Queen City Nerve - February 22, 2023

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News: Where did all the lesbian bars go? pg. 4 Food: VIVA Chicken turns 10 pg. 11

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TABLE OF CONTENTS NEWS & OPINION

4 The Importance of Space by Annie Keough

The causes and effects of losing lesbian bars

ARTS & CULTURE

6 You Are the Museum by Dezanii Lewis

NC Poet Laureate Jaki Shelton Green teaches Charlotteans to curate their own past 8 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks 9 Soundwave

MUSIC

10 Paint Fumes Go Pop by Pat Moran

‘Real Romancer’ unleashes a cache of catchy love songs

FOOD & DRINK

11 Live Long and Prosper by Karie Simmons

VIVA Chicken celebrates a decade of growth

LIFESTYLE

Thanks to our contributors: Grant Baldwin, Aerin Spruill, Annie Keough, Dezanii Lewis, Rayne Antrim, Hailey Knutsen, Puck Byrne, Ira Rosenberg, Florian Stangl and Dan Savage.

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12 Savage Love 13 Puzzles 14 Horoscope 14 Aerin It Out by Aerin Spruill

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

THE IMPORTANCE OF SPACE The causes and effects of losing lesbian bars

BY ANNIE KEOUGH

Hartigan’s Pub holds a special place in the memory of Dr. La Shonda Mims, assistant professor of history at Middle Tennessee State University and author of Drastic Dykes and Accidental Activists: Queer Women in the Urban South. In multiple times of stress and mourning, Hartigan’s, one of the few lesbian bars to have existed in Charlotte’s history, served as a space for solace.

After losing a custody battle for their son to his biological father, Mims and her spouse went to Hartigan’s Pub. When the Johnston YMCA denied them a family pass in front of their son because they didn’t “qualify as a family,” staff members at Hartigan’s — his “lesbian aunts,” as he called them — whipped him up a fancy ice cream sundae and pointed him toward the Wii in the pool room.

But spaces like Hartigan’s, which was forced to shut down in 2014, are becoming harder to find.

Lesbian bars are closing around the nation, and the spaces queer women go to escape the prejudice of a heteronormative world and feel at home are disappearing, leaving the lesbian community wondering: Where do we go now?

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A not-so-promising history

According to The Lesbian Bar Project, an organization documenting the decline of queer women’s bars in America, there are less than 25 lesbian bars left in the United States compared to the 200 documented in the 1980s.

Matt Comer was a longtime staffer with Charlotte Pride who, until his recent departure, served as the organization’s spokesperson. He previously worked as a journalist and editor with local LGBTQ publication QNotes. Having recently curated a history of Charlotte’s LGBTQ scene, Comer gave Queen City Nerve some national and cultural contexts for the decline.

According to Comer, all queer bars have been

on the decline over the past couple of decades, but seeing as how there have always been more bars catering to queer men than queer women, it’s the latter group that feels that decline the most.

As Comer put it, “Queer spaces, in some ways, have become victim to the queer rights movement’s success.”

As queer people become more accepted and affirmed in society, they begin to act and behave as customers in the way that anybody else would, he explained. They may choose to go to a mainstream bar after work in a mixed crowd of queer and straight people instead of a gay bar.

According to Comer, there have only ever been three bars in Charlotte that have catered specifically to lesbian and queer women and lasted for more than two years, none of which are still open today.

Mims, whose book focuses on the history of lesbian culture in Charlotte and Atlanta, referenced a few more fleeting lesbian bars that barely lasted a full year back in the 1980s, which she only found through scouring old newspaper ads and oral archives.

“The loss of gay and lesbian bars all over the U.S. is staggering and the loss of lesbian space is especially tough,” said Josh Burford, lead archivist at Invisible Histories, an organization dedicated to preserving queer Southern history. “These were places where women could guarantee that they could enjoy a night out without fear of harassment and bother.”

If lesbian bars and spaces are so important to the community, why do they keep shutting down?

While doing research for her book, Mims found that lesbian bars struggle to survive because of economics and what it means to be a woman who not only earns less but is more likely to manage care for families — statistics that are only more defined for non-white women.

“If you compare that to gay men, then you’re

JACKIE DELOACH, OWNER OF HATTIE’S TAP & TAVERN.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

looking at very different economic circumstances,” open a neighborhood bar where everyone could feel she said. “So when I look at the bars that came and like part of a community.

“If I were to dub it as a lesbian bar, I probably went in the ’70s and ’80s in Charlotte, I think a lot of would have been shut down like all the other ones,” it had to do with economic viability.”

This isn’t unique to Charlotte, Mims told Queen DeLoach said. “It’s just not as lucrative because it’s City Nerve, but the city’s “business first” mentality such a small group of people, honestly.”

DeLoach, like owners of other queer-friendly bars created a uniquely difficult experience for queer in Charlotte, found a balance to sustain her business women organizations.

The introduction of Bank of America solidified while also compensating for the void left to the Charlotte’s identity as a business town, with the city’s LGBTQ+ community. Holding themed nights aimed Chamber of Commerce selling itself as “a good place at certain parts of the community allows businesses to remain lucrative without relying on everyday to make money,” Mims said.

The business-first mentality fed into the business from such a small portion of the population.

“We shouldn’t have to feel like we have to go queer population and forced them to embody a off and do our own thing completely separate from respectability that queer bars simply didn’t have.

“Even when lesbian bars were thriving in other the rest of the world because the world needs to urban spaces, they weren’t thriving in Charlotte,” understand that we’re fucking here,” DeLoach said.

The loss of designated queer spaces, however, is Mims said. “Charlotte is pro-growth at all costs.

They’re gonna put business first ahead of local felt more strongly by some in the queer community, spaces … and I think the queer community kind of Burford said.

“Personally, the idea that LGBTQ people are embodies that and doesn’t have the economic clout, ‘welcome’ in [straight] bars is a fine idea, but I and especially women, to fight that.”

Burford maintained that the lifespan of a gay many like me still want spaces of our own where bar depends on the crowd that it attracts and the we can, ironically, be less queer than in our regular niche that it fills within the community. The niche lives where we are forced to moderate our LGBTQ identities in a majority [straight] world,” he said. that lesbian bars fill is, well, lesbians.

Keeping dedicated spaces alive isn’t always “But it’s a lot harder to cater to the most diverse of a very specific population,” added Bethany McDonald, attainable, especially in Charlotte, Mims pointed out. former owner of the shuttered Hartigan’s Pub. Historically, the only neighborhoods you would Hattie’s Tap & Tavern owner Jackie DeLoach never set out to open a lesbian bar after her time find a gay bar were low-income neighborhoods, tending bar at Hartigan’s. Instead, her goal was to Comer said. Charlotte’s “gayborhood” was found

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

Historically, most spaces were segregated by race, and despite the welcoming nature that queer nightlife symbolizes, it is no exception. Fulton often in what is now Dilworth and South End, home to a experiences different treatment in non-Black spaces couple of gay bars, two gay bathhouses, the Charlotte compared to a space for people of color.

Women’s Center (a central meeting spot for early “You want to go someplace where you feel lesbian activism) and the city’s first gay bookstore, comfortable, where your culture is represented, Rising Moon Bookshop, owned by a lesbian. where you see people that are like you,” he said.

In the ’60s and ’70s, South End was considered Charlotte Black Pride’s motto is “We are who an undesirable place, which made obtaining a loan we are every day,” which is why Fulton said the that much easier and left so-called “sketchy places” organization tries to curate events throughout the like bars alone, Burford added. year to let people know they’re not just around Today, homes in Dilworth and South End have during Pride season. a median price range of $1.16-$1.35 million, according to Realtor.com, and The Bar at 316 is the only original gay bar left standing in the former Where do we go now?

Much like the church has mattered deeply to queer haven. the Black community, bars have mattered deeply to Mims’ research supports the concerning level of comfortability that Charlotte has in gentrifying queer and lesbian communities, Mims said.

