Queen City Nerve - November 2, 2022

The Root of the Issue

VOLUME 4, ISSUE 25; NOVEMBER 2 - NOVEMBER 15, 2022; WWW.QCNERVE.COM

How artist Meredith Connelly was left out of a Whitewater Center project she created

By Jillian Mueller

News: The Death Expo answers your final questions pg. 4

Food: Shionda Farrell is Miss Content pg. 16

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TABLE OF CONTENTS NEWS & OPINION

4 The Final Event by Rose Hoban Death Expo lifts veil on myths and mystery

ARTS & CULTURE

6 The Root of the Issue by Jillian Mueller Meredith Connelly explains how she was left out of a Whitewater Center project she created 8 Ain’t No Joke by Dezanii Lewis Four women of Charlotte comedy reflect on the scene 10 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks

MUSIC

12 What a Man Must Do by Pat Moran Donnie Doolittle’s lush, dark pop delves into a shared dreamscape 14 Soundwave

FOOD & DRINK LIFESTYLE

18 Puzzles 20 The Seeker by Katie Grant 21 Horoscope 22 Savage Love Thanks to our contributors: Grant Baldwin, Katie Grant, Dezanii Lewis, Rayne Antrim, Jillian Mueller, Rose Hoban, Joshua Galloway, Josh Rob Thomas, Mark Borja, Dani Andrews, Casey Nash and Dan Savage.

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16 Miss Content by Rayne Antrim Shionda Farrell made her foodie passion a career

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

THE FINAL EVENT Death Expo lifts veil on myths and mystery

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BY ROSE HOBAN, NORTH CAROLINA HEALTH NEWS

John Jull has worked as a truck driver, a reporter, in insurance claims and now his day job is working as a maintenance guy at a garden center.

The Roxboro resident finds the most meaning in his side gig; he makes plain pine coffins. “‘Calling’ is the word I’ve used,” Jull said. “Right now this is what I’m drawn to do.”

Jull has always been a hobbyist woodworker, but made his first coffin after a family tragedy in 2015. That hooked him. He treasures the way his family and his customers’ families use his handiwork to create meaning in a difficult time.

“What’s your ceremony need to be?” Jull asked while showing off his coffins at a Death Expo on Oct. 15 at Elon University. “With a opioid death, I got pictures back and they had put handprints — all her friends had put hand prints in different rainbow colors on the outside of the casket.

“It tears your heart out, right? But that’s what they needed. And it gave them this license to touch,” Jull said.

Jull was among 30 exhibitors at the expo, a daylong event sponsored by the Funeral Consumers Alliance of North Carolina, a nonprofit group dedicated to helping people know their rights around planning and paying for a funeral.

Sara Williams, head of the alliance, said she wants her organization to be like “the Consumer Reports of the death industry.”

“We want to ensure that every single person knows their rights when it comes to purchasing funeral goods and services,” Williams said. “That may include not purchasing any funeral goods and services at all.”

To that end, the organization gathered vendors hawking everything from funeral shrouds to a tiny portable funeral home tucked in the back of a van to Jull’s plain pine boxes. Death doulas, who help guide the dying and their families through the process, were at the event, which also included a thought-provoking panel discussion on “What Will I Do With My Body When I Die.”

Know your rights

The organization shared a 52-page report from a 2021 survey of funeral homes and their pricing for direct cremation, immediate burial and basic service fees. Those basic services — which range from a couple of hundred bucks to well over $4,000 — most often don’t include the cost of a coffin, which can run thousands of dollars alone.

People end up, “going in the Earth in better furniture sometimes than they lived on when they were alive,” Williams said.

She added that her organization tries to debunk myths about funerals, such as the belief that embalming is required or that a vault or grave liner is required by law. Neither is true.

The parameters for what is and isn’t required and what should be disclosed to consumers were laid out in a set of guidelines published by the Federal Trade Commission in 1984 and revised a decade later.

For instance, the federal Funeral Rule notes that consumers cannot be required to purchase anything beyond the “basic services fee and any item required by law.” But families in duress often don’t read the fine print and can find themselves footing a bill that’s as much as $20,000 when it’s all said and done.

“If you go to IKEA or Walmart and buy a casket and take it to the ABC funeral home, they can’t charge you a handling fee,” Williams said. “There’s a list of must-do’s for funeral homes, including, if you go to a funeral home, the first thing they have to do is give you a price list when you enter the door. If you call them on the phone, they’re supposed to tell you how much a direct cremation is. Did you buy a casket at IKEA? They’ve got to use it and they can’t charge you a handling fee.”

People are too used to not talking about and

COFFIN MAKERS AT THE RECENT DEATH EXPO IN ELON.

planning for death, she said, and then handing it over to the funeral industry when the time comes.

“It’s a crying shame,” Williams added.

Growing list of alternatives

Pat Scheible lovingly handled a linen sheet folded up on her exhibit table for her business, Remains to be Seen Burial Shrouds.

Along with names were two dates, 1818 and 1861, written on the cloth in faded India ink.

The dates, she explained, marked when the antique sheets first entered the trousseau of a mother, in 1818, and then were passed along to be part of her daughter’s trousseau in 1861.

Someone donated the sheets to Scheible to make burial shrouds from them. The fiber artist didn’t start out making shrouds, but one day Williams showed up on her porch.

“I barely knew her. And I answered the door and she said, ‘You’re the person I want to make my shroud,’” Scheible said.

The artist paints and embroiders on shrouds that look like a thin sleeping bag and sews appliques and ribbons on them. All of the materials need to be biodegradable.

PHOTO BY ROSE HOBAN

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

Time to talk about it

The U.S. is rapidly aging. Right now, about 17% of the population is over the age of 65 and the U.S. Census projects that by 2030, one in five people — more than 73 million people — will be over the age of 65.

That’s a lot of people who will be dying, but many of them aren’t making plans ahead of time.

Fewer than half of hospice patients are in a program for more than 30 days. About a quarter of hospice patients are in a program for less than a week.

That’s not a lot of time to plan, noted Jane Dornemann, who is an end-of-life doula, someone who helps dying people and their families transition to death in a meaningful way.

“People are entering hospice too late and at that point, they simply do not have the energy to do something like a legacy project, nor do they have the time,” Dornemann told the gathering during a panel discussion with about a hundred people in the audience.

“When the doula model first really started getting traction, the narrative was, we should be engaging patients at the hospice level,” Dornemann said. “I think that’s changing, I’m going to say we should be engaging them at the palliative care level because people are so afraid of hospice,” she said.

Death doula work includes helping people prepare advanced directives, helping people think through the type of medical treatment they want at the end of life, how much medication they want, things they want their loved ones to know, along with their wishes for what happens to their remains.

They can also sit with people who are dying or help guide families on how to be present for their loved ones as their lives end.

“It’s just like hospice, it’s so good to get involved as early as you feel comfortable, while you have the energy and the intention and the capacity,” said Dana Brinson, another death doula, who encouraged people to make their plans years before they expect to die.

“Caregiving, and more, dying is a really intensive process, and you might not have the space to reflect and memorialize and plan,” Brinson concluded.

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“I interview the client or the person, like the daughter, and find out their interests … their hobbies, whatever, and design artwork to reflect that,” she said.

Her table was next to the table for Bluestem, a new “green burial” park in Orange County, one of the places in North Carolina that welcomes burial in a shroud, a pine box or nothing.

Across from those tables was a display advertising the “aquamation” process for the disposal of the dead.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu chose aquamation, which involves immersing the body in water plus a strong alkali for several hours in a heated and pressurized metal cylinder, over cremation.

That brought worldwide attention earlier this year to so-called “green cremation” processes.

“Today, cremation is making up over 50% of the choice of the public today,” said Eric Bester, proprietor of the Clay-Barnette Funeral Home in Kings Mountain, which offers aquamation.

“So if there’s a better process not to have to burn a human body that utilizes 95% water, this is a total green process and it’s a more dignified process.”

Bester is the only funeral director in the state currently offering aquamation, which decomposes all of the soft materials of a corpse leaving behind a clean skeleton in about 8 hours.

“It’s a very clean, gentle process and anything that’s in or on your body that’s not natural comes back with your bones,” Bester said.

“If I miss a Band-Aid on someone’s arm, the Band-Aid comes back. So anything inorganic to your body, any implant, a port for chemo, all of that comes back. Acrylic fingernails come back.”

Then what’s left — in this case, the bones — are ground up for return to the family (the grinding process also takes place post-cremation).

Bester has two locations where he can do the process — at his main funeral home in Cleveland County and at a freestanding facility in Wilmington.

Bester said he has received “huge” demand for the service, which costs $1,995 once a body arrives at either of his facilities.

“I’ve had families come far away from Florida, Alabama, Tennessee,” Bester said. “As far as Houston, Texas; there are providers that are closer to what would have been to them, but they wanted to come to us. If someone passed in, let’s say Virginia — we get a lot of families from Virginia — they will be in refrigeration

until we have a death certificate and transit permits in place to bring them across state lines.”

