Wichita Community Matters February 2017

Commun ty Matters Wichita Presbyterian Manor

Senior artists invited to enter Art is Ageless® Since the beginning of time, creative expression has brought joy to both its creators and those who experience their art.The Art is Ageless program offers senior artists the opportunity to share and display their artwork and reaffirms the agelessness of human creativity.

Wichita Presbyterian Manor is accepting entries for the 2017 Art is Ageless competition and exhibit now through March 10. Artwork will be on display March 13-31 in our Commons area.

Winners will be announced during a reception with the artists on March 31.

The Art is Ageless program has been encouraging creativity in seniors for more than 35 years, and is sponsored by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America. It is open exclusively to artists who are 65 and older. Artists may enter as amateurs or professionals in many categories.

For more information, contact Amy Watson, 316-942-7456, ext. 1511, or awatson@pmma.org.

February 2017

The wedding ceremony of Jean and Robert Duncan.

Love is in the air

Residents share stories about how they met Valentine’s Day is this month, so we decided to ask some of our residents how they met their spouses.The nation was deep into World War II when these couples met, but it didn’t stop them from launching a life together.

Jean and Robert Duncan Was it love at first sight?

If you ask Jean, she will assuredly say yes. But Bob says there was an attraction.

She was different and special, not like any girl he had ever met or dated, for that matter. But oh yes, there was an attraction.

Jean was in high school, and Bob was a sophomore in college in Portland, Ore. Both Bob and Jean traveled to Lake Tahoe — she to do a singing program, he as the student body president to put together a large breakfast for an important faculty member. Once there, they went along their merry way, but there was an attraction. Both traveled back to Portland on a bus. Bob, sitting at the back of the bus, was busily chatting with some of the guys. Jean thought, “I really like the sound of his voice,” as she turned ever so slightly to catch a peek over her shoulder.

Once home, they went on their way.

LOVE, continued on page 2

LOVE, continued from page 1

Bob and Jean had run into each other a lot during this time, but being the gentleman that Bob was, he knew Jean was seeing someone else. But at one point they did manage a date.

Bob was a semester ahead of Jean, so when it came to prom they both had made promises to continue with dates they already had. But their hearts were with each other. Bob soon left to attend the Oregon Forestry Range and Jean remained in Portland to finish college, but her parents offered to take her to see Bob, as by then they had been on more dates and were fond of one another.

So, 70 feet in the air, Bob got down on

Jean and Robert Duncan today.

one knee and proposed to Jean while her parents were down below. Jean said, “Well, my mother thought Bob had a nice voice on the phone, and my father liked him, too.” In August of 1951, they became husband and wife. Jean said all the girls were jealous because they all wanted him, but she was younger than a lot of them. Even the president of the college attended their wedding.

Betty and Ken Anderson

Community Matters

is published monthly for residents and friends of Wichita Presbyterian Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America Inc., a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org.

Dawn Veh, executive director Melody Dodge, marketing director To submit or suggest articles for this publication, contact Amy Watson, life enrichment director, awatson@pmma.org.

Telephone: 316-942-7456 Fax: 316-941-3806 Address: 4700 W. 13th St., Wichita, KS 67212-5575 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

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Community Matters February 2017

Betty Anderson was returning home to Flemington, Mo., by train from Kansas City, where she was picked up from the train station by friends.

On the way, they stopped to get Betty some lunch.They stopped at a drive-in, the Shadynook Café, and as they were sitting in the car, two sailors came up the street hitchhiking.The girls decided to give them a ride.They took them about 15 miles down the road to a highway intersection so they could hitchhike on.

The girls got the two men’s addresses, and Betty began correspondence with Bill, but eventually Bill got married.

Then she started to write to Orville Ken “OK” Anderson. Betty and Ken Anderson

He was slow to write, but when he did, she wrote immediately back. After a few years of correspondence, when the war ended, he came back.With his pay, he bought a new brown tweed suit, brown shoes and brown hat, then went to visit Betty. She almost didn’t let him in because she had never seen him out of his sailor’s navy and white.

