TCFV Magazine Oct Nov 23

Edition No. 268 Oct – Nov 2023

The Compassionate Friends Victoria Magazine Supporting Parents, Siblings and Grandparents after a Child Dies

Run Melbourne Travel Grief A Sibling Story Stop trying to heal from Grief 24 HOUR Grief Support Phone 9888 4944 - National Number 1300 064 068 Phones Staffed by Bereaved Parents, Siblings & Grandparents www.tcfv.org.au

Grieve The opportunity to mourn the deaths of our children/siblings/grandchildren - and examine our often-difficult and confusing “new normal” - in safe, non-judging environments.

Heal Through our grief work, we move towards reaching an improved place of mental, physical, and emotional functioning.

Grow While grief remains a part of our lives, we gradually identify new meaning, insight and joy in our daily living and relationships. We take the legacy of loved ones lost confidently into the future with us.

The Compassionate Friends Victoria is part of worldwide organisation, which was founded in England in 1969 and established in Victoria in 1978. It is a mutual assistance, self-help organisation offering friendship and understanding to families following the death of a child, sibling or grandchild of any age and from any cause. The primary purpose is to assist them in the rebuilding of their lives after death of their child, sibling or grandchild and to support their efforts to achieve emotional and mental health.

TCFV Staff

TCFV Membership

Alex Hamilton - CEO Administration Accounts Officer: Paul Gadsden Centre Coordinator: Jenny Galati Groups Coordinator: Andrew McNess Community Education and Communications Coordinator: Jane Moschetti Sibling Coordinator: John Brown IT: Jesse Bendel Centre & Project Coordinator: Di Russell Casual: Sue Brown The Compassionate Friends Victoria Patron: Rhonda Galbally AC

Being a member of The Compassionate Friends Victoria (TCFV) enables you to access many vital support services and attend social activities whilst demonstrating your support for a society that is aware and understands the impact of grief and bereavement following the death of a child, sibling or grandchild.

TCFV Membership is now open to both the bereaved and non-bereaved. Following an initial complimentary membership period, bereaved members have the option to remain.

• Full Member ($55 pa incl GST) or • Limited Keep In Touch Membership ($22 pa incl GST).

Associate membership is open to any non-bereaved individual or organisation who knows about our important work and wants to show their support in a meaningful way.

The non-bereaved membership levels include • Associate Individual ($55 pa incl GST) or • Associate Organisation ($110 pa incl GST).

The full details about all our different membership levels and their benefits can be found in the new Membership section of our website https://www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au/ being-a-member-of-tcfv/.

If you have any questions about TCFV membership, please call our office on 03 9888 4034.

Board President: Kevin Purvis Vice President: Amanda Bond Secretary: Theresa Yeo Treasurer: Vincent Wai Sibling Rep: Harriet Clegg Board Member: Bruce Houghton Board Member: Claire Kuhnell Regional Member: Robyn Reeve

Front Cover: Some of the members of Team TCFV at July’s Run Melbourne.

Please see pages 10 & 11 for more Run Melbourne news and photos.

24 HOUR Grief Support– Available on Telephone 03 9888 4944 / 1300 064 068 Bereaved Drop In Centre Hours 9.30am - 4.30pm Monday to Friday Disclaimer: Unless expressly stated, the views expressed in articles, poetry etc. in this magazine are not necessarily the views of TCFV Board staff or the editorial team. The editor reserves the right to edit any contribution. Permission is given to Editors & Chapter Leaders of The Compassionate Friends to reprint material from the magazine. We request that credit be given to the author & their TCF Chapter.

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Index 2 Board & Staff 3 Index & Notice Board 4-5 Board Report 5 Editor’s Letter 6-7 News from the Centre 8 Open Day 9 Grab your T-shirts and caps today!

10-11 Run Melbourne 12-13 Travel and Grief 14 Loss of a Medically Complex Child 15 Out of the Shadows 16-17 Stop trying to heal from Grief 18-19 A Sibling Story 20 Raffle 21 ` Dia de los Muertos & Cook & Chat 22-23 Getting Inked 24 Long Distance Grief 25 Library News 26-27 You Know you’re a Bereaved Mother (or Father) when …

28 Social Group 29 Broken Hearts - Sharing Hope & Candlelight Flyers 30 Survey Results 31 The Gate to Tomorrow 32-33 Tcfv Support Groups & Social Support Groups 34 Community Noticeboard Advertising 35 Community Noticeboard 36 Thank you Supporters

NOTICE

Contribu tio

BOARD

ns to the

nex

t magazin Articles, p e oetry, artw ork and stories ab out your c hild, siblin grandchil g or d are alw ays requir e d for every edit ion.

If you wo uld like to contribute upcoming to an magazine , please s end to Jane via m ail to: The Edito r, TCFV, PO Box 17 1, Canterbu ry, Vic, 31 26 or email to editor@tc fv.org.au Deadline for the De c/Jan ma gazine is 1 Novemb er 2023

How do I live without you?

Oh my love I do not.

You are with me from the moment I open my eyes until they close.

And even after that, on the plane of dreams where mortals and souls meet, you are with me still.

“I’ve not learned to live without you, perhaps I never will, the truth of the matter is, you are always with me still.”

You walked such a blazing pathway, when your feet were on this earth, that your imprint lingers on and I place my own feet in your steps, one by one.

How do I live without you?

It’s really very simple.

I do not.

“I have yet to live without you, perhaps I never will, perhaps the key to grief is, you are always with me still.”

Donna Ashworth From her book ‘Wild Hope’

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BOARD MEMBER Report Hello, my name is Bruce Houghton. I am currently a member of the TCFV Board. My wife, Catrina, and I are bereaved parents of our son Liam who passed away in January 2011, aged 19.

Catrina and I ‘discovered’ TCFV approximately 5 months after losing Liam. We had been in a state of deep torment, and we needed to be with people who could understand our pain. A chance referral from another agency led us to TCFV and we began what has now been a twelve-year association with the organisation.

TCFV has been a lifeline and refuge for us. Initially our bereavement journey was minute by minute, then hour by hour, then day by day and probably remains at that level of intensity 12 years on. Initially, TCFV gave us perspective on the pain we were feeling and on our reactions to Liam’s passing. Was the tone of our grief ‘normal’ and were our responses and behaviour, typical of parents who had lost a child?

Without any exaggeration, I would say that TCFV is one of only a few key reasons we are even still upright. At our lowest ebb, we have wondered why we should carry on. I know other bereaved parents have expressed this depth of feeling and nihilism. At these crisis points we would focus our minds on the many bereaved parents we had met at TCFV and remind ourselves we were not alone in our suffering.

I was previously a TCFV Board member in 2014/2015 under the very able stewardship of then President, John Bradley. I stepped off the Board in 2015 simply because I realized I had taken on a position of responsibility too early in my bereavement. Looking back, I needed then to take more from TCFV than I could give to it.

In 2022, our current President, Kevin Purvis, kindly asked me if I would consider nominating again for a Board position. I did not need much time to consider this and gladly accepted Kevin’s invitation. I was flattered to be elected a Board member at the 2022 Annual General Meeting.

Weighing heavily on my decision to accept Kevin’s invitation to nominate for the Board were three factors:

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• I am much stronger now. My fits of acute sadness are still common, but I have developed techniques to manage the pain.

• Because TCFV remains such a lifeline to Catrina and me, we both agree we could not bear to see the organisation wither. We will both do whatever we reasonably can to support the organisation so that it remains there for us and, of course, others. As an aside, it is for this reason that I have also undergone Group Leader training and since 2019 have co-led (currently with Rob Moschetti) the Bayside Support Group.

