With Christmas around the corner, we’re excited to share our first-ever festive issue, filled with ideas to make it meaningful and fun. Inside, you'll find inspiration for bringing more ease and joy to Christmas— from our guide to old and new traditions, to family-friendly recipes, and a simple craft to make keepsakes with little ones.
For parents, we’ve gathered tips on navigating relationships, managing sleep, and even handling baby reflux during the celebrations. And to spread the spirit of giving, we’re highlighting Kids Inspire and other ways to support our community this season.
No matter how you’re celebrating, we hope this issue helps make Christmas warm, memorable, and uniquely yours.
Wishing you and your family a joyful season,
Sarah Measom Editor
Editorial Team & Contributors
Jack Neale - Creative Director
Helen Crumley, Emily Patel - Kids Inspire
Emma Jeater - The Reflux Tummy Mummy
Theresa McCarthy - Your Family Nutritionist
Lucy Murray - Little Dreams Consulting
Shilpa Jamieson - Mindset, Mimi & Me
Zoe Duce - MoveThru
Gillian Lambert - Braintree Village
CHRISTMAS FAMILY TRADITIONS OF OLD AND NEW
We’ve highlighted the most popular traditions as told to us by local families, celebrating some of our good-old classics, as well as some of the new and more unusual which might inspire your family to create a new tradition this year - or just ramp up the fun!
TREE SHOPPING AND DECORATING TOGETHER
Ancient cultures used evergreen plants to celebrate the winter solstice, believing that the greenery represented life and resilience during the harsh winter months. Today, the tree is a centrepiece that represents the heart of the season in the home.
Getting the many-times-tapedover Christmas tree box out of
the loft is a classic Christmas affair for many. And for the *less* organised amongst us, it’s time to unwind the lights!
Buying a real tree adds something special to the season (aside from those pesky bristles). A new tradition has also emerged: renting a real Christmas tree. Keep it potted like a houseplant, then return it to the farm for next year’s rental.
Where to buy your real trees: Poplar Nurseries, Perrywood Tiptree, Slamseys Braintree, Hurleys Christmas Tree Farm.
For real tree rental: Lathcoats farm Chelmsford, Hallingbury Christmas trees, Leigh Trees.
SEEING A FESTIVE SHOW OR PANTO
For those lucky to have a local theatre or willing to travel further afield - it’s easy to see why seeing a show is a firm favourite tradition for families year after year. It’s perhaps something most of us do less often amidst the busyness of life; however theatre shows offer an immersive and unbeatable experience you can’t beat at this time of year. The buzz, laughter and fun encapsulate the spirit of Christmas and community.
Our family-favourite picks this year: Snow White at Chelmsford Theatre and Thameside Theatre, The Night Before Christmas at Brentwood Theatre, The Owl Who Came For Christmas at Palace Theatre.
ICE SKATING!
VISITING A FAIR
In Essex, holiday fairs are a cherished tradition, blending classic Victorian carousels and fairground games—often with carol singers—alongside fairs held at stately homes, historic sites, schools, and within local communities. The array of festive spots feels endless. It’s a wonderful chance to support small businesses and local causes by buying handmade gifts crafted with care.
Some of our top picks include: Cressing Temple Barns Christmas Shopping fair, Christmas Fair and Santa at Museum of Power, Chelmsford Racecourse City Gift Fair, Rayleigh Christmas Craft and gift fair.
It's a tradition that has made its way to us from the Netherlands, where skating on frozen canals was a popular winter pastime as early as the 13th century. And now we have our own (and much safer, let's be honest) ice skating rinks in Essex. There's no better time to get on the ice and embrace the chill, even for the wobblylegged amongst us! It's an unforgettable experience that evokes laughter as we surprise ourselves at our ability to stay upright, despite all odds!
Our top spots for ice-skating include: Braintree Village ice rink, Riverside Leisure Centre, Lakeside Shopping Centre, Essex Christmas Wonderland ice rink, Lee Valley Ice Centre
Braintree Village
CHRISTMAS EVE BOXES
A cute and fun new tradition, at added expense of course, but many of us find it worth seeing the joy on their faces as Christmas approaches. There are some fancy options out there, but after all, it's just a box! Wooden boxes are a great idea as they last through the years and make for a lovely keepsake when they're all grown up. You can also simply make your own with a shoe box and some wrapping paper, as well as find some cheap options in stationary shops. Families fill their boxes with fluffy socks, hot chocolate, books, mini-games, matching family pjs, quirky socks, and even a bag of "reindeer poop" (or chocolate-coated raisins!).