ARTS FEATURE

THE ROOT OF THE ISSUE

How artist Meredith Connelly was left out of a Whitewater Center project she created

BY JILLIAN MUELLER

In 2019, Meredith Connelly’s LIGHTS installation became part of the U.S. National Whitewater Center’s (USNWC) winter programming lineup, and walking through this half-mile trail of illuminated art after a spin around the ice skating rink quickly became an annual tradition for many.

The Whitewater Center received praise for supporting local arts by hiring Charlotte-based Connelly and her team to design, fabricate and install the program. For its 2022 winter display, however, the establishment has garnered the opposite after announcing an iteration of the temporary, sitespecific exhibit that will not include any input or participation from Connelly or her team.

Following a post from Connelly announcing that she would not be a part of the exhibition this year, creatives and other confused Charlotteans reached out to the Whitewater Center on social media only to find their comments deleted within a few hours, leading many to believe that USNWC had something to hide.

Connelly and her team of 18 local creatives built and installed more han 400 sculptural components to create a whimsical, glowing immersive art experience that was integrated into the Whitewater Center’s 2019 winter programming.

When it opened, the program was an instant hit and has since been featured on many local news outlets as one of the top “things to do” during the holiday season.

“What I loved most about LIGHTS was the response it received from the community,” Connelly told Queen City Nerve. “I will never forget the feeling I had when I saw a line of people waiting to go into the woods and adventure in a beautiful natural environment with the art.”

After the success of the 2019 program, USNWC contracted Connelly and her team to create new iterations of LIGHTS for the next two years. In 2021, however, USNWC canceled the installation two days before they were scheduled to start work.

This cancellation left Connelly and the artists who were relying on income from this project without work. Several team members had quit their other jobs to work on the project and some had paid for classes they planned to take while working on the LIGHTS installation.

Connelly said the cancellation came after a disagreement with USNWC regarding their proposed use of site-specific mushroom components designed for the LIGHTS trail in and around the expanded ice rink.

“I explained that the ice rink would be a new project because it is not part of the LIGHTS trail, and would therefore require separate compensation for design, materials, time, and labor,” said Connelly.

“They verbally agreed that this would not be an issue.”

When she requested artist credit for the additional components for the ice rink, however, her request was denied.

“Their leaders said, ‘Those are Whitewater mushrooms,’” Connelly recalled.

Before the cancellation, USNWC leadership also told Connelly they wanted their own team to install LIGHTS. “When he shared that, I felt deeply worried and concerned because we never discussed that they would install the installation components in-house or that the components would be appropriated and used to create additional designs without my involvement,” Connelly said. “I never would have willingly or knowingly agreed to that.”

Connelly said the person she was dealing with asked her to trust him, but she expressed that she didn’t feel comfortable putting her life’s work in someone else’s hands to recreate.

“I agreed to design and install temporary and site-specific works of art that would occur over a specific three-month period of time and that the installed components would be placed in very specific and intentional spaces that I identified and installed to engage with the natural environment, time, and light,” she explained.

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The launch of LIGHTS

According to Connelly, she pitched the concept for LIGHTS to USNWC leadership in 2018 after they had been previously approached by a corporate illuminated festival. Connelly suggested that a team of local artists create a unique program that was customized to the natural landscape and community focus of the Whitewater Center.

After a few meetings, USNWC accepted the proposal and hired Connelly to create the installation that is now known as LIGHTS. She built the program from the ground up, quite literally, starting by GPS-tracking the trail, identifying ideal installation sites, and designing MEREDITH CONNELLY INSTALLS A LIGHTS DISPLAY. pieces specifically for each one.

PHOTO BY JOSHUA GALLOWAY

ARTS FEATURE

This year’s installation

Connelly learned that USNWC planned to bring the exhibition back in 2022 without her involvement when they reached out to a casting company that she works with and attempted to buy more of the mushroom and crystal components from past LIGHTS programs.

PODS BY MEREDITH CONNELLY AT THE U.S. NATIONAL WHITEWATER CENTER.

Connelly also alleged that there were images of her work included on the Whitewater Center website when they initially announced the 2022 program. These images have since been removed.

The Whitewater Center has a history of questionable treatment of their independent contractors, as demonstrated by a group of yoga teachers who called for more equitable monetary payments in 2021. Their practices have come to light again in their dealings with Connelly and her creative team.

When Queen City Nerve reached out to the Whitewater Center for comment about the LIGHTS installation and their work with Connelly, a spokesperson asserted that “Meredith Connelly is no longer a Whitewater employee.”

“The [LIGHTS] program is meant to evolve and change over time to refresh the sensory experience and create new installations,” a statement from USNWC brand director Jesse Hyde read. “All previous and current ‘Lights’ assets, installations, designs, and components were underwritten, produced, and are owned in perpetuity by Whitewater.”

According to Hyde, the 2022 LIGHTS installation “will feature an original program with more than 50 new installations that represent the Whitewater story and will guide visitors through our mission as a not-for-profit organization … Our activities, events, and programming change and evolve continuously to keep the experiences compelling for our guests.”

When asked about whether the Whitewater Center will continue to employ local artists and

creators in the installation, Hyde responded that “Whitewater is proud to employ more than 1,000 employees annually and engage a range of designers, engineers, contractors, and other professionals from the Charlotte community that have created and delivered our activities and experiences for the past 16 years.”

None of these creatives are credited on the Whitewater Center website at the time this article was written.

The broader issue

When local artist and creative business owner Amy Herman heard Connelly was not being engaged for this year’s LIGHTS exhibition, she was one of several people who reached out on Instagram asking for answers only to find her comment was later deleted without a response.

“The events that are unfolding between USNWC and Meredith Connelly are unfortunately par for the course in Charlotte and beyond,” Herman said.

“Creative work is almost never appropriately valued.”

“In addition, it is even more disheartening to see artists and creatives pushed out of projects that they spearheaded when it is perceived that their expertise is no longer needed,” she added. “What USNWC is missing is that art without the artist is a hollow shell of the original.”

“When things like this happen, it reduces the work of the artists to decor, when in reality it’s the physical representation of an artist’s concept, skill, and efforts,” said local artist Renee Cloud.

PHOTO BY MARK BORJA

Cloud was one of the only commenters who received a response rather than a removal when she asked for clarification about this year’s LIGHTS program on the USNWC Instagram page. The USNWC Instagram account replied that they were creating a brand new program produced by inhouse designers. However, there was no response when Cloud followed up and asked whether the center would install prior components of LIGHTS without Connelly’s permission.

Even after the end of her relationship with the Whitewater Center, Connelly describes her time working on the LIGHTS installations with passion and gratitude. She sees the experience as an opportunity for all parties to grow.

“A lot of beautiful, joyful, and amazing things came before the relationship evaporated,” she said. “I remain humbled and grateful to have created LIGHTS and to keep moving forward with new opportunities.”

“It is critically important that USNWC activates its premises year-round to fulfill its mission. After all, they are preserving land and providing jobs within the community. Their mission is deeply significant to me,” Connelly said. “I hold out hope that this circumstance is an overarching and added branch of alchemic healing through the art that will support the Whitewater Center valuing artists more intentionally, should they choose to pursue it. I hope that the center will awaken to the expectations held in our community and do the work necessary to grow in a healthy and genuine way.”

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Months after Connelly and her team were let go, she was tagged in an Instagram post that featured pieces of the “Mushrooms” and “Crystals” components of LIGHTS at the finish line of one of the Whitewater Center’s races.

These pieces were part of a larger sum, and artistically meant as temporary and site-specific installations, according to Connelly. She was not notified ahead of time that her pieces were going to be used in this way.

“USNWC technically owns the objects they bought, such as unique mushroom and crystal forms designed for their installations. However, these objects were never intended to be used outside of the commissioned installations,” said Connelly. “They were not intended to be reinstalled or used in someone else’s design. I didn’t agree to that. The only way I thought they would ever be reinstalled was through my own artistic practice and with compensation.”

She also had safety concerns about the reuse of the installation components.

According to Connelly, the components were not treated or stored properly and could have incurred structural damage.

“My storage plan was clearly communicated and necessary to uphold the structural integrity and lifespan of the components,” said Connelly.

“These fragile objects were left installed for months after the project closed, exposed to harsh weather conditions, and dropped to the ground from heights that resulted in a negative impact on the structures.”

According to Connelly, her attorney sent USNWC a letter about these concerns. USNWC did not reply.

“There seems to have been a fundamental misunderstanding as to the character of the commission,” said Connelly’s attorney, Katherine de Vos Devine, in a separate statement to Queen City Nerve. “A site-specific, nature-inspired installation is not an amateur light display. Meredith’s work is, like nature itself, temporal and evanescent. Each version of LIGHTS was a unique artwork, not a pack of reusable Christmas lights from Lowe’s.”

