FILMS

Film Reviews by Jordan Adcock

CRIMES

OF THE FUTURE

FILM OF THE MONTH - Star Rating: 3/5

Crimes of the Future, written and directed by David Cronenberg, shows a world where people find new fashions and purpose when physical pain has essentially been eradicated, so now inflicting wounds and autopsies have become performance art. Most humans have apparently evolved with help from some gangly bio-machines (there’s plenty of scenes of prominent actors lying and writhing in sickly organic furniture) that wouldn’t look out of place in an Alien film.

Saul Tenser (Viggo Mortensen) and Caprice (Léa Seydoux) are among the world’s best surgical artists but they delve into an even shadier world of “evolutionists” who seek to justify their anti-government agenda through one of the couple’s performances. The film’s surprisingly topical, especially with its plotline of people changing their digestive systems to eat toxic plastic waste instead of normal nutrients, including a very eerie scene of a young boy munching on a plastic bin, reminding however tangentially of humanity having to deal with the ubiquitous plastic it’s created and wasted.

Mortensen looks like Death himself as he wanders around the desolate Greek locations dressed all in black and he’s compelling even as the story’s complexities confound a casual watch. It’s very dense with worldbuilding dialogue that’ll need a willing viewer to withstand both that and the body horror but there are rewarding performances, also including Kristen Stewart. The film’s strangely convincing since the characters in their “evolved”, alienated state almost never bat an eyelid at proceedings, which makes sense internally. It’s to the film’s credit that you’d never want the future to look like this. ✪

NOPE SEE HOW THEY RUN AMBULANCE

Star Rating: 2.5/5 Star Rating: 2/5 Star Rating: 2/5

Director, actor and comedian Jordan Peele made Get Out and Us, two very zeitgeisty if flawed horror films. Nope is perhaps his most ambitious film yet while also his most cumbersome. Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer star as ranch-owning siblings in California trying to solve the mystery of the “UFO” appearing and sucking up his horses. There’s also a subplot about a former child TV star with an extended (repeated, even) flashback to when a monkey killed his fellow cast members. That outline might give some idea of how well the combined plots hold together besides the vague theme of the horrors of pursuing grand spectacle, with added filmmaking and cinema history references throughout. It’s overly long and ponderous without being particularly profound. ✪ This murder mystery, surrounding an Agatha Christie murder mystery play in the 1950s West End, so badly wants to be charmingly referential and self-aware. But without the required depth or comedic writing it comes across as artificial and very broadly acted despite the huge cast including Adrien Brody as the abrasive narrator and murder victim. The American actor Sam Rockwell does a very decent English accent as the lonely, cynical Inspector Stoppard, though it’s slightly odd a British actor wasn’t cast. As for Saoirse Ronan as his plucky appointed sidekick Stalker, she’s stuck with rather irritating gags and she’s still the most appealing of the whole cast. But wasn’t the point of classic whodunits to actually get invested in who done it? ✪ Infamously over the top filmmaker Michael Bay no longer has Transformers to play with in his cinematic sandbox, but Ambulance shows he’ll have his explosions no matter what. In Los Angeles, the unemployed veteran Will (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) is roped into his adoptive brother Danny’s armed bank robbery gone wrong. They commandeer an ambulance with a jaded paramedic onboard to escape with the cash and ensure an injured cop doesn’t die in the process. A combined chase and shootout which lasts for nearly two hours with yet more car crashes, drone camera shots flying so quickly and all over the place it’s actually hilarious, definitely funnier than the obnoxious “wisecracking” dialogue or Jake Gyllenhaal’s umpteenth shouting fit where he looks close to bursting a few veins. ✪

THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING

Star Rating: 2/5

Three Thousand Years of Longing has Tilda Swinton act alongside Idris Elba as a lovelorn genie and is still, somehow, a chore to watch. Based on a mid-1990s short story, Swinton plays a scholar who buys an antique bottle while in Istanbul and it happens to contain a djinn (Elba) to grant her three wishes – but the real story’s the djinn telling her about his previous owners for most of the runtime. It’s almost impressive how the film appears to neglect its two main assets as Elba and Swinton are stuck in a hotel room while other, ultimately pretty banal stories are told. It won’t feel like 3,000 years have passed when the credits roll, but you’ll still wish to reach the end. ✪

ADAM TUDOR-LANE reviews the BMW 2 Series Active Tourer

Long live the MPV

If you thought MPVs were dead, think again. BMW and Mercedes are probably the only brands with Multi-Purpose Vehicles in their line-up after everyone jumped to building crossovers. But if you need a family lugger, the 2 Series Active Tourer is well worth a look.

Prices start from just over £31k, and the ‘Luxury’ trim seen here packs some hefty options, which lift it to £39,500.

Once you set aside the new ‘marmite’ grille that’s afflicted nearly the entire range, the 2 Series Active Tourer isn’t a bad looker. Large slab sides give it presence, while the rear could almost be mistaken for one of the brand’s larger SUVs. It offers a refreshing alternative to crossover after crossover.

In terms of performance, this three-cylinder 1.5-litre petrol engine is turbocharged and feels

just as punchy as a 2.0-litre lump, even with only 170hp. There are more potent options with a 223i bumping power to 218 hp and two plug-in hybrids which go up to 326 horses. For an MPV, the sporting nature of the BMW brand shines through; while ride comfort can be stiff and jittery at lower town speeds, faster-paced work on motorways and dual carriageways makes for a much smoother ride. Handling is also rather sharp for such a vehicle; it’s refreshing for an MPV to be this pointy and agile, with a responsive turn-in, making the Active Tourer a joy to hustle along in. You can also add the xDrive all-wheel drive system on the 223i model, and the plug-in hybrids come with it as standard. Hopping in the driving seat, you’re rather perched, like sitting on a dining chair. It’s not a bad thing and was perfectly comfortable; it’s just not the norm compared to crossovers, with the extra height in the Active Tourer giving you the ability to sit properly instead of legs forward and high. Although the underpinnings of the Active Tourer are the same as when it was launched in 2014, the model has been refreshed this year and includes a totally new interior, taking inspiration from the iX SUV.The interior of the 2 Series Active Tourer is not without its down-sides A buttonless interior means everything is controlled by the The 2 Series front grille - you decide!

10.7” infotainment screen; there are volume controls on the steering wheel and a tactile roller on the armrest. But apart from that, you’re left digging around in the infotainment system, and with no iDrive jog wheel, it’s all touch-based.

Back to the armrest though. When you open it, it hinges toward the passenger. Making it a total pain for the driver to stow or retrieve anything. It’s also an oddity that the gear selector is over on the passenger side of the armrest… the whole thing is a left-hand drive setup that’s not been switched for the seldom few right-hand markets. Come on BMW.

There’s also plenty of room wherever you sit in the Active Tourer; even the largest of adults will be comfy on longer journeys. Storage is plentiful too, with the front door bins easily accommodating large 1-litre bottles.

At the back, boot space measures 415 litres on this 220i, but space will vary depending on the engine choice as the hybrid tech is squeezed in under the boot floor.

As a family wagon, the 2 Series Active Tourer is a strong contender, with more interior space than a comparable crossover and a low, lip-free boot to lug all of life’s paraphernalia. In addition, it’s well priced with a wide range of engines and optional extras.

You might want to opt for a plug-in hybrid over the regular petrol to up those MPGs; we only saw 30mpg around town, which was a way off the claimed WLTP of 44.8 to 47.9.