utah.

We have this very intimate venue we love under the cottonwood trees in Torrey, Utah, on land surrounding a bookstore and coffee shop,â&#x20AC;? she said. In addition, the festival has a new stage this year and what Gnade called â&#x20AC;&#x153;better sound equipment.â&#x20AC;?

With the festivalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s growth, however, comes the need for more volunteers, Gnade added. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have a pretty good need for volunteers, even though weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a small festival in comparison to Utah Pride and other things like that,â&#x20AC;? she said, adding that the music festival is in great need at this time for people to serve beer and wine, and for people who can handle clean-up duties. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We really have a strong commitment to making sure we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t upset the environment too much, so a lot of clean up needs to be done,â&#x20AC;? she said.

For more information about the festival and performers, or to volunteer visit www.redrockwomensfest.com.

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GLAAD Denounces â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Deseret Newsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Silencing Views Opposing LDS Church Position The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation released a statement against the Deseret Morning News after the editorial boardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s refusal to open a dialogue about the California gay marriage issue.

On July 3, an editorial penned by Orson Scott Card, titled â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why, how to defend marriage,â&#x20AC;? argued that Mormons must find a way to fill the gap between the religious teachings of their leaders on marriage and how to â&#x20AC;&#x153;frame arguments in completely secular terms.â&#x20AC;? The column was written in regard to Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Proposition 8, which would take away marriage from committed couples in California.

Card concluded his column with, â&#x20AC;&#x153;From time to time over the next few months, I will use this column to address, one by one, my compelling secular arguments in favor of giving permanent heterosexual pairings a monopoly on legally recognized status in all societies.â&#x20AC;?

The News was one of the first major daily papers in the country to editorialize in favor of a federal Constitutional amendment to ban marriage for gay couples, and is owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of

Latter-day Saints. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Regardless of the paperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ownership, GLAAD holds this paper and all other media outlets to basic standards of journalistic integrity when discussing lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues,â&#x20AC;? the statement read. â&#x20AC;&#x153;GLAAD reached out to the editors and suggested that the paper provide its readers the service of seeing a healthy and vibrant discussion of marriage between those who support giving legal protections to gay couples and Card. The paper refused. Editors flatly rejected an open dialogue of anything critical of the political position taken by their owners â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the LDS Church.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;GLAAD has no objections to Mr. Card identifying his viewpoints through his column but believes the Deseret News owes it to its readers to present more than one view on this complex electoral issue.

Journalistic integrity warrants a serious discussion of any public concern in the media, and basic professional protocol requires the Deseret News to allow dissenting viewpoints to be discussed in parity to the views of such writers as Mr. Card.â&#x20AC;?

Utah Alternative Garden Club members (left to right) John Bennett, Richard Cottino, Donald Roylance and Dean Anesi.

Gay Garden Club Beds the Kearns Senior Center As part of its on-going service project initiatives, the Utah Alternative Garden Club revamped the garden beds and borders at the Kearns Senior Center on June 7. The Utah Alternative Garden Club donated both the materials and labor for this project, which was accomplished in connection with Pride 2008. Club President, Bruce Spiegel, stated that the clubâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s members have accomplished a number of community-related programs this year, and that this particular project highlights and furthers the clubâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s outreach initiatives. John Bennett, Kearns Senior Center Manager, stated, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The generous work of the Alternative Garden Club will provide an enormous value not only to the daily visitors to the Center, but to the area residents as well.â&#x20AC;? Bennett conceived the project, and Don Roylance, Alternative

Garden Club member, subsequently accomplished the design work. Roylanceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s design incorporates native and water-wise plants along with fragrant culinary herbs.

The Kearns Senior Center is a non-profit facility located at 4850 West 4715 South in Kearns. The Center is not a residential or assisted-care facility, but instead a recreation center that seniors can use as a gathering place for socializing, crafts, recreation and education. In addition to supporting seniors, the center has developed a relationship with local high school students and at-risk teens to provide an environment where both generations may interact in a positive manner.

For additional information, please contact Russell Pack at 801-485-6032 or russpack@hotmail. com

Log Cabin Republicans members and supporters surround Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman outside the Governorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mansion.

Huntsman Invites Gay Republican Group to Governorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mansion Utah Governor Jon Huntsman and his wife, Mary Kaye, invited members and supporters of Log Cabin Republicans to a reception at the Governorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mansion on July 9. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Log Cabin is making progress all across Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;working to build a more inclusive GOP and a better America,â&#x20AC;? said Log Cabin Republicans President Patrick Sammon, who flew to Utah to attend the event. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I saw a sure sign of that momentum last week in Utah.â&#x20AC;?

Sammon said that the Utah chapter leaders have worked hard since Huntsmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2004 election to build a strong relationship with the governor. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Huntsman] offered to host the event at his home to show his support for the chapterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work in Utah,â&#x20AC;? Sammon said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gov. Huntsman has been an inclusive leaderâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;vetoing several anti-gay bills, signing a safe schools bill, and signing legislation to allow Salt Lake City to create a partner registry. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t agree with Gov.

Huntsman on every issue, but he has been an inclusive leader and the chapter is committed to helping his re-election campaign in November.â&#x20AC;?

About 60 people attended the event, where Gov. Huntsman told the crowd that people should focus on â&#x20AC;&#x153;what unites us and respect our common humanity.â&#x20AC;?

The governor also stressed the importance for everyone to get involved in the political process. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You all have a voice and a vote,â&#x20AC;? said the governor. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Use it to the best of your ability.â&#x20AC;?

Mary Kaye Huntsman told a story that she shares as part of her â&#x20AC;&#x153;Power In Youâ&#x20AC;? program that travels to Utah schools to help develop self esteem in teens.

Her story is of a young man who was bullied in school and his parents came home to find that he had committed suicide. Attendees were moved by her speech and her understanding of gay and lesbian issues.

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Q Views

Letters

Utah’s First Lady Touching

Editor, Recently I attended a reception at the Governor’s Mansion for the Log Cabin Republicans. Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. and his wife, Mary Kaye, were gracious and wonderful hosts. Mary Kaye gave a heartfelt speech in regards to her Power IN You organization. There was not a dry eye in the room when she recounted a story of a gay youth who was bullied to a point that he took his own life. In that moment, I felt she understood our plight as a people. I felt her compassion.

Gov. Huntsman decided to tell the story of all the difficulties he went through to adopt his youngest daughter. Why would he tell such a story knowing we cannot adopt? The woman sitting right next to me lost her daughter in a long drawn-out court battle. Utah law does not allow cohabitating couples to adopt.

I challenge Gov. Huntsman to open up his heart and help make a difference.

Cristy Gleave Salt Lake City

Gordon Storrs for all the Right Reasons

Editor, I have read and re-read Will Carlson’s letter [“I Choose Seelig Over Storrs,” QSaltLake, July 3, 2008].

Rarely have I tried to follow an apparently hastily-written letter so full of faulty logic and unsubstantiated assumptions. His first sentence says “I oppose his candidacy.”

Will, you cannot do that. This is a democracy. You can oppose his election but you cannot oppose his right to run for office.

Will points out that the composition of the legislature is approximately two-thirds Republican and then suggests that Gordon should run for office where Republicans are already in control. His suggestion is disingenuous. Surely Will knows that one must run in the legislative district where one resides.

Change within the Republican Party is possible. Will states without proof that the Republican Party platform continues to attack LGBT families. He needs to read the Salt Lake County Republican platform and point out the section that supports his accusation. I cannot find it there. True, some members of the party behave poorly, but this behavior is not exclusive to Republicans. Democrats do it, too. Space limitations do not permit me to provide a list.

Doesn’t Will consider the possibility that moderate and liberal Republicans are embarrassed by the behavior of some vocal and radical members whose behavior is inappropriate? Doesn’t countering their influence sound like a good reason to run for office? That is partly Gordon’s motivation.

His passion is to serve an under-represented constituency.

Next, Will talks about majorities and

notes that heterosexuals are a majority.

Seelig’s heterosexuality is irrelevant. I would also remind Will that the expressed reason for forming our system of government in the United States was to protect the rights of the minority.

Will questions Gordon’s motives for running for office. Doesn’t Gordon have the right to speak for himself and isn’t it wrong for Will to make accusations?

Couldn’t it be that Gordon sees prejudice and the marginalization of our community as an injustice and that he seeks to reverse that situation?

Finally, why is the unstated assumption of Will’s argument that only Democrats support gays? In his eight years of being out as a gay man, Gordon has contributed enormously to our community. I will not make a list to accompany this letter, as letters are edited for length, but want to point out that Gordon’s efforts far surpass Jen’s two-year voting record. Based on a conversation Will had with Gordon, attributing the co-sponsorship of the antibullying bill to Jen is a hand-off by Will for his own efforts when he was an employee of Equality Utah. How can Will justify his gratuitous feathering of Jen’s nest?

Her record cannot compare to Gordon’s compassion and work. In fairness, had Gordon been voting wouldn’t he, too, have supported our positions?

I am happy to learn that as a gay man Will is striving to be judged “by my ideas and actions, not by my sexual orientation.”

I find that all the more troubling. It seems that Will’s only purpose is to discredit a candidate at any cost. That cost may be too high when it involves selling out your honesty and integrity. Will has, I think, a good education. His letter being so full of logical error, distortion, and negative attacks

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seems inexcusable. Truth and fairness do not seem to be part of Will’s agenda.

ORLAN R. OWEN Salt Lake City

Proud of Our Choir EditorI went to the performance of the 25 Anniversary performance of the Salt Lake Men’s Choir held at Libby Hall this past Saturday. They were amazing, delightful, fabulous, and joyous to see again.

It’s also wonderful seeing the Salt Lake Men’s Choir come out in great strides as they did. I was totally impressed with all the choreographed danced and singing numbers which they had performed that night. Ever since they changed directors to Dennis McCracken the Salt Lake Men’s Choir has become more bold and active in their performances.

That night the audience cracked many smiles and laughs throughout the performance. It was delightful and fun that they could make fun of themselves, our community, and sing beautiful songs from the heart as the choir did. Over the years I have attended many, many, performances and this will be a highlight peformance from the Salt Lake Men’s Choir I won’t forget. It’s my hope to see more imagination, choreography, and dancing from the Salt Lake Men’s choir in upcoming performances.

The Salt Lake Men’s choir is an organization we can all be proud to have within our community. We need to support them anyway we can. They have hit a milestone bar with their last performance and hopefully that bar will be raised each in every performance from here on out.

Mark Swonson Salt Lake City

QSaltLake Welcomes Letters from Our Readers Love a story written in this issue? Hate one? Did a columnist piss you off or tickle your funny bone? Want to say something to the world?

Send a letter to the editor — we love feedback!

Please keep your letter under 300 words and email it to letters@qsaltlake.com.

Your letter, if published, may possibly be edited for length, suitability or libel. No one wants to go to court.