While collecting stories for her book and building and knocking down spaces of value for minority an archive of her own, Mims realized UNC Charlotte’s communities. digitized archives of QNotes stories were the only Hartigan’s, for example, could no longer sustain the burden of its landlord increasing the rent of the place to find the history of Charlotte’s LGBTQ scene. “[That’s] great, but it’s misunderstanding where 6,000-square-foot, crumbling building. McDonald our lives are recorded,” she said. “Our lives are commented on the fickle nature of Charlotte and how everything is the new big thing, making it difficult recorded in the bar rag that you pick up on the way out of the bar.” for niche spaces like lesbian bars to keep going.

The loss of lesbian bars has echoed throughout Shann Fulton, board chair of Charlotte Black Pride, said gentrification is a main cause of many the community for years. It’s been nine years since Hartigan’s closed and McDonald still receives pleas Black-led spaces’ demise.

“I think that’s a correlation as to why we don’t from past patrons to hold more reunions because have any cultural spaces or LGBTQ+ spaces for Black they have nowhere else to go.

“It was like a human had died,” Mims said about people because it’s unattainable,” he said.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

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BETHANY MCDONALD, FORMER OWNER OF HARTIGAN’S.

the reaction to Hartigan’s closing. (all women and non-binary musicians) for followers She is no stranger to the importance the space to either buy tickets or attend for free.

“I had never had any space like this when I was held, after meeting her spouse of 22 years while getting a Guinness and running into the first person growing up, so to be able to provide that for other she interviewed for her book in the bathroom stalls. people is really cool,” Dominguez said. “It kind of McDonald mourns the loss of a comfortable puts the power back in our hands … so that we space for older lesbians to go and for the younger have a say in this party.”

Dominguez’s goal is to create a place where generation to find community while learning about themselves. “It breaks my heart,” she said. women feel more comfortable knowing that the “It was the first time I felt like I was someone seen,” whole party is, from beginning to end, organized by Starla R. Abernathy, a former patron of Hartigan’s, women and allies. wrote in a commemorable Facebook post for the bar’s The need for queer spaces will never die out in the reunion party. “I wasn’t dancing in a dark corner of a community. Queer people use these places to build queer politics, community and safety. Queer women straight nightclub with women. It was magical. “[Hartigan’s] wasn’t a bar. It was a home,” in particular, who have been ignored throughout Abernathy continued. “A safe haven. A refuge … women’s history, find identity within lesbian bars, We have grown as a community in our rights and and it’s not something they’re willing to lose.

Mims believes that the longevity of queer space expanded our wings within those rights. Yes, we still have far to go, but we have seen new light shed and place is recorded more heavily in print than within the walls of lesbian bar spaces. where there was once only shadows.”

“I would argue that’s quieter activism; that’s Sustainable queer women’s organizations have begun to fill a void in a space with no established quieter visibility,” she said. “To walk in the lesbian queer women’s nightlife. Ariel Dominguez launched bar is in and of itself, at some level, activist because Girls Room, curating parties hosted by queer women it’s increasingly visible.”

This story is a plea to the Charlotte community: rather than relying on a fixed venue to hold its crowd.

Girls Room markets its parties on its social media See us.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM page, providing a date, time and featured showcase

ARTS FEATURE

YOU ARE THE MUSEUM NC Poet Laureate Jaki Shelton Green teaches Charlotteans to curate their own past

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BY DEZANII LEWIS

People revere museums and exhibits because A bigger world of the history and knowledge surrounding them Born in Alamance County and raised for much and the way those institutions captivate them, but of her childhood in Orange County, Green has lived few people realize that they can house their own in North Carolina off and on throughout her life. As museums. North Carolina Poet Laureate Jaki Shelton a child, she attended a Quaker boarding school in Green hopes to change that.

Bucks County, Pennsylvania, and went to college in “If we walk through our homes, all our homes Minnesota and Maryland. are museums,” she said.

It’s the boarding school experience that truly Green is North Carolina’s first Black poet laureate changed her, Green insists. and the third woman to hold the position. She She had rarely experienced cultures outside of will host her Personal Museum Workshop at the her own, nor had she been away from her family.

Charlotte Museum of History on Feb. 25 as part of The boarding school taught her that she could the museum’s annual African American Heritage dream, that she could travel the globe, and that a Festival. bigger world existed.

The workshop invites attendees to explore their “For the first time, things were not black and own personal museums from multiple perspectives. white. It opened my world,” she said. “My peers, my Green encourages attendees to bring letters, photos classmates were from all over the world. It was very and heirlooms to explore stories and legacies that diverse. So many different cultures interfacing and exist in their everyday lives. interacting and living together.”

“I believe that what we keep keeps us,” she told Once she knew there was more to see, she Queen City Nerve. “You should pay attention to how wanted nothing more than to experience it. She a culture and a country decides on what’s important began to dream of things she would never have enough to put in museums. It’s the same thing in dreamed of before, like traveling the world and our lives.” owning a house in Morocco.

Whether they are exploring private areas they “That experience was really the beginning of do not want anyone to see or public areas they do wanting to explore the globe, my existence,” she not mind sharing with anyone, Green wants people said. “Wanting to experience more and more people to explore it all. She wants people to think of the who are not just like me. I’m fascinated with things spaces in their museums as “rooms” in order to I don’t know.” best compartmentalize and navigate the feelings “I like getting lost in foreign countries. And my associated with them. prep school experience really prepared me for this “There might be rooms that have been locked early on.” for a long time and you are ready to open them,” Before Green went to the Quaker school, she she said. “Your human museum should have a room had been attending segregated public schools in her of your dreams, a room of sorrow, a room for the hometown, some of which she helped integrate. She ancestors. But everybody’s museum is different.” ended up at the boarding school after she organized Green added that her own museum has a dance a walkout which resulted in her expulsion. floor and a soundtrack.

Leaving the South to be introduced to a bigger By exploring parts of themselves that are often world at the Quaker school was likely a blessing in ignored or locked away, the event’s main goal is disguise and a necessary catalyst. After all, she did to explore the legacies that exist in these personal eventually get that house in Morocco. museums.

JAKI SHELTON GREEN

COURTESY OF CHARLOTTE MUSEUM OF HISTORY

Poet as a verb

the word ambassador means to serve, and she has been doing that all along.

“I have lived the legacy of poet [and] of serving the people,” she said. “I love being poet laureate, but I don’t need the title. I built this. I built the tables, that’s what I teach people to do. You’re not being served at the table you think you want to be at?

Build your own table. There’s enough wood, there’s enough work. The need is there.”

Green emphasized how she lived this role long before she was appointed to it. Because she views the term poet as a verb rather than a noun, she has been able to live her life accordingly and serve those in need through poeting, as she calls it.

“Poetry does not just live on the page,” she said. “We are always poeting. I’m always being the voice because through poetry, we can also serve the dispossessed, the disadvantaged, those without voices.”

It’s not apathy that Green feels toward the title, however, as he’s still enjoying everything that comes with the role: teaching others, being a voice for the voiceless, and meeting new people.

“I’m enjoying traveling the state and being with audiences of so many different diverse community groups,” she said.

Green was nominated to her position by Gov. Roy Cooper in 2018. Traditionally a two-year appointment, he reappointed her in 2021.

“It’s an honor to be nominated by my peers,” she said. “I carry it and I don’t take it lightly because I know that the ancestors on one side of me and the unborn children are on the other side of me. I’m standing with my ancestors and I’m standing with a future as a Black Southern woman who grew up in the rural South.

“I know what my trajectory has been like,” she continued, “and it’s been different than some of my white counterparts. But I’m very proud and honored to be in this position and to have a voice that helps people.”

Though Green’s appointment is historical, it is also worth noting that it shouldn’t be. North Carolina’s first poet laureate was appointed in 1948, meaning it existed 70 years before a Black person was given the role.

“It was long overdue,” she said. “I think the timing was perfect. I think 2018 was a ripe year.”

Green looked to Joy Harjo, the first Native American Poet Laureate of the United States, for inspiration.

“She’s my peer, we both were 69,” she said.

“That’s a long time for women of color to not have Curating our own museums been at the table. And not just women, but any While the Personal Museum Workshop may person of color.” be new to residents of Charlotte, it is not a new While Green is honored to be in her role, she concept. Green has been operating this workshop said she did not need the title. She explained that for around 40 years. She was driven to it from her

ARTS FEATURE

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

COURTESY OF CHARLOTTE MUSEUM OF HISTORY

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desire to simply learn more about people and their history, which originated at her boarding school.