Our top picks:
Argos Home Christmas Eve Box, £8 (shown) Card Factory Characters Christmas Eve Box, £2.99
MEMORIES BOOK
Cherish your Christmas memories year after year with a Christmas memory book. Each Christmas, place the notebook under the tree to capture special moments and notes that can be enjoyed in years to come. Families can write about the presents they received, hopes for the new year, funny moments, milestones, and more. Store the book away with the decorations, ready to bring back those memories each Christmas. Over time, you’ll create a beautiful keepsake full of cherished moments to reflect on together.
TURKEY CURRY!
The Christmas feast is a grand affair, but by Boxing Day, many families find themselves staring at a mountain of leftovers, particularly turkey. Turning Christmas leftovers into a hearty meal is a time-honoured tradition for some, and the turkey curry reigns supreme.
No two Boxing Day curries are ever quite the same. Some families get inventive (or slightly bizarre) with their recipes, throwing in random leftover sides. Sprouts in curry? Why not! Cranberry chutney on the side? Go on, then! For others, it’s a competition to see who can cook up the hottest dish, with some family members daring each other to try their spiciest concoctions.
Visit puddlemagazine.co.uk/family hub for a nutritious curry recipe from Your Family Nutritionist that the whole family (tots included) can enjoy!
KobearCo, Etsy
SANTA'S TOY SWAP
Each year, some families encourage the spirit of giving in their children, while also tackling that much-needed clear-out of old toys! A beautiful tradition has emerged where children select ten toys in good condition to place in ‘Santa sacks’ under the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.
The story goes that Santa will collect these toys, take them back to the North Pole, and fix them up to be just like new, ready to be re-gifted to other children in need. In return, he leaves new toys in the bag, creating a magical surprise for Christmas morning.
This thoughtful tradition not only makes space for new toys but also teaches children about kindness, generosity, and the joy of giving to others.
LIGHT DISPLAYS
Light displays this time of year have got more sophisticated over the years - it’s safe to say. The days of a few fairy lights here or there, and the odd sticker on a window are *mostly* over; now we’re spoilt for choice, as if we look carefully we can find entire streets illuminated to celebrate the season, many in aid of local causes. You can even visit an organised, immersive light display at various locations across the county. These experiences offer something unique at this time of year - and are an excellent activity for those of us with young children who cannot stay out too late or catch a fireworks display.
Light displays to check out this year: RHS Hyde Hall Glow 2024 Enchanted Trail of Light at Colchester Zoo Nayling Road Christmas Lights, Braintree
petsathome.com Personalised Dad Lego® Brick Photo Block Puzzle from £19.99, notonthehighstreet.com
KEEPSAKE SANTA HANDPRINT
DECORATIONS
Make these year-on-year and see how much their handprints have grown. They make great little gifts to family members and more. You can get super creative with this and also make footprints, fingerprints, or just about any shape you can think of!
120g plain flour
150g table salt (cheap variety)
240ml warm tap water
Baking paper
Acrylic paints, glitter
Ribbon
1. Preheat oven to 120C (low heat)
2. Pour the flour, salt, and warm water into a big mixing bowl. Stir with a spoon until you can't anymore.
3. Use your hands and knead the dough so all the ingredients get combined. This could take a few minutes. If it feels sticky, add a tsp of flour more at a time; if it's too dry, add a tsp of water until you get a dough
Use a rolling pin and roll the dough out on baking paper until it's about half an inch thick.
Lightly press a hand into the dough to make a print.
Use the end of a pencil or straw and poke a hole near the top for the ribbon later.
6. Cut out the hand print, or cut around it for an easier option, making a circle.
7. Lay a sheet of baking paper on a baking tray and add your ornament; be sure to leave at least 3 inches between each ornament.
8. Bake for 2.5-3 hours or until they have hardened.
NOTE: If you have pets at home, hang the ornament at the top of the tree because they can be harmful if eaten.
BRAINTREE VILLAGE CREATIVE CLUB 2024
The Braintree Village Creative Club is back, offering free arts, crafts, and activities to keep children of all ages entertained this Christmas season.
The Creative Club opens on weekends from November 30th to December 15th, operating from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Starting Wednesday, December 18th, it will be open every day until January 5th (excluding Christmas Day), with the same hours. Each week, new Christmasthemed crafts and festive activities will be available, giving children a chance to make decorations to take home or display in the club. Activities are offered in partnership with Baker Ross. Please note that children under 11 must be accompanied by an adult.