ARTS FEATURE

AIN’T NO JOKE

Four women of Charlotte comedy reflect on the scene

BY DEZANII LEWIS

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“Women aren’t funny.” Despite centuries of evidence to the contrary, the statement has become a misogynistic cliché to the point that it only serves as an effective red flag for those still saying it publicly.

However, this mistaken cliché still has an effect on whose voices do and don’t get lifted up in comedy. In Charlotte, several women are doing their part to strengthen the scene through their work not only as performers but as show producers in the Charlotte comedy scene.

Queen City Nerve recently spoke to four such women who are building their own names through performance and production to hear their thoughts on where Charlotte stands and how they are creating their own paths.

Olivia May followed a familiar path to Charlotte, moving here from New York City as part of a job relocation in the banking sector. Despite coming from one of the most well-established cities for stand-up comedy, May sees potential in Charlotte’s smaller scene.

KAYA ALLYN IS A COMEDIAN AND PRODUCER.

“Women are starting to lead,” May said. “I feel like there are much more people out there that want to get into it.”

Other comedians have migrated to Charlotte to take advantage of that growth, such as Gayle Murray, who is from Memphis, Tennessee by way of Lansing, Michigan.

Murray, who said she was “born to be a storyteller,” began her comedy career at Michigan State University after some classmates read her plays and found them funny.

“So, I tried doing stand-up because I felt like I don’t have a whole team of actors to do my plays,” she said.

Like May, Murray believes women have lately been pushing to the forefront of the comedy scene. She said Charlotte is working on being more progressive, but “underrepresentation is its own form of prejudice.”

May added that comedy in Memphis was a matriarchy and the city made a point to make her feel welcome there.

PHOTO BY DANI ANDREWS

Stand-up comedian and show producer Kaya Allyn agreed with Murray that there are about five men for every one woman in the local comedy landscape. Because the scene here in Charlotte is so small, most of these women know each other and have worked together at some point in the past.

On the other hand, some feel like a recent push for more representation may have had the opposite effect as intended. Cheyenne Boozer, a local improv performer and stand-up comedian who began writing comedy at UNC Charlotte and started performing live last summer, never bought into the “Women aren’t funny” trope.

“Being a woman is never not associated with doing comedy,” she told Queen City Nerve.

“Sometimes it feels ostracizing to count how many women are at an open mic. Some producers want to be inclusive to the point of painting by the numbers.

That practice invalidates our hard work but it also gives women in comedy a few more opportunities than the average guy.”

Despite Charlotte’s history, there’s hope that it can become a sprawling arts hub with the proper amount of representation.

Make a production out of it

In addition to performing onstage, all four women Queen City Nerve spoke to produce shows, which involves booking comedians for gigs, selling tickets and other responsibilities to ensure everything goes well.

“Producing is a great way to be seen in more ways than one. First, people will see you promoting shows, so other comics are more likely to reach out and form a relationship,” Boozer said. “And booking comedians is a sure-fire way to be seen by them, so they can recommend you to other producers and comics.”

While the comedians we spoke to agree that producing can detract from the real reason they’re playing a show — to hone their stand-up skills — there are perks.

“I wanted to have a say in a show where I got to choose who I was on with,” May said. “And also I think it lets you develop skills as a host that you don’t really get unless you host your own show.”

“I’m much further along than I would have been if I didn’t know how to produce,” echoed Murray.

Still, it’s a stressful job that adds to an already nerve-wracking experience.

“The anxiety of a paid show, it keeps me up at night,” Allyn said.

The need to produce while simultaneously performing stems from a lack of representation.

Male comedians don’t often double as producers because they either don’t need to or they feel it will take away from their performance.

Men in this field can afford to make that choice.

Women can’t.

“I think women are more likely to produce and perform because we are willing to put that work in,” Boozer said.

“I want to show up and just be like, I’m the star,” Murray said. “I don’t want to be the backend.”

Still, these four women are making the best of their respective situations. Allyn has several shows she produces, including an Open Mic at Triple C Brewing; Truth or Dare Comedy, an unscripted event at Birdsong Brewing; and Bold and Beautiful, a comedy showcase at Protagonist Beer. May will soon launch a program called Fun and Flirty Comedy Show, a women-and-queer-only open mic show at Petty Thieves Brewery.

Going off-script

These women are versatile onstage, too; three of the comics we spoke with do improv shows as well as stand-up.

The main difference between stand-up and improv is that stand-up comedy is a more traditional comedy routine with a scripted set of jokes while improv is … improvisational. There’s no script, the comics have to work with what they have.

In addition to working off the cuff, improv performers have to work together onstage, which can be a much different experience from performing stand-up alone. This can work out well for some, but not so much for others.

Boozer, for example, participates in improv from time to time, but the dependence on others — focusing on her relation to her colleagues and their location onstage — can take away from the experience, she said.

“Improv can be funny but my level of selfawareness keeps it from being fun,” Boozer said.

On the other hand, it is that heightened sense of self-awareness that led Murray to do improv and thrive at it. Producers and mentors had been telling her that, while her content was great, she was “hiding from the stage” while performing stand-up.

“So, I took improv to help my performance skills, but in the process, I learned a lot about listening,” Murray recalled.

Because the comics have to work with other people, listening is a key component of improv, as is trusting people. In stand-up, the comics rely on themselves. With all the moving parts associated with improv, it allows one to further develop

ARTS FEATURE their skills, which is why Allyn thinks all stand-up comedians should try it.

“I think of it as expanding your skill set. With improv you’re having to be hyper-flexible, creative, and imaginative. It helped with my confidence and there were countless times it helped with writing new jokes or thinking about scenarios differently,” Allyn said. “Even if you feel like you inherently have all these things, improv will make you better.”

Allyn has performed improv in the past, but hasn’t been dedicated to it lately because she feels it’s a bigger commitment than stand-up. Her Truth or Dare show, however, does blend the two mediums, which allows her to keep things fresh.

Plenty of comics don’t even venture into the improv scene, as stand-up generally dominates live comedy in pop culture. Many are also reluctant to try something as unfamiliar as improv.

“I felt like I was more of a stand-up person than improv because I’ve never been a theatre kid and I feel like improv is very theatre kid,” May said.

Despite her misgivings, she added that she does want to take an improv class in the near future to see how it goes.

What’s needed

Murray believes more people would try comedy if there were more arts programs for youth and adults. In addition to drawing inspiration from sketch comedy shows such as Saturday Night Live and Whose Line Is It Anyway?, most of the women we spoke to were inspired to become comedians after excelling at creative writing programs or something similar.

“It sucks how easily the arts have been cut in this country,” Murray said. “Thanks, Reaganomics.”

Despite having the cards stacked against them, these comedians are going to keep working hard.

“I have this feeling of making Charlotte a matriarchy,” Allyn said. “I’m just going to do as much work as I can to make sure that happens.”

As hard as these women are working to represent and be represented, they are in agreement that they OLIVIA MAY PERFORMS. would like to see more like them joining the field.

“If people are interested in starting comedy, women especially, they should try it out,” May said.

“There are a lot of really great women in the scene, and a lot of really great men in the scene, too, but the more the merrier.”

PHOTO BY CASEY NASH

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THE THING AND WOODY

TOSCO MUSIC OPEN MIC

PHOTO COURTESY OF CHEYENNE BOOZER

JENNIFER KNAPP AND SARAH PEACOCK

S A T, S E P T 2 4

TUE, NOV 8

CHEYENNE BOOZER PERFORMS ONSTAGE AT THE COMEDY ZONE.

WED, NOV 9

NOV 11/4 - 11/19 SAT11/5

‘SANCTUARY CITY’

The names and backgrounds of the lead characters in Sanctuary, Pulitzer Prize-winner Martyna Majok’s gripping play, are deliberately unspecified in this Three Bone Theatre production. All we know is that teenagers G and B were brought to America as children, and have become one another’s sanctuary in the wake of 9/11 and the beginning of the “war on terror.” Plot developments proliferate: G becomes naturalized while B’s legal status remains risky and the pair hatch a plan to marry so that B may legally remain in the country. Throughout, Majok’s drama exerts an emotional pull, stressing the universal nature of dreamers everywhere.

More: $15-$25; Nov. 4-19; Arts Factory at West End Studios, 1545 W. Trade St.; threebonetheatre.com MARTYNA MAJOK, ‘SANCTUARY CITY’ Photo by Fuzheado

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11/4-11/19

MUTABLE SPIRIT: RESPECTING THE FLOW

The exhibit spotlights Charlotte-based non-objective abstract painter Barbara Ellis. A New York City native, Ellis’ colorful expressionist paintings are a response to her dreams and musings, which also reflect upon memory, the spiritual and the sociopolitical.

She’s mastered the abstract expressionist process to channel emotional states into visual form. Ellis describes this solo retrospective as a reflection on a perpetual and sometimes challenging quest for creative authenticity. Her showings include Charlotte Art League’s Mammoth Show in 2019 and the Elder Gallery for Contemporary Art’s The Fine Art of ArtPop in 2018.

