Living Questions 2018-19

May 2019 Living Questions

Project Lab St. Louis

Living Questions

May 2019

Saint Louis, Missouri

Living Questions

Living Questions was produced at Normandy High School in partnership with the Missouri Humanities Council and with support from the National Endowment for the Humanities.

Sya Powell and Shaun Williams in balance as Circus Harmony’s Coach Donesha Buhr says, “Ta-dah!”

© 2019 Project Lab St. Louis Living Questions All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher or in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of any license permitting limited copying issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.

Published by: Project Lab St. Louis Printed and bound by School Printing

Project Lab St. Louis

Contents

Sya Powell passing through the portal into Living Questions on April 24, 2019.

Introduction

4

August Questions

8

What Is My Purpose?

10

What Makes Life Meaningful?

22

January Questions

32

What Do I Believe?

34

What Do People Really Think Of Me?

38

How Could We Make Our School Better?

42

On Guns

46

Living Questions: A Public Conversation.

52

Contributors

60

Gratitude

63

Introduction What is this project?

Living Questions has been a year-long exploration of questions raised by ninth graders at Normandy High School.

The Normandy Schools Collaborative serves 23 municipalities in North St. Louis County. For many years, the residents of this community have been disproportionately harmed by the tangled effects of public policies and economic disinvestment: a declining manufacturing sector, housing insecurity, constrained educational and economic opportunities, fraught criminal justice and policing practices, and limited access to health care and other basic goods and services.

In the summer of 2014, weeks before the death of Normandy graduate Mike Brown, the school district was taken over by state education officials. Four years later, we strive daily to make school better for our students and families. We still have a long way to go.

Often, schools teach students to answer questions posed by others, to come up with right answers in order to be rewarded with high scores, high grades, and high praise. Over time, this approach tends to diminish students’ intrinsic motivation for learning in school.

Suppressing their own authentic questions in order to focus on the educational priorities of others in authority doesn’t allow students to exercise their powers of inquiry or sense of intellectual play.

Education research and our own experience in Normandy have shown that our students succeed when curriculum blurs the boundaries between academic disciplines, and when learning in school is personally and socially meaningful. Living Questions is one attempt to respond to this research.

4

For the last three years, I've invited students to respond to the following prompts: What do I wonder about myself?

What do I wonder about other people?

What do I wonder about my community?

What do I wonder about the world?

Questions in hand, we read them in class, taking turns around the room. Often we hear multiple students wondering the same thing. We can quickly research the factual questions, those with definite answers.

Why does it rain?

Why is my voice so deep?

We pause, discuss, and return over and over again to the tough ones.

What is the best way to live life?

How do others see me?

Why do we live just to die?

What is my purpose?

I admit when a question is beyond me, and we allow for silence and uncertainty. Sometimes we debate possible answers, any and all of which might be “right.” In seeking insight, we turn to philosophy, to theology, to musical lyrics, to our elders, to family members and friends, to each other. And then we write.

In addition to producing and hosting a public discussion, we’ve tried to document some of our thoughts from this year in this book.

5

Living Questions has illuminated the perspectives of young people whose experiences tend to be silenced or disregarded by people with political, economic, and social power. Many of my students hear their language criticized, their clothing judged and regulated; in and out of school, their movements are monitored and controlled. Many (but not all) of my students respond to the idea of individual and collective political action with an insistence that it doesn’t matter what they do or say, that nothing will ever change.

They know from personal experience that bad things happen to themselves, to each other, to their loved ones, and to their school.

When responding to the toughest questions, they nonetheless write about family, faith, and friends with love, loyalty, compassion, intelligence, wisdom, resilience, and hope for bright futures.

All this year, our process was our purpose. In order to nurture a sense of trust, balance, and delight in accomplishing a big project together, we spent October working with Circus Harmony, an area youth circus. With the help of coaches, we set plates on sticks and learned how to get them spinning. We balanced peacock feathers on our chins. We built ourselves into human pyramids. We juggled.

We stood on balls. We allowed our minds, voices, and bodies to support each other as we learned how to do these things–even if some of us didn’t really feel like it in the moment. Our circus experience nourished what happened back in the classroom, where sitting in a circle and meeting every day face to face made room for the emotions, the ideas, and the conflicts that arise when people are trying to understand each other and Big Ideas for real. We learned how to fall short, and how to try again.

Living Questions culminated in a public, after-school discussion on April 24, 2019. Parents, teachers from Normandy and elsewhere, and community residents joined students in seven different circles of folding chairs to discuss our most pressing questions. The event was meant to be outside, but rain put us in the gym of East Hall. This turned out to be fitting. East Hall is where our wrestling team trains. It’s where we’d learned and practiced circus arts. The gym turned out to be the perfect place to wrestle with tough questions face to face, and to witness the creative power of curiosity and community.

Inda Schaenen May 2019

Trinity Brown balancing on a globe.

6

7

August 2018 Our First Round of Questions What happens if the world ends?

What if when you die, the light you see is just the light to the hospital while you’re coming out as a baby?

What if babies come out crying because they remembering their past life and how they died, but as days go by they forget?

Why do people have to die?

Is God real?

What is the best way to live life?

Why do I act like a boy?

Why do we live just to die?

Why do I have so many mood swings?

Where do we go when we die?

Why do people have emotions?

Why are students disrespectful at school?

What do people really think of me?

Why do people talk so much?

How do others see themselves?

Why are people so violent?

Is it possible to create a new color?

How different will I be a few years from now?

Who do people get their personality from?

Why don’t I like people but am also so friendly?

Why am I more compatible with some people than with others?

Why is it so important to others that I succeed?

Why do I do bad stuff?

Why do I like to be alone but I don’t like to feel alone?

Why don’t people love their parents who take care of them?

What is my purpose in life?

8

9

What is my purpose?

November 2018

I would say that my purpose this year would be to be successful. I think during the course of this year I realized things that I didn’t seem to notice before 2018. Things seemed more clear and since I’ve matured a ton, everything seems to make sense as to why it happens and what the causes are. I feel like I understand the world around me more and everything is seen in reality rather than how I want to see it. My purpose I would say is to live my life.