Q uickie

Letters Continued

Double-Booked Editor, For years, 20 to be exact, I have watched as the People with AIDS Coalition of Utah has struggled financially to serve the HIV community in Utah. PWACU is having their 20th Anniversary Celebration and fund raiser this Saturday.

It continues to amaze me that individuals and organizations in our community continue to double-book events on dates already announced and committed to others.

Low and behold, here comes a fundraiser on the same night for our two lesbian state legislators.

Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it time for ALL of us to refer to the available resources, i.e. Qâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Save the Dateâ&#x20AC;? column and the Centerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s calender, so we can all support each other?

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s try and work more closely together to advance the needs of our population.

We can all support each other and continue to grow and prosper if we all look out for each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needs and events.

Mike Picardi Salt Lake City

Everyone Deserves Rights Editor, I do not subscribe to the daily newspapers, but primarily read them online. So I cannot say with complete certainty, but I have noticed a very one-sided posting of letters to the editor in regards to samesex marriage.

I understand that we do live in a conservative area and many people are not openly accepting the idea of fair and equal rights for all Americans. I am a mother to a beautiful little girl and proudly expecting a baby boy this winter, I am a wife to a man who I love deeply and am going to spend the rest of my life with, and I am a bisexual woman who has had same-sex relationships in the past. I proudly support gay rights, as I support everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s choice to live life the way that makes them happy. After all, that is what this country is about â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the pursuit of happiness, right?

This country has had many changes that were faced with closed-mindedness: equal rights for colored people, equal rights for women, and now equal rights for same sex couples. Everyone deserves equal rights.

Jessica Norris Spanish Fork

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Guest Editorial

AT OVER CAN BE FOUONNDS FROM LOCATI 'EORGE

,OGAN TO 3T LL INCLUDING A

Jesse Helms: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;If You Want To Call Me A Bigot, Fine.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

by Gregory Herek

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not going to put a lesbian in a position like that ... If you want to call me a bigot, fine.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Jesse Helms, in response to President Clintonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 1993 nomination of Roberta Achtenberg as an assistant secretary at the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

F

20th-century U.S. history may puzzle over a section of the 1990 Hate Crimes Statistics Act. After mandating the federal governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s annual collection of data about â&#x20AC;&#x153;crimes that manifest evidence of prejudice based on race, religion, sexual orientation, or ethnicity,â&#x20AC;? the Act includes the following passage: â&#x20AC;&#x153;SEC. 2. (a) Congress finds that: 1. the American family life is the foundation of American Society, 2. Federal policy should encourage the well-being, financial security, and health of the American family, 3. schools should not de-emphasize the critical value of American family life. (b) Nothing in this Act shall be construed, nor shall any funds appropriated to carry out the purpose of the Act be used, to promote or encourage homosexualityâ&#x20AC;?

This section of the Act is the legacy of Jesse Helms, who died July 4 at the age of 86.

When the Hate Crimes Statistics Act was being considered by the Senate, Helms played a leading role in efforts to block it because it included antigay violence among the crimes to be monitored by law enforcement personnel. Aware of the billâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s popularity and having failed to remove sexual orientation from it, Helms attempted to thwart its passage by introducing an amendment that its supporters would find unacceptable but politically difficult to vote down.

The Helms amendment would have added the following language to the bill: â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is the sense of the Senate that: 1. the homosexual movement threatens the strength and survival of the American family as the basic unit of society; 2. State sodomy laws should be enforced because they are in the best interest of public health; 3. the Federal Government should not provide discrimination protections on the basis of sexual orientation; and 4. school curriculums should not condone homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle in American society.â&#x20AC;?

Such tactics were typical of Helms, who regularly used his parliamentary skills to get his own way in the Senate. On this occasion, however, he was outmaneuvered

by Senators Paul Simon (D-IL) and Orrin Hatch (R-UT), who proposed alternative language that was less antigay.

The Simon-Hatch amendment was approved before Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; amendment was considered, thus providing political cover for senators. By supporting the Simon-Hatch language, they could safely vote against Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; amendment without being labeled pro-gay and anti-family. uture students of

And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why the Hate Crimes Statistics Act includes statements about â&#x20AC;&#x153;the American familyâ&#x20AC;? and denials that it was intended to â&#x20AC;&#x153;promote or encourage homosexuality.â&#x20AC;?

Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; failure at preventing passage of the Hate Crimes Statistics Act was unusual. His mastery of Senate procedure, coupled with lawmakersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; fear of appearing pro-gay, frequently allowed him to succeed in enacting his anti-gay agenda.

When the US was first confronting the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s, for example, Helms was instrumental in preventing the government from funding effective prevention programs among gay and bisexual men. The Senate twice endorsed his amendments prohibiting federal funds for AIDS education materials that â&#x20AC;&#x153;promote or encourage, directly or indirectly, homosexual activities.â&#x20AC;? By constricting the scope of risk-reduction education, Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; actions were widely believed to have contributed to the epidemicâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rapid spread.

Throughout his 30-year tenure in the US Senate, Helms was consistently associated with antigay stands. Given this fact, as well as his longstanding opposition to racial equality and the race-baiting tactics he used in election campaigns throughout his career, it is a fairly easy matter to accept his invitation to label him a bigot.

Personal bigotry aside, however, Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; legacy includes the many institutional manifestations of heterosexism that he was able to implement during his years in the Senate. Through the laws he sponsored and those he helped to defeat, he created real hardships for sexual minorities while also fostering sexual prejudice in American society. And his efforts probably contributed to the spread of HIV in the United States and the infection and deaths of many gay and bisexual men.

On this Independence Day and the occasion of Jesse Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; death, it is fitting to note how personal bigotry combined with political power can enable one politician to do so much harm to so many people.

And, recalling the general unwillingness of elected leaders to stand up to Jesse Helmsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; antigay campaigns over the years, it is appropriate to reflect upon the words attributed to Edmund Burke: â&#x20AC;&#x153;The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.â&#x20AC;?

Gregory Herek, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at the University of California at Davis, where he teaches graduate and undergraduate courses on prejudice, sexual orientation, and survey research methodology. He blogs at ­beyondhomophobia. com. This column is copyright 2008 by Herek and is used with his express permission.

Queer Gnosis Troy Williams is taking a sabbatical as he finishes several film projects and a play featuring Sister Dottie. His radical, subversive views will return to QSaltLake in September. You can continue to read his blog at queergnosis.com

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Ruby Ridge Mark your Calendars

by Ruby Ridge

A

lright, kittens, put down that

sticky calendar of those seminekkid Mormon missionaries and pay attention, we have some really important things to discuss. Oh, who am I kidding, this is just too juicy and you know dang well that I can’t let this storm in a Sanka can go by without comment.

Can you believe the DRAMA the morality hall monitors are going through this week over a simple beefcake calendar?

Last time I checked the Deseret News web site, there were over 250 furious comments about the story in one day ... IN ONE DAY! I mean talk about putting the “Mo” in “Mob.” For one thing, the young LDS men in question weren’t naked — they just had their shirts off. That was all. It’s not like the models were all greased up naked and dry-humping the Miracle of the Seagulls monument or anything! To which I say, “Get a grip people!” Save your disproportionate outrage for something truly offensive. Like, oh I don’t know, how about the rampant corruption and election manipulation by the Mo Republicans in the state legislature, hmmm? It’s just a thought.

Anyway, cherubs, the maker of the calendar is now officially excommunicated and has a gazillion bucks worth of free publicity for his calendar. So all’s well that ends well. Knowing how Mo Utah is so obsessed with faux celebrity and any type of media validation, we can expect bare-chested little beefcakes to be lining

up around the block for next year’s calendar and their 15 seconds of fame (Yes, even Andy Warhol’s iconic 15 minutes of fame has become faster and cheaper, just like an Apple iPhone).

Which reminds me — am I the only person sick of the Mo voting block on Dancing with the Stars, So you think you

It’s not like the models were all greased up naked and dry-humping the Miracle of the Seagulls monument or anything! can Dance, American Idol, and all the other over-hyped reality schlock that’s out there? I swear to God that half of any Fox 13 newscast is just a shameless plug for one of their nauseating shows. I thought Carmen Rasmussen was just a freak

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statistical outlier, but who knew she was just the camel’s nose in the tent. Then we had that rash of gay Mormons on Survivor, and then all hell broke loose with the Biggest Loser and the Amazing Race, and, boy howdy, it went downhill fast when MTV started casting token Mormons in their crap. And don’t even get me started about American Idol with David Archuleta and his obnoxious stage father channeling Rosalind Russel from Gypsy! But in my humble opinion, the most appalling MMW (Mormon Media Whore) was Kati from Fullerton on the gay parenting episode of 30 Days on FX. If you didn’t see that episode I won’t spoil it, but rent the DVD when it comes out. I kid you not, it will have you yelling “you stupid bitch” and throwing fig newtons at the television.

Anyway, pumpkins, on a lighter note, I always thought it would be great to have a camp drag queen from Utah called “Howfirma Foundation.” Only the married Mo closet cases trolling the Trapp Door for chicken would get it, but I still think it would be hysterical.

Ciao for now, babies!

For an evening of politically incorrect entertainment, questionable glamour, and raucous opinion, join Ruby Ridge as she hosts 3rd Friday Bingo (on the 3rd Friday of each month at 7PM) at the First Baptist Church in Salt Lake City (777 South 1300 East). Oh, and wear sensible shoes!

(Don’t even ask why).

Snaps&Slaps SNAP: Red Rock Women’s Music Festival Major finger snapping goes out this issue to what we hope will be the best thing to happen to women in music since Lilith Fair. With 15 acts — including (mostly) local stars Mary Tebbs, Gearl Jam, Stacey Board Trio and Sister Wives, more variants of folk than the entire 1960s and fabulous Kate Kendell, the leader of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, as honorary emcee, this is one festival you shouldn’t miss. And hey, since it’s in Torrey, Utah and only costs $45 to attend both days, why would you miss it?

SNAP: Queer Utah Aquatics Club Wow, how is it that we’re tumbling into August and we still haven’t mentioned the awesomeness that is QUAC in these hallowed side bars?

Every winter, these fine swimmers of one of Utah’s oldest gay-friendly athletic organizations bring Utah such great events as winter’s Ski and Swim. Every summer, they proudly and skillfully represent us at the International Gay and Lesbian Aquatics championship, bringing home more medals than we here at Q can easily count, and showing teams from as far away as New Zealand that the little state of Deseret is a force to be reckoned with in the water.

Pretty impressive, considering that we really don’t have that much here.

So, swimmers. If you’re not already a member, what the heck are you waiting for? Go join up and hit that diving board!

SNAP: The Breast Dialogues and Carpe Testes Yes, yes. We covered each last issue.