Eventually, Ken proposed.They celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary in August 2016.

Cecil Stares (in her own words) On December 13, 1942, my friend Elizabeth and I decided to work at the George A.White Service Men’s Center (in Portland, Ore.), and I distinctly remember wondering if I would ever meet someone who would really matter to me.

Cecil and John Stares

That night, Elizabeth and I were playing ping-pong with some British sailors who had just arrived to crew one of the baby flat tops being built at Willamette Iron and Steel. I looked up and saw one of the crew playing at another table and told Elizabeth that I wanted to meet that one.We eventually did meet that evening, and when we left to catch the bus home, I asked him to walk me to the bus. Because I had been playing ping-pong with someone else first he LOVE, continued on page 5 Like us on Facebook

Resident helps inmates stay connected to families When Deb Derber’s son was in prison, he didn’t have much contact with his own young son. But in 1999, an organization offered to help get a present to his son for Christmas.The volunteers got in touch with Deb for gift ideas.

“He called from prison and said,‘Mom you won’t believe this. I can get him a present.’ He was really excited about that,” Deb said.

The gift was made possible by Prison Fellowship, a nationwide organization whose Angel Tree program seeks to help the 2.7 million U.S. children whose parents are in prison. Every Christmas, through a network of churches, the fellowship provides a mechanism for inmates to give directly to their own children and help maintain the family bond.

Deb, who lives in the Westerly Residences at Wichita Presbyterian Manor, was so touched by the program that she got her own church, Asbury

United Methodist, involved in the network. In addition to the Christmas presents, the program also shares the gospel through age-appropriate, ecumenical booklets.

“We say it starts with a gift, to let the children know they’re not forgotten. And it’s about the gift of Jesus Christ and to know their heavenly Father has not forgotten them.

I love that part.”

The first year, Deb’s group at Asbury agreed to take 20 requests.They contacted the inmate’s family for gift ideas, then put tags for each child on an Angel Tree. “That first year, they just evaporated off the tree,” Deb said.The next year, they took 40 names, and it continued to grow.The record was 292 children in 2012.

said it’s a challenge for families to stay in touch.

“The program begins in the prison; our volunteers go there.The inmates have to want to connect with their children,” she said. “It’s a family connection program. Some people never get to see their kids for years.”

It’s rewarding to receive messages of The church hosts a Christmas party thanks from the inmates, Deb said. every year for the families; this year INMATES, continued on page 4 about 100 children attended to eat, play games, and make crafts together. If they want to, they can take a family picture that the volunteers send to the inmate.

Deb became the Kansas coordinator for the Angel Tree program in 2012. More than 80 churches statewide participate.

About 2,100 Kansas children received a gift through Prison Fellowship in 2016.

And the volunteers help with many of their other needs, for basic necessities or emergency assistance.

Inmates are moved often – to other state penitentiaries, or in the federal system, sometimes to other states. Deb

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4 ways to beat the winter blues When the sun wakes up late and slips away before the workday ends, when many a day is dark and gray, when it’s Groundhog Day and even an early spring seems far away, many large, hairy mammals — Punxsutawney Phil, included — choose to hibernate. But not us!

We slog through, knowing that the passage of time will bring brighter days ahead. But we can do more than wait it out. Here are four easy ways to beat the winter blues and create a little sunshine of your own: 1. Bring light to others’ lives

INMATES, continued from page 3

A year ago, one man who had been recently released brought his family to Asbury’s Christmas Eve service to meet some of the people who had served in the Angel Tree program.This year, another former inmate got in touch to say his daughter was interested in volunteering to help other kids like her.

“He said,‘I was so touched that this made such an impact on her that she wanted to give back,’” Deb said.

Of course, that’s how Deb got started herself. Her son also turned his life around, she said – today he’s a pipefitter, a “health nut” – and a father who has a good relationship with his grown son.