More: Free; Nov. 5, 5 p.m.; Nine Eighteen Nine Studio Gallery, 700 N. Tryon St.; barbaraellis.art/ new-events

ANDY WARHOL, LET’S GET PHYGITAL Photo by Lasse Olsson

11/9

SAT11/5

MON11/7

NOV11/8 - 11/13 WED11/9

SIEGE HARDEE, ROCK EUROPA, THE PINKERTON RAID

NINE TREASURES, HAISHEN

‘HADESTOWN’

CJ “Siege” Hardee has managed to keep a relatively low profile while being a mainstay of the Charlotte and regional music scenes. The multiinstrumentalist-producer-songwriter launched his first band Older Brother at age 15. He then toured internationally with his brother Jordan and sister Ashlee in breakout band Matrimony before that outfit splintered and partially recombined as Bassh.

Unlike Matrimony, Hardee’s new music contains no trace of folk or Americana. Rather, Siege’s upbeat, intricate grooves are an unleashed beast that nods to The Talking Heads — while listeners nod theirs.

More: $7-10; Nov. 5, 9 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

Even if you don’t like metal you may want to check out this folk-metal group hailing from inner Mongolia.

Certainly, this is heavy shit. Nine Treasures gleefully borrows from the bag of western metallic tricks, including thundering precision, chunky guitars, melodic metals tuneful riffs, hardcore’s momentum and progressive metal’s whiplash complexity. There are surprising twists from the folk side — eerie yet beautiful throat singing and strummed balalaikas.

More: $16.30; Nov. 7, 9 p.m.; Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St.; snugrock.com

Global warming is a fate forged in Hell in writer, composer and lyricist Anaïs Mitchell’s Tony-awardwinning musical Hadestown — but that’s not the main thrust of this hypnotic, harrowing and eyepopping show. Instead, the narrative is based on the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. In a crumbling jazz club, Orpheus wins Eurydice’s heart with his songs, but she sets off for Hadestown, where factories are overheating the Earth. In the underworld, Eurydice signs her soul over to soulless capitalist Hades. Now Orpheus must bring his love back to the land of the living, but Hades will not give up without a fight.

More: $25 and up; Nov. 8-13; Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

WEDNESDAY NIGHT LIVE: LET’S GET PHYGITAL

If you can’t explain what a non-fungible token (NFT) is, you’re not alone — and the Bechtler’s got your back. The Bechtler partners with NFTCLT in conjunction with the museum’s current exhibition, Pop to Now: Warhol and His Legacy, in a community fireside chat featuring NFTs and “phygital” art by contemporary artists ThankYouX and HEES. Learn about the crypto assets that represent something unique — a non-expendable good that does not wear out with its use, is not replaceable and is also not substitutable. The discussion covers NFTs, blockchain technology, Web3, and how to activate your digital wallet.

More: Free; Nov. 9, 6:30 p.m.; Bechtler Museum, 420 S. Tryon St.; bechtler.org

THUR11/10 ‘RIDING WITH AUNT D. DOT’

McColl artist-in-residence Bree Gant screens her 2018 short film Riding With Aunt D. Dot. The plot unfolds through personal narrative and radical imagination as Quinn, played by director Gant, gets stuck on the midtown bus loop in Detroit’s historic North End neighborhood on the way to an awards ceremony. All the while, Quinn struggles to determine whether the voices in their head are actually theirs. The screening is followed by a panel discussion that utilizes the city bus as departure for how mobility and culture shape us across cultural and internal landscapes.

More: Free; Nov. 10, 7 p.m.; McColl Center, 721 N. Tryon St.; mccollcenter.org

SAT11/12 STARCRAWLER, THE GIRLS

Tipped four years ago to be the saviors of rock ‘n’ roll, Starcrawler embraced controversy out of the gate.

Androgynous frontwoman Arrow De Wilde was the subject of anorexia rumors (she’s not) and her success was attributed to L.A. showbiz nepotism (her father Aaron Sperske has drummed for Beachwood Sparks and Ariel Pink’s haunted Graffiti). Does any of that stuff matter if the music is this much fun?

(It doesn’t.) Starcrawler plays a high-octane take on melodic late ’70s punk that can turn on a dime toward detuned Black Sabbath sludge. It may not be original, but it rocks.

More: $17.30; Nov. 12, 10 p.m.; Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St.; snugrock.com STARCRAWLER Photo by Andreas Lawen, Fotandi

‘RIDING WITH AUNT D. DOT’ Courtesy of McColl Center

11/12

11/10

SUN11/13 CLASSIC BLACK CINEMA SERIES: ‘ANNA LUCASTA’

EARTHA KITT, ‘ANNA LUCASTA’ Creative Commons Photo

11/13

TEDDY SWIMS

The grandson of a Pentecostal preacher who played football in high school, the bearded burly Swims is an unlikely pop star. He first unleashed his genrespanning vocals on a series of cover songs. His choice of material ranging from Marvin Gaye and Bonnie Raitt to Khalid and The Weeknd was but a clue to Swims’ astonishing range. Adopting a contemporary R&B flavor on his solo singles, including the ruminative “Picky” and the ebullient “Broke,” Swims works in blues, rock, hip-hop and country influences, drawing on his stints with funk-rock band Elefvnts and country rockers Wildheart.

More: Sold out, resale available; Nov. 15, 8 p.m.; The Underground, 820 Hamilton St.; livenation.com

SIEGE HARDEE Courtesy of Petra’s

11/5

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Dismissed as an overripe trash upon its 1958 release, the all-Black cast Anna Lucasta is an entertaining showcase for leading lady Eartha Kitt’s elegant and powerful charisma. The melodramatic and noirish plot suggests Tennessee Williams (A Streetcar Named Desire) rewritten by Cornell Woolrich (The Bride Wore Black). Kitt, best known as an alluring and distinctive vocalist, is the whole show here. As a streetwalker trying to go straight, she’s striking, emotionally rangy and better than the material. Also featuring Sammy Davis Jr. as a loose-cannon sailor and Kitt’s former boyfriend.

More: $7-9; Nov. 13, 2 p.m.; Harvey B. Gantt Center, 551 S. Tryon St.; ganttcenter.org

TUE 11/15

MUSIC FEATURE

WHAT A MAN MUST DO Donnie Doolittle’s lush, dark pop delves into a shared dreamscape

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BY PAT MORAN

“A man got to do what a man got to do,” says expreacher Jim Casey in John Steinbeck’s magisterial 1939 novel The Grapes of Wrath. Through the Christlike Casey — his initials are J.C. — Steinbeck lays out a problematic code of conduct. Misattributed to John Wayne, for decades an icon of white masculinity, the quote has percolated through society, entwined with identity, morality and the threat of violence. In the popular imagination, this line, or something like it, is uttered by the hero before he takes on a roomful of bad guys.

In the video for his winding, seductive and taut single “I’m a Man,” directed by his friend Josh Rob Thomas, Donnie Doolittle delves into the code exemplified by the quote, and concludes that it’s pretty fucked up.

“That’s me flipping the table,” Doolittle says. “I’m playing with masculinity.”

The 35-year-old singer-songwriter and video maker says that he nerds out over movies. Although he eschews granting himself a title like producer, he’s involved in every aspect of his compelling visuals, making sure the final product entwines seamlessly with the emotion-driven storytelling that drives his dark and seductive songs.

In the video, which dropped in May in advance of his debut solo album, a blanket slides off Doolittle as he rises from a metal-framed bed, incongruously placed onstage at The Milestone Club. From the very first shot, the video proceeds with dream logic to detail a regimen imposed from without but accepted and subsumed within. In a resonating sepulchral baritone, Doolittle unleashes the male subconscious, pulling us down a rabbit hole of psychosexual obsession entwined with a man’s identity as a musician and performer.

“Dancing boots at the break of dawn/Romancing youth before it’s gone/ I’ve held my breath for far too long/ There’s nothing like the threat of death to turn me on/ My Blood’s gone cold but it still runs thick/ The heat’s right here, I keep it on my hip...”

There’s no room for the hazy, fog-shrouded atmosphere that signals the safe remove of fantasy.

Here, details and vignettes are amplified by the

clear razor-sharp imagery that haunts our dreams and burns into our memory.

We see Doolittle perform repetitive, hyper masculine mechanistic actions — boxing, weightlifting and welding — all in preparation for the moment he steps onstage before a crowd.

Doolittle steps outside the club for a moment to smoke a cigarette in the coal black night. Yet there’s no catharsis in performing. The unbearable tension continues unbroken through soaring choruses and ruminative verses. Once the show is over, he returns to his bed as the blankets close over his head.

“Our idea with the ‘I’m a Man’ video, beyond toying with ‘manliness,’ was to give a full ‘day in the life’ with the implication that the day was on a loop,” Doolittle says. “In this universe, my entire day takes place in the venue.”

DONNIE DOOLITTLE PLAYS ON STAGE WITH HIS BAND.