But we just couldn’t get enough of two very different programs geared towards two very different types of cancers: one that hits men exclusively versus one that gets more attention in female patients; one that is little discussed versus one that has an entire month (and color) devoted to it. But happily, both testicular and breast cancers have unique, attractive and at times fiendishly funny programs dedicated to raising awareness about them, and hopefully to saving lives. The Breast Dialogues allows women (and some men) to discuss issues surrounding breasts — including and especially cancer — in much the same way Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues made the medical term for biological women’s reproductive organs a guilt-free word.

Carpe Testes (carpetestes.com) uses song, slang and silliness (like a giant testicle on an ice skating rink getting “checked” frequently by a hockey player) to convince guys to “be a man, self-exam.” Major snaps for the Utah Pride Center (which started The Breast Dialogues) and Struck (the Salt Lake City ad firm behind Carpe Testes) for doing their part to make the health of our so-called “unmentionables,” mentionable.

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Find the new issue of QSaltLake every other week at our Downtown Farmers Market booth

Bullshattuck Gay Vacations

by Ryan Shattuck

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Antarctica: Kayak amid icebergs, glaciers, and whalesâ&#x20AC;?

Why this beats the traditional gaycation: Because Margaret Cho says that lesbians love whales and who are we to disagree with Margaret Cho? â&#x20AC;&#x153;China: Walk atop the Great Wall of Chinaâ&#x20AC;?

Why this beats the traditional gaycation: Some gay men are accustomed to building walls around their emotional well-being; why not visit a country that takes it one step further? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mali: Explore the sandy streets and dunes of the Saharan outpost of Timbuktuâ&#x20AC;?

Why this beats the traditional gaycation: Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all dated a hot guy who suddenly stopped calling us and whom we assumed had moved to Timbuktu. Now we can find out for sure. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Egypt: Ride a camel (or horse) around the Sphinx and the pyramids of Gizaâ&#x20AC;?

Why this beats the traditional gaycation: Egypt has so many thousand-year phallic symbolic buildings that it makes the Washington Monument look like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not in the mood.

There are many other alternatives to the traditional gay-friendly cities and the usual gay vacations. As for me, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care where I vacation â&#x20AC;&#x201D; just as long as the city has a club that plays â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s music.

Or at the very least, a club that plays anything by The Go-Goâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s.

Ryan Shattuck is a QSaltLake columnist, freelance writer and student. He also runs Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s #1 news source, RegalSeagull.com, with such breaking news as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Despite overwhelming opposition, Magna continues to exist.â&#x20AC;? He needs a vacation.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Peru: Take part in a shaman ritual amid the towering ruins of Machu Picchuâ&#x20AC;?

Why this beats the traditional gaycation: Bryan Herb of Zoom Vacations states â&#x20AC;&#x153;the Incan people had no issue with homosexuality.â&#x20AC;? The closest Las Vegas or New York City comes to Incan civilizations is the Inkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Tattoo parlor.

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of where to vacation than does a writer who uses such annoying words as â&#x20AC;&#x153;gaycation.â&#x20AC;? The most recent issue suggests â&#x20AC;&#x153;10 Trips that Will Change Your Life,â&#x20AC;? five of which I list here. I suggest that those interested in any of these trips consult the fall 2008 issue of Out Traveler. I also suggest that those who experience inflammation consult a doctor.

â&#x20AC;˘ Salvage â&#x20AC;˘ Taverniti â&#x20AC;˘ One Life â&#x20AC;˘

writing this column, working, going to school, and 12 million other things that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been juggling recently, but I really need a vacation.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all I ever wanted.

A vacation.

I have to get away.

A vacation.

Meant to be spent alone.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not kidding, I really have to leave for a few days. I might even go as far as saying that I have to ... Go-Go. I think the fact that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m using an â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s band name as a pun is evidence enough.

There is nothing gayer than the Great Gay Vacation. How about a gay cruise?

Seems like a great place to have sex.

Interested in heading to Las Vegas? I hear there are a lot of men for sex. New York City has long been a gaycation mecca â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including the countless men who are interested in sex.

It is summertime and Los Angeles seems ideal.

Both celebrities and gay men (but certainly not both) are looking for sex.

Provincetown, West Hollywood, South Beach, Fire Island? If not going for the sex, then whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the point?

Wait a minute.

Wait just a letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;splan-our-vacation-around-where-thehottest-men-are minute.

Undoubtedly, gay men are going to spend their vacations where they are most likely to feel comfortable, i.e. a gay cruise, San Francisco or Manhunt. com. A gay man spending his gaycation in Laramie, Wyo. or Provo, Utah makes as much sense as Fred Phelps taking up residence in Chicagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Boystown.

Nevertheless, breaking stereotypes and vacationing in unique locales that arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t usually known for being a gay hotspot might be more enjoyable than the traditional gaycation. Sure, nearly every gay man has been to New York City for the explicit reason of seeing a Broadway show, but perhaps some gay men are looking for an alternative.

Considering that I go on vacation as often as women run for president (apologies to Geraldine Ferraro, Hillary Clinton and Geena Davis), Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve decided to consult the informative gay travel magazine Out Traveler for unique gaycation ideas. I figure that professional travel writers have a better idea

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Gay Geeks Love, Peace and Big Guns

by Joselle Vanderhooft

G

eeky ones,

I don’t usually say this, but I’m so bored right now! It’s that post-Pride time of year when it feels like the only things going on are backyard barbecues, outdoor concerts and the occasional movie premiere (Hello, WALL-E!). Days are long, nights are short and sometimes it’s a little hard to fill either of them — especially when I, like a lot of people, can’t get out to those barbecues, concerts and fun summer flicks very often thanks to the astronomical cost of fuel. And now that restlessness is no longer a winter-only phenomenon, I’ve had to get creative: I’ve had to go digging through my closet ... to find my anime tapes from high school and college.

Yes, I said “tapes.” I didn’t have a DVD player until I was well out of college. What can I say? Turn of the century life was tough like that.

This month my girlfriend and I have watched two wonderful new anime series: the adorable high school girl comedy Azumanga Daioh and the action, intrigue and lesbian-packed magical high school girl school drama My Otome. (Yes, I have seen shows released after the digital Bronze Age of the 1990s. Really.) But in my search for something to watch next, I decided to return to what I knew best. Hence, the closet raiding, which lead to my rediscovery of a favorite series I hadn’t watched in years.

“It’s called Trigun,” I told Kim. “It’s about one man’s quest to find love, peace and redemption in a violent and troubled world. Also there are really big guns and things explode. A lot.”

If you didn’t already know it from my three-part column about a movie featuring giant robots and nuclear war, guns and explosions are about all it takes to sell me on ... well, just about anything. But for people who read this column for a little more depth than just “durr hurr things go boom,” I’ll elaborate about the awesome story that is Trigun in the most spoilerfree way I can.

Our man Vash just can’t seem to catch a break. Wherever he goes on the desert planet of Gunsmoke, disaster seems to follow — cities blow up, people are injured and the undertakers make a hefty profit. In fact, such is Vash’s reputation for destroying pretty much every town he visits that he’s been given the nickname “the humanoid typhoon” and a bounty of $$60,000,000,000 (yep, that’s double dollars, because he’s just that dangerous). Tired of regularly shelling out the big bucks to clean up after him, an insurance company dispatches two employees, crabby Meryl Stryfe and spacey but savvy Milly Thompson, to find Vash and keep him out of trouble. When the two women meet up with their quarry, however, they have a little trouble at first believing he’s the world’s most dangerous man. Mainly because he’s a goofball with an obnoxious laugh, a weakness for glazed doughnuts and pretty girls, and a willingness to cry openly and frequently.

Oh yeah, and an unwillingness to actually kill anyone, despite his reputation. But as Meryl and Milly soon discover, there’s more to Vash than his warm and somewhat silly exterior indicates, including a past

fraught with pain and a number of dangerous people who want to make his life even more miserable. Basically, Trigun is an ingenious blend of surreal comedy, spaghetti Western, science fiction and fable.

And while the guns and explosions are fantastic, this series is, at its heart, a beautiful extended parable about compassion, forgiveness, friendship and the struggle to hold onto all of these when you’re misunderstood, hated and persecuted. And while you’d be hard-pressed to find any gay characters in the series (the manga on which it is based does have a transgender character, however), I find that exceptionally relevant to being queer in the United States today.

You see, Vash may not be gay, but he reminds me of several gay people I know: gentle, caring, concerned with justice and willing to defend the dignity of all people, even those who hate him. Plus, he’s got a good sense of humor, a snappy dress sense, and no hang ups whatsoever about doing “sissy” stuff like sobbing in public or hugging male friends. And the whole pacifism thing? Let’s just say that if you stuck Troy Williams in a red coat and got him hyped up on a sugar rush, you’d have a pretty good idea of what Vash is like. And then there’s the whole persecution thing. You see, Vash isn’t just misunderstood, he’s feared and downright loathed because he supposedly spreads violence and destruction. You know, kind of like how some people hate gays because we supposedly spread disease and moral disorder? Add this to the fact that Vash isn’t your typical straight guy to begin with and the similarities to gay people go from “eh, I can kinda see that” to “oh my God.” Vash also reminds me of a lot of gay people I know in that he doesn’t let the lies and myriad cruelties that come his way devastate him, even when they are calamities that would devastate most people. Time after time, he brushes the dust from his shiny red coat and continues on, helping people, loving them and doing his best to keep them from hurting each other. He knows who he is and what he wants out of life and he rarely lets himself forget it. And in the rare cases when he does, he, like many gay people, can count on friends like Milly and Meryl to remind him. And I mean, come on, a guy with two girl friends? How gay is that?

I’m sorry to say that my girlfriend doesn’t like Trigun as much as I do. It has a few too many explosions, she says, and Vash doesn’t appeal to her like he does to me. “It’s hard for me to watch someone who knows the right thing to do and does it all the time,” she told me somewhere in the middle of the series. But that’s what I adore about Vash. His pacifism and his strength don’t make him sympathetic as a more flawed character would be. They make him inspiring. And God knows we queer folk need all the inspiration we can get in this world.

So, Vash. Congratulations. You’re cool enough to be an honorary gay person, and cool enough that this gay person wants to be you when she grows up. Q

Pick up your copy of TheQPages â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gay and Lesbian Yellow Pages, by the community for the community â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at your favorite bookstore, coffeeshop, restaurant, bar and many other places.

Also, see online at TheQPages.com

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Gay Lesbian and Transgender Weddings With the recent California Supreme Court decision, as well as the ability to marry in Canada and (for some) Massachussetts, more Utah queer couples are tying the knot. Here are but a few examples of wedding ceremonies QSaltLake readers have performed in the past months as well as some still making plans for their special day.

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A Gay Marriage Nine Years in the Making

By Tony Hobday Gay Utah couples may become mutually committed if they wish, but it’s a far cry from their civil right to legally marry.