Everybody gets to experience it so why not enjoy it? During my 15 years of life I’ve learned from mistakes, tried things to see if I could get away with it, learned from them, and moved on. I don’t regret anything, because all those mistakes and trials shaped me into the teen I am today and hopefully I will turn out great as an adult. I feel like life is just an experience and you get trials to try things. I would say I am here to represent my parents and their legacy. I am also here for myself. I am here for myself and I work for my own gratitude. But at the same time I’m making my parents and family look well because of my self control, awareness, etc. Life is a chance for experience, forgiveness, and learning.

–Jamiah Mitchell 10

My purpose for this year is to stay focused on myself, not being worried about what others say or think of me, try my best to control my temper, try to do things with love, happiness, and virtue, and just stay alive. I believe my purpose in life would be to make something out of myself and not depending on people to give me handouts when I can get it on my own. I also think my purpose in life would be to help others in need. By helping others in need I mean giving a few dollars and food to the homeless and stuff like that. I am here because my mother and father had a child after they married and 14 years later every morning I am forced to come to Normandy High and that is why I am here. –Courtney Harris

My purpose this year is to pass the 9th grade and make it to the 10th. My purpose in life might be to help, understand, and communicate with other people. I think I’m here to live life and help people at their worst moments. –Maurice Porter

My purpose this year is that I succeed, learn new things and get over stuff even when they meant or mean the most to me. My purpose in life is to get to where I want be and do positive things and help others because life is too short even though I don’t like being here. I think I’m here because God wanted me to be here.

–Claudia Graham

11

My purpose this year is to get my Christmas and birthday presents, which are all games. Also I want to get at least passing grades this year also. My purpose in life is to graduate every grade all the way up to college. And I want to try and get my job as a Mechanical Engineer. I’m here because my momma and daddy wanted me to be here.

–Shaun Williams

This year my purpose is to stay in school and get good grades.

I want good grades because it’s the right thing to do. Also I want good grades this year so I won’t be in freshman classes next year.

My purpose in life is to finish school and become something in life because that is all people do to keep them busy until they die.

All people do is go to school, work, or just sit around waiting for they life to end. We all going to die soon and we need something to keep us busy until our time come.

Why do I think I am here? I really don’t know why we are here besides to reproduce. Once we are here we have to wait to die. Until that time come, we go to school or to work. The people that are homeless or struggling just wish their time will come faster and I really feel bad for them but I can’t really help them. We are all going to die one day and while we wait we occupy ourselves and try to stay happy. I really don’t know why we have to die. Why do we live just to die?

–Gerahlynn Strong

12

My purpose this year is to get good grades and don’t feed into nothing that go lead me to the wrong way. Another thing is try to get new friends that going to help me achieve my goals in life and be there for me no matter what. Also to try my best at everything and don’t give up and make my sister proud of me. My purpose this year is to show my parents that I can do it. My purpose in life is to move forward and try my best and be my best. Also to go to college and get my degree to be a lawyer, to live my best life and have a family and move out of town to be with my sister and make sure they are fine and we going to live to the top. I think I’m on this earth because God brought me here to go through something so He can show me that I’m strong and I can get through anything no matter what. Also I was put on this earth to make my mother and daddy proud even if they are not here. I think I was put on this earth to prove to me that I can do anything because I am a princess ready to blossom into a queen. –Lashanda Chatman

My purpose for this school year is to keep my grades up, stay focused on all of my work, and not to get in any drama so I can’t get suspended all year. Keeping my grades up is not hard, as long as I do my work and stay focused I will pass. My purpose in life...I don’t know. I really just live by the day and create goals and try to complete them. I think I am here because my mom really sat and thought about how great it is to have another child..her last girl. I really think she likes the way her girls are and wanted to start over the process.

–Sya Powell

13

My purpose this year is to get through it. I hope Fortnite ends next year. At least, I hope kids become more open to better games, like Spider-man for the PS4 or something else. Seriously, not naming names but so many kids in my class cared more about Fortnite than the death of Stan Lee. It’s fine if they don’t know the great Stan Lee but when they care more about a game than the death of an icon that inspired so many (including myself), that’s when it’s a problem.

There is no definitive purpose. Life is what you make of it. I guess the meaning of life is to experience it. I don’t know. Because there are times I don’t believe in God or Jesus. I mean, why make someone who has the chance not to believe in You, right? Not to offend anyone, but I don’t get how I can say “I don’t believe in God” and some else can say, “God made me do that.” –Zaid Tyson

You said what’s my purpose I don’t know Do I want to be a man or legend I’ve been doing this rapping stuff since I was eleven I know tomorrow isn’t promised so I gone make the best of it I guess I love McDonalds cause life I’m loving it They calling me TreyShann right now but the world gone know me as 13EEZ I’m never gonna get a face tat, or drink lean or smoke no gas I wouldn’t be the man I am without my past.

The purpose of life is to live it like it’s last People should just get out of the past and join the future I remember when I had a dream like Michael Luther People saying they hate me won’t break me I’ve been through a lot like a old white tee How do I know if anyone ever cared about me I think I’m the next one up I’m going to be a XXL freshmen and if I’m not I won’t give up I keep 100 like that Benjamin Frank People used to say that my music was trash I know one day I’m gone in the I8 pushing the gas Most people hate their past but I live from it My enemy I will become it And the rap game can’t turn me into a puppet –TreyShann McClain

Left to right: Chris Mischeaux, Nathaniel James, and Inda Schaenen 14

15

I am trying to achieve many goals. One of the goals is finishing high school and going to get a good job. The job I want is a human service worker more like social worker. That job has to have a high school diploma. I am going to do a gap year because I also want to go to college, but just not right after I leave high school because that’s too much. Also another goal is growing to take care my family.

I love helping so why not? Anyway, I want to at least help my younger brother and sister on my father’s side because I feel that’s best for them. That’s enough goals for now.

I love my personality I feel it is very different and not common.

I love the parents I have because without them I probably wouldn’t be nothing, as a matter fact without my family I wouldn’t be nothing because everybody pushes me to be the person I am today. Also I think I am here just to achieve the things I am expected to achieve in life.

–Lea Garner

My purpose this year is to make good grades and earn all my credits. This year I want to do all the things I need to prepare for the rest of highschool. My purpose in life to become a pediatrician. I think this is my purpose because it's something I really love to do. I think I’m suppose to help children be healthy and live a long life filled with things they love. My purpose in life is to embrace my passion. I think I am here to live my life and to fulfill every dream I have. I am here because God thought I deserved a chance on earth.

