Priority One

Difficult conversations are a normal part of life and occur across a lifespan, including throughout a career reports Priority One North Coast Regional Staff Counsellor Narelle Raeburn.

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Too frequently we avoid talking about something that is affecting us, be it family, work, relationships or another situation which is important, and we often find reasons–or excuses–to avoid the conversation. These include: ‘I don’t want to hurt their feelings’, ‘now is not the time’, ‘everyone makes mistakes sometimes’, ‘I don’t have time’, ‘it will resolve, give it time’. Be mindful if you hear yourself making these statements, that the research suggests that having the conversation as early as the concerns arise and addressing the very issue that is making us feel uncomfortable is the preferred approach as this provides opportunity for a resolution. Without addressing the unresolved issue, referred to as a ‘rupture’, a ‘repair’ cannot occur. It can manifest itself in maladaptive coping strategies, toxic interactions and unhealthy relationships.

This article touches on why difficult conversations are so important and what we can do to prepare for them. It also provides strategies for managing our emotions, whilst remaining grounded and representing ourselves professionally.

When difficult issues arise, there are conflicting opinions about how best to manage the situation. The outcome may cause distress for those involved. For some people, difficult conversations occur as a result of a grievance or complaint. The reason difficult conversations are unsettling is because too frequently the behaviour, the conflict or the resulting action is tabled without acknowledging the underlying emotion attached by that outcome.

Difficult conversations in the workplace aim to resolve conflicts efficiently and effectively to support workplace relationships and address or resolve problems before they have a significant impact or disrupt productivity or performance. This in turn aims to improve staff engagement, increase confidence and morale and reduce absenteeism and employer turnover. When asked to engage in a difficult conversation ensure you have the ‘tools’ you need to attend. Be Prepared: Ensure you are prepared by gathering all the relevant information required for you to attend and write some notes or bullet points about what is important for you to have addressed. Decide if you would like to take a support person, and what their role in the meeting will be.

When preparing, it is helpful for you to think about these questions:

• Why is it important for me to have this conversation? • What questions would I like answered? • What would l like to get out of the conversation? • What is important to me moving forward? • Are my expectations realistic? • What areas can I advocate/negotiate?

Where possible and practical, have the conversation face-to-face and ensure time is dedicated as not to be interrupted and take minutes to ensure that there is a record of the conversation and agreed outcomes documented. Ask questions for clarification and ensure that you understand what is being communicated and have an opportunity to state your perspective. Ask how long the meeting will go for and consider taking a break half-way to re-employ some of the strategies suggested to remain in your body and engage the cognitive part of your brain. Manage your emotions: Tense

conversations evoke intense emotions. Difficult conversations can feel threatening, which sets off ‘shark music’ in your brain, a reaction whereby, your amygdala is hijacked causing your prefrontal cortex to shut down

and the body’s reaction is to trigger the sympathetic nervous system into a fight or fright response. This is completely normal, however, instantaneously we need to calm our inner ‘shark music’ to re-engage our rational and logical thinking brain to be able to attend to and engage in the imminent discussion. Luckily, it is possible to interrupt this physical response and manage your emotions by tuning into your body which will help ground you. First, breathe: Simple techniques such as deep, slow breathing opens your lungs allowing extra oxygen to be pumped around your body to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and trigger a calming response. This will lower your heart rate and increase oxygen throughout your body and importantly your brain. When taking a few deep breaths, notice the physical sensation of air coming in and out of your lungs. Feel it pass through your nostrils or down the back of your airway and deep into your bronchioles. This will take your attention to the internal state of your body and off the physical (external) space of the room, our physical reactions assist us to keep focussed, remain calm and respond intentionality and concisely. Mindfulness experts suggest counting your breath—in for the count of three, hold for the count of three and out for the count of three. In one-two-three, hold one-two-three and out onetwo-three (repeat several times). Next focus on your body: Remaining

physically still in your body can result in the intense internal emotions building up rather than dissolving. If seated at a table, you may be hesitant to stand up. Instead, try saying, ‘I need to stretch a little, do you mind if I stand or walk around?’ If that still doesn’t feel comfortable, you can do some small physical exercises in your chair, such as placing your fingers together, turning them inside out away from you and stretching your arms out in front of you. Try crossing your arms across your body and stretching from your shoulders or placing your feet firmly on the ground and noticing what the floor feels like on the bottom of your shoes. This technique is referred to as ‘anchoring’. It again works on the premise of taking you from your emotional state back to your physical state–keeping you present in the ‘physical’ and maintaining your ability to engage your rational and logical brain. Acknowledge and label your feelings:

