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Why be Out When Everyone is In?

The LGBTQ+ community has faced many challenges in dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic, including isolation caused by a lack of social activities, and remote working . Has this made it more difficult to ‘come out’? And are companies cutting back on diversity and inclusion programmes as a result? Dermot McCarthy and Philippa Ryder, Directors of Under the Rainbow, discuss .

People in general thrive when they have the opportunity to socialise, and our community is no different . The pandemic has affected our mental and physical wellbeing . With more and more people working remotely it is vital for companies to support their staff and to continue to give them the opportunities and resources necessary to ‘come out’ when they are ready . But it is also important that we look after our own wellbeing .

So who are the most likely to be affected when working remotely or in isolation?

S LGBTQ+ people over 50

S Disabled LGBTQ+ people

S The Traveller community

S Non-nationals, those in Direct

Provision, BAME people

S Gender non-conforming people

S Religious LGBTQ+ people

With LGBTQ+ folk figuring quite often in that list, it shows the necessity of support . Speaking of her experience with government Diversity and Inclusion programmes and trainings, Philippa Ryder shared, “Coming out for the first time is one of the most difficult times of a person’s life . It can be a wonderful, joyous and memorable experience . But it can also lead to rejection, depression and worse . And coming out is something that most LGTBQ+ people have to do over and over again in their lives .

Dermot McCarthy is a psychotherapist, he gave the following insight into his work with clients and the benefits therapy can bring: “It can be quite dramatic for some of my LGBTQ+ clients as they begin to come out . Fear of rejection by family, friends and work colleagues can be quite prevalent in the therapy room . ”

Dermot continued, “Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community, a psychotherapist and having worked with the LGBTQ+ community through this pandemic, I have seen the effect COVID-19 isolation has had on their mental wellbeing . Feeling as if they are on the outside of society, many of my LGBTQ+ clients found solace within their community . My younger clients found comfort in organisations such as BeLonG To, my clients who identify as trans found support in trans support groups as they dealt with the societal views of being trans, and the inadequacies of an Irish Healthcare System in relation to trans mental healthcare .

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit Ireland, suddenly social clubs and supports were gone, proving difficult for many of my clients to deal with . Despairing over the loss of their LGBTQ+ safe havens, their isolation was greatly increased as now their valuable lifelines were cut off . Some of my clients live in a family where their LGBTQ+ identity is not known or accepted .” With many of those social and support groups put on hold, being LGBTQ+ in a virtual workplace can be extra stressful for some, as Philippa described, “Before formally coming out, especially to family, many people try to gently guide workplace conversations around to LGBTQ+ issues to see if there are any strong reactions, either negative or positive, from colleagues . Without the office environment, this opportunity is missing . It’s far more difficult to introduce such topics into a work email or Zoom meeting and so there is a risk that staff can feel forgotten and become introverted, focusing too often on the negatives .

“Isolation and working from home can increase the likelihood of being affected by the negativity prevalent on social media . This constant barrage can affect mood and cause a downward spiral into depression .

“For the younger LGBTQ+ community who live at home, family members may not be supportive, which can be shown in their negative comments or lack of knowledge .”

It is of course an individual choice as to when someone feels they want to come out . However:

S Studies show that ‘out’ LGBTQ+ people are happier and more social than those who hide their sexual orientation .

S Self-esteem increases when people feel valued and respected .

S When a person feels valued, they have an increased feeling of mutual acceptance, respect and belonging .

S LGBTQ+ inclusion in communities and workplaces provide increased opportunities for connection, happiness, and better health .

Recent statistics from Civil Service organisations show that when a broad Diversity and Inclusion programme is introduced, staff take less sick leave and have higher productivity compared to the time before . The adage of ‘if you can’t see it you can’t be it’ holds true – visible symbols, role models and inclusive LGBTQ+ events in the workplace, be it in person or online, vastly improves staff morale .

Dermot adds, “Though many of us are now working at home, going to the office for some of my clients was a support network that they needed as they came out . Some would rely on the support of senior management and colleagues to assist them as they embraced their identity . Now that we are all working in a virtual world, it is great to hear that colleague support is still there . One client found that their company, by using pronouns on their Zoom meetings, greatly supported them on their new journey of transitioning . In fact, they have excelled in their role, obtaining a promotion .”