Braintree Village offers a family-friendly environment with full accessibility, including 1,600 free parking spaces (up to 6 hours), 41 family bays, and 81 accessible spaces. The venue is also dog-friendly.
Amenities include two baby changing areas with spaces for baby feeding, accessible wheelchair hire, and changing places facilities. Braintree Village also offers free home delivery for your purchases (terms and conditions apply).
The Creative Club is conveniently located in Unit 47, between BOSS and Gift Company, directly opposite Skechers.
For more information about this event please contact the Braintree Village Guest Services Team on: bv-info@landsec.com or (01376) 348168.
BRINGING MORE JOY AND EASE TO CHRISTMAS
When you think about preparing for Christmas, what feelings come up? Fun, excitement, family? Or perhaps just stress, overwhelm and the pressure to make everything “perfect”?
As a Parent Coach and creator of children’s mental well-being toolkits, I help parents find more ease and joy in their parenting. But Christmas? It often feels like an Olympic sport: balancing an endless list of school events, gift shopping, and festive meals while still working.
Amidst all this, it’s easy to lose sight of what the holidays are really about: time with loved ones, joy, and reflection.
But what if this year, you approached the season with more intention, rather than just aiming for the elusive "perfect Christmas"? Here are some ideas to help make that a reality.
START WITH HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL
Everything we do aims to create a feeling. Instead of an endless to-do list, start by defining how you want to feel this Christmas. With the family, pick three words that reflect the top feelings you all want—perhaps connection, fun, or relaxation?
Think of three ways to prioritise those feelings. If it’s connection - perhaps plan a games night or a cosy movie marathon. You may be surprised to find the kids’ priorities aren’t just about a mile-high pile of presents!
LETTING GO OF PERFECTION
The pressure for a “perfect” Christmas is often selfinflicted. We imagine beautifully wrapped gifts, a flawless tree, and gourmet meals. But in reality, it’s unlikely anyone else is focusing on your perfectly tied bows.
Be honest about the standards you’re setting for yourself. Challenge them. Simplify them. Decide what’s ‘enough’. Look back at your family’s chosen feelings. E.g. could you ask guests to bring a dish? By letting go of unrealistic standards, you create more space to ‘be’ rather than just ‘do’.
PLAN AHEAD AND DELEGATE
Write down key dates, activities you’ve now prioritised, and tasks. Then, take a deep breath and ask yourself what you can drop or delegate - with enough time for people to ask questions or get things wrong! Involving others also creates shared memories and more connection.
BUILD IN TIME FOR REST AND REFLECTION
And what do you need? As parents, we often put ourselves last, but without rest, you won’t feel true connection or joy. Schedule regular downtime—a relaxed evening, or even 10 mins to yourself on the big day—to recharge.
PRACTICE GRATITUDE AND GIVING BACK
If joy and happiness are on your holiday wish list, research shows that two of the most powerful ways to increase happiness are: gratitude and helping others - both free! Try a family gratitude stocking where everyone writes down their favourite memories from the year and favourite things about each other - a lovely thing to open on Christmas Eve or after lunch on Christmas Day.
Give children a small budget to choose a charity or food bank to support. These activities help them appreciate how much they have already, rather than just what they want.
Here’s a short gratitude poem to inspire you.
What a year it's been so many things we've done so many places seen So many friends we've met so many games we've played so many adventures had so many memories made There's so much more that I can't list here what are you thankful for this special year?
IN THE END, IT’S THE MOMENTS THAT MATTER
When you’re caught up in the Christmas hustle, it’s easy to lose sight of the little moments of joy and connection that truly make memories. I hope you are now inspired to take some space early to decide what is truly important to all of you, and lower the bar for a more easeful and joyful holiday.