Therefore, many are taking advantage of the new marriage law in nearby California. One such Utah couple is planning to get hitched in The Golden State this fall, fully aware it will not be recognized in Utah, yet feel it’s a duty let alone a desire.

Steven Todd Ball, 47, and Blaine Manford Osborne, 37, agree that — though it will be a more expensive endeavor — being legally married in California is more sensible than a weak, meaningless commitment in Utah.

“In my heart it doesn’t feel right,” says Blaine referring to Utah’s Mutual Commitment Registry. “It’s putting our names on a government list that broadcasts: ‘I’m gay!’”

Blaine admits though that the registry may work for some people and that’s a good thing.

Both also agree that this will hopefully help make a difference in the gay communities in Utah and across the nation.

“If we really want to make a stand, we should do it,” says Blaine.

“If there are enough gay couples in Utah who go to California and get married, hopefully we could someday challenge the law here ... and win our rights,” adds Steve.

Steve and Blaine first met in October of 1998 through a group of mutual friends.

Blaine recalls they innocently fooled around on occasion, confessing it started out as a “friends with benefits” situation.

Then in 1999 Steve moved to Las Vegas and Blaine was hot on his tail. After a period of time, they decided their friendship was destined to be more.

“Blaine followed me to Vegas to be my roommate, but I felt more for him than just being roommates and friends,” Steve fondly remembers.

Then one night they were at Keys

and Steve says he was flirting with the bartender and when he and Blaine went home later there was sexual tension and jealousy in the air. Like a couple of shy middle school kids they asked each other that night if they wanted to be boyfriends; and now nearly ten years later they are ecstatic about the prospect of legally marrying each other.

“I love Blaine and it would just be nice to have the license,” says Steven. “A legal gay marriage is the ultimate.”

“We are guaranteed certain rights and I believe in those rights,” adds Blaine. “I love the fact it’ll be legal with Steve — it feels good.”

Their plans for California include a ceremony in San Francisco’s City Hall among their friends who wish to attend. Though their relationship has strong support from their families, they both don’t expect either side to attend.

“Our families didn’t seem to be too enthused when we told them,” admits Steve.

The couple plans on wearing tuxedos, and having a best man/best woman and lines for the ceremony.

“It’s something we respect, so we want some tradition to it,” says Blaine. “Then we’ll spend a week there, eating our way through the city and driving the coastline.”

“When we get back to Salt Lake, we’ll have a big reception with all the people we love,” adds Steve. “Then in February we’ll go on our honeymoon to Cancun or Costa Rica.”

If truth be told, the couple can’t agree on a honeymoon destination ... so, congratulations, you two are perfect marriage material.

BRIDE AND BRIDE, GROOM AND GROOM, Name the date We’ve got the room.

Q

Shawna Rae Rasmussen and Crystal Stewart When did you get married We got married on June 20, 2007. It was the last day of spring, first day of summer — a day of new beginnings What was the ceremony like?

The ceremony was beautiful. It was in the mountains up Millcreek Canyon at Log Haven. There was a pond and a waterfall and a white archway. We released 50 doves after we kissed. We were all bare foot in summer dresses. My wife and her daughter were swinging on a tree swing when I walked down the aisle and then her daughter walked her down to me.

Why did you decide to go through a ceremony?

We decided to go through with the ceremony because we wanted to celebrate our love for one another she wanted to give herself fully to me and me to her.

Before I met my love, I did not believe in conventional marriage and I had given up on finding true love. I fell for her hard and wanted her to be mine forever. Marriage meant something to us now that we

Bryan & Vance Lawlor When did you get married?

Friday, July 11th at San Francisco City Hall. We are also planning a ceremony here in Salt Lake sometime in September that our friends and family can be a part of.

What was the ceremony like?

The ceremony took place in the rotunda in San Francisco’s City Hall. Because we were married out-of-state, we only had one friend there who happened to be in town and he served as our best man and our witness to the ceremony.

When we have our ceremony here in Salt Lake, we will recite vows that we have written to one another in front of our friends and family.

Why did you decide to go through a ceremony?

Well we went to San Francisco to have the “official” ceremony so that it would be

had found each other and we wanted to exchange vows and promises. I wanted her to be my wife.

What was your most memorable part of the ceremony?

When our daughter walked her to me.

God, she was so gorgeous. She was wearing a white, strapless sundress and she looked like an angel ... my angel?

Who performed the ceremony?

My older sister Brooke Ferguson performed the ceremony last minute and did a fantastic job. We greatly appreciated it.

We are legally changing our names to Rasmussen-Stewart very soon because we are trying to get pregnant and the child will have both our names, because crystal will adopt the baby.

We are going to San Francisco to get legally married in the next few weeks, we are so excited about it! somewhat legal in some respect.

And we are having a second ceremony here in Salt Lake because we want to have a special day that includes our close friends and family to celebrate our love with them.

What was your most memorable part of the ceremony?

The whole experience being at San Francisco City Hall was just amazing. It was our first time visiting there and it was absolutely beautiful. The whole thing was surreal and incredibly memorable.

Did you hire a planner or photographer?

We planned the ceremony in San Francisco ourselves just because it was pretty simple — being at City Hall, there isn’t much you have say in. But we did have to make sure we had a witness present (luckily our friend was in town). We also had to reserve a time for our Marriage License Appointment and also for our Civil Ceremony. And we wanted to be sure to have pictures of the day so we hired a photographer, Jim Cox. We found Jim on an Equality California website that featured different wedding services from people that give 20 percent of their fees to Equality California to help stop the same-sex marriage ban from being put on the ballot in November. After speaking with Jim, we knew he had a vision for our pictures that was exactly what we were hoping for. Jim lives in Los Angeles so we bought him some plane tickets and flew him into San Francisco. It was definitely the right choice! He was awesome! He has his own website, too (jimcox. net)!

As for our ceremony here in Salt Lake in September, we will not be hiring a planner, but rather just working with some close friends to plan our ceremony and reception.. We can’t wait to get started on it!

Continued Next Page

J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8 | i s s u e 1 0 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 2 1

an event at The Depot is an event to remember.

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Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Weddings Continued from previouis page

Christopher and Teinamarrie Scuderi When did you get married?

July 7, 2007 (7/7/07) What was the ceremony like?

The ceremony was amazing. Wonderful.

We had seven people in each line. Michael Aaron and Christian Allred sang.

Everyone laughed and cried. It was held at the South Valley Unitarian Universalist Church.

Did you have a reception after the ceremony?

Yes. About 300 people at the church.

Why did you decide to go through a ceremony?

Because I have always wanted to have a big Princess wedding. Plus it’s an all about me event, haha.

What was your most memorable part of the ceremony?

My most memorable parts were that I almost started the wedding without the reverend; our “coming together” bouquet; Rev. Sean explaining how we hope and want all of our friends and family to someday be able to marry their partners; our candle that was lighted for those who could not attend our wedding both living and dead; kissing Christopher at the end of our vows; Michael and Christian singing; our cake and flowers by Christine Johnson; Tylynn hiding me from Christopher; my cousin Michelle being in my line; dancing with

é f a C Med

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Ann Bolland & Gina Herrera When did you get married We had a very small ceremony on New Year’s Eve 2005. On June 3, 2006 we had a larger ceremony and reception.

What was the ceremony like?

The ceremony was in our backyard,

Jaricka; dancing with my Dad; Jaricka catching the bouquet, then not wanting it after she realized what it meant.

Christopher’s favorite moments are: discreetly slipping his handkerchief to me; Rev. Sean holding our wedding rings in his hand speaking about love as an infinite circle in marriage.

overlooking the valley. Our family and friends from all over came together to celebrate. We recited our vows and lit candles as part of the ceremony.

Did you have a reception after the ceremony?

We had the reception at our house.

There were about 100 people that attended. Food was catered by Rico’s. We even had valet parking available.

Why did you decide to go through a ceremony?

To celebrate the beginning of our life together. Even if it’s not yet legal,we felt it was important to make the commitment to each other. We are thinking about making it legal by going to California, possibly on our anniversary.

What was your most memorable part of the ceremony?

The most memorable part of the ceremony was when I looked around and saw our families together.That was the best feeling ever.

Did you use an event planner? If so, who?

A friend of our’s was our planner.

Who performed the ceremony?

Babs DeLay

Continued Page 24

Gay Wedding Announcements are FREE in QSaltLake Send your • writeup (less than 300 words), • print-resolution photo • Full names • Contact info to editor@qsaltlake.com

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Q Food&Drink Restaurant Chains Get Mixed Reviews in Survey of Gay Consumers With buying power estimated to exceed $600 billion a year, the gay and lesbian community represents a potentially lucrative market for restaurateurs to tap.

But some operators are doing a better job than others at attracting that audience as customers and employees, according to a recent survey of gay and lesbian consumer habits and brand perceptions.

Sponsored by Prime Access, an advertising agency specializing in reaching lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender groups, and PlanetOut Inc., a media entertainment organization also serving the LGBT community, the survey found Seattle-based Starbucks to be among the country’s most gay-friendly restaurant brands, while Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, Olive Garden and Dunkin’ Donuts were perceived by respondents to be less gay-friendly.

The study, which was conducted by marketing research firm Clark, Martire & Bartolomeo, polled nearly 6,000 adults between the ages of 18 and 64. Respondents were broken up into three categories: a total of 757 came from the gay and lesbian community, another 1,502 were culled from the general population, and an additional 3,156 were PlanetOut subscribers and readers.

“There’s been a lot of research over the years that showed gays and lesbians are highly loyal to brands they buy,” said Howard Buford, president of Prime Access, “and our statistics show that between 68 percent and 72 percent of gay and lesbian consumers are strongly motivated to purchase brands they consider gayfriendly.”

Buford said the national brands presented to survey participants were chosen based on product and service category. He also indicated that some companies were selected as less gay friendly based on perceptions of hiring practices and negative media and word-of-mouth reports.

“This consumer survey not only looks at one piece of the picture, but also at hiring policies and benefits,” he said.

In evaluating Starbucks, which ranked eighth on the list of gay-friendly compa-

nies, 26 percent of the general population, 23 percent of gays and lesbians and 53 percent of PlanetOut respondents said they believed the brand was gay friendly.

Other companies perceived as gay friendly through the survey included Bravo Network, Apple, Showtime, HBO, Absolut, Levi’s and American Express.

“Companies at the top [of the list] have learned that it’s just good business to have equal employment opportunities in place and market to all types of talent, including gays and lesbians,” said Redge Norton, spokesman for San Francisco-based Out & Equal, an employment advocacy group.

The survey found that 13 percent of the general population, 3 percent of gays and lesbians and 2 percent of PlanetOut respondents said they perceived Cracker Barrel as gay friendly. Meanwhile, 10 percent of the general population, 10 percent of PlanetOut subscribers and 7 percent of gays and lesbians said they perceived Olive Garden as gay friendly. And 11 percent of the general public, 3 percent of gays and lesbians and 3 percent of PlanetOut respondents said they viewed Dunkin’ Donuts as gay friendly.