• Membership of the Board would afford me another avenue through which I would be in the company of peers. Catrina and I value just as strongly today as twelve years ago the solidarity of other bereaved parents.

As a member of the Board, I mostly hope I can be a force for good and, in particular, ensure that TCFV remains true to the values on which it is built. TCFV offers Catrina and I compassion, solidarity, sustenance and a safe haven. I think it goes without saying that only an organisation that is grounded in peer support and lived experience can offer this. I am keen to work with my fellow Board members to preserve this; the very essence of TCFV. Bruce Houghton Bereaved father of Liam (19)

Precious Child

(By singer-songwriter Karen Taylor Good)

In my dreams, you are alive and well

But in my heart there is hope

Precious child, precious child

And you are with me still

In my mind, I see you clear as a bell

In my heart you live on

Precious child, precious child

Always there, never gone

In my soul, there is a hole

Precious child, you left too soon,

That can never be filled

Tho’ it may be true that we’re apart

But in my heart, there is hope

You will live forever... in my heart

‘Cause you are with me still

God knows I want to hold you,

In my heart, you live on

See you, touch you

Always there never gone

And maybe there’s a heaven

Precious child, you left too soon

And someday I will again

Tho’ it may be true that we’re apart

Please know you are not forgotten until

You will live forever... in my heart

then

In my plans, I was the first to leave

In my heart you live on

Precious child, precious child

Always there never gone

But in this world, I was left here to grieve Precious child, you left too soon Precious child, my precious child

Tho’ it may be true that we’re apart

In my soul, there is a hole

You will live forever... in my heart

That can never be filled

Editors Letter Dear friends, Welcome to the October/November edition of “Grieve Heal Grow.” We hope you enjoyed the August/September edition, which, for the first time, we were able to bring to you in full colour. Please note that those who have opted to receive the magazine via email now receive a full-colour flipbook.

In early September, as I write these words, I find myself reflecting on my journey through grief. Seven years have passed since my son Joseph’s passing.

To long-time readers familiar with our magazine’s pages, you’ll know that there were no answers for his passing, since Joseph, at 18, was fit and healthy.

Through these seven years since losing Joseph, some aspects have eased. I’ve learned to bury my grief deeper within, and the weight of hopelessness has lightened. It’s not the future I wish I had but there lies a future I can look forward to with some happiness, anticipation, enjoyment, and even laughter.

Yet, anxiety remains an unchanging companion. Local supermarkets remain daunting, parties less inviting, and new encounters still stir that heart-wrenching question, “How many children do you have?”

Antidepressants continue to aid my coping; it seems they’ll be a lifelong ally, and that’s perfectly fine if they provide solace.

Most of all, the ache of missing Joseph persists. His memory resides permanently in my thoughts, my imagination painting his life’s would-be moments.

What would he be pursuing? Where would his endeavours lead? Would love, a career, or even parenthood have found him? Answers forever elude me. Joseph lives only within my heart and mind, a constant yearning for his return. Special days like Christmas, family gatherings, birthdays, including Joseph’s own, and the anniversary of his passing still bear the weight of sorrow. Over time, it often feels as if others have forgotten my ongoing journey through unending grief, and it’s a heartache that they have so easily forgotten my beloved son.

Regrettably, not all family and friends could offer the empathy we needed, leading to the difficult choice of distancing ourselves. It’s a common experience among our community, reminding us that we’re not alone in this struggle. I can genuinely say that TCFV has been a lifeline. I can’t fathom how I would have navigated these seven years without their support.

Until next time friends, take care.

Jane Moschetti Bereaved Mother of Joseph 6.7.98 - 30.7.16

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News from the Centre BOUND COPIES OF ‘GRIEVE HEAL GROW ‘ Would you be interested in commemorating the memory of your child, sibling, or grandchild by having their name featured in a beautifully bound book?

We are currently compiling three years’ worth of ‘Grieve Heal Grow’ magazines into a single volume, and we are seeking families to sponsor a year, specifically for the years 2021 and 2022. The front cover of each volume will proudly display the names of people whose families contribute $100 or more in loving memory of their loved one. Initially, there will be a total of twelve volumes in this collection.

If you would like to honour your loved one by having their name grace the cover of one of these volumes, please get in touch with Jenny Galati at 9888 4034 or via email at jennyg@tcfv.org.au.

NEW STAFF MEMBER - DI RUSSEL

2018, after Dianne became a member of TCFV in July breast cancer. the passing of her daughter Renee (24) to orting the She started volunteering in May 2019, supp . With a Centre coordinator with administration tasks to help background in administration, she was able er 2023 emb Sept In rs. support and train other voluntee Coordinator. ct Proje & Dianne joined the team as the Centre

‘Night of Hope’ gala in Dianne formed part of the committee for our tion of the raffle for The May this year and helped with the coordina her into becoming a ted Gathering. Her love of helping others direc in supporting other newly phone answerer and she finds great comfort bereaved. and Greg to cancer, six Dianne has a son Brad, but sadly lost her husb months after Renee passed away. g to the movies, sitting on Dianne enjoys catching up with friends, goin her two dogs the beach but most of all, spending time with Abby & Toby.

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Thank You

Thank you to Pam for her donation of butterfly stickers in memory of Simon , 32.

Thank you to Roby n for her donation of butterfly stickers in memory of her lost loved ones.

Thank you to Rosa nna for her donatio n of stamps in memory of her lost loved on es.

Thank you to ever yone who has sent through copies of past magazines. Th is is much appreciated , and we have plen ty now to keep new m embers supplied!

MAGAZINE TEAM the A big thank you to am for entire magazine te ided, all the articles prov ank you proofreading etc. Th ailout to the magazine m B., John K., team, Sandra, John , Delene Rai, Margaret, Fiona help and Maxine for their g/Sept in preparing the Au sting out to edition ready for po members.

OUR TEAM Our team had an exciting and informative team meeting and are looking forward to implementing some exciting new features into TCFV’s offerings. We’re here for you when you need us.

From left – right, Jenny - Centre Coordinator, Alex - CEO, Jane - Community Education and Communications coordinator, Paul - Accounts Officer, Jesse - IT, Andrew - Groups Coordinator, John – Sibling Coordinator.

Calendar of Upcoming Events Events

Date

Location

Grill’d Fundraising Event

Friday 13 October

217 Glenferrie Road, Malvern

Holey Moley Chadstone 18-30 yo Siblings

Friday 20 October

Chadstone Shopping Centre

Theatre Night – “Absurd Person Singular”

Thursday 26 October

Malvern Theatre

Men’s Cook & Chat BBQ Night

Friday 17 November

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

Volunteer End of Year Get Together Saturday 2 December

Service

Date

Worldwide Candle Lighting Service Sunday 10 December

Volunteer Training Community Education Speaker Training

Date Saturday February 24

Canterbury Christadelphian Church, Crn. Shierlaw Ave & Faversham Road, Canterbury Location Canterbury Christadelphian Church, Crn. Shierlaw Ave & Faversham Road, Canterbury Location TCFV Centre, Canterbury

Please check the TCFV website closer to the time to see specific dates and arrangements.

To attend please book online at www.tcfv.org.au or call the Centre on (03) 9888 4034.

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Grab your T-shirts and caps today!

