Queen City Nerve - June 26, 2024

VOLUME 6, ISSUE 15; JUNE 26 - JULY 9, 2024; WWW.QCNERVE.COM

A BLANK

PAGE AWAITS

News:

Good Postage brings journalers together for what was once a solitary event

The proudly uninspiring disability advocate pg. 4

By Davis Cuffe

Music:

The rebirth of Nia J pg. 12

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@Q UEEN CI T Y N ERV E W W W.Q CN ERV E.COM PUBLISHER JUSTIN LAFRANCOIS

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF RYAN PITKIN

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DIGITAL MANAGER RAYNE ANTRIM

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STAFF WRITERS ANNIE KEOUGH

akeough@qcnerve.com DEZANII LEWIS

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ART DIRECTOR AIDEN SIOBHAN

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TABLE OF CONTENTS NEWS & OPINION

4 Fix Your Attitude by Annie Keough Advice from an uninspiring disabled person

ARTS

6 Feminomedy by Dezanii Lewis

Femmeprov brings some positivity to the Charlotte comedy scene

8 A Blank Page by Davis Cuffe

Drunk Journaling is latest way Good Postage connects Charlotte creatives 10 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks

MUSIC

12 The Rebirth of Nia J by Tyler Bunzey

Soul singers debut album shows a shift in the songwriting process 12 New Releases 13 Upcoming Releases/Project Spotlight 14 Soundwave

FOOD & DRINK

16 Share the Food, Share the Word by Ryan Pitkin Tina Tedla champions the Ethiopian food cause at Enat Ethiopian Restaurant

Thanks to our contributors: Jayme Johnson, Davis Cuffe, Tyler Bunzey, Matt Cosper, Jeff Hahne, Jonathan Bradshaw, Kelli McGuire, Toby Shearer, Alyssa Johnson, Mikey Hennessy, Kenty Chung, and Dan Savage.

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LIFESTYLE

18 Puzzles 20 Nerve Endings by Annie Keough 21 Horoscope 22 Savage Love

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

FIX YOUR ATTITUDE Advice from an uninspiring disabled person

BY ANNIE KEOUGH

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“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”

Laura Stinson calls bullshit.

The artist and host of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast About Disability, isn’t having any of that faux inspirational crap.

Stinson points out that, having been a wheelchair user for nearly all her life, she could have such a good attitude that she “sprouts a unicorn horn” from her forehead, but it’s still not going to get her up a flight of stairs.

Stinson was born with osteogenesis imperfecta (OI), also known as brittle bone disease, a genetic disease that has required the use of a wheelchair since she was 4 years old.

Stinson’s interest in educating people about disability started in sixth grade. She and a friend, another wheelchair user, visited classrooms in the younger grades to teach them what it meant to be disabled.

Her passion for educating people on the topic stayed with her into adulthood; she published a monthly column in the Charlotte Observer for a year after college, launched her own podcast in June 2021 and in September 2023, was invited to lead a TEDx Talks presentation at her alma mater, Wingate University.

On March 25, Stinson released the 100th episode of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast About Disability, then During that presentation, titled “Simple Steps to Better Disabled Allyship,” she detailed three practices that non-disabled people can take to better align themselves with the disabled community.

The three practices have become tentpoles in her continued effort to educate non-disabled people about disability: eliminate inspiration porn, don’t treat disabled as a dirty word, and listen to disabled people.

The problem with inspiration porn

When Stinson was growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, representation for disabled people like herself was rare. Things haven’t changed much since then, she says, at least not in a way that she’d like to see it change. What she’s seen instead is how social media has perpetuated a singular image of disabled people through what is ostensibly motivational content showing people somehow defying or overcoming

their disabilities by completing otherwise normal tasks or accomplishments such as finishing a 5K or graduating college. Stinson and others call this content “inspiration porn.”

The late Australian comedian and journalist Stella Young coined the term “inspiration porn” in her 2014 Ted Talk, titled “I’m Not Your Inspiration, Thank You Very Much.” Young was also a wheelchair user due to her OI diagnosis.

Young said she was deliberate in using the word porn “because [the images] objectify one group of people for the benefit of another group of people.”

She insited that the point of inspiration porn was not to spotlight disabled people but to lift the spirits of non-disabled people up by allowing them to compare their lives to disabled people and think, “No matter how bad my life is, at least I’m not disabled.”

You’ve seen inspiration porn, you may have even shared it at some point. A video of a bride rising out of her wheelchair to take a few steps down the aisle, a child hearing their parent’s voices for the first time through a cochlear implant, an image of a smiling runner with prosthetic legs.

When made into easily consumable and sharable meme form, this content is often accompanied by quotes like “Your excuses are invalid” or the aforementioned inspirational quote, infamous in disability circles: “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” The latter did end up inspiring Stinson in the end, as it inspired the name of her podcast.

“This quote perpetuates the idea that the limits of our bodies, whether or not we’re disabled, are fictional or self-imposed and if we just work hard enough — potentially causing ourselves untold damage or pain along the way — everything will be just fine,” she said in the pilot episode of her podcast. “What is the point in killing ourselves to reach some arbitrary goal that was probably imposed by someone else in the first place?”

She said she has always hated the way this content overlooks the humanity of disabled people in favor of focusing on the disability.

In March, when Queen City Nerve spoke to Charlotte resident Cat Williams, a lifelong cystic fibrosis patient who in 2021 received a double lung transplant, she said she had turned down other interview requests during her recovery because

LAURA STINSON

PHOTO BY LAURA STINSON

episode with a simple but necessary message: Disabled people are not a monolith.

Growing up with no disability representation, Stinson’s only reference point for disability was her own lived experience. “[The podcast has] really been a journey for me learning about what it means to be disabled in a way that’s different from the way I’m disabled,” she said.

Stinson recognizes that experiences things from one point of view — a white, heterosexual, cisgender point of view — and she recognizes that a queer disabled person or disabled person of color may have some overlapping experiences in certain circumstances will living wildly different experiences in many other ways.

“I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am definitely not the only voice,” she says to begin her podcast.

Stinson uses her gallows sense of humor and strong language to discuss contentious topics like ableism, what constitutes a disability, and the history of disability in America and elsewhere. This can be offputting to some, but again, it’s her lens and her voice.

Not a monolith “If you’re not pissing somebody off, you’re not Stinson prefaces every one of her 111 podcast doing it right,” she said.

she didn’t feel she could live up to the expectations that inspiration porn had established for people like herself. The only stories she saw showed those who were running marathons or climbing mountains.

“I think people are really shocked when they find out that I still have a lot of medical problems and still have a lot of kind of disabling things that I’m dealing with,” Williams told us after agreeing to tell her story on the record. “I feel like a lot of times they get kind of disappointed, like, ‘Oh, really?’”

She went on to explain why she sometimes feels uncomfortable when people call her experience inspiring.

“You go through what life hands you; life handed me cystic fibrosis, and I just kind of had to deal with it,” she said. “It’s just sort of awkward feeling sometimes when people are like, ‘Oh, you’re such an inspiration,’ and I think, am I? I’m not curing cancer.”

Experiences like those are one reason why Stinson says she isn’t out to inspire anyone with her podcast.

“I don’t want to inspire people because I’m disabled,” she said. “If you want to be inspired by something I actually do and accomplish, great, but don’t associate it with my disability.”

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

just disability on its own is not tragic and it’s not sacrosanct,” she said.

Stinson doesn’t shy away from finding humor in her trauma or using sarcastic remarks because it gives people a different perspective on what it is to be disabled.

“I think in some ways it helps people, because they realize if she can laugh about it, maybe it’s not what I thought it was,” she said.

In her TEDx Talk, Stinson pointed out that everyone is one illness, injury, misstep or twist of fate away from disability, which is why she doesn’t say someone is not disabled, she says they’re not disabled yet.

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Stinson’s childhood friend Jonathan Bradshaw made an appearance as her first podcast guest to discuss whether or not his colorectal cancer journey and stoma classified him as disabled.

Despite her empathy, Bradshaw didn’t direct any pity toward him during the interview; it was simply a matter-of-fact conversation about disability.

In episode 10, one of Stinson’s personal favorites, she recounts an unpleasant Facebook interaction with a trans woman who claimed the name “Disability Pride” was an appropriation of the term “Pride” as it refers to the LGBTQ+ community.

The woman said disabled people do not have a hard-fought or earned history that would allow them the right to use “pride.”

Stinson detailed the long history of violence and oppression toward the disabled community that still permeates society today.

Many landmark disability rights acts were introduced within the last 50 years, including the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 that prohibited discrimination based on disability, or the Disability Integration Act, which allows disabled people the right to choose to live at home rather than being forced into institutions. That act was introduced in 2019 and has still not passed.

Forced sterilization of disabled people is still legal in 31 states plus Washington DC, according to the National Women’s Law Center.

A report published by disability organization the Ruderman Family Foundation found disabled people make up between one third to half of people killed by law enforcement.

STINSON REHEARSES FOR HER TEDX TALK Millions of disabled adults still cannot attain marriage equality in the US without risking their She’s not trying to strike fear, she insists, just to access to vital health care, community supports and point out that, whether by happenstance or age or other disability benefits. some other way, disability is likely to catch up to you Disability rights are often left out of conversations, at some point. even within other marginalized groups, something “Seeing as how some of you are all but guaranteed Stinson finds ironic, as she believes the disability to join our illustrious ranks, shouldn’t you be doing community is the only group where all other everything in your power to ensure the disabled identities intersect. community is given the respect it deserves?” she It’s also the only marginalized group to which said in the TEDx Talk. you may not belong today but may very well belong In response to her candid Observer columns, tomorrow, Stinson said. readers would often call Stinson “bitter” or some iteration of the word simply for presenting issues You’re not disabled … yet There is a common perception that disability is that the disabled community faces before a nondisabled audience. tragic no matter the circumstances.

There’s a popular misconception that all disabled Stinson stressed that disability is value neutral; people are always happy and cherubic, Stinson said. it’s not good or bad, it’s just another way people If they’re not happy, then that must mean they exist. aren’t grateful for the crumbs of accessibility they’ve “There can be tragic circumstances around been given. disability, especially for people who acquire a But, disabled people are just that: people. They disability through an accident or an illness, but have bad days and don’t always present as child-like

in America, for example.

