Queen City Nerve - June 14, 2023

VOLUME 5, ISSUE 15; JUNE 14 - JUNE 27, 2023; WWW.QCNERVE.COM

News: A mother’s special needs battle pg. 4 Food: Julia Simon sells Nourish, looks ahead pg. 11

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EDITOR - IN - CHIEF RYAN PITKIN

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TABLE OF CONTENTS NEWS & OPINION

4 Finding Fault by Ryan Pitkin Concerned mother calls on charter school to address her son’s struggles with special needs 5 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks

ARTS & CULTURE

6 For the Record by Dezanii Lewis Homage exhibit highlights Charlotte couple’s cultural collection for Juneteenth

MUSIC

8 Life After Live by Pat Moran Chris Shinn debuts stunning solo album 10 Soundwave

FOOD & DRINK

11 Passing the Fork by Karie Simmons Julia Simon hands over ownership of vegan meal delivery service Nourish

LIFESTYLE

Thanks to our contributors: Grant Baldwin, Katie Grant, Dezanii Lewis, Lucia De Giovanni, Madelyn Blair and Dan Savage.

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12 The Seeker by Katie Grant 12 Horoscope 13 Puzzles 14 Savage Love

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

we’re trying to put in and be professional and then do our steps to flip you off in the carpool line.”

Months of emails between Farmer and school administration reviewed by Queen City Nerve show a relatively cordial back and forth in which Farmer repeatedly asks for a meeting with teachers and school officials so as to create an Individual Education Plan for Matthew, which would implement more Concerned mother calls on charter school to address her specific practices to help him succeed. son’s struggles with special needs In an email from October 2022, LNCMS principal

BY RYAN PITKIN Michelle Holland told Farmer that even considering Matthew’s IEP eligibility could take up to 90 days Danielle Farmer will always remember April house” by firing the superintendent, principal and and that, “There are other students already in the 25, 2023, as the day her son first voiced suicidal the teacher she alleges shamed her son. process so they are ahead of [Matthew] in all that is ideations to her.

“The solution is not to have parents walk,” DANIELLE FARMER PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN involved in determining if a child does indeed have a It happened on the way home from Lake Farmer said. “The solution is not to pull the kids. disability. It is not a quick process.”

Norman Charter Middle School (LNCMS), where the The solution is to clean out the house a little bit I told them what I thought would be best and they Holland added that she had sat in on Matthew’s 8-year-old had spent the last half of his second- and change the mentality because they have the chose another route.”

ELA class and noticed that, though he was not For their part, school administration has denied grade school year and nearly his entire third-grade possibility to be amazing.” creating disruption for other students, he did not year struggling mightily due to mental health Farmer pointed to a letter from Quentin Powell, any wrongdoing in Matthew’s case. follow along with a story that was read aloud nor After Queen City Nerve reached out to the conditions. a licensed therapist with LifeStance Health that did he participate in the following discussion.

Matthew Farmer* had been diagnosed with has been seeing Matthew, now 9 years old, for school with a request to interview someone in a Holland told Farmer that Matthew “would need ADHD, anxiety and sensory processing disorder. nearly 18 months now. In the letter, dated April 27, leadership position, the school requested that we to meet us halfway. He has to want to improve,” After nearly 18 months of back and forth between 2023, Powell confirmed that Matthew had been send questions over email instead, then responded citing Holland’s past job as an exceptional children’s his mother, teachers and school administration experiencing ideations of self-harm and asked that to those questions with a statement, insisting that teacher for more than 12 years and her bachelor’s the school had “no interest in engaging in further — time that included allegations that one of his the school take action. and master’s degrees in Special Education. teachers had publicly shamed him in front of his “I have become concerned that [Matthew] dialog with the media as it relates to this matter.”

Farmer thought the email showed a The statement read, in part, “The nature of the classmates — Matthew told his mom he didn’t has begun to feel unsafe as the school year has misunderstanding of the urgency of Matthew’s case, want to be alive anymore. progressed specifically with one teacher,” Powell school environment demands that we routinely eventually leading to his withdrawal, dissociation operate with numerous external factors present, “He got home and he just started crying. We wrote. and self-harm ideations. hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet and he was The therapist acknowledged Matthew’s whether they are supportive of our mission or not, “This needs to be a safe place,” Farmer said. “If crying, bawling. So we just sat in the car,” Farmer behavioral issues, ranging from his struggles to stay and that we remain laser focused on cultivating you remove that mentality, that fixed mindset that told Queen City Nerve, pausing as tears welled up on task to sudden and prolonged increases in energy. an atmosphere where every student is encouraged you’re already the best, it allows room to grow and and she became emotional in her recollection.

“That does not mean [Matthew] should feel and supported in their quest to reach their greatest actually become the best.”

“I had to explain to him that if he left, he would uncomfortable, even to the point of wanting to self- potential, both academically and beyond.

Farmer said she wants see the school remove “As such, we are skilled and accustomed to be letting them win and how sad I would be and harm because it can be difficult to manage these Holland and Matthew’s ELA teacher from their how sad daddy would be. So he promised me that if symptoms in the classroom settings,” Powell wrote. “I filtering out any distractions or diversions inconsistent positions by the start of the next school year to help he ever felt like that, he was going to say something.” feel that if [Matthew] is feeling this way, that maybe or unsupportive of that goal and forging on, without ensure other children like Matthew aren’t met with With plans to enroll Matthew elsewhere now other students may also feel this way, but do not bias, in the best interest of the student.” the same apathy.

The school instead blamed Farmer for that he’s finished third grade, Danielle is speaking have the ability to speak up for themselves or have “Take away that need to not be challenged and up in hopes that the lessons learned during her someone to speak up for them such as [Matthew] “egregiously inappropriate and disruptive conduct” put somebody in there that wants to be challenged experience will force LNCMS administration to does. I encourage the staff at LNC to please take these over the past school year, during which she was because they might miss something, who are open rethink how they approach the treatment of children concerns of safety for [Matthew] as seriously as they banned from the campus due to what the school and perceptive to the fact that there’s numerous called “explosive and threatening episodes” — the with special needs. would for any other child in the school.” ways to learn,” Farmer suggested. first time administration has taken such a measure.

Allegations against Matthew’s third-grade The school did not act on Powell’s “We’re not even cracking the book here on Queen City Nerve has reviewed recordings of English Language Arts teacher include bringing recommendation. When asked about the Powell neurodivergence. When you block these kids, you’re up his repeated bathroom trips — a symptom of letter, a spokesperson at LNCMS said, “The school did in-person meetings between Danielle, her husband missing what they’re capable of. And so that’s a big his anxiety — in front of the class and repeatedly consult with Mr. Powell whose professional opinion and school administration that did sometimes problem, but even despite that, you have big issues here punishing him for behaviors that are known was not in line with or supportive of Ms. Farmer’s breakdown into shouting matches. She said she where a child’s wanting to take his own life and you’re was banned from campus for allegedly directing symptoms of his condition according to his 504 claims or demands.” discrediting that. You said it was his perception. That’s Plan, a plan created for students with special needs Though Powell could not discuss specifics about the middle finger at a school staff member in the not who we need in here taking care of these kids.” or disabilities to ensure they are not discriminated Matthew’s case, when asked to clarify about this school’s pick-up line, something she denies. *Matthew’s first name has been changed to “I’m not going to do something like that, knowing against or left to fall behind their classmates. consultation by Queen City Nerve, he responded, “I protect his identity.