With the arrival of spring and better weather, it’s the perfect time to embrace the outdoors and savour the beauty of nature while staying active. Our merchandise is available in a stunning Royal Blue, a rich and vibrant shade that effortlessly stands out in any design. Royal Blue carries a sense of majesty, owing to its historical connection with royalty. According to colour psychology, blue is also linked with trustworthiness and dependability and it’s associated with serenity, drawing inspiration from the calming nature of the sky and ocean. As a result, the colour blue is believed to evoke similar feelings of tranquillity.

To purchase please visit our website at the link below or scan the QR code. https://www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au/ become-involved/merchandise/

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RUN MELBOURNE Sunday 16th July 2023

A new initiative for TCFV this year was participation in the Run Melbourne event. It is a significant fund-raising event for the charity of your choice. A group of 26 people ran or walked with The Compassionate Friends as their fundraising charity. A total of $14,698.40 was raised!

It was a great day of community engagement and awareness raising for us. Our T-shirts and caps stood out in the crowd! Chatting along the way was an opportunity to share the important support TCFV offers to bereaved families.

For Jenny and Kevin Purvis, it was a most meaningful event because it was the first physically active thing Jenny had done following her recent triple bypass heart surgery. The run/walk had been a goal she aimed at in her recovery, and it felt great to make the finish line. Her cardiologist, Melanie Freeman and her surgeon, Philip Hayward, both received messages of thanks at the finish line. They were the same team who had treated Kevin for the same reason some 18 months ago.

A big thanks to Jane Moschetti for her organisation of the event and the outfits. It was an enjoyable and successful awareness raising and fundraising day and we are already looking forward to next year!

Kevin Purvis TCFV President

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TCFV Oct-Nov

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Travel and Grief Recently my husband and I returned from a holiday

him about the architecture and the environment of the

overseas. It is nearly 5 years since our son Nathan

country. The bonds between us continue.

passed. We have had a few holidays since then, but it was this holiday that had me reflecting on the relationship between travel and grief. What is the relationship between travel and grief? Why am I reflecting on this now? I researched articles on travel and grief to help me with my reflections. I will explore these questions further in this article and I ask you to ponder on what activity has special significance for

When researching the relationship between travel and grief I found the word – griefcation. It means to take a vacation which assists with the process of grief.

Dr Karen Wyatt, a hospice physician, categorises 6 types of grief travel: restorative, contemplative, physically active, commemorative, informative and intuitive. Restorative focuses on your selfcare needs

you.

in comfort and quietness. Contemplative provides the

My first thought was triggers. We were overseas when

Physically active offers stress relieving and distractive

Nathan passed. So, airports and aeroplanes bring back

but can also present a challenge to build resilience.

memories of quiet tears as I passed through security,

Commemorative is the opportunity to revisit a special

of numbness and disbelief and breathing – in and out,

site, or the trip that you talked about but never did

in and out. But I also remember the travel that Nathan

together. Informative travel is a trip that provides

and I did together 8 months before his passing. The

answers about your loved one and their relationship

excitement of planning and packing, the delight at

with you. Intuitive is described by Wyatt as, “When you

our various accommodations. The laughs we shared

follow your intuition you might discover a connection

on long train trips. The days climbing to temples in

to a certain place that helps you process your grief,

the rain, rugged up in our layers of thermals. The

a connection that you couldn’t have planned or

bittersweetness of grief. The duality of the grief

discovered by reading a guidebook in advance. To

journey.

enjoy intuitive travel, you’ll need an open mind and

Connection was the other factor I pondered in the relationship between travel and grief. Travel was one of our family connections and especially as Nathan

time and space to process your thoughts and feelings.

curiosity about the ‘mysteries’ of both life and death”.

These categories of travel can occur together or separately and occur over many years.

and I had shared his last trip together. As a family we

Alexa Wang discusses how travel and the removal

travelled at least yearly to a new overseas destination

from your usual physical space, your usual roles and

and enjoyed learning about new cultures. We also

responsibilities, frees you up mentally, emotionally and

liked to ski together and as our family lived 2 hours

physically to process your grief. Further, grief therapist,

away, we always travelled to them. But it was on this

Claire Bidwell Smith writes of grief as liberating – the

trip I felt a stronger connection to Nathan. It was a

worst has happened so the stress of cancelled and

new destination and I had researched it – the itinerary,

delayed flights, getting lost or robbed does not have

accommodation, how to travel via train, bus and ferry,

the same significance. She also notes how travel can

currency, history, culture, and customs. It reminded

force you out of the isolation of grief. As I thought

me of Nathan’s preparations for our travel and I felt

about this further, I was reminded of the concept of

that maybe he was helping me. I certainly spoke to

Post traumatic growth (PTG).

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“Post traumatic growth refers to positive psychological

So, what is the activity that has a special significance

change resulting from a struggle with traumatic or

for you? A sport, a concert, running?

highly challenging life circumstances. Experiencing a traumatic event can have a transformational role in personality among certain individuals and facilitate growth” (Wikipedia). There are five categories of growth that occur over time based on the research of Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun: • embrace new opportunities • stronger relationships with others

1. Wyatt, K. “Grief Travel: How vacations can help to cope with grief.” https://www.eterneva.com/ resources/traveling-while-grieving 2. Wong, A. “Grief travel – What is it and how can it help you to cope with loss.” https://www. fluxmagazine.com/grief-travel-help-you-tocope-with-loss/ 3. Brech, A. “A healing journey: Travel and coping

• i nner strength through the knowledge that they have

with grief.” https://www.flashpack.com/solo/

overcome tremendous hardship

relationships/escape-healing-travel-loss-grief

• a deeper appreciation for life • r elationship to religion and spirituality changes and evolves As discussed earlier with travel, the same growth can occur when we have new experiences, share these with others, meet new people, appreciate how

4. Tedeschi, R. & Calhoun, L. (2004) Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence Psychological Inquiry 2004. Vol. 15, No.1, pp 1-18. https://www.tandfonline.com/ doi/abs/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01 Sue Rowan (Nathan’s mum)

others live, overcome travel challenges, experience nature and visit religious sites. And this may answer my question as to the timing of my reflection on the relationship between travel and grief – my movement on the grief journey/travel.

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My daughter Joanne contracted a virus just before her

our grief is all encompassing and overpowering when

second birthday, a virus called Transverse Myelitis.

we lose them.

This virus eats away at the myelin in your spinal cord, and this resulted with Jo (as she was called) having damage to the vertebrae C4 and C5 in her spinal cord.

She was left a quadriplegic, used a ventilator to breathe and very little hand and arm use.

I was so very blessed to be Jo’s mum. I am sure I drove her crazy at times, yet there was an unbreakable bond between us, that I now carry in my heart instead of my arms.

She was 19 when she left this world, and she had just

Our lives changed that day - we had to make

qualified as a graphic designer. She was going to have

decisions no parent should have to make about their

the year off from study and concentrate on her health.

child: should we have a tracheostomy; what sort of

We had so many plans, so many projects and dreams.

ventilator; should she have a PEG tube; or was it just too hard and should we let her go.

These are just some of the questions and decisions that seem to go hand in hand with parents of medically complex children. They provide a rollercoaster journey

Jo always said, “Not every day is a good day - but there is good in every day.”

My hope is that everyone can find a little good in their days - even the bad ones - in memory of Jo.

of emotions and the one question forever hanging

Amanda Leary

above your head, “IS THIS THE RIGHT DECISION?”