“I love anthropology, and I love this notion that all of us are human museums,” she said. “And it’s an interesting way to have people look at themselves and to see how much history and how much cultural information is sitting on a bookshelf or sitting on a coffee table or sitting on a dining room table or in the drawer.”

“If we had a conversation with the great grandmother’s teapot, we might learn something about the great grandmother,” she explained.

Her audiences have ranged from all sorts of backgrounds: chaplains, oncologists, students, women and men. She’s even done this workshop with inmates on death row. The audience variety, and her eagerness to help them, speak to her claim of living her legacy and serving people.

The workshop explores much of our histories, much of our artifacts, the meaning behind them, and how they have impacted our lives.

“All of these things that we keep, it’s just not the thing,” Green said. “It’s the story of all these things. It’s like, if you were to tell me, ‘Well, I have my mom’s frying pan, and this is what she always cooked chicken for us on Sunday with,’ that frying pan is an artifact.”

The pan may seem like a pan on the surface, but it has stories of its own, stories that can only be told by exploring its history.

“We don’t think about how these everyday objects that we use have a story,” she said. “What are the stories inside of whose hands have cleaned that pot? And how we care about these things? I’m going to invite people to explore what’s in their own museum.”

Green encourages everyone to imagine themselves like a museum, with exhibit halls both public and private, open and closed, small and large.

Another exercise is for people to write a letter to the curator of their museum — themselves, ideally.

“If you’re not the curator of your own museum, you should be trying to figure out why not,” she said.

“That’s your museum and nothing should be in it but your stuff.”

That is one of the reasons Green believes these workshops to be so important: You may be holding onto someone else’s baggage without even realizing it.

“It’s kind of like an excavation,” she said. “I’ve never done one of these where people were not just blown away by what came up for them.”

Green believes that failing to observe these personal museums and legacies can lead to creativity blocks.

“If you’re a writer or creative maker, a lot of us will say, ‘I really want to write, but I just can’t get started,’” she said. “If you breathe, you can write.

Write about your breath or just three words: ‘I am here.’”

In exploring these legacies, Green mentioned how much she thought minimalist living could harm people’s ability to curate their museums if they discard everything.

“Some historian will want to know that story,” she said, referring to the items people often throw away. She also stated that she is concerned about deceased relative’s belongings disappearing after they pass on.

Green’s own mother passed away in December of 2022. She was 106. In going through her mother’s belongings, she found several items that she wanted to keep.

“She has this jewelry drawer that I just have not been able to get through,” she said. “I’m not ready because I need to sit with those pieces. A lot of things will be given away, but not until after I’ve VISITORS LOOK AT A DIORAMA. had my conversations with them.”

Green explained that everyone’s personal museum is constantly changing, which is why she encourages people to revisit them periodically.

When attendees are done with their first session, however, she hopes they will take the lessons they learned out into the world.

“It’s a great project to do when you’re working with creative makers, or I like doing this with elders and retired people,” she said. “I always hope that it’s something where it really reflects back who they are to themselves.”

Her desire is twofold, though. Not only does she want attendees to take their stories out into the world and share them with others, she wants them to make additional discoveries once they have begun to share.

“That’s the biggest takeaway for this exercise, is that when we talk about our human museums with each other, we realize that our lives are not too different from each other,” she said. “People may see things in a different way, but we all got that [junk] drawer, and we all got the crazy aunt.”

“We all have something in common when we start doing these movements. So I think that would be really enriching for a community to look at what it’s holding.”

BOY NAMED BANJO, OUT OF THE BLUE DROPKICK MURPHYS

“Let a spark turn into a fire/ Let it burn into the night...” With roiling acoustic guitars, buckling banjo and soaring sidewinding electrics, up-and-coming Nashville quintet Boy Named Banjo charts a fringe course far different from the trajectory favored by mainstream country warblers. With a solid backbeat you would expect from former garage rockers, BNB weaves emotional roots-driven lyrics and melodies through an energetic blend of alt rock, folk-pop and bluegrass that applies the sparking defibrillator paddles to commercial country’s sluggish heart More: $12-$15; Feb. 24, 8 p.m.; Coyote Joe’s, 4621 Wilkinson Blvd.; coyote-joes.com ‘ALI’S COMEBACK: THE UNTOLD STORY’ 2/25

Photo by Ira Rosenberg/Library of Congress

‘MY MEXICAN BRETZEL’

Give My Mexican Bretzel writer and director Nuria Giménez props for releasing a silent film — save for a few sound effects — in 2019, but that is the least of her accomplishments in this home movie documentary turned delicate fantasy. Onscreen subtitles, ostensibly taken from diary entries by socialite Vivian Barrett, are combined with footage shot from the 1940s through the 1960s by Vivian’s husband Léon, a former World War II pilot. The resulting reverie on relationships is remarkable — especially when it becomes obvious that Vivian Barrett doesn’t exist; she’s solely Giménez’s creation.

More: $8-$10; Feb. 23, 7 p.m.; Bechtler Museum, 420 S. Tryon St.; bechtler.org

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2023 JURIED STUDENT EXHIBITION

UNC Charlotte’s Department of Art & Art History hosts a reception and awards ceremony for the 2023 Student Juried Exhibition. This year’s jurors, vice president and creative director of the McColl Center for Art + Innovation Jonell Logan and nationallyknown Charlotte-based artist Juan Logan, received submissions from 95 art students and narrowed the selections down to 50 pieces, including installations, concept sketches, ceramics, paintings, photography and animation. The reception includes a talk by the jurors before award winners are announced. The exhibit runs through March 31.

More: Free; Feb. 24, 11:15 a.m.; Rowe Galleries at UNC Charlotte, 9119 University Road; coaa. charlotte.edu

Since launching in 1996, the Dropkick Murphys have mixed the passion of traditional Irish music with the firepower of British oi and American hardcore — the two most stripped-down variants of punk. So, it came as a surprise in 2022 when the band released its most poetic and political album — and an acoustic one to boot. This Machine Still Kills Fascists takes its name from a mission statement that Dust Bowl folk prophet Woody Guthrie scrawled on his guitar. Like Billy Braggs’ Mermaid Avenue (1998), the Murphys’ entire album is written around previously unreleased poetry and lyrics by Guthrie.

More: $48 and up; March 1, 7 p.m.; Fillmore Charlotte, 820 Hamilton St.; fillmorenc.com

‘ALI’S COMEBACK: THE UNTOLD JOE BONAMASSA STORY’

“I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong.” A former teen prodigy who studied under 1970s-’80s With those words, world heavyweight champion Telecaster master Danny Gatton, Joe Bonamassa is Muhammad Ali voiced defiance to racism and often hailed as the blues-based six-string slinger par the Vietnam-era war machine. By 1970, Ali was excellence of his generation. The accolades, however, convicted of draft evasion, banned from boxing, don’t quite capture Bonamassa’s complexity. and stripped of his title. This documentary tells Drawing from an era when the blues guitar-based the remarkable story behind the boxing match riffs of Cream, Hendrix and Ten Years After topped that marked Ali’s triumphant comeback. A ticketed commercial charts, Bonamassa keeps touch with reception will be held before each showtime and his forbears, but also stretches their hard rock DNA a Q&A with Muhammad Ali’s first wife Khalilah Ali to include acoustic as well as more muscular tones, and Ali’s Comeback director Art Jones follows each and his dynamic songwriting grabs attention while separating blues from bombast. screening.

More: $12; Feb. 25, 7 p.m., Feb. 26, 1 p.m.; More: $59 and up; March 3, 8 p.m.; Ovens Independent Picture House, 4237 Raleigh St.; Auditorium, 2700 E. Independence Blvd.; boplex. com independentpicturehouse.org

JOE BONAMASSA 3/3

Photo by Florian StanglCreative Commons

CHEEM, BUMMER HILL, EQUAL CREATURES

Three bands offer modern and emotional takes on art-rock. Connecticut-based Cheem’s current single “Mango Glitch Gum Remix” kicks off like bouncy eight-bit background music for a retro video game before becoming an earnest pop tune with soaring choruses and jackhammer hard-rock flourishes.

