THE LANGUAGE OF APPRECIATION

As we begin a new year, I think we can all reflect and likely agree on one sentiment: life can seem overwhelming.

For many, it can seem like a procession of challenges followed swiftly by another. From the pandemic and mass shootings to individual personal struggles , it’s a lot for individuals –and our community – to accept and adjust.

Patience and gratitude are virtues that when cultivated and combined allow us to value ourselves and others with greater capacity: they offer artful and higher form of appreciation.

With all we encounter and endure, it’s even more relevant and vital to consider taking a few moments to master this language that will instantly enhance all your relationships – and certainly with your loved ones.

Have you noticed how in long-term relationships partners can generally list all of the other’s worst qualities? (I actually used to think this was my job as a “good partner,” to help my partner “improve.” What happened instead was that we both seemed to seem defeated and unhappy.)

A key to bringing passion and aliveness to (or back into) any relationships that have been characterized by struggle and negativity is to refocus on what are the very best, most essential qualities about each person. That doesn’t mean that the “negative” qualities are swept under the rug; rather it’s about returning the focus and the balance to what we most appreciate about each other and ourselves.

The most powerful skill in this refocusing is that of giving appreciations. Here’s how it works.

First, take a moment to make another commitment; You can either withhold or generate appreciation. Which one of these do you choose to commit to?

Many of us have learned that we shouldn’t hand out positive comments freely, that somehow it would give the other person “a swelled head.” Taking in other people’s admiration can be even more troublesome — we don’t want to brag, right? What this reluctance to generate and receive does is interrupt the flow of big, expanded feelings. Like any flow of energy, creating an ongoing current of wonderful feelings depends on both channels being open — giving and receiving.

Ready to try this yourself? Look around you and find something, anything to appreciate. (Over time, I’ve appreciated a long list of unusual things, including subtle gestures, cloud formations, and all manners of music.) You might find it much easier to stay in narrow focus and notice what is wrong. Appreciation requires more breadth, a wider view. It’s a focus on the positive, with a sensitive awareness of previously unnoticed qualities.

Here’s another radical action that will enhance your life: appreciating yourself. You can do this silently or out loud. It takes care of an issue I often hear in my office: “I don’t mind doing all of this for (my partner/family/job), I just wish someone would appreciate me for it!” I actually do this myself and experience the shift from resentment to flow. It could sound something like this: “Wow, look at what a great job I did cleaning this kitchen! Everything is sparkling!”

Here’s your chance to try it out.

Appreciating is a tool that can change your life. You don’t have to feel it to do it; appreciation is the action that leads to gratitude. You’ve probably known people who are natural appreciators (you might want to appreciate them right now). Aren’t they so much easier to be around than those who are complainers? Who do you want to be?

Choosing this action is a powerful step to creating a quick shift out of negativity and into expansiveness.

Giving and receiving appreciation is a habit that is well worth developing. I recommend a daily diet of giving and receiving appreciations, to yourself, to your loved ones, and even persons you just met.

If you want to be more empowered in your relationships, consider gifting yourself this Valentine’s Day.

You are cordially invited to the rest of your life! Take the next step towards Soul Expansion with the gift of a Complimentary Discovery Session by visiting SoulExpansion.com or call (619) 832-2750.

Learn how this innovative practice bypasses common bottlenecks faster than traditional therapy to celebrate your purpose with clarity, awareness, and personal strength!

Daniel Allen is a spiritual/emotional counselor, writer and speaker on the subject of relationships (including the one we hold with ourselves), and an advocate for Love and raising consciousness. For more information or article suggestions please visit www.SoulExpansion, email info@SoulExpansion.com or call (619) 832-2750.