(TCFV member)

No matter what decision you make, there is always

Amanda is a member of the Facebook Group “Loss of

doubt in the back of your mind. Yet along this journey

a medically complex child”, which comes under The

there is a bond that is formed with your child like no

Compassionate Friends in the USA umbrella. It has

other. There is much love, rejoicing in the happy times,

been extremely helpful for her, so if you would like to

tears of relief when the decisions are made.

also join this group, please see the link below.

Yet when we lose our child, it is the same for every

https://www.facebook.com/groups/

parent, there begins the life of before and after. Our

lossofamedicallycomplexchild/

paths are so different when our children are here, but

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Out of the

Shadows The Ballarat Support Group attended the ‘Out of the Shadows’ walk held in Ballarat on Saturday 2nd of September, with over 60 participants meeting at the beautiful backdrop of Lake Wendouree, in honour of loved ones lost by suicide.

Coordinated by the Ballarat & District Suicide Awareness Group, this is a beautiful but heartfelt ceremony for those lost to suicide.

Commencing at the early hour of 5am, we are each given a pebble on which to write a message or name.

The ceremony began with a Welcome to Country and a cleansing smoking ceremony. We then set off from the lake foreshore on the 2.5km walk along a candle lit path, stopping at certain points where readings, music and our loved ones’ names were shared. The walk then continued back to the lake foreshore where more music and another reading was shared. One at a time we then threw our pebbles into the lake in memory of our loved ones. This is to represent the RIPPLE effect that suicide has in, not only everyone’s lives, but also the lives of the community. ‘Out of the Shadows’ depicts our mental health coming out of the darkness, through the shadows and hopefully back into light.

Robyn Reeve (Regional Board Member)

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Stop Trying to Heal From Grief

PREFACE

pathology that does require intervention. Mourning, on the other hand, he describes as a natural,

The following article was posted at the What’s Your

transformational process after loss (granted he thinks

Grief? site in May 2023. It encapsulates a great many

it makes us ultimately “free and uninhibited”. That’s not

of the values and lived-experience wisdoms of TCFV.

how we’d describe it. We’re certainly not team-Freud

“Grief is the healing” the article emphasises. And

here. But it is important to note that he, a man who

“healing” does not mean an endpoint in our grief, but

pathologized many, many things, saw grief as a normal,

rather points to an eventual reduction in the intensity of

transforming process).

our grief … and the possibility of locating new meaning in our lives whilst still holding our lost loved ones close.

For the last fifty years, mental health and grief experts have been trying to help people understand that grief

I know this might sound controversial. Or, at a minimum,

is not something we need to heal from. Rather, grief IS

unexpected from a grief writer and therapist. If you’ve

the healing. Though we’re not fans of the five stages

spent any time on #grieftok or #griefstagram you’re

of grief, for reasons we’ve shared many times, there is

probably all too familiar with messages about ‘healing

a passage that I have always appreciated from David

from grief’. You’ve likely scrolled the hundreds of grief

Kessler in the Afterword of his book with Elisabeth

influencer videos promising to help you ‘recover from

Kubler-Ross, “On Grief and Grieving”.

grief’ or ‘heal your grief’ via retreats, essential oils, coaching sessions, classes, and Facebook groups (all while making green juices in their pristine William Sonoma kitchens). ‘Unhealed grief’ and ‘unrecovered grief’ is talked about like some sort of bogeyman, hiding under our beds waiting to grab our ankles and hold us down as we try to emerge from the rubble of loss. Every time I hear this language I cringe.

You Don’t Need to Heal Your Grief

We are far from the first to suggest this. Let’s go back one hundred years to Freud. Now, this is a man who said some things about grief that we take serious issue with. But even he was assuring people that grief is not

“There is wonder in the power of grief. We don’t appreciate its healing powers, yet they are extraordinary and wondrous. It is just as amazing as the physical healing that occurs after a car accident or major surgery. Grief transforms the broken, wounded soul, a soul that no longer wants to get up in the morning, a soul that can find no reason for living, a soul that has suffered an unbelievable loss. Grief alone has the power to heal.”

Kubler-Ross & Kessler, On Grief and Grieving

Grief is Not a Wound

When we grieve, it is because we have experienced

a problem or a pathology. He understood it as a normal

a devastating and unimaginable loss. That loss is

human process. In Mourning and Melancholia, he says,

what has shattered us. Grieving is our normal and

“ It is also well worth notice that, although mourning

natural human response to that loss. It is the physical,

involves grave departures from the normal attitude to

emotional, cognitive, relational, existential, spiritual

life, it never occurs to us to regard it as a pathological

experience we all go through, in varying degrees and in

condition and to refer it to medical treatment.”

various ways, after a loss. Grief and grieving are not the

He contrasts mourning with melancholia (what we would now call depression), which he sees as a

16 TCFV Oct-Nov

source of our pain. The source of the pain is the loss itself.

Grief is how we process this loss. After loss we open our eyes to a world that in no way resembles the world

Grief as Companion

I understand that grief is the keeper of my most

we once knew. In this new world, grief is how we come

treasured memories and continued bonds. Grief is a

to understand who we are, how we feel, and how we

trusted friend (albeit a cranky and temperamental one).

will survive in this new world. In grieving we create a

The memories and bonds that live in my grief are what

relationship with a person who died. We develop the

gives me the confidence that I can, slowly, rebuild.

continued bonds that will evolve with us as we move

Knowing grief is a companion is what allows me to

forward in a world without that person. Grief allows us

move forward without fear of “moving on” or

to turn inward and assess what we need from ourselves

“letting go”.

and others in this life after loss. It has the power to clarify our values and our priorities. In grief we begin to make sense of who we are in a world without a person who defined us.

Grief is the Healing

On a triggering birthday or anniversary years on, when my grief sidles up beside me and brings on a cascade of tears, I am not surprised or scared. I don’t fear that I failed to ‘recover’ or ‘heal’ properly. Quite the opposite.

I am grateful that I can still welcome grief in. We can

Perhaps it sounds like semantics, my saying we don’t

share old memories and revisit the life I once believed

need to “heal from grief”. Especially when I so strongly

I’d live, while still appreciating the life I am living. I am

believe that we heal through grief, that grief is healing.

happy to let grief put her arm around me, to bury my

But I think it is far more important than semantics. If

face in her shoulder as I cry, knowing that together we

the language I hear early after my loss is that I must

will always be healing.

‘recover from grief’ or ‘heal from grief’, I see grief as an adversary. That language moulds my understanding of grief itself, seeing it as a problem. Or worse, as a threat, something that has in and of itself caused harm, a thing to escape. It is no surprise that I might then avoid my grief. Or I might interpret signs of ongoing grief as a sign of failure.

If I hear, early after my loss, that we ‘heal through grief’ or that ‘grieving is an ongoing and evolving process of healing’, my understanding of grief is shaped in a fundamentally different way. Grief is no longer my

https://whatsyourgrief.com/stop-trying-to-healfrom-grief/ In our TCFV library for you to borrow: - “What’s your grief? Lists to help you through any loss” by Eleanor Haley and Lisa Williams.

- “Do I feel better yet? Questionable attempts at self-care and existing in general” by Madeleine Trebenski (contains some humour!).

adversary, a bogeyman hiding under the bed. Instead of something to escape, battle, or eliminate, grief is a companion. And when I am no longer fighting against my grief, I can invite it in. I can listen to what it is teaching me about myself, about those I’ve lost, about how to live in this new world.