Riding intricate coiling guitars and an insistent melody, Atlanta emo-rockers Bummer Hill launch their City Limit EP with the sublime “Isn’t It Strange?”

Tilling the same eclectic emo field as Bummer Hill is fellow Atlanta-based band Equal Creatures, crafting catchy songs about surviving, switching medication and queerness.

More: $12; March 6, 8 p.m.; The Milestone, 3400 Tuckaseegee Road; themilestone.club

THOUSAND DOLLAR MOVIE, SIEGE ‘COME FROM AWAY’ Boasting innuendo about “booty sex” and boy-band HARDEE, SOLIS, WHISTLER ‘CRUEL INTENTIONS’

dance moves, Cruel Intentions is a 1990s-set jukebox musical with songs by The Verve, Britney Spears and more. The plot, about two diabolical sex and power-obsessed step-siblings, boasts a complicated bloodline; the 2015 musical, derived from a 1999 film starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, is an adaptation of the 1782 novel Les Liaisons dangereuses, which was more faithfully filmed as Dangerous Liaisons (1988). But don’t be confused, the show transcends its origins as millennial nostalgia porn and becomes perverse fun for all.

More: $18; Feb. 25-26, 7:30 p.m.; Free Will Craft + Vine, 3701 N. Davidson St.; freewillcraftvine.com

Thousand Dollar Movie celebrates the Feb. 24 digital and cassette release of their new EP, Give Me A Year, on Four Finger Records. Kicking off with a spoken word cameo by Mike Watt of Minutemen, the collection of six instrumentals crackles with the excitement of a tight band recording live on the floor. The song cycle ranges from the New Order-style melancholy of the title track to the punky jackhammer gallop of “Central Ave.” Labelmates SOLIS’s lush, dreamlike electronic pop, rhythmic tunesmith Siege Hardee and CLT indie rockers Whistler round out the show.

More: $9-$12; March 4, 8:30 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

In September 2001, the tiny Newfoundland town of Gander reluctantly opened it arms to the passengers and crews of 38 planes that were forced to land after the 9/11 attacks. A hit Canadian musical, with book and songs by Irene Sankoff and David Hein, Come From Away has been revamped since its 2017 Broadway run, gaining a tighter, bawdier script.

The show has been criticized for pushing enough emotional buttons to make the audience feel like an accordion, but in 2023, the story resonates even more deeply because the sentiment is honestly earned.

More: $25 and up; March 7-12; Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 22

SATURDAY, MARCH 4

BLUES/JAZZ Wired: A Tribute to Jeff Beck w/ Emanuel Wynter (Middle C Jazz) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Fat Wednesday Potluck (Snug Harbor)

Anything Goes (Guns’ n Roses tribute) (Amos’ Southend) Abbey Road Live! (Beatles tribute) (Visulite Theatre) THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23 COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA ROCK/PUNK/METAL David Graham & The Eskimo Brothers (Evening Karma Vulture w/ The Donner Deads, Mean Green Muse) (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES Paul Thorn Band (Neighborhood Theatre) Jeremy Davenport (Stage Door Theater) Neptune Flyer w/ Two Eyes Open, The Sour (Petra’s) Gregory Porter (Belk Theater) Thelma & the Sleaze (Snug Harbor) Blues Alright Tour (Ovens Auditorium) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Electric Kif w/ Sam Fribush Trio (Evening Muse) Will Overman and The Mallett Brothers Band Eric Darius (Middle C Jazz) (Evening Muse) Charlie Lamprecht (Starlight on 22nd) JAZZ/BLUES HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Sol Fusion (Middle C Jazz) Eric Bellinger (The Underground) OPEN MIC POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Open Mic Night w/ Josh Daniel (Tommy’s Pub) Modern Bass Music w/ Cinematic Romance, Bass Canviss, Saligia, Wavlo, Juice (Crown Station) Subtronics (The Fillmore) FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24 Digital Noir w/ DJ Price (The Milestone) ROCK/PUNK/METAL CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL Lenny Federal (Comet Grill) Charlotte Symphony: Bruch Violino Concerto (Knight Bakalao Stars w/ Barrax Giggaz (Evening Muse) Theater) Big Head Todd and The Monsters (The Underground) Bottomfeeders w/ Snake Father, Yosemite in Black, Shanked, Detest the Throne (The Milestone) SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26 Dovecage (The Rooster) Early Moods w/ Witchpit, Rocky Mtn Roller (Snug Harbor) ROCK/PUNK/METAL Backslidew/ If Only, Team Deathmatch, Slugcrust, Leisure McCorkle (Tommy’s Pub) Heft (The Milestone) Third Eye (Tool tribute) w/ Joe Hero (Foo Fighters Telltale w/ FRND CRCL, Lowborn, The Dirty Lowdown tribute) (Amos’ Southend) (Neighborhood Theatre) Abbey Road Live! (Beatles tribute) (Visulite Theatre) Dave Killian (The Rooster) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Carolina Beer Money w/ The Trick Threat (Tommy’s J.I.D. w/ Smino (The Fillmore) Pub) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Boy Named Banjo (Coyote Joe’s) Tower of Power (Knight Theater) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Shadow Play (Crown Station) K. Michelle (The Fillmore) Ape Audio Presents (Starlight on 22nd) JAZZ/BLUES JAZZ/BLUES Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) Jeremy Davenport (Stage Door Theater) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Eric Darius (Middle C Jazz) Beatfreaq (Starlight on 22nd) Jazz Is Led (Neighborhood Theatre) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL Celtic Session w/ Alan Davis & Friends (Tommy’s Charlotte Symphony: BruchViolino Concerto (KnightTheater) Pub)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER FUNK/JAM BANDS

Coconut Groove Band (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Truckstop Preachers (Comet Grill) Clout Chaser w/ haunt3d, Noise Florist (Petra’s) Buffalo Kings Duo (Primal Brewery) Orphan Riot w/ The Planks, Mean Sweetie, The Ruff’tons (The Rooster)

CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS Winter Jam 2023 (Spectrum Center)

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 27

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Ari Lennox (The Fillmore) JAZZ/BLUES The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) Patt Mostle’s Monthly Jazz Jam (Tommy’s Pub) OPEN MIC Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Space Lazers (Evening Muse)

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Apes of the State w/ Dana Skully and the Tiger Sharks (Evening Muse) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B DVSN (The Fillmore) FUNK/JAM BANDS Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) Cosmic Funk Jam (Crown Station) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Lost Cargo: Tiki Social Party (Petra’s)

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 1

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Dropkick Murphys (The Fillmore) Dollar $igns w/ Family Video, Peach Rings (Snug Harbor) JAZZ/BLUES Good Shot Judy (Middle C Jazz) OPEN MIC Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse)

SUNDAY, MARCH 5

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Collective Insanity w/ Cyberdelics, Jacc D. Frost, King Nyne (The Milestone) South of Dallas w/ Fast Timez (The Rooster) JAZZ/BLUES CLT Blues Society Blues Jam (Neighborhood Theatre) THURSDAY, MARCH 2 COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA ROCK/PUNK/METAL Mark O’Connor (Booth Playhouse) Razor Braids w/ Dreamboat, Monsoon (Snug Harbor) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Hazy Sunday (Petra’s) NC Bluegrass Jam Night (Birdsong Brewing) Pierce Pettis w/ Tylor Hill, Low Groves (Evening FUNK/JAM BANDS Muse) The Grass is Dead (Grateful Dead tribute) w/ Josh Alan Doyle w/ Chris Trapper (Neighborhood Theatre) Daniel (Visulite Theatre) JAZZ/BLUES Mike Jones w/ Heather Hayes (Middle C Jazz)

MONDAY, MARCH 6

FRIDAY, MARCH 3

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Cheem w/ Bummer Hill, Equal Creatures (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Mac Saturn (Amos’ Southend) Joe Bonamassa (Ovens Auditorium) Culture Fix (Evening Muse) The Menders w/ Skayway 61, Jameson Tank, Auroras TUESDAY, MARCH 7 Hope (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES 2 Slices w/ Powder Horns, French Cassettes (Snug Braxton Bateman (Evening Muse) Harbor) The Jive Aces (Middle C Jazz) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Jon Langston (Coyote Joe’s) Country 103.7’s Tanner Guitar Pull feat. Parmalee, Muscadine Bloodline (The Underground) Ingrid Andress, Joe Nichols, Pricilla Block (Coyote JAZZ/BLUES Joe’s) Brandon Stevens (Middle C Jazz) FUNK/JAM BANDS POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ The Dancing Fleas (The Rooster) Cosmic Funk Jam (Crown Station) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE Enter the Haggis (Neighborhood Theatre) VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL

SOUNDWAVE LISTING.