Learn more at prisonfellowship. org/about/angel-tree or contact Deb at 316-943-6179.

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Community Matters February 2017

“I’m 87 years old and I can still finish The NewYork Times Sunday crossword puzzle,” a friend wrote in a holiday note to me. She added, “And I love hearing from you!”

My aunt, who is 86 and lives in rural Illinois, also likes hearing from me.The joy is evident in her voice when I call to report any new funny stories about my grandson or even when I call just to say hello.

I care about both these women, and about other distant friends as well.

Talking with them brightens my day and theirs, too.

No matter how behind in life you are, consider making time right now to pick up the phone and bring some sunshine into the lives of your older relatives and friends.

After the call(s), keep that smile on your face. Research shows that when you smile, your mood elevates and you feel less stressed.

In an article for Forbes, Roger Dooley writes that if you smile in public,

those around you will be lifted as well.

“UCLA scientist Marco Iacoboni notes that our brains are wired for sociability,” Dooley reports. “In particular, if one person observes another person smile, mirror neurons in that person’s brain will light up as if he were smiling himself.” (Or herself, I’m certain.)

2. Open a box of light In mid-December, my friend Carol Porter posted this on Facebook: “I’m enjoying an early Christmas present to myself — my new light box! I sit next to it for 30 minutes daily, relaxing with coffee, calendar, notepad, tablet, organizing my day and thinking beautiful thoughts as the bright light bathes my retinas.”

When Carol complained of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — also known as the winter blues — her doctor gave her a brochure about a company that makes several varieties of high-powered therapy lights and lamps.

“A light box mimics outdoor light.

Researchers believe this type of light causes a chemical change in the brain that lifts your mood and eases other symptoms of SAD,” says the Mayo Clinic. A light box may be an effective treatment on its own or, the Mayo Clinic adds, “in combination with an antidepressant medication or psychotherapy.”

WINTER, continued on page 6 Like us on Facebook

LOVE, continued from page 2

was reluctant to do so. He did change his mind though, and he and his friend, Johnny Johnson, walked us to our bus stop and arranged to see us again later.

We saw each other three times before he proposed. Since his accent was strange to me I wasn’t sure what he had said. So after continuing our conversation a bit and realizing that we weren’t talking about the same thing, I asked him to repeat what he had said.

There was never a doubt in my mind about marrying John Stares. In fact when he asked my mother if we could marry, she asked me if I knew what I was doing. I responded that it was the only time in my life when I was sure of anything.The reason John asked my mother if we could marry was because my father has enlisted in the Navy Seabees and wasn’t at home.

There was one other problem: John and I were 19 years old, and John was an orphan, so his legal guardian was the captain of the ship he was serving on.

That meant he had to have the captain’s permission to marry, and he would not grant it. In March 1943 the ship John was assigned to was commissioned and went to sea trials.They put into Bremerton for a few days, and so Mom and I went to Seattle hoping that John and I would be able to marry there.

However, the captain still wouldn’t give his permission, and the ship left for duty in the North Atlantic. John and I wrote to each other every day, and often I would call home during my lunch hour to see if there were any letters. If there were, I would go home to get them.

John and Cecil finally did marry, on December 1, 1943, in South Mills, North Carolina.They were married for Like us on Facebook

59 years and had five children.

Joe White (in his own words) Joe and Frances White have been happily married for over 66 years (last September). His memories of their budding romance (that have spanned for decades) still brings him to tears when he talks about it.

After serving in the Navy, Joe came home to Dodge City.When asked how he first met Frances, he recalled that her name continued to come up in conversation amongst his friends and colleagues though he didn’t know her personally.

At one point, she was hospitalized for strep throat – all of his friends Joe and Frances White went to visit her at the hospital, except him.

He didn’t know her, so he didn’t think he needed to Joe and Frances White go visit her.

Plain and simple.