Farmer is now calling on the school to “clean spoke with the school once after I wrote the letter. how you’re going to react,” Danielle told Queen City RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM Nerve. “I wouldn’t sink the ship of all the work that

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FINDING FAULT

ANDY FRASCO & THE U.N., COSMIC HAYLO FIRE PARTY Surrender that which needs to be released at Haylo COLLECTIVE

PETROV Madelyn Blair Photography

6/23

Andy Frasco is a music veteran who’s never lost his Healing Arts Lounge’s annual Fire Party, at which youthful enthusiasm for rock. Hope even permeates attendees feed the flames with mementos they no his mordant 2022 single/video, “Oh What A Life,” longer need to hold onto — be they love notes to which features Frasco as a disheveled disillusioned the universe or a journal from a past phase of your circus clown. Here Frasco’s trenchant empathetic life you’d like to move on from. See live art from observations suggest The Kinks’ Ray Davies gone ESTKO, Jenn Garrison, Dannie D., John Hairston Jr., emo, with a dash of The Flaming Lips’ show-tune Elizabeth Palmisano, Katherine MacNab, Gigi Dover psychedelia plus a rap breakdown. The Jangly, and Cheryl Lecroy of Wind River Cancer Wellness jaunty “Iowa Moon” off upcoming LP L’Optimist Retreats, the beneficiary organization for this event. is even sunnier. Charlotte’s Cosmic Collective are Common Market supplies the booze … err, Elixir of equally eclectic and upbeat, with tunes built on Life, while DJ Mojo Le Fay spins the tunes and the crab-walking bass, sparkling keys and Nikki Enslow’s Haylo team knocks out Fire Party flash tattoos.

More: Free; June 24, 7 p.m.-midnight; Haylo Healing bright, feathered vocals.

More: $20-$25; June 21, 8 p.m.; Visulite Theatre, Arts Lounge, 1111 Central Ave.; haylostudiolounge.com

FRONT LAWN FRIDAY: SUMMER 1615 Elizabeth Ave.; visulite.com RESIDENCY 2023 McColl Center’s monthly Front Lawn Friday event GO SKATEBOARDING DAY PARTY for June gives folks a chance to get to know this summer’s artists in residence, who make up the museum’s second season of its Parent and Educator residency program. This season’s participants include interdisciplinary artist Olaniyi Akindiya, aka AKIRASH; visual artist Mary Valverde; fabric-based sculptor Nicole Havekost; and Pablo Garcia, who creates experimental videos and sculptures made from natural silk. While these new residents will share their work in an exhibit that’s spread across the first and second floor, departing studio artist Nil Smith will simultaneously show her solo exhibition, Diaspora Disassociation, on the third.

More: Free; June 16, 6-9 p.m.; McColl Center, 721 N. Tryon St.; tinyurl.com/JuneFrontLawnFriday

Super Abari and Black Sheep Skate Shop are hosting a party to celebrate Charlotte’s local skate community on Go Skate Day — a global event started by the International Association of Skateboard Companies that encourages people to skate and promotes the positive aspects of skateboarding. Paint Fumes and Cuzco will provide the tunes and MecklenBurgers food truck will provide the eats. A raffle with prizes including gear from Black Sheep and game consoles from Super Abari will raise funds for The Charlotte Skate Foundation’s new Kilborne DIY Skatepark.

More: Free; June 21, 6 p.m.; Super Abari Game Bar, 1015 Seigle Ave.; superabarigamebar.com

WILLA MAE Courtesy of Willa Mae

6/27

importantly, wear your comfiest dancing shoes.

More: $10; June 24, noon-10 p.m.; Route 29 X, SQUIRREL NUT ZIPPERS Pavilion, 5650 Sandusky Blvd., Concord; L.A. punk juggernaut X outlasted the late 1970s tinyurl.com/PuertoRicoInConcord punk explosion that spawned it. A hard-hitting fusion of punk, rockabilly and blues, supporting GIRL TRIBE POP UP the soaring/quavering blood harmonies of then- Girl Tribe Pop Up was founded in 2015 by the team at married couple John Doe and Exene Cervenka, X Girl Tribe Co. — a Charlotte boutique by Carrie Barker was today’s alt-roots music decades before its time. and Sarah Baucom located in South End, SouthPark and Fronted by another now-divorced couple, Jimbo Huntersville — with the mission to create a positive Mathus and Katherine Whalen, Chapel Hill’s Squirrel community for women-led businesses and the people Nut Zippers soared to popularity in the 1990s. who support them to connect. The pop-ups, which Unfairly linked to that era’s swing revival, the Zips only happen a few times a year, are curated shopping craft rollicking tunes from the sounds of old weird experiences featuring dozens of women-led businesses, America — Crescent City jazz, Harlem jump, and jug beauty brands, jewelers and artists, plus drinks, food, band stompers.

Instagrammable photo moments and activities. It’s a More: $45; June 24, 8 p.m.; Neighborhood Theatre, one-stop shop for supporting small businesses.

511 E. 36th St.; neighborhoodtheatre.com More: $5-$15; June 25, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.; The Revelry

PETROV, MAIDEN MOTHER CRONE, North End, 701 Keswick Ave.; girltribepopup.com PUERTO RICAN FESTIVAL OF THE SUBVERTIGO HEROESCON 2023 We love Petrov. The indie-rock powerhouse was our CAROLINAS WILLA MAE, SOLIS, ZOE BAYANI Heroes assemble! One of the oldest and largest 2020 pick for top pop punk band, and best 2021 video winner for “Outlier,” where impassioned vocalist Mary Grace McKusick’s head explodes. Latest single “Dior” eschews the four-piece’s careening post-punk guitars and muscular melodies, for a moody, hypnotic collaboration with rapper Killa. Trippy Atlanta shoegaze/progressive rockers Maiden Mother Crone conjoin the clangorous and the ethereal on latest LP The Sky Lay Still, While All Around us Fell. Charlotte’s Subvertigo craft dynamic alt-rock that turns from a whisper to a shout on a sharp shiny dime.

More: $7; June 23, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

The Puerto Rican Festival of the Carolinas returns to Concord with an exciting lineup of music, food, art, culture and dance … lots and lots of dance.

Internationally renowned musicians on the bill include Luisito Carrion; Jose “El Canario” Alberto; Roberto Roena y Su Apollo Sound; and Soundboy Cartagena, aka HipHop Jibarito. The festival also highlights local acts including Julio J. Descalzo, Nabori Sexteto, Frankie Peña, Michael D. Rivera, Cristina Medina La Next, Kmilo Roque, Casa de la Cultura and more. Peruse vendors from around the Carolinas as well as Chicago, New York and Miami, sample a slew of different foods and, more

Willa McCollough (aka Willa Mae) crafted her superb debut LP Kids, a collection of lush, open hearted indie pop, at the tender age of 17. Kicking off with the plaintive, yearning title track, Kids captures the hopefulness of young adults as well as the creeping cynicism that infects them as they confront pervasive corruption. Recent single “Clean” reveals a harder rocking, defiant edge. By turns extravagant and oldtimey, indie singer-songwriter Zoe Bayani draws from nostalgic Americana and folk to craft dreamy, catchy altpop. Solis’ winsome oneiric electronic pop fills the bill.

More: $12.30; June 27, 9 p.m.; Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St.; snugrock.com

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independent comic book conventions, HeroesCon, returns for its 41st year to take over 280,000 square feet at the Charlotte Convention Center. Founded in 1982 by Shelton Drum, owner of Charlotte’s Heroes Aren’t Hard To Find comics shop, HeroesCon has garnered a well-deserved reputation as a convention that puts comics first. Fans showcase their costumes, mingle with hundreds of creators and illustrators and peruse millions of comics and memorabilia over three days. Kids under 16 get in free with a paying adult.

More: $30-$65; June 16-18, times vary; Charlotte Convention Center, 501 S. College St.; heroesonline.com/heroescon

ARTS FEATURE

FOR THE RECORD Homage exhibit highlights Charlotte couple’s cultural collection for Juneteenth

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BY DEZANII LEWIS

In 2021, President Biden officially made Juneteenth a federal holiday. Having seen ups and downs in its popularity over the decades, some felt that Biden’s designation was long overdue and a step in the right direction, albeit a long overdue one, considering how much of Black history goes overlooked.