So how can a company support remote workers and give people the opportunity to come out? Philippa offered the following insight, “In our work during 2020 in Under the Rainbow, we saw many companies and government organisations quickly embrace the possibilities of platforms such as Zoom and Microsoft Teams, offering webinars, online talks and trainings to their staff . Yet as the pandemic continued into the winter months, it was clear that staff were becoming tired, ‘Zoomed-out’, and the initial enthusiasm was fading . “Nonetheless, online sessions remain a vital tool in keeping staff engaged and giving them the opportunity to feel valued and included . One added benefit of online events is the option of remaining anonymous by turning the camera and microphone off whilst still listening, participating, and asking questions once the staff member feels confident .”

Dermot shared one of the major ways organisations can help their staff: “I also work as a wellness coach for a large corporate where they offer one-to-one wellness coaching sessions to their staff . I have noticed that the service particularly benefits employees who identify as LGBTQ+, and knowing that I am LGBTQ+ enhanced their mental wellbeing and productivity . I could tell that it was a great comfort for those employees to tell me they were LGBTQ+, as some could not tell their colleagues for fear of being rejected . They confided in me how great it was that the company was providing this service .”

So whether your workplace is virtual or on-site, there are many options you could avail of .

Research if your company has an LGBTQ+ staff network that you can contact in confidence . It might be possible to hold a social party on Zoom to provide and receive support .

Attend online events from support services and companies, such as Under the Rainbow’s monthly lunchtime relaxed webinar which deals with a range of topics in the Diversity and Inclusion field and allows general discussion .

See if your company can run webinars (The Property Registration Authority held the first ever Civil Service Inclusion Month during November – two talks a week on various subjects, some of which were LGBTQ+ related . These sessions were recorded and are available on YouTube) . Other organisations also run online LGBTQ+ inclusive events .

Suggest that your company holds Zoom meditation sessions or encourages staff to look for mindfulness apps to improve their mental fitness .

Companies will have a HR person who is tasked with ensuring staff are not bullied or harassed . Look for their contact details and suggest that a reminder of their services could be issued .

Employees in government departments can avail of the Civil Service Employee Assistance Service which provides a confidential service where you can raise issues and ask questions . All employees are entitled to attend during work time without disclosing the reason to supervisors or management .

Are there any ‘out’ staff members, role models, within your company that you could send a private message to, and who would be supportive?

Stay active with simple physical exercises like short walks . Even 15 minutes five times a week will help with overall fitness levels . Check out groups like Sporting Pride whose #GetOutGetActive campaign has continued despite the pandemic . Dermot shared how he has gained immensely from joining an LGBTQ+ running club - Dublin Frontrunners . “The club has grown in recent years, helping members to embrace their LGBTQ+ identity, even serving as an extended family as some felt they could not be out to their family of origin .”

Try to limit your use of social media . Continue following public health guidelines in relation to COVID-19 and remember that the pandemic will pass .

Online therapy can have huge benefits, as Dermot explained: “This is a very accessible and effective way to ensure your good mental health . Many of my clients found their inner strength through the motion of online therapy . “Though at first hesitant to avail of online therapy, many have now found that it gave them a greater sense of security, as they felt they were more in charge of their destiny . They rediscovered those lost social outlets, as many of their social clubs moved online . Within these online LGBTQ+ social clubs they found additional support and newfound friends, not only in Ireland but around the world . They discovered self confidence, which gave them additional resilience to continue . This resilience was a powerful weapon to ending their isolation, therefore, improving their mental wellbeing .

“Though we may all be ‘in’, it has certainly proved to be better ‘out’, as I have seen while working with my LGBTQ+ clients during this recent pandemic .”

In closing, Philippa highlighted the importance of Diversity and Inclusion programmes . “A recent study by the Property Registration Authority’s D&I committee found that 1-in-10 staff said they did not support the programme . It is clear that we have to continue to educate and inform but, despite the pandemic and the isolation caused, our community is resilient . It is up to each of us to support our friends and colleagues through kind words and actions, and to help them in their journey of self-discovery while we look to better times in the future . ”

Contact Under the Rainbow at info@undertherainbow.ie or at their website, www.undertherainbow.ie.