After the 2-3 year “party time” postNavy, he found himself a bit intrigued by her. She was “a country girl” of simple needs. “I have always been sensitive to strong odors. I didn’t care for girls who wore stinky, strong perfume. She always smelled like the earth did after a spring rain.” She had still not settled down with someone.

While working at the local grocery store, he would have the cashier let him know when she was coming in so

that he could wait on her. Joe states, “I was in awe of her because I knew she was out of my league.” They frequently made small talk, but not much more at that point.

One evening, he was planning to go play bridge with some friends.

He knew that she was a mutual acquaintance of theirs and saw it as his window of opportunity. He happened to be driving down the road and saw Frances walking home. He just knew that he needed to turn the car around and ask her to join him for bridge. He got up the nerve, did just that and she agreed.

The evening went very well and he knew he wanted to take her for another date. He thought to himself, “How can she still be single? What’s wrong with her?” This second date would hopefully answer any doubts he had.

He called her up and asked her to a movie which she politely agreed to.

He remembers reaching over and holding her hand during the show.

“There were sparks there, the minute we touched…and I knew… [I thought to myself] I’m going to keep this girl as long as I can, I’ll never give her up.”

Their courtship continued until the following September, when they were happily married. He describes his bride as always being “light, happy… effervescent.”

Even now, it is obvious to see the deep, unconditional love they have for one another. She told him years later that she had made up her mind the night of that second date as well – she was going to marry him. For Joe, he looks back at their time together in wonderment. “It was like a door opened and a light came on” for him. “I’d do it all again,” he says, “…only I wish I’d moved in faster.”

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WINTER, continued from page 4

Think you may suffer from SAD? The Mayo Clinic lists these symptoms: • Irritability • Tiredness or low energy • Problems getting along with other people • Hypersensitivity to rejection • Heavy, “leaden” feeling in the arms or legs • Oversleeping • Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates • Weight gain Carol likes her lamp a lot. Sitting by it, she exhorts, “SAD, be gone!”

3. Light up the night Me, I like the dark. (Cue “Over at the Frankenstein Place,” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which starts out

with this evocative line: “In the velvet darkness of the blackest night…”

What, you’re not a fan?)

intriguing about Alma’s quote is the encouragement to embrace our flaws and emphasize our eccentricities.

Night is when I write, read, listen to music and relax. I also like vanillascented candles, and one recent rainy evening I gathered up five of them, put them on a placemat in the middle of my dining room table and lit them all.

Another important self-improvement tip comes from a recent book by Allen Klein, who insists it’s time to stop blaming other people for anything. “You Can’t Ruin My Day: 52 Wake-Up Calls to Turn Any Situation Around” is Klein’s 25th book on harnessing the power of humor to make a better life.

I turned off the lamps and then, with a clear sight line from the living room couch, I sat with a glass of wine, enjoying my impromptu candle party and the subtle scent of vanilla.

4.Treat your ‘defects’ lightly “The truth is that the older I get, the more I like my defects. Old age is the best moment to be and do whatever you enjoy.” That’s Alma speaking. She’s the 81-year-old main character in Isabelle Allende’s book, “The Japanese Lover: A Novel,” about a woman who carries on a secret affair well into her later years.What’s especially

“You are the only person who can ruin your day,” Klein writes. He says our reactions to any thought or action determines how we perceive that thought or action, and we have ultimate control over our reactions.

To bolster his case, Klein, 77, quotes rabbis, Japanese proverbs, Desmond Tutu, Chinese philosophers, Pema Chodron (an American Buddhist nun) and even Alexander Pope, the 18th century poet.

The gist of Klein’s message? Lighten up.

Volunteerism and you

We will focus on volunteerism in an upcoming issue of Community Matters. Where have you volunteered your time? Why do you volunteer? What are the benefits for you?

If you’ve got a story to share, contact Amy Watson, life enrichment director, and your story could be featured in an upcoming edition of Community Matters.

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Community Matters February 2017

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