Today, many celebrate the holiday, which marks the latest point at which enslaved people were informed of their freedom in Texas on June 19, 1865, with festivals and parties. Others, like historical collector Nia McAdoo, choose to celebrate by educating and highlighting Black history with the Homage Exhibit.

Showing at the Eastway Regional Rec Center on June 15 from 1-7 p.m., the Homage Exhibit is a traveling collection of more than 650 original artifacts, documents and art that showcases the vast African American experience. The exhibit is owned

by McAdoo and her husband Morris, who have been collecting these items for more than 20 years.

It features works by artists such as Romare Bearden and Elizabeth Catlett, alongside original documents from Frederick Douglass, Shirley Chisholm, Booker T. Washington, Ralph Bunche and more.

The collection ranges from pieces Nia McAdoo describes as cute, such as magazine clippings or some sorority items (McAdoo pledged AKA), to more devastating items, like one newspaper she found at a library auction.

“We were able to acquire a 1921 newspaper from a library auction in California that was talking about the Tulsa Race Massacre the day after the Tulsa Race Massacre, and it’s front page, above the fold,” McAdoo said.

McAdoo spoke with Queen City Nerve about the importance of telling these stories and what inspired her to embark on this journey.

Queen City Nerve: When did you first start collecting?

Nia McAdoo: I’ve been collecting for about 20 years, and then my collection started to take focus when Barack Obama was elected president the first time. I’m originally from New York, and my

grandmother was in New York City, and so when that election happened, my grandmother and I were able to bond over that. She would box up everything, like campaign letters, newspaper clippings she would cut out and send to me in priority mailboxes.

And what she said was, “It’s very important that these items are kept and that the stories are told through the eyes of people who are involved.” She talked about the importance of those stories coming from people of color who were involved with the campaign. That was the point where I said, “You know what, I think I need to collect with a little bit more focus.”

What inspired you to collect in the first place?

I’ve always loved history, and so originally I was very interested in historic magazines. Jet magazines and Ebony magazines – as I would read through those, I was being introduced to events that I hadn’t heard of, people I hadn’t heard of, and would just get me deeper into research on African American history.

That’s sort of how it started — really looking for those cute pieces I could put in the house. But then as I’m doing a deep dive into the artifacts, I’m learning about things that would otherwise be lost to history.

And so with the exhibit, we do have a lot of things that relate to big names. So Booker T. Washington, Frederick Douglas, but you’re also going to see artifacts that relate to small protest marches around the country, people who took leadership roles on a local level. If it’s not someone like us that’s really collecting and amplifying those voices and stories, they would be lost to history.

starting point for discussion. It’s just a safe place to So we would pull some pieces out and show friends start these conversations and the backdrop to that is and things like that. Then I was encouraged to share historical original artifacts. the art collection first, and then from there, I turned it into a traveling exhibit.

When you first started collecting, was this We’ve partnered with colleges and universities the end goal, or were you just collecting as a all over the country, bringing the exhibit virtually hobby? and in person. It was really about cataloging those I like to collect. Our collection has a mix of first pieces that I had. When we look at pieces from original artifacts and documents, but we also have the ’60s, when you are looking at the civil rights artwork. My grandmother had an extensive art movement, and then you are starting to collect collection so, growing up, I loved to look at the pieces things related to Barack Obama, that’s a large she had, and so I knew collecting art was important. [time]span. How did we get here? We tell that story I knew that I would have my own collection when through their original pieces and we needed to talk I grew up, but this isn’t what I envisioned. It’s just about what happened to get us here. something that really just happened.

At this point, we have a little over 650 pieces.

So given everything that you’ve gone We collected pieces here and there. We would travel through in getting to this point, what impact and collect items, and it wasn’t until that 2008 time has this had on you personally? period that my thoughts about it would change. So, One thing that is important to me as I look back no, I didn’t start the collection thinking, “Oh, we would is that when I was growing up, I loved theatre, history have this collection that tours the country and partners and culture, but those things weren’t really accessible with colleges and universities and corporations for to me. I could only experience it if the community education.” That wasn’t where it started, but it’s a center went or someone donated free tickets. Through blessing that we can share it in that way. the exhibit, I have the ability to bring history and culture up close and personal and we meet people In 2008, once you had the idea that these where they are. They don’t have to get dressed up to stories need to be told, what was the next go to a museum. I’ve had more college students in step? How did you get from just collecting pajamas than I’ve had anything else. People are able because you love to collect to this point? to see things in person that they’ve only heard about Since it’s a private collection, I really collect what or that they’ve only seen in books and people respond I like and what I’m drawn to, and so I think there’s to history differently when it’s right there in front of beauty in that. We would share it with friends, and their face. They might not read a chapter in a book, when we did that, people would always say, “You but when they see it at the exhibit, they will take a all should really stop being selfish. Let’s put it out.” picture, they will Google it, they will ask questions.

Though you collect art as well, many of these Homage pieces are not art but historic items displayed as you acquired them.

One thing I think is important is that we only collect original artifacts. There’s nothing that is skewed. If you see a newspaper from 1834 with slave ads, runaway slave notices, that is an original artifact or document. So we can talk about the piece and the role it plays in history, but we can’t pretend that it didn’t exist. The exhibit pieces are really a NIA MCADOO DURING AN EARLIER HOMAGE EXHIBIT

PHOTO COURTESY OF NIA MCADOO

ARTS FEATURE

little Black girls, and they’re just jumping all over the place, and they’re so excited. And the one girl kept coming back, and she’s pulling me table to table to table. And she’s like, “This is just so cool. We’ve never done anything like this at this school. I’ve never seen this.”

She was so excited she couldn’t focus because there was so much to focus on. Then her principal sent me a message a few days later, saying, “I have some students who really enjoyed this, could not stop talking about the experience.”

County’s celebration of Juneteenth. The exhibit will be What impact have you seen this exhibit on display at Eastway Regional Recreation Center on have on people?

June 15, from 1-7 p.m. It is free and open to all.

We did a CMS school, Dorothy J. Vaughn INFO@QCNERVE.COM Academy, for Black History Month. There were three

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When we’re doing community shows, we often have intergenerational grandparents and grandchildren and those conversations that they have are very different because a parent or a grandparent can identify and then they tell the family story. When I think about 11-year-old Nia growing up in Buffalo, New York, and when I see young people come through the exhibit, or if we do a show at an elementary school, I see the light bulbs. I see the pride, I see the questions. And that’s What makes this important now, what I really love. specifically?

Children, teenagers, college students, younger You said people respond differently to people now are experiencing [the whitewashing of history being run in front of them. How would history] in a way that me at 44 is not. To see Black you say they respond differently? history unapologetic on full display, it’s a sense of It’s interesting because at almost every show pride for a lot of people.

I hear some version of, “Oh my God, I didn’t realize We see people who tear up at the exhibit … I knew this was a thing, but I’ve never seen this because it’s needed, especially now at a time where before. I’ve seen it in a book, but I’ve never seen it in books are being banned and history is being told person,” and I think when they see it in person, they falsely, a lot of people really are appreciative of the have a different response to it. It’s like if you read a fact that it’s open to the community and accessible. story or someone reads a story to you, it’s different.

You engage with it differently.

What do you hope people take away when When we bring the traveling exhibit out, we they attend an Homage showing? have a lot of questions, and we answer them through A greater understanding of the history and the lens of a collector, not an academic, which I also contributions of African Americans. I love when think is different and important because I think people use the exhibit as a launching point for when people think about history and collection, deeper conversations, and we’ll be handing out they’re thinking you have a doctorate in something discussion guides where people can have reflection or that this is an academic approach to history. It’s questions based on what they’ve seen at the exhibit. not, it’s a very casual conversation on what the pieces mean to us.

