Are you being gaslighted at work?

Written by Morna Ikosa

The World Health Organisation reported that Namibia has an “estimate suicide rate of 9.7 in a 100,000 population, the fourth highest compared to neighbouring South Africa (23.5), Botswana (16.10) and Zimbabwe (14.1) in 2022”. For a country with a small population, the high suicide rate is alarming. One wonders what the mental state of our people is. However, it is worth noting that suicide and other mental health issues are merely symptoms. Perhaps it is time we zoom in on some of the root causes that lead to devastating effects like suicides and have effective interventions to address them.

According to the Merriam Webster’s dictionary, gaslighting is defined as the “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, the uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator”.

Have you ever heard terms like, are you crazy? you are overreacting, you are too sensitive, or you are just being paranoid? Well, chance is you are being gaslighted. A gaslighter makes you doubt your reality and what you saw or experienced. They downplay your emotions and try to convince you that what you saw or felt is not real. A gaslighter could be a boss, a lover, a friend, or anyone you trust.

Andrew D. Spear, an associate professor of philosophy at Grand Valley State University in Allendale, Michigan, further notes that it’s not enough for the gaslighter to manipulate, deceive or control you; they need to make you come to agree with what they are saying or wants you to believe about yourself. Examples of gaslighting can be someone stealing your phone and telling you, you are irresponsible and losing your mind. It could also be you told someone something, and they deny entirely ever having told them, to make you doubt and question yourself.

What causes gaslighting in the workplace?

In the workplace, gaslighting often occurs due to power dynamics, where manipulative individuals may use their position or power to undermine and control others. In highly competitive workplaces, individuals may feel threatened by others and resort to gaslighting to gain an advantage over their colleagues. Work environments where people are not held responsible for their actions or where there is a lack of consequences for toxic behaviour can enable gaslighting. Gaslighting behaviour can also stem from personal traits or experiences, such as a lack of empathy or unresolved personal issues.

Are you being gaslighted?

Forbes Health magazine identified a few signs to look out for when you are being gaslighted: Where one feels like the situation is surreal, almost like déjà vu.

Being called crazy, irrational, or overly emotional or exaggerating.

Some gaslighters use terms like ‘crazy b****’.

Feeling confused and powerless after leaving an interaction with the gaslighter.

Being intentionally isolated from friends, family and other support structures.

Your tone of voice gets criticised when you want to challenge or address something with a gaslighter. Your emotions get thrown off balance, as a gaslighter would verbally abuse you in one instance and praise you in another, even in the same conversation.

The American National Domestic Violence Hotline lists five techniques a gaslighter may use against a victim:

Withholding: The gaslighter pretends not to understand or refuses to listen.

Countering: The gaslighter questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately.

Blocking/Diverting: The gaslighter changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts.

Trivialising: The gaslighter makes the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant.

Forge ing/Denial: The gaslighter pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim.

These behaviours are known to cause mental health problems such as Anxiety, Depression, Disorientation, Lowered self-esteem, Post-traumatic stress disorder, a hyperbolised fear of danger, known as hypervigilance and suicidal thoughts.

If you are experiencing any of the above behaviour at work, home, and church or generally amongst your friends, then I suggest you seek professional help. Addressing the issue directly with the perpetrator does not yield positive results. It will just drive you further into depression. Employers should ensure that their wellness officers, social workers and HR practitioners are adequately trained to provide effective help to victims of gaslighting. HR practitioners and management should equally ensure that corrective action is taken against gaslighters to prevent future occurrences.

Building a supportive and inclusive work culture, promoting open communication, and fostering psychological safety can drastically reduce the risk of gaslighting in the workplace and hopefully alleviate the high suicide rate in the country.

Gaslighting can be a challenging situation to deal with, but there are some practical steps you can take to address the issue.

6 Tips to effectively handle gaslighting in the workplace

1. Stay calm and composed Gaslighters often try to provoke strong emotional reactions. Stay calm and composed when interacting with them. Responding in a rational and collected manner can help maintain your self-confidence and reduce their influence.

2. Document incidents

Keep a record of any instances of gaslighting that occur at work. Note the date, time, location, people involved, and a description of what happened. This documentation will serve as evidence if you need to report the situation.

3. Seek support

Talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing. It could be a colleague, friend, or family member. Sharing your feelings and concerns with someone who can provide a supportive ear can help maintain your well-being.

4. Consult HR or a supervisor

If the gaslighting continues or escalates, consider reaching out to your human resources department or a trusted supervisor. Please provide them with documented evidence of the gaslighting incidents and explain your concerns. They should investigate the situation and take appropriate action.

5. Practice self-care

Gaslighting can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Prioritise self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, getting enough sleep, and engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Taking care of yourself will help build resilience and maintain your mental and emotional health.

6. Seek professional help

If the gaslighting persists and significantly impacts your wellbeing, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counsellor. A mental health professional can provide guidance and strategies to cope with the effects of gaslighting.