Although Buford said that he wasn’t sure why Olive Garden and Dunkin’ Donuts were viewed as less gay friendly than other brands, he noted that Cracker Barrel’s hiring history likely contributed to the company’s negative perception among gays and lesbians.

“Things like this often have to do with employment policies, market outreach and a presence in different communities,” Buford said. “Sometimes it’s the act of one franchisee that gets a lot of [coverage] in the gay press and gay people make a judgment about the brand.

“In the case of Cracker Barrel, we do have some knowledge about its highly publicized hiring polities,” he continued.

“There is a belief in the community that their hiring policies do not accommodate gay and lesbian people and also that gay and lesbian customers are not welcome in the restaurants.”

But Julie Davis, a spokeswoman for the 497-unit, Lebanon, Tenn.-based family-

dining chain, said the company was dismayed with the ranking and questioned its methodology.

“Obviously, we are disappointed in the results and question how accurate a representation of the brand this might be,” she said. “Please note that Cracker Barrel Old Country Store welcomes all guests, and our equal opportunity employment statement clearly states that we will not tolerate discrimination based on sexual orientation.”

At Dunkin’ Brands, the Canton, Mass.based parent of the Dunkin’ Donuts chain, company executives said they were genuinely perplexed at the perception of the quick-serve bakery-cafe concept, particularly in light of its gay-friendly hiring practices.

“For nearly a decade, Dunkin’ Brands has extended benefit rights to domestic partners and offered its employees partner benefits regardless of gender or sexual orientation, including medical and dental coverage for children of unmarried partners,’ said spokesman Stephen J. Caldeira.

By the year 2010 gays and lesbians will spend approximately $835 billion annually, Buford said.

“They need to know they’re welcome, that their business is valued and important,” he said of the gay and lesbian community. “One other thing is that the gay community tends to be a trendsetter.

Most of them tend to be influencers of other people. As such, they are important consumers to have because they influence the purchasing behavior of others.” Q

Gay Wedding Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Weddings Announcements are FREE in QSaltLake Continued from previous page

Budhi & Patrick O’connor

Send your • writeup (less than 300 words), • print-resolution photo • Full names • Contact info to editor@qsaltlake.com

When did you get married?

We will go to San Francisco to register on Friday, July 18th What will the ceremony be like?

We’re planning to have the ceremony in September. My fiance’s mother and my best friend will be the witnesses.

Will you have a reception after the ceremony?

I don’t know yet. It depends on my work schedule. We might have it at the Grand America here in Salt Lake.

Why did you decide to go through a ceremony?

A life-long relationship.

Did you use an event planner?

I will be the event planner, since I work for the banquet division.

Jeremy Eskelsen and Michael Hargreaves

Got Married? Need a House?

Q Classifieds

When did you get married?

We actually had our wedding Sept. 10, 2005 — here in Utah at the First Unitarian Church, but then again legally June 17, 2008 in Los Angeles at the Albertson Wedding Chapel.

What was the ceremony like?

We did not want this marriage to outshine our original wedding. The original was beautiful and we couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day. However, this is also very important — the ceremony was very traditional. Since all of our friends and family came to our first wedding, we didn’t feel it necessary to have everyone fly to L.A. for the second.

It was just us, we gave semi-traditional vows (we wrote our own the first time).

Why did you decide to go through a ceremony?

Mike and I have been together for about six years. Three years ago we wanted to share our commitment with our families in the way we have both grown up seeing two people unionize their

commitments. We decided to go to L.A. because we felt this was a very important day, being the first day an out-ofstate couple could actually be legally married. While we know Utah will not recognize the marriage, California, New York, Massachusetts, and a few others (that have domestic partner laws) will.

Someday DOMA will be overturned, and our license will simply go right into effect. I was proud to be able to do this the first day it was legal to do so.

What was your most memorable part of the ceremony?

Even though we didn’t write our own vows, as I really internalized what our vows meant, and that this was going to be recognized by some states, I realized how real this really was and started to cry. I will admit since we had such a beautiful wedding before, I felt like this was kind of just “getting the paper” but the power of the day flooded over me, and I pictured us along with hundreds of other people saying similar commitments, and having them recognized, and I was overwhelmed.

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$95.00 per person registration MUST be received by August 15th Registration is first come first serve.

REGISTER NOW

This tournament fills up fast!

Please join us for the 9th annual Center Golf Classic and Party on the Patio!

Sponsorship opportunities available! Contact Jennifer at 801-539-8800 ext. 13

Center Golf Classic Fundraiser

Party on the Patio

SUNDAY, August 24, 2008

FRIDAY, August 22, 2008

Stonebridge Golf Club

Paper Moon *A Private Club for Members

6:30 am – 7:30 am Registration and continental breakfast 8:00 am – Shotgun start $95 per person – Includes breakfast, 18 holes of golf with cart, prize bags, and lunch.

Raffle during lunch with fabulous prizes!

7:00 pm – 8:00 pm All you can eat seafood buffet provided by The New Yorker 8:00 pm – 9:00 pm Live entertainment by the Burlesque troupe Voodoo Darlings 9:00 pm - 11:00 pm Prizes! Dancing! Fun! $10 per person – All proceeds benefit The Utah Pride Center

4415 West Links Drive, WVC, UT

3737 South State Street, SLC

Register on-line at www.utahpridecenter.org or complete the following form.

Bring cash for raffle, mulligans and magic putts.

TOURNAMENT REGISTRATION FORM (Please fill out each golfer’s complete information)

GOLFER 1

GOLFER 2 Phone

Name Address State

Phone

Name Address

ZIP

E-mail

State

ZIP

GOLFER 3 Name

State

GOLFER 4 Phone

Address

E-mail

Name

Phone

Address ZIP

Please Check One

E-mail

State

ZIP

E-mail

 Individual (I would like to be put on a team)

 Twosome (match us up with another twosome)

 I do not golf but would like to sponsor

 Complete team

Please send entry form along with fee ($95 per person until August 15th)

Mail completed form and check to made payable to: The Utah Pride Center For more information, call Jennifer at 801-539-8800 Ext. 13 or e-mail jennifer@utahpridecenter.org You can also register on-line at www.utahpridecenter.org or by calling 801.539.8800.13

Send to: Utah Pride Center Attn: Jennifer Nuttall 355 N. 300 W. Salt Lake City 84103

J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8 | i s s u e 1 0 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 2 5

John Mayer

Q Arts

See July 21

Major Events of the Community

The Gay Agenda

july 19 PWACU’s Charity Fashion Show & Silent Auction, pwacu.org

Stirrup, Breast and Gravy Fetishes

july 21 And The Banned Played On ­ planbtheatre.org july 31–august 3 Queer Spirit-Faerie Scout Camp ­ queerspirit.org

by Tony Hobday

So the Odyssey Dance boys Matt and Thayne have been voted off of So You Think You Can Dance, which for me is a real downer. But there are still two Utahns in the running — Gev and Chelsie — and I have to say that Gev’s been (or actually should be) on my Hot Tamale Train. Plus he shaves his chest, how hot is that?

17

THursday — I saw Gravy Train in concert last summer and let me tell you, it was thoroughly entertaining. The fourmember band from California is the epitome of flamboyant. More than their cheeky mix of grunge, pop and R&B, they are energetic comic performers on stage.

Chunx, Funx, Hunx and Junx know how to get the crowd riled up with their antics including stripping down to their skivvies.

7pm, Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West. Tickets $8/ adv–$10/day of, 487-4899 or smithstix.com.

18

FRIDAY — Plan-B Theatre Company presents the world premiere of Inversion, a story of survival by local playwright Eric Samuelsen. Seven young people find themselves desperately lost in an unexpected fog in the Utah Mountains. Taking refuge in an abandoned house, they soon realize finding their way out may be more difficult than they could have imagined.

7pm, through Saturday, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $7, 355ARTS or arttix.org.

Q I’m all aglow about Gene Gieber turning 6 years old — just 11 more years and he’ll only be a misdemeanor. Actually it’s his bar, Club Try-Angles, celebrating it’s sixth year of showing all the queers a good time. Join Gene, his hot posse and of course that tall mug of beer, Brenda, for their 6th Anniversary Party. And from what I understand anyone named Chippy gets free chilled Midori shots all night.

8pm-ish, Club Try-Angles, a private club for members, 251 W. 900 S. Free to members, 3643203.

Save the Date

august 1–3 The Village Summit utahaids.org Park City Arts Festival kimball-art.org

Q Tonight is already the third Friday of July so we all know what that means ... Third Friday Bingo with our lovely petunia, Ruby Ridge. This month’s theme is South Pacific, so pull out your gaudiest Hawaiian shirt or shuck out that clam shell bikini and hula to the church.

Proceeds from the night benefit Equality Utah.

7pm, First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East.

Bingo cards $5.

19

SATURDAY — The Utah Pride Center and sWerve invite you to participate in their annual celebration of all things breast: Chicken breast, booby trap, titmouse, boob tube, bosom buddy, Busta Rhyme and so on, and so on. Seriously, Breast Dialogues is a reading by beautiful and brave women sharing intimate experiences with breast cancer, as well as other engaging stories related to breasts.

7pm, Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West. Free, 539-8800.

Q Wildly popular in the gay community, deejay Paul Oakenfold returns to Salt Lake City for a night of progressive trance and techno dance music. The 44year-old deejay from the UK is one of the most sought after musicians by the music and movie industries ... so pull out your glow sticks, baby!

9:30pm, In The Venue, 219 S. 600 West. Tickets $20.50/adv, $25.50/day of, 487-4899, smithstix. com.

21

MONDAY — It’s that time again to pull out your wallet, dip into your savings account or sell your body if necessary for Plan-B Theatre’s And The Banned Played On fund raising celebration. This year’s theme is the theatre. Scenes from once-controver-

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sial plays and musicals such as The Drag, Romeo & Juliet, West Side Story and Miss Saigon will be showcased.

7pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $35, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

Q Grammy-winning singer-songwriter John Mayer brings his stylish blues-rock/ pop sound to Utah tonight. I bet his “body is a wonderland” — what with all those tattoos. Unfortunatley, he’s apparently dating Jennifer Aniston ... that lucky bitch! Anyhoo, Colbie Caillat and Brett Dennen open.

7pm, USANA Amphitheatre, 5400 S. 6200 West.

Tickets $31–59, 487-4899 or smithstix.com.

23

WEDNESDAY — Who sings these 80’s rock hits: “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” “Love Is A Battlefield” and “Shadows Of The Night”? If you said Patricia Mae Andrzejewski, you’re exactly right. OK, if you said Pat Benatar, you’re also on the nose.