He still think I do because I wouldn't be here right now typing this essay about life.

–Terriona Thomas

My purpose this year is to have a 3.0 GPA and get three college offers. I want to have this thing because I want to be a true student-athlete. To me, this would mean so much because I been waiting to get in high school for a long time. My purpose in life is to make it to the NBA or the NFL because I owe it to my mom to pay her bills and make sure she’s well taken care of and I want to be rich.

I see basketball and football as a gift from God. If you think about it they are giving out scholarships and free education for a person that can shoot a basketball or run with a football. To me that is the easiest way to get to college. But I told my mom I’m going to make her happy one day and pay her bills. I have to and if I don’t I won’t be happy with my life because I promised her that. I think I am here because I was made to play sports. I started playing football eight years ago and fell in love with it. I also think I’m here to make my mom proud. Nobody understands how much I want to make my mom proud.

–Andrew Jackson 16

17

My purpose this year is to be healthy and get good grades in high school and get all of my credits for this year so I can go to the next grade. Also my purpose this year is doing what I am supposed to do with my health issues and listening to my mother. I think my purpose in life is taking care of my family and my sister. I think I was born to help others and care for others in the world. I don’t think I was born in this world for no reason. and I don’t think anyone was born for no reason. We all have a reason for being on this world. I think I was born in this world because I care for others and I love taking care of others. I love love taking care of my little cousin and little sister. And I also think I'm on the earth to learn and explore new things in life. When I grow up I want to travel and explore new towns, cities, and states around the world and also meet new people around the world and also try new foods. I think everyone has a purpose in the world and we just don’t know what it is; our purpose will come later in life and down the road. I think my purpose will come down the road and I just don’t know what it is and when it’s time it’s going to be important to me.

–Amileion Bundy

My purpose is to end the year on a good note. My purpose in life is to always stay true to myself even when starting a new year. I feel like I am here because those days when you don’t come to school it’s like the world doesn’t turn. It feels like it just stands still while in reality it keeps moving. –Amonee McClendon

18

My purpose this school year is to focus on my grades and try to keep them up, to try my best on tests and try to stay in class and not have a bad attitude. For example, yesterday I was so mad that someone had come up to me with an attitude and was talking to me disrespectfully and I didn’t even say anything to her. She came up to me and was like how I wasn’t supposed to be in that class room and I told her that I'm at lunch and I can be up there because I was there to talk to the teacher and she kept telling me that if this wasn't my class I needed to get out of her building. So I had went off on her cause she was disrespectful.

I realize today that what she had said to me was really disrespectful and that I have to learn to keep my anger inside and not go off on people. That day I didn’t know why she was mad. I know that I didn't do or say anything to her to make her mad. All I know is that I know what she did to make me mad. And you can see how people affect people because I didn't have an attitude until she made me mad because she was.

My purpose is to try to come to school every day and get all of my credits. And my 40 community service hours even though I think that that will be easy if I just focus on what I come here for.

–Za’Dhaiia Barnes

19

Purpose 101: My purpose this year is to complete my freshman year with no death to my grade and not be a total failure; that might kill me. This year is the year of High School on which my future is building and if it fails then it will take me ages of High School to get to where I am today. My purpose might be to revolutionize the world of weapons and attack patterns so that if war anywhere comes our way, then everyone would know who really saved the U.S. Another purpose may be to finish my book and make it go world wide of fame and I become rich enough and start another book to continue the series until I’m outta ideas and then grow old knowing the world and the future saw me in a way.

I think I’m going to show the world something that was created but molded in a different way to change the minds of others. To me, I have a destiny of a different kind, not like save the world but to push it to its max and show the power of what might change the realm.

–Marshawn Williams

Left to right: Lashanda Chatman and Marshay Tyler supporting Circus Harmony’s Donesha Buhr.

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What makes life meaningful?

November 2018 Having a meaningful life is to me is spending time with family and friends. And also being who you are and not letting people get to you. Additionally having a meaningful life is having love for yourself and for others and things around you. Also having a meaningful life is talking about your problems to other people. And having a meaningful is having some regrets and looking back on my life saying, “I did that and I did this.” A meaningful life is everything to me.

Family is meaningful to me because I love my family and friends; they mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. And in a meaningful life is clothes because you need clothes, you can’t just walk around naked. When I grow up i want to have a healthy family and a healthy life. I want to be happy and I want to travel the world with my friends. Also a meaningful life is having forgiveness and happiness and also positivity. For example, I love food. I want a well-paying job and I want a good husband with a well paying job.

A meaningful life is filled with love and fear and overcoming your goals in life. I want to overcome my fears in life. I don’t want to look back and say, “I wish I did this and I wish I did that.”

I want to have three kids and also a little dog because they're so cute. When I grow up I want to pay my momma’s bills and I want to buy my momma a new house and her own car. I want to travel the world with my momma, too.

– Amileion Bundy 22

A meaningful life is doing things that you think will fulfill your life. For me to have a meaningful life I need five things. The first thing I think I will absolutely need is a family. I want to grow up and get married to a very good man. I want him to be very successful with a charming personality. After I’m married I want to at least have three kids. Two girls and a boy. I really haven’t thought about their names. Second, I want to have good friends. I hope I will still have my same best friend from 7th grade. I also want to keep my friends from high school. Third, I will want a good career. When I grow up I want to be a pediatrician. I want to be a pediatrician because I feel a need to help children. It’s probably because I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I know college and medical school is going to take many years but it will be worth it when I start to help young children. Fourth, I will want a car. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: why do I want a car. I want a car to get back and forth to work. I will also want a car to take my future children to school. I don't want to be that person who takes the bus everywhere. Also having a car is much cheaper; you don’t have to keep paying a bus fair. Lastly, I will want adventures in my life. I will want to travel the world. I want to go to places like Paris, Rome, or Egypt. Maybe go swimming with the dolphins, or skydiving. I just want to do things that are out of the box.

–Terriona Thomas

23

A meaningful life in my eyes is a life which is worth living, a time when you can bend to whatever comes your way. A meaningful life, time in which you have love, support, trust, and control, yet the power to be flexible to every problem that comes your way.

What does meaningful actually mean? Meaningful is that which we care about, and what we love and can’t even live without under any chance. A life that we see could change at any time, anywhere but will never die in the eye of truth.