Do you think it’s possible that more I think people engage with that differently as exhibits like this can happen with other well. I’m not necessarily beating you over the head collectors or curators? with the historical significance of the piece. We’re I think so, yes. But I really hope that people having a conversation: Hey, this is what it is, so how leave this and do more to collect and understand does that make you feel? What’s your response to their family or cultural history a little deeper. A lot that? of the emails I get are about, “We have my great People feel more comfortable sharing their grandmother’s old trunk of items, like, what do we responses to the pieces, even when the pieces are do with that?” sometimes difficult to really take in — when you’re And so just making sure that people better looking at a runaway slave ad featuring a family or understand how to preserve their family’s history. original press photos from civil rights marches. But I think it’s a starting point for any private collector: people are able to navigate the exhibit and then just nailing down the stories that are important to talk with my husband and I at the shows to really them. I think it’s important. get an understanding of why we think the piece is important and why we added it to Homage.

McAdoo’s Homage Exhibit is part of Mecklenburg

MUSIC FEATURE

LIFE AFTER LIVE Chris Shinn debuts stunning solo album

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BY PAT MORAN

Chris Shinn says he’s scared shitless.

A father’s sins, a son’s adventures The singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist Shinn’s last name may spark recognition among and vocalist has fronted several bands, including Charlotte sports fans, because his father, George multi-platinum selling alternative rock group Live Shinn, launched the Charlotte Hornets in 1988, from 2012 to 2016. The Charlotte native has written only to move the franchise to New Orleans amid a countless songs and has performed in front of tsunami of fan venom in 2002. thousands of people, but he admits that he’s very Chris remembers growing up amid the nervous about a gig at Snug Harbor on June 16. supernova of his father bringing an NBA team to That’s because the hometown show is the live debut Charlotte as living in a bubble. of Shinn’s solo album, Falling Up, credited to ShinN, “It was fascinating and fun, but ultimately it which dropped in November 2022. probably didn’t do my family any favors. As the A vulnerable, emotionally direct and frequently dark fusion of beauty, angst and desperation, Falling Up is Shinn’s masterpiece, a gripping rumination on trauma and hope. “[The record] is not like anything I’ve done,” the 30-year music industry veteran says, speaking from his Charlotte home. “With this record, there’s no compromising. I played all the instruments, engineered the record and mixed it. I took some chances on arrangements, and it’s weird. Some people are going to think I’m crazy.”

It’s with a mix of trepidation and elation that Shinn is putting this challenging material on its feet before a crowd, and his emotions are heightened because the Snug show is the first time Shinn’s played live since December 2019.

“When I was in Live, I was never nervous, because they weren’t really my songs,” Shinn says. ”I was singing songs that were 20-something years old that everyone already liked.”

Even in other bands Shinn cofounded, Celia Green, Unified Theory, and Everything is Energy, Shinn felt the same; his bandmates had written the CHRIS SHINN (RIGHT) ONSTAGE WITH LIVE. material together, so any failure was a group failure.

“If [Falling Up and the Snug show] don’t work, Hornets were happening there was no emphasis on it’s all on me,” Shinn says. “That’s a different feeling, my schooling,” says Shinn, who remembers jetting and it’s exhilarating and scary as shit.” off to other cities on school nights to catch NBA Shinn has assembled a crack band to play the games. “My grades went in the shitter.” full album, including old friends Patrick Dahlheimer, At the same time, Shinn showed scant interest who is Live’s former bassist; and Jason Gerken, in the family business. drummer with Kansas City rock band Shiner. Shinn “I wasn’t a sports kid. I was a skater and a is clearly proud of the album he created in his home musician,” he says. studio, calling it “fiercely revealing and vulnerable.”

Though the family wasn’t musical, George bought Chris and his brother miniature quarter-sized guitars, which the boys never played. That changed when Chris dusted off one of the instruments and started accompanying himself singing while writing songs. He remembers R.E.M. and The Cure as big influences. As a student at Myers Park High School, Shinn became a fan of Live, particularly the York, Pennsylvania band’s 1991 album Mental Jewelry.

Meanwhile Shinn’s junior high and high school band Imaginary Heroes booked gigs at The Milestone Club and Pterodactyl Club. Shinn befriended Charlotte-based musicians Benji Hughes and Jonathan Wilson, and soon after turning 18, Shinn and his friends made the move to Los Angeles.

As a result, Shinn was out of town when everything went south with his father and the Hornets. In 1999, George Shinn admitted during a nationally televised sex assault trial to having sexual relationships outside of his marriage, thereby tarnishing his reputation. The elder Shinn withdrew from the public eye as his popularity — and

PHOTO BY LUCIA DE GIOVANNI

Hornets ticket sales — plummeted. Both factors likely prompted the Hornets’ move to New Orleans.

Far from the tumult, Chris played music with Hughes and Wilson until the friends went their separate ways. Hughes and Wilson launched altrock act Muscadine with debut album The Ballad of Hope Nicholls in 1995. Hughes released his critically praised 2008 debut album A Love Extreme while

Wilson played guitar with artists like Roger Waters.

As a producer, he’s worked with acts including Father John Misty and Billy Strings.

Meanwhile, Shinn founded alt-rock band Celia Green in 1995. The band recorded but never released an album.

The band gained notoriety when the house Shinn was renting from landlord Dean Torrence, of 1960s surf-pop duo Jan & Dean, burned down. The band had been rehearsing at the house, so Shinn and his bandmates lost all their gear in the blaze. Then Celia Green imploded when the guitarist and the drummer left to play with rock/hip-hop crossover artist Everlast.

“Right after that happened I met Christopher Thorn, so one door closed and the other one opened,” Shinn says.

Thorn was the guitar player for retro-hippie alt-rockers Blind Melon. Two years after frontman Shannon Hoon’s drug overdose death, Thorn was scouting musical collaborators. Shinn went with Thorn to Seattle to meet Blind Melon bass player Brad Smith.

With the addition of Pearl Jam drummer Dave Krusen, the band Luma launched in 1998, but Shinn and his bandmates quickly renamed themselves Unified Theory. Based in Seattle, the group spent a year touring and recording their self-titled debut album that dropped in 2000. Shinn first met his future bandmates from Live when Unified Theory toured with Live and Counting Crows in 2003.

By 2006, Unified Theory was playing packed showcases in LA and New York clubs. The band had completed its second album Cinematic, but Shinn was exhausted. He took a brief vacation back in Seattle, but told his bandmates that he was just a phone call away.

“For some reason they took it as if I was leaving,” Shinn says. “What a shame. We could have evolved into a monster of a band. We were on fire.”

Whatever the reason, Thorn and Smith ghosted Shinn and Krusen, who continued to play together for several years. Unified Theory, on the other hand, simply fell apart.

Band of brothers

After launching short-lived heavy-rock band Everything is Energy, Shinn moved around, splitting time in LA and New Orleans. By 2012, Shinn was living in Nashville and attending a pool party when three members of Live called him on speaker phone. In 2009, Live had gone on hiatus which turned permanent when vocalist and chief songwriter Ed Kowalczyk left the fold. The remaining members, guitarist Chad Taylor, bassist Patrick Dahlheimer and drummer Chad Gracey,

MUSIC FEATURE

PHOTO BY LUCIA DE GIOVANNI

in his eyes and was fearless,” Shinn says about recording the album.

Accessing the passion of his younger self, Shinn focused his decisions on what worked for the album.

“Whatever was coming through those speakers needed to resonate with what was happening inside [me], the same way dogs howl when the sirens go by,” Shinn says.

Shinn addresses his inner turmoil in the harrowing kick off track “I’m Inside.” Amid grinding guitars and clashing cymbals, Shinn’s supple yet hair-raising vocals ascend like a secular hymn.

“Taking each day/ in over cast gray/ Has secret meaning/ studying shapes in bottomless lakes/ The ancients, still breathing...”

“It’s the beginning of acknowledging that I was locked up emotionally,” Shinn says.