TCFV Oct-Nov

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A Sibling Story My name is Kaitlyn and I am a bereaved sibling.

our mother was okay, that Jacob’s son was okay and

My brother Jacob passed away unexpectedly in May

meeting to try and feel better because of the grief

2019, four days before my birthday, three days before

and the guilt for not thinking that my brother was a

our grandfather’s birthday, five days before our sister’s

particularly good person. This guilt came from thinking

birthday and three days before Mother’s Day, leaving

that generally, when a person passes away, everyone

his 17-month-old son behind. To this day I will never

talks about how kind they were, but I could not. My

truly know what happened because his death could

brother wasn’t a kind person. Although he wouldn’t go

not determine intention. So I am forever in limbo that

out of his way to hurt someone, he didn’t do nice things

it could have been intentional, or it could have been

just because it was the right thing to do. Because of

an accident. We will never truly know as the coroner

this, I felt so much shame, I was disgusted with myself.

determined that Jacob’s death was due to toxicity. But

But the group came to my aid and shared their own

at the time of his death, I was told by first responders

experience of how not everyone who passes away is a

that he had taken his own life by taking too much of a

kind person, sometimes they are just our people, and

prescription medication due to an infected gum that

we still love them anyway, this does not make us bad

had leaked poison into his heart. He did not leave a

family members.

note. At the time we were concerned about how his friends and extended family would think and feel so for more than a year and during his funeral, no one was aware of the circumstances of his death; it was my burden to bear. I mention this part of my grief because I was the first and only person the first responders had disclosed that it was suicide. Everyone else around me thought I was crazy, or that I had heard it wrong. Even when the specialist police unit came, due to the nature

supported in the best possible way.

I attended a Compassionate Friends Victoria group

On the first anniversary of his death, I had had enough of keeping the circumstances of his death a secret.

During that whole year of looking after our mother, and his son’s mother, I had been the stoic person that showed no feelings or emotions of extreme grief. I let it out. Interestingly enough, everyone listened, and I was taken seriously. I no longer had to bear this horrible burden.

of his death, my mother and people who were there

In the second year, my grief for my brother inspired

whilst they were tending to the scene, did not know

me to pursue a Bachelor of Community and Human

why it was treated like a suicide.

Services which I completed in May 2023 and then

The first three months after his death, I was catatonic.

I do not know how many times I would shampoo my hair in the one shower because I just could not concentrate or how often I gave my car a flat battery because I forgot to turn the car lights off again. I went

decided to pursue my Master of Social Work. Being the sibling of the person who has passed away can sometimes feel that you are on the back burner, to be at the call of more important family members without any restraint or limits.

on bereavement leave from university because I would

By the anniversary of his third year, I felt that my identity

just stare off at nothing most days. Grief in its first form

was coming back, never truly the same as I was before

is nothing short of the brain shutting down. But as I

his death but maybe someone who is almost healed

was the oldest sibling it was my job to make sure that

with a scar and with a new experience.

18 TCFV Oct-Nov

It is now the fourth anniversary of Jacob’s passing.

Thinking of my brother does not hurt as much. I now remember how to wash my hair without using all the shampoo, and I do not cry when I talk about him in funny stories. Things are not the same but I feel I am happy. I have chosen to use my grief to be more present with my children, to work on my career of helping others at a high level, to wander around our community, and, as someone once said, I try to stop and smell the roses more.

I guess all I can say is, I know.

Kaitlyn, bereaved sibling of Jacob

TCFV Oct-Nov

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TCFV Oct-Nov

21

Getting INKED! Forget the stereotypes – getting inked or tattooed

tattoo about death, it is an expression of the bond

can be a powerful means of reclaiming your body

and how Lauren-Kay and fatherhood has influenced

and processing grief or trauma. It wasn’t too long

my life.

ago that tattoos were considered taboo. Only sailors, criminals, and biker gangs got tattoos. But over the

The meaning of a tattoos is (or should be)

years, society’s perception of tattoos has changed

individualistic. There are general trends in tattoo

dramatically. Tattoos are popular because they can

meanings that can be easily investigated. The internet

be a time capsule that documents your identity. Many

has many options for tattoos symbolising love,

people crave a sense of stability and limitlessness.

passion, power, strength, beauty etc. like heart tattoos, dragons, stars, butterflies, roses, flowers, and animals

Today, tattoos are generally seen as a form of

to name a few.

personal expression, and their popularity is on the rise. While there are still some who view tattoos with

Specific grief tattoos are a little different. The infinity

suspicion or disdain, they are becoming more and

symbol is a common grief tattoo (a sideways figure 8).

more mainstream, and their acceptance is growing.

This sign represents togetherness and eternity, mostly

When it comes down to your body, it’s the most

used to honor a love that will never end. Though you

sacred thing that you’ve got. I have two tattoos both

might have experienced loss, your love is endless and

with a story I wish to share with you.

unyielding. A heartbeat, date of birth and/or death, face portrait or just plain words of your favourite quote

For me the inspiration to have my first tattoo came

are perfect for a memorial wrist tattoo.

from an authentic place, my love towards LaurenKay when she was around 11 years of age. Lauren-

Once again, tattoos can be one way of verbalizing

Kay helped me with the design, choosing a suitable

grief and to express feelings. And since each tattoo is

tattooist and then loving it!

unique and personal, it can also be a way for people to share their stories with others, stories like a 21st

We both love tigers and so all that was needed was to

birthday.

pick out a suitable design…masculine of course! I also wanted to have my favourite saying to Lauren-Kay,

On the day that was to be Lauren-Kays 21st birthday

which is ‘My Little Sweetheart’. I wanted to incorporate

(Lauren-Kay died at age 18) I wanted to get another

it into the design. So rather than being too corny and

tattoo on the other arm. At that stage of my grief (3

having it legible in English I decided to get it in Kanji

years) I already had a way of verbalising my grief

and Katakana (a type of Japanese writing). The true

through the various articles I continue to write and had

conversion is ‘Lor-rin Kay My Sweet Child’. I purposely

some avenues to manage my anxiety, but I still wanted

have it on the upper part of my arm so that wearing

to get one on her special day. So, there I was in the

any short sleeve shirt, the tattoo is not visible. It means

tattoo studio with the tattooist ready to start inking me

a lot to me and it’s personal, so I decide if I wish to

and I said, “Wait, it’s not right, don’t go any further”. He

share it or not. To me, this tattoo is not a memorial

already had tattooed a black dot on my arm though!

22 TCFV Oct-Nov

I paid him a modest fee for the dot and walked out. I

To this end, when we lose someone we love, it’s hard

cannot explain it, but it just didn’t feel right. I have not

to come to terms with never being able to see them

expanded the dot as yet but at least I have a start for

again, be with them, or hear their voice. Having a

my next tattoo should I decide on one. If I do decide to

permanent, present reminder of their memory can

get the black dot added to in the future I can still feel

bring a lot of peace after a loss. I say ‘can’ as it may not

and say that I got this on Lauren-Kay’s 21st birthday.

be right for you…and remember a tattoo is for life, so

While I’m at it, the day is 20th May 2013 and that could

choose wisely.

even form part of the design.

If I do decide to advance my black dot or even Why am I admitting this to you all, since it may be

get inked somewhere else, I will be sure to share

viewed as embarrassing, a waste or even silly to have

an article. Until then, I just have my small dot to

a small black dot? But who cares right, because my

remember My Little Sweetheart on her 21st birthday!

tattoos are personal and a tattoo that you may already have or decide to have in the future is personal also!

PEACE and LOVE to you all, IAN XX

TCFV Oct-Nov

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How do you help a grieving friend when you live far away?

A few good ground rules and tips to help you provide long-distance grief support. If you’re grieving and would like some help educating friends & family on the best ways to support you, these guidelines are for you too.