The different origins of the word “handicapped” associate disability with begging in the street (handy with a cap) or making a contest more equitable by imposing an impediment to one player, Stinson pointed out.

Bradshaw used the word a few times during his Say the word interview, which Stinson promptly shut down.

Stinson dedicated two episodes of the podcast to He quickly corrected himself and thanked her for talk solely about the word “disabled” and why non- pointing it out, but not everyone responds that way. disabled people will go out of their way not to use it.

Stinson’s hatred for the word is fueled by people She said the perceived negative connotation arguing with her that they know what disabled society has tied to the word and the people it refers people want simply because they work with to is what inspires this aversion to the word itself. disabled people or took a class on sensitivity.

“But none of that trumps the lived experience of a disabled person,” she said.

That is why the most important step to becoming a better ally is to listen to disabled people, Stinson said.

As Bradshaw put it, disabled people are their own best allies.

And yet disabled people can find themselves in situations where their voices go unheard and have to rely on non-disabled allyship.

So Bradshaw encouraged non-disabled people not to be afraid to keep a bad attitude when it comes to ableist actions.

Bradshaw told Queen City Nerve about an incident in a Target parking lot where PHOTO BY JONATHAN BRADSHAW Stinson’s mom parked directly behind someone “A big problem is that a lot of non-disabled people illegally using the disabled parking space. are very uncomfortable with the idea of disability “That’s another way to be an ally: Don’t in general, whether it’s from a lack of exposure to tolerate others not respecting the rules and disabled people, a negative past experience or accommodations,” Bradshaw said. something else entirely,” she said. “So they come “And when we share our stories and experiences, up with these euphemisms to make disability more listen. When we tell you something is unjust, listen. palatable to them.”

When we point out ableism, listen,” Stinson said.

Ableist slurs like spaz, cripple or gimp are It goes back to the fallacy of disability equaling completely unacceptable for non-disabled people to tragedy, she said. use, but terms like “differently abled,”“special needs” When society stops believing that and or “handicapable” are still used despite disabled representation of disabled people increases in people’s objections. quality and quantity, people will slowly become “In many cases, the language used is just a more comfortable around using the word “disabled” symbol of the way the disabled minority has been and viewing the people associated with it as people. oppressed by the non-disabled majority,” she said on “A non-disabled person, even one who cares for or the podcast. “Language has been used to infantilize loves someone disabled, can never fully understand us, dismiss us, and abuse us.” the experience of being disabled,” she said. “So listen Stinson especially hates the word “handicapped,” to us, and believe us.” though it is still in common usage among nonAKEOUGH@QCNERVE.COM disabled people — in reference to parking spots reserved for disabled people in just about every lot

and subservient. “[Stinson’s] bad attitude honestly defines her more than her disability for me,” Bradshaw joked.

“Because she is who she is, regardless of how she gets around or how the world forces her to get around.”

ARTS & CULTURE FEATURE

FEMINOMEDY Femmeprov brings some positivity to the Charlotte comedy scene

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BY DEZANII LEWIS

support me and really embrace my whole family — “It’s not fun to watch somebody deliver a perfect it’s been pretty beautiful.” monologue that they’ve improvised,” Surles pointed out. “The magic that happens when you let there be an accident and then your teammate observes Life lessons in improv When Surles founded Femmeprov with her like, ‘Whoa, she didn’t mean to say that. Let me get support system and its other members, she did it in there and let’s make that be what the scene is to challenge herself. Watching her colleagues in about.’ Watching that take shape has made me be Shameless Society perform had roused insecurities more willing to try something new just in life. It’s made me be more willing to break some of the rules within her.

“Everyone [in] Shameless, they’re all so talented,” or guardrails that I set up for myself” Fellow troupe member, Denise Breland, also said she said. “For me, I felt like, ‘Am I good at this or am she felt that the group and improv have helped I just surrounded by people who are really good bring her out of her shell. at it? Did I get lucky or can I hold my own?’ I had a Breland is a bit of an introvert but her teammates desire to play with other people to see. I know I’m not the best at this, I’m still only about two years in. have been proactive in supporting her during ‘Am I good at this at all or is it just the people that rehearsals.

“The team is like, ‘Get out there and make your I’m playing with?’ That was really where the desire voice heard. You got to start stuff. You got to be came from.”

Improv by definition forces people to push their out there. You got to speak louder,’” Breland said. own boundaries and challenge themselves, and “They’re very encouraging. They know how I am, but for Surles being part of this group and improv as a they want me to get out there more and stop being so quiet and shy about stuff.” whole has challenged her in the best of ways.

It may seem pushy to some, but Breland She enjoys the fact that one has to fail in some way appreciates it and knows it’s done with love. to make a scene funny; awkwardness and cheesiness “If only I would listen,” she said. “But I’m getting are encouraged in improv in a way that might be better at that because I just realized, well, this is considered “cringe”elsewhere, which allows performers supposed to be fun.” to let go of inhibitions and focus on what’s funny.

The comedy scene can be a less than comical the Charlotte comedy scene, having only been active space for those struggling to find an inclusive space for about two years, but she’s taken rather quickly to to practice their art. It was this struggle that led local the brewery stages and other small venues where comic and performer Joy Surles that best suited her the scene quietly thrives. own vision for what a comedy troupe should look She’s a part of Shameless Society, which also won like.

Best Improv Troupe last year, and also does solo “I wasn’t quite finding a fit that felt right for me, stand-up shows. and so I decided maybe that means I should make What started out as a hobby for Surles has quickly my own,” she said. blossomed into so much more.

And that’s how she conceived of Femmeprov, “I thought it was going to be a phase, but it’s an improv comedy group consisting of women, really like I’ve made some beautiful friendships, femme-identifiying, and non-binary individuals and this community has surrounded me through that performs at venues across Charlotte. It some rough times,” she said. “It’s now informed the currently includes Surles and 10 more performers way I’m raising my kids, oddly. My kids are being with a passion for improv, the long-practiced art raised by improvisers. I’m a single mom, so having of comedic acting without a pre-written script or this community to help me out and bolster me and planning.

According to troupe member Hillary Staple, the inclusive mission of Femmeprov adds value to the performances the group puts on in front of live audiences.

“Femmeprov is made up of people who care about people,” Staple told Queen City Nerve. “There is so much love and support within the group and those things shine out in our shows and in our mission.”

In addition to being an inclusive space, the shows are different from your typical comedy show because they are meant to be more “wholesome,” according to Surles, featuring material that skews more toward what could be described as PG-13 content.

“It’s been a really fun way to get to do something creative, to give back to the community in ways that are meaningful, and to start to see a little brand take shape pretty quickly because of the way that we’re working — because of being LGBTQ-inclusive, because of being women or femme identifying,” said Surles. “We very quickly had a vibe that we established, the way that we run our shows that I feel like is a little different from other shows you might see around town.”

Surles, who won Best Comedian in Queen City THE FEMMEPROV TEAM AT A BENEFIT SHOW FOR CHARLOTTE FOR CHOICE IN MAY Nerve’s 2023 Best in the Nest issue, is fairly new to

PHOTO COURTESY OF FEMMEPROV

ARTS & CULTURE FEATURE Like Surles, Breland has been able to take lessons from her act and apply them to her personal life, but it always comes back around to the comedy stage.

When Breland did a piece about the Titanic door, she embraced the role, whereas others who don’t see things so positively might not have.

The joke was a hit and she even uses it in different shows with other teams.

“What could have fallen flat, it ended up being funny because I just took all the persona of the door and what would the door think about that whole Rose not letting Jack on the door,” she said. “It is fun, and nobody’s really judging you. And if a joke doesn’t land, it doesn’t land. It’s improv. Move on to the next day.

“Instead of being mad about it or being, ‘Oh, this is stupid,’ I took it and ran with it,” she continued.

“And that’s what improv is about: Yes, and…,” she added, referring to the key principle of improv that rejects the idea of saying no and instead pushes

A wholesome approach

Comedy tends to get a bad reputation for its callousness, but that’s a notion that Femmeprov strives to challenge at their shows.

In fact, one might say it’s something they pride themselves on.

According to Staple, the troupe approaches each show like a party, one that thrives on positivity.

“I think Femmeprov creates a space where you can leave the messy world we are in at the door because once you’re with us, we are all present together to share some laughs and show love to our community,” she said.

“It feels more like you’re at a party than that you’re

PHOTO CREDIT

JOY SURLES AND CAROL TYNER PERFORM AS THE LYNNS.

PHOTO COURTESY OF FEMMEPROV

at a comedy show because you’re there, everyone’s a part of it,” added Surles.

As with most improv shows, the audience gets involved at a Femmeprov party, pitching suggestions for skits or themes. Sometimes audience members work their own life experiences into the suggestions, which cultivates a communal feeling between performers and attendees.

“It tends to be just more of an inclusive and positive environment,” said Surles. “I’ll also say this was not by design, but has happened naturally.”

Surles added that the group doesn’t do any “punching down” in its comedy, meaning as a rule they stay away from jokes that could be seen as denigrating a person or group of people.

As the host, Staple wants to perpetuate that vibe so the audience can really understand what they’re a part of.

“My favorite aspect of hosting is getting to shower my teammates with love,” she said. “I like to use pet names throughout each show, like ‘Warm towels fresh out the dryer’ and ‘Lace doilies,’” she said. “I get unhinged with it because I love seeing

the team react. Another great part about playing host is watching the audience react to my friends; it’s really special to see a room full of people who showed up to do some good and to laugh having a fun time” Surles said she’s been to her share of stand-up events that were far from safe spaces — figuratively and literally. There were times things got so uncomfortable that she didn’t even feel comfortable walking to her car by herself at the end of the night.

With Femmeprov, which donates most of its show proceeds to progressive organizations like Time Out Youth or Carolina Abortion Fund, Surles is doing her best to ensure that positivity is the point.