Doolittle remembers going to secondhand stores to find just the right bed for the video.

“The bed made the stage my bedroom,” Doolittle says. “It was a striking, practical and somewhat silly visual.”

The fact that the music, lyrics and images dovetail to weave a haunting synergistic spell is by design, Doolittle says. He and his band deliver his pulsing music, imbued with the dark edge of Americana murder ballads, buffeted by surging symphonic goth rock keyboards, to Snug Harbor on Nov. 11.

“My [musical] favorites are Nick Cave and Leonard Cohen,” Doolittle offers. “I latched on to the story, the narrative aspect of the music.”

In his own music, Doolittle doesn’t confine his storytelling to just lyrics.

“There’s an arc and a plot to the actual soundtrack that I’m making, too,” he says. “I’m a sucker for a good story, which is why I’m almost equally into film as much as I am into music.”

From Stone Figs to Dreamy D

Doolittle has been writing songs for as long as he can remember. He took piano lessons, and he recalls sitting down at the instrument and writing the sheet music for a tune called “Lost in New York,” inspired by the movie Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, which had just come out.

“As a kid, I was all over the place between visual arts and music,” Doolittle says. “I ended up shifting more towards music. Now I’m getting more and more serious about making videos.”

When Doolittle was 8, his family moved from Virginia to Charlotte. Doolittle then picked up guitar in middle school.

Despite his early experience with music and songwriting, Doolittle played by himself and did not join a band until he was 18; the group Stone Figs was a duo comprised of Doolittle and Dustin Payseur.

“It was like party music,” Doolittle says with a laugh. “I hope no songs [from the band] exist on the internet.”

Stone Figs fizzled when Payseur decamped to New York, a move Doolittle was not yet ready to make. A stint playing with psychedelic rock band Little Bull Lee followed.

In 2012, Doolittle broke his hand in a motorcycle accident. With his hand in a cast, he couldn’t play guitar, and even when the cast came off, he couldn’t bend his wrist enough to form chords. So, Doolittle moved over to keyboards, starting with his roommate’s microKORG synthesizer.

The synth changed Little Bull Lee’s sound, but more importantly, the swirling keys set the stage for Doolittle’s current symphonic sweep.

In 2013, Doolittle formed Dreamy D.

PHOTO BY JOSH ROB THOMAS

MUSIC FEATURE

Reconnecting in the Queen City

Returning to Charlotte, Doolittle got married and started to reconsider some of the material he had recorded with Clasen; it started to grow on him.

PHOTO BY JOSH ROB THOMAS

says. “I latched onto that [and] turned it into my own thing.”

In the “When a Woman” video, which dropped in September 2021, director Thomas unleashes the camera to rove restlessly through flash cuts of a Charlotte seldom highlighted, including a garnish strip mall near Central Avenue and Eastway Drive, and brightly colored small brick houses in Grier Heights. Even shots of Snug Harbor seem off kilter and unrecognizable, suggesting the social applecart Doolittle is helping to overturn in this sunny, slightly sinister and funky paean to female sexual liberation.

“Take me when you’re lonely/And take me when you’re bored/ I know I’m not the only/I know that there are more/ What’s wrong with a woman/wants to take a man...”

Doolittle praises the effort and expertise Clasen brings to the table to help him make his music, and he’s equally appreciative of the creativity and sharp eye that Thomas, his crew, and camera operator Hayden Nease bring to crafting the videos.

“It’s magical what Josh can do,” Doolittle says. “I want to surround myself with people that inspire me — people that are more talented than me.”

Doolittle’s self-deprecation might be questioned, but not his devotion to working with

talented people. When he decided he wanted a live band to play songs he had created in the studio, Doolittle wasted no time in assembling a team.

For keyboards he turned to his wife Polly, who has played keys at Dreamy D shows. He recruited Funeral Chic guitarist Robert Stroud for second guitar. After hearing Doolittle’s demos, Tim New eagerly joined on bass. On drums, Doolittle counts himself lucky for finding Jonathan Owens.

This core band went on tour in September.

With a slimmed down lineup — Stroud had to dip out temporarily due to family reasons — Doolittle is preparing to take the band out on its second tour in anticipation of a spring release of his as-yet-untitled debut solo album.

In October, Doolittle assembled another group of talented people to shoot a live performance video of the band, but not at a music venue. Instead, the team, led by director Thomas, shot the band playing in the middle of the woods.

The massive technical challenges posed by the project involved getting a generator quiet enough to record the band, setting up stage lights programmed to match the band’s songs, and assembling a remote studio set up to record all the audio.

Doolittle says the shoot yielded three videos for songs that will be in the upcoming album. He also says he has not yet released his favorite songs from the project.

“I’m really pushing myself, and going outside of my comfort zone,” Doolittle says. “I’m really putting my money where my mouth is.”

Doolittle says the most frequent descriptor he hears about his music is “cinematic.” This pleases his inner movie nerd.

“That has a lot to do with thinking about songs as narrative,” Doolittle says. “You know that feeling you get when you walk away from a movie that you really loved? That’s what I hope people walk away with.”

Doolittle says he wants his music to be an immersive, emotional experience for whoever hears it, a worthy goal for songs that approximate the shared cultural dreamscapes of films.

“The scariest monsters are the ones that you don’t see,” Doolittle says.

“Some of the best endings are not exactly spelled out for you. That makes films personal for me. I want my music to be the same. I want [my music] to be open to interpretation from all sorts of people, and for it to resonate with them.”

PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM

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As he recalls, the band’s songwriting process consisted of him presenting demos to the band members, who would then add their input to the music. “[Dreamy D] was low-tempo heavy guitar, sort of sludgy,” Doolittle remembers.

The band was looking for a drummer, and through his friend, composer and lyricist Christian Spence, Doolittle met and recruited Josh Rob Thomas. Over the subsequent years, Doolittle and Thomas kept in touch. Thomas, who has directed some of the most striking videos for Charlotte acts seen in recent years — including two for Doolittle — would come to play an important part in the creation of Doolittle’s current solo project.

After gigging in Charlotte a few years with Dreamy D, Doolittle hit the road, living briefly in Portland, Oregon, the San Francisco Bay area and Northern California. While on tour selling merch for a friend’s band, Doolittle met Polly Taber in Portland.

They pair hit it off and subsequently married in 2019.

In 2018, Doolittle moved to New York, and gigged occasionally with a version of Dreamy D featuring a different set of players. Doolittle ran into an old roommate from his Charlotte days, Jesse Clasen, who played in Charlotte-based band HRVRD. Clasen had a studio in his apartment, and Doolittle came over to record some demos, including “When a Woman,” another tune that turns the tables on masculinity — in this case long-held sexist convictions.

In New York, Doolittle teamed with Clasen to record demos of the songs that would become the bedrock of his solo project. At the time, however, Doolittle felt the material was too “out of the box,” so he kept Dreamy D alive. He reconnected with Thomas, who directed one video for Dreamy D and edited another.

Today, Doolittle sees his New York tenure as a troubled time. While there were flashes of inspiration with Dreamy D, Doolittle’s muse was muted.

“I feel like I was lazy, depressed, and selfmedicating to a point that skewed my judgment and dulled the music’s impact,” Doolittle says. “My new stuff is the first project that I’m truly proud of.

I’ve fully applied and pushed myself.”

By this time, Clasen had moved to Los Angeles and installed a home studio.

“I told him, ‘I would like to move forward with this. I’ve got more songs I want to add to ‘When a Woman,’” Doolittle says.

Doolittle flew to California for a week, and lived in Clasen’s studio where they knocked out another four or five songs. Then, the COVID-19 pandemic swept through the country. Like many people, Doolittle approached the ensuing quarantine as a period to reflect on his life and his work.

Around that time, he learned about the death of his best friend, guitarist Noah Warner, to whom Doolittle dedicates his upcoming album.

“I took a hard look at DONNIE DOOLITTLE my life and decided some things needed to change,” Doolittle says. “I needed to get serious about what I wanted to do in life. I cut alcohol out of my life and started working on music as if it was a job.”

Clasen also moved back to Charlotte and started meeting with Doolittle once or twice a week to add songs to the newly invigorated solo project.

Doolittle brought demos to Clasen and together the pair recorded the songs without a band until Doolittle felt like the project was complete.

Doolittle reconnected with Thomas, who had also moved back to Charlotte, and asked him to direct the first video for the project, a song penned over a year before “When a Woman.” Doolittle says the tune was inspired by the 1971 cult Australian thriller Wake in Fright.