Check out the Grammy-winning rock diva tonight! Neil Giraldo opens.

8pm, The Depot, a private club for members, 400 W. South Temple. Tickets $45, 487-4899 or smithstix.com.

25

FRIDAY — In a gay celebration of the Days of ’47, Gossip has put together Studs N Stirrups. Sexy cowboys, bandit go-go boys and muscle sheriff deputies will be running rampant. Also Nova Starr’s Country Queens show takes the stage at midnight.

So dress in your hottest cowboy outfit and you may win some cash.

10pm, Club Sound, private club, 579 W. 200 South. Free to members, myspace.com/gossipslc.

august 7–10 PWACU River Trip pwacu.org august 8–9 Red Rock Women’s Festival, Torrey redrockwomensfest.com august 10 Q Day at Lagoon august 24 Center Golf Classic utahpridecenter.org september 16 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org september 20–21 Baker, Nevada Trip, RCGSE.org september 26–27 Southern Utah Pride, Springdale ­ southernutahpride.org october 10–12 SLC GayBowl VIII mwffl.org october 11 Coming Out Day Breakfast utahpridecenter.org january 7–11 Utah Gay & Lesbian Ski Week, Park City ­ gayskiing.org Email arts@­qsaltlake.com for consideration to be included in Save the Date.

26

SATURDAY — Area 51 not only has a Gay ’80s Night, but now they’re taking on a Fetish Ball. The theme is Faeries & Fantasy, and there will be rope bondage demos ... ooooh!, vacuum bed ... huh?, piercing demos, fetish vendors, giveaways and more.

8pm, Area 51, private club, 451 S. 400 West.

Fee $5 at the door, myspace.com/fetishballarea51.

28

MONDAY — She’s been dubbed “America’s best songwriter,” and of course she’s a Grammy-award winner. So how could you go wrong buying a ticket to Lucinda Williams? This country/blues/ folk singer is sure to put on a great show.

5:30pm gates open & 7pm show, Snow Park Amphitheatre, Deer Valley Resort. Tickets $31—56, 435-655-3114 or ecclescenter.org.

29

TUESDAY — Broadway Across America presents High School Musical On Tour. This new theatrical version of the Disney Channel hit follows the story exactly as on screen — soundtrack and all. Unfortunately I don’t know if teenage pressures will be as entertaining without Zac Efron.

7:30pm, through Saturday Aug. 3, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $37.50– 62.50, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

UPCOMING

EVENTS

AUG. 20 Aug. 25 OCT. 20 Nov. 21 Nov. 22

KT Tunstall, Red Butte Garden Sheryl Crow, USANA Amphitheatre David Sedaris, Abravanel Hall Celine Dion, ES Arena Coldplay, ES Arena

Review:

Utah Festival Opera Worth the Drive

by Michael Aaron

What could be more fun than a festival?

Utah Festival Opera has begun its 16th year, drawing a large amount of young talent from around the country and an audience from well beyond Cache Valley’s borders. Its success is thanks to the passion of Utah Festival Opera Company General Manager Michael Ballam and his staff, who raise over $3 million each year to produce the festival.

Many gay Salt Lake opera-lovers may be skeptical that a Cache County opera company could produce worthwhile theater. The fun and reason to make the 90-minute drive, however, is in the word “festival.” Each year, four to six productions run in repertory, making it possible for die-hard opera fans to enjoy the entire showcase in a single weekend.

Start with a grand building, the Ellen Eccles Theatre. Featuring two large phoenix murals, the building has survived three fires and decades of neglect, being restored to its 1923 glory by thousands of local volunteers and $6.5 million. It reopened in 1993 and housed the inaugural festival that summer. Impressive ornate, handcarved woodwork, Ballam explained in a pre-show talk, took a year and a half of an artisan’s life to create. The 1,100-seat building has housed performances by Abbott and Costello, John Philip Sousa, the Marx Brothers, and George Burns

! s r u Yo t i e k a M

and Gracie Allen.

Add in talent from around the country drawn to the festival by, Ballam explained, their ability to rehearse a role an un-heard of five times with the orchestra before an audience fills the seats, and then for a month before an audience.

“Our performers yearn for rehearsal time,” said Ballam. “And we pay as much as the Met. Of course they’ll perform a dozen times here for what the Met pays in one night, but we still pay what the Met pays.”

And finally, add the fun of a festival.

Imagine sets for several acts of five shows being thrown on and off stage over the course of two days. So many sets, they must add on a set tent to the side of the theater just to house them.

The company also offers backstage tours, “Breakfast with the Stars,” meeting principles after the show at the Cafe des Artistes tent outside the theater, seminars and afternoon concerts.

Opening night brought Puccini’s “Manon Lescaut” to the stage. Soprano Irina Rinzuner, who joined the Metropolitan Opera this year, shined in her portrayal of Manon with a voice that rattled the rafters. Her counterpart, tenor Marcos Aguiar playing her love interest Des Grieux, was not nearly as impressive. It was obvious that the two had little chemistry. Baritone Michael

Corvino, a UFO mainstay, also wowed the audience with his role of Manon’s brother. The orchestra, under the baton of San Jose Chamber Orchestra director Barbara Day Turner, may have been the ultimate star of the show, at times perhaps overwhelming Aguiar’s weak voice.

The company presented Sondheim’s “Into the Woods” on the following night with strong performances across the stage. The prince brothers, boldly and hilariously played by Kyle Pfortmiller and Mark Womack, came closest to stealing the show. Broadway’s Joy Hermalyn has a very tall voice for such a very short woman in her portrayal of the witch. The set design of simple tree silhouettes moved unobtrusively about by a crew dressed as pixies or dwarves was brilliant, as was the lighting that changed their hue.

Both productions were well-done and well worth the drive and hotel-stay.

Reviews of “1776” and “Aida” have also been positive.

Make your way up to Logan and see what the Utah Festival Opera is all about.

More information can be found at the Utah Festival Opera Company’s web site, ufoc.org.

Tickets range from $12–74 with student rush and senior discounts.

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J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8 | i s s u e 1 0 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 2 7

The Go-Go’s Belinda Carlisle Joins The Regeneration Tour

DVDiva Reviews by Tony Hobday

Finn’s Girl Wolfe Releasing $24.95 wolfevideo.com, avail. Aug. 5

Dr. Finn Jeffries, after losing her wife to cancer, is left to raise their typically rebellious, foul-mouthed 11-year-old daughter Zelly alone. To further the burden are daily death threats from religious anti-abortion fanatics and a selfish younger girlfriend. Written and codirected by Laurie Colbert, the film is smart and fervently honest. The performances, though not Oscarworthy, are strong, especially the tense relationship between Finn (Brooke Johnson) and Zelly (Maya Ritter). This is definitely a noteworthy drama that will bring even the most skeptical to tears.

By Tony Hobday

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Carlisle, 50, was lead vocalist, during the ’70s and ’80s, of a unique and wildly popular allwoman rock/punk/pop band called The Go-Go’s. During their seven-year run together, they scored many hits including “Our Lips Are Sealed,” “Head Over Heels” and “We Got The Beat.” Carlisle went on to a successful solo career, creating hits like “Mad About You” and “Heaven Is A Place On Earth.” She’s been out of the American scene for many years now, but has briefly returned to the United States as a pivotal artist of the multi-group Regeneration Tour. While in Hawaii at a Go-Go’s corporate show June 23, Carlisle was kind enough to give QSaltLake readers some insight into touring, her personal life and her fans. elinda

Itty Bitty Titty Committee Wolfe Releasing $27.95 wolfevideo.com, avail. Sep. 2

Tony HOBDAY: Talk about the Regeneration Tour, how you became involved and what, if anything, you expect from it.

Belinda CARLISLE: Okay. Well I was approached about six or eight months ago and it sounded like a really fun thing to me because I hadn’t toured extensively in the states as a solo performer and I’ve worked with Human League and ABC before. And I think for the audience it’s great because it’s instant gratification and no filler, and they can hear all the hits they want to hear. And it’s fun for the artists too.

TH: The tour will take you to 22 cities in just one month, how do you prepare for such a tight schedule?

BC: I don’t know. [Laughs] It’s hard, I do know that. I’m going to be away from home for two months starting next week and I have to drag all this stuff I have overseas. I haven’t done anything this extensively in over probably 25 years, so I have to pace myself and it’s difficult. But I have great faith in myself.

TH: Are your husband and son joining you on the road?

BC: It’s too hard to bring family on this kind of thing because it’s like [the scheduling is] bam, bam, bam and there’s too much traveling. My husband really hates traveling and for my son it’s just too difficult. So it’s just me and the band and a couple of friends, that’s it.

TH: The concert in Salt Lake will include Human League, ABC and Naked Eyes, so how much time is alloted for each performer?

BC: I know for me it’s half an hour, so there’s just time for me to play the hits I’ve had over the years. I think Human League, since they’re headlining, might be a little bit longer. Like I said, because there are so many artists it’s just from one to the other — there’s no filler.

TH: What have you been doing recently, musically I mean, and do you have any plans for a

new release in the United States?

BC: Well I had a French album [Voila] come out last year in Europe but I’m not doing any of my French stuff on this because I think people would just get confused. And after the tour, I’ll think about if I want to make another album in English ... I’ll see if I’m inspired. But I work all the time overseas and I have a very full life outside of music.

TH: What was the best thing, for you, about the 1970s? The 1980s?

BC: The best thing about the ’70s I think was being a part of the whole punk rock thing. In the beginning it was very exciting and there was this whole energy that was unique and has yet to be kind of repeated. I went to London in 1977 to go see all those bands play and they’d come to L.A. and play in clubs. Really, I was part of the L.A. punk scene when there was maybe 50 people, so I was there at the very beginning and it was very exciting. I think for the Go-Go’s being a part of playing the clubs in the 1970s was fun and there was an innocence about it and I have a lot of great memories from it.

From the ’80s I think there was a lot of good moments, but I think for me, when the Go-Go’s [debut album] Beauty and the Beat went number one was a great moment.

TH: On the other hand, what was the worst about them?

BC: I don’t think there are any bad memories from the late ’70s. Even the struggle was interesting and fun. Without getting too far

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into it because it’s so boring to talk about and hear about, it was probably the drugs.

You know I don’t really regret it, but there was a lot of down times; at the same time it’s made me who I am today.

TH: The Go-Go’s, and you personally were, and still are considered gay icons, especially in the lesbian community. What are your thoughts and feelings of such a status?

BC: Well it’s something I’m proud of and I feel very fortunate. To always have had a big gay and lesbian following ... I mean without sounding too cliche, they’re an audience whom have always been on the forefront of trend and they’ve always had impeccable taste, of course [laughs]. And they’ve always been a very loyal audience to me so I feel very, very lucky. I love my gay audience.

TH: Please share one thing about yourself for your fans that they may not already know.