“It’s very important to me that if I am making something that it’s going to make the world a better place, that it’s going to make everybody happier, that it’s going to be uplifting as opposed to, well, I might get a cheap laugh, but if there’s somebody in the audience who’s going to be hurt by that laugh, is it worth it?” she said. “Personally, that’s important to me.”

DLEWIS@QCNERVE.COM

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MERCH SOLD AT THE MAY FEMMEPROV SHOW

performers to continue forward with a scene or plot point no matter how ridiculous.

These lessons are why Surles thinks everyone should take an improv class.

“There is something really almost spiritual about that idea of being generative and additive and not taking away or cutting back from somebody else’s idea,” she said.

ARTS & CULTURE FEATURE

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Drunk Journaling is latest way Good Postage connects Charlotte creatives

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BY DAVIS CUFFE

While journaling is often thought of as one of the more solitary activities one can undertake, a quiet hobby that involves personal introspection and time alone, local print supply shop Good Postage in Camp North End has thrown all of that out the window with its popular monthly event: Drunk Journaling.

Building on the popularity of similar sip-andpaint events that have grown around the city in recent years, Good Postage has created a unique space for collaboration and chatter with Drunk Journaling, which will mark its one-year anniversary during the upcoming July 19 event.

According to Good Postage co-owner Jane Manfredi, who opened the store with her mother Karen in 2020, the popular event has struck a chord with people who have been more than ready to share space while taking part in an activity that’s usually done alone.

“We usually see a lot of our regulars coming together to kind of geek out about how they use their journals,” Manfredi told Queen City Nerve. “We always usually have a couple of new people, which is exciting because we get to talk to them and kind of show them what we do. But I really just every month hope to see the community get together and enjoy each other.”

As a relatively early tenant at Camp North End, Good Postage has welcomed dozens of new neighbors over the last four years, creating new venues for Drunk Journaling such as HEX Coffee, Kitchen, & Natural Wines.

At the most recent event on June 20, the Canteen at Camp North End provided more than just drinks but also a perky atmosphere for those in attendance, with its tropical vibes and perfect lighting for journaling.

Some journalers showed up early for the event to prep, as Instagram user @lord_hibachi posted a picture of a colorful set of pens with the caption, “Inking up for the @goodpostage journaling meetup tonight.”

As drinks and inks began to flow, journalers collaborated with each other and shared how they

used their journals with other attendees. Some attendees brought containers full of artistic supplies, and others were more frugal, with just some pens and their journals. Some wrote diary entries, others sketched, some made collages while others made use of Good Postage stickers — all freely chatted and collaborated with each other.

“To be honest, it’s more talking than journaling.

It’s more like showing each other what we’re doing.

People get inspiration from others and then adapt techniques for themselves. And then it kind of snowballs,” said Manfredi.

She added that, despite the title, “No one’s getting super drunk.” In fact, June’s event included plenty of folks who abstained altogether.

While Drunk Journaling is scheduled for 6-8 p.m., it often runs over as journalers write through the night — or at least until the venue closes. During the June event, that meant 9 p.m.

Manfredi takes the consistent desire for folks to stay over time as a sign that the event is a hit. It’s just what she envisioned when she began Drunk MINING MAGAZINES FOR A COLLAGE. Journaling after picking up on her customers’ interests and talents. She sought to bring them together in a Sydney said. “It’s a fun place to meet a bunch of way that they could be collaborative rather than just creative people.”

Outside of Drunk Journaling, Good Postage hosts a run into each other here and there in her shop. slew of other events in hopes of connecting creatives “I initially started it because we would have so in Charlotte, including a TRAVELER’S Company Travel many customers come in, and they’d show me their journals. And I would think, ‘These people need to & Sketch Meet-Up on June 15, in which participating meet each other like all these people need to know artists took part in a sketch crawl around the Camp North End campus after Manfredi put on her own each other,’” Manfredi told Queen City Nerve.

At Drunk Journaling, Manfredi often holds a short watercolor demonstration.

Good Postage holds around two events monthly, activity to provide attendees with a jumping-off often with fun themes or promotions like the point — a sort of icebreaker. On June 20, Manfredi Valentine’s letter writing meetup held in February. talked to attendees about finding time for their Manfredi said the response she’s seen from the creative routine through the use of a time-blocking Charlotte community in reaction to events like Drunk method. In preparation, Manfredi illustrated the Journaling night has been stronger than expected. method in her own journal.

“The response from them, the people I expected One attendee, Sydney, said she has been it to be good from, was good,” said Manfredi. “But attending Drunk Journaling since it was launched in then from strangers, like random people get really July 2023, plus other events held by Good Postage.

“I just really love the community that [Jane]’s excited when they hear about it on Instagram or I filled, and I continue to come to all the events,” post videos. So I guess it’s much, much better than I ever thought it would be”.

PHOTO BY JAYME JOHNSON

Not a picturesque start

While things have looked great for the Manfredis as of late, the mother-daughter team did have to navigate through rocky waters in the beginning.

Having launched as an online company in 2018, they opened at Camp North End in June 2020, just months into the pandemic.

“We opened the physical store in the thick of COVID,” Jane said. “We would only invite four people in the store at a time and we had to sterilize everything, it was crazy. So just starting was a huge obstacle.”

Though she describes that time as scary, having her mother there to help her made all the difference.

While Manfredi designs Good Postage’s cards and leads on the creative side, her mother helps mostly on the business side.

“When we started, I was 21; I had no idea what I was doing,” Jane said. “I didn’t understand how business taxes worked, how to set up an LLC, or how

ARTS & CULTURE FEATURE

designs sold at Good Postage, calling Winnie her “pride and joy.”

to do all those legal logistics stuff. And she was kind of helping me do that and teaching me how to do that.”

They launched with 100 original reading card designs by Manfredi and “just kind of winged it,” as she put it. Their perspectives sometimes conflict, but the two always come to a resolution.

“I usually have an idea, and she doesn’t like it, or she has an idea, and I don’t like it. And we’ll argue about it,” said Jane. “One of us will give in usually …

It’s give and take. Sometimes, I’ll put my foot down.

Sometimes, she’ll put her foot down. And then sometimes we give in and we’re like, ‘Alright, we’ll see what happens.”

There is a certain competitive spirit between the mother and daughter, Jane admits, adding that if she pushes back on a certain card design only to give in and it becomes a good seller, Karen will be sure to remind her that she fought the idea in the first place.

Though Karen has recently taken a step back to work on her own home renovation project, she continues to help with some of the business aspects and is someone whom Jane constantly runs ideas by.

Jane said she expects her mom to return in a more involved way after her hiatus, but in her absence, shop dog Winnie keeps her company. Winnie was voted Best In-Store Pet by Queen City Nerve readers in 2022 and 2023, Jane has included the dog in sticker and T-shirt

Beginnings in art

PHOTO BY JAYME JOHNSON

PARTICIPANTS AT THE JUNE DRUNK JOURNALING EVENT.

PHOTO BY JAYME JOHNSON

Warm, dangling lights illuminate the store, and the air is filled with customers’ conversations and groovy music from a speaker.

Through the store’s cool lighting and eye-catching products, Manfredi hopes Good Postage reflects her intentionality in curating high-quality products.

“I just want people to know that it’s really geeky and intentional, and that if they are new to [journaling], this would be a great place to come to learn, and if they’re experts, I would hope that it would be a great place to be like, ‘Oh shit, she’s got the good stuff,’” said Manfredi.

Good Postage has seen strong growth since opening its physical location at Camp North End, which Manfredi credits to moving away from online retail so as to connect with her customers and receive direct feedback while building a relationship with regulars.

“Having the physical store has really helped us grow and help people come to know us. People will drive from hours away to come see us, which is really cool,” said Manfredi.

She stays connected with her customers by staying active on social media, and of course, events like Drunk Journaling. As we were speaking before the June event, Manfredi was getting notifications from excited participants preparing for the evening.

“That’s so sweet and exciting,” she said, reading the posts. “I think when things are hard or like it’s not going our way, knowing people enjoy it matters so much. Because sometimes you feel like you’re just doing something and no one gives a shit. And so then to have these moments where people are like, ‘This is so cool.’ There’s a lot of geeky Facebook forums about journaling, and people will talk about Good Postage. For me, that really makes it validating and very worth it.”

Manfredi hopes those people feel as inspired by her as she does by them when they walk into Good Postage or any of the events the company holds at Camp North End. “I want them to walk in and feel like they want to spend time with a pen and paper and a journal,” she said. “I think a lot of people do have that feeling, but I just want it to be inspiring.”

Located in Suite 106A at 1824 Statesville Avenue, Good Postage is open 11 a.m.-7 p.m., WednesdayFriday; 10 a.m.-7 p.m. on Saturday and 11 a.m.-5 p.m. on Sunday. The shop’s closed on Monday and Tuesday. Good Postage will hold its next Drunk Journaling night on July 11 from 6-8 p.m. at NoDa Company Canteen. Admission is free.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

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JOURNALING AT CANTEEN.

Manfredi’s decision to launch Good Postage came after multiple attempts to turn her passion for art into a career during and after college. She did freelance illustration, including a full children’s book, which she found interesting but ultimately not her idea of a good job.

“I think from doing so much freelance, you deal with so many bitchy clients, and I was like, ‘I would love to do something where I’m drawing and I’m not having to answer to clients,’ and this was that perfect area,” said Manfredi.

Drawing on the skills she learned earning her bachelor’s degree in Illustration from the Art Institute of Chicago, Manfredi designs all original Good Postage goods, having also created original art series and merchandise for the shop.

Good Postage is constantly releasing new, original pieces from Manfredi, including the recent CLT Letterpress Collection, which featured 18 oneof-a-kind pieces letter-pressed with woodblock letters on cardstock.

Each wall and countertop in Good Postage is decorated with artsy items and intriguing decor. The shop sells paper goods, writing utensils, art supplies, notebooks, original art, merch and more, with some products imported from around the world and some created in-house by Manfredi.

The energy inside the store is cozy yet vibrant.

THURS VIVA LA MÚSICA CLT!