The film, which follows the plight of a straitlaced school teacher’s descent into drunkenness, madness and degradation, includes a scene where a shady Outback doctor, played by Donald Pleasance, explains his attitude about a seedy affair he’s carrying on with his friend’s adult daughter, who is also seeing other men. “[Doc] has a brief monologue about how he isn’t jealous. He’s thankful for what he can get,” Doolittle

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Lukas Delgra (Birdsong Brewing)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11

Pleasure House w/ DJ Smccanical, DJ JayPee (Snug Harbor) Stephen Kellogg w/ The Americans (Evening Muse) Adam Ezra Group (Neighborhood Theatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Bob James Trio (Middle C Jazz)

LATIN/WORLD

Gipsy Kings feat. Nicolas Reyes w/ Shutterdog (Belk Theater)

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Nightly (Amos’ Southend) Bad Omens (The Fillmore) Arts Fishing Club (Neighborhood Theatre) Ken Mode w/ Frail Body, Mindvac (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

Java Band (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

NC Bluegrass Jam Night (Birdsong Brewing) Sam Burchfield & The Scoundrels w/ Airpark (Evening Muse) Jesus is the Path to Heaven w/ Jphono1, Elonzo Wesley (Petra’s)

CHRISTIAN/RELIGIOUS

We The Kingdom (Ovens Auditorium)

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Easy Honey w/ By George (Amos’ Southend) Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill) Jackopierce (Evening Muse) Sunflower Bean w/ grandma, Cathedral Bells (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

Noel Freidline & Maria Howell: Middle C Turns Three (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Mat Kearney (Knight Theater)

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Charlotte Symphony: Get Out in Concert (Belk Theater)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICA

Trey Lewis (Coyote Joe’s) 49 Winchester w/ Drayton Farley (Neighborhood Theatre)

COLLABORATIVE/EXPERIMENTAL

AL1CE w/ IIOIOIOII, DJ Spider, My Blue Hope (The Milestone) Gatekeepers Beware: An Art Show feat. Day Brown, Bince, Joshua Cotterino, Lon Lon (Petra’s)

FUNK/REGGAE/JAM BANDS

485 (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) Akita w/ Hustle Souls (Visulite Theatre)

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Council Ring (Comet Grill) Bunker Hill Bloodbath w/ Lo, Angels & Demons, Silverwing, Denee (The Milestone) XBound w/ Truebody, Pretty Crimes, The Sour (The Milestone) Siege Hardee w/ Rock Eupora, The Pinkerton Raid (Petra’s) Shem Creeps w/ Queen City Rejects, Squirt Vile (Skylark Social Club) Excitable (Def Leppard tribute) w/ Hellfire 76 (Amos’ Southend) Ressurection (Journey tribute) (Knight Theater)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Yung Gravy w/ bbno$ (The Underground) Victor Internet w/ Ariel & The Culture, Estereomance (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Duke Ellington Orchestra (Booth Playhouse) Noel Freidline & Maria Howell: Middle C Turns Three (Middle C Jazz) Dashil Smith & Malcolm Jamal Warner: The Jazz of A Tribe Called Quest (Neighborhood Theatre)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICA

Rhiannon Giddens (Belk Theater) William Clark Green (The Underground) Ross Adams w/ Amigo (Evening Muse)

FUNK/REGGAE/JAM BANDS

Coconut Groove Band (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Brett Milstead (Birdsong Brewing) Neal Carter (Primal Brewery)

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Tan Universe (The Milestone)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

HBCU Culture Homecoming Fest: Battle of the Bands (Bojangles Coliseum)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Release the Pressure (Crown Station) Rina Sawayama (The Fillmore)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) Dave Potter w/ Retro Groove (Middle C Jazz) Spicy Jane Lane (Neighborhood Theatre)

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7 LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Nine Treasures w/ Haishen (Snug Harbor)

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) The Weight Band (Neighborhood Theatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Kevin Cole (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Smallpools w/ Young Rising Sons, Dreamers (Amos’ Southend)

OPEN MIC

Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse)

FUNK/REGGAE/JAM BANDS Dopapod (Visulite Theatre)

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Tonstartssbandht w/ Quad, Zodiac Lovers Band (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

One Irish Rover (Van Morrison tribute) (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Joshua Ray Walker w/ Margo Cilker Music (Amos’ Southend) Blanco Brown (The Underground)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

SunSquabi w/ LeSpecial (Visulite Theatre)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony Youth Orchestras (Knight Theater)

CHRISTIAN/RELIGIOUS

Jennifer Knapp w/ Sarah Peacock (Evening Muse)

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Obsessed w/ Bog Loaf, King Cackle (The Milestone) The PDaddieS w/ Cactus Day Job (Visulite Theatre)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Oddisee (The Underground) Abhi the Nomad w/ Charlie Curtis-Beard, Leone & the Ascension (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

Brian Culbertson w/ Marcus Anderson, Marqueal Jordan (Booth Playhouse) Liam St. John w/ Joshua Quimby (Evening Muse) The Boneshakers feat. Randy Jacobs & Jenny Langer (Middle C Jazz)

LATIN/WORLD

Gaelic Storm (Neighborhood Theatre)

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Dayglow (The Fillmore) Weedeater w/ Telekinetic Yeti, Donnie Doolittle (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Curt Keyz (Evening Muse)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Mixtape: Soundtrack of the ’80s (Booth Playhouse) Peace Love & Rage: A Divorced Dad Rock Dance Party (The Milestone)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Thing w/ Woody (Evening Muse) Najee (Middle C Jazz)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: A Tribute to ABBA (Knight Theater)

FUNK/REGGAE/JAM BANDS

Tropidelic w/ Mike Pinto (Amos’ Southend)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Chatham Rabbits w/ Nora Jane Struthers (Neighborhood Theatre)

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Hunters Travesty (Comet Grill) Katy Guillen & the Drive w/ Dani Kerr & the Skeleton Krew (Evening Muse) Silversun Pickups (The Fillmore) The Fill Ins w/ Rosser, The Ellipses, Ill Intentions (The Milestone) Swim in the Wild (Neighborhood Theatre) Starcrawler w/ The Girls (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Damien Escobar (Booth Playhouse)

JAZZ/BLUES

Najee (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

TVBOO (SERJ) Blue Monday w/ Spiderwebs (No Doubt tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: A Tribute to ABBA (Knight Theater)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Elonzo Wesley (Primal Brewery)

CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS

Jor’Dan Armstrong w/ DJ Dwight Stone (Evening Muse)

COLLABORATIVE/EXPERIMENTAL

Genre Clash feat. Brillo the Bard, The Transonics, The Donner Deads, 6 Cardinal, Headcell (Skylark Social Club)

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Menzingers (The Underground) He Is Legend w/ Valient Thorr, Den of Wolves, The Hellfire Choir (The Milestone)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) Shelley Ruffin (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

The English Beat (Neighborhood Theatre)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Moonshine Bandits (Amos’ Southend)

LATIN/WORLD

Myriam Hernández (Ovens Auditorium)

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 14 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Inferious w/ Bystander, Bottomfeeders, Detest the Throne (The Milestone) American Authors w/ Jason Scavone, Van Bellman (Visulite Theatre)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Bobby Shmurda (The Fillmore)

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Drowning Pool w/ Otherwise, Kurt Deimer, Antisaint (Amos’ Southend) Teddy Swims (The Underground) Pinkshift w/ Makeshift Youth, Yasmin Nur (The Milestone) VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING.

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FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

MISS CONTENT

Shionda Farrell turned her foodie passion into a career

BY RAYNE ANTRIM

Pg. 16 NOVEMBER 2 - NOVEMBER 15, 2022 - QCNERVE.COM

In the ever-growing city of Charlotte, it feels like there is a new restaurant every other day.

Keeping up with the food scene is equivalent to having a full-time job. In fact, some folks have made it one.

Shionda Farrell, a Charlotte-based food and lifestyle content creator, went full-time just a year and a half ago. Like many Charlotte locals, her prior job was in the banking industry. She started off posting pictures of food to her Instagram for fun.

Then as TikTok rose to prominence, short videos and Reels became more appealing to the masses. As Farrell started to post more TikToks and videos, she began to go viral, now making as much as $10,000 a month off of partnerships.

Known as @shiondafarrell on Instagram and TikTok, Farrell has over 70,000 followers on both platforms. She has always been a foodie, and hopes to have her own travel business in the future, bringing people to different countries to try their cuisines and experience their cultures.

Queen City Nerve got the chance to speak with Farrell to gain some insight into the fast-growing food scene in Charlotte and her new career.

Has creating this kind of content, especially with food and lifestyle, always been something you wanted to do?

As long as I can remember. I tell people all the time, like when Red Lobster was a thing … Of course, people probably barely go to Red Lobster anymore, but back in the day Red Lobster was big. I was in Red Lobster in freaking middle school. To me that speaks volumes, because I’ve always been like a true foodie and just like good food, you know?

What drew you to use TikTok after building your following on Instagram?

My platform started on IG. I just started posting pictures and pictures kind of went out with the trash. Now Reels is a thing. I feel like that’s how a lot of my content began to grow.

When I started doing more videos, it started to grow even larger. A lot of people always tell me, not even just my audience, but maybe the businesses that reach out to me and want to do business with me, they always say, “We have to be very careful on who we’re going to choose to actually pay to market this.”