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Alexa Jenson w/ Te’Jani, Low Groves (Petra’s)

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Jackopierce (Evening Muse) Bad Ties w/ Ink Swell, Physical Digital, Jordyn Zaino (The Milestone) Thousand Dollar Movie w/ Siege Hardee, SOLIS, Whistler (Petra’s) Fear Illusion w/ The Wandering, Trailer Park Orchestra (The Rooster) Celebrity Death Slot Machine w/ Telepathetics, Jenny Besetzt, De()t (Snug Harbor) Rattle & Hum (U2 tribute) (Amos’ Southend) The Dirty Doors (The Doors tribute) (Visulite Theatre) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Broadway Rave (The Underground) JAZZ/BLUES Tracy Hamlin (Middle C Jazz) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B The Dip w/ Juice (Neighborhood Theatre) ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER Mike Massé (Stage Door Theater) Chris McGinnis (Primal Brewery)

MUSIC FEATURE

PAINT FUMES GO POP ‘Real Romancer’ unleashes a cache of catchy love songs

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BY PAT MORAN

Back in January 2011, the riotous and raunchy band’s van was one of the last to get through before punk band Paint Fumes played its first show, the Italian authorities closed the border. unleashed from the dank, graffiti-festooned “There’s a weird Paint Fumes curse,” von Cramon basement of Sewercide Mansion, a notorious party insists. house on Woodvale Place in Charlotte.

The band’s adrenalized crunch dominates Committing Sewercide and their earliest tunes. “Egyptian Rats,” the title recuperation song of Paint Fumes’ debut EP, erupts in a squall The son of reggae musician Edward “Iword” of feedback before descending into the chaos of Sprinkle and nephew to Queen City weatherman Brett Whittlesey’s ratcheting guitar, Josh Johnson’s Larry Sprinkle, von Cramon has spent his whole life clattering drums and singer/co-founder Elijah von PHOTO BY PUCK BYRNE in Charlotte. He remembers Ziggy Marley stopping PAINT FUMES Cramon’s razor-blade vocals. It’s a thunderous roar by the family home to visit his father, who split from drummer Ian Rose and guitarist Ben Carr to go overseas Pugh plays slide guitar on the tune. with zero separation between the instruments and the family when von Cramon was 3. with him. When this version of Paint Fumes returned Then von Cramon met someone and fell in love. vocals, and yet an insistent and catchy melody lights The Paint Fumes frontman is related to German stateside, it recorded If it Ain’t Paint Fumes, It Ain’t “It was an unconventional relationship,” he says. up the ensuing cacophony. royalty, with the full name Baron Elijah Nico Erdmann Worth a Huff (2016) in Puerto Rico with Whittlesey on “It had a huge impact on me.”

Pop craftsmanship has always been part of Paint von Cramon. guitar and Carr on bass. For the album’s release, the Even though the relationship ended after a year, Fumes’ brilliance. It simply took the power of love to Exposed to skater videos, von Cramon was drawn to band switched from Slovenly to Get Hip Recordings. von Cramon feels his ex-partner has been his muse. bring it to the forefront on the band’s latest album, the punk rock that comprised the culture’s soundtrack.

“Puddle of Blood” is a stand out track on the “[They have] inspired the most songs I’ve Real Romancer, which hits the streets April 14 on Dig Moving into Sewercide with Nieboer, von album. After a twanging ominous opening, the written ever, and I like all of them,” von Cramon says.

Records. The band celebrates the March 3 release of Cramon started booking bands for basement house band gallops into a Spaghetti western-style rave up.

This time, instead of penning tunes about panic its “Book of Love” single, as well as the start of its parties. After a bad experience with psychedelics This time von Cramon’s vocal is higher in the mix. attacks, heartbreak and desolation, von Cramon has fourth European tour, at Snug Harbor on March 8. plagued him with panic attacks and suicidal urges, been writing about love.

Real Romancer is von Cramon’s favorite Paint von Cramon found relief in learning how to play With Pugh on bass and Alex Greenberg on drums, Fumes album, he says.

Paint Fumes find love guitar and planning to start a band. von Cramon turned to Joe Boyland of Comino. Boyland “It’s more mature,” he told Queen City Nerve. “It’s The original Paint Fumes trio reformed to record Influenced by The Ramones and Los Angeles took the guitar parts of the demos von Cramon wrote, a record I never would have thought I would have blues-punks The Gun Club, Paint Fumes wasted little What a World (2019), von Cramon’s response to and improved them without fundamentally changing written, but always wanted to have written.” time taking off. A five-hour recording session yielded another breakup and the rise of Trumpism. On “In My them. The band’s new pop approach was emphasized In the meantime, Paint Fumes’ frenetic, go-forall the songs on Egyptian Rats as well as Paint Fumes’ Head,” von Cramon’s snotty Stiv Bators-style vocal

by Real Romancer producer Dan Dixon, who applied his broke music has contributed to a growing body of debut album Uck Life. Connections forged at house advances a pure pop melody through a cacophonous expertise to details like guitar tones and baking vocals. punk-rock folklore about the band, augmented by parties, namely with Slovenly Records owner Pete maelstrom. Although the album’s sound is smooth, “We’ve never had a producer before,” von von Cramon’s adventurous life.

Menchetti, led to Uck Life’s 2012 release on his label. the songs are thematically dark.

Cramon says. “He was amazing.”

During his career, von Cramon encountered an “A lot of people’s true colors came out [then],” After breaking up with Nieboer, von Cramon moved Attention to detail and a pop sensibility is at the uncleanable carpet stain at Sewercide Mansion, into a house on Parkwood Avenue. A few weeks before von Cramon says. “It was like, ‘Damn, people suck.’” where a previous occupant killed himself with a Things only got worse. A third European tour forefront of new single “Book of Love.” Von Cramon Paint Fumes’first scheduled European tour, von Cramon specifically requested Greenberg open the song with shotgun. His then-girlfriend Sidney Nieboer had an started crossing the street to the corner store. In the brought the Barcelona van break-in, with the band the drum beat from the Ronettes’1965 hit “Be My Baby.” alien encounter at Sewercide that she subsequently darkness, a truck with its lights switched off rounded a nearly getting stranded in Italy; von Cramon barely shared with Queen City Nerve. got out of Berlin before another lockdown. Upon his Through plangent reverberating guitar chords, von blind curve; von Cramon never saw what hit him.

Cramon’s vocals sail, emotive and unbridled: “Past lives A severe accident a few years later left von Cramon “I woke up in the ICU with them hammering return to Charlotte, he lost touch with Whittlesey and gone by/ You took me by surprise/ Another lonely night...” pronounced dead for five minutes. As he slowly a rod through my knee,” von Cramon says. With a Johnson. Eventually, von Cramon replaced his stolen Paint Fumes’ pop harvest may have been sown recuperated from his injuries, he performed in side shattered pelvis, torn ligaments in both knees, a guitar and started playing music with his roommate long ago, but it finally blossoms on “Book of Love.” project The Rolling Lords while confined to a wheelchair. shattered hip and brain trauma, von Cramon had Nic Pugh of Jaggermouth and Dreamboat.

“A lot of people go off our old stuff,” von Cramon In 2020, while on a third European tour, the band’s Instead of burying pop melodies in punk songs, to relearn how to walk and was in a wheelchair for says.

“I want them to realize that we have more van was burgled in Barcelona and all of Paint Fumes’ von Cramon started writing more overtly pop much of 2013. All the while, he wrote songs. depth, and I’m capable of writing more than just personal property, instruments and equipment were When von Cramon recuperated he was ready to melodies. The first song he wrote when he got back some punk song.” stolen. Then a COVID lockdown nearly stranded the tour Europe. Whittlesey, however, couldn’t go and home was the Rolling Stones-style country rocker band at the border of Italy and Switzerland. The PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM Johnson briefly quit the band, so von Cramon recruited “Still Lookin’,” which appears on Real Romancer.