Carlotan Talents and Tosco Music have partnered to bring us four Viva la Música CLT! shows, which aim to bring everyone together to enjoy live music as one community by combining bills and featuring musicians from various backgrounds and genres.

The fourth and final Viva la Música CLT! show brings the NC Brazilian Arts Project to perform onstage at the Visulite alongside renowned Charlotte-based party band Sol Fusion, whose members have shared stages with H.E.R., Tevin Campbell, Fantasia Barrino, SWV, En Vogue, Tasha Cobbs Leonard and many more. The talented front-line vocalists backed by a lively rhythm section, horns and percussion will go for hours if nobody stops them — and nobody’s liable to stop them at a party like this.

More: Free; June 27, 7 p.m.; Visulite Theatre, 1615 Elizabeth Ave., visulite.com

SOL FUSION (VIVA LA MÚSICA CLT!) Courtesy of Sol Fusion

6/27

SAT

sun 6/29

THOUSAND DOLLAR MOVIE ALBUM RELEASE SHOW

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FRI 6/27

6/28

SILENT PARTY DECADES BATTLE

If you’ve never been to a silent party before, it’s just like your typical dance party … with no speakers or amps. Instead, attendees don wireless headphones and turn them to various stations, then boogie on the dance floor amidst other revelers dancing to whatever’s in their headphones. This event will feature two DJs competing over the airwaves for your eartime, with ‘90s R&B playing on the red channel and 2000s R&B over on the blue. You’ve got to be feeling one of them, but if not, turn down the volume or take off your headphones to chat with others. Since there are no blaring speakers, it’s way easier to have conversations and meet new people.

More: $15 and up; June 28, 9:30 p.m.; Slingshot Social Game Club, 332 W. Bland St.; tinyurl.com/SilentPartyRnBDecades

SILENT PARTY Photo courtesy of Millenium Age

6/28

ONGOING THURS 6/30 7/3 - 7/6

QUEENSGUARD LED SABER COMBAT AND CHOREOGRAPHY

Billing themselves as “CLT instrumental shoegaze Go to battle at Queensguard LED Saber Combat post-something something,” Thousand Dollar Movie and Choreography, a club meeting. This local club will follow-up on its 2023 EP, Give Me a Year, with a meets nearly every Sunday at Independence Park whole full-length album — which explains the title to sharpen their skills with LED saber combat and perform choreographed battles. While guests are of the last project. Last year’s six-track instrumental encouraged to bring their own sabers, the club tribute to the Queen City included song titles like has some first-come, first-serve loaner equipment “Central Ave.,” “Elizabeth” and “Trade/Tryon,” and available for attendees. The club is for ages 18 and we’re not sure what the concept is, if any, for the up; 16- and 17-year-olds must come with a parent new release, but we are 100% confident that it will or guardian. All must fill out a waiver to participate. rock. Rounding up the bill will be venerable local New attendees will be taught basic philosophies indie-rock trio Late Bloomer, who released their behind different combat techniques and will be latest album Another One Again in March, and The trained in basic kata for form I saber combat.

Attendees officially become members of the club Ben Walkers of Columbia, South Carolina. following their second time attending and there is More: $8; June 29, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, no pressure to duel initially. In fact, we included it 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com because it seems like some cool shit just to sit back and watch.

More: Free; June 30, 4:30-6:30 p.m.; Independence Park, 300 Hawthorne Lane; facebook.com/CLT.Queensguard

EAGLE EXTRAVAGANZA

Explore the world of flying apex predators during this four-day event for all ages. Enjoy games, activities and interactive experiences with bird shows and feedings daily. An exclusive Breakfast with Birds event will take place on July 4 at 8:30 a.m. that requires tickets. All of this will take place at the Carolina Raptor Center, a raptor research and education facility with a Raptor Hospital and Raptor trail. The Raptor Hospital operates with the goal of providing care for raptors so they can one day return to the wild. The Raptor Trail is ¾-mile long and home to over 30 different species of birds from around the world.

More: $25-$35; July 3-6, times vary; Carolina Raptor Center, 6000 Sample Road; carolinaraptorcenter.org

7/4

INDEPENDENCE DAY AT THE MUSEUM

What better way to ring in the Fourth of July than to join a group of folks who are realizing what for many is a lifelong dream: becoming a US citizen. Sure, we have our problems — soooo many problems — but we love this country as much as anyone else and love to see people joining us here as residents of the Queen City. The museum will welcome our new neighbors with music, a keynote address and opportunities for voter registration and education.

While you’re there, be sure to check out the newly reopened Siloam School, moved in September from its original location in University City, where it was built to serve as a school for Black children more than 100 years ago. Today, it stands on museum grounds to serve the same purpose for all Charlotte residents.

More: Free; July 4, 11 a.m.-2 p.m.; Charlotte Museum of History, 3500 Shamrock Drive; charlottemuseum.org

FRI CLEARBODY W/ SOUL BLIND, ASKYSOBLACK, GLUE TRAP, DISTRACTED EYES

SOUL BLIND Photo by Kelli McGuire

7/5

SAT 7/5

JAZZ AT THE GARDEN

Soul Blind is an alt-shoegaze foursome from Hudson Valley, New York, that takes inspiration from ‘90s bands like The Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains, Third Eye Blind and Deftones. They’re hitting The Milestone with an impressive lineup joining them, including Charlotte’s Clearbody, who garnered national attention and rave reviews with the release of their 2020 debut album One More Day, and Distracted Eyes, Petrov frontwoman Mary Grace McCusick’s solo project inspired by her love of horror video game music. Rounding out the bill are Charlotte punks Gluetrap and Philly-based rockers ASkySoBlack.

More: $15; July 5, 8 p.m.; The Milestone Club, 3400 Tuckaseegee Road; themilestone.club

Sun LUTE

7/7

HOLLY HOPKINS (JAZZ AT THE GARDEN) Photo courtesy of Holly Hopkins

7/6

INFERNAL ARTIST EXCHANGE

7/7

Get in touch with your devilish side at The Infernal Artistry Exchange. The event will feature local merchants hawking tarot cards, crystals, herbs, and exquisite jewelry. Delve into your own mysteries with on-site local experts in divination to give you insight and advice. You can do all this while enjoying any of the 22 local brews on tap from Devil’s Logic and socializing with other magic-enthused attendees.

Hosted by Broom Closet Events, which aims to build a charmed community through magically creative events and vendor markets like this one.

More: Free, July 7, 1-6 p.m.; Devil’s Logic Brewing, 1426 E. 4th St; tinyurl.com/InfernalArtistryExchange

QUEENSGUARD Photo courtesy of Queensguard

6/30

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LUTE Promotional photo

Enjoy five live performances from North Carolina talent in the beautiful confines of the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden. Food from Divine African Cuisine food truck will be available for purchase alongside a bar to further enhance your night under the stars.

Reggie Graves & Jazz Theory, Holly Hopkins Jazz Trio, 5th & York Band, electric violinist JaVonne Jones and Grammy-recognized guitarist Scott Marvill will perform at the event. Seating will not be provided so be sure to bring your lawn chairs and blankets to stay comfortable while you enjoy captivating tunes and delicious food.

More: $59; July 6, 5-10 p.m.; Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden, 6500 S. New Hope Road; dsbg.org

SUN 7/7

Homegrown hip-hop hero Lute headlines his first ever hometown show at Neighborhood Theatre with Goldmouf: The Homecoming. In case you weren’t already in the know and didn’t catch on from the use of four different “home” prefixes in that first sentence, the Dreamville artist was Charlotte born and bred before signing with J. Cole’s label in 2015, and he always shows love to the Queen City in his songs. He’ll perform tracks from his first three albums with a live band, bringing a fresh new take on his classic hits, letting his unique style, introspective lyrics, and smooth flow touch your heart and soul, drawing you into his world of music.

More: $30; July 7, 8 p.m.; Neighborhood Theatre, 511 E. 36th St.; neighborhoodtheatre.com

7/6

MUSIC FEATURE

THE REBIRTH OF NIA J Soul singer’s debut album shows a shift in the songwriting process

BY TYLER BUNZEY

The last we heard from Charlotte singersongwriter Nia J, we followed her on a winding sonic journey in her debut EP Rabbit Hole (2021). Her artistic berth examined the emotional dissonance of life’s sweetness and absurdity through a diaristic songwriting style that felt simultaneously intimate and universal.

If this sojourn in Rabbit Hole introduced us to Nia J’s creative vision, her debut full-length album Melomania serves as the burgeoning pop artist’s definitive statement. The 10-song LP explores similar themes as her EP did — lack and abundance, love and loss, etc. — articulated through her signature cutting lyricism and a shapeshifting sound that spans rock, R&B, pop and folk.

“I think there’s definitely a major shift with this album,” Nia J told the Queen City Nerve. “I’ve had a lot more time experiences and practice with writing.

I tried to be a little bit more open with how I wrote

things, like what I was willing to share.”

This writing practice has manifested in a masterful use of clichés that imbue a folk sensibility — using the imagery and language of the everyday to expose mundane profundity—to her pop performance. Throughout Melomania, Nia J deftly manipulates almost stale common phrases into poignant meditations on growing up.

At times, she uses cliché to explore the normal yet piquant pains of young adulthood. On the opening track “Melomania,” she reflects softly over a simple ukelele strum, “Since I was a little girl, I knew I was meant for more/ wish I was sure...”

This gutting turn at the end of the phrase opens the narrative as the bass joins the ensemble. “I’ve got this feeling that I’ll be erased if I close my eyes/ so I’m wide awake...” The song crescendos as she pleads, “Will somebody save me?” before returning to the bare ukelele melody.

REWIND: CLT’S NEW MUSIC RELEASES SINGLE TE’JANI, “LET ME BUM A CIGARETTE”

SINGLE ROSARY, “PIGGYBANKREDUX”

Te’Jani’s vocals propel feelings of angst forward as the uncertainties of a A band that truly embodies the sound of a new generation, Rosary blasts relationship’s future begin to manifest. its unique sound from the rooftops for everyone to hear. Harkening back Stream on Spotify to the sounds of 2010s emo and punk, Rosary delivers gritty guitars and a mix of futuristic rock that resembles the digital age.

