Toxic Positivity Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Toxic Positivity Defined The unrelenting pressure to be positive and happy all the time. Deeply engrained in many different areas of our culture from health, wellness, self-help, religion, race, politics & athletics.
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
“But wait… I think of myself as a positive person.” Positivity & happiness are not inherently toxic.
They become toxic when the sentiments cross a line and feel dismissive or minimizing. Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Toxic Positivity from others
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Shuts down the conversation
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Focus on problem solving or fixing
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Avoids discomfort
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Misunderstands the presence of more than one feeling
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Misses an opportunity for real connection Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Toxic Positivity from yourself ▪
Feeling guilt or shame for struggling
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“Shoulds” (with feelings of shame)
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Comparing to others (laced with self criticism)
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Rigid expectations of self
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Minimizing or dismissing struggle
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Pretending you are ok when you feel different.
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Affirmation Cautionary Statement Is there a gap between what you are saying to yourself and what you believe about yourself? In a 2009 study looking at the impact of positive self-statements. The impact was most significant in individuals with low self-esteem and the impact was… negative. (Wood, Perunovic & Lee)
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Affirmation Cautionary Statement Connect your affirmations to action statements. •
“I am strong when I am honest about my limits and don’t pretend I am ok.”
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”I am doing the best I can when I take time to notice how I feel and what I need.”
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“I love myself when I take time to go for a walk or get to bed on time.”
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Emotion Circle – The Full Experience Triggering Event
Where Do I Have Control?
What Do I Need?
Struggle & Discomfort
Noticing
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Unmet Needs Below the Surface
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Learn to recognize it
When you come face to face with Toxic Positivity
Usually, an overly simplified response that only allows for one side of emotion Leaves you feeling misunderstood, shame, selfdoubt… Slow down. Pause the conversation.
Make a choice for how you safely proceed. Does this person have capacity to listen? A: Proceed - Be honest about how these types of statements feel. “I hear you and I imagine it’s not easy to know the best way to respond. Sometimes the very best thing for me is just to vent and be honest about how heavy this has been.”
B: Turn the conversation - Shift and redirect the conversation Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Know Your Audience: The Feelers, Doers and Distracters
FEELING Friends
YOU
RESPITE
DOING
Friends
Friends
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Internal Toxic Positivity: THE REALITY CHECK •
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Many factors led to this discomfort which are out of your control. This upset is understandable and not your fault. You didn’t design this present moment. Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The MINDFUL SEAT • Sensations: Begin with your body – 5 senses • Emotions – What am I feeling? • Actions – What do I want to do? How may I be helpful not harmful? • Thoughts – What am I thinking about? Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Power of The Mindful SEAT •
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Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Power of The Reality Check Disengage with shame and blame mentality AND take responsibility for awareness and self-care.
”How may I be helpful, not harmful?”
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
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Meaning and purpose of wellsprings of hope.
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When we recognize our value to someone (or something) else it gives us a place to focus that is outside of our uncertainty.
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How does the life around you still need you despite the uncertainty you feel? Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com