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER VIVA Chicken celebrates a decade of growth

BY KARIE SIMMONS

South Boulevard and in Ballantyne Village.

Macchiavello was the head chef there and Garcia helped him as a kid in the kitchen by washing dishes and prepping ingredients. They stayed in touch even after the family sold the restaurant in the early 2000s and over time, Macchiavello, a native of Peru, and Garcia, whose wife is from Peru, began talking about opening a Peruvian chicken place together.

When they eventually decided to launch VIVA Chicken — pairing Macchiavello’s family recipes and expertise in the kitchen with Garcia’s front-ofhouse experience — the initial intent was to have two locations at most. But before they could even think of expanding that far, they knew they had to execute and succeed on the first one, Garcia said.

VIVA Chicken’s signature dish is the authentic pollo a la brasa (Peruvian rotisserie chicken), cooked just like its found on the streets of Peru. It’s handmarinated in a secret spice mix for 24 hours then slowroasted on a rotating spit in a charcoal-fired oven.

Customers can order a quarter, half or whole chicken with a choice of various sides like yuca, cilantro rice, sweet potato fries, plantains and canary beans.

Three Peruvian sauces are made daily at each restaurant — aji amarillo (mild, yellow), huacatay (medium, green) and rocoto (hot, red) — as well as house-made juices like maracuya (passion fruit juice) and chicha morada (Peruvian purple corn, cinnamon, clove, pineapple, apple and lime).

VIVA Chicken offers vegetarian options, salads, soups, sandwiches and desserts (churros and tres leches). Other popular dishes include the arroz cha (Peruvian fried rice) and the quinoa stuffed avocado.

Building a following

POLLO A LA BRASA, FRENCH FRIES, CILANTRO RICE AND SOLTERITO.

COURTESY OF VIVA CHICKEN

In their first months as restaurateurs, when they couldn’t physically be at every location.

Macchiavello and Garcia kept VIVA Chicken’s prices They didn’t want the growth to cloud their core low, barely breaking-even, and offered free delivery values: a passion for food, an obsession for service within a five-mile radius, though they nixed that and a love for people. pretty quickly. They were just desperate to get Garcia joked that he probably over-served when customers in the door, Garcia said.

VIVA Chicken first opened in Elizabeth by going “That was our biggest obstacle to overcome,” he around filling up guests’ waters. said. “Because we felt like once they were in the door “Still to this day, it’s all about service for me,” and they tried it, they’d be hooked.” he said. “A guest should never have to get up for And they were right; as word spread and anything. We should anticipate guests’ needs.” business picked up, VIVA Chicken began garnering a Over the years, the company has raised more hefty following. than $122,000 for various charities — 50 cents of In 2014, VIVA Chicken opened a second location every churro sale goes to No Kid Hungry. They’ve also in the Toringdon Circle Shopping Center near south collected hurricane relief funds for the American Red Charlotte’s Ballantyne neighborhood, followed by a Cross and packed backpacks for Classroom Central. third in Huntersville, eventually spreading to South “Day one, when we opened in 2013, it was the Carolina, Georgia and Utah — with more to come. local community that accepted us, that supported us, Though VIVA Chicken has experienced success and and ever since then, we just feel like we’re indebted to growth, the restaurant was not immune to pandemic whatever community we’re in, whether it’s the Elizabeth hardships; they had to pivot to stay profitable and it was location or Greenville,” Garcia said. “The community is a challenge to find certain ingredients, like Peruvian the reason we’re successful, and so no matter how big peppers, which are used in all of VIVA Chicken’s sauces. we get, we never want to lose sight of that.”

“It’s not like we could just go to Harris Teeter and It’s been 10 years and Garcia still watches to find some of these things. We pretty much had to cherry make sure diners are enjoying their food, just like he pick from a lot of places between ordering online, did with the first customer at the Elizabeth location. paying double, triple the price of what we’re used to, “I always want to be sure a guest has a great because we couldn’t be without certain products,” experience, no matter how many stores there are Garcia said. “People can’t go to VIVA Chicken and not and how many guests come through that door,” have the sauce. There was also a chicken shortage. Can Garcia said. “I still have that same mindset of you imagine VIVA Chicken not having chicken?” peeking around the corner.”

Garcia’s goal is to never take his success for granted, but what we’ve seen from the outside The values of VIVA As VIVA Chicken continued to expand, Garcia speaks for itself.

Garcia was nervous to open the first VIVA Chicken location, but the close proximity to Uptown Charlotte, Central Piedmont Community College, and Novant and Atrium hospitals wasn’t what concerned him.

“In 2013, people had no idea what Peruvian food was. I would say the extent of Hispanic food in Charlotte at that time was Mexican food,” Garcia said. “Our biggest fear was, how are we gonna get From the streets of Peru Garcia grew up around fine dining at his parents’ people to come in and try Peruvian rotisserie chicken Italian restaurant, Villa Antonio, which opened in when they have no idea probably where Peru is on a and Macchiavello began to fear what would happen Charlotte in 1987 and operated two locations on map or what kind of food they have?”

KSIMMONS@QCNERVE.COM

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At 11 a.m. on Feb. 20, 2013, VIVA Chicken opened its doors to its very first customer on Elizabeth Avenue in Charlotte. The fast-casual Peruvian rotisserie chicken joint was the first of its kind in the area, and that made co-founder Randy Garcia a little nervous.

Would Peruvian food work in Charlotte? Was this a mistake? Would VIVA Chicken last?

Garcia became convinced that the answers to these questions, and subsequently the fate of his restaurant, depended entirely on this first customer’s experience.

“I remember all of us kind of peeked around the corner while he was eating just to see his facial reactions — this was our first actual paying customer — because we wanted to see, does he really like it? Is he kind of liking it?” Garcia recalled.

The customer ended up loving it and came back the next day with five people in tow. Garcia said VIVA Chicken has been spreading that way ever since.

“People come in, we give them a great experience and the rest takes care of itself,” Garcia said.

Ten years later and it seems the rest really has been taking care of itself. Since opening day in the Elizabeth neighborhood, VIVA Chicken has expanded to 16 restaurants with more than 500 employees across the Carolinas, Georgia and Utah. The company has also undergone a visual rebranding, weathered pandemic shutdowns and supply chain woes, and added services like catering, online ordering and an app.

In celebration of its 10th anniversary, VIVA Chicken partnered with Amélie’s French Bakery to create a limited-edition churro macaron that can be purchased at Charlotte restaurants and the NoDa, Park Road and Carmel Commons Amélie’s locations through March 10.

It’s a pinch-me moment for Garcia, who said VIVA Chicken’s decade of growth feels surreal. For him, it seems like just yesterday that he and cofounder Bruno Macchiavello were coming up with “this little idea” for a Peruvian chicken concept.

At the time, the longtime friends hoped to have one, maybe two, successful locations; they never imagined it would take off like it has.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

SAVAGE LOVE

PEGGED AS BI Monogamy isn’t easy for anyone

BY DAN SAVAGE

My boyfriend of six months wants to try pegging and I’m down. But he wants “the whole experience,” which means sucking the dildo too.

That raises a red flag for me. I know how this sounds before I even ask, so please forgive me if this question is insensitive. But does his desire to suck on the dildo indicate gay or bi tendencies?

He says he’s not attracted to men, but he will sometimes make remarks about a “good looking guy” he saw. He also told me he had a threesome in his early 20s with a married couple and that the husband sucked him off. He says he hasn’t done anything like that since — and he’s had tons of sex and done a lot of freaky stuff. Is this a kink? Would this leave him wanting the real thing? He wants to get married and all that. Should I be concerned?

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WONDERING ABOUT SEXUAL PROCLIVITIES

I’m gonna crawl out on a limb here and assume your boyfriend has demonstrated — to your satisfaction — that he enjoys straight sex. Or opposite-sex sex, I should say, since not everyone who has “straight” sex is straight.

Bisexuals have “straight” sex all the time; sometimes even gays and lesbians have “straight” sex, and not always under the duress of the closet. Just as some straights are heteroflexible, some gays and lesbians are homoflexible.