Skip the platitudes and let them be sad. Sadness is healthy. It’s a natural response to loss, hardship, and death. It’s hard to know what to do when your friends are hurting. Telling them not to be sad or that their person wouldn’t want them to be sad only tells your friend that they can’t be honest with you about how they feel. You can’t cheer someone up by giving them advice or telling them to look on the bright side. It just doesn’t work.

Let them be sad and let them know you’re there.

Don’t try to fix the unfixable. Stick with the truth: This hurts. I love you. I’m here.

Be an active participant in online memorials. If you’re invited to an online memorial, don’t just join the call, and lurk. Offer to create a playlist for the event or help your grieving friend host a virtual memorial brunch or happy hour in which everyone makes a recipe their loved one used to make. Take over some of the memorial planning for your friend (if you’re able and they’d like the help). Share stories about the person they’ve lost in a quick video or voice recording.

Be creative. There’s no one right way to memorialize a life or to acknowledge a loss.

Initiate conversations that connect. Your job as a support person is not to cheer someone up or fix their pain, it’s to help them feel heard and seen. Opening honest conversations about grief and loss can feel daunting. That’s OK. Be the friend who offers space for your friend to talk about what they’re experiencing, even though it might feel challenging. Invite them to a video coffee or tea date. Offer to schedule regular phone or video chats. Ask what their loss or their grief is life for them. Be sensitive, pay attention to how your questions are landing and always let your grieving person lead.

Listen without jumping in to fix anything for them. See what happens when you make space for things to feel as bad as they do.

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Send little gifts too. Grief is lonely and very isolating.

Small presents and handwritten letters or cards are tangible ways to show your love and let your friend know that you’re thinking about them without pressuring them to do anything.

Offer tangible and concrete support. Do not say “Call me if you need anything,” because your friend will not call. When someone dies, daily life keeps chugging along for surviving family members. Even though you aren’t nearby, there are ways you can lessen the burden of “normal life activities” for your friend. Offer to do practical things that will free up space & time for them to process and feel their own loss. Example: “I can’t take this pain away for you, but maybe I can help lighten your load a little. I’d be happy to do a virtual story hour for your kids a few nights a week if that would give you a minute to yourself. Would that work for you?”

Remember big dates. Set calendar reminders for birthdays, anniversaries, & holidays, and send your friend a text or a note on those dates. Let them know you’re thinking of them, you haven’t forgotten them or the person they lost, that you know that these dates are still important, that you remember. A note or a text lets your grieving person know you’re thinking about them without pressuring them to do anything.

Beyond that, let your grieving person lead with what they do or don’t want to do, including not replying to your message. That you remembered and reached out is what matters.

Stick around. Funerals and memorials don’t mark the end of grief. They mark the beginning. The way you show up for your friends now is important. Continuing to show up – asking about how they’re doing 6 months from now, still asking 2 years from now, and so on – is very important too. Grief doesn’t end, but support tends to drop off rapidly in the months & years after a loss.

Remember: It’s OK to be feel awkward. You don’t need to be perfect, just present.

News from the Library Our dedicated volunteer librarian, Joanna, has been hard at work revitalizing our library here at the Centre. She’s been meticulously sorting through our collection of vintage books, reorganizing the shelves, and ensuring everything is in top-notch condition.

In addition to this exciting rejuvenation effort, we’ve recently received a generous donation of approximately 50 new books and made some library purchases. These new additions promise to bring fresh literary adventures to our collection.

These include …

“Gone but not lost: grieving the death of a child” by David W Wiershe “The twins” by Tessa de Loo (fiction) “To Heaven and back: a doctor’s extraordinary account of her death, heaven angels and life again”

by Mary C Neal “In stillness conquer fear: overcoming anxiety, panic and fear” by Pauline McKinnon “The year of magical thinking” by Joan Didion (autobiography) “The nowhere child” by Christian White (fiction) “You have my heart” by Corinne Fenton & Robin Cowcher But that’s not all! Did you know that we offer more than just books? You can also borrow jigsaw puzzles and DVDs from our library. It’s a cozy and inviting space, and you’re always welcome to drop by and explore. If you’d like to chat with Joanna about the library or need assistance, she’s available at the Centre every Tuesday.

Our doors are open for drop-ins from Monday to Friday, 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM. We’re here to support you and provide a welcoming environment, tea, coffee, and biscuits are also always available.

Come visit us soon!

TCFV Oct-Nov

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You Know you’re a Bereaved Mother (or Father) when …

You look at the family portrait or dinner table and

You take a few seconds to ponder if you should tell the

always think, “But someone’s missing.”

truth or lie while the inquisitor looks on and wonders

Your Facebook feed is full of grief support group posts and bereaved parent memes, and you have a Pinterest board for child loss quotes.

Old friends with living children stop calling and all your

what is wrong with this woman that she is taking so long to answer one simple question.

Then you lie and say, “Just these,” so the situation doesn’t get any more uncomfortable for them.

new friends belong to the sad club of “My child

You have a piece of memorial jewellery you don’t

died too.”

take off.

Your child’s birthday is spent tending to their grave

You begin and end the day with a conversation with

instead of wrapping gifts and eating birthday cake.

your dead child, often asking him or her for advice or

Someone wishes you a happy Mother’s Day and tears of anger and grief well in your eyes.

And the Day is not happy.

You roll your eyes at other mums’ complaints about life’s little woes - such as sleepless nights and sibling fights during play dates - and you know that your average mothers’ club isn’t a fit for you anymore.

You use terms like ‘new normal’ and speak of your life in a separation of before and after the day your child died.

There is a special box in your closet with cherished mementos, clothes, and toys that your child did not grow out of but would be forever unworn.

You visit this box from time to time and only rarely share its contents with a trusted few.

On your dresser next to your jewellery box and picture of your partner you keep your child’s urn.

You can’t answer the simple question, “How many children do you have?” from strangers without an awkward pause and downward glance.

26 TCFV Oct-Nov

strength on how to get through this unbearable pain while in the shower each morning.

You’re mesmerized by other children that are the age of what your child would be now, and you stare in awe and wonder of who your child would have been.

You are well-known by your paediatrician’s office for being the overprotective mum who calls when one of your children sneezes because you worry your living children will die too.

You have heard well-meaning, non-bereaved parents say, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least you have living children,” and you no longer care because you’ve come to a place of realization that they will never understand your strife.

You find yourself finding a way to make it through each day not because you have to but because you want to in honour of your child that no longer can.

Your child died – and you still live.

Taken from https://stillstandingmag.com/2014/06/03/ know-youre-bereaved-mother, by Lindsey Henke

Artist Credit by Lisa Aisato TCFV Oct-Nov

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BROKEN HEARTS- Sharing Hope A heartfelt shoutout goes to all our incredible sponsors and donors – your unwavering support has truly made a big difference to this extraordinary event.

Guess what? We’re already riding the wave of generosity with an amazing $13,200 raised, and the donation stream is showing no signs of slowing down!

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TCFV MEMBER SURVEY RESULTS 2023 SUMMARY REPORT Selection of Survey Comments 0 Everything about The Compassionate Friends has been wonderful and has helped me grow through my grief.

0 It is always helpful hearing how others have approached difficult times, difficult moments and difficult relationships. Feeling we are not different or alone at these times is most reassuring.

0

Wish there was an ‘extremely helpful’ box to tick for some of these questions.

0 This service and the wonderful supportive people have shown me I can survive or otherwise I don’t know if I would still be here.