Shilpa Jamieson
Parent Coach
Mindset, Mimi & Me
Shilpa is a Parent Coach and founder of Mindset, Mimi & Me, a company that supports parents in teaching emotional resilience and mental wellbeing to young children. Through engaging toolkits that use story, science, and playful activities, Shilpa helps families build lasting skills for selfworth, self-trust, and joy.
mindsetmimiandme.com
Shilpa’s new Christmas edition toolkit on Gratitude is now available with a 10% discount offer for Puddle
Readers - use PUDDLE10 at mindsetmimiandme.com/ what-we-offer
What's on in Essex EVENTS
FATHER CHRISTMAS AT AUDLEY END
Weekends, 30th Nov - 22nd Dec
Saffron Walden • 10am-4pm
Adults £20, over 5's £21.50 (inclusive) under 5's £9.50 english-heritage.org.uk
ICE SKATING AT BRAINTREE VILLAGE
15th November - 5th January
Braintree • 10am-8pm
Adults from £14, children from £12 braintree.icetickets.co.uk
CHRISTMAS AT HO-HO-HOPEFIELD
Weekends, 10th Nov - 22nd Dec
Brentwood • 10am-3pm • Adults
£9, Children £19, under 2's £5 with a gift, free without a gift hopefield.org.uk
ABBERTON'S ELF WORKSHOP 14th December
Colchester • 10:30am-3pm
£12.99 per child, includes a gift essexwt.org.uk
CREATIVE CLUB AT BRAINTREE VILLAGE
Weekends, 30th November
Daily, 18th November - 5th Jan
Braintree • 10am-5pm • FREE braintree-village.com
GLOW AT RHS HYDE HALL
22nd November - 28th December
Chelmsford • 5pm-9pm
Adults from £13.95, children from £7.45, under 5's free rhs.org.uk
HAVERING CHRISTMAS WALKWAY
27th November - 1st January
Hornchurch • From 4:30pm
From £4.50 per person, under 2's free haveringmind.org.uk
YOU'VE BEEN GRINCHED!
30th November - 24th December
Braintree • 8am-8pm £55 per family bigupthesky.co.uk
EPPING ONGAR RAILWAY LIGHTS EXPRESS
16th November - 12th January
Epping • 5pm-8pm
From £45 for 2 people, from £90 per family of 4 • eorailway.co.uk
SANTA FUN RUN
8th December
Colchester • 10am • Adults
£12.50, Children £10, includes free Santa suit or hat for under 5's colchesteripswichcharity.org.uk
This fun and festive Christmas appetizer or party snack is a great way to impress with minimal fuss. Kids will love tearing off the “branches”! Make it in just a few simple steps.
Cherry tomatoes, diced SERVES 6-8
Baking paper
2 sheets of ready-rolled puff pastry (we used Jus-Rol)
100g pesto
200g cheese mix, any you like, we used cheddar and mozzarella.
1 beaten egg
1. Preheat Oven: Heat your oven to 200°C (180°C fan/gas 6)
Assemble Pastry: Place both pastry sheets on separate pieces of baking paper. Spread pesto generously on one pastry sheet, sprinkle twothirds of the cheese on top of the pesto, then place the second sheet over it (paper facing up). Press down lightly to seal and remove the top piece of baking paper.
3. Make the Tree: Cut a large triangle for the tree and a small star from any leftover pastry. Transfer the tree to a baking tray, brush with beaten egg, and attach the star. Sprinkle with the remaining cheese.
4. Create Branches: Make vertical cuts down the sides, leaving a 2cm trunk. Twist the strips and press them down. Be gentle!
Make it vegan
Substitute the cheese with vegan cheese alternatives. Brush the pastry with any plant-based milk instead of egg.
5. Bake the tree for 20-25 minutes until golden.
6. Decorate: Add chopped tomatoes, red peppers, seeds or any other veggies you fancy. Serve warm.
MULLED APPLE JUICE
A fabulously festive non-alcoholic twist on mulled wine, perfect for keeping little ones and designated drivers in on the fun!
1L apple juice, not from concentrate
1 Orange
1 Apple
Cinnamon sticks
Star Anise (optional, adds extra “spice”) Honey, to taste
1. Heat the apple juice in a saucepan with orange peel, a cinnamon stick, and star anise. Let it simmer gently for 5-10 minutes to allow the flavours to meld. Add honey 1 tsp at a time and taste to adjust sweetness as desired.
2. Pour into glasses and garnish with extra cinnamon sticks and apple slices. When serving to kids, allow to cool slightly or pop in an ice cube or two.
NAVIGATING CHRISTMAS WITH
A BABY WHO HAS REFLUX
Christmas is a magical time for families—a season to enjoy time together. However, for parents managing a baby with reflux, the holiday period can add an extra layer of stress to an already busy time.
UNDERSTANDING REFLUX AS A DIAGNOSIS
What exactly is reflux? Many parents may have heard or even said themselves, “My baby has reflux, silent reflux, or colic,” much like someone might say, “I have a cold.” The phrase "having reflux" implies a constant condition or illness, yet reflux itself is not a disease.