Anyway, I’m gonna assume your boyfriend has demonstrated — again, to your satisfaction — that he enjoys having opposite-sex with you, WASP. He likes to kiss you, he likes your tits, he eats your pussy, and he fucks you senseless. And I feel confident in making this assumption because if he was only going through the motions when he was having sex with you, if the “straight” sex you were having together was bad or infrequent or both, you surely would’ve mentioned that fact.

So, since the sex you’re having with your newish boyfriend is good and frequent (and trending freaky), WASP, we can safely strike “gay” from your very short list of concerns. And while some would regard the distinction you’re attempting to make between your boyfriend wanting you to fuck his ass and your boyfriend wanting you to fuck his face as meaningless — most will regard him wanting to have his ass fucked as just as gay or even gayer than him wanting to have his face fucked — there is a difference. A guy can wanna have his ass fucked for

the pure physical pleasure of being penetrated, e.g., the stimulation of all those nerve endings, the amazing feeling of being opened up, the pounding of his prostate gland, and the dildo is simply a means to those ends.

But sucking on a strap-on dildo … that’s more of a psychological thrill. You won’t feel anything, and your boyfriend doesn’t have a prostate gland on his soft palate.

But even if he’s getting off on the idea of sucking dick … that’s not proof he’s gay or bi. Some women have dicks, as we’ve learned over the last two decades and change, and your boyfriend could be fantasizing about sucking a woman’s dick and there’s nothing gay or bi about a cis man sucking a trans woman’s dick. (Right? Right.) Or your boyfriend could be into the idea of forced bi. Or your boyfriend could be turned on by the transgression against what straight sex is supposed/assumed to be, e.g., males penetrate, females are penetrated.

Zooming out for a second…

At the start of a new relationship people will sometimes hint at their non-normative sexual interests, or desires. A guy might share a little about his past — like having had a threesome with a married couple and getting sucked off by the dude — because he wants to assess his new partner’s reaction before sharing the rest.

A guy into bondage might tell a new partner he once “let someone” tie him up when he actually begged that person to tie him up; a woman into spanking might tell a new partner about some spanking porn clip that somehow popped up in her Twitter feed when she actually went looking for it. Your boyfriend could be bisexual, WASP, and told you some married guy sucked his dick when actually he went looking for a guy — married or not — to suck his dick.

So, let’s game out your worst-case scenario: Your boyfriend is bisexual. Would that really be so bad, WASP? If you’re going to obsess about the downsides of marrying a bisexual guy — he’s going to want to fuck a guy once in a while — you should at least pause to consider the upsides. For instance, you won’t have to be on the receiving end of penetration every time you say yes to sex, WASP, because you’ll get to do the penetrating every once in a while. And the occasional MMF threesome … well, that seems like the best-case scenario to me, WASP, but I’m a little like your boyfriend: here for the freaky stuff.

I’m a 38-year-old mother of two youngish kids in a 10-year hetero relationship that I am destroying.

I cheated with a girl at my job at the end of last year and now I have feelings for her. I’ve ended the affair several times, but each time we start back up again. I’ve always known that I’m bisexual but never really explored that side of myself. I don’t know if I never explored this side of myself out of fear, internalized homophobia, or that the right girl never presented herself. Now I need to choose.

Do I stay with my long-term partner, a man I love dearly, and tamp down this side of myself? Or do I break up with him and explore my sexuality? If we didn’t have kids, I would choose the latter. We have talked about opening up the relationship but he is way too hurt for that to be an option anymore. I know I majorly fucked up. I betrayed his trust and snuck around with this girl. Am I just a horrible person who needs to get her shit together and somehow patch things up with my partner? Or is exploring my sexuality something that I should prioritize over stability and long-term love?

CONFUSED AS FUCK

If you were childless — or childfree — you would leave. But you aren’t childfree, CAF, and you owe it to your kids to at least try to make things work with your longterm partner.

That said, CAF, you aren’t obligated to stay in a relationship you can’t make work. If your actions have irrevocably destroyed your partner’s ability to trust you, and if you can’t come to some sort of accommodation moving forward that allows you to be the person you are (an accommodation that could take many different forms), ending it may ultimately be in the best interests of your kids. Because a bitter, loveless, high-conflict relationship will not only make you and your partner miserable, but it will also make your kids miserable.

If your relationship never recovers from the blows you’ve inflicted on it — if you can’t get past this — then you’ll have to end it. But at this point you simply don’t know whether or how this relationship can be salvaged.

So, give it a chance, do the work, and see where you are in a year. If leaving was ultimately the right thing to do, it’ll still be the right thing to do a year from now. If leaving was the wrong thing to do, you won’t be able to undo it a year from now.

P.S. Bisexual people? Please get out there and suck some dick and/or eat some pussy before you make a monogamous commitment to an opposite-sex partner — or a same-sex partner, for that matter, although I get fewer letters from bisexuals in same-sex relationships who’ve recently “explored” their bisexuality (with disastrous consequences) or begged their same-sex partners for permission to “explore” their bisexuality (and been threatened with disastrous consequences). Yeah, yeah, I know: Bisexual people can honor monogamous commitments. But as you may have noticed — as anyone who’s been paying attention should have noticed by now — monogamy isn’t easy for anyone. And while it’s

considered bi-phobic to suggest that monogamy might be a little bit harder for bisexual people, most of the people making that argument to me are bisexuals who made monogamous commitments before fully exploring their sexualities. LGBTQ people never tire of pointing out how a particular thing might be harder for gay men and a different particular thing might be harder for lesbians and another particular thing might be a whole lot harder for trans people and a long list of other things might a bazillion times harder for asexuals, demisexuals, sapiosexuals, omnisexuals, etc., etc., etc. And yet it’s somehow taboo to suggest that monogamy — which, again, is pretty damn hard for everyone — might be just a tiny bit harder for bisexuals.

I’m a bisexual woman who once had an affair with a married man. (Let’s call him “AP.”) The affair ended a decade ago. I was in an abusive marriage at the time and AP showed me what a loving, caring relationship was like. He was, and still is, happily married except for sexual dissatisfaction.

His wife has an extremely low sex drive and is a prude. (She calls sex “icky.”) AP, on the other hand, has a high libido and is very adventurous. He loves anal, threesomes, etc., and has had experiences with men when he was younger. He loves his wife and kids, and I love him, so when we were discovered, I removed myself from the situation. I left the abuser, did a LOT of work on myself, and found an awesome, open-minded, sexy bisexual new husband. Would I be an asshole if I sent an indecent proposal to AP and his wife? Everything out in the open this time. A one-time invitation to meet in a neutral place where the four of us could get to know each other. And then, if everyone is comfortable, we can have some naughty adult play time that would include all the stuff she doesn’t enjoy (anal, same-sex play, oral, etc.). Is this a shitty thing to do? I’ve come to a point that I realize a healthy relationship is based on far more than monogamy, and if my husband really wanted to engage in something I had no interest in, I’d give him my blessing. But that’s me. I hate the idea of AP living out the rest of his life unfulfilled. My husband is fully on board.

DECENT PROPOSAL

P.S. For what it’s worth, AP bears some resemblance to a Muppet!

Do not do this.

P.S. A woman who doesn’t wanna do anal, oral, or same-sex play is highly unlikely to wanna watch her husband do any of those things in front of her — particularly with a former affair partner.

P.S. Muppet-faced men are the best-faced men!

Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love; podcasts, columns, merch and more at Savage.Love.

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. TELEVISION: Which cable TV series features a character named Don SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE Draper?

2. MOVIES: What subject does Professor Minerva McGonagall teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?

3. HISTORY: Where was civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. assassinated?

4. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which president had a sign on his desk that read, “The Buck Stops Here”?

5. GEOGRAPHY: Where is the world’s largest desert?

6. LITERATURE: What is the real name of the author Lemony Snicket?

7. FOOD & DRINK: What is the fruit that gives the liqueur creme de cassis its flavor?

8. MUSIC: What inspired the Beatles’ song “Blackbird”?

9. CELEBRITIES: What is singer/ PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW actress Judy Garland’s birth name?

ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS 10. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What are squirrels’ nests called?

ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

CROSSWORD

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2019 2020 2021

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HOROSCOPE FEBRUARY 22 - 28

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MARCH 1 - 7

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ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Sometimes a setback gives you a chance to get a sharper perspective on the situation ARIES (March 21 to April 19) The changes you’ve waited at hand. Your cheerful nature will help you override this to see in your work situation might not be happening temporary disappointment. What you learn from this pays quite as quickly as you hoped. Although the pace is slow, off soon. it’s ongoing. Expect to hear news soon.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Be careful not to charge into TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You should be feeling very something you don’t fully understand. Being asked to act proud of the fine effort you’ve made to get that important on trust might be all right, as long as you can trust the one project done. Now take some time out to celebrate with who asks. family and friends. You’ve earned it.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A chance for romance beckons GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You’re close to reaching your from someone you thought was far out of reach. But Cupid objectives. That’s the good news. But be careful: Your can always come up with a shortcut. How you respond to aspects show lots of potential distractions looming. Stay the situation determines how the relationship develops. focused and keep your eyes fixed on your goals.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A career move seems more CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Be careful not to let that likely now than when you first considered it. Some of your suspicious Cancerian mind create a problem where none plans will need readjusting as new facts emerge. Be careful exists. What you might believe is an act of betrayal could that you don’t allow jealousy to create an unnecessary be nothing more than a misunderstanding. obstacle.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Your Lion’s heart overflows with self-confidence. All you need to do is tap into it, and you’ll be able to handle any change that must be made regarding that recent surprise development.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Your love for beautiful things is part of what makes you the fine feline you are. But a little caution is advisable for a while. Resist the urge to splurge until your money signs look a little better.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) The need to watch what you say becomes increasingly crucial this week. Be as temperate as you can with your comments and avoid arguments for the sake of controversy.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A co-worker could be trying to undermine you. Resist the temptation to retaliate.

Instead, keep careful records of what you do so that you’ll be ready to present a strong position when the time comes.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A longtime family problem presents new demands. But this time, you won’t have to go it alone: Someone else is asking to help share your responsibilities. Let it happen.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Family problems have been simmering for a while and could soon boil over.

Avoid taking sides. There are many facts you don’t know yet. Meanwhile, a business decision proves to be more complicated than you expected.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A period of feeling vulnerable is about to give way to a stronger, more-self- SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Cupid’s arrow can confident aspect. Use this new strength to reaffirm pierce hearts, but it can’t open tight lips. Only you can do promises you’ve made to others and yourself. that. That special someone you’ve been silently pining for all this time would love to hear you express those feelings.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A creative dilemma stalls your progress. Instead of letting it raise SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Wellyour ire, use the time to re-examine your aims and meaning friends might try to persuade you to give up on perhaps come up with a new target. that project that seems to have hit a dead end. Someone will take notice, and your persistence will pay off.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Your nimble will might find a way for you to work out those newly CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) It’s one thing to emerged problems plaguing your new project. Stay with make a difficult decision, but you also have to stick with it, it. The results will be well worth your efforts. despite any pressures to get you to change your mind. You need to reassure someone you care for that you can keep AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You might your commitments. feel overwhelmed with having to decide which new opportunity you should follow. Best advice: Check them AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) This is a good time all out and see which offers what you really want. for you to remember to be good to yourself. A trip to a place that was once very special in your life reawakens many PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Continue to tread water precious memories, and soon leads to making new ones. before you even consider plunging into something that never seemed quite right. Some facts will emerge soon PISCES (February 19 to March 20) An old health problem that can help you make a decision. flares up and needs attention. Also, a chilly reaction from a once-warm friend needs to be confronted. Set the record BORN THIS WEEK: You are a natural-born peacemaker. straight before it’s too late to save the friendship.

You value truth and have little patience with those who BORN THIS WEEK: You enjoy helping others. You have a lie to you for their own purposes. taste for life’s luxuries and will take risks to get what you want. In matters of amour, you love deeply, and you expect your amorous intensity to be returned in kind.

AERIN IT OUT

DISCO NIGHT ON THE TOWN Connecting with my inner Warchild

BY AERIN SPRUILL

On one Saturday in mid-February, I donned not one, but two funky tie-dye shirts, a leather jacket that would rival Sandy’s in Grease, green retro sunnies, and black flares that upon a mirror “fit check” were beyond prepared to shake their groove thang down a soul train line.

Damn, I love a good theme.

And that day’s theme was disco, baby! What was the special occasion for my disco fever? Glad you (or I) asked.

I was off to Town Brewing Company’s “Disco Hop” IPA beer release party.

I’m no stranger to the west side of Charlotte. In a past life, Saturday nights started at The Scorpio and ended in the drive-thru line of Cook Out at 3 a.m. But until recently, the west side and I have been little more than a summer fling. And despite my reluctance to travel further than I wanted to, I found myself looking forward to catching another sunset on the patio of Town Brewing hopefully curled up next to a heater and puppies.

I pulled up to the now familiar Wesley Heights parking lot shared between Town and Rhino Market Deli as the inner dialogue of whether or not I should secure the late-night food bag before or after meeting my friends began. “Aerin, you just ate Pad Thai and you know you don’t wanna share.” You right.

At any given time, the Town patio is the temporary home to at least five golden retrievers. If that doesn’t excite the dog-crazy craft beer lover, I don’t know what will. Though I’m not obsessed with either, there’s nothing I can do to keep a goofy grin from spreading across my face when I see a golden mosey up to someone’s leg in expectation to be pat. Then, in robotic fashion, the human rubs the top of their head fully accepting the fact that they’ve entered into a non-verbal contract that rubbing will continue until said dog decides otherwise.

That’s why it was only fitting to be welcomed into the disco party by none other than Rosie, my bestie girl’s bestest girl, a curvy golden with lots of sass.

Quick hellos proved successful as Rosie moseyed back to her parents and I was free to get my groove on inside.

Gold streamers clung to my face as I entered the taproom and it took everything in me to not immediately pop one

finger outstretched in the air and do “the point” dance jig as I bobbed toward the register.

A Town Brewing Co. keg decked out in mirrored squares like a disco ball suspended from the rafters. It quietly twinkled but made a hell of an imprint on my mental Pinterest board while “Flash Light” by Parliament played over the speakers. I looked over my shoulder to throw a nod of approval or shimmy toward the DJ but then felt like a “turning into your parents” Progressive Insurance commercial IRL, so I opted against giving unsolicited praise.

I didn’t let the fact that very few others acknowledged the “disco attire recommended” memo as I deliberated over trying the new beer or old faithful: the crisp, lightweight peach green tea from the brewed-inhouse line of Loose Leaf Hard Teas that are low calorie and gluten free. *Gun and a wink sales pitch* I may have opted for the ready-for-summer and perfect-for-the-person-who-doesn’t-like-how-heavycraft-beer-makes-them-feel 4.9% ABV peach seltzer-ish refresher, but I still got the “tea” on the new release. The Disco Hop, the latest core beer to join the Town Brewing fam, is a clean, crisp and clear IPA that delivers both nostalgia for throwback IPAs that were hop-forward and light-bodied and a new school “flare” (get what I did there?) featuring new-age hops that bring out a bright and shiny tone.

One peach green tea devolved into three, and then I heard myself exclaiming, “I know I just closed but I need to try the Arnold Palmer-like tea” in a high-pitched voice.

By the time my girlfriend brought their Buff Bagwell flatbread to the table in an effort to delay the inevitable return home, I was humming, “The party’s here on the west side…” (Different era but you catch my drift!)

And bruh, the food is actually good. I’ve always been a brewery food hater, but next time, if it’s still on the menu, my exit strategy will involve getting “The Warchild” to go. A crab Rangoon dip base topped with mozz, bacon, sweet chili sauce, and chives?! Shut the front door, now that’s groovy, baby.

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Trivia Answers

1. “Mad Men.” 2. Transfiguration.

3. Memphis, Tennessee.

4. Harry Truman.

5. Antarctica.

6. Daniel Handler.

7. Black currants.

8. Civil rights unrest in Little Rock, Arkansas, according to Paul McCartney.

9. Frances Ethel Gumm.

10. Dreys.

PUZZLE ANSWERS

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