Shinn stretches himself with an arrangement including the sounds of strings, violin and Mellotron

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reformed Live without Kowalczyk and recruited Shinn to rerecord songs from Live’s back catalog so the band could license the music for commercials.

“On the re-records, I went [to York, PA] and nailed it,” Shinn says. “I parroted Ed as close as I could.”

After the session went well, Taylor, Dahlheimer and Gracey asked Shinn to join the band and go on tour. Shinn, a fan of the band since high school, accepted the offer.

Live went on the Summerland Nineties nostalgia tour in 2013 with Everclear, Filter, and Sponge. After that, they went into the studio to record new Live album The Turn with producer Jerry Harrison, former keyboardist and guitarist with Talking Heads. At least some of the band went into the studio.

“Taylor, Dahlheimer and Gracey cut the backing tracks without me there,” Shinn says. “Then Jerry CHRIS SHINN [Harrison] and I spent at least a month together [in “To have The Turn just removed, and then have the studio] working our asses off on that record.” everything taken down — any video things we had In the process, Shinn impressed Harrison with his talent and work ethic, and the two forged a tight done, it was a big kick to the gut. I spent five years, friendship. Today, the 48-year old Shinn refers to the and all I did was focus on that band. It was a massive 74-year old Harrison as his “musical dad.” Shinn also betrayal that I pushed way down,” Shinn says.

Harrison, who produced three other Live albums receives a writing credit on every song on The Turn. in addition to The Turn, has urged Shinn to release “Our goal [with The Turn] was to push the the album as a ShinN solo project. The plan should boundaries and take this awesome ship they had come to fruition soon, Shinn says. built to other places,” Shinn says.

Still, the betrayal Shinn felt from his former He soon realized that other Live members had a bandmates stung. different goal: to get product out in order to play it “Who the fuck do you talk to about that?” Shinn on tour and keep the commercial juggernaut rolling.

In a 2022 Rolling Stone interview, Shinn says. “How many people do you know who have sung remembered his reaction to Live’s money-minded in multi-platinum selling bands, but they now want to approach to making music. In response, Taylor pretend that you don’t exist. There aren’t many people dismissed Shinn’s recollections as the opinions of a to talk to about that, so you push that shit down.” “trust fund kid.” Shinn says he’s heard the “rich kid” put-down before, including one from notoriously rude ‘Falling Up’ In the meantime, Shinn had married, but the super producer Bob Ezrin (Lou Reed, Alice Cooper), but eight-year relationship, including over two years such denigrating comments are water off his back.

The trauma Shinn has until recently internalized of marriage, was unraveling. Then COVID and the from his firing from Live is another matter. Shinn shutdown that followed removed distractions and says he was determined to remain loyal to Live, but put a magnifying glass on the couple’s problems.

After the divorce, Shinn turned to the home after he refused to cancel a long-planned family reunion in Arizona for a last minute one-off gig, his studio he had built with money earned fronting bandmates started negotiating a return to Live with Live. He learned to use all the equipment he had former frontman Kowalczyk. In 2016, Taylor called once watched first-rate producers and engineers use, but now he was at the helm.

Shinn to give him the boot.

“It’s funny what trauma will do,” Shinn muses. “I “I could give a shit that I’m not in the band,” fully gave myself to the music, which I hadn’t done Shinn says. “It was never my band to begin with.”

One of the conditions for Kowalczyk returning to before.”

The result is Falling Up. the fold, however, was having The Turn essentially “I remembered 18-year-old me who had fire erased from the band’s history.

on “The Artist.” Over strummed guitars and a stuttering drum pattern, Shinn’s hushed confidential vocals surge forward: “I am the reject, the keeper, the sleeper/ The underachiever in charge/ Casting a spell starts the raining in Hell/ Somewhere in there is a heart...”

The lyrics display the fierce optimism and hope that underpin even the album’s darkest songs. “‘The Artist’ is me truly in my power,” Shinn says.

“Hands down, music is magic for me.”

Shinn’s redemptive optimism is also evident on his 2023 EP Tentacles and Teeth, which is comprised of darkly psychedelic experimental pieces that didn’t quite fit with Falling Up’s flow.

Soaring, stomping and apocalyptic, the EP’s “Black Around the Edges” was composed during Shinn’s separation and divorce. The music is married to new celebratory lyrics about the current love in Shinn’s life, his girlfriend.

“How can you take/ Your aim off the draw?/ And not cross a lane?/ for real/ Control is letting go/ A steep climb, a stain...”

His bandmates have expressed an interest in playing additional shows, but right now, Shinn’s steep climb is preparing for the gig at Snug Harbor.

That includes reuniting with bassist Dahlheimer.

Shinn stresses that he doesn’t hold his old Live bandmate responsible for the ugliness that arose near the end of his tenure with the band. In fact, Shinn says, Dahlheimer reached out a few years back with a heartfelt note that touched Shinn deeply.

“For him to be back with me right now is such a monumental and incredible thing,” Shinn says.

As for his music and the future of his band, Shinn is dedicated to be fearless.

“I decided in my head and in my heart, that whatever I imagined, I would just do,” Shinn says. “If it’s a crazy thing with a song, or the videos I make, that’s it.

Don’t be afraid to be exactly who the fuck you are.”

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SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Liz Longley w/ Mando Saenz (Evening Muse) Scoot Pittman (Goldie’s)

SATURDAY, JUNE 17

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FUNK/JAM BANDS Cosmic Jam Session (Crown Station) ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER Nathan Davis w/ Brent Cates (Goldie’s)

SATURDAY, JUNE 24

ROCK/PUNK/METAL X w/ Squirrel Nut Zippers (Neighborhood Theatre) Weezer (PNC Music Pavilion) Roosterlympics (The Rooster) Hellfire 76 w/ No More People, Anchor Detail WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21 (Tommy’s Pub) ROCK/PUNK/METAL Pluto for Planet (Goldie’s) Crywank w/ Foot Ox (The Milestone) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Bog Loaf w/ King Cackle, Shanked (Snug Harbor) Joe Pug w/ Anna Tivel (Evening Muse) Andy Frasco & The U.N. w/ Cosmic Collective (Visulite Theatre) Humbletown w/ Planet Sized Planet, Joseph Gallo COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA (Skylark Social Club) The Watson Twins w/ Taylor Winchester POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ (Neighborhood Theatre) Melanie Martinez (Sklya Credit Union Amphitheatre) JAZZ/BLUES Digital Noir w/ DJ Price (The Milestone) Johnathan Birtchfield w/ Mike Ramsey (Goldie’s) Hotel Fiction w/ Mellow Swells, Deion Reverie (Snug Harbor) FUNK/JAM BANDS LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE The Ries Brothers w/ The Hourglass Kids (Evening Muse) Grupo Frontera (Bojangles Coliseum) House of Funk: The Music of Prince (Middle C Jazz) ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE Elonzo Wesley (Primal Brewery) Jesse & Joy w/ Nicole Zignago (The Fillmore) Spencer Rush w/ Scott Pittman (Goldie’s) OPEN MIC Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster) SUNDAY, JUNE 25