BC: Let’s see. Gosh ... I’m a big French history buff and that one of my personal goals is to be an accredited Yoga teacher.

TH: What’s your favorite period in French history?

BC: Around the time of the Crusades, the Freemasons, the Holy Grail and Mary Magdeline and all those legends. I happen to live in a part of France where a lot of that history was made.

The Regeneration Tour comes to Salt Lake City Aug. 7 at the USANA Amphitheatre, 5150 S. 6055 West.

Tickets $29-49, call 487-4899 or visit smithstix.com.

A group of collegeaged street-tough feminists known as the C(I)A recruit a shy, dislocated girl in their illegal underground political activism. There are certainly some important social issues faced regarding the continuing degredation of women, but executed in the stereotypical man-bashing-lesbian way. The cast is great, though characterly obtrusive: a butch dyke, a lipstick lesbian, a transitioning FtM and a bisexual — please! The upside is how we see the gradual change in Melonie Diaz’s character’s timid and weak personality.

Camp Out Liberation Entertainment $24.95 avail. liberationentertainment. com, Aug. 5

This documentary following 10 teenagers, ages 15-18, through a week-long gay bible camp is not a bible-thumping, gaginducing mantra one may fear. Mixed with scenes of normal summer camp activites such as craftmaking, singalongs and talent shows, directors Kirk Marcolina and Larry Grimaldi flow in the kids’ individual battle between spirituality and sexuality.

The directors do not sway the film, but allow the diversity of the kids relay the message that homosexuality and religion can co-exist in ourselves and society.

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Christian Web Site Turns Gay Athlete into Homosexual An Olympic sprinter received a surprising name change on July 1, thanks to the software on a conservative news Web site.

The program in question is an automated system that swaps the word “gay” with “homosexual” in stories appearing on the Christian news site OneNewsNow. com. As U.S. athlete Tyson Gay discovered earlier this month, the program apparently makes no exception for last names. It changed the Associated Press story about Gay’s qualifying to participate in the Beijing Summer Games to read thus: “Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

“His time of 9.68 seconds at the U.S. Olympic trials Sunday doesn’t count as a world record, because it was run with the help of a too-strong tailwind. Here’s what does matter: Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he’s certainly someone to watch in Beijing.

“It means a lot to me,” the 25-year-old Homosexual said. “I’m glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me.”

After the story appeared on several blogs, including gay blogs PageOneQ and Good as You, a spokeswoman for the American Family Association (which owns the news site) told the Washington Post blog The Sleuth that the name change was “a fluke.”

“We took the filter out for that word,” OneNewsNow news director Fred Jackson later added. “We don’t object to the word ‘gay’ [except] when it refers to people who practice a homosexual lifestyle.” When asked why the network objected to using the word “gay” to describe a homosexual person, Jackson explained that homosexuals had “co-opted” the word. Q

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Fabulous People What Not with Sister Dottie

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

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Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints member Dottie S. Dixon visited her mother and father in California last month, she thought she would have a pleasant trip in the sunny, summery state. But during Sunday services, the bishop read a letter from church president Thomas S. Monson that urged the California faithful to support a referendum to constitutionally define marriage as the union of one man and one woman — a move that, if successful, would overturn the state supreme court’s decision in favor of gay marriage.

As Dixon tells it, all “heck” then broke loose. “‘Criminetly!’ I yelled. I marched right up to the podium and I butted the bishop right off the mike. He toppled over, bless his aging heart, but there was no time for subtly. I was going to bear my testimony right then and there.”

And what did Dixon, a 10th generation Mormon and member of the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers tell the ward members? That the senior citizens listening to the letter should forget about sacrament meeting and start knocking on doors?

Oh, flip, no.

“I told them members that I sustain the brethren in all their righteous actions. But when it comes to denying other human bein’s their basic civil rights, I was drawin’ the line. How can we Mormons say marriage should be between one man and one woman when our church still seals multiple women to men in the temple, hmm? That’s just plain old hypocrisy!”

Dixon recounted the following story in her weekly radio show What Not, What Have You, And Such as That with Sister Dottie S. Dixon that airs every Friday at 3:00 p.m. and Saturday at 10:00 a.m. on KRCL 90.9 FM. As to why she commandeered a sacrament meeting, pushed over an elderly bishop (who was not injured, by the way), and has vowed to donate her tithing money (that is, the 10 percent of a salary Mormons donate to their church) to pro-gay marriage groups until Mormon elders “repent of hen

their hard-heartedness,” Dixon simply says: “Sometimes you just have to take a stand for what’s right, kid.”

Standing up for what’s right is Dixon’s specialty. As a proud Mormon and the proud mother of a gay son, she says that it’s also her calling.

“I love … being a spokesperson for the down-trodden or oppressed, through PFLAG meetings and gatherings, politics, parades, and of course my weekly radio show,” said Dixon in a phone interview just before she and husband Don headed east to re-enact the Mormon Trail in honor of the Days of ’47, the annual celebration of the Mormons’ arrival in Salt Lake City.

“I’ve been workin’ out and walkin’ every morning,” she laughs.

Dixon’s activism began shortly after her son Donnie, 35, came out to her and her husband.

Although Dixon says the news surprised her, the thought of rejecting her son for being gay never crossed her mind.

“Yes, he shocked us with the revelation that he was gay – but you know, it’s just the way the good Lord made him. Who am I to mess with perfection?” she asks.

Wanting to make life better for her son, Dixon joined and son became president of the Spanish Fork chapter of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays. She also began publicly challenging the Mormon Church, which teaches that gay sex is sinful, for what she sees as its mistreatment of its gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender members. Her outspokenness quickly got her in trouble in the conservative community of Spanish Fork which she and her family call home.

3 4 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 0 7 | J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8

“I originally had a program on KSTAR out of Provo, until I was bumped for the Gayle Ruzicka Faith and Patriotism Hour. The management said my commentaries weren’t ’preciated by the Utah County listening audience. Can you believe that?” Dixon exclaims, her voice rising in anger even after all these years. But happily, KRCL did appreciate her commentaries, so much that QSaltLake columnist and KRCL producer Troy Williams asked Dixon to appear on his gay radio show Now Queer This.

“They wanted to be all divershul and such as that, and so they called for a Utah County representation.

Well being the past-president of the Greater Utah County PFLAG, I was automatically seen as the one to be on the show,” Dixon remembers. Her appearances were so popular, in fact, that when Williams cancelled Now Queer This last year, listeners demanded that their “Sister D” stay. In what she calls “one of his more enlightened decisions,” Williams agreed and gave Dixon her own show and a license to talk about whatever she pleases.

Some weeks, for example, Dixon will recount the foibles of other ward members, or poke fun at traditional Mormon cuisine. (“You’d be surprised how funny funeral potatoes can be.”) Other times, Dixon speaks out against what she sees as people misusing their political or spiritual authority, including figures as diverse as anti-gay West Jordan Republican Sen. Chris Buttars and the Texas government, whose decision to take away the children of a Fundamentalist LDS polygamist group Dixon found cruel and unnecessary.

‘Criminetly!’ I yelled. I marched right up to the podium and I butted the bishop right off the mike. He toppled over, bless his aging heart, but there was no time for subtly.

But while KRCL listeners and gay Utahns aplenty love listening to her, Dixon is the first to admit that her outspokenness has gained her some odd looks in church, and even some open hostility, especially from her “archnemesis” and fellow ward member Barbara B. Booth.

“She has done everything she can to thwart the things I’ve been about,” Dixon explains. “She has a lot of guilt and shame and fear and, might I add, ignorance. That just epitomizes Barbara B. Booth. She has a small following of people that do what she tells them to do in our ward and she doesn’t like Sister D.” But Dixon adds that she doesn’t let people like this get to her.

“It just revs me right up and the ornerier they get, the more I push back with all the good work and good will I can,” she says.

And it seems like Sister D.’s goodwill and good works have also made her a popular figure among Utah’s gay organizations. Along with serving as the grand marshal for the Kane County “Gays of ’47” pride parade, she will also speak at the Gay Men’s Health Summit in August. And then there’s a play about her life she and Troy Williams are currently developing with gay-friendly theatre company Pygmalion Productions. The Passion of Sister Dottie S. Dickson will premiere at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center in April, 2009, and feature Sister D. herself talking about her life, her work and, of course her recipes.

“It’s been real fun, to tell ya the truth.

We’ve had a great time writin’ the play and putting together some of the stories, weaving together some of my geneology and ancestry,” she says.

“It seems like the phone never stops a ringin’,” she laughs. “I guess I must be doin’ something right or people wouldn’t be asking me to make appearances.” Q Read Sister Dottie’s blog posts and listen to her radio show at sisterdottie.com.

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AVAIL JULY 1. Beautiful, clean 1 bedroom Avenues apartment in historic home at 165 A Street.

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FOR RENT ADS are just $10 per issue. Call 801-649-6663 to get yours in the next issue.

J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8 | i s s u e 1 0 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 3 5

ACCOUNTANTS

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A Bookkeeping, Payroll & Tax Service

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ATTORNEYS

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AWESOME remodeled 3 bed, 2 bath Glendale home Stainless Steel appliances, maple kitchen, bamboo floors and more. 1553 W. Indiana Ave MLS# 787787 $155,900, Kerry Sanford, Service First Realty, 801-201-0665 or visit me online @ KerrySanford.com.

Service Guide

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ROOMMATES ROOMMATE WANTED to rent bedroom in cute bungalow with laundry room. I’m a male, nonsmoker. $350 per month, utils included. $150 deposit. Call Steve at 801-688-1918 or email me at PMKirt234@yahoo.com ROOMMATE ADS are just $5!

Call 649-6663 or go to qsaltlake. com and get yours today.

PERSONALS WHERE LOCAL GUYS MEET Browse & Respond FREE! 801-5950005 Use Code 5705. Also Visit MegaMates.com, 18+

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PUBLISHER OF QSALTLAKE

FLORISTS

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INSURANCE Steven R Fisher Insur Agcy Inc

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COMMITMENT CEREMONIES

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COUNSELING Ready for Healthy Changes and New Beginnings?

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Providing Insurance and Financial Services State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company – Bloomington, IL. State Farm Fire and Casualty Company – Bloomington, IL. P067001 01/06

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ADVERTISE IN THE QSALTLAKE SERVICE GUIDE $25 per inch per issue or $175 for 13 issues (six months) or $250 for 26 issues (one year) Call 801-649-6663 today.