Hopefully, processing emotions that have arisen as a result of the difficult conversation will have commenced prior to the meeting. However, it is also important to notice emotions as they arise in the meeting. Unfortunately, breathing and being present in the room will not eliminate the emotions that arise but you can acknowledge them and move forward. When sensing a thought or an emotion, a useful tactic is to pay attention to the thought/feeling, and simply name them. For example, ‘I can’t believe he’s saying that happened, he’s lying, that makes me so angry’. Recall and write down disbelief and anger. Labelling your emotions allows you to see your thoughts and feelings for what they are–transient sources of data that may or may not prove helpful. By naming them, you also put space between yourself and the emotion. This space makes it easier to let them go–and not bury them or let them explode. What is your mantra? Often a phrase or

a piece of advice you have learnt to settle yourself in the past can assist when highly emotional situations arise. What is your mantra? ‘This will pass’, ‘Get through this’, ‘Always moving forward’, ‘Positive steps, right direction’…Whatever your mantra is, call on it when you notice the psychological response in your body change meaning when your amygdala is hijacked again. Repeat your mantra, reminding yourself that you can and will get through this task at hand. Take a break: This approach is often underused. If the meeting lasts longer than 20 to 30 minutes, schedule in a break before the meeting. The more time you give yourself to process your thoughts and emotions, the less intense they are likely to be, and the easier it is to let them go. If the meeting is getting too difficult to stay in the room, excuse yourself for a moment–go to the toilet, get a glass of water. Try saying something like, ‘I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I need to get a quick tea, can I get anyone else something whilst I am up?’ Be mindful, that you are most likely not the only one who is upset. The other person is likely to express anger or frustration too. While you may want to give them the above advice, no one wants to be told they need to breathe more deeply or take a break. So, you may be in a situation where you just need to let the other person vent. That is usually easier said than done though. Represent yourself well. Always be professional, respectful and courteous. Remember to take good care of you.

Where do I find help?

 1800 805 980

 0419 707 397

 0408 191 215 or 0417 079 679 or 0409 056 983

 3635 3333

 3830 5888

 0439 788 485 or

 See list in each QAS Station or on QASPortal

Priority One address

References:

Harvard Business Review: https://hbr. org/2017/12/how-tocontrol-your-emotionsduring-a-difficultconversation#

Managing Difficult Conversations in the Workplace: Fair work Ombudsmen.

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The recipients were presented with their certificates at an official ceremony in Brisbane and at school events during February and March. Imogen Farrawell and Imogen Harvey from Mountain Creek State High School and Ty Martens from Sandgate District State High School were presented with their certificates by Assistant Commissioner Peter Warrener at an official Queensland Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Foundation (QATSIF) ceremony at the Australian Catholic University at Banyo on 26 February. The remaining recipients, Ellsy Rudd from St George State High School, Kaylah Frazer from Rockhampton Girls Grammar School, Keara Woods from Noosa District State High School, Wyatt Hughes from Kelvin Grove State College, Riley Wilson from Charleville State High School, Ruby Thompson from Helensvale State High School and Brendyn Mann from Townsville State High School were presented with their certificates by QAS representatives at their schools. The QAS School Based Scholarship, which is coordinated through QATSIF, was introduced in 2020 and provides Grade 11 and 12 Indigenous students support to assist with completing school and transitioning to work and/ or university. Up to ten QAS School Based Scholarships are awarded per year across Queensland and recipients are provided with financial support and access to a range of mentoring and career coaching.

The QAS, in partnership with QATSIF, is proud to offer this scholarship and we look forward to hearing about the progress of all of our new recipients as they pursue their dreams. Pictured are recipients at some of the presentations, including the ceremony at Australian Catholic University.

Our latest High Acuity Response Unit (HARU) clinicians–Critical Care Paramedics Drew Allen and Jan Muhlenberg and Doctors Ben Aston and Claire Bertenshaw are now on road supporting QAS paramedics already providing high level clinical assessment and management for some of our most critical patients.

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These dedicated clinicians have completed their HARU orientation, which included presentations, simulations, equipment familiarisation and additional clinical skills, and are putting their expertise in to practice. QAS Medical Director Dr Stephen Rashford said that all four clinicians are dedicated registered health-care professionals who were selected for the HARU team because of their demonstrated capacity to rapidly acquire and assimilate new knowledge. Their abilities to work as part of a team to deliver time critical patient care is fundamental, as well as providing real time decision support and guidance to paramedics statewide through the QAS Clinical Consultation and Advice Line, and the Clinical Hub.

“They are all unique individuals who have a common goal–a desire to provide the highest level of patient care,” Dr Rashford said.