They say, “Well, what we like about you and your Queen City Nerve: So tell me about how page is that to us, you come alive in your videos. We you got started with doing food and lifestyle feel like we are there with you.” based content.

Shionda Farrell: In the beginning, I first What’s a day in the life for you? started it for fun as like a hobby. I probably started Every morning, I have a ton of emails I have to the page maybe a year and a half ago. A lot of people go through. And it’s usually someone wanting to kind of knew me by the handle @yelpelitechick. partner or collab with me, whether it’s restaurants That was the name of my handle, but I don’t go or just fun experiences, because I do get a lot of by that anymore. My background is banking and experiences. For me, I’m trying to convert more into brokerage, so I ended up leaving corporate probably travel now. about a year ago. It started as something for fun for So I feel like travel and food go hand in hand. me. I was just posting pictures and videos, because It makes sense. I’m actually hosting a trip to Egypt I’m always out to eat. And then it turned into a in December. A lot of that is still based around food thing for me when I got my first paid partnership. as well. One of my dreams is actually to have my I received one with an actual restaurant, and the own TV show and just travel the world to different other one was with the actual brand; I had one countries and try different cuisines. I’m gonna get with smartwater. And then I was like, “Okay, this, there, too! this could be a thing.”

SHIONDA FARRELL

So with the food influencer scene in Charlotte, would you say there’s a lot of competition here?

Absolutely. I mean, there’s tons. So many other people are starting to see how people are turning this into a full-time thing. I’m feeling like they’re popping up by the day — more new and new pages.

You can go into a store and there’s 1,000 loaves of bread, but only a few are gonna get chosen, right?

So you still have to create something for yourself that makes you stand out from everyone else.

PHOTO COURTESY OF SHIONDA FARRELL

What are they, if you don’t mind me asking?

I would say my top five — I would say Little Mama’s is one. That’s an Italian restaurant near SouthPark Mall.

So to me, they have the best chicken parmesan ever. I haven’t found anybody’s chicken parm that’s better than theirs. It’s cute in there, it’s like a little Italy. They have drinks, like their Aperol Spritz is one of my favorite drinks to order there. This may be TMI, but I call it my “Black Girl Boujee Drink” – the Aperol Spritz.

Farrell’s other favorite restaurants are El Puro, Would you say the community within food Calle Sol, Leah & Louise, and What The Fries. influencers is a welcoming space?

Oh, absolutely! I know, a lot of the food content What’s your take on the food scene in creators — because I don’t like that word influencer Charlotte? Have you seen it change over the — I know a lot of food content creators, and a lot of years with the city’s growth and new people them know me. For me anyway, my only competition moving here from different areas? is me. I compete with myself. It’s me against me, that’s I would say a lot of people like to call it “the Baby all there is to it. I’m a firm believer in collaboration, Atlanta.” I feel like Charlotte is getting pretty close anyhow. I feel like teamwork makes the dream work. to Atlanta. Atlanta not just a party scene, but also a food scene. I promise you, I feel like every couple of How do you choose what food spots to visit weeks a new restaurant is popping up in Charlotte. and menu items to order in Charlotte?

The food scene here is definitely popping. I think I pretty much stay in the know with knowing that us as creators, we also help that situation, where to go, but I don’t really have any strategy too, because they have gotten plenty of articles when it comes to ordering my food. I just order written up in like major magazines from videos they what looks like it may be good or, you know, I may seen from TikTokers or IG. People are just wanting want to try this restaurant, because I have five to come to Charlotte and visit Charlotte now just restaurants that I frequent often. because of the food scene.

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

So, where they were lacking in, you know, African Americans coming into their established places, they now have them. I do believe that does play a Do you think that there’s a lot of diversity big part in it. within the food scene? Or is it a lot of the same thing?

What do you love the most about Charlotte I feel like Charlotte has done better with it. and its food scene?

Because I feel at one point in time, there was not a lot As far as the food scene, I like the community of diversity. They’ve done a 180 on that end, for sure. part of it. I think a lot of the owners of these Do you think it might be because of a lot of the different people moving to Charlotte that’s created the diversity?

My honest opinion: I do believe that’s some of it.

I also believe that a lot of it has started with people like me, and a lot of other people of color. Whomever, you know, just with different backgrounds creating content for these restaurants.

My audience is diverse. I have Caucasian, I have Asian, but a good bulk of it may be African Americans.

establishments are working hard with the actual creators to try to come up with a plan to bring more business, not only just to themselves, but to help each other.

I feel like a lot of these owners are building these relationships with us. It’s not just us, we want to build these relationships together. That’s kind of what makes everything work. Like I said, teamwork makes the dream work.

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SHIONDA FARRELL AT SEA LEVEL NC IN UPTOWN CHARLOTTE.

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LIFESTYLE PUZZLES

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES SUDOKU

TRIVIA TEST

BY LINDA THISTLE

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. ANIMAL KINGDOM: Which animal is believed to have the most powerful bite in the world?

2. TELEVISION: Where is the Dunder Mifflin office located in “The Office”?

3. LITERATURE: Which 20th-century horror novel is set in the Overlook Hotel?

4. MUSIC: Before his solo career, singer Harry Styles was part of which boy band?

5. GEOGRAPHY: What is the capital city of Denmark?

6. MOVIES: Which book is the 1922 silent film “Nosferatu” based upon?

7. BUSINESS: Which company goes by the nickname “Big Blue”?

8. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which state has produced the most presidents (8) by birth?

9. ANATOMY: What is a common name for the tympanic membrane?

10. U.S. STATES: Which state features a full-size replica of the Parthenon?

CROSSWORD

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LIFESTYLE COLUMN

THE SEEKER

A WHOLE MOOD Double dipping at Studio Fire and Mood House

Pg. 20 NOVEMBER 2 - NOVEMBER 15, 2022 - QCNERVE.COM

BY KATIE GRANT

My most recent broke-bitch wellness adventures trailed an afternoon of heavy drinking at the Carolina Renaissance Festival, an annual guilty pleasure my husband and I endeavor with another couple. I desperately needed a self-care Sunday after our afternoon of beerfesting and people-watching.

While perusing Eventbrite (my current go-to source for wellness events that elbow me out of my comfort zone) from the comfort of my couch, I noticed that Studio Fire in SouthPark was hosting Free People Movement on a Sunday morning. I registered for a complimentary class called StudioFire: The Remix — a 50-minute lightsdimmed, music-bumping, sweat-pouring introduction to my morning. The cardio and dance class description clearly stated “no dance experience required,” which helped subdue my irrational they’re-all-going-to-laugh-at-you fear, which stems from watching Carrie too many times.

Speaking as someone who grew up swimming instead of dancing, I felt the Studio Fire instructor had the best energy and did not make me self-conscious. The lights were down, so no one could see my almost-40year-old booty twerk. One of the most positive aspects of the workout was that the dance choreography was paired with weights and core work, which I am completely confident in. I can kickbox and crunch to Megan Thee Stallion ALL DAY! (Side note: I’m really feeling her “Bad Bitches Have Bad Days Too” sweatshirt, in case anyone feels generous. I wear a size small.)

Another distinguishing feature of Studio Fire is its focus on infrared fusion fitness.

According to the Studio Fire website, the benefits of infrared heat can vary depending on how the heat is distributed. Infrared radiant heat feels different from traditional forced air, which leaves you feeling “dried out.”

Instead, “rays from infrared heaters penetrate deep into the skin’s surface to detox the body with sweat, relieve aches, and help the body melt deeper into poses for an invigorating and productive practice.”

Aside from the cardio and dance class I attended, Studio Fire also offers yoga, barre, and high-intensity interval training (HIIT).

A few hours later, I attended a meditation session at Mood House in Dilworth. As I am in the midst of a luxurious school break, I’ve been taking advantage of my time affluence. This often means a disparate workout and meditation within the same waking hours.

Along with Studio Fire, Mood House has been high

on my list of local places to check out for some time. I was elated to find they offer a beginner-friendly 45-minute meditation offering a break in the middle plus journaling on a Sunday evening. My husband even tagged along for a sober date night, focusing on recharging body and mind. He may loathe some of the workouts I drag him to but he understands and appreciates the concept of not being able to pour from an empty cup; it’s essential to balance a busy life with stillness.

I can’t imagine a more ataractic space for calming contemplation; the spacious meditation room in Mood House was flanked with diaphanous, white curtains and low lighting. Labeled on the website as modern with a “Palm Springs vibe,” the space felt minimalist and futuristic enough to make Ikea jealous.

We initiated our meditation with some big belly breaths with a handful of other meditation students. Full disclosure moment: I still breathe inefficiently despite having three nose surgeries. I am a mouth breather, especially when I work out. I’m doing it all wrong.

According to the American Lung Association, “Proper breathing starts in the nose and then moves to the stomach as your diaphragm contracts, the belly expands, and your lungs fill with air.” Our meditation guide directed our attention to our breath, asking us to draw in through the nose, allowing our bellies to expand and fill our lungs with air. This helps calm the nervous system and improves relaxation.