0 I am currently being treated for severe depression and anxiety, which has been attributed to grief. This grief is not only from the grief of my son (although major in my life), but other grief issues that have not been addressed. I realise TCFV is addressing the loss of a child yet there are other issues in one’s life that cause grief. If counsellors could have training in general ‘grief’ this would be beneficial.

0 ART THERAPY [has been an opportunity for me] to express feelings I can’t put into words and explore and process my grief and move forward.

0 [TCFV is a] unique space where you can always mention your child’s name...a safe place to retreat from the world and get enough strength to continue your often lonely and isolated journey...I still have brief phone messages with a fellow TCFV person, just a ‘thinking of you’ call every couple of months. She says it is nondemanding and encouraging. Thanks to TCFV. 0 They could do with more funding from the government as they work tirelessly and rely so much on volunteers. This is good, but it puts a strain on the workers. It’s a very special place.

0 In the early years, the magazine was extremely helpful because what I was feeling was put into words by others and I could identify with others’ grief responses in many cases.

0 Distance precludes me from attending the Office and City events.

0 I think the initial free membership is a good idea as it made me feel accepted and took pressure off me to ‘be a member’ of something I didn’t yet understand.

0 Living in Tasmania, I didn’t know about some services and also was not able to attend the centre. I attended The Gathering and found it most helpful and very cathartic.

0 I feel I can speak openly and listen to the other parents.

0 In my most desperate times to release my grieving thoughts there was always a calming voice to listen and respond from the Canterbury Centre. That voice at the other end of the phone assisted me at the height of my need to talk. I will always be grateful for that assistance. Thank you.

0 TCFV helped me most during the first 6 months, but then continues to help moving forward, most particularly through ART THERAPY. I moved to a regional area, so it is wonderful that I can still attend via Zoom.

0 I would go to a lot more if the venues were nearer my home.

0 Unfortunately, there is no group close by that I can attend. However, the contact I have had is and was so very kind and helpful.

0 The support group saved my life in first 12 months. Thank you.

0 Zoom was necessary because of COVID but as a mature age person found it impersonal. Maybe these days it might be the way to go but, in this organisation, personal contact with those who understand and care is essential.

0

Re. “Time Out retreat service” … it would be good to have some more options, like you had in the past.

0 Re. a relevant topic for a TCFV discussion workshop … For me the hardest times are being alone. That’s when I can become very panicky, desolate and have morbid thoughts.

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There is a gate that each of us has unknowingly passed through. This gate opens only one way. Once we have passed through this gate we cannot return to the other side. Each of us stepped through the gate at a different time and in a different way. This gate opens to the world of parents whose children have died; it is their gate to every tomorrow.

There is no other place that compares to life in this world beyond the gate: there is no sorrow like the sorrow inside the gate. The numbing pain and agony we experience when first stepping through this gate are so overwhelming that we often don’t immediately realize that there will be no return. But we will never return to life before the gate.

The new world inside the gate is populated with friends who are strangers and strangers who are friends. Our perspective on life has changed forever. Few of our friends from life before the gate will linger with us now; these people are now the strangers. Our pain is all encompassing, they have lives to live, things to do, plans to make, happiness to capture. We are no longer a part of their picture. Rare is the friend who stands by us in the gate, stands by us until one of us dies inside the gate.

The strangers who are now friends live inside the gate with us. Some have just come through the gate, others have been here a long, long time. But these strangers who are now our friends share our experience, they understand our need to talk about our children, each life and each death. They applaud our tiny advances toward acceptance and serenity and peace. Although we can never go back to life before the gate, we now have our compassionate friends. They listen carefully to stories about our children. They know our child’s name better than they know our name. And that’s how we want it to be: remember our children, remember with us.

Annette Mennen Baldwin, TCP Phoenix, in memory of Todd Mennen.

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TCFV SUPPORT GROUPS & SOCIAL SUPPORT GROUPS What TCFV Group Meetings offer is…

• The opportunity to get together with other bereaved people.

• The chance to talk about the person missing in our lives.

• The opportunity to drop the mask that society so subtly demands of each of us.

• The chance to cry without embarrassment.

• The possibility to laugh without others thinking you must be “over it”, and • The opportunity to bask in a non-judgemental atmosphere and make new friends.

Support Group Meetings provide bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents the opportunity to meet in a safe environment with others who have “been there”, who understand and care. Group attendees report that meetings are an essential part of their “learning to live again” journey.

Social Support Group Meetings (held at a café) are not formal grief sharing like a support group – but we still welcome any discussion of grief, bereavement and our precious children, siblings and grandchildren.

Like formal support groups, these meetings are also facilitated by group leaders.

A minority of groups require registration to attend.

Please notify our telephone support-line of your intention to attend the next meeting of one of the following groups: Canterbury Evening Group / Hawthorn East Social Group / Box Hill Social Group.

Please register to attend an upcoming session of one of these groups: Book Club / Walking Through Grief / Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV CENTRE / Online Support for Regional Suicide -Bereaved / Online Express Yourself Through Art.

I have baby-sitting problems. Would it be alright to bring my child with me?

While we understand the difficulties of finding childcare, we must ask that out of respect for the needs of others, you do not bring children (under 18 years of age) to meetings.

Bereavement support for under-18s.

While TCFV’s services are for individuals 18 years and above, there are a number of other organisations that provide under-18 services, such as Grief Australia, Headspace and Jesuit Social Services. A listing of these services can be found at: www.tcfv.org.au/under-18s

32 TCFV Oct-Nov

SUPPORT GROUP

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

Where is meeting held?

Bayside

4 Wednesday 7pm-9pm (Jan-Nov)

Highett Neighbourhood Community House, 2 Livingston St, Highett

Bendigo

4th Tuesday 1:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Long Gully Community Centre, 23-29 Havilah Road, Long Gully

Canterbury Daytime

4th Wednesday 11am (3rd Wed in Dec)

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Canterbury Evening

2 Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec) Bookings are necessary. Please call 9888 4944.

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Canterbury Siblings

3rd Tuesday 7.45pm

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Canterbury Suicide-bereaved

4 Monday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Castlemaine

Contact 1300 064 068 for details.

Eltham

1st Thursday 11am (Feb-Dec)

Eltham Library Community Room, Panther Place, Eltham

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nd

th

Geelong

Last Tuesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Noble Street Uniting Church, 26-42 Saffron Street, Newtown

Horsham – Wimmera

Mar, Jun, Sep, Dec

Contact 1300 064 068 for details

Kidsafe / TCFV (Online)

Bereaved of a child 14 years & under through an accident

Currently in recess

Menspace

3rd Wednesday 7pm – 9pm (Feb-Dec)

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Mildura

2nd Saturday 11am (Feb-Dec)

MADEC Community College, 133-137 Madden Ave, Mildura

Portland

3rd Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)

Star Theatre, 40 Julia Street, Portland

Regional Suicide-bereaved (Online)

3 Thursday bimonthly 7:30pm (Feb, Apr, Jun, Aug, Oct, Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Held via Zoom.

Rowville

1st Friday 1pm (Feb-Dec)

Bridgewater Centre, cnr Fulham Rd & Bridgewater Rd, Rowville

Sunshine

3rd Tuesday 7:30pm

Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Rd, Sunshine

Sunshine Bereaved Through Suicide

1st Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)

Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Rd, Sunshine

Warragul

Last Wednesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Warragul Community House, 138 Normanby Street, Warragul

Warrnambool

1st Wednesday 7:15pm (Feb-Dec)

Archie Graham Community Centre, Room CP1, 118 Timor Street, Warrnambool

Box Hill

2nd Thursday 7pm (Jan-Nov) Bookings are essential. Please call 9888 4944.