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Peter Frampton (Skyla Credit Union Amphitheatre) ROCK/PUNK/METAL JAZZ/BLUES No/Mas w/ Knoll, Shanked, Victim Complex (The Milestone) Gena Chambers (Middle C Jazz) Blood Orchid w/ Au$tin Royale, Augurs, Josh Cotterino (Snug Harbor) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ JAZZ/BLUES Ape Audio Presents (Starlight on 22nd) Tatiana Eva-Marie (Middle C Jazz) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Joe Pug w/ Anna Tivel (Evening Muse) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Brandon Davidson w/ Rayen Belchere (Goldie’s) Keegan Federal (Comet Grill) Malcolm Holcombe w/ Jared Tyler (Evening Muse) MONDAY, JUNE 26 POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ ROCK/PUNK/METAL Two Friends (Skyla Credit Union Amphitheatre) Animals as Leaders (The Underground) Well Wisher w/ Faye, The Real Dolls (The Milestone) FRIDAY, JUNE 23 ROCK/PUNK/METAL Death Valley Girls w/ The Coyotes, The Girls (Snug Harbor) Brojob w/ Fractured Frames, Reflect//Refine, Cleansing POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ of the Temple, Severed by Dawn (The Milestone) Tori Amos (Ovens Auditorium) Petrov w/ Maiden Mother Crone, Subvertigo (Petra’s) ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER Witch Motel w/ Stormwatchers, The Pentitentials, Roy Daye Jr. (Goldie’s) Gurthworm (The Rooster) OPEN MIC Leisure McCorkle (Goldie’s) Find Your Muse Open Mic ft. Bank Run (Evening Muse) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA David Graham & the Eskimo Brothers (Evening Muse) TUESDAY, JUNE 27 ROCK/PUNK/METAL Chatham County Line w/ Joseph Terrell Willa Mae w/ Solis, Zoe Bayani (Snug Harbor) (Neighborhood Theatre) Dan Hood Trio (Goldie’s) Jukebox Rehab (Goldie’s) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B JAZZ/BLUES Sammy Adams w/ Moonlander (Neighborhood Theatre) Harvey Cummings II (Middle C Jazz) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Wake Moody w/ XOXOK (Camp North End) Big Time Rush (PNC Music Pavilion) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ FUNK/JAM BANDS Emo Night Brooklyn (The Underground) Cosmic Jam Sessions (Crown Station) Deep Fried Disco (Snug Harbor) VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING. Ape Audio (Starlight on 22nd)

THURSDAY, JUNE 22

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

PASSING THE FORK Julia Simon hands over ownership of vegan meal delivery service Nourish

BY KARIE SIMMONS

Finding a successor

It was after many years working on her endeavors that Simon realized she was spreading herself too thin; she had her fill of Nourish and it was time to find a successor.

Simon initially reached out to her vegan network and then her farm-to-table network, most of whom are fellow chefs that belong to the Piedmont Culinary Guild. Nourish received several offers from interested buyers, but Simon said Riley’s was the strongest.

She liked Riley’s vision for Nourish and their similar ideologies around food, being an ethical businessperson and treating employees well.

“I felt like we were sisters in the field,” Simon said.

Riley has worked in the food industry for 22 years, half of which have been in Charlotte. At 18 years old she started her own catering company, which grew into personal chef services and led to her becoming a live-in personal chef for families.

She honed her passion even further when she began branching off to offer meal prep and personal chef services to people with dietary restrictions or health issues trying to mitigate their side effects with food. Her work hit home when she found out people close to her had food allergies that were detrimental to their health and in some cases life-threatening.

“I really dove deep into the allergen side of cooking to learn the ways that people who have food restrictive diets can still enjoy the foods they love without having the foods that are going to make them sick,” Riley said. “Hence the name Alternative Chef.”

For Riley, Nourish is the perfect opportunity to continue in her calling. She said it’s been a seamless transition to add Nourish as a sister company because she and Simon share the same focus of making locally sourced, farm-to-fork, all-natural meals.

It also helped that Nourish has its own dedicated space, so Riley doesn’t have to work out of a shared commercial kitchen any longer.

“When the option to purchase a pre-existing meal prep company came up, I was immediately interested because that means I get my own kitchen,” Riley said.

As an added plus, Nourish is already a gluten-

JULIA SIMON

free kitchen, which Riley said is kind of the crux of Alternative Chef. Her son cannot eat gluten and, although he wasn’t born when she started the company, she pivoted her entire business to learn how to cook for his needs.

Now that he has graduated high school and is heading to college in the fall, she said she has more time to devote to taking on another business with Nourish and expanding her services.

PHOTO COURTESY OF JULIA SIMON

but to also nourish those that are part of it and that includes the person at the head of the table.

What happens next

Simon plans to use some of the capital from the sale of Nourish to figure out what’s next with Plant Joy, whether that means a larger space, a second location or more of a commissary-style kitchen concept.

But before any decisions are made, she’s taking a month off and going to the desert.

Ensuring everyone is nourished “That’s where I tend to go when I’m not sure The most glaring difference between Nourish what’s next. I tend to go to that biome and like, hang and Alternative Chef is that Alternative Chef is out a minute,” Simon said. “I have the great privilege not exclusively vegan like Nourish is, though the to be able to do that for the next three or four weeks company already offers some plant-based options. and then come back to Charlotte ready to kick it.”

Simon said staying completely plant-based As for Riley, on July 1, she plans to open a retail wasn’t a requirement to take over Nourish, especially space in the lobby of Nourish’s kitchen, located since her customers have shared through feedback on Orchard Lake Drive in the Sardis Woods area of surveys that veganism falls low on the list of what’s southeast Charlotte. It will have grab-and-go items, important to them. She’ll leave it up Riley to decide ready-to-eat meals, local kombucha, CBD drinks, how much of a priority it remains at Nourish. and products from local farmers, chefs and artisans.

Riley has already done some sharing between Simon said Riley’s energy when it comes to menus, like offering vegan dishes at Alternative Chef. Nourish has been exciting and refreshing to see, “But we haven’t crossed the line yet with especially for the staff.

Nourish offering animal proteins. We’re kind of being “I feel like it’s been a minute since the Nourish conscientious of the current clientele base, and not kids have seen that and I think it’s exciting for them putting that out there to hopefully not scare them off.” to see somebody coming in, painting stuff, making Simon left Riley a database of six months of it beautiful, having really strong ideas and really recipes to build from, including favorites like the excited to execute them. My energy has been a lot mac and cheese, and has trained her in some of her lower key,” Simon said.

Nourish practices.

With a new leader comes a new era for Nourish She said it was important to her to set Riley up and that, Simon said, is what’s bringing her joy again. for success because the mission of Nourish “is not just KSIMMONS@QCNERVE.COM to feed moderately to extremely wealthy people,”

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It’s one thing to believe in the philosophy that wholesome food is better for our bodies and our planet and should be easier to find, but it’s another to make it your life’s work.

That’s what Julia Simon has done with Nourish Charlotte — a locally sourced, organic, plant-based and gluten-free prepared food delivery service she started in 2012 at the age of 31. Nourish puts out a new menu every week and customers subscribe to meal plans or order individual meals a la carte to be brought to their doorstep.

It’s been a labor of love for Simon and for a long time it brought her great joy, until one day it didn’t.

Burnt out from the exhaustion of running a meal delivery company during the pandemic and the scramble of opening a new restaurant, Plant Joy, at Camp North End during a time of unprecedented change in the food industry, Simon realized she bit off more than she could (comfortably) chew.

Also in 2020, Nourish became heavily involved in the Black Lives Matter movement, specifically with Mutual Aid Free Support, Feed the Movement CLT and Jail Support.

It eventually became too much for Simon to juggle and consistently working 21-hour days was taking its toll. She said once she felt like she was losing sight of the big picture, she knew it was time to take something off her plate.

On June 6, Simon officially handed the reins of Nourish to Charlotte chef Hannah Riley in order to focus solely on Plant Joy. Riley is the founder and owner of Alternative Chef, a well-established catering, weekly meal prep and private chef service centered on healthy, local foods.

Simon said it feels strange yet gratifying to let go of her business after more than a decade — her longest endeavor to date.

“I feel like when I had to decide between the two, I felt like I needed a new adventure and [Plant Joy] is that,” Simon said. “I still don’t really know what I’m doing. I know I have a ton to learn, but I feel like I know a lot about how Nourish works. I’ve learned that lesson.”

2023 KING FEATURES SYND., INC.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

THE SEEKER

A NOT SO GOOD GRIEF A storm of emotions

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BY KATIE GRANT

I held my mother’s hand as she took her last few breaths. She was heavily sedated in the emergency room as pneumonia and pulmonary fibrosis pulled her away.