Stream on Spotify

SINGLE BRIZB, “HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF ME TODAY?”

SINGLE Indie-pop singer briZB writes vulnerable lyrics with an angelic voice BETWEEN TWO CHEESE, “EXIT SIGNS”

and unforgettable melodies. The single brings up conflicting feelings of This new track is a remarkable love letter to the roots of punk told through a mix of emo guitar riffs and noise-pop with layered vocals wanting to see someone whilst knowing those efforts are amiss. drowning in tasteful autotune.

Stream on Spotify Stream on Spotify

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SINGLE ZACH KING, “HOLDING ON”

Indie-folk artist and producer Zach King questions what it is he’s holding close and whether or not it’s good enough. Do we only accept the love we think we deserve? The truly dynamic single with swells of drums and harmonies with exceptional melodies leaves you wanting more.

Stream on Spotify

NIA J

Elsewhere, she leverages the cliché to capture the joyful highs of life like the sunset drives of halcyon midsummer days.

“Girls just want to have fun, so do I/ chasing after the sun until we die...” she intones in a feathery voice on “GWHF.” As her harmonies echo her final syllable of each line in the chorus, backed by guitar/drum/ bass trio reminiscent of ’80s pop-punk, you can almost feel heat of the orange and pink sun setting on your face.

These twists and turns of the album — each song containing a universe within itself — are magnified by the production and engineering of Nia J’s collaborators, Ike Byers (BEKI) and Te’Jani Inuwa. The trio worked together seamlessly, despite sometimes collaborating remotely and sometimes coming together across the state as they each moved away from and back to Charlotte. Their chemistry enabled a certain kind of playfulness in the construction of the album’s sound.

As Nia J shared with the Nerve, “It was challenging the type of vision that I had for the songs, and Ike was super talented, so he’s capable of anything.”

Byers’ production and guest verse on the cheeky track “Lemonade” was supplemented by engineering from Inuwa.

“Between Nia’s songwriting and vocal performance and Ike’s unique sample selection and use of instruments, I knew this was going be a such a fun project to work on,” Inuwa reflected. “You can’t pin down a reference for Ike’s production because it’s so unique and uses a lot of uncanny sounds and rhythms.”

The power of this collaboration is at its acme on the album’s finale, “Encore!” After a brief hook

PHOTO BY ALYSSA JOHNSON

from Nia J on rebirth after the pain of adversity, Charlotte artist Tré Ahmad raps a stirring verse on the ambiguous payoff of pop vulnerability.

“Don’t know if trauma belongs in songs/ I’m sick bro. Why are they feeling this?” Ahmad laments. As the verse turns, however, they elevate an octave and narrate a visit from an angel in a dream who reflects to them, “You done made mistakes/ but you also made a way/ That’s how you create...”

It is a fitting finale to an album that, in spite of various moments of despair in breakup ballads like “Me Too” and the luxuriating ecstasies of radio-ready bops like “Fan Girl” and “Birth of Phoenix,” ultimately examines what it means to continue to grow even after you’ve grown up.

This ambiguity is perhaps best articulated in “20 and 5,” which features Nia on the keys, reflecting on the contradictions of her journey: “20 and 5, barely a dime, what a time/ God you were right, enough with the signs, spare me the strife/ at least it’s mine...”

With songs like this the album is neither a celebration of carefree youthfulness nor a navelgazing diaristic confessional. Rather, through Nia J’s skillful penmanship and the project’s sonic expansiveness, Melomania embodies the very contradictions that its title connotes.

Once unmoored from the (dis)comforts of childhood and adolescence, we have no choice but to take the melancholy with the passion, the ego with our insignificance, and the pain with the power of growth. Luckily we have albums like Melomania that remind us to, as Nia J puts it on the album’s finale, “Soak up the sun over your skin/ It’s not over/ It isn’t over...”

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

Wastoid at The Milestone, 6/12/24 Photo by @danrussellpinson

6 Cardinal at Snug Harbor, 6/8/24 Photo by @channel_20xx

Benz.Birdz at The Milestone, 6/20/24 Photo by @channel_20xx

FASTFORWARD: UPCOMING PROJECTS EP THOUSAND DOLLAR MOVIE, ‘BIRDFEEDER This modern-day boy band, comprised of Garrett Sparrow, Joshua Raw VOL. 1’ and Max Leonard, is reminiscent of indie-pop artists Tyler, The Creator and EP BIKING WITH FRANCIS, ‘SUNROOF’

After the success of 2023 EP Give Me a Year, Thousand Dollar Movie is Brockhampton with their clever adlibs and catchy hooks. “SUNROOF” is the back with another pack of soulful tunes. The record showcases the perfect summer EP to blast with your car windows rolled down. musicality of each band member by bringing their improv from live Premiering June 28 shows into the digital realm.

Premiering June 29

SINGLE CLARITY, “MIRAGE OF FATE”

Through her hauntingly beautiful voice and a cloudy textured bass, “Mirage of Fate” depicts the journey of healing when swimming through a sea of layered pain. “This song was crafted amid a flare up with my neurological disorders,” Clarity says. “Reflecting the personified essence of the trials entwined with chronic pain, the devil represents the archetype of that pain. Despite the challenges, I’ve unearthed solace in movement.”

Premiering June 28

SINGLE ALEXA JENSON, “JUST YOU WAIT”

PLAY: THE SHOWCASE

LOCAL STARS ON STAGE

Orville Peck at Skyla, 5/31/24 Photo by Jeff Hahne

ALBUM BOULEVARDS, ‘CAROLINA FUNK: BARN BURNER ON TOBACCO ROAD’

Taking cues from pioneers such as Prince, Rick James, and Earth Wind & Fire, Jamil Rashad’s charisma oozes throughout his performance as the Raleigh-based Boulevards and expertly executes an original sound described as “Southern fried funk.” On “Do It Like a Maniac,” seamlessly translates the pulsating energy of a live Boulevards performance into an immersive auditory experience that can easily be enjoyed on-the-go.

Premiering June 28

Submit your photos to info@qcnerve.com

MUSIC SHOWCASE

Cigarettes @ Sunset at The Milestone, 6/20/24 Photo by @channel_20xx

PAUSE: Project spotlight THE LONG ROOM PRESENTS...

At the corner of Hawthorne and Central avenues, the new(ish) performance and event venue The Long Room is launching a curated music series, TLR Presents, opening the space up to artists who might not otherwise be able to afford to present their work there.

Local dance and video artist Megan Payne has been working with Long Room proprietors Matt Seneca and Sarah Hayes Harkins to curate the new series. “We’ll have a new genre, a new sound each month,” says Payne. “I’m starting this by programming musical acts but we hope eventually to get theatre and dance artists in on the action.”

Artists will be able to use the Long Room free of charge and can set the ticket price point themselves, while the Long Room’s bar will be serving beer, wine and nonalcoholic beverages. The thinking is to take Mondays, traditionally pretty dead nights for nightlife, and turn them into something to look forward to with curated programming and admission for all ages. Shows will be early, ending by 11 at the latest.

TLR Presents kicks off with local quirk-rock darlings Modern Moxie supported by the slightly more aggressive Petrov on Monday July 1. Doors open at 7 p.m., show at 8, with tickets going for $10. Find them at tinyurl.com/ TLRPresents.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

THE LONG ROOM. Photo by Toby Shearer

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Singer/songwriter Alexa Jenson launched her career at age 16 as a solo performer, though she recently added drummer Matt Conte and bassist/ synth player Josh Rosales to give her music more of a rock feel. Her fun and energetic single “Just You Wait” will be her first new music release in six years. “It’s one we’ve been playing for several years as a band,” she told Queen City Nerve. “It’s my teenage late ’90s/early 2000s indie-pop band dream. It’s my favorite.”

If you’re interested in being included in an upcoming issue, send any Premiering at qcnerve.com on June 28 new releases to Rayne Antrim at RAntrim@qcnerve.com.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Alanis Morissette (PNC Music Pavilion) JAZZ/BLUES Jazz Nights at Canteen (Camp North End) Michelle Renee & Mark Black (Middle C Jazz) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Beats @ Birdsong (Birdsong Brewing) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Leah Senior w/ Kairos Creature Club, Top Achiever (Snug Harbor) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Delta Fire Duo (Goldie’s) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B T Pain (Skyla Amphitheatre) OPEN MIC Carolina Waves Showcase and Open Mic (Evening Muse) Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

THURSDAY, JUNE 27

ROCK/PUNK/METAL The Ongoing Concept w/ Glazed, Camp Trash, Oyarsa, Harm (The Milestone) Maroon 5 (PNC Music Pavilion) Smalltalk w/ BrizB, My Sister Maura, Momophobia (Snug Harbor) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Quinton Gibson w/ April Cushman (Goldie’s) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Matt Wertz (Neighborhood Theatre) Clint Lanford w/ Luke Hendrickson (The Rooster) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B That Girl Lay Lay (Ovens Auditorium) Dazy Bea w/ Deore, Marissa Missing (Petra’s) FUNK/JAM BANDS Cooper Pearce (Comet Grill) JAZZ/BLUES 5th & York (Middle C Jazz) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE Viva La Musica CLT (Visulite Theatre)

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FRIDAY, JUNE 28

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Drumming Bird w/ Cal in Red (Evening Muse) Cocojoey w/ Litter Kitten, Bleak, Girl Brutal, Lo (The Milestone) Moonshaker w/ It’s Snakes, Camisole (Petra’s) Whiskey Richards w/ Ashlar Sargent, Jackson Harden (The Rooster) FUNK/JAM BANDS Caleb Davis Band w/ Gyth Rigdon (Goldie’s) The Coconut Groove Band (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Cole Swindell (Sklya Amphitheatre) JAZZ/BLUES Braxton Bateman (Camp North End) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Brendan Abernathy (Evening Muse) COVER BANDS Noel & Marie perform Chicago (Middle C Jazz)

COVER BANDS Greggie and the Jets (Elton John tribute) (Middle C Jazz)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Lisa De Novo & Friends (Goldie’s) Josh Daniel w/ Jim Brock, Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) JAZZ/BLUES Jazz Nights at Canteen (Camp North End) Alyssa Allgood (Middle C Jazz) TBD Brass Band w/ Lil Skritt, Pretty Baby (Snug Harbor) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Beats @ Birdsong (Birdsong Brewing) OPEN MIC Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster) Variety Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)

MONDAY, JULY 1

THURSDAY, JULY 4

The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.