PLEASE NOTE THAT OUR OCTOBER MEETING WILL BE HELD ON FRIDAY 13 OCTOBER AT GRILL’D, MALVERN (217 Glenferrie Rd) @ 7pm.

Box Hill RSL, 26-28 Nelson Road, Box Hill

Camperdown

4th Monday bimonthly 6:30 for 7pm start (Feb, Apr, Jun, Aug, Oct, earlier meeting in Dec)

Madden’s Commercial Hotel, 115 Manifold Street, Camperdown

Croydon

3rd Wednesday 10:30am (Feb-Dec) Note: December 2023 meeting will be held on 2nd Wednesday (13th Dec)

The Rumour Mill, 22 McAdam Square, Croydon

Geelong

2nd Tuesday 10am (Feb- Dec)

Brioche Café, 175 West Fyans Street, Newtown

Hawthorn East

4 Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Nov) Bookings are essential. Please call 9888 4944.

Café Paradiso, 213-215 Camberwell Road, Hawthorn East

Southern Peninsula

1st Tuesday 12 noon (Feb-Dec)

Contact 1300 064 068 for details

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ART THERAPY GROUP

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

Where is meeting held?

Express Yourself Through Art

3rd Monday of the month 7:30pm Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Express Yourself Through Art (Online)

Held via Zoom.

For upcoming dates and to register, please visit: www.tcfv.org.au/events

LIGHT EXERCISE GROUP

Which day in the month is the event held?

Where is meeting held?

Walking Through Grief

1st Friday 9:30am (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury

READING GROUP

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

Where is meeting held?

Book Club

1st Saturday month (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Four Beans Café, 22 High Street, Northcote

INTERSTATE GROUP

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

Where is meeting held?

Darwin

Last Wednesday 7:00pm (Jan-Nov) Contact Group Leader (Ingrid) on Ph 1300 064 068 / darwin@tcfv.org.au

MLA Office (Member for Legislative Assembly), Shop 15A, Oasis Shopping Centre, 15 Temple Terrace, Palmerston, NT, 0830.

Please note: Bereavement Peer Support in Hobart Bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents in Hobart meet informally at a café setting on a regular basis (often a weekend afternoon). For more information on this non-TCFV support network, including dates and times, please contact our telephone support line on 1300-064-068.

TCFV Oct-Nov

33

34 TCFV Oct-Nov

Remembering your loved one forever with a Memorial COMMUNITY NOTICE BOARD Charitable Fund Account.

Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation, Australia’s largest independent community foundation, helps Remembering your loved you create an ongoing legacy in tribute to your one forever with a Memorial treasured family member.

Charitable Fund Account.

A Memorial Charitable Fund Account will support

causes and issues important to youAustralia’s and your family Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation, in perpetuity. largest independent community foundation, helps you create an ongoing legacy in tribute to your treasured family member.

To learn more please contact the Foundation’s Team

A Memorial Charitable Fund Account will support 03and 9633 0033importantphilanthropy@lmcf.org.au causes issues to you and your family in perpetuity.

To learn more please contact the Foundation’s Team 03 9633 0033 Rikki

philanthropy@lmcf.org.au Catriona Lonia

lmcf.org.au Rikki

Catriona

COMMUNITY NOTICE BOARD

Lonia

lmcf.org.au

admin@heavensentelectrical.com.au HeavenSentElectrical

Remembering your loved one forever with a Memorial Charitable Fund Account.

heavensentelectrical admin@heavensentelectrical.com.au

Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation, Australia’s largest independent community foundation, helps you create an ongoing legacy in tribute to your treasured family member.

A Memorial Charitable Fund Account will support causes and issues important to you and your family in perpetuity.

HeavenSentElectrical heavensentelectrical

CALL US NOW 1300 443 283

CALL US NOW A FREE CONSULTATION To learn more please contact the Foundation’s Team 1300 283 BOOK443 ONLINE We provide free home safety check-ups 03 9633 0033 philanthropy@lmcf.org.au A FREE CONSULTATION heavensentelectrical.com.au valued at $120.

BOOK ONLINE

We provide free home safety check-ups Catriona valued at $120.Rikki

Lonia

heavensentelectrical.com.au

lmcf.org.au

admin@heavensentelectrical.com.au HeavenSentElectrical heavensentelectrical

CALL US NOW 1300 443 283 A FREE CONSULTATION We provide free home safety check-ups valued at $120.

BOOK ONLINE

heavensentelectrical.com.au

TCFV Oct-Nov

35

s r s e t r r e t o Thank you S p r Thankyou upuppo S Agnes Tan Bradley Family Bradley Family Bunnings Box Hill Bunnings Box Hill Bendel Family Bendel Family Brunswick United Masonic Lodge Charles Tegner Charles Tegner City Boroondara City ofof Boroondara Coates Family Coates Family Country Women’s Associationof ofVictoria Victoria Country Women’s Association Dorothy Ford Dorothy Ford Dynamite Printing Dynamite Printing Eastern Press Eastern Press Galati Family Galati Family Trust Geelong Cemeteries GeelongGenny Cemeteries Nunan Trust Harmer GlenysFamily Coates James Marcon HarmerFoundation Family Johnson Winter & Slattery Ian Zadow Judith Theobald James Marcon Foundation Johnson Winter & Slattery Justice Connect Judith Theobald Kerilee Bolto Justice Connect Kidsafe Victoria Kerilee Bolto Le Pine Funerals Kidsafe Victoria Le Pine Funerals

Legalite Life Time Trophies Legalite Foundation Lord Mayor’s Charitable Marken Life TimeHosting Trophies Louisa Ong Foundation Lord Mayor’s Charitable Meet Me In TheHosting Middle Cafe Marken Michael Maureen Cawley Meet Me&In The Middle Cafe Mindfull Aus Michael & Maureen Cawley Mirella Marcon Mindfull Aus Nunan Family Nunan Family Pam & Max Williams Pam & Max Williams PivotLife PivotLife Robyn Arya ScotsglenSingers SingersInc Inc Scotsglen SheliaSchutz Schutz Shelia SimFamily Family Sim Stevyn Walder SM Creative Strickland Family Stevyn Walder SM Creative Strickland Family Sue Binzer Tobin Brothers The Pethard Tarax TrembathCharitable Family Trust Tobin Brothers Tripleconnect Trembath Family Yarra Ranges Council Tripleconnect Yarra Ranges Council

TCF Australia National Number 1300 064 068 ACT & Queanbeyan 0419 137 818 New South Wales 02 9290 2355 Suite 602, 109 Pitt Street, sydney, NSW 2000 Queensland 07 3540 9949 505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm 4005 South Australia 0456 820 133 Darwin darwin@tcfv.org.au TCF Mandurah 08 9535 7761 Mandurah Lottery House - 7 Anzac Place, Mandurah 6210 TCF on the internet - United Kingdom www.tcf.og.uk – New Zealand (email) tcf.otago@xtra.co.nz USA www.compassionatefriends.org – SA www.compassionatefriends.co.za – Canada www.tcfcanada.net/

The Compassionate Friends Victoria 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury VIC 3126 Po Box 171 Canterbury, Vic. 3126 Support Phone: (03) 9888 4944 Administration Phone: (03) 9888 4034 Email: support@tcfv.org.au Web: www.tcfv.org.au