It was a beautiful spring day, which only added to the feeling of shock and confusion. My pink cotton sundress was inconsistent with the emotions that shrouded the hospital room as I studied her body for the last time — the hands that once held me, the belly that grew me, the pallid lips that used to kiss my head. I am learning that grief summarizes the heartache felt after a loved one passes; dynamic and undulative.

Determined to allow the storm of emotions to flow through me but not consume me, I was ready to be around people again a week later. I headed to the annual ONE Fest, hosted by Dancing Lotus Yoga at Lenny Boy Brewing Co. for some yoga, arts and much-needed healing.

This event drew my attention because ONE Fest proudly hosts diverse classes and workshops. This year’s lineup was accessible, fun and represented various healing practices — starting the weekend with an intense yoga flow and chiropractic adjustment outdoors?

Yes, please!

Another form of self-care I ventured into this spring is a form of semi-permanent makeup: lip tattooing.

What is the lip tattoo process, you ask?

Also known as “lip blush” or “semi-permanent makeup for lips,” lip tattooing is a cosmetic procedure that involves inserting pigment into the skin using a machine and a fine needle. Through several rounds of pigmentation and two initial appointments, the artist works to “build up” the pigment on your lips. It’s a process of layering to get the desired saturation.

Lip tattooing can add definition and fullness to the lips, correct uneven lip shape or asymmetry and enhance the natural lip color. It can also help to create the appearance of a fuller pout by defining the lip border. The procedure is customizable, allowing customers to choose their desired shade and intensity of color.

As for me, I was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a pair of asymmetrical lips, so I decided to do something about it finally. I booked my first tattoo session with a local female-owned and operated tattoo studio.

After several rounds of rescheduling due to personal issues on the artist’s end, I finally laid down in her chair.

Am I allowed to feel annoyed when it comes to elective procedures?

The artist first consulted me, asking about my goals (symmetry) and finally choosing a color. Pigments used

are usually chosen to match or enhance the natural lip color. She recommended choosing a shade I gravitate to most of the time, so we arrived at a coral pink shade.

She then outlined my lips to establish the desired shape.

They looked so full; I did not realize they held so much potential!

After numbing me for 30 minutes, the artist used a specialized tattoo machine to deposit the pigments into the lip tissue. She started on the top lip, moved to the bottom lip, and alternated between the two for about three hours. I was continuously and adequately numbed throughout the process.

It’s important to note that lip tattooing is a semipermanent procedure, as the pigments gradually fade over time — and fade they did.

I went for a touch-up a few weeks later, which was included in the price, thankfully. The artist admitted the pigment was light, so we did another three-hour tattoo session.

She was transparent when disclosing how factors such as individual metabolism, sun exposure, and lifestyle can affect the tattoo’s longevity.

Touch-up sessions may be needed every few years to maintain the desired color and shape, but I will save my money after sitting through two sessions and seeing minimal results.

Either way, I have a makeup drawer full of lipsticks, lip stains, lip glosses, and tinted lip balms begging not to be forgotten. By not re-booking, I will be $500 richer simply using what I already have.

While navigating the unpredictable sea of grief this spring, I’ve explored the tattoo route (which allows the body to release endorphins but has not proved worth the price) as well as yoga, with travel up next on the list. I’ve booked a yoga retreat in Mexico, combining my bereavement days and a long holiday weekend for a summer break in the southern hemisphere.

While grief is universal, I am learning that everyone experiences it differently; sometimes the stages overlap.

From what I’ve read, the standard five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grief can also feel like regret, shame, anxiety and include physical sensations. For me, the anxiety manifests physically in the form of excruciating headaches.

Thus far, I have found that yoga is providing the solace I need, in addition to abstaining from alcohol for mental health reasons. And therapy, lots of therapy.

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JUNE 14 - 20

JUNE 21 - 27

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) You Ewes and Rams will find your ideas cheered by a mostly receptive flock. Those few dissenters could well be turned around by your charm and powers of persuasion.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) A stubborn refusal to go ahead on a project mystifies colleagues who expected more flexibility. But once you explain your position, they’ll understand and even applaud you.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) It’s time for the bold and beautiful Bovine to shake off the dust of the past and shape up new ideas for the future. This could surprise some folks, but they’ll soon adjust.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) A relationship seems to be stuck in the same place. Now it’s up to you, dear Bovine, how far you want it to go and how intense you want it to be. Choose well and choose soon.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Those nagging new doubts about an upcoming decision should alert you to step back (at least temporarily) so you can reassess its potential impact from a new perspective.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A relationship progresses more slowly than you would prefer. Best advice: Insist on a frank and open discussion. What is learned could change minds and, maybe, hearts.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) That unpleasant situation you hoped would go away by itself needs immediate attention before it affects an upcoming decision. Expect your supporters to rally around your cause.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) It’s all right to be grateful to a workplace colleague who has done you a good turn. But gratitude shouldn’t be a lifelong obligation. The time to break this cycle is now.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) You’re moving up and away from that recent setback. But remain cautious about finances. An exercise in thrift today helps cushion a possible end-of-the-month money squeeze.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) It’s going to be especially nice to be the King of the Zodiac at this time. A recent money squeeze eases. Plans start to work out, and new friends enter Your Majesty’s domain.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) You’re still dealing with overtones of pessimism that cause you to doubt your ability to make some needed changes. But the negative pressures will ease up by week’s end.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Before you make a commitment on any level (personal, professional, legal), get all of the facts. There might be hidden problems that could cause trouble later on.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) There could be some fallout from the way you handled a recent family problem. But those who know that you were in the right won’t hesitate to step in on your behalf.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Personal relationships improve. Professional prospects also brighten. A job offer could come through by month’s end, and an old friend seeks to make contact.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Financial strains ease by week’s end. Meanwhile, focus on cultivating that new relationship if you hope to have it blossom into something more meaningful.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Your senses detect that something is not quite right about a matter involving a workplace colleague. Best advice: Follow your keen instincts, and don’t get involved.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Health matters once again dominate the week. Be careful not to ignore recurrences of an old problem. An almostforgotten commitment resurfaces.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A prospect offers rewards, but it also demands that you assume a great deal of responsibility. Knowing you, you’re up to the challenge, so go for it — and good luck.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) The emergence of an unusual selfish streak could dismay those close to you. Defy it -- don’t justify it -- so you can become your gracious self again.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A favor you did a long time ago is repaid, as a trusted colleague steps in to help you with a suddenly expanded workload. A family member has important news as well.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Reassess your decision to stay with the status quo. It might seem like the sensible thing to do right now, but changes around you could make that choice a risky one.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A new job offer could require moving across the country. But before you let your doubts determine your decision, learn more about the potentials involved.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Move decisively, but cautiously, when dealing with a delicate personal matter.

The fewer mistakes you make now, the less likely it is that the problem will recur later on.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Your sense of fair play doesn’t allow you to rush to judgment about a friend who might have betrayed you. Good! All the facts on the matter are not yet in.

BORN THIS WEEK: You can find beauty where many BORN THIS WEEK: You have a romantic nature that cannot, and you enjoy sharing your discoveries with allows you to find the best in people. You would excel at others. poetry and drama.

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. TELEVISION: When did “Sesame Street” debut on PBS? 2. MOVIES: What is the name of the moon where “Avatar” takes place?

3. GEOGRAPHY: Which country is home to a tall rock structure called the Finger of God? 4. HISTORY: What was Babe Ruth’s real first name?

5. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: How many of Snow White’s seven dwarfs have names ending in “y”?

6. MUSIC: Which country did the band AC/DC come from?

7. LITERATURE: How many books are in the primary Harry Potter novel series?

8. GOVERNMENT: How many national parks are in the United States?

9. FOOD & DRINK: In which country was the Caesar salad invented?

10. ANATOMY: Where is the uvula in the human body?

CROSSWORD

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE. ©2023 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

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‘TWOULD BE NICE

©2023 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

QUICKIES

Unlike most sexperts, I’ve actually had sex

BY DAN SAVAGE

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1. Is it good to see your ex naked?

