Tell Trinity

BY TRINITY | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Dearest Trinity,

I’ve been going after this guy for over a year now. Even though he’s friendly and sweet, he still won’t date me. I know I’m not his type but how can I get him to fall for me?

Dream Chaser, Seattle, WA

Dearest Dream Chaser,

Life is too short to play a losing sport. So snap out of it. If after a year there ain’t no lovin’ under the stars, then this affair is just... not in the cards. And if he’s not callin’ or writin’ you, then he ain’t worth holding on to. This is not a Romeo and Juliet story. This is an unrequited love tale! So, sweetie, bite the bullet and move on!

Kisses, Trinity

Dear Trinity,

You talk about religion and spirituality. I’m confused. Do you believe in God? Searching, Peoria, IL Love, Trinity

Dear Searching,

You mean, do I believe in a higher consciousness that would obviously look like Patti Labelle or Stacey Abrams who can belt out a tune or save democracy? Do I believe in a God(dess) who is giving, forgiving and totally accepting, granting all wishes just for the asking, judging no one and leading people into the light of unconditional love while singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”? Then, honey, yes… I do believe!

Hello Trinity,

I’m a very shy gay man and being shy gets in the way of meeting people. Help! Shy, Oklahoma City, OK Hello Shy,

First, try going out in a costume, uniform or some form of drag, i.e., leather, military, work uniform or a RuPaul’s Drag Race outfit. Being in a uniform or costume works wonders for shy folks. Second, start approaching easy prey, like people you’re not intimidated by, and just say, “hi.” Third, when you’re out socially, take deep breaths and have a cocktail, it helps! And lastly, there’s a shyness drug called Paxtin. Ask your doctor. It’s a drug though, so be careful. Pumpkin, shyness never completely goes away but taking control of your life… is forever!

Love, Trinity Hey Trinity,

I was dating this woman for two months when she suddenly stopped being interested. I’ve called and sent gifts but nothing! Now she says, “She’s being stalked, [by me] and if it doesn’t stop, she’ll call the police.” What should I do?

Would Be Stalker, Harrisburg, PA

Hey Would Be Stalker,

When someone says “you’re stalking me,” a huge siren should go off in your head before a police siren goes off in your front yard. Whatever she feels IS the way she feels. So darling, stop right now and let her go! Also here’s:

1. Even though months have passed since she dumped you, you still park outside her apartment, late at night, waiting to see her. 2. You turn down yet another free ticket to Hamilton just to spend your only night off on

Facebook reading “his” posts. 3. Because of your religious devotion for her, your friends and relatives have disowned you… but you still feel very loved. 4. You constantly badger his friends with questions as to his well-being, his where-abouts and his favorite places to go! 5. After she got a restraining order, you still spend lunch breaks sitting 501 feet near her office and you don’t even get lunch breaks. 6. You compulsively patronize supermarkets, restaurants, gas stations and any place he may suddenly appear. 7. You hire a detective to find out all of her addresses, phone numbers and favorite hangouts. 8. You live ten minutes from work, but take fifty minutes to get there because he lives twenty minutes in the other direction. 9. You’ve built an altar to her, complete with pictures and an old hairbrush stolen from her garbage. 10. Lastly, you’ve given up a high paying job just to take a minimum wage job because it’s

“nearer to him.” : :

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.