What I need to have a meaningful life is not all that I want but what I wish would really happen. A meaningful life is a life in which I get up, do as perfect as I can, go to school and enjoy everything I can in my eyes, then eat and like fill up not too much but enough, and then after go to a job where I’m well paid and the money is enough that I can be independent so that I can do whatever is needed to be done.

A meaningful life, a life in which people don’t see me as a shadow but as a person with worth and ideas and give me the respect and honor that I wish people would really give, but that’s not our realm.

Soon I’ll leave and all the hatred here will fade away, at least until school starts. I may not be proud of my past but I can make a better start than what is really here. The eye of truth will spare me from saddening to the edge where I break to no end.

–Marshawn Williams

24

Things that are meaningful to me are Fortnite, snacks, Gatorade, shelter, clothes, and electricity. Now I say Fortnite because it’s the best thing to be ever made by man. It amuses the human, helps the human, keeps the human brain active, and keeps young black men away from violence. I say Gatorade because I’m an active kid who loves sports. Gatorade is a very healthy beverage choice when doing sports; just don’t drink too much. You’re going to need shelter for multiple reasons. One reason is, what are you going to do with food and no home? Then what are you going to do when it gets cold? Oh, and you need shelter so you can store your clothing there.

I’m saying clothes because I’m a materialist teenager. I mean you can’t walk around the school in the nude. I just love good brands of clothing that’s just special for me and fits me just right. Like H&M: I can literally fit any pair of jeans there. So H&M is meant for fit or slim people. Then you have GenX for thick or fat people. Now you need electricity to play Fortnite and wifi. When you think about it they all work together in perfect harmony. SO NO ELECTRICITY NO FORTNITE, NO WIFI NO FORTNITE. Finally, I say we’re going to need snacks to live the best meaningful life ever. I mean I have to add all of my favorite snacks. I’m going to need Pringles because they last longer than other chips. Also, I’m going to need a jar of pickles, flour, and a deep fryer. Then you’re going to need some hot fries. Finally, you’re going to need any type of sweets to please your sweet tooth.

–Daymund Jamison

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To me, having a meaningful life means to live life in virtue.

Basically setting standards for yourself and living life in full happiness, and good vibes. To live that meaningful you will need a few things such as support from family or friends, everything you need to be alive, and things you enjoy doing. I say you need those things because who wouldn’t want to live life in virtue and good vibes? I know I do. Next, I feel like people need the support from family and friends because people want to feel loved and uplifted by others. Having some support might help boost someone’s confidence.

–Courtney Harris

A meaningful life is something to live for. Like role models, motivation, family, friends, and to see another day. By role models I mean people you look up to or people who are leaders. By motivation I mean the reason you wake up every morning or the reason why you keep doing things. Family is cousins, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunties, nieces, nephews, fathers, mothers, grandmas, and grandpas. Just not an ordinary friends, real friends who are there for you for the saddest times and the happiest times.

To have a meaningful life you will need things that satisfy you and make you happy. You will need someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you, someone who can accept you for you. It might not seem like a lot but I know more so because of the experience. It gives you something to live for when you’re being pushed to success. I would also say you need a goal to make your life meaningful. If you don’t want to be anything in life you probably won’t be satisfied with anything you do. Being comfortable comes with it, too. Having most of the things you want and need will make you want to keep a reason to think life is important. Value in things that you buy and/or receive will mean something if it gets lost or stolen. Not giving up on something will make you stronger to keep it up and you will know it means something for real. Another thing is to be positive and make whatever you have work. That all starts with self confidence and how you carry yourself. When having low self confidence – and even getting bullied – you will not care and quit fast. You can have the little things like playing the game. It calms you down if you enjoy it. Or eating. Eating is not a good thing because you can get fat but it might help.You can go for a run and workout. It gets your mind clear and off of the negative. It also gets you in shape and happy at the same time.

–Sya Powell

–Maurice Porter 26

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For me, a meaningful life is what I do in my life. I have a lot of goals right now in my life. My first goal is finishing high school. I also want to have a 3.3 G.P.A in high school and be the best student I can be. My second goal is to get offers in basketball and football and to make it out of St. Louis. My third goal is to make it to a D1 college and be the best student, player I can be. My fourth goal is to do well in college and get a degree. Another goal is to go to the NBA draft.

My sixth goal is to get drafted and work my butt off to play with a NBA team. One of my last goals is to byuy my mom a house and give her everything she wanted but could not get.

I want to start on an NBA team and get paid a lot of money because I would love to help my family out and give them everything in the world. I might even come back and help St. Louis and people in need. I want to invest in a company where I know I’m going to get paid a lot of money. I also want to open up more schools and open up more stores and things for people in need. I will come back and build a new court for Normandy and have a new football field put in and also renew some of the buildings. I just want to make my mom proud and make it for all my family members and friends who have died. I have to make this dream come true for the people I love.

–Andrew Jackson

28

Living a meaningful life is living a life with no regrets and filled with love. I want a future where I can look back from my deathbed and be proud of who I became. Those goals are achievable if I figure out what makes me happy, pursuing it, being around people who love me and support me, find meaning in my life, set goals, and, most importantly, achieve them. I often find myself wondering what God has in store and why He put me on this earth. Right now as a growing teenager I am constantly thinking, Am I on the right path to a bright future? I believe the choices I am making today will affect my life in someway in the future. When I close my eyes I see roads that lead to different life choices. It is all up to me on what I truly want because it is my life. I look around and I have options and no matter what, it boils down to me and my wants, my needs, and my happiness. What makes my life meaningful? To me, a meaningful life is filled with love, positivity, happiness, and forgiveness.

–Ke’Juan Jennings

Left to right: Martin’a Whitehead, Aaron Horton, Terriona Thomas, and Circus Harmony’s Donesha Buhr.

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I want a meaningful life so I could have a job and get enough money and to help everyone who needs it more. I want to start a family and do thing with them like going places I’ve never been or new exciting things I could try. Something adventurous, something new.

I need to have fun, be carefree and, yes, survive and do something that won’t kill me or injury me completely. Right now I am getting an education to have that dream come true plus it helps getting out of school. I realize that kids don’t want to learn and keep saying I want to leave this dumb school and just shut down. If you get an education you be out of school in 12th grade but I want to go to college.