Q Puzzle

Two to Beam Up

50 Whitman’s tool 51 Dustin in Midnight Cowboy 53 “Alone ___ Drive-in Across Movie” (Grease) 1 Doesn’t feel up 54 What Garbo “vanted” to 5 Straight beater be 10 Queens rule over them 56 Star Trek actor and 14 Mosque head source of the quote 15 Hits hard 59 Shakespeare’s “anon” 16 Apple that isn’t a fruit updated 17 Start of a quote about 61 Sea eagles legalizing gay marriage 62 Hathaway of _The Devil 20 “... farewell, auf Wears Prada_ Wiedersehen, ___” 65 They touch the bottoms 21 Atlantic City casino, with of religious people “the” 66 Stroke with an upright 22 “Sphincter” author stick Ginsberg 67 Direction from The Naked 23 It comes before Jack Chef 24 It hangs from your butt 68 Victor/Victoria actor Peter 26 “Gag me with a spoon!” 69 “___ traveller from ...”

28 Hrs. in P-town (Shelley’s “Ozymandias”) 29 Words said by gazers into 70 Peter or Paul but not crystal balls Mary 30 Not worth oral treatment Down 32 More of the quote 1 Target before shooting off 35 End of the quote 2 Manilow’s “___ It 39 Gertrude Stein, e.g.

Through the Rain” 40 “___ little prayer for you” (Biblical line by Dionne 3 Salt away 4 Barrie buccaneer Warwick)?

5 Sch. of South Beach’s 41 Tight-lipped (var.) state 42 Michael of Miss 6 Couldn’t stand Congeniality 7 NCAA home of the Bruins 46 “I’m ___ your tricks!”

8 Chute at Aspen 47 Post-lovemaking sigh 9 Pres. after Eleanor’s 48 Place where your meat gets stuffed husband Features quotes about gay marriage rights.

Cryptogram A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached. This week’s hint: V = L

C

10 Dreamgirls director Condon 11 Nellie-lover in South Pacific 12 What hangs over and sometimes drips on you 13 Pumbaa’s problem, in The Lion King 18 Deep-space energy source 19 Gulliver’s Travels brutes 25 Nero’s tutor 27 More like a Clive Barker flick 29 Pop of pop 31 Poet ___ Wu 32 Bygone Renault 33 Marlon Brando’s hometown 34 Bedroom garment 36 Puts a finger on 37 Enjoyed Nick Malgieri 38 River of Cocteau’s country 43 What “bottom’s up” is to “pub’s motto” 44 Like a Melissa Etheridge song 45 Most straight, at a bar?

48 Whisper sweet nothings 49 Tie up, orally 52 Gaydar, e.g.

55 Rock-bottom 57 Maria’s “Do-___” 58 On an Atlantis cruise 59 Cruising area 60 On top of, in poetry 63 Long of If These Walls Could Talk 2 64 Pull a boner

Anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:

Theme: Part of Kevin’s marriage proposal to Scotty Name the actor who on Brothers & Sisters. plays Scotty on the X wfevxifg ubj vqaon X et kfaeqcf X sfh hb show referenced in the abtf ubtf hb cbtfbdf jub xc oxdg edg aewxds cryptogram. edg jub auedsfc huf vxsuh kqvkc edg ... tewwn tf?

rackful enamel

_ ________ ___ _____ _ __ _______ _ ___ __ ____ ____ __ ____ _______ ___ __ ____ ___ ______ _________ ___ ___ _______ ___ _____ PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON _____ ... _____ __?

PAGE 38 3 6 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 0 7 | J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8

O

M

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Q Scene

The theme was lube at this year’s Bar-B-Queer held by Queer Village, Utah AIDS Foundation’s outreach group. Photographer David Daniels was on-hand to snap a few shots. More are available on his web site, ­daviddanielsphotography.com

The Village also held the Wedding Chapel photography booth at Utah Pride. This being the Gay Wedding issue, what better place to show some of the photos off?

J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8 | i s s u e 1 0 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 3 7

Support the Businesses that Support You

Q Tales The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear:

These businesses brought you this issue of QSaltLake.

Make sure to thank them with your patronage.

The Tale of the Full Moon Tire Chains

A New Day Spa. . . . . . . . . 272-3900 A Touch to Know . . . . . . . 633-4860

by Petunia Pap-Smear

Area 51 534-0819

T

California is fraught with danger and excitement.

At 2:00 p.m. one wintery Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from my friend, Tim. He was going to a college wrestling tournament in California and would I be interested in accompanying him. Forty-five minutes later we were on the road in his 1992 Cadillac Deville heading to the Golden State. I didn’t even have time to pack my make-up kit. Let this be a lesson to us all, always keep a pack of cosmetics ready to go at a moment’s notice as part of your 72hour emergency kit. This is the part of being prepared that the Boy Scouts conveniently neglected to teach. I’m shocked that Revlon does not offer a stock 72-hour emergency make-up kit.

Traveling about 70 miles per hour around the north end of the Great Salt Lake in Park Valley, suddenly we entered a long, gradual, seemingly never ending “Curve of Death” covered with black ice. I refrained from squealing like the school girl that I am, while Tim was able to hold his composure keeping the car from careening off the road into the frozen abyss. Upon surviving the curve, we stopped the car for about five minutes to collect our wits and fasten our seat belts and pry our fingernails from the steering wheel and arm rests. I also needed a new pair of panties.

Onward we went to Davis, California and the wrestling tournament. Never having followed the sport previously, but harboring a huge, unrelenting fetish for spandex, I was totally unaware of just how yummy those he road to

wrestling singlets can be. To my amazement and delight, those beefy college wrestlers just changed clothes right on the sidelines in full view of the audience with only a towel to half way cover up. Being a lecherous old queen, I did not follow the scores of who was winning or losing, however I did select a few winners in categories of my own choosing, and I was thoroughly entertained. So much so that I didn’t even polish my nails.

After several satisfying hours of gawking at the wrestling jocks (Tim actually followed the wrestling scores), we set off for SteamWorks in Berkeley, a true destination event bathhouse (a separate story for a different time).

After having spent a very randy night at the bathhouse, the next morning we set off for home. I was dressed for comfortable travel, wearing a T-shirt and tear-away sweat pants. It was beginning to snow so we were trying to beat the storm. As we approached Donner Pass, the police would only let us go onward if we had tire chains.

We stopped at the last service station before the canyon to buy a pair. As we pulled into the parking lot, there was an attendant there to see what each car needed. I opened the door and started to get out. The seat belt caught my tear-away sweat pants and low and behold they tore away, all the way down to my ankles. Wouldn’t you know I was not wearing underwear, so I was standing there naked from the waist down with my family jewels on full display, highlighted by the huge two-inch gleaming chrome cock ring I was still wearing after leaving the bath-

Puzzle Solutions Cryptogram: I realized how lucky I am because I get to come home to someone who is kind and caring and who changes the light bulbs and ... marry me?

Anagram:

Crossword

QDoku

Luke McFarlane

2 5 4 8 9 3 6 1 7 2 6 9 4 5 3 1 7 8

3 6 1 7 2 4 8 9 5 4 5 1 8 6 7 2 3 9

7 9 8 5 6 1 2 3 4 3 8 7 9 2 1 4 5 6

1 7 6 3 4 5 9 2 8 5 1 8 2 7 4 6 9 3

4 3 2 9 1 8 5 7 6 6 3 2 1 9 5 8 4 7

9 8 5 6 7 2 3 4 1 9 7 4 6 3 8 5 2 1

1 9 3 5 4 6 7 8 2 5 9 1 6 4 3 1 5 9 7 8 2

8 2 5 7 1 9 3 6 4 8 2 7 5 1 9 2 8 7 4 6 3

7 4 6 3 8 2 9 1 5 3 6 4 8 2 7 4 3 6 1 5 9

2 3 9 6 7 8 1 5 4

1 4 6 9 3 5 7 8 2

5 7 8 4 1 2 9 3 6

7 2 4 5 1 6 8 9 3 1 4 6 2 7 5 3 9 6 8 1 4

6 8 1 9 3 2 4 5 7 2 8 9 3 6 1 7 8 4 9 5 2

9 5 3 4 8 7 6 2 1 7 5 3 4 9 8 2 1 5 7 6 3

9 4 6 5 2 3 1 7 8 5 7 8 3 4 9 2 1 6

1 5 7 4 6 8 3 2 9 4 3 6 2 5 1 7 8 9

8 2 3 9 7 1 5 4 6 1 9 2 7 6 8 5 3 4

6 1 9 8 4 7 2 3 5 8 6 9 1 7 5 3 4 2

7 3 2 6 5 9 4 8 1 2 4 7 8 9 3 1 6 5

5 8 4 1 3 2 6 9 7 3 1 5 6 2 4 9 7 8

3 8 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 0 7 | J u l y 1 7, 2 0 0 8

house. The attendant was only about five feet from me and the look on his face was like he had just watched the shower scene from Psycho. I felt the breeze, looked down and noticed that I was making an “unscheduled presentation.” In one deft move I pulled up the pants, began buttoning up the sides of my pants, and urgently told the man with queenly authority that “I Need Tire Chains!” while trying to keep some semblance of decorum. He just pointed to the building in dumbstruck silence. So here I am trying to put on tire chains in the snow storm while Tim remained inside the car, assisting by driving the car onto the tire chains in my direction. Every time I would bend over to work on the chains, the snaps on the tearaway pants would pop and I would moon the parking lot again. About 15 minutes and 20 full moons later we were good to go.

The journey through Donner Pass was a tortuously slow stop-and-go drive that should have taken 45 minutes, but ended up taking seven and a half hours. Any longer and I may have been forced to eat Tim, and not in the good way. About five hours into it, I had to pee most egregiously, but there was absolutely no opportunity to pull off. Consequently, during one of the stops when I could hold it no longer, I opened up the front and back doors of the car, stood up between them and just let it flow like a “golden shower” in a porn movie. Ahh, with the steam rising from the snow bank, never had I felt so much relief. Soon, I noticed that almost every other car behind us and in front of us started to do the same thing. Obviously I was not the only one in distress, but apparently as the reigning Queen of that stretch of road they needed my permission to relieve themselves.

By the time we got to Reno, Circus Circus never looked so good.

This story leaves us with many important questions: 1. Is Spandex the patron fabric of porn?

2. Does getting pinned in wrestling equal a marriage engagement?

3. After providing an accidental “free show,” should a queen just pretend that it did not happen, or ask for autographs?

4. Will that attendant have fond memories of this event or nightmares?

5. Would a chrome cock ring count as part of the crown jewels, or does it need to be diamond studded?

6. If I ate Tim, would that be considered Atkins Diet-friendly?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear. Q

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Wells Fargo offers solutions tailored for both our needs.

No matter what your goals, Wells Fargo has a wide range of accounts and services that may help you achieve them. From flexible checking and savings accounts, loan offerings, to premier investment management services, Wells Fargo offers solutions to help you save, plan and prepare for the future. Talk to a Wells Fargo banker today.

Seize your someday.SM INVESTMENT PRODUCTS • NOT FDIC INSURED • NO BANK GUARANTEE • MAY LOSE VALUE

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Q

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