In simple terms, reflux means regurgitation. It’s the movement of stomach contents back up the oesophagus, which often results in spit-up/ possetting/sick. Silent reflux occurs in the same way, except that the stomach contents don’t exit the mouth; instead, they come up the oesophagus and then travel back down. Both types of reflux can be uncomfortable.
MY TOP TIPS
To keep gatherings as comfortable as possible, here are a few tips to make things more manageable:
• Keep feeding times calm: Find a quiet room or space to feed your baby, away from the hustle and bustle of holiday festivities. Don’t hesitate to tell well-meaning friends and family that you need a few moments alone with your baby to minimise distractions.
• Stick to your usual feeding routine: Try to keep your baby's feeds consistent. This might mean stocking up on a formula your baby is used to, so you have enough to last through the holiday
The Reflux Tummy Mummy
Emma, The Reflux Tummy Mummy is a certified Infant Reflux Specialist, Nutrition adviser, Maternity Nurse and Nanny. She works holistically with parents to find the root cause of reflux, silent reflux and colic. As a Mum whose baby suffered with reflux for 10 months, she has lived it.
therefluxtummymummy.co.uk
season. If breastfeeding, be cautious with foods that might trigger discomfort for your baby. Politely decline tempting foods or drinks, and consider keeping some familiar snacks in the changing bag for yourself.
• Prioritise winding: Wind, wind, wind! One of the most common causes of discomfort and reflux is trapped wind. Even in the rush, take the time to burp your baby thoroughly after each feed. It can save both of you discomfort later on.
• Ask for help: Take advantage of family and friends who offer help. A quick break to recharge or some assistance with household tasks can be a lifesaver.
While Christmas with a reflux baby may not go entirely as planned, embracing small joys can keep the season magical. When in doubt, go with what feels best for your baby—and for you!
CHRISTMAS FEASTING WITH BABY AND FAMILY
As it’s a time for celebration, relaxation, and being with loved ones, it’s easy to indulge in sugary treats and throw caution to the wind. However, we need to be mindful that babies aren’t consuming high-sugar foods during the festivities.
When they’re still babies, they have no idea what they’re missing out on. They don’t know how delicious chocolate is, so while they’re unaware, try to keep their foods as savoury as possible—not just for Christmas, but year-round. Chocolate and sweets contain lots of “added sugars,” which the NHS advises children under 4 to avoid.
During the festive season, we often go overboard with food, but the great thing about a Christmas turkey is that leftovers can be made into all sorts of tasty meals once the family goes home, and you can catch your breath! Turkey works wonderfully in risottos, stir-fries, pasta bakes, or even a hearty turkey curry. I love curries because they often contain spices with incredible health benefits. Spices not only add flavour, aroma, and colour to a dish, but they also help protect against disease and have been used for centuries for culinary and medicinal purposes.
Theresa's Gravy Tip
Mix a couple of teaspoons of normal flour or cornflour into a small amount of water to make a paste. Then add this paste to the meat juices from your turkey or meat and the juices will thicken nicely to make a salt free gravy!
So, when you’re sitting back reflecting on Christmas Day and see half a turkey still in the fridge, don’t despair—Your My Family Nutritionist Turkey Curry recipe will be a new taste sensation that might just become part of your Christmas tradition!
Visit the Puddle Magazine Family Hub for Theresa's amazing Turkey Curry Recipe for the whole family! puddlemagazine.co.uk/familyhub
Theresa McCarthy
Registered
Nutritionist
Your Family Nutritionist
Theresa has been a qualified and registered Nutritionist for over 25 years. She holds a BSc in Nutrition and an MSc in Public Health Nutrition. She specialises in paediatric nutrition with focus on weaning, allergies and fussy eating.
I created a fantastic curry recipe that’s suitable for babies from 6 months. It contains five spices, all with unique health properties like antioxidants and anti-inflammatory effects, along with garlic and ginger, which aid digestion and help fight infections. As we’re now in winter and the kids are back at school (and colds are back, too), a spicy leftover turkey curry is a delicious way to stay healthy.
yourfamilynutritionist.co.uk
Visit Theresa's shop for vitamins and supplements to help fend off winter colds! yourfamilynutritionist.co.uk/shop
CHRISTMAS AND CHILDREN'S SLEEP!
As a mum of three, I love seeing my children’s faces at Christmas. The excitement of picking a tree, letters to Santa, Christmas crafts and of course, their little faces on Christmas morning.