This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”

SATURDAY, JUNE 29

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Seneca Burns w/ Keep Flying, Sweet Spine, American Theory, Outatime!, When the Sun Sets, Never Home, The Dirty Low Down (The Milestone) Thousand Dollar Movie w/ The Ben Walkers, Late Bloomer (Petra’s) Junior Astronomers w/ Bravo Pueblo, Woody (Visulite Theatre) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Electric Feels (The Fillmore) Emo Night (The Underground) Gimme Gimme Disco: ABBA Dance Party (Neighborhood Theatre) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Ana Lucia Divins (VisArt Video) Ethan Regan (Evening Muse) JAZZ/BLUES Marcus Anderson (Middle C Jazz) Patchwork (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Bailey Marie Band w/ Mike Bartelli (Goldie’s) Wes & the Railroaders w/ Yer Flowers, Evan Stepp & The Piners (Snug Harbor) FUNK/JAM BANDS Celestial Company (Birdsong Brewing) Desert Tacos Band (Comet Grill) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Trey Songz (The Amp Ballantyne) EXPERIMENTAL/MIXED-GENRE/FESTIVAL Wet Hot Punk Rock Summer (The Rooster) Javier Pizzaro w/ Groove Skeletons, Warp Street (Starlight on 22nd) COVER BANDS Synchronicity (Police tribute) w/ The Reflex (Duran Duran tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

JAZZ/BLUES The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Charlotte Bluegrass Allstars (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

TUESDAY, JULY 2

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) Mind State w/ Nervous Surface, Brizb (The Milestone) My Own Will w/ Living Hollow (The Rooster) OPEN MIC Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse) Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

WEDNESDAY, JULY 3

ROCK/PUNK/METAL A Life Worth Taking w/ Dear Kavalier, The Bleeps, Harriet RIP (The Milestone)

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Joey Boretti w/ Dan Kodzai (Goldie’s) No Anger Control w/ South Side Punx, Fireblood, Ryan Lockhart, Mutual Assurance (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES Mo Money Max (Middle C Jazz) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA NC Bluegrass Jam Night (Birdsong Brewing) FUNK/JAM BANDS Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

FRIDAY, JULY 5

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Sophia w/ Weekend Friend, Current Blue (Amos’ Southend) The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill) Clearbody w/ Soul Blind, Askysoblack, Glue Trap, Distracted Eyes (The Milestone) Cactus Dayjob w/ blankstate., Leaving for Arizona (Snug Harbor)

SUNDAY, JUNE 30

ROCK/PUNK/METAL The Graveyard Boulevard w/ Good Good Grief, Y’all’re (The Milestone) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Hazy Sunday (Petra’s) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Soul Sundays feat. Guy Nowchild (Starlight on 22nd) JAZZ/BLUES Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Shorty & Leisure (Goldie’s) FUNK/JAM BANDS Crystal Fountains w/ Noom Yai (Free Range Brewing) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE Matisse (The Fillmore) TREY SONGZ WILL PLAY AT THE AMP BALLANTYNE ON JUNE 29.

PHOTO BY MIKEY HENNESSY

JAZZ/BLUES Omari Dillard (Booth Playhouse) The Joe Gransden Quintet w/ Dr.Geoff Hayden (Middle C Jazz) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Felly (The Fillmore) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Drew Foust w/ The Pinkerton Raid (Camp North End) Ethan Nathaniel w/ Ivan Theva (Evening Muse) Sunny Sweeney w/ Trisha Gene Brady (Neighborhood Theatre) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Hot & Fresh w/ J. Overcash & Friends (Salud Cerveceria) FUNK/JAM BANDS Parks Brothers Band w/ Bald Brothers (Goldie’s) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Singer Songwriter Showcase (Starlight on 22nd)

SATURDAY, JULY 6

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Patois Counselors w/ Bog Loaf, Well Wisher, Froggy Nights (The Milestone) Cramped Casket w/ Blaakhol, Geeked, Prosperity Gospel (Snug Harbor) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Christy Snow Band w/ Rene Russell (Evening Muse) JAZZ/BLUES Mannish Boys (Comet Grill) Althea Rene (Middle C Jazz) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Matt Walsh & the Movers (Primal Brewery) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Hobo Johnson & the LoveMakers (The Fillmore) Lute w/ Leroy (Neighborhood Theatre) Clarity Eley w/ Te’Jani (Petra’s) COVER BANDS Flying High Again (Ozzy tribute) w/ Unleashed a Classic (Judas Priest tribute) (Amos’ Southend) Off the Record w/ Jonathan Birchfield (Goldie’s) Magic 8 Count Band (Starlight on 22nd)

MONDAY, JULY 8

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Justice Yeldham w/ Gorgina, Jesus Is the Path to Heaven (The Milestone) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Charlotte Bluegrass Allstars (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

TUESDAY, JULY 9

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Donny Osmond (Ovens Auditorium) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B D. Savage (Booth Playhouse) OPEN MIC Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING, INCLUDING MAY 25-28.

HOBO JOHNSON & THE LOVEMAKERS PERFORM AT THE FILLMORE ON JULY 6.

CREATIVE COMMONS

SUNDAY, JULY 7

ALANIS MORISSETTE WILL PLAY AT PNC MUSIC PAVILION ON JUNE 26.

CREATIVE COMMONS

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POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Hazy Sunday (Petra’s) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Premo Rice (Neighborhood Theatre) Soul Sundays feat. Guy Nowchild (Starlight on 22nd) JAZZ/BLUES Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) Howard McNair (Middle C Jazz) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE Allison & Jake (Goldie’s) FUNK/JAM BANDS Celestial Company w/ Noom Yai (Free Range Brewing)

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

SHARE THE FOOD, SHARE THE WORD Tina Tedla champions the Ethiopian food cause at Enat Ethiopian Restaurant

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BY RYAN PITKIN

When I caught Tina Tedla, owner of Enat Ethiopian Restaurant, over the phone in early June, it was a Thursday afternoon and she was running back and forth from Uptown to Optimist Hall, where she expanded with her second location in May 2022.

The space served as a convenient prep kitchen for her appearance at that weekend’s Taste of Charlotte festival, where she has won an award for her classic lamb dish during her first appearance in 2022.

That year, Tedla and the Enat team ran out of food relatively early in the weekend, and she promised herself never to make the same mistake again. She couldn’t tell me how many plates she was making — the team would serve red split lentil stew, derek lamb tibs, and beef sambusa — she only knew that she would make enough.

“Honestly, it’s hard to tell,” she said. “I know every year we get different people to try Ethiopian food.

So really, we just go until we run out and prep more as we go. We gauge it by how busy we get, and we just make sure we have enough.”

On June 17, Tesla celebrated seven years in business at Enat Ethiopian Restaurant, which she opened in Shops at CitiSide at the corner of The Plaza and Eastway Drive in 2017. The location is still open, as Optimist Hall represents a more fastpaced version of the traditional Ethiopian dining experience.

We talked to Tina about how the expansion has gone for her business, what she’s learned during her seven years as a Charlotte restaurateur, and what comes next for Enat.

Queen City Nerve: You’ve spoken elsewhere about how you grew up with your mother cooking. Did you grow up in Charlotte?

Tina Tedla: So when I first came from Ethiopia, I was 10 years old. We lived in Maryland, Silver

Spring, for about two years. I have a twin sister and my mom and dad, and it was getting expensive, and he wanted us raised in a smaller city. We moved here in ‘98, it was a lot smaller than it is now.

So we pretty much grew up here since ‘98, went to middle school, high school, went to college nearby.

So it pretty much became home, and throughout the years, my mom used to make the Ethiopian spongy bread, and she used to do catering here and there for events. And she had really good feedback with her food. So that’s how we went into business, pretty much her pushing me and telling me, “I’ll help you out.” So here we are seven years later.

And you’re in an area in east Charlotte that is very ethnically diverse. There is an Ethiopian community there, but you also have a goal of teaching more Americanized people about Ethiopian food, as stated front and center on your website. Was it slow going in the beginning just to get that message out?

It was very slow, especially in the area. It wasn’t really that popular at the time. And a lot of people really didn’t care for coming out that way. It was really a struggle at the beginning, but we did a lot of ads, a lot of word-of-mouth, and pretty much let the service and the food speak for itself. After that, it started picking up a lot more. So we came a long way since 2017.

And how have you seen that attitude shift, if at all, in the last seven years in terms of the wider range of people here in the city becoming more comfortable with Ethiopian food? Have you seen it start to grow?

Oh, definitely, tremendously, it’s growing.

Especially being at Optimist Hall, that gave us another form of exposure and a lot of traffic. And I

TINA TEDLA

think the more the city grows, the better it’s going to get. I do think we still have a little bit more to go, but I think we became a lot better since 2017, or even since I moved here, the city itself has tremendously been growing.

You all are known for doing this contemporary fusion, where you work in some other things that are not as traditional, the quesadillas and things like that. What was the process like for you to sit down and create this menu?

Where did these ideas come from?

In America, you had to adjust to how fast everybody moves; everything is constantly going, going, going. And typically with Ethiopian food, it’s not known to be fast-paced. So especially creating something like where you can order and it takes 10 minutes, and you eat, dine, and you’re out of there within 45 minutes — the concept was working with people here because you’re working with Americans. And not just Americans, just living in America is always fast-paced. So being able to have something quick, something fast.

PHOTO BY KENTY CHUNG

I think one thing I realized being in Charlotte is that not everybody’s really exposed to Ethiopian food and they’re sort of scared to try. So just meeting them where they are ... If you don’t want the Ethiopian spongy bread, you have an option of the raw rice or pita, or even the sandwich. But even though the sandwich is like the tibs style, you can still get it on the hoagie bread.