Well, it depends. If you’re on good terms with your ex and seeing your ex naked (looking at old pictures, swapping new ones, having breakup/FWB sex) doesn’t keep emotional wounds incurred during the relationship open and bleeding (making it harder for you and/or your ex to heal and move on) and seeing your ex naked doesn’t bother your current — if you have a current — then seeing your ex naked can be great.

discomfort passes, you’ll most likely be glad you didn’t call it off. If your emotional distress is severe, obviously call off the sex.

6. I’m a cis gay man that really enjoys his sex toys, however, when I try to bottom for other men, I find that experience super itchy and uncomfortable. This doesn’t happen when I use toys and I have no idea why. Is this some kind of anal vaginismus?

“Itching can be due to an allergic reaction, an STI, or lack of lubrication,” said Dr. Carlton Thomas, a gastroenterologist and gay health expert. “Sometimes the hair on genitals can create an itchy sensation depending on its length. In this case, I wonder if our person is using condoms and might be allergic to the latex.”

Follow Dr. Thomas at @doctorcarlton on Instagram and TikTok.

2. I have genital herpes, but I’m asymptotic.

Panic or NBD? Herpes is not a big deal for most people with herpes — most people with HSV1 or HSV2 are likewise asymptotic — so, don’t panic. I’ve done a few of episodes of the Lovecast on herpes with Dr. Ina Park, a professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine and Medical Consultant at the Centers for Disease Control Division of STD Prevention. Dr. Park discussed the stigma vs. the reality, disclosure vs. non7. I’m a straight woman who’s in love with disclosure, treatment options and more. a gay man who is also my cousin, but he was adopted so we aren’t genetically related. He’s the 3. Does performing kegels with a cock or dildo most amazing human being I’ve ever met. I don’t in a male’s anus strengthen the sphincter? think it’s reciprocated but he is very sweet to me.

In all honesty, I don’t know — but that’s never I constantly fantasize about him passionately stopped me from telling a guy I’m fucking that doing kissing me. Is this something people live with? kegels is a good idea.

The fact that this guy is your cousin isn’t the biggest hurdle you face — his homosexuality is a much bigger 4. Do you prefer boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs obstacle — and other than waiting for it to pass, on men? there’s really nothing you can do about this unrequited I’m an ABT guy myself — anything but thongs. crush. There are no magic words that will turn your cousin straight or turn him into … not your cousin.

5. How does one deal with emotional An unrequited and/or unrequitable crush is a kind of discomfort during sex? madness, but one most people recover from in time.

Well, it depends. Before I go any further, a lot of “sexperts” will tell you to stop at the first sign of 8. All of the Andrew Tate, alpha male, and incel emotional discomfort … but unlike a lot of “sexperts,” content online has turned my attraction to men I’ve actually had sex. And this may come as a surprise into a revulsion. I am literally attracted to no one, to some of my readers … I actually have some sexual and I hate it. What should I do here? hang-ups. (Places I don’t like to be touched, things I don’t You should stop looking at Andrew Tate, alpha male, like to do, words I don’t like to be called, etc.). And if I and incel content. called off sex whenever I experienced mild-to-middling emotional discomfort, I would’ve missed out on a lot of 9. I’m a straight man but wannabe fag. I want sex (and a few relationships) that turned out to be pretty to be forcibly feminized and fucked by dominant good or even great. So, instead of ending things at the gay alpha males. But I need to be forced because first sign of mild emotional discomfort, try saying things I am too weak to really do it. How can this happen instead — try communicating in the moment —and if to me if I can’t ask for it? Asking for it would ruin it. the person you’re with quickly corrects course and your Gay men do a lot of crazy things … but gay men don’t

of Plan B emergency contraception you already have in your medicine cabinet in case he doesn’t pull out in time, you assure him that you will get an abortion if you wind up getting pregnant, and you move to a blue state if you aren’t already living in one so you can get an abortion if you wind up getting pregnant.

16. Is there any empirical evidence that there are more “tops” or “bottoms” among gay men?

Tons of evidence, but it’s all anecdotal — and seeing as the U.S. Census only started asking about cohabitating same-sex couples in 2020 (with no other questions touching on sexual orientation or gender identity), it’s going to be a long time before they add “top, bottom, or vers?” to it.

10. Lesbian/all-women sex parties. Are they a thing?

They are — but they’re a less common thing than gay/all-men sex parties. People like to debate why gay sex parties are ubiquitous and lesbian sex parties are few and far between (socialization, slut shaming, sex differences, testosterone, etc.), but debates don’t make 17. My semen has gotten very thick. I’m 39. Can lesbian sex parties happen. People with the ovaries to I thin it out somehow? I think I’m hydrated. throw them do.

You can dilute it by mixing it with another man’s semen … but that’s probably not the answer you wanted.

11. How do men identify who are only into men/cock sexually? No attraction on the street.

18. An everyday object that can be repurposed Some identify as bi, some as pan, and a small for some sexy fun time (wooden spoon = spanking handful identify as phallophiles — that is, people who paddle) is called a “pervertable.” But what do you are attracted to penises but not the men they (almost call an item intended to be used during sex that always) come attached to. can be used for non-sexy things? I have a nubby “sensation dildo” that is entirely too pokey for me 12. Lots of “bi” guys I’ve met will suck cock but but it’s fabulous for docking pizza dough or pie don’t want to kiss men. What’s up with that? crusts. (Docking here means “poking lots of tiny Congrats, you’ve encountered the not-at-all elusive holes to prevent giant bubbles.”) Any suggestions? bi-identified phallophile in the wild. No need to put “bi” A sex toy used for a non-sexual purpose could be in scare quotes; a phallophilic bisexual is perfectly valid called an “ex-toy” (when permanently reassigned for bisexual, and you got your dick sucked, didn’t you? non-sexy use) or a “flex-toy” (when temporarily used for non-sexy purposes). A pervertable that gets returned to 13. After hooking up with a rando, isn’t it everyday use — say, a wooden spoon that gets returned polite to say thank you and you were great after? to a drawer in the kitchen after being used as a spanking Just as it’s polite to say, “Everything was great, paddle — could be called a “revertible.” thanks,” when the waiter comes to take your plate after you’ve finished, it’s polite to say, “That was great, thanks,” Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love; after finishing up with a rando. Some people worry that podcasts, columns, merch and more at Savage.Love! being polite might give a rando the wrong idea — that PUZZLE ANSWERS they’re interested in seeing the rando again — and others are so overwhelmed by shame after casual/ anonymous/rando sex that they can’t be polite. People who can’t be polite to randos (and grateful for randos), or have to take their self-loathing out on randos, should stay home and masturbate instead.

14. One snorer and one light sleeper, longterm relationship. How do we share a bed?

You don’t — separate bedrooms, if you can afford it, a pull-down bed or pull-out couch in the living room, if you can’t.

15. How do I get my male partner to be comfortable pulling out? I’d love to get rid of condoms.

You send him to Planned Parenthood’s information page on the pull-out method (effective for preventing pregnancy when done correctly), you show him the box

Trivia Answers

SAVAGE LOVE

go around kicking down doors and then forcibly feminizing and fucking any straight men they find cowering behind them. To find a gay guy who wants to do that shit to you — and there are gay men who would be into it — you’re gonna have to ask for it. Then, once you find a guy who wants to top you, you’ll have to do what everyone else with elaborate sexual fantasies involving force and submission has to do: Suspend your disbelief and pretend that the panties and ass fucking wasn’t your idea all along.

1. 1969.

2. Pandora.

3. Brazil.

4. George.

5. Five: Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy and Grumpy.

The other two are Doc and Bashful.

6. Australia.

7. Seven.

8. 63.

9. Mexico.

10. Throat.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

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