It is a really exciting time of year, but this can also impact children (and then adults) sleep. This month, my top tips are all about how to support their sleep this festive season.
TRAVEL
If you're staying with relatives, don’t be surprised if your little one tests boundaries around sleep especially with the excitement of a new place or a relaxed environment. Maintaining your usual sleep routine, timings and boundaries with a little extra support can help them adjust within a night or two.
Remember to pack their favourite teddy and a gro-blind, white noise machine or sleeping bag if you use one. This can help everything feel more familiar.
If their sleep does go off track whilst you are away, just get straight back to your normal routine when you get home.
OFF ROUTINE!
It's ok to have the occasional car nap or a slightly later bedtime, but overdoing it can lead to overtiredness. After a couple of days of irregular sleep, they may become too exhausted to settle at bedtime, resulting in lots of tears. To avoid this, stick to your routine as much as possible. If you are visiting friends or family and leaving at bedtime – why not put them in their pj’s and brush their teeth before you leave (and hopefully transfer them into bed when you get home.)
AVOID TOO MUCH FUN...
Ok, I’m not the grinch….have all the fun of Christmas, but not all on the same day!
It can be temping to try and fit lots of activities in, however we all need some downtime
as well, especially where older children have had a very long term at school. Try to allow for ‘down time’ which will help them enjoy the festivities without meltdowns.
CHRISTMAS EVE
You probably have some very excited children (and maybe adults too!) This can help them wind down and settle to sleep:
• Plenty of exercise and fresh air during the day, for example, a home-made scavenger hunt. You can try colours for toddlers, pictures for preschool and write the words for older children.
• Limit sugar intake, especially in the evening.
• Provide some calm, quiet time before bed—no screen time for at least an hour before sleep.
• Make sure fun activities, like putting out mince pies and carrots for Santa, aren’t the last thing they do before going to bed.
• Stick to their usual bedtime and routine to prevent overtiredness.
Excitement and tiredness can look similar in children, so staying calm and consistent at bedtime will ensure they get enough rest to fully enjoy the holiday magic!
Lucy Murray
Sleep Consultant
Little Dreams Consulting, Chelmsford & Colchester
Lucy is a certified Baby and Child Sleep Consultant. She supports families with their children’s sleep from 4 months to 10 years (and antenatal packages) across Essex and further afield. As a mum of 3 who all struggled to sleep, Lucy knows how important it is to get help as a parent. If you are struggling with your child’s sleep but aren’t sure where to turn, book a free, no-obligation 15-minute call to find out how she can help or see her website for sleep tips.
You may have an early riser on the big day, a Gro Clock or something to tell them that morning has arrived can be useful.
The day can be a lot! Try and build in some quiet time and also avoid delaying bedtime. After all the festivities and anticipation, children (and their parents) will be exhausted. Make sure you include some wind down time before bed and again – avoid too much sugar.
If sleep has slipped a bit over the festive period, try and get back to your normal routine as quickly as possible. If you have been finding sleep really hard with your baby or child since before Christmas and your New Years resolution
is to get more rest for everyone, get in touch to find out how I can help.
I hope you have a very merry (and sleep filled) Christmas and a wonderful new year!
Book a free 15 minute call with Lucy
THE POWER OF CONNECTION IN PARENTHOOD
Q&A with Zoe Duce
As new parents, it can sometimes feel like life has become a balancing act between looking after little ones and finding time for yourself. But what if you could reignite your social life and strengthen your relationships, without the guilt or worry?
Zoe from MoveThru specialises in helping mums revive their friendships, romantic relationships and social life. She shares her thoughts with us on navigating relationships as a parent and explains how we can get more social connection into our day to day.
Becoming a parent changes everything, especially our relationships. Why do you think so many mums (and dads) feel disconnected from their partners and friends after having kids?
Zoe: When I speak to mums with pre-school children, they say that their partner or their friends knew a different version of them. And of course motherhood changes you, but there are two things that I try to help them understand…
Firstly, that everyone is changing all the time. Your friends without kids—do you think they really want to be going out all the time still? Nope, they just thought you did, so use this period in your life as a bit of a crossroads to rethink how you socialise with friends.
Zoe is a connection expert helping mums rebuild their friendships, romantic relationships, and social lives after having children. She understands the loneliness and disconnect that can accompany motherhood and offers practical tools to revive meaningful relationships.