We get a lot of compliments on how fast the food goes out because a lot of people, even a lot of Americans, are used to other Ethiopian restaurants taking a lot longer than 10 or 15 minutes.

You just mentioned that Ethiopian food is not usually known to be fast, and in my experiences there are a lot of share plates, or one big share plate, rather, with people sitting around a table with their injera and a lot of different items and taking it in together. How did you adapt that for a food hall atmosphere like Optimist Hall where so much of it is centered on takeout?

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

they have through social media. So we’re constantly getting new people every day, and this person posts, and then people come from posts, things like that.

So it’s constantly doing something different where we’re getting noticed and people are really trying it out, like, “Okay, I’ve heard of you guys. Let me finally come try it out.”

So I think word-of-mouth is a huge advertisement for us, and also social media. I’ve had someone walk in two, three times, they ate and they loved the food, and they did a story about it. I have no idea who they are. But I think the thing is just treating everybody the same and just making sure everybody has the same experience.

It’s not a lot of seating, so we did create at least two tables that are designated just for our customers. And so when they do eat family-style, they still have an option to dine in with us.

The only thing I did a little bit differently with Optimist is that I didn’t bring the entire menu from the first location. Our menu, our cuisine can be really overwhelming. It’s a large menu. So what I did was I brought the most popular ones from the first location that can be served fresh and cooked fast and easily and still be enjoyable with family and friends. So they can still do large plates, they can still And even going back to your original location, do dine-in, and they can also do to-go. I minimized The Shops at CitiSide are starting to see more popularity. Carolyn Barber at Reggae Central the menu. came over there from Plaza Midwood in 2022.

And what has the response been like? Has it Have you noticed that growth in your original helped you reach new folks who didn’t know location?

Oh, yes, definitely. A lot of her customers come to that you were located there?

Oh, yeah, definitely. We do get a lot of exposure me, so it’s amazing to have people come in because through social media and now TikTok, so you don’t I know when I first moved into the location, it was know who’s walking through that and what access barely anybody in there. It was really empty. So

Plaza location more just because they can really dine in and get served, and that’s what they’re used to.

So it’s different for them being at Optimist. They get really surprised. Some of them really get excited to see it, and some of them are like, “No, we still want the traditional,” which we pretty much tell And talking food now specifically, over time them, “If that’s what you’re looking for, then you go what would you say are your bestsellers that to Plaza.” have stuck on the menu for all seven years that people come back for and help with word Do you have any plans for more expansion down the road? of mouth?

I actually do, but I do want to wait a little bit Definitely the goden tibs, the beef short ribs. At the Plaza location, we have the kitfo, which is beef longer just until the city grows a little more, only tartare. Our lamb is very popular, the classic lamb. because, with having this location, I do notice that I actually won an award in 2022 Taste of Charlotte we still have a little bit longer way to go — just like how sushi became popular, but it was over time. So for that.

I think Ethiopian food is getting up there, it’s just And having both fusion items and more taking a little bit longer. So I do want to expand in traditional dishes, you can serve anyone who’s the near future, but I do want to do it on a different looking for either style, so as not to upset side of town where it’s not as exposed yet. folks from Ethiopia who are looking for a taste You still have many family members heavily of home?

Yes, of course. And that’s mainly our Plaza involved in your business. Have your parents location. I’ll be honest with you, a lot of our been able to play a role, especially after your Ethiopian, East African, Eritreans, they do prefer the mom all but pushed you into this business and supported you so fervently?

I lost my dad four years ago, so he didn’t get to see Optimist Hall, but [my mother] is definitely still around. She still helps me out. She’ll actually be at Taste of Charlotte helping me tomorrow.

When you have immigrant parents and you’re an immigrant yourself, they come here for a better life and to give us a good life, so you work extra harder to prove to them and show them that their work didn’t go unnoticed. just getting that traffic and people coming, we have the same customers [as Reggae Central], or at least her customers will at least come and try it out.

So it’s definitely been a huge boost for us that the shopping center is growing.

A SHARE PLATE FROM ENAT ETHIOPIAN RESTAURANT.

PHOTO BY KENTY CHUNG

RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM

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When she sees the success, does she ever take credit for convincing you to get into this business? [laughs] No, she’s more proud, and she’s happy, and she’s the one who constantly pushes me harder. She’ll be telling me to do a third location.

It’s amazing to see her entrepreneurial side; she’s a risk-taker. I remember taking her to Optimist without telling her I signed a lease. I was just going to surprise her. First thing she said was, “Oh, it’ll be really great for you to open one in here.” She had no idea. One of my sisters was like, “No, I think it’ll be too much for her.” And she said, “No, it’s not. She can do it.” So she was really ecstatic about it. It’s amazing to see. But it does, of course, take a lot of hard work and consistency, and that’s really what I go by, is just staying persistent.

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. HISTORY: What is America’s first SUDOKU colony?

BY LINDA THISTLE 2. ENTERTAINERS: Which actress’ mother is actress Melanie Griffith and grandmother is actress Tippi Hedren?

3. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which president is the only one born on Independence Day? 4. GEOGRAPHY: In which country is the Mont-Saint-Michel medieval monastery located?

5. SCIENCE: What does a kelvin measure?

6. ASTRONOMY: Which star is the brightest in the sky?

7. MUSIC: What are the first names of the Gibb brothers who formed The Bee Gees?

8. AD SLOGANS: Which company’s slogan is “You’re in good hands”?

9. MYTHOLOGY: What did Prometheus steal from the gods, PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW resulting in his eternal punishment?

ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS 10. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a baby turkey called?

ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE. ©2024 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

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LIFESTYLE COLUMN

NERVE ENDINGS

MY EYES ARE UP HERE Navigating life as a woman with ‘tats’

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BY ANNIE KEOUGH

I got my first tattoo when I was 18 — a silly little crescent moon on my side that I’ve found to be a rite of passage for every white woman apparently before she gets hooked and springs for more. (The good news is I have an unintentional matching tattoo with at least three other women I know.)

Fast forward, and today I have 18 — most of which on my left arm in a patchwork-style half sleeve — and counting.

In hindsight, I think the patchwork style works against me; it invites people to scan what is nearly the whole of my tattoo collection, asking the story behind each one that interests — or sometimes every single visible one.

Some of them do have a story behind them, some I picked off a flash sheet because I thought they looked cool. Whether or not I go into detail about the ones that do carry meaning depends on a couple of things: (1) How and in what context you approached me to ask about them and (2) the nature of any follow-up questions you might have.

A lot of the time, people are genuinely interested in my tattoos, compliment them quickly during a conversation or ask where I got a certain one because they like the style.

The more tattoos I get, however, the more questions I receive, and not from the people I’d expect or necessarily want to speak to.

Sometimes people, mostly men, will approach me out of nowhere to start an unwanted discussion about the art on my arm.

I don’t know what it is about men and their need for validation from tattooed women; maybe it’s that they want women to know that they’re not afraid of getting a tattoo, they just haven’t had the time.

Sometimes there’s a more cringe-inducing reason. My coworker, for example, has had a man

come up to her at the gym to ask about her tattoos and when she politely answered his question, he countered with, “Don’t you want to know about mine?” When she humored him, he said “You have to give me your number to find out.”

Which brings me to my main complaint: Men who like to use tattoos as a way to start a conversation they’re not interested in for the sole purpose of getting a woman’s number.

I’ve gotten out of this many times by pointing to the big rainbow on the center of my bicep and hoping they take the hint.

Even still, I’ve had men with absolutely no tattoos comment on mine, ask which is my favorite, where I got them done, how much they cost, etc. More often than not, they will start a whole, unprompted monologue on how they’ve always wanted to get one but haven’t because of x,y or z.

If you’ve never experienced it yourself, you probably think I’m overreacting to innocent questions from men honestly interested in my tattoo experience.

What you don’t understand, however, is the implication behind the questions. After they ask about the tattoos on my arms, their eyes like to travel down the rest of my body, asking the silent question of “Where else do you have tattoos?”

If I’m comfortable around you and don’t get that creepy vibe, I’ll happily explain the story behind the rat wearing a cowboy hat on my thigh or the stick-and-poke flower on my hip. But there’s a big emphasis on the ‘comfortable around you’ part.’

I might be in the minority here, so don’t take my word as gospel when you’re thinking of complimenting someone’s tattoos. Hell, I like when people notice and comment on my tattoos. I paid a lot of money for them and I love shouting out the

ANNIE KEOUGH’S PATCHWORK OF AN ARM.

artists that worked hard on them (especially Capital Crow and Intuitive Tattoo, you guys are the best).

But, I think a good general rule of thumb if you like someone’s tattoos is just to say that; a simple, “Hey, I like your tattoos,” will usually suffice. If they want to go into further detail, they will. If not, take the hint and leave it as a nice compliment.

If you practice the latter rule, this article isn’t

PHOTO BY JUSTIN LAFRANCOIS

directed at you. If you’ve caught yourself feeling defensive at any point while reading this, I have bad news for you, buddy.

And under no circumstances, unless you’re doing it ironically, should you ever call them ‘tats.’ That applies to any gender at any time. And God help you if you call them ‘ink.’

AKEOUGH@QCNERVE.COM

LIFESTYLE

HOROSCOPE

PUZZLE ANSWERS

2024 KING FEATURES SYND., INC.

JUNE 26 - JULY 2

JULY 3 - JULY 9

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Avoid having someone else take credit for a project that you started by finishing it yourself. Then it will be you lovely Lambs who will be wearing those well-deserved laurels.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Temper your typical Arian urge to charge into a situation and demand answers.

Instead, let the Lamb’s gentler self emerge to deal with a problem that requires delicacy.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) The facts about a new opportunity are still emerging. Wait until they’re all out in the open, then use your keen business sense to help make the right decision.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You are aware of what’s going on, so continue to stand by your earlier decision, no matter how persuasive the counterarguments might be.