After a few rounds of belly breathing, we were invited to envision what we wanted more of in our lives.

We were also gently reminded that to create space for more, we must let go of what no longer serves us — a metaphor for the coming winter months. Before we enjoy a bountiful spring and summer, we must rest and reflect.

My next visit to Mood House, which I am already planning, will include a visit to the infrared sauna and a massage (Yes, in addition to the meditation room and sauna are seven massage suites). When checking in for a signature massage, you can choose from moods such as calm, clear, abundant or awake, so “the aromatherapy and affirmations align to help you feel exactly how you want to when you leave.”

It’s important to note that abundance doesn’t necessarily mean more things (something I quickly forget during my hungover shopping excursions on the weekends). It means being satisfied with what I have and leading a purposeful life. So we’ll go with that.

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LIFESTYLE

NOVEMBER 2 - 8 ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Although you love

HOROSCOPE

BORN THIS WEEK: People of all ages look to

you for advice and encouragement. You would make an excellent counselor.

being the focus of everyone’s attention, it’s a good LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) You might idea to take a few steps back right now to just watch surprise everyone by being unusually impulsive this the action. What you see can help with an upcoming week. But even level-headed Libras need to do the decision. unexpected now and then.

NOVEMBER 9 - 15

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BORN THIS WEEK: Your sense of justice makes

you a strong advocate for the rights of people and animals alike.

ARIES

(March 21 to April 19) You might feel compelled to get involved on the “right side” of a LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Watch seemingly unfair fight, but appearances can be that you don’t unwittingly reveal work-related deceptive. Get the facts before going forth into the information to the wrong person. It’s best to say fray. nothing until you get official clearance to open up.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) “Caution” continues SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A to be your watchword this week, as a former period of turmoil gives way to a calmer, more colleague tries to reconnect old links. There are still settled environment. Use this quieter time to some dark places that need to be illuminated. patch up neglected personal and/or professional relationships.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Making a good first impression is important. Revealing your often SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) hidden sense of humor can help you get through A new relationship could create resentment among some of the more awkward situations. family and friends who feel left out of your life.

Show them you care by making more time for them.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Are you taking that Cancer Crab image too seriously? Lighten up. Instead CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) of complaining about your problems, start resolving Concentrate on completing all your unfinished tasks them. A friend would be happy to help. before deadline. You’ll then be able to use this freedup time to research new career opportunities.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) A widening distance between you and that special person needs to be AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You’re handled with honesty and sensitivity. Don’t let right to try to help colleagues resolve their heated jealousy create an even greater gap between you differences. But keep your objectivity, and avoid two. showing any favoritism between the two sides.

VIRGO

(August 23 to September 22) Congratulations. Your handling of a delicate family matter rates kudos. But, no resting on your laurels just yet. You still have to resolve that on-the-job problem.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Bullying others into SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) With agreeing with your position could cause resentment. things settling down at work or at home, you Instead, persuade them to join you by making your can now take on a new challenge without fear of case on a logical point-by-point basis. distraction. Be open to helpful suggestions from colleagues.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Resist pushing for a workplace decision you might feel is long overdue. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December Your impatience could backfire. Meanwhile, focus 21) Your creativity can help resolve an emotional on that still-unsettled personal situation. situation that might otherwise get out of hand.

Continue to be your usual caring and sensitive self.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Your aspects favor doing something different. You might decide to CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) You redecorate your home, take a trip somewhere you’ve could impress a lot of influential people with the way never been, or even change your hairstyle. you untangle a few knotty problems. Meanwhile, a colleague is set to share some welcome news.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) You might want to take a break from your busy schedule to restore AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Aspects your energy levels. Use this less-hectic time to also favor recharging your social life and meeting new reassess your plans and make needed changes. people. It’s also a good time to renew friendships that might be stagnating due to neglect on both VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) What you like sides.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Your personal to think of as determination might be seen by others life continues to show positive changes. Enjoy this as nothing more than stubbornness. Try to be more PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Congratulations.

Your talent for working out a highly technical happy turn of events, by all means. But be careful flexible if you hope to get things resolved. problem earns you well-deserved praise. The not to neglect your workplace obligations. weekend could bring news about a friend or relative.

PUZZLE ANSWERS Pg. 21 NOVEMBER 2 - NOVEMBER 15, 2022 - QCNERVE.COM

1. Saltwater crocodile.

2. Scranton, Pennsylvania.

3. “The Shining.”

4. One Direction.

5. Copenhagen.

Trivia Answers

6. “Dracula.”

7. IBM. 8. Virginia.

9. Eardrum.

10. Tennessee.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

SAVAGE LOVE

JUST THE FACTS A sneaky shot

BY DAN SAVAGE

Pg. 22 NOVEMBER 2 - NOVEMBER 15, 2022 - QCNERVE.COM

Dear Savage Love Readers: After Nov. 14 my website Savage.Love will become the exclusive online home for my column. My column will still appear in print in publications like Queen City Nerve, but you will no longer be able to read the column online anywhere other than Savage.Love.

This move will allow me to continue bringing you new columns — new questions, new answers —every week.

I hope you will check out Savage.Love, where you can join the community of Savage Love readers and enjoy my latest columns, decades of archives, the Savage Lovecast podcast, and much more. — Dan I’m a woman in a hetero marriage. We’ve happily played with others a bit but not recently because we have a small child. We are both bi and in our 40s. We talked about getting the monkeypox vaccine, but I didn’t think it was urgent because we’re not currently having sex with anyone else. Here’s my question: What should I do after learning that my husband got the monkeypox vaccine without telling me? I noticed a red bump on his arm, and he said it was nothing. After I said it looked like the monkeypox vax reaction, he admitted he got the vaccine but didn’t tell me. I was in favor of him getting the vaccine, so I’m totally panicking because he sneaked to get the shot. I think he’s cheating. It’s 2 a.m. where I am, and I just ordered two at-home HIV/AIDS tests and I’m getting a full STI panel at my OB-GYN on Monday. What should I do? I’m a wreck.

SERIOUSLY PANICKING OVER UNAPPROVED SHOT AND LIES

By the time you read this, SPOUSAL, those at-home HIV/AIDS tests will have arrived, and you will have your results. You’ll also have seen your OB-GYN and most likely gotten the results of your STI tests. Assuming there were no unpleasant surprises — assuming you’re still negative

for all the same things you were negative for the last time you tested — what does that mean?

While I don’t wanna cause you another sleepless night, SPOUSAL, your test results can all be negative and your husband could still be cheating on you. But in the absence of other evidence — in the absence of any actual evidence that your husband has cheated on you — I think your husband deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Getting the monkeypox vaccine is the only fact in evidence here, SPOUSAL, and it’s a huge leap from, “My husband got the monkeypox vaccine without telling me,” and, “My husband has been cheating on me with other men during a public health crisis that has primarily impacted gay and bi men and wasn’t using condoms with those other men and knowingly put me at risk of contracting monkeypox and HIV.” If your husband has a history of being reckless about his own sexual health and yours — if he tried to go bare without your consent when you played with other people, for example, and that incident and others like it fueled your freakout — I don’t understand why you’re still married to this man.

Zooming out for a second...

I can think of a few very good reasons why a married bi guy might decide to get the monkeypox vaccine even if his partner wanted him to wait. First, those shots haven’t been easy to get. If the vaccine became available where you live and/or his doctor offered it to him, it was a good idea for him to get his shots even if he’s not currently sleeping with anyone else. And why would his partner — why would you — want him to wait? If you didn’t want him to get those shots as some sort of insurance policy, e.g., if you wanted cheating to be needlessly and avoidably risky as some sort of deterrent, that seems pretty reckless.

Sometimes, SPOUSAL, the likely excuse is the honest

answer. I’m guessing your husband got his shots because he hopes you — the both of you — can start playing with others again in the near future and he wants to be ready. Guys have to wait a month after getting their first shot before getting their second shot, and another two weeks after that before they’re fully immune. (Or as immune as they’re going to get.) If your husband has been looking forward to opening your relationship back up — by mutual consent — sometime in the near future, he most likely wanted to be ready to go when you decided, together, to resume playing with others. And he didn’t tell you he was getting the shots because, although he wanted to be ready to go when the time came, he knew you weren’t ready and didn’t want you to feel rushed or pressured.

My analysis of the situation presumes your husband

isn’t a lying, cheating, inconsiderate, reckless asshole and deserves the benefit of the doubt here. You know your husband better than I do, SPOUSAL, and it’s entirely possible that your husband has proven himself to be a liar and a cheat and an inconsiderate asshole and a reckless idiot again and again and again.

But if that’s the case — if he’s all of those horrible, no-good, disqualifying things and, therefore, not deserving the benefit of the doubt here — I would ask you again (and again and again): Why are you still married to him then?

Send questions to questions@savagelove.net; listen to Dan on the Savage Lovecast; and follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage.

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