I want to go places but I’ll be driving my mom instead of her taking me. Also I want to get a job. I want to have money in my pocket/wallet. Only I have to work for it. I could impress people and I would amaze people. I know what I want and I know what I need or what I achieve. Either way I can be anything.

Right now I’m in school doing my work. A simple student who wants to learn new things, another human being who wants something in life. That something in life will help me very soon and hopefully I can learn from my mistakes or my parents. I will succeed, I will learn. All my teachers teach me well and thanks to them I’m in high school trying to do my best. Also I’m kind but everyone else thinks I’m the worst person to be with and I realize my action I take and the consequences it was given to me. This is my meaning of life: Be successful, be a leader, and work hard and try new stuff. Thank you.

–Jerrell Phillips

Lea Garner spinning plates.

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January 2019

What do people think of me?

Our Second Round of Questions

Can we all love each other?

How can I be self-confident?

Why can’t we choose if we want to be black or white?

Does God really accept us?

Why do people worry about things they shouldn’t?

Why is the world getting worse?

What am I going to do with life?

Why do people worry about things they shouldn’t?

What will happen when all is lost?

Do people love me?

Am I wanted?

How do you get your own house?

If I die, will I come back to life?

How could our school be better?

Is there the same amount of boys and girls in the world?

Am I a good friend?

Who will be my soulmate?

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Why are people mean?

Why do people like me?

Are we all primal on the inside?

Does my life ever reset somewhere else?

Why am I here?

Why was I born a girl?

Why do people talk about each other?

How do animals adapt to new environments?

Why are people so crazy?

What would happen if we had no government but had laws?

Do I have to go to school if people are so mean?

I wonder what lives on other planets?

Why do we ask questions?

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What do I believe?

January 2019

Cherish the Time

by Trinity Brown Nearly 590,000 people die from cancer each year. A few days ago my grandma was one of those 590,000 people.

This I believe: Avoid taking time for granted.

January 19, 2019 around 1:34 a.m, the time and date I heard the news. My week already seemed extremely rough. Monday and Tuesday I attended two funerals, and Wednesday doctors performed brain surgery on my mom. Throughout the week there existed a feeling in my heart that someone close to me was about to leave this Earth. I never expected the person to end up being my grandmother though. I legitimately thought my mother would end up leaving. Not sure why that thought began to wander, but my heart existed in this way.

Friday night, around 11:50 p.m., my grandpa called my dad and his three older sister over because my grandma was not responding. My grandma already experienced trouble responding throughout the years because when I was 3, while babysitting me, she suffered a stroke. But we could still make out what she was trying to say.

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Prior to her passing, she lived in hospice. Because of her age, the hospital refused to treat her. She was 76 at the time.

When my dad and my brothers arrived at my grandma’s house, my aunt was already performing CPR on her while she laid on the floor. After she still didn’t breathe, they called the ambulance.

During all of this,I fell asleep in the living room watching TV with my mom. All of a sudden the screeching of my mom’s scream woke me up. I asked her what happened and she informed me that my grandma was gone. My heart dropped and shattered into a thousand pieces. I began to cry and my mom was calling one of my brother’s phone. Instead of my brother answering my dad answered.

She asked him what happened and in a shaky voice he said, “She gone.”

My mom asked him how and he said that she started to look off into space and then she just took her last breath. My mom told him that she loved him and she was sorry. He told her that he loved her too and hung up the phone. My mom and I were still crying while she was comforting me and ensuring our future. After about two hours passed my dad and my brothers finally came home. We were all comforting my dad because her death hit him drastically. I never detected my dad crying and seeing him like that broke my heart even more.

The lesson learned is that I should cherish the time I have with people. I honestly feel like this traumatic event made me mentally and emotionally a fragile person and I tend to shut down when I become flustered. In the future I will not take the time I have with people for granted.

Time should not be taken for granted. Always cherish the time spent with people. Especially when they don’t have much time.

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His Past Made My Present

by Jayala Haslett The people you care about the most will die. The darkest times brings you strength and give you hope.

For as long as I can remember I have never lived somewhere longer than three years. Even though we moved a lot the only person who stayed in the same place was my my poppy. He never left. My poppy, he was there through thick and thin. He was even there when my father wasn’t.

He would tell me whenever he come back he still loves me. Sometimes that day just comes back like a snap. My poppy died before middle school started. The day was July 26, 2015, five days before my momma birthday. That day was the best day of my life then turned into the worst day of my life in a snap.

That morning, me and my siblings woke up early to find our swim suits. We had a fun day planned. We was happy. We always loved swimming. The last thing that was done by me for my poppy was get him some ice water and I said, “Bye, Poppy, I love you." And I got into the car.

We went to January Wabash Park. We played, then as night started to come we went swimming. We swam for about two to three hours and we were so happy. When we got home we didn't have a key to open the door so my poppy opened the door and he seemed perfectly fine to me. My siblings and cousins went upstairs to talk and eat our snack. We were up there about five to ten minutes, then that's when it got dark. My granny came to the stairs and yelled. We all got up to see what was going on.

When we ran out the room all we saw was red and blue lights. We knew something was wrong but we didn't know what. My granny, she didn't explain everything.We called my momma and my uncles and they raced to my house. When they got home they made me, my siblings and my cousin go upstairs so there we were upstairs and not knowing what's going on.

We were very quiet so we could hear but then got quiet and they just pronounced my poppy dead and then we hear my momma scream and cry “NO!”several times.

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Then we knew that we lost our poppy and I knew the man, only man who was almost a father to me. We were crying upstairs. I didn't know what to think. I just lost my poppy. He died. They called us down stairs to look at his body. He died on the floor. When I saw him he didn't look dead he just looked like he was sleeping. He always did sleep a lot so I couldn't tell that much. I must have been very delusional that night cause I kept seeing him blink and move his pupil with his eyes closed like he was trying to fake sleep or something but he was dead. The worst thing had just happen to me.

Within threee minutes of my momma calling us down to look at my poppy body my house was full of family members, but only one of my poppy brothers was able to see him that night cause my poppy other siblings and his mother lived in three different states. My granny call to tell that their brother, son, her husband, my poppy had died.