Through personalised 1-on-1 sessions and her community, ReKindle Your Relationships, Zoe teaches mums to overcome common barriers and reconnect with loved ones, making motherhood a whole lot more enjoyable.
And when it comes to your partner—the good news is they've changed too, and if you talk about it, you can change alongside each other. Chances are, they don't really want to do everything you used to do pre-kids either.
Connect with Zoe on Instagram @movethru_ or explore how you can work together via linktr.ee/movethru
job, travelling, moving cities. Becoming a parent is another huge change, so see it as a chance to take relationships to the next level.
If you lean into the changes with your friends and partner, you’ll actually grow a lot closer. They can support you, and you can support them.
Think of all the other big changes and events in your life where you’ve gotten closer to people because of it—starting a new school or university, a new
Guilt seems to be a huge factor for parents when it comes to taking time for themselves. Why do you think “mum guilt” is so common, and how can parents move past it?
Zoe: I think it’s so common because there is so much around us telling us, consciously and subconsciously, all the things a “good mum” should be. So when
we mix that in with our own feelings of self-worth (which might not be the strongest at this delicate time in our lives), it can really make us feel less than.
The real reason why mums in particular feel so much guilt varies from person to person, but with my clients, I have identified four main root causes. I think it’s so important to understand your own root cause because then you can start to question it and put some selftalk and work in to overcome it. The four main root causes I’ve identified are:
A sense of “fulfilling your duties”—this is especially common with mums on maternity leave or not earning as much as their partner. It’s the belief that in order to take some time for themselves, they must first finish all the chores, housework, meals, family admin, childcare, etc.
Then there’s the belief that you are the only one who can take care of your child, so you feel guilty leaving them with anyone else while you do something to fill your own cup. Programming is another common reason for mum guilt, tied to what mums did or didn’t grow up with themselves.
And then finally, what other
people think of you, which we all believe we’re above, but realistically, those messages of the “perfect mum” seep into our minds—often without us even realising—through social media, mainstream media, and even conversations with other mums.
I’ve found it really powerful when a mum recognises what is triggering her guilt because then she can start to take the steps to overcome it.
For parents who are juggling sleepless nights, work, and household duties, finding time to socialise might feel impossible. What small, realistic steps can parents take to start socialising again, even when they’re short on time?
Zoe: I totally understand the lack of time (and energy) to socialise, but the ironic thing is that social connection actually gives you more energy, so you’re more resilient and fuelled to deal with the challenges thrown at you throughout the week.
That being said, I know time is tight, so here are my three biggest tips to enable you to squeeze social connection into your everyday…
Invite a friend or your partner to something you’re already doing—commuting, exercising, coffee runs, getting your nails done, even nipping to the shops. I do this all the time, and it makes such a difference to add an in-person chat on a day that I didn’t even have anything special planned.
Social connection gives you more energy, so you’re fuelled to deal with challenges thrown at you throughout the week
Replace just 20% of fake fun activities with social connection. The average person spends 17 hours a week on social media, and 28 hours a week watching TV. I’m not saying to cut that out completely—we all need downtime—but if we replaced even 20% of that time catching up with a friend (even if it’s just a phone call), we’d have 9 hours available. Often, social media time creeps up on us because it’s just a few minutes here and there, so one of my favourite hacks is to limit it during the day and get at least 30 minutes back, which you can use on yourself, finishing a task, or, I hope—social connection.
Many parents feel anxious about leaving their kids with someone else to go out, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. What advice do you have for building trust with childcare providers and feeling comfortable stepping away?
Zoe: I have A LOT of tips around this and it’s where the majority of my work is happening right now so be sure to check out my Instagram page for tips and free
resources but I would say that once you’ve found a babysitter then these are the steps that will make you feel more secure…
Trialling your babysitter; after introducing your child and the babysitter do something in a different part of the house to see how they get on. You can also run a quick, local errand. Then If all goes well and you want to hire them…
Prepare everything you can for a smooth time away (their food / milk, clothes, activities – take all the guess work out) and leave good instructions for the babysitter. Don’t worry about over-explaining or seeming high maintenance, this will set the foundation for how you want the babysitter to do things moving forward so it’s really important.
Set a communication plan with the babysitter. Tell them when you want to be sent a message and how. I personally suggest 1 message after they’ve settled in together, 1 message after they’ve slept / eaten and 1 final message to say they’re fine (and then a message if there’s anything concerning). You can adjust this as time goes on but that’s enough to keep you comfortable and informed but not encroach on your time away. Once you build up trust with your babysitter you can reduce this down.