Money pressures will soon ease.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Your willingness to be part CANCER (June 21 to July 22) You need to wait patiently NEWSLETTER of a team opens doors that had been shut to you. Keep for an answer to a workplace problem instead of pushing GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) By all means, have fun and enjoy this newly expanded social life. But don’t forget some people are depending on you to keep promises that are very important to them.

them open by honoring your promises, even when your for a decision. Remember, time is on your side. A financial commitment seems to be wavering. matter also needs closer attention.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) You now have information that can influence a decision you planned to make. But the clever Cat will consult a trusted friend or family member before making a major move.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Your plain-talking honesty is admirable, but sometimes sharp words can leave painful scars. Be careful that what you say doesn’t come back to hurt you.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Good news: You’re finding that more doors are opening for you to show what you can do, and you don’t even have to knock very hard to get the attention you’re seeking.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A stress-filled period takes a positive turn as you deal with the underlying problem. Act now to avoid a recurrence by changing some basic rules in your relationship.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Your gift for creating order out of chaos will help you deal with a sudden rush of responsibilities that would threaten someone who is less able to balance their priorities.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Your rising energy levels make it easier for you to achieve some important objectives. This could lead to a big boost in how you’re perceived, both at home and on the job.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Congratulations!

Your energy levels are coming right back up to normal -- just in time to help you tackle some worthwhile challenges and make some important choices.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A changing picture begins to emerge as you learn more about an offer that seemed so right but could be so wrong. Look to a trusted adviser for guidance.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) The sage Sagittarian should demand a full explanation of inconsistencies that might crop up in what had seemed to be a straightforward deal.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Spiritual aspects are strong. Take time to reflect on the path that you’re on and where you hope it will lead you. It’s also a good time to reach out to loved ones.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A conflict between obligations to family and your job can create stressful problems. Best advice: Balance your dual priorities so that one doesn’t outweigh the other.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You could be assuming far too many responsibilities, whether it’s at work or in personal matters. Be careful that you’re not weighed down by them.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Don’t guess, speculate or gossip about that so-called “mystery” situation at the workplace. Bide your time. An explanation will be forthcoming very soon.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) You’re getting closer to your goals. And since nothing succeeds like success (or the promise thereof), don’t be surprised to find new supporters swimming alongside you.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Boredom might be creeping in and causing you to lose interest in a repeat project. Deal with it by flipping over your usual routine and finding a new way to do an old task.

BORN THIS WEEK: You are always the first to try new BORN THIS WEEK: You can warm the coldest heart with ventures and confront new challenges. You inspire others your lyrical voice and bright smile. You find yourself at with your courage to follow your bold examples. home wherever you are.

Get our community reporting delivered straight to your inbox every Mon., Wed. & Fri.

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LEO (July 23 to August 22) Congratulations! You’re really getting things done to purrfection. And don’t forget to take a catnap now and again to keep those energy levels up and bristling for action.

5. Temperature.

Trivia Answers 6. The Dog Star, Sirius.

1. Jamestown, Virginia.

7. Barry, Robin and Maurice.

2. Dakota Johnson.

3. Calvin Coolidge was born 8. Allstate.

9. Fire. on July 4, 1872.

10. A poult.

4. Normandy, France.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You might feel confused or even hurt by a friend who suddenly puts distance between you. If they won’t discuss it, don’t push it. An explanation should come in time.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

SAVAGE LOVE

WANTS V. GOTS ...and the difference between polyamory and non-monogamous

BY DAN SAVAGE

I am new to polyamory. I am an ethically non-monogamous hetero woman in her 50s and recently re-entered into my first secondary sexual relationship with a married friend whom I’ve known all my life. We lost touch after college but he reconnected and restarted it. Is it normal to want to know if he has other partners? Is it OK to ask him? How do I ask him?

He has asked me directly and I have told him that I don’t have others, but he is very opaque when I try to talk to him about himself. He prefers to keep chats superficial and this has been a source of angst for me since I do like a good creative conversation and I have seen him have it with others, so his reluctance to engage with me is confusing. I am open in sharing my relationship status when he asks me directly but I am unable to open such a topic with him.

I brought up what feels like an unequal power dynamic and he agrees this dynamic exists but that’s just how it is. We hardly meet even once a year since we live on different continents. (I do the travelling because I have flexibility, and yes there’s a dynamic here too, which I’m willing to let go.) Those few hours are like life-fuel. We share an incredible chemistry that would be a shame to throw away, so I would like to do all I can to build something with him. Can you please help me with any pointers to navigate this?

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NOW SEEKING ANSWERS

What you want (something deep and meaningful) is imperiling what you’ve got (something casual and annual).

Zooming out for a second: You wanna build something more meaningful with this man but he, for reasons he refuses to share, isn’t interested in building something more meaningful with you. I can make informed guesses about what his reasons might be

— the agreement he has with his wife allows for sex with others but not romance/intimacy; you only see each other once a year and he doesn’t see the point of forging a deeper emotional connection under these circumstances — but since I can’t subpoena and depose him, NSA, and he’s not telling you, we’re never going to know for sure what he’s thinking.

But I can answer your questions for me: Yes, it’s normal to want to know if he has other partners (in addition to his wife); yes, it’s okay to ask him if he has other partners (absent an answer, you should assume he does). Ask him directly, NSA, but you shouldn’t ask him incessantly … unless you’re willing to risk him throw it/you away. Basically, NSA, I think you might have the wrong end of the stick here. You’re convinced that deepening your relationship is the best way to sustain this connection — a connection you value because the chemistry is off the charts — but pushing to go deep when he’s made it clear he isn’t interested could prompt him to end things.

If you can’t enjoy the chemistry, the sex, and “the same time next year” excitement of this connection — if that’s not enough — you should throw this/ him away yourself. If you’re not willing to settle for what he’s willing to offer, you shouldn’t waste one more international flight on him. But I can’t imagine he’s asked you to be monogamous to him, NSA, which means you have enough bandwidth —emotional bandwidth, sexual bandwidth, social bandwidth — to enjoy what you’ve got with him while pursuing men closer to home who want a deeper connection.

P.S. I wouldn’t call this polyamory. Given the facts in evidence, NSA, it sounds like this man is in an open marriage but that he isn’t seeking — or isn’t allowed to seek — loving and committed relationships with other women. Non-monogamous ≠ polyamorous.

I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been in a happy long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for five years. Two years ago, we became non-monogamous and started having occasional sex with a few friends. We agreed that we shouldn’t have romantic relationships with anyone else. While living abroad for a year, I started a sexual relationship with a guy. The sex was mind-blowing. He knew about my boyfriend and agreed to be just “fuck buddies.” I wasn’t worried about getting too attached to him because we had very different world views and political ideas, which is a deal breaker to me in terms of romantic attachment ... or it used to be.

To my surprise I developed an emotional connection with this guy, which he reciprocated.

A year later and back home, I still love my boyfriend very deeply, he is one of the most important people in the world to me, but I don’t enjoy sex with him as much as I did before. I fantasize a lot about my former fuck buddy and don’t have any interest in meeting someone new. The few interactions I’ve had with him since I came home were still quite flirtatious. I fear these fantasies are affecting my relationship with my boyfriend and don’t know how to move on. On one hand, I love and admire my boyfriend, but I don’t feel as physically attracted to him anymore. On the other hand, I struggle to let go off of my physical attraction for another person whose flaws my brain seems intent on ignoring.

Do you have any suggestion?

HEMMING OVER THINGS THAT INVOLVE EMOTIONS

Sex with long-term partners often becomes routine, HOTTIE, and while routines get a bad rap, especially routine sex (which gets the “rut” label slapped on it), routines bring order and stability to our lives.

What routines don’t bring is excitement. While the contentedly monogamous regard the tradeoff — routine and reliable sexual intimacy in exchange for novelty and sexual excitement — as a win, the miserably monogamous regard the tradeoff as a loss.

The trick to being contentedly non-monogamous — or one of the tricks, anyway — is not comparing sex with a long-term partner to sex with new or still new-ish partner. Sex with a long-term partner may be less exciting and challenging, but there’s sex that’s familiar and comforting has its perks.

Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy — and in your case, HOTTIE, comparing sex with your current boyfriend and sex with your former fuckbuddy may be screwing with your ability to enjoy the boyfriend.

But if you can’t stop comparing the sex you’re having with your boyfriend to the sex you used to have with your fuck buddy — sex that felt transgressive because your fuck buddy had shitty political opinions — it may not be just the sex you’re missing, HOTTIE, but everything else the fuck buddy was about. If the fever doesn’t break and your feelings for the fuck buddy don’t fade, that could be a sign things with your boyfriend haven’t just settled into a safe and comfortable routine, but that your relationship with the boyfriend is winding down.

I had a sexual experience that’s left me feeling shitty. Met another gay man on an apps, got wasted together at a leather bar, fucked at his place on a number of substances.

He stopped when I was too out of it to proceed, he played some music, and let me crash with him until I’d sobered up enough to get a Lyft.

When we fucked, I’d asked him to degrade me.

I asked him to do and say things an abusive ex had often done to me without consent.

Why, when wasted and fucking, did I try and recreate sexual assaults I had experienced?

In the moment: hot. In the aftermath, I feel as horrible as I did when those events first happened to me.

Super Upset Boy

“Recreating a traumatic sexual experience is not uncommon among survivors of abuse,” said Leigh Wakeford, the author of Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. “So, most importantly SUB needs to hear that he is not alone.

And he also needs to know that one of the beautiful offerings of BDSM play is the potential for revisiting and re-narrating traumatic encounters in a safe, consensual and empowering way, which can help us reclaim things that were taken from us without our permission.”

What your abusive ex took from you is a kind of consensual D/s sex play — involving humiliation, degradation, verbal abuse, etc. — that you may not have been consciously aware you were into before his abuse started. Right now, these things may be tainted by their association with your ex, SUB, but that doesn’t make them bad things. Just as sex in the missionary position in the absence of consent will be experienced as assault by someone who might otherwise enjoy sex in the missionary position, kinks like humiliation and degradation in the absence of consent will be experienced as abuse by someone who might otherwise enjoy them.

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S�a� t�e c�d� Pg. 23 JUNE 26 - JULY 9, 2024 - QCNERVE.COM