I remember my aunt gave us these pills to make us go to sleep but we couldn't sleep. We went to sleep around 3 that night. A couple days passed. People came by to tell sorry for our loss. When the day of his funeral came we had to wake up really early and we went to this church in Kinloch. My aunts and my grandma came down to St. Louis for his entombment. It was very hard for me to accept that my poppy was gone but I did.

After that I started writing, mostly about his demise but his demise changed me in ways I didn't think could happen. I started thinking differently, more deeply, and my writing got better over time. Now some days I think back to that day and save my poppy life and what would happen. Would I be the writer I am today? Would I be the thinker I am today? If he hadn't died that day would I be the person I am today?

The worst thing can happen to you when you least expect it but will bring you strength later in life if you let it. If you keep holding on to you won't see life in a different way so this I believe: the darkest times will bring you strength and hope if you let it.

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What do people really think of me?

February 2019

I think other students think of me as an annoying kid who raps a lot. My friends think I’m this cool, smart, and talented dude. My parents think I’m a smart, intelligent, and laidback kid. My teachers believe I’m a smart kid who is outgoing, who learns fast, complains a lot, is a hard worker, and always wants to do better. My friends believe I’m a talented kid who wants to make it out. My family believes I’m going to be successful one day. Nothing people say about me will make me think about myself. I Am Who I Am. –La’Ron Wrice-Sullivan

When other people see me I think they see a short, younglooking person for my age because every time someone see me they ask “how old are you,” then I tell them and then they tell me how young I look. Also they think I’m am a funny person. My family have a different idea of me than my friends because around my friends I feel a lot more comfortable. With my family I just be myself but a different self. With my teachers, I think it depends on who it is because I feel that most teens code switch when it comes to adults and other kids. I can’t tell you how other people think of me because I don’t really know what I think about myself. –Gerahlynn Strong

I imagine that other people think that I’m goofy, some think that I’m ugly, others think I’m cute, others think that I’m not good enough, others will judge me for my looks, others will down me because of the fact that I’m not like them. When I’m with my friends it’s different from when I’m with my family because I feel more free.

My teachers tell me more of life and the future and how to improve in life. When other people say bad stuff about me I kinda feel sad at the moment and I’ll think about for a period of time but then I’ll get over it and tell myself don’t worry about about it because people will be like that and I know God will take care of it.

–Claudia Graham 38

Other people think I’m crazy funny smart, that I have no filter for nobody and that I’m a great friend. They also think I’m goofy and I get mad too fast. I think my friends have a different idea than my family members do because my friends all see how I act when I’m at school and not around my family, also my family members, when I’m at home and around the family. I mean they all have different feelings. I think my teachers have a different idea from my friends and family because everybody have different feelings about someone. Like I have different feelings about everyone. I really don’t care what people say or think about me.

–Lashanda Chatman

My friends think I’m little bit more crazier than my family do.

My teachers think I’m smart but my friends think I’m kinda dumb from the way I act. I just go on with life and not let people tell me what they think of me get the best of me. —Jayala Haslett

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I know a lot of people, tons of people, see a lots of different sides of me in different occasions. So I see people thinking of me as smart, not very athletic, annoying, and sometimes heartless but they won’t get to know me and they’re creating a me they’re not gonna like. First, I have a bunch of haters and people that know me are not friends. Second, my family sees me as predictable, but they won’t see different until it’s too late. Teachers see the same thing but also don’t since I act differently at different times because that's just how I roll. If people get to know me then they would think of me differently but their idea of me is so off for the fact that they wouldn't know anything true.

–Marshawn Williams

I think other people really really really like me and the way I act. I feel some people don’t get me or what I do and why I do it and I can only be myself in front of people that act the same as me because they just get me and are the same way. Friends see me for who I really am and get to see the funny side, goofy ways, and weird ways I have. Family is always serious and it really gets on my nerves because I play and do way too much to always get in trouble and can’t have fun. People think I’m this happy girl and have no feelings...just happy all the time and don’t care for nothing in the world when in my head it’s the other way around.

–Sya Powell

I think people imagine me as a mean and funny girl. I treat people the same way as family. I’m nice to them. Everybody says I’m outgoing but I’m actually shy. I just be loud because you can’t be nice to everybody in the real world.

–Makaylin Bagby-Poplar

I really don’t care about what people think of me, but if I had to guess it would be “she is so short”... I don’t know. Yes, because I have a better bond with my family than friends because I see my family every day and I’m just used to them, but friends on the other hand would be different because I’m still trying to get to know them and figure them out. I think teachers just see me as another student they teach. A lot of family members think I’m mean while others say I’m nice while I just think I’m me.

–Courtney Harris

I would hope that other people think of me as a chill person with a good heart. I would hope that people think the same of me as I do of myself. And if they don’t then I don’t care, it’s their opinion on me and I have my own opinion of myself.

–Jamiah Mitchell

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How could our school be better?

February 2019

The food should be fresh, actually look decent and cooked properly, and clean. Students should be fun, interactive, clean.

Classes should be fun and exciting and have new knowledge to process. Passing time should have at least ten minutes or so to get to class.

–Jerrell Phillips

I just think that the food needs to taste better with real products and more food choices. The students are OK. The classes should be warm, not cold and super hot. I think the passing time should be at least six minutes max. The teachers should be nicer, but when they need to get the students in order they can do what they need to do to get the class back in order. The schedule is fine as it is.

Some of the buildings have too many rooms. They need more resources to help students out with their work. The sports are great already. The activities are great as is. My family likes me going to this school.

–Shaun Williams The food could be better.

The students could be less disrespectful.

The classes could be bigger.

Passing time could be longer.

Bathroom could be cleaner.

Teachers could spend less time talking.

The schedule could be better than it is now.

The buildings could be neater.

The computers could be better and books could be newer.

Extracurricular activities could be better and funner.

My family should feel that I could go back to Normandy next year and it’s not a bad school.

–Lashanda Chatman 42

The food could be good and it should taste better. Students should mind their business so there wouldn’t be problems with other people. People need to stop following other people. People need to stop distracting my class so that I can do my work. I think we should do five minutes of passing time so we can do stuff we need to do without rushing. Girls in the bathroom need to respect it more because the stuff that is going on in the restroom is not ladylike in that we are almost grown. We are in high school so people need to do better. Teachers should help us; if the students don’t understand or are at a loss. The temperature needs to be on point so there won’t be any problems. I like the schedule. –Claudia Graham

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I envision the school to be less fighting in bathrooms and for everybody to be friends unless they talking stuff. I would like for people to stop bumping into me because kids act like they can’t see, like, hello nice to meet you. There are too many steps, like I know yall want us to get exercise but calm down it’s never serious.