For new parents who are reading this and feeling overwhelmed, what’s the first
thing you’d suggest they do to start taking control of their time and bringing more joy back into their relationships?
Zoe: Start small—see how you can weave 10, 20, or 30 minutes of connection via a phone call, a short walk, or a cup of tea, and then notice how you feel after. You can utilise your child’s naps or quiet time in the beginning.
Share some of the frustrating or challenging parts of your day and try to see the funny side with a friend or your partner.
As we approach the busy Christmas period, what’s your best advice for parents who feel like they’re losing themselves in all the planning and family responsibilities?
Zoe: Christmas can definitely be overwhelming, but try to remember what it’s all about— spending time with loved ones. Try to keep that at the base of all your tasks, so ask yourself: is this going to bring us more or better-quality time together? I’m not saying you’ll be able to leave everything else, but having this anchor should stop you from spiralling when you think you haven’t bought enough presents, decorated the house enough, etc. (We’ve all been there!)
And please have a Christmas get-together with your friends. I know you’re busy since you had children and you need to work out logistics, but so many mums I speak to say that this is one of the only times they saw their friends in the first few years of motherhood. Try to keep this as a non-negotiable.
Finally, what’s one thing parents can do right now to prioritise their well-being and relationships while still enjoying time with their families?
Zoe: Understand that having strong relationships in the first few years of motherhood isn’t a luxury but a necessity. Not only will it make your whole life
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HELPING FAMILIES IN NEED THIS CHRISTMAS
Kids Inspire, a local children’s mental health charity provides free specialist trauma support for children between the ages of 4 and 18, and their families. Established since 2007 our team of specialists create a recovery plan that is suited to each child’s needs and circumstances.
Over the last fifteen years, thousands of children, young people, and their families have benefited from gifts and hampers donated to Kids Inspire as part of our Christmas Appeal. This Christmas as the cost of living continues to overwhelm many families the appeal is anticipating a high demand.
WHY DO WE RUN AN APPEAL?
Official government statistics reported that around 14.4 million people were living in poverty in the UK in 2021/2022 – that’s around one in five people.
In 2023, the Christmas Appeal gifted presents to 2,850 children and over 700 families in Essex received hampers. These families are those who were less likely to be able to celebrate Christmas in a way that many of us enjoy each year.
THE DIFFERENCE IT MAKES
We meet and hear from so many people during the weeks of the appeal. One school shared that a parent broke down in tears when receiving the gift for their child saying; “This was the first time in years that I felt like we had a real Christmas, thanks to the kindness of strangers.”
Another child told their school inclusion officer that a child who went without last Christmas said; "I’ve tried so much harder this year to be good because I must have been bad last year."
These stories touch our hearts and make everyone involved even more determined to do what they can to help.
A HEARTWARMING APPEAL
The Christmas Appeal is a huge collective effort from staff, volunteers, corporate supporters, and the Essex community (and often beyond Essex!)
We have people who wrap present after present, others who keep the gift room stocked up as deliveries come in from individuals, companies and children who bring in something for another child. Others are out on the road delivering to schools across Essex or collecting larger donations.
The team are so grateful that everyone comes together to make such a huge impact for so many. We would be so thankful for anything you and your family could donate.
WHERE CAN I DROP OFF DONATIONS?
You can drop off donations between Monday 4 November to Friday 13 December on weekdays between 10am and 4pm. We also have a morning, on Saturday 30 November where we will be open between 10am and 12noon. Our address is Hargrave House, Molrams Lane, Great Baddow, Essex, CM2 7FW
If you can’t come to our offices look out for several of our great supporters who are collecting in their stores.
Dunelm Chelmsford have a tree in their foyer where you can pick up a tag and buy a gift and leave with them. Tesco stores in Princes Road, Chelmsford, and Maldon will be holding days on 28 November in Maldon and 5 December in Chelmsford, where you can buy gifts in-store and hand them to our volunteers who will be there collecting for us.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
We have a few ways you can help us and be involved in the appeal:
• Donate new, unwrapped toys and gifts for children who might not otherwise receive a Christmas present
• Build a festive hamper for families with a selection of festive treats
• Donate towards ‘topping up’ gifts or towards the running cost of the appeal
Full information on all of the above; our Amazon wishlist for inspiration and ideas, what to include in a hamper and how to donate are on our website –kidsinspire.org.uk/christmas-appeal