Especially the teachers, like don’t yell at me you can just tell me to be quiet. What if I told them to shut up.

Then the upper classmen be thinking they in charge of the freshmen, like they need to calm down. They act like they built the school from the ground up. Then they still got these android computers. The only iphone computers here that’s good is the iphone computers (dell computers). I feel mad right now about this school because it’s this one girl that keep messing with me. But if she says something to me or breath on me . . . Like calm down! Life is never that serious. Other than that I like this school. It’s just certain people that make this school bad and most of the kids that’s good are really good kids. They just act up.

–Makaylin Bagby-Poplar

The food like needs to be a variety, at least of a bunch outside the school foods and much bigger portions sizes. Could like some of the students who want to work and succeed be there and the lazy should at least be moved? The classes are, well, OK, but we could at least have free Fridays. Passing times need to be longer, like four to five minutes at least. Some of the bathrooms are out of order and sometimes that’s a problem? Some of the teachers need to be a little relaxed and not so professional. Some classes need heat while places like the gym need air blasting. My classes are cool in my case but in others, who knows? Let’s have no old rusty unused lockers or at least use the ones we have. Add sports like archery, fencing, kickboxing, and maybe others.

–Marshawn Williams 44

I think having an academic entrance test before 9th grade would be a bad idea because the person may have good grades but are bad with tests and they may feel embarrassed. They may feel stupid, and that will also be confusing because they have good grades the whole year and still don’t go to the next grade. I also believe parents would not agree with this test, either. I believe it’s a bad and unfair idea overall. That's what most people would say about this idea.

–Jermaine Gross

The food definitely needs to be changed. Classes are fine but we should take out advisory for free period. Bathrooms need to be cleaned better with nice smells and looking really clean and neat.

Students should give the school a better reputation.

–La’Ron Wrice Sullivan

The restrooms need doors and to be fixed in general. Even if this is just my need for friends talking, I think a comic book club at the library would be cool. Food should be fresher and not cardboard for the people I know. Computers should be fixed if broken or damaged.

–Zaid Tyson

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Do you think it’s possible to feel safe and be safe if only the military or police had guns?

March 2019 It’s possible to feel safe without a gun for certain people. But today guns are the only protection. If someone comes into your home they will most likely have a gun. It seems to me that no one ever uses a bat, fist, or knife. Most people use a gun because it’s faster. Let’s say someone broke into your house with a gun. You get up and you reach for a bat. You are not going to have enough time to swing the bat because you will already be on the ground from being shot with the gun. I’m also not saying that it’s a good thing for everybody to walk around with a gun. Certain people feel more safe with one where they live. People give the wrong people the right to own a gun. Other people today still think they don’t need a gun but one day that will change.

–Gerahlynnn Strong

This is a double-edge-sword question since if only the police have guns like they already do every time one pulls up (police) you have the thought of death in the case of a black man, but for white men they normally get off easy. But if everyone but police have guns than there’s gonna be a lot blood and death on the streets. However, who knows anything in a world of pain and death.

–Marshawn Williams 46

I’d feel safe in a world where guns are not available for people who are not in the military or police because then we don’t have to worry about people getting shot or nothing. Also, we don’t have to be worried about nothing. I mean, yes it going to be breaking in and things like that but you don’t have to have a gun to kill them. There are always sticks, bats and stuff.

–Lashanda Chatman

Yes and no. I would feel safe but I also wouldn’t because the police will still have guns and most of the killing now is because of the police. The military needs guns, but only in war. Police shouldn’t keep their guns because they do most of the killing of black people.

–Dor’Shee Miller

Yes, I feel it would be a little safer in these neighborhoods. I say that because a lot of people have no clue what they are doing with a gun. People like this are some of the main reason for these murders and random shootings. If it was my rule you would only have a gun if it’s approved by the state. I believe if more people really checked if their gun was approved there would be fewer murders in this world. There are no guns in my home, and me and my family are fine with that. People who own guns just to look cool are stupid in my book. You'd risk your life and others just to look cool? That’s stupid.

–TreyShann McClain

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The world would be a little bit safer because there would be less gun violence and no more big gang fights or any thing at all but there’s knives and different things people use probably everyday, even things you never use as weapons, heck even your own hands.

It’d be safe for a while but there are ways that crazy people will harm people for no reason.

–Jerrell Phillips

You can’t feel safe in this world because of guns. We got guns out here and people say it's for safety but it’s not. People think they hard because they got a gun and that's not cool. If they was hard they could use their fist and that’s that. Out here you got to look over your shoulder to make sure you safe. If we didn’t allow guns we might be able to save a lot of people. On the other hand, I also think having a gun is a good idea because everybody need to have a way to protect themselves. My way is my fist, like that’s how I’m going to protect myself.

–Chris Mischeaux

I don’t think it’s possible to feel safe in the this world with guns. If we only use guns for safety, some people might still use them to murder people. But if we DON’T allow guns in this world then everyone will be safe. And if someone don’t like someone they will just have to fight them or get along with them. In my opinion, fighting is better than gun violence. Gun violence is the answer for some people in this world and that's not cool. People don't know how to fight with fists and not their guns. That's why gun violence is always the answer when they get into an argument with someone. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS BESIDES GUN VIOLENCE. –Taja Bailey

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I think it’s not possible to feel safe or be safe in the world where guns aren’t available to people who not in the military or police because people will do anything to feel safe which means say if someone gets into it with one another and one says they are going to kill them or try and their isn’t any guns they gone turn to a knife or even beat them to death because they can’t turn to a gun. I think regardless of what weapons people have it will never change how people try to harm you. If they want to harm you they will do the best they can no matter what weapon they have.

–Lea Garner No, because there’s still people that’s dangerous in the world and no one actually cares about the police except some people that actually need to be protected. There are still other dangerous weapons in the world. Plus, people are still going to get guns some way. Like, hijacking a train of guns, robbing police officers, patrol cars and etc.

–Maurice Porter No, because if you only allow guns for police and military someone will become corrupt. They would want more money and sell guns on the black market and then guns would be back in the world.

–Terriona Thomas I feel like with or without guns we still wouldn’t be safe. I think that because people would still break into people houses or try to rob people. They don’t always have to use a gun; they can have other weapons because now even with guns people still use other weapons. I know because I’ve seen it all before. I can say without guns everything would be much better and we’d have less murders and crimes, but the world would never be perfect and violence will never stop.

–Mikala Ford

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I think the world would be safe if there was not any guns in the world I feel because then the only way for anyone to get killed is if they are very weak.

–Denzel Tucker

Yes, I think you could be safe because if you don’t have to worry about other people having guns you really don’t have anything to worry about. Even though there are other weapons, guns are the main ones that people are frightened of. People aren’t really scared of guns; they are just scared of the people who have the guns, whether that person would be the type of person to go around and shoot people just for fun or for beef. It is easily available because people should be able to manage themselves and not be tempted to use guns., You just have to have your mindset on not using them.

For people to feel safe guns have to be put up in some safe location where nobody can get it and probably you have to be checked on every week or so, so they can see what you been using your guns for. Also, cops should have a gun and record-check people who have guns.

–Nathaniel James

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I feel like I wouldn’t feel safe without a gun because if something bad was to happen I wouldn’t have protection to protect myself. I feel like nobody would be safe without no gun because anything can pop off anywhere at any time and everyone should be protected. If two people were playing something and somebody just pulled out a gun on you because they lost, and then get mad, you could have yours too so then you’d be protecting yourself.

–Marshay Tyler

I think that it could be possible to be safe without guns because there will be less chance of people dying from gun violence, but also it’s a bad idea because when your house might get robbed or someone might threaten and have to protect themself they wouldn’t have a gun.

–Za’Dhaiia Barnes

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Living Questions: A Public Conversation April 24, 2019

We drafted a media release and program.

We invited local, state, and federal elected officials.

We prepared ourselves to facilitate discussions.

We bought materials and built a portal into the space.

We assigned roles and responsibilities.

Who? More than 50 participants gathered in the East Hall gym– students, parents, grandparents, teachers, administrators, friends, supporters, and community partners.

We ordered parasols.

We bought drinks and snacks.

We prepared to talk and listen.

We designed and built a portal.

Why? Because raising, sharing, and responding to meaningful questions is the heart of learning in and out of school.

Our goal was to create space and time for community members to relax and discuss some of the questions we raised this school year.

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La’Ron Wrice-Sullivan and Kendell Davenport assemble the portal.

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A sketch of the layout for Living Questions conversations outdoors.

The plan was to sit in circles of folding chairs on the former tennis courts of the high school campus. A week of rainy weather moved the experience inside, to the wrestling gym in East Hall.

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In my group we had a lot of different conversations. The first half of the conversation was mainly questions from the booklet we had. Then we had a conversation about racism, police brutality, and more. It got very deep. When we were in the second part of the talking, we actually acted out a little of what we meant by police brutality. We explained and used different kinds of little acts to explain. But when our guest spoke we all listened and actually stopped to think about what she said.

–Jamiah Mitchell

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We asked who made God. We all had different opinions.

Some people said they don’t believe in God because they don’t know if the stories about Him were true or not. I said I believe in Him and that I think He made himself.

–Taja Bailey

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Contributors Makaylin Bagby-Poplar, 15, likes sparkling things, the Peacock Diner, skating, pizza, and friends.

Andrew Jackson, 15, plays basketball.

Taja Bailey, 15, enjoys playing Fortnite and basketball.

Nathaniel James, 15, is tall. He enjoys swimming.

Za’Dhaiia Barnes, 15, enjoys eating food, watching TV, being in plays, being the center of attention. She likes singing, cheering, and . . . did I say eating food?

Daymund Jamison, 15, loves Fortnite. He also enjoys playing football.

Trinity Brown, 15, loves cheese fries and plays the violin. She enjoys dancing.

Amileion Bundy, 15, likes making my friends smile, and loves helping people when they’re down. I’m just a funny goofy girl who likes having fun with my friends. I really like seafood.

Ke’Juan Jennings, 15, likes playing basketball and playing 2K. TreyShann McClain, 15, is a good speaker. He enjoys playing video games and writing.

Amonee McClendon, 15, likes cheese fries and all food except sea food.

Lashanda Chatman

Dor’Shee Miller

Mikala Ford

Christopher Mischeaux, 14, plays Fortnite and the drums.

Lea Garner, 15, likes to laugh and read.

Jamiah Mitchell, 15, has been in Project Lab since 7th grade. She and her sister recently launched a business selling all-natural lip balms.

Claudia Graham Jermaine Gross, 15, loves the color orange and plays basketball. His favorite food is pizza.

Jerrell Phillips Maurice Porter

Courtney Harris Jayala Haslett, 15, loves writing and eating, especially gummy candy. She’s very nice, and has been in Project Lab since 7th grade.

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Anthony Payne, 14, likes playing Fortnite and basketball.

Sya Powell Inda Schaenen, is a writer and teacher. She loves spending time with her family and students and enjoys swimming, reading, and eating.

Gerahlynn Strong, 14, dances and cheerleads. This is her third year in Project Lab. Terriona Thomas, 15, recently got her driver’s permit. She enjoys watching TV, laughing, and being with her friends.

Denzel Tucker Marshay Tyler, 15, enjoys going to sleep, eating, and talking on the phone all night.

Zaid Tyson, 15, enjoys reading comics, especially Marvel and DC. This is his third year in Project Lab. Marshawn Williams, 15, is smart, adaptive, detailed, relaxed, and sneaky. He enjoys playing on his tablet.

Shaun Williams La’Ron Wrice-Sullivan, 15, is the best hooper and the best rapper.

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Gratitude Living Questions was produced in partnership with the Missouri Humanities Council and with support from the National Endowment for the Humanities. Thank you!

For the support, creativity, and generosity that made this project possible, everyone in Project Lab thanks Frederik Baumgardt, Pablo Flinn, Nina Ganci, Jessica Hentoff, Tyler Jones, Isaiah Melendez, Jamiah Mitchell, Charles Pearson, and the faculty and staff at Normandy High School.

The portal to Living Questions was made possible thanks to the expertise and time contributed by Taja Bailey, Kendell Davenport, Chris Mischeaux, Linda Mixon, and La’Ron